kkktookmybabyaway

9 p.m. • So today was Black Friday, and I swear to Christ this is my favorite time of the year. And why wouldn’t it be? Most social uppity-ups tend to bitch about this day because it shows the general public as a bunch of greedy, materialistic malcontents. And to this I say: so what? Look, I’m not advocating trampling over some blue-hair to get a $20 DVD player (unless of course she tries to take it out of your hands). Shit, that $20 DVD player will probably break down after two hours, but that’s not the point. There’s stuff out there. You want it. It’s cheap. Do what you want. And that’s just what I did this morning. I am a novice in the grand scheme of things when it comes to Black Friday. I started taking part in this annual event a few years ago, and last year I sat it out due to money matters. However, I was back on the wagon this year and in full force with Mrs. kkk. Now, I got my battle plans on Turkey Day when the local newspaper packed its holiday edition with the pages upon pages of colorful ads promoting “door buster” savings and “unbeatable” deals. As I scanned through the ads I took note as to what those on my Christmas list had on their Christmas list, but more importantly I took note as to what I wanted. Yes, much of my Black Friday shopping is for me. I have no kids. My family is almost non-existent. Friends? Nigga plz. Co-workers? I asked my current place of employment about the general attitude toward gift-giving back in 2004 and almost had my head snapped off. So Black Friday is My Friday. As I said before, I’m not a seasoned vet at doing this early morning shopping thing, but I do consider myself to be a fast learner. Back in 2004 I started out at Best Buy when the clock turned 6 a.m. and that was a total disaster. A huge-ass crowd, disorganized lines, products that weren’t worth the wait. In 2005 I decided to begin at the nearby Kohl’s, which was a better idea because, if memory serves, this store was open at 5 a.m., one hour before everyone else. This year I decided to start out at Kohl’s again. Not only was this Kohl’s now going to be open at 4 A.M. but also there were some shoes that caught my eye and were deeply discounted. The better half also wanted to get a $70 gift basket that was discounted to $20. My theory was that by striking here early, this would give us enough time to scoot over to Target, which was recently built in the same complex as the above-mentioned Kohl’s. After this, we would head out down the road to Wal-Mart, several other stores of interest, the local mall, Best Buy, followed by a trip to another nearby community where there were several stores Mrs. kkk wanted to visit. Sounds good, but did everything go as planned? Were there some flies in the ointment? Was there enough Jew in me to sniff out the real bargains from the bargains-in-name-only? You’ll have to find out tomorrow. Because I’ve been up since 2:45 a.m. and I’m tired. Real tired.

Problem is many of those big-ticket items have to be "reserved" in advance. One year I heard a bunch of people bitching about this while waiting in a Best Buy line. And I do think it's a bit of a bitch move not to have someone "earn" their $900 plasma by just getting some RSVP.

Oh that's a favorite line of theirs for the first year or so. You'll be hearing it again. This also applies to any time she wants you to do something. "Let's go to *insert name of person's house you hate*." "But I don't want to." "But this will be the first time we'd be going as HUSBAND AND WIFE~!!!!!" Regarding the three-year-old. I'm not saying he was in the right for doing what he did, but if you just expect a three-year-old to just sit there you're in for a rude awakening.

