kkktookmybabyaway

There goes the neighborhood, again.

this has to be a joke. I've listened to Beck's radio program since '01, long before he got that cable show (haven't gotten past the first chapter, which was about enviro-wackos). It was a close call between that book and the Baldur's Gate II instruction manual. For those wondering, here's what it would have been had I not had Beck's book on my computer desk while I was typing in some Newseeek Global Cooling hysteria from the 1970s a few days ago.

The feds got a $2500 interest-free loan from our household this past year.

"Bad call!" the stripper adds in a sultry voice. There's only one problem: Arcuri had already proven that the phone sex allegation wasn't true. His coworker had used his hotel room phone and indadvertently dialed a 1-800 prefix instead of a 212 prefix when trying to reach the state's Department of Criminal Justice Services.

7 p.m. • So the better half and I got our taxes done by the H&R Block chick that Mrs. kkk has gone to for years. This year we overpaid $2500. Wait, did I say “overpay”? I meant WE’RE GETTING $2500 BABY~! Sadly, the better half does that thing where they take more out of your paycheck; I’ve just let this issue be one of those things we just have to agree to disagree on. Oh well, at least this lady is funny. Last year I made some right-wing remarks while sitting there and this year was no exception. I really don’t remember what I said because I came in toward the end of our appointment (was held up at work), but I think it had something to do what that “stimulus” package Congress is passing/just passed. Our tax lady was talking about it and I asked if illegals will be sucking on this government teet. (I heard some rumblings that they could.) She said “no,” and I replied “at least not until that bitch gets elected.” Our pseudo-accountant began laughing out loud and said if Hitlery gets elected she’s moving to Canada. Uh, why? They already have their government health care. Then again, our friends north of the border don’t have 300 million people to deal with. • I’ll tell you what – for a Republican to be this close in the polls is actually surprising for me. Then again, it’s McCain. I lifted this from the other place. • Even though Obama is a bigger dumbfuck than Hitlery, it'd be nice to see him get the nomination because that would mean the Hildabeast would probably never run for President again. After all, if anyone is willing to make her a running mate, I hope to God that person has a phat life insurance policy signed.

5:30 p.m. • So while the better half was in surgery this week, it gave me the chance to read the first chapter of Glenn Beck’s “An Inconvenient Book.” The first chapter is devoted to goofing on enviro-wackos. Nothing really surprising. However, one thing I love to do (well, maybe not love) is read mainstream media accounts of issues back in the day. Take for example this gem from Newsweek published 4/28/1975, which was featured in Beck’s Book. This was, of course, to combat global cooling. It’s a shame I wasn’t born a few years earlier than I was because I just missed the cooling craze. All I remember from my early years of schooling was some film that featured the “last clean place on earth.” It was some hippie greenhouse run by some … well, hippie. I guess the local people, who were dressed in HAZMAT gear, got tired of him and his animals breathing all that clear air and started knocking it down. For shame. Oh, and here are some crazy quotes that are in Beck's book. I love reading stuff like this: From enviro-wacko/EricMM's idol Paul Ehrlich in 1969: In 1970: Well, he was sorta right on this one. Although you have to substitute "dead fish" with "Mexicans."

