Angel_Grace_Blue

You've had wombat before? What's it like?

Tiny Stringy Marsupials love TSM I tried to make it become "Tasty" but honestly couldn't think of anything good to follow it. Edit: And to the detractors who don't like use of "this", "that", "the", etc., I've seen a few commercials that use 'navigators'. Egyptian and Electromagnetic to be specific. So if EN can copy themselves, surely we lazy fools can do the same?

Just want to inform you, foozel, but we are currently in the 2019 season, so you might want to bump up that birthdate.

Turntable Spin Masters love TSM Teutonic Soup Mongers love TSM

Le dog de family, though actually, my brother bought him. And named him. The name? Anubis. As you'll notice, the ears are intact. That's because we're not going to fight him, which is the only reason to do that. We aren't fucking bastards. However, 'neighbors' decide not to keep their dog on a leash/in a fenced in area, so there have been fights. Stupid bastards. Anyway, dog amz big. I'll try to get a picture of the rest of his body. Perhaps when he's not chewing on a block of wood.

Were I not a giant pit of lazy, I'd do another PTI segment thing. I should have done one at the end of the season, then at the end of each playoff round, but again, pit of lazy. Besides, the best (Well, actually first) pictures of Tony and Mike were of their jack-o-lanterned visages, and they were kinda big, too. Congrats to another team that's made the post season and won the SFBL title (Or whatever we call it) before Atlanta. New Orleans, I've got my eye on you next... Well, as Evo super-secretly told me, Giant Gonzales is retiring this year. I propose we burn his corpse. And then I'll bring in Tiny Gonzales, who will rock quite hard (I hope).

Jaco Pastorious/Weather Report A combinaflation of the two. Maybe some comedy CDs later. Yay Mitch Hedberg!

I know where Dames buried the hookers.

Many dogs, most recently, a large pit bull (By large I mean like 80 or so pounds. Most likely more, though), used to have a hedgehog, two hermit crabs, and a small-ish aquarium with fish.

See kids? You can be a bit slow on the uptake and still make it to World Champ.

My prediction: Silent will forget he's returned. Good hype. Or should I say 'hyphy'? No, I shouldn't. Yay promo.

You mean you stroking your fake girlfriend's ego? Then again, I think that'd result in you stroking your own ego.

Perhaps because we don't simply create titles anymore. It was fine in the infant days, when there were no belts, but now that we've got things set up, it's not really done. Munchie brought back the EUS, but the key words are 'brought back'. Hell, if I would have known, I would have slapped the Women's belt on Drea long ago, back when there wasn't any female competition.

