kkktookmybabyaway

OK, this thread can be unpineed. Thanks to Alfdogg for helping me out this year as my unoffical "bitch," and thanks to all who participated. Everyone who had a team at the end of the season gets first dibs on their franchise for next year.

10:30 p.m. • Esiason just said it was great that Tony Dungy gave thanks to "his" God. Esiason is a Muslim? Maybe that's why he's called "Boom"er. 10:15 p.m. • I love Tony Dungy. When asked in the post-game segment about him being THE FIRST BLACK HEAD COACH TO WIN A SUPER BOWL, he said that was significant, but it was more significant that he and Lovie Smith were CHRISTIAN coaches. The New York Slimes is going to hate printing that. 10 p.m. • The MVP award will probably go to Manning, but I'd vote for Colts' running backs. I think "co-" awards are gay, but Rhodes has 110+ yards rushing, and Addai has 10 catches. 9:45 p.m. • No more "CONGRATS BLACK PEOPLE FOR HAVING TWO HEAD COACHES IN THIS GAME" ads. Please. For the love of God. Also, ain't it funny that in this game that features TWO BLACK HEAD COACHES, the most notable person in this game (unless something drastic happens in the last seven minutes of regulation) is the Jew quarterback? • Don't blame me. I voted for Swann. 2 p.m. • Hey, did I mention I went two-for-two in my Conference Championship picks? Yay, and stuff. Now it’s time to pick the Super Bowl. How will this game go? Who knows. I can see this contest going a number of ways. Will the Colts light up the scoreboard like the 49ers did against the Chargers back in XXIX, or will the Bears grind it out against a much more potent offense than their own, like the Giants did against the Bills in XXV? Will a big special teams play turn the course of the game, like the Packers had in Desmond Howard against the Patriots in XXXI? all of these scenarios are possible; all you have to do is just pick one and hope it works out. When looking at Super Bowls, particularly ones more recent, two things come to mind. A great defense tends to best a great offense. With all the hype leading up to this game, many times it seems it takes a quarter or so for one team (or both) to get situated. Another thing I look at is the secondary matchup. Sure the marquee contest is Indy’s offense against Chicago’s defense. However, the game will probably be determined when the other units are on the field. If the Colts defense stuffs the Bears offense, it’s over and vice versa. Because of everything I have mentioned above, I’m going with the Bears 23, Colts 20. I’m now expecting a 49-0 blowout of the Bears in a few hours. • One sorta tradition I have done off and on during this time of the year is watching highlights from previous Super Bowls. I just watched a few hours’ worth this afternoon, and I have to say that I don’t like the seemingly recent trend of mentioning what the halftime show was about. The Eagles/Pats recap talked about Paul McCartney, and the Seahawks/Steelers show mentioned the Rolling Stones. Odd how the Panthers/Patriots mid-game entertainment wasn’t mentioned. I have to say I don’t like the “newer” Super Bowl recaps of the 90s-00s, but whatever. NFL Films knows more than me about the subject of video production.

Not this time... Cuban Linx: kkk Bowl IV Champion

I plan on sleeping in Sunday, so I'll post the matchup now. No gay total net yardage tie-breakers were needed in this one. Good luck to one of you. No sense in wishing luck to both since one will not be getting such a thing. Danville: Indianapolis 24, Chicago 38 Cuban: Indianapolis 34, Chicago 20

