Angel_Grace_Blue

It's perhaps the first man to incorporate "fuckin' " into his introduction. Well, I recall it being done, so shut up you other people. That makes me want to see Neilsen (NOT Neilson with an O, damn it!) of the fucking Jungle take on Dace fucking Night, or something. In honor of Neilsen, I repost the greatest thing written by Kibagami and myself, in which Neilsen is mentioned and makes an appearance. Behold Judge Mental vs. Kriss. Or Kross. Whoever. “Welcome back to whatever show this is, Riley. I can’t be bothered to look at the card and notice I have a MATCH and SHOW UP FOR IT, so we’ve got this boring and slightly incoherent 1000 words coming up!” ”That’s right, Mark Stevens! I’m Bobby Riley, and since gay jokes bore the absolute living Christ out of the person that’s writing me, you will not hear my stale voice for the next page or so!” “It’s Raining Men” begins to blast, well, not really blast, sort of a tin-sounding hum really, but for the sake of description blasts over the 50-watt PA King’s techies brought with them to Podunk, Egypt, for this show as Judge Mental and Kris (or is it Kross?) enter together for reasons that aren’t really important, but for the sake of the story, let’s say they’re gay, shall we? Uh…yeah. Anyway, Judge and Kross get into the ring, and Funyon begins announcing their entrance, except his mic is broken, so they cut off “It’s Raining Men” and plug another mic into the PA, and Funyon starts to announce again, but Neilsen runs into the ring with a CRAZED KILLER ATTACK MONKEY and commands the monkey to rend Funyon from limb to limb! Funyon faints like he’s fucking Scarlett O’Hara or whatever her name was or something and the monkey rips his throat out from his LEG! Damn, that monkey’s crazy. Stuff happens, wherein Kris screams a lot and says the word “tubular” and Judge hits Funyon’s lifeless corpse with a gavel four times or so (four seems like a good number for something like this, don’t you think?), and then The Flocknest Monster runs into the ring and screams “READ HOT SHIT WRESTLING!” before security drags him away, but the Monster grabs hold of the PA on his way out and pulls it over and it breaks and somewhere in Iowa, a butterfly flaps its wings and then dies. Judge hits his finisher on a member of the ring crew because I can’t remember what his finisher is, really, and Kross says “tubular!” again, and suddenly rocks fall, crushing Kris’ head, but nothing significant comes of that. Stevens: Dear Jesus! Enough with the bunnies, Judge! They’ve suffered enough!! Riley: Shut up you, those bastards deserve to be driven through twelve steel chairs! Despite Hearford’s pressure, Kraig manages to wriggle free from the crucifix knee trap. Kross ducks a destructive swathe of energy from Chris Wilson’s phaser, and Silent manages to drive Wilson head-first onto some conveniently-placed jagged rocks. “Hot Shit” Tony Stetson rears back and delivers a quad-tearing punch to the Miserly Jew’s baked potato. Dramatically, as Judge whips Kris into the ropes, three sparklers near the entrance go off and out steps Gillberg!! Looking menacingly towards Stetson, Gillberg walks down the ramp. Gillberg: There has been far too much oppression! And I bring, from the mouth of God, LET MY PEOPLE GO!! With that, Gillberg spears Stetson through an obese Tanzanian, thus smiting “Hot Shit.” Gillberg pulls MJ to his feet and they walk off to file taxes. Kross avoids an arm drag from Judge and brings Hearford down with a crisp bite to the back of the neck. Kraig pulls Billy up and sends him towards the ropes, but Judge simply goes out of the ring as the ropes have been removed by Giant Gonzales for flossing purposes. Stevens: Goodness, look at Judge go. Well it looks like the cow’s comin’ in for the night’s milkin and ol’ Uncle Glen’s turned the lamp down low. Riley: What the hell? Have you been taking things from Kibagami again? Stevens: You don’t approve of my colloquial sayings? As Judge rises, Grimedogg comes out of the crowd and cracks a lead pipe over Judge’s head. Grimedogg gives Wilson a bonk on the head and runs off. Kraig gets to his feet after being floored by Gonzales and is thrown towards Terry Funk, who knocks him into the third row with a cookie sheet. Ali G, of Da Ali G Show walks out and is about to say, “I iz ready” or some other retarded crap, but is beaten down by Judge and Kraig and Kris and Kross and Jesus and just about everyone else because he’s a ghetto thug, and honestly that’s just retarded. Judge is about to roll Kris back into the ring, but it’s gone, as crackhead Tyrone Biggums has sold it for $12. Riley: God damn crackheads! They don’t even suck... Stevens: Whoa! Enough of that... Tyrone runs around excitedly when he’s hit by a pick-up truck, Redneck Jesus Barry Windham riding shotgun and Clayton Bigsby driving. Just as quickly, though, Giant Gonzales throws the truck hella far. Ash Ketchum and Misty run out, and Ash nudges Judge Mental, who to emphasize Ash’s awesomeness, slices open several arteries. Misty pokes Hearford. Normally, this could cause a heart attack, or worse, but Judge gets up and starts shaking the ring ropes (Repo Man having brought back the ring). Misty tries slapping Judge, who just continues to shake the ropes. Ash even goes so far as to punch Hearford, but Will just keeps shaking the damn ropes. He then turns towards Ash and locks him in a gorilla press weaverlock!! Judge drops Ash on a hat pin and turns towards Misty. He simply throws her to Wilson, who, despite being dropped head-first on jagged rocks earlier, has completely healed and takes Misty to his “secret fortress.” Judge hops into the ring, where an elderly Jewish gardener, hired by Wilson, takes down Hearford with some well-placed kung-fu chops! However, the gardener quickly goes down to a bite to the eye from Kraig. Just at that moment, Thug drops down from the rafters, and stabs Kris four times in the legs. Quickly, Gonzales has sex with Thug, making her docile. And then some other stuff happens, some of which involving a goat, some midgets, lots of blood, chicken wire, head drops, and such. Riley: Okay, repeat that again. How are lesbians made? Stevens: Okay, one way is that they have sex with men like Kibagami or Flesher, and they know that there’s no way that it can be topped. Then there’s when they have sex with, or even talk to people like you, something many people who saw all of the Clerks episodes call the Randal Effect, wherein the woman realizes the worthlessness of all males. At least, that’s what Tom Flesher and Kibagami told me. Meanwhile, Silent is drinking. Meanwhile, Gus is walking through some corridors backstage. Gus has lost overness from this segment. Meanwhile, GOdrea runs in and slaps the shit out of the attack monkey with a golden gopher. The golden gopher and the attack monkey brawl off-camera (the entire match can be seen later on Hot Shit Wrestling.) Judge sees this and yells about order in the court, but suddenly his pants fall down and he trips and falls and cracks his skull on the STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL steps and Kris says “tubular to the maximundo dude!” “Carless" Mark Jindrak fucks a prostitute in the ass, in a totally unrelated segment. Meanwhile, something else happens. BACK TO THE MATCH! Kross says “tubular!” one time too many, which inadvertently summons Mr. Galatea (or maybe G was drunk and got lost on the way to the bar and ended up in Podunk, Egypt HEY FUCK YOU DUDES, THIS IS MY MATCH IT HAPPENS HOW I SAY) and he and Neilsen slap on the… TIGER MCTWAMER GETS ITS OWN PAGE MOTHERFUCKER BOW DOWN BOW DOWN G and Neilsen win, and they go out drinking with Silent and Tom and they all pick up some bitches. Yeah. what The lesson: No-showing sucks, unless you’re Galatea or you were in the Clan. Booyah, word to your moms. (A K/G production. 2003, all rights reserved.)

