kkktookmybabyaway

8:30 p.m. • So I had my second job interview at one place today. Eh, I’ll talk more about this later if I feel like it. However, while I was out, I got a call from another place I interviewed at and it looks like I might be getting an offer. I’ve never had someone call me up and say, “thanks for the interview but we hired someone else.” Now this person could be calling me to say that whatever grant I will be mooching off of didn’t come through, but I’m such a hopeless optimist that I’ll just brush this under the rug. But in even bigger news, I finally got the four-volume James Bond DVD set. On sale. On a good sale. In addition to recent “Casino Royale.” Now I have to stash these away and wait until after Christmas just in case the better half got these for me. Hey, if she did and she got them on sale then I’ll be so proud and gladly return my set without her knowing. • Those must be some good-ass prospects. • OK, peep this headline. So what do you think happened? Did the cooks spit in the stew? Put detergent in this entree? How about jacking off over it? Nope. That's it? Chirst. God only knows what would have happened to me if I worked at this place. Just for the record, the jacking off into the pizza wasn't from me, although the other two incidents are. However, even though the beat-off pizza story is from secondhand information, I believe the person involved in this story would do such a thing. Of course, I'm trying to find this video clip but all I'm coming up with is this, and unless there's animated tentacle rape I'm not watching anything from Japan. Well, excepted for stacked beef stew.

It's getting to be that time of year when I take suggestions as to how this league should be run. If there are any things you would like to see changed, PM me your suggestions and (unless your suggestion is really really really stupid) I'll post it in a future thread where anyone with a team can vote on it. (I don't post who suggests what so your suggestion will be done in confidence. Unless it's really really really stupid. This way we can all laugh at you.) Here were some suggestions from last year and how they fared: 1) As noted last week, the option to allow more leinency regarding EPs was shot down. 2) Making this a staight-up/no point spread contest was rejected, as was adding "confidence points." So if you have any ideas, let me know via PM and I'll post them in a future regular season thread. One more thing: Remember that if you post your picks in this thread, your opponent has the chance to simply pick the Thursday match-up, win that contest and then copy your picks for the rest of the week, thus giving him a one-point win over you. Green Bay @ Dallas (7.5) Atlanta @ St. Louis (4.5) Buffalo @ Washington (5.5) Detroit @ Minnesota (3.5) Houston @ Tennessee (4.5) Jacksonville @ Indianapolis (6.5) N.Y. Jets @ Miami (1.5) (5.5) San Diego @ Kansas City Seattle @ Philadelphia (3.5) San Francisco @ Carolina (2.5) Tampa Bay @ New Orleans (3.5) Cleveland @ Arizona (1.5) (3.5) Denver @ Oakland (1.5) N.Y. Giants @ Chicago Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh (7.5) (20.5) New England @ Baltimore Green Bay (Vitamin X 6-6) d Dallas (Hawk34 7-4-1) 9-3 GB: GB/ATL/WAS/MIN/TEN/JAX/NYJ/SD/SEA/CAR/TB/CLE/DEN/CHI/CIN/BAL/24 DAL: GB/STL/WAS/DET/HOU/IND/MIA/SD/SEA/SF/NO/CLE/DEN/CHI/CIN/NE/17 DIFF: ATL/STL, MIN/DET, TEN/HOU, JAX/IND, NYJ/MIA, CAR/SF, TB/NO, BAL/NE, 24/17 Atlanta (King 4-8) d by St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 5-7) 8-10 ATL: DAL/ATL/WAS/DET/TEN/IND/MIA/SD/SEA/CAR/NO/AZ/DEN/NYG/PIT/NE/21 STL: GB/STL/BUF/MIN/TEN/IND/NYJ/SD/SEA/CAR/NO/AZ/DEN/CHI/PIT/NE/27 DIFF: DAL/GB, ATL/STL, WAS/BUF, DET/MIN, MIA/NYJ, NYG/CHI, 21/27 Buffalo (Bob Barron 7-5) d by Washington (Human Fly 5-6-1) 8-9 BUF: DAL/STL/WAS/DET/TEN/IND/MIA/SD/SEA/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/NYG/PIT/NE/13 WAS: DAL/STL/BUF/DET/TEN/IND/NYJ/SD/PHI/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/NYG/PIT/NE/23 DIFF: WAS/BUF, MIA/NYJ, SEA/PHI Detroit (Chazz1998 8-4) d Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 3-9) 7-7+TB DET: GB/STL/WAS/DET/HOU/IND/NYJ/KC/SEA/CAR/TB/CLE/DEN/NYG/PIT/NE/24 (24-10=14) MIN: GB/STL/WAS/MIN/HOU/JAX/NYJ/SD/SEA/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/CHI/CIN/NE/27 (27-42=15 DIFF: DET/MIN, IND/JAX, KC/SD, TB/NO, NYG/CHI, PIT/CIN, 24/27 Houston (Bored 6-6) d Tennessee (Cuban Linx 8-4) 9-7 HOU: DAL/STL/WAS/MIN/HOU/JAX/MIA/SD/PHI/SF/NO/AZ/DEN/NYG/PIT/BAL/21 TEN: GB/STL/WAS/MIN/TEN/IND/MIA/SD/SEA/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/CHI/PIT/NE/20 DIFF: DAL/GB, HOU/TEN, JAX/IND, PHI/SEA, SF/CAR, AZ/CLE, NYG/CHI, BAL/NE, 21/20 Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 5-7) d Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 4-8) 8-6 JAX: DAL/STL/WAS/MIN/TEN/JAX/NYJ/SD/PHI/SF/NO/CLE/DEN/CHI/PIT/NE/17 IND: DAL/ATL/WAS/DET/TEN/JAX/MIA/KC/SEA/CAR/NO/CLE/OAK/CHI/CIN/NE/17 DIFF: MIN/DET, STL/ATL, NYJ/MIA, SD/KC, PHI/SEA, SF/CAR, DEN/OAK, PIT/CIN N.Y. Jets (Gert T 6-6) d Miami (Spaceman Spiff 8-4) 8-6 NYJ: DAL/ATL/BUF/DET/TEN/JAX/MIA/SD/PHI/CAR/TB/AZ/DEN/CHI/CIN/NE/17 MIA: GB/STL/WAS/MIN/HOU/IND/NYJ/SD/PHI/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/CHI/PIT/NE/17 DIFF: DAL/GB, ATL/STL, BUF/WAS, DET/MIN, TEN/HOU, JAX/IND, MIA/NYJ, TB/NO, AZ/CLE, CIN/PIT, 17/17 San Diego (Porter 6-6) d Kansas City (Alfdogg 7-5) 10-9 SD: DAL/STL/WAS/MIN/TEN/JAX/MIA/SD/SEA/CAR/NO/AZ/DEN/CHI/PIT/NE/24 KC: DAL/STL/BUF/MIN/TEN/IND/MIA/SD/PHI/CAR/NO/AZ/DEN/CHI/PIT/NE/13 DIFF: WAS/BUF, JAX/IND, SEA/PHI Seattle (Steve Rogers 7-5) d Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 6-6) 8-8+TB SEA: DAL/ATL/WAS/MIN/TEN/IND/MIA/KC/SEA/CAR/TB/CLE/DEN/CHI/PIT/BAL/27 (27-28=1) PHI: GB/ATL/WAS/DET/TEN/JAX/NYJ/SD/PHI/CAR/TB/CLE/DEN/NYG/CIN/BAL/21 (21-24=3) DIFF: DAL/GB, MIN/DET, IND/JAX, MIA/NYJ, KC/SD, SEA/PHI, CHI/NYG, PIT/CIN, 27/21 San Francisco (Devo 8-4) d Carolina (Fazzle 8-4) 8-7 SF: DAL/STL/WAS/DET/HOU/IND/NYJ/SD/SEA/SF/TB/CLE/DEN/NYG/PIT/NE/28 CAR: GB/STL/WAS/MIN/HOU/IND/NYJ/KC/SEA/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/NYG/PIT/NE/20 DIFF: DAL/GB, DET/MIN, SD/KC, SF/CAR, TB/NO Tampa Bay (Starvenger 7-5) d by New Orleans (Cena's Writer 7-5) 8-8+TB TB: DAL/STL/WAS/DET/HOU/IND/NYJ/SD/SEA/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/NYG/PIT/NE/20 (20-27=7) NO: GB/STL/BUF/DET/TEN/IND/NYJ/SD/SEA/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/NYG/CIN/NE/28 (28-23=5) DIFF: DAL/GB, WAS/BUF, HOU/TEN, PIT/CIN, 20/28 Cleveland (sfaJack 6-6) d by Arizona (Vern Gagne 4-8) 7-7+TB CLE: GB/ATL/WAS/MIN/TEN/IND/NYJ/KC/SEA/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/NYG/PIT/NE/27 (27-21=6) AZ: GB/STL/BUF/MIN/HOU/JAX/NYJ/KC/PHI/SF/NO/AZ/DEN/CHI/CIN/BAL/24 (24-27=3) DIFF: ATL/STL, WAS/BUF, TEN/HOU, IND/JAX, SEA/PHI, CAR/SF, CLE/AZ, NYG/CHI, PIT/CIN, NE/BAL, 27/24 Denver (Canadian Chris 2-10) d by Oakland (Smues 6-6) 7-10 DEN: DAL/ATL/WAS/MIN/HOU/JAX/MIA/SD/PHI/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/NYG/PIT/NE/27 OAK: GB/STL/WAS/DET/TEN/IND/NYJ/SD/SEA/SF/TB/CLE/OAK/NYG/PIT/BAL/19 DIFF: DAL/GB, ATL/STL, MIN/DET, HOU/TEN, JAX/IND, MIA/NYJ, PHI/SEA, CAR/SF, NO/TB, DEN/OAK, NE/BAL N.Y. Giants (Cartman 6-6) d by Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 6-6) 6-10 NYG: XX/STL/WAS/MIN/HOU/JAX/NYJ/KC/PHI/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/NYG/CIN/NE/20 CHI: DAL/STL/WAS/DET/TEN/IND/NYJ/SD/SEA/SF/TB/CLE/OAK/NYG/PIT/NE/23 DIFF: XX/DAL, MIN/DET, HOU/TEN, JAX/IND, KC/SD, PHI/SEA, CAR/SF, NO/TB, DEN/OAK, CIN/PIT, 20/23 Cincinnati (Teke 6-6) d Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 6-6) 6-5 CIN: GB/STL/WAS/MIN/HOU/IND/NYJ/SD/PHI/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/CHI/PIT/NE/17 PIT: GB/STL/WAS/MIN/HOU/JAX/MIA/SD/PHI/CAR/NO/CLE/DEN/CHI/CIN/NE/24 DIFF: IND/JAX, NYJ/MIA, PIT/CIN New England (nl-asshole 5-7) d by Baltimore (KingPK 6-6) 8-8+TB NE: DAL/STL/BUF/DET/HOU/JAX/NYJ/SD/PHI/SF/TB/CLE/DEN/CHI/PIT/NE/54 (54-27=27) BAL: DAL/STL/WAS/MIN/HOU/JAX/MIA/SD/SEA/SF/NO/CLE/DEN/NYG/PIT/NE/7 (7-24=17) DIFF: BUF/WAS, DET/MIN, NYJ/MIA, PHI/SEA, TB/NO, CHI/NYG, 54/7

