Angel_Grace_Blue

I agree with what Dace said. It wouldn't make sense to go to the trouble of this for just a single match. If your next match is against one of our creepy goth types, will Candace suddenly start wearing a nun's habit and such?

Okay, it was agreed by those remaining in chat that we deserve awards for our effort. The Music Man award for best use of amp goes to Judge Mental as well as the "More Mushrooms than Mario" award. The Higher Than Kibagami award goes to Zed. Kibagmi gets the "Not Caring", "Most Caustic", and "Biggest Asshole" IL gets the "No Clue", "Limpest Wrist", and "Black & Decker David Blazenwing Memorial Award" GOdrea gets "Most Sandwiches" The "Best Moral Support" goes to Thoth, Jake, and Manson, who said nothing the entire time.

For no real reason, I decided to start this. Basically, tell us your favorite (Or least favorite, I suppose) production of a Shakespeare play. It doesn't have to be a direct/literal adaptation, either. So, anyway, since I started the thread, I figured I'd mention some of mine. The Lion King, adaptafied from Hamlet. Kinda. I mean, it does follow a pretty similar plotline, and the whole speech from Hamlet about a peasant eating a fish that ate a worm that ate a dead king, therefore peasant eats king, is totally Circle of Life. Hell, many of my classmates and I wrote "Circle of Life" in our copies of Hamlet. I've gotten off-track. My apologies. Scotland, PA is pretty good, in my opinion. And, like Lion King, it's not the literal adaptation of MacBeth. And, it's got Walken. That's all I should really have to say about that. Gibson and Brannagh's Hamlet's are pretty good, too. I suppose I should watch more so I can have a better list, but that's neither here nor there. I'll just shut up now and let others post.

Building on what Toxxic said, sort of. What exactly does killing a board or brick have to do with an actual match? A board cannot fight back. And considering people use these things to hurt others, by killing a board doesn't mean you can kill Chance. And I'm off to eat some babies...

Aw, poor Dover. But I want to know what Cirillo and Zenon have done since retiring. Wait, they didn't have good careers, so nobody wants to know. That's pretty cool Frigid. Hopefully we'll see more when the rest of us retire.

But look at it this way, Toxxic. If Johnny can only appear in a dark match and make the top pops list, then maybe Judge can offer some mystic wisdom by losing in countless dark matches. Or something.

MAIN EVENT NO DISQUALIFICATION NON TITLE MATCH Janus vs. Toxxic Uh, the guy who puts more "U"s after "O"s SINGLES MATCH Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix vs. Ace Lezaire Ace, if he writes, since he's Muzz. Yay Muzz. But that's if he writes, and he is Muzz. THE AT THIS POINT REQUISITE HANDICAP MATCH! Sean Davis vs. Ced Ordonez and Munich I guess I'll go with Davis, since the teams in the handicap matches have lost the last two times. TAG MATCH Andrea Montgomery & The Birdman vs. THE WAYWARD SONS!!! (Edward James and Alan Clark) Karl Marx to rise from the grave and eat everyone's brains. USJL CONTENDERSHIP TABLES MATCH "The Icon" Max King vs. "The Corona" Vladimir Everheart I'll have to go with Vlad, because he might hit me with a dragon in chat or something. SINGLES MATCH "The Paladin" Chance Silver vs. Candace Oof. CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins vs. "The Superior One" Tom Flesher I'm going to say Flesher's match wins, but if he'll actually go for the title is another story. Wait, what am I saying. He won't write. Spike, make it a squash!!

Yay, I'm not last in anything! But I really think that this is Gonzales's last year. At least, I hope so. He's too old and too crappy to continue pitching.

As I've sometimes said, I'm kinda available for no-show matches that humiliate all parties involved. Kibs might also join in to recreate the match we wrote when Judge vs. Kris or Kross was no-showed. Or something. I'll run away now.

Just to further answer some of these questions and such, and also, it helps boost my tiny post count and such. Stubbs used the "PROMO" stuff so he could insult people and claim it was IC. Personal insults, pretty much flaming, but he made it appear that it was just a promo and such. As for the old school stuff I posted. I am lazy. That's all the explanation. As for why Gonzales? First, I wouldn't think you'd have to question that. But, I'll give the answer, which is a reasonable one. He's supah-sexay!! As for my name change, it was partly wanting something different, partly something not so stupid. I mean, why not ask Thoth why he changed his IGN name? Or King? Or Grand Slam? Why you hatin' on me? It's because I'm tiny, isn't it? I'm going back to sleep in my shoebox. It makes no sense to have Munich defend that belt since it no longer exists. It'd be like having someone defend the light heavyweight title, or the stables title. They = gone. G0R0 would easily defeat Bukkake, since G0R0 BEINGZ SERIOUS TECHNICAL WRESTLER! You forgot the most important question of all, why BJORK?

Frost was interviewed over AIM and Thoth read his answers and lowered his voice all magically.

I think this shirt is kind of interesting for some reason that I cannot name at this time. As for shirts that I hate, I'll have to get back to that later...

I do not know the reason for this, but it always seems that Atlanta just owns New Orleans. It's weird. We could have a horrible record, but we always seem to do well agains NO. I demand that Atlanta be scheduled against New Orleans only. As long as we can keep a record similar to the 5-2 we have against them.

