Kaertos

Phseeeeeeewwwww... Phseeeeeeewwwww... Phseeeeeeewwwww... ... *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM*!!! And with a huge eruption of pyro, and an erruption from the fans in attendance, SWF Lockdown is ON THE AIR! The cameras whirl around the arena, catching glimpses of the rowdy audience in attendance, jumping around for the chance to get even a half-second of air time. The camera even catches a few shots of unbelieveably witty signs, none of which I'm going to go the effort of describing. Deal with it. Finally finishing its panning and swooping, the camera settles on the announcer's table, where two familiar faces meet us... "Salutations, citizens, and to *all* the ships at sea," booms Cyclone Comet, enthusiastic as always. "We are jam packed to the rafters here in Pittsburgh, for yet another episode of SWF Lockdown! Tonight promises curious chaos and fantastic fightery," says Comet, as he leans into the camera. "So I hope all you parents have put the kids to bed." "Excelscior," deadpans Bobby Riley, Comet's ever-loving broadcast partner. "Tonight also promises 'disappointing drudgery' edition in a long line of disgustingly biased main events against the Unnamed. Seriously, Comet! How does Mark *honestly* think Grappler isn't going to get involved!? It's just a good thing Duran's title isn't on the line..." "Your integrity is sterling as always, Robert," grumbles Comet. "I'm sure you think it's entierly fair that that criminal James Matheson gets away with it, and has rigged every possible legal loophole for the Unnamed to boot! Which is *exactly* why Duran is NOT defeding his title tonight." "Details, details," Riley dismisses. "Anyway, our first match of tonight's card is..." WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH! A burst of bright white pyro fires from the left side of the entrance ramp, and the crowd immediately showers the entrance area with a chorus of boos! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH! A second burst of bright white pyro fires from the right side of the entrance ramp, slightly further up. Comet sighs and mutters, "Great." Riley can only laugh. "Haha... damn right this is great. I didn't think mah boys would let tonight's card go by without letting everyone have a piece of their mind." BULLET THE BLUE SKY! BULLET THE BLUE SKY! BULLET THE BLUE! BULLET THE BLUE! As the familiar lyrics sound off, the entrance-way curtain is thrown aside, and the Unnamed's procession down to the ring begins. The newest members, Landon Maddix, Todd Royal and Megan Skye are at the point, while John Duran and James Matheson trail behind. Last but not least, Va'aiga is at the very rear of the group, the jeering nearly doubling as he shrugs the glittering SWF world championship onto his shoulder, following after the rest of his stable. "Unfortunately, Robert, neither did I," says Comet, finally responding to Bobby's comment. "Ladies and gentlemen," announces Funyon, "Please welcome the Unnamed!" The booing continues as all six of the Unnamed enter the ring, flames shooting up from each of the four turnbuckles. The four wrestlers and their manager/valet take a moment to bask in the inflamed crowd, before "Bullet the Blue Sky" fades out, and John Duran recieves the microphone... "Hello, Pittsburgh," Duran intones, with a forced grin, as the rest of the arena hails jeers onto him. "It's good to see so many faces! It's good to see this city still has SOME dedication left, seeing as you can't turn out for any of the lameass teams around here." No matter how right he is, Pittsburgh doesn't appreciate that, as they begin a loud “FUCK YOU DU-RAN *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*” chant. The forced grin on his face immediately drops into a grimace. "Yeah, well, *BEEP* you too. As I was saying, it's good to know you people can turn up for the only attraction worth coming to see... the Unnamed continuing to prove they are THE power, the irresistable force of the SWF!" More boos. Duran shrugs it off. "Hey, come on. Tonight, Todd over there is going to kick Coy's ass back to the trailer park," says Duran, indicating to Royal. He smirks and nods as the Sinner continues. "Furthermore, his deciphile, Landon, is going to run that flippy-floppy *BEEP*head Wildchild right through the ringer, and he sure as hell won't need a crowbar to pry his prize title out of his hands..." Duran pauses. "But hell, I wouldn't object him using one!" The shot at Wildchild gets an enormous round of boos, but Landon just shakes his head with a knowing smile, while Todd and Megan jaw with some of the rowdier fans at ringside. Comet groans, "Now that was just completely uncalled for." "Pfft," Riley dismisses. "Everyone's completely underrating Landon, just because they saw him lose to Sacred, and weren't watching the JL before it got snuffed out. Pity, since the House of Todd were the only thing worth tuning in for." "Anyway," Duran continues. "The point is that it'd be a lot easier if you'd all just accept it. 