Thoth

A cloud of white fog lifts slowly from under the SmarkTron BOOM BOOM BOOM A fountain of white pyro’s explode from the entranceway as a familiar tune Blasts over the speakers at the Dublin Arena LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOOOOOOORRRR!!!! ~pop~ A slight crackle is heard as a flicker is seen on the SmarkTron. Suddenly the image of Carnage appears on the screen. A harsh, raspy voice is heard speaking in dull monotone in the background. “They say I am a monster” he begins as the image of Austin Sly being Tombstoned flashes over the screen. “They say I have no soul… no conscience!” the voice continues as the image cuts to Andrea Montgomery being Tombstoned. “But I am not the monster that I have been portrayed to be” he states as the screen flicks to a grainy news reel style footage of Carnage being released from the Oakdale mental institution. A group of reporters hurry in with camera’s in an effort to get comments from the medical personal, but are waved off before Carnage is escorted off the grounds…still restrained in a straight jacket. “I spent nine long years in a mental institution against my will. I was subjected to countless indignities by the so-called medical professionals. They claimed I was mad!” The voice exclaims as a still image of a newspaper article on Carnage joining the SWF flashes over the screen. “So they released me to the care of a state approved guardian. A man who they felt would help me work my way back into mainstream society…a man they would refer to only as name withheld!” The name with held remark echoes several times as the camera zooms into the news clipping line about Carnage being released to the care of a state appointed Guardian (name withheld) “What they didn’t realize was my guardian would be able to find a place for me. The only place a man like me could ever truly fit in…” The screen flashes to the SWF Logo, then to Carnage winning the Hardcore Gamers Championship. “And what they could never have realized was that this man was a former manager for the SWF. An evil genius who would take me farther than I dreamed possible even under the influence of the strongest medications” The screen flashes with the image of Carnage winning the chance of a lifetime match to become the number one challenger for the SWF Worlds Heavyweight Championship “And now only one man stands between me and my destiny…one undersized wrestler will attempt to deny me my birth right…the SWF Worlds Heavyweight Championship…and that man…is…” The screen cuts to a recent Toxxic introduction. The Straight Edge Sensation is seen standing in the center of the ring in all his glory “Toxxic” The camera flashes a blurry collage of brutal attacks and after match beat downs courtesy of the SWF resident psychopath. The camera cuts to a shot of Carnage sitting in the back of a limo and someone giving him a pen to sign a contract. “With my SWF title match guaranteed, my guardian finally consented to manage me in my SWF endeavors. An eerily familiar voice is heard in the background as he hands Carnage the pen “Sign here” he says and the camera zooms into Carnage signing the contract. The camera stops at a medium shot of Carnage…still adorned in his straight jacket…sitting at a table and speaking directly to the camera. He is of course still wearing his mask, but the intensity in his eyes is brutally visible. “Toxxic…I hope you take me lightly…I hope you underestimate me…because soon we will meet in the ring…and I promise you, I will not be denied.” The light fades from the SmarkTron as SWF Storm goes to break.

Of all people, KORGATH is the first one to wish Happy birthday. Wow.

Word Limit: 7000 Marker: Thoth OH NO YOU DIDN'T

I wasn't faking. But this was the first time I was drunk, so I was going overboard.

I'm just shocked I got voted in. I don't think I ever did anything to stand out, so to be acknowledged like this, ahead of people like Danny Williams, PDS, Nielsen, and hell, even G, is truly an honor. I have been with this fed since the spring after Genesis I. I was a senior in high school. But only now, after all these years, do I feel like I "belong". I don't feel like I have a lot to boast about; I have faults both as a booker and as a person to talk to for outside-the-fed things. For that I do sincerely apologize. Again, thank you very much.

Who the fuck is this turd?

hshwowo IU tiredd to type dshowwff but I tjguicmedk it up shgwoff Dmami ti anca type ' This si gun okay u you none of you will lisrne to me

I could uoutwittye you drunk We never wrot eKing YUou freak Tell us about the girl you fucked who lked to talk about nromal daily shit during sex That shit awas htot

HOW baaouhtt you go fuck yourself you dunk[pkb aysusiuse shit I mena whu foens;t rthe rreutn rbuttn send meessaages Stop fuckuing gf my giurlufndufrbdndd AIDS AIDSA DIDAID ISAA EVEYTONE HAS ADIs AIDSA DIS AIDS I AM WHI OAIUAM AIA SA IDnrbk Do not call the ambulanbce i a fine Nubtut I havin am having a orrorloiiccking good time

I've known about this for a while now... truth be told, Sarah wasn't the one who flipped out, LDP was. I know that now from hearing both sides of the equation.

I think it's high time we establish a new Kliq. Down with the Edwin/King/X/Thugg lovefest. Up with Zed/Thoth/Kibagami/MaybeTNTNotReallySure/OtherPeople!

I am participating.

The Smartmarks wrestling Federation presents... SWF LOCKDOWN, WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 27TH, LIVE FROM THE AIR CANADA CENTRE IN TORONTO, ONTARIO! (5:00pm PDT, 8:00pm EDT; check local listings) Send marked matches, promos, etc. to 5_moves_of_doom Opening Promo: Up for grabs MAIN EVENT ANOTHER NON-TITLE MATCH Toxxic vs Manson Toxxic is left to defend the honor of Rev-0, as Manson has been tearing through it. If Manson wins, will he get a title shot in the near future? And will a painted target with the words “Property of Revolution Zero” be drawn on him? Rules: DQ and countout apply. Word Limit: 5500 Send To: 5_moves_of_doom NON-TITLE MATCH “The Icon” Max King vs Todd Cortez The Canadian champion has arrived in Canada! That is, if he hasn’t changed the name of the belt yet. I remember once I changed the name of it to the Clan Championship, and no one cared. Yeah, that was cool. This match was made at the request of Max King, so perhaps he has something planned? Rules: DQ and countout apply. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: realitycheck CHANCE OF A LIFETIME FOUR CORNERS MATCH FOR A SHOT AT THE SWF CHAMPIONSHIP Sean Davis vs Austin Sly vs Uncle Filthy vs Carnage In my opinion, these four have been floating around in the mid/undercard. No more. The winner of this match will actually get a shot at the SWF Championship. Rules: Only two men in the ring at the same time. Can tag out to either of the two wrestlers on the apron. First pin or submission wins. Word Limit: 6000 Send To: Suicide King CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins” vs Danny Dagda Another member of Revolution Zero is in action, defending his title. If he loses, it could be a bad portent for Toxxic in our main event. Rules: DQ and countout apply. Word Limit: 5500 Send To: chirs3 HALLOWEEN-THEMED WOMEN’S MATCH Andrea Montgomery vs Annie Eclectic Neither woman is the Women’s Champion, but since women are inherently evil, these two will face each other in the hopes that the world can be made that much safer. Who will win and prove that they are... more evil? Rules: DQ and countout apply. Each wrestler must come out in costume. Hopefully sexy costumes, because the sole purpose of women on this earth is to please men. The ring will be dressed with Halloween decorations like cobwebs and pumpkins. Word Limit: 5000 Send To: Thoth DOES JD CARE MATCH Landon Maddix and a baseball bat vs Jamie Drazon This match is to determine if Jay Dawg is active. I like Landon Maddiz which is why I gave him a baseball bat. He can write if he wants to, I really don’t care, but I didn’t book him in anything else, I figure what the hell. Anyway, if JD writes anything, I will not post what Maddix wrote, unless he writes a haiku, which I will rewrite to say “I hate ethnicities”. Rules: None really Word Limit: 1000 Send To: Thoth

Right click

I'm pretty sure Danny had the cruiserweight thing. If not... well, you know, I love bees.

No DNS's... cool. The Grudge is a funny feel-good romp.

STORM ...IS... LIVE!!!! The latest edition of SWF Storm hits the air, and as the St. Petersberg Times Arena crowd scream and raise their signs for the viewing audience, we waste no time getting into the show as the lights go dark and Mastodon's "Crusher Destroyer" blasts from the speakers, to the accompaniment multi-coloured strobes. Soon enough, Manson walks out to a big ovation. However, instead of throwing up a fist in the air as usual, he stomps straight down to the ring. "Welcome, one and all, to SWF Storm from Tampa Bay, Florida!" shouts Comet. "Out comes Manson, who will be taking on Revolution Zero's Spike Jenkins later tonight!" "Max King… okay. Annie Eclectic… sure. Stryke… why not? But there's no way Manson will be able to overcome Revolution Zero's numbers tonight, much less our new Cruiserweight Champion, Spike Jenkins!" Riley says with all confidence. "Well, Mansonosity continues to surprise, so let us see what happens…" Manson rolls into the ring and throws off his leather jacket to the outside, as he walks over near the lower right corner and grabs a microphone. He paces the ring, fists clenched, one clutching the mic, before finally raising it up to his face. "Shut that music off! I've got some things to get off my chest!" screams Manson, as he comes to a stop in the middle of the ring. "If you've noticed… since Genesis, I've had all of two matches. I defeated that bitch Max King at Genesis… and he gets a shot at the ICTV Title. What do I get, you ask?" questions Manson, as the crowd shrugs their shoulders. "I'll tell you what I got… I received a match against Johnny Dangerous. You ask what's so bad about that, well, do you recall the match ever happening? You don't? That's because the fucking thing was cancelled out of nowhere!" screams Manson in his gravelly voice again, as the crowd lightly boos the decision. "You know what happened on the next two shows? Do you? I was not even booked, as creative control claimed they had NOTHING for me… Next was the returning Annie Onita, who I was able to defeat easily… On Lockdown, she gets the main event slot, and I got fucking goddamn Stryke!" he says before running a hand through his hair, and the crowd boos again The voice of Comet breaks in, "Well, he does have a point here… although I can do without the cursing. There are impressionable youngsters watching…" "We have an anthropomorphic lesbian ferreasel creature on our payroll. I think people know what they're getting into when they watch." "Simply put, it's all bullshit… I get no respect from CC, no respect from anyone in the back. But tonight, I'm gonna use Spike Jenkins to make a statement, to prove to creative control, to prove to Suicide King, that I fucking belong and deserve some fucking recognition!" Manson says, the crowd cheering his words, as he drops the mic to the mat… "Manson making a stern promise to use Spike as an example of what he can do tonight…" Comet says. "There's no way he can get this done tonight… He hasn't faced anything like Revolution Zero in a long time," Riley comments. However, just as Manson prepares to exit the ring, every light in the arena turns to full power as the SmarkTron whites out. For a moment the only sound is that of a needle scratching over vinyl... then a deep voice booms out over the PA system: 'WEL-WEL-W-W-WELCOME TO THE REVOLUTION!' "Oh, no… Revolution Zero making their way out here to confront Manson… Predictable…" Comet sighs. Immediately the crashing guitars of "Battle Ready" by Otep come in and a flash of lightning apparently strikes down from the heavens, hitting the stage and causing gold and red pyro blasts to erupt from the stage. The Smarktron features half-second clips of its members' matches, as the Cruiserweight champion "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins, Marcus Washington, Jet and World Heavyweight Champion Toxxic enter the arena and head down the ramp. Between each clip, the SmarkTron goes white again and again, the 'Revolution' and 'Zero' alternating on the screen behind Toxxic and Spike, as they enter the ring. Manson quickly reaches down and grabs the mic back off the ground, making sure to keep his distance from Rev-0 as they move past him and grab a mic of their own. "Revolution Zero out here without Sean Davis tonight, I note," Comet points out. "I suspect that man would not be well-received in Florida after his shameful actions in college." "Comet, Washington proved his innocence," Riley says in tones of severely-tested patience. Meanwhile, Toxxic has liberated another microphone from Funyon and turns to face the angry Hate Machine. "Hey, Manson... don't hold back, tell us how you really feel." "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "TOXX-IC SUCKS!" "TOXX-IC SUCKS!" "I can understand why you're frustrated," Toxxic tells Manson. "You've spent all this time in the SJL and SWF, dutifully plugging away for the bosses, no questions asked, yet you've achieved a shockingly small amount. A USJL title run of no real note, a poor attendance record, a vocabulary that would make Neilsen of the Jungle blush... and you complain about being 'overlooked?'" the Straight-Edge Sensation finishes in tones of mock-incredulity. "Manson, you're not being overlooked - CC simply took a long, hard look at you and decided they could do much better!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "TOXX-IC SUCKS!" "TOXX-IC SUCKS!" "And as for beating Ann Onita," Toxxic continues, "do me a favour. Have you ever head of 'ring rust'? Come on, Kibagami came back and was promptly defeated by Alan Clark! Sunshine, you’d have no more chance against Ann Onita when she was fit and ready than she would have against me!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Manson steps forward to deal out some retribution, but finds his path blocked by Spike Jenkins. The junior straight-edger takes the microphone from his mentor, focuses on the angry, bearded man in front of him and gets ready to dispense some pearls of wisdom. "You’re looking at the new Cruiserweight Champion!" Spike tells Manson, pointing to the shiny title around his waist, "but that title won't be on the line tonight, because you’re just not worth it! And you know why that is?" Spike looks around at the Tampa crowd, for all the world as if expecting them to chorus 'Why?' like the audience of the Uncle Filthy show. When no such response is forthcoming Hollywood sneers and returns his gaze to the man in front if him. "Because Manson equals nothing... and Hollywood equals ratings!" Manson tilts his head to one side, his black hair partially obscuring his face - then suddenly the squat superstar bursts into action as he quickly drives a right hand into Spike’s jaw! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Spike staggers back but recovers and retaliates with an elbow smash that knocks Manson’s head to one side, but otherwise doesn’t seem to faze the Hate Machine. Within seconds the two men are exchanging blows, but just as Toxxic seems about to weigh in on Spike’s side what looks like all the referees and agents in the SWF hit the ring and pull the two brawling superstars apart, leaving the crowd chanting "MANSON! MANSON! MANSON!" as we FADE OUT

