kkktookmybabyaway

"Our" Pirates? I hope they never post a winning season again. My wish is that 20 years from now they ask for another new stadium so they can remain "competitive."

9:30 p.m. • Look, I could go on about the Health Nazis or about the Nanny State telling us what is good for us and bad. However, what makes me laugh about this story... Is this: Oh, yeah. I'm sure this will attract the upscale places to set up shop in the ghetto. And how about this? Uhhh, how about NOT FEEDING YOUR KIDS FAST FOOD?!

Nah, she'll probably outlive all of us.

7 p.m. • Damn Bush economy. Now people that didn't pay for their houses are losing them. How bad can this get? What's this? You know, say what you want about Jimmy Carter (Lord knows I have), but at least Habitat for Humanity makes its housing recipients work on a few homes before getting one built for them. 8:30 p.m. • Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday crack-in-Shittsburgh. Happy birthday to you.

12:30 p.m. • So I finally got around to watching Aliens – the one with the extra 17 minutes of footage. After looking down the list of new stuff from IMDB, I’m happy to note I caught just about everything that was added. I’m not big on the whole Alien/Predator saga that has been dealt with in comics/etc., but I LOVE this movie. The first one didn’t do much for me, but I understand why it was big for its time. I guess what pisses me off most about that film is that my favorite character in Alien was the black guy who got killed while the chick he was with just stood there and screamed until it was her turn. Bitch. Anyway, while watching this film I realized that Bill Paxton, who played the ill-fated Hudson, was the same guy who had a similar role in Predator 2 as detective (or was it just “officer) Jerry Lambert, also my favorite character of that sequel. Weird. Hey, if I was surrounded by aliens (even those of the Mexican variety), and had to go out, I can only hope it would be something like this. Although shouting out "Fuck you" to a bunch of things that can't understand English would be some nice last words, my favorite send-off line of this film is Vasquez's, "You always were an asshole Gorman."

No, just the awkward silence that usually takes place in these situations. One of these days I'll do this to someone like Tzar Lysergic and wind up dead.

1 p.m. • So I got back from my near week-long trip. 66 hours of work in four days. What fun. And my workload has doubled (at least). But you know what? When your boss isn’t a dim-witted, lying piece of shit, you actually like to work as hard as you can for that person. What a shocking concept! Anyway, here are the highlights. 1) On Thursday I had all but checked out from my room. I’m actually a good tenant. I always have my “do not disturb” door sign on because I just want to be left alone. I do not use 1000 towels after taking a shower and I don’t care if my bed is made every night. When I leave I also leave everything in pretty good shape. Because check-out time on Thursday was at noon I took all my stuff down to the conference room and was just going to turn in my room keys during a mid-morning break (or whenever I had an excuse to leave the room). However, something came up when packing conference supplies that I realized one of the plastic shopping bags I recently put in my room’s garbage can would come in handy. I went up to my otherwise cleaned-out room to grab a few bags. When I went up I noticed that the cleaning lady’s cart was by my room and the door was open. I stepped in the room and knocked on the door, alerting the cleaning lady to my presence. Suddenly I heard a shout from the bathroom, which was half-open. She was in there going number one! The hell?! 2) I generally try to be on my best behavior when at these events. However, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut during this off-session chat between me and two people, one of whom I couldn’t take any longer. Here’s the conversation. You can figure out who is who. “I don’t understand how we (America) can’t just stop people from using plastic grocery bags that pollute our environment. Rwanda banned bags. Why can’t we?” “Do you really want to live in Rwanda?” “…” 3) Smues wrote about his airline luggage escapades a while back, and now I finally have one of my own to share. On flights I bring on board a portfolio bag that usually fits comfortably under the seat in front of me. However, on my initial flight yesterday I was on a plane that didn’t feature much wiggle room. (None of my flights did, but this one was particularly bad). Being the good citizen I am I decided to take a book out of my bag and put the bag in the overhead compartment. Then, a few minutes later this asshole tries to fit his oversized luggage into the same overhead. He proceeds to beat the ever-loving shit out of my poor bag to make room for his. Uhhh, fuckface, I have a cell phone, digital camera, eye glasses and a few other things stored, up there. So I got up, spit a sizeable loogie into my right hand, molested his bag with that hand while the left hand took my crushed bag out from the overhead compartment and placed it under the seat in front of me. And of course when the plane finally landed guess who was several rows away from his oversized luggage and asked someone to get it for him? Yep. Guess who was then asked to retrieve said bag? Yep. I was asked to get the bag of the asshole who showed ZERO consideration for my luggage. But being the good citizen I am I grabbed the one bottom wheel to his bag and its back side, which I didn’t spit upon. I then went to the row in front of him and just dropped it on the floor. When he gave me a scowl I said, “Don’t like other people mishandling your property? Well maybe you shouldn’t do it to others.” Oh, yeah. All this was in front of my boss. Great move. But you know what? I don’t care. When assholes do assholish things, you can either fuck ‘em or get shit upon. And as we all know through Team America, I prefer to be known as a dick. I just hope I don’t ever encounter Lorena Bobbit. On this flight I also sat next to some guy who smelled like b.o. and tacos. How bad was it? I was leaning toward an Indian sitting in the aisle seat across from me (red dot Indian, not wigwam Indian) for fresh air. And on my last flight I had some Muslims board. Oh the faces on many of the passengers on this flight were hilarious. I knew there wasn't going to be any trouble because I knew this couple was modern. How did I know? Because you could see the woman's fingers, which isn't quite the worst thing you could do to a Muslim male, but some of the more old-school towel-heads wouldn't stand for such blasphemy -- even if it meant blowing up a plane full of infidels.

