WrestlingDeacon

HSW Rainbow Fun Hour for Saturday, September 27th, 2003 Live from the Big Rock Candy Mountain Hosts: Jon Ian and the Deacon THE MEGA-POWERS UNITE TAG MATCH “Doin’ it for the Children” Tony Stetson and “Minimum Wage” Michael Wade vs Ding Dongs. Match Background: None. The Match: Ding takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Michael Wade DDTs Ding, but it just looked terrible. There's a two count on the pin. Wade tags out to Tony Stetson. Tony Stetson scoops up Ding. Wade bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Ding takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tony Stetson DOESN'T take a page out of Andre the Giant's book and hits an incredibly weak headbutt on Ding. Ding kicks Tony Stetson in the gut to reverse the momentum. Power drive elbow by Ding. That sounds like a feature on a 4 x 4, doesn't it. Tag to Dong. Implant DDT by Dong! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Lightning kick by Dong on Stetson. Tony Stetson once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Tag to Michael Wade. Michael Wade hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Side suplex from Wade. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Michael Wade hits a right hand on Dong and follows it up with a couple more. Wade charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. SUPER frankensteiner on Wade, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. Flocknest Monster comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Michael Wade turns around. Flocknest Monster slams Wade down. Flocknest Monster climbs to the top rope and hits the Moonsault! Monster leaves the ring, the damage done! Cover gets three for Dong, Wade got pinned. Stetson \ Wade are left down and out in the ring thanks to the attack of Ding, Dong and Monster. Winners: Ding Dongs My Opinion: When I give out 3/4*, it means that I'm being REALLY nice about it. (Tag team wrestling is redefined here. The match was pretty good, just the kids were more interested with the pet rock we put in their “HSW Fun Pack.” Just give the girls fifty bucks and point them at the nearest Goodwill and you would be amazed what they come back with for those things. The ten sets of Don Ho rocks glasses were an uber find. See, the match was so damn boring, I can’t even make fun of it and I have to pull out a weak gag. Although, seeing Dames gush over the greatness of Dong never gets old.) Overall Rating: 46% Crowd Reaction: 37% Match Quality: 68% FlockNest Monster grabs a microphone and begins yapping while Wade and Stetson are still down on the mat. “These two think they can get the best of me. They can’t. I’ll tell them and all of you out there a few things right now…” Cut to the back where T’Pol is holding a sign that says “The Mysterious Entity is not Rob Black. Would we lie to you about something like that?” The KISS Demon walks up with toilet paper trailing off of his boot. “Yowza! I’m the KISS Demon, want to see my Plaster Caster!” T’Pol knows who he is. She’s his manager. “Whoo-Ha! I’m the KISS Demon! I have a manager?” Deacon asked T’Pol to take him on, because his mic skills aren’t that stellar. “Ramma-Lamma-Ding-Dong! I’m the KISS Demon, I have great mic skills.” The “needless exposition” sign flashes on and T’Pol explains how she is in cahoots with the Deacon and that the DS9 stable is dedicated to bringing the HSW back to what it was. They also want to make Lizzy Borden bash her head into walls while she drools like Supreme at the Jell-O factory. “Bop-she-bop-bop! I’m the KISS Demon! That’s kosher with me!” T’Pol instructs him to run out into the arena and take care of the FlockNest Monster. Cut back to the scene in the ring. “…And that’s how the Nazis built Walter Mondale. I won…” Monster is cut off as the Demon hits the ring and we’re on like Donkey Kong. Segment Rating: 77% GENE SIMMONS WET DREAM SINGLES MATCH The KISS Demon vs Flocknest Monster. Match Background: None. The Match: Reverse DDT on Monster. The KISS Demon moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Love Gun. 1....2...3, it's finished. Monster is pounding the canvas with punches, shouting