“Citizens, we’re back on SWF Storm and boy-oh-boy is it heating up in here!” Comet shouts, trying to fan his face under his mask. “We’ve had a truly fantastic night so far but now we’ve got to the main event - can history repeat itself? Will Alan Clark pull off the upset win or will Toxxic continue on his way and gain revenge for the loss that has been smarting since February? We’ll find out in scant moments!” “Speak for yourself; I already know the answer,” Riley snorts. “Clark should have stuck to parading around in a Mickey Mouse costume...” The opening notes of Incubus’ ‘Pardon Me’ begin to play and Alan Clark’s face appears on the Smarktron, expression focused and his smirk in place. As the first line comes in, Alan mouths along... ‘Pardon me, while I burst- *BOOOM!!* -intoo-oooo flames... Pyro explodes from around the entranceway and Alan Clark steps through the smoke, pausing for a moment to take in the crowd. Tampa Bay rises in response and gives the former Wayward Son a proper welcome back to active competition! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Clark smiles as he walks down the ramp, and in the ring Funyon raises his microphone. “Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first from Long Beach, California; weighing in at 230lbs, this is ALAN... CLAAARRRRK!!” Clark hops up to the apron and through the ropes, then shakes hands with Anthony Michael Hall and says hi to Funyon, but never without losing the look of focus. This isn’t going to be an easy first match back for Clark, but he’s ready. “And his opponent...” The Smarktron whites out as the opening chord of ‘Rookie’ by Boy Sets Fire crashes through the arena. The screen swiftly darkens to black, and as it does so jagged white letters flash up a familiar slogan one word at a time: ‘PREPARE TO BE PROVED WRONG...’ The shot changes and becomes the top of a spiky-haired head that raises to stare out at the arena with two steel-grey eyes. Toxxic flashes his trademark lopsided grin at the camera and the shot cuts to various highlights of his career - the All-Show Brawl with Insane Luchador, the Glass Jawbreaker on Aecas, a Caffeine Bomb to Kibagami and the Super Intoxxication that won him the World Title - then cuts to Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table with the Toxxic Shock Syndrome as red pyro blasts climb the ramp, the devastating landing timed to coincide with the final, stagewide eruption- *BAM-BAM-BAM-bap[/b][/b]-BOOOM!!*[/b][/b] -that signifies the arrival of the SWF’s premier straight-edger! Toxxic strides through the residual smoke from his pyro blast and, just like Clark, stops for a moment to look around at the arena. His reception is somewhat different, however: “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” The Straight-Edge Sensation sneers and sets off towards the ring, World Title slung over one shoulder and Jet following behind. “...accompanied to the ring by Jet,” Funyon continues, “from Nottingham, England; he weighs in at 218lbs and is the leader of Revolution Zero and the SWF WORLD... HEAVYWEIGHT... CHAMPION... the ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’... TOSt. Petersburg Times ArenaXXX-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Toxxic rolls under the second rope and pops back up to his feet, then stands in the middle of the ring waiting for the first verse to come in and his second set of pyros to go off... ...they never do. Instead, ‘Rookie’ suddenly cuts out and another tune begins playing. Slower. Quieter. “What in the name of Zeus...” Comet whispers. Toxxic stiffens as the familiar notes ring out. The Straight-Edge Sensation doesn’t need to turn around to know the Smarktron is showing is displaying an excerpt from ‘The Art of War’. The chants say it all. “SIIIIIIIII-LENT...” “SIIIIIIIII-LENT...” ‘The River Dragon Has Come’ by Nevermore continues to float softly around the St. Petersburg Times Arena... and Toxxic does turn around. World Title dangling from one hand, the Straight-Edge Sensation stares up at the entrance ramp with, at first, shocked disbelief. Then his eyes narrow and his jaw sets, and as the music continues he visibly braces himself for the explosion of pyro as the distortion kicks in... ... ...but it doesn’t. Instead the familiar words hang there, challenging, as Nevermore fades out... and as Toxxic stares, Alan Clark leaps into action. *DING-DING-DING!* “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Blasphemy!” Riley shouts as the man from Long Beach cannons into the back of the transfixed World Champion and Hall calls for the bell. “That’s a cheap shot!” “Alan Clark’s new motto is apparently ‘whatever it takes’,” Comet reminds his broadcast partner. “It’s not like Toxxic hasn’t been warned!” The World Title drops from Toxxic’s fingers and skitters under the ropes where it is fielded by Jet, who has already started to yell at referee Hall for letting Clark’s initial attack go unpunished. The official makes no response however, and Alan bundles Toxic back into the corner before unloading knife-edge chops into the World Champion! *CRACK!* “WHOOOOOO!” *CRACK!* “WHOOOOOO!” *CRACK!* “WHOOOOOO!” Clark steps back for a moment, grins at the crowd and then leaps up to plant his feet into Toxxic’s chest and backflips away, hitting the straight-edger with a corner dropsault! “Kodak moment!” Comet shouts as Clark lands perfectly on his feet and several dozen camera flashes appropriately go off. “Flash photography is banned!” Riley screams. “You’ll blind the champion!” Alan Clark steps forward again and grabs Toxxic’s wrist, then jerks backwards and sends the Straight-Edge Sensation hurtling across the ring with an Irish whip to the far corner. Toxxic isn’t taking this lying down however, and as he reaches the turnbuckles he vaults up to the top rope and comes flying back, flooring Clark with the diving clothesline known as the Role Reversal! Both men skid on their backs across the ring, then Toxxic’s legs coil up under his chin and the straight-edger kips up explosively! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Clark is already rising, but Toxxic takes the time to rip his shirt off and wave the ‘Prepare To Be Proved Wrong’ logo in the hippy’s face before throwing it carelessly over the top rope. Then the World Champion steps in and- *WHAM!* -delivers a stunning European uppercut that staggers Clark back towards the ropes. Alan tries to catch his balance but Toxxic follows in with another- *WHAM!* -that knocks his opponent into the cables. “You see Comet, Toxxic is already back on top,” Riley says superciliously, as if he wasn’t the one crying foul at the start of the match. “Those chops could have only had a minor effect on a man wearing a shirt, and now the Hot Commodity is taking it to this upstart hippy.” “We shall see Robert,” Comet says quietly, “we shall see...” Toxxic grabs Alan and goes to whip him across the ring, but Clark manages to reverse the momentum and sends the straight-edger in instead. Toxxic rebounds and heads straight back for his opponent, but at the last moment Clark turns side-on and scoops the onrushing World Champion up in a sidewalk slam position before dropping to one knee and driving Toxxic’s back into the other! “Railbreaker!” Comet calls in pleased surprise as Toxxic bounces off Clark’s knee and rolls across the ring clutching his spine. “Just like that, the momentum has shifted again!” With the idea that it probably can’t hurt, Clark takes a couple of quick steps towards the downed Toxxic, turns his back on him and then performs a standing moonsault, landing on top of the Straight-Edge Sensation for the pin! ONE! TWO!! -but Toxxic kicks out right after Hall’s hand finds the canvas for the second time, and Clark gets nothing but the applause of the crowd. “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* Clark’s smirk returns to his face as he hauls Toxxic back up to his feet and places the straight-edger in a front facelock. Alan braces himself for a moment, then snaps his body backwards and takes Toxxic over with a vicious snap suplex! The impact clearly jars the spine of the World Champion; however Clark isn’t done yet and retains the front facelock before rolling back up to his feet. He hoists Toxxic into the air again... but this time the lift is slower, and Toxxic is able to kick his legs in midair to shake himself loose of Clark’s grasp before landing behind the startled hippy, reaching up to lace his hands around Alan’s forehead and sitting out into the Underkill! The back of Clark’s skull bounces off the canvas, and as Toxxic rolls away to give his back a couple of seconds to recover a familiar chant starts up. “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” Toxxic pushes himself back up, watching Clark out of the corner of his eye as he does so. The man from California is also rising, but his initial flurry has got Toxxic really pissed off now and the Straight-Edge Sensation steps in to deal out some retribution. Alan gets back to his feet and turns around into a RIGHT! LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT! Toxxic steps back, flips the v-sign at Clark and then steps in with the Discus clothesline... ...but Clark ducks! Toxxic staggers as his momentum carries him forward, then spins around only to find Alan Clark still on his feet and ready for some payback. *CRACK!* The kick snaps into Toxxic’s ribs, driving the breath from the straight-edger’s lungs. *CRACK!* Another one, and Toxxic is starting to have recollections of his matches with Kibagami. *CRACK!* Left-footed this time, and the blow brings tears to Toxxic’s eyes... but for all his efforts Clark is no Kibagami, and his rhythm is predictable. *whump* This time, Toxxic catches Clark’s boot as it swings towards him, and leaves the former Wayward Son balancing precariously on one foot. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Toxxic’s lopsided grin creeps over his face, but Alan Clark isn’t done yet. He leaps into the air, aiming an enzuigiri at Toxxic’s head... ...that passes clean over the straight-edger’s skull as Toxxic ducks in anticipation. Clark lands on the same leg, but he is now facing away from his opponent and in a very compromising situation indeed. Toxxic shoves him away and Clark stumbles, then turns back to try and avoid being blindsided- *CRACK!* -but just receives a headbutt for his troubles! The force of the blow knocks Clark down to the canvas where he lands in a sitting position, but Toxxic staggers back as well clutching his head. “Well, I think our World Champion may have learned something of a lesson here,” Comet notes. “Alan Clark isn’t Andrea Montgomery, and Toxxic isn’t going to regain the advantage in this match through brawling when his opponent is, if anything, stronger than him!” “The Hot Commodity is a man of many means, Comet,” Riley asserts. “He’s already formulating a plan that will ensure the downfall of Alan Clark!” Toxxic shakes his head to clear it and looks over at where Clark is seated on the canvas. One option springs immediately to mind and so the Straight-Edge Sensation darts forward, leaving his feet to drive a basement dropkick into his opponent’s head. The impact snaps Alan’s head back and leaves him prostrate on the canvas, while Toxxic gets back to his feet with an ache in his head and back but the satisfactory feeling of a job well done. “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” The chants start to rise in the arena again, but Toxxic simply flips a v-sign at the assembled fans and then makes for the nearest turnbuckle, vaulting to the top and then diving back in one fluid motion, aiming a fist at Alan Clark’s head. The blow connects and Clark spasms away from the impact while Toxxic blows on his knuckles and considers his next move. This appears to involve pulling Alan Clark back to his feet, as Toxxic does just that before taking hold of Clark’s head and dropping to drive it into his knee- *CRUNCH!* -then snaring the Californian hippy in a front facelock. However, before Toxxic can fall back into a DDT and complete the Sobering Thought Alan Clark wraps his arms around the Straight-Edge Sensation’s waist and bridges backwards with the Northern Sunset! *WHAM!* Clark retains the bridge for the pin, and Anthony Michael Hall drops to count... ONE! TWO!! ...but Toxxic kicks out again, and the St. Petersburg Times Arena lets out another sigh of disappointment. Before the Straight-Edge Sensation can get any further however, Clark manages to clamp a grounded front facelock on and the two cruiserweights lie in the middle of the ring with Toxxic trying to break free while Clark holds on grimly, giving himself time to recover and plan for his next move. “A rip-roaring contest so far Citizens, and by no means the easy ride Toxxic may have been expecting,” Comet notes. “However, neither man has as yet had enough sustained offence to gain a real advantage.” “Toxxic’s winning on points though,” Riley argues, “and points mean prizes!” “...” Outside the ring, Jet starts banging on the apron to try and encourage her man to greater efforts in his attempts to break Clark’s facelock. However, Alan Clark is stronger than the World Champion and at the moment his grip appears to be inescapable, at least for a wrestler as unskilled in mat wrestling as Toxxic. All around the two combatants the chants start to rise again... “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* Alan Clark shakes his head one more time to clear it and forces himself to concentrate on the situation in hand. He knows that there is only so long that he can hold onto Toxxic for and so he starts to cautiously edge up to his feet, although he remains ready to clamp back down on the straight-edger should he show any sign of escaping. Toxxic is struggling but doesn’t seem to be able to get away, so Clark takes the chance to fire off a couple of punches into the rookie’s ribs before throwing Toxxic’s right arm over his shoulders, grabbing the waist of Toxxic’s trousers in his left hand and snapping backwards- *BANG!* -to take the World Champion over with another snap suplex! Before the motion has fully ceased Clark is already rolling back to his feet and dragging Toxxic with him. This time the straight-edger isn’t able to counter out, and Clark hoists him up high in the air with a stalling suplex, holds him there for three... four... five seconds... then drops back to the canvas once again! *BANG!* “Alan Clark is going for the Multiplex here,” Comet calls in excitement. “Let’s see if he can pull it off!” “I’d like to see Toxxic pull-” Riley begins eagerly. ”ROBERT RILEY, IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR TEETH I SUGGEST YOU SHUT THEM RIGHT NOW!!” Toxxic’s back is clearly hurting him now, but Clark keeps going and hauls the Straight-Edge Sensation up one more time. The hippy measures the distance to the nearest ropes before hoisting Toxxic into the air again, turning 90 degrees and bouncing him off the top cable to swing back over with added momentum and crash into the canvas for the third and final time! *BANG!* “SLING-SHOT SU-PLEX!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “SLING-SHOT SU-PLEX!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “Shades of Alan’s old tag and stable partner Coy West there,” Comet laughs as Clark gets back up and waves at the crowd who have risen to their feet in acknowledgement of the ancient move. “Now, can he follow up and put Toxxic away?” Alan seems to be wondering the same thing, as he drops back to the canvas and hooks Toxxic’s far leg while Anthony Michael Hall dives down to make the count... ONE! TWO!! TH- -but Toxxic kicks out! “The third cover of the match from Citizen Clark, and Toxxic has yet to make one,” Comet declares in rising excitement. “Could we be seeing a greater aggressive streak from Alan than the World Champion?” “Nah,” Riley snorts dismissively, “Toxxic just isn’t wasting his time covering Clark this early in the match.” “But Robert, forcing your opponent to kick out can make them use up valuable energy,” Comet says earnestly. “Yeah, I know. Toxxic’s so good he doesn’t need to do that,” Riley covers. Alan Clark looks slightly disappointed at the lack of a three count, but he pulls Toxxic back up to his feet nevertheless only to scoop the World Champion up and send him back to the mat with a sit-out scoop slam! The impact causes Toxxic to writhe in pain as his battered back bounces off the canvas and Alan Clark looks around in satisfaction as the crowd chants his name. “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “Citizen Clark is certainly going to town on the back of the so-called ‘Straight-Edge Sensation’,” Comet notes, “a wise strategy given that it will neutralise any of the lifting-based moves that Toxxic would otherwise be able to employ against a fellow cruiserweight, as well as limiting the World Champion’s mobility and setting him up for Clark’s finishers.” “Working a body part to set up your finisher,” Riley spits scathingly, “what a novel idea!” Clark rolls Toxxic over onto his front, then turns and runs for the ropes. The man from Long Beach jumps up to the second cable, then backflips towards his opponent as an inch-perfect Lionsault homes in on the rookie’s back... ...well, it would have been inch-perfect if Toxxic had stayed where he was put. As it is the Straight-Edge Sensation has rolled out of the way, and Clark lands ribs-first on the canvas. *BANG!* The wind is momentarily driven from Alan Clark’s lungs and the former Disney employee coughs heartily as he struggles to breath again. It takes a couple of seconds for Alan to push himself back to his feet, and by that time he’s lost his opponent. Alan turns in a half-circle, trying to spot the elusive straight-edger... ...who suddenly dives off a turnbuckle at him, wraps his legs around Clark’s head and takes him over with a hurricanrana! “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” Clark’s head crashes into the canvas and he skids across the ring, but the momentum the move gives him helps him to scramble back up almost immediately. His head is spinning though, and he doesn’t quite have the time to recover before- *WHAM!* -a European uppercut snaps his head back and drives him into the corner. “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” Toxxic sucks indeed... but only air, as the battered World Champion struggles to regain the upper hand. His back is killing him, and although he has Clark reeling at the moment he’s going to have to step up his offence before the hippy starts fighting back. In an attempt to keep his opponent off-balance the straight-edger grabs him and Irish whips Clark across the ring to the far turnbuckles, then charges in after him. Alan slams into the buckles backfirst which knocks the breath from his body again, but almost immediately Toxxic crashes into him with a leg lariat! The Straight-Edge Sensation actually manages to roll backwards over the top rope and land on his feet on the apron after the impact, but Clark staggers forward out of the corner, clutching his throat. Fighting desperately against his back, which is in no mood to co-operate, Toxxic scrambles to the top buckle and reaches out to grab the wobbling Clark in a reverse headlock, then swings out and down to drive the back of the Californian’s head into the mat with a tornado reverse DDT! *WHAM!* “Final Shine!” Riley shouts as Toxxic reaches across his opponent’s body and hooks the leg, “now he’ll cover him, Comet!” ONE! TWO!! ...but Alan Clark kicks out, much to the relief of Tampa Bay! “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* Toxxic fires a glare at Anthony Michael Hall but the referee remains unmoved, and the straight-edger grudgingly continues. With Clark down on the mat Toxxic clamps the rear headlock on again and hauls upwards, trying to drag his opponent to his feet. Despite the strain on Toxxic’s back Clark’s body rises up, arced unnaturally backwards, and Toxxic holds him there for a moment before dropping to one knee and driving the other into the back of Alan’s neck. The rookie pops straight back up again, bringing Clark with him, then drops all the way down to the canvas and drills the Californian into the mat with another inverted DDT to complete the Detoxx. The impact of sitting out seems to have jarred something in Toxxic’s spine but the damage is greater to Alan Clark’s head and neck, and the man in white half-rolls away from his tormentor with his arms wrapped protectively around his skull, clearly in pain. Toxxic grimaces as his back complains again, but his expression clears as he sees the state of his opponent. “That’s better, now we’re cooking with gas!” Riley laughs. “I strongly doubt you’ll see Alan Clark get back into the match after this!” Toxxic doesn’t intend to give Clark a chance to gather his thoughts; the World Champion grabs his opponent and brings him up again, then whips Clark into the ropes. Alan hits them and rebounds at increased speed, but whatever blow he was aiming at Toxxic’s head misses when the Straight-Edge Sensation squirms to one side at the last moment, then snares Clark as if for a neckbreaker as the Californian passes him. However, instead of sitting out Toxxic twists around whilst still holding Alan’s head and drives it into his knee, then clamps on a front facelock and drops backwards- *CRUNCH-WHAM!* -this time managing to hit the Sobering Thought as he spikes Clark’s head into the mat with a DDT! “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” Toxxic ignores the shouts of his detractors as he covers Alan again, making sure to hook the leg... ONE! TWO!! TH- -but Alan isn’t going down this easily, and he manages to get one shoulder off the canvas! The St. Petersburg News Arena erupts in cheers at seeing its least favourite wrestler denied once more, and the pro-Clark chants start up again. “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* Toxxic looks even less happy this time, but starts to pull Clark back up again anyway. The Straight-Edge Sensation simply tucks his head underneath Alan’s jaw and then drops to his knees, favouring this option over his normal sitout jawbreaker to cushion the blow to his spine. The move still has a bad effect on Clark, who drops back to the canvas clutching his face, and Toxxic pushes himself back up as quickly as possible and runs for the turnbuckles. The young World Champion can no longer vault up to the top rope with the ease of early in the match, but he scrambles up as quickly as possible and then corkscrews back, looking to drop the Hangover across Clark’s throat... *BANG!* ...and he manages it! The force of the landing seems to jar his spine again, but as Toxxic hooks Alan’s leg it seems like the pain may be worth it... ONE! TWO!! THRR- -but it isn’t, as Alan Clark manages to kick out one more time! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “Alan Clark is showing his resiliency here,” Comet cries in delight, “and the wonderful fans here in Tampa are really getting behind him. The only question in my mind now is; can Citizen Clark last long enough to make some sort of comeback, or is he already on the slippery slope of defeat?” “Moot point, Comet,” Riley tells him. “It appears the Straight-Edge Sensation has had enough of messing around.” Indeed, Toxxic has got back to his feet and is now waiting in a half-crouch for Clark to do the same. Alan wearily starts to rise, seemingly unaware of his opponent’s whereabouts, and as he waits Toxxic raises his hand and mimes cracking open a can to signal the Caffeine Bomb! “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* Clark staggers up to his feet and turns around, only to get booted in the gut and placed in a front facelock by the World Champion! The St. Petersburg Times Arena holds its breath as Toxxic reaches down to hook Alan’s leg from the inside, then starts to lift... ...but Toxxic’s back can’t take the strain, and the Champion has to relax his grip! Clark manages to break his right leg free, then powers out of the facelock and clubs Toxxic in the back before twisting the pained rookie around into a reverse headlock and dropping him with the Simple Fate neckbreaker! *BANG!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “Alan Clark is back in this!” Cyclone Comet yells as both men lie gasping on the canvas. “All Citizen Clark has to do now is capitalise, and he could be taking home a real win for the photo album!” “Could you mix your metaphors any more?” Riley asks sourly. Anthony Michael Hall takes a look at the two men lying on the canvas and begins to count... ‘ONE!’ ‘TWO!’ ‘THREE!’ ‘FOUR!’ Alan Clark rolls over onto his stomach and starts to push himself up. ‘FIVE!’ Toxxic, with an enormous effort, manages to rise into a sitting position. ‘SIX!’ Clark gets to one knee and begins to rise to his feet... ‘SEV-’ ...and Hall is cut off as Alan Clark makes it to a vertical base! Meanwhile Toxxic is also forcing himself up. Clark looks over at his adversary, then turns and runs for the ropes behind him. He comes off just as Toxxic is turning groggily on the spot to face him and vaults upwards as he approaches, whipping his right boot round on a devastating collision course with the side and back of Toxxic’s head... *KERR-ACCKK!* “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “ONE HIT KILL!” Comet yelps as both men fall to the canvas again following the running enzuigiri. However, this time Alan is able to roll Toxxic over onto his back and cover the World Champion... ONE! TWO!! THHHHRRRRRRRRREEE- -but Toxxic kicks out! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Clark stares imploringly at Anthony Michael Hall, but the referee can do nothing except shrug and hold up two fingers. “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “Clark has lost his gameplan,” Riley says tensely. “He’s forgotten about the back, he’s panicking, and he’s trying to finish Toxxic off quick with shots to the head! But it won’t work, Comet! Toxxic will triumph!” Toxxic doesn’t look particularly triumphant at the moment, however. Alan Clark seems to have got his second wind now, and the man from Long Beach grabs the Straight-Edge Sensation to pick him up by the neck. Hall checks to make sure that Clark’s fingers aren’t in a choking position as the World Champion is hauled upright, but everything seems in order and Clark draws back his right arm to- *CRACK!* “WHOOO!” *CRACK!* “WHOOO!” *CRACK!* “WHOOO!” -lay in a blistering series of knife-edge chops on Toxxic! The chops obviously have a much greater impact now than they did when the straight-edger still had his shirt on, but the stinging seems to revitalise the leader of Revolution Zero and with desperation he lunges forward to- *CRUNCH!* -land another crushing headbutt in Clark’s face! Both men stagger, but despite the recent enzuigiri Toxxic’s skull has taken less punishment in the match than his opponent’s, and the Straight-Edge Sensation is able to recover quickly enough to grab Clark’s arm and whip him towards the ropes! Clark reverses the momentum however, and bends down as Toxxic rebounds... *BANG!* -then briefly hoists him up on his back before driving the rookie back down with the Southern Rock! “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Clark falls to one knee, but the momentum is going his way now. Toxxic lies on his back, clearly in severe pain, and Alan Clark knows the moment his come to try something a little risky. He turns and runs for the ropes, bounces off to pick up and bit more speed then leaves the ground... *WHAM!* ...and comes flying down atop the World Champion with the Tumbleweed Shooting Star Press! The St. Petersburg News Arena erupts for the showy move while Clark gathers his wits and hooks the far leg, putting as much weight as possible on Toxxic’s shoulders... ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! A massive gasp escapes the lips of the Tampa Bay crowd as Toxxic just squeezes his shoulder off the mat in time to escape defeat! Alan Clark truly can’t believe it this time, and looks at Anthony Michael Hall as if to ask ‘what else do I need to do?’. Hall doesn’t offer any advice... but Alan Clark’s gaze is drawn to the turnbuckles. And then, inexorably, up to the top rope. “Uh-oh,” Riley is heard to mutter, “what’s the hippy planning now?” Alan Clark rises to his feet and walks over to the turnbuckle. He steps through the ropes and begins to climb up the outside, keeping a careful eye on Toxxic all the while. The Straight-Edge Sensation is down on the canvas and not going anywhere; satisfied, Clark stands up straight on the top buckle, raises both arms high in the air to give himself a little more ‘whip’... and somersaults off forwards. His body describes a graceful arc through the air, tumbling through a full 450 degrees before landing hard- *BANG!* -on Toxxic’s raised knees. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “NO!” Comet cries in dismay as Alan rolls away, teeth clenched in pain and clutching his ribs. “Citizen Clark went for The Gamble, but it didn’t pay off!” “Lightning can’t strike twice, Comet!” Riley laughs in relief. “In case you’ve forgotten, that was the move that put Toxxic away in February. You can’t beat Toxxic the same way a second time!” Toxxic has rolled to the ropes now, and the World Champion grabs one in order to help pull himself back to his feet. Clark is trying to rise in the middle of the ring, but the combination of a swimming head and the searing pain of his ribs means that the Straight-Edge Sensation will be first. Taking a couple of deep breaths to compose himself, Toxxic backs into the corner and waits for his opponent to rise. He’s going to need to time this right. Clark struggles up. He can hear the chanting of the fans, but he’s not quite sure what they’re chanting anymore. “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” “TOXX-IC SUCKS!” Ah, that. But Alan knows that the only time the fans chant that is usually when the Straight-Edge Sensation is on his feet and looking in control - slightly forewarned, the man from Long Beach turns to see if he can spot his opponent.... ...but he turns too late, as Toxxic comes storming out of the corner and then dives legs-first at Alan’s shins with a brutal soccer tackle. *CRACK!* Alan Clark goes flying head over heels, and lands in an ugly fashion on the back of his neck. There is no respite however, as Toxxic is already back up and closing in. The Brit hauls Clark up into a standing headscissors, then places the fans’ favourite in a double-underhook and stares out at the crowd through dark-lined eyes. “Toxxic Shock Syndrome!” Riley shouts. “This is going to be it!” But it’s not. Alan braces his legs and lifts, trying to hoists Toxxic off the ground. The movement unsettles the World Champion and the grip of his arms loosens as he tries to retain his balance. Encouraged, Clark manages to wrestle his arms free and then, with the added leverage they give, powers up and backdrops his way out of the move! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Now it’s Toxxic who is being forgetful!” Comet laughs in delight. “Had he forgotten that Alan Clark used to use that move under the name ‘D’yer Mak’er’? In fact, he beat Jamie Drazon with it in last year’s Genesis Tournament!” “That doesn’t excuse him giving it such a stupid name!” Riley yells, frustrated. Now it is Alan Clark’s turn to drag his opponent off the mat and place him into a standing headscissors. The hippy spreads his arms wide and grins -wearily - at the crowd, then clasps both his arms around Toxxic’s waists and lifts, hoisting the World Champion high into the air! “The Aftershock!” Comet breathes. “Robert, Toxxic’s about to find out what it’s like to live in California!” Alan spreads his arms, setting the straight-edger up for the Crucifix powerbomb, then starts to fall forward. The back of Toxxic’s head and neck seems to be on a collision course with the mat. But Toxxic knows this move. He took it from Nathaniel Kibagami, under the name ‘Fall From Grace’, at 13th Hour - a match that he went on to win. And for all his efforts, Alan Clark is no Nathaniel Kibagami. As he hurtles towards the mat, Toxxic clamps his legs around Clark’s head and whips his body further backwards. The added momentum brings him around and his head just skims the mat on the way past... but the trapped head of Alan Clark has no choice but to go where Toxxic’s legs end up, and that is straight into the mat as the Straight-Edge Sensation completes the hurricanrana. *BANG!* Toxxic reaches back and grabs one of Clark’s trailing legs, then leans forward into the cover. Anthony Michael Hall drops to count... ONE! TWO!! THRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! ...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “LET’S GO AL-AN!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* It sounds like the roof of the St. Petersburg News Arena should have been blown off with the amount of crowd response to the fact that the man called Alan Clark managed to squirm one shoulder off the canvas. “UNBELIEVABLE!” Comet yells in a desperate attempt to make himself heard. “Alan Clark kicked out of Toxxic’s counter!” “C’mon Toxx, finish him!” Riley urges desperately. Clark and Toxxic reach their feet at the same time, facing opposite ways. Toxxic’s face shows pure disbelief; Clark’s merely the glazed expression of someone who’s taken one too many shots to the head. Both men turn towards each other. Clark swings... ...Toxxic ducks... ...and snares his opponent in a rear headlock. For a moment it looks like the Straight-Edge Sensation is looking for the Repeat To Fade, but he’s got something much more direct in mind. With Clark off-balance and unable to resist, Toxxic twists him around into a 3/4 headlock, then sets off towards the nearest turnbuckle only a few feet away. It is the work of a moment to run up them, then flip lightly back over Alan Clark’s head and come down on the far side, driving the back of Alan’s traumatised skull into the canvas as he does so. *WHAM!* “INTOXXICATION!” Riley shouts in evil glee. “Kick out of that, you tree-hugger!” Toxxic hooks Clark’s far leg with his right arm, the near leg with his right leg, and rolls on top of the man from California. ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! *DING-DING-DING!* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” No mistakes this time. “Ladies and gentlemen,” Funyon booms as ‘Rookie’ crashes out over the PA system, “the winner of this match... TOXXXXXXXX-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!!” “So close,” Comet breathes as Toxxic rises unsteadily off the prone form of Alan Clark and staggers to the ropes. “If only Citizen Clark had used a different move to the Aftershock, or if Toxxic had been half a second slower...” “If wishes were women then Smarks would get laid,” Riley snaps back. “Face it, Comet; it’s going to take more than some weirdo hippy freak who dresses like Jesus to beat the Hot Commodity!” “Nathaniel Kibagami, maybe?” “If he ever shows up!” Riley splutters. “And even then; no! Toxxic is the future, I tell you!” In the ring, the so-called future defiantly brandishes the SWF World Heavyweight Title as we FADE OUT Copyright SWF 2004 ‘Making the panda happy by typing faster’

