Angel_Grace_Blue

Also: Points of an undetermined amount to whomever correctly identifies the person I stole the "Ah, hell, Chewbacca" line from, and who's supposedly saying the line.

So, I was watching Blade Trinity (I think I was tricked, or something), and kind of liked the knife on a bit of string thingy he had at the beginning, but I never saw it afterwards (Then again, I wasn't paying too much attention. There was a bug crawling on the carpet that had my interest, too.) Basically, as the title says, what are some awesometastic weapons, gadgets, characters, whatever from TV/movies that get little screen time?

MAIN EVENT 30-MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH Wildchild v. "The Critic" Scott Pretzler - Pretz is a good kid, but WC's no slouch either. Ah, hell, Chewbacca, I'm goin' with Pretzy. SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP Ejiro Fasaki (SWF World Heavyweight Champion) v. Lil' Buck - Sure as shit, it won't be me. Old Pope to come back and smack us both around. GRUDGE MATCH Danny Williams v. "The Franchise" Mak Francis - Dan-o to knock Mak out and then go make some more Strong Style Ribs. LAST MAN STANDING Toxxic v. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins - Well, with Spike's hand all broked (For further info, readulate his live journal), I guess Toxxizzle. SWF INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP LET MY PEOPLE GO! MATCH Arch Griffon (SWF International Champion) v. "The Dean of Professional Wrestling" Jay Hawke - Griffon, especially if he can channel Doc Kilmer again. SWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS Martial Law ("Urban Legend" Todd Cortez and Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix, SWF Tag Team Champions) v. THE MYSTERIOUS ARMY (??? and ???) - Todd Cortez used to team with Mike Van Siclen, who was a mystery man at a PPV, and lost. That has nothing to do with this match, so I'm thinking ML to retainer. SWF HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP STAINED GLASS WINDOW PAIN MATCH Insane Luchadore (SWF Hardcore Champion) v. Manson v. "The Maniac" Bryan Rodgers v. Zyon - Mr. OSITY is damn good, but with IL actually showing these days, this should be interesting. I'll go with Manson, only for IL to take the title back a few weeks later, and for the two of them to continue that cycle until each man has over nine reigns, at five days a pop.

Also: Why was this not in the Fuvolution thread? Silly British people who are hippopotamuses.

The meal was a white person? Perhaps it was crackin'? Buck is Mr. T? Awesome. That would be a musket from the American Revolution. It's all about throwbacks.

Well, I have no-showed (First since semi-triumphant return), so this should be Buck's first losing streak. Sorry to everyone, but stuff was mad wacky this week(end) for me, and I know they have different styles and whatnot, but after having just written a match against smaller, faster Ejiro, I didn't know what to do against smaller, faster Landon. Maybe in a few weeks (Or months, or something), Tom will get a competitive dream matchumz. Also: Some of you bastards - hit the buffet and gain some weight. I wonder if people who wrote against Andrea had the same problems...