10:45 p.m. • The NFL announced this year's Hall of Fame class. Here are the finalists. The ones in bold were selected. Next to each one I'll give my insta-reaction as to how I would have voted for them. I will limit my selection to just five players. Fred Dean: Who? Richard Dent: Sure. Russ Grimm: Tough one for me. My first thought was "not quite." Maybe if his coaching career continues to excel, then I'll say yeah. Ray Guy: Yes. I know punters and field goal kickers are taboo in the HOF, but I'm a Ray Guy mark. Besides, he has an awesome name. Gene Hickerson: Never heard of him. Michael Irvin: I hated him as a player, but I like him as a commentator. I really enjoyed the banter he had with Rush during his brief ESPN stint. I may have said yes, but he wouldn't have been the first receiver I would have taken on this list. Bob Kuechenberg: Shrug. Bruce Matthews: Oh hell yes. Art Monk: Yes. I don't care if he wasn't the flashiest or had the best stats. I feel bad he's not in the hall, and with other players that have bigger numbers on the way, I doubt Monk will ever get in. Andre Reed: He'd be my second wide receiver choice, but do I have enough slots for him? Charlie Sanders: Derp. Paul Tagliabue: Was he a great commish? You bet. But Jesus Christ, he only retired in 2006! Derrick Thomas: No. Great pass rusher, but I am only picking five. Thurman Thomas: Great all-around back. I forgot he spent a year with the Dolphins. Andre Tippett: No. Roger Wehrli: Dunno. His bio thingy said he played cornerback from 1969-1982, so that says something. Gary Zimmerman: I liked him as a player, but I have to say no this time around. Who did I pick for my "Top 5"? Richard Dent, Ray Guy, Bruce Matthews, Art Monk and Thurman Thomas. Do I have any reasons for these picks? Yes. And they're selfish, stupid, biased and do not involve stats or any kind of in-depth research. Would you expect anything less? 5:15 p.m. • Back in August I made some NFL predictions. Now let's go back and laugh. The italic lines are what I said six months ago. AFC EAST: MY PREDICTION New England Patriots Miami Dolphins New York Jets Buffalo Bills AFC EAST: REAL WORLD New England Patriots New York Jets Buffalo Bills Miami Dolphins I have the Jets at number three and the Bills at number four just because. AFC EAST: MY PREDICTION Shittsburgh Steelers Baltimore Ravens Cincinnati Bengals Cleveland Browns AFC EAST: REAL WORLD Baltimore Ravens Cincinnati Bengals Shittsburgh Steelers Cleveland Browns I have no clue what's going to happen here. These top three teams are interchangeable, and who knows what Cleveland is going to do this year. AFC SOUTH: MY PREDICTION Indianapolis Colts Jacksonville Jaguars Houston Texans Tennessee Titans AFC SOUTH: REAL WORLD Indianapolis Colts Tennessee Titans Jacksonville Jaguars Houston Texans Indianapolis lost Edgerrin James but they're still going to be good and win this division. I think that window of opportunity for a Super Bowl win is close to being shut for them. AFC WEST: MY PREDICTION Denver Broncos Kansas City Chiefs San Diego Chargers Oakland Raiders AFC WEST: REAL WORLD San Diego Chargers Kansas City Chiefs Denver Broncos Oakland Raiders San Diego is in third place because they have the most potential to sputter out of the gate and call it a season early, what with the unproven Rivers as their starting quarterback. NFC EAST: MY PREDICTION Washington Redskins Dallas Cowboys New York Giants Philadelphia Eagles NFC EAST: REAL WORLD Philadelphia Eagles Dallas Cowboys New York Giants Washington Redskins Every year it seems like a running back or two just breaks down right in front of our eyes due to wear and tear or age. This year I’m guessing it will happen to Tiki Barber. I have no rhyme or reason for this guess; I just think he will. NFC NORTH: MY PREDICTION Chicago Bears Minnesota Vikings Detroit Lions Green Bay Packers NFC NORTH: REAL WORLD Chicago Bears Green Bay Packers Minnesota Vikings Detroit Lions I'm guessing the Lions will come in third followed by the Packers just because. Does it really matter which team finishes 5-11 and which team finishes 4-12? NFC SOUTH: MY PREDICTION Carolina Panthers Tampa Bay Buccanneeers Atlanta Falcons New Orleans Saints NFC SOUTH: REAL WORLD New Orleans Saints Carolina Panthers Atlanta Falcons Tampa Bay Buccanneeers New Orleans will get a lot of ESPN hype thanks to Mr. Bush, but they’ll still lose. NFC WEST: MY PREDICTION Seattle Seahawks St. Louis Rams Arizona Cardinals San Francisco 49ers NFC WEST: REAL WORLD Seattle Seahawks St. Louis Rams San Francisco 49ers Arizona Cardinals The 49ers will be better, but that’s just because they can’t get much worse. FINAL TALLY: If I got one point for every placement prediction I got right, my score would be 10 out of 32 for a .312 winning percentage, which is still as good or a better record than the Browns, Raiders, Redskins, Lions, Bucs and Cards. 3:15 p.m. • Here is why you shouldn’t stay at the same job for too long, especially if you are working in an entry-level go-nowhere situation. I just heard that the theater I used to work at closed down a few weeks ago. Had I kept my customer-service job there (and why in the hell would I?), I’d be jobless. However, this bit of news is only one additional job I used to work that has since bit the dust. After working there I graduated from college and went to Sappy Valley, where I worked as a part-time copyeditor and cashier. Both of these positions have since been eliminated. In addition, the place I worked at in Ohio, from what I’ve been hearing, is really close to being shut down. And now the place where I work? Oh, man. I don't even know where to begin. There was also another store that I worked at from 1994-1996 that has long ceased operations. I will not count another store I worked at for a few weeks in December of 1998 because they were going out of business before I was even hired; I was on board for a few weeks because a number of workers quit after it was announced they would soon be jobless. Now one could deduct from this that I’m a cancer any place I work, but I like to think of this more like how a business can’t recover from my departure and all the productivity I brought. Yeah, that’s it.

