kkktookmybabyaway

I've thought about taking the better half to one of his shows because she thinks he's hilarous, but that would require me driving to and parking in my favorite city. Let me know how it went.

Imagine if I read more than three sentences from your shitstain of a post. Here's a hint, fucktard. Just type on a laptop as the show goes on, like what I used to do. ... Then again, that's even more pathetic. Sonofabitch.

8 p.m. • So the better half and I were driving back from grocery shopping night, and we went past the one thrift store that we always go past. What was on this store's sign? "Clearance." A sale at the thrift store? What, will that pair of jeans now be 50 cents instead of $1? Actually, we donated some stuff a few weeks back when we decided to attempt to clear out our house of unwanted junk (oddly enough, Mrs. kkk is still living under my roof). This brings up a story I've been meaning to tell for more than a week. Here we go: I don’t think I’ve mentioned my mom that much. There’s a reason. I’m not that close to her. I don’t hate her, but when you grow up as a latch-key kid you don’t tend to take the whole “family” thing that seriously. I’m not bitching about this, mind you, because I actually like keeping my family at a distance. However, here is a brief rundown of how the old lady lost her mind. 1995: Got laid off from her job because she was there too long and made too much money. For a few years after that she worked several similar jobs and got canned due to downsizing and all that. But wait, wasn’t this during the GREATEST ECONOMY IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE? Yeah, and I was working two jobs for shit pay at Sappy Valley. But I digress. After my grandma on my mom’s side died ol’ mother decided to go to Jesus school. And for years she pestered the Jesus school administrators who didn’t want her because she was too old. Whatever. In the process she ran out of money for thinking she could weekly drive to Columbus, Ohio, and back to her Shittsburgh townhouse. Did I mention that she had virtually no income coming in at this point? Well she sold her house and kept all her shit in storage. And by shit I mean boxes upon boxes of LPs and books that were 40+ years old. In 2003 I took this crap from storage and put it into the duplex we were residing in at that point. When we found out Mrs. kkk was preggers in December I told mom it was time to get this shit out of our house. And by shit I mean more than 15 of those big ass bins. We agreed she had until June 1 to cart her shit out. Not this past Friday but the Friday before was when she came over to take the first half of this stuff back to Ohio. But wait, she didn’t realize that these books/LPs were in these LARGE bins. Uhhhh, they’ve been in these containers since I bought these bins in ’03 when I went to take her shit from storage and realize that the boxes she was using were rotted. She then gets her “deer in headlights” look because she doesn’t know what to do. Jesus Christ, didn’t she think ANY of this through? I said to cart the bins that were smaller, and I would move some of my stuff that was in smaller bins and use those as well. I then added that I can go to Wal-Mart and get more bins for Trip 2. She then freaks out again and says, “I don’t have the money for that.” My response, “I didn’t say ‘you’ would get the bins.” Good gravy, and she said to me earlier this evening that she was going to rent a truck to cart all this stuff out. Oh, yeah. And she couldn’t lift ANY of these bins. When I asked her how she was going to unload this stuff, she replied that she was going to DRIVE AROUND WITH THIS STUFF IN HER CAR UNTIL SHE COULD GET SOMEONE FROM OHIO TO UNLOAD THE CONTENTS. And you were bitching about gas prices? Do you have any idea how much fuel you would have burned doing this? And what if you rented that truck? I’m now the rational one. My God is that frightening. Well now I’m getting bored so I’ll wrap this up. While putting the shit in her car I realized that if I joined her on this trip I could get rid of ALL this shit in ONE trip. I went to Wal-Mart and got a dozen more bins and finished moving all her shit from the big bins to the smaller ones. At 1 a.m. I was done. Four hours later I was up getting ready to get the hell out. Twelve hours later I was back home and free of all this shit. Of course I have yet to put away all the emptied bins so the basement still looks cluttered. However, it’s MY clutter. Should I have offered to help her in the first place? Probably. But I’m an awful son. Then again, I pretty much knew I’d be doing this all along. Whatever. At least I don’t have to see her again before June. And for those that get the title to today's entry. Good job. For those that don't, peep this: Even though it's a live show, if you have ever listened to RIGHT-WING RADIO you might recognize this song as the theme song to a certain talker heard on hundreds upon hundreds of stations (if you still don't know, just read the comments to this video; you'll figure it out). If you want the studio version of this song, peep the two queermos below. And while I'm on this subject, I always wondered about the reaction to Rush using this song on his show.