"Welcome back to STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORM everyone! Cyclone Comet here with Robert Riley, and we're just moments away from the first title defense of the SWF Women's Championship...a title that Kelly Connelly created for her own ego, but may just get what's coming to her because of it." Riley scoffs a bit. "I think that it's grossly unfair the match that Kelly is put in to defend her championship. I mean, she helped create the title, she should have SOME say in how it's defended in the first defense." "Well, this is going to be a disadvantage for the Champion, yes. But she should have expected something like this if she was going to name herself a champion" Comet concludes. The camera goes up to Funyon now...who is waiting with cue cards to do the announcements. Funyon: The following contest is a Sudden Death Fatal Four Way Match...and it is for the SWF Women's Championship! The arena suddenly goes dark, save for some flickering green lights and the light of the Smarktron showing a knife and glowing green eyes. After a while, Alice Cooper's "Poison" starts to play... "Your cruel device Your blood, like ice One look could kill My pain, your thrill!" And on cue, the machine-gun like pyrotechnics start to explode throughout the arena, causing a loud cheer of appreciation. Through the smoke, the big female ferret humanoid walks through, looking left and right with a smirk on her face. Funyon: Introducing challenger number 1...from Parts Unknown, standing 6' tall and weighing in at an even 200 pounds...EBONY! "Ebony definitely has the size advantage in this match, as she's heavier than any of the other three competitors here." Comet begins to analyze. "However, one will have to wonder how much out of her game she will be, as she usually just decimates male opponents in the ring." "Knowing this freak, she probably sees this as a big orgy." Riley says with a chuckle in his voice. "Let's just hope she doesn't try to strip any of the other competitors, or some of these idiots in the crowd will go crazy." As Ebony leaps up onto the apron and then the top turnbuckle, "Poison" dies out, currently to silence. Then, from out of nowhere... "I GET WET WHEN A PARTY HAS STARTED!" "I GET WET! WITHOUT EVEN TRYING!" "I GET WET! I GET WET! I GET WET! I GET WET! I GET WET! I GET WET! I GET WET! I GET WET!" *BOOOOOOOOOM* "I Get Wet" accompanies an explosion of white and blue pyro down the ramp-way to a thunderous ovation from the capacity crowd, as the former ICTV Champion makes her way to the ring at a full sprint. Funyon: Challenger number 2...from Tokyo, Japan...standing 5'7" tall and weighing in at 165 pounds...ANNIE...ECLECTIC! "The former ICTV Champion going for gold once again in SWF, and this may be an easier task for her than when she won those other titles." Comet states. "I think you're giving this, as the champion put it, "Old Hag" too much credit Comet. She has no idea just what she's getting herself into...look, she's getting into the face of Ebony right away!" Ebony and Annie are quick to get in each other's faces, Annie looking mad at the humanoid ferret/weasel crossbreed. They start getting into a shoving match right away, before the other two participants are introduced, much to the delight of the fans. The referee is quick to get between the two ladies however, causing Ebony and Annie to both glare at him evilly. This glare is accompanied by Janet Jackson's "All For You", causing a cheer to rise up from the crowd. Megan Skye makes her way out of the entryway, Landon Maddix close behind her, and Skye looks a bit concerned as she makes her way out. She's wearing leather pants, a female style top with "Cheat 2 Win" on it, elbow pads, and black leather gloves. Funyon: Challenger number 3...being accompanied to the ring by Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix, from Pawtucket, Rhode Island...standing 5'10" tall and weighing in at 110 pounds..."THE PERFECT 10"...MEGAAAAAAAAN....SKYYYYYYYYYE! "And here Comet is something people in the business like to call a sacrificial lamb!" Riley gloats a bit. "Megan Skye has no business being in the ring for this match, and as such she's going to get herself killed out there." "You're saying that like she's the only woman in this match with next to no experience in the ring." Comet states. "Remember, Kelly hasn't ever wrestled a match either." Riley chuckles as Megan enters the ring, with a little boost from Maddix. "Hey, Kelly is the women's champion, she's got a brain enough to make that title. She's got the smarts to get the win in this match. Hell, she had smarts enough to save the injustice of King being robbed of the ICTV title, remember?" "I know Maddix remembers." Comet states. "And we may get a bonus match on the floor between Maddix and King if tempers flare up enough." As soon as Megan is in the ring, the soft opening strains of Meredith Brooks' song "Bitch" starts to play, and unlike the previous entrants, there are NO cheers coming out from the crowd as the Women's Champion...as well as the ICTV Champion right next to her, makes her way out. For some reason, Kelly is wearing a red evening gown and high heels, accessorized with the Women's Title belt around her waist...and King is wearing a tan suit. Funyon: And finally...being accompanied to the ring by the SWF Intercontinental Television Champion "The Icon" Max King...from Las Vegas, Nevada...standing 6' tall and at an undisclosed weight...she is the SWF Women's Champion...KELLY..."THE QUEEN"...CONNELLY! "...when the heck did she become a queen?" Comet wonders out loud as Kelly and King walk down the ramp...the two flaunting their respective championship belts. "Hey, I like the nickname!" Riley says. "It fits her...as she's the only woman perfect enough to be a queen around here!" "...all right, question two...why is she wearing an evening gown to a wrestling match?" Comet asks. However, his question is quickly answered after Kelly gets into the ring...as the dress part of her gown is removed, showing female ring attire underneath. She takes off the matching high-heel shoes, handing them to an attendant on the outside, and poses. As she does this, Max King steps out of the ring, heading over to the announce position. "Hey, look at this Comet! We're about to be joined by greatness personified, in the form of our SWF ICTV Champion!" Riley says, getting out of his chair and allowing Max King to sit in it now "Well, this is kind of a surprise." Comet notes as King puts on the headset. "Mr. King, why are you coming here to the booth for Kelly's match here?" "Because Comet, I'm sick and tired of you downplaying my skills, and I'm not about to let you do the same thing to the GREATEST SWF Women's Champion of all time!" King quickly states. "Now what's this idiot referee trying to do, telling Kelly she has to start?" The camera cuts back over to the ring, where indeed the referee is trying to get Kelly to start of the match...on the other side of the ring Annie Eclectic waiting. Before Kelly can protest more though, the bell rings, and Annie almost has a "Get ready to die" expression on her face. "Well, I'm assuming that this is part of the drawing in the backstage area before the match...and Kelly and Annie were the people picked to start this match." Comet states. Riley starts coughing a bit, and the word "Rigged" seems to come out of the coughing now. In the ring, Annie starts to get closer and closer to Kelly...ready to lock up. As soon as she's close enough however, Kelly quickly slaps her across the cheek, and dives in to tag in Megan Skye! "Some skills shown by the champion here." Comet says, his voice dripping with sarcasm as Megan gets into the ring. "That's called showing intelligence, Comet." Riley states. "Why, as Champion, waste your energy in the early goings of the match when you could get someone else to take a beating." "And now, thanks to Kelly, you're going to see a great beat-down." King says, his voice filled with joy as Megan gets into the ring. "Megan Skye is going to get destroyed out there." Megan nervously gets into the ring with Annie, apparently that not being the person she wanted to get in the ring with, and goes to try and tie-up with her. Eclectic quickly takes Megan to school, grabbing her arm and twisting it into an arm bar, then taking the very inexperienced Megan down to the mat with it. "...what the hell is that Geisha reject doing?" King questions. "HEY, THIS IS A MATCH, NOT TRAINING! DESTROY THE BIMBO!" he shouts out. Maddix, apparently hearing the comments of King from where he's standing, shoots a glare over to the ICTV Champion. Back in the ring, Megan struggles as best she can to try and get out of the arm bar she's in...however Annie has her bound up rather well with the move. Skye eventually gives up trying to use technique to get her way out of the hold, and just resorts to elbowing the former holder of multiple titles in the face to break the hold. Megan quickly gets up to her feet, and tries to lock Annie in a side headlock. She gets it, but only for so long as Annie lifts Skye up, flipping her over and dropping her down to the mat with a side German Suplex. On the apron on the other side of the ring, Kelly is laughing at the condition of Megan, making sure that Annie's back is to her when she does that so as to not give Annie any ideas. Annie picks up Megan to her feet again, apparently to try and drop her down to the mat again with something. However, NOW Kelly apparently is ready to get into the ring, as she slaps Annie hard on the back and steps through the ropes. "See, this is the mark of a real champion right here, Comet." Riley states. "Wait till the right moment to get into the ring and strike!" he finishes, as Kelly gets into the ring and grabs Megan by the hair, flipping her over her shoulder with a snap mare by the hair. As soon as Megan is back down on the mat, Kelly wraps her arms around Megan's neck, and starts to press into it with a modified version of a sleeper hold. Unlike with Annie holding Megan at bay though, Megan is more able to get out of this move with her technique...shooting her hips around and grabbing Kelly, flipping her over with a Fireman's Carry like move. Feeling pain in her body, Megan decides the time is right to rest up now, and she reaches back, apparently ready to tag Annie back in the ring. However, before she can Ebony reaches in, pulling Megan to her corner, and slaps her hand hard, tagging herself in before Megan can realize what's going on. "Well, things aren't looking good now for your girl now, King!" Comet says as Ebony gets into the ring. Kelly turns, and upon seeing Ebony starts to beg off a bit. "Come on Kelly, convince Ebony attacking you is wrong!" King calls. "You can outsmart that zoo reject!" Kelly keeps trying to talk Ebony out of attacking her, however the ferret/weasel female will have none of it, as evident by striking Kelly right into the face with a well-placed kick, causing the crowd to erupt into cheers! Ebony wastes no time or motion, and starts repeatedly ramming her elbow into the face of the self-made Women's Champion, apparently trying to break her nose while she's down on the mat. Kelly, while being pummeled as she is in the ring, desperately tries to reach out for a tag to one of the other two participants in the match. However, it's apparent rather quickly that Kelly hasn't made friends from either of the other two women, as they just step away from the out-stretched arm of Kelly. "Now this is a travesty right here! The should come to the aid of the women's champion, not leave her in the ring with this psychopath!" King protests. "...you took the words right out of my mouth, Max." Riley says. "Maybe the reason that they're not trying to help Kelly is because they want to knock her ego down a peg or 10, and have her lose the title belt as well as a little blood in the ring." Comet suggests, as Ebony grabs Kelly by her relatively thin throat...lifting her up to her feet by them. Ebony looks into the worried eyes of Kelly...both combatants eye to eye right now...and just slaps her HARD across the face before letting her go. Kelly holds her cheek a bit, tears forming on her face at this, and the referee goes over to check. Ebony will have none of it though, pushing the referee aside roughly (and risking a disqualification as well) to try to grab Kelly once again. Kelly rolls out of the way, and tags in Annie by touching her hand while she looks out to the crowd, and slides out of the ring quickly. "Ah, that's more like it." King says. "Good, let these two beat the crap out of each other, weakening themselves for my Kelly to get the advantage!" The fans seem to be ready for this confrontation, starting up a good sized "ANN-IE" chant...clapping their hands and stomping their feet to try to get behind her as Ebony gets ready to attack. Annie decides to attack before Ebony is ready though, and the two women get into a brawl in the middle of the ring, trading punches with each other for a bit. Ebony, having the weight behind the strikes, manages to get Annie onto the ropes and prone for possibly a spear while she's on the ropes. Annie manages to see this move coming while she's on the ropes, and uses them to lift up enough off of the mat for Ebony to land throat first onto the second rope. Annie flips onto the ring apron, and with Ebony still in that position leaps up, dropping her leg right on the back of Ebony's head! Ebony falls into the ring once again, and Annie uses the ropes to roll into the ring, crashing her body right into the downed Ebony. Annie goes for the first cover of the match now... One! TWO! Ebony powers out of the pin before the three count can be laid down, pushing Annie away and going to get back up to her feet to continue the bout. Annie takes a few steps back, just waiting for the moment that Ebony is back up, and shoots in to catch the weasel/ferret hybrid in the face with a superkick! Ebony manages to move out of the way, apparently seeing the move coming, and the kick nails Megan Skye right in the face, knocking her off of the apron and quickly causing Maddix to rush over to check on her. Ebony, in the meantime, takes advantage of the miscue of Annie and dropping her while she's in her surprised state with a reverse DDT! Ebony goes for the cover, apparently going for the win now and thinking that will be enough... One TWO! Just as the referee is about to count three, he notices that Kelly has made a tag, and informs Ebony of this fact. Ebony glares daggers at Kelly as the red head slides her way into the ring, almost shoving Ebony out of the way (or at least attempting to...she doesn't do that well due to the size difference) as SHE now goes to try to get the pin on Annie. One! TWO! Before she can get the three, turning the tables, Ebony grabs Kelly by the leg and pulls her off of Annie. "Now come on, she's been tagged out of the match, she had no business doing that!" King protests again. "I'm about three seconds away from teaching that mutant bimbo a lesson." "King, please...calm down. Your time for that will come soon enough." Riley reassures. "...I think I'm going to be sick from this somewhat love fest...Kelly going to the head of Annie while she's down on the mat, what the heck is Connelly thinking right now?" Comet commentates, trying his best to ignore King and Riley for the moment. Kelly, pulling Annie towards the middle of the ring now, starts to drape her long, luscious legs around Annie's neck, apparently ready to lock her opponent up for some type of submission hold while they're the mat. Getting her legs in the right position, she wraps her legs in a Figure Four Leg-lock style position on the mat, squeezing away at both the face and neck area of Annie with her legs. "That guys, is a move that I helped Kelly learn. That right there is the K Lock, and she's going to squeeze the life out of Annie with it!" King explains rather quickly. Back in the ring, as she's holding onto the now dubbed K-Lock, Kelly starts to look at her fingernails, blowing on them softly as she does. "Now that's just wrong. Kelly is completely ignoring the great skills that Annie Eclectic has, treating her as if she were nothing but a joke." Comet states. "Well, Annie isn't looking that great at the moment, now is she Comet?" Riley is quick to reply. However, almost as if she heard what Riley was saying, Annie manages to get her feet onto the mat...and pushing with her body weight she catches Kelly over, getting the Women's Champion into a pin while still having Kelly's legs around her throat. One TWO! Kelly quickly lets her hold go, sliding into a sitting position to make sure that she doesn't lose. Annie, rubbing her neck a bit from that move, has already gotten back up to a vertical position again, and Kelly is backing up rather quickly from the now vertical Annie. Kelly tries the same strategy that she tried a few minutes ago with Ebony, hoping that Annie is a bit more reasonable about this. Annie looks out to the crowd, going to see what they think she should do to the prone Women's Champion. "F**K HER UP, ANNIE, F**K HER UP!" *clap clap* "F**K HER UP, ANNIE, F**K HER UP!" *clap clap* "What is WRONG with these people?" both Riley and King complain at about the same time. "They have their opinions on things they'd like to see. It's great fan participation!" Comet states, chuckling a bit. Kelly covers her ears at the chant that is being directed against her, trying to block it out...but that only intensifies the chant being laid out. Annie finally decides to give the fans exactly what they want, grabbing Kelly by her hair and flinging her into the corner face first! The crowd cheers in anticipation, waiting to see exactly what she has in mind for the arrogant Women's Champion. Before she can get a chance to show what she has in mind, Megan Skye, having recovered from the kick that Annie nailed her with, decides to make her presence felt in the match by tagging herself in before Annie can do anything, and she approaches the prone Kelly to attack. When Kelly turns around, she gets a face full of Megan's elbow, and continues to get the elbow into the face, Megan having a huge smile as she works away at the woman that has basically become her recent rival, pulling her out of the corner and flipping her out with a hip-toss down to the mat! "Oh sure, of COURSE Megan would get in the ring when Kelly is already worked over. REALLY nice..." King states. "You weren't really complaining earlier in the match when Kelly did the same thing!" Comet reminds. "Are you that Mmph!" Riley sighs. "Don't mind him King, he has a deluded sense of what is right and wrong." Megan stalks Kelly while the red-head is still down on the mat, the champion holding her back a bit in pain as she's dropped. Megan is quick to charge in, and before Kelly can even move nails her in the back where Kelly is hurting with a hard kick! Kelly falls forward, and Megan follows up by cradling the champion up on the mat! One TWO! Kelly manages to get a shoulder up, ending the pin. The crowd boos a bit at the fact that Kelly managed to kick out. Megan takes things in stride for the moment, not TOO surprised that the pin didn't work, as she tries to get Kelly back up to her feet again and lift her over with a suplex. Before she can lift too much though, Kelly takes a chance and uses her fingernails to dig right into the eyes of Megan before she can lift her up. With Megan temporarily blinded, Kelly dives in, and makes the tag back in to the woman she just cost the match moments earlier...Ebony. "A look of concern on the face of Landon Maddix on the outside of the ring...I'm not sure if Megan is even aware that Ebony has been tagged in yet..." Comet states. "Good, it will make her suffering much more enjoyable." King states. Ebony grabs Megan from behind when she gets into the ring, lifting her up and dropping her down to the mat with a hard clothesline. Ebony next grabs Megan's legs while she's still down on the mat, and with her down is apparently ready to strike at her crotch area...but Ebony and Megan are too close to the side of the ring where Annie, now rested up, is waiting for them. Annie quickly reaches in, and in desperation Megan reaches up and makes the tag out of the match. Annie gets into the ring quickly, and blasts Ebony hard in the face with a forearm shot that breaks the hold that she has on Megan. Maddix reaches into the ring to pull the tagged-out Megan out of the ring, pretty much rescuing her for the moment at least from the punishment that is going on in the ring, as Annie pulls Ebony up to her knees...catching her in the face with a dropkick right to the mouth! Annie, taking the chance on getting the win, goes for the cover while Ebony is down on the mat. One! TWO! Kelly reaches into the ring, pulling the leg of Annie to break up the count, just in the nick of time too. "See, I knew what I was doing when I gave my Kelly that women's title belt!" Max states. "She's smart enough to know exactly what to do to make sure that the match goes on until she's ready." "She can only save her title for so long, King." Comet reminds. "If she wants to keep it, she has to get back into the ring and get the win in the match." "She's waiting for the right moment, Comet. Haven't you heard a THING we said?" Riley asks. "I try not to." Comet smugly replies. As Kelly wipes her forehead in relief that the match didn't end with her losing the title, she is unaware that Megan Skye sneaking up behind her on the outside of the ring. As Annie goes to get Ebony up to her feet in the inside of the ring, Megan yanks the legs out from Kelly on the outside, causing the champion to hit her jaw right on the ring apron hard! Back in the ring, Annie is about to hit Ebony with her Daybreak Pedigree, but Ebony manages to fight out of the hold, Monkey Flipping Annie face first into a nearby corner, then catching her in the small of the back with an elbow strike. On the outside of the ring, Kelly and Megan have gotten into a slap fight, and since the referee is distracted, he's unaware of Landon Maddix going over to get Megan back into the ring. "...excuse me gentlemen, I have something that I have to deal with." Max King says, seeing Maddix going over to his woman...then gets up as quickly as he can to stop him. "King going over to Maddix on the outside of the ring, but back on the inside Ebony is setting Annie up...it could be her Loving Embrace move..." Comet states...before Annie breaks away as best she can. Meanwhile, on the outside of the ring, Maddix grabs the waist of Megan to get her off of Kelly...but suddenly gets blasted in the head with a hard chair shot! Megan looks back, gasping at the sight of Maddix down and now cut in the head with the chair shot. While Annie and Ebony trade blows in the middle of the ring, King decides to take advantage of Megan being distracted...grabbing her in a reverse DDT and lifting her with the King Buster on the arena floor! "Now come on! That's just wrong! There was..." Comet tries to protest... "Look in the ring though!" Riley calls out, as Ebony catches Annie by surprise in the gut with a kick, then follows this up by lifting her off the mat, and dropping Eclectic right onto her head with a piledriver! "...Ebony could be moments away from winning the Women's Championship, and all she has to do is go for the cover...." Comet states...Ebony getting ready to pin Annie now. However, like earlier, she doesn't get the chance to get a count as Kelly reaches into the ring, slapping one of Ebony's hands and effectively tagging herself in. Ebony is about to grab Kelly and throw her out, but before she can, Max King reaches into the ring, grabbing Ebony's leg and pulling her out of the ring. "YES! Watch this Comet, you're about to see history!" Riley says, as King tosses Ebony face first into the barricade, Megan and Maddix lay unconscious on the floor...and Kelly goes for the cover! One... TWO! THREEEEEEE! The bell quickly rings and Kelly slides out of the ring rather quickly to get away...Max King grabbing the belt and tossing it to her. Funyon: Here is your winner, and STILL SWF Women's Champion...KELLY...CONNELLY! "Kelly Connelly stole this match!" Comet states. "If it wasn't for Ebony, she wouldn't have gotten the pin! She's just lucky that..." "Oh shut up with the conspiracy theories, Comet. Kelly Connelly is STILL the Women's Champion, and I am glad to be in the age where we have a Women's Champion like her!" Riley says. The camera fades out on Kelly and King, as they walk up the ramp with their title belts...looking proud of their work.