Yep. Everyone who wants an open slot will take part in a Preseason Week 3 Pick 'em Contest. Everyone will send that week's worth of picks to me via PM and pick the predicted score of any team of their choice from that week. Whoever has the most correct picks (and closest TB score, if necessary) will get first dibs on any open teams with the person with the second highest score getting dibs on a second open team (and so on...) If there is a tie, then those tied for the highest score will make picks in Week 4. Point spreads will be used (if the preseason has them -- I never cared to pay attention if they do or not.)

Done. Tampa is now open.

Continental and... ...NWA. Figures I was seated in the back of the plane. Just how long do you stay at a hotel that you need multiple rolls of toilet paper?

You may be out of the contest, but you will never be forgotten. For anyone that makes the playoffs and doesn't submit picks they will receive that year's nl-asshole award. You should be so proud.

Done. Philly is now open for any vets to switch to.

nl-asshole just dropped out, meaning there will be at least one opening this season. Any vet that wants New England let me know in this thread. First come, first serve.

kkk Bowl V AFC EAST 1-Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 11-5 < PF: 120, PA: 112, AFC: 8-4, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 2-4 > 5-Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 10-6 < PF: 117, PA: 118, AFC: 7-5, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 4-2 > 6-New York Jets (Gert T) 10-6 < PF: 118, PA: 114, AFC: 8-4, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 3-3 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 5-11 < PF: 115, PA: 114, AFC: 4-8, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 3-3 > AFC NORTH 2-Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 10-6 < PF: 123, PA: 110, AFC: 8-4, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 4-2 > Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 9-7 < PF: 124, PA: 116, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 3-3 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 7-9 < PF: 115, PA: 126, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 4-2 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 7-9 < PF: 113, PA: 128, AFC: 5-7, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 1-5 > AFC SOUTH 4-Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 8-8 < PF: 123, PA: 113, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 3-3 > Houston Texans (Bored) 7-9 < PF: 123, PA: 125, AFC: 5-7, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 4-2 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 7-9 < PF: 112, PA: 126, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 3-3 > Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 6-10 < PF: 118, PA: 120, AFC: 5-7, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 2-4 > AFC WEST 3-San Diego Chargers (Porter) 9-7 < PF: 125, PA: 120, AFC: 7-5, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 4-2 > Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 9-7 < PF: 126, PA: 117, AFC: 7-5, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 3-3 > Oakland Raiders (Smues) 8-8 < PF: 122, PA: 118, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 4-2 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 4-12 < PF 120:, PA: 128, AFC: 2-10, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 1-5 > NFC EAST 3-Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 10-5-1 < PF: 117, PA: 108, AFC: 3-2, NFC: 7-3-1, DIV: 3-2-1 > New York Giants (Cartman) 8-8 < PF: 109, PA: 111, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 6-6, DIV: 2-4 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 7-8-1 < PF: 123, PA: 123, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 4-7-1, DIV: 2-3-1 > Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 7-9 < PF: 125, PA: 127, AFC: 0-4, NFC: 7-5, DIV: 4-2 > NFC NORTH 2-Detroit Lions (Chazz 1998) 11-5 < PF: 129, PA: 125, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 8-4, DIV: 5-1 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 8-8 < PF: 111, PA: 114, AFC: 3-2, NFC: 5-6, DIV: 3-3 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 7-9 < PF: 116, PA: 119, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 5-7, DIV: 1-5 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 4-12 < PF: 118, PA: 133, AFC: 0-4, NFC: 4-8, DIV: 3-3 > NFC SOUTH 4-New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 10-6 < PF: 122, PA: 111, AFC: 3-1 , NFC: 7-5, DIV: 2-4 > 6-Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 9-7 < PF: 117, PA: 118, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 6-6, DIV: 4-2 > Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 8-8 < PF: 115, PA: 113, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 6-6, DIV: 3-3 > Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 6-10 < PF: 109, PA: 117, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 4-8, DIV: 3-3 > NFC WEST 1-San Francisco 49ers (Devo) 11-5 < PF: 121, PA: 108, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 9-3, DIV: 5-1 > 5-Seattle Seahawks (Steve Rogers) 11-5 < PF: 130, PA: 113, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 9-3, DIV: 3-3 > Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 6-10 < PF: 107, PA: 126, AFC: 4-0, NFC: 2-10, DIV: 1-5 > Wild Card Round: Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron 11-6) d. San Diego Chargers (Porter 9-8) New York Jets (Gert T 11-6) d. Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx 8-9) Dallas Cowboys (Hawk34 11-5-1) d. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger 9-8) New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer 11-6) d. Seattle Seahawks (Steve Rogers 11-5) Divisional Round: N.Y. Jets (Gert T 12-6) d Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff 11-6) Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus 11-6) d. Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron 11-7) Dallas Cowboys (Hawk34 12-5-1) d. Detroit Lions (Chazz1998 11-6) New Orleans Saints (Cena's Writer 12-6) d. San Francisco 49ers (Devo 11-6) Conference Championship: N.Y. Jets (Gert T 13-6) d. Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus 11-7) New Orleans Saints (Cena's Writer 13-6) d. Dallas Cowboys (Hawk34 12-6-1) KKK Bowl IV: New Orleans Saints (Cena's Writer 14-6) d. N.Y. Jets (Gert T 13-7) CHAMPION: Cena's Writer