8 a.m. • And what is Hitlery going to do when some Muslim country rags on her for being the White Devil/Great Satan/a general bitch in nature? Wow. She won't appear on OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2008 and may not appear on MSNBC-sponsored debates. I thought the purpose of the primary season was to get on lots of media outlets only to run and hide once elected to office? You know, I remember when Rush Limbaugh did some dog-fades-to-Chelsea image on his television back in the early 1990s, and he got rightfully blasted for it. However, if Hitlery is going to use her adult daughter to hawk for votes, then using the “p” word is seemingly appropriate. Besides, “pimp” has gained more of a meaning than its original intent. Say, what better time to take a trip down memory lane? Well, now I feel like it. When I was at the test-scoring facility in Ohio, we scored some state-assessment projects via computers and others by hand. The latter consisted of the students’ actual test papers and were delivered to us by mail. These papers were grouped in booklets, and there were a bunch of them to keep organized. To aid us in properly sorting out these hundreds (maybe even thousands – I can’t remember) of packets, we hired clerks. Basically, these were high-school students doing the summer job thing. Well there was this one particular project in which we had a really good clerk, or at least that’s what I was told by my boss. Shrug. I didn’t mind getting up and taking my test-scoring group’s completed packets and putting them back in their initial boxes – it gave me a chance to get up from my chair. Then again, I’m sure the big bosses wanted someone who made less money to do this basic function, so I don’t blame them for getting us these assistants. Anyway, our clerk (I’ll call her Jen) was going to be out for a few days due to some operation and I wanted to know if we would be given another clerk or if our project was going to be clerk-less for a time. No big deal either way. I went to Jen’s boss Joe and asked him about this. Joe was a very soft-spoken guy and was great to work with. He was one of those guys who would hardly say a word, but then when he did it would be a great one-liner. When I asked him this question, he thought about it for a second and then said he was going to get this one clerk from this one project to help us out on one day. He then said that he would get this other clerk from this other project to aid us on another day. As he was mulling his options, I made the following remark, “Doesn’t this kind of make you like a ‘clerk pimp’?” He gave his usual laugh and that was that. Or so I thought. The next day my boss came up to me and was freaking out because two other people in this project who were also at my same management level were freaking out. When I asked why, my boss said that Jen wrote a letter to the clerks who were going to be help us out. This letter was just a basic “here’s where you put these completed packets/etc.” guide. However, there was one passage that brought on my co-worker’s ire. Jen used the phrase “clerk pimp” to describe her boss Joe. The sentence read something like “Depending on which day the clerk pimp decides to send you over to our project…” and our two older co-workers read this and were enraged. I then responded to my boss that I was the one to came up with the “clerk pimp” term. He then laughed and said something like “Why am I not surprised? Well they are PISSED at Jen.” Too fucking bad. The only time I said “clerk pimp” was to Joe, so logic told me that Joe had to have said this phrase to his clerks. If Joe doesn’t care and Jen was writing a note that was intended for her fellow clerks, then my fellow test-scoring supervisors needed to take the sticks out of their respective asses. If not, then they need to get pissed at me because I’m the one who made this oh-so-wretched description. As I went to my desk, I could tell these two older women were pissed. I can’t remember how this started, but they mentioned this offensive letter and I went right at them and said I was the one who came up with the term in a conversation with Joe and anyone had a problem with the choice of words then they should deal with me rather than Jen, who probably heard “clerk pimp” from her boss. The one lady then said the following: “Do you know what a pimp does?” I laughed. I laughed quite a bit, actually. After a few days of pseudo-drama, the “clerk pimp” saga ended, although Jen was a little jittery once she heard of the OUTRAGE her letter caused. This was before I told her to let me know if anyone gave her grief about the phrase because I was the “clerk pimp” originator. Of course, nothing ever came of it, which didn’t surprise me. It’s a wonder how we got any work done there at times.

The first movie took place decades ago. Al Gore was just getting around to inventing the Internet back then. Otherwise, more power to Romero for being able to get his movies made.

8 p.m. • So today I went to the bank to get another debit card. For years my former place of employment had direct deposit, so I had no need to go to the ATM machine. Now I will so it was time to get a card. This meant having to go in and talk to some bank person. Yay. To make matters better, I was in my jeans and unshaved-for-two-days face. I love it when this happens because these bank people think I’m some scrub looking to start a $50 super-saver account. Now the guy I dealt with gave the usual “Oh, you have THIS much money with us?” as he pulled up the kkk account, but it was nowhere near the extreme reaction I saw with this lady a few years back. It was 2003 and the better half and I had just moved back to Pennsylvania. I needed to take my casher’s check that was taken from the Ohio-centered bank and deposit in a more venue-friendly locale. I decided on this one bank for its location. I had just done a few days worth of moving in the dog days of August and once again hadn’t shaved for a few days. As I walked into the bank after a few hours of moving heavy stuff in a duplex that had no air conditioning, I wasn’t at my prettiest. I said to one of the tellers that I wanted to open an account, and I was directed to one of the account managers in those fancy cubicles. I was seated with some middle-aged woman who had a few other things to do. This gave me the chance to listen to the guy sitting in the cubicle next to me, who was pleading his case to that account manager due to a number of checks that he bounced. He kept bitching that the fees charged to him for each bounced check just made his other checks go bad. Uh, that’s why you DON’T BOUNCE CHECKS. He then started this pseudo-sob story about how he doesn’t have a job and all that shit – damn Bush economy. I felt sorrier for the bank employee than I did this douche. Anyway, my account lady came back and began treating me like I was just like that guy sitting in the cubicle next to me. Then she took a look at my cashier’s check and did the following. She perked up her head. She opened up her eyes. She said, “Oh.” It took everything in me to refrain from laughing out loud. I get that these people deal with a lot of scuzzballs with $100 to their name, but don’t always judge a book by its cover. Of course, all that money eventually went to a house, wedding and credit-card debt relief for the better half. However, with all this taken care of, it’s time to get back to surprising bank people. 9:45 p.m. • Shoot. I just heard on the local radio station that Boortz is on will replace him with two local schmoes whose short-lived stay on an FM talk channel whose format only lasted six months. And I can't listen to Neal at work anymore on-line. Bastards.

Oh Willie -- see what happens when you smoke too much...