'Cause I mean, if all that isn't enough, tonight the Notorious One himself is going to face Dace Night, in this very ring. Make sure he's good and soft... putty in Va'aiga's hands for his title defense on Smarkdown! And maybe, just maybe, I'll get a chance to take out that double-crossing son of a bitch Charlie Matthews, who the commissioner oh-so unbaisedly inserted into the match!" Big boos for the shot at Grand Slam. "Double-crossing my spandex covered BUTT," shouts Comet! "Grappler *won* the Clusterfuck, fair and square, and Va'aiga is just afraid to face him!" "Va'aiga? Afraid? I continue to wonder what the hell you're on, Comet," says Bobby. "Grappler was a card carrying member of the Unnamed, and what did he do? He went out there, and made no secret of his intent to WIN! He didn't even try to stop Duran from getting tossed!" "He wasn't even in the match in time to help Duran! And besides, Robert, what was Grappler supposed to do?" Duran gives one last scowl to the fans before he flips the mic to the world champion, who lets a gruff snort into it. "Duran... you're right. I'm so sick of Mark Stevens' *BEEP* too. Hey, at least he knows what's happening... he can see us, the Unnamed, growing stronger. He can see us getting more powerful. He did everything he could to stop this Maori from reaching the top of the heap. He did EVERYTHING he could to help Janus dodge his defense against Duran..." "Zeus's helmet, Va'aiga must be delusional," Cyclone mutters. "He did EVERYTHING he could to hold us down," shouts Va'aiga! The crowds jeering hits critical mass, clearly upset over the constant trashing of the commissioner. Va'agia's brow furrows, and he hollers, "Hey, yo, SHUT THE *BEEP* UP! Despite all this, I did it! I AM THE WORLD CHAMPION! I deserve some *BEEP*ing respect! The Unnamed deserve *BEEP*ing respect! I beat Danny Williams! I RETIRED Danny Williams! Duran beat Janus! We HAVE the strength, and you CANNOT deny us any more! Our numbers grow... our titles increase... we ARE the dominant force of this federation! And there isn't a damn THING," he says, dangerously, "the commissioner can do about that. BOOYA--" **CRACK!** And the crowd, simply put, explodes. "And it looks like the commissioner has finally heard enough," cheers Comet! "The Unnamed may have been barking up the wrong tree, Robert." "Eh. This is nothing they haven't seen before." "Go Home" thumps, the crowd swells, and "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens steps from backstage. There is an unreadable expression on the face of the face of the commissioner as he rasies one hand to acknowledge and quiet the crowd, his other gripping a microphone which he brings to his mouth. "Va'aiga, Duran... that's two strikes, guys. I figured I'd stop you before you took another swing." The crowd cheers again, while the Unnamed look somewhere between disgruntled and unimpresed. Mark continues, "Va'aiga, I don't know where you wrapped your head around this nonsense, and frankly, I'm not really interested in finding out. But, I think I should really get one thing across... I'd like to think I'm an honourable man, and I will never diminish any of your achievments in this federation. You ARE the world champion. You earned it," says Grand Slam, sounding very sincere. Va'aiga regards Mark with a quizzical look as he continues, "And though I don't agree with the way you got to it, I respect that belt and I respect that it signifies you are the best at what you do. No, Va'aiga, I don't hate you because you're successful..." ...pause... Mark sneers, "I hate you because you're an asshole!" The crowd bursts into cheers, as Va'aiga face falls and he runs towards the edge of the ring, shouting unpleasantries in the direction of Stevens. Mark maintains his serious expression, "But never the less... you are my world champion, and you have the right to voice your displeasure about my booking. Even in a manner such as this." "Well, lord knows Mark used to do it all the time himself," says Riley. "HOWEVER," Grand Slam starts. "You guys seem to think you've got it all planned out... that between Matheson's legal loopholes, Duran's cunning and Va'aiga brute strength, nothing can stop you. Well... you're wrong!" Big pop! "I'm still the ultimate authority of the SWF, Va'aiga, no matter what you think of that. I was always more of a hitter, but I'm going to throw you a curve ball: As commissioner, I'm mandating that you wrestle tonight!" Another big pop! The Unnamed adopt (angrier) expressions, as everyone in the ring begins shouting protests! "Furthermore," Mark continues, "I'm also mandating... and with all respect to Dace Night... that you DEFEND THE SWF WORLD TITLE!" The crowd goes critical mass! "WHAT!?" shouts Riley, aghast. "Good gracious! Justice has intervened and Mark Stevens just laid down the law! Va'aiga's going to have to defend the title tonight, BEFORE he faces Dace." Seething, Va'aiga begins shouting, "What the hell!? WHAT THE *BEEP*!? In case you didn't notice, Stevens, I'm injured. You can't seriously think I'm going to wrestle before I face Dace in..." "You can and you will," says Mark, flatly. "I've seen nothing that tells me you're in no condition to wrestle, especially cosidering what you did to Alan Clark and the Memphis Eel, and the fact you agreed to face Dace in... one of the most disturbing stipulations I've ever seen." Va'aiga trembles with anger, pacing around the ring... before settling down somewhat. He turns back to Mark and raises the mic, "Alright, Stevens... alright. This Maori ain't never turned down any challange in his career. But--and it ain't gonna *BEEP*ing happen--what if I lose? And who the hell AM I facing?" "The new champion will be inserted into your already agreed-on match with Dace, Va'aiga," Grand Slam states. "And as far as who you're facing..." Mark pauses, and then looks over the crowd. He smirks, "well, honestly, I don't think I really have any right to tell you. You grab the bull... you WILL get him by the horns. And that, son, is a damn promise." And with another crowd pop, "Go Home" kicks up, as the commissioner makes his exit. In the ring, Va'aiga curses loudly, and then quickly turns to James Matheson and begins shouting something unintelligable. Matheson nods vigorously, as the Unnamed begin to file out... "I can't believe this," Bobby grumbles. "How can ANYONE say Mark Stevens and fair and unbiased after THAT?" "Anyone with a lick of sense, Robert. This is shaping up to be a most interesting night... fans, don't go anywhere. We'll be back with Alan Clark vs Toxxic after these messages!"

