WrestlingDeacon

This is horrible news. I didn't even know he was ill. His music is genius in its hilarity. My favorite song is either I Whipped Batman's Ass or Suck a Cheetah's Dick.

I think USA showed It's Your Move briefely in the late '80's/ early '90's. I remember seeing some episodes and they played the funkiest crap on Saturday afternoons. I also remember Check It Out, which was Don Adams as the head of a grocery store. Double Trouble which was about these twin girls who lived with their single father, but eventually moved to New York to live with their aunt. Bustin' Loose, based on the movie and starring Jimmy Walker. There was also some other show I can't remember the name of, it was about a woman who was famous for some reason who moves back in with her family in a small town. There was also a show about a Mexican family trying to live like the rich and affluent, Sanchez of Bel-Aire maybe? I also remember the block of shows that TBS had on weekday afternoon. There was Down to Earth about a flapper who died and gets sent back to earth in modern times as the guardian angel for this family. She was their maid and the head of the family was Dick Sargent. There was also a show about a brother and sister who ran an ice cream store on the beach, I think it was called Rocky Rhodes or something like that. There was another show I can't remember the name of, but it was about a man and woman who were the anchors of this local sports program. The guy had a daughter and a sleazy friend.

I remember the Charmings. They were Snow White, Prince Charming, their two kids, one dwarf, the evil queen and her magic mirror. They got swept into the real modern world after a spell of the queen's went wrong. I loved that show, it was genuis. Anyone remember Hi, Honey I'm Home. It aired on ABC and Nick at Nite one summer. It was about a t.v. family from the fifties who were no longer in syndication anywhere and were relocated to a modern suberb. They had a remote they could use to go from color to black and white and a bunch of other old t.v. stars would show up to visit.

and a good electrocution helped bring THE UNDERTAKER back in the form of a lightening bolt after he was buried alive.

who was cold cocked by ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER with a shovel during a fally count anywhere match with Cactus Jack.

It wasn't Rosemary Clooney, it was Rose Marie of the Dick Van Dyke Show. It was called Hardball.

You won't believe me, but Nick and his brother are the cousins of a friend of mine. He got to meet and hug Jessica Simpson last Christmas.

Hard Time on Planet Earth: It starred Martin Kove as an alien warrior who was framed for a crime and setenced to probation on the backwards planet of earth. He had a robotic, flying eye thing that was his parole officer and they would go around helping people. The 100 Lives of Black Jack Savage: Similar show. A guy flees the US when he's charged for insider trading and lives in a castle on a Carribean island. The castle is haunted by the ghost of pirate Black Jack Savage. He has to save 100 lives to be allowed to go to heaven and enlists the guy's help, named Barry Tarbarry, to aide him. There were these crazy monster things that would chase Savage and they would suck them up in vaccum cleaners. Raven: Raven was a karate guy who hung out with Lee Majors and they would kick ass while looking for the guys who killed Raven's parents or something like that. Half Nelson: Joe Pesci was a private detective who got special cases from Dean Martin Outlaws: A sheriff in the 1880's corners a group of outlaws in a canyon when a tornado comes out of nowhere. It sweeps them a hundred years into the future and they use the money from the bank robbery to buy a ranch and set up a detective agency. It starred Richard Roundtree, Charles Napier and Rod Taylor