about how unfair everything is. My Opinion: Not good enough to earn an entire star. 3/4* for you. (Hey, FlockNest Monster, you just got squashed by the KISS Demon. What are you going to do now? Tuck into the fetal position and suck my thumb? No, silly, you’re going to DisneyLand because they’re our primary sponsor. Man, if the above isn’t RAW booking, then paint my ass purple can call me Rico.) Overall Rating: 51% Crowd Reaction: 46% Match Quality: 69% Chris Nowinski is in the ring with the three HSW “good girls” (because we can’t call them divas) Elizabeth Borden, Lady Victoria and T’Pol. We thought that a bikini contest would be a little too much for the kids. We don’t need the boys going home and asking their parents what the funny squishy feeling in their tummy is. Uh, that would be botulism. Arachniman got us a deal on some frozen burritos out of Tijuana. So, instead, we’re going to have a sandwich making contest. Each woman has the full compliments of the Cooking with Gonzalez kitchen and Nowinski will be the judge of who makes the best sandwich. Through the miracle of cooking show magic, all the women have to do is open up the oven and the sandwich is already prepared. Lady Victoria has decided to go with the classic Italian sub. “Hmm…this mayo is a little…different.” “How dare you eat other women’s sandwiches. You jerk! That’s not mayo, it’s a little leftover from what you gave me this morning.” Cut to the Disco Ducks dressed up like seamen and dancing to “In the Navy” for the really weird innuendo. Elizabeth Borden did not make a sandwich. Not because she’s an independent woman of high morals, but because she didn’t feel worthy of the task by not being barefoot and pregnant. That is the true goal of every woman, you know. Nowinski then tries T’Pol’s sandwich, which is green and purple and smoking. “What’s this meat? It’s a little slimy.” “That would be Denivian Slime Devil.” “Hence the slimy.” Nowinski washes his mouth out with clorox and declares Lady Victoria the winner. If only to make her happy so they can play hide the salami later tonight. Cut to Lady Victoria crawling out from under a couch. “I found the salami.” “Good, now make me a sandwich.” Cut back to the ring where Nowinski is berating T’Pol for her Vulcan cooking skills. “Ha! With the those culinary skills you might as well be a three eyed Andorian.” Before we alienate fans further with lame Star Trek references, the Great Chetti-Etti storms the ring to protect his manager. Hey, where’s the KISS Demon to do that? Cut to the KISS Demon’s feet showing out from beneath a bathroom stall. A loud flatulent noise is heard. “Wow-ow! That slime devil wrecks your colon.” Segment Rating: 88% Chetti and Nowinski are brawling in the ring while the women stand off to the side pleading for peace. Giant Gonzalez comes down to the ring. To break up the fight? No, to yell at all these bozos for stealing his cooking show and making the sandwiches he’s been trying to do for weeks now. Gonzalez choke slams Nowinski, but Chetti distracts him with the old multiple hankies out of the pocket trick. Borden grabs a microphone and books Nowinski vs. Chetti for later tonight. Uh, why did Gonzalez need to come out then? Well, Michael Eisner has a soft spot for the big lug and demands that we see him at least every other show. In the old HSW we’d cut to some hellacious BUTT sex between Eisner and Gonzalez, but we are now kinder and gentler. Plus, I don’t want to get sued. That damn house of mouse has spies everywhere. Segment Rating: 65% THAT IS A PHASER IN MY POCKET, BUT I AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU Jimmy Jack Spock vs Kaos the Blue Fairy. Match Background: Kaos has been feuding with Terry Funk recently, who is a stable mate of Spock in DS 9. The Match: Spock slams Kaos the Blue Fairy. Spock walks into a drop toe hold. Kaos the Blue Fairy kicks the leg, knocks Spock down, and goes to work on it. The referee bumps after catching a wild right hand and is down. DDT from the top rope by Kaos the Blue Fairy. That looked KILLER. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is out and can't count to three! Spock reverses a Kaos the Blue Fairy hammerlock. BIG clothesline on Kaos. Full nelson slam on Kaos. Hooks the leg for a two count. Death valley driver by Jimmy Jack Spock! No one executes that move properly anymore. Pin, but Kaos is out just before the three count. Kaos the Blue Fairy pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Spinning bulldog in the corner and Spock is down! Pin, but Spock is out just before the three count. Spock blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Kaos the Blue Fairy is in trouble. Kirk Jerk!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Kaos is pounding the canvas with punches, shouting about how unfair everything is. Winner: Jimmy Jack Spock My Opinion: Usually, this is designated for good matches that were usually way too short for some reason. What's your excuse? *3/4 (How does the ref catch a wild right hand when he’s working the leg? Maybe he was working that Ronnie Garvin punch the knee psychology. The Kirk Jerk is a slingshot suplex. Not that you care. Post match, we cut to the Disco Ducks still dancing to “In the Navy.” Bilvis Wesley then walks in holding a flashing neon sign that reads “Kaos is as gay as a picnic basket.”) Overall Rating: 66% Crowd Reaction: 77% Match Quality: 69% Elizabeth Borden is going over the books for the month. “$600 for the Unfathomable Slag to get his back waxed?” Lady Victoria comes in with a sandwich as a peace offering. She’s sorry she was so upset during the contest. She does get a bit jealous at times. Borden says it’s understandable. “It’s understandable, because my man is such a hunk-a-saurus! You hussy!” Victoria chokes Borden out like Andre on Bob Eucker, but quickly regains her composure. Victoria wants to be the special guest referee for the upcoming main event. We’re running long on time because of all the sandwich shenanigans, so yeah. Knock yourself out. Segment Rating: 78% WATCH ME MAKE YOUR WORKRATE DIASSPEAR SINGLES MATCH Chris Nowinski vs The Great Chetti-Etti!. Match Background: This will be a special guest referee bout. Lady Victoria will be the referee for this match. Chetti and Nowinski are currently feuding. Neither has managed to get an in-ring victory in this feud. The Match: The Great Chetti-Etti! takes a right hand to the temple from Nowinski. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Nowinski strikes away at The Great Chetti-Etti!, not doing much damage at all. Chetti gets splashed in the corner. Chetti takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Nowinski charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Hard back suplex on Nowinski. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Lightning kick by Chetti on Nowinski. Hooks the leg for a two count. Chris Nowinski powers out of a The Great Chetti-Etti! headlock. Chris Nowinski hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Chris Nowinski scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Pin, but Chetti is out just before the three count. Chetti powers out of a headlock. STIFF high kick on Nowinski by The Great Chetti-Etti!. Nowinski blocks a kick from The Great Chetti-Etti!. Chetti gets splashed in the corner. The Great Chetti-Etti! gets taken over with a headlock. 1.2.3! His shoulders were down just for a second, and that was all Lady Victoria needed to make a super fast count! I don't think the fight has finished. Chris Nowinski and Chetti have begun brawling again! They wind up brawling all the way down the aisle and out of view. Winner: Chris Nowinski My Opinion: Hmm. Only gets * from me. (Man, Chetti jobbed to a headlock takedown. Even FlockNest Monster is laughing at him. At least he took a man’s finisher. That match didn’t score too well. I guess the chemistry was off, or the kids were just sick to death of this storyline. I promise a moratorium on women making sandwiches jokes from now on. I will have to define the Nowinski and Victoria relationship in new and exciting ways. Maybe she can knit him a sweater?) Overall Rating: 57% Crowd Reaction: 62% Match Quality: 67% Overall Rating: 65% TV Rating: 1.34 Attendance: 420 kids under the age of 12 who don’t get the significance of 420 at ALL.