Comet: "Tonight, for the first time in SWF history, a Women's Championship will be placed on the line. To get you in the mood..." Riley: "...as if you dateless wonders need it." Comet: (sighs) "...roll V.T..." "Now, there was a time when they used to say that behind ev'ry great man, there had to be a great woman." Toxxic, Max King, Landon Maddix and Sydney Sky fly by. "But oh, in these times of change, you know that it's no longer true." Annie in the ring, Ebony robbing someone of their genetailia. "So we're comin' out of the kitchen, 'cause there's something we forgot to say to you. We say, Sisters are doin' it for themselves" DAYBREAK PEDIGREE! "standin' on their own two feet and ringin' on their own bells." SKYE LYTE! "We say, Sisters are doin' it for themselves." EBONISER! "Now, this is a song to celebrate the conscious liberation of the female state." KELLY FILES HER NAILS! "Mothers, daughters, and their daughters too, woh yeah, woman to woman, we're singing with you, ooh, ooh." That Chinese chick that used to work here, but doesn't anymore. "The "inferior sex" has got a new exterior. We got doctors, lawyers, politicians too, ooh ooh ooh, ooh." Andrea Montgomery holding up the Light Heavyweight Championship belt. "Ev'rybody, take a look around. Can you see, can you see, can you see, there's a woman right next to youou." Jet posing with Toxxic, Kelly with King. "We say, Sisters are doin' it for themselves" Annie Eclectic with the USJL Title. "standin' on their own two feet and ringin' on their own bells." Kelly nailing Megan with the Women's Championship belt "Sisters are doin' it for themselves." DONE AND DUSTED! "Now we ain't makin' stories, and we ain't layin' plans." Kelly with a clipboard... "Don't you know that a man still loves a woman, and a woman still loves a man just the same, though." ...and kissing Max King's face off. "Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh. Sisters are doin' it for themselves." Ebony squashing teh n00bs~! "There was a time, oh, when they used to say that behind ev'ry great man, there had to be a great woman." Past go Johnny Rotten, "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens and Tom Flesher. "In these times of change, you know that it's no longer true. So we're comin' out of the kitchen, 'cause there's something we forgot to say to you." Annie in a hardcore match, smashing her Kendo Sword over someone's head. "We say, Sisters are doin' it for themselves" MAN IS OBSOLETE! "standin' on their own two feet and ringin' on their own bells." KELLY SMILES! "Sisters are doin' it for themselves." HOLLOWPOINT DRIVER! "Sisters are doin' it for themselves." MEGAN BLINKS! "Sisters are doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it, doin' it…" MEGAN SKYE! "Sisters are doin' it for themselves, uhhuh, uhhuh, yeah." JET! "Sisters are doin' it for themselves, uhhuh, uhhuh, yeah." ANNIE ECLECTIC! "Sisters are doin' it for themselves." KELLY CONNELLY "I say, yeah, yeah" ANDREA MONTGOMERY! "Sisters are doin' it for themselves, standin' on their…" EBONY! "Sisters are doin' it for themselves." ...B00BS~!