Thanks for all the positive comments for my return to fantasy booking. I'll have to get around to reading some of the other new feds that have cropped up...but I probably won't. I'm lazy like that, although I have scanned Zack's stuff, because Zack is dreamy. HSW Rainbow Fun Hour for Saturday, September 6th 2003 Live from the Big Rock Candy Mountain Hosts: Jon Ian and the Deacon TODAY’S VOCABULARY WORD IS “SUCK” TAG TEAM MATCH The Really, Really New Midnight Express (Hypoglycemic Harry Smith and Ostentatious Orlando Jordan) vs Multi-Culture Pals (Leprechaun Larry and the Musical Rabbi). Match Background: This match is for the HSW World Tag titles. The Really, Really New Midnight Express have been HSW World Tag champions since 03 September 2003. The Match: The Musical Rabbi takes a right hand to the temple from Jordan. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Rabbi takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Orlando Jordan scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Rabbi tags out to Leprechaun Larry. Leprechaun Larry hits Jordan. Larry walks into a drop toe hold. Larry receives some punishment by Orlando Jordan but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Tag between Orlando Jordan and Harry Smith. The Really, Really New Midnight Express whip Larry into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Super kick by Harry Smith. Vicious kick to the teeth from Harry Smith. Tag to Orlando Jordan. Leprechaun Larry is in big trouble...Double Goozle!! 1....2....3! The Really, Really New Midnight Express signal to each other...and they attack Multi-Culture Pals! After an swift brawl, Larry and Rabbi are left down in the ring. Winner: The Really, Really New Midnight Express My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD. (At lest Dames made that match sound like it sucked before giving it a dud. The Multi-Culture Pals are a repackaged Politically Incorrect and, yes, I stole the name from “Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law.” Test marketing showed that children weren’t really into a drunken idiot and a tightfisted moneygrubber most already had that for parents. Poles showed that kids associated being Irish with leprechauns and being Jewish with bagels. We had a giant bagel suit, but The Miserly Jew refused to wear it, because Bob Backlund in his SpongeBob suit was giving him a creepy look. So, we just kind of threw darts at the Torah and came up with Musical Rabbi. He comes down to the ring dressed like a Hassidic Jew and playing a fiddle. I’m working on getting a mobile float with a roof he can stand on to take him to the ring. Post beat down, Harry Smith rips open a turnbuckle and eats the stuffing out of it like George Steele. Jordan stalks around trying to pick a fight and acting all cocky. I would say that’s more ornery then ostentatious, but at least it’s an O word.) Overall Rating: 44% Crowd Reaction: 44% Match Quality: 55% Now it’s time for everyone’s favorite new segment, Cooking with Gonzalez! Jolly Green Gonzalez is going to show the kids how they can make easy to prepare healthy snacks that will make their bodies strong in order to fight the liberal hordes. Gonzalez would like to introduce this week’s special guest, Chris Nowinski. Nowinski is going to show us how to prepare a staple of every child’s lunchbox. PCP? No, the sandwich. Nowinski comes onto the kitchen set and waves to the audience. “Let me show you how I, Chris Nowinski, make a sandwich. Hey, Lady Victoria, get your worthless hide in here and make me a sandwich.” Lady Victoria runs in and starts furiously making a sandwich. Gonzalez is a bit perplexed, “I thought you were going to show us how to make a sandwich.” Chris smirks, “This is how I do it at home. Making food is women’s work.” Victoria hands him the sandwich and he takes a bite. He spits it out in her face. “This is Hellman’s! Where’s the Miracle Whip you whore?” Don’t say whore, say “mommy’s sister Pam.” Nowinski throws down the sandwich and tells the children, “now I’m going to show you how to keep your pimp hand strong.” Nowinski starts beating up Victoria and Gonzalez stands in front of them to block the view. “Uh, sorry kids, that’s all the time we have for Cooking with Gonzalez this week. Maybe next week we can learn how to make that sandwich. Until then, why cream your pants when you can cream my corn.” Victoria cries and runaway. Nowinski gives chase. “Now spread your legs, I need my tangy zip!” Segment Rating: 68% FUCK STAN LEE RIP-OFF CHARACTERS SINGLES MATCH Arachniman vs The Unfathomable Slag. Match Background: Slag and Arachniman have been feuding recently. Neither has managed to get an in-ring victory in this feud. The Match: The Unfathomable Slag takes a butterfly suplex from Arachniman. Massive back suplex! The Unfathomable Slag got snapped in half, but not literally because that would just end the match now wouldn't it. Hooks the leg for a two count. The Unfathomable Slag reverses a hip toss. Arachniman receives some punishment by The Unfathomable Slag but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. The Unfathomable Slag with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Arachniman. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Covers for a quick two count. Flapjack from Slag on Arachniman. Pin, but Arachniman is out just before the three count. Arachniman takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Slag charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Slag takes a quick lariat. Covers for a quick two count. Arachniman brings out a jumping powerbomb to nearly murder Slag in the ring! Pin, but Slag is out just before the three count. Slag gets caught with a short powerbomb from Arachniman. Arachniman gets up and gives a Belly to belly suplex to Arachniman. Slag backdrops Arachniman out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of The Unfathomable Slag. The Unfathomable Slag strikes Arachniman with a hard blow. Flapjack from Slag on Arachniman. The Unfathomable Slag floors Arachniman near the ropes and makes the pin. Slag is using the ropes for leverage! The referee hasn't seen it: 1....2....3!! The Unfathomable Slag remains in the ring, celebrating the victory. Winner: The Unfathomable Slag My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it. (What’s a short powerbomb? Is that like when Rey Mysterio does the move on you or what? I’m impressed that El Dandy could get Mideon up, but then again El Dandy seems like he goes for seconds at Silver King’s barbecues. As you’ve guessed by now, Elizabeth Borden has brainwashed the kids into liking the heels and hating the faces. Why do we hate Arachniman kids? “Because he hides his face from us!” And why does he do that? “He’s probably a Kennedy!” Post match the Unfathomable Slag bums a dictionary off of the Midnight Express so he can look up what he is exactly.) Overall Rating: 50% Crowd Reaction: 57% Match Quality: 54% Ahmed Johnson is shown walking through the back. He’s dressed like a color blind 50 Cent and has Band-Aids all over his face. He looks right into the camera and starts rapping as he keeps walking. “My name is