kkktookmybabyaway

"Been a carpenter for a living" and "Working as a carpenter for a living" are two different things.

If it makes you feel any better, the passenger door to my '88 Corsica hasn't opened from the outside for seven years. I consider it an anti-carjacking device. Then again, the fact it's an '88 Corsica should be all the anti-carjacking material I need.

How can you say such things?

7:15 p.m. • For the last few weeks, I’ve been on a “Cops” kick. I guess because the white-trash tales regarding the crackwhore sister-in-law and her out-of-control daughter have recently come to a halt, I need to go elsewhere for my fix. I remember years ago this comedian had a bit about someone he knew that watched this show and tried to guess the race of the perp before he or she showed up on television. Sadly, that’s what I’m doing now, and I’m pretty good at it. In fact, I now have to add another twist to this game: if the perp is white, will he (or she!) be wearing a shirt? And if the perp is black, I try to understand at least half of what the crack head/car thief/druggie says during his 15 minutes of fame on television. And just why am I watching this show? About 45 minutes ago I got done viewing an episode where two girls in a trailer park got into a fight. According to the witnesses, one parent watched the scuffle. But when the other kid’s parent came out to see what was going on, Parent 1 (allegedly) threw a beer at Parent 2. As the po-pos were trying to figure out what was going on, they spoke with Parent 2, who admitted to letting her kid punch the other kid, saying, “This is a trailer park. It’s what they do.” Oh, but it got better. The next segment had two cops pull up to a house where a 7-year-old locked his mom out of their residence. To make matters better, this brat was making faces by the window when the officers were telling him to let his mom back in the house. The cops eventually broke the front door and the kid hid under a bed. Once he was dragged out to the living, he began screaming and crying. He was also in nothing but his underwear. • For as much as I hate mowing the lawn, there is one thing I despise more. Raking leaves. There is a tree in my backyard that dumps its load every November/December and I have to rake this shit up. Last year I was waiting for this annual ritual to begin, and of course the day in which all the leaves end up on the ground the better half and I were in the midst of a flu bout. Once I got over this sickness, I slept on my back in an odd way and woke up one morning with so much pain I couldn’t bend over. After a week or two when this condition went away it began to constantly rain or snow. I figured I’ll just rake this shit up come spring. It couldn’t be that bad, right? Wrong. Over the last last two days I’ve done four full leaf bags of these dried-up pieces of shit and I got a few good bags left scattered on my property. God only knows what the neighbors think because I’m sure some of my mess went onto their yard. Then again, they really don’t do much in the realm of lawn preservation, so I’m sure any “outrage” directed at me would be just for show. However, it’s the principle of it all, and I do feel like a schmuck about this mishap. Let’s just say lesson learned. I could have cancer with tubes sticking out of every body part and I’ll still rake these leaves once they fall from that damn tree. • The MLB season hasn't even started yet and I have to listen to this shit already. OK, time to play “Who is more diverse?” Is it the league with 60 percent of one race 29 percent of another race 8.5 percent of another race, and 2.5 percent of another; Or is it the league with 77 percent of one race 21 percent of another race, and 2 percent of other races; Or is it the league with 69 percent of one race, and 31 percent of another race, plus probably a percentage or two of other races. If you guessed the first sport, you would be selecting Major League Baseball. Sport number two is the NBA, and sport number three is the NFL. So while the PC bitches at ESPN and other national sports media figureheads gnaw on their fingernails trying to figure out how to bring more black people into America’s National Pastime, I’m doing my best to get more of “my people” those valued starting NFL cornerback slots. But I’ll throw MLB a bone on this one. You want more blacks in your game? Promote the fact being able to steal in your contests is a good thing.

Of course they don't count. Their great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandparents weren't brought across the Atlantic in chains to America.