AFC EAST Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 8-4 < PF: 87, PA: 82, AFC: 5-3, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 2-2 > Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 7-5 < PF: 85, PA: 87, AFC: 6-4, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 4-1 > New York Jets (Gert T) 6-6 < PF: 85, PA: 86, AFC: 4-4, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-3 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 5-7 < PF: 89, PA: 83, AFC: 4-5, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 3-1 > AFC NORTH Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 6-6 < PF: 83, PA: 91, AFC: 6-4, NFC: 0-2, DIV: 4-1 > Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 6-6 < PF: 89, PA: 82, AFC: 5-4, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 3-2 > Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 6-6 < PF: 88, PA: 87, AFC: 4-5, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 2-3 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 6-6 < PF: 85, PA: 93, AFC: 4-5, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-4 > AFC SOUTH Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 8-4 < PF: 93, PA: 77, AFC: 6-2, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 3-2 > Houston Texans (Bored) 6-6 < PF: 94, PA: 93, AFC: 4-5, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 3-1 > Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 5-7 < PF: 85, PA: 87, AFC: 5-4, NFC: 0-3, DIV: 2-3 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 4-8 < PF: 75, PA: 96, AFC: 3-5, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 1-3 > AFC WEST Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 7-5 < PF: 93, PA: 85, AFC: 5-4, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 3-2 > Oakland Raiders (Smues) 6-6 < PF: 85, PA: 83, AFC: 5-4, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 4-1 > San Diego Chargers (Porter) 6-6 < PF: 87, PA: 88, AFC: 4-5, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 2-3 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 2-10 < PF 84:, PA: 97, AFC: 1-8, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 1-3 > NFC EAST Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 7-4-1 < PF: 82, PA: 81, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 5-2-1, DIV: 2-1-1 > Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 6-6 < PF: 95, PA: 95, AFC: 0-3, NFC: 6-3, DIV: 3-1 > New York Giants (Cartman) 6-6 < PF: 82, PA: 84, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 5-5, DIV: 1-3 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 5-6-1 < PF: 94, PA: 92, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 2-5-1, DIV: 1-2-1 > NFC NORTH Detroit Lions (Chazz 1998) 8-4 < PF: 95, PA: 88, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 7-3, DIV: 4-1 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 6-6 < PF: 83, PA: 82, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 4-5, DIV: 1-3 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 6-6 < PF: 79, PA: 83, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 3-5, DIV: 1-3 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 3-9 < PF: 84, PA: 95, AFC: 0-3, NFC: 3-6, DIV: 3-2 > NFC SOUTH Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 8-4 < PF: 90, PA: 79, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 6-3, DIV: 3-2 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 7-5 < PF: 87, PA: 90, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 5-4, DIV: 3-1 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 7-5 < PF: 89, PA: 77, AFC: 3-1 , NFC: 4-4, DIV: 2-3 > Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 4-8 < PF: 74, PA: 84, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 2-6, DIV: 1-3 > NFC WEST San Francisco 49ers (Devo) 8-4 < PF: 88, PA: 81, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 7-3, DIV: 5-1 > Seattle Seahawks (Steve Rogers) 7-5 < PF: 96, PA: 89, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 6-3, DIV: 2-3 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 5-7 < PF: 87, PA: 88, AFC: 0-2, NFC: 4-6, DIV: 3-2 > Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 4-8 < PF: 77, PA: 99, AFC: 4-0, NFC: 0-8, DIV: 0-4 > Some notes regarding each division AFC EAST: Buffalo is 1-0 on Miami. They will meet again Week 14. New York swept Miami. New York split the season series with Buffalo. nl-asshole is terrible at this contest and should quit. AFC NORTH: Cincinnati swept Baltimore. Pittsburgh is 1-0 on Baltimore. They will meet again Week 17. Cincinnati is 1-0 on Cleveland. They will meet again Week 16. Cincinnati split the season series with Pittsburgh. Cleveland split the season series with Baltimore. Pittsburgh split the season series with Cleveland. AFC SOUTH: Houston split the season series with Tennessee. AFC WEST: Kansas City split the season series with Oakland San Diego swept Kansas City. Oakland is 1-0 on San Diego. They will meet again Week 17. NFC EAST: Philly is 1-0 on New York. They will meet again Week 14. Dallas split season series with New York. Dallas is 1-0 on Philly. They will meet again Week 15. NFC NORTH: Chicago is 1-0 on Green Bay. They will meet again Week 16. Detroit swept Chicago. Detroit is 1-0 on Green Bay. They will meet again Week 17. NFC SOUTH: Tampa Bay is 1-0 on Carolina. They will meet again Week 17. Carolina split the season series with New Orleans. New Orleans split the season series with Tampa Bay. NFC WEST: San Fran swept Seattle.