NFC West Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) First Place In Division (8-8) PF: 121 (9) PA: 111 (t-22) Power Ranking: +10 (t-4) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.6 Average Per-Game PA Score: 6.9 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 2-6 Best Outing: 12 Picks (Week 14) Worst Outing: 5 Picks (Weeks 8, 11, 15) Noteworthy Stat: A three-year playoff participant, Vern made it this season to the postseason by the skin of his teeth, with his 5-1 divisional record. Unlike many playoff teams, he struggled in games decided by 1 pick or less with a 2-6 record. However, he was 3-1 in games decided by 2 picks and 2-1 in games decided by 3 picks. Seattle Seahawks (Dubs/Chazz 1998) Second Place In Division (8-8) PF: 119 (t-10) PA: 110 (t-25) Power Ranking: +9 (8) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.4 Average Per-Game PA Score: 6.9 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 4-4 Best Outing: 12 Picks (Week 17) Worst Outing: 5 Picks (Weeks 7, 8) Noteworthy Stat: With a 4-4 record in games decided by 1 pick or less, and a 1-3 record in games decided by 2 picks, with two of those losses coming via EP picks, there were plenty of chances for Seattle to take this division, thanks in part to a 4-2 divisional record. After going over its EP limit by Week 15, the Seahawks had a change in ownership. For the two weeks he was in control of the team, Chazz had PF scores of 10 and 12, earning victories in each game. St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) Third Place In Division (7-9) PF: 125 (t-3) PA: 119 (t-11) Power Ranking: +6 (t-14) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.8 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.4 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 3-8 Best Outing: 12 Picks (Week 17) Worst Outing: 4 Picks (Week 6) Noteworthy Stat: A high PF score doesn’t mean as much when you’re 0-6 in your division and one game out of the division hunt. A 3-8 record in games decided by 1 pick or less can’t help matters, either. San Francisco 49ers (Lightning Flik) Fourth Place In Division (6-10) PF: 106 (29) PA: 122 (t-5) Power Ranking: -16 (t-29) Average Per-Game PF Score: 6.6 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.6 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 4-3 Best Outing: 10 Picks (Weeks 12, 14 ) Worst Outing: 2 Picks (Week 13) Noteworthy Stat: Despite a low PF and a high PA, Flik was actually in the division hunt until a three-game end-of-season losing streak did him in. A 1-5 record at the start of the season really hurt, along with scores of 3 (Week 1), 5 (Week 4), 4 (Weeks 6, 8 and 9) and 5 (Week 4), of which he was a combined 1-5.

NFC South Atlanta Falcons (King of the 909) First Place In Division (12-4) PF: 134 (1) PA: 113 (t-17) Power Ranking: +21 (1) Average Per-Game PF Score: 8.4 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.1 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 4-2 Best Outing: 13 Picks (Week 2 ) Worst Outing: 4 Picks (Weeks 7, 9 ) Noteworthy Stat: Most, of 909’s games were relatively close affairs. He was 4-2 record in games decided by 1 pick or less, a 2-2 record in games decided by 2 picks, 3-0 in games decided by 3 picks and 2-0 in games decided by 4 picks. He was a perfect 6-0 in his division. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) Second Place In Division (9-7) PF: 125 (t-3) PA: 119 (t-11) Power Ranking: +6 (14) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.8 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.4 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 2-3 Best Outing: 10 Picks (Weeks 2, 5, 14, 17 ) Worst Outing: 4 Picks (Week 6) Noteworthy Stat: So close to a playoff spot (Starvenger didn’t get in due to end-of-season TBs), there are a number of places to look and see where he could have squeezed out a win. Three games he lost by 1 pick. Also, in the four weeks where Starvenger got 10 pick correct, he lost three of those games (10-13 in Week 2 to Atlanta, 10-11 in Week 14 to Atlanta, and 10-12 in Week 17 to Seattle). New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer ) Third Place In Division (6-9-1) PF: 118 (t-12) PA: 110 (t-25) Power Ranking: +8 (t-9) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.4 Average Per-Game PA Score: 6.9 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 1-5-1 Best Outing: 10 Picks (Weeks 2, 16, 17 ) Worst Outing: 4 Picks (Weeks 4, 13) Noteworthy Stat: His PF and PA stats were comparable to this year’s postseason teams, so why did Cena struggle? When it came to close games, he was 1-5-1. What really was in two instances where his opponent only got 5 picks correct, yet Cena only managed 4 (Week 4 to Carolina and Week 10 to Pittsburgh). He was also 1-3 in games decided by 2 picks and 2-4 in his division. Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) Fourth Place In Division (5-11) PF: 113 (t-19) PA: 122 (t-5) Power Ranking: -9 (27) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.1 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.6 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 2-6 Best Outing: 11 Picks (Week 2) Worst Outing: 2 Picks (Week 6) Noteworthy Stat: What a difference a PA score makes. Despite sharing the same PF score as the 12-4 Browns, the 5-11 Fazzle had a much tougher schedule than SFA Jack did. However, 6 games lost by one pick or less and a 1-5 divisional record didn’t help matters much, the highlight of which was a 2-3 loss in Week 6 to Baltimore.