Fat Rhymes and I’m here to say/ I love Fruity Pebbles in a major way. I’m kicking naked BUTT and smelling like a rose/ Busting on Karagias with his head in pantyhose. Right now I’m going to take on Barney/going upside his head like Sean Connery in Marnie. I’ll slice him like he slices meat/ Then eat him on bread with some pickled pig’s feet. Word to your foster mother!” You guys are damn lucky I didn’t bring in PN News. Segment Rating: 31% YOU CAN BEAT MY PRICES, BUT YOU CAN’T BEAT MY MEAT SINGLES MATCH Barney the Deli Worker vs Fat Rhymes. Match Background: None. The Match: Fat Rhymes punches away at Barney the Deli Worker only to get the tides turned quickly. Barney takes a weak kick. Weak slam from Rhymes sets Barney for something, but if it was as weak as that slam, then Barney has no worries. Barney takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Barney the Deli Worker elbows Fat Rhymes in the face to break a hammerlock. Weak bodyslam on Rhymes by Barney sets up a legdrop. Powerslam from Barney the Deli Worker on Rhymes. Covers for a quick two count. Fat Rhymes pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Fat Rhymes hits a sloppy ass bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Fat Rhymes connects with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Does everyone use that move these days? Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Barney flips out of a Fat Rhymes bodyslam attempt. Rhymes receives some punishment by Barney the Deli Worker but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Rhymes backdrops Barney the Deli Worker out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Fat Rhymes. Fat Rhymes punches away at Barney the Deli Worker. Fat Rhymes moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Powerslam. 1....2...3, it's finished. The fight has started up again! Barney the Deli Worker attacks Rhymes, and they brawl all around ringside, then into the crowd! They eventually disappear backstage, still fighting. Winner: Fat Rhymes My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this. (I would have been shocked if a match between Abdullah the Butcher and Ahmed Johnson didn’t get negative stars. Yes, Barney is Adbullah the Butcher. However, the name ‘Abdullah’ and the title of ‘butcher’ was considered not to be that kid friendly. So we went with the tamer deli worker. The name Barney was chosen through our test marketing of kids. The top two choices were “Barney” or “Mr. Senor Poopy Pants.” Trust me, you don’t want Adbullah the Butcher known as ‘poopy pants.’ Borden’s brainwashing isn’t quite working though. The kids can’t get behind a guy who’s man boob hang over the waistband of his pants. Actually, the reason they continued to brawl after the match was because Abdullah had a Ho-Ho stuck under his left tit and Ahmed was trying to get at it. One might be thinking that it should be ‘Phat Rhymes,’ but it’s Ahmed Johnson, trust me, Fat Rhymes is proper. ) Overall Rating: 36% Crowd Reaction: 25% Match Quality: 55% T’Pol is in the back talking to Terry Funk. He wants to tag with Jimmy Jack Spock tonight against Sandman and Kaos. T’Pol explains to him that she did the mind transference so Funk could retire and enjoy the sweet life out in the beautiful San Fernando Valley. Now, that he’s mind wiped, he’s not the man he used to be, but he wasn’t quite the man he used to be when he still was the man he used to be. Funk doesn’t want to retire, he wants to be helpful. Kaos walks by on his way to the ring and scoffs. “You’re more disgusting than The Unfathomable Slag wearing white after Labor Day.” Terry cries and T’Pol tells Kaos, “that’s big talk from a guy wearing a skirt.” “It’s not a skirt! It’s a…a…alternative choice garment.” “How is that less gay?” “Uh…I’ll have to get back to you on that.” Segment Rating: 69% Sandman and Kaos the Blue Fairy vs Jimmy Jack Spock and “Carless” Mark Jindrak. Match Background: Sandman and Spock have been feuding recently. Spock has yet to get an in-ring victory in this feud. Sandman is the reigning HSW World champion, and has been since 03 September 2003. The Match: Spock scoops and slams Sandman. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? Bodyslam by Spock. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Mark Jindrak. Spock \ Jindrak whip Sandman into the corner. Jimmy Jack Spock whips Mark Jindrak in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Hooks the leg for a two count. Running knee lift from Mark Jindrak. Jindrak goes for a splash but Sandman puts the knees up. Sandman hits a stump piledriver on Mark Jindrak. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sandman tags out to Kaos the Blue Fairy. Super kick by Kaos the Blue Fairy. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Flying elbow from Kaos the Blue Fairy connects. Kaos the Blue Fairy gets taken down out of nowhere! Bodyslam by Jindrak. Tag between Mark Jindrak and Jimmy Jack Spock. Kaos is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Kaos tags out to Sandman. Bodyslam by Spock. Sandman climbs to the top rope, ready to leap at Spock. Kaos the Blue Fairy bounces off the ropes for an elbow drop without seeing his partner, and crotches Sandman by accident. Jimmy Jack Spock moves in for the kill. Here it comes – Kirk Jerk. 1....2...3, it's finished. Terry Funk comes running down the aisle with a chair, and gets into the ring! Funker misses Kaos with a chair shot! Kaos the Blue Fairy grabs the chair, and knocks Terry Funk to the canvas with it! Funker gets a taste of his own medicine! Winner: Spock and Jindrak My Opinion: I'll give a 1\2* rating because they were actually able to hit a couple of spots. (Yes, one of my top feuds is between a closet homosexual and a geriatric retard. Somewhere Vince McMahon is jizzing himself and writing that idea down. And is there a gayer way to lose a match than not seeing your partner going up top and bouncing off the ropes to make him crotch himself? Although, since Kaos did it, it seems appropriate. Kaos continues to beat the crap out of Funk so the rest of the guys kick back and watch with a nice, cold Fresca. Sandman prays for death every night.) Overall Rating: 58% Crowd Reaction: 68% Match Quality: 59% Jimmy Jack Spock waves down a peanut vendor to get a bag to go with his Fresca. He eats a handful and gives a funny face. Wait…these aren’t peanuts, these are Brazil nuts! Ha, loser! The peanut vendor cold cocks Spock with his tray and reveals himself to be HONKY TONK ORTON! He hits Spock with the Shake, Rattle and Orton and keeps Jindrak at bay with the promise of a ride to the Y so he can have somewhere to sleep tonight. Cool, Kaos loves going to the YMCA. Jindrak runs off screaming. The kids are pretty apathetic, as they don’t know who Orton is. They’re not too sure what ‘tonk’ is either, but Fat Rhymes told them that they were all honkies earlier, so he must be cool. Orton celebrates by doing the Hammer Dance. Go Honky! Go Honky! Go Honky! Stop! Honky Time! Segment Rating: 76% Overall Show Rating: 56% TV Rating: 1.48 Attendance: 408 kids who think Fat Rhymes needs mental help, they’re people, not crackers.

