kkktookmybabyaway

9:15 p.m. • The Golden Globes are currently on. Don't care. • Hey, there's actual progress going on in the Middle East. We've got outrage over someone getting his head chopped off. 5:15 • Great. I was watching ESPN and just heard Tom Jackson talk about Martin Luther King and I just learned that T.J. and I are born on the same day, which happens to be on the month/day that MLK got shot. • LOL at the Chargers whining about the Patriots being sore winners Here's some advice. You don't want the other team dissing your logo on the 50-yard line? Don't let them win. Either that or chop block the haters next season. • Steelers Offensive Coordinator Ken Whisenhunt signed a four-year deal to coach the Arizona Cardinals Wow, he must like suffering. Actually, it'll be interesting to see what he can do with that offense. Looks like Russ Grimm is the likely choice to coach the Steelers. Eh, don't really care. Actually, I hope they hire the token black guy who got interviewed -- some guy from Minnesota -- just to piss off all the racists in my region. And, no, I'm not referring to myself.

Having watched only 5 minutes of Sunday's games (!@#%$ wife birthdays), I happened to tune in during that interception/fumble. I knew then that the Chargers would lose. And I'd feel for Tomlinson more if he didn't have trash-talkers on his team, too.

Conference Championships Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 10-7 v Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 10-7 Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 10-7 v Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 10-8 Danville: New Orleans 24, Chicago 27 New England 30, Indianapolis 27 Vern: 17 New Orleans, Chicago 21 New England 18, Indianapolis 20 Tied 1-1 First-level TB's New Orleans @ Chicago Danville picked 51 total points Vern picked 38 total points Final score: 14-39 (53 total points) Danville wins to go up 1-0 New England @ Indianapolis Danville picked 57 total points Vern picked 38 total points Final score: 34-38 (72 points) Danville wins to go up 2-0 DANVILLE DEFEATS VERN Linx: New Orleans 20, Chicago 27 New England 26, Indianapolis 23 Bob: New Orleans 24, Chicago 17 New England 17, Indianapolis 20 DIFFERING PICKS: CHI/NO, NE/IND Game tied 1-1. First-level TBs: New Orleans @ Chicago Linx picked 47 total points Bob picked 41 total points Final score: 14-39 (53 total points) Linx wins to go up 1-0 New England @ Indianapolis Linx picked 49 total points Bob picked 37 total points Final score: 34-38 (72 points) Linx wins to go up 2-0 LINX DEFEATS BOB NFL SPREADS New Orleans @ Chicago (2.5) New England @ Indy (2.5)

9:15 p.m. Well today was when we celebrated the better half's birthday. It's not until tomorrow, but seeing how it's a workday (for me anyway and for her regarding the second job) we generally give presents for a b-day on the weekend before. When it's my birthday we go to Red Lobster (she hates watching me eat crab legs and lobster tail, and frankly I don't blame her). For her day it's usually Chinese takeout. Of course I went in to work in the early morning and came back with a bitch of a flu. And I have to go in tomorrow. Yippie. I got her Season 1 of the Ghost Whisperer. I'm pretty sure the black chick from Talk Soup is on this show, and I seem to remember a few actors/actresses appear in guest spots on this series that were on other shows she used to watch. (Providence and Charmed to name a few.) Well, I guess she'll be watching this nonstop until the next season of Charmed comes out on DVD. It could be worse. I heard Carolyn Manheim is on Season 2 of this show. Well, that's going to take away any impure thoughts I'll have with Jennifer Love Hewitt. I also got her Season 7 of Seinfeld and Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet CD. But it's not just any CD it's some hippie DUAL CD/DVD/CAR ALARM THAT ALSO ACTS AS A REMOTE CONTROL DEVICE FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR'S MICROWAVE! I have a few of these "special" CDs, but I never bother to play around with them. A while back I bought a ton of these "remastered" ACDC albums that supposedly have unlockable stuff in them, but I'm never in the mood to fiddle with them. When I want to listen to ACDC I'll play ACDC. Whenever I want to insert one of these things in my computer I ... well, I never really want to. Oh well. I guess it's nice to have all these neat-o features on something that I'll never use than to never have them at all. This is sort of the same way with DVD special features. I can't remember the last time I watched a special feature of anything, but yet you just "have" to have all that extra footage and behind-the-scenes stuff that is about as exciting as watching paint dry (or reading this blog.) But, once again, 'tis better to have it than to not. I decided to try this Alka-Seltzer liquid cold medicine to battle this most recent bout with the flu. I'm less than impressed. Then again, I've only had one treatment. I'm a bit disappointed this hasn't knocked me out on my ass already. That's the whole purpose of that "nighttime" medicine. I want to take it and then go, "Damn, this ... is .... some good shit," fall asleep and wake up the next day not remembering how I made it to bed. I figure it never hurts to try out new medicine, especially when it's on sale. That way, if you get jewed out of your value, it's nice to know you didn't pay full retail price for it. Well, I'm about to take a second dosage. Out.