8 a.m. • So SUPER TUESDAY has come and went. Whatever. No matter who gets the nomination for my side or the other I’ll probably be ill. Sad thing is, I started thinking about who in my Party could be a viable candidate. I can’t think of anyone. Christ, and my commie neighbors will probably have Hitlery or Obama signs on their lawns this year. I might just get a McCain sign just to piss them off. I still have yet to make my mark on the primary season. Thanks, PA. • I need to pay attention to the NBA more often than just before playoff time. You know, I'd like to see this go down just to see Shaq Daddy run up and down the court like a fiend. 6:30 p.m. • Well today we had to go to the hospital to get kkk jr. out of the better half. The procedure is known as a D&C. The whole thing took about 10-15 minutes, but the waiting/prep/etc. lasted the entire day. Even though the experience was godawful, I’ll say this: After walking by some of the “cancer centers” it could have been MUCH worse. • I thought about this earlier today while watching footage of the Giants ticker-tape parade. You know who has got to have a shitty job? The people that plan for those kinds of events only to have the hometown team lose. I can’t imagine how much planning would be involved in arranging the security/travel/etc., and then to have nothing to show for it. Ugh.

Wild Card Weekend Edit: When double-checking the scores, I got the AFC matchups mixed up. Gert, the sixth seed, should have played Porter, the third seed. Bob Barron, the fifth seed, should have played Cuban Linx, the fourth seed. The outcomes were unchanged, as Gert and Bob both got more correct picks than Linx or Porter. My usual source was being crabby, so I got spreads here. I also heard similar spread numbers on the radio today. Washington @ Seattle (3.5) (2.5) Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh N.Y. Giants @ Tampa Bay (3.5) Tennessee @ San Diego (9.5) Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron 10-6) @ San Diego Chargers (Porter 9-7) Bob Barron: Washington 17, Seattle 28 Jacksonville 17, Pittsburgh 20 N.Y. Giants 21, Tampa Bay 13 Tennesee 10, San Diego 28 Porter: Washington 24, Seattle 21 Jacksonville 17, Pittsburgh 20 N.Y. Giants 34 Tampa Bay 17 Tennessee 20, San Diego 28 DIFF: SEA/WAS, SD/TEN New York Jets (Gert T 10-6) @ Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx 8-8) Gert T: Washington 13, Seattle 20 Jacksonville 27, Pittsburgh 24 N.Y. Giants 21, Tampa Bay 14 Tennessee 10, San Diego 28 Cuban Linx: Washington 13, Seattle 27 Jacksonville 17, Pittsburgh 20 N.Y. Giants 14, Tampa Bay 28 Tennessee 19, San Diego 17 DIFF: JAX/PIT, NYG/TB, SD/TEN Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger 9-7) @ Dallas Cowboys (Hawk34 10-5-1) Starvenger: Washington 17, Seattle 24 Jacksonville 24, Pittsburgh 14 N.Y. Giants 21, Tampa Bay 17 Tennessee 17 San Diego 20 Hawk34: Washington 16, Seattle 27 Jacksonville 23, Pittsburgh 14 N.Y. Giants 31, Tampa Bay 28 Tennessee 17, San Diego 16 DIFF: To be decided by tie-breaker Seattle Seahawks (Steve Rogers 11-5) @ New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer 10-6) Steve Rogers: Washington 36, Seattle 27 Jacksonville 7, Pittsburgh 21 N.Y. Giants 36, Tampa Bay 33 Tennessee 7, San Diego 34 Cena's Writer: Washington 20, Seattle 27 Jacksonville 17, Pittsburgh 24 N.Y. Giants 28, Tampa Bay 24 Tennessee 17, San Diego 31 DIFF: WAS/SEA First-round byes: Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff 11-5) Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus 10-6) San Francisco 49ers (Devo 11-5) Detroit Lions (Chazz1998 11-5) Details about how the postseason works can be found in the Week 17 thread. If you want to relive last season's excitement, which finally had a non-New York state team win it all, click here. In addition to all playoff rounds, I will be posting over the next month or so end-of-season recaps for each team. For those still playing, remember to PM me your picks -- including the score of each game.

Some athletes go through coaches in that same amount of time. And if you're going to look for a new job, now is the best time to do so while you're still getting a paycheck.

