Angel_Grace_Blue

EVEN THOUGH NOBODY IS ALIVE RIGHT NOW, YOU SHOULD SHAMBLE YOUR ZOMBIE ASSES INTO CHAT! THERE'LL BE BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS. That is all.

Hmm. I kinda just noticed that 'not' in Muzz's post. And that now my post seems odd. So, let's just say that what I meant was Maddix isn't Muzz's type of person to not have sex with...yeah, that works.

Probably not a problem, Muzz. He doesn't seem to be your type.

Try a tunnel. Or go for the Fan-Man approach.

I haven't read Ward's match, yet, but Mike did ask me for a second opinion on ELM/Danny, so I'll say what I thought about that match. Your match was really good, Danny, but, and I'm only speaking for myself, the spelling/grammar errors bugged me a bit. I know, it's about wrestling, but I get a little irked when the wrong your/you're or their/there/they're is used. Also, and once again, just the ramblings of an insane person (And I'm not too familiar with the Danny character, as it seems before this recent return, he was around during the time that I forgot the fed existed, or whatever), but it was like once Mags had damaged his right arm, Danny basically said "Well, I suppose I'll forget I can even use my left arm to club ELM with". I did really enjoy the stabulation, though. And Mags goind all Tyson/Dahmer was nifty. Overall, it was a damn fine read, but there were little things (Like I said, mostly the mechanics) that took it down. LE BOURTE!

SWF Secrets "Welcome back to the show!" Conan O'Brien beams. "We've got Alex Winter coming out in a bit, but first, a little treat. As some of you might know, the SWF was in town recently for the epic Genesis Six Pay Per View, and we here at Late Night managed to get a few of the stars to tell us their deepest, darkest secrets. Let's take a look, shall we? First up is 'The Superior One' Tom Flesher." The TV screen behind Conan flickers to life and shows Flesher sitting in a small room. He quickly snuffs out a cigarette in a glass ashtray and downs a shot of scotch before staring at the camera. "Thinking about or seeing cardboard boxes causes me to become aroused." Secrets "Very interesting. And next, we have Johnny Dangerous," Conan says. Dangerous looks at the table, mustering up the courage to tell his secret. Finally, he glances up. "Eight inches of my large intestines have been replaced with manicotti." Secrets "Okay, let's see what Megan Skye has to tell us." "I...I have a third breast growing on my back," Megan says. She turns around, and a small protuberance can be seen. Megan slowly lifts up her shirt and the area is quickly covered with blurry pixels. Secrets "Shocking. I wonder what we'll hear from Chris Card." Card slowly lowers his sunglasses, his face stoic. "My penis lusts for Ashton Kutcher." Secrets "You know, that's odd. Nearly all of the SWF superstars said the same thing. Tom Flesher told us that it was a prerequisite of joining the company. Anyway, let's hear from Zyon." "When I was eight, I used to eat my socks after I'd worn them twice." Secrets "All right. I have a feeling that Danny Williams will shock us all." "I hold the record for largest Hello Kitty collection within the continental United States." Secrets "Now let's see what JJ Johnson is hiding." JJ stares at the camera then holds up a large placard that reads "One of my lungs is filled with Skittles." Secrets "I'm being told we really need to move along, so I'll skip the introductions for the remaining three." El Luchadore Magnifico glares, then says, "I only eat carrots shaped like Abe Vigoda." Secrets Now it's Manson sitting down, looking surly as usual. "I write novels under the penname Danielle Steel." Secrets Landon Maddix looks at the camera, then shakes his head, obviously not wanting to tell his secret. "I was raised by bald eagles after my family was killed by militant radishes." Secrets Guess who's back? Back again! Fuvolution's back, tell a friend!

Wes Davenport = Cyclone Comet That is all.

Wes Davenport = Awesometacular to the eighty-fifth degree. I really enjoyed the portions of Blank's match I read (I'm a notorious skimmer). Alabama Man for 30 bucks? Yay Mags. Yay peeps that won. Yay other thingifications.

I said I'd write it, Mike. Los Villano and Giant Gonzales run-ins ahoy!

But it's all brown, and there's no vegetation, and lava, and jagged rocks, and other stuff. Besides, if Funyon sings the national anthem, the show will be delayed by a week and a half.