And as predicted, Gonzales starts the great sucking cycle. Well, I'll soon be cueing up Tiny Gonzales' stats. Or perhaps a Villano. Whatever I feel like at the time, I suppose. But really, damn do I suck this year. And Atlanta overall. At least there won't be any drama about Atlanta having a tiny sliver of hope. Might as well prepare for the offseason, unless we make a turn around. If so, I shall readily jump back on the wagon. Huzzah!

Are you trying to say something about Clint Howard? His acting skills are amazing. Plus, he's ultra sexy, but I guess you wouldn't understand that. And, yeah, what's with 04 movies being nominated? I honestly don't care who wins which award, especially since I haven't seen a good portion of the movies nominated. I don't know if I'll even watch it, at least the first 40 times.

Since when did Comedy Central showing your stand up = greatness? Sure, they showcase a lot of funny people, but they haven't shown guys like Lenny Bruce, Bob Newhart, and other older guys. And as for some of the guys with talk shows, like Letterman, just realize that they had to have some talent to get a show of their own. For the most part, I like the list. I think Mitch Hedberg, Carlos Mencia, and others could have been put on it, but, them's the breaks.

Well, I'm glad that PETA didn't take it's usual route of protest and firebomb the stadium. Fuckin' arsonists. Secondly, how in the hell would you represent a vegetarian soy hotdog? Kinda weak and scrawny and unable to complete the race or something?