9 p.m. • So I was at a wake/body viewing/whatever-it's-called-before-you-bury-someone just now. The better half's one uncle who I have never seen before just died. I showed up, sat there and kept my mouth shut. Whenever I'm at one of these events I just keep my head down, shut my mouth and close me eyes. However, as the Serbian priest was doing his thing someone suddenly ripped one while the priest was in a pause (I don't know who it was because my eyes were closed). Why oh why does the Lord push me to such extremes? • How in the hell do these lottery winners go broke? If I ever took home $100+ million, the last place I'd go to is a casino. Should this ever happen to me, the story would probably go, "kkk was bouncing checks at the local Best Buy trying to purchase DVDs." • Speaking of winners, here's a local story I've been following since it recently broke. 2:30 p.m. • I'm shocked ... SHOCKED that Nancy Pelosi would exclude from the upcoming federal minimum wage hike a tuna company in her district. Guess ol' Nancy doesn't care about the children of Samoa. Regarding the federal minimum wage. I don't care. This is because the faggot Democrats (and Republicans) in my state already jacked up our state rate. At least over in Ohio the dumbasses there voted in a minimum wage hike. I'm just having it done for me. I have had two minimum wage jobs in my life. Know what I did? I got another job. Tough stuff there. I remember the Morgan Spurlock hippie did one of his "30 Days" shows about living on $5.15/hour. I watched about 5 minutes of it before having to take a poop. 7 a.m. • I've said for a while now how the out-of-control niece-in-law has pissed away 2+ years of money that was to be used for her college education. Well, she also had an inheritance from years ago that was stashed away from her. With that money she bought a good used car about 2-3 months ago. It was a nice car. Too bad I knew what was going to be in store for the poor thing. Within a week there was already a dent in it. There have been a few scratches and the like over the last month or so, including one time the niece drove it over a hill (don't ask). But yesterday, as she was bending over to grab a cigarette, the niece swerved into an oncoming lane and hit another car. The other driver wasn't hurt, and the niece's care got the brunt of the damage, including a smashed driver's side window. Thank Christ I was able to convince my mother-in-law to take her name off that title no more than two weeks ago. If my crack-whore sister-in-law is the equivalent of a real-life sitcom like "Friends," then the niece-in-law is "Joey."

Yeah, me. And my brother-in-law's wife, who was standing next to me. We did everything we could to hold it in, and we got bitched at afterwards by the mother-in-law. I contended that I should not have been put in that situation to begin with, that the person who should be held responsible is the one who gave off the toot. The mother-in-law said that it was one of the old ladies there who couldn't control herself. I replied, without missing a beat, "She couldn't control herself, well neither could I." It's not like we were going OMGLOLOLOLOL. In fact, I think I kept it in as good as anyone could; if the air biscuit assailant would have exercised as much control holding it in we wouldn't be having this discussion today.

I don't ever remember seeing him. Then again, I didn't get cable until around the mid-80s so maybe re-runs featuring Brodie were very limited. One of my favorite skits was when Doug was "Crocodile Doug-e" and they spoofed that "That's not a knife" bit from the first Dundee movie. After Doug says "This is a knife" the mugger (I think it was Adam) responds, "Well this is a gun." Doug: "Oh, ok. Well, here's all my money," or something of that nature.

