kkktookmybabyaway

kkk’s Top 103 Posters Number 18: Bravesfan There’s not much to say about Bravesfan. Hell, I didn’t even bother doing some fancy intro or anything. I’ve known him for a while at this place. Years back he had some pick 'em football contest and I think it eventually drove him mad. He’s lived in Hawaii, moved to the Northwest to attend college, and that’s when I stopped keeping score. He still posts under some hippie name, but he’ll always be Bravesfan to me. God, this was a lame entry. Oh well, I still put more effort into it than he did with his most recent foray into the kkk Bowl postseason. 8:30 p.m. • Well no shit. Come on, illegals, invade this country. And bring a few towelheads with you. All I ask is that you blow shit up in San Fran, Berkley and Greenwich Village. Oh, and State College, too. Fuck that place. • And this goddamn chat link at the top of the page is already getting on my nerves. I've mistakenly clicked on in four times today already. • I might vote for Mike Huckabee in the Republican primary for thisquote alone. Sadly, with the way Republicans have been acting, voting for someone because they made a Mikey Moore fat joke actually does seem like a good reason. 6 p.m. • So I just took 20 minutes off of my life by going to Burger King. Hell, it's no worse than the two hours I lost due to some fagtard getting into an accident on the Parkway East this afternoon. Anyway, I tried one of their new Oreo shake things. It was there, but what gave me a hard-on was the straw it came with. Yes, the straw. Seriously, this thing is f'n HUGE. You don't have to worry about sucking on some plastic hole for 20 minutes in the hopes of getting some dairy delight. This bitch will suck up Oreo chunks like it's no problem. That's all I got. 7 a.m. • A while back I mentioned the 1997 Pirates team that captured the heart of the city by hanging out at the top of the NL Central for most of the summer. Problem was, this was a sub-.500 team that got knocked off by a much better Astros team that decided to show up late in the season. I always found it funny that this "freak show," as it was dubbed by the Shittsburgh faithful was the most exciting time for baseball in the region since 1992. How sad is that? Well, here's what's even sadder. The local media is doing a four-part series on this magical summer of '97. I linked the last in this series, and I'm not posting any of this shit. Go find it and read it yourself. • Oh, no. My state's climate could be more like Alabama's if we don't get our emissions under control. So says the UNION OF CONCERNED SCIENTISTS. Who comes up these names? I want to hear the report from the Right-to-Work State of Don't-Give-a-Fuck Scientists. • Speaking of commie institutions, here's another one. Bilked? Here's a wild thought. Maybe if the customers had the money in their accounts they wouldn't be subject to overdraft fees and all that other shit. Jesus Christ, what is so hard about having a little cash cushion in your bank account? If you don't have enough money to cover a 50-cent candy bar, then you shouldn't be using your debit card in the first place. Actually, I have a funny story regarding this subject. When I was 16, I was at the mall and bought the Geto Boys' "Til' Death Do Us Part." After buying this album, I wanted a Wendy's Jr. Cheeseburger from the food court. I needed to take some money out of the ATM. I couldn't. There wasn't enough in my account to make the minimum $10 cash withdrawl. It was right then that I said to myself, "WTF, I don't even have enough for a 99-cent cheeseburger?!" (Actually, I had $8-9, but you get the point.) From that moment I've been the kkk-stein you've all know and love. Of course, if I had a debit card and used that, my 99-cent cheeseburger could have costed $30 with the draft fees, but let's just say I still would have learned my lesson. And besides, I was 16 at the time, and that is the best time to learn these financial survival skills –– not when you're an adult living on your own or trying to raise a family. I still have that Geto Boys tape, and "Bring it On" still ownz all ur azzes.

And what would you say about Bravesfan?

Three. In a country of 300+ million.