kkk Bowl Year 4 AFC EAST * Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 9-7 < PF: 119, PA: 111, AFC: 7-5, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 5-1 > New York Jets (Gert T) 8-8 < PF: 113, PA: 112, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-4 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 7-8-1 < PF: 116, PA: 106, AFC: 3-8-1, NFC: 4-0, DIV: 1-5 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 5-11 < PF: 117, PA: 122, AFC: 4-8, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 4-2 > AFC NORTH * Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 12-4 < PF: 113, PA: 103, AFC: 10-2, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 5-1 > Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 8-7-1 < PF: 110, PA: 108, AFC: 6-5-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-3-1 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 7-8-1 < PF: 112, PA: 114, AFC: 5-6-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 1-4-1 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 6-9-1 < PF: 109, PA: 127, AFC: 5-6-1, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 3-3 > AFC SOUTH * Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 10-6 < PF: 111, PA: 110, AFC: 7-5, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 4-2 > * Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 9-7 < PF: 123, PA: 113, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 3-3 > * Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 9-7 < PF: 118, PA: 123, AFC: 5-7, NFC: 4-0, DIV: 3-3 > Houston Texans (Bored) 7-9 < PF: 115, PA: 116, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 2-4 > AFC WEST * Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 9-6-1 < PF: 118, PA: 111, AFC: 6-5-1 NFC: 3-1, DIV: 3-2-1 > Oakland Raiders (Smues) 8-8 < PF: 127, PA: 120, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 4-2 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 8-8 < PF: 112, PA: 115, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-4 > San Diego Chargers (Porter) 7-8-1 < PF: 118, PA: 126, AFC: 5-6-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-3-1 > NFC EAST * Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 9-6-1 < PF: 123, PA: 116, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 8-3-1, DIV: 5-1 > New York Giants (Cartman) 7-9 < PF: 113, PA: 121, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 6-6, DIV: 3-3 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 7-9 < PF: 103, PA: 113, AFC: 0-4, NFC: 7-5, DIV: 2-4 > Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 5-11 < PF: 107, PA: 123, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 4-9, DIV: 3-3 > NFC NORTH * Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) 11-5 < PF: 123, PA: 107, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 9-3, DIV: 3-3 > * Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 9-7 < PF: 97, PA: 103, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 8-4, DIV: 5-1 > * Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 9-7 < PF: 123, PA: 112, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 8-4, DIV: 4-2 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 5-11 < PF: 103, PA: 120, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 2-10, DIV: 1-5 > NFC SOUTH * Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 12-4 < PF: 134, PA: 113, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 9-3, DIV: 6-0 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 9-7 < PF: 125, PA: 119, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 7-5, DIV: 3-3 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 6-9-1 < PF: 118, PA: 110, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 4-7-1, DIV: 2-4 > Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 5-11 < PF: 113, PA: 122 AFC: 2-2, NFC: 3-9, DIV: 1-5 > NFC WEST * Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 8-8 < PF: 121, PA: 111, AFC: 1-3 NFC: 7-5, DIV: 5-1 > Seattle Seahawks (Chazz 1998) 8-8 < PF: 119, PA: 110, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 6-6, DIV: 4-2 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 7-9 < PF: 125, PA: 119, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 4-8, DIV: 0-6 > San Francisco 49ers (Lightning Flik) 6-10 < PF: 106, PA: 122, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 5-7, DIV: 3-3 > Wild Card Round: Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx 10-7) d. Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg 9-7-1) Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling 10-7) d. Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn 9-7-1) Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne 9-8) d. Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X 9-8) Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron 10-7) d. Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 9-8) Divisional Round: Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 11-7 d. Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack 12-5) Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron 11-7) d Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off 10-7) Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling 11-7) d. Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909 12-5) Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne 10-8) d. Detroit Lions (Bravesfan 11-6) Conference Championship: Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling 12-7) d. Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne 11-9) Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx 12-7) d Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron 11-8) KKK Bowl IV: Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx 13-7) d. Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling 12-8) CHAMPION: Cuban Linx