Danville and Cuban have PM'd me their picks. They will be posted Sunday morning, just in case either one wants to change their selection.

8:45 p.m. • OK, I could maybe understand the NFL getting its panties in a bunch over the use of “Super Bowl” because I hear on ads all the time that use terms like “the Big Game” when referring to the Super Bowl, but in regards to everything else? Jesus Christ. No Fun League indeed. • For some reason the quote in bold below cracks me up. And for the one that wasn’t convicted of a HATE CRIME, was this person filled with apathy instead? • From an interview with Bill Gates, who remarks about those Apple ads featuring the “cool” Mac guy and the “stiff” PC person. It’s a goddamn computer! Get over it. I like these Apple ads. Do I believe everything that’s being claimed? Hell no. Do I care? Nopers. Many of them got a chuckle out of me upon the first few viewings, and in the end that’s all that matters. I know jack shit about computers, and I’ve worked with Macs and PCs in the past. Guess what? They both crash on me. As long as the product is not an outdated piece of shit and has the juice to run Quark, Photoshop and DreamWeaver while listening to Neal Boortz via streaming audio and having AIM turned on, then I’m happier than a pig in shit. • Score one for the socialists. That's all I can say about this one.

I say this to everyone who gives the old, "the site ate my entry" line. If you're going to type anything more than 100 words, do it first on a word-processing program, then copy and paste it to an entry.

NFC North Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) First Place In Division (11-5) PF: 123 (t-5) PA: 107 (29) Power Ranking: +16 (2) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.7 Average Per-Game PA Score: 6.9 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 5-4 Best Outing: 9 Picks (Weeks 1, 2, 4, 12, 16, 17 ) Worst Outing: 5 Picks (Week 3) Noteworthy Stat: Sure he had a weak schedule, but Bravesfan also had a solid PF total. And even though he never made 10 or more correct picks per week, he was steady with four weeks with 7 correct picks, three weeks with 8 correct picks, and six weeks with 9 correct picks. Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) Second Place In Division, First Wild-Card Seed (9-7) PF: 97 (32) PA: 103 (31-t) Power Ranking: -6 (24) Average Per-Game PF Score: 6.1 Average Per-Game PA Score: 6.4 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 4-0 Best Outing: 9 Picks (Weeks 1, 12) Worst Outing: 2 Picks (Week 16) Noteworthy Stat: Did he share the weakest schedule this year? Yes. Did he the lowest PF score in the league? Yes. But he was also 5-1 in a division where three teams made the postseason and won every close game he was in. Minnesota Team (Danville Wrestling) Third Place In Division, Second Wild-Card Seed (9-7) PF: 123 (t-5) PA: 112 (t-20) Power Ranking: +11 (3) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.7 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 5-5 Best Outing: 11 Picks (Weeks 2, 17) Worst Outing: 3 Picks (Week 8) Noteworthy Stat: Danville was 3-3 when the TB was needed and 2-2 when the a game was decided by one pick. A 4-2 divisional record didn’t hurt his playoff bid. Chicago Bears (Agent of Obliviion) Fourth Place In Division (5-11) PF: 103 (30-t) PA: 120 (t-9) Power Ranking: -17 (31) Average Per-Game PF Score: 6.4 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.5 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 4-4 Best Outing: 10 Picks (Week 15) Worst Outing: 4 Picks (Weeks 3, 8, 17) Noteworthy Stat: After going 0-4, Agent never really recovered; two of the first four losses were decided by one pick or less.

7 p.m. • I have been staying away from cable news shows, even the ones that make us LOL in 2007. However, last night I figured what the heck and turned on Hannity/Colmes because I wasn’t I the mood to watch basketball. The topic being batted around dealt with the whole “clean black” remark by Senator Joe Biden. Oh Christ. They had two chick pollsters/consultants/whatever: one for the Dems, one for the Reps. The Republican chick began bitching about how NOBODY’S talking about Biden and instead saying John McCain is too old to become president. The fuck? Then the other chick began talking about her Party has a black, a Mexican and a chick gunning for the Democrat nomination and how this WAS THE MOST DIVERSE PRESIDENTIAL FIELD EVER!!!! I went back to watching basketball. 10:15 a.m. • OMG THE CULTURE OF CORRUPTION ISN'T LOOKING OUT FOR OUR CHILDREN! found it interesting in which paragraph the Associated Press decided to reveal the accused's political party affiliation. Here's a hint on where to look: there's a reason I had to copy and paste the entire article. 9:30 a.m. • First Democrats wanted to bring back the military draft. Now one from Ohio wants to draft poll workers for elections. So "occasionally working the polls would be a mandatory part of a registered voter's life." Yeah, that'll encourage people to register to vote. Then again, more Democrats would probably object to doing this -- this idea might not be so bad after all, but I digress. Here's the best part. So you are going to force people who don't want to work at a polling station to do all this complex shit? Yeah, there will be no mistakes made. No voters disenfranchised. Honestly, I don't know what's dumber: drafting poll workers or having a Poll Worker Appreciation Day. We already have a Poll Worker Appreciation Day every month when Social Security checks get mailed out. 8:45 a.m. • I just heard on an Atlanta-based RIGHT-WING RADIO station that the Atlanta Hawks just had their first winning month in nearly three years. Damn.