As Storm comes back from commercial, the cameras pan the capacity crowd, showing signs such as ‘KELLY CAN OWN ME’, ‘WAYWARD SON PRIDE’, and of course, the ever present ‘SPIKE SUCKS’. The camera continues to go around the capacity crowd in Tampa as the best damn announce team on the planet begins to speak. “Welcome back citizens to S…W…F STOOORM~! As always, Bobby Riley and I, CYYYYCLONE COMET~ ready to call all the heart pounding action here tonight,” says Comet as the crowd continues to cheer. “Yup, such great action as Alan Clark being seen as the fraud he is, and the contuining reign of the best World Champion not named Flesher, and of course…boobies.” “Ah yes, the return of the SWF Women’s Championship. Who could forget?” “Well to be honest, I was hoping the bookers.” Comet stays silent for a moment, before chuckling a bit and speaking again, “Whatever you say Robert. Next up though, we have two makeshift teams facing off in a non-title match. However, both Citizen Cross and Fury seem to have more experience with each other.” “Comet, it’s Drazon and Stryke. They’ve had more runs in the SWF than anybody else. I’m sure they’ve teamed up a few times along the way.” “Whatever the case, it seems Funyon is ready to begin.” “The following match is set for one fall and is a non title match!” Slight amount of boos for the fact that a title won’t change hands, but mostly cheers for the upcoming match. “Introducing first…” The arena is silent aside from the murmuring of the crowd, but that quickly changes a massive wall of blue and silver pyrotechnics fires up all across the stage, Cypress Hill's "How I Could Just Kill A Man" kicking into action as Stryke steps out onto the stage! The crowd rise to their feet in boos, Stryke slowly sauntering his way down the ramp, soaking up the crowd's hatred as he reaches the ring and climbs up onto the ring apron. The Australian pauses to look out into the crowd, and as the chorus hits Stryke steps to the second turnbuckle and raises his arms to the crowd, further drawing their ire as Funyon commences the introductions. “…at a weight of 224 pounds, from Sydney, Australia…STRYKE! Stryke hops over the top rope and into the ring, casually leaning back on the ropes as he either focuses his attention on his opponent or waits for them to arrive. “His partner…” The arena dims down to solid darkness. After a few moments, allowing the hushes and the comments to pass... Marilyn Manson's "Dope Hat" hits the speakers to a loud ovation. Drazon walks through the curtains, observing the crowd briefly, scanning what he can for his presence. He finally walks down the isle and to the ring... interaction is minimal and normally requires some sort of outside motivation to do so. Often cracks his muscles in preparation for battle. “…at a weight of 243 pounds, from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, he is the Hardcore Maniac…JAAAMIE DRAAAAZON!” Jamie gets in the ring and shares a few words with his partner as the house lights go all the way down. “Both men took separate entrances,” notes Comet. “Not exactly the sign of a cohesive unit.” “I’ll take two wrestlers who have been here forever over an idiot and a guy who was broken by Silent,” replies Riley. “Stryke and Drazon have seen it all, they’re professionals and will see this through. Hopefully through the end of the knuckleheads title reign.” “Both Citizen Cross and Fury may have something to say about that,” says Comet. “After all, they are the World Tag Team Champions for a reason.” “First of all, it doesn’t matter what they say. It matters what they do. Second, they got lucky.” “Their opponents…” The crowd rises and a few lighters are seen as the creepy beginning to ‘Back on Earth’ starts up while a series of highlights from The Fallen Angel’s short career in the SWF start up. A spotlight shines on the entranceway as Ozzy’s voice kicks in and out walks both Cross and Fury, title belts on their person as the crowd roars it approval as white bursts of mini-pyro goes off behind them. “…at a combined weight of 502 pounds, they SWF World Tag Team Champions, CHRISTIAN FURRRRRRY and “THE FAAAALLEN ANGEL” DAAAAAAVID CROSS!” Both Fury and Cross head to the ring, they ignore the cheering crowd as they get in the ring. Cross gives his valuables to the ring attendant, kissing his cross before handing it over as Fury springboards himself into the ring. After a moment, he slides the kendo stick out of the ring, along with the removed jacket and sunglasses. He then surveys the crowd with a icy, blue-eyed gaze, then levels the same gaze at his partner. Cross simply returns the look, and Fury simply nods. “See, they’re not exactly the best of friends either,” says Riley. “At least Stryke and Drazon know each other styles fairly well.” “Citizen Fury and Cross do have a certain respect for each other, even if they’re not best pals,” says Comet. “In fact, I’d doubt if either man has too many friends.” “Ah, right,” says Riley. “They’re team broody.” Both teams huddle up for a moment before Fury walks out of the corner for the champions while Stryke steps out for the challengers. The SWF veteran and the recent returnee circle each for a bit before Fury throws out a quick forearm which Stryke easily ducks. The challenger then tries a quick elbow shot of his own, but Fury is able to back away and avoid the strike. The two men back off and circle each other again, before locking up. Stryke gets the early leverage advantage and get a hammerlock on Fury, but Christian reverses that easily enough and locks on a waistlock. However, Stryke throws a quick elbow to dissuade Fury from that notion, then drills Fury with a quick European uppercut to cause one half of the tag champs to stagger. “Citizen Stryke and Fury seem to be evenly match here early on,” says Comet as Stryke moves in on Fury. “Neither man seems to be giving an inch.” “It’s seconds into the match,” replies Riley. “Even Candace had things relatively even versus Tom in the first few seconds of his smackdown on her.” “True, but aside from Citizen Cross, all the men in this ring are about the same size, give or take a few pounds,” says Comet. “It will be hard for either side to get a decisive victory.” “Maybe hard for the two members of the Angel fan club, but not for two veterans like Stryke and Drazon. They know what to do.” Stryke moves in on Fury and delivers a quick kick to the breadbasket, and locks him in a front chancery. The long-time SWF star then hits Fury with a nasty snap suplex, which shakes the ring as both men hit the mat. Stryke then gets up, and bounces off the ropes before hitting an elbow drop right to the sternum of Fury! Stryke gets up to the boos of the fans, and picks up Fury again before locking on a hammerlock, picking Fury straight up and slamming him to the mat with great force! “After a bit of a layoff, Citizen Stryke is looking very impressive here in the early going,” says Comet. “On the other hand, Citizen Fury’s cold streak seems to be continuing.” “He had a hot streak?” replies Riley. “Robert, you know very well Citizen Fury won the Hardcore title in only his second match back a few weeks ago.” “That was just luck, Comet,” says Riley. “No actual skill was involved in that.” Both men rise to their feet at pretty much the same time, but Stryke delivers the first blow, a quick forearm to Fury, followed by another before he knocks Christian back to the ground with a high elevation dropkick. Stryke then goes to the ropes and rushes Fury, before flipping in the air and landing on the former Clan member with a back senton! The crowd really boos as Stryke rises to his feet, and picks up Fury. He begins to pick up Christian, but immediately falls to the mat as Fury sends his right fist right into Stryke and his “lower abdominal” region while the crowd comes alive! “Come on Hall,” begins an enraged Riley. “Disqualify him! This isn’t as hardcore title match.” “Robert, referee Hall didn’t see the manuever used by Citizen Fury,” replies Comet. “How can he disqualify the man when he didn’t even see him do the illegal move?” “Because I just told him!” “So, your word is sacrosanct now?” “Exactly, I’m fair an impartial. Now, disqualify the loser!” Comet just has to chuckle at a moment at Riley as Fury gets to his feet, a little worse for wear but quickly shaking the cobwebs. He shows the fact well by hitting Stryke with a quick chop to the chest as Stryke gets to his feet, followed by a right hand to the temple! Stryke stumbles back, and is knocked to the mat with a devastating kick as Fury spins around and nails Stryke right in the teeth with a spinning heel kick! As the crowd rises to their feet, Stryke scrambles and tags in Drazon as the crowd lets out a large cheer. “Citizen Drazon knows Fury well, after all, he’s probably faced everyone that’s lasted in the SWF for more than a few weeks a time or two,” Comet says. “It’s too bad he’s a flipping maniac, or I might actually have to cheer him on kicking Fury’s ass,” replies Riley. “On the other hand, what the hell. It’s not like there’s anybody in that ring I especially like.” “Yes Robert, we all realize there are not enough villains in this matchup for you.” “Not villains, you fool. Wrestlers with the common sense to bop your opponent with something subtle - like a sledgehammer.” Drazon hops in over the top rope, and throws a quick roundhouse kick to cause Fury to take a step back. The SWF Hardcore Legend then steps in and throws a palm strike, but Christian is ready and ducks. Fury then throws his own forearm, but Drazon blocks that by grabbing Fury’s fist! Jamie then applies a wristlock quickly, before taking Fury down with a nasty open palm to the skull! As Fury rises to his feet, he is then nailed with a quick kick to the chest, followed by a another kick to the face which sends Christian to the mat again! The crowd is mixed in approval, but Jamie doesn’t care as he picks Fury up, and locks him in a front chancery and brings him down to the mat with a… “…JD DDT!” screams Comet as Drazon attempts a cover, hooking the leg as Hall begins to count… …ONE… …TWO… …TH - KICKOUT! “Citizen Fury survives,” begins Comet as the crowd cheers and stomps its feet. “However, it is not certain how much longer he can hold out. Citizen Drazon is a master martial artist and could easily take Christian out.” “Hopefully, sooner then later. We got boobies and Alan Clark’s eminent destruction to look forward too soon,” replies Riley. “I bet you would rather see Clarks destruction than the four way.” “That’s beside the point.” Drazon picks up Fury and locks in a waistlock, but the former Hardcore champion digs in and blocks Jamie’s first attempt. So, Drazon simply lets go of the waistlock and delivers a quick leg strike to the back of Fury’s knee! Fury immediately holds the knee in pain as Drazon locks him in a waistlock again and this time, is able to picks Christian up and over, sending him to the mat with a vicious GERMAN SUPLEX! The crowd is now mostly booing Drazon as he moves in on the attack, picking Fury up and steps to the side, rising for the roundhouse…only Fury ducks! On more instinct than anything else, one half of the Tag Champs then hit a quick kick o the gut of the stunned and off balance Drazon, then takes him to the mat by grabbing the arms of Drazon, interlocking them and stunning Drazon with a huge TIGER SUPLEX as both men stay down! “Out of nowhere, Citizen Fury has proven he is a true warrior, and is still in this contest,” Comet says as both men stay on the ground, a bit out of it. “Well, I never said Drazon was a MENSA member,” replies Riley. “He got a little cocky, and paid for it. Now, this match will hopefully end soon so we can get to the slaughter of Clark.” “Citizen Clark, much like Citizen Fury and Cross are true warriors and defenders of justice, unlike slime like Toxxic and his ilk.” “Slime. Toxxic. Comet made a funny.” Riley laughs for a moment, while Fury struggles to his feet as Drazon uses the ropes to get back to a vertical base. Both men look at each for a moment, and charge their respective corners, bringing the crowd to their feet as both Stryke and Cross are tagged in at the same time! “Citizens Cross and Stryke both coming into the ring now…” “Oooooh, the mellower portion of Team Anger.” “…” “It’s a joke, Comet… Laugh.” Meanwhile, back at the ran… I mean, in the ring… Cross and Stryke have locked it up in the center of the squared circle. Cross, being the fresher of the two, gains a quick advantage… But Stryke, still beingz faster than j00, manages to wiggle his way out of Cross’ grasp, drawing his arm back in a hammerlock in the process. Cross grunts, trying to extract himself, but Stryke keeps the hammerlock on good and tight, and... WHAM! Kicks Cross’ legs out from underneath him with a fine-looking Russian Leg Sweep. Cross is quick to recover and rise, but Stryke presses the advantage, catching Cross with a wicked Euro Uppercut. “Citizen Stryke putting up some fight here…” Cross is staggered, but not downed, and comes back at Stryke, looking for the quick grab and pull of a short-armed clothesline… Stryke ducks it… And in that split second, Cross gets an idea. The craziest idea ever imagined. Something probably along the lines of, “It’s over with now.” And he acts on that idea… Cross quickly turns back towards the retreating Stryke, slapping on the waistlock before Stryke gets out of reach! Yanking Stryke back gives him plenty of momentum as he hauls Stryke up… And over in a nice German Suplex! But he’s not done! The crowd cheers hard as Cross hauls Stryke quickly back up, slipping his arms through Stryke’s… Locking the hands behind Stryke’s neck! He hauls up hard… And over! Dragon Suplex! The crowd is going ape, knowing what’s next… But can he do it? Stryke is already fighting, but Cross quickly twists his arms up in front of him, quickly locking his in, and heaves up… AND OVER! STRAIGHTJACKET SUPLEX! “Holy shit!” cries Riley. “No!” Comet counters… “Holy Trinity! Cross pulls The Trinity Sequence out of nowhere!” Cross keeps the bridge, and the ref… ONE!... TWO!... And Fury lunges in the ring, intercepting the oncoming Drazon with a GORE~! It’s just enough to not interfere as the ref drops the arm one more time… THREE!!!!! DING!!! DING!!! DING!!! The crowd threatens to bring down the house! Funyon, with microphone in hand already, is at ringside… “Your winners… CHRISTIAN FURY… AND DAVID… CROOOOOSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!” The ref hands Fury and Cross back their tag title belts, and Fury and Cross roll out of the ring as Stryke gets up groggily… Drazon looks daggers at the champions, wanting to tear them limb from limb in the most painful ways possible. “Unbelievable!” ”Utter bullshit!” spews Riley. “Stryke and Drazon got robbed!” Cross and Fury stride back up the rampway, same as they came in: Cool, calm, and collected. “Well, Bobbo, that’s just the way the matches go sometimes. An opportunity comes, and you take it.” “Bah! They cheated… Somehow they cheated…” Comet sighs. “We’ll be back, folks…” Fade to black… And stuff.