I don't have time now, but don't think I'll be able to come up with some truly underrated films when I get off of work tonight.

Prologue: Following the disastrous The Night Some Funky Ass Shit Went Down pay-per-view, Hot Shit Wrestling owner Jim Kettner fired head booker Deacon. Deacon left for Mexico where he became a promoter of cock fighting and trafficker in bootleg Tito Puente albums. Shortly thereafter, Kettner was bought out by a mysterious entity known as Mysterious Entity Incorporated. MEI fired a good portion of the HSW staff and wrestlers in a shakeup that totally redefined what the HSW was. Since the HSW was crappy wrestling and tit humor, this probably wasn’t a bad idea. Time passed as time is ought to do, until one morning Deacon received a call from Giant Gonzalez. Things were wrong with the HSW…very, very wrong. The new management had to be stopped and Deacon rode to the rescue! Mostly, because Gonzalez promised to buy him dinner at the Spaghetti Warehouse. Deacon pulls up to the front of the Toilet in a cab with a license plate that says “Fresh” and dice in the mirror. The sign out front says “Big Rock Candy Mountain.” Huh? What the hell does that mean. Deacon walks through the back and finds Gonzalez painted green and wearing a toga. Gonzalez falls on his knees crying, thankful that Deacon is here. “Stop crying Jolly Green Gonzalez or your dye will run,” calls a voice from off camera. In walks LIZZY BORDEN! Elizabeth Borden now, because she’s sophisticated and evil, don’t think she wouldn’t grow a goatee if she could. What the hell’s going on here? Borden turns on the boring exposition sign and explains. After the Deacon fired her, she reexamined her life and found a beacon of hope. Religion? Close, mindless conservatism! Borden found a benefactor who shared her new found zeal for brainwa…uh, she means molding…no, wait, yeah she means brainwashing the minds of young children. And don’t say hell, say “the place where Democrats go when they die.” The new sponsors and networks won’t like it. New networks? Yeah, we’re on ABC Family and the Disney Channel now. Ow, you’re dancing with the devil in the big black ears. No, but Spike Lee did try to sue us too. Deacon can’t imagine that those channels would want a product named Hot Shit Wrestling. Well, duh! That’s why she changed the name to Happy Sunny Wrestling. HAPPY SUNNY WRESTLING! Borden scoffs, since her people have taken over, Happy Sunny Wrestling has shown a profit and increased ratings. In her most brilliant move, Elizabeth bought a number of old gimmicks from Vince McMahon that were no longer being used by WCW or WWE. How about that for name brand recognition? Two guys in full body stockings with tiny bells hanging off of them jingle by. Deacon stands there dumbfounded and points, “Was that the Ding Dongs?” Gonzalez demands that Deacon be allowed back into HSW. Borden smirks and says they’ll have to go see the commissioner for that. The trio leaves for the commissioner’s office. Deacon: “Seriously, were those the Ding Dongs?!” Segment Rating: 85% HSW Pretty Kittens for Wednesday, September 3rd 2003 Live from the Big Rock Candy Mountain Hosts: Kevin Kelly and Tod Keneley YES, SERIOUSLY, THOSE WERE THE DING DONGS TAG TEAM MATCH Ding Dongs vs Irish Wolfhounds. Match Background: Ding Dongs used to be a regular team, but have been inactive for a while. Whether this match will lead to a reformation as an active unit remains to be seen. The Match: Spinning back kick from Davey Man Smith. Implant DDT by Davey Man Smith! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Covers for a quick two count. Smith tags out to The Nitroglycerin Kid. Irish Wolfhounds whip Ding into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. There's a two count on the pin. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Kid goes for a splash but Ding puts the knees up. SUPER frankensteiner on Kid, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Dong. Flying cross body off the top rope! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Hard back suplex on Kid. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. The Nitroglycerin Kid reverses a hip toss. Kid uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Tag to Davey Man Smith. STIFF high kick on Dong by Davey Man Smith. Dong tags out to Ding. Implant DDT by Davey Man Smith! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Ding is all alone...Stereo Super Kick!! 1....2....3! The Really, Really New Midnight Express come running down the aisle and into the ring! Smith turns...and gets floored by a clothesline. Kid walks into a vicious boot to the face. The Really, Really New Midnights set him up, and nail the Double Goozle! Smith is grabbed...and he gets hit with the Double Goozle as well! The Really, Really New Midnights have done a number on them! My Opinion: Well, hello there *1/4 rating, how are you? Winner: Irish Wolfhounds (I made Dames say Dong. Yes, as is mandatory here at the SmartMarks we will be using the Dames as our reviewer or suffer the wrath of Dames’ “little friend” (re: Banky). The Irish Wolfhounds are now the team of Matt Stryker and Chad Collyer, who actually look like a young British Bulldogs…if you’re blind in one eye and can’t see out of the other. I love the little picture feature on the new EWR. I put in a picture of Larry Hagman for Deacon. I might not every be him, but I drink like it. The