7:15 p.m. • So I watched a bit of the Super Bowl last night – didn’t see the end, though. This was a weird game for me because I really didn’t care for either team. I don’t like Emily, but knowing that Randy Moss could get a ring was way too much for me to bear. I wasn’t a big Plaxico Burress fan when he was a Steeler, even though I never doubted his talent. However, he won me over this year by playing with that bad ankle (not like winning over some miserable bastard is something to put on the old resume). Even though there were players on both teams I didn’t like, there were some that I did. I never had anything bad to say about Junior Seau, and I always liked the way Michael Strahan presented himself to the media. Hopefully, he’s learned to stop messing around with those white girls. Even though I didn’t make a prediction before the game, I thought the Patriots would win. I was guessing it would either be a blowout by New England or a low-scoring affair (Real genius there; what else would it have been – a Giants blowout?) • Oh, and another big story during this Super Bowl time was my U.S. Senator crazy Arlen dredging up “spy-gate” right before the Big Game. (Can I still say that without being sued by the NFL?) Look, for those that don’t live in the commonwealth, Arlen does this stuff all the time. For those who still remember (or care), when it was time to convict Bill Clinton back in ’98, Alren invoked some “Scottish law” thing and didn’t vote. Then, shortly after Bill’s meat was off the hook, Spector began talking about this other thing that Clinton should be impeached for doing and that the whole process should start back up again. That’s our Alren. (Do I even need to mention the single bullet theory?) For the record, I voted for Arlen in the last election and in a primary against a much more conservative Pat Toomey. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Much like the Giants' season, Cena's Writer had a crazy six months. After reaching the midway point at 4-4, he shot off 6 of the next 8 and got into the playoffs after beating Agent of Oblivion in a must-win Week 17. Due to personal and professional issues, I didn't have the time to do my usual end-of-season recaps. If anyone wants to know there's, just PM me or say so in this thread. Here's to another season: See you all (probably) in the 2008-09 preseason. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Gert.

4:30 p.m. • So last night the better half and I went to my mom’s pastor ordination. Yes, she’s now a preacher. Oh the things I could say. Hell, there was a tale I was ready to tell about that Taco Bell commercial with the knocked up chick getting her man to go out and get her something to eat. I was going to then compare that ad with what happens in the real world, but today we learned that Mrs. kkk more than likely miscarried, so I’m just not in the mood.

7:30 p.m. • So yesterday I took the first step in becoming a lazy slug at my new job. I installed my AIM account. It’s only a matter of time before I start downloading porn. Actually, that’s one thing I haven’t done at work. • Great, now who am I going to vote for when Pennsylvania’s primary comes around to these here parts? Seriously, nobody is doing it for me. When W. ran in ’00 I had no problem throwing my support behind him. Dole was the only GOP candidate back in ’96, so it’s not like there was any drama back then. If I was 18 in ’92 I would have went Perot (had I been in my mid-20s, I probably would have stayed with H.), so there would be no pondering my choices there, either. Actually, this reminds me of a funny story. In ’92 my high school had this mock election and we had the poli-sci class debate in front of the students on what candidate to vote for. The people supporting H. ended their spiel with the most unenthusiastic, “and he won the Gulf War” line I ever heard (granted I haven’t heard that line used much, if any, since then), which was received by laughter. In the end, though, Perot got the majority of votes, which surprised the principal/teacher who announced the winner at the end of the day. Anyway, my one friend at the time was happy that Clinton won; I was indifferent. Then a week or two later he started bitching because Clinton reneged on that middle class tax cut. I’m not sure what my friend was so pissed about – he worked at a fast-food place part-time. It’s not like he was getting more take home pay. Then again, now that I look back at it all, I’m sure he’s a Democrat. In fact, I actually got on of those quickie subscriptions to Classmates a few years ago just so I could find out what some of my classmates put as their political preference. It was interesting, to say the least.

None of them, really. McCain: I guess, but some things he's been behind (so-called campaign-finance reform) have been unforgivable. Romney: If only he wasn't a Mormon. Yeah, I know, religious bias blah blah. Hickabee: FUCK NO. Only thing about him I like is the Fair Tax, but that will NEVER happen so why bother.