For the people dissing the Monkees, you have obviously never heard anything past what is standard of theirs to be played on the radios. I highly recommend picking up Headquarters and the soundtrack to Head. Above all, Mike Nesmith is highly underrated and underappreciated as a musician. And no one, NO ONE, can convice me otherwise that America is the worst band ever.

My question would be hated by who and they say t.v. character, but a lot of those picks are real people.

who was not the first female Japanese import of the WWF, that would be the tag team champion JUMPING BOMB ANGELS.

Whooooooaaaaaa Jablonsky! And that episode featured Sam Kinison as Al's guardian angel.

who dropped a world title in a trash can, like MEDUSA MECELLI.

If Z has been kidnapped by the Chinese, can I have his spot on SWFCC? *secretly calls the Chinese*

Make a Legends of the SWF game with me beating the dog shit out of Neilsen. The best model for Frost is Dolph Lundgren. For Neilsen use the cartoon character George of the Jungle.

America-A fifth rate Neil Young ripoff with stupid songs. Creed-Overly pretensious holier than though schlock REO Speedwagon-The most syrupy and least talented of the corporate rock bands. Chumbawumba-Another overly prentious group who try to save the world through the power of their own ego. They say they purposely wrote a hit song so they could have money to fight the oppressors. If it's that easy, let's see you write another one? Starland Vocal Band-A mix of the Mamas and the Papas and ABBA. They had one hit, that they parlayed into a t.v. show. Very flat and white bread musically.

IMDB only knows what other outlets know, if they can manage to keep it under wraps from everyone else, then imdb won't know. What you could do is have the second Darren listed as Uncle Arthur or Dr. Bombay or some other random character to throw people off.

who was part of the Golden Greeks with brother CHRIS TOLOS

Dick York was always the straight man, but they wound up giving Sargeant a little more stuff to do comedically. Hagman was great on Jeannie, but I don't think a movie of that could work. For Endora, I like Christine Baranski or Anne Meara.

Yeah, but I just can't cut and past my HSW fed and I'm barely able to keep up with that now. I could try something experimental like my all tag or all female fed which I've been messing with.

Elvis singing gospel music.

who is playing second banana to the evil of COACH~!

but KANE didn't care and bagged her anyway.

The big problem I see with your card Mike is that you just didn't book matches, but you booked storylines that you had no control over. Were you going to write Maddix and tell him to challenge IL in the opening promo? Then make sure that IL wrote a promo accepting the challenge? That is not your job, you make matches and that's all you do. You also kind of screw yourself by booking two matches for contendership rights to the World title and therefore the main event kind of cheapens the storyline you seemingly want to work with Maddix. Your word limits are also too long, but you said you knew that. In my mind, no JL match should ever be over 6000 words. The flaming tables match ties in well with McClennan's gimmick, but there's nothing to set up that match and it's a little too gory of a gimmick for the second match on what should be a standard show. Also, in the rules, you never go over how the flaming tables with be handled. Will the wrestlers have to light them themselves? And where are all the equipment they need to set the table on fire like a lighter and gasoline? With your main event, if Jenkins wins the first two matches, then there's no need for a third. If each man wins a fall apiece and it becomes a triple threat, then why not just book a triple threat in the first place. A round robin like this is horrible to write and you have to deal with a whole section of your guy not in the ring. Not bad, but you didn't think things through.

I think it would be hysterical if Darren starts as Will Ferrel, but half way through the movie he turns into Vince Vaughan or somebody and they don't say a word. Like they cut to a reaction shot of Samantha, then back to Darren and BAM! different dude. I'm telling you, the most important piece of that casting will be Endora.

and MISS JACKIE is playing that role to Rico's very street like character now.

In my opinion, what fucked you Judge was that main event. It's just too crazy and unwieldly, especially for your first card. It's almost saying "look at how inventive of a booker I am." Having applied last time and lost I know that the thing that sunk me was going for too many never before seen gimmick matches for the flash with little substance. I also think your descriptions were a little dry and rambling in trying to fit in all the "on our last show" stuff, especially in those last two matches.

I am awesome, I am great, I feed you chocolate cake. I ask for no more thanks than your eternal love and worship and perhaps the ability to swoop in every now and again to book a card or name a ppv and fuck you all up.

I think it's a little overrated from the reputation it has, but it's still an incredible match and I would say a really good match for babies of the "attitude" era to check out in wanting to get into some older stuff. For an interesting bookend to that match, check out Sting and Flair vs. Funk and Muta from Halloween Havoc '89.

Hey, remember the last time Edwin left Z in charge of something? Something about Midnights and Carnivals, I don't really remember myself, I buried them so badly.

Quackenbush is 202 in PWI 500 this year.

who was the first to have his hair cut by BRUTUS THE BARBER BEEFCAKE.