NFC East Philadelphia Eagles (Poster) First Place In Division (9-6-1) PF: 123 (t-5) PA: 116 (t-13) Power Ranking: +7 (t-11) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.7 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.3 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 5-3-1 Best Outing: 13 Picks (Week 16) Worst Outing: 5 Picks (Week 7) Noteworthy Stat: A winning record in close games, of which more than half of his games played this year, and a 5-1 divisional record, helped Quinn capture the NFC East. Interesting enough, only two of his “close games” went to TB scores. New York Giants (Cartman) Second Place In Division (7-9) PF: 113 (t-19) PA: 121 (t-8) Power Ranking: -8 (t-25) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.3 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.6 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 3-2 Best Outing: 12 Picks (Weeks 14, 16, 17) Worst Outing: 3 Picks (Week 8) Noteworthy Stat: Those three weeks where Cartman got 12 picks right were the only weeks he got more than 8 picks correct in a week. Washington Redskins (Human Fly) Third Place In Division (7-9) PF: 103 (t-30) PA: 113 (t-17) Power Ranking: -10 (28) Average Per-Game PF Score: 6.4 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.1 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 5-5 Best Outing: 10 Picks (Week 14) Worst Outing: 3 Picks (Weeks 9, 10, 16) Noteworthy Stat: Despite being tied for the second-lowest PF score, Fly was in playoff contention until Week 16, where his EP’s handed him a 3-7 loss. He was 2-2 in games decided by TBs. Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) Fourth Place In Division (5-11) PF: Score 107 (28) PA: 123 (t-3) Power Ranking: -16 (t-29) Average Per-Game PF Score: 6.9 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.7 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 3-3 Best Outing: 10 Picks (Week 6) Worst Outing: 4 Picks (Week 10) Noteworthy Stat: Sure he had a low PF score and one of the toughest PA’s, but he’s banging a hot chick, so it all evens out in the end.

8:30 p.m. • So the Jew is running for office. Great. So he was the point man on a manufactured LEFT-WING RADIO network to CHALLENGE RUSH and flopped. Now as Senator he'll vote in the unFairness Doctrine. Funny. • I guess I could say something mean, but I never cared about this feminazi when she was alive so why should I bother now? Peace out. • Senator Joe Biden... I never saw Barack Osama as a clean black man ever .... ever. Does this mean I no longer have to save my allowance for that campaign war chest due to my braided hair not being washed on a daily basis? And I'm sure Medium-Large Media will be all over this story as if someone like, say, Trent Lott would have said this. 7 a.m. • So I was listening to a top-of-the-hour RIGHT-WING RADIO station’s newscast, and the story was W. talking about the state of the economy and how unemployment is low and expansion/growth is up. Of course, the reporter then said, “BUT CRITICS SAY,” there are parts in the U.S. economy struggling, particularly manufacturing such as FORD and GENERAL MOTORS(?!). LOL – so not only is George W. Bush responsible for hurricanes, earthquakes and tornados, but also he is responsible for these companies and how they run their businesses. Look, I get that foreign competition can be a bitch, and there are cases where I feel the American worker is getting corn-holed, but to cite these two dinosaurs as examples of what’s wrong with the U.S. economy is … well, now that I put it that way, I would tend to agree. • You got to be shitting me. Or should I say you got to be shitting facing away from Mecca? Yet another arrow to add to my “One of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male” quiver. From our friends across the Pond. And ignore the hippie spelling -- this is from the U.K. Sun. 7:30 p.m. • Let me get this straight. In the first paragraph of this article it says: Oh, nos. Then I read the fourth paragraph. Couple this with the melting ice caps and I think we'll be A-OK in the "there's no water" department. I'd also consider investing in companies that deal with desalination.

Source plz.