And after a pretty good year, Gonzales is back to sucking horribly. I'm kind of glad, because it was weird seeing Gonzales with like three losses going into September. I am not happy about the low number of strikeouts. It should be at least in the 80s. And such. I'm also upset that Atlanta is doing poorly yet again. Oh well, I guess I can always wait for next year, for Gonzo to retire so I can bring in Tiny Gonzales to shake things up. Kind of odd that there are only three pitchers with records at .500 or better. Also odd that it seems since going to New Orleans, Henderson has dropped off. Come on, Big Red, get back up to hitting .400 again. That's all I have to say for now. Let's get this thing to over 1000 replies! And such.

MAIN EVENT HANDICAP MATCH Janus vs Ced Ordonez & Munich WORLD TITLE #2 CONTENDERSHIP Jamie Drazon vs Ace Lezaire CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE CONTENDERSHIP OVER THE TOP FOURWAY Alan Clark vs Ryan Dustin vs Austin Sly vs Rob Gilbert TAG TITLE CONTENDERSHIP MATCH Andrea Montgomery & The Birdman vs “The Icon” Max King & Martin “Big Country” Hunt USJL TITLE MATCH Manson vs The Masked Man© SINGLhES MATCH Dace Nigt vs “The Corona” Vladimir Everheart SINGLES MATCH Petey The Irish Penguin vs “The Paladin” Chance Silver