You know, I'll somewhat defend the second customer because if your place of business runs an ad like that and doesn't prepare for it, there should have been a backup plan in place (selling the other chicken on sale). I know there was a mishap with the ad being published, but that's not the customer's fault. Now if you guys were completely out of chicken that would be another issue. Not sure if I told this story or not, but when I was at the theater we changed movies every Friday. There wasn't a total overhaul, some movies came and some left. Well we had "As Good as it Gets" for several MONTHS, and when it finally was taken away the first day it was gone this old couple comes up to the ticket window and throws a fit because we got rid of this film. "But it was in the paper this week." "Yes, however, the showtimes are through Thursday. Today is Friday." "It doesn't say that in the ad." "Actually, it does." *Points to type in the ad saying this. The type is NOT in fine print, btw." "Thanks for nothing." "Have a nice day."

11:59 p.m. • Well there's something I don't see every day. After Baltimore gave up the game-winning touchdown to New England, some player threw a fit, and a ref's yellow penalty marker, into the stands. This resulted in two 15-yard fouls, allowing the Patriots to kick the ball from Baltimore's 35-yard line. Weird. Man, I'd love to be a fly on the wall in the Ravens locker room after that game. Stopping a fourth and one to seal the deal and their one coach called a time out before the snap. 9:30 p.m. • So I haven’t been paying attention to politics as of late. Am I bracing for a Democrat takeover or disgusted with the way Republicans act? Who knows. But I just listened to the latest IOWA STRAW POLL results showing Hitlery in second and Huckabee doing better than expected. Of course, this straw poll is still two months away. Jesus Christ. I think I’m now starting to understand why only half this country votes. • So there are some who consider Jennifer Love Hewitt fat? This is something I don’t understand. On one hand we’re being told that girls everywhere are near-suicidal because they aren’t able to look like the beanpole models found on magazine covers. However, we are facing an obesity epidemic. So which is it? Either way, I don’t care. The big question is, where are these pictures? I can see how some thin freaks wouldn't like this, but if this were in front of 99 percent of guys out there, they would hit it without hesitation. However, I must admit that what I find more appealing about JLH aren't her looks but rather her paycheck. Do you have any idea how much she made for her role in "The Tuxedo"?

When I worked at the theater, I was awarded "employee of the month" three times in a 14-month period. I also had three customer complaints against me. Funny how that works.

11:15 p.m. • Let's see, you could have (see my 1 p.m. entry below for context)... Ohio State v. USC in the Rose Bowl West Virginia v. Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl Hawaii v. Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl LSU v. Georgia (or Missouri if you'd like) in the Sugar Bowl Then there would be two semi-final games by the winners of the above-mentioned matchups and then finally a title contest between the final two standing. Or you could just have LSU v. Ohio State. Yeah, that'll work. 1 p.m. • Well, it's been a GREAT college football season, and since the anti-playoff queerbos say that a postseason isn't needed for Division 1A college football because the regular seaon is like one big playoff system, then hats off to this year's champion. The 11-0 University of Hawaii Whatever-They're-Called I admit it -- I know jack shit about college football. However, I did hear once that there are six BcS conferences. Why can't they just have the champs from each of these six conferences, give a slot to a non-conference team and another bid to an at-large team and have an eight-team playoff? The first round could be your hippie bowl games. Rose Bowl: Big 10 champ vs. Pac 10 champ. Orange Bowl: Big East vs. ACC champ. Fiesta Bowl: Non BcS team vs. Big 12 champ. Sugar Bowl: SEC champ vs. At large team. Want to add a few more at-large teams or smaller conference champs? Fine. I don't care. As I said above, I know nothing about college football (among other things). I just spent 5 minutes searching Wikipedia and came up with a better way to determine a champion in big-time college football than what's being done now.