Then my work here is done. Time to retire Jimmy the Doom, undefeated. Except not. YOUR DOOM WILL COME SWIFT AND STRONG, LIKE A RIVER. A RIVER OF DOOM!

What? Now nobody wants to try and something or other after I with the thing? Bastards. Speaking of which, there needs to be some sort of tag to denote a Peter Griffin-esque voice. Which I would have used on that previous 'bastards'.

Horkulations once again, you smelly hamster-people! Edit: 10/04/05 - Added a finisher, made it clear that Lois doesn't do anything during the match. Wrestlers Name: Jimmy the Doom Height: 6’5” Weight: 225 Hometown: Doomopolis, Doomtopia Age: 32 Face/Heel: Face Stable: Ring Escort: Lois the Unethical Weapon(s): Bag of oranges (Or other produce, though tomatoes, kiwi fruit, etc. won't be used), towel-wrapped bar of soap (If you've seen Full Metal Jacket, you know what I mean. If not, meh, don't use this one then) Basically, really idiotically stupid stuff. Maybe a piece of fruitcake, or a pumpkin. Yeah... Quote: "Your doom will come swift and strong, like a river. A river of doom!" (This explains a lot of his low charisma rating) Looks: Appearance - Lanky as hell. Has about a seven foot wingspan. That 225 above might be true if he’s got a pocket full of rocks or something, but you don’t want to look too skinny. Very short black hair with a gigantic Rollie Fingers/Snidely Whiplash handlebar mustache. Or moustache. Maybe both. He’s also got a beard that grows around his chin, but can’t actually cover it, as if his chin were a monk’s head. Clothing - His in-ring attire consists of black wrestling boots that come up just above the ankle, long white socks that end at the knee, a pair of tight cut-off black jean shorts that only reach to mid-thigh and look like Caveman Chris (Or Johnny Damon) hacked them off with primitive flint tools. Along with the cut-offs, he wears a black t-shirt with an off-center, ironed-on image of a gigantic hamburger. To the ring and backstage, Jimmy the Doom wears all manner of hats, particularly lame ones. A cossack hat that looks to be made with skunk fur, alpine hats, Tam O’Shanters, beanies with propellers, stovepipe hats, a second-hand deerstalker, whatever you want. Just so long as it isn’t anything remotely cool, like a fedora, derby, bowler, etc. Backstage attire also includes a leather vest with a lot of fringe hanging at the bottom, sleeve-holes, and on the back across Jimmy’s shoulders. Additionally, he wears glove-less fingers (The opposite of finger-less gloves. Usually kept on with some form of tape). Ring Entrance: The arena lights go out suddenly and two columns of hooded druids/monks/acolytes/Jedis march down the ramp and to the ring, chanting “Doom” the entire time. They place themselves against the crowd barriers, facing the ring, but leaving a gap from the entrance ramp open. The lights come back on, the chanting stops immediately, and Boots Randolph’s “Yakety Sax” plays over the speakers. Jimmy the Doom and Lois the Unethical walk down the ramp, and like, do stuff. Or get in the ring. As long as the first bit about the druids and the song are in, have fun with the entrance. Also: For big matches (Title/feud/PPV), the druids will probably be so numerous they stretch from the top of the entrance ramp down to the ring. Feel free to have a few catch fire in fancy pyrotechnic displays. They’re just druids. Stats: ¯¯¯¯¯ Strength: 5 (I’d put Jimmy as being able to lift the upper-end of the 200 pound spectrum, and getting up to 300, and maybe a little more, at the very beginning of matches, or under the most dire of situations). Speed: 5 (He can move fairly well, particularly for a guy that’s 6’5”, not so much when you consider he’s easily eligible for Cruiserweight matches. Going to the air is an option, though perhaps not one that Jimmy uses as often as he probably could) Vitality: 9 [Doomtopian life hardens people, makes them tough. Not so much no-selling (Though that does happen), as just bouncing right back up after a big move.] Charisma: 1 (He can talk, though it’s in an accent that nobody can quite place, being as nobody’s ever been to Doomtopia, but he’s just boring as hell. Could read a list of the filthiest, most depraved pornography to Tipper Gore and she’d fall asleep before getting offended. Or read Tokyo’s personal adds to Tom Flesher with similar results.) Style: Mostly a striker, due to earlier training (See notes), and his ability to take a beating helps him come out on top of many duels. Quick enough to use the ropes semi-frequently, and a nearly-average knowledge of mat wrestling. Also, due to his ability to withstand a lot of punishment, he won't waste time circling, looking for an opening. He won't attack before the bell, or anything, but Jimmy the Doom doesn't like waiting around. Signature moves: 1. Jimmy Bomb - Two-handed choke lift sit-out powerbomb. Back in Angelous and Molock’s days, twas called the Anarchy Bomb, and for a WWE reference, Albert’s Baldo Bomb was used. 2. Hand of Doom - a sharp, jab-like throat thrust, often used to set up grabby-type moves (Like the Jimmy Bomb, or Doomsday) 3. The 73.5267.1094Q80.16 - After a whip into the turnbuckles, Jimmy rushes in after and flips him/her to the mat with a headlock takedown. For the smaller folk, mostly. (And, yes, 73.52677.1094Q80.16 is the international calling code for Doomopolis, Doomtopia.) 