Firstly, I'm kind of glad Buck lost, as I would have been a little mad that I never could win the world title with Andrea Montgomery, but had Buck won, I would have revealed that Lil' Buck was a robotic suit that Drea controlls from the inside. Secondly, there is no second point. Here's the match: Wait, I know what point 2 is - I can now use "Unholy Combo Plate" again. Unless that was the factor that lost me both of my matches. Also, I can use Tony Herrera (FOOG) again, because I'm lazy. Comments apricotted. ----------- Storm returns from a commercial for Danny Williams’ Strong Style Ribs: “Try the Unholy Combo Plate! One rack of Strong Style Ribs, Horrorcole Slaw, and a Maori Milkshake!” and an orangutan pans around the crowd, zooms in on a particularly buxom woman before focusing on the Suicide King and Longdogger Pete. “Welcome back to Storm!” Pete shouts. “We’ve had quite a tempest of action tonight, and things only look to increase in intensity.” “Indeed, Pete, as tonight’s main event pits Lil’ Buck against Ejiro Fasaki for Ejiro’s recently won World Heavyweight title,” King adds. “So let’s not waste any more time with our banter, and get straight to Funyon for the introductions!” Pete exclaims. “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight’s main event! The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the Smarks Wrestling Federation World Heavyweight title! Introducing first, from Lanett, Alabama, he stands six feet, three inches tall, and weighs two hundred seventy pounds. Sugarhill’s Finest, LIIL’ BUCK!” Funyon roars. The orangutan shifts around to a booth containing DJ Michael “5000” Watts and he cues up Crime Mob’s “Knuck if You Buck” and Buck trots out, brushing the shoulders of his O.J. Simpson jersey clean and holding his pimp cup high. Knuck if you buck, boy! Knuck if you buck, boy! Knuck if you buck, boy! Knuck if you buck, boy! The Gangsta of Love makes his way to the ring, takes off his jersey, and hands it and the cup to referee Tony Herrera before climbing into the ring. “Lil’ Buck has been making a name for himself, with only one loss in singles action since his debut at the beginning of April,” Pete states. “Well, that match had some odd rules, but I doubt Buck would make excuses. Nevertheless, Ejiro Fasaki has been doing well himself, despite his horrid onset of morals and ethics,” King replies. Buck motions to Funyon and grabs the big guy’s microphone. “Ey! ‘Fore dis match get started, and I put a wreck on Ejiro Fasaki, I got somethin’ ta say. Dis match be dedicated ta two guys who ain’t here today that should be! First, to my tag partner, Jarrod Banks. Here’s hopin’ you get better real quick so we’s can stomp out these punk bitches. More importantly, though, dis goes to a man who’s locked up, Pimp fuckin’ C! Free Pimp C! Free Pimp C! FREE PIMP C!” Buck shouts “Free Pimp C! Free Pimp C! Free Pimp C! Free Pimp C!” The crowd takes up Buck’s chant, but it’s cut short, as... *POPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOP!* Machine gun-esque pyrotechnics explode, sending small children and wildlife alike scattering for cover while Queen’s “Princes of the Universe” blares over the speakers. “And his opponent, hailing from Sarasota, Florida! He stands five feet, ten inches tall and weighs in at two hundred twenty-three pounds, the World Heavyweight Champion, EEEJIIIROOOO FAAASAAAKIII!” Funyon bellows. HERE WE ARE, BORN TO BE KINGS! WE’RE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE! Rule makes his way out, title belt wrapped snugly around his waist (But for how long?), and walks down to the ring. Ejiro hops onto the apron, turns around, and snaps off a military salute before climbing into the squared circle. Fasaki removes his belt, handing it to Herrera, who holds it aloft, signifying what’s at stake. “You know, it’s interesting, King. Ejiro Fasaki came back and claimed that he was a changed man, that he’s stopped cheating and breaking every rule known to man, yet he still uses the same entrance and nickname as during his Magnificent Seven days, arguably the height of his ne’er do wellery,” Longdogger points out. “No doubt about that, Pete. When he was in the Mag 7, there was nary a man that could hold a candle to Ejiro Fasaki’s cheating ways. Except of course, me,” King says. “Wait a minute. ‘Nary’? ‘Ne’er do well’? Have we gone back in time?” Funyon exits the ring, taking with him the title belt, and Tony Herrera, with nothing to check for, signals for the bell to be rung. DING! DING! DING! Buck goes right after Ejiro, grabs his right arm and raises it above Fasaki’s head. The Gangsta of Love twists on Rule’s wrist, and with the power of leverage, forces the World champion to the mat. “Lil’ Buck going on the offensive just moments after the bell with that top wristlock,” Pete says. “Yes, but it doesn’t matter who strikes first, but who hits last to win the match,” King points out. Sugarhill’s Finest moves his arm behind Ejiro’s back, trapping Rule in a hammerlock. Tony Herrera checks if Fasaki will submit, but Ejiro is too focused on escaping the hold to acknowledge the referee. Ejiro grabs Buck’s arm, turns it, and spins out, locking the same hold on Buck. “Nice reversal from Ejiro Fasaki, and now Lil’ Buck has to find a way to escape the hammerlock, and it should be a good deal more difficult since Buck hasn’t shown himself to be too fond of mat wrestling,” Pete notes. “But this early in the match, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Lil’ Buck reverse or escape any hold that Ejiro Fasaki throws at him. Within reason, of course,” King adds. “However, as the match progresses, that becomes a totally different story.” Showing off his strength, Buck gets to his feet and simply pulls his arm from Ejiro’s hold. The two men back away, allowing the audience to fulfill the obligatory Indy Applause Spot. “That’s an interesting method of escape. I wonder where he learned it from,” Pete says. “From the streets, bitch!” King shouts for no apparent reason. Fasaki circles around, not wanting to put himself within Lil’ Buck’s striking range and