Any and all comments will be appreciated. Especially from Marker Zed and Winner Toxxic. But anything is good. The packed Key Arena fades into view after a commercial for the latest Information Superhighway movie, Firewall, and the fleet of cameras pan over the crowd, broadcasting hand-crafted signs that took hours if not days to create for all of two seconds, before focusing in on our faithful announcers, Bobby Riley and Cyclone Comet. “Welcome to the final match of tonight’s edition of SWF Lockdown!” Comet greets. “We’ve had some great matches. Title contenders were decided, and titles were defended, but none as important and storied as the one to be decided in this match, the World Heavyweight title!” Comet beams. “And this time we get actually to see Toxxic mop the floor with Andrea Montgomery, now that the pesky Mike Van Siclen has been retired!” Riley shouts happily. “How true, Bobby. The Spectacle was a great wrestler and will be missed from the ring,” Comet states. “Sure, if you think so in Delusion City. He’ll be forgotten in a week! Sucklen was a no-talent hack!” Riley berates. The lights go out, plunging the arena in darkness, and just as everyone’s eyes are adjusting to the gloom... BOOM! ...an explosion of green pyrotechnics slams into the stage. The lights come back on, covered with green filters, as No Doubt’s “Just a Girl” strikes up on the speakers, prompting Andrea Montgomery, decked out in a leather jacket and dark shades for the occasion, to step out from behind the curtain. “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight’s main event! The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation’s World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, from Biloxi, Mississippi, she stands five feet, eight inches tall and weighs one hundred, forty-three pounds, ANDREA MONTGOMERY!” Funyon booms over the cheering crowd. Drea ambles down the ramp, pausing to greet the fans on either side before she reaches the ring. She springs onto the apron, flings herself into the ring, and removes her jacket and glasses while waiting for the World champ. “This should be a very interesting match, Bobby. Toxxic is used to having to rely on his speed, but Andrea Montgomery is quicker than him. Can he adapt to using his strength?” Comet asks. “Of course he can! He’s a great wrestler, and great wrestlers can handle themselves against any opponent,” Riley states. “I’m sure you’d like to handle Toxxic,” Comet says. Before Riley has a chance to retort, the SmarkTron screen goes white as the opening chord of “Rookie” by Boy Sets Fire thumps over the speakers. The screen darkens, ultimately turning pitch black as a familiar slogan pops up, one word at a time in a jagged white font: ‘PREPARE TO BE PROVED WRONG’ As the guitar riff starts the black screen shifts and becomes the top of a spiky-haired head that raises and stares out with piercing gray eyes before a lopsided grin creases the right-hand side of Toxxic's face. The bass drum starts and clips of his matches flash up - the All-Show Brawl with the Insane Luchador, the infamous Glass Jawbreaker on Aecas, dropping Nathaniel Kibagami on his head with the Caffeine Bomb and the Super Intoxxication that won him the World Title - before moving onto footage of Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table, the devastating landing timed to coincide with the four blast of red pyro that climb the entrance ramp before the final, stagewide eruption as the main riff starts- *BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BOOM!* -that signifies the arrival of the SWF’s premier straight-edger! Toxxic, with Jet in tow, strides through the smoke and walks down the ring as the fans let loose a volley of boos. “And her opponent, being accompanied by Jet, from Nottingham, in the United Kingdom, he stands six feet even and weighs two hundred, eighteen pounds, he is the leader of Revolution Zero and is the current Smartmarks Wrestling Federation World Heavyweight champion, TOXXIC!” Funyon shouts in order to be heard over the jeers. Toxxic rolls into the ring and stands in the center for a moment or two, then just as the first verse is about to begin he throws his arms wide, palms down, and each turnbuckle explodes with more red pyro! *BAP-BAP* *BOOM!* Toxxic removes his shirt, tosses it to Jet and unstraps the World title belt from around his waist. Referee for the contest Anthony Michael Hall grabs the belt and holds it aloft, signifying what’s on the line. Hall passes the belt to Funyon for safe-keeping and he goes about his duties of searching for any foreign objects. Finding Andrea and Toxxic to be clean, Hall calls for the bell to be rung. DING! DING! DING! “And this match is underway! I advise our television viewers not to blink, lest they miss something,” Comet says. “Yeah, like Toxxic destroying Andrea Montgomery in two seconds,” Riley states. Drea and Toxx circle each other, both knowing that any mistake will be exploited. Throwing caution to the wind, Andrea rushes Toxxic. The champ reacts quickly, sending her up and over with an arm drag, but she lands on her feet. Drea spins around, aiming a kick for Toxxic’s head, but the Straight-Edge Sensation backs away, her foot whistling mere inches in front of his face. Toxx darts in while she’s off balance, but Andrea back flips out the way, and adds another for insurance. Once she’s regained her footing, Drea runs at Toxxic, but the champion hooks her arm, looking for a hip toss. Andrea once again lands on her feet and does a quick forward roll to put some space between her and Toxxic. “What an impressive start! Pure speed from both competitors,” Comet notes. “Are you kidding? Nobody hit a move! Not to mention Andrea Montgomery’s running scared, trying to put as much distance between herself and Toxxic as possible,” Riley says. “I wouldn’t call it as cowardice, Bobby. I think it’s a strategy. If she can slip out of Toxxic’s grasp enough times, he might become frustrated enough to make a mistake,” Comet points out. “You utter fool. Toxxic is too smart to get upset over not being able to catch Andrea Montgomery. He’ll wait it out until she gets tired, then he’ll pounce!” Riley exclaims. Andrea pops to her feet and the crowd applauds the athletic display. As she turns to acknowledge the approval, Toxxic springs, blind siding her with a neckbreaker. “Straight Edge! Nice move by Toxxic, although I’m not thrilled that he did it while Andrea was simply acknowledging the fans cheers for that exchange,” Comet adds. “Paging Cyclone Comet, this is Reality. You never turn your back in a wrestling match, especially with the World title on the line! That’s why Toxxic will leave the match victorious, belt around his waist and Jet on his arm,” Riley says. Toxxic pulls Drea to her feet and locks up in the