9:45 p.m. • So last night I went to Red Robin for the first time ever. It opened up a year or so ago at the snazzy new Wal-Mart complex that replaced the dirt mall which was there. Did I say “dirt mall”? I meant “place of commerce that was just another victim to the EVIL Wal-Mart machine.” Anyway, this Robin place was one of those locations that the better half and I talked about going to one of these days but never got around to it. Until last night. Uh, it sells burgers. It has “bottomless fries,” although they Jew you on basket size so a second serving of these things is like one regular serving at any other chain eatery. I’ve heard stories about how great there burgers were, and being a burger guy I was looking forward to this saturated fat goodness. Eh, it’s a burger. No big deal. The real highlight though came with the white trash sitting in the booth across from us. OK, people. If you are going to a restaurant for the first time, don’t be surprised if the food you order isn’t quite to your liking. I’m not saying to expect raw ground meat or burnt potato wedges. However, if the BREADING to your ONION RINGS wasn’t what you expected, don’t BITCH about it to the MANAGER and cause a scene. Jesus Christ. How about saying, “Excuse me, this is the first time I have eaten here and these onion rings aren’t what I expected. Would it be possible if you could please give me an order of fries instead?” Seeing how I hate onions, I didn’t look to see if this side dish was an extra charge or if it was a suitable substitute for the “bottomless” fries. But even if these things were an extra side dish, I’m sure these places understand the pitfalls of visiting an eatery for the first time and would have gladly removed this purchase from you bill. What I love about white trash like this is that they have all these lofty standards when they go out to eat at laymen restaurants, but I bet when they nuke their hot dogs at home that these items are either half-cooked or exploded all in the microwave. For the record, my crack-whore sister-in-law and out-of-control niece-in-law are two cretins that throw shit-fits at these places. Yeah, you shoot heroin into your veins, but you’ll have some cook in the back of Texas Roadhouse re-cook your steak three times because it was too undercooked. Guess what I, a first-time Red Robin customer, did when I got seated? I ordered something I knew I would like and kept the menu to look over while my burger was being made so I could get a better idea of what is available the next time I stop by. Oh, and last night I also got fitted for two suit outfits at some tailor place that was having an uber-sale. Jacket, pants, shirt, tie: $199, plus $25 for tailoring adjustments. Holy fuck was this a great deal. What made me laugh was when the tailor lady was asking me what colors I preferred. I don’t know. I’m a guy. I wear black and white. You know why? You can’t go wrong with black and white. You don’t have to fret about the hue of a yellow-and-blue tie conflicting with a darkish blue sport coat. Hell, I don’t even know if this is an acceptable color combination to start out with. Know what I do? I wear a black jacket and white shirt. Well I ended up getting a gray suit and a black suit with some shirt and tie combinations that I already forgot what they looked like. I think this lady thought I was unemployed because when she asked what the occasion was for these outfits I said “job interview.” Later on when I talked with Mrs. kkk about getting a second outfit, the lady mentioned that they have a layaway plan. She also made a big deal about finding the right look for me to get this job I’m interviewing for. I had to let her know that if I don’t get this job, it sure as heck won’t be because of my wardrobe. After the wardrobe purchase we bought some dry cat food for the kids. But this isn’t the regular Jew cat food. This is the super-special diet mix. Well, this stuff was on sale half off so we bought the last two bags of "indoor formula" that was on the shelf." The better half also bought some 100-screwdriver bit sale at Lowe’s for her dad and also for herself. This was also on sale, so all in all, especially after adding a trip to Sam's Club for essentials, it was a good night for saving.

And Bingo was her name-o.

11:45 p.m. I appreciate the effort, but next time can you wait until the Big Cheese stops by first? Then again, maybe this guy is another left-wing spy. I remember a while back reading something on the Media Research Center's website about some people quoted in the LEFTWINGMAINSTREAMLIBERALPRESS as regular citizens but were actually Democrat activists. If I ever feel motivated, I might see if I can find these stories. 10 p.m. • Time for the rest of this week's pickkks. Atlanta @ St. Louis (4.5) Yay. St. Louis is on a hot streak of sorts, which of course now means they'll blow one. Whatever. I'm still a sucker. Buffalo @ Washington (5.5) Hmm, will this be one of those "win for the dead guy" games? Sure. I'm still a sucker. Oh, and count me in as someone who doesn't think Sean Taylor's death was was a random act of violence. Detroit @ Minnesota (3.5) Ha. I laugh when I think back to when some people took the Lions as playoff contenders. Now they're underdogs at Minnesota. Ha. I'm taking them. Why? Houston @ Tennessee (4.5) Hmm, Young hasn't been playing good as of late. I'll guess that the Titans are one of those "falter during the final stretch teams" for this season. Jacksonville @ Indianapolis (6.5) I'm hoping the Colts still have some rust from the last few weeks. Hey, even Atlanta was up on them by double digits at one point on Thanksgiving. N.Y. Jets @ Miami (1.5) An unbeaten team FAVORED? This is great. If Miami loses this week, I shudder as to who this team can beat. (5.5) San Diego @ Kansas City Here's hoping the Chiefs don't decide to make it close. Seattle @ Philadelphia (3.5) I'm wondering if the Eagles loss to the Pats was a kick-start for this team. Well, here's hoping. San Francisco @ Carolina (2.5) Will the Panthers ever win at home? Here's hoping "no" for one more week. Tampa Bay @ New Orleans (3.5) Fuck the Saints. Lose and go away from the NFC playoff picture. Cleveland @ Arizona (1.5) This might have the potential to be a hella good game on the offensive side of things. Who would have thought that at the start of the season? (3.5) Denver @ Oakland It's the Raiders. For some reason they seem like they should be better than their three-win record. Maybe it's because they played in some close games. OK, time to see if I know what I'm talking about or pulling this out of my rear end. Week 1: 21-36 Week 2: 20-23 Week 3: 26-24 Week 4: 35-17 Week 5: BYE Week 6: 14-28 Week 7: 10-12 Week 8: 9-13 Week 9: 17-24 Eh, the Raiders scored a touchdown with 1:30 left. I'm not counting this one as a "close loss." Week 10: 6-17 Week 11: 22-29 Week 12: 20-17 So seven of the dozen contests were either wins or games that were close in score. I'm taking this one. Week 13: (1.5) N.Y. Giants @ Chicago Come on G-men, collapse. Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh (7.5) Neither team beats the other at home. Steelers are also without some key players. Also, I just heard fullback Dan Krieder is out with an ACL tear. Here's hoping he can rehab himself onto another team next year. He'll be a free agent and doesn't really fit anymore into the Steelers' plans. I liked him. (20.5) New England @ Baltimore Damn you New England for having a close game. Don't burn me again.