No I didn't. I just put the wrong names for each set of picks. The picks were correct ... it was just the names that needed switched. Yeah.

Big Bird celebrity roast. "This is just the introduction to the opposites..." I don't remember any black people on You Can Do That, but the IMDB bio says otherwise. That locker room scene was depressing.

I don't eat veal or lamb, but I don't hate on others for doing so. And I do call "veal" "tortured baby cow." I then usually proceed to order a burger. Am I being hypocritical? Probably. I compare this seemingly double-standard to that "prison code" where "you could have murdered and raped all you wanted, but if you molested a kid watch yourself in the shower room."

8:45 p.m. • So I'm flipping channels during commercials of the Eagles/Saints game and what do I come across? Vh1's white rapper show. Oh my God. So the fat chick is saying the 'n' word. LOL. Wow is this so bad. PUT YOUR HATS ON STRAIGHT! Now the fat chick is crying because she said "nigga," had to wear a big necklace that said "N-Word" and is now crying because she said that word? I think I found my new favorite train wreck. 8 p.m. • Well, nobody farted at the funeral today, but I got the thinking. Even though I'm old for TSM message board standards, I'm still young out there in the real world and don't really think of death. I do more than I used to, but it's still not very much. In fact, except for a freak accident while driving or something like that, I can't imagine dying right now. However, would I feel the same should I make it to age 70+? I mean, would I be opening my arms to the reaper at this time, or would I want to whittle away at some nursing home because I can't walk up stairs and always pooping my pants? Actually, I wonder what nursing homes would be like when I'm old. By that time, Internet-experienced people like myself would probably demand Internet access in every room. Christ, that would be something. Logging onto this place in 2027 and still hearing about how the McMahons are screwing up their company. I'm not sure if I'd be looking forward to death, even if I get to be of that age. Probably because I'd always want to know who wins the next championship in professional sports. "Yeah, I made it to see the Nashville Rockies win the '31 World Series, but the Stanley Cup is only six months away, and I want to see if the Kansas City Penguins can win Lord Stanley's Cup." " 8 a.m. • Indianapolis at Baltimore (4.5) This game would favor Baltimore, but I seem to remember the Colts having the Ravens’ number over the past few years. Hey, I was right. Nevertheless, with Baltimore having McNair at quarterback and playing at home, I think this will be the time the Ravens pull one out. Baltimore 20, Indianapolis 10. Philadelphia at New Orleans (5.5) The season after Katrina hit and now the Saints are hosting a playoff game. If it wasn’t for this, I would be going with the Eagles. New Orleans 24, Philadelphia 17. Seattle at Chicago (8.5) The Bears still have a question mark at the quarterback spot, but because they’re playing the Seahawks, I don’t think it will matter – not even with that point spread. If Chicago pummeled Seattle in the regular season like they did (37-6), I don’t see much of a change now. Chicago 26, Seattle 13. New England at San Diego (4.5) OK, I’ve heard all week from sports pundits that this is the year Marty Schottenheimer wins the big game. I can’t do that just yet. I still have memories of that Chiefs’ upset back in the mid-90s when Marty had his team at a 13-3 record. I remember all those Browns teams who couldn’t get it done in the playoffs. I remember that 12-4 record back during the 2004-05 season that resulted in a wild-card loss to the Jet. Could the Chargers win it all? Sure. But Marty has to show he can take the necessary steps to get to the big game. The Patriots have done that in spades. New England 17, San Diego 14. (With that said, watch the Chargers win 30-0)

It was a Serbian priest. I have no idea who farted because my eyes were closed at the time. I would probably do the payment scheme if it was a huge jackpot ($100 million or so), but if it was "only" a few million, I'd take it all at once. I'm quite sure I could Jew off the winnings until I die or get really really old to the point I don't remember winning it in the first place.

I've done that before. That twisty-tie thingy can be tricky at times and all you want is a piece of toast then RAAAAAWR! Problem solved.