Wow, that's actually funny. I might have had fun with this prof. I don't mind commie profs as long as they don't mind having it thrown back at them. Oh, and you probably pissed that mom off. Whatever. You're a guy. That's what we do.

9:30 p.m. • Oddly enough, I agree with the pointy-headed academics on this one. Hey, I'm all about less taxes, but this will do NOTHING. And if we don't have any federal gas taxes, then that will hold back road construction projects -- you know, the ones with 20 guys standing around watching some other pot-bellied man in a hard had moving a digger around. Then we'll hear about how all of our roads are crumbling. In a roundabout way, it's sort of the way I feel about this recent tax rebate thing. If letting people keep more of their money is a good thing, then why does it have to be a one-time special event? • Gag me now. Funny, because this is the first election I'll be a part of where I feel uninspired. What? Yeah, that's a great reason to elect someone. Oh well, it worked for Strom.

7 p.m. • Yeah, baby. I just checked my bank account today and my $1200 tax rebate check got deposited a few days ago. Now I'm going to go and... ...not do a damn thing with it. 8:30 p.m. • Remember last season when the Pirates TRADED for THIS? Well, guess what. Stabilize a young rotation? So that's what the company line is for this? And people wonder why I don't bother with this team. That may change sometime this year if my friend from Ohio visits and wants to take in a Bucs game. Fuck.

Was that the year the Jap gave up walkoffs in back-to-back games? I felt bad for him.

I wanted to make a crack about how "big home runs from losing teams are never talked about" and somehow work in a Carlton Fisk Game 6 remark, but I'm too lazy.

7:30 p.m. • I’m sorry but when I saw this subject line in my inbox I had to click: And what did the body text have to say? (The text was bolded when I read it.) In case any of you want more information about this product, peep the vibrator shop. Then again, why pay $70 to get off when this guy will do it for free? • I swear to Christ I’m talking to my former co-worker now more than when I worked at my previous shit hole of a job. Why? Because the new person they hired is a complete fuck-up and doesn’t know the first thing about her job. It’s already taking three people to do the work I performed by myself. What’s the point of lying about your set of job skills when you will need them to perform your duties? At least when I interview I was honest with what I knew and what I didn’t. Then again, that might be why I didn’t get past the first round of many of my interviews. Oh well. • Oh thank fuck this show is ending. I watched it for a spell in the late 1990s and HATED just about every character on the show. The only one I liked was Dr. Romano, and that was because he was an asshole. Everyone else I rooted for their early demise. Except for the gruffy receptionist guy. Oh, and the Anthony Edwards character, but I think that was because I hated him less than the rest of the ensemble.

Too bad the only awards South Park gets are from its fag commie shows (Big Gay Al's Boatride and the Terri Schiavo one).

Do the research for me. Was Winfield a better hitter? If not, or if he wasn't a much better hitter, I'd go with Barry because shortstop is a tough position.

8:30 p.m. • Let's see if Al Keiper is blowing smoke up my rear. Hmm, wonder what I was doing wrong before. I was doing the "/video" thing. No matter. Oh Christ. I HATE those beer guys. Shut up already and let me watch the game. The ones at the Reds stadium were annoying as shit.

Pop question: Who was better: Dave Winfield or Barry Larkin?

Was this a CE thread? After stumbling across the genius that was... ...I couldn't take any more.