8 p.m. • Today the better half and I went to get our taxes done at H&R Block. And just how much did we get back? $2,500 BABY!!! WHOO-HOO, THANKS UNCLE SAM FOR GIVING US BACK THE MONEY WE OVERPAID IN TAXES. While most people give out high-fives when getting this refund, I just roll my eyes and remind Mrs. kkk, who gets more taken out of her paycheck than she should, that she’s not “gaining” any money with this transaction. Actually, I’ve stopped reminding her of this a few years ago because it’s a hopeless cause. I must say thought that I enjoyed this trip. We get our taxes done by the same chick every year; the better half has been going to her for years, and when we got hitched we just kept the tradition going; I had always just used Turbo Tax, or whatever product had the best mail-in rebate. Anyway, as we were getting started, the tax chick asked if we wanted to donate $3 to the hippie election commission or whatever it was called. When the wife said “no” she made a remark about Hiterly and I could tell our tax chick wasn’t a fan of the Hildabeast. She then said, “The other day I had a customer say that if she gets elected he’s going to Canada.” Without missing a beat I replied… PUT YOUR MITTENS ON …“If she gets elected I’m going to the gun store, buying a sniper’s rifle then going to White House.” She said, “You don’t really mean that.” My response, “Yes I do.” Instead of avoiding me for the rest of this meeting, I think she actually approved of this. Awesome. I like her even more now. In fact, later on when we first found out how much we were getting back, I was surprised. We made less money (about $6,000 less) than the previous year but got about $500 more back. I just shook my head and remarked that if we squirted out a few kids we’d get $20,000 back. The tax chick shook her head and said, “that is so the truth.” She then went on to say how some families get thousands upon thousands of dollars just because of their kids. I make some remark about white trash and noticed from the corner of my eye the customer in the next cubicle giving me a dirty look. Jackpot. I made several more remarks that drew the ire of this redneck even more. Maybe she’ll use some of that refund loot to buy some much-needed shampoo. • Christ, they’re making another one of these Focker movies. Oh well, they made a lot of money, so why wouldn’t they do so? Neither one did much for me, but comedy is a subjective genra. • Good for Burger King. I’ve been liking their ads over the last couple of years. From re-introducing that to ads like the Texas Double Whopper, and Stacker I hope these campaigns helped bring people in to their stores. And I'm sure these ad/marketing people didn't even have to walk on hot coals, which is what their peers did do back in 2001. Another ad campaign I liked was Taco Bell’s “Think Outside the Bun,” although it should have been mercy-killed a while back. McDonald’s and Wendy’s: the less said the better. • For the last few days I’ve heard this stupid debate in the sports world about who would you want to be: Tiger Woods or Roger Federer. That’s easy. Roger for me. No, I don’t care about his tennis accomplishments. Tiger is expecting a cub sometime this year. As far as I know, Roger is childless. Then again, I don’t even know if he has a girlfriend; he could be a homo for all I know. * Enters “Roger Federer girlfriend” in a Google search.* Works for me.

6:30 p.m. • Ha. Another caller on today’s show talked about how she and her fiancee had to take some written test because they were going to get married in a Catholic church. Oy, I remember completing that retarded thing. The priest was “concerned” with the answers the better half and I had. The only things we agreed on were financial matters that showed we were experienced with bill-paying and other things, thus revealing that we were living in sin. Ohs nos. I didn’t give a shit if Fr. Whatever-his-name was knew about our co-habitation, but Mrs. kkk had never told him we lived in sin and didn’t want him knowing. Whatever. The other thing we agreed on dealt with not having kids, which the priest didn’t take kindly to. After all, if we don’t reproduce, who will he sodomize? Although I have to call bullshit on this hippie test because we had three answers to choose from: “yes,” “no” and “not applicable” (or something like that). Of course, I get told after we got the results back that a “NA” answer just counted as a “no.” Half of my answers were “NA” because the questions didn’t apply to our situation because they dealt with my side of the family, and I pretty much stay away from these people. God that test was f’n retarded. • Barbaro is now up in that big pasture up in the sky. I’m not going to make “OMG NOW THE GLUE FACTORY HAS A NEW ORDER LOL” but goddamn, ESPN, give it a rest. Stay tuned for “highlights of this magnificent creature”? I’m not going to goof on people getting emotional about the death of an animal, but ESPN doesn’t even act like this most of the time when human athletes tragically leave this planet too early. Barbaro’s owners decided to euthanize the horse after a recent surgery setback, and the decision to do this couldn’t have been an easy one. When my one cat got sick back in September of 2004, the better half and I decided against euthanizing. Did we make the right choice? I don’t know, but we decided that Shadow, who we took in as a stray back in 2001, would go out when he wanted to. And that’s what pretty much happened. One of the lasting memories I have of him was, even with several clumps of fur shaved off from him due to IV and other medical procedures, he crept up behind our female cat one evening and swatted her on her backside, much to her chagrin. Would I do this again? I don’t know. If Dessa, JJ or Max make it to double digits in years, then we’ll probably opt for euthanasia, but when the pet is only four years old, which was the case with Shadow, and is showing the will to live, that’s when I may think otherwise. 1:30 p.m. • And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). A woman just said that she caught her husband in the middle of a “cyber-affair” with their next-door neighbor. Are we so lazy in this country that we can’t go one house over to cheat on our spouses?