get a repeat of what just happened. Rule hops forward, but hops back right away, trying to catch Sugarhill’s Finest off guard. Not wanting to incite chants of ‘Boring’, Ejiro dives for Buck, and pulls him to the mat. “Nice double leg, well, ankle, takedown from Fasaki. He’s got to try and keep Buck grounded, because there is no way that Ejiro can out brawl Buck,” Pete notes. “Very true, Pete, but Lil’ Buck has shown that he can hold his own against mat technicians. He’s got wins over Scott Pretzler, JJ Johnson, and Mak Francis,” King points out. “True, but he also had a no contest against Pretzler later, and that first match wasn’t a normal match where Pretzler’s mat skills could be effectively used. And, as we mentioned earlier, Buck lost to Jay Hawke, though that match, too, was under unusual circumstances,” Pete adds. Ejiro scrambles forward, grabs hold of Buck’s right arm, and stretches it out. Tony Herrera drops to his knees immediately to ask if Buck will submit, but before he can utter a single word, the Gangsta of Love shoves Fasaki away. “Awesome display of power from Lil’ Buck. He just pushed Ejiro off of him before that arm bar could really take effect,” Pete says. “Buck doesn’t need that firm a grasp of technical skill when he can just power out of a submission,” King adds. Fasaki gets to his feet, with Buck not far behind. Sugarhill’s Finest blasts Ejiro with a big right hand and takes Rule off his feet with a leaping clothesline. Lil’ Buck grabs Ejiro’s right arm and twists it. Herrera goes in to check on Fasaki, but Rule flips onto his stomach, relieving the pain, climbs to his feet and gives Buck an arm wringer of his own. “Ejiro Fasaki really knows his stuff when it comes to submissions and mat skills,” Pete says. “Yes, Pete. This isn’t exactly a shocking revelation. Pretty much anybody who’s been following the SWF for any length of time knows that Ejiro is a technical mastermind,” King replies. Ejiro steps towards the Arrogant Alabaman, hooks his left leg around Buck’s right and sweeps the Gangsta of Love to the mat. Rule smashes an elbow into Buck’s head before the Gangsta of Love can get to his feet, and Fasaki stays down, hooking Buck’s leg. ONE! TW--NO! “Ejiro almost got two after that elbow drop, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if he won with that. He’s got some deadly elbows,” Pete says. “Try saying that in front of Danny Williams.” Ejiro hauls Buck to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Fasaki charges in after him, and drills the Arrogant Alabaman with a back elbow. Rule grabs Buck’s right arm, gives it a twist, and snaps off a kick to the big man’s stomach. With Sugarhill’s Finest doubled over, Fasaki smashes two quick elbows into Buck’s shoulder. Ejiro quickly puts his left leg over Buck’s shoulder and drops to the mat. “Fasaki Fuser! Ejiro might have dislocated Buck’s shoulder with that move, and that will make things mighty difficult if Fasaki clamps on that Cobra Crossface of his,” Pete notes. “And everything in that sequence was set up with that reverse elbow. Ejiro just whipped around and cracked Buck in the face. This might be a quick title retain for Ejiro,” King adds. Rule stays on the mat and scissors Buck’s arm, prompting Herrera to ask if the Gangsta of Love will submit. Buck shakes his head, as his jaw is clenched tightly in pain, and slaps at Ejiro’s boots, trying to pry his feet apart. Painfully, Buck gets to his knees, and thanks to Rule’s position, forces Ejiro’s shoulders to the mat. ONE! TWO--NO! Fasaki gets a shoulder off the mat, but in doing so, releases the arm scissors. “Lil’ Buck was lucky there. If he didn’t manage to get Ejiro in that pinning situation, he might not have been able to escape that hold. You might have been right, King. This match might not last too much longer,” Pete says. “Of course I was right! I’m always right!” King shouts. Buck pulls himself up, and turns around to find Fasaki barreling in. In an act of pure desperation, Buck lunges forward and blasts Ejiro with a forearm. The champ staggers backwards, and Buck presses the attack, nailing Rule with a big left hand, and another, and the third one’s the charm, as it sends Fasaki to the canvas. “Hold the phones, Lil’ Buck is fighting back!” Pete exclaims. “Maybe the match will be short because Buck will win right now,” King offers lamely. Buck stands over Ejiro and places his left foot on Fasaki’s hand, pinning it to the mat. Buck raises his other foot and begins stomping down on Rule’s arm. After roughly half a dozen stomps, during which Herrera almost interjects himself, Ejiro shoves Buck’s feet away, allowing Rule to crawl to safety. “Buck has turned the tables on Fasaki, and is targeting Ejiro’s arm! Good strategy when you think about it. If Ejiro can’t secure the Cobra Crossface, all the work he’s done on Buck’s arm has been for naught,” Longdogger notes. “True, but Ejiro still has the Dragon Whip, while the two moves we’ve seen Buck end matches with, the Champion’s Requiem, and Buck-Wild Ride, require arm strength, and from the way Buck is holding that right arm, he doesn’t have much left,” King points out. Buck steps away from Fasaki and stretches his right arm across his body, a slight ‘pop’ audible to the fans in the front row. The Gangsta of Love pulls Ejiro off the mat, grabs his arm, and pulls him forward. Buck drops to one knee while pulling Rule down, driving Fasaki’s face into his knee. Sugarhill’s Finest keeps Ejiro on his knee, and slams a forearm onto Fasaki’s shoulder. After a second blow, Buck shifts his position and locks on a crude Fujiwara arm bar. “Lil’ Buck has just taken a page out of Ejiro Fasaki’s book with that Fujiwara arm bar!” Pete exclaims. “But it’s not very good. Very sloppy, and I doubt there’s much torque on the arm,” King replies. Before Herrera can ask Ejiro if he wishes to submit, Rule takes advantage of Buck’s rudimentary technical skills and slips out of the arm bar. Fasaki rolls away from Buck and doesn’t stop until he touches ropes. Ejiro pulls himself up while Buck waits for him in the middle of the