Sass

Happy birthday Rando.

... Cripes, whatta dumbass TO is. Talking smack about a guy who was caught up in a murder deal? Yeah, real smart... I agree with TO but wrong place, wrong time and wrong motherfuckin guy to be bringing up such a point about, in public nonetheless. Shit, it's like TO's asking to get shanked by one of these roided up psychos on a daily basis. Here's a team I forgot about: The Kansas City Chiefs. Lamar Hunt, the owner, is like *really* old but he lets GM Carl Peterson, who's been with the team for 15 + seasons, call all the shots (ala Smith/Spanos family). Now, Peterson had no problem picking up Andre Rison after he beat the crap out of the TLC girl (who burned his house down too...sucker) and I'm wondering if TO in KC might happen. Also... Priest Holmes might retire while Willie Roaf and Will Shields will probably also retire after giving the Chiefs some *great* years of O-line service. This creates cap space and maybe, just maybe, Dick Vermeil's the type of coach who might get TO settle the fuck on down. He's an odd coach and TO's an odd player. Maybe that could help both see eye to eye with the other. I think Vermeil *might* just be able to guilt trip TO into being a model citizen for a couple of seasons. But, that's a big fuckin maybe...

Wait, what'd TO say about Ray Lewis' *murder* case?

If the Ravens picked up Brett Favre (retires/unretires deal) and TO, that's an offense that could carry any team to the playoffs. Of course, TO would possibly get mugged or shot in Maryland if he ever acted up so I'm not so sure TO would even want to shack up with the Ravens (again). HOWEVER... The Ravens have several guys on that team who we, the fans, could probably count on to giving TO a beating like none other if he ever acted up. Ray Lewis already killed someone so what's one more body added to the pile? Ed Reed, all 5'10" of him, could probably kick the living shit out TO if he ever acted up. Please Jeebus, let TO wind up pissing off Jonathan Ogden, please...

Ricky Williams *and* Brian Westbrook on the same team could be badass.