6:30 p.m. • Ha. And you’re the one that wants the unFairness Doctrine in place to ban RIGHT-WING RADIO. Get a taste of your own medicine by having someone curtail your speech, you little shit. • So Sidney Crosby signed a contract extension and didn’t get the biggest payday he could have. More power to him. I’ve said before, I don’t mind athletes trying to get as much money as they can. If you’re fortunate to have your services in that high of demand, then go for the phat check. However, surely there has to come a time when the money takes a back seat to other things. At the end of his career, Crosby is going to have a shitload of money. If you were in his position, would you rather have $200 million and no Stanley Cup title or $150 million with a much better chance to give that silver trophy a smooch or two? • David Beckham is in the hizzle. Whatever. I have nothing against the chap. If he puts a few more butts in the seats, then yay. I doubt soccer will see a boom from this, but I’m sure if ESPN shoves this down our throats, then maybe I’m wrong. Then again, that hippie cell phone they pimped a while back didn’t quite work out for them, and those commercials got on my last nerve. While I’m on the subject of ESPN, this “Who’s Now” thing they’re doing has got to be one of the dumbest things I’ve seen this network do. When I’ve seen Jay Harris (one of the few anchors I don’t mind) talk about this gimmick I swear he’s saying to himself, “Think about the paycheck, Jay, just think about the paycheck.” • Well no shit. My one niece-in-law is a really big girl, and now that she’s getting into the double-digits in age, I can see that she’s getting a bit self-conscious of her waistline. Oh well. Efforts? So calling someone “fatass” would be hate speech? Oh, and this is rich.

I saw Blade Runner once, and that was enough for me. Not sure about what "version" it was, though. Some horse was running around, if that helps.

Damn, it's getting to be that time of year again. I need to start making my kkk Bowl V scoresheets.

I like Ichiro. More power to him.

10 p.m. • So lovecraft is talking about hippie songs he likes and shit over at his blog. For some reason this gave me the urge to pop in an oldie but goldie -- Body Count's first album. You know, the one with "Cop Killer." Actually, I never really cared for that song when there's much better content on this album. Take for example the genius of these lyrics. Not quite the same as listening to the actual album, but it's more than what I was expecting from You Tube. I think. OK, I just heard the break between the first and second verses. Forget what I said in the first sentence. My ears, bitch! Now I'm actually watching the video. The hell? 9:45 p.m. • Forget declining memory and reasoning abilities -- how about old people just get grumpier as time goes along? I should know. Say, that reminds me. Why don't blacks want their kids marrying Mexicans? Because they don't want their grandchildren too lazy to steal. Who says I don't understand humor comprehension? 5:15 p.m. • So I just saw my first movie trailer for that Underdog movie. And the sad thing is this will probably make money. 3 p.m. • Yeah, I know I’m a loser. I don’t care. So I made some notable changes to my teams in MVP 2005. Well, I didn’t do much with the Pirates, because, well, how can you tweak utter perfection? My A, AA and AAA teams did get some face-lifts. Single-A position players with much better stats than their AAA counterparts moved up while others moved down, and over the last few days I had some interesting contests. MLB: Edged the Rockies 1-0 thanks to a solo home run. Thank God Colorado can’t hit left-handers in this game. AA: Was down 7-0 by the second inning, even though I had one of my best starters pitching. To make matters worse, those bastards then switched from a southpaw to a right-handed pitcher, thus screwing up my lineup, which had a few players who couldn’t hit worth shit against righties. Thanks to a five-run ninth, I rallied and won 9-8. Because I called up several players, I needed a right fielder and signed one via free agency. This guy went 3-4 in this game with 4 RBI. A: This team was a regular mash-fest, which is why I called up several players to AA and AAA teams. I had some trouble scoring early on, but I managed to tie this contest and we went into extra innings – eight of them to be exact. And the funny thing is, my worst relief pitcher threw five scoreless innings. I’ll probably play my AAA team sometime this week. God only knows what’s going to happen with this bunch. • I sure can’t wait to see how I got fucked over with this new budget deal. Crap. That's never a good sign whenever both sides claim victory. So Fast Eddie is probably going to spend more on stupid shit, and he’s not raising taxes … yet. That’s not a victory you Republican shitheads. You know what this reminds me of? Years ago a group of us were trick-or-treating, and these kids came up to one in our group and surrounded him demanding candy. Much like animals in the wild, we cut our losses with the weak link and moved on. A few houses later, we were approached by the kid we abandoned, and he said to us, “I showed them. They each wanted five candy from me and I only gave them three.” Yeah, you showed them. Good job Republicans. You state pols are just as bad as the Democrats. Then again, fuck the constituents. They deserve to get screwed. Oh, and listen to this furloughed worker. You were off for a DAY! And I read in the local paper about someone bitching about this because many state workers live paycheck to paycheck. Well whose fucking fault is that?