classic collar and elbow position. The World champion shoots her into the ropes, and turns slightly before shooting out his right leg, looking for a super kick. Andrea seems to have anticipated it, and leaps in the air, scissoring the appendage and taking Toxxic down to the mat with a twist. She torques on the leg momentarily, but before Hall can check for a submission, Andrea rises to her feet. “See, Comet? Andrea’s too dumb to win this match! She let go of that submission before the ref could even check Toxxic, not that he’d submit,” Riley says. “Actually, I think Andrea knew that it’s too early in the match to get a submission victory, not to mention that she’s not exactly a technical genius,” Comet points out. “Another reason she’ll lose!” Riley adds. Drea scrambles to the top rope as Toxxic is stirring, and as he gets to a vertical base, Andrea slides along the strand and leaps. Toxx turns around and drops just in time, and Andrea goes soaring overhead, but the Biloxi native lands on her feet running. She bounces off the opposite set of ropes and nails Toxxic in the back with a dropkick just as he’s getting back off the mat. Drea scrambles to her feet and rolls the champ over before hooking his outside leg. ONE! T...NO! The Straight-Edge Sensation gets a shoulder up, and the crowd voices their displeasure. ‘TOXX-IC SUCKS!’ ‘TOXX-IC SUCKS!’ ‘TOXX-IC SUCKS!’ Andrea gets to her feet first, with Toxxic not far behind, and she gets a jump on the champ, nailing him with a forearm to the jaw. She crouches low and slams a kick into his knee, then pops up, snares Toxxic in a front facelock and drops him with a DDT in one fluid motion. “Nice flurry from Andrea Montgomery. And for our friends in Vegas, she got the first pinfall of the night,” Comet states. “Yeah, but I’ve got my money on Toxxic for getting the last pinfall of the match, and that’s the only one that matters. Unless he gets her to tap...” Riley says, finding himself in a bit of a quandary. Andrea rolls Toxxic over and makes another cover. ONE! TW...NO! He gets a shoulder up, and once again, the fans voice their anger. ‘TOXX-IC SUCKS!’ ‘TOXX-IC SUCKS!’ ‘TOXX-IC SUCKS!’ Drea leans in to pick Toxxic up, but he fires off a jab, smashing her in the face. She backs up, giving him room to get off the mat and Toxxic closes in, hitting a European uppercut. Drea’s head snaps back and she stumbles, providing Toxx time to leap on her shoulders and send Andrea to the mat with a rana. Toxx slides over and makes a cover. ONE! T...NO! Andrea manages to kick out, and Toxxic is livid. He lifts her off the mat and whips her into the ropes. On the rebound, the champ catches Andrea with a dropkick. “And now Toxxic is in control of this match after a stinging right hand that stopped Andrea Montgomery,” Comet notes. “And now it’s a matter of time before Andrea Montgomery is down and out,” Riley states. Andrea begins to sit up, but Toxxic knocks her back down with a basement dropkick. He quickly follows up by straddling her chest and raining down punches. The storm looks to be over quickly, though, as Hall marches over and begins the mandatory five count. One! Two! Three! Four! Fi- Toxxic shifts his weight, applying a lateral press, which forces Hall to administer a different count. ONE! TWO! T...NO! Andrea manages to get a shoulder up, and Toxx is furious once again. He gets to his feet, pulling Andrea up by her hair at the same time, and fires off a left jab. He rears back and nails a right hand, a left, and another right before flipping a reverse peace sign to Andrea. The Straight-Edge Sensation spins around, arm outstretched, and nails the air formerly occupied by Andrea Montgomery. She pops back up as Toxxic continues to turn, and jumps, landing on his shoulders. Drea scissors one arm while grabbing the other and pulls backwards, taking the World champion down with a crucifix pin. ONE! TWO! T...NO! Toxxic manages to get a shoulder off the mat, freeing himself in the process. “Toxxic went for his punch and discuss clothesline combo, but Andrea managed to duck the clothesline and nearly won the match with that crucifix!” Comet exclaims. “No chance of that, Comet. Toxxic knew what was happening. He just wanted to rest a bit before kicking out,” Riley explains. Toxxic gets to his feet, and as soon as Andrea is up, lets loose with a European uppercut. He fires off another before snaring her with a front facelock and dropping to one knee, driving the other into Drea’s face. Toxx pops back up and falls backwards with a DDT. “Sobering Thought! Toxxic just re-arranged Andrea’s face with that move!” Comet exclaims. “Give that man the Nobel Peace Prize!” Riley shouts. “Or something that honors deeds that better society.” Toxxic rolls Drea over and makes a cover. ONE! TWO! TH...NO! Andrea manages to get a shoulder up and the crowd cheers wildly. The Heavyweight champ lifts Drea up and whips her into a corner, no, she reverses it. Toxxic hops onto the top buckle, and leaps off, turning in mid-air. He misses the clothesline, as Drea rolls towards the buckles and springs up. Toxx lands on his feet and turns around to see Drea flying towards him, scissor his head, and take him to the mat with a hurricanrana. She reaches backwards and pulls in his legs as Hall slides in to count. ONE! TWO! THRE...NO! Toxx kicks out violently, sending Andrea off of him. “Andrea ducked Toxxic’s Role Reversal and came back with one of her own, though it was a hurricanrana, as opposed to Toxxic’s favored clothesline,” Comet notes. “That’s just wrong! Stealing the moves of your opponent! How low can a person get, Comet?” Riley questions. “I think it speaks highly of Toxxic. To use one of his moves is to admit that it’s potent,” Comet points out. Andrea gets to her feet, turns around and fires off a kick towards Toxxic. The straight-edger catches it on the jaw, and Drea pirouettes in, smashing an elbow into his mouth. He staggers backwards, providing Drea ample room to fire off a shotei to the bridge of his nose. She darts for the ropes, bounces off, and flips forward, nailing the champ with a dropkick. “Coastal Combo from Andrea Montgomery, and now as if his teeth weren’t bad enough from just being British, Toxxic’s got even more dental problems,” Comet says, enjoying a hearty laugh. “You blackguard! You’ll get sued for that! Libel, or slander, or defamation of character. Something!” Riley threatens. “I also propose Andrea Montgomery have charges taken up against her.” Drea pulls the champ up and cinches in a side headlock. Pointing at it for the benefit of those suffering from ADD, she eyes the corner and runs towards it. Toxxic puts his hands on the small of Andrea’s back and shoves her forward. She’s too close to dodge out of the way and crashes sternum-first into the buckles. Toxxic snares her with