11 p.m. • This always baffled me. If you're splitting up, how can you still have an "amicable" relationship? How does one go about arranging such a thing? "Hi baby, you know I like you and all, right?" "Yeah, snook-ums." "Want me to leave and split our assets 50/50?" "Sure. Don't forget to take out the trash as you leave." • Now this is funny. Three paragraphs later... Oh, yeah, they also talked about Mumia. *shrug* 10:45 p.m. • Oh boy, MORE BASEBALL DIVERSITY SHIT. *gag* OK, you guys win. Get a few Tyrones and Leroys out onto the field in those fancy jerseys and quit talking about this shit already. I like how this annual "Civil Rights Game" is being played by a team with arguably one of the most offensive mascots in any sport. And by "offensive" I mean "offensive if you're a bitch-ass faggot and actually recoil in fear at the sight of this:" Oh dear, I wonder if the White Sox will ever get a chance to play in this Civil Rights Classic? While I'm on this subject, why is that one 1919 World Series called the BLACK SOX scandal? OMG RACISM! No wonder there aren't any black people playing baseball!! 8 p.m. • Well, the Final Four is just around the corner, so let’s see how I did this year with my brackkketology. Bolded teams are the ones I picked for that particular game. Teams with a line through were teams I had that got eliminated in an earlier round. Just for shits and giggles, I’m giving myself one point per correct pick for the first round. For the second round I’ll give myself two points per correct pick, and so on. FIRST ROUND Florida (1), Jackson State (16): Correct Arizona (8), Purdue (9): Correct Butler (5), Old Dominion (12): Correct Maryland (4), Davidson (13): Correct Notre Dame (5), Winthrop (11): Correct Oregon (3), Miami of Ohio (14): Correct UNLV (7), Georgia Tech (10): Incorrect Wisconsin (2), Tex A&M CC (15): Correct Kansas (1), Whoever (16): Correct Kentucky (8), Villanova (9): Incorrect Virginia Tech (5), Illinois (12): Incorrect Southern Illinois (4), Holy Cross (13): Correct Duke (6), VCU (11): Incorrect Pittsburgh (3), Wright State (14): Correct Indiana (7), Gonzaga (10): Correct UCLA (2), Weber State (15): Correct North Carolina (1), Eastern Kentucky (16): Correct Marquette (8), Michigan State (9): Incorrect Southern Cal (5), Arkansas (12): Correct Texas (4), New Mexico State (13): Correct Vanderbilt (6), George Washington (11): Incorrect Washington State (3), Oral Roberts (14): Correct Boston College (7), Texas Tech (10): Correct Georgetown (2), Belmont (15): Correct Ohio State (1), Central Conn. State (16): Correct BYU (8), Xavier (9): Correct Tennessee (5), Long Beach (12): Correct Virginia (4), Albany (13): Correct Louisville (6), Stanford (11): Correct Texas A&M (3), Penn (14): Correct Nevada (7), Creighton (10): Incorrect Memphis (2), North Texas (15): Correct Total score: 25 correct, 7 incorrect. 25 points. SECOND ROUND Florida (1), Purdue (9): Correct Maryland (4), Butler (5): Incorrect Oregon (3), Winthrop (11): Correct Wisconsin (2), Georgia Tech (10): Incorrect Kansas (1), Villanova (9): Correct Southern Illinois (4), Illinois (12): Correct Pitt (3), Duke (6): Incorrect UCLA (2), Indiana (7): Correct UNC (1), Marquette (8): Correct Texas (4), Southern Cal (5): Incorrect. Boy was this incorrect. Washington State (3), George Washington (11): Incorrect. Georgetown (2), Boston College: Correct Ohio State (1), Xavier (9): Correct Virginia (4), Tennessee (5): Correct Texas A&M (3), Louisville (6): Incorrect Memphis (2), Creighton (10): Correct Total score: 10 correct, 6 incorrect. 20 points. 25 cumulative points. THIRD ROUND Florida (1), Maryland (4): Correct Wisconsin (2), Oregon (3): Correct Kansas (1), Southern Illinois (4): Correct UCLA (2), Duke (6): Correct North Carolina (1), Texas (4): Incorrect. Georgetown (2), George Washington (11): Correct Ohio State (1), Tennessee (5): Correct Memphis (2), Louisville (6): Incorrect 6 correct, 2 incorrect. 18 points. 43 cumulative points. FOURTH ROUND Florida (1), Oregon (3): Correct Kansas (1), UCLA (2): Correct Georgetown (2), Texas (4): Incorrect Ohio State (1), Louisville (6): Correct 3 correct, 1 incorrect. 12 points. 55 cumulative points. FINAL FOUR Florida (1), UCLA (2) Ohio State (1), Texas (4) TERRIFIC TWO Ohio State (1), Florida So far I have 55 points out of 104. At least when it came to guessing which teams would get this far I got three brackets out of four, and that ain’t bad.