Daniel Snyder *might* just be a big enough of a sucker owner to sign TO. Maybe... Plus, TO knows all of Philly's plays and what not, which could benefit any other team in the Iggles division. The Bidwells in Arizona are stupid and inept but they're also cheap. TO in Arizona could be a match made in hell. There is *no* way I see Pat Bowlen letting Mike Shanahan sign TO. He'd probably can Shanny for that instead of another post-season loss. Two years ago, I would have said the Spanos family in San Diego could be TO's new takers. However, they've wised up the last couple seasons and GM AJ Smith runs that team (he's got full control with little trouble from the Spanos family) and he's got some integrity and I doubt he'd take the "he's a GREAT player!" bait that would get TO signed by some team. Jerry Jones, Al Davis, and Jerry Richardson (Carolina owner) played football (the Jerry's), coached (Al), and probably are the only 3 owners in the league who could talk shit to their coaches about how the game should be played and know what they're talking about. They also probably realize how big of a distraction TO could be in their locker rooms and all 3 of these teams are on the cusp of greatness. I do not see either man signing TO this off-season. Oh man, the biggest fucked up situation I could think of is the Rooney family in Pittsburgh signing TO. Yeah, that'd be like the start of hell coming to earth... Thankfully, the old man doesn't appear to have gone senile over the years so Dan Rooney would probably take a pass on TO's services. The city of Green Bay would probably revolt if the GM there ever attempted to sign TO after the heartache he caused the Packers while playing with the 49ers. Then again, the city of Green Bay *owns* the Packers so I don't see any way of TO hooking up with his new love interest, Brett Favre. The Bears *might* be dumb enough to pick up TO. They are the dark horse. I don't think the McCaskey family (George Halas' daughter Virginia) does much with the team and Jerry Angelo *might* be just one of the most inept and smart GM's in the NFL. He can't draft an offense worth a shit but he knows how to put together a defense (see: Bucs, Bears). Zygi Wulf, the Vikes owner, is not someone I see taking on TO after the Sex Scandal mess his team got involved with this season. Plus, he vowed to punish the "seedy" elements on his team and I doubt that would be an endorsement for TO to join the team. Another dark horse candidate I could see are the Falcons. Arthur Blank is a new owner but if Vick says he wants to play with TO for a season (God only knows why...) then I could see the Falcons making that Gatorade commercial from a couple years ago turn into a reality. My bet on Jim Mora Jr. trying to strangle TO is at Week 5 when Vick runs for 300 yards while TO gets only 57 yards and no TD's in a game against the Eagles. TO freaks out on the coach staff on the sidelines and Jim Mora Jr. is forcibly held back from decking TO right then and there. Seattle's fuckin retarded at times and, yeah, they could use TO's services but I just don't see owner Paul Allen making the deal for TO. Holmgren would probably go on a shooting rampage if he got stuck with the malcontent. Texans owner Bob McNair might love Houston and this is another dark horse owner who I could see making a deal for TO since this team sucks so badly and desperation can make folks do crazy things. TO and Andre Johnson could tear things up down in Texas, but this team needs a strong O-line before they can do anything else. Now, Wayne Heizanga and the Miami Dolphins are a team I could see taking on TO since they've got no good air game to speak of but this team needs a franchise QB above all else. I think Nick Saban would also try to murder TO on the sidelines the moment he bitches up a storm too. Plus, Heizanga's probably got enough mob connections to have TO silenced forever if he ever raised a stink with the Fins to the point where he hurts the team's chemistry. You better watch out TO... 49ers and John York: yeah, been there, done that. See ya TO. Ralph Wilson would sell the Bills before I'd see him giving TO a shot on his team. He had OJ *before* he killed people, not after. The Bills could use TO but I don't see Wilson taking on this headache. Bob Kraft and the Pats: ahahahahaha. Yeah, right. Next. Co-NY Giants owner John Tisch might have brain cancer but he's not stupid and even I doubt he'd let the Giants make a play for TO. But, oh man, the TO and Tom Coughlin war of words would be epic to watch and worth the price of admission to a game. Same goes for the Jets. No way do they take a chance with TO either. I just don't see it. Both the Bengals and Browns are trying to *improve* their teams and Mike Brown is still a cheap skate owner while Randy Lerner would probably back Romeo Crennel in any decision he makes about TO. So yeah, I could see the Browns *maybe* making a play for TO but the town of Cleveland would probably revolt against such a move. That's a team that doesn't need any more heartache's. Maybe John Gruden thinks he can tame TO and asks the Glazer family for a raise on his yearly team allowance. The Bucs could also use TO's services and I think Brian Giese and TO could be a dangerous duo. The Rams...no way. Marshall Faulk might just retire if the team signs TO and that'd be an ugly PR mess for St.Louis to deal with. Bud Adams is cheap (or too spendy...) and Jeff Fisher is the other coach in the league who I could see taking a shot at TO on the sidelines if he acted up with the coaching staff. Seriously, Fisher deserves to work with better people than an ass like TO. Tom Benson's not sure if he wants to have the (townless) Saints play in San Antonio or Los Angeles (ahaha) next season and this team has a *lot* of problems. They don't need anymore. Next. Owner Wayne Weaver down in Carolina has *two* 6'6" white boy WR's and they're both about 10 years younger than TO and a whole lot more humble. No way does Weaver make this deal happen. Maybe Robert Irsay and the Colts will hand out $100 dollar contract to another guy who hasn't won shit to warrant such a deal. This team's stocked at WR and coach Tony Dungy's too chill to deal with TO's bullshit. He'll just suspend TO for the rest of the season or let Dwight Freeney tee off on TO during practice or something. Next. Hmmm... Fuck, the Dolphins and TO would be a match made in hell. Make it happen Saban!

Royce Gracie, Ken & Frank Shamrock, Dan Severn, Bas Rutten, Mark Coleman, Kaz Sakuraba & Nobuhiko Takada. Tank Abbot's worthy of a footnote. He defined the "puncher's chance" hope in MMA fights.

Btw, if TO can't get along with a laid back and chill QB like Donovan McNabb then TO's hopeless. Honestly, no QB in the league is probably going to want to deal with TO's "give me tha BALL!" bullshit he throws at every QB he's played for. Shit, even Steve Young probably wanted to choke TO out.

This season so far, Gabby has been more impressive than Ports. Hopefully, they both try to kick each other's ass's in games and earn a TD or more a game each. That's just me waxing on though... But, Porter's a baller, straight up. He *can* make those awe inspiring hard catches in the end zone and could be the #1 or #2 WR on any team. I was glad the Raiders re-signed him. I was even more stoked when the team signed Moss, which was like the mother of all bonus deals.

