the.weej

Card: MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE MATCH HELL IN A CELL Jamie Drazon vs Johnny Dangerous© I was thinking that we hadn't had a HITC for a while, so how about a random major gimmick match? Yeah, you need some of those every now and then. Jamie Drazon proved that the third time is indeed the charm, claiming his contendership to the SWF world title at long last. He faces off against surprise champion Johnny Dangerous, who looks to not Ron Garvin the belt. Rules: Standard pinfall rules. Once both wrestlers are INSIDE the cell, the door will be padlocked shut, theoretically preventing escape. SINGLES MATCH Austin Sly vs "The Notorious" John Duran Sly returns home, and to the first big pop of his career! HUZZAH! He takes on former world champion John Duran in the cool-down segment--I mean, in a chance to firmly position himself for big gains up the card here. Not that Sly needs another excuse to be elevated, which is good for Duran, because a win against Sly would be just as good as anything else to help plead his case to get back into the main event. Rules: Standard singles match. SIX-MAN TAG OF SHOCKING PROPORTIONS! The Urban Empire (The Masked Man, Mike Van Siclen© and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez©) v. Revolution Zero (Toxxic, "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins and Sean Davis) Wow, I guess we got served. As it turns out, MVS, MM and Cortez are all aligned up now, and they've got the Revolution breathing down there neck. A lovely game of charades was suggested to solve this, but this is WRESTLING. You guys are going to beat the hell out of each other and like it. Rules: Standard tag match. Remember the tag ropes. USJL TITLE MATCH TRIPLE IMPACT MATCH Candace vs David Cross© Much to everyone's surprise, Candace has put together a pretty set of victories and has established herself into a midcard contender. Candace will get a shot at gold here against David Cross, the new USJL champeen. Rules: Funyon has a an envelope containing a move written inside of it. It can be any move outside of a punch, kick, clothesline or anything so mundane. This includes finishers of anyone on the roster. The first person to successfully do the move three times is the winner. SINGLES MATCH NON-TITLE BOUT "The Icon" Max King vs "The Superior One" Tom Flesher© The number one contender to the CW title is, at the current, unknown, buut that doesn't mean the CW champion is going to get the night off. Tom Flesher won't be defending, but he will be up against Max King, who VERY nearly pulled up a big upset against Landon Maddix last show. Rules: Standard sigles match. TAG TEAM MATCH Nathan Xavier & Manson vs Petey the Irish Penguin & Brian Levy Ash sucks. Okay, he's not in the match, but Ash sucks. I mean, have you read that Top-25 list on the community board? What the fuck was he thinking, having a kid in the middle of a heel turn? I still can't get over the fact he expected people to give a flying fuck about his personal life, or his 'wife,' which happened to be manifest in little more than 9 point verdana. And his MOVE LIST. I wish it hadn't been lost to the sands of time, because it was always good for a lark. Y'know, this wasn't Top-25 material (unless we do Top-25 upsets), but when he cemented his career and beat Chris Raynor in the first Genesis tournament, much to everyone's chagrin, he won with a move called the Jumping Mew Driver. The fucking Jumping Mew Driver. Raynor was never the same. Man... I guess Ash's dream did come true, though. He's as much of a legend as Edwin ever was, but for all the wrong reasons. Anyway, yeah, this match is... oh dear, I've run out of space. Rules: Standard tag match. Remember the tag ropes. SINGLES MATCH Ace Lezaire vs Justin Bowers Canada's greatest export, outside of maple syrup, has been doing quite well for himself recently, up to and including a BIG win over hall-of-famer Mark Stevens on the last show. Lezaire will take on Justin Bowers here, a fit oppertunity to haze some semi-rookie SCUM. Rules: Standard singles match. SINGLES MATCH Ced Ordonez vs Munich© Munich and Ced face off in the opening match of the night, which had a longer description a while ago. Ah well. They try to pump up the crowd and go for the 'W' to kick off Smarkdown. Rules: Singles match

This is the official roster we have in CC, just in case anyone wants a reference or whatever. Keen eyes should notice there's something very wrong with this roster... FACES: Andrea Montgomery* The Birdman* Bryan Levy Dace Night (Hiatus) David Cross Johnny Dangerous* The Masked Man Manson* Mike Van Siclen "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens Nathan Xavier Petey the Irish Penguin* Ryan Dustin* Todd Cortez* HEELS: Ace Lezaire* Austin Sly* Candace* "The Notorious" John Duran Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix* "The Icon" Max King Munich Sean Davis "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins* Toxxic* "The Superior One" Tom Flesher* TWEENERS: Jamie Drazon For the first time ever, I think, there are more active faces than heels. I can't remember it happening any time in the last two years. EDIT: Oh, right, because you can't read my mind, * indicates a crusierweight. -Z