6 p.m. • So I’m still in way over my head at the new job. Nothing surprising with that. However, this got a LOL moment for me. For last week’s trip she said for me to include the mileage it took to drive to the airport. Now I already got some per diem check, which was good enough for me. However, the boss also said to include mileage and the $4 parking toll Mrs. kkk had while waiting for my flight to arrive. (Part II of this story, which started on Saturday, will be arriving shortly – just like how my flights were last week.) The boss said to use the federal mileage rate – something like 45 cents per mile. And why did this make me laugh? Would you care to guess what the mileage rate was at my former place of employment? For every guess in the “comments” section I’ll let you know if the correct answer is “higher” or “lower.” • Uncle Ted endorses a black man for prez. Some feminazi group says this: At this point, do I really need to make a remark about pondering whether or not leaving someone in the back seat of a car to drown counts as "betrayal"? Sure I do. Here's an oldie but goodie... ...hit it. 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. You take one down, Your passenger drowns, 98 bottles of beer on the wall... 98 bottles of beer on the wall! 98 bottles of beer! You take one down, You hit the town, 97 bottles of beer on the wall... 97 bottles of beer on the wall 97 bottles of beer! If one of those bottles should happen to fall 96 bottles of beer on the wall... 96 bottles of beer on the wall! 96 bottles of beer! If one of those bottles should happen to fall Forget Mary Jo 'cause she's started to pall No need to report it, there's no need at all 95 bottles of beer on the wall... 95 hhashurhfajjfj AIIEEEE! 95 lkkldnfklsdnjsdvhdfw passh JDFWBA OKVKSN ogjekvirjverlkvuhjwrpihgw 94 dbjfjcovkerhjbchue... 94 bottle of beer on the wall 94 bottles of beer Take one done Pass it around 93 bottles of beer on the wall... 92 to bottles of beer on the wall 92 bottles of beer take one off give it to Hoff 91 bottles of beer on the wall... 91 bottles of beer on the wall 91 bottles of beer take one off give it to Hoff he-drives-off-a-bridge-IN-ANGER-and-leaves-his-campaign-staffer-in-the-back-seat-to-die-a-miserable-death 90 bottles of beer on the wall... 90 bottles of beer on the wall! 90 bottles of beer! Take a drink Watch a young girl sink 89 bottles of beer on the wall... 89 bottles of beer on the wall! 89 bottles of beer! Drink another and wait Let her suffocate 88 bottles of beer on the wall... 88 bottles of beer on the wall, 88 bottles of beer. Off a bridge you drove Blame it on Karl Rove 87 bottles of beer on the wall... 87 bottles of beer on the wall! 87 bottles of beer! Guzzle one quick, you drunken old mick, It's too late for Mary at Chappaquiddick 86 bottles of beer on the wall... 86 bottles of beer on the wall, 86 bottles of beer Your face is red This is a great thread 85 bottles of beer on the wall... 85 bottles of beer on the wall, 85 bottles of beer Drink n' guzzle Watch the bubbles 84 bottles of beer on the wall... 84 bottles of beer on the wall! 84 bottles of beer! Swill it on down, you miserable clown You couldn't possibly get elected anywhere but Massachusetts and at least the President managed to graduate from Harvard rather than being expelled twice for cheating on exams and oh he never cheated on his wife either or tried and failed to have sex with a woman while lying on a restaurant floor in a drunken stupor you disgusting morally leprous decrepit filthy scumbag 83 bottles of beer on the wall... 83 bottles of beer on the wall. 83 bottles of beer. Get so drunk and you'll soon feel no pain Bush is much worse than Saddam Hussein 83 bottles of beer on the wall... 82 bottles of beer on the wall. 82 bottles of beer. My brother Jack nailed chicks with no fear. If he didn't die, I'd have no career. 81 bottles of beer on the wall... 81 bottles of beer on the wall. 81 bottles of beer. People who listen to my speeches get no relief. My puppet Kerry was nearly commander-in-chief Chug one more while my kidney's functions fall 80 bottles of beer on the wall... 80 bottles of beer on the wall. 80 bottles of beer. Poor ol' Ted, his kid lost his leg. But he's a democrat and deserves to suffer, according to crazy Meg. 79 bottles of beer on the wall... 79 bottles of beer on the wall. 79 bottles of beer. Drug abuse, bootlegging, and cheating on women a lot Just another day here in Camelot Fuck you, we're rich and you're not 78 bottles of beer on the wall... 78 bottles of beer on the wall 78 bottles of beer Fucking christ, his head's the size of a deer! 77 bottles of beer on the wall.... 77 bottles of beer on the wall. 77 bottles of beer. My voters I must scare, With threatened cuts to Medicare. 76 bottles of beer on the wall... 76 bottles of beer on the wall. 76 bottles of beer. Women's rights are a cause in which I place much stock. "Hey, baby, wanna see my bloated cock? "It's 2 inches long and hard as a rock" 75 bottles of beer on the wall... 75 bottles of beer on the wall, 76 bottles of beer Care about politics I do not, even so I'm always down to wreck on another Masshole. 74 bottles of beer on the wall... 74 bottles of beer on the wall. 74 bottles of beer. I hate to sound daft, But there's going to be a draft. 