Slowly but surely, Atlanta is getting rid of its dead weight. Wait, we lost Hunter last year and we finished third. So we're getting rid of precious load-bearing weight? What we need is the oldest manager ever. I say someone dig up Strom Thurmond's body and zombify him so he can lead us to a title. Kind of interesting that Annie went to Seattle, where Gonzales was drafted (Oh no, she's going to be following me!). I doubt she'll put up the horrible numbers Gonzales had up there, though. Finally, to add realism to the game, the Vasectomy should relocate to Havana for part of the season. That's all, for the moment.

If I were to use Tiny Gonzales, he'd be, as expected, the exact opposite of Giant. Like, little velocity, just a bunch of slow-moving pitches that have more movement than a roller coaster or something. Lots of interesting stuff regarding championships and stuff. Like how no North division team won a title. The South be holding down the North and stuff. It seems like the Tea Baggers are almost like the Marlins. When they make the playoffs, they win the title, but the next few seasons are a slump, so this should guarantee that Boston will not become the third team to repeat as champions. Uh, perhaps I'll notice more things later, that have little to no interest concerning them. Or something.

As I mentioned earlier, I think Gonzales will retire kinda soon (Maybe 2020-ish?), so I've been thinking about other players. Mainly, I've got two ideas. Tiny Gonzales, relief (Or closing) pitcher and Any Villano or Tiger Mask, with Villanos playing IF and Masks playing OF. So, any picks from you SFBLers? Oh, and, true, Atlanta lost again, but Jacksonville got a sound beating, too, which is always good. Hey, Evo, do you have any info on how many times a N-S or E-W team won the title? I'm sure I could go back through, but, come on, that's just lame. Finally, OHMYGODZ0RZ! Crazy Annie joins the league. I envision press conferences in which she's lost, and no questions are asked due to fear of genital mutilation. I also think the 'invention' of the 'ball ball' (Similar to a bean ball) pitch will improve the game.

I'm not going to say this is word-for-word, but it's something like "How you gonna rip it like this son? How you gonna rip it like that son?" And then, as he's thinking about having a gimmick, he says (Near guess here) "I'm the black sheep, the real black sheep." But don't hold me to that.

Pretty cool, there Clarky. I'm just waiting for it to be shown that Coy and Clark are related, so they can have crazy adventures, like Chevy Chase and Randy Quaid in the National Lampoon Vacation movies. I mean, wouldn't that just be awesome? In a weird sort of way?

Granted that I don't know much about Allison or whatnot, but I must say this... FLIP V2!! And such.

I'm surprised that nobody has mentioned any tattoos or whatnot. I'm also surprised that Tom didn't include his Hogan-esque 22" neck. Or the martini glass surgically connected to his hand and such.

This could sort of accompany the picture thread, only it's different. Basically, it's just to see if you've got anything below your neck that could be used to identify you if you have a twin/clone or your face was too badly damaged for people to recognize you. I know that made little to no sense, so I'll try to clarify. If you've got any tattoos, body piercings (Like, say, a stud through your liver), or just general horrific scars that might be unique-ish to you, speak of them (Pictures optional and whatnot). As for myself, I've got quite a many surgical scar on me (That's what tumors'll do to you, usually). I've got two that form a 't' or plus sign or cross on my abdomen, which pretty much prevents me from donning those oh-so-popular midriff exposing outfits that us women seem to enjoy. I've got a fairly large one on the left side of my chest that goes to my side, and a similar one on the right side of my back. Then there are what I like to call my "gun-shot wounds" which, in fact, were spots of chemotherapy tubes (They probably look nothing like gun shot wounds, but, I'm an idiot). That's about all I have. I was thinking of getting another vertical and another horizontal line on my abdomen so I can play tic-tac-toe with friends and strangers alike if I'm bored. Now, post away, you people who sometimes frighten me, despite most of you not knowing me. And such.

Huzzah! The Teebler Elf is nineteenz0r! Let us all drink to his honor. Cosmopolitans for all!! /me blades for the Strangulator

"You're...JOKING?!!" Silly, silly Black & Decker. I really don't have much else to say, other than that in 'honor' of Dave posting here, Thoth's utter tooling of him should be found on the community board and bumped.

This might go better on my Poets and Poetry thread, but I was already here, so I shall state this. If anyone wants to write a monologue or whatever, I'd suggest you read some dramatic monologues by Robert Browning. What few I've read have been pretty good, if not a bit creepy or at least a bit odd in some ways (Porphyia's Lover, anyone?). I'm not saying to copy his style or anything, but maybe by reading some monologues by a guy who's pretty good at them, you can get a better understanding of what your monologue should be like. Or maybe I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about (Wouldn't be the first time). If I can find any more of horrible things I've written (Perhaps keeping files along with the actual 'hard copy' of the poem is a good idea), I might perchance share them. I certainly haven't gotten any (As Dylan would say) "hot fire" from anybody. I'm just surprised that I got up to second place for Songs of a Sunset for a local writer's showcase thing.