No. If they get really sick and they're of mature age, I'd lean torward euthanasia more than I did than when Shadow got sick at the age of four.

AFC West Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) First Place In Division (9-6-1) PF: 118 (t-12) PA: 111 (t-22) Power Ranking: +7 (t-11) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.4 Average Per-Game PA Score: 6.9 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 4-3-1 Best Outing: 13 Picks (Week 2) Worst Outing: 5 Picks (Weeks 4, 8, 9, 10, 13) Noteworthy Stat: In a tight division, Alfdogg was just over .500 with a 3-2-1 record, but he was 2-0-1 in games decided by TBs. Was 3-2 in the five games where he made 5 correct picks; 2 of those games went to TBs. Oakland Raiders (Smues) Second Place In Division (8-8) PF: 127(2) PA: 120 (t-9) Power Ranking: +7 (t-11) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.9 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.5 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 2-5 Best Outing: 13 Picks (Week 2 ) Worst Outing: 4 Picks (Weeks 6, 8 ) Noteworthy Stat: Although he had the second-highest PF score, Smues struggled in close games. His Divisional record was a solid 4-2, but losses in the last two weeks, including one to division-winner Alfdogg really hurt Smues’ playoff chances. Even though Smues had one week where he picked 13 right, two weeks where he picked 12 right, one week where he picked 11 right and one where he picked 10 right, he also had three weeks where he picked only 5 right and two weeks where he picked only 4 right. He lost all five of those sub par outings. Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) Third Place In Division (8-8) PF: 112 (t-23) PA: 115 (15) Power Ranking: -3 (21) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.2 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 4-4 Best Outing: 10 Picks (Weeks 2, 14) Worst Outing: 3 Picks (Week 10) Noteworthy Stat: The two weeks Chris had 10 correct picks, each of his opponents had more. Two games where he had 4 picks right and one week where he had 5 picks right didn’t help his playoff hopes. Went 1-1 against division-winning Alfdogg, went 1-1 against second-place Smues and got swept by fourth-place Porter. San Diego (Porter) Fourth Place In Division (7-8-1) PF: 118 (t-12) PA: 126 (2) Power Ranking: -8 (t-25) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.4 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.9 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 1-3-1 Best Outing: 11 Picks (Week 14) Worst Outing: 4 Picks (Weeks 9, 12 ) Noteworthy Stat: Even though he finished last in his division and had the second-highest PA total, Porter was only two games out of first place. Four games where he scored 4-5 picks correctly hurt him, especially since two of these weeks were only decided by one pick. A 2-3-1 divisional record didn’t help matter either.

One-for-one, Mr. Slim.

I thought this would be a "one-and-done" thing. Well, have fun.

How are you going to treat the pitchers? Are you going with #1 starter in round one, then the #2 in round two, then take a "week off" and do the 1-2 process again?

10:30 p.m. • I watched a few entries of Vh1's Top 100 One-Hit Wonders, or whatever it was called. Here's what I don't get. They included people who were part of one musical group and the one big hit they produced, but yet the same artist went on to create other popular songs. For example, House of Pain's "Jump Around" was on this list. (Although their second album was "eh," I liked their third album "Truth Crushed to Earth Shall Rise Again" quite a bit.") During this show, Vh1 said that Everlast went on to have another big hit as a solo artist from his "Whitey Ford Sings the Blues" album. Well then he's not really a one-hit wonder. Sure the House of Pain had one big hit, but Everlast and DJ Lethal have gone on to other successful music endeavors. I would also include that Tom Tom Club group who made "Genius of Love." According to Vh1, when the Talking Heads were taking a break, some members went off to form this group. Once again, I wouldn't consider these people to be "one hit wonders." But maybe I'm just nitpicking. It's late on a Sunday and I'm sleepy. Oh, another thing I learned from watching that Top 100 list – the chick that made that “Loving you is easy because you’re beautiful” died shortly after this song due to breast cancer. Now that was depressing to learn. Yet Keith Richards is still kicking. • So now bullying has reached the Internet. Fite me u poserz. If you're going to kill yourself because someone calls you a fag on a MySpace page, then perhaps you should squeeze that trigger and end your miserable existence. • There goes the neighborhood. Now white people are going to have to move even farther away from the city. I can't even begin to imagine what the commute will be like for a sub-suburbanite. You got to admit though, it's pretty bad for those of the ghetto when Mexicans don't even want you live near you. If "white flight" was the term for crackers to high-tail it out of urban areas, I wonder what this will be called -- Making a run for the city limit border?

Hmmm, I'm drawing a blank. How about Col. Henry Blake not making it home.