Now that you said it, I actually remember hearing something about the Astros having a blackless team. What I love about media types who bitch about this sort of thing is that many times they start out by saying something like, "Now I'm not saying this team is RACIST..." or "Sure the manager/coach didn't field a winning team for the last five season, BUT IF HE WOULD HAVE BEEN A WHITE..." Shittsburg's sports columnists play the race card quite a bit. (I should correct myself by saying they used to do this sort of thing. This is becaue I tuned out years ago and don't pay attention to them anymore.) Yeah, the Steelers fired former defensive coordinator Tim Lewis because he was BLACK. We don't like Barry Bonds because he is BLACK. We are going to boo our new football head coach if he doesn't win the Super Bowl next year because he is BLACK. Of course, these are the same RACIST fans who, even after Terry Bradshaw won them two championships, wanted his white-ass on the bench in favor of a crackhead.

6:45 p.m. • Oh you got to be kidding me. ESPN has Racist Dusty as a commentator? I just saw him on SportsCenter talking about the NL East. Oddly enough, Racist Dusty didn’t mention which teams will start out the season fast but finish slow in those chilly September nights due to a plethora of black players on their roster. • I can't wait to hear Circuit City bitch a year from now about how they can't find any good workers. If you’ve read my blog or posts for any length of time, chances are you know my opinion toward unions, "worker's rights" and all that other hippie shit, but whenever I read stuff like this, I get irked. Then again, in a free market, you always have to be on the go and ready to change jobs; staying at a place for 30 years is a thing of the past. Kind of a shame, really, but it’s a fact of life. Great, now I’m sounding like a commie. I need to change the subject … stat. • Much better. 9 a.m. • I'm a cat person, but I got to admit that there's no way any of my three would be able to pull this off. 7 a.m. • So I just heard on the news that Fast Eddie's attempt to jack up the state cigarette tax an extra dime is approved by voters in a poll by a count of 54 to 46 percent. Now I don’t smoke and I don’t care about those that do. However, I do have a soft spot for smokers if only because I treat them like disposable front-line infantrymen (and women) in the war on the State taxing its constituents. If smoking ever gets banned, or taxed to the point where not enough people won't purchase the product, then Big Brother will go and tax up the wazoo something else – perhaps something I like. Well anyway, I heard in this news blurb that the dime increase will make PA’s tax on a pack of smokes $1.45. And we bitch about BIG OIL for price gouging? Yikes. • I’ve been rooting for the Penguins and their mid-season surge to the NHL playoffs, if only because I hope it reminds people that Fast Eddie and Shittsburgh did jack shit to keep them here (yet our local leaders bent over backwards for the Pirates when they were in "danger" of leaving town). Last night they clinched a postseason spot. Uh, yay and stuff. I normally don’t watch the Penguins on television for a full game. If I’m putting away groceries or channel surfing and a game is being televised, I’ll keep it on depending on my mood. Well last night I had the start of the game on against the Washington Capitals while I got back from the grocery store. Every time I have a Penguins game on at the start of the contest they stink up the arena, and last night was no exception as Washington got off to a 2-0 lead. I changed channels for a few hours and came back to the game. What was the score when I returned to the game? 4-2 Pens.