an inverted facelock as she stumbles backwards, drops to one knee, then pops back up only to fall down with an inverted DDT. “Detoxx! Toxxic with yet another attack to Andrea Montgomery’s head and neck, setting her up for any one of his very potent finishing moves,” Comet states. “Damn right! Toxxic is focused in this match, and it’ll show through when he gets the victory,” Riley says. Toxx pulls Montgomery off the mat, drags her to the middle of the ring, and fires off a European uppercut. With Drea dazed, he heads to the ropes, and leaps up, scissoring her head. He spins around, resting on her shoulders and he reaches forward, locking Andrea in an armbar. Anthony Michael Hall slides in to check the submission, but is forced to leap aside as Andrea, off-balance due to the extra weight, falls to the side, slamming Toxxic’s back into the mat, breaking the hold. “Interesting submission from Toxxic, which I believe is called a ‘christo’ in...ahem... other promotions,” Comet notes. “Crisco, huh? Weird name, but it looked like it’d do the trick. A head scissor coupled with an armbar? That would set someone up for the Repeat to Fade perfectly,” Riley points out. “I heartily agree, Bobby, but as it stands, Andrea Montgomery was not strong enough to support Toxxic’s weight, so he landed on his head, which can’t be good,” Comet states. Andrea reaches a kneeling position and rubs on the back of her neck while Toxxic lays motionless on the canvas. Andrea rises, walks towards the champion, and drops a leg across his chest. She pulls him up, kicks Toxxic in the jaw and leaps onto his shoulders, taking the Straight-Edge Sensation down with a rana. Andrea gets up, rolls her neck a bit, then lifts Toxxic by his arm. She applies an arm wringer and nails Toxxic with a hook kick to the face. He begins to fall, but Drea leans back and pulls Toxxic in and lets go, whipping him into the ropes. “I wonder how wise that was on Andrea Montgomery’s part, whipping Toxxic to the ropes as he was falling down from that hook kick. She’s probably the weakest active wrestler, and to shift Toxxic’s momentum like that might not be good for her back,” Comet notes. “And anything bad for her back is good for Toxxic,” Riley points out. As he bounces back, Andrea jumps and takes the World Heavyweight champion down with a leg lariat. After a kip up, Andrea hauls Toxxic to his feet and snares him in a front facelock before taking him to the mat with a DDT. “Nice offensive flurry from Andrea Montgomery, and most of it targeted Toxxic’s head, and after he landed on it just moments ago, he can’t be thinking too clearly,” Comet points out. “Are you kidding? He’s always thinking clearly. Being straight-edge helps in those aspects, but I doubt you’d know about that, Cyclone ‘Spuds McKenzie’ Comet,” Riley states. She gets to her feet and pulls the champ up before nailing him with a spin kick. Drea heads for the ropes, bounces off, and jumps, turning around, scissoring Toxxic around the waist. She reaches down, grabs his right leg, and rolls through, slamming him face-first to the mat while simultaneously scissoring his leg and applying an ankle lock. Hall slides in to see if Toxxic will give up while the crowd offers their opinion. ‘GIVE IT UP!’ ‘GIVE IT UP!’ ‘GIVE IT UP!’ “Shawn capture by Andrea Montgomery! She’s hoping to slow Toxxic down, and if she gives herself even more of a speed advantage, the World champion might not be strong enough to overpower her,” Comet points out. “He’ll fight it off!” is all Riley can manage. Toxxic begins clawing towards the ropes while thrashing with his free leg, landing several kicks. He’s inches from the ropes, but chooses instead to coil his leg up and snap it back, catching Andrea Montgomery flush on the jaw. Hands flying to her face, the hold is broken and Toxxic pulls himself up with help from the ropes. “And Toxxic escaped that submission with a devastating kick, but has enough damage already been done on that leg?” Comet wonders aloud. “Not a chance! I’ve never seen Andrea Montgomery perform that move, so I doubt she’s proficient in applying it, which means it wasn’t as effective as it could have been,” Riley points out. “Shockingly intelligent commentary from my partner. What’s the deal, Bobby?” Comet asks. “Like you have to ask. I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night,” Riley says, providing a cheap commercial for one of the SWF’s newest sponsors. Toxx leans against the ropes, simply recovering as Andrea gets to her feet and charges the World Heavyweight champion. He simply drops to the mat, pulling the top rope down at the same time, however, Drea doesn’t go flying over as intended, but connects with a baseball slide dropkick. She kips up, only to land another dropkick before Toxxic has a chance to get to his feet. She pulls him away from the ropes and springs to the top buckle. Andrea leaps off, twisting in the air and lands atop the Straight-Edge Sensation with a corkscrew moonsault, and stays down for the pin. ONE! TWO! THR...NO! Toxxic gets a shoulder up and the crowd explodes in hatred. “Sky Twister Press from Andrea Montgomery after some dropkicks, but Toxxic got the shoulder up,” Comet notes. “Of course he did. He’s the World Heavyweight champion for a reason,” Riley states. “You don’t become and stay champion by going down to losers like Andrea Montgomery.” Drea gets up, pulls Toxxic to his feet, and lands a spinning heel kick to his stomach, doubling him over. She snares his head with a front facelock and twists, dropping him with a spinning neckbreaker. Rather than attempt another pin, Drea pops to her feet and heads for the turnbuckles again. She takes a moment to raise one arm, invigorating the crowd, then leaps off, flipping forward and rotating in the air, but Toxxic barely manages to move out of the way, and Drea crushes whatever dust mites that were living on the mat. “Toxxic moved! Andrea Montgomery hit nothing but canvas with that six hundred thirty degree corkscrew senton! That will most likely shift this match to Toxxic’s favor,” Comet points out. “I would agree with you if I ever thought Andrea Montgomery had the advantage, Comet. But it doesn’t help her chances to miss that senton,” Riley adds. However, Toxxic isn’t pressing his advantage, but is instead laying on the mat, as is Andrea Montgomery, which prompts Anthony Michael Hall to start a ten-count. The crowd instantly voices their support for the challenger. One! ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ Two! Toxxic rolls over onto his stomach and gets his arms underneath his torso. Three! ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ Four! Andrea barely sits up, and immediately puts a hand on her back. Five! Toxxic pushes himself to all fours and shakes his head in an effort to clear it. Six! ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ Seven! Andrea sits up completely while Toxxic gets to one knee. Eight! ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ Nine! The Straight-Edge Sensation gets to his feet and nails Andrea with a basement dropkick to her head. Toxx vaults to the top turnbuckle and jumps off, dropping a knee across Drea’s chest. He pops up, heads back up the buckles, and leaps, this time choosing to drop a fist on her cranium. Toxxic rises once more and casually walks towards the corner. He grabs the top rope, springs up, and extends his six foot frame, displaying the v-sign for the entire Key Arena. With the lopsided grin creeping up his face, the champ flies off, and angles his arm so his elbow is in perfect position to crash into Andrea’s sternum. The only problem is that Andrea and her sternum have moved, and Toxxic eats canvas. “She moved! I ask you, Bobby, with Toxxic missing that elbow drop, does Andrea Montgomery have an advantage?” Comet questions. “Of course not! Toxxic would have to suffer severe brain damage and loss of his arms and legs for Andrea Montgomery to have an advantage!” Riley exclaims. Drea reaches out, grabs the middle rope, and pulls herself off the mat while Toxxic cradles his elbow. She helps him off his feet, and Drea performs an arm wringer. She lands a quick chop to the elbow, then follows up with a knee to his gut, doubling the champion over. The challenger slams an elbow into the back of his neck while hitting a dropkick to his legs, driving Toxxic to the mat. “Magnolia Bloom from the challenger! So far, Andrea has decided not to do anything too high risk after her senton mishap,” Comet points out. “Well, yeah, considering she’s only done one thing after that. But trust me, she’ll go for some triple flip leg drop or something, and it’ll bite her in the ass,” Riley says. Drea pulls Toxxic up by his possibly injured arm, applies another armwringer, and this time leaps up and scissors it! The Straight-Edge Sensation stays upright long enough for Hall to ask if he’ll submit, but before Toxxic can answer, he drops, crashing Andrea into the mat, forcing her to release the champion. “See? That was pretty idiotic, especially when you consider that Toxxic tried a similar move on Montgomery, with identical results,” Riley states. “That is true, but perhaps Andrea thought Toxxic was strong enough to support her, but he was thrown off balance. That arm scissors did help to deal more damage to that arm of Toxxic’s, which could be significant down the road. If he doesn’t have enough strength in that arm, Toxxic might not be able to securely lock in the Repeat to Fade, or support Andrea for the Caffeine Bomb,” Comet points out. “Damn, you’re a long-winded, verbose moron,” is Riley’s witty retort. Toxxic heads to a corner and shakes out his arm, trying to get some feeling into it while Andrea clutches at her back. She gets to her feet and heads right for the champion. Drea stops short and fires off a kick, no, it’s a feint, and Toxx buys it, sliding out of the way, and right into the real kick. “Andrea Montgomery taking a page out of Ralph Macchio’s book with a fake kick, drawing Toxxic into the real kick, right in the jaw. Not exactly the jumping crane kick, but you get the drift,” Comet states. “Ralph Macchio? So you mean the roof will catch fire and fall on her, killing her?” Riley asks hopefully. “Or she’ll fade into obscurity after this match?” Andrea grabs Toxxic by his spiky head and sends him to the mat with a snap mare. She hops over the champ, grabs his spikes, and lifts him off the mat while springing to the top turnbuckle. Cautiously, Andrea walks on the top rope, stopping at the midway point between corners and sits out, using the elasticity of the ropes to spring up, taking Toxx to the mat with a tornado DDT. “Rope walk, split leg, inverted tornado DDT from Andrea Montgomery!” Comet exclaims. “How’s that for a non ass-biting high-risk move, Bobby?” Comet inquires. “You call that high-risk? I did that at least four times back in ‘99 when I had a broken leg. But what was with the snap mare before the DDT? It seemed kind of pointless. Andrea could have just slipped behind Toxxic, but I suppose with her being an idiot, she likes to go the completely unnecessary route as often as possible,” Riley says. “In shocking news, I have to disagree with you, Bobby. The snap mare gave Andrea Montgomery enough time to get behind Toxxic and go up the ropes. Insurance, if you will,” Comet states. Andrea reaches forward, grabbing Toxx’s leg and makes a cover. ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! Hall jumps up and signals that it was only a two count to a roar of displeasure from the fans. Andrea climbs to her feet, pulls Toxxic up, and drags him towards the center of the ring. She lands a shotei to his face, snapping his head back, and slips her leg behind his, then puts it back in front, completely ensnaring the appendage. Drea reaches forward and grabs Toxxic’s arms, which bends him double. She falls back while sweeping his legs out, no, Toxxic blocks the attempt. Gritting her teeth, Andrea Montgomery goes for the Done and Dusted again, but Toxxic staves it off. Before she can try for a third time, Toxxic flails his arms while sending kick after kick to Andrea’s knee. He frees his arms and grabs her, taking Drea to the mat with a small package. ONE! TWO! THREE! The entire population of the Key Arena hold their breath as Hall rises to his feet...and he holds up two fingers only! “NO! Hall, you moron, don’t you know how to count?!” Riley shouts, infuriated. “That was quite an exchange, with Andrea going for, and almost hitting the Done and Dusted, but Toxxic fought it off...” Comet begins. “Valiantly fought it off, Comet. Valiantly fought it off,” Riley adds. “Sure, valiantly fought it off, and almost won the match with that small package. I’m just curious as to what it’ll take to put either of these two down for the three count,” Comet states. Toxxic gets to his feet and drags Andrea up by her hair before whipping her into the ropes. With a quick spin, he knocks her flat with an elbow, but Toxxic winces from the impact. He gives it a quick shake and grabs Drea’s feet, perhaps looking for some kind of pinning combination. Whatever he had planned will never be known as Andrea kicks wildly, freeing herself. She coils her legs, knees touching her chest, and as Toxxic reaches down for another attempt, Drea explodes, hitting the Straight-Edge Sensation with a kip up dropkick. He staggers backwards, Montgomery gets up, and leaps, knocking Toxxic down with a cross body block. Hall slides in to count, but the World Heavyweight champion rolls through the body block, pinning Andrea’s shoulders to the mat. Hall readjusts slightly and begins