6 p.m. • So I started out by waking up at 2:45 a.m. to get ready for a 4 a.m. opening at Kohl’s. The store is only 15 minutes away, but I knew I wasn’t getting my ass up the first time my alarm clock went off. Especially since I ate a bunch of turkey the night before and watched the night game with the Colts at Atlanta. After hitting the snooze alarm a half-dozen or so times, I took my shower. Even the cats were surprised at how early I was getting up. We I get up for work at 5:15 a.m., that usually causes them to mill about until they get fed breakfast. This time they just laid in place until I got out of the shower and put their food in their dishes. I knew waking up the better half was going to be a challenge, and I was right. She’s not exactly what you call a “morning person.” Now I’m not really an early bird riser myself, but when you get up 5-6 times a week at 5 a.m. in order to pay your mortgage and put food on the table you adjust. Well, Mrs. kkk doesn’t. When I turned on my nightstand lamp to put in my contacts, I woke her up. Now I have no idea what she was trying to say because she was mostly whining in foreign tongues. However, she did get up, get dressed and was in the car when I left for Kohl’s at 3:40 a.m. I was curious to see how many people would wake up even earlier from the last time I took part in Black Friday. In 2005 Kohl’s was open at 5 a.m. (one hour earlier than most, if not all, the other local stores in my area) – now they were opening at 4 a.m. This should be an interesting social experiment. Well, the parking lot was near-full when we pulled in at 6 a.m. OK, so it’s going to be busy, but not “Best Buy” busy. I told the better half to get her target gift basket and I was going to go after my shoes that I had lined up. When we both got what we wanted, we’d look around before checking out. Well, I got to the shoe section, and I found the shoes I was looking for. However, my worst fears came to fruition. These shoes weren’t comfortable. I knew there was a catch. No problem, there was another brand that caught my eye, and although they were a bit more expensive, the quality was more than worth the extra few dollars. Besides, I was still saving $28 per pair (I bought two pair – one brown, one black). I met Mrs. kkk and we proceeded to get in line – a line that was halfway around the store. I knew this would happen, but because of my extra dilly-dallying we would have to wait in line a bit more than I had expected. It was then I discovered a terrible oversight. I forgot my wallet. Oh you got to be shitting me. Here's what happened. On Turkey Day I was over the in-laws’ house. My crack-whore niece-in-law was at this event. My crack-whore niece-in-law is a thief (she got busted while a teen at Wal-Mart). I kept my wallet at home. I forgot to put my wallet back in my coat pocket. Shit. Well, I told Mrs. kkk that I was going to zip home and get the wallet while she stayed in line. She asked if there would be enough time. I assured her there would be. I was right. When I got back, the better half was “happily” waiting in line. I took this time to explore a few departments and found a nice deal on this press-iron-thingy that could be of great use. After the better half took a few DVDs off the impulse rack for her one non-crack-whore niece, our total bill was $165 with $205 in savings. We arrived at 4 a.m. and left the store together at 5:30 a.m. Good score. We got several things that were high on our priority list (shoes, gift basket), were able to get something that was likely to be off the shelves right away (gift basket for a better half’s co-worker – Mrs. kkk noted that there were only two left on the shelves at just past 5 a.m.), found a great deal on something that I didn’t see until we actually got in the store (press iron thingy) and managed to get one item crossed off on one niece-in-law’s list (DVD). The first store is, in my opinion, is always the most important. Here’s what I look for when picking a “first store.” My answers to each question are in italics. 1) If you were to visit later in the day, will the items you covet the most at this place be sold out? As I said above, I new the gift baskets would be gone, and I wasn’t sure about the shoes. 