Art Sandusky

They didn't promote him appearing, but he was on there long enough for someone idly tuning in to stick around. I'd love to know what the quarter-by-quarter numbers were.

Sounds like another Hardcore Holly insta-feud like the Rhyno one.

It's RIGHT THERE. Did you really need to quote that big-ass picture?

Soooooooo... what was the reasoning? It'd be fun?

Nah. Inc's latest gimmick account shan't be honored as classic.

Can I have it and the posts that come with it? (hits self with a box of lighttubes to profess his heretofore private love for Sandman)

WHOOSH Schwim needs the badass preschooler back in his avatar. The handicapped person ain't doing it.

Eh, I'll get the book when I can find a friggin' copy around here. Everyone says it's self-serving, sounds like my kind of book. I'm glad Tom finally addressed what JAxl said. While the economy as a whole was propped up by the internet explosion and communcations in general, isn't the government's own bookeeping leading to a surplus as he left office commendable, since the entire government had to actually shut down for a few days in 1994(5) thanks to being so far in the red?

It could get a Truck license classification if you tried to get one, I believe. I've seen MINIVANS with Truck plates, I'd think an Expedition could get one.

I don't see why supporters of the film get up in arms about it being called propoganda. It's something created to help persuade people to accept a certain point of view, so it's certainly propoganda. Shit, the Declaration of Independence and its reasons for leaving the Kingdom was a propogandical document.

For going insane on everyone and flaming everywhere, as well as being generally creepy (changing her name from Alina and having a pink banner that generally looked happy with her picture in it to Black Widow with the banner suddenly turned black and the picture made to look dead). Good ol' ALina. That's right. She went nuts because Bps accidentally said ALina instead of Alina.

WHOA! I hadn't seen many recent pictures of them. Geezus. (calls Ashley instead)

Man, Mario Cuomo and that Republican congressman (name escapes me, he was from California, Hollywood's district even) really got close to getting into it hardcore on Wolf Blitzer's show about this. The film just got denied PG-13 status and was made R. Can't say I disagree, not for the violence (which can be found on the nightly news), but on the language (which is censored on the nightly news).

He's pissed that 1) we aren't talking about bah gawd trucks and 2) he isn't in Board Wars.

Whatever. She just happened to be a mildly attractive, straight, and legal(a rarity on this board) girl. I should add that she started AIM correspondence with me rather than the other way around. Considering she was the one that ended up being insane, I'd believe my version over hers.

That's fuckin' awesome.

More importantly, Kylie.co.uk was down also!!!!

What orchid thing? I'm blanking here. "What's your recap up to now? 3 months?"