Well, I amz teh lose. Perhaps next time (Unless my overwhelming depression consumes me and I decide to no-show forever) I'll pull out a win...or something. Now, teh match! Tell me the sucky parts and such. SWF Storm comes back from yet another promo for the upcoming Ground Zero pay per view, television cameras panning around the packed HSBC arena which has a larger-than-normal Tom Flesher section. As a very excited fan waves a Petey the Irish Penguin foam flipper, Cyclone Comet and Bobby Riley come into view at the broadcast table near ringside. “Hello citizens and citizenesses, and welcome back to this action-packed edition of SWF Storm! I, as always, am the one and only Cyclone Comet! And the Aquaman to my remaining members of the Super Friends, Robert Riley!” “Now what the hell does that mean? Besides that, it means you’re the Wonder Twins! Form of suck! Shape of lame!” Riley cackles with delight. “Like that matters. I’m pretty sure that even the monkey could kick Aquaman’s ass.” Comet retorts, then remembers that he’s on television. “I apologize for that fans. We’ve just seen a very interesting match between Wayward Son member Edward James and newcomer Vladimir Everheart. Now, we’ve got a match with another newcomer, and a recently returned quasi-legend. It’s the Birdman taking on Andrea Montgomery!” “Quasi-legend? That mask is too tight, Comet, you’ve cut off the oxygen supply to your brain. I’ve been in the ring with Andrea Montgomery, and let me tell you, she won’t last. She barely made it during her first attempt at wrestling.” Before Riley can further bash Montgomery, Funyon steps into the ring, ready to introduce the competitors. “Let’s Get Retarded” by the Black Eyed Peas begins to play, causing many fans to think back to the idiotic NBA playoffs commercials. But instead of George Gervin dancing, it’s the Birdman getting jiggy on the stage. “Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is set for one fall, with count outs and disqualifications in effect. Introducing first, weighing in at two hundred and nineteen pounds, THE BIIIIIIIIIIRDMAAAAAAAAAAN!!” Birdman trots down the ramp, high-fiving many of the fans, climbs onto the apron, and extends his arms, stretching out his ‘cape’. Birdman hops over the top rope, removes the cape, and looks towards the entrance, waiting for Andrea. “That is a very interesting design on Birdman’s costume tonight. I’m an amateur bird-watcher, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what bird he is dressed as.” Comet says, befuddled. “I think it’s a turkey vulture, Cykes! No...wait, it’s more of a toucan, I think. I wonder if he’s got some Froot Loops on him.” The lights in the HSBC arena dim and green pyrotechnics erupt around the stage, signaling the arrival of Andrea Montgomery. The arena is bathed in a green aura as the lights come back on and Andrea steps out onto the stage, the first notes of No Doubt’s “Just a Girl” playing on the speakers. “And his opponent, from Biloxi, Mississippi, she weighs in at one hundred and forty-three pounds, AAAAANDREAAAA MOOONTGOOOMERRRRRRY!” A shower of green sparks rains down on Andrea as she makes her way to the ring, greeting fans along the way. She leaps directly onto the apron, grabs the top rope and catapults herself inside the ring. The Birdman calmly removes his cape and hands it to Funyon, who exits the ring to set beside the timekeeper, who performs the first half of his job. DING! DING! DING! “And this match is underway folks! This is going to be a fast-moving contest, I’m sure of it. I’ll even be so bold as to say that this match should have occurred under cruiserweight rules, but what can you do?” Comet states. The two lightweights circle each other, neither wanting to make a mistake his or her lightning fast opponent can take advantage of. Andrea steps in, looking to send Birdman to the mat. Birdy sidesteps and cracks an elbow against Andrea’s temple. Birdman closes the distance and brings Montgomery down with a DDT. Birdman quickly gets to his feet, Andrea right after, but she eats a heel kick to the jaw, staggering her backwards. Birdman dashes forward and plants a forearm across Andrea’s face, knocking her down. “Nice moves from this newcomer. Andrea Montgomery certainly looks to have some spots of ring rust.” “Ring rust? Wouldn’t that imply that she had talent to begin with but her inactivity has tarnished it? You and your crazy sayings, Comet.” Bobby sneers. The Birdman quickly makes a lateral press cover and referee Anthony Michael Hall drops down to make the count. ON...NO! Andrea kicks out and she and the Birdman both get to their feet. Birdman remains on the offensive end, though, as he whips Andrea to the ropes and catches her with a dropkick. Birdman quickly scales the turnbuckles and flies off, crashing down on Andrea with a moonsault. Birdman stays down, looking for another pin attempt. ONE! TW..NO! Andrea kicks out again, and the Birdman looks upset at his ability to put down Andrea, or lack thereof. “The Birdman going for two quick pin attempts, neither getting very far into the count.” “True, Comet, but Andrea Montgomery has not landed a single offensive maneuver. And, honestly, I don’t think that she will by the time this match ends.” The Birdman pulls Andrea to her feet and whips her into the ropes. As she comes off the rebound, Birdy shifts his body and extends his left foot, looking for a kick. Andrea sees the strike coming, leaps into the air, scissors Birdman’s leg, and twists, dragging Birdy to the mat on his stomach. Andrea gets to her feet and drives a knee to the back of Birdman’s head as he’s attempting to regain his footing. Andrea backs up several feet and performs a front handspring, turning it into a phoenix splash, landing on Birdman’s back. “Well Bobert, you’ve just been proven wrong. Andrea Montgomery has hit some moves finally. This match is starting to get interesting.” Riley simply harrumphs as the action is indeed picking up. Rather than go for the pin attempt, Andrea scales the turnbuckles, waiting for the Birdman to climb to his feet. As he does, unaware of Andrea’s whereabouts, Andrea takes several steps on the top turnbuckle, slides a few more feet and leaps off, striking the Birdman in the back of the head with a spinning heel kick! However, the force behind the move is not enough for the Birdman to go down, and he simply stumbles forward in the parallel set of ropes Andrea leapt from. Seeing this, Andrea runs back to the ropes she was currently on, bounces off and goes into a forward roll. Andrea springs up just as Birdman, head now cleared, turns around only to have his head get even foggier as Andrea stuns him with a sit-out shoulder jawbreaker! “Tuckerman and Roll! Andrea Montgomery just rattled Birdman’s cage with that jawbreaker!” “Bah! That move is lame. The Bird-breaker is better. Besides, it’s not like Andrea’s actually going to win this match.” Bobby says, though far from his usual