SWF Storm returns from a commercial for some useless piece of plastic that claims to help you lower your cholesterol while increasing your IQ and cameras pans around the packed-like-sardines St. Petersburg Times Arena before coming to rest on Riley and Comet. “...so that’s why my testicles are laminated,” Riley says, completely unaware he and Comet are back on the air. “How unfortunate,” Comet, who’s fully aware of the situation but just wants to screw with Bobby, replies. “We’ve had quite a Storm here in Florida...” “But sadly, no immigrating Cubans were killed in the process. Or is it emigrating? When does it change?” Riley asks. “That all could change with this next match, though! Wait, that would be horrible,” Comet states as what he just said dawns on him. “Yes, because someone’s going to get thrown into the Atlantic, and there’s a fair chance of falling on a tiny family, seeking asylum, on a raft made from coconut husks and sand. I’m talking about a Miami Mayhem match! Even though were several hundred miles away from Miami, but that’s no matter!” Riley says. “Verily, Robert! We have the first second-generation SWF superstar in this match, I’m talking about Ian MacDougal! However, unlike in his historic defeat of The Boston Strangler, the ‘Shortdogger’ will not be a featured grappler. His father, Longdogger Pete will be taking on Andrea Montgomery!” Comet exclaims. “Ladies and gentlemen, would you please turn your attention to the SWF-Tron? The following is a Miami Mayhem match, and such, will not be taking place in the arena. The only rule in this match is that the first person to throw his or her opponent into the Atlantic Ocean shall be declared the winner. And now, for the competitors: First, the creator of this stipulation, with his son Ian, Longdogger Pete! And his opponent, with her brother Zutroy, Andrea Montgomery!” Funyon shouts and quickly sits down to turn his attention to a new bottle of antacid tablets. The SWF-Tron crackles to life and shows a rather empty Miami beach. Ian is building a sandcastle while Longdogger waits for Andrea to show up. “I wonder why Funyon didn’t bother with more elaborate introductions. He didn’t mention hometowns, weights, or anything he typically states,” Comet says. “Perhaps it’s because of the nature of this match. And also because the two people in it are over two hundred miles away!” Riley shouts. Pete continues to scan the beach as a speedboat is racing towards him. He really should turn around, as Andrea is standing on the prow while brother Zutroy is at the wheel. The boat slams into the beach and Drea goes flying and crashes into Pete! She climbs to her feet and drops an elbow across LDP’s back. Zutroy wheels himself starboard, stands up, and trembling, tosses his power wheelchair onto the beach. He leans on the railing and simply falls over, landing two feet to the right of his chair. “And this match as started! Andrea Montgomery going the stealth route, and she took Longdogger Pete by surprise! But, one has to wonder, can she throw Pete into the ocean?” Comet inquires. “Of course not! She won’t have to, though. She’ll just toss Ian in, and Pete will go in after so his kid doesn’t get eaten by sharks,” Riley says. “That’s just horrible. Though I wonder if that might be allowable,” Comet says, pondering the possibilities. Zutroy pulls himself up and into his chair as Drea lifts Pete off his feet and nails him with a kick to the jaw. LDP staggers back, but charges forward, sending Drea into the sand with a clothesline. Peat moss lifts her up and drives a knee into her gut. He tilt-a-whirls her up and slams her into the beach with a sidewalk slam. Pete gets off the sand and looks to drop an elbow, but Drea rolls out of the way. She pulls herself up and reaches down to lift LDP off the sand, but he lands a punch to her head. She staggers back, giving Pete time to stand up and knock her down with a clothesline. Pete grabs her by the hair, lifts Drea off the sand, and scoops her up in a press slam position. “Longdogger Pete looks to end this match! I wouldn’t blame him, as it’s a nice day, and he probably has plans with Ian,” Comet says. “I’m just glad it’ll be over soon,” Riley says. LDP does a few reps then heaves Andrea into the ocean! However, there is no splash, as she appears to have landed directly on a manatee! “My goodness! Andrea Montgomery hit that manatee, and the sea cow is the only thing saving her from losing this match. If she’s got some kind of Aquaman-type marine life telepathy, she’d better start using it now and tell that beast to swim her to the beach!” Comet exclaims. “She’s lost, then. It’s a sea cow! SEA COW! It’s not that bright, and besides, it’s greatest enemy is the outboard motor,” Riley notes. “Go manatee! Swim me to shore!” Andrea shouts to the mammal she’s seated on while LDP, SDI, and Zutroy just stare out at her, bemused. With the grace of, well, a sea cow, it slowly begins swimming towards the beach, but out in the distance, a speed boat has caught sight of it and begins turning to get a better look. Knowing the danger it’s in, the manatee lets out a panicked “MWUAGAAH!” and begins swimming frantically. “Andrea might be in trouble now that a speed boat’s gotten wind of that manatee she’s riding,” Comet notes. “Dude. Think about what you just said,” Riley says. “You’re right, Bobby. For those who don’t know, speed boats seek out and try to maim or kill any manatee they can find. They hunt for sport, not for food,” Comet explains. The boat races towards the beleaguered sea cow, propeller itching to taste manatee blood and incarnadine the sea. As the boat closes in, Drea carefully stands on the Trichechus manatus latirostris in case she has to leap to shore and safety. The boat throttles forward, slamming into the aquatic bovine’s tail, causing it to spin out of control. “Oh no! The boat has made its move! It’s common for this to happen. First a speed boat will hit a manatee, disorienting it in order to circle around and go in for the kill,” Comet states. “And that would mean Andrea Montgomery is in trouble if that boat hits the manatee,” Riley adds. Drea leans towards the manatee’s head, presumably encouraging it to take her to shore. Slowly, the beast turns and starts swimming to the beach once more. She’s twenty yards away, but the boat is turning to go straight across the sea cow’s back. The engine revs, the manatee shrieks out a terrified “GUAWAAGAAH!!” but continues to swim as the boat gives chase. Desperate to not lose the match, Andrea lays stomach-first on the manatee and begins paddling with her arms. However, as the boat comes closer, she stands upright and jumps. She lands safely on the beach, but the manatee is not so lucky as the boat cruelly slices its tail. With a bellowing “FRAAGYAA!” the sea cow turns and smashes through the hull of the boat, bringing its enemy down with it. “Andrea Montgomery is safe on the sand, but that poor, poor mammal is far from it. Took a nasty cut to the tail, but in a rare occurrence, fought back. And after that blow, that boat won’t be killing any manatees any more. Sadly, I doubt that the manatee will survive such a wound,” Comet notes. “So true, Comet. You’ve got to pull yourself together, though, as we’ve still got a match on our hands!” Riley exclaims. Pete seems to accept the continuation of the match and stalks towards Drea. She tries to rush him, but the wet sand sucks at her feet, causing her to stumble, right into a big left hook from LDP. “Cannonball time!” Pete shouts. Ian runs to his father and jumps up. Pete catches the tyke, and lifts him high above his head before throwing him down. Shortdogger folds his knees into his chest and slams into Drea. “Assisted cannonball from Ian! I don’t think that’s very fair, Bobby,” Comet states. “Then, by nature, I must think it’s perfectly acceptable! Go family Dogger!” Riley shouts. Grumbling, Zutroy scoops up a handful of sand and throws it right into Pete’s eyes. With a high-pitched squeal of “Don’t you hurt my daddy!” Ian rushes the male Montgomery, pummeling his weak legs with tiny fists of rage. “What an incredible ball of hate that toddler is,” Riley comments. “Just wonderful. Wish I had kids so I could raise ‘em like that,” he says, welling up with tears. Not wanting to hurt the child, but most definitely wanting to get rid of him, Zutroy gives a mighty shove that sends Ian rolling down the beach, ending up next to a horseshoe crab. “Oh shit! A horseshoe crab! Those fuckers are scary. Countdown to Ian freaking out starting now,” Comet says. “Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,” Riley begins. “AAAAH! DADDY! HELP! AAAH!!” Ian screams. “Five four three two one,” Riley finishes up quickly. Pete scrambles to his son’s aid, sees the crustacean, and picks it up by the tail. Armed with a fucking creepy weapon, LDP advances on Drea as she’s slowly picking herself up off the beach. Pete swings, but she dodges and lashes out with a kick to his solar plexus. He drops the crab, and Drea snatches it before it touches sand. She lands another kick to his stomach, doubling the Longdogger over before smashing him over the head with exoskeleton. Bits of crab go flying, but Pete doesn’t stay down long. He shoots up, right into a front facelock and gets taken down with a DDT. Seething with anger, Ian rushes Andrea, arms whirling in a windmill of destruction. “Andrea turned the tide by using the horseshoe crab on Pete, but now Ian is furious once more,” Comet points out. “Simply wonderful,” Riley says. Andrea quickly sidesteps SDI, and perhaps out of instinct, shoots out her legs, taking the toddler down with a drop toe hold. Sadly, the part of the beach occupied by Ian’s face is also home to a jellyfish. Ian gets a face-full of stinger, and he leaps into the air, crying at a pitch that only whales can hear. Whales and parents, that is. Pete leaps to the air and heads for his son. “And Ian takes some jellyfish poison full on. That’s got to hurt. You know, Bobby, I’ve heard that if a person gets stung by a jellyfish, urinating on that spot helps with the pain,” Comet says. “Uh, I think Longdogger Pete knows that, too, Comet,” Riley points out. Riley speaks the truth, as Pete is trying to coax Ian to take his hands away from his face. “Okay, buddy, I know it hurts bad, but what I’m going to do will make it better. Just close your eyes and mouth. Dear Lord, this is the worst thing I’ve ever done...” Pete says. “Longdogger Pete about to administer some help, R. Kelly style!” Riley exclaims. “This match has plunged the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation to new lows,” Comet says somberly. Cursing his fate, Pete lets his stream of love stop the pain. He zips up, turns around, and gets blasted with a dropkick from Andrea. Pete stumbles, but quickly regains his balance and jumps towards Drea. He knocks her to the ground, raises a tanned fist, and brings it crashing down on her head. LDP lands another punch, another, and one more still as the forecast for Andrea’s face calls for heavy rains of punches. “Longdogger Pete is pouring out his rage into Andrea Montgomery’s face,” Comet states. “That’ll teach her to send his son into a jellyfish, forcing him to urinate on the kid’s face,” Riley says. “Something tells me we might have to shut down after this match...” Comet says. Moss slams his ninth punch into Drea’s head, and has pulls back for number ten, Zutroy wheels into him, knocking LDP off. The Dogger gets to his feet, spoiling for a fight, but doesn’t seem so sure after Zutroy brandishes an empty gin bottle. “Hey now, man. Stay out of the match. It’s between me and your sister,” Pete says, hoping not to catch a bottle to the head or crotch. “What about when the kid went after her? Or when you spiked him on her?” Zutroy questions. “Oh, that. Well, he’s just a kid, you know?” LDP pleads. “So you brought a kid to a wrestling match? Dude, you suck as a dad,” Zutroy states. “Bastard!” Pete exclaims. Throwing caution to the wind, LDP charges Zutroy and spears him, knocking him out of the power wheelchair and it to the ground. Zutroy gets an arm behind Pete’s head and hits him in the head with the bottle. It doesn’t break, but LDP’s head might have, as he slumps forward, unconscious. After a bit of a struggle, Zutroy pushes Pete off and slowly sits up. He crawls over to his Teknique XHD model power wheelchair, turns it upright, and climbs back in. “Longdogger Pete took a mighty wang to the head, and he’s out cold,” Comet notes. “I think of it along the lines of Zutroy Montgomery conking Pete, actually,” Riley says. “Either way, Pete is out of this match, but I don’t know if Andrea Montgomery can toss him into the ocean,” Comet points out. “She can always do what I suggested earlier,” Riley hints. “What? Oh! You mean throw little Ian into the water?” Comet asks. “Of course. I mean, you heard what Zutroy said. Why kind of father brings a child, a tiny toddler like Ian, especially, to a wrestling match? He sucks as a dad, and if the consequence is Ian getting thrown into the Atlantic, so be it,” Riley says. “But you were saying how much you liked Ian, with his rage and whatnot. So surely he can’t be that bad of a father,” Comet notes. “Besides, this is a wrestling match in only the loosest sense of those words.” “Yeah, like your mom!” Riley exclaims. Quite a lame burn indeed. Andrea seems to be at a loss with Pete knocked unconscious, but she gets an idea and heads towards Ian. She scoops the kid up and tosses him into the ocean. However, there is no referee present to indicate whether or not this ends the match. Zutroy appears to be convinced, however, as he heads up the beach, and Andrea follows soon after. “Uh, is that it? The match is over? Shouldn’t someone get Ian? Doesn’t look like the kid can swim,” Comet points out. “Holy crap, the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation is going to be responsible for the death of another kid!” Riley exclaims. “Another? I don’t even want to know,” Comet says before Riley can explain. “I just hope Longdogger Pete gets up soon otherwise ‘Shortdogger’ Ian won’t make it to be a second-generation wrestler and we’ll have to wait for...Hollyanna...” Comet says with a shudder shared by Riley. Ian flails his arms as another wave crashes over him, but this one is accompanied by a tiny raft fashioned out of life preservers, scraps of cloth, and palm fronds and filled with several Cuban refugees. The waves of the passing vessel washes Ian into the raft unnoticed by the occupants. LDP staggers to his feet as his son drifts towards shore, unbeknownst to him. “Hey! Get back here! This match isn’t over!” Pete shouts to the receding shapes of Andrea and Zutroy Montgomery. Being on two feet and not in a power wheelchair, Andrea turns around first. With a shrug of her shoulders, she heads back towards the Longdogger. “This match continues!” Comet exclaims. “Yeah, but Ian MacDougal is in that raft with those Cuban immigrants, and father Pete doesn’t know it,” Riley points out. Ian’s raft washes ashore, but before anyone in the raft can move, they’re swarmed by INS agents. “Hey Sanders! Check out the kid. Doesn’t look like the rest of the family. We should let him stay. That’d totally rock!” shouts one of the agents, gesturing towards Ian. “Damn it, Foster, you’re drunk again. Don’t you remember what happened last time we let a kid stay?” Sanders replies. “No. And besides, you’re on PCP, and I out-rank you, so fuck you, the kid stays,” Foster shouts back while picking Ian up and shoving the raft back into the water. “LDP! LDP!” Ian squeals, pointing towards Pete. “El Depe? Not familiar with that phrase. Sanders, you know what ‘el depe’ means?” Foster asks. “Not a clue. But do you see those orange goblins with the maroon faces dancing around the mutilated corpse of a goat?” Sanders responds. “Dude. Yeah. That’s messed up. Let’s get this little guy out of here before they see him and want to feast on his soul,” Foster says. “Uh oh. Those INS agents have mistaken Ian for a Cuban immigrant and are taking him away. Pete needs to turn around quickly,” Comet states. “Don’t worry, Comet. He’ll find out when Ian is seized by a group of Cuban citizens,” Riley says. Ian continues shouting for his father as the agents carry him away, and perhaps by chance, the sea breeze carries the faint sound of the Shortdogger’s voice to Pete. Curious, LDP turns to see his son being taken away, and he instantly races after him as best he can in the sand. “Hey! Stop! That’s my son!” Pete calls after the agents. They wheel around and stare at LDP as he walks towards Ian. “Shit! It’s the Goblin King, come to eat this poor child! Sanders, catch!” Foster shouts and tosses Ian to the other agent. He reaches into his jacket and produces a remote control? “Dude, don’t you remember? Chief took your gun when you shot those people at the zoo,” Sanders explains. “Oh, yeah. Man, that was a messed up Easter,” Foster replies. “Morons, give me my kid back!” Pete shouts at the two agents. “Daddy!” Ian cries, wriggles free of Sanders’ grasp, and runs to LDP. “Well, if the kid wants to be with the Goblin King, who are we to intervene?” Sanders asks. “The United States fucking government, that’s who! We intervene in anything we want to!” Foster shouts, brandishing the remote towards Pete. Shaking his head sadly, Pete decks Foster with a right hand, knocking him to the ground and sending the remote in the air. Ian catches it, and points it towards Sanders. “Oh, Jesus, kid, no! Don’t hurt me, I’ll leave!” Sanders begs. He reaches down, grabs Foster’s right arm, and drags him off. “Man, I hate the government,” Riley says. Ian drops the remote control and turns around to walk back towards Andrea and Zutroy with Pete following close behind. “Okay, maybe now the match will start back up,” Comet says hopefully. Drea runs right for Pete and catches him off guard with a jumping spin kick to the jaw. He stumbles backwards and she closes in, firing off two kicks to his chest, finishing with a Venus-style elbow. She takes a step back and dives forward, hitting the Longdogger with a dropkick to his legs, knocking him to the ground. She quickly gets back up, only to leap in the air and crash down on Pete with a standing moonsault. Andrea gets back up, and something casts a huge shadow over herself, Pete, Ian, and Zutroy. “CAN YOU DIG IT?” booms out a familiar voice. Over a sand dune comes the figure of the newest Miami Heat (Shouldn’t it be ‘Heater’? Why the hell don’t they have a noun for the team name?), Shaquille O’Neal. “It’s Big Aristotle! Diesel! Other random nicknames he’s bestowed upon himself! SHAQ!” Comet exclaims. O’Neal heads down the dune, stops, and his eyes roll back in his head before he falls down. At first, all that can be seen is a golf club, but slowly Jack Nicholson crests the dune. “You big bastard! That’ll teach you to try and leave the Lakers. You can never leave! No escape!” Jack screams at the downed O’Neal. He quickly catches sight of Andrea and Zutroy Montgomery and Pete and Ian MacDougal and he heads down the dune towards them. “Hey, what are you punks looking at? You want to tangle with me? Let’s go, jackass!” Nicholson rages. “Holy crap! It’s actor and Los Angeles Lakers fan Jack Nicholson, and he just clubbed Shaquille O’Neal with that nine iron,” Comet states. “And he’s got his eyes set on one of our Smartmarks Wrestling Federation wrestlers!” Riley exclaims. As Jack’s walking towards the wrestlers, Shaq gets to his feet and heads after Nicholson. He stalks up behind the actor and lands a chop to his neck, and another, and another. “Shaq Hack Attack!” Comet shouts. “What?” Riley asks. “The Shaq Hack Attack. It’s a move Shaq does. A series of chops,” Comet explains. Nicholson drops to one knee, but he swiftly drives the handle of his golf club into O’Neal’s nether regions, stopping the center. He whips the club face into Shaq’s, and quickly gets to his feet. “You son of a bitch! Want to be an actor, huh? Then you make shit! Like Steel! And Kazaam! And Blue Chips!” Jack screams, punctuating each movie title with a swing of the golf club into Shaq’s face. Drea just stares as an aging, possibly demented, most likely drunk, actor beats the living shit out of a much younger, bigger and stronger athlete, leaving her wide open for a clothesline from Longdogger Pete. LDP pulls her up, grabs both of her arms, and drops down with a double arm DDT. “The Clogger! Longdogger Pete with the Clogger on the...well, soft sand. I don’t know how potent that move is on the beach,” Comet says. “You sure it’s called the Clogger? I thought that was a name for something else. But, yeah, it’s most likely not as strong on the beach as it is in the ring,” Riley adds. Pete gets back up, and Drea is on her feet soon after. Amazed at what little effect the Clogger had on her, Pete fires off a big haymaker, but Andrea manages to duck it. She snaps out two kicks to his knees and follows up with a dropkick to his stomach. With LDP doubled over, Drea places a leg across his neck while grabbing his arm and turning. “Leg lever takedown from Andrea Montgomery, but the issue is still that she can’t possibly lift Longdogger Pete and throw him into the ocean,” Comet states. “Yeah, and it’s obvious that throwing Ian in didn’t work,” Riley adds. “So, basically, you’re saying she’s boned?” “Perhaps with less vulgar words, but, yes, Bobby, Andrea Montgomery most likely will not be able to win this match,” Comet says. Drea takes several paces back, runs towards Pete, and jumps over, while performing a back flip, landing a shooting star press. She leans down to pick him up, but Pete lashes out with a starfish, hitting Andrea in the eye with one of its arms. “And once again, Longdogger Pete and Andrea Montgomery are bringing marine life into this match,” Comet points out. “I’m waiting for someone to use a land shark!” Riley exclaims. “Bobby, that was a creation of the first season of Saturday Night Live,” Comet explains. “No it wasn’t! My grandmother Eunice was eaten by one,” Riley says. Drea stumbles back, hand to her eye as Pete stands up and rakes the echinoderm across her forehead. He quickly bends down, cups his hands into the water and splashes it on Andrea’s freshly bleeding head. “And Pete with the salt water to the open wound. Man, I bet it’s going to sting when Andrea hits the water,” Comet states. “And how!” is all Riley has to add at this time. Drea blindly lashes out with a kick, and misses Pete’s crotch by inches. He doubles over from the blow to the gut, and catches another to the jaw. She grabs his arm and dropkicks his legs while slamming her elbow into the back of his neck. “Magnolia Bloom from Andrea Montgomery. She can’t win this match, we’ve made that obvious, but she’s making it tough for Longdogger Pete to get the victory,” Comet states. “Yeah, she should just lay down and give up,” Riley adds. Drea grabs the dropped starfish and rakes it across Pete’s bare back several times, making a crimson checkerboard. “Now Andrea’s got the starfish, and that can’t be good for Pete’s back,” Comet says. “The weird thing is it looked like Andrea was opening up some old scars. Now, it’s tough to tell on my monitor, but I’d wager they were the width of fingernails,” Riley notes. “Perhaps the after effects of some action with Mrs. MacDougal?” Comet asks. “Quite possible. Unless Pete’s been heading to the bath houses...” Riley says. Andrea drops the echinoderm and fires off a kick to Pete’s head. She picks up the Dogger and sends him stumbling backwards with a two hundred seventy degree dropkick. “Nice dropsault from Andrea. I wonder if she knows that there’s no way she’ll win this match,” Comet says. “Probably not. She’s never been too brainy. Neither has her brother, Zutroy. Regular family of morons,” Riley says. “Even so, I doubt Andrea would give up if she did know. She’s not one to quit even when there’s no chance of her winning. No, wait, I’m thinking of someone else,” Comet says. Pete clears his head with a shake and charges towards Drea. She leaps in the air, planting her feet in his stomach while grabbing the back of his head. Andrea flips over, sending Longdogger Pete soaring through the air... SPLASH! ...and into the ocean! “AAAAAAH!!!!” Pete shrieks as his back wounds meet salt water. “And the winner of this match, Andrea Montgomery,” Funyon says to the crowd. “It’s over! Andrea Montgomery won the match! I knew it!” Comet exclaims. “You bastard, we both said she couldn’t throw Pete into the ocean, but she proved us wrong with that monkey flip,” Riley says. Pete dog paddles towards the shore, and as he sets foot on the beach, scoops Ian up and sets the Shortdogger on his shoulder. “Well, that’s the match. I hit the water. We’re going to go get some ice cream. See you later,” Pete says, turns, and walks off. Zutroy and Andrea stare at each other, then head up the beach, passing Nicholson and O’Neal, still locked in combat. “Well, that was a very strange match, and we’ve got even more on the way, so don’t change the channel!” Comet demands. “We’re serious. We’ll find you and we will cut you!” Riley declares. And Storm fades out to a commercial for the marquee Smartmarks Fake Baseball League game of the week: Jacksonville Jackoffs at New Orleans Crunk Machine. You gon’ keep it crunk? Or are you going to stay home, close the door, and pull for the Jackoffs?