kkk Bowl Year 3 AFC EAST New England Patriots (Nl-asshole) 11-5 <PF: 130 PA: 132 AFC: 8-4 NFC: 3-1 DIV: 5-1> * Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 10-6 <PF: 135 PA: 118 AFC: 8-4 NFC: 2-2 DIV: 3-3 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 8-8 <PF: 121 PA: 124 AFC: 4-8 NFC: 4-0 DIV: 1-5 > New York Jets (Gert T) 7-9 <PF: 124 PA: 123 AFC: 5-6 NFC: 2-2 DIV: 3-3 > AFC NORTH Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 11-5 <PF: 128 PA: 113 AFC: 7-5 NFC: 4-0 DIV: 3-3 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 8-8 <PF: 121 PA: 130 AFC: 6-6 NFC: 2-2 DIV: 4-2 > Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 8-8 <PF: 124 PA: 131 AFC: 5-7 NFC: 3-1 DIV: 2-4> Baltimore Ravens (Sandman9000) 4-12 <PF: 106 PA: 121 AFC: 4-8 NFC: 0-4 DIV: 3-3 > AFC SOUTH Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 10-6 <PF: 124 PA: 114 AFC: 7-4 NFC: 3-2 DIV: 5-1 > Tennessee Titans (Vern Gagne) 7-9 <PF: 128 PA: 138 AFC: 6-6 NFC: 1-3 DIV: 2-4> Houston Texans (Bored) 7-9 <PF: 121 PA: 126 AFC: 6-6 NFC: 1-3 DIV: 2-4> Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 6-10 <PF: 109 PA: 104 AFC: 5-8 NFC: 1-2 DIV: 2-4 > AFC WEST Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 12-4 <PF: 129 PA: 113 AFC: 10-2 NFC: 2-2 DIV: 4-2 > * San Diego Chargers (Porter) 9-7 <PF: 123 PA: 108 AFC: 7-5 NFC: 2-2 DIV: 4-2> Kansas City Chiefs (No Good Nick) 9-7 <PF: 123 PA: 118 AFC: 6-6 NFC: 3-1 DIV: 4-2 > Oakland Raiders (Banky) 5-11 <PF: 110 PA: 122 AFC: 2-10 NFC: 3-1 DIV: 0-6 > NFC EAST Philadelphia Eagles (The Real World’s Champion) 10-6 <PF: 117 PA: 115 AFC: 3-2 NFC: 7-4 DIV: 4-2 > * New York Giants (Cartman) 9-7 <PF: 116 PA: 118 AFC: 2-2 NFC: 7-5 DIV: 4-2 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 6-10 <PF: 124 PA: 129 AFC: 1-3 NFC: 5-7 DIV: 3-3 > Dallas Cowboys (Marvin Is A Lunatic) 6-10 <PF: 122 PA: 121 AFC: 1-4 NFC: 5-6 DIV: 1-5 > NFC NORTH * Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) 10-6 <PF: 126 PA: 118 AFC: 3-1 NFC: 7-5 DIV: 5-1 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 9-7 <PF: 115 PA: 115 AFC: 3-2 NFC: 6-5 DIV: 4-2 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 4-12 <PF: 109 PA: 119 AFC: 1-3 NFC: 3-9 DIV: 1-5 > Minnesota Vikings (Dr. Tom) 3-13 <PF: 106 PA: 118 AFC: 1-3 NFC: 2-10 DIV: 2-4> NFC SOUTH * Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 10-6 <PF: 119 PA: 120 AFC: 2-3 NFC: 8-3 DIV: 5-1> Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 8-8 <PF: 114 PA: 123 AFC: 1-3 NFC: 7-5 DIV: 3-3> Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 8-8 <PF: 122 PA: 128 AFC: 3-2 NFC: 5-6 DIV: 3-3 > New Orleans Saints (Cuban Linx) 5-11 <PF: 114 PA: 125 AFC: 1-3 NFC: 4-8 DIV: 1-5 > NFC WEST * Seattle Seahawks (C Dubya 04) 10-6 <PF: 134 PA: 129 AFC: 3-1 NFC: 7-5 DIV: 4-2 > * Arizona Cardinals (Cena’s Writer) 10-6 <PF: 118 PA: 116 AFC: 2-2 NFC: 8-4 DIV: 3-3 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 9-7 <PF: 121 PA: 120 AFC: 3-0 NFC: 6-7 DIV: 2-4 > San Francisco 49ers (Agent Bond34) 7-9 <PF: 117 PA: 119 AFC: 2-1 NFC: 5-8 DIV: 3-3 > Wild Card Round: Cleveland (SFA Jack 12-5) d. San Diego (Porter 9-8) Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 11-6) d. Buffalo (Bob Barron 10-7) New York Giants (Cartman 10-7) d. Seattle (C Dubya 10-7) Detroit (Bravesfan 11-6) d. Arizona (Cena's Writer 10-7) Divisional Round: Always Pissed Off (Jacksonville 12-6) d. Canadian Chris (Denver 12-4) Nl-asshole (New England 12-5) d. SFA Jack (Cleveland 12-6) King of the 909 (Atlanta 11-6) d. Cartman (NY Giants 10-8) Real World's Champion (Philadelphia 11-6) d. Bravesfan (Detroit 11-7) Conference Championship: King of the 909 (Atlanta 12-6) d. Real World's Champion (Philadelphia 11-7) Nl-asshole (New England 13-5) d. Always Pissed Off (Jacksonville 12-7) KKK Bowl III: Nl-asshole (New England 14-5) d. King of the 909 (Atlanta 12-7) CHAMPION: Nl-asshole