flamboyantly confident self. Andrea quickly capitalizes on the groggy state Birdman is in by leaping on his shoulders, spinning a full three hundred sixty degrees, and sending Birdman head-over-heels with a satellite rana! Andrea leans back and hooks Birdy’s left leg for a pin. ONE! TW...NO! Birdman kicks out, to much applause from the fans who want to see a display in speed. Andrea latches on to Birdman’s beak and hauls him up to his feet. She deftly cinches in a front facelock and drops Birdman with a DDT. Andrea kips up, climbs to the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. She plays to the fans momentarily before back-flipping off, twisting the entire time. However, those seconds showboating allowed Birdman time to recover, and he rolls out of the way, as Andrea delivers a devastating Sky Twister Press to the ring mat. Birdman quickly drops an elbow across Andrea’s back to keep her prone. Birdy gets to his feet, jumps over Andrea, heading towards the ring ropes. He bounces off the middle strand, crashing down with an Asai moonsault. Birdman pulls Andrea to her feet, only to send her back down with a snap suplex. “Birdman is back in control of this match, and I’m curious as to how often dominance will see-saw before the final bell.” Comet muses. “I don’t think it’ll shift too much in favor of Andrea Montgomery, seeing as she lacks talent, among other things I look for in a wrestler.” Riley states. “I won’t even follow up with a joke, because it’s far too easy.” Birdman pulls Andrea to her feet and whips her into the turnbuckles. Birdy charges forward, and several feet away, leaps into the air, hoping to land a vertical splash. However, Andrea’s reflexes kick in and she dropkicks Birdman in the chest while he is in mid-flight. “And Andrea Montgomery just plucked the Birdman out of the sky with that dropkick!” “Ha! Just like when Randy Johnson destroyed that dove with a fastball! Frickin’ awesome!” Riley gleefully reminisces. Andrea gets back to a vertical base first, pulling Birdy up as well. She applies a side headlock and runs up the turnbuckles. At the top, she jumps over the top rope, bringing Birdman down neck-first across the rope. Andrea releases Birdy’s head and grabs onto the rope as the Birdman’s head flies up from the hangman. Andrea turns herself around and leaps towards Birdman with help from the ring ropes, slamming Birdy with a tornado DDT. “Great Rape of Persephone! Andrea Montgomery has nearly destroyed the Birdman with that combination of the bulldog hangman and a springboard tornado DDT!” “Please, Comet. It’s not like those moves really hurt. Think about who’s doing them! Then again, it’s not like the Birdman is tough. He’s got hollow bones for Flesher’s sake!” “No, Bobby, he’s not a real bird. He’s a person, so his bones are not hollow. Though I think your head is sometimes.” Andrea drapes an arm across the Birdman as Anthony Michael Hall drops down to count the pin. ONE! TWO! TH...NO! The Birdman kicks out, eliciting another cheer from the audience. Andrea pulls Birdman to his feet, whips him, no, Birdy reverses it and catches Andrea on the jaw with an elbow. Birdman lifts Andrea up and whips her into a corner. Birdy charges towards her and kicks Andrea in the jaw with the Hummingbird kick! Andrea stumbles out of the corner, and Birdman whips her into the opposite set of turnbuckles, but Andrea has enough presence of mind to drop down, sliding under the ropes and landing outside of the ring. Andrea steps towards Comet and Riley, trying to clear the cobwebs. Before much clearing can occur, Andrea notices a shadow above her and she drops down before Birdman can collide with her. Birdy barely has enough time to cover up before he lands on top of the announce table. “NO! MY MAAANWIIIICH! I was saving that for later!” Bobby Riley laments as Birdman landed directly on top of the sandwich. Birdy rolls off of the table only to catch a spin kick to the face. Staggered, Birdman is wide open for a palm strike, also to the face. Backed against the barricade to separate the fans from the wrestlers, Birdy tastes Andrea Montgomery’s boot again as a heel kick lands. Andrea pauses her attack momentarily to take a step backwards, then finishes off the combination with a two hundred seventy degree front-flipping dropkick, sending the Birdman over the railing. “Coastal Combo! Andrea Montgomery has shaken Birdman up, but she might want to head back into the ring as referee Anthony Michael Hall has finished his warnings and is beginning the ten count.” Comet explains to the fans that belong to militias. ONE! TWO! Andrea reaches over the barrier to pull Birdman up, but he grabs her head and drops down, making an unscheduled meeting between Andrea’s head and the barrier! THREE! FOUR! Birdman climbs up, leaps onto the barrier and flies at the dazed Montgomery, knocking her down with a dropkick. FIVE! SIX! Birdman pulls Andrea up and rolls her into the ring. He climbs onto the ring apron and holds on to the top rope for support as Hall ceases his count. After several moments of recuperation, the Birdman climbs to the top turnbuckle, extends his arms and flaps them a few times. “I don’t think she can hear me, but Andrea Montgomery had better watch out, as the Birdman looks to be on the verge of hitting the Bird Dropping! If he does manage to land it, I think the match would pretty much be wrapped up for the Birdman.” Comet explains. The Birdman leaps off of the turnbuckle and hits the bullseye that is Andrea Montgomery with the accuracy of a pigeon on a freshly waxed Ferrari! Feeling that the match is over, Birdman makes a relatively nonchalant cover, not bothering to hook a leg. ONE! TWO!! T H R E E NO!! Andrea Montgomery, having been simply rolled into the ring is close enough to reach the ring ropes, and has, the reason for Anthony Michael Hall to stop the count! “NO! Andrea Montgomery, lacking the strength to kick out from the Bird Dropping, reached out and placed a foot on the bottom rope, giving her a much needed rope break!” a very excited Comet explains, this time to crazy religious nuts. “Damn. I thought this thing was over! It’s not that I want Birdman to win, I’d just like to hurry through the card so I can get more Flesher-time.” Riley complains. Birdman pulls Andrea to her feet and rocks her backwards with a stiff punch. Birdy grabs Andrea’s arm and twists it, an arm wringer applied. Birdman moves quickly, nailing Andrea in the back of the head with a heel kick, dropping the Mississippi native. Birdman pulls Andrea to her feet once again, dazing her with two forearm shots to the head. Birdman runs towards the ropes, heads back to Andrea, and plants his feet into her midsection, falling straight down with the Bird-breaker jawbreaker! Andrea is too punch-drunk to go down on her own, so the Birdman helps her out via a DDT! “The Birdman with a flurry of offensive moves after the Bird Dropping failed to put Andrea down.” “Come on Comet! The