2) Is this first store near other stores that you can immediately plunder visit? There’s a Target in the same shopping center complex as Kohl’s, and this store wasn’t opening until 5 a.m. Perfect timing, especially since there are several items at Target that are high on my list of things-to-get. 3) Will the wait in line, which will be long, be worth what you get? I saved $205 while spending $165. Works for me. 4) Who are the customers surrounding you? There’s a reason I don’t go to Wal-Mart for my first store on Black Friday. As we got into the car and headed over to Target, I thought it was odd that the store’s parking lot wasn’t at all full. That’s weird, the store is closed. The flyer said doors will open at 5 a.m. and it’s now 5:30 a.m. Hey, now I see people waiting outside. What the hell? Wait a second, I’m looking at Target’s Black Friday circular. Shit, I misread the “doors opening” line. It’s 6 a.m., not 5 a.m. Actually, this just might play into our favor. With the time being 5:30, this will give us time to visit the nearby Dunkin’ Donuts, get a flavored coffee and bagel and awaken our senses to what is probably going to be one of the more challenging excursions of the day. And once, again, I was right. The good news is that with this Target opening up, it probably sucked away some customers from the Target about 10-15 minutes farther on down the road in nearby Greensburg. Less customers, more available products. Good. I remember the last few times I went to Greensburg Target on Black Friday the lines were insane. Well, this year’s experience is a perfect reason why I try not to use a cart. Unless a product is so f’n heavy that you can’t pick it up and carry it, steer free of carts. That mobility is crucial when zipping in and out of aisles. This year was no exception. One of the big items available were these video game chairs, and some soccer moms had 2-3 in their carts. With so many people using carts, there was literal gridlock in the electronics/toy department. I swear to Christ it was like New York City’s rush hour. Nobody could move and I heard a familiar phrase, “Oh, I’m so sorry for running into you.” I guess this is how EricMM must feel when riding his organic bike and seeing SUV’s own the road. However, I’m not one for requiring a “sales cart” tax or similar fascist measures. Instead, I take advantage of my mobility and cut in and out of traffic lanes hell-bent on getting my prized items for this stop: one of those above-mentioned video game chairs, some remote controlled helicopter and a bunch of DVDs. While scanning the possibilities of trying to maneuver in the toy department, I came across this middle-aged guy who probably wasn’t used to this insanity. He made a remark to me about how crazy this experience was, which prompted me to say something like, “if it wasn’t for those pesky social mores I would lift my arms into attack formation and plow down some of these people in front of me.” He response was that this congestion reminded him of the Parkway East, which got a laugh from both of us. Fortunately for him, he reached one of the end aisles to the toy department and snagged some doll thing which must have been a popular seller because there were only a few left. I said “congratulations,” which elicited the response, “this was the only thing I came in here to get.” Well, at least he got what he was gunning for. I was able to weave in and out of stagnant cart-pushers, and get that helicopter-thing. Fortunately, the video game chair was in a spot away from the congestion, so I picked that up and headed to the register. As I met up with the better half, I noticed that the checkout lines weren’t bad at all, which was a bit of a surprise. This then caused me to say, “I’m going back in – wait for me.” Due to my agility advantage over most of my fellow shoppers, I bobbed and weaved through the masses to the DVD section and snagged eight DVDs/TV seasons/value packs I had in my sights, including a few that Mrs. kkk couldn’t find in widescreen format. (Her goal in Target was to get a few DVDs, which is what she did while I was on my “chopper” hunt.) Total bill for Target: $142. Total savings: $193. But there’s more…