73 bottles of beer on the wall... 72 bottles of beer on the wall. 72 bottles of beer. At least I didn't kill her by driving into a tree. Did you know that my IQ was only 33? My face has a startling resemblance to my knee 71 bottles of beer on the wall... 73 bottles of beer on the wall. 73 bottles of beer. MikeSC had this number but Bush stole it you see Just like he does with the trust fund for Social Security 71 bottles of beer on the wall... 71 bottles of beer on the wall! 71 bottles of beer! Saddam Hussein has two dead sons Ted's son lost his leg and his three brothers were all killed one of his sisters died in a plane crash and his family lobotomized another so she wouldn't embarrass them so we should be kind and understandiiiiiiiiiiiiiing 70 bottles of beer on the wall... 70 bottles of beer on the wall. 70 bottles of beer. Did you notice that my numbers aren't uniform? You'd think I was writing my party's platform 69 bottles of beer on the wall... 69 bottles of beer on the wall, 69 bottles of beer Heh heh, uh heh heh, uh heh he heh 69...... 68 bottles of beer on the wall... 68 bottles of beer on the wall, 68 bottles of beer. Dubs is a democrat, and still thinks Ted's retarded and fat, 67 bottles of beer on the wall... 67 bottle of beer on the wall. 67 bottles of beer. I got here through the deaths of Jack, Bobby, and Joe Man, why couldn't I fuck Marilyn Monroe? We both drink like fish, don't ya know? 66 bottles of beer on the wall... 66 bottles of beer on the wall, 66 bottles of beer Where the hell are my pants... .... And the girl... 65 bottles of beer on the wall... 65 bottles of beer on the wall! 65 bottles of beer! Take one down, don't pass it around Chug that motherfucker and reach for another With Uncle Ted, we're out on the town! Fuck it, we'll never get a fucking drink at this rate 64 bottles of beer on the wall... 64 bottles of beer on the wall, 64 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around I've fucked my state from my lofty perch Because my junior is Senator Lurch 63 bottles of beer on the wall... 63 bottles of beer on the wall, 63 bottles of beer, With fine English gin that my dad smuggled in, 62 bottles of beer on the wall... 62 bottles of beer on the wall. 62 bottles of beer. My face has become almost comically thick My nephew, well, he raped a chick I can't speak English worth a lick 61 bottles of beer on the wall... 61 bottles of beer on the wall, 61 bottles of beer, Put your sister in bed, take a pick to her head, 60 bottles of beer on the wall... 60 bottles of beer on the wall, 60 bottles of beer, Our Party's leadership is in trauma Good thing we have Osama bin Obama 59 bottles of beer on the wall... 59 bottles of beer on the wall. 59 bottles of beer. I don't like it when shotguns go "blam!" Did you know my boy Kerry served in Vietnam? Only thing I like more than liquor is a great big ham 58 bottles of beer on the wall... 58 bottles of beer on the wall, 58 bottles of beer. With all that I can muster This thread I will filibuster Because it's an assault on my character and America has a time-honored tradition of Democrats filibustering extreme things like civil rights... Still filibustering... La la la... So, how about those Red Sox?... Is it last call yet?... Wait, Robert "kkk" Byrd just offered a compromise? Well, shit. 57 bottles of beer on the wall... 57 bottles of beer on the wall, 57 bottles of beer. KKK's sure was the best, But let's not put this thread to rest, 56 bottles of beer on the wall... 56 bottles of beer on the wall, 56 bottles of beer Ted laughed at the girl from the shore, Let's watch Dubs post whore 55 bottles of beer on the wall... 55 bottles of beer on the wall, 55 bottles of beer We'll say Roberts' son looks like a dork So his daddy will end up like Robert Bork 54 bottles of beer on the wall... 54 bottles of beer on the wall, 54 bottles of beer I think alternative energies are great As long as they're away from my estate 53 bottles of beer on the wall... 53 bottles of beer on the wall. 53 bottles of beer. A bitch was trippin in Chappaquiddick Fuck I think my face was beaten with an ugly stick 52 bottles of beer on the wall... 52 bottles of beer on the wall 52 bottles of beer Public school is so dear to my heart But you know that my grandkids would never take part And I will fight vouchers, shoot 'em down with a dart Good schools are just for the rich, not the smart, Keep all the commoners nicely apart, But go on and vote for me when November starts, I've gone for six lines and still haven't used 'fart,' I've whittled hypocrisy down to an art...(whew, long one!) ...51 bottles of beer on the wall... 51 bottles of beer on the wall, 51 bottles of beer. In Robert Bork's America we'd have no civil right Which is why Robert's nomination we'll continue to fight 50 bottles of beer on the wall... 50 bottles of beer on the wall 50 bottles of beer I hope this doesn't sound odd But I could go for a waitress sandwich with Dodd 49 bottles of beer on the wall... 49 bottles of beer on the wall 49 bottles of beer Please don't be rude and yawn When I say Iraq is Bush's Vietnam 48 bottles of beer on the wall... 48 bottles of beer on the wall 48 bottles of beer If you think I've drunk a lot in life then you should see my ex-wife! 47 bottles of beer on the wall... 47 bottles of beer on the wall. 47 bottles of beer I love alternative energy and so should you just so long as it doesn't block my view 46 bottles of beer on the wall... 46 bottles of beer on the wall 46 bottles of beer I ate chips of paint made from lead Lord knows I'm not under fed The only thing bigger than my ego is my head I'm too fat to get chicks into bed My speech is worse than Hillbilly Jed I'm so worthless that I'd be better of dead 45 bottles of beer... 45 bottles of beet on the wall, 45 bottles of beer! Why did God take John and Rob Kennedy? Yet, I'll probably live 'till I'm 103? 