4. Flying Front/Snap Kick (Steve Blackman in da heezy! If ye be under 6’, there’s a good chance you’ll get kicked in the face, rather than the chest/stomach as intended. Not that Jimmy cares, it’s just that he’d prefer to give you that feeling of getting shot in the chest with a twelve gauge) 5. Doom Driver - Inverted cradle brainbuster 6. Head vice (You wouldn’t think a damn head squeeze would ever get a submission victory, and you’d be right. But still, it’s...honestly, it’s lame, but what part of Jimmy the Doom isn’t?) 7. Yak Kick - Get it straight. This is not a Yakuza kick. The yak is a revered, sacred, nearly royal animal to the people of Doomtopia. The Yak Kick is a crane kick, stolen straight from Karate Kid. 8. Jimmy-Plex - A corkscrew German suplex, and that doesn't make any sense, so I'll elaborate. With either Jimmy or the opponent coming off the ropes (Or both), or Jimmy ducking a clothesline, he grabs on a front (or side) waistlock, slides around/behind, lifts the opponent, continues to move in the same direction (Say he grabs the left side, he'll move towards the right to get directly behind, and once lifted, keep going right) and often releases the opponent, though it's not uncommon for Jimmy to hang on (Though he won't bridge or roll through). Also, sometimes Jimmy will manage to lock in a single or double chickenwing as opposed to a standard rear waistlock. 9. Majestic Cradle - A flying, top rope la majistral cradle (Learned from the amazing Villano IV who can cradle anyone from anywhere) Common moves: 1. DDTs (Of nearly all sorts) 2. Bulldogs (See above) 3. Tilt-a-whirl inverted atomic drop (It’s a bit of a crowd deflater, what with the hope of an awesome tilt-a-whirl move. Plus, the end result is so mundane, it fits in the common moves section) 4. Basic (and advanced) kicks (He is a martialy arts trained striker, or whatever the hell I say down below) 5. Headbutts (You’d better believe that with a vitality of nine, his head can take a lot of punishment, so this is a cinch. All manner of headbutts, including the tornado or discus headbutt) 6. Palm thrusts (Don’t forget the double palm thrust, which often looks like a shove, and sometimes is one, but usually it isn’t. It’s usually a palm thrust with both hands instead of one) 7. Flying body scissors takedown (Were it done in an internet chatroom, it’d probably be called a glomp, if I’m not mistaken. Pouncing tackle that nearly always looks like a hug, especially against a big guy who doesn’t go down immediately. Or at all.) 8. Simple body splashes that aren’t someone’s finisher 9. Dropkicks (As long as they aren’t too flippy-floppy and such) 10. Suplexes 11. Submissions for Dummies (Anything an idiot could figure out. As in, “Hey, that joint does not bend in that direction. It would hurt were it made to bend that way.” Bear in mind this could easily include bending fingers. Doomtopia doesn’t boast much of an education system) 12. Corkscrew flying elbow (Running, not from the top ropes. Both standard and back elbows) Rare moves: 1. Death Submission (The move Gary “Deadly Sadness” Black used to beat Foul Arnold during their sixth match in ‘98, which, incidentally, was only the second match Foul Arnold lost in that epic series. You know the one.) 2. Russian Knife (Douglas “Crusher Doctor” Perkins’ finisher from 1987-93 and the ‘96 World Shootout). 3. Chicken Fists (Eastern Graham nearly killed Spectral Bryant at Sudden Force 02 with this.) 4. Boston Monkey Blow 5. Mad Monkey Torture of the Carnage (This is the deadliest, most prestigious move The Warring Monkey School of martial arts teaches, and as such, only eight people currently alive know it. Think of it as far more devastating than an atomic bomb. Yeah, Jimmy the Doom can use it, but he’d really rather not. As such, PM if you plan on even teasing it for further details) Finishers: 1. Doomsday - Combination strikes, ahoy! From an arm wringer, Jimmy lands either a knee or kick to his opponent’s stomach for a good doubling over, followed with rising knee to the face, enough kicks to the back of the legs to send the opponent to his/her knees (Or possibly simply sitting down), and a nifty roundhouse to the back or front of the head. 2. Doom Factor - An X-Factor of DOOM! Also, just because, if the person is too big (In which case, Jimmy would probably look for something else to finish off the match, but, whatever), he'll go Thoth Scum Gale all up in your face and flip off the top rope. And stuff. 