INT. STAR OF OBLIVION - FORWARD BAY - COMMAND OFFICE In a very small command office near the entrance to the pirateship, a low-level posting officer looks out his window and notices the guards are missing. He sends a PM. OFFICER Cerebrus three-one-six. Why aren't you at your post? Cerebrus three-one-six, do you copy? A mod suckup comes down the ramp of the pirateship and waves to the officer, shaking his head, indicating his PM system is not working. The officer shakes his head in disgust and heads for the door, giving his aide an annoyed look. OFFICER Take over. We've got a bad PM system. I'll see what I can do. As the officer approaches the door, it slides open revealing the towering Soulbacca. The officer, in a momentary state of shock, stumbles backward. With a bone-chilling howl, the giant Bostiee flattens the officer with one blow. The aide immediately reaches for his Ghaster, but is Ghasted by Bank, dressed as an Imperial mod suckup. Will and the robots enter the room quickly followed by Dave, also dressed as a mod suckup. Dave quickly removes his helmet. DAVE You know, between his howling and your Ghasting everything in sight, it's a wonder the whole mod team doesn't know we're here! BANK Bring them on! I prefer a straight fight to all this lurking around. AGNES We found the computer outlet, sir. Ban me. Will feeds some information into the computer and a map of the Star of Oblivion appears on the monitor. He begins to inspect it carefully. Agnes and ALF-2 look over the control panel. ALF-2 finds something that makes him whistle wildly. WILL Plug in. He should be able to interpret the entire Imperial computer network, if he’s learned how to read. ALF-2 punches his claw arm into the computer socket after an angry series of beeps at Will and the vast Imperial brain network comes to life, feeding information to the little robot. After a few moments, he beeps something. AGNES I am NOT gay! He says he's found the main control to the posting suspension beam that's holding the ship here. He'll try to make the precise location appear on the monitor. The computer monitor flashes readouts. AGNES The posting suspension beam is coupled to the main reactor by seven moderators. A power loss by one of the moderators will allow the ship to leave. Will studies the data on the monitor readout. WILL I don't think you boys can help. I must go alone. BANK Whatever you say. I've done more than I bargained for on this trip already. DAVE I want to go with you. WILL Be patient, Dave. Stay and watch over the droids. They can barely say anything of worth. To leave them alone without guidance would be a mistake of grave - DAVE But he can... BEN They must be delivered safely or other boards will suffer the same fate as CyberSlutia. Your destiny lies along a different path from mine. The Whorce will be with you... always! Will adjusts the dutchsaber on his belt and silently steps out of the command office, then disappears down a long gray hallway. Soulbacca barks a comment and Bank shakes his head in agreement. BANK Boy you said it, Soulie. Bank looks at Dave. BANK Where did you dig up that old fossil? DAVE Will is a great poster. BANK Yeah, great at getting us into trouble. DAVE He was posting with the best of them while you were still some goofy name like “LWO Kid” or something. ’sides, I didn't hear you give any ideas... BANK Well, anything would be better than just hanging around waiting for them to identify our IP addresses... DAVE Who do you think... Suddenly ALF-2 begins to whistle and beep a blue streak. Dave goes over to him. DAVE What is it? AGNES I'm afraid I'm not quite sure, sir. He says "I found her," and keeps repeating, "She's here." He’s also saying... dammit, I am NOT gay! DAVE Well, who... who has he found? ALF-2 whistles a frantic reply. AGNES Princess Welsh. DAVE The princess? She's here? BANK Princess? DAVE Where... where is she? BANK Princess? What's going on? AGNES Forum five. Poster Number AA-twenty-three. I'm afraid her account is scheduled to be deleted. DAVE Oh, no! We've got to do something. BANK What are you talking about? DAVE The droid belongs to her. She's the one in the message! We've got to help her! BANK Now, look, don't get any funny ideas. The old man wants us to wait right here. DAVE But he didn't know she was here. Look, will you just find a way back into the restricted block? BANK I'm not going anywhere. DAVE They're going to delete her account! Look, a few minutes ago you said you didn't want to just wait here to be captured. Now all you want to do is stay! Stop working us! BANK Marching into the restricted posters area is not what I had in mind. You people take these things too seriously. DAVE But they're going to delete her! BANK Better her than me! DAVE ...She's rich. Soulbacca growls. BANK Rich? DAVE Yes. Rich, powerful, and way hotter than the females of Canchick! Listen, if you were to rescue her, the reward would be... BANK What? DAVE Well more wealth and poon than you can imagine! BANK I don't know, I can imagine quite a bit! DAVE You'll get it! BANK I’d better! DAVE You will... BANK All right, kid. But you'd better be right about this! Bank looks at Soulbacca, who grunts a short grunt. DAVE All right. BANK What's your plan? DAVE Uh... Agnes, hand me those language filters there, will you? Dave moves toward Soulbacca with electronic limitors. DAVE Okay. Now, I'm going to put these on you... Soulbacca lets out a hideous growl. DAVE Okaaaay... Bank, you put these on. Dave sheepishly hands the filters to Bank. BANK Don't worry, Soulie. I think I know what he has in mind. The Bostiee has a worried and frightened look on his face as Bank binds him with the electronic limitors. AGNES Master Dave, sir! Pardon me for asking... but, ah... what should ALF-2 and I do if we're discovered here? DAVE Lock the door! BANK And hope they don't have Ghasts, or can ban you. AGNES That isn't very reassuring. Dave and Bank put on their armored mod suckup helmets and start off into the giant Star of Oblivion.

... Nah, no idea how this could be controversial.