My first two thoughts upon reading Mole's story. 1) While working at the Quickie Mart years ago, this lady comes in and throws a bunch of change on the counter. She drives off, leaving her bill largely unpaid. Of course the po-pos were called. The reason this lady gave for doing this was that gas stations should give fuel to people that didn't have money available to them. 2) I was at Wal-Mart years ago and this customer was trying to get return a television set and get a better model in exchange. Problem was he didn't want to pay anything. As he was arguing he shouted, "Wal-Mart guarantees customer satisfaction~!" I had to walk away because I couldn't take anymore. Good story, Mole.

I use a manual. And I doubt old people can use these fancy contraptions.

Deadline for Thursday game went bye-bye long ago.

9:15 p.m. • Here’s a work story, but it doesn’t involve me~! Long story short: Mrs. kkk works in the realm of academia. ‘Nuff said. Here’s the latest reenactment of her workplace. Boss: “OMG Does our work study person have enough work!? I don’t want her just sitting around doing nothing.” Better Half: “The work study student (Jenna) has plenty of work to do. She’s entering in all the data we’re giving her, and she’s doing a good job. She has to still do data entry from our interviews from the last two weeks.” Boss: “OMG I hope we’re not overworking her.” Better Half: “WTF.” Don’t you love this shit? And apparently Mrs. kkk’s boss asks her about this, along with several other ongoing micromanaging issues, multiple times a day. My solution was to have Jenna document everything she does and give it to the boss either at the end of a work shift or at the start of next day’s work. Of course, the boss doesn’t want to do that. I guess freaking out 20 times per day is preferable. And this woman makes six figures. The boss, not the better half. • Uh oh. I've worked third-shift for a number of years, including a number of shifts where I didn't get home or go off to work in the middle of the night. 6:15 p.m. • Quick pickkks, err, pickkk. Green Bay @ Dallas (7.5). Normally I'd go with Dallas but this spread is too big to pass up. Watch it be a blowout.

I generally don't like playing games on my PC, but I do pop in Diablo II when I feel like taking a break from doing real-world stuff in front of my computer screen. Haven't played Baldur's Gate II in a long while. That's about it for me. I don't play WOW because I know if I started I wouldn't be able to stop.

8:35 p.m. • Uh, OK. I have nothing more to say about this. Hmm, maybe I can Google "Zoey Zane." Nope. Guess I found out about this too late. Shame, and she was a spunky little teen with a super sexy side! • BAM~! Hey, it's no worse than how the AP started out their story of Emeril's show getting canned. I never watched his show and never cared to. He probably got burnout or something. Hey, he'll still be doing stuff for the Food Network so all's good -- or at least it seems. 12 a.m. • One little side from my recent interview stories. When I was in-between interviews on Monday, I had lunch, drove into downtown Shittsburgh (where the second interview was located), parked in the garage, lounged in the car for a while listening to music and then ventured out in public. I found the building that I was to enter but I still had about 45 minutes to kill. Because of this I went into a nearby public library. Jesus Christ. No wonder I try to stay away from as many "public" things as possible. How do these people live their lives the way they do. The building didn't seem that dilapidated but the people inside literally stunk up the joint. And then I went into the men’s restroom. Here’s all I have to say – there was a sign on the men’s room door that read, “No shaving, laundering or bathing.” And all the stalls were filled. Normally I can get in and out when going number one with a single breath, but this time I actually had to breathe in the potty room air. Gag.