kkk Bowl Year 2 AFC EAST Buffalo Bills (bob_barron) 10-6 <PF: 120, PA: 104, AFC: 8-4, NFC: 2-2, Div: 4-2> x=New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 9-7 <PF: 125, PA: 123, AFC: 8-5, NFC: 1-2, Div: 5-1> New York Jets (Gert T) 6-10 <PF: 118, PA: 123, AFC: 4-9, NFC: 2-1, Div: 2-4> Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 4-12 <PF: 121, PA: 126, AFC: 3-9, NFC: 1-3, Div: 3-3> AFC NORTH Cleveland Browns (sfaJack) 10-6 <PF: 117, PA: 123, AFC: 9-3, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 4-2> Pittsburgh Steelers (Tyler McClelland) 8-8 <PF: 124, PA: 115, AFC: 5-7, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 3-3> Baltimore Ravens (Dr. Tom) 8-8 <PF: 122, PA: 121, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 3-3> Cincinnati Bengals (Swift Terror) 8-8 <PF: 108, PA: 111, AFC: 5-7, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 2-4> AFC SOUTH y=Tennessee Titans (Chuck Woolery) 10-6 <PF: 126, PA: 110, AFC: 9-3, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 4-2> x=Houston Texans (Bored) 10-6 <PF: 127, PA: 121, AFC: 7-5, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 4-2> Indianapolis Colts (NoCal Mike) 8-8 <PF: 111, PA: 108, AFC: 6-5, NFC: 2-3, DIV: 3-3> Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 4-12 <PF: 113, PA: 129, AFC: 3-9, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 1-5> AFC WEST Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 10-6 <PF: 119, PA: 117, AFC: 9-3, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 5-1> Oakland Raiders (Banky) 9-7 <PF: 124, PA: 114, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 4-2> San Diego Chargers (Porter) 8-8 <PF: 117, PA: 113, AFC: 6-6, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-4> Kansas City Chiefs (nogoodnick) 5-11 <PF: 112, PA: 123, AFC: 4-8, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 1-5> NFC EAST New York Giants (Cartman) 10-6 <PF: 117, PA: 116, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 7-5, DIV: 6-0> Dallas Cowboys (BX) 7-9 <PF: 124, PA: 122, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 4-8, DIV: 3-3> Philadelphia Eagles (MD2020) 5-11 <PF: 106, PA: 122, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 3-9, DIV: 1-5> Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 4-12 <PF: 107, PA: 123, AFC: 0-4, NFC: 4-8 DIV: 2-4> NFC NORTH Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 12-4 <PF: 124, PA: 117, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 9-3, DIV: 4-2> x=Detroit Lions (bravesfan) 9-7 <PF: 119, PA: 119, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 8-4, DIV: 4-2> Chicago Bears (Agent of Oblivion) 7-9 <PF: 114, PA: 121, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 6-6, DIV: 2-4> Minnesota Vikings (LaParkaMarka) 7-9 <PF: 115, PA: 116, AFC: 4-0, NFC: 3-9, DIV: 2-4> NFC SOUTH Atlanta Falcons (Lightning Flik) 13-3 <PF: 125, PA: 107, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 10-2, DIV: 6-0> New Orleans Saints (Flyboy) 8-8 <PF: 119, PA: 131, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 5-7, DIV: 2-4> Tampa Bay Buccaneers (starvenger) 7-9 <PF: 128, PA: 118, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 5-7, DIV: 2-4> Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 4-11-1 <PF: 99, PA: 123, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 3-9-1, DIV: 2-4> NFC WEST Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 11-5 <PF: 126, PA: 112, AFC: 4-0, NFC: 7-5, DIV: 3-3> x=St. Louis Rams (cerebus316) 9-6-1 <PF: 113, PA: 103, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 6-5-1, DIV: 4-2> San Francisco 49ers (Agent Bond34) 8-8 <PF: 115, PA: 131, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 7-5, DIV: 3-3> Seattle Seahawks (Mr. Rant) 7-9 <PF: 111, PA: 124, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 6-6, DIV: 1-5> Wild Card Round: Chuck Woolery (Tennessee 11-6) d. nl-asshole (New England 9-8) Bob_Barron (Buffalo 11-6) d. Bored (Houston 10-7) Bravesfan (Detroit 10-7) d. Vern Gagne (Arizona 11-6) Cartman (New York Giants 11-6) d. Cerebus (St. Louis 9-7-1) Divisional Round: Bob Barron (Buffalo 12-6) d. Canadian Chris (Denver 10-7) Chuck Woolerly (Tennessee 12-6) d. SFA Jack (Cleveland 10-7) Lightning Flik (Atlanta 14-3) d. Bravesfan (Detroit 10-8) Cartman (New York Giants 11-6) d. Vitamin X (Green Bay 13-4) Conference Championship: Bob Barron (Buffalo 13-6) d. Chuck Woolerly (Tennessee 12-7) Cartman (New York Giants 12-6) d. Lightning Flik (Atlanta 14-4) KKK Bowl II: Cartman (New York Giants 13-6) d. Bob Barron (Buffalo 13-7) CHAMPION: Cartman (New York Giants)