Parts of the show came in far too late for me to post them. I will post it as soon as I get home, so look for the show in the 4:00 - 6:00 range tonight.

Everytime I read a report like this I think these two things: - Man, if that were true, that would suck. - Luckily, I read it on the INet, so there is a 85% chance it is total BS.

I agree with you. I am just assuming that they won;t pull the trigger on the Evolution breakup until after WM. In fact Backlash is Raw-only, so I am guessing he might lose it there.

Logical booking says he can't lose the belt before WM unless Foley costs him the match. I don't think that will happen because Orton / Foley doesn;t need more heat. It just needs to be kept at a simmer until WM. Besides, he still needs the belt if they go ahead with the oft-rumored "Evolution break-up" idea.

Kevin Kelly = Bitter

Monday, February 9, 2004 First off, I apologize for the lack of a "Breaking Kayfabe" column in the last several weeks. Not only has there been tons of stuff going on (which I will get to in a moment), but between the holidays, a touch of the flu, a sick son and a wife in Arizona for a legal conference I promise you I have been a busy, busy man. Luckily, my sister Kathy doesn't live too far from the house, or I would have had to take time off the road to watch Chris. So, on to more pressing matters. As I am sure you have read online (I know smartmarks.com broke the story a week or two before CF) my best friend Brian Applewhite, best known to the majority of you as the ever-heelish Suicide King, has retired from his position as the Commissioner of Smartmarks Wrestling Entertainment. He felt that his time behind the scenes and on the road was cutting into his personal life to a far greater degree than he wanted, at least for the time being. He is still with the company (his new title is "Creative Consultant") and will travel to shows when he has the chance, but realistically, the SWF faces its first time without King in a front office position since late 2001. As his friend, I am both sorry to see him go, as he was a huge asset to the company, but glad that he will be happier. Good luck, old friend. This would have been enought to qualify as a major shake-up in the SWF by itself, but coupled with the other major event of January 2004, I think we can safely say it has been a month to remember. As all of you by now know, SWE has closed the Smartmarks Junior League and promoted all of the Leagers to the WF. Several people in the office proposed the idea, and while I can safely say that I was against it initially, I am thrilled with the Leagers attitudes and energy. I was also thrilled to be asked to be a part of the last SJL show at their home base at the Gund Arena in Cleveland. It was a very emotional night and they put on a great show, one that I am sure will be remembered for a long, long time. So, as I am sure you all saw, we welcomed the JLers into the WF at CF 2004. All of them did a spectacular job at what turned out to be an amazing Pay-Per-View. It is nice to see the Cruiserweight Title back on the board. And again, I wasn't sure about uniting the US and SJL titles, but the fan response was phenominal. So phenominal that we have decided to keep the United States / Junior League Title name. The USJL title will gain quite a bit of cachet from the history associated with both titles. A final note on CF: the world title match was a great capper to the show, and I think Va'aiga will be a good champion. I also want to wish Danny Williams good luck in all of his future endeavors as he moves on to other things. Keep in touch Danny. So, between the two massive changes there has been a pretty major shake-up in the "Front Office" here in the SWF. By vote of the Board of Directors, Alex Zenon takes over as Commissioner while I remain Director of Talent Relations. Longdogger Pete, Commissioner of the SJL, has taken the opportunity to take some time away from the business. Thoth has been promoted from SJL Talent Relations to SWF Chief Trainer. Thugg will be taking some time away from his in-ring activities in the near future to become Chief Road Agent for Storm and Smarkdown. Chris Raynor, on-air Commissioner of the SJL, will remain as Chief Road Agent for Lockdown. Finally, I would love to see some feedback on "Breaking Kayfabe". And if there are any questions you would like to have answered, just ask! Until next time, keep swingin' for the fences... - "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens

Good job Duran, it is nice to see this back up and running. Here is your cookie...