And by "local" he means grazing in the backyard. Then again, real liberal hipsters don't own property.

There's not a problem with the star ratings as long as the person doing them tries to be consistent. Therefore, the reader gets an idea of what a ** is or a *** is coming from a particular person. I tend to do grades -- "A, B, C, etc." but to each his own.

I think it would be best if people just made a new post -- there's a chance I may miss them if they edit in the rest of their picks in the first post. Either way, just do whatever is easiest for you. And for those asking for "mercy," let's take a trip back in the time machine to 12/6/06.

Deadline for the Turkey Day games has come and gone.

10:15 a.m. • Well, in two-and-a-half hours I will be over the in-laws place for another Thanksgiving excursion. Yay. Actually, the last few years haven’t been that bad. We show up, Mrs. kkk has me carry these nasty veggie dishes in, along with a dessert or two that’s much more tolerable, and we eat. Also included in this meal are the brother-in-law, along with his wife and two kids. Not a bad day. Years ago, the crack-whore sister-in-law and the out-of-control niece took part. However, ever since the crack-whore sister-in-law really hit rock bottom a few years ago (and decided to stay there) she hasn’t been attending, which isn’t a bad thing. Actually, the first time she boycotted us we all commented that this was the best Turkey Day outing in recent memory. The highlight came at about 1:15 p.m. when the crack-whore called and asked my father-in-law if he was still going to pick her up the next day to go to a laundromat that’s only a block or two down from her ghetto apartment complex. She then expressed shock that she called in the midst of us eating, even though the in-law have always had Thanksgiving “dinner” at 1 p.m. Well this year is going to be extra special because the crack-whore out-of-control niece is scheduled to attend with her boyfriend. Oh yay. Months ago she moved out of the in-laws residence and the crashing and burning has been going strong. I can’t remember the last time I saw this person, but I remember that the last time I did I commented on how “downhill” she has fallen. Please note I said this out of joy rather than pity because once the crack-whore sister-in-law meets that kidney dialysis machine in the sky we need someone else to pick up the torch and give me plenty of white trash stories to tell to you all. However, I must admit I think the out-of-control niece-in-law will probably die sometime soon and the crack-whore sister-in-law will outlive me. But that’s neither here nor there. It’ll be interesting to see how many people shun her at this event. I also know that I won’t be bringing my wallet. Over the last few weeks, the niece-in-law has been dropping hints to my mother-in-law about wanting to come back to her house. Much to my surprise, the mother-in-law has stood firm, or at least as firm as she can. The only victim in this whole story is the poor kitten the niece-in-law has adopted a few months back that has (I’m sure) gone without its shots and other related vet care. Every time I hear a story about the niece-in-law – whether it’s getting busted for crack, getting busted for a domestic disturbance or getting warrants for not appearing in court, my first and only reaction is “but is the cat OK?” On a somewhat related note, here’s a story about other in-laws that I have to see once or twice every year. The welfare collecting in-law relatives that host that Memorial Day cookout recently complained about having to cook a Thanksgiving Day meal. This caused the welfare collecting test tube family (think toothless Mexican) to invite them over to their house for Turkey Day. The matriarch of the test tube bunch then went out and bought used food stamps to get a bunch of food. I knew trouble was brewing when the Memorial Day welfare household then went out and got a Thanksgiving turkey anyway late last week (the reason given for this was because they wanted “leftovers). The test tube family then got a message on their answering machine at 10:45 p.m. on Monday from the other welfare family saying that they weren’t going to attend because …. It was supposed to rain on Thanksgiving and they didn’t want to get wet. No, I’m not making this up. Why would I have to when you’ve got material like this to use? 10 a.m. • Time for Turkkkey Day Pickkks. (3.5) Green Bay at Detroit. Christ, I don’t know how to take this one. Green Bay should win. However, the Lions have played a tough game or two on Turkey Day game. Every fiber of my being is telling me to bold “Green Bay,” but like an idiot I am not. N.Y. Jets at Dallas. (14.5) I don’t see the Jets upsetting two playoff teams in a row. However, I have to say Rush may have had a point this past week when he said to a caller that the Jets players got pissed when they saw as many Steeler fans at that game than hometown fans. I have admit I knew my chances of the Steelers winning by 10+ points were dashed after that trick play (flea-flicker?), but I couldn’t help but laugh to hear all the boos that sprung forth after that play was successfully executed. (11.5) Indianapolis at Atlanta. I actually had to pause when making this decision. Could Atlanta pull off the upset and lose by single digits? Well, I went with Detroit earlier, so I need to salvage this day. Buffalo at Jacksonville (7.5). Jacksonville seems to resemble the Steelers in that they tend to play down to their competition at times. Here’s hoping this is one of those instances. Denver at Chicago (2.5). The Broncos have been my bane this season so I’m picking them, which only means they’ll lose big. Houston at Cleveland. 3.5 Houston started out OK, then sputtered. I’ll go with the Browns because they still have a legit shot at winning the AFC North. Wow, who would have thought about that in August? Minnesota at N.Y. Giants (7.5). Here’s hoping the Vagiants begin that late-season collapse they are famous for. New Orleans (3.5) at Carolina. The Saints lose a bunch of games. Then win a bunch. Now they’ve lost a few. Too bad the Panthers are terrible at home. Oakland at Kansas City. (5.5) I’ve tried the “they have to win SOME TIME” line of thought with the Raiders. I’ve given up. I guess they were content with winning their season’s quota of games early on and coasting to the rest of the way toward the top pick in next year’s draft. (3.5) Seattle at St. Louis. The Rams winning streak ends. (1.5) Tennessee at Cincinnati. I’m calling the upset baby. No reason. Washington at Tampa Bay. (3.5) Hmm, I’m getting nothing from this one. Tampa’s favored. They seem to be doing OK for an NFC South team. Sure, I’ll take ‘em. San Francisco at Arizona. (10.5) What the hell happened to the 49ers? I was actually rooting for them to win the division because I’m sick of seeing Seattle in the playoffs. I can’t wait to see how the Cardinals will look next year with Fanaca anchoring that line. Baltimore at San Diego (9.5). Both teams have boned me this year. I’d take San Diego to win, but not by that spread. Philadelphia at New England. (22.5) This is getting hilarious. I’m sorry, but I tried to come up with a reason to bet against the Pats. I couldn’t. Miami at Pittsburgh. (15.5) I’m hoping this is a “bounce back” game for the Steelers. I wonder if Joey Porter will do something special in this contest for the Dolphins?

You're posting them straight up because you're a pussy. Ohhhhh, Pats over the Eagles. How brave of you.