ring. Ejiro tentatively steps forward, and Buck looks for a lock up. Against his better judgment, Fasaki obliges, but gets drilled with a left hand at the last second. Buck snares Rule in a front waistlock, pivots, and drives him into the mat. “Buck with a jab that caught Ejiro right on the bridge of the nose, and then followed it up nicely with a belly-to-belly suplex,” Pete says. “And Buck really needs to press this advantage as much as possible before that beating his arm took catches up with him,” King adds. Sugarhill’s Finest smacks Ejiro with a forearm before crawling forward and placing his knee against Fasaki’s right shoulder. Buck grabs the arm and pulls up, trying to hyper-extend Rule’s elbow. Tony Herrera looks on, asking if Fasaki wishes to submit. “Nice arm bar from Lil’ Buck, and with no rope breaks, he can keep that on as long as he wants,” Pete notes. “Unless Ejiro finds an escape like he did with that Fujiwara,” King points out. And escape Ejiro does, only it’s not found, as much as it’s created by Fasaki with a well-placed punch to Lil’ Buck’s lil’er Buck. Sugarhill’s Finest rolls away from Rule and right out of the ring, knocking over a tiki torch in the process. “Right in the coconuts!” Pete exclaims. “Got to hand it to Ejiro Fasaki, he’s doing whatever it takes to win,” King says. Buck pulls himself up with the apron and grabs the extinguished torch just as Rule comes charging towards him. Fasaki slides under the bottom rope and plants Buck with a baseball slide dropkick. Buck stumbles back, and Ejiro knocks him flat with a running elbow. Fasaki drops down next to the Gangsta of Love and latches on another arm bar, while Herrera slides outside the ring in order to see if Buck will submit. “Ejiro Fasaki going back to Lil’ Buck’s right arm, and we’ll see just how bad Ejiro’s arm is,” Pete says. “It’s tough to tell, Pete. Ejiro knows a multitude of locks and holds that can tear ligaments and the like, but Lil’ Buck can just pummel an opponent’s limb, and both tactics are very effective,” King points out. Buck shakes his head as Tony leans in, and Sugarhill’s Finest grabs a handful of sand and tosses it into Ejiro’s eyes, causing the World champion to release the hold. Fasaki scrambles to his feet and tries to wipe his eyes clean, while Buck slowly gets up. Rule turns around, and right into a left hand from Buck. The Arrogant Alabaman lands another jab, and winds up for a big left similar to Popeye, but instead blasts Ejiro with an elbow from his right arm. “Nice shot from Lil’ Buck! That elbow took Ejiro Fasaki right off his feet!” Pete exclaims. “Yeah, but Buck’s hurting, too,” King notes. Buck is indeed holding his right arm in pain, while Ejiro lays on his back, a bit dazed after the most recent assault he’s suffered. Sugarhill’s Finest tries to stifle his pain and covers Fasaki. ONE! TWO! T--NO! “Buck just barely got a two count, but no more. Fasaki looks like he really wants to hold on to this, his second World title reign,” Pete states. “You think so, MacDougal? Considering he didn’t just lay down and give up the moment the bell rang, that seems to be a pretty good assumption.” The Arrogant Alabaman picks Fasaki off the beach and rolls him into the ring. Buck grabs the tiki torch and slides in after Rule. “And it looks like Lil’ Buck just might be the first wrestler to introduce a weapon into this match without any rules,” Pete states. “And he’s got a couple of options with that torch. Of course, if it were still alight, he could just sear Ejiro, but he could always just bash Fasaki over the head, or use it to choke him out,” King adds. Buck sits Ejiro up and places the torch across his throat. Sugarhill’s Finest threads his arms over the torch and around, clasping them against Fasaki’s head. “Modified full nelson with that torch! Buck is basically choking Ejiro, but as we’ve said time and time again, it’s all legal tonight!” Pete exclaims. “I don’t think Buck will win with this move, though. He doesn’t have Ejiro’s arms locked, so Fasaki could escape a lot easier than if he were in the Champion’s Requiem,” King points out. Rule tries pushing the torch away from his throat, but Buck is too strong, and Fasaki goes a different route as Herrera asks if he’ll submit. Ejiro waves him away and brings his hand down. “Again in the coconuts,” Pete mutters, wincing. “Maybe that’s Ejiro’s new strategy: Low blows until Buck gives up,” King offers. Sugarhill’s Finest collapses to the mat, tiki torch clattering down next to him. Ejiro walks away, rubbing at his throat and trying to catch his breath. Slowly, Fasaki turns around and scoops up the torch. Waiting for Buck to offer a suitable target, Ejiro holds the weapon high above his head. WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! “Ejiro is really going to town on Buck’s back. Do you think it’s wise of him to deviate from attacking Lil’ Buck’s arms, as he has been doing?” Pete asks. “Well, it’s not smart to go after too many body parts at once, but just like a boxer going to the body, this should wear down Buck quite a bit so that when Fasaki does go back to the arms, he’ll be able to keep a hold on long enough to possibly get a victory,” King says. The Gangsta of Love turns around, back arched in pain, just as Fasaki swings the torch. Buck grabs hold and tries to wrestle it from Ejiro’s grasp, while the World champion is determined not to give up the torch. “Buck showing he’s a true gangsta,” Pete says. “How so?” “He’s still grippin’ on the wood,” Pete replies. “What the hell are you talking about?” King asks. “It pertains to a wood-grain steering wheel, but I thought it appropriate now,” Longdogger explains. “I’m hip. I’m down with things. Word life, yo.” “I will break your hip if you don’t shut up.” Ejiro clings to the torch, but Buck boots him in the gut, forcing Rule to let go. CRACK! “What a shot from that torch! It broke right over Ejiro Fasaki’s head! Lil’ Buck might win the World title after that!” Pete exclaims. “But it was just bamboo. Not like he broke a baseball bat over Ejiro’s head or anything,” King says. The Gangsta of