I've been hearing the toll-road tax, too. Come on, Al. You commies from the eastern part of the state should want to pay more in taxes/tolls.

Good. Fuck the customers. Take your business, and your complaints, elsewhere and clog up some other place's phone lines.

8 p.m. • LOL Mikey Moore. That joke writes itself. And he wants media outlets to tell the truth? While we’re on this subject, how exactly is universal health care “free”? Wait a second, Mikey just said at the end that he doesn’t do taped interviews that can be edited. Oh that’s funny. • So today I heard on several ESPN shows that one of the big stories of this All-Star Weekend, err, day or two, is Barry Bonds not participating in tonight’s home-run contest. “OMG he owes it to the people in San Francisco fans for their years of blind loyalty,” “OMG he is finally getting into the good graces of the world and he’s ruining it,” “OMG he’s turned his back on the fans yet again.” Look, I can’t stand Bonds, but he can do whatever the hell he wants – and many times he does just that. Besides, I thought Major League Baseball wanted to distance itself from the roid age? Wouldn’t have The Forehead taking his cuts at Pac Bell Whatever it’s Called Ball Park do just that. Listening to the national sports media tell Bonds what he should do to enhance his image is like having a N.Y. Times columnist give advice to the GOP on what Republicans should do in order to win the next election. • While on the subject of baseball, for those that like this sort of thing: • OMG FAUX NEWS LOL20… uh, ah screw it. I’m too lazy right now to think up a nickname for the BBC. • Damn you global warming. Of course, this is now why we’re referring to this as “climate change.” That way, they don’t have to worry about the earth getting hot or cold. • N*gga plz. If they really wanted to make an impact, they would have hung this mean word from a tree or put it on a burning, wodden, lower-case "t" indicating that it's time for this word to leave.

"I pray that this event ends global warming the same way Live Aid ended world hunger." OK, now that was funny.

7 p.m. • Poor Katie. Ha, that "free speech" thing they started out with died. That's funny. Wait, dressing down for less criticism? Wouldn't it be the other way? Oh well. I'm glad the whole thing is going to shit. • Well at least we know this wasn't a lover's quarrell. 9:30 a.m. • Christ, the house was just cleaned on Friday and now Max, who is a longhair, is starting to leave his signature card all over the floor. Oh well, nothing he can do about it; cat’s gotta shed. Besides, he’s so darn adorable. Of course, the clumps of fur could also be spots where he wrestled with JJ while I was sleeping. It’s actually quite amusing to see. As I have said before, JJ is actually a rather powerful cat, but this strength is wrapped up in a package of cowardice. He’ll run up to Max and made this gesture that he wants to wrestle and they’ll go at it for about five seconds until JJ jumps up and runs away. And JJ always likes to be the one on the bottom. Go figure.

If I want her to graze on my lawn, then sure.

Yeah, I'm glad the awareness is spreading. I never even heard of this "global warming" thing until today.

So did you do your part to save the planet, Vanhalen?

Could have been. I don't remembe the name.

This was a Jeopardy question -- lol.

When the Pirates played the M's earlier this year, they were up against some terrible pitcher who threw a gem against them. Funny stuff.