Golden Corral is as red-state as you can get. The only negative to the one I used to go to in Middletown, Ohio, was the number of incredibly obese customers there. But that was more of a Middletown thing than a Golden Corral thing, since the one in a town close to where I live now has mostly city people packing the gills. They literlly line up outside the door and onto the street. I’d imagine one example of a “blue state” eatery would be the Atlanta Bread Company. It’s a good business plan, actually. Mow your lawn. Take the clippings. Put some in-between two slices of bread. Charge $10.

Then why are you still here?

3 p.m. • What a proud day for my people. Then again, after it's all said and done, I'm sure each of them will be getting about $20. I wonder if this incident was part of the HATE CRIME stats that are rising? LOL at the BBC surprised at this news. Yeah, there's no racism at all up north. Somebody didn't see "Gangs of New York."

Arizona @ Cincinnati (3.5) Carolina @ Green Bay (9.5) (3.5) Cleveland @ Baltimore Kansas City @ Indianapolis (14.5) Miami @ Philadelphia (10.5) (16.5) New England @ Buffalo New Orleans @ Houston (0.5) Oakland @ Minnesota (5.5) (10.5) Pittsburgh @ N.Y. Jets San Diego @ Jacksonville (2.5) (3.5) Tampa Bay @ Atlanta Washington @ Dallas (10.5) (2.5) N.Y. Giants @ Detroit (3.5) St. Louis @ San Francisco Chicago @ Seattle (5.5) Tennessee @ Denver (2.5) Arizona (Vern Gagne 3-7) d Cincinnati (Teke 5-5) 8-7 AZ: CIN/GB/BAL/KC/PHI/NE/HOU/OAK/PIT/JAX/ATL/DAL/DET/STL/CHI/DEN/20 CIN: CIN/GB/CLE/IND/PHI/NE/NO/MIN/PIT/SD/TB/DAL/NYG/STL/SEA/TEN/24 DIFF: BAL/CLE, KC/IND, HOU/NO, OAK/MIN, JAX/SD, ATL/TB, DET/NYG, CHI/SEA, DEN/TEN Carolina (Fazzle 8-2) d Green Bay (Vitamin X 5-5) 8-5 CAR: AZ/GB/CLE/IND/MIA/NE/NO/OAK/PIT/JAX/TB/DAL/DET/STL/SEA/TEN/10 GB: AZ/GB/CLE/KC/PHI/BUF/NO/OAK/PIT/SD/TB/WAS/DET/SF/CHI/TEN/28 DIFF: IND/KC, MIA/PHI, NE/BUF, JAX/SD, DAL/WAS, STL/SF, SEA/CHI Cleveland (sfaJack 5-5) d by Baltimore (KingPK 4-6) 7-8 CLE: CIN/GB/CLE/KC/PHI/NE/HOU/MIN/PIT/SD/ATL/DAL/DET/SF/SEA/DEN/24 BAL: CIN/GB/CLE/KC/MIA/BUF/NO/OAK/PIT/JAX/TB/WAS/NYG/SF/SEA/TEN/27 DIFF: PHI/MIA, NE/BUF, HOU/NO, MIN/OAK, SD/JAX, ATL/TB, DAL/WAS, DET/NYG, DEN/TEN Kansas City (Alfdogg 6-4) d Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 3-7) 11-7 KC: CIN/GB/BAL/KC/PHI/NE/NO/MIN/NYJ/JAX/TB/DAL/NYG/SF/SEA/DEN/24 IND: AZ/GB/CLE/KC/MIA/BUF/NO/OAK/PIT/JAX/TB/DAL/NYG/SF/CHI/TEN/38 DIFF: CIN/AZ, BAL/CLE, PHI/MIA, NE/BUF, MIN/OAK, NYJ/PIT, SEA/CHI, DEN/TEN, 24/38 Miami (Spaceman Spiff 7-3) d Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 6-4) 6-6+TB MIA: CIN/GB/CLE/KC/PHI/NE/NO/OAK/PIT/JAX/ATL/DAL/DET/STL/SEA/TEN/16 PHI: CIN/GB/CLE/KC/PHI/NE/NO/OAK/PIT/JAX/ATL/DAL/NYG/STL/CHI/TEN/27 DIFF: DET/NYG, SEA/CHI, 16/27 New England (nl-asshole 4-6) d Buffalo (Bob Barron 7-3) 9-4 NE: AZ/GB/CLE/IND/MIA/NE/HOU/OAK/NYJ/SD/TB/DAL/NYG/SF/CHI/DEN/42 BUF: CIN/GB/CLE/IND/PHI/NE/NO/MIN/PIT/SD/TB/DAL/DET/SF/CHI/TEN/14 DIFF: AZ/CIN, MIA/PHI, HOU/NO, OAK/MIN, NYJ/PIT, NYG/DET, DEN/TEN * Bob AIM'd me his TEN pick. New Orleans (Cena's Writer 5-5) d by Houston (Bored 5-5) 7-8 NO: CIN/GB/CLE/IND/PHI/BUF/NO/MIN/NYJ/SD/ATL/DAL/NYG/STL/SEA/DEN/27 HOU: CIN/GB/CLE/IND/PHI/NE/NO/MIN/PIT/JAX/TB/DAL/NYG/STL/SEA/TEN/23 DIFF: BUF/NE, NYJ/PIT, SD/JAX, ATL/TB, DEN/TEN Oakland (Smues 5-5) d Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 3-7) 8-4 OAK: CIN/GB/CLE/IND/PHI/NE/NO/MIN/PIT/SD/TB/WAS/DET/STL/SEA/DEN/13 MIN: CIN/CAR/CLE/KC/PHI/NE/NO/OAK/PIT/SD/TB/WAS/DET/SF/CHI/TEN/17 DIFF: GB/CAR, IND/KC, MIN/OAK, STL/SF, SEA/CHI, DEN/TEN, 13/17 Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 6-4) d by N.Y. Jets (Gert T 5-5) 8-8+TB PIT: AZ/GB/CLE/IND/PHI/NE/HOU/OAK/PIT/JAX/TB/DAL/DET/STL/SEA/TEN/28 NYJ: CIN/GB/CLE/IND/MIA/NE/NO/OAK/PIT/SD/TB/DAL/NYG/STL/SEA/DEN/13 DIFF: AZ/CIN, PHI/MIA, HOU/NO, JAX/SD, DET/NYG, TEN/DEN, 28/13 San Diego (Porter 5-5) d by Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 3-7) 6-10 SD: AZ/CAR/CLE/IND/MIA/NE/NO/OAK/PIT/SD/TB/WAS/DET/SF/SEA/TEN/21 JAX: CIN/GB/BAL/IND/PHI/NE/HOU/MIN/PIT/JAX/TB/DAL/DET/STL/SEA/DEN/17 DIFF: AZ/CIN, CAR/GB, CLE/BAL, MIA/PHI, NO/HOU, OAK/MIN, SD/JAX, WAS/DAL, SF/STL, TEN/DEN, 21/17 Tampa Bay (Starvenger 6-4) d Atlanta (King 4-6) 9-7 TB: AZ/GB/CLE/IND/PHI/NE/HOU/MIN/PIT/JAX/TB/WAS/NYG/SF/CHI/TEN/23 ATL: CIN/GB/CLE/IND/PHI/NE/NO/MIN/PIT/SD/TB/DAL/DET/STL/SEA/DEN/14 DIFF: AZ/CIN, HOU/NO, JAX/SD, WAS/DAL, NYG/DET, SF/STL, CHI/SEA, TEN/DEN, 23/14 Washington (Human Fly 4-5-1) TIED Dallas (Hawk34 6-3-1) 7-7 WAS: AZ/GB/CLE/IND/PHI/NE/NO/OAK/PIT/SD/TB/DAL/NYG/STL/SEA/TEN/17 DAL: CIN/GB/CLE/IND/MIA/NE/NO/OAK/PIT/JAX/TB/DAL/DET/STL/SEA/TEN/34 DIFF: AZ/CIN, PHI/MIA, SD/JAX, NYG/DET, 17/34 N.Y. Giants (Cartman 5-5) d Detroit (Chazz1998 6-4) 9-7 NYG: CIN/GB/CLE/KC/PHI/NE/HOU/MIN/PIT/SD/TB/DAL/DET/STL/SEA/DEN/21 DET: AZ/GB/BAL/KC/PHI/BUF/NO/OAK/PIT/SD/ATL/WAS/NYG/STL/CHI/TEN/17 DIFF: CIN/AZ, CLE/BAL, NE/BUF, HOU/NO, MIN/OAK, TB/ATL, DAL/WAS, DET/NYG, SEA/CHI, DEN/TEN, 21/17 St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 4-6) d by San Francisco (Devo 6-4) 5-8 STL: CIN/CAR/CLE/IND/PHI/NE/NO/OAK/PIT/JAX/TB/DAL/NYG/SF/CHI/DEN/22 SF: CIN/GB/CLE/KC/PHI/NE/NO/MIN/NYJ/SD/TB/DAL/DET/SF/SEA/DEN/20 DIFF: CAR/GB, IND/KC, OAK/MIN, PIT/NYJ, JAX/SD, NYG/DET, CHI/SEA Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 4-6) d by Seattle (Steve Rogers 5-5) 6-7 CHI: CIN/GB/CLE/IND/PHI/BUF/NO/OAK/PIT/JAX/TB/WAS/DET/STL/SEA/TEN/17 SEA: CIN/GB/BAL/IND/PHI/NE/HOU/MIN/PIT/SD/TB/DAL/DET/SF/CHI/DEN/36 DIFF: CLE/BAL, BUF/NE, NO/HOU, OAK/MIN, JAX/SD, WAS/DAL, STL/SF, SEA/CHI, TEN/DEN Tennessee (Cuban Linx 7-3) d Denver (Canadian Chris 2-8) 9-6 TEN: AZ/GB/CLE/IND/PHI/NE/NO/OAK/PIT/JAX/TB/WAS/NYG/STL/SEA/TEN/20 DEN: CIN/GB/CLE/IND/PHI/NE/NO/OAK/PIT/SD/TB/DAL/NYG/STL/SEA/TEN/16 DIFF: AZ/CIN, JAX/SD, WAS/DAL Pittsburgh (Me 6-4) d by N.Y. Jets (Gert T) PIT: AZ/GB/BAL/IND/MIA/BUF/NO/OAK/PIT/SD/TB/DAL/NYG/STL/SEA/TEN/27 NYJ: CIN/GB/CLE/IND/MIA/NE/NO/OAK/PIT/SD/TB/DAL/NYG/STL/SEA/DEN/13 DIFF: AZ/CIN, BAL/CLE, BUF/NE, TEN/DEN, 27/13