Love rolls Ejiro over and makes a cover. ONE! TWO! THR--NO! “He kicked out! Ejiro Fasaki showing just how tough he is.” “No, as I just said that the torch might as well have been made out of balsa wood,” King explains. Buck pulls Ejiro to his feet, attempts an Irish whip, but Rule puts the brakes on and drags the Gangsta of Love to the mat. Rule crawls forward and pulls on Buck’s right arm. Herrera gets down to his knees to ask if Buck will submit, but the Arrogant Alabaman simply ignores Jesus’ evil younger brother and slams a left hand into the back of Fasaki’s head. After another pair of blows, Rule lets go of Buck and slides out of his range. “Nice arm bar from Ejiro, but he couldn’t keep it on very long thanks to those big bombs from Lil’ Buck. The referees really need to enforce that ‘no closed fists’ rule a lot better,” Pete says. “I’ve always found that, just like everything in the wrestling rule book, to be more of a suggestion, to be followed at the discretion of the wrestler,” King replies. “And don’t forget, Pete, this match has no rules to speak of.” Buck gets to his feet and charges Rule, but gets taken down with an STO. Fasaki goes right back to cranking on Buck’s right arm and Herrera once more asks if Sugarhill’s Finest will submit. The Gangsta of Love shakes his head and sets to work freeing himself from Ejiro. This mainly entails Lil’ Buck punching Fasaki in the head, and Ejiro, wanting to keep his expensive college education in his brain, releases the hold once more. “Fasaki is really going after Lil’ Buck’s right arm, but he hasn’t been able to do too much before those punches start raining in,” Longdogger points out. “Well, that just means Ejiro needs to do something big to daze Lil’ Buck long enough to properly apply a hold,” King states. The Gangsta of Love picks himself up, but Ejiro is too quick and slips behind Buck, snaring his right arm in the process. “Ejiro going for a chickenwing, and as we’ve said ad infinitum, that will take away Buck’s power, while opening up the big guy for the Cobra Crossface,” Pete states. “Well, you have, I haven’t. I swear, sometimes I think it’d be much easier to just replace you with a Furby,” King replies. Fasaki cranks on the hold, but Sugarhill’s Finest cracks Rule in the jaw with a back elbow. Another elbow and Buck manages to trade positions with Ejiro. “Buck with the counter, but he’s obviously tired. At the beginning of the match, he just powered out of those holds,” Longdogger notes. “Well, a chickenwing is a bit different from an arm bar or a hammerlock, but yes, when he was fresh, Lil’ Buck just shrugged Ejiro Fasaki away,” King adds. Buck forces Ejiro down, moves to Fasaki’s side and threads Rule’s left arm between his legs. “Looks like Lil’ Buck is about to Pump it Up!” Pete shouts. “If his arms are up to it, that is,” King says. Sugarhill’s Finest hauls Ejiro off the mat, but the World champion fights back and wraps his legs around Buck’s neck. With a quick jerk, Fasaki sends Buck crashing to the mat. “Nice head scissor takedown to counter that pumphandle from World Heavyweight champion Ejiro Fasaki,” Pete states. “Nice? Desperate is more like it,” King replies. “If he didn’t hit that takedown, this match could very well be over.” Buck gets to his feet just as Ejiro throws a wild punch. Sugarhill’s Finest barely manages to side step and shunts Rule into the ropes. Fasaki bounces back, and the Gangsta of Love snares him in a sleeper hold. Buck kicks his legs out behind him, pulling Ejiro down to the mat. “Ejiro Fasaki just got Bucked Up! That should help Buck with either the Buck-Wild Ride or Champion’s Requiem,” Longdogger notes. “Or, Buck might just win the match right now. I’m not sure if Ejiro Fasaki can escape. It might be a simple sleeper hold, but Fasaki is flat on his back, and he’s not as fresh as he was at the start of the match,” King points out. “Very true, King. Besides, sometimes, it’s a simple move or hold that can get the job done.” Tony Herrera gets down to check if Ejiro’s shoulders are touching the mat, and also to see if he’ll submit. Fasaki waves the ref away and tries to roll over onto his side, but Lil’ Buck keeps Rule on his back. Ejiro claws at Buck’s arms, trying to pull them apart, but the Gangsta of Love’s grip remains firm. “Looks like you’re right, King. Ejiro is having a tough time escaping from that sleeper,” Pete states. “It wasn’t that hard to predict. Both men have taken a lot of punishment already, and it’s not easy to escape a hold like that if you aren’t on your feet.” Ejiro reaches behind and pokes Buck in the eye, allowing the World champion to roll over on his side. Fasaki pushes himself up to a kneeling position, and after two sharp elbows to Buck’s gut, Rule climbs to his feet. Ejiro once more rakes Buck’s eyes, causing the Arrogant Alabaman to release Fasaki. Rule grabs Buck’s right arm, drapes it across his own shoulder and pulls down. Ejiro isn’t done, though, bends down, and yanks Buck to the mat. “Nice over the shoulder arm drag from Fasaki after escaping Buck’s sleeper hold, and Ejiro has a chance to work over Buck’s arms some more,” Pete says. “It seems to have been working thus far. No reason for him to stop going with it,” King adds. Ejiro remains seated on the mat and pulls on Buck’s right arm. Tony Herrera looms over Buck, asking Sugarhill’s Finest if he wishes to submit, but the Gangsta of Love shakes his head. “Ejiro with another arm bar variation, and how many damn arm bars is that so far?” Pete asks. “Hell if I know. Like I sit around and count arm bars in a match A million. What does it matter, anyway?” King shoots back. “Just trying to make conversation. Bastard.” Buck scoots towards Fasaki, stares up at Ejiro, and blasts him with a left hand to the face. Buck throws another, but Ejiro stands up while keeping hold of Buck’s right arm, and kicks Buck in the head. Ejiro gets down next to Buck, threads Buck’s right arm underneath his body, and makes a cover while holding on to the hammerlock. ONE! TWO! THRE--NO! “Ejiro was almost victorious, but Lil’ Buck is tough,” Pete states. “Buck