11 p.m. • Haven’t paid attention to the hippie Save-the-Planet concerts, but I figured someone would bring this up: But that’s OK. Because it’s all for a good cause. You know, Al, instead of holding hippie concerts to tell us all how to live our lives, I think your time would be better served answering your critics. • This was also on Drudge, but what's better than the actual article... ...was the in the comment section after the article. El Duderino, my n*gga. No, they don't have anything better to do. Dealing with domestic Islamic terrorists is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male. 2:30 p.m. • So I went to bed at 3 a.m. after watching that Insomniac special hosted by David Attell. Wasn’t too bad, actually. I’d rank the performances as Giraldo, Attell, Rouse and … ugh … Cook. What is the big deal behind this guy? I’ve seen two performances from him and I think I’ve only chuckled once, maybe twice – but that was because two of my cats were wrestling in front of the television at the time. Anyway, I went to bed and woke up at 1:30 p.m. today: a ten-and-a-half hour nap. Haven’t had one of those in a while. It brought back memories when I was living in Sappy Valley. I lived at that shithole from January ’99 through August of ’00, and for my last several months I had an apartment to myself. The future Mrs. kkk went back home after she graduated from Penn State to work for a few months, and I stayed because I had steady work and it was easier to do that than go back to the Shittsburgh region, look for work for three months, and them move again to Ohio, which is where we were headed for that August. I worked 60+ hours/7 days per week, and there were several days when I put in 12+ hour shifts. There were some days when I got in and slept for 17 hours straight. And it was great. Christ, when you awaken from one of those slumbers you feel like you’re ready to take on the world. Oh, yeah. Here was my Friday night. The test-tube welfare family I have talked about in the past stopped over for the first time to get our old screen door for their casa. And they brought their two test-tube kids. Gag. I’m sorry. I do not like these people. It mostly stems from the fact they purposely had two kids via artificial insemination when they do not have the money for this. Many people would feel bad for a family of four if they collected welfare because the dad and mom got laid off from their job, or an accident/illness befell one of them. However, these two people were on the public dole BEFORE heading off to the sperm clinic. (Note: Due to the seach function seemingly being out of order, I can't link up previous entries talking about these people to give some background info to any n00bs reading.) Anyway, it was funny to see their reaction to our house because they were AMAZED at how nice it was. Yes, these people own a HOUSE. A house, which I learned last night, needs ductwork because the previous owner built new shitty walls to cover up the shittier walls from prospective buyers. Oh, yeah. The previous buyer didn’t install any new ventilation ducts to allow the hot air from circulating throughout the house; basically, the hot air just stayed in-between the two walls. The test-tube family didn’t realize this and just kept turning up the heat this past winter, resulting one month in a $700 bill, which I’m sure the taxpayers footed the bill for. Their house also has, according to the better half, uneven floors that allow someone to roll objects from tables and countertops with no effort. There were a few other fix-em-ups that this piece of property needs, but I can’t remember what they were. I guess those $300 mortgage payments (which they are several months behind on) proves the adage, “you get what you pay for.” So as I sat there listening to them talking about how the matriarch of this family can’t work more than two days per week or else they wouldn’t be able to get welfare, I was doing everything I can to not include any commentary of my own. What job does this person work? She cleans her aunt’s house (the aunt whose house I attend every Memorial Day for that annual family cookout), and by “cleans” I mean “sits down all day and watches television with the rest of the public assistance leeches.” Then I heard that they were thinking about bringing a THIRD human being into this world. Oh hell no. Keep watching the Braves game, which was on to keep their kids somewhat distracted, and this will be all over with soon enough. WTF? The White Sox game was 20-14? Back to reality, the younger of the two kids says, something that struck fear into me. “Daddy, I went poopie.” OH HELL NO! With as droopy as that diaper of hers is, you get that brat out of this house. Sure my three cats will launch the occasional turd from one of their litter boxes and bat it around on the floor, and Dessa will infrequently pee on the carpet sometimes just to be a bitch, but they're cats. And, more importantly, they're my cats and are much less maintenance overall than a fledging human being. When these people finally left, with the screen door tied down to the top of their car and the glass part placed in the back seat (which is where their two kids were also sitting), I grabbed the can of Oust from the bathroom and started spraying the living room. Mrs. kkk and I then exchanged the following words. Figure out who said what yourself. “What are you doing?” “Getting the ‘poor people’ smell out of our house.” “That is so not right.” “Then why are you laughing?”

You stupid fuck, your going to hell you fucking faggot, wherever your going which i doubt you'll go to heaven, i hope chris is ready to kick your ass motherfucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mother fucker chris benoit is good man not murder i wish that ur papa will do this to u and ur mom peace of shit ROLFAMOR I HATE NIGERS this is funny but we gotta remember chris benoit was a great person R.I.P This was fucking hilarious. Benoit is being fucked in the ass by Satan right now. It's a good thing that he jobbed during his last months with the company. He was a waste of life. The best thing he could've done was kill himself. If only he'd done it sooner though.

ur sick! this is disgusting! how could u do something like this! the mans is dead and this is how u pay tribute! u dumbass mother fucking retard! wow ur a fucking pig! go get a freakin life and find something humoris if u wanna make fun of something! this is just disgusting!