AFC EAST Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 7-3 < PF: 71, PA: 69, AFC: 6-3, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 4-1 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 7-3 < PF: 72, PA: 66, AFC: 4-2, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 2-1 > New York Jets (Gert T) 5-5 < PF: 69, PA: 69, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-3 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 4-6 < PF: 70, PA: 67, AFC: 4-4, NFC: 0-2, DIV: 3-1 > AFC NORTH Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 6-4 < PF: 76, PA: 67, AFC: 5-2, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 3-1 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 5-5 < PF: 73, PA: 76, AFC: 5-3, NFC: 0-2, DIV: 3-1 > Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 5-5 < PF: 71, PA: 71, AFC: 3-5, NFC: 2-0, DIV: 2-3 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 4-6 < PF: 66, PA: 76, AFC: 2-5, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-4 > AFC SOUTH Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 7-3 < PF: 76, PA: 64, AFC: 5-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 3-1 > Houston Texans (Bored) 5-5 < PF: 77, PA: 76, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 2-1 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 3-7 < PF: 62, PA: 82, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 0-3, DIV: 1-2 > Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 3-7 < PF: 68, PA: 73, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 0-3, DIV: 1-3 > AFC WEST Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 6-4 < PF: 75, PA: 66, AFC: 4-3, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-2 > Oakland Raiders (Smues) 5-5 < PF: 66, PA: 67, AFC: 4-3, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 3-0 > San Diego Chargers (Porter) 5-5 < PF: 68, PA: 68, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-3 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 2-8 < PF 73:, PA: 80, AFC: 1-7, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 1-2 > NFC EAST Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 6-3-1 < PF: 68, PA: 64, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 5-1-1, DIV: 2-1-1 > Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 6-4 < PF: 79, PA: 76, AFC: 0-2, NFC: 6-2, DIV: 3-1 > New York Giants (Cartman) 5-5 < PF: 68, PA: 67, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 4-4, DIV: 1-3 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 4-5-1 < PF: 76, PA: 75, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 2-4-1, DIV: 1-2-1 > NFC NORTH Detroit Lions (Chazz 1998) 6-4 < PF: 80, PA: 75, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 5-3, DIV: 2-1 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 5-5 < PF: 68, PA: 71, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 3-4, DIV: 1-2 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 4-6 < PF: 62, PA: 71, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 2-5, DIV: 1-3 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 3-7 < PF: 70, PA: 80, AFC: 0-3, NFC: 3-4, DIV: 3-1 > NFC SOUTH Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 8-2 < PF: 76, PA: 62, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 6-1, DIV: 3-1 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 6-4 < PF: 70, PA: 73, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 4-3, DIV: 3-0 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 5-5 < PF: 72, PA: 62, AFC: 3-1 , NFC: 2-4, DIV: 0-3 > Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 4-6 < PF: 60, PA: 67, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 2-5, DIV: 1-3 > NFC WEST San Francisco 49ers (Devo) 6-4 < PF: 68, PA: 67, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 5-3, DIV: 4-1 > Seattle Seahawks (Steve Rogers) 5-5 < PF: 76, PA: 71, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 4-3, DIV: 1-3 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 4-6 < PF: 67, PA: 68, AFC: 0-2, NFC: 4-4, DIV: 3-1 > Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 3-7 < PF: 63, PA: 80, AFC: 3-0, NFC: 0-7, DIV: 0-3 >