Note: With the upcoming non-Sunday/Monday games coming up, this is a reminder that EPs do not apply to these contests and they will be treated as blank entries. Because I'll be leaving early on Turkey Day to be in the same house as my crack-whore niece-in-law and crack-whore sister-in-law, the deadline for the Turkey Day games will be 11 a.m. on Thursday. (3.5) Green Bay @ Detroit N.Y. Jets @ Dallas (14.5) (11.5) Indianapolis @ Atlanta Buffalo @ Jacksonville (7.5) Denver @ Chicago (2.5) Houston @ Cleveland (3.5) Minnesota @ N.Y. Giants (7.5) (3.5) New Orleans @ Carolina Oakland @ Kansas City (5.5) (3.5) Seattle @ St. Louis (1.5) Tennessee @ Cincinnati Washington @ Tampa Bay (3.5) San Francisco @ Arizona (10.5) Baltimore @ San Diego (9.5) Philadelphia @ New England (22.5) Miami @ Pittsburgh (15.5) Green Bay (Vitamin X 5-6) d by Detroit (Chazz 7-4) 6-8 GB: DET/DAL/ATL/BUF/DEN/CLE/MIN/CAR/OAK/SEA/TEN/TB/AZ/BAL/NE/PIT/31 DET: GB/DAL/IND/BUF/DEN/CLE/MIN/CAR/OAK/SEA/TEN/TB/AZ/BAL/NE/PIT/17 DIFF: DET/GB, ATL/IND, 31/17 N.Y. Jets (Gert T 5-6) d by Dallas (Hawk34 7-3-1) 8-11 NYJ: GB/DAL/IND/JAX/DEN/CLE/NYG/NO/KC/SEA/TEN/WAS/AZ/SD/NE/PIT/14 DAL: GB/DAL/IND/JAX/CHI/CLE/NYG/NO/KC/STL/CIN/TB/AZ/SD/NE/MIA/XX DIFF: DEN/CHI, SEA/STL, TEN/CIN, WAS/TB, PIT/MIA Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 4-7) d Atlanta (King 4-7) 7-6 IND: JAX/CHI/CLE/NYG/NO/OAK/SEA/TEN/TB/AZ/BAL/NE/PIT ATL: JAX/CHI/CLE/NYG/NO/XX/SEA/TEN/WAS/AZ/SD/NE/PIT DIFF: OAK/XX, TB/WAS, BAL/SD Buffalo (Bob Barron 7-4) d by Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 4-7) 6-9 BUF: XX/XX/XX/JAX/DEN/HOU/NYG/NO/KC/SEA/TEN/WAS/SF/SD/PHI/PIT/14 JAX: GB/DAL/IND/JAX/DEN/CLE/NYG/NO/KC/SEA/TEN/TB/AZ/SD/NE/PIT/18 DIFF: XX/GB, XX/DAL, XX/IND, HOU/CLE, WAS/TB, SF/AZ, PHI/NE, 14/18 Denver (Canadian Chris 2-9) d by Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 5-6) 6-7 DEN: GB/DAL/IND/JAX/DEN/HOU/NYG/CAR/KC/STL/TEN/TB/AZ/SD/NE/PIT/20 CHI: GB/DAL/IND/JAX/DEN/HOU/NYG/NO/KC/SEA/TEN/TB/AZ/BAL/NE/PIT/18 DIFF: CAR/NO, STL/SEA, SD/BAL Houston (Bored 5-6) d by Cleveland (sfaJack 6-5) 8-10 HOU: GB/DAL/IND/BUF/DEN/CLE/MIN/NO/KC/SEA/TEN/WAS/AZ/SD/PHI/PIT/26 CLE: GB/DAL/IND/JAX/CHI/CLE/MIN/NO/KC/SEA/TEN/TB/AZ/SD/NE/PIT/24 DIFF: BUF/JAX, DEN/CHI, WAS/TB, PHI/NE, 26/24 Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 3-8) d by N.Y. Giants (Cartman 6-5) 7-8 MIN: GB/NYJ/ATL/JAX/DEN/HOU/NYG/CAR/KC/SEA/CIN/TB/SF/BAL/PHI/PIT/16 NYG: GB/DAL/IND/JAX/DEN/HOU/NYG/NO/KC/SEA/TEN/TB/AZ/SD/NE/PIT/25 DIFF: NYJ/DAL, ATL/IND, CAR/NO, CIN/TEN, SF/AZ, BAL/SD, PHI/NE New Orleans (Cena's Writer 6-5) d Carolina (Fazzle 8-3) 6-5 NO: GB/NYJ/IND/JAX/DEN/CLE/NYG/NO/KC/SEA/CIN/WAS/AZ/SD/PHI/PIT/28 CAR: XX/XX/XX/BUF/DEN/CLE/MIN/NO/OAK/STL/TEN/TB/AZ/SD/NE/MIA/17 DIFF: GB/XX, IND/XX, JAX/BUF, NYG/MIN, KC/OAK, SEA/STL, CIN/TEN, WAS/TB, PHI/NE, PIT/MIA, 28/17 Oakland (Smues 5-6) d by Kansas City (Alfdogg 7-4) 9-9+TB OAK: GB/DAL/IND/JAX/DEN/CLE/NYG/CAR/OAK/SEA/CIN/WAS/SF/BAL/NE/PIT/24 KC: GB/NYJ/IND/BUF/CHI/CLE/NYG/CAR/KC/SEA/CIN/TB/SF/SD/NE/PIT/20 DIFF: DAL/NYJ, JAX/BUF, DEN/CHI, OAK/KC, WAS/TB, BAL/SD, 24/20 Seattle (Steve Rogers 6-5) d St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 4-7) 12-10 SEA: GB/DAL/IND/JAX/CHI/CLE/NYG/NO/KC/SEA/CIN/TB/AZ/SD/PHI/PIT/27 STL: GB/DAL/IND/BUF/CHI/CLE/NYG/NO/KC/SEA/TEN/TB/AZ/SD/PHI/PIT/18 DIFF: JAX/BUF, CIN/TEN, 27/18 Tennessee (Cuban Linx 8-3) d Cincinnati (Teke 5-6) 10-4 TEN: GB/DAL/IND/BUF/CHI/CLE/MIN/NO/OAK/SEA/TEN/TB/AZ/BAL/NE/PIT/27 CIN: XXxXXxXX/JAX/DEN/CLE/NYG/NO/KC/STL/TEN/WAS/AZ/SD/NE/PIT/21 DIFF: GB/XX, DAL/XX, IND/XX, BUF/JAX, CHI/DEN, MIN/NYG, OAK/KC, SEA/STL, TB/WAS, BAL/SD, 27/21 Washington (Human Fly 4-6-1) d by Tampa Bay (Starvenger 7-4) 9-9+TB WAS: GB/DAL/IND/JAX/DEN/CLE/NYG/NO/OAK/SEA/TEN/WAS/AZ/SD/NE/PIT/22 TB: GB/DAL/IND/JAX/DEN/CLE/NYG/NO/OAK/STL/TEN/TB/AZ/BAL/NE/MIA/20 DIFF: SEA/STL, WAS/TB, SD/BAL, PIT/MIA, 22/20 San Francisco (Devo 7-4) d Arizona (Vern Gagne 3-8) 12-7 SF: GB/NYJ/IND/JAX/DEN/CLE/MIN/NO/KC/SEA/CIN/WAS/SF/SD/PHI/MIA/21 AZ: DET/DAL/IND/BUF/CHI/HOU/NYG/NO/OAK/SEA/TEN/TB/AZ/BAL/NE/PIT/28 DIFF: GB/DET, NYJ/DAL, JAX/BUF, DEN/CHI, CLE/HOU, MIN/NYG, KC/OAK, CIN/TEN, WAS/TB, SF/AZ, SD/BAL, PHI/NE, MIA/PIT Baltimore (KingPK 5-6) d San Diego (Porter 5-6) 11-9 BAL: GB/DAL/ATL/JAX/DEN/CLE/NYG/NO/KC/SEA/CIN/WAS/SF/SD/PHI/MIA/10 SD: DET/NYJ/IND/JAX/CHI/CLE/NYG/NO/KC/SEA/CIN/TB/SF/BAL/NE/PIT/17 DIFF: GB/DET, DAL/NYJ, ATL/IND, DEN/CHI, WAS/TB, SD/BAL, PHI/NE, MIA/PIT, 10/17 Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 6-5) d by New England (nl-asshole 5-6) 8-11 PHI: GB/NYJ/ATL/JAX/CHI/CLE/NYG/CAR/OAK/STL/TEN/TB/SF/SD/NE/PIT/13 NE: DET/DAL/IND/JAX/DEN/CLE/NYG/CAR/OAK/SEA/CIN/TB/SF/SD/NE/MIA/48 DIFF: GB/DET, NYJ/DAL, ATL/IND, CHI/DEN, STL/SEA, TEN/CIN, PIT/MIA Miami (Spaceman Spiff 8-3) d Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 6-5) 9-8 MIA: GB/DAL/IND/JAX/CHI/CLE/NYG/CAR/KC/SEA/TEN/TB/AZ/SD/NE/PIT/16 PIT: GB/DAL/ATL/JAX/CHI/CLE/NYG/CAR/KC/SEA/TEN/TB/AZ/SD/NE/PIT/35 DIFF: IND/ATL

What I don't understand is why she would want to smell his dick when her girlfriend already peeped him at the club with the camera phone.