3 p.m. • That Karl Rove is a genius. What’s the best way to get your administration’s accusations of firing judges, or whatever that stupid “scandal” is about? Give your press spokesman cancer. I didn't care too much for Tony when he sub-hosted for Rush all those years ago, but I didn't want him to get cancer for it. 8:15 a.m. • OK, so I get oodles of male (and female) enhancement ads through my personal and work e-mail, along with letters from exiled African princes who offer me millions of dollars worth of inheritance loot for just a $5,000 loan. Anyway, I got this in my e-mail this morning, and, well …

My take is that this ad is a warning of what can happen to YOU. The chick's husband has a small "pensis," (lol) therefore she has to look to satisfy her sexual needs elsewhere -- enter the killer whale.

I'm going to take a pee on my lawn because my front door is closer than the nearest porcelain depositary.

8:30 p.m. • Time to see if I’m a true-blue Juggalo or a Poser. Before I begin, I have a funny/sad story related to the Insane Clown Posse that I would like to share. While working as a team leader for a test-scoring facility in Ohio, I came across this essay answer that was nothing more than the lyrics to ICP’s “Under the Moon” (I can’t remember what the test question was). Oddly enough, that wasn’t the only “rap song” answer I encountered while working this job. In an essay question asking the student to tell a story of how he or she overcame a challenge, I got the lyrics to the Notorious B.I.G. “Warning.” However, at the end of the essay, instead of talking about busting a cap in the home invaders, he wrote something like “Hold on, I hear somebody coming. Hey, it’s Bob and Steve. You two want to go and get something to eat?” But now I’m getting off-track. I have to test my Juggalo cred. 1.) How many members are in ICP? a) 2 b) 4 c) 1 d) Unknown. Answer: Two 2.) The members of ICP all have tha same first name , whut is it? a) Steve b) Mike c) illig d) Joseph Answer: Fuck, I don’t know. They both look like “Mikes.” 3) Whut are the band-names tha members go by? a) Violent J, Shaggy 2 Dope b) AnyBody killa(ABK), Jumpsteady c) Esham, Jumpsteady d) Dont hav NE Answer: Easy. J and Shaggy. 4) Whut waz the previous name used by tha members of ICP?(whut waz there street/gang name?) a) Hatchet Family b) Tha Dark Carnival c) Insane Jester Gang d) Inner City Posse Answer: Inner City Posse – how the hell do I know that? 5) Whut was tha Story they were trying to tell through music? a) Story of tha Dark Carnival b) Hatchet warrior story c) Tha story of tha jesters/jokers d) There isnt a story e) … Answer: … 6) Did all tha members hav dreads? a) No b)Yes c) Only one did d) They didnt evere have dreads, they had braids e) ..... Answer: I’m going with the “braids” answer because I smell a swerve with this one. 7) Well weather they were dreads or braids, why did one of them have to shave them off? a) Never did b) No reason c) A new look d) For a Movie Answer: Got to be a movie. LL Cool J showed us his bald head in "Halloween: H2O." Nothing wrong with holding out for the right price. 8) Well if they made a movie whut waz it called? a) Never made a movie b) no names, they were music videos c) Big money hustlas d) Tha history of Insane Clown Posse Answer: OK, well it looks like I got #7 right. I’ll go with Hustlas because I doubt they would have went with “Tha history…” title. 9) There were origanaly thought that there was supossed to be 7 joker cards but in tha end how many are there? a) 5 b) 6 c) 4 d) 10 Answer: Unless there was some change to the joker cards after the Great Milenko, I'm pretty sure the answer is 6. 10) Whut joker card was tha master of Necromancy? a) Tha Great Milenko b) Tha Amazing Jeckle brothers c) Carnival Carnag d) Tha Wraith e) Tha Ring Master f) Tha Riddlebox Answer: Oh hell, I think I actually know this one. Milenko. OK, now time to see if I’m Juggalo-worthy. *Clicks submit.* Juggalo Your a True Juggalo, Born With a hatchet and a juggalo face, Cruisin with A trunk full of faygo and a car full of fat chix, and haunted by a Dark Carnival, your hmies are family too, and you believe Santa Clause is a fat bitch. Hallowen is prolly ur favorite Holiday. if this is tru and ur a juggalette you should im me on Aim: IndependentJ0ker (with tha number zero) Much Clown love! I have no idea how many I got wrong on this quiz, and I don’t want to know. Actually, I'm more afraid of how many I got right. Oh hell, I'll admit it. I own Riddlebox, Tunnel of Love and Milenko (all of them are bought used -- even I have my standards). It's all in good campy fun. Plus they make fun of rednecks. OK, final story for tonight. During the late ‘90s, the better half’s mother watched a bit of pro wrestling, which was odd for me when she’d ask me questions about why the Undertaker wasn’t on television (injury) or why did Bret Hart go from the WWF to the “other place” (OMG VINCE SCREWED BRET). But the strangest encounter came when ICP was with the WWF in that “Oddities” group, and my future mother-in-law said that these two performers were “funny” and that she wanted to know if they were “real” musicians (I’m sure I can put quote marks around the word musicians, too). A short while later I gave her a copy of “Riddlebox” because I knew it would offend her beyond belief (almost as bad as the time I informed her of the “Piss Christ”), and I was right. Why she allowed me to eventually marry her daughter I have no idea. 7 p.m. • Yesterday I talked about how much I like this time of year. However, there was one little thing I forgot to mention that I absolutely fucking hate. For some reason, when the sun starts shining, and people roll down the windows to their vehicles, many people get the urge to drive like assholes – or at least bigger assholes than they usually drive. I get it. You like to drive fast on a highway. Fine. But then people start weaving in and out of lanes during rush hour traffic just to get an extra car length or two. I witnessed several examples of this today, but the best by far was when one car was on its hood with the wheels still spinning. The funny thing was that there were no other cars hit or property damaged. My guess is that the driver was speeding and took a turn or hit the brakes, resulting in his car taking flight or flipping. Good. • Whatever. I really don’t care. Last year’s Monday Night crew was “eh,” and I’m sure this trio won’t be much better, or worse. But if this means more J.A. Adande “Jaws” impressions, then I throw my support behind this move. 9:30 a.m. • Get the hell out of here. HOWEVER If there was "good parenting," the kids wouldn't be in daycare in one of these institutions. Yeah, I know, OMG what should SINGLE MOMS and WORKING FAMILIES do~?! and all that shit. How about this: don't have kids before you can afford them.