The hell -- neighbors think you're Jewish? Are you?

10 p.m. • Oh man. If the Muslims weren't pissed off at us already, wait until this shit starts showing up on their televisions. (Allah lets them own TV sets, right?) LOL at the quote in the last paragraph. You just don't want to get your head chopped off. Yeah, MTV will start out by playing videos, but then you guys will soon have "Real Worlds" "Road Rules" and all that other crap that has spawned long after I stopped watching this station. Then again, I'd love to see those "Sweet 16" shows. "Abia wanted something special for her 16th birthday, but when we went shopping for burkas for the big day a man from across the street looked at her, which is the worst thing you can do to a Muslim father. So we stoned her and gave the offending oogler a goat." • Wait, so now cBS news writers are on strike? And here I thought all the comedy/fictional writers were already walking the picket line in Tinseltown. 8 p.m. • The better half and I have to take our newer car for its annual inspection in a few months. I talked a while back about going to this one regular place with our 1988 Corsica that’s about ready to go to the big junkyard up in the sky, and the inspection guy said this car needed a whole bunch of work. Oh hell, I’m too lazy to type all this shit up again. Well now it’s time for the newer car to get inspected. Mrs. kkk wanted to go to another inspection place because of what the above-mentioned auto shop supposedly did to rip us off. One problem. The place that she wanted to go charges $50 dollars just to get in the door. Now she was flipping out about this but I wasn’t. More power to this guy. Look, if he can maintain a large enough client base with charging $50 upfront he must be doing something right. Mrs. kkk then asked if I wanted to take the car to him. “Hell no,” I said. “There may be people that will pay $50 for the privilege of this guy looking at their car, but I’m not one of those people.” We’re going back to the first mechanic since the newer car is still under warranty and if anything major is needed (which is unlikely) then we’ll just go somewhere else.

I had/have the Genesis game. I have nothing bad to say about it.

N00b.

I get along great with my family. Then again I want nothing to do with them so that's why.

I've heard about this I-80 issue. Of course, the extra money will do nothing but feed more cash into the beast. A few years later we'll be in the same problem. Of course we can't actually properly manage the roads, could we? Nah.

9 p.m. • Yet another reason why I don’t want kids. The other day while talking about Swift Terror’s latest download, I made some remark to the better half about keeping kkk Jr. in his crib out in the living room while I played Madden. Her response, “I’d be OK with that.” Oh hell no we’re not having kids. • Fuck this shit. Blast away, po-pos. I’m so sick of hearing this shit about “OMG HE DIDN’T HAVE A GUN WHY DID YOU SHOOT?” Don’t want to get shot? When the cops show up and tell you to get on the ground, do that. I know it’s crazy, but try it.

My first thought was the first TMNT. A distant second is Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

Yep. And that NE/BUF point spread is only for the first quarter.

Deadline has come and gone. Everyone say "hi" to Devo, who now has the 49ers.