AFC EAST Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 8-3 < PF: 81, PA: 74, AFC: 5-2, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 2-1 > Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 7-4 < PF: 77, PA: 78, AFC: 6-4, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 4-1 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 5-6 < PF: 81, PA: 75, AFC: 4-4, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 3-1 > New York Jets (Gert T) 5-6 < PF: 77, PA: 80, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 1-3 > AFC NORTH Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 6-5 < PF: 84, PA: 76, AFC: 5-3, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 3-1 > Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 6-5 < PF: 81, PA: 79, AFC: 4-5, NFC: 2-0, DIV: 2-3 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 5-6 < PF: 77, PA: 86, AFC: 5-4, NFC: 0-2, DIV: 3-1 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 5-6 < PF: 77, PA: 85, AFC: 3-5, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-4 > AFC SOUTH Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 8-3 < PF: 86, PA: 68, AFC: 6-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 3-1 > Houston Texans (Bored) 5-6 < PF: 85, PA: 86, AFC: 3-5, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 2-1 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 4-7 < PF: 69, PA: 88, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 1-2 > Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 4-7 < PF: 77, PA: 79, AFC: 4-4, NFC: 0-3, DIV: 1-3 > AFC WEST Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 7-4 < PF: 84, PA: 75, AFC: 5-3, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 2-2 > Oakland Raiders (Smues) 5-6 < PF: 75, PA: 76, AFC: 4-4, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 3-1 > San Diego Chargers (Porter) 5-6 < PF: 77, PA: 79, AFC: 3-5, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-3 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 2-9 < PF 79:, PA: 87, AFC: 1-7, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 1-2 > NFC EAST Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 7-3-1 < PF: 79, PA: 72, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 5-1-1, DIV: 2-1-1 > Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 6-5 < PF: 87, PA: 87, AFC: 0-3, NFC: 6-2, DIV: 3-1 > New York Giants (Cartman) 6-5 < PF: 76, PA: 74, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 5-4, DIV: 1-3 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 4-6-1 < PF: 85, PA: 84, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 2-5-1, DIV: 1-2-1 > NFC NORTH Detroit Lions (Chazz 1998) 7-4 < PF: 88, PA: 81, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 6-3, DIV: 3-1 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 5-6 < PF: 69, PA: 77, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 2-5, DIV: 1-3 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 5-6 < PF: 74, PA: 79, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 3-5, DIV: 1-3 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 3-8 < PF: 77, PA: 88, AFC: 0-3, NFC: 3-5, DIV: 3-1 > NFC SOUTH Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 8-3 < PF: 83, PA: 71, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 6-2, DIV: 3-2 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 7-4 < PF: 79, PA: 82, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 5-3, DIV: 3-0 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 6-5 < PF: 81, PA: 69, AFC: 3-1 , NFC: 3-4, DIV: 1-3 > Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 4-7 < PF: 66, PA: 74, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 2-5, DIV: 1-3 > NFC WEST San Francisco 49ers (Devo) 7-4 < PF: 80, PA: 74, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 6-3, DIV: 5-1 > Seattle Seahawks (Steve Rogers) 6-5 < PF: 88, PA: 81, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 5-3, DIV: 2-3 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 4-7 < PF: 77, PA: 80, AFC: 0-2, NFC: 4-5, DIV: 3-2 > Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 3-8 < PF: 70, PA: 92, AFC: 3-0, NFC: 0-8, DIV: 0-4 >

11 p.m. • So today I had the day off work (actually, I won’t be going in until Thursday) and had two job interviews lined up. Oddly enough, I think each one went well for me, with the second interview human resources person asking me back for a second round with some bigwigs. Could this be the light at the end of the tunnel? I dunno. Even though both jobs aren’t quite what I went to college for, each position is similar enough to what I’ve been doing the last 7-8 years. Not sure what’ll happen in the next week or two, but I might be saying “see ya” to my current place of employment in the not-too-distant future. Now that would be a great Christmas gift. • The better half finally got me to watch “Knocked up.” Eh, it was there. Much like “The 40 Year Old Virgin,” the movie was better than I thought it would be, but it seemed way too long. And fuck that blonde-haired bitch for getting pissed because the guy was afraid of hitting the fetus with his dick while having sex. I’m sorry but if Mrs. kkk was ever preggers I know I’d be freaked out sticking anything near kkk Jr. (or whoever the baby’s daddy is). Yeah, I know nothing will happen to the kid, but I’m sorry: just the thought of giving your kid a money shot just gives me the heebie jeebies. • Speaking of movies, I recently DVR’d some crap and finally got around to seeing these cinematic masterpieces. The first was “Drive Thru.” Holy fuck was this awful. But in a good way. My favorite part came at the start when these wiggers were going to bust a cap in ol’ Horny’s backside, and when the Clown was about to wack the white kid with a shirt that reads “Illest” he says something like “My dad will give you anything – he’s rich.” Oh, and Morgan Spurlock is a fast-food restaurant manager. Do I need to go on? And there’s a LOT of liberal hippie crap, too. Because I know when I’m watching a Horny the Clown movie, I want to get the director’s opinion of our president. Actually, I find it hilarious when a movie/tv show has a close-up of the bad guy or a bumbling idiot with a picture of W. in the background. The second movie was Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain. All I really need to say about this one has been covered in an attempted “100 things we learned from watching…” threads in the IMDB boards. My favorite was 96.

You assume I watch the Daily Show.

Oh God yes. And I'm a Black Friday regular. There's a reason I don't start my shopping at Wal-Mart or Best Buy.

Old Country Buffet has a bee mascot? Well I guess they do.