Just a note: I'll be going to a funeral tomorrow at 11 a.m., so if you PM picks before the kickoff deadline I'll post them, but I have no idea when I'll be back home to be able to so, thus some games may not be available until after kickoff. OK. I'm back. I also thought the early game was going to be at 1 p.m. Deadline has come and gone. Bravesfan is using EPs.

It did -- right into the other car.

7:15 p.m. Barry Bonds, lol. Barry Bonds, lol. Barry Bonds, lol. I know he's one of the greatest players of all time. I know he'll probably be the new home-run champ. I know he has a bunch of money. But ... Barry Bonds, lol. Too bad your kid is in school -- who are you going use now to shield yourself from the media? 5:45 p.m. • So David Beckham is going to play soccer for the Los Angeles Galaxy. Wha- wha- what? Let me read that again. You got to be kidding me. And all you people bitch about A-FRAUD (LOL2207) and his contract. I didn't know professional soccer in the States had $250 million to spend. I have nothing against Beckham. I kinda felt bad for him and the way he exited the last World Cup. Then again, I know nothing about soccer so who knows -- maybe he's some Satan-worshipping heathen who pimps Posh Spice out. If that's the case then I like him even more. A quarter of a billion dollars? For five years?! 12:15 p.m. • The commies are coming to the Mile-High City in '08. I wonder if the person who recently shot and killed Broncos cornerback Darrent Williams will have a full clip by next year? I guess it's a good call for the Dems. Colorado has been a slightly Republican state that has slowly been turning commie. Hooray for them, I guess.

How old was she?

Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) First Place In Division (Record) PF: 111 (25) PA: 110 (t-25) Power Ranking: +1 (t-17) Average Per-Game PF Score: 6.9 Average Per-Game PA Score: 6.9 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 7-2 Best Outing: 12 Picks (Week 2) Worst Outing: 5 Picks (Weeks 9, 13, 16, 17 ) Noteworthy Stat: A 4-2 divisional record helped him win the South. A three-game losing streak to end the season, with only being able to get five picks right in Weeks 16 and 17 aren’t a good way to end the season. He defeated his divisional playoff opponent, Buffalo, in Week 12 via TB which was the only time APO needed to use a TB score. Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) Second Place In Division, First Wild Card Seed (9-7) PF: 123 (5) PA: 113 (t-17) Power Ranking: +10 (t-4) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.7 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.1 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 3-6 Best Outing: 11 Picks (Week 2) Worst Outing: 5 Picks (Weeks 7, 14 ) Noteworthy Stat: That 3-6 record in close games was a key element in Doyle not getting a first-round bye. His best outing came the only week in which he used his Eps, although he also had two games where he got 10 picks correct. Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) Third Place In Division, Second Wild Card Seed (9-7) PF: 118 (t-12) PA: 123 (t-3) Power Ranking: -5 (22) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.4 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.7 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 6-1 Best Outing: 10 Picks (Weeks 12, 15) Worst Outing: 5 Picks (Weeks 4, 13) Noteworthy Stat: Dealing with a tough schedule, Linx managed to snag a postseason spot. His 6-1 record in close games includes a 2-1 in games decided by TB scores. One of these wins included a 5-5 contest in Week 4 against the Jets. Houston Texans (Bored) Fourth Place In Division (7-9) PF: 115 (18) PA: 116 (t-13) Power Ranking: -1 (19) Average Per-Game PF Score: 7.2 Average Per-Game PA Score: 7.3 Record In Games Decided By One Pick Or Less: 4-4 Best Outing: 12 Picks (Week 14) Worst Outing: 2 Picks (Week 9) Noteworthy Stat: 2-4 in the AFC South and 1-3 against NFC opponents hampered Bored. While he got 2 picks right in Week 9, his opponent scored just 4. Was 7-7 and in playoff contentions as far in as Week 15, but two losses at the end of the season against playoff teams (including division opponent Doyle) put him below .500.

In addition, you'll have to deal with property taxes and a number of fees/bills that some people don't deal with when renting. Then there's that leaky roof or busted central air system that you'll notice one day after you spend your paycheck on DVDs.