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome back to SWF STOOOORMM!” Cyclone Comet exclaims as the lights in the arena begin to dim. “Thanks for the headache”. Robert Riley responds as he rubs his ears in dismay. “The next match-up should be very exciting Bobbo, The New SWF Hardcore Gamers champion, Carnage, will take on Austin Sly with the title on the line” Riley smiles as he cracks open an ice cold can of Pepsi. The fizz is heard over the mike as Riley stops to take a sip. “Austin Sly is going to take this gimp to school tonight” Riley predicts confidently. Funyon heads to the ring as the crowd gives him a polite round of applause. He steps between the ropes and waves appreciatively at the crowds. A microphone dangles calmly in the center of the ring, patiently awaiting the arrival of the SWF announcer. The arena lights turn a dark cooling shade of blue to signal the imminant arrival of Austin Sly. The sound of an accoustic guitar playing a hard driving riff floats out over the arena but it is almost completely drowned out by the fans showing their utter loathe for the man. Austin emerges from behind the curtains with only a slight cocky smirk to show any emotion on his face. He walks to the edge of the stage to do his prematch stretches before he makes his way towards the ring as Funyon makes his announcement. “Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is for the SWF Hardcore Gamers championship!” Funyon roars as the crowd drowns him out. “First allow me to introduce the challenger, weighting in at 230 pounds he hails from St.Louis Missourri…AUSTINNN SLLLLLYY!!!” The crowd immediately spots the steel pipe in the hand of the challenger. They begin a chant that rocks the arena BLOODSPORT! BLOODSPORT! BLOODSPORT!! Austin jumps up onto the ring apron and hooks his arm on the top rope. He looks through the arena, not focusing on anyone or anything in the crowd, just taking it in before he climbs into the ring through the middle rope. He makes his way across the ring and leans on the ropes awaiting the arrival of the champion. He slaps the pipe nervously against the palm of his hand as he glares under the JumoTron. “And now allow me to introduce the champion…he weights in at 307 pounds and hails from Parts unknown…Ladies and gentlemen please give a warm welcome to the SWF Hardcore Gamers champion…CAAAAARNNAGGGE!!!” let the bodies hit the floor let the bodies hit the floor let the bodies hit the.....FLOOOOOOORRR!!!!! The crowd cheers wildly as a fountain of white and yellow pyros erupt from under the JumboTron. A cloud of smoke rises from under the stage as Carnage emerges from behind the curtains. He pauses for a moment to look over the crowd, then heads directly to the ring. As usual the masked man carries a barbed-wire covered baseball bat in his hands, as he stops for a moment outside of the ring. He locks eyes on Austin Sly who returns his stare and waves his steel pipe defiantly in the champions direction. Carnage rolls under the ropes and goes to his corner. “This contest is governed by hardcore rules. The referee is only in the ring to record the pinfall or submission. Outside of that there are no rules in this match.” Funyon booms over the microphone as a skittish looking referee rolls into the ring. “Gentleman, good luck” Funyon concludes as the two men head to the center of the ring. Funyon quickly exits through the ropes and goes to ringside. The referee raises his hand to signal for the bell. DING DING “Go get him, Sly” Riley mutters as the crowd begins to quiet. “Citizen Sly clearly has the experience advantage in this match”. Cyclone Comet states at the opponents engage in a stare down in the ring. The crowd is silent as the two men face each other. Austin Sly surprisingly does not appear intimidated by his larger opponent. Carnage glares at Sly as the two stand nose to nose in the center of the ring. Sly nervously slaps his hand against his steel pipe as Carnage rests his barbed-wire covered bat by his side. The referee does not bother with any final instructions for this Hardcore match; he locks his eyes on the opponents and hopes for the best. Austin Sly immediately swings his pipe at Carnage. The SWF resident psycho blocks the pipe with his bat, but the collision knocks both instruments to the mat. Carnage turns to retrieve his weapon but is nailed by a stiff right hand from the challenger. The two exchange a flurry of punches in the center of the ring as Carnage shots appear to be more effective. He slows Sly’s offence , then grabs his left arm and Irish whips the challenger to the ropes. “And Carnage gains the initial advantage” Comet reports as Riley quickly cuts him off. “A little early in the match though” As Austin Sly rebounds off the ropes Carnage ducks down and sends his opponent for a ride with a brutal back body drop. The challenger bounces off the mat and immediatey grabs at his lower back in pain. The crowd cheers the high impact move as Austin Sly rolls to his back in agony. This provides Carnage the opportunity to fires a series of sharp toe kicks to the abdomen of his fallen opponent. Carnage stops the kicking to pull Sly up by his blonde highlighted hair and whip him hard to the corner ring post. He runs in with a quick clothesline that shakes the ring.He follows up with several stiff punches to the challengers head. Sly sinks to the ground where Carnage switches his attack to a series of strong kicks to Sly’s upper chest area. “Carnage is definatelty making his presence known here tonight” Cyclone Comet continues. “Not for long, Comet, not for long!” The referee approaches to check over the action which draws an immediate boo from the audience. Carnage turns his attention to the zebra who steps away from the action in this rule-less hardcore match up. Austin Sly struggles to his feet as Carnage returns to the offence. He nails Sly with a blistering knife edge chop to Sly’s upper chest that bounces the challengers off the ring post. Sly grabs Carnage by the arm and sends his to the corner ring post where he nails the masked man with a knife edge chop of his own. The two men exchange a series of knife edges with no one getting an advantage. Sly fires a quick knee to Carnages balls that slows the champions offence. He follows up with several stiff punches to Carnages head with has the champion back peddling to the other corner of the ring. Sly fires a wild forearm shiver that nails the champion between the eyes. As Carnage lands on the mat Austin Sly turns to a series of hard kicks to the champions upper chest and head. Once again the referee moves in for a closer look at the action which greatly upsets the challenger, who screams at him to back off. “I fail to see why citizen Sly is so upset”, Cyclone Comet states. “The referee is just positioning himself for a closer look” “The referee is annoying. This is a hardcore match”, Riley blurts. “If the referee wants a better look he should be at home watching this on TV” Carnage rises to his feet and braces himself against the corner ring post. Sly fires another forearm shiver to Carnages head. The champion responds with a forearm of his own And once again the combatants get into a slug fest. Austin Sly takes more damage than he gives as Carnage gets the best of the exchange. Carnage grabs Sly by his arm and whips him hard to the ropes, as Sly rebounds Carnage fires a wild clothesline at the challenger WHIFF Sly ducks under the clothesline and runs across the ring where he springboards off the ropes and fires a flying elbow at the champion. While Sly was coming off the ropes Carnage had shot a flying forearm of his own at the challenger and the two combatants collide in the center of the ring CRASH “Holy Cow, Batman!” Cyclone Comet exclaims as the two men fall hard to the mat. “What a collision!” “Austin Sly went for the springboard forearm smash…brilliant move I might add” Riley responds as the two grapplers lie motionless in the center of the ring. “then nut case went for a forearm smash of his own…not nearly as well done…and it ends up a train wreck!” After a moment on the mat Carnage struggles to his feet. He fires a stiff punch to the head of the challenger, who is finally rising to his feet. The impact wobbles the challenger and allows Carnage to once again whip him to the ropes. The SWF resident psycho once again drops his head in an attempt at another back body drop. This time Austin Sly grabs the ropes to stop his momentum, and fires a powerful kick to Carnages face. This move seems to stun Carnage and as Carnage straightens up Sly fires a wild clothesline at the champion WHIFF Carnage ducks the move as Austin Sly goes flying across the ring. The challenger immediately catches himself on the far side ropes and turns to face his opponent. He is met by a charging Carnage who attempts to nail the challenger with a clothesline. Austin Sly grabs Carnage around the waist and nails him with a belly to back suplex that sends the challenger over the top rope and out to the St.Petersburg Times Arena floor CRASH “Citizen Carnage took a wi;d spill to the arena floor” Cyclone Comet states as Riley makes a move for his Nachos. “Thank you Captain Obvious” Austin Sly smiles as he rolls out of the ring. He immediately goes after his opponent as he tries to get off the arena floor. He fires several punishing kicks to Carnages head as he tries to get to his feet. Austin Sly grabs Carnages near side arm and wrenches it back, this allows the challenger to hit Carnage with several unobstructed kicks to the champions ribs. Sly then pulls Carnage up and whips him hard to the steel ring stairs THUD The chairs separate and fall to the arena floor as the impact clearly stuns the champion. Sly seizes the momentum and pulls up Carnage once again and sends him hard to the steel guardrails separating the ring from the audience. As a crowd of spectators press close for a better view Carnage slumps to the arena floor. Austin Sly shoots a series of hard kicks to the champions ribs as he lies of the floor. “Now Citizen Sly is clearly taking it to the champion.” Comet exclaims as a trickle of blood drips from the champions left eye brow. “He’d better be taking it to his opponent”, Riley interjects. “This Carnage is a very unstable man. You definitely want to put him away as soon as possible” Austin Sly pulls Carnage up and sends him back into the ring. The masked man seems unconscious as Sly pulls him up to his feet. He locks his arms around the waist of the champion and hits him with a belly to back suplex. Austin Sly gives the champ a cocky cover as the referee dives in for the count. ONE TWO TH---No, Carnage kicks out. “Close call. I believe if Citizen Sly had properly secured the challenger by hooking his leg he might have gotten the pin” Cyclone Comet states as Robert Riley takes a sip of his soda. “Yeah, it was pretty sloppy for a pro like Austin Sly, but than again he is facing Carnage so he doesn’t really have to give him best effort” Austin Sly pulls up the weakened Carnage and clamps on a reverse chin lock. The masked man attempts to fight the hold but Sly’s is able to force the champion to the mat. As he applies pressure to the hold he also attempts to get Carnages shoulders on the mat. The referee moves in close to watch for a pin. Sly is blatant as he varies the chin lock with a blatant choke hold as the referee is powerless to stop him. After struggling against the choke hold Carnage’s shoulders hit the mat. The referee quickly starts the count but the masked man immediately raises his shoulder to break the count. “It appears Austin Sly is choking out the challenger” Comet notes with indignation. “And it’s all good in this match” Riley responds. Austin Sly continues to dig in with the hold but Carnage is able to battle his way to his knees. The crowd gets behind the champion as he finally makes his way to a vertical base. Austin Sly desperately struggles to bring Carnage back down but the SWF resident psycho fires several hard punches to the challengers exposed midsection, forcing Sly to abandon the reverse chin lock. Austin Sly nails his opponent with several high knees to his abdomen to break his momentum. He locks his arms around the champions waist and goes for a back drop. The champion quickly counters with an elbow that catches Sly on the jaw. As Sly is momentarily stunned he slips behind him and cradles him in a pin fall attempt. The referee dives to the mat for the count. ONE TWO TH—No, Sly kicks out! “Close one”, Cyclone Comet exclaims as Riley gags on his Nachos. Carnage immediately gets to his feet and fires a series of punches to Sly’s head. The masked man goes to Irish whip Austin Sly to the ropes but Sly counters by grabbing The champion around the waste and nailing him with a belly to belly suplex. The crowd Moans as Austin Sly quickly wraps up Carnage for a pin. ONE TWO Thr—No, Carnage kicks out! “Slow count by the referee!” Riley blurts as Cyclone Comet shakes his head in disagreement. “The count seemed very consistant to me” Austin Sly pulls up Carnage and again slips behind the SWF resident psycho. He locks his arms around his waist and hits him with a German Suplex. As Carnage tries to get off the mat Sly once again clamps on a reverse chin lock. The champion flails his arms wildly as Sly digs in the hold. The referee is quick to monitor the action. This time Sly does not bother to attempt to force a pin on the champion, he goes more for a blatant choke out of the hard core champion. “It would appear that citizen Sly is really focusing on those blatant choke holds”, Cyclone Comet states with disdain. “Isn’t he cool?” Riley gushes in response. As Sly digs in with the choke hold Carnages eyes begin to glaze over. His arms fall limp to his sides as he appears to be losing consciousness. The referee raises Carnages left arm, but it falls lifelessly to his side. He quickly signals ONE As Austin Sly digs in with the hold the referee raises the masked mans arm once more. Once again the arm falls limply to his side TWO “We’re minutes away from a new Champion!”, Riley exclaims. “…and Austin Sly will make a great champion!” The referee once again raises Carnages arm, it starts to falls, but stops at mid point. The crowd immediately gets behind the champion as a look of disgust flashes over Austin Sly’s face. Carnage forces his way up to his knees despite the best efforts from his opponent to keep him down. The champion fires several hard shots to the challengers abdomen which forces Sly to again abandon the chin lock. Carnage runs back and bounces off the rope as he fires a blistering clothesline at Austin Sly. WHIFF The challenger quickly ducks under the attempted beheading and grabs Carnage by the waist. He forces him to the ropes and hits a belly to belly that sends the champion over the top rope and crashing to the arena floor. “Holy Cow, Batman!” Cyclone Comet barks as the SWF resident Psycho crashes to the arena floor. “If I told you once I’ve told you a thousand times…I am not Batman!” Austin Sly immediately fires a series of toe kicks to Carnages head. The champion tries to get to his feet but once again Sly slips behind him and locks his arms around Carnages waist. He hits him with a suplex that sends the masked man crashing into the steel guard rail. The crowd immediately rushes to the ring barricades for a closer view as Sly rams Carnages face several times into the steel guardrails. The champion falls to the arena floor in a heap. “Austin Sly is taking this rookie to school” Riley brags as Sly continues his attack. The challenger confidently walks to the steel ring stairs. He picks up the top part and heads to his opponent. As Carnage struggles to get back to his feet he smashes him over the head with the steel step. The impact immediately busts open the champion as a river of blood soon washes over Carnages face. “Merciful Zeus Austin Sly has just split open the champions head with those ringsteps!” Cyclone Comet exclaims as a puddle of blood begins to form on the St.Petersburg Times arena floor. Sly pulls up his dazed opponent and tosses him into the ring. As Carnage lay lifeless on the mat Sly arrogantly rolls under the bottom rope. The crowd wastes little time in showing their effection for the challenger ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE Sly drags Carnage to the corner turnbuckle and climbs to the top rope in an attempt to finish the champion off with a Shooting Star Press. Once atop the turn buckle, Sly pauses to ridicule the jeering audience. “Quit screwing around and finish this chump off”, Riley blurts as he has seen far to many matches lost due to over confidence. “It appears that Citizen Sly is wasting precious time taunting the crowd!” As Sly continues to annoy the crowd Carnage struggles to his feet and makes a desperate dive for the ropes. He pulls down the top rope and the sudden shift knocks Austin Sly off balance. He falls balls first on the top rope as the audience screams in appreciation. “Dammit!” Riley screams. Carnage musters all his strength as he grabs the compromised Sly around the waist and nails him with a back suplex. Austin Sly crashes to the mat as Carnages collapses as well. The blood continues to ooze from the lacerations on the champions forehead and stains the mat. The referee quickly moves in position to count a pin should Carnage be able to attempt one. The champion finally forces himself over to Sly and makes a cover. The referee dives to the mat to make the count ONE TWO THR…No! Sly kicks out! “Very,Very close” Cyclone Comet notes as Riley watches with manic intensity. “Tremendous kick out by the challenger” Both spent wrestlers force themselves to their feet. They exchange blows with neither wrestler able to gain an advantage. Austin Sly fires a clothesline at Carnage which wobbles the champion. The challenger goes to nail the opponent with another clothesline but Carnage is able to sidestep it. The champion slips behind the challenger and nails him with a reverse neck breaker that sends him to the mat. “Brilliant counter by Carnage” “Trust me, Comet. There is nothing brilliant about Carnage” Austin Sly slowly rises to his feet as he searches the ring for his opponent. He quickly turns around to see the champion grabs him by the throat. The crowd cheers as Carnage pulls Austin Sly off his feet CRASH Carnage drives Sly into the ring with a hellacious Chokeslam. The move devastates the challenger but seems to also take a toll on the champion. Carnage falls to his knees, holding his arm in pain. “Incredible chokeslam, but it appears the champion has injured himself in the process!” Cyclone Comet announces as a smiling Robert Riley takes a sip from his soda. “Isn’t that a tragic?” Carnage finally gets back to his feet and pulls the challenger up. He whips Sly to the corner ring post but is surprised when Sly reverses the move and sends Carnage into the ropes instead. Carnage grabs the ropes to stop his momentum as Austin Sly fires a drop kick at a target that is not there. Sly crashes on the mat as the crowd once again gets on his case. ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE Carnage grabs Sly under the knees and pulls him near the corner. He catapults the challenger hard to the turn buckle which once again sends the crowd into cheers. Carnage quickly slips behind the opponent and cradles him for a pin. ONE TWO THRE—No! Sly kicks out! Carnage pulls up his opponent and whips him to the ropes. Austin Sly counters by putting on the brakes and attempting to reverse the move. The SWF resident psycho surprises the challenger by spinning him around and grabbing him in a side headlock. A look of shock flashes over Sly’s face as Carnage nails him with a thunderous DDT “Merciful Zeus did you see that impact?” Cyclone Comet exclaims as Robert Riley looks very conserned. “Austin Sly will be all right! He’ll kick out!” Carnage quickly wraps up the challenger for the pin fall as the referee once again dives to the mat for the count ONE TWO THRE…No! Austin Sly kicks out! “What a display of heart by the challenger!” Riley gushes as Cyclone nods in agreement. “Citizen Sly has clearly come to fight!” Carnage pulls Sly to his feet but the challenger small packages the champion as the referee once again goes for the count ONE TWO Carnage kicks out! Austin Sly pulls up the champion but Carnage quickly grabs him around the waist and hits him with a belly to belly suplex. As Sly lies on his back in the ring Carnage drops an elbow between the challengers eyes. “Tremendous Impact”, Cyclone states as Riley finishes off his soda. "Austin Sly will not lose to this…man!” The challenger rolls onto his stomach as he attempts to get to his feet. Carnage quickly straddles his back and locks Sly in a brutal Camel Clutch. The crowd roars as the masked man pulls back on his opponent with every fiber of his being. Sly howls in pain as the crimson face of Carnage looks almost possessed as the champion continues to apply the pressure. “I believe Austin Sly is about to tap!” Cyclone yells as Riley shakes his head vigorously. “No way! Austin Sly will never tap!” Tap Tap Tap Austin Sly slams his hand to the mat frantically as the referee signals for the bell. DING DING DING Riley shakes his head in disgust as a smiles flashes across the face of Cyclone Comet. Austin Sly wails in agony as Carnage continues to pull back on the Camel Clutch. The referee yells at Carnage to release him but the masked madman continues to apply pressure to the back on his opponent. As Austin Sly passes out from pain Carnage finally releases the hold. The challenger collapses lifelessly to the mat, as Funyon enters the ring with microphone in hand. “This Carnage is a sick bastard!” Riley barks as Carnage remains in the ring looking over the crowd. “There was no reason to subject Austin Sly to that sort of abuse after he won the match” Cyclone Comet nods his head quietly in agreement as Carnage walks back to the fallen Austin Sly. At the other corner of the ring Funyon gives his announcements. “The time of the match 22 minutes and 9 seconds. The winner and STILL SWF Hardcore Gamers champion…CAAAAR-NAGE!” The crowd gives a loud round of applause for the masked man. The cheers fade when Carnage pulls Austin Sly to his feet. “Now what’s this nut going to do?” Robert Riley exclaims as Carnage hoists Sly in the air and inverts him. TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!!! Carnage drives Austin Sly into the center of the ring with tremendous force. The entire ring shakes as Sly convulses on the mat. In a heartbeat the crowd turns on the champion FREAK FREAK FREEEAKK!!! “This is uncalled for!” Riley screams as Carnage finally leaves the ring. “I’m surprised by Citizen Carnages actions”. Cyclone agrees. “But than again this was a very intense match!” “That does not excuse that madmans actions!” Riley continues. Outside of the ring Carnage appears to be loking for something. After searching for a moment he comes up with his barbed wire covered baseball bat. The crowd hushes as Carnage heads back towards the ring. “My God!”, Riley exclaims as he watches Carnage climbing the ring stairs. “This man is insane!” As Carnage enters the ring a platoon of SWF referees dive in and separate him from Austin Sly. The masked man glares at the challenger as several senior referees pull Sly from harms way. The champion finally rolls out of the ring and heads back towards the dressing room. “Well that was certainly exciting” Cyclone Comet understates as Robert Riley keeps his eyes locked on Carnage as he exits the arena. “There is definitely something wrong with that guy!” Riley states as SWF STORM goes to commercial break.