is one tough bastard, but so is Ejiro Fasaki,” King comments. “It’s going to be interesting to see who can withstand more punishment.” Rule pulls Buck off the mat and but gets hit with a forearm smash from the challenger. Sugarhill’s Finest slaps on a front headlock and brings down another forearm, this time on Ejiro’s back. Fasaki steels himself, though, wraps his arms around Buck’s waist and starts lifting the Gangsta of Love off the mat. A knee to Rule’s gut stops the Northern Lights suplex attempt cold, and as he falls back to the canvas, Buck yanks down, planting Ejiro with a DDT. “Nice DDT from Lil’ Buck, and it seemed a little odd that Ejiro was going for a Northern Lights suplex after all that work he’s done to Buck’s arms,” Pete notes. “Well, he was in a tough situation there, and sometimes instincts kick in, and there’s not much you can do then. Besides, what was he going to do, just stand there and get pummeled?” King asks. “No, of course not. I just thought he would have tried some kind of counter or escape,” Pete replies. “I don’t know if Fasaki could have managed an escape. This match has taken quite a toll on him and Lil’ Buck.” Buck picks Ejiro off the mat and sends him to the ropes. Sugarhill’s Finest scoops Rule up off the rebound and is mid-way through spinning him around before Buck sits out with a sidewalk slam. “Buck with a Ridin’ Spinners slam, but it looked like his arm is troubling him,” Longdogger notes. “Very true. He stopped short and basically dropped Fasaki. Looks like those holds have taken their toll on Lil’ Buck,” King points out. The Gangsta of Love pulls the reigning World Heavyweight champion to his feet and delivers a bowel-expelling kick to Fasaki’s stomach, doubling him over. Lil’ Buck turns around and hooks Ejiro’s arms. “Ejiro Fasaki is about to go on a Buck-Wild Ride! I don’t see him surviving it!” Pete exclaims. “Not in the sense that he’ll die, of course, but in the sense of him kicking out.” “Thank God for that. We don’t need any more snapped vertebrae and the like for a long, long time,” King says. Buck twists around, putting Ejiro on his back, but Fasaki kicks his legs and slides in front of Buck, arms still hooked. “Rule with the reversal!” Pete yells. “But can he pick Lil’ Buck up and hold him there?” King asks. Rule starts to turn underneath Buck, but Sugarhill’s Finest starts rotating the other way. After several position changes, Ejiro assumes the dominant position, but the Gangsta of Love tries to stand up straight, lifting Fasaki off his feet. Ejiro thrashes around and leans forward, pulling on Buck’s arms, and drops back down to the mat. Rule continues to stretch Buck’s arms, and then sits out, driving the Gangsta of Love face-first into the mat. “Reverse double arm DDT from Ejiro Fasaki! Could this be it?” Pete wonders. “It just might, Pete, but I find it unprofessional to call the outcome of a match before everything is over,” King replies. “What the hell are you talking about? You do that every week! Every match just about!” Pete shouts back. Ejiro simply sits on the canvas, trying to recuperate from everything he’s faced so far. Slowly, Fasaki turns around, rolls Buck over and lays across the Gangsta of Love’s chest. ONE! TWO! THREE--NO! “I can’t believe it! Lil’ Buck was millimeters from being pinned, but somehow, he got his shoulder up just in time!” Pete exclaims. “Don’t you mean milliseconds?” King asks. “Well, both apply, though I would use nanoseconds, but I meant that the referee’s hand was millimeters from touching the mat for the third time,” Pete explains. “Then Buck wasn’t millimeters from being pinned, he was nanoseconds away. The referee was millimeters away from counting to three,” King points out. Fasaki picks himself up off the mat and waits for Buck to get up, not wanting to strain his arms unnecessarily. Fasaki closes in on Buck and nails him with a kick to the jaw. Sugarhill’s Finest takes a few steps back, but responds with a big left hand to Ejiro’s chin. Rule stumbles back, but blasts the Gangsta of Love with an elbow smash. “With Buck getting up after pretty much everything Ejiro Fasaki has thrown at him thus far, Ejiro looks to try and catch Lil’ Buck off guard with that devastating Dragon Whip kick of his,” Pete notes. “It’s true that it can knock a person out, but I wonder since Ejiro has been focusing on the arms, if Lil’ Buck has been knocked around enough for the Dragon Whip to do as much damage as usual,” King points out. “Well, we’ll certainly see if Ejiro manages to hit it,” Pete replies. As Buck throws a forearm that barely misses Ejiro’s head, a dark shape emerges from the water and trudges towards the ring, weighted down with SCUBA gear. “Who’s that?” Pete asks. “Another of Buck’s rap friends, or perhaps Jarrod Banks?” “It’s hard to tell, but I’ve got a pretty good idea...” King says. Rule throws out a kick, and the Arrogant Alabaman easily catches Ejiro’s foot, and not thinking, tosses it aside. Ejiro spins around and cracks Buck in the head. Fasaki grabs the top rope for balance, just as the SCUBA diver shrugs off his oxygen tank and reaches up. CRACK! The mysterious man sets his air tank down, takes off his goggles, and pulls back the hood of his wet suit, showing the not-so spiky hair (What with being cramped under a wet suit for who knows how long) of Toxxic! “What a shot from the former World champion!” Pete exclaims. “Genius, MacDougal, pure genius. The Straight-Edge Sensation led Ejiro Fasaki to believe that he wasn’t interested in the World title, and now might have just cost Ejiro a chance to retain the belt,” King adds, smiling like a Cheshire cat. Toxxic flips the downed Fasaki the V-sign, grabs his tank, and splashes back into the water, leaving both World champion and challenger flat on their backs. Tony Herrera looks to start a ten count, then remembers there is no possibility of a disqualification, and backs into a corner, looking for signs of movement. “And with one simple act, Toxxic has slowed this match to a halt,” Longdogger points out. “I don’t think he cares. He slowed down Ejiro