I'll be watching. With my AC cranked up 15 degrees colder than normal, all the lights turned on, and with the washer/dryer/dishwasher running all at once.

5:15 p.m. • So let me get this right. I drive home from work. Now garbage pick up for me is Friday. Today is Friday. However, there are several holidays that, if they fall on a weekday, pushes back garbage collection back a day. One of these holidays is Independence Day. This means my garbage pick up is Saturday. This morning when driving to work, I noticed several houses on my street with their trash out. When I got back from work, the cans were there, but the garbage wasn’t. Hmmm. To solve this groovy mystery I called up the garbage company. Me: Good afternoon, I was calling because I was wondering if there was a trash collection along 666 kkk Street? Them: What day is your pick up? Me: Today, but with this week featuring Independence Day, and this holiday listed on your card saying which holidays move back collection, I was double-checking. Them: You collection will be tomorrow, that’s right. Me: OK. The reason I called was that when I left for work several houses along my street had their trash out, and when I returned home the cans were still there but the trash was gone. Them: That’s right. They left their garbage up to be collected. Me: But you just said collection will be tomorrow. Them: That’s right. Me: Huh? Them: We collect it both days. It’s easier that way. Me: Uh, OK. So in order to make it easier for the trash collectors, they have to drive two routes for two days to collect garbage from neighborhoods that are told not to put out their trash until a day later than normal? Well if it works for Waste Management, then it works for me. I always wondered how they dealt with holidays. 12:45 p.m. • Whew. I'm glad Burger King is getting rid of those dangerous trans-fats. Now I can eat my triple whopper with cheese value meal without fear of it being bad for me. • Remember yesterday's entry when I said my trip to the zoo was blocked off by a parade? It wasn't. I guess I should feel bad and ponder my own existence in this crazy world, but I don't. Hey, you didn't have to hear the better half bitch about not being able to see the tiger cubs on the drive home. • I wonder if you get an STD from this if you can claim workman's comp, or whatever they do over there.