way you say it, it sounds like Andrea kicked out! She did nothing of the kind. She just managed to touch the ring ropes.” Birdman appears to believe that Andrea Montgomery is not yet incapacitated, so he hauls her up once again. Birdman attempts an Irish whip, Andrea puts on the breaks and twists in an arm wringer. Birdman leans forward, trying to alleviate some of the pressure, and Andrea kicks out his legs while dropping an elbow across Birdy’s neck! “And Andrea Montgomery has just made a come back with the Magnolia Bloom!” Comet screams. Andrea slowly gets to her feet, still feeling the effects of Birdman’s previous attacks. Andrea drops a leg across Birdman’s back and climbs back up. She ventures to the turnbuckle, hops up, and jumps off, flipping six hundred thirty degrees to land back-first on Birdman. “Six-thirty senton by Montgomery! That might finish this match!” Comet exclaims. Andrea does in fact roll the Birdman on to his back and makes a cover. ONE! TWO!! THR...NO! Birdman kicks out, though with not much force. Andrea, straining with the effort, pulls Birdman up and sends him reeling with a kick to the chest. Andrea knocks the Birdman backwards with another kick, this time to his right knee, and then heads for the ropes. Andrea bounces off the ropes, rolls forward and springs up, grabbing hold of Birdman’s head. Andrea immediately drops to the mat, jarring the Bird’s brain with another jawbreaker. “Another Tuckerman and Roll! I’ve seen Andrea Montgomery use that specific move many times to set up that brutal DDT that she calls the Done and Dusted, and it looks like that’s exactly what she’s going for!” Comet calls out, letting Stevie Wonder know what’s going on. Andrea quickly double grapevines Birdman’s right leg and makes an attempt to hook his arms. Birdman, despite his brain being recently scrambled, knows that this is a position he wouldn’t want to find himself in, even in the bedroom, and begins to thrash about, trying to break free from Andrea’s hold. Birdman’s height and weight advantage eventually win out as he powers out and, in sheer desperation, drops Andrea with a DDT. “And the Birdman has escaped from the Done and Dusted! I’m pretty positive that if he had been hit with it, he would have been handed his first loss in the SWF.” “I really doubt that, Comet. Andrea Montgomery beating someone? That’s laughable. Then again, so is the idea of the Birdman getting the better of an opponent. God, I really hope that someone stops this match, or better yet, time expires or they both get counted out.” Riley says, bored that there’s nobody evil enough in the ring to garner his support. “That might happen, Bobby, as neither Birdman nor Andrea Montgomery have gotten up after that DDT. The referee is starting his ten count!” “Thank you once again for that insight, Captain Obvious.” “No, Bobby, I’m Cyclone Comet. You’re a very strange man.” ONE! TWO! THREE! The Birdman slowly sits up, holding his head. FOUR! FIVE! Birdman rolls over onto his knees and steadies himself with his hands. SIX! SEVEN! The Birdman pushes himself up as Andrea gets to a kneeling position similar to the one Birdy was previously in. The Birdman shakes his head, trying to regain some of his expensive college education before leaping up and dropping a knee on the back of Andrea’s head. Birdy pulls Andrea up, locks in a front chancery, and lifts Andrea up and over with a snap suplex. Birdman gets back to his feet, a bit slower than normal and rubbing the back of his neck. “The Birdman might be in trouble. Andrea Montgomery’s constant attacks on his head and neck might have weakened it significantly. He might have trouble if he decides to go for his Bird Buster. But that doesn’t mean Andrea is safe, as Birdman could, as we saw earlier, attempt his top rope move, the Bird Dropping.” Birdman rolls his neck, trying to alleviate some pain and he picks up Andrea. Birdman whips Andrea to the ropes, and sends her back to the mat with a side leg trip takedown. Birdy gets to his feet, climbs to the top turnbuckle and flips forward, landing with a swanton bomb. “Beautiful form on that front-flip senton, especially after all of the punishment that the Birdman has gone through in this match!” Comet exclaims. “Comet, you really need to get out more. I’ve seen Thugg do a better looking swanton, and that was when he was in a wheelchair!” The Birdman rolls off of Andrea and lays on his side for a moment, recovering. Before Anthony Michael Hall can begin a ten count, Birdman pulls himself up. He leans against the ropes for a moment, trying to get some feeling back in his neck. As he is doing this, Andrea Montgomery rolls over on to her stomach, and Birdman swiftly lifts her up. Birdman quickly latches on a front facelock, tilts his head back and screams. “CAW! CAW!” “Birdman looks to be going for the Bird Buster! If he manages to hit this, Andrea Montgomery’s return will take a wrong turn very fast.” “I hope so. She should go back home. Then again, I’m not looking forward to the Birdman getting too successful. I’m in quite a pickle with this match.” Birdman reaches down and hooks Andrea’s right leg. The Birdman attempts to lift her up, but Andrea blocks it. Birdy tries again, but the combination of his neck pain and Andrea’s block prevents her from moving. Birdman releases Andrea’s leg and tries to get a firmer grip, but Andrea drives her knee into Birdman’s stomach. She slams another knee into his chest, and Birdman releases her completely, hunched over and trying to draw breath. Andrea staggers back, sees an opportunity and puts her hands on Birdman’s shoulders. She hoists herself up, doing a handstand on Birdman’s shoulders, the crowd cheering loudly in hopes of seeing Andrea’s handstand neckbreaker. Andrea hangs there for a moment, releases, dropping her shoulders across Birdman’s and wrapping her arms around Birdy’s head. Andrea leans back, and her and Birdman crash into the mat. “Handstand neckbreaker! The Birdman just crashed into the ring! I think this is going to end the match!” “Thank God! Get this travesty over with!” Riley says, very thankful. Andrea releases Birdman, but doesn’t have the energy to make a conventional pin. However, due to her shoulders being on top of Birdman’s, referee Hall drops to count. ONE! TWO!! T H R E E ! Hall gets to his feet and signals for the bell to be rung and the crowd explodes in cheers. DING! DING! DING! “And Andrea Montgomery has won her first match back after nearly a three year absence.” “This means nothing. The Birdman isn’t much of an opponent.” Comet, hoping to save his voice for further exclamations during the night, decides not to argue with Riley as “Just a Girl” plays over the public address system and Funyon picks up a microphone to announce the outcome. “The winner of this match by pinfall, AAAANDREAAAA MOOOONTGOOOOOMERRRRY!” In a display of sportsmanship, Andrea helps Birdman up to his feet as Storm takes a commercial break.