2:15 p.m. • So yesterday I stopped with my Target trip. Our two primary stores were Kohl’s and Target, and with these two gone we just decided to visit other stores just for the heck of it. There were a few more things on our list, but these items probably weren’t going to be on sale and in all likelihood still on the shelves by the time we come around to them. As we drove from Target out toward some other stores in Greensburg, Mrs. kkk asked if we could go to Lowe’s and get some Christmas decoration for the house. Whatever. We pulled in and she went into Lowe’s while I went into that area’s Target store. I already made my purchases so this was more for recon purposes. Even with a story in my neck of the woods siphoning off customers, this place was still pretty packed. This only reinforced my theory of never going to a Wal-Mart to start off the Black Friday season. Good God I can only imagine the white trash running roughshod over there. Anyway, the reason I mention this event is because the highlight of my day came while at this store. While walking down this one aisle there were these two obese older people walking and the wife was screaming at the husband, and I just had to eavesdrop. Wait, fuck that. This wasn’t eavesdropping. I was in a public place and they were yelling. You can’t help but not hear what they were saying. I’m not sure what happened, but I guess they had planned a certain shopping strategy but the guy screwed it up. And they don’t own cell phones. The best line went something like, “I was waiting FORVER and I couldn’t reach you because you’re too damn cheap to get a cell phone!” My God was this hilarious. And I wasn’t the only one listening. As I turned my head this Asian chick walking beside me was also unsuccessfully trying to hold back her laughter. I made the remark, “Gee, I wonder why he wouldn’t her to be in contact with him 24/7 with a cell phone,” which got a legit LOL from her. After a walk around the store, I went into Lowe’s, met Mrs. kkk while she bought her thing and heard her plans for the next 10 home improvement projects she has in store for our house. Yay. Too bad I won’t be doing any of that shit. Total purchase: $21. No discount. After that was Wal-Mart. Like I said earlier, I would NEVER go into one of these stores to start out my Black Friday shopping. I’ve seen Internet video of these mobs and I’ll pass. I’m not one who tends to get trampled but why expend all that extra energy holding your ground when it can be applied to better things? Generally, once it’s past 8 a.m. the Wal-Mart around me tends to clear out. We swooped in and bought a bunch of DVDs for us and for some family members. Total purchase: $55. Savings: $80. After Wal-Mart we walked into a few stores that is also in this area’s shopping center but didn’t purchase anything. I did want to stop at a nearby Big Lots, of which I am not a regular customer. I now have come to the following conclusion: Wal-Mart isn’t the pinnacle of white trash consumerism, at least in my region. Holy hell was this place open up my eyes. As I walked in I noted the plethora of “warning/recall” flyers posted about products this store sells. Then the customers too poor for Wal-Mart. Yikes. And the gifts. Beer Pong. Nice. Of course, I found this cheap crap for my mother that she will think I spent all day shopping for. Wait, she can’t be that naïve. Then again, this is the same woman that allowed my father to impregnate her. Mrs. kkk bought some extra garland and I got some cheap-ass stickers. Total cost. $21. No idea what I saved. I know many of my fellow customers saved on deodorant because they didn’t use any. And there’s something to say about visible tramp stamps when a woman is trying to control her brood. Wait, does this make me a Big Lots shopper? Fuck. Next stop was the mall and by this time I was beginning to crash, which usually happens to me at the 10-11 a.m. mark. I was in no mood to browse the department stores, which was a shame because I actually wanted to this year. However, we still had to go to Monroeville for some specific gifts. We went to Suncoast for some hard-to-get movie of the nephew-in-law, along with a few other titles that were on “sale.” Total cost. $28. Total “savings:” $13. I really don’t like Suncoast but they’re not bad for older movies if you don’t feel like ordering it online. Actually, while going through their TV on DVD bin, I had to laugh when I saw this “Married With Children” box. Among the SPEICAL FEATURES included “10 hidden easter eggs.” Uh, if you promote these things on your cover, aren’t they no longer “hidden”? I won’t go into detail about my opinion regarding easter eggs here, but at least now you know what makes me chuckle after 7+ hours worth of shopping. After perusing the Westmoreland Mall, we headed to Toys R Us for some gifts that I can’t remember. All I know is that the final bill was $43 for a Cabbage Patch Doll and video game. Oh well, at least the video game was $20 off. Many, Toys R Us is another store I can’t imagine starting out at when it’s 6 a.m. Oh, speaking of Toys R Us, here’s a funny story I just remembered from the mall. We went into Kay B because the better half wanted something for this crumb snatcher that one of her friends squirted out a few years back. I had no desire to browse at this place because lots of customers and tight aisles don’t make a good combination. I told her that I’d start waiting in line while she looked for her toy. Much to Kay B’s credit, the line moved rather fast, and I was actually letting people go past me because Mrs. kkk was nowhere in sight. (A few customers actually complimented me on this idea of having one person wait in line while another person looks and said they’ll probably employ this strategy elsewhere.) Well, the better half finally stormed over and said we were leaving. OK then. As we were walking out was bitching about how none of the employees there knew where anything was and she gave up on looking for this thing. I defended the employees by saying this was probably the wrong time to start asking specific questions about item placement and the like. Sorry, but unless the item in question is a front-page “door buster” item you won’t get much help. Sorry, that’s the way it is. Hey, this is Black Friday and we’re dealing with customer service. This isn’t FEMA after a hurricane. OMGBUSHLIEDBLACKPEOPLEDIEDANDGOTEATENINTHESUPERDOME~! Where was I? Oh, yeah. We then went to Best Buy and I was pleasantly surprised that this place had died down. I was expecting this store to be a madhouse because this store usually has the long customer lines well into the day. And to make matters better, there were a number of uber-priced DVDs still available. In widescreen. We got a few things for some nieces and nephews, along with a few things for ourselves. Total price: $111. Total savings: $30. After a return stop to Wal-Mart to get some gift cards that I forgot to pick up the first time ($75), it was off to Monroeville. The first stop was to a specialty craft store to pick up some model car for my one nephew-in-law who I hope to work for in some high-paying/remedial position in his company once he graduates college 10-15 years from now. Christ, this kid is smarter than me and he’s in middle school. Then again, that’s not saying much. Anyway, we spent $17 dollars there and also $31 dollars at a craft store to get the stuff that Mrs. kkk wasn’t able to get at Kay B. Hey, we saved $30 on some easel thingy, so yay. While we were in the neighborhood, we stopped by this town’s local mall and didn’t get anything. Wait, I lied. We did get something. There was a kiosk peddling these tickets for some hippie Shittsburgh cultural shows. Basically the deal was $95 for a pair of tickets in the best section of the auditorium with the gift recipient able to select from one of five different shows this upcoming summer. Not sure what the savings, if any, are for this, but it was a great gift idea and now we don’t have to worry about Mrs. kkk’s boss. Plus the better half will be splitting the price with her other co-worker, so this would only be $50 for us. Final numbers. Approximate Black Friday purchases: $750. Approximate savings: $570. Not bad, especially considering the number of non-holiday/gift-card/non-discounted purchases made. And I still have a month to fish out other deals.

If I had to choose between living 'til 90 by eating "your" food and living 'til 50 by eating "my" food (although I don't consider myself a fast-food regular), I'd go with the latter. (I'm sure you'd want me to as well.) Actually, I've known people who live well into their 80s-90s smoking cigarettes and eating dishes that would make me gag, and I've known people who eat all that tofu shit and look like they've already got one foot in the grave. I guess in the end it all depends on how you feel. If you've got a few pleasure pounds and don't waddle while you walk or lose your breath when going up a few flights of stairs, then more power to you. If you want to have that organic stuff but won't go into convulsions upon seeing someone eating a dead animal, then yay. Would you consider this to be an acceptable middle ground or do you want to go “commie/fascist” for a few more rounds?