I may not have clearly pointed this out, but those "answers" are what I entered. I don't know if they're all correct, and I don't want to know.

8 p.m. • Looks like the winter season is over in my part of the country. This weekend was the first this year when the windows were opened throughout the house. I like the seasonal transition from winter to spring because it’s not too hot where the AC needs turned on and it’s not too cold so that the better half will bitch about being cold – well at least not bitch all that much. Too bad in a few months it’ll be hotter than shit. Then again, it beats snow so I’m not complaining. However, this weather means that pretty soon I’ll have to start mowing the lawn again. In addition, I’m going to have to rake the leaves in the backyard, too. The last two years I raked the leaves in the autumn right before the snow, but this past season I was sick and didn’t get around to doing so. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. • Payback is a bitch, mother fucker. Wait a second. Sonofabitch. It wasn’t Mike Nifong. Wow. Never thought I’d live to see the day where I feel sympathy for a defense lawyer. Then again, if I should ever get dragged into court I’ll probably be showering my Jew lawyer with praise. • Awesome. Why do I think this is funny? Because Middletown, Ohio, my former residence, is located in Butler County. Oddly enough, there is a Butler county in the southwestern Pennsylvania area, too. It's the county just above Allegheny county (which is where Shittsburgh is located). For those that don't know by now, my county is to the east of Allegheny. While I’m on the subject of Middletown, I remember this story from two years ago, and I don’t think I've mentioned it here before. During my limited time living in Middletown, I never had a problem with the local tax people. Actually, I’ve never had a problem with any local tax people anywhere I have lived. Well, last year my local tax man didn’t cash my April check until the end of May, but whatever. It's local government.