7 p.m. • So here’s a tip for those who get a call from a Maury Povich producer who asks you to appear on the program. DON’T GO. Seriously, what do you expect will happen? Your wife has a SECRET~! Gee, I wonder what it could be? “Baby, I’ve been withholding part of my paycheck from you and I’ve been investing it into an IRA.” “Honey, I’ve been going to night school and now I earned a Ph.D. and can now start my own licensed practice.” “Sweetie, my office pool won the Powerball.” “My love, I cheated on you and you might not be Junior’s daddy.” You know the only thing worse than coming out to the Maury audience amidst a chorus of boos? Coming out to a chorus of cheers. That means you were the one cheated on. • I wonder if she will win Ben Stein’s money? Sorry. Wait, not I’m not. That was clever. I’m sure someone else beat me to the punch line. Man was that an awesome show. Well, at least when Jimmy Kimmel was the sidekick. We used only a very small portion of the song? And that makes it OK? Actually, I’m not sure what the fair use rules are regarding documentaries, so the film might win this one. Either way, I don’t care. People in academia are fuck-ups who can’t survive in the real world. People who think God spent a week making the universe are … well, at least many of them vote for the correct candidates. 9 p.m. • Oh please let the enviro-wackos go over to China and protest that country's use of fuel. (Note the last paragraph.) And this is why Americans need to adjust their lifestyles. I don't consider myself an enviro-wacko, but I do my best to conserve energy in a number of places. I carpool. I try to make unnecessary shopping trips. The reason for this? I don't care about the rainforest. I'm a cheap bastard and this saves money. I did this when gas was 99 and 9/10s of a cent per gallon. I will do this when gas hits $4+ per gallon this year. My vehicle of choice? An '03 Cavalier. I love watching these political ads with people bitching about gas prices. Say, didn't Democrats say in '06 that if they were elected gas prices would go down? What the dillyo?

9 p.m. • So today was primary day for the Keystone State. For a registered Republican there wasn't much to do other than nominate a bunch of people running unopposed in local elections. I was thinking of casting a write-in vote for president, or even throwing Ron Paul a bone for kicks, but then I saw that Mike Hickabee is still in the race. McCain for me and Mrs. kkk. Sadly there weren't any stories to report. No fights with Democrats at the polling place. No nothing. Oh well. • I think I'm going to side with the docs on this one. Doctors are busy run late enough as it is -- I don't want to imagine them typing away at some medical issue to a patient. Besides, I'm sure whatever a doctor puts into writing would be red meat for a trial lawyer should something go wrong with said patient. • Memoirs? How old is she again? You know, I hate to admit it, but I actually watched part of an episode of "Hannah Montana" while in Buffalo. It wasn't as bad as I thought. The one niece-in-law is a fan of the show, so for the last few years all we have bought for her for holidays and birthdays has been this Montana shit. I can't wait until this phase is over and all that money is wasted.

8 p.m. • Uh-oh. I forgot the NBA playoffs started today. Whatever, it's only one game. Is the NBA is still doing the pre-determined brackets, unlike the NHL which reseeds every round? Well they are in this. Coming from the Big East, boy, we ain’t slippin’ (1) Boston vs. (8) Atlanta Hey, Atlanta made the playoffs! Good for them. I don’t even want to know their record. Celtics in 5. (For the record, I rarely call a game in 4 games or 7 games. Generally, if I say a series will last 5 games, I’m leaning toward a 4-5 game series. If I say 6 games, I’m thinking a series will last 6-7 games. But I’ll take any correct prediction when I can.) (2) Detroit vs. (7) Philadelphia I heard the 76ers were playing pretty good as of late. No matter. Pistons in 5. (3) Orlando vs. (6) Toronto This one has my interest somewhat. I’m thinking this could have upset potential. I’ll still go Magic in 6. (4) Cleveland vs. (5) Washington I don’t care about this series. I didn’t care about this series last year. I didn’t care about it the year before. Cavs in 6. SECOND ROUND: (1) Boston vs. (4) Cleveland I don’t see the Cavs pulling off an upset past the first round this year. Celtics in 5. Detroit (2) vs. Orlando (3) Oh what the heck. After guessing a near upset in Orland’s first round matchup, I’ll say they give the Pistons a scare. Pistons in 6. THIRD ROUND: (1) Boston vs. (2) Detroit. This is what everybody has been predicting all year. I’ll pull for the Celtics. Boston in 6. West-siiiiide (1) Los Angeles vs. (8) Denver So it was Denver and not Golden State that got the last playoff spot. It must be terrible for a fan of a Western Conference team like the Nuggets. You spend all that money attending games throughout the regular season only to get ousted in the first round each year. Lakers in 5. (2) New Orleans vs. (7) Dallas I was figuring Dallas would make some noise in the playoffs this year, seeing how they got bumped in the first round last year and they were facing not even reaching the postseason after making the trade for Kidd. However, it seems every ESPN talking head has been predicting Dallas to upset, which has me nervous. No matter. Mavericks in 6. (3) San Antonio vs. (6) Phoenix I made this prediction before today’s game, which I had on while doing some odds and ends around the house. I’m pulling for the Suns, but I just can’t. Spurs in 6. (4) Utah vs. (5) Houston I like T-Mac. Really. I do. But like how I can’t discount the Spurs in the first round, I can’t discount Houston from NOT advancing. Jazz in 5. SECOND ROUND (1) Los Angeles vs. (4) Utah Remember my comment about the Nuggets? Insert “Nuggets” for “Jazz.” Los Angles in 5. (2) San Antonio vs. Dallas (7) I had the Spurs advancing in the first round, but I’ll go for the upset here. Mavs in 6. THIRD ROUND (1) Los Angles vs. Dallas (7) Oh what the heck, I’ll call it. Mavericks in 6. Finals (1) Boston vs. Dallas (7) I’m such a party pooper to not have LAKERS VS. CELTICS. Whatever. Hooray for anti-climatic Championship Series. Celtics in 5.