Really, Really New Midnight Express is Hypoglycemic Harry Smith and Ostentatious Orlando Jordan. The point of the team is teach the kids new vocabulary words that they will never use. Although Harry is helping to get rid of all the left over food since we no longer have the Fat Boys on the roster.) Overall Rating: 57% Crowd Reaction: 39% Match Quality: 75% “Hi there kids, Chris Nowinski here. I want to let all the little boys out there in the audience know that girls don’t have kooties. Girls are beautiful and wonderful creatures that you should get to know better. That’s right, creatures, because they’re not humans. Get a girl and she’ll do all the stuff that you don’t like to do. She’ll mow your grass, eat your brussel sprouts, do your math homework, everything. Why? Because women are insecure bags of flesh who define themselves by the attentions of men. We are their gods. A woman looks to you for her natural place in life, barefoot and pregnant. True, most of you aren’t old enough to plant a seed in a girl’s belly that will take root, but you can make them barefoot. Tomorrow at recess, run around and steal all of the girls’ shoes. If a female teacher stops you, kick her in the knee and say ‘shut up girl, go make a sandwich.’ She might send you to the principal’s office, but the principal will let you off the hook because he’s a man. They would never let a woman be a school principal, because they are inferior sacks of flesh. However, be sure to remember that they don’t have kooties.” Segment Rating: 78% NO, YOU’RE THE MAN SINGLES MATCH FOR THE YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON TITLE Arachniman vs Repo Man. Match Background: This match is for the You Are a Good Person title. The Match: Stun Gun from Arachniman! I still can't believe that was Austin's finisher at one point. Doctor Bomb connects and Repo landed hard. There's a two count on the pin. Repo Man is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Arachniman hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! Arachniman takes a right hand to the temple from Repo. There's a two count on the pin. Side suplex from Repo. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Running clothesline from Repo Man was actually MIGHTY sloppy. Arachniman counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Gutwrench into a powerbomb, aka the Doctor Bomb and Repo hits hard. Covers for a quick two count. Arachniman plants Repo with an EXPLODAH~! suplex. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Hard impact Russian Leg Sweep by Arachniman. According to some other reviewers around here, 'legsweep' is one word. Double arm suplex by Arachniman connects as Repo hits hard. Repo counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Weak bodyslam on Arachniman by Repo sets up a legdrop. Flapjack from Repo on Arachniman. The Unfathomable Slag comes running down the aisle and onto the apron! Arachniman turns...and is dropped throat-first onto the top rope by Slag! The Unfathomable Slag has left Arachniman in big trouble. Repo Man moves in for the kill. Double Axe Handle! 1....2....3. The Unfathomable Slag obviously hasn't finished his attack yet! Arachniman stands up. The Unfathomable Slag floors Arachniman. The Unfathomable Slag signals - Naked BUTT Drop! The Unfathomable Slag eventually leaves, having caused enough damage. My Opinion: -*. Somehow, you actually took AWAY from any enjoyment I could have had watching this. Winner: Repo Man (Negative stars in our second match. Who had that in the pool? Thing is, Dames makes every match sound like the greatest match since Flair vs. Steamboat and then he gives it a rating like David Flair vs. Vic Steamboat. The You are a Good Person title replaces the Lukewarm Shit title. We want the kids to know that maybe you’re not the best, but you’re still a good person. That’s why we put it on the most despicable human being I could find in the Repo Man. Did you think I would really stop booking while loaded on scotch? Arachniman is part of the gimmicks Borden bought from the WWE. I was pissed that Brad Armstrong wasn’t in the game and I sure wasn’t going to give the gimmick to Steve or Road Dog. The HSW sucks, but we don’t suck THAT bad. So, I looked around for a crappy, bad luchadore who wouldn’t feel demeaned by the part. Luckily, El Dandy showed up at my door. Literally, he had a sign that said will “wrestle for food” and was canvassing the neighborhood. I had him wax my car and threw him a ham sandwich. The Unfathomable Slag is our attempt to cash in on The Incredible Hulk mania sweeping the country this summer……we just didn’t get the memo that it fizzled out in about three and a half hours. He’s played by Mideon, aka Naked Mideon, aka Henry Godwinn, aka why aren’t you fucking dead? I left his finisher as the naked BUTT drop, just because naked butts are funny to the children. We did test marketing on all this stuff.) Overall Rating: 47% Crowd Reaction: 43% Match Quality: 51% The Unfathomable Slag retreats to the top of the ramp and gets on the microphone. Arachniman is going to get squashed like the bug he is. Arachniman grabs a mic and tells Slag that he’s not a bug, he’s an arachnid, that’s different. Hey kids, Arachniman is smart and what do we think of smart people? “Smart people suck!” Why? “Because Jesus wants us ignorant to fully appreciate his glory!” Elizabeth Borden has the kids in the audience