(an idea CWM and myself had, I wanted to re-do the entire script but that'd take way too long)
A long time ago, in a server far, far away...
BOARD WARS
Episode IV: A NEW HOPE
It is a period of civil war. Rebel
gimmick accounts, striking from a hidden
board, have won their first victory
against the evil TSMpire.
During the battle, Rebel gimmicks managed
to steal secret plans to the TSMpire's
ultimate weapon, the STAR OF OBLIVION, a
metal-driven super moderator with enough
power to destroy an entire board.
Pursued by the TSMpire's sinister posters,
Princess Welsh races home aboard her
starship, custodian of the stolen plans
that can save her people and restore
freedom to the IWC...
Two seemingly undistinguished droids, the effeminate Agnes and the feisty R2-ALF2, come into the possession of a young, frustrated resident of a remote settlement on the planet Sanktooine, Dave Cobainwalker, on the largely ignored frontier regions of the tyrannical TSMpire lead by Emperor Palpatom. Dave discovers that the droid contains a video message and plans for a huge terror weapon, the Star of Oblivion, from a mysterious, attractive woman Princess Welsh, to be passed to Obi-Will Helmeti. A sequence of events leads to the droid and Dave meeting up with Helmetii, who asks for Dave's assistance to take the droid and the plans to the planet Cyberslutia, as requested by Welsh. Dave is reluctant at first, and returns home to find his family murdered and his house destroyed by Imperial Mod Suckups, decides to come with Obi-Will.
Meanwhile, Vadersault, on the Star of Oblivion where Welsh is imprisoned, attempts to use the ways of The Whorce to extract the location of the Rebel Board - however she has managed to resist the interrogation thus far. The commanding officer of the super moderator, Grand Moff Crucifixio, decides on a different approach and threatens CyberSlutia with destruction if she will not reveal the location. Welsh gives in and reveals the board's location, whilst the Moff blows up CyberSlutia as the first public use of the Star of Oblivion anyway.
Obi-Will, Dave, and the droids (after Obi-Will mysteriously convinces Imperial Mod Suckups that the droids "are not the droids you're looking for") meet up with boastful smuggler Bank Solo in a seedy spaceport bar. He agrees to take them to CyberSlutia on the promise of a large financial reward. However, the Mod Suckups come back in numbers and the party just makes it to Solo's ship, the Millennium Fletch, in time to escape.
En route to CyberSlutia, Helmeti begins instructing Dave on the ways of the Whorce. Solo is sceptical, but a blindfolded Dave is able to sense the location of a troll whilst practising with a dutchsaber.
Arriving at CyberSlutia, or, at least, where CyberSlutia should be, the crew of the Fletch are surprised to discover it is no longer there except for a hail of debris. They are even more surprised to be hauled aboard a moon sized space station which is the Star of Oblivion by a tractor beam. Hiding in the secret smuggling compartments of their ship, they manage to evade personal capture, and decide to attempt to disable the tractor beam holding them there, and in the process discover Welsh is being held in a cell nearby. Helmeti volunteers to disable the tractor beams, whilst Dave and Bank (with some persuasion) go to rescue Welsh.
After switching off the tractor beams, Helmeti encounters Vadersault, who attacks him. It is clear that they have met before, but not how. Helmetii tells Vadersault in the clash that "If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine". When Helmeti sees that he has distracted the guard around the Fletch which allows his friends to board it and his own escape is cut off; he allows himself to be cut down by Vadersault, only to mysteriously disappear at the fatal instant.
Meanwhile, after various pieces of derring-do Welsh, Dave, Bank and Soulbacca make their way back to the Fletch, and escape, fighting off Imperial Folder Mods, finally reaching the Rebel hideout board where they pass the plans on to the Rebel leadership. Unknown to them but suspected by Welsh, The TSMpire allowed them to escape in order to track the ship to the Rebel Base which turns out to be the fourth moon orbiting the planet WDI.
The film then shifts to a briefing to a group of pilots about the Star of Oblivion, and the Rebel plans to attack it by flying along a canyon-size groove in the Star of Oblivion's surface, firing a scathing personal flame down a narrow ventilation shaft which will travel down to the reactor and destroy it. Dave is amongst the gPc-Wing pilots of Red Group - Bank, despite Dave's pleadings, decides to leave with his reward.
The rest of the film depicts the attack by the Rebels on the Star of Oblivion. Dave and a few others make it down to the canyon, with Vadersault in an unusual-looking WWE Folder Fighter in pursuit. Instead of using the electronic aiming gear of the others, Dave is advised by the unearthly voice of Helmeti to "use the Whorce" to aim his flames. With the aid of Solo coming back and attacking Vadersault's fighter, Dave successfully launches a flame down the shaft, destroying the Star of Oblivion and striking a huge blow for the Rebellion against the TSMpire. Vadersault gets away to join the rest of the Imperial Moderator Group, but the day belongs to the Rebellion, and Dave and Bank are awarded medals by Princess Welsh on WDI-4.