MAIN EVENT HANDICAP MATCH Janus vs Ced Ordonez & Munich Janus has won one handicap match, and I'll pick him to win another. The question is, who's move will he use this time? WORLD TITLE #2 CONTENDERSHIP Jamie Drazon vs Ace Lezaire Damn, tough pick. The guy from BC to win. CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE CONTENDERSHIP OVER THE TOP FOURWAY Alan Clark vs Ryan Dustin vs Austin Sly vs Rob Gilbert I think I'll take NAB in this one, aka Sly. TAG TITLE CONTENDERSHIP MATCH Andrea Montgomery & The Birdman vs “The Icon” Max King & Martin “Big Country” Hunt Look over there, it's uh...a waffle! USJL TITLE MATCH Manson vs The Masked Man© Masky, but MANSONOSITY could take it. SINGLhES MATCH Dace Nigt vs “The Corona” Vladimir Everheart Daceykins, even with the wacky name. SINGLES MATCH Petey The Irish Penguin vs “The Paladin” Chance Silver Well, I thought Petey said he'd be away or something...so I guess Silver.

Yes, but no. He was a cruiser as Jaime "Kid Bullet" Bjork. Yes, Bjork, as in that fucking crazy Icelandic singer woman. BJORK!

No, the Clan. A group of creepy sadistic creepy guys who were creepy. A SWF/IGNWF stable of pretty successful guys. They include current markers, Kibagami and Thoth. Huzzah for the Clan, for the Clan = ML PRIDE, BITCHES!

MAIN EVENT SINGLES MATCH "The Superior One" Tom Flesher vs Toxxic (Special Guest Commentator: Janus) Er, Janus either destroys everybody, or uh...sir lord Flesher ICTV TITLE BOUT LANDON'S DISGRESSION STIP Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© vs Johnny Dangerous Landon, because because. TAG TEAM TITLE BOUT 42nd Street©* (Todd Cortez & The Masked Man) vs Spike Jenkins & Sean Davis * = Not 'official' champions 42nd Street, especially if TMM writes that promo I suggested to him (The promo having nothing to do with the match) SINGLES MATCH Ace Lezaire vs Dace Night Hmm, Acey or Dacey...gotta go with the Muzzums and his breakdancing. SUBMISSIONS MATCH Jamie Drazon vs Alan Clark Day Jawg, even if it's Clark's match because I'd guess it'd be hard to apply a submission from a wheel chair. FATAL FOUR WAY USJL TITLE #1 CONETENDERSHIP "The Icon" Max King vs Munich vs vs Manson vs Ced Ordonez I'm going with the power of MANSONOSITY. I guess. HARDCORE TITLE BOUT Ryan Dustin© vs Martin "Big Country" Hunt That one guy with a 'u' as the second letter of his last name. SINGLES MATCH The Birdman vs Andrea Montgomery Beautiful plumage on the Norwegian Blue...in other words, who knows? SINGLES MATCH Edward James vs "The Corona" Vladimir Everheart Everheart, because he seems scarier.

MAIN EVENT SINGLES MATCH "The Superior One" Tom Flesher vs Toxxic (Special Guest Commentator: Janus) ICTV TITLE BOUT LANDON'S DISGRESSION STIP Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix© vs Johnny Dangerous TAG TEAM TITLE BOUT 42nd Street©* (Todd Cortez & The Masked Man) vs Spike Jenkins & Sean Davis * = Not 'official' champions SINGLES MATCH Ace Lezaire vs Dace Night SUBMISSIONS MATCH Jamie Drazon vs Alan Clark FATAL FOUR WAY USJL TITLE #1 CONETENDERSHIP "The Icon" Max King vs Munich vs vs Manson vs Ced Ordonez HARDCORE TITLE BOUT Ryan Dustin© vs Martin "Big Country" Hunt SINGLES MATCH The Birdman vs Andrea Montgomery SINGLES MATCH Edward James vs "The Corona" Vladimir Everheart

Redneck KKK, Toxxy? That's what it is. It's like saying you're going for a drug-free straight-edge vibe. Silly goose.

Get into chat! Now! This shall teach you people to not desert chat. Beware, for there are things far worse I can unleash.