11 p.m. • Even though the guy's a commie, I like Mellencamp's older work: "Check it Out," "Authority Song," "Jack and Diane," all that shit. I began to get disinterested in his stuff around the early- to mid-'90s, although some of this stuff is more than listenable for me. "Our Country" isn't one of those songs. Here are the middle stanzas in question. I'm surprised these lyrics aren't featured on any of the Chevy ads that I have seen at least 100 times. 5 p.m. • I don't know what's funner -- listening to the Beast sing or reading the comments to this piece of video. Whenever this gets played, I do one of two things: put my hand over my heart and look at a nearby Old Glory, or put my head down in a moment of thought/meditation out of respect for those that helped make this United States of America. The latter is usually done if there is no flag to be seen. I NEVER sing. Here are some of the funnier comments. 10:30 a.m. • Someone in a thread at the other place was talking about working in the restaurant business and the asshole customers who unnecessarily rag on the help just for a power trip. This got me the thinking: I’m a pretty good restaurant customer. All I want is a booth, a menu, a correct order and a refill or two. Other than that, leave me alone. I don’t want any small talk. I don’t care to know how you’re doing. I don’t want to tell you how I am – what if I truly decide to tell you how I’m doing? Will you really care? What if my dog died, my mother was just diagnosed with cancer and I lost my job to somebody named Pedro down south because he’ll work for $1/hour? What are you going to do for me besides tell me what the soup of the day is? Gag I hate small talk. Oh, yeah. Upon reading this topic I got the thinking to the times when I was the asshole customer, and I came up with four incidents. Incident 1: The Middletown, Ohio, Applebee’s. The better half and I were waiting for about 10 minutes for someone to take our order. No problem, the place was busy. We then waited about a half-hour for our food. No problem, the place was busy. There was a problem, however, when Mrs. kkk tried to eat her gyro/pita/whatever it was. The tortilla wrapped around her food was a bit, shall we say, stiff. It was so hard that neither of us could get the toothpick that was lodged in it out. This was brought to the attention of the waitress, who in turn brought it to the attention of the manager who in turn gave us a free meal and dessert. During the whole ordeal neither of us complained and we gave the waitress a nice tip due to our free food. Incident 2: The same place on the very next trip. I forget what exactly happened to the better half’s order, but they forgot to put any sauce at all on my chicken wings. Once again, no problems. These two incidents above were times when I had to complain about the food. I wasn't bitching about the service. When you can't get a toothpick out of your sandwich you HAVE to say something. And then there are the two experiences below. Incident 3: The Middletown, Ohio, Steak & Shake. I never cared for this place, but the better half liked its hamburgers (or was it milkshakes?). Well one time we got waited on by this person who couldn’t have been much older than 18. Now he had this lackadaisical I-don’t-want-to-be-here attitude, which is fine by me considering I have probably looked this way to a customer or two during my dead-end job days. However, when he took our order without even writing anything down, I began to get a little annoyed. I try not to be a picky eater, but I cannot eat onions. They make me sick. Well anyway, I ordered a burger without this wretched topping along with a side order (I can’t remember what it was) that also came with onions. As this kid began to walk away I asked him if he should be writing our order down. He said no that it was “all up here” and pointed to his head. It may have been “all up here” while he was at our table, but it must have been dropped by the time he went to place our order. Neither item I ordered was correct, and I pointed this out. He then acted like I didn’t tell him that I didn’t want onions on any of my food, to which I replied, “Well maybe if you would have written my order down you would have remembered.” What did I do in retaliation? I didn’t leave a tip. That’s all. Incident 4: The Greensburg, Pa., T.G.I.F. I don’t like Friday’s, which is odd because all these cookie-cutter chain restaurants are the same. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. However, Mrs. kkk wanted to go here one day so I figured what the heck. Our waiter was a real piece of work. Not only did he so not want to be at work on that Sunday afternoon, but also he especially didn’t want to be at our table. I can’t remember how long we waited to order our food, to get our food, to get a refill and to get our check, but I knew it had to be a long time. How do I know this? The people sitting around us were also complaining about the service of this guy. In fact, during our wait for the check, this couple was seated across from us and began complaining about when someone was going to take their order. I can sympathize with a food-service employee when one customer wants to be waited on as if they were the president, but when you have an entire section of patrons waiting for things like, say, the food or the bill, then I think the onus is on the employee and not the customer. What did I do? I left a $0.02 tip on the credit slip with something like, “Find another job because you’re no good at this one.” There you go. Four bad restaurant service stories in nearly 31 years of living. Not a bad track record if I do say so myself. There may have been other incidents, but I can’t think of them now so they probably weren’t all that big a deal anyway. I should state for the record that I have been an asshole customer in other endeavors, such as the time I told a grocery store bagboy to die of cancer, but that’s another industry for another time.