44 bottles of beer on the wall... 44 bottles of beer on the wall 44 bottles of beer on the wall i'm drunk has hell know Mary Jo's dead 43 bottles of beer on the wall... 43 bottles of beer on the wall. 43 bottles of beer. Fuck you, I'm drinking. Cock smoker 42 bottles of beer on the wall... 41 bottles of beer on the wall 41 bottle of beer my pops hated jews now get me another brew 41 bottle of beer on the wall... 40 bottles of beer on the wall 40 bottles of beer Some call me a murderous drunken Mick But I wear, I drove off the bridge because she was sucking my dick After she drowned I went back to the party and drank till I was sick 39 bottles of beer on the wall... 39 bottles of beer on the wall 39 bottles of beer Ann Coulter wrote about me this week driving off a cliff But those records are sealed, since I'm a hypocritical stiff 38 bottles of beer on the wall... 38 bottles of beer on the wall, 38 bottles of beer It's really bad that a levee had to fail But I have a court nominee to nail 37 bottles of beer on the wall... 37 bottles of beer on the wall, 37 bottles of beer For all those drowned (during Katrinia) I'll yell at Bush for failing to react Woah, wait a second. How ironic is that? 36 bottles of beer on the wall... 36 bottles of beer on the wall. 36 bottles of beer. A nuclear energy industry is evil, really evil by far Even though it's killed fewer people than my car 35 bottles of beer on the wall... 35 bottles of beer on the wall 35 bottle of beer while right know i'm totally shitfaced my nephew Bobby is a total disgrace 34 bottles of beer on the wall... 34 bottles of beer on the wall 34 bottle of beer I'm babbling in front of a Chief Justice nominee All his legal answers don't matter to me I will still vote "no" because he's a facist Nazi Because I'm all about the working family 33 bottles of beer on the wall... 33 bottles of beer on the wall 33 bottle of beer This poster Matt Young I do not know But I wish he was in that car with me and Mary Jo 32 bottles of beer on the wall... 32 bottles of beer on the wall, 32 bottles of beer. I'll never mope, I've got an indulgence from the Pope. 31 bottles of beer on the wall... 31 bottles of beer on the wall. 31 bottles of beer I hate that Enron's collapse nearly made the economy crash Shame my dad did worse to get his cash 30 bottles of beer on the wall... THIR - TY BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL THIR - TY BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL SEEK! LO - CATE! EX - TER - MIN - ATE! ALL RA - CES ARE IN - FE - RI -OR TO THE DAAAL - EKS! TWEN - TY - NINE BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL... 29 bottles of beer on the wall. 29 FUCKING BOTTLES OF BEER! WHAT THE HELL ARE THE HAWKS DOING? JESUS CHRIST, NO DAMNED POINT GUARDS? No...FUCK Ted Kennedy. THIS is BULLSHIT! 28 bottles of beer on the wall... 28 bottles of beer on the wall, 28 bottles of beer. Let's get this fucking thread over with because the same people posting here are complaining about Matt Young Appreciation Day SINCE THE HUMOR HERE IS SO STERLING AND GENIUS 3 27 bottles of beer on the wall... 27 bottles of beer on the wall. 27 bottles of beer. Greengrocer can't count too well. God knows what made Teddy's face swell. 26 bottles of beer on the wall... 26 bottles of beer on the wall. 26 bottles of beer. Perhaps Greengrocer needs a v-chip for this thread Because simply ignoring it by not clicking on its link must cause him dread Oh yeah -- the senior Masshole Senator -- I can't wait until he's dead 26 bottles of beer on the wall... (assuming) 26 bottles of beer on the wall, (assuming) 26 bottles of beer. kkk forgot to subtract, The universe is constantly in a quantum state, Nothing can truly be called "knowable." Life is ephemal, fleeting; all men die. Subatomic particles wink in and out of existence, without purpose, without meaning. i bottles of beer on the wall... 26 bottles of beer on the wall. 26 bottles of beer. Thanks to my miscount, this order is distorted Good thing Ted's pro-choice, so my last post is aborted 25 bottles of beer on the wall... 25 bottles of beer on the wall. 25 bottles of beer. I tried to save a group from drowning with a friend and myself This joke can write itself: 24 bottles of beer on the wall... 24 bottles of beer on the wall 24 bottles of beer Harriet Miers would be a better nominee If she'd just go for a ride with me 23 bottles of beer on the wall... 23 bottles of beer on the wall 23 bottles of beer Though my liver is swelling and my BAC is gaining For a drunkard like me, this is only pregaming 22 bottles of beer on the wall... 0 bottles of beer on the wall 0 bottles of beer... you actually think that this drunken mick would let all this beer stay on the wall for this long? 22 bottles of beer on the wall. 22 bottles of beer. True, they were all gone, as fast as a comet But they're all back because I had to vomit 21 bottles of beer on the wall... 21 bottles of beer on the wall, 21 bottles of beer BLACKJACK MOTHERFUCKER! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 20 bottles of beer on the wall... 20 bottles of beer on the wall, 20 bottles of beer At least when I get drunk I DON'T FUCKING KILL PEOPLE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT 19 bottles of beer on the wall... 19 bottles of beer on the wall, 19 bottles of beer This thread was never funny except for Grocer and Sandman's jabs Drawing a blank here, um... Jesus was really an A-rab 18 bottles of beer on the wall... 18 bottles of beer on the wall, 18 bottles of beer I said for the Supreme Court Democrats don't do a litmus test We look for candidates that are the very best 17 bottles of beer on the wall... Aw hell, I need another brew for that last line of bullshit. 16 bottles of beer on the wall... 16 bottles of beer on the wall, 16 bottles of beer Fat blimp ruins land Whale brings shame to all people Shut his huge pie hole 15 bottles of beer on the wal... 15 bottles of beer on the wall, 15 bottles of beer! If one of those bottles should happen to fall Then you will see a fat man bawl 14 bottles of beer on the wall... 14 bottles of beer on the wall, 14 bottles of beer Bush lied about Iraq and we're keeping score And please ignore all of the things we said before 13 bottles of beer on the wall... 13 bottles of beer on the wall, 13 bottles of beer. Iraq is stockpiled with WMD and a hotbed for terror Wait, it's '05, not '98, so sorry for the error 12 bottles of beer on the wall... 12 bottles of beer on the wall, 12 bottles of beer Extremist Judge Al-lee-go doesn't think strip-searching a kid will scar her for life It's even worse than drowning someone who isn't your wife 11 bottles of beer on the wall... 11 bottles of beer on the wall, 11 bottles of beer. My children's book follows a day in my life, I get drunk before noon and then cheat on my wife. 10 bottles of beer on the wall... 10 bottles of beer on the wall! 10 bottles of beer! 10 year-old girl was strip-searched and it "scarred" her Oh how I wish they had let me guard her 9 bottles of beer on the wall... 9 bottles of beer on the wall, 9 bottles of beer. As I get drunk, I talked a lot louda, Er ah, er ah, Chowda, CHOWDA, CHOWDA 8 bottles of beer on the wall... 8 bottles of beer on the wall, 8 bottles of beer Smashed during hearings makes them so much better You can tell by my face getting redder 7 bottles of beer on the wall... 7 bottles of beer on the wall, 7 bottles of beer, These GOP scumbags are far-right extremists, But later this year they're still gonna cream us, EDIT: Uh, no 6 bottles of beer on the wall... 6 bottles of beer on the wall, 6 bottles of beer I make judges' wives drown in their tears And I don't have to drive or shift gears 5 bottles of beer on the wall... 5 bottles of beer on the wall, 5 bottles of beer! I've had fun treating Judge Alito like a prick Even though he could shut me up by saying, "Chappaquiddick," 4 bottles of beer on the wall... 4 bottles of beer on the wall 4 bottles of beer I'm bringing my children's book about Washington DC, to a 1st grad class It's too damn bad, I couldn't save Mary Jo's ass. 3 bottles of beer on the wall... 3 bottles of beer on the wall, 3 bottles of beer, 30-plus years of being a drunk fatto, Living in the depths of my dead brothers' shadow, 2 bottles of beer on the wall... 2 bottles of beer on the wall, 2 bottles of beer Now it's last call and the drinks are on me But you have to have a nice ass or size 34 D 1 more bottle of beer on the wall... 1 bottle of beer on the wall, 1 bottle of beer The wall is bankrupt from what I can see Just like George W. Bush's economy No more bottles of beer on the wall! I'm headed to the store, I'll be back. Well, this isn't going to end well. Here we go again. *Still preparing the Pete Rock remix.*

That's for anyone, although I got a story that is sorta-related to this that's funny as hell. I'll tell it when I'm in the mood.

I'd vote for him in a heartbeat over Hitlery or Barack Osama, but this ain't the general election.

Ding.

9 p.m. • So earlier this week it was Max’s turn to go to the vet. It’s always amusing because once the three of them figure out someone is going into the carrier it’s every feline for itself. And once they get into that carrier the unlucky kitty starts crying like there’s no tomorrow. In the house. In the car. In the vet’s waiting room. It’s rather pathetic. Then when we go to the vet’s one medical rooms and take the cat out, he or she freezes up. After some shots were given and the carrier’s door opened back up, Max ran right in without a moment’s pause. Then on the way home it’s silent because he knows he’s going back home. I think one of these times just to fuck with them I’m going to take them home, not open the carrier door and then go back out to the car. Christ I’m horrible. Oh, and Max was fine and even lost half a pound. • Yesterday I was flipping channels and came across it. The movie that inspired one of my all-time favorite South Park Moments. “They Live.” Holy God was that an awesomely bad film.

Lower.

Higher.