Ah, yes indeed, le match de cranberry. And here it is, as promised. [Commercial Break] A little boy is sitting in the corner pouting, when IGNWF's Edwin Macphisto walks up. Edwin: "Gee son, what's the problem?" Boy: "My best friend's birthday party is tonight, and I don't know what to get him." Edwin: "Good thing I'm here!" Edwin makes weird motions with his hand, and the background is starwhiped out, while the background of a mall fills the screen. Boy: "What's this all about sir?!" Edwin: "The panda emporium! The only place to pick up everything panda!" Boy: "But, he doesn't like ani.." As the boy tries to speak, Edwin grabs him by the hand, taking him into the store. Upon entrance the camera pans around to see what looks like thousands of stuffed pandas. Chris Raynor is standing at the counter, and bends toward the child. Raynor: "Want a free sucker?!" Boy: "My mommie told me not to take ca..." Raynor wastes no time shoving the sucker into the kid's mouth as Edwin drags the kid towards the back of the store. Edwin: "Here at the Panda Emporium, we have panda pens, panda key chains, even panda pants!" NTD is shown standing, and upon hearing the last statement, looks distressed, and rushes towards the door. Boy: "But, my friend doesn't even like pa..." Edwin: "Pandas, Pandas, Pandas.... Pandas Pandas Pandas." Raynor pops into the shot. Raynor: "Pantera Pandas!" The boy finally breaks free from Raynor, and walks towards one area of the store. Raynor and Edwin look at each other goofily, and shrug following along. The boy walks up to Mistress Sarah, as she cracks her whip. She is scantly clad. Boy: "My friend would like her!" Edwin: "I think you're missing the point here, we have pan.." Sarah: "Awww, a birthday party.. he's so cute." Edwin: "But Sarah...." Sarah: "Sure, I'll come with you little boy." The boy jumps up into the air, and drags Mistress Sarah out of the store, showing her little bottom shake as she leaves. Edwin and Raynor are left standing next to each other watching them leave. Edwin: "Oh well, We'll sell some of this stuff soon." Raynor: "Pantera." [back to IGNite] The camera is showing the two poles on the corners, one with a turkey hanging from it, and the other with a can, as the crowd applauds. Curry: "Hello, and welcome back to IGNite, we're looking at the setup for our next match which will be quite an entertaining match." NTD: "It should be, but it shows what kind of weird things that go on when the power structure it tampered with. Johnny Rotten was mauled several weeks ago on IGNite by Apostle." Curry: "If you remember, Rotten and Perfect Bo were in a terrible car wreck which has put Perfect Bo out indefinately." NTD: "Rotten had a fractured leg, and being a tough fighter, he decided to continue wrestling for Bo." Curry: "But, valiant or not Rotten lost to a vindictive, and sadistic Apostle." NTD: "The weird thing about the match was, Apostle seems to want to take down the IGNWO, but was vicious in his attempts to destroy a very likable member of the IGNWF." Curry: "Especially after the car wreck, the fans have really taken a liking to him." NTD: "Let's take a look back at exactly what went on." [A medley of the finer points of Apostle vs. Rotten is shown. All of them revolving around the taunting of Rotten, and the utter destruction of a injured member of Anarchy fighting for his best friend.] Curry: "How could Apostle do such a thing?" NTD: "I don't know, but Commish Stubby has decided to let Rotten take out some of his anger in a very humiliating match." Curry: "Let's get to the ring as Funyon explains." Funyon: "The next match is a Thanksgiving Massacre match. To win the match you must take the Turkey, and the cranberry sauce from the two poles located adjacent to me. After they are removed, you must complete the table setting, and place the Turkey on the tray, while pouring out the cranberry sauce." Curry: "Complicated enough?" NTD: "Not hardly!" Funyon: "Introducing first, from Los Angeles, California, and weighing in at 345 pounds..." The lights in the arena turn pitch black as a deep voice overlays every sound in the arena: "Straight from hell". At the mere mention of that phrase, some of the fans start to cheer, but fewer than normal as pyrotechnics explode in a giant mass at the top as "Alive" by P.O.D. begins to play. The IGNtron begins to show the POD music video while alternating to clips of Apostle at his best. Apostle comes out from back of the ring, taking off his trench coat and tossing it to the front row as he walks down the ramp. Curry: "The crowd is obviously a bit jaded at Apostle for attacking Rotten the way that he did." NTD: "There was no call for it." Apostle tries to bring the crowd to his side, but boos continue to mix with the cheers. It's hard to tell how much of the crowd is angered, but it's apparent that some are unhappy with the way Rotten was treated. Standing in the ring, he seems to set his sights towards the ramp awaiting to punish Rotten even more. Funyon attempts to start introducing Rotten, but "Anarchy in the U.K." starts to play over the announce system, as Rotten walks from the back quite quickly, micraphone in hand. The crowd sings along to the chorus, as he smiles, and shakes a few hands before turning his attention to Apostle. Rotten: "Hey kid, How's it going?" Apostle paces back and forth, before leaning on the ropes to stare at Johnny. Rotten: "2 weeks ago, you did a fine job taking me out. I see that you can attack, and humiliate someone with a broken leg. The question is... How do you like being humiliated, kid?" Rotten points towards the Turkey, as Apostles head follows the non existant line between the two. The crowd cheers wildly, as Apostle tries to gain the crowds support, but fails. Rotten: "You did a good job working on my leg last time, let's see if you can do it when I'm healed?" Rotten runs up the ramp as quickly as possible as a thud resonates around the arena as the micraphone hits the ground. The crowd roars. Curry: "Rotten looks ready to teach Apostle a lesson." NTD: "This match has hardcore rules, and he is fighting one of the best hardcore champions in IGNWF history." Rotten slides underneath the bottom rope to an awaiting Apostle who starts kicking away immediately to soften up Rotten, but with little success. Rotten reaches his feet quickly and starts laying punch after punch into Apostle's grill. A timely knee to Rotten's gut cuts off the flurry, and Apostle pushes him into the ropes for extra