Porter = Gabriel. Curry showed glimpses of being really good last season so I hope he comes back strong next season. Moss, Porter, Gabriel, Curry and Courtney Anderson could be a strong receiving unit for years to come. If things were right, Kerry Collins would be throwing for 300 + yards per game. Alas, things are not "right" in the Raider Nation. Having two 6'3"ish WR's battling 5'9" DB's all day would give some teams fits though. But, this is a pipe dream that I hope doesn't come true.

I doubt TO's down with the chronic. That's the only way I could see those two getting along: they're so damn high all the time they forget who the bigger asshole is.

You're not seeing the problem with that. Al Davis will hire the guys who aren't *seen* in public killing babies. If no one sees you do it then there's no crime, no foul. See all the roided up freaks who died before 40. Romo will probably join this group of Raiders if he doesn't get his ass shanked by someone soon. TO on the otherhand *has* murdered, maimed, and raped in broad daylight and the Raiders team would revolt against having an ass like TO on the team. Randy Moss has stated how he does not like TO and that's one of the main reasons why I don't see TO ever suitng up in the Silver and Black. Ever. As long as Moss is there, TO will not. Al Davis might be a lot of things but he's not stupid. Taking on TO would be stupid for any owner or team to do at this juncture, no matter how big of a "playmaker" he is. The guy is a cancerous ass to have on any team.

The Colts will smash on the hurting Patriots and to even think otherwise is fuckin foolish. If the Pats were healthier, I'd give this game "it'll be close" remark but in the end I'd still give this game to the Colts. Freeney and Co. can stop NE's run. The Colts 2ndary *will* come to play and I don't see Brady completing many passes. The Colts have one of the best offensive lines in the league and the Pats are just so banged up on the otherside of the ball that I doubt they'll be effective. Get ready to bust out party gifts Alf cuz your team is winning this game tonight in dramatic fashion (ala Bears/Cowboys '85 MNF game).

No way does TO suit up with the Silver and Black. Just, no way. I think the dumb thing the Iggles did was re-sign Westbrook when this off-season will have *the* best assortment of RB ace's in the league. Westbrook's a fuckin back-up compared to Shaun Alexander, someone who's worth locking up for many years.

Vince really screwed the pooch here. I mean, what a dumb bastard he is to piss and shit on the WWF after they offered him a sweetheart deal towards doing business in *their* neck of the world and yet he just ignores it. Now, WWE (not F, E...) 24/7 and other video released have to suffer for this, along with the fans. What a shame.

Well, he's got you there Bob. Btw, Claire Danes got molested by a gerbil. Yeah, true story.

Brian, are you going to list the fighters you're diggin or not? I'm curious to see who your picks are.

Dan Severn, IIRC, would cut like 30 pounds before weigh-ins and then gain it all back for his fights. I mean, I think the Beast was tipping the scales at 280 for his fights when he first started out in the UFC, which I thought was ridiculous but not unexpected from a wrestler. Nowadays, the Beast goes in at 250ish, which, for a guy pushing 50, is pretty goddamn big.

I think the heavyweight ranks will need to be realigned if the heavyweight division is going to get some rehab. I mean, it's open to anyone from 206 to 265...which seems very PRIDEish to me. I'd feel sorry for the 206 pound bastard who takes up a fight with the 240 + Arlovski.

In honor of the 12/23 show, I'm also going to go back and watch the 12/23/00 NOAH show along with the UFC repeat. Kobashi vs. Akiyama and some Diego/Diaz works for me.

An Ultimate Ultimate show (sans the UFC heavy's) would work for just about every (important) weight class the UFC has. The word "tournament" has some prestige to it and the UFC has the talent(s) to run such a show. There's no telling if the show would be good or suck but it'd be loaded with *good* talent and that's always a plus towards having a fun show. Dana and the money marks should do at least one tourney show this year. If Luke would win, holy shit, bust out the "I'm a geek and a I RULE~!" commercials. That's where the UFC could start to gain *many* viewers: establish a connection between fans. Batman is the most popular super hero in the world because fanboys *think* they could be him. His books are one of the highest selling properties DC has under their banner. Luke could be the UFC's Batman.

Cummo's a marketing dream for the UFC waiting to happen.

It's too bad Takayama is out too because Taue could also get some revenge for his 12/00 singles loss to Tak if he were healthy. I think it's just time Taue gets some revenge after being champ fodder for so long. It's clear a *lot* of paying NOAH fans like him and that seems to be a rarity in Japan nowadays.

Hey, you're bigger than Matt Young. I'd say you're a healthy size of a girl too, CC. Do you do much cardio?

Tyra Banxxx?