already brainwashed. Segment Rating: 66% Deacon, Borden and Gonzalez enter the commissioner’s office. A big black chair sits behind a desk with its back to the camera. It spins around to reveal an old man in a giant foam rubber suit with his face sticking out of a hole in the middle. “Wacka-wacka-wacka! I’m Commissioner SpongeBob BacklundPants!” Deacon blinks and says, “Did I seriously see the Ding Dongs out there?” Borden turns on the boring exposition sign again. SpongeBob BacklundPants is their attempt to help the Disney people cash in on the popularity of Nickelodeon, AKA those hippie bastards. Although Elizabeth really can’t say “bastard,” she has to say “Clinton.” Borden explains that Deacon wants a position with the company. Backlund does the SpongeBob laugh, “no way, Squidworth!” Deacon snaps too and says that they have to hire him due to affirmative action. Affirmative action? Yeah, he’s a minority, a liberal. Borden yells, makes the sign of the cross and throws holy water on Deacon. She and SpongeBob confer and decide to let him be the color man for their Saturday morning show on the Disney Channel, The Rainbow Fun Hour. Gonzalez celebrates by shotgunning a can of creamed corn. “Ok, for real, those weren’t the Ding Dongs were they?” Segment Rating: 67% EARLY NINTIES WCW LIVES! TAG TEAM MATCH FOR THE HSW WORLD TAG TITLES Tazz’s Cousin Chris Chetti and Super Invader vs The Really, Really New Midnight Express Match Background: This match is for the HSW World Tag titles. The Match: Harry Smith strikes Invader. Harry hits a dropkick on Super Invader and gets right back up. Covers for a quick two count. Harry tags out to Orlando Jordan. The Really, Really New Midnight Express whip Invader into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. There's a two count on the pin. Weak bodyslam on Invader by Jordan sets up a legdrop. Orlando Jordan misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Back heel kick from Invader on Jordan but it misses by miles. Covers for a quick two count. Tag between Super Invader and Chris Chetti. Chris Chetti hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Orlando Jordan powers out of a Chris Chetti headlock. Orlando Jordan with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Chetti. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Jordan tags out to Harry Smith. Spinning back kick from Harry Smith. Chetti tags out to Super Invader. Harry Smith hits a rolling kick on Invader. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Super Invader tries to get a big slam, but it is blocked when Harry goes to the eyes! Harry Smith quickly scores with a field-goal kick between the legs! Super Invader collapses! The referee didn't see the illegal blow! 1...2...3! Evan Karagias got screwed! Irish Wolfhounds come running down the aisle and into the ring! Harry turns...and gets floored by a clothesline. Jordan walks into a vicious boot to the face. Irish Wolfhounds set him up, and nail the Stereo Super Kick! Harry is grabbed...and he gets hit with the Stereo Super Kick as well! Irish Wolfhounds have done a number on them! My Opinion: Nothing special...nothing special at all. *1/4 Winner: The Really, Really New Midnight Express (Dames buys a sloppy double axe handle as a finisher, but he didn’t like the Repo Man match? Go figure. Super Invader is Joey Number who used to be Evan Karagias. Lizzy got all the lame masked gimmicks from the early nineties WCW in her deal, so Karagias is going to be performing under as a new gimmick every week. It should take him a couple years to cycle through all the horrible masked men he can be. We start with Super Invader, due to Scott Keith reminding me of him in a recent rant. He was Hercules Hernandez with panty hose on his head. Bad gimmick overall, perfect gimmick for the HSW. Post match, Harry Smith eats the pantyhose because he needs food. Orlando Jordan just walks around yelling at everybody and growling. That’s more irate than ostentatious, but keep trying.) Overall Rating: 62% Crowd Reaction: 54% Match Quality: 70% Deacon wanders backstage, amazed at all the changes. He runs into a guy wearing a long nightshirt with a knapsack slung over his shoulder. Deacon looks up…It’s the Sandman! Sandman is ecstatic to see Deacon. Where as ecstatic as he gets, which amounts to a “where the fuck have you been?” Don’t say fuck, say “what mommy and daddy do twice a month.” They’ve saddled him with this stupid gimmick of being an actual Sandman. He hasn’t had a drink in three months, because of the new rules. He’s kept his sanity by making moonshine on the side of out siphoned gas and Lizzy’s douche. Deacon is even more pissed off. This happy, crappy conservatism is not what he stands for. He stands for sex and drugs and more sex. Sandman says if he thinks this is bad, see who they stuck with him as the Blue Fairy. In walks KAOS! Kaos is wearing a blue fairy outfit with a wand and tiara. Kaos isn’t happy to see Deacon, because he fired him from XPW when he created the HSW (like anyone remembers that). Deacon tries to save face by saying that he’s happy to see he’s working and still…uh…gay. Kaos is not gay! Then why are you wearing a skirt? It’s not a skirt, it’s a leotard. Ok, how is that less gay? “Uh…can I get back to you on that?” Segment Rating: 73% I’LL GIVE YOU A RIDE SINGLES MATCH. TAKE THAT ANYONE YOU WANT. Kaos the Blue Fairy vs “Carless” Mark Jindrak. Match Background: None. The Match: Jindrak walks into a high dropkick from Kaos the Blue Fairy, almost losing several teeth in the process. Jindrak blocks a kick from Kaos the Blue Fairy. Jindrak hits a right hand. The referee bumps after catching a wild right hand and is down. Mark Jindrak scores with a big spinebuster. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is out and can't count to three! Kaos the Blue Fairy pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Kaos uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Spinning bulldog in the corner and Jindrak is down! There's a two count on the pin. Springboard dropkick from Kaos the Blue Fairy. Nicely done. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Jindrak ducks a wild right hand. Spinebuster by Mark Jindrak. Pin, but Kaos is out just before the three count. Kaos flips out of a Mark Jindrak bodyslam attempt. Kaos the Blue Fairy has Mark Jindrak down on the canvas. Here it comes...The Sweet Dreams! Mark Jindrak taps! Kaos the Blue Fairy leaves the ring and heads off down the aisle at speed. Kaos has the victory, and isn't hanging around for Mark Jindrak to look for revenge. My Opinion: Bad match which brought absolutely nothing to the table and was a waste of time. DUD. Winner: Kaos the Blue Fairy (“At speed” or “on speed.” And what speed? I mean Ahmed Johnson moves at the speed of a slug, but it’s still at a speed. Now if I had Nash, he’s mostly in stasis, so that’s ok. I knew if I didn’t keep Jindrak I’d get death threats. It’s sad that he’s more over as a carless putz in some dork’s fantasy fed than he is in real life. Kaos had to get to the back because Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is coming on. He still has not clue why people ask him to rearrange their closets.) Overall Rating: 54% Crowd Reaction: 53% Match Quality: 56% Jimmy Jack Spock and T’Pol are in the back for a promo on the Sandman. Spock points at the camera and speaks, “Sandman! We have both survived the devastation of the pink slip plague to once again battle on the fields of Eliza for the right to wear the title that the gods forged from the fires of Hades in the time before time! Don’t do the time if you can’t do the time, Sandman! Keep your eye on the sparrow!” Elizabeth Borden interrupts to remind the kids that they hate Spock and T’Pol, because they’re aliens. Why do we hate aliens? “Because they’re different from us!” And why is it bad to be different from us? “Because conformity is tubular!” Segment Rating: 79% MEET THE NEW BOSS SAME AS THE OLD BOSS WARMED OVER SINGLES MATCH FOR THE HSW WORLD TITLE Sandman vs Jimmy Jack Spock. Match Background: Sandman and Spock are currently feuding. Neither has managed to get an in-ring victory in this feud. This match is for the HSW World title. The Match: Some pretty weak shots by Sandman. Sandman hits some weak-looking punches in the corner, but Jimmy Jack Spock is able to block them and return the favor in spades. Sandman punches away at Jimmy Jack Spock. Big forearm by Sandman draws laughter from the crowd because it was THAT bad. Spock reverses a waistlock. Flying shoulder tackle by Spock sends Sandman CRASHING to the mat. Spinebuster by Jimmy Jack Spock. Covers for a quick two count. Sandman flips out of a Jimmy Jack Spock bodyslam attempt. Sandman DDTs Spock in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that Jimmy Jack Spock's head didn't touch the mat at all. Hooks the leg for a two count. Sandman connects with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Does everyone use that move these days? Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Spock backdrops Sandman out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Jimmy Jack Spock. Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Jimmy Jack Spock ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Sandman blocks a kick from Jimmy Jack Spock. Sandman punches away at Jimmy Jack Spock. Sandman grapples with Jimmy Jack Spock, and positions himself so that the referee can't see...and hits a low blow! He rolls up the stunned Jimmy Jack Spock: 1....2....3!! What a cheap shot! The fight has started up again! Sandman attacks Spock, and they brawl all around ringside, then into the crowd! They eventually disappear backstage, still fighting. My Opinion: You barely escaped a DUD rating. 1/4*. (The kids weren’t laughing at the forearm. They were laughing at Sandman’s nightshirt flipping up and showing his BUTT. If there’s one thing we’ve learned from the new HSW is that naked butts = ratings. Does anyone use the crappy standing spinebuster anymore, Dames? Apparently you don’t watch RAW. I think I’ll make a tag team of one guy who just does a standing spinebuster and another guy who only uses a sleeper hold. We’ll call them The World’s Greatest Triple H-esque Tag Team! Let me also tell you Dames that Spock was trying to channel Luger there. His name is Jimmy Jack Spock for crying out loud, think about it. Man, I’m ripping Dames about as much as I ripped Keith. Nothing against you man, you’re my brother from another mother and all, it’s just the way commentary comes out, I had a stronger engine in my old K-car.) Overall Rating: 72% Crowd Reaction: 82% Match Quality: 51% Overall Show Rating: 67% (because Lizzy would not allow a 69) T.V. Rating: 1.37 Attendance: 419 children who were promised chocolate rabbits, but got caramelized opossums instead.