11:45 p.m. • So I was flipping channels earlier today and came across some hippie Vh1 show that showed mini-videos. Eh. Oh well, this one got a laugh out of me. While I'm sorta on this subject, I actually like that Gene Simmons show on A&E. I don't watch this program on a regular basis, but if there is nothing else playing I'll put the remote down. I'm not a huge fan of Kiss, but the fact Gene is so obsessed with money makes him one of my heroes. 7:30 p.m. • I’ve bitched about this before, but I don’t care. Boo-fucking hoo. If you can’t afford a home, then don’t get a subprime loan you stupid fucks. I know owning a home is the “American Dream” and all that shit, but go at it the right way. Make sound choices in your life. Don’t live beyond your means. And for the love of Christ, don’t get an adjustable mortgage rate. Unlike the family mentioned above in this pseudo-sob story, don’t worry about the foosball table and hot tub until after you get financial matters in order. Oh this shit pisses me off. Sometimes life can throw you a curveball, but if you are prepared for it you have a better chance at properly reacting to whatever comes your way. It pays to hold out for the best possible deal rather than instantly gratify yourself and have it come back to bite you in the ass later. • If we don’t help out citrus farmers, the terrorists win. Actually, this type of shit goes on all the time in politics – attaching some pork, err, orange, to a bill that has nothing to do with the added spending. But since Democrats are now in charge I’m OUTRAGED! • I’m sure this guy, if convicted, can get the East Valley Tribune for free in the prison’s library.

7:45 p.m. • What's this? Please let it be a Jew bitching about the “Passion.” Oh well. Maybe next time. Good for Mel. Too bad he wasn’t drunk. It would have been more entertaining. Oh shut up you fucking bitch. “Your people” did some crazy shit – all cultures do. Deal with it. Here’s my favorite part. For the last fucking time – THIS PART OF THE WORLD WAS FUCKED UP BEFORE WHITEY CAME ALONG AND TOOK ALL YOUR GOLD! Say, this reminds me of my Quickie Mart days. There was this hippie chick that I used to work with. Well, actually, “hippie,” doesn’t do her justice. She was one of those wiccan moonbats who really believed all that shit, and this was before “Charmed” made wicca cool: or at least showed some practitioners with nice tits. Our magic moment came when I told her Indians weren’t these holier-than-thou pacifists and that they could tear shit up with the best of them. I also mentioned the Aztecs would sacrifice and eat their babies to appease the Sun God, or one of those things they worshipped. Did the Aztecs actually do this? I don’t remember, but I probably heard that they did, so it must be true. This chick then said that she followed this one tribe which roamed the Great Plains and lived off what the land provided for them. She then commented that one day they mysteriously disappeared, to which I replied, “That’s because the baby-eating Indians came up and kicked their asses.” Boy did that sure piss her off. Hey, a quick Google search shows that my baby-eating remark may have legs (and arms, too, depending on Chief I-Sold-New-York-For-A-Bag-Of-Beads-From-The-Dollar-Store's appetite). And this is from Informationliberation.com – THE NEWS YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW! :o :o :o • So Eminem, who has bitched in the past about CENSORSHIP, is trying to silence his ex-wife. (They're now divorced? That's right. Today's Friday.) Oh you got to be shitting me. This can’t be serious. Hey, what is this? Why, it’s the lyrics to one of Eminem’s songs. How DARE that bitch say Em is "slacking very much when it comes to the kids." That would make any baby daddy mad enough to kill ... or at least write a song about it.

Well you just moved up one spot -- providing that you're on the list at all.

Maybe the kid had a rough time at daycare and needed to take a load off.