7:30 p.m. • So the "well it's only a matter of time" has struck again. Remember my out-of-control niece-in-law? Guess who has a bun in the oven? And guess who gets drunk? And guess who uses drugs? And guess who goes to the methadone clinic? The funniest thing about all this: I have no idea who the father is. Well, she's been living with this guy for a little while now, but that doesn't mean shit. This is the same person who got a cat, didn't have it fixed and didn't take it one time to the vet. About a week ago the cat got in heat and ran away. Maybe it knew something then. • And who says there's a media bias? Note the bold-face type. Well, naturally, you should. After all, it's in bold-face. But I digress. Oopsie, I deleted one little thing in the last paragraph. There we go... Splintered? Conservative? It was a 7-2 vote! The same five red diaper doper babies that think it's OK for the government to take the private property of Private Party A and give it to Private Party B because Private Party B would use the land to generate more tax revenue took part in this decision. I shudder to think what would happen if several lawyers in robes were chosen by Osama or Hitlery. (Eh, I'm sure McCain wouldn't be much better.)

8:30 p.m. • For those that frequent the other place. What that hell happened when I was away? • So Barack Osama said something "clingy" about certain people... So now Hitlery has pounced on this, and who suffers the most? Me. Because I have to watch shit like this every time my TV is turned on. What's the difference between Hitlery and Osama on this issue? Osama was dumb enough to say it and have others hear him, even in friendly confines. • From Smues' neck of the woods. Ever hear of these people? 9 p.m. • You know, I generally side with so-called smokers' rights. However, I don't blame people for wanting smoking banned at beaches. The few times I've been to the beach it was disgusting how many cigarette butts were all over the place. • Man, who did the Rooneys piss off to get a schedule like this?

So you were the reason for "Stories about men severing their own penises, fishermen getting anally violated with bananas, and anything else that's similar to that is fluff."

6 p.m. • So the better half wanted to look up the review to some game called Looney Tunes: Acme Arsenal. I told her where to go to the site I always go to for reviews, but she "couldn't find it." OK. So I went to my favorites list, clicked the link and entered in the game's name. As I got up from the computer chair, she asked, "Where are you going?" My response. "Here's the site -- just pick what reviews you want to look at." Her response. "I thought you were going to read them, too." ... Speaking of which, anybody know of any PS2 games out there that are similar to the Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance and Champions of Norrath titles?

5 p.m. • So I was about to make the old "well at least she didn't blame thison the brake pedal sticking," but then I found that this joke has already been spent. No matter. • Ice went to jail for PUSHING a bitch? Ahh, now the truth comes out. Then why isn't she in jail for lying? There are time I feel bad for women -- like when disgusting men hit on them for no reason whatsoever (and no, this isn't from personal experience). However, all a chick has to do is accuse some guy of abusing her and it's off to the slammer. Now time for some more news stuff... Now we get the background on V-Ice, which is common for many stories involving public figures. But here's the best part. Anyone remember buying those tape/CD singles back in the '90s? Memories.