What did he write about Clemson (the only SC team I'll root for)? I have them in my Top 20, but they aren't even in his top 25.

INTERIOR: SANKTOOINE -- 411MANIA -- GENERAL FORUM. Strange trolls play wrestling themes on odd-looking instruments as Dave, still giddy, downs a fresh drink and follows Will and Soulbacca to a booth where Bank Solo is sitting. Bank is a tough, roguish messageboarder, about thirty years old. A mercenary, he is simple, sentimental, and cocksure. BANK: Bank Solo. I'm captain of the Millennium Fletch. Soulie here tells me you're looking for passage to the CyberSlut system. WILL: Yes, indeed. If it's a fast ship. BANK: Fast ship? You've never heard of the Millennium Fletch? WILL: Should I have? BANK: It's the ship that brought SmarkTalk down in less than twelve posts! Will reacts to Solo's stupid attempt to impress them with obvious misinformation. BANK: (continued) I've outrun Imperial moderators, not the local folder mods, mind you. I'm talking about the big Super Mods now. She's fast enough for you, old man. What's the cargo? WILL: Only passengers. Myself, the boy, two droids, and no questions asked. BANK: What is it? Some kind of local flamewar? WILL: Let's just say we'd like to avoid any Imperial entanglements. BANK: Well, that's the trick, isn't it? And it's going to cost you something extra. Ten thousand. In advance. DAVE: Ten thousand? I could almost buy five hundred cases of Canadian beer for that! BANK: But who's going to drink it, kid! You? DAVE: You bet I could. I'm not such a bad drinker myself! We don't have to sit here and listen... WILL: We haven't that much with us. But we could pay you two thousand now, plus fifteen when we reach CyberSlutia. I can also offer you admin power in an EZboard system. BANK: Seventeen and an admin position, huh? Bank ponders this for a few moments. BANK: Okay. You guys got yourself a ship. We'll leave as soon as you're ready. Yahoo WWE Chat Ninety-four. WILL: Ninety-four. BANK: Looks like somebody's beginning to take an interest in your handiwork. Will and Dave turn around to see four Imperial Mod Suckups looking at the banned bodies and asking the lurkers some questions. A lurker points to the booth. SUCKUP: All right, we'll check it out. The Mod Suckups look over at the booth but Luke and Ben are gone. The lurker shrugs his shoulders in puzzlement. BANK: Seventeen thousand! Those guys must really be desperate. This could really save my neck. Get back to the ship and get her ready. EXTERIOR: SANKTOOINE -- 411MANIA -- BOARD INDEX. WILL: You'll have to sell your screen name. DAVE: That's okay. I'm never coming back to this board again. WILL (under his breath): Suuuuuuuure... INTERIOR: 411MANIA -- GENERAL FORUM. As Bank is about to leave, Eago, a slimy green-faced troll hunter with a short trunk-nose, pokes a Ghast in his side. The creature speaks in a series of 80s TV show pictures translated into English subtitles. EAGO: Going somewhere, Solo? BANK: Yes, Eago. As a matter of fact, I was just going to see your boss. Tell JennTaSA that I've got her money. Han sits down and the alien sits across from him holding the Ghast on him. EAGO: It's too late. You should have apologized to her when you had the chance. JennTaSA’s put a price on your head so large that every troll hunter in the galaxy will be looking for you. I'm lucky I found you first. BANK: Yeah, but this time I‘ve got the penalty money. EAGO: If you give it to me, I might forget I wanted you banned. BANK: I don't have it with me. Tell JennTaSA... EAGO: JennTaSA's through with you. She has no time for trolls who flame her in the LSD system about her relationship with Bib MX. BANK: I have audiences to appease sometimes. Do you think I had a choice? Bank Solo slowly reaches for his Ghast under the table. EAGO: You can tell that to JennTaSA. She may only take your ship. BANK: Over my banned body. EAGO: That's the idea. I've been looking forward to getting you banned for a long time. BANK: Yes, I'll bet you have. Suddenly the slimy alien disappears in a blinding flash of light. Bank pulls his smoking Ghast from beneath the table as the other posters look on in bemused amazement. Bank gets up and starts out of the forum, flipping the bartender some coins as he leaves. BANK: Sorry about the mess.