his count. ONE! TWO! THRE...NO! Andrea barely manages to get a shoulder up and the fans let out a collective gasp. “Toxxic looked like that arm of his is still smarting after that elbow. Then Andrea Montgomery nailed him with an interesting kip up and dropkick combination, and followed up with a cross body block, but Toxxic rolled through it and nearly pinned Andrea,” Comet says. “Say Comet, since when did you volunteer to do play-by-play for our blind viewers?” Riley questions. “Is it so wrong to simply state the action going on in the ring?” Comet asks, adding, “Especially when you get paid by the word,” under his breath. “It just seemed excessive is all. Just mention a few details or something,” Riley states. The Straight-Edge Sensation rises to his feet, pulls Andrea off the mat, and wraps his arms around her head and drops to the mat, hitting a sitout jawbreaker. “Sitout jawbreaker from Toxxic, but that arm must really be bothering him. He didn’t get a good grip, and I don’t think the move was as strong as it usually is,” Comet points out. “So? It doesn’t have to be full-strength to put out Andrea Montgomery of all people!” Riley shouts. Toxxic stands up and shoots his right arm out, cinching Andrea Montgomery with a front facelock. Before he has a chance to grab her leg, Drea fires off a chop to his elbow, and another as he hasn’t let her go. She slams two more chops into his elbow, and with pain coursing through his arm, Toxxic releases her after the fifth chop. He darts forward, and wisely lands a European uppercut with his left arm. He locks Drea with a front chancery with his left while trying to shake out some of the pain in his right. He doesn’t get much time, though, as Andrea starts to squirm away, so Toxxic grabs her left leg with his right arm. The World champion lifts Andrea, no, she stays on the mat. Toxxic tries again, but the pain shooting through his arm stops him once more. Gritting his teeth and eyes shut tight, Toxxic’s third try is a charm as he takes Andrea off the mat while turning her around, and sits out, dropping her to the mat. “Caffeine Bomb from Toxxic! Under normal circumstances, I’d say the match is over, but he didn’t lift Andrea Montgomery very high off the mat, so there wasn’t a tremendous impact. I would expect a Caffeine Bomb like that if done to someone like Carnage, but Andrea Montgomery is no Carnage,” Comet notes. “That won’t matter! It’ll be more than enough to put Andrea Montgomery down,” Riley says, completely lacking confidence. Toxxic lays back on the mat, trying to catch his breath as Jet pounds on the apron, the only person cheering her boyfriend on. He slowly sits up, makes to hook Drea’s leg, but winces as he extends his right arm, and shifts slightly in order to grab the leg with his left. ONE! TWO! THREE! Nobody is breathing yet again as Anthony Michael Hall gets to his feet, and holds up two fingers! “No! Damn it, Hall, learn to count!” Riley screams. Toxxic is as incredulous as Riley, but simply gets to his feet, cradling his right elbow. After a few moments of recovery, he pulls Andrea off the mat and whips her into the ropes. Out of instinct, Andrea goes into a forward roll as she bounces off the ropes. She springs up, grabs Toxxic by the head and falls with a jawbreaker. Andrea stays on the mat while the Straight-Edge Sensation stumbles backwards and into the ropes. He bats at the strands, trying to get a hold and stay on his feet, but simply falls forward. “Tuckerman and Roll! It was sloppy and not as potent, but it might have bought Andrea Montgomery some more time, and that might be all she needs,” Comet exclaims. “I doubt that, Comet. Toxxic’s going to spring up and he might have to resort to the Dangerlust, but he’ll put her down,” Riley says. “I certainly hope not, as that move is very dangerous. We haven’t seen Justin Bowers in any form after he took one from Toxxic,” Comet states. “Exactly my point. Get her out of the ring and the federation completely, and hopefully forever,” Riley says. Hall notices both competitors down on the mat, so he has no choice but to start a ten-count. One! ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ Two! Three! Four! Toxxic pushes himself up to all fours. Five! ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ Six! Andrea sits up while Toxxic assumes a kneeling position. ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ Seven! ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ Andrea puts her hands on the mat and pushes herself to a kneeling position. Eight! ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ Nine! ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ ‘AN-DRE-A!’ Toxxic rises to his feet, with Andrea not far behind just moments before referee Anthony Michael Hall counts to a double disqualifying ten. Drea throws a weak punch, which Toxxic catches and whips her into the ropes. He follows in seconds later, hoping to catch Drea unaware with a soccer tackle, and also prevent a repeat of moments ago. To say that he’s surprised at what comes next is a bit of an understatement, as it’s not been seen for nigh on three years in an SWF ring. Andrea Montgomery, in an act of pure desperation, performs a front handspring, ricocheting off the ropes and back onto her feet. She flies backwards, snaring Toxxic in a 3/4 facelock and flipping upwards. Andrea becomes vertical, but doesn’t stop there, as gravity and momentum are in full swing, bringing both her and Toxxic down to the mat hard. Challenger and champion alike bounce up from the impact, and by sheer dumb luck, Andrea ends up with an arm draped across Toxxic’s chest. Hall dives down to make the count. ONE! TWO! THREE! There’s no need for the fans to hold their breath as Toxxic still hasn’t moved, but Anthony Michael Hall does, springing to his feet and calling for the bell to be rung! The Key Arena erupts in cheers as the World Heavyweight belt is passed into the ring, to be presented to Andrea Montgomery once she regains consciousness. “And the winner and NEW Smartmarks World Heavyweight Champion, ANDREA MONTGOMERY!” Funyon screams over the fans as “Just a Girl” strikes up once again. “I cannot believe it! Andrea Montgomery has done it with the rarely used Delta Cutter transitioned into Toxxic’s very own Intoxxication! She’s won the World title in a hard fought battle with the Straight-Edge Sensation, Toxxic, but she’s the champion! I, for one simply can’t wait for the rematch!” Comet shouts hoarsely. Riley tries to speak, but he’s struck dumb at what has just occurred. He sits, mouth agape, as Andrea Montgomery slowly rises from the mat to see Anthony Michael Hall holding the World Heavyweight title out to her. With trembling hands, she takes it, and painful as it is, stands up, belt held aloft as Lockdown fades to black.