kkk Bowl Year 1 x= Wild Card Team AFC EAST New York Jets (Gert T) 13-3 <PF: 167, PA: 150> x=Miami Dolphins (Agent of Oblivion) 10-6 <PF: 156, PA: 146> x=Buffalo Bills (tpww7) 9-7 <PF: 155, PA: 156> New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 7-9 <PF: 155, PA: 156> AFC NORTH Baltimore Ravens (Dr.Tom) 9-6-1 <PF: 156, PA: 157> Pittsburgh Steelers (kkktookmybabyaway) 8-8 <PF: 149, PA: 152> Cincinnati Bengals (Choken One) 6-8-2 <PF: 145, PA: 142> Cleveland Browns (Chuck Woolery) 6-9-1 <PF: 156, PA: 154> AFC SOUTH Tennessee Titans (Cuban_Linx) 10-6 <PF: 157, PA: 154> Jacksonville Jaguars (AlwaysPissedOff) 7-9 <PF: 151, PA: 157> Houston Texans (Bored) 7-9 <PF: 160, PA: 160> Indianapolis Colts (Hardyz1's Ghost) 7-9 <PF: 148, PA: 146> AFC WEST Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 10-6 <PF: 166, PA: 153> San Diego Chargers (AgentBond) 9-7 <PF: 146, PA: 137> Oakland Raiders (LaParkaMarka) 6-10 <PF: 149, PA: 162> Kansas City Chiefs (cartman) 6-10 <PF: 149, PA: 156> NFC EAST Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 9-7 <PF: 152, PA: 155> x=Dallas Cowboys (Just John) 8-8 <PF: 142 PA: 150> Philadelphia Eagles (MD2020) 8-8 <PF: 143, PA: 139> New York Giants (bob_barron) 8-8 <PF: 142, PA: 131> NFC NORTH Chicago Bears (Swift_Terror) 11-5 <PF: 151, PA: 142> Minnesota Vikings (razazteca) 8-8 <PF: 152, PA: 143> Detroit Lions (Will Scarlet) 7-9 <PF: 146, PA: 158> Green Bay Packers (Spaceman Spiff) 6-10 <PF: 153, PA: 156> NFC SOUTH Carolina Panthers (fazzle) 9-7 <PF: 148, PA: 137> Atlanta Falcons (Lightning Flik) 7-9 <PF: 138, PA: 146> New Orleans Saints (Flyboy) 6-10 <PF: 146, PA: 154> Tampa Bay Buccaneers (MarvinisaLunatic) 6-10 <PF: 138, PA: 150> NFC WEST San Francisco 49ers (Bravesfan) 10-6 <PF: 159, PA: 147> x=Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 8-8 <PF: 149, PA: 156> St. Louis Rams (cerebus316) 7-8-1 <PF: 133, PA: 136> Seattle Seahawks (DawnBTVS) 6-9-1 <PF: 142, PA: 145> Wild Card: Canadian Chris (Denver 11-6) d. tpww7 (Buffalo 9-8) Agent of Oblivion (Miami 11-6) d. DrTom (Baltimore 9-7-1) Human Fly (Washington 10-7) d. Vern Gagne (Arizona 8-9) Fazzle (Carolina 10-7) d. Just John (Dallas 8-9) Divisional Round: Gert T (New York Jets 14-3) d. Agent of Oblivion (Miami 11-7) Canadian Chris (Denver 11-6) d. Cuban Linx (Tennessee 10-7) Fazzle (Carolina 10-7) d. Swift Terror (Chicago 11-6) Human Fly (Washington 10-7) d. Bravesfan (San Francisco 10-7) Conference Championship: Gert T (New York Jets 15-3) d. Canadian Chris (Denver 11-7) Fazzle (Carolina 11-7) d. Human Fly (Washington 10-8) KKK Bowl I Gert T (16-3) defeated Fazzle (11-8) CHAMPION: Gert T.