speed, irish whipping him into the ropes. After rebounding from the ropes, Rotten ducks a clothesline from the big man, and quickly twists around to his back for a Full Nelson Bomb, as the two bodies hit the mat the crowd roars with approval. Curry: "A quick start to the match as Rotten counters the clothesline." NTD: "Apostle is a very strong man, but about as fast as a slug." Apostle sells the Full Nelson Bomb hard, as Rotten quickly manuvers to his feet catching Apostle looking away for a second Full Nelson Bomb. The crowd jumps up once more, as Apostle squirms and rolls out of the ring. While Apostle catches his breathe on the outside, Rotten grabs the Turkey off the pole, and places it on the setting. Curry: "Apostle is too ignorant to realise he can't take a break, or Rotten will win the match." NTD: "Rotten just did half the work for Apostle, maybe that was his master plan all along." Curry stares at NTD looking strangely.... NTD: "Could be..." Apostle finally notices that Rotten is completing the match without him, and the lumbering beast goes to sneak up on Johnny as he reaches for the Cranberry sauce. By the time the ape like creature reaches Rotten, he puts his boot out waiting for him. The next 20 seconds of the match look like slow motion, but they are not, as Apostle continues to baby step his way into Rotten's boot as he waits patiently. NTD: "Any day now..." Curry: "What a slow man...." Apostle shakes off the boot to the face, as Rotten throws the cranberry sauce towards the platter, positioning himself on the turnbuckle. Apostle, like the instinctive apelike creature he is moves towards Rotten's armpit, which sets him up perfectly for a tornado ddt! The crowd roars again, because they paid their money, and they can yell if they want to. NTD: "ROTTEN WITH THE TORNADO DDT!" Curry: "Yep, we didn't see that coming." Rotten is back to his feet, as something barely audible can be heard from Apostle. "Me no like cranberries." Even still, Apostle reaches his feet once more to find an awaiting Rotten preparing him for the pyramid driver. Apostle lets Rotten prepare thinking that he'll just reverse the move, but because of his quick speed, he manages to start trying to reverse it after he is already on the ground in pain. The next part of the match is strickly for a higher word count. I will filibuster here for as long as possible because no one is actually reading this match. Rotten with a slam of some sorts. So, What are you doing in this lonely club? Come with anyone? Well, I saw you from across the bar, and I thought you were... A beautiful Russian leg sweep leaves Apostle on the ground again. Curry: "A beautiful Russian? is that possible." NTD: "Don't like hairy armpits?" Apostle continues to move as fast as (insert something very slow so that it is very funny when compared to the word fast which proceeds it.) Rotten locks on the Rotten Spike, which is a submission. Like most cases in which submissions are used, Apostle lays on the ground for awhile gaining strength when he should be losing it until he can break free. The elbow to the midsection, the elbow to the midsection. The patented run to the ropes, the return missed clothesline, and then a flying cross body block with the regulatory pin. 1...... Not a chance. Rotten kicks out from the oafy mass on top of him, and reaches his feet quickly. Rotten feels like humiliating Apostle more, and considering there is only a 3000 word limit, he backs him into the corner for the Shattered Dreams. Suffice to say, the crowd is happy, and Apostle is mad. Rotten kicks Apostle in a place which will make his girlfriend mad, and the crowd continues to cheer violence. The announcers start talking about what they're having for dinner because of the squash match that this has turned into. NTD mentioned Turkey and Cranberry sauce which was kind of funny. Maybe I should have typed that out. Oh well. A camera shows Apostle reading the match because my match won, and he sucks. He is sitting at his computer screen laughing at first until he gets all upset that his huge oafy charcter that no sells everything is being used like a rag doll. He starts formulating his hateful flames to Rotten, and how his match was worse than his. Just then Rotten jumps through an open window, and hits a pyramid driver causing Apostle to squirm around in agony. His bed full of stuffed animals cheers in approval. Bear with only one eye: "Wow, He just got nailed!" Barbie Figure: "This is what he gets for pushing me up against Ken, and making kissy noises." Yawn. It's 4:47a.m. I should be asleep. Let's take a break from the action and get to know each other. Do you stay up all night writing a match that no one will read, and get forgotten about? Do you spend your time working hard on a match just so that someone else can tell you it's no good? Yeah, well you suck. Back to the action. Apostle with a 450 off the top rope onto Rotten, and IGNite goes to commercial, we'll be back in a moment. [Commercial Break] Mark Stevens and the King of Hearts are sitting together at a table. Mark: "KoH, Don't eat new polar ice gum. It will change you." Mark commences to eat the King of Hearts. Mark paws at the camera with fake fur on his hand. As Steven's opens his mouth, you each a echoing King of Hearts yell. "Just Gum?" {End of Commercial Break] Back to the incredible match. When the cameras get back, Rotten and Apostle are laying on the ground in the middle of the ring. The jar of cranberry sauce is open, and it looks like Apostle has red stains around his mouth. NTD: "The match is all about pointless now." Curry: "Yeah, what kind of moron eats the stipulation?" Rotten fights to his feet, and noticing that the Turkey is on the plate, Rotten lifts up Apostle. An irish whip into the ropes, and a backbody drop sends the Apostle onto the table with the Turkey. The ref signals for the bell. Your Winner, Johnny Rotten! NTD: "How did that happen?" Curry: "Well, Apostle did eat the cranberry sauce, and he is on the platter." NTD: "What a wacky way to win a match." "Sail Away" by enya hits the P.A. as GORO runs down to the ring. The crowd is smiling like idiots as this freak of nature slides under the ropes. GORO: "WHAT DID GOROS MISS?" Everyone laughs as IGNite fades to commercial.

Thoth, do you mean the Cranberry match against Apostle? Because I've got that and wouldn't mind posting it if that's what you mean. I've been around too long to recall many good lines, so I'll just read the other posts...