It doesn't taste as good after it's been in the fridge, but I don't mind because I mostly toast bread anyway. What sucks even more, imo, is wanting cereal then realizing that you're out of milk.

I put bread in the fridge. It lasts longer.

I didn't rent to own, but here's some advice/nagging. If you are looking to settle down, wait until you two get steady jobs, take your time and find a house you two both like and then commit. If you're looking for something just for a few years then there's nothing I can tell you. Get ready for a buttload of extra costs. And stay away from Adjustable Rate Mortgages.

9:30 p.m. • I forgot all about Major League Baseball's Hall of Fame voting results being today. Oops. I was going to do a candidate-by-candidate review of their respective careers, awards, win-shares and all that other stuff, but who really reads all that shit anyway? Instead, here is Al kkkeiper's voting ballot for this year's Hall of Fame wanna-bes. 1) Harold Baines -- No. 2) Albert Belle -- No. 3) Dante Bichette -- No. 4) Bert Blyleven -- No. 5) Bobby Bonilla -- Fuck No. 5) Scott Brosius -- No. 6) Jay Buhner -- No. 7) Ken Caminiti -- No. This guy was one of my favorite players when he was still in the game. I remember him breaking down on Jim Rome's show. It's a shame he died, but he brought it on himself, so fuck him. 8) Jose Canseco -- No. For some reason I've been liking this guy more and more. When he wrote that book a bunch of people dissed him for being a rat, but as it turns out, it looks like he was more spot on than first thought. Why shouldn't he make a quick buck naming names? The roided up players did much worse for their paychecks. 9) Dave Concepcion -- Hmm, no. This is an interesting candidate because being from Shittsburgh this guy gets compared a lot to Bill Mazerowski, who recently got in the Hall. Both were great fielders, but weren't anything special at the plate, unless it was Game 7 of the 1960 World Series. 10) Eric Davis -- No. 11) Andre Dawson -- Had to think about this one for a second. Err, no. 12) Tony Fernandez -- No. 13) Steve Garvey -- I'm leaning toward yes, but I think that's just because of the name recognition. I'm sure his stats will say otherwise. 14) Rich Gossage -- No. 15) Tony Gwynn -- Yes. One of my favorite all-time players. I like him even more now that I heard a clip on ESPN this evening in which he said that he's "sweating like a slave" while talking about his recent induction. Uh oh. I never saw Tony Gwynn sweating as a slave, ever ... ever. Is it OK for me to go out in the hot sun and perspirate while waiting for a baseball to get hit to me in the outfield? Why yes it is -- that's why we were brought over to this country. We could pick cotton and hit baseballs out in the sun better than all those crackas. 16) Orel Hershiser -- No. 17) Tommy John -- No. 18) Wally Joyner -- No. I remember when he came into the big leagues he was some can't-miss Hall of Famer. I guess he'll just have to settle for being a millionaire. 19) Don Mattingly -- Like Garvey, I'm leaning toward yes, because I remember those years he had in the '80s. I'm sure other people who pay attention to stats and all that shit will outvote me on this one. 20) Mark McGwire -- Fuck all the haters, I'll vote him in. Does he deserve to go? I don't know. But Major League Baseball turned a blind eye toward players roiding up in the 1990s, so deal with it. I heard on Mike and Mike this morning that some sportswriter from Illinois turned in a blank ballot because he can't vote on any players from the "steroid age" or something like that. Get off your high horse. If you don't want to make a statement, give your ballot to someone else. Asshole. 21) Jack Morris -- Hmm, another one that gave me pause. He's probably not deserving, but I'll put him ahead of Garvey and Mattingly. 22) Dale Murphy -- I remember him from the Braves back in the 1980s. If he didn't get in by now he never will. 23) Paul O'Neill -- No, although I liked him as a player. 24) Dave Parker -- No. 25) Jim Rice -- No. 26) Cal Ripken Jr. -- What am I going to say here? Of course. I remember during his final years he wasn't all that productive, but whatever. 27) Bret Saberhagen -- No. 28) Lee Smith -- I dunno. I have no idea. Might as well ask that pseudo-baseball expert who stole my when-I'm-talking-about-baseball name via AIM. Nice answer Al kerry. I'll say yes out of spite. 29) Alan Trammell -- No, although I remember him and Lou Whitaker being a long-time tandem in Detroit.. 30) Devon White -- No. 31) Bobby Witt -- I thought he was still playing. Regarding my Concepcion comment above, here is what I said about Bill Mazeroski's induction back in March of 2001. 11:30 a.m. • Wow, what an incredible BcS game last night. Congratulations are in order to Boise State for being the only undefeated team in Division 1 College football. Wait a second, Boise State is not the top team in college football? But I thought all the non-playoff talking heads on television said the NCAA regular season is like one big playoff! Boise State is the only undefeated team in college’s top division. So then it’s only natural that they should be ranked first overall. And people wonder why I don’t give a shit about college football. • I was driving home from work yesterday when a van in front of me had the following bumper sticker: “This vehicle was paid for by Union wages!” Uh, ok. So my scab money won’t be accepted by the local car dealership the next time I need to purchase a vehicle? Alrighty then. I wonder if the bumper sticker was also paid for by Union wages? Now that I think about it, was the bumper sticker itself created by Union labor? • Remember my out-of-control niece’s suicide note I talked about Sunday that got in the way of my “Roadhouse” viewing? All lies. And the other times she has said that she tried to off herself? Lies. Like there was any doubt.