Fasaki, and might have given Lil’ Buck a golden opportunity to steal this match away,” King says. KNUCK IF YOU BUCK! BUCK! BUCK! BU-BU-BUCK! BUCK! BUCK! BU-BU-BU-BUCK! Michael Watts spins “Knuck if You Buck” as encouragement, but Lil’ Buck doesn’t show any signs of having heard the music and stays on his back. “I wonder who will get up first. Buck took his hit a lot earlier, and Ejiro got nailed with a metal oxygen tank, but it looked like the tank was a bit unwieldy for Toxxic, and I don’t know if he got a good shot,” Pete says. “Well, both guys are starting to stir, so it’s just a matter of time,” King points out. Ejiro slowly gets to his feet, Buck up just seconds after. Wearily, Fasaki grabs Buck by his right arm and whips him into the ropes. Rule makes the slightest of movements as Sugarhill’s Finest bounces back, and sends Buck crashing into the mat with a drop toe hold. Ejiro crawls forward, pushing Buck down to the canvas in the process, and wraps his arms around Buck’s head and starts pulling back. “Cobra Crossface! This has got to be it! There’s no way that Lil’ Buck can withstand any more punishment to his arms or neck!” Pete exclaims. “It would seem that Toxxic has, with his ambush on Ejiro Fasaki, merely delayed Fasaki retaining the World Heavyweight title, and not forced a change of hands, as he no doubt intended.” “Nine times out of ten, I’d agree with you, Pete, but Ejiro’s arms have taken a beating, too, and I don’t know if Fasaki can secure the hold properly,” King replies. Tony Herrera drops to one knee so he can see if Buck taps out. Buck raises his hand and slams it down on the mat, fist tightly clenched. BUCK! BUCK! BUCK! BU-BU-BU-BUCK! DJ Michael “5000” Watts shows his support by playing back Buck’s entrance music, and Sugarhill’s Finest pounds the mat once more, careful to use a fist so Tony doesn’t mistake it as a tap out. The Gangsta of Love slips his left arm between Ejiro’s limbs and his own head and tries to pry Fasaki’s grip apart. “Lil’ Buck is certainly trying to escape, but I don’t think he’s got enough left in him,” Pete says. “I don’t know, MacDougal, Ejiro’s fingers look to be slipping,” King replies. Suicide King’s words ring true, as slowly but surely, Lil’ Buck pulls Rule’s hands apart and rolls away from Fasaki. Ejiro gets to his feet, trying to think of something to put Buck away, gets an idea, and heads to the far side of the ring. The Arrogant Alabaman uses the ropes to get up, and turns around to see Ejiro rumbling forward, left arm bent and ready to deliver a ‘Screaming’ elbow. Fasaki spins around, and Buck throws out a desperate left hand, hoping to block the potentially face-shattering blow. “Holy shit, he caught it!” “He got him! How on earth did Lil’ Buck manage to do that?!” Pete asks, incredulous. “I have no idea, but Buck now has a chance to win this match!” King yells. Buck stares for a moment at the elbow inches from his face, then springs into action, completing the full nelson by snaring Ejiro’s right arm and prepares to lift the champion off the mat. But he can only prepare, as Fasaki scissors Buck’s left leg, preventing himself from being picked up. That doesn’t deter the Gangsta of Love, though, as he simply falls forward, sandwiching Fasaki between himself and the mat. Herrera gets on his belly and asks if Fasaki will submit, and the answer must be ‘No’ as the match continues. “It’s not the Champion’s Requiem, but it works pretty damn well! Ejiro Fasaki doesn’t seem to have an escape from that full nelson, and Lil’ Buck can just ride it out until Ejiro gives up,” Pete notes. “If Buck’s arm holds up long enough, that is,” King adds. “Plus, he doesn’t have the same kind of leverage he normally gets with Champion’s Requiem, and leverage is very important.” With Ejiro on the mat, Buck manages to extricate his leg from Ejiro’s scissor hold, and straddle the World champion. Straining, Sugarhill’s Finest pulls Fasaki to a kneeling position, and Buck pulls back on Rule. “Buck’s got Ejiro in what would best be described as a full nelson camel clutch!” Pete shouts. “Do you mean the Sugarhold?” King asks. Herrera looks on as Buck cranks back, and asks Ejiro once more if he wishes to submit. BUCK! BUCK! BU-BU-BU-BUCK! Quicksand. That’s what it’s like in this full nelson, being trapped in quicksand. Fasaki is stuck, and there aren’t any leverage tricks available, especially not with Buck’s firm grip. What a God damn relief it would be to just tap out. But Ejiro can’t give up. Not now, not after all the effort he put into winning the belt, tossing aside the few scruples he gained by pounding Toxxic. But what can he do? What sense is there in risking a broken neck, especially if you loose the belt anyway? The seconds drag on, Rule’s body nearly overloaded with pain. Finally, the only option he ever had looms in front of him, a brick wall that he’s going to crash into. It’s just a matter of time, that’s all. How long can he hold up before he taps, for it’s better to loose the belt and wrestle again, than to loose all mobility from the neck down. After well over two minutes, Ejiro finally crashes and taps feebly against his own arm. Tony Herrera springs to his feet and calls for the bell to be rung. “Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match by submission, and NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, LIIL’ BUCK!” Funyon shouts. Sugarhill’s Finest lets go of Ejiro and raises his left arm high, as his right is in too much pain to move. Herrera gives Buck the big gold belt as Michael Watts starts “Knuck if You Buck” up from the beginning, and the Gangsta of Love drops to his knees. “He did it! I can’t believe it, but Lil’ Buck pulled off a huge upset and took away Ejiro Fasaki’s newly won World Heavyweight championship!” Pete yells. “And what a battle! This match definitely deserves Match of the Year considerations,” King adds. “Say, what was last year’s Match of the Year?” “Quiet, you.” Painfully, Lil’ Buck lifts his right arm up so it’s even with his left, proudly displaying his “Dirty South” tattoo to the camera as Storm fades out.