3. Jimmy's Jump - This can be one of two things. Either a 540 splash, and if you know your angles and degrees and such, you know that means Jimmy lands head-first on the person. Pete 'n' King should probably sell it like he botched something very badly, but he didn't. The second version, if you don't think the first can be done without snapped vertebrae, is a 450 headbutt. So, yeah... Notes: This is in regards to the druids: They will not attack anyone. Ever. You can punch every single one of them in the testicles before you get into the ring, if you go outside the ring, or after the match, and they’ll just fall down. They probably won’t even help each other up in such an event, or even acknowledge it has occured. This is in regards to Lois the Unethical: She will not get involved at all. She's similar to the druids, only different. You can have her read a book, knit a sweater, whatever. And yes, the only reason she doesn't get involved is because I forget that she's there and I don't want to edit her screaming for Jimmy in the match. Bio: Born Eilert Krogstad in Saint Michiel, Curacao, Netherlands Antilles, Holland, he attended The Warring Monkey School of martial arts and won The Legendary Dream Tournament twice. He’s bounced around a lot of companies, and was given the nickname of “Fed Killer” after a few shut down shortly after he joined. He’s never kept the same gimmick, and neither has his wife. Had some moderate success as The Infamous Zoologist in Worldwide Federated Grappling, with his wife portraying Ann the Bear. Name: Lois the Unethical Nickname: The Panic Ogre Height: 5’9” Weight: 163lbs. Hometown: Little Doomton, Doomtopia Age: 29 Face/Heel: Tweenery, but with heavy face leanings (Not all by way of being associated with Jimmy the Doom, though) Quote: "When you step into the ring with Jimmy, you're DOOMED!" Looks: Long red hair left to hang loose. Let's see, what else...a black body suit type dealie with the Doomtopian flag emblazoned on the front (The Doomtopian flag is a light blue hexagon, with two yellow chevrons, and above the uppermost point, four crimson diamonds, and below, a green sea monster. It's a weird flag.) She's actually rather plain looking, which, you know, is shocking considering this is the world of professional wrestling and all. And I don't mean plain by wrestling diva/valet standards, but by normal human standards. And stuff. Ring Entrance: If coming to the ring by herself for whatever reason (Which, honestly, probably will never happen, unless I think of something, or whatever), Lois is accompanied by the Doomtopian National Anthem, "Hail, Hail, Doomtopia", which is not only the longest anthem, but song in general to exist, as just about every facet of Doomtopia is included in the anthem. It's also kind of like a Wikipedia entry in that Doomtopian citizens can send in suggestions for inclusion to the anthem. As such, it's constantly growing and changing. If you want to type out lyrics for it, PM me and I'll make some shit up, unless you want to make some shit up for it yourself. Stats: _____ Strength: 1 Speed: 7 Vitality: 4 Charisma: 8 Lois doesn't do much in the way of wrestlefication, but she can kinda handle herself, at least against what few other women are in the fed. Except for, you know, the actual wrestlers. Moves and such: Desert Yak Kick (Just as the desert yak differs from regular or 'common' yaks, so does Jimmy the Doom's Yak Kick differ from Lois the Unethical's Desert Yak Kick. Hers is a whipback kick.) Ranas and the like Finisher strengthliness: Hail, Hail, Doomtopia - Flying piledriver (Okay, this is kind of complicated, and probably not even possible, but damn it, if that didn't stop Ash Ketchum it sure as hell won't stop me. So, there are a few different versions of this move. The first could be called a 'tornado' piledriver. Lois is on the top rope, opponent is facing her and very close to the buckles. Lois either headscissors first, or jumps then headscissors, pulling the opponent around and down to the mat. The other has a similar set up, only the opponent is facing away from Lois. Then she jumps, turns around, scissors, and down to the mat. It's kind of like a sunset flip powerbomb, only not. And it's not a sunset flip powerbomb because I say it's not.)