Wait, are you serious? This movie is about a crocodile? At least Lake Placid had a cussing Betty White.

Divisional Round Point Spreads: Indianapolis at Baltimre (4.5) Philadelphia at New Orleans (5.5) Seattle at Chicago (8.5) New England at San Diego (4.5) Score Predictions will be placed in this post, too: Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 10-7 @ Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 12-4 LINX'S PICKS: Indianapolis 20, Baltimore 17 Philadelphia 20, New Orleans 28 Seattle 17, Chicago 27 New England 24, San Diego 21 JACK'S PICKS Indianapolis 14, Baltimore 20 Philadelphia 17, New Orleans 30 Seattle 10, Chicago 27 New England 24, San Diego 27 DIFFERING PICKS IND/BAL CUBAN LINX WINS 2-1 Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 9-7 @ Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 10-6 BARRON'S PICKS Indianapolis 20, Baltimore 13 Philadelphia 17, New Orleans 38 Seattle 10 , Chicago 17 New England 20, San Diego 24 APO'S PICKS Indianapolis 24, Baltimore 20 Philadelphia 27, New Orleans 23 Seattle 17, Chicago 21 New England 20, San Diego 28 DIFFERING PICKS NO/PHI, NE/SD TIED 3-3 FIRST TB: INDY @ BAL: 21 Points Barron: 33 points APO: 44 points Barron wins to go up 1-0 PHI @ NO: 51 Points Barron: 55 Points APO 50 Points APO wins to tie 1-1 SEA @ CHI: 51 Points Barron: 27 Points APO: 38 Points APO wins to go up 2-1 NE @ SD: 45 Points Barron: 44 Points APO: 48 Points Barron wins to tie 2-2 SECOND TB: Total combined scores of all four games. All Games: 168 Points Barron: 159 Points APO: 180 Points Barron wins (9 off) over APO (12 off) Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 9-7 @ Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 12-4 DANVILLE'S PICKS Indianapolis 14, Baltimore 24 Philadelphia 30, New Orleans 28 Seattle 14, Chicago 30 New England 30, San Diego 28 909's PICKS Indianapolis 16, Baltimore 23 Philadelphia 13, New Orleans 27 Seattle 12, Chicago 17 New England 20, San Diego 31 DIFFERING PICKS PHI/NO, CHI/SEA, NE/SD Danville wins 2-1 Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 9-8 @ Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) 11-5 VERN'S PICKS Indianapolis 12, Baltimore 20 Philadelphia 17, New Orleans 31 Seattle 3, Chicago 17 New England 11, San Diego 17 BRAVESFAN'S PICKS (EPs) Indianapolis, Baltimore Philadelphia, New Orleans Seattle, Chicago New England, San Diego DIFFERING PICKS None. Vern wins via TB