Better late than never. Or something. MAIN EVENT#1 SWF CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Toxxic© vs Andrea Montgomery Using advanced technology (Read: the Dreamcast version of ECW Anarchy Rulz with Toxxic represented as RVD and me being played by Francine), I predict that Rob Van Toxxic wins after Mikey comes in and gives me such a hammerlock... SINGLES MATCH Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix vs Jamie Drazon Landon, since Jay Dawg sucks. QUESTION MARK MATCH ??? vs Manson With the exception of MVS vs She-that-shall-remain-nameless, does ??? ever lose? USJL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH David Cross© vs Ace Lezaire Go Muzz! ICTV/US TITLE CONTENDERSHIP TAG TEAM MATCH Todd Cortez & Spike Jenkins vs Austin Sly & Ryan Dustin I'm pulling for Sly, as he's going it alone, but having a partner really helps. But, Todd's got Spike for a partner. Go Sly. HARDCORE TITLE CONTENDERSHIP MELEE Uncle Filthy vs Evan Wolfe vs Danny Dagda vs Carnage Filthy. All the way. SINGLES MATCH rKade vs Kaine Kaine, because NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE!

Parliment. Also Cab Calloway, as it's impossible to listen to too much Cab.

I know. I'm surprised five more people haven't listed Johnson.