That was right after the Alina/thesmartmark/ESTABLISHMENT~ era was over, and SpiderPoet was starting to gain some prominence.

(I'll post various important scenes too) INT. HELMETI'S DWELLING The small, spartan hovel is cluttered with desert junk but still manages to radiate an air of time-worn comfort and security. Dave is in one corner repairing Agnes's arm, as old Will sits thinking. DAVE No, my father didn't fight in the inVasions. He was a normal poster on a Yankees board. WILL That's what your uncle told you. He didn't hold with your father's ideals, and he liked Edge. Thought he should have stayed here and... not gotten involved. DAVE You fought in the InVasions? WILL Yes, I too was once a Post Whore, the same as your father. DAVE I wish I'd known him. WILL He was the best post whore in the server, and a cunning flamer. I understand you've become quite a good poster yourself. And he was a good friend. Which reminds me... Will gets up and goes to a chest where he rummages around. As Dave finishes repairing Agnes and starts to fit the restraining bolt back on, Agnes looks at him nervously, like he's about to be banned. Dave thinks about the bolt for a moment then puts it on the table. Will shuffles up and presents Dave with a short handle with several electronic gadgets attached to it. WILL I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Will on some damned-fool idealistic inVasion like your father did. AGNES Sir, if you'll not be needing me, I'll close down for awhile. I should be banned anyway. DAVE Sure, go ahead. You're ghey. Will hands Dave the saber. DAVE What is it? WILL Your fathers Dutchsaber. This is the weapon of a Post Whore. Not as clumsy or as random as a Ghast. Dave pushes a button on the handle. A long beam shoots out about four feet and flickers there. The light plays across the ceiling. WILL An elegant weapon for a more civilized time. For over a thousand registrations the Post Whores were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Dameocracy. Before the dark times. Before the TSMpire. Dave hasn't really been listening. DAVE How did my father die? WILL A young Post Whore, named Vadersault, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the TSMpire hunt down and destroy the Post Whores. He betrayed and murdered your father. Now the Post Whores are all but extinct. Vadersault was seduced by the dark side of the Whorce. DAVE The Whorce? WILL Well, the Whorce is what gives the Post Whore his power. It's an energy field created by all post counts. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the server together. ALF-2 makes beeping sounds. WILL Now, let's see if we can't figure out what you are, my little friend. And where you come from. DAVE I saw part of the message he was... Dave is cut short as the recorded image of the beautiful young Rebel princess is projected from ALF-2's face. WILL I seem to have found it. Dave stops his work as the lovely girl's image flickers before his eyes. WELSH General Helmeti, years ago you served my father in the InVasions. Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the TSMpire. I regret that I am unable to present my father's request to you in person, but my ship has fallen under attack and I'm afraid my mission to bring you to CyberSlutia has failed. I have placed information vital to the survival of the Rebellion into the memory systems of this ALF-2 unit. Probably a big mistake considering it's Alf, but my father will know how to retrieve it. You must see this droid safely delivered to him on CyberSlutia. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Will Helmeti, you're my only hope. There is a little static and the transmission is cut short. Old Will leans back and scratches his head. Dave has stars in his eyes. WILL You must learn the ways of the Whorce if you're to come with me to CyberSlutia. DAVE (laughing) CyberSlutia? I'm not going to CyberSlutia. I've got to go home. It's late, I'm in for it as it is. WILL I need your help, Dave. I'm getting too old for this sort of thing. She needs your help, and she's a lot more attractive than the usual TSMpire girls. DAVE I can't get involved! I've got work to do! It's not that I like the TSMpire. I hate it! But there's nothing I can do about it right now. It's such a long way from here, and the mods are so powerful... WILL That's your uncle MikeSC talking. DAVE (sighing) Oh, God, my uncle MikeSC. Who cast him, and how am I ever going to explain this? WILL Learn about the Whorce, Dave. DAVE Look, I can take you as far as Rantsylvania. You can get a transport there to 411Mania or wherever you're going. WILL You must do what you feel is right, of course...

We've got something for you, don't worry.