8:30 p.m. • So it looks like there was one talent "the stars" had. I don't care for much of reality TV outside of "Cops" and other videos of blacks and rednecks getting beat down. That doesn't mean I hate the genre, though. For some sick reason the better half and I have seen a number of Vh1's "Rock of Love" shows this past season, although I think it's more for the train wreck factor than desired viewing. Ugh, as I type, she's got "Survivor" on downstairs. • Maybe all the protests about the Olympic torch headed to China isn't about the country's crackdown on Tibet and people that like to do yoga in public. Oh lord...

5 p.m. • So this is what keeps me going. I had a chat with my one former co-worker earlier today, and he says that the person hired to replace me is totally screwing things up. Remember those monthly projects I always spent weekends performing, which I always finished by the 18th of each month? Well, the n00b was hired the first day or two of March and has not yet FINISHED March's project and probably won't for AT LEAST two more weeks. • Tonight marks the start of the NHL playoffs. Might as well get these predictions over with: East Montreal Canadiens (1) v Boston Bruins (8) Still trying to figure out how Montreal got the top East spot. It might help if I paid attention to the games. Habs in 5. Pittsburgh Penguins (2) v Ottawa Senators (7) Last year the Sens took care of the Pens in quick fashion. This year it's payback. Pens in 6. Washington Capitals (3) v Philadelphia Flyers (6) The Caps have that guy with the O and a really long last name. However, I think the Flyers will goon him to submission. Flyers in 6. New Jersey Devils (4) v New York Rangers (5) How many time do these two play each other. Devils in 5. *******************************************8 Montreal Canadiens (1) v Philadelphia Flyers (6) The Flyers can goon one man, but they can't goon them all. Habs in 5. Pittsburgh Penguins (2) v New Jersey Devils (4) The playoffs are when a goalie can shut down an entire team. However, it's time for Marty to break down. Pens in 6. ******************************************* Montreal Canadiens (1) v Pittsburgh Penguins (2) Oh what the hell, I'll go with the homer pick. Pens in 7. West Detroit Red Wings (1) v Nashville Predators (8) I remember getting burned by Nashville last year. Fuck 'em. Wings in 5. San Jose Sharks (2) v Calgary Flames (7) How about we go with San Jose winning in 6. Minnesota Wild (3) v Colorado Avalanche (6) I'll guess this series will have the most overtimes. Don't know why. Wild in 6. Anaheim Ducks (4) v Dallas Stars (5) I don't see the Stars getting out of the first round anymore. Ducks in 5. ******************************************* Detroit Red Wings (1) v Anaheim Ducks (4) Detroit tends to choke, but I ame getting the feeling that this year they won't. Wings in 5. San Jose Sharks (2) v Minnesota Wild (3) Yikes, I've picked all favorites so far. Wild in 7. ******************************************* Detroit Red Wings (1) v Minnesota Wild (3) Steve Yzerman retired, right? Wings in 5. Stanley Cup Detroit Red Wings (1) v Pittsburgh Penguins (2) I'm not that big a homer. Wings in 5.

9 p.m. • So this past weekend I had to get my driver’s license renewed. Actually, I forgot all about this until I went to rent a car for my recent business trip. The rent-a-car guy took one look at my license and noted that I had a few days before it expired. Oops. This of course meant it was time to go to the DMV. Woo-hoo. As I entered this public works cornucopia there was the “take ticket here and wait for your number to be called machine.” I was number 56. They were serving some number in the low 40s. The time was 10:14 a.m. and the ticket stated that there would be “an estimated 14 minute wait.” … At 10:50 a.m. my number was finally called. And the only way I was able to get served so “early” was because a half dozen people didn’t respond when their numbers were up. I think what burns me up the most in these situations is that while it takes other people 20 minutes to perform such feats as check into a hotel, pay for groceries or order stamps at the post office, when I get up to the counter my transaction lasts about 30 seconds. And of course this time was no exception. An estimated 14-minute wait turned out to be 45 minutes. I sure can’t wait until we get government health care – you think the lines are long now at the doctor’s office. You ain’t seen nothing yet. Before I leave this entry, I also have to relay the story of the two people sitting behind me who didn’t realize there was a “take ticket here and wait for your number to be called machine.” They sat behind us for a good 20 minutes before realizing that the names being called out were for people who already had their photos taken and were being called up to receive their ID. The fact these people are allowed to vote sometimes scare the hell out of me.