I am pretty sure it's "Get a Job" though I couldn't tell you the artist. I've heard it before, though. Edit: The Silhouettes. Double edit: Here's the lyrics to The Silhouettes' "Get a Job" Get a Job

Just to add a name to the mix: Robert Johnson. I won't mention any songs, since I don't think it'll matter.

And it involved using the cruiser title to hold salsa.

Toxxic's promo that he linked to. Tom's retirement promo from G5. The promo from G5 where Tom retired. Tom's promo from G5, where, I think he retired. I'm being a hypocrite here (As I no-sold people who nominate themselves by saying that if people think it's as good as you think, they'll recognize), but along with my return promo, the one with Mask and the hotel room/arena was good, as was the tiny Chinese people one. The 'phone call' to Zutroy that got no-sold not as much, and my 'Andrea is seen walking down some corridors' EWR rip-offs even worse. Oh, and the G5 promo where Tom retired.

A lot of Ken Follet's novels are historically-based. It seems that most of his are set in WWII, and he does large amounts of research for them. "Jackdaws", "Hornet's Flight", "Eye of the Needle", "Key to Rebecca" are some, and "Lie Down With Lions" is set during the Afghan/Russian war, and "On the Wings of Eagles" is good, though it's a mostly true account of Ross Perot rescuing some of his employees that get arrested in Turkey (It's not Ross going in Rambo-style, but coordinating the thing), in 78, so, that's history. And stuff. But this might not be what you're looking for.

Silent and the Silencer, if only for Silent to kill Silencer for using "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi as entrance music. TNT and Exploding Chicken. Think about it. Perfect Bo and The Boston Strangler, if only for them to kill each other before the match. That's all for now, as the match is calling!

S L I D E ! I remember reading your early stuff. I'm still surprised as to how good a guy who used as the name of a submission became. Now watch as Mike points out that someone else used that, making me cry yet again.

And cue the orchestra to play the "La-la-la" music that's heard in every touching father-son moment on TV.