Suggestion to Ryan Dustin: With Tom unavaliable until I'm not sure when, I think it might be a good idea to build your CW title shot to Genesis. Just a thought. I hate to think that Mike had a good idea, but this is shockingly useful. Roster forthcoming in a minute. -Z

The nutbite and Wilson/Sarah were two things we glossed over, and now that I'm reminded, it is a shame; both would've made the list, I think, although probably not much higher than 20. As for some of the other belated suggestions, well... I think Tyler offered up the Messiah's crucifixion, but no-one could remember it clearly enough to factcheck it. Stubby was tossed around, but ultimately, I think it's really, really hard to put Stubby on the list because from the fed's innaguration to his retirement he was essentially second to none in terms of writing talent. Merc giving himself the title was disqualified because it was 'stricken from the record,' and we decided that the only things that were allowed to make this list were things that happened in kayfabe. They had to be an official part of SWF cano... uh, on the record. And Mark, I'm sorry if seeing the commissionership angle on the list upsets you, but the big thing that really sunk it onto the list was Bastion and Thugg no-selling his neck injury (for the second time!). It just all kind of tied together, so... -Z

Note that the Ced/Munich match has been changed slightly. Munich is, indeed, not doing the EUS thing anymore. -Z

The Smartmarks Wrestling Federation Presents... SWF SMARKDOWN! LIVE, MONDAY, AUGUST 30TH, FROM THE *SOLD OUT* SAVVIS CENTER IN ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI! (5pm PCT, 8pm EST; check local listings for details) Card: MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE MATCH HELL IN A CELL Jamie Drazon vs Johnny Dangerous© I was thinking that we hadn't had a HITC for a while, so how about a random major gimmick match? Yeah, you need some of those every now and then. Jamie Drazon proved that the third time is indeed the charm, claiming his contendership to the SWF world title at long last. He faces off against surprise champion Johnny Dangerous, who looks to not Ron Garvin the belt. Rules: Standard pinfall rules. Once both wrestlers are INSIDE the cell, the door will be padlocked shut, theoretically preventing escape. Word Limit: 6250 Send To: Suicide King SINGLES MATCH Austin Sly vs "The Notorious" John Duran Sly returns home, and to the first big pop of his career! HUZZAH! He takes on former world champion John Duran in the cool-down segment--I mean, in a chance to firmly position himself for big gains up the card here. Not that Sly needs another excuse to be elevated, which is good for Duran, because a win against Sly would be just as good as anything else to help plead his case to get back into the main event. Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: 5_moves_of_doom SIX-MAN TAG OF SHOCKING PROPORTIONS! The Urban Empire (The Masked Man, Mike Van Siclen© and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez©) v. Revolution Zero (Toxxic, "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins and Sean Davis) Wow, I guess we got served. As it turns out, MVS, MM and Cortez are all aligned up now, and they've got the Revolution breathing down there neck. A lovely game of charades was suggested to solve this, but this is WRESTLING. You guys are going to beat the hell out of each other and like it. Rules: Standard tag match. Remember the tag ropes. Word Limit: 5500 Send To: chirs3 USJL TITLE MATCH TRIPLE IMPACT MATCH Candace vs David Cross© Much to everyone's surprise, Candace has put together a pretty set of victories and has established herself into a midcard contender. Candace will get a shot at gold here against David Cross, the new USJL champeen. Rules: Funyon has a an envelope containing a move written inside of it. It can be any move outside of a punch, kick, clothesline or anything so mundane. This includes finishers of anyone on the roster. The first person to successfully do the move three times is the winner. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: Thoth SINGLES MATCH NON-TITLE BOUT "The Icon" Max King vs "The Superior One" Tom Flesher© The number one contender to the CW title is, at the current, unknown, buut that doesn't mean the CW champion is going to get the night off. Tom Flesher won't be defending, but he will be up against Max King, who VERY nearly pulled up a big upset against Landon Maddix last show. Rules: Standard sigles match. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: chirs3 TAG TEAM MATCH Nathan Xavier & Manson vs Petey the Irish Penguin & Brian Levy Ash sucks. Okay, he's not in the match, but Ash sucks. I mean, have you read that Top-25 list on the community board? What the fuck was he thinking, having a kid in the middle of a heel turn? I still can't get over the fact he expected people to give a flying fuck about his personal life, or his 'wife,' which happened to be manifest in little more than 9 point verdana. And his MOVE LIST. I wish it hadn't been lost to the sands of time, because it was always good for a lark. Y'know, this wasn't Top-25 material (unless we do Top-25 upsets), but when he cemented his career and beat Chris Raynor in the first Genesis tournament, much to everyone's chagrin, he won with a move called the Jumping Mew Driver. The fucking Jumping Mew Driver. Raynor was never the same. Man... I guess Ash's dream did come true, though. He's as much of a legend as Edwin ever was, but for all the wrong reasons. Anyway, yeah, this match is... oh dear, I've run out of space. Rules: Standard tag match. Remember the tag ropes. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: realitycheck SINGLES MATCH Ace Lezaire vs Justin Bowers Canada's greatest export, outside of maple syrup, has been doing quite well for himself recently, up to and including a BIG win over hall-of-famer Mark Stevens on the last show. Lezaire will take on Justin Bowers here, a fit oppertunity to haze some semi-rookie SCUM. Rules: Standard singles match. Word Limit: 4000 Send To: Grand Slam SINGLES MATCH Ced Ordonez vs Munich© Munich and Ced face off in the opening match of the night, which had a longer description a while ago. Ah well. They try to pump up the crowd and go for the 'W' to kick off Smarkdown. Rules: Singles match Word Limit: 4000 Send To: Thoth (Send all things to... well... me. realitycheck)