And if she tries to leave, change your name to her last name, and stalk her. And then get shot by a guy who thinks he is a chicken. Wait, scratch all of that. Uh...bort! Also: there should have been a dedication to Spike Jennykins.

Then why haven't I gotten my jacket yet?

Oh man, remember when you sorta teamed with Heat, Mags? HEAT! And also, AARDSPARK! Toaster Oven! El Loco Hombre! That guy who did the stuff! Other things! Exclamations abound!

OAK! OAK! OAK! OAK! OAK!

Obligatory MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! post.

How exactly is Landon v Buck a dream match? Just curious and all. Like that monkey, Curry Greg. I like monkeys.

Or, like, a reverse double arm DDT. BORTY BORT! Still no comments on my match. I guess anyone who reads it has their eyes fall out or something.

I appreciate any kind of feedback, Johnny. Ejiy (Or anyone, for that matter) what exactly is the Tomikazi? That spot befuddled me something awful when I read it, trying to figure out what had happened exactly. Mike - I'd say that's about right. And stuff.

This may be late in coming (In fact, I'm sure it is, but I don't care), but he said "gobble". Who the hell says gobble? I mean, other than turkeys? Gobble. Ejiro Fasaki, the Life-Gobbler. GOBBLE!

Once more, I could edit this in, but, another 'meh'. In my previous posts, I sounded like a jackass, and it might seem to some that I thought I should have won the match since Ejiy wrote it under the wrong rules. That is not true. Ejiro wrote a good match, with wrong stip. I wrote a nearly-decent, sorta passable match, with the correct stip. Besides, it's not like it was a ladder match, and he wrote a Calvinball match or anything. But, as I've said, I'd like someone to read my match and give me some comments. Also: I suck at the everything, I believe. Finally, stuff seems slippery to me. My fingers are sliding all over my keyboard. I think it's because my fingertips always get dry and the skin cracks and peels, and I end up having no fingerprints, and like, can't grip stuff well. Slippy. Much slippy.

Sporkulation be evil. And stuff. Niftastic promo, man.

I could just edit this in, but meh. Read Jir's match, and it seems he forgot that it was all no rules and such. Silly man. It was a good singles match and whatnot, but I would like TNT/Raynor/whoever read/marked the match to commentify. But, congrats to Ejiro, and also Munchie and Mr. OSITY. As usual, there's no point to this post, so, like, (Y) and stuff. BORT!

Eww. Buck with a Yankees hat? Gross. Braves man, Braves. Hell, anything but Yankees. Expos is better than Yankees. Kivell going to DQ Buck on Storm, the hard corest of shows? Um, kay... Honestly, I just skimmed that match, but I'll read it in full later, but I'm going to post my match and ask for feedback. Also: ASAP means about a day later?

Muzz, is that Janus in your sig?

PANTERA PANDA!

"No extensions" doesn't account for a booker/marker rolling out of bed stinking drunk or hung over and trying to mark a 5000+ word match. Nor does it account for checks that take a few days to clear. I mean...shit.

Nothing better to do, so here are 15 more from me. 1. Akon ft. Styles P - "Locked Up" 2. Slim Thug - "Like a Boss" (Confession: I listened to this song like five times in a row before shuffling again) 3. Allman Brothers Band - "Jessica" (OHMYGODZY! Teh song I was sort of named for! OHMYGODZY! I beez a gurl on teh inter nets wrestlefication messaging board! OHMYGODZY! I amz give out myz first namez0r!! OHMYGODZY! Why am I typing like this?) 4. Blind Melon - "No Rain" 5. Tom Waits - "Chocolate Jesus (2nd Take)" 6. Cab Calloway - "Minnie the Moocher's Wedding" 7. Saul Williams - "Control Freak" 8. Pink Floyd - "Time" (I downloaded this at the request of a friend, and never got around to removing it. Just thought someone reading my post would like to know) 9. Saul Williams - "5 Senses" (Crazy poetry man) 10. Slim Thug ft. T.I. and Bun B - "Three Kings" 11. Watson 310 Mafia - "Aaron is Gay" (MC MacPhisto in da house!) 12. Incredibad - "The Heist" (CHAMOMILE, MOTHERFUCKER!) 13. Russian Red Army Choir - "Russian Military Marches" 14. Onyx - "Slam" 15. DJ Fase and Abdominal - "Fly Antics"

Ask Casty, Divey, and Riley. Long-winded, verbose fuckers.