I don't think I could whittle a list down to a top five exactly, but I'd have to say, right now, my favorite song is... Watson 310 Mafia - "Aaron is Gay" If you haven't heard it, hit up Edwin and I bet he'd be glad to pimp it out to you, considering he is a member of the Mafia. I'm kinda hoping for a remix, though, as the beats can be improved upon.

As long as Gonzales beans some random batters and DeSantis kills a pitcher like in A League of Their Own (Only with actual beheading this time), I shall be a happy GOdrea. And stuff.

I think each dark match, in fine HSW tradition, should have ended with either a tennis racket sodomizing, or a gonad whacker beat-down. And of course, pudding.

Firstly, I call Kibagami to contribute a poem, perhaps the one Zed PMed me called "Half-Life". I mean, Z called you the fucking pyschopathic poet of chat, now live up to that title! If you want, since you are much larger than I am. Now, on to things of a poetic nature. I have written many a poem in Dadaistic style, because I'm too lazy to put much effort into rhyme schemes and meter. So, here's one I sorta won an award for (Huzzahs to me, if it is deemed acceptable!) Song of a Sunset The hippopotamus larvae skim on the surface of the pond. A bushel of trout waits for the fifth caller. Blue jeans in the dryer, no babies in the cupboard. Porcupine-headed Furies envelop the novice musical chair player. Distant yodeling echoes off the ocean floor. Discarded sandals are made useful by hobos. Brits on heroin vomit up lentils. The distant visage of a waffle comes into view. On Wednesday, the Mounties are on gopher patrol. Alka-Seltzer on tuna salad with corn pie. Dolphins and midgets comprise the hopscotch team. Fathers shoot their sons while clocks melt away. The magnets are stuck to triceratops. Teatime is ignored by the upper-class mole people. Philosophical mimes are beaten senseless by elkish goblins. Matadors are vanquished by mighty jalapenos. Bacterium live in the shorts of Norwegians. Fruit salad is used to embalm rodeo clowns. Italians wearing yarmulkes drink bourbon from fez hats. The small one who whispers shall be eaten tomorrow. Twelve prophets have gotten swirlies today. Fish-flavored Tic-Tacs® bring on death’s sweet release. The Northern winds freeze shrews in their cabbage huts. Latin goat-milkers crusade against Turkish wine stewards. Flemish decongestants are the best on the market. This last line is just filler, much like croutons in a hat. Oh, and Kiiba, thanks for mentioning my haiku (Excess blading has rendered me incapable of figuring out if it was praise or not, though).

I think he's tagging with Coat Rack Steven Richards in Hot Shit Wrestling. And watch as nobody gets the reference (Well, there are a select few that should understand)

I was just wondering if there's any way to determine (Or at least predict) which TSM player will retire first. I'd bet Gonzales, because I was stupid and put practically all of his info to read 7, so he's probably among the older TSMers, despite not having been around for 2003 (I think). However, suckwads like Zenon and Crow should probably retire just because they are suckwads. It's a toss up, really. Hell, maybe Gonzales will bean Ghandi, crushing his skull like Randy Johnson destroyed that bird. THAT'S when Atlanta will win it. Yes...

Yeah, I didn't see one on the first page, so I figured I'd start it up. The comment by Stan about holding bad filmmakers responsible and getting money back from BaseketBall was funny. So let it begin

Aside from the big-name guys like Bill Shakespeare and the like, I'm kinda fond of Billy Collins. Most of his that I've read is pretty funny and light. I also like Sharon Olds, among others. As for individual poems, I've liked "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" for a while now. I just read "The Revolution Will Not Be Televised" and that's good too. There's too many to name right now (especially since I'm not thinking too much at this time), but I'll come back with more.

Sweet phancy (That's how the cool kids spell it) Moses, Atlanta really needs to win this thing. I mean, since 2003, Atlanta has come in second at least six times (I say at least six because for 2006, Duran didn't post the South division standings) and behind Jacksonville (This includes when we came in 3rd and such) six times (I know that Jacksonville won the South in 06. I mean, if any other team deserves this, it's the Janes. But, since I've typed and posted this, it will mean that we won't win. I'm a horrible person. I apologize. So, in short, I ask everyone here to get drunk and hope that Atlanta manages to pull this off, and not Jacksonville, who would pull it out. Those sick bastards.