Never heard of them. But, uh, yay and stuff.

So you're now going into a division with the defending kkk Bowl champ, another poster who is usually in the playoffs/playoff hunt and a previous kkk Bowl runner-up? Great move. King is with the Chargers, Porter/USC#2349823098423908 is with the Falcons.

9 a.m. • So the latest Drudge page had the following headline link: PRO SOCCER TEAM HELPS SUBDUE MAN... Just from reading the headline I know what happened, but I can't resist this joke. *clears throat* What, did they play a game in front of the guy and put him to sleep. Thank you, thank you I'm here all week. Try the tortured baby cow. • Because my uber-deal with Comcast is running out, I am going to be downgrading my services. Hey, I like having a plethora of HBO/Showtime/etc. channels for a good price, but I don't watch these channels nearly enough to justify paying market value for them. Now I went onto Comcast's web site to look for packages and/or deals because I hate being one of those customers who clog up the phone lines asking a customer service rep. "how much is it if I just get this set of channels?" As I entered in my address and zip code to look for SUPER DEALS IN MY AREA I got the following message: The Comcast Triple Play is not available because Comcast Digital Voice is not yet available in your area. If you would like to find out if Comcast Digital Phone is available in your area, please call 1-800-COMCAST. Que? I've had Comcast Voice for more than TWO YEARS and had the Triple Play package from 2006-2007. 10 p.m. • As I was flipping channels this morning, I came across some cartoon that was like Pokemon but only with dinosaurs. Now for a split second I was thinking "Is this what passes for Saturday morning cartoons these days? In my time..." Then I remembered... And this is one heck of a way to make breakfast.

5:30 p.m. • So I have a weeklong work trip starting on Sunday and as usual I haven’t even thought of packing. Every time I go somewhere (which isn’t often) I always tell myself “this will be the time when I pack early and don’t run around at the last minute throwing a bunch of shit into luggage.” Who the hell am I fooling? • I heard about this story on the radio this afternoon. “I didn’t do nothing.” She’s from Wilkinsburg? Really? Holy shit is this Google Maps thing scary. Once I get off Rt. 30, this is the next road I take coming into work when the better half and I drive in together. (For some reason Penn Avenue is not showing up on that last link. Click on it and enter "1110 Penn Avenue" before "Wilkinsburg" in the search bar.) Just scroll along NW on Penn Avenue and see the sights of my wonderful commute. Actually, seeing this shithole motivates me like hell to keep up with the bills and stay at my job. Also, when we drive in it's usually around 6:30 in the morning, meaning all the black people are still sleeping off their crack highs. Except for a small group at the "Labor Ready" store. God bless them for wanting to make a living.