KKK's Top 103 Posters Number 33: Hawk 34 Even though we have never met, Hawk and I have an unbreakable bond that can never be broken, much like the one I have with fellow poster Gert T. What's that bond? We have all lived in or near the Middletown, Ohio, region. With its unique mix of white and ghetto trash, Middletown has this charm that other, more developed communities lack. Oh there were many a night when I saw the flashing lights of a police car racing down by my townhouse along Clark Street off to catch some hooligans. Speaking of racing, Hawk likes that NASCAR stuff. I don’t know how that’s a redeeming quality to me, seeing I don’t really care about this sport (yes, I call it a sport), but whatever. And you know what, even though he’s been suspected of being the previously banned poster Choken One, I really don’t care. I had no qualms with Choken, so even if Hawk is the “One,” thus swerving nobody on this board but me, big deal. I do have several reasons to believe Hawk isn’t Choken, and one of them is that Hawk has shown me a picture of his squeeze. Even though she is hot, I don’t believe they are cousins. Now if Hawk would have only sent me a picture of her without all those pesky clothes, he might have cracked the Top 20. And now a word or three from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed. From Black Lushus: From SFA Jack: From Cancer Marney: 5:45 p.m. • So I stayed 15 minutes past my normal workday and decided to let the better half, who was home sick, know that I was going to be late. As I told her this over the phone, she then said, “Can you stop and get me a Happy Meal?” (I can already hear the “Vyce” jokes being typed.) FUCK. No, it’s not that I hate spending money – well, OK, it’s partly that – but it’s more that Happy Meal = McDonald’s, and the only Golden Arches that’s on the way home from work is a shithole. Well, the store itself isn’t too bad, but all their employees are ghetto trash and the service is awful. Every time I have stopped there, I swear to Christ that it takes at least 10 minutes for them to get an order done. But oh well, I’m a great good average at least I don’t cheat husband, so I went. I pulled in and the first thing I do is make that all-important decision: Drive-thru or in-store? Generally, my rule is if the drive-thru line is a few cars deep I’ll brave this route; otherwise, just go inside. Because there were no cars in plain sight in the drive-thru I figured what the heck and made my choice. Besides, at this store it really doesn’t matter because no matter where you go – you’re going to be waiting regardless. As I pulled to the speaker and delivered my order I looked at my dashboard clock – 3:52 p.m. I had the “Who Made Who” soundtrack playing and skipped to “Chase the Ace,” my favorite track on the album. I love how that shit picks up as the song continues. As much as I like the first track, the self-titled “Who Made Who,” I can only listen to the first two verses before getting bored, and “For Those About to Rock” has the opposite effect for me; I usually fast-forward to around the 4-minute mark when the cannons start firing. “You Shook Me All Night Long” is another solid offering, but, like “Who Made Who,” I start zoning out after the first verse or two. “Sink the Pink” and “Shake Your Foundations” are good tracks to have on as background noise. I generally don’t pay attention to “Hells Bells.” Those other two tracks – eh. Have I mentioned how awful the movie to this soundtrack is? 3:55 p.m. OK, when I placed my order there were only two vehicles in front of me. And the first automobile hasn’t budged. “Chase The Ace” is over and I want more AC/DC, but no more “Maximum Overdrive” memories. I reach into my portfolio bag and pull out “Highway to Hell.” Good enough, I’ll play “Girls Got Rhythm,” which is, at the moment, my favorite track of the album. Still no movement in the drive-thru line. 3:59 p.m. Oh you got to be fucking kidding me. I waited all this time and the motorist two cars down from me got a tiny bag of food? If there were several drink carriers being handed to him I could understand for the delay, but damn. Maybe a new batch of fries needed greased up or a Fillet o’ Fish had to be made from scratch. “Girls Got Rhythm” is over – maybe there’s enough time to hear some local RIGHT-WING RADIO and listen to the idiotic callers bitch about how Pennsylvania has these gay-ass state liquor stores? Seriously, these things are so fucking retarded. No, we can’t buy booze at a grocery store or a Quickie Mart. Why, that would make all of our kids alcoholics because what if they reach for a gallon of milk and accidentally pick up a six-pack of Bud? Then again, because I’m too lazy to head off to one of these government adult beverage centers I don’t buy alcohol, which saves me a few dollars. That’s one of the things I missed about Ohio – being able to buy alcohol any time, any place (well, almost any place). Jesus Christ this line isn’t moving, and there’s only one car in front of me. 4:02 p.m. Well, the top-of-the-hour newscast is beginning, so it’s time to put in another CD. Let’s see, how about “History of the Clash: Volume I”? I’m in the mood for “The Magnificent Seven” – Ring, ring it’s 7 a.m. There we go. And there goes the motorist. Well, this person actually left during “Wave bye-bye to the boss, it’s our profit it’s his loss,” but that wouldn't have sounded as clever. Now it’s my turn to wait. You know what annoys me? When you are waiting in line for other customers that take forever and a day to get their order, and then when it’s your turn the wait is virtually nil and the cashier gets impatient because you have the nerve to double-check your order. And by double-check I mean look into the bag to make sure a burger and fries are in there. Well, that sorta happened when my order was completed, but drive-thru cashiers are more accustomed to customers doing a quick once-over. Hey, my order is here, and it’s 4:07 p.m. Just in time for “Rock the Casbah.” You know, I often defend rappers for sampling music, but what Will Smith did with that “Will 2K” abortion was too much even for me to handle. Let my memories of this song be of that cute armadillo scampering about. Fifteen minutes, one Happy Meal, three songs and some RIGHT-WING RADIO banter. And the sad thing is, I thought I'd be waiting longer. Nevertheless, Sharif don't like it. But what am I going to do – declare a jihad? I have no children to strap with explosives, and there's no way I'd turn my kitties into martyrs. Considering they are all fixed, I doubt they would be able to do much with their 40 virgins and all. 8 a.m. • Whenever you think you suck at your job, just read this. • Al Gore says that the planet has a "fever." So where do we stick the thermometer for a temperature reading?