*hits the Canadian man-child with a buffalo* *makes a string quartet out of soup* Intestines from Venus, comin' at'cha! Edit because I see him reading the thread: *molests Johnny with a salamander*

*has Giant Gonzales eat it* *kicks JJ in the ovaries* BOOYAKASHA!

*no-sells with cole slaw* Sub-Zero? Pfft. Your entire country = Hoth

*swats at JJ with a broom* You darn Canadian! Leave this nice American alone! Shoo, go back to your frozen country, you eskimo!

THURSDAY Utah SATURDAY Northwestern Minnesota N.C. State Iowa Clemson Mississippi Western Michigan Georgia Tech Nevada Wisconsin Memphis USC LSU Tulane Tiebreak #1: How many total points will be scored in the Air Force/Utah game? 55 Tiebreak #2: How many total yards will Virginia Tech's Marcus Vick have against Georgia Tech? 311 My plan is to lose every game, and lose badly so my opponents end up having a horrible strength of schedule. My black hole of suck is inescapable!

Sixteen hojillion.

I think maybe next week I won't make any picks. I'll probably have a better shot that way.

Dama, that frat should be Kappa Rho Alpha Pi

I feel sorry for old Clemson fans. This comeback shit can't be good for their hearts.

Oh, I almost forgot, back before the IGNWF had its own board, and we were confied to the "I haven't done this here yet so I'll start" thread, the match writer posted his/her own matches, so, as such, I wrote in first person because people knew it was my match, or whatever. Also, for whatever reason (And remember, this was a damn long time ago, and I was a gigantic loser), I wrote my matches out on paper, then typed them up in the reply (Or PM box later on) at once. For some reason, I didn't think of using some type of word processor so I could save what I'd written. I wuz teh wacky like something or other.

MAIN EVENT SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP "Deathwish" Danny Williams (SWF World Heavyweight Champion) v. El Luchadore Magnifico OAK, for no real reason. Although, Mr. Williams and his Strong Style Ribs could also win it. But, I guess OAK. SINGLES MATCH "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins v. "The Superior One" Tom Flesher Hmm. Signs would point to Jenkins, but this is Tom Flesher we're talking about. Eh, Sporky to be teh win! SINGLES MATCH Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix v. "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez That guy. Todd. I guess. SWF INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP "The Dean of Professional Wrestling" Jay Hawke (SWF International Champion) v. Zyon Sure, why not Zyon? Yayz, or whatever. SWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP HOUSE RULES: WE DESTROYED IT ONCE AND WE CAN DO IT AGAIN MATCH Bruce Blank (SWF Hardcore Champion) v. JJ Johnson JJ want win! JJ have syntax, bad! JJ good gorilla! Wait...that last line should have stayed in Congo SINGLES MATCH TORU v. Marcus "The Mastermind" Ward Meh, TOXXICRU. SWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS TWO ON TWO MATCH Wild and Dangerous (Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous, SWF World Tag Team Champions) v. The Crimson Skull and Ghost Machine Go Sly! Kick Johnny in the teeth. TRIPLE THREAT MATCH FOR #1 CONTENDERSHIP TO THE SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP Akira v. Manson v. Devon Walters Mr. OSITY to winz0rs

It depended on how I was feeling at the time. Sometimes, a lot of the match would be planned out in advance (If I had the time to do so, or it seemed to be a big enough match), with just random stuff to connect it all together (And connect it badly). With some matches, though, I'd just start writing, trying to think of something good (And failing. Horribly) Also, despite what I'd already planned out, I usually wrote everything in order, entrances, beginning, middle, end. I tried a few times as Buck to have the finish and then work towards it, but it wasn't something I liked. NOW TESTIFY!