I don't know what you're talking about. -Z

Man, who wrote that stinker of a match in the middle of the show? This Suicidal dude really needs to kick it up a little, because lacklustre efforts like that are never going to cut it if he wants to move up the card. It's probably why I've never heard of him before. And note to this MacPhisto guy: It's never going to get over. Change gimmicks. -Z

Janus, it is His Royal Highness Lord High Kaiser and Heir to the Throne of Essex Glorious Head Booker Mikado King Kron Tsar Emperor His Grace the Most Grim and Frosbitten Grand Pooh-Bah Zed. It's an absolute bitch to get a desk plaque made for that. 50 lashes for forgetting the whole title. Everyone else, thanks for the birthday wishes. There's one piece of cake left; I'll let y'all fight over it. -Z

To take a point from what Kibagami said, a good start to staying sober would be to not parade around your usage or your intentions to quit. Not making a poll like this is as good a beginning as any. -Z

Is Spike REALLY fired? When did I become such a dick? Is this kind of shit going to cost me my job someday? And what about scarecrow's brain!? Stay tuned next week... SAME BAT TIME, SAME BAT CHANNEL! -Z

Hey, you jerks should come to chat. (Sorry, Manson, but people will listen to me more than they'll listen to you) -Z

Mark Hebner, actually. Earl is the WWE's ref. And just so you know, I've always felt that Kivell was the senior referee, as he was the first one to ever get a name that was used repeatedly in matches. He used to be the crash test dummy when the fed required a screening match to get in. -Z

Yeah, go ahead, Bo. -Z

In storyline, King owns 1/3 of the fed and is currently controlling Zenon in an effort to get at Mark. Mark gave the commissioner's job to Zenon on an interim basis, Zenon sucked at it, and was afraid that Mark would rip him apart when he came back. He called King, but as it turned out, Mark wasn't that upset with him. However, King used a Deus Ex in Mark's contract to force him into activity again, and is currently ordering Zenon to give him the stiffest competition possible, against Alex's will. Out of character, I'm head booker right now, and TNT and Thoth are subordinants. King and Mark are still on staff as markers. -Z

I asked GOdrea and Kibagami to write this, and I remember Judge being so pissed about it. But damn it, commissioning people to write no-show matches is way too much fun, whether you're my friends or not. This is one of the better ones, although it's not quite as memorable as asking Janus to put Ebony into a no-show match for the first time. -Z

Please note I've switched up the markers on Davis/Dace and Levy/Bowers because I've found out TNT can't do it for this show. Mike's appearance is a one-time thing because we're stretched pretty thin for this show and I'm supposed be on hiatus. -Z

Pwah. Attention whores. I went to an anime con last month, and did I alert the entire fed to my activities? No. Despite the fact I'm even more important and even more people would care? No. Then, did I come back and write a assload of words in a rambling Livejournal post detailing the entire event? No. ...wait. Ah, goddamn it. -Z

In addition, I like Tom, too. -Z

Your inbox is full. Again. Perhaps you'd like to empty it out sometime so I can send the goddamned main event? -Z

Columbus, being Columbus, could choke this away in a second. I can't help but think I'm going to Jeff Weaver something. -Z

I'll actually put a bet on myself forgetting to submit a draft list, because oh my god do you know how hard it is to find a list of ex-CFL players currently in the NFL? It's madness. I may end up having to draft a legitimate team. Also, how is it an Australian absolutely slays at fantasy football? Stryke killed 'em dead in the TSM pick 'em pool over the last two seasons. -Z

I've edited you in, Mark, as I've forgotten to note that Martin Hunt is currently on haitus. Whoocha. -Z

Yes. Thoth muffed that. Par for the course today. -Z

The card has been heavily edited because of some consistency problems, just as a note. Oof... -Z