Doesn't matter. Mrs. SFA will find something else wrong with it. And someone else already answered money, so I won't.

I need the song title. You got a one-in-sixteen chance of getting it right. And I was expecting someone to do a google search. I doubt Jack would circumnavigate the globe with a one-liner like latitude.

N*gga plz. Don't let the business casual wardrobe and the suburban home fool you -- I'm thug yo. First one to say where the rap line in my first post is from moves up a spot on my list.

And I'd rather hear Willie Nelson than fucking Montell Jordan.

KKK's Top 103 Posters Number 34: Carnival This might come as a surprise to some, seeing how the little pecker beat me in last year’s TSM Poster Tournament. However, he’s a cat person and a juggalo to boot. If you don’t know what a juggalo is, just be thankful and move on. He also comes to the TSM community in hopes that we can pick him a suitable mate, or at least something to stick his wang into for a while – that is before his plan went all to hell. And now a word or five from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed. From Lovecraft: From Black Lushus: From ... Carnival: From SFA Jack: From Cancer Marney: 6:30 p.m. • Well, the better half has been sick for the past week or so, and everytime this happens it's only a matter of time before it latches onto me. Today is that day. 2:30 p.m. • This is funny. Pesonally, I don't want to know how many people will be at my funeral -- I'm guessing two, maybe three. 10 a.m. • First we’re killing off the polar bears by melting away their frosty homes due to global warming, and now some hippie animal rights people want to off baby bears that become too “human”? Now that last paragraph might seem a little … odd, but otherwise, leave the zoo alone. I’m sure you’ll be able to use this bear in upcoming commie videos claiming that melting ice caps forced little Knut into the waiting arms of the Berlin Zoo. • Well, yesterday it was Dessa’s turn to go to the vet. Out of the three we have to take every year for their annual checkup/shots, she’s the easiest to deal with. Her defense of stiffing up so as to not get into the carrier doesn’t work, and most of her commotion consists of little, pathetic meows, unlike JJ and Max, who won’t shut up. While at the vet’s I asked about the recent pet food scare. We feed Dessa and JJ Eukanuba, although it’s dry kibble 99.9 percent of the time, so I figured they weren’t in any danger, but you never know (Max gets a special diet due to crystals in his urine). One of the symptoms I read involving this bad food is loss of appetite, which so far rules these three out. Christ, every feeding time is like disturbing rations at a refugee camp.

Been there a few times. Eh. Let 'em see the monuments and shit. I'd imagine security would be a bitch.