*clomp* *clomp* *clomp* *clomp* The sound of Toxxic's boots of the hard flooring ring clear through the hall. Holding the World Title over his shoulder, he strides purposefully towards his dressing room. The Champion walks straight by the turns and twists available inside the arena, oblivious to the chit-chat of idle workers and the buzzing of the lights above his head. *clomp* *clomp* *clomp* .... *clomp* .... .... *clomp* Toxxic stops midstep. He subconciously felt something... someone behind him. Having just passed a turn that led to the entrance ramp, he could have sword he caught something odd in the corner of his eye. Odd, dangerous... and very blue... "Well, I will give you partial credit," says the Hardcore Queen, "You're at least half right. Manson would never have beaten me when I had a few real life matches under my belt." The Champion turns around facing a very non-chalant Ann "Ichiban" Onita leaning against a wall, her hat slumped down over her eyes. "But... to say that I would have no chance against you? Some sort of punk-ass Johnny Rotten wannabe against the Queen of Hardcore?" asks Ichiban, "No, I have to take offense to that." Toxxic steps up to his newest challenger with a smirk on his face. "I don't know if you have been watching, but I'm the World Champion for a reason. I destroyed Janus for the title. I humiliated the likes of Kibagami and Andrea Montgomery. What on earth makes you think that a washed up injury prone bitch like you could get any sort of leg up on me?" asks the Champion. Tilting her hat up, the Hardcore Queen stares straight into Toxxic's eyes. "Simple. I'm just... better than you." Turning, Ann Onita walks away, letting her words sink in. The Champion stares at the over-confident woman, obviously trying to make an attempt to piss him off. Without thinking, Toxxic utters a single reply towards his departed antagonist. "Well Ann.... Prepared to be proved wrong."

We hit the St. Petersburg Times Arena once again where, coming off the opener, the fans await the next contest. Of course, Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley are there to greet us as always. "(Comet) Welcome back to Storm, where we are set for Citizen Manson versus Spike Jenkins, who defeated Ryan Dustin for the Cruiserweight Championship on Lockdown, as Manson took care of Stryke." "(Riley) Manson was running his mouth and talking big earlier in the show, vowing to use Spike as an example. I'd like to see him try… this is a two time Cruiserweight Champion we're talking about here." "(Comet) Well, Manson is on a roll, so I wouldn't count him out quite yet. If he can overcome the other fiends of Revolution Zero, I don't think he'll have a problem defeating Jenkins." "(Riley) Based on what? They can be said to have been dead even in the SJL, but Spike is much improved since finding himself under the leadership of Toxxic, as Manson continues to struggle with focus and finding a direction." The techno beats of Darude’s “Sandstorm” begins playing over the announce system, as the crowd rises to their feet, their boos beginning to fill the arena, when suddenly … *BOOM!* White pyro goes off on each side of the stage and "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins walks out from the backstage area, followed by fellow Rev-0 member, Jet. Spike stops at the head of the entrance ramp, the hood of his jacket covering his head, while he stares at the ground. Spike flips the hood off his head, throwing his arms straight out in a cocky manner for the whole world to see, the jeers from the crowd reaching a peak. Spike breaks from his pose, as he and Jet begin to make their way down to the ring. "(Funyon) Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is a non-title singles match, scheduled for one-fall! First, making his way down to the ring, hailing from Hollywood, California and being accompanied by fellow Revolution Zero member Jet -- weighing in at two-hundred and twenty five pounds, and standing six feet, one inches tall! He is the current CRUSERWEIGHT CHAAAAMPION.. "HOLLYWOD" SPIKE JEEEENNNKINS!" Spike mocks the fans in the front row lining the ring barrier, and the fans spit insults at curses back at him as he climbs up the steel steps onto to the ring apron. He walks along the ring apron, taunting the fans with both of his arms in the air, as Jet paces outside. Spike finally steps through the ring ropes and peels his jacket off, tossing it to Jet at ringside. As he waits on Manson, he runs the ropes to warm up, when the arena goes dark. Multi-coloured strobes flash, and "Crusher Destroyer" by Mastodon blasts from the speakers, bringing out Manson to a huge ovation! He opts to head straight down to the ring. "(Funyon) And his opponent, hailing from Denver, Colorado -- weighing in at two-hundred and thirty pounds, and standing six feet even! MMMAAAAANNNNNSOONNNN!" Manson approaches the ring and rolls underneath the ropes, drawing Spike from his corner, who immediately hammers Manson with forearms to the back! Funyon escapes the ring, as Matt Kivell calls for the bell. ::DING DING!:: "(Comet) Under way now, and Spike draws first blood!" Spike continues pounding Manson with repeated forearms, but Manson puts an end to his attack as he grabs Spike's leg and trips him down to the mat. Manson gets some distance as Spike gets up to his feet, and Spike heads back after Manson, who catches him by the arm and takes him down with an armdrag. Letting Spike get up to his knees, Manson stands to the side of Jenkins, still holding onto the arm, and drops an elbow onto his neck. Manson releases the arm, allowing Jenkins to drop to the mat, as Manson takes a few steps back. "(Comet) And Manson with the elbow to Spike's neck, after managing to sneak away from the early attack." As Jenkins pushes himself up to his feet, Manson steps toward him and lunges toward him with a punch to the face, knocking Spike back into the near camera-side ropes. Manson then hits Spike with a left jab, and pulls him off the ropes, whipping him across the ring. Spike hits the opposite ropes and bounces off, as Manson charges forward, swinging for a clothesline. Jenkins ducks under the arm, though, and hits Manson with a hard roundhouse kick to the gut, causing him to keel over. Standing beside Manson now, Spike hits him in the chest with a kick, knocking him back into the ropes. Charging forward, Spike goes for a clothesline of his own, however Manson is able to go low and hoist Spike upward by the legs, dropping him over the ropes and out onto the floor! "(Comet) SPIKE IS DUMPED TO THE OUTSIDE!" Spike hits the mats on the outside with a thud, causing Jet to run over and check on him. Inside the ring, Manson throws up a fist in the air, inciting a pop from the crowd. Manson spies Jet and Spike on the outside, with Spike just getting to his feet with the help of Jet. Manson heads over near their position and grabs hold of the top rope, tugging back on it. Pulling it back to its maximum, he launches himself over the top, down towards Spike and Jet! However, Jet has other plans, as she pulls Spike out of the way, leaving Manson to hit the ground himself! "(Comet) Manson takes flight, but is denied by Jet, who gets Jenkins out of the way!" "(Riley) A woman who does something right, I love that about Jet." "(Comet) I'm surprised to hear that you love something about a woman. Regardless, she shouldn't have been there in the first place." Manson rolls as he hits, despite slamming his right knee on the ground, doing his best to absorb the fall, but finds himself barrelling into the crowd barricade instead. Trapped between the barrier and Spike, who has since shaken off the fall, Manson has nowhere to go as Spike shoves a foot into the throat of Manson, choking him against the barricade. As Kivell warns her to say away, Jet cheers Spike on and talks down Manson, shouting at him as he struggles for breath. Stepping off Manson's throat, Spike paintbrushes him with a slap as Manson tries to pick himself up by grabbing onto the barricade. Spike won't let him recover, as he grabs onto his hair and throws him into the ring. Spike heads in after and goes for the pin. "(Comet) And Spike rolls Manson back into the ring for a cover, after having his way with him on the outside!" "(Riley) Spike having his way with Manson… Hmm…" "(Comet) We need a new writer…" "ONE!!!" And Manson kicks out at one! Spike hops up to his feet and stares down Manson, who attempts to push himself up to a vertical base. Spike screams for Manson to stand up, and after getting up to a knee, he finally does so. However, he limps over toward the ropes to grab on, flexing his right knee as he does so. He grimaces in pain, as Spike grins, realizing that Manson was hurt on the fall to the outside. Spike positions himself behind Manson, taking a few steps forward, and he kicks the leg out from under Manson. Manson hangs on to the ring ropes, and is able to stay on his left leg as he lumbers toward the upper right corner, but Spike simply kicks the leg out from under him again, this time dropping him down to the mat. Spike jogs in place and does a small shuffle… "(Comet) Spike, going after the apparently injured knee of Manson." "BOOOOO!" Which garners a light round of booing from the fans, as Manson pulls himself up with the ropes again, now making it to the corner. Manson lays back first against the turnbuckle, as Spike pursues, and Manson hits him with a punch to the face! Spike staggers back a few steps, and Manson pushes the advantage with another punch, staggering Spike again. But before Manson can hit another, Spike kicks Manson in the knee, sending him hobbling back toward the corner. Spike is quickly on him, as he grabs the arm and sends him to the opposite corner. Manson smacks against the turnbuckles, and Spike charges in, but Manson turns his shoulder and hits a back elbow to the jaw! Spike goes down to a knee and stands back up, just as Manson runs in and leaps onto Spike, taking him down with a Thesz Press! Suddenly, Manson throws down a flurry of lefts and rights onto Spike, anger and a career of frustration, brought to the surface by Rev-0, behind every one of them, as Jet looks away. "(Comet) Manson going into a rage, punching away at Spike as furiously as he can!" "(Riley) Surely that's illegal!" Manson stands up and away from Spike, allowing him to get to his feet. Still in a discombobulated state from the sudden offensive attack by Manson, Spike staggers toward Manson, who lifts him up by the legs and falls backward into the entrance aisle-side ropes, dropping him throat first across the top with a hot shot! Spike falls back from the attack grabbing his throat, as Manson gets an arm around Spike's leg and rolls him up! "(Comet) A roll-up off the stun gun!" "ONE!!" "TW--!!!" Spike kicks out at one and a half! Manson stands and again allows Spike to do the same, and Manson hits him with a right jab to the face, staggering Spike. Manson keeps pursuing, now backing Spike into the lower right corner, where he hits another punch to the face, followed by a kick to the stomach. Manson hits another kick and Spike hangs off the ropes, as Manson goes back to his fists. One after another hits Spike flush in the face, the repeated punches progressively forcing Spike down to the mat. In a seated position, Spike takes a few more punches to the face, before Manson goes back to the kicks, as he stomps Spike. Like what Spike had done to Manson, the Hate Machine takes liberties of his own with Spike, by shoving his boot into Spike's throat and choking him. Spike gasps for air, as Kivell is forced to get between Manson and Spike. "(Riley) That idiot Kivell has to try and restrain Manson!" Spike lays on the mat, holding his throat as Jet talks to him, trying to keep him aware of his surroundings, as… "BBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Marcus Washington heads down the ramp to join his fellow Rev-0 member in support of Spike! "(Comet) What is he doing down here! He should not be here!" "(Riley) He's just here to lend his support to Spike…" "(Comet) These are extremely unfair odds… Manson should not have to deal with Marcus in addition to Jet!" Spike pulls himself up with the ring ropes, with the encouragement of Marcus and Jet on the outside. Manson finally has enough of Kivell, and brushes him out of the way, to go back on the attack. However, as Manson approaches him, Spike pokes him in the eyes! Manson stumbles away from Spike, swatting blindly at air in an attempt to keep him away. Spike approaches Manson, picking his spot as he slides in front of Manson and kicks his legs out from under him. Manson smacks against the mat and is ready to get back up to his feet, as Spike lies in wait. Once Manson gets up to his feet, Spike runs in behind Manson, grabbing his head as he heads by, taking him down with a Phantom Neckbreaker! Manson hits the mat holding the back of his head, and Spike goes for a cover. "(Comet) Spike with a running reverse neckbreaker, into the cover!" "ONE!!!" "TW--!!!!" Manson gets a shoulder up at one and a half!! Manson gets up to his feet, his eyes beginning to clear now, but still in a dire situation as Spike grabs him by the arm and whips him into the announcer table-side ropes, Manson running gingerly as he does so. Manson bounces off, as Spike heads for the opposite ropes and springs off himself. Meeting in the middle of the ring, Spike jumps up and hits Manson with a leaping, running clothesline, knocking Manson down to the mat. Manson again lies still, holding his head, as Spike stands over him. Spike steps on Manson's forehead and scrapes it with the toe of his boot, and as Kivell warns him about that, he brings Manson up into a seated position. Jenkins wraps his arms around Manson's head, places a knee in the middle of his back and locks his fingers underneath the chin. Spike pulls back on the head and Manson screams in pain, as Kivell checks in. "(Comet) Spike with a chinlock on Manson!" "(Riley) Spike's gameplan has been solid… limit Manson's mobility, helped along with the knee injury, and do what he normally does from there, which includes wearing down Manson's neck." His spine and neck cracking under pressure, Manson grimaces from the pain of Spike's hold on him, as he swings his arms in all directions, looking for a way out of the hold. "MANSON! MANSON MANSON!" The fans chant his name, but they only appear as whispers right now, as the pain from the move . Kivell continues asking him if he wants to give, and Manson says no, as he grits his teeth and swings more frantically now. Suddenly, Manson connects with a lucky shot to Spike's head! Spike doesn't release the hold, but another strike allows Manson to break apart Spike's fingers. From there, Manson is able to get a foot planted on the mat. Manson drives a pair of elbows into the breadbasket of Spike, and he gets to his feet, hitting Spike with a haymaker to the jaw! Spike goes down to the mat and goes after Manson, but Manson lands another punch to the face! "(Comet) Manson is coming back, after finding a way out of Spike's chinlock!" "(Riley) Damn it all to hell.." Spike gets up a little slower this time around, as Manson cracks his neck non-chalantly. Spike stands again, and goes for kick to the stomach. Manson catches his leg and before Spike can try for an enxiguiri or something of the sort, Manson throws the leg back down. Manson closes in on Spike and places an arm around his neck, while sweeping the legs out and shoving him backwards, hitting the STO!! Manson covers!! "(Comet) STO BY MANSON!" "ONE!!" "TWOOOO!!!" AND SPIKE KICKS OUT AT TWO!! Manson brings Spike up to his feet, but Spike pushes him away, and lands a kick to the knee. Manson goes down to a knee, and Spike takes a running start from a few feet away, jumping off the knee and bringing his other leg around, kicking Manson in the back of the head! Manson falls to the mat, and Spike goes for a cover. "(Comet) A Dangerous Wizard by Jenkins!" "(Riley) That's gotta be it!!" "ONE!!" "TWOOOO!!!" AND MANSON GETS A SHOULDER UP AT TWO!! Spike pulls Manson up to his feet and takes him by the hand, in order to whip him across the ring to the upper left corner, but Manson reverses the whip on Spike, sending him to the corner instead. Spike hits the turnbuckle, as Manson prepares to head in, but Jet jumps up onto the apron, only to be chased away by Manson. Turning back around toward Spike, Jenkins runs by and grabs Manson's head with one arm as he goes for his version of the Diamond Cutter, The Bad Beat, but Manson manages to shove him off and onto his back! "(Comet) Spike going for The Bad Beat, but thankfully Manson is able to counter!" Spike gets to his feet, but he stumbles back right into the waiting arms of Manson, who wraps his arms around Spike's waist and locks his hands. With a grunt, Manson lifts Spike up and dumps him backwards onto his head with a German Suplex! Manson attempts to hold the bridge, but his knee gives way, and he instead pushes himself back up to his feet. Spike wills himself over onto his side, as Manson makes his way toward the upper right corner and waits for him to stand. Washington and Jet warn Spike, but Spike seems oblivious to their warnings, as he gets to all fours. Manson signals for him to get up, and Spike does near the lower left corner, as Manson charges at him. Manson brings a boot up and jumps slightly, aiming for Spike's head with a Yakuza Kick… BUT SPIKE DUCKS THE LEG! Manson catches himself on the ropes, as Spike waits for him to spin around. "(Comet) I can't believe Spike was able to duck the Yakuza Kick!" As Manson turns back around, he's unaware of Spike waiting for him, and Spike kicks him flush in the jaw with a superkick! "(Comet) AND SPIKE HITS THE LAST DANCE!" Spike goes for a cover… "ONE!!!!" "TWOOOO!": "THRE--NOOO!!!!" "(COMET) MANSON KICKED OUT! HE KICKED OUT!" Spike pounds the mat in frustration, as he pulls Manson up to his feet. Spike hits him with a palm strike to the face, knocking Manson back into the announcer table-side ropes. Manson uses the ropes for momentum, and he hits Spike with an elbow smash to the face, knocking Spike back a few steps, but Spike comes back, spinning in place, and hitting Manson with a roaring elbow!!! The jaw shattering elbow knocks Manson down to the mat, as Spike looks for his spot. "(Comet) And a big Roaring Elbow, an old favorite of Danny Williams, knocks Manson down to the mat!" Spike finds his opening as he wraps an arm around Manson's neck from behind, but Manson spins out of Spike's grasp quickly, right into a front facelock. Manson immediately punches Spike's kidneys rapidly, and pushes him away, into the far camera-side ropes. Spike springs off… right into the arms of Manson, who leans back, wraps his arms around the head of Spike and brings him down to the mat with none other than the Consequences!! Manson goes for the cover!!!! "(Comet) MANSON WITH THE CONSEQUENCES!!!" "ONE!!!!" "TWOOOO!!!!!" "THREEEE!!!!!" ::DING DING!:: "(Funyon) Your winner, by pinfall… MMMMAAAAAAANNNNNSOOONNNN!" "Crusher Destroyer" hits, as Manson quickly exits the ring before Toxxic can head down. With his knee still in tremendous pain, he makes his way to the back as Jet and Marcus Washington head into the ring to console Spike. "(Comet) Manson does it once again, this time overcoming Revolution Zero to pick up the win!" "(Riley) Toxxic won't live this one down, I can assure you!" "(Comet) You're probably right about that, but I'm sure Manson is up to the task… We'll be back with more Storm, after this!"