That is a good idea for a BK Column Edwin. If anyone wants to PM me about what their retired character might be doing, I think I'll pull together a column about it. Maybe throw in some more stuff "Behind the Scenes" and a "Road Story" and have another BK up in less than a month!

Hey man, you're management now, not talent. And management contracts are way outside my wheelhouse. Besides, how's about you fork over some of that endorsement cash you've been raking in? I did one PepsiMax spot and that will pay for a sememster of Chris' college someday.

Thugg, I'll happily drive the Caddy if you pay for the upgrade from "mid-size" to "luxury". I have a wife and kid to support.

W&D took us up on the offer, but only if you scoot your seat up a little. Obviously Thugg is riding shotgun...

GS & HVT have a spot or two in the car if anyone wants a ride to the airport from Storm.

Just remember that, between shows, there aren't really faces or heels. For goodness sake, I'm riding with King and Thugg (face, heel and tweener). That is all "Out Of Character" stuff, and I would assume we would all be pretty good friends.

Sadly, since Edwin is gone off and gotten himself hurt, X has flaked and King is gone... it's just you and me bro. And we drive a rental usually, at least that's what I had us in in all of my "Breaking Kayfabe" stories. And yes, I assume that in our little fantasy world, King stepped down as the actual Commissioner of the SWF and the Board of Directors selected Alex Zenon to take his place, keeping me in my place as Director of Talent Realtions and hiring Thoth and Thugg as Chief Road Agents. The four of us, along with some writers, comprise the Booking Committee. There will be another "Breaking Kayfabe" soon to clear all of this up...

he he he ... Annie hugged me... at the rest of you. BTW, I am not taking King's departure lightly, nor trying to hijack the thread. To be honest, King knows my feelings on the matter and I'll keep it that way. Suffice to say, I am sorry to see him go.

And updated to reflect the change in CC...

::sigh:: I'll be over here in the corner if anyone needs me... You know, to post Lockdown or something...

Here is a place for everyone not actively involved in the thread (I count anyone whose characters actually appear as "actively involved", wrestling or not) since both of the older ones are unable to be editied since the crash. If no one posts stats here in the near future, I will just delete it and move on.

Darn right DMann. The crowds in Dayton are always hot. The last smackdown in the Gem City was sold-out, and this is back when they were having trouble selling out arenas. The show was mediocre at best, but the crowd was enthusiastic the whole time.

To throw my two cents worth in... I was also at this show and while I have to admit it was a scary moment, it looked like it was mostly a miscommunication. To me anyways, it looked like Batista thought Chris was going one way and Chris went the other. It was a really good match, and Bastista looked damn good in it. And to give credit where it is do, Batista did everything he could to make the spot work, then jumped into the imrovised ending with gusto. Honestly, as complicated as this stuff is, I am suprised it doesn't happen more often. What is more news-worthy are the following three facts: 1- Matt Hardy got huge face pops last night and is way over in Dayton. 2- Y2J was over as a face with everybody in the building except the drunk guy to my right and the guy in front of us who was yelling "F*ck Jericho" the whole match. 3- RVD asked Coach "What have you been smoking?" then told him "I'm checking my back when I get to the back and nothing better be missing." He then proceeded to drop the F-Bomb to a huge pop. And to be honest, none of those are really newsworthy.

How long did they let it go?

I see. Well, I have to disagree with you. However, I wonder what you were expecing from a match with a ten second count on it? By definition, there will be vast stretches of match that are one or both guys lying around for 8 or 9 seconds at a time. And I don't think he was "whining". I think he was expressing a simple thought that, given more time, they could have changed the story and psychology of the match, spreading the "two guys down" sections out a little and not starting them so early in the match. Besides, when have you ever heard a wrestler who is proud of their work say "Man, I'm glad I only had a little time to tell that story" when they had a short match or a time limit? I guess my thing is this: if this had been a Benoit / Angle match, and Angle afterwards said "It wasn't as good as it could have been. I think we could have done better with more time" everyone would be complaining that WWE booked a match they clearly didn't have enough time for on the PPV. Nobody would have said that Angle / Benoit was "whining". Its a double standard, it is short sighted and unfair to the wrestlers.

You're right CC... and for that I apologize... I just get so frustrated with Smarks deciding certain wrestlers will always suck, or will always have bad matches, or will always be locker-room cancers (mind you, sweeping generalizations themselves) that I get a little angry. I just can't see it...

Ok... let me get this straight... you guys crap on HHH all the time for not having good matches. So he has what is, in his opinion, a sub-par match, has the balls to stand up and admit that it was sub-par and that he wished he would have had more time to tell the story right, and still you crap on him. I am confused... Oh wait... no I'm not. I forgot that everything HHH does is evil, HHH is the great satan and he could never, ever put anyone over.