Before Crisis, DC was a multi-verse. The golden age heroes lived on one earth, the modern heroes another, the Shazam family another, etc. In the "main" DC universe a villain known as the Monitor showed up and began marshalling weapons and people for some strange reason. Eventually it was revealed that his brother the Anti-Monitor from an anti-matter dimension was destroying the mutli-verse one universe at a time. Monitor got together the best heroes from what universes he could and marshaled an attack on the Anti-Monitor. While the Anti-Monitor was defeated, only one universe remained, which is what DC is today more or less, with most heroes getting a reboot and histories rewritten. Several heroes died during Crisis, most notably Supergirl and Barry Allen. The Golden Age Superman was teleported to a pocket dimension by Lex Luthor's son from Earth 3, who was the key in beating the Anti-Monitor along with his Lois and Monitor's lackey Pariah. Crisis was done to streamline continuity and get DC into one self contained universe with a strict lineage of charcters. This occured in 1985 and a further streamlining took place some ten years later with Zero Hour.

who achieved greater fame in Japan as did JUNGLE JIM STEELE.

who dropped the WCW world title to RON SIMMONS.

well, that's a different guy, but still, and the original Lord Humongous was SID.

It's In-a-Gadda-Da-Vida by Iron Butterfly. I just played it on my keyboard to verify.

I want to see researched proof of this phenomenon. I would also have to think that if a movie was good, the gross would go up do to the instant word of mouth. They also gloss over the fact that movies like the Hulk and Charlie's Angels did big business in their first weeks and suffered their huge drops the second weekend, like traditional word of mouth. This is so grasping at straws and illogical.

Friday the 13th the series got its name as they explained in the pilot, Jason's hockey mask and knife came from the store and were cursed relics that turned him into the monster he became. I actually really liked the show and remember a lot of the episodes. Nightmare Cafe really wasn't exactly as NoCalMike said, but he was on the right track. Englund played a mysterious restaurant owner named Blacky who took in two dead souls as his cook and waitress. The restaurant would then travel to a new city every week and they would help others with their problems through the powers of the restaurant. The t.v. could show the future and the doors could open anywhere on the past. Once the two souls helped enough people, they would be allow to enter the after life. It was kind of like a dark Highway to Heaven. I remember seeing ads for the Freddy series, but don't think I watched it.

who was managed in the AWA by PERCY PRINGLE (you want to make things more creative, start linking the exact gimmick. Meaning you can't use Paul Bearer, you have to link someone to him as Pringle.)

your syntax was off. They way it read, it sounded like you were saying it was both Jeter and Duvall's last role.

who jobbed out BROTHER LOVE at the last ppv.

Nope, born and bread in Lima, Ohio. He might have been billed as from Texas at one time, but he's never lived there. My friend's girlfriend is from Lima and knows him along with a lot of his family that lives there. Think about it, why would anyone purposely move to Lima, Ohio?

can I link both Duggan and McMichael? Sure, they both used a tackle from a three point stance for a finisher as did RON SIMMONS for a time.

Thanks for the feedback guys. I defintely agree that the strongest points of the movie are Newman's acting and the cinematography and lighting. You usually don't see a film with such confined sets with such brilliant camera work and epic cinematography. Definetly worth watching the movie for alone.

For one Duvall isn't dead and for two he's already got another film coming out this winter with Michael Caine called Secondhand Lions. He's also making a movie currently with Dustin Hoffman called The Lost City, set in pre-Castro Cuba.