6:15 p.m. • So how was my Fourth of July? From Monday: Better Half: “Let’s do something for the Fourth.” Me: “Let’s not.” “I want to go to the zoo.” “Why? You’re going to the zoo next week with the niece and nephew.” “I want to see the baby tiger cubs.” “We have three cats.” “We’re going.” So on the way to the zoo, we find out that the main road to get to said animal hangout is shut off, probably for some hippie parade. We took a side road and hoped we could end up somewhere near the zoo. Did I mention the Shittsburgh zoo is located next to fucking ghettos and shit? Well, after a few turns we weren’t in Kansas anymore. I wished we were in Kansas. There would have been much less black people giving us thug looks and eying up our phat rims. We decided to turn around and backtrack, hoping we could get one of the fine city’s public servants to let us know what the hell to do. Well, when we got back to where the zoo road was shut off, we realized that now even MORE of the road was closed, and the officers were less than helpful. We took a road that we knew and go on during our daily commute home from work. As we were driving this road we noticed there was quite a bit of smoke a few blocks down from us. Mrs. kkk then said… “Are they having a barbeque?” No. They’re having an accident. A really bad one. I have no idea what happened, but some car was plastered against a telephone pole, and some young white guy was lying on the street. There was a crowd, lots of screaming and an old, white cop trying to direct traffic. Oh, and the totaled car was on fire. The cop asked if we had a fire extinguisher. We didn’t. Then we came to a familiar sight. A few weeks ago, this house was hanging a banner, accusing some guy named George Hall of stalking. Well, the banner was taken down a little while ago, but now it was back up. Apparently, the guy is back to stalking. Mrs. kkk was still hell-bent on going to the zoo, so we took the Parkway and tried getting to said zoo in this direction. Well, guess where we ended up? Yep, right back to that shut down road, except this time even MORE of the road was closed. Pissed off, we retreated back to suburbia and decided to see a movie. What was the movie? The fourth Die Hard film. Now I’ve made some comments in the Die Hard thread about my concern for the PG-13 rating. After all, the suckitude that was “Alien v. Predator” achieved a similar rating when it should have been made to appeal to an R-rated audience, but whatever. I went with Die Hard because that was the longest-running of the available films and I wanted to get my money’s worth (a Jew to the end, I know). I’ll tell you what, how the hell did this get a PG-13 rating? Now I could talk about the actual movie and my thoughts on the fourth installment in the Die Hard series, but it’s so much more entertaining to talk about the animals I had to share the same building with for these few hours. Let’s start with the fellow Die Hard movie-goers. Now this cinema was packed, which isn’t surprising considering the Fourth of July. However, what makes this aggravating is that all the sheeple just stand around the one or two ushers who rip tickets waiting for their movie to start seating. This of course prevents anyone from getting through to see their movie, which is already seating. And of course, there is an ELECTRIC MARQUEE on the wall TELLING people which movies/times are currently being seated and which others aren’t quite ready for seating yet. NOBODY LOOKS AT THIS BOARD! It’s not that hard. Oh, there’s “Die Hard.” Oh, there’s 4 p.m.. Oh, there’s “Now Seating.” Get the fuck out of my way people. Actually, I didn’t bowl over these old people in my way because I gave them a warning when I said out loud to Mrs. kkk, “So do you want to lead in the plowing efforts to get to our movie or should I do it this time?” The old people in front of me wandering around in small circles got the hint and parted to the side. The usher ripped our tickets and said, “Down this hallway. Fourth door to your left. It’s the one without a marquee on because it’s broken.” As we started walking down the hall, I heard the usher say the same thing to the people behind us. Mrs. kkk decided to go to the bathroom and I stood by the Die Hard auditorium door waiting for her. While waiting, several groups of people strolled by with a look of confusion. Yep. They didn’t pay attention when the usher said the Die Hard marquee was down. The better half re-emerged and two separate groups of people asked us where the 4 p.m. Die Hard feature was. Mrs. kkk pointed to the auditorium and said the usher told us it was the one with the broken marquee. Each time the people replied, “Well he didn’t tell US that.” Oh bullshit. If there’s one thing I know it’s that movie patrons are among some of the dumbest people out there. Once an usher rips their ticket the customers zone out and pay no attention whatsoever to whatever the employee says after that. The better half said to me that when she was in the ladies room, someone was complaining to her about not being told where the Die Hard feature was being played. Yeah. Oh, and when we got our seats I went back out to get a drink and Junior Mints. When I passed this poor usher to and from the snack stand, guess what I heard him say each time to customers. “Down this hallway. Fourth door to your left. It’s the one without a marquee on because it’s broken.” So the movie started after 30 minutes of commercials and previews. Look, I don’t really mind wading through previews and shit because that just gives people who showed up late the chance to find a seat before the film starts, but come on – don’t play the same commercials I see on TV on the silver screen. Can’t we be somewhat creative? Oh, and there were two previews to films dealing with the WAR ON TERROR. Christ, people go to the movies to escape this shit. The only saving moment came during some commie “Lions and Lambs” piece of shit that Robert Redford made where Tom Cruise, who I guess is playing some warmonger, says some line like, “If you *do something* the TERRORISTS HAVE WON.” This prompted me to say, “If you don’t come out of the closet, the TERRORISTS HAVE ALREADY WON,” prompting a snicker from Mrs. kkk. The other highlight of the movie-going experience came afterward when I went to take a number one in the men’s room. After I was done, I returned out to the lobby hall and said the following to the two ushers who were just finished cleaning up the Die Hard auditorium. “Someone just pooped on the floor in the cripple stool.” Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people? And no, it wasn't me that did it. 3 p.m. • So this sucker client asked my co-worker on Monday to transfer from her account $6,000 because she was having medical work done to her and needed the money by today. My co-worker placed the necessary form/parperwork on my idiot boss’ desk Monday morning at 10 a.m. because he has to see and approve EVERY transaction we make. He finally got around to reading this request … at 11 a.m. today. Bwahahahahaha. • Would you believe this shit? Al Gore Jr. was going 100 mph in a PRIUS! And just how much gas was wasted by him going vroom-vroom? The terrorists won this round for sure. 10 a.m. • Wha-? Perhaps the upset Frenchies aren't used to seeing one of their own jogging in Paris rather than away from Paris when the Germans come to pay them a visit.