Who do you think?

7:30 p.m. • So the better half is on vacation this week and next, and she decided to do the “family” thing this week. And by “family” I mean deal with all the bitching and yelling going on with her mother and nieces/nephews. I shouldn’t be too quick to point out the lunacy of having “family fun time” when in most instances it involves crying, screaming and temper tantrums. The major culprit in all this is the 21-year-old out-of-control knocked-up niece-in-law. And of course, Mrs. kkk’s mother, despite all the bitching she does about this particular black sheep of the family, does everything in her power to cater to the crack-whore. At the amusement park earlier this week the out-of-control niece-in-law was telling the better half about how her boyfriend wants to videotape her blowing some other guy. She was saying this, mind you, with the 11-year-old nephew and 9-year-old niece in the same car. Then before a trip to the zoo the niece-in-law held everyone else up from leaving by several hours because she wasn’t “ready.” When she finally was she slept for half the day. Another time the niece-in-law was trying to cook dinner for everyone and was running at least an hour behind before Mrs. kkk left her mother’s house. Where was I going with all this? Oh, yeah. During the aforementioned zoo trip, the 11-year-old nephew wanted to buy a gift for his parents. (I’m telling this kid ain’t right). His 9-year-old sister then decided to as well. The nephew saved $20 from the money he made cutting grass this summer. The niece? Well, she makes $3 a day watching some dog. How much has the niece saved up for this purchase? You guessed it: $3. The niece then said to her brother that they should pull their resources together. The nephew said “no” and added that “she should have saved her money up” like he did. This caused the niece to begin throwing a fit, which prompted my mother-in-law to feel guilty and ask Mrs. kkk if they should give the niece money to buy her parents a gift. The better half said “no” because that would make the nephew’s saving money this summer go to waste. I’m impressed; some of my Jew logic has rubbed off. Why am I saying all this? Because I just found out who the Democrat and Republican will be when it comes to my 11-year-old nephew and 9-year-old niece. Wait a second. No it doesn’t. Damn you Republicans – why did you have to double the federal budget and rack up trillions more in debt? It’s getting harder and harder to make these types of comparisons. Hey, look… KITTIES! You know, I can’t remember what I have posted and what I haven’t posted. This was one of Max when we first took him in as a stray. The other two didn’t warm up to him all that much. I knew Dessa would hate him right off the bat (and continue to do so), as you can see from above, but JJ surprised me a bit. For a month or two JJ wouldn't even look in his direction, and he even hissed at him once or twice. (If JJ hisses, you know something is up.) There was really nothing Max could do, even though he tried to get along. It was sad seeing him in a submissive role and still getting hissed at, swatted and chased around the house. However, my thinking was that the three of them would sort it out and that whatever treatment he got in our house was a hundred times better than fending for himself out in the freezing cold. It took him six months for JJ to get used to Max. And by “used to” I mean roll around with him on the floor in a wrestle-like fashion. Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it wrestling. JJ will plop on the floor, Max will jump on top of him and after about 5 seconds JJ will get up and run away. Whatever. In their world I’m sure it means something.

8 p.m. • Nothing all that exciting to report. The alleged baby's daddy of my out-of-control niece-in-law is probably going to get kicked out of his house. Damn Bush economy. I bet W. made him rack up those credit card bills, too. • Go away, Brett Favre. I haven't followed this story all that much, but there comes a time when a team has to look out for its future. These off-season "Will I or won't I return?" games have to eventually stop. And why the hell would the Packers let him go to a divisional opponent? • Speaking of football, kkk Bowl VI will be announced sometime during the NFL preseason. I was seriously thinking of not holding this contest anymore, especially since I probably wouldn't have been able to update the standings each week. Thankfully, I'll be getting some help from the mods (or at least that's what I'm being told). • Last week in the USA Weekend special insert found in many Sunday newspapers, there was an interesting story about why cats don't get treated better than dogs despite more people owning felines than canines. Now I'm sure I don't need to bring up my affection for kitties, but I have no problem with dogs being higher up on the social ladder than cats. One reason cats are more often abandoned is that, like the author said, more people have cats than dogs. And because dogs are more in tune to a "pack" mentality, they would often be more devoted to their owners than cats. And regarding vet care, dogs should get better treatment. You don't see a K-9 kitty lunging after a robbery suspect. You don't see cats herding livestock. All a cat is really good for is killing rodents. But in case you are thinking I have lost my kitty-loving ways, here's some more pics of the family.