kkktookmybabyaway

Umm, Michael Jordan? Link.

For the last few years I have done my kkkhristmas shopping for the better half early into the season. Now for the first time in several years I avoided Black Friday and stayed away from those unbeatable deals found in the Sunday circulars. I figured this year I’ll do the shopping the Friday before Jesus' b-day when she’s out at her second job. So here’s a rundown of my thrill-packed day. My workplace had its yearly holiday party, and for the third straight year I avoided it entirely. Fuck those people. Sorry, but I’m not about to break bread with a good number of these assholes, even if is just for show. If I don’t like you motherfucker I don’t like you, and the holiday season isn’t going to change that. If anything these Jew bastards should be happy they don’t have to spring for another meal at whatever cheap-ass restaurant they decided to hold this year’s lunch. Why am I talking about this? Because when everyone was out at this event, and then to an early exit home, I headed out to deliver some material to a mailing service and then thought I could get my kkkhristmas shopping done. Boy was I wrong. My first stop was Best Buy. Holy Christ was traffic awful. In hindsight I should have known better because this shopping center is horribly laid out. I’ve stopped by this area before when I didn’t feel like going right back to work after dropping off my monthly mailing service parcels, but these times were during the non-holiday season. I should have known better, but whatever. After finally getting into Best Buy, I discovered that the store was ransacked and the shelves were nearly bare. Hell, I didn’t even know what I wanted to get the better half. However, I just spent 30 minutes in gridlock, so I HAD to get something. Let’s see, she has been nagging me about seeing the Underworld sequel. There we go. While I’m out in this area I might as well check out the nearby Target and Circuit City stores. Shit, nothing in either one of these stores. Might as well get the uber-Narnia 40-disc special edition since it’s only $7 more than the regular 15-disc non-uber-edition. Oh well, it got me out of the office for a few hours. I returned back to work for 10 minutes, finished what I had to and headed home. On my way home from work I was stopped at a red light at a shitty intersection where the stop lights fuck the traffic up even worse than it would normally be. Hmm, there’s a Wal-Mart nearby, but it’s usually filled with black people. No joke: This store supposedly has one of the highest rates of theft in the region, and it was rumored that it would close up shop. Might as well give it a shot. Jesus Chrst, there are almost as many old/fat people in the store with those scooter devices than there are cars in the parking lot. LOL – this kid is yelling “I have to go potty” and the rest of the young’ins in this clan (3-4 more, at least) are now yelling the same thing with the parents about ready to have a meltdown. And I’ll say this about black people and shopping carts – they’re almost as bad driving those things as they are with their cars. And they aren’t insured driving either one. Or am I thinking about Mexicans? I spent about five minutes in this shithole and high-tailed it out of there. So it’s still been more than a year since I have actually purchased anything at Wal-Mart. It’s not that I’m a Wal-Mart hater. I'm an under-class hater, and Wal-Mart has plenty of them. Then again, going into one of these stores can make you feel much better about yourself, or it will sadden you seeing your fellow man in such pathetic condition. I guess it depends on what your mood is at the time. For me, seeing Wal-Mart customers is an uplifting experience, especially the ones with multiple kids who are waddling up and down the aisles complaining about the prices. The rest of my trip home was uneventful, although the shitty weather, coupled with the holiday traffic, made driving for the entire day an adventure. Fortunately, I got home in one piece. I listened to some phone messages, did a few household odds and ends, and then got ready for my second excursion of kkkhristmas shopping. But now we’ll be in my (red)neck of the woods. My stomping grounds. My people. Whenever I make my rounds with retail shopping in this area, it consists of driving out to the mall/Best Buy because they are the farthest stores away from me. I then hit all the other stores on the way back home. First was the mall. Why do I even bother going to this place? None of these stores do anything for me. I don’t buy clothes or jewelry, so that wipes out at least half of the merchants there right off the bat. Hey, I’ll walk into Spencer’s and look at all the crap that I’ll never buy. What’s funny about Spencer’s is that I always see these teen-agers hanging out, but then there are always one or two old normal-looking patrons who are in the sex-card/humor section of the store. Heh. Well, I’m at the mall, I might as well buy some way over-priced calendars of kittens. Next year is coming up and we need calendars. And they’re kitties. Sure I can get them at half-price elsewhere, but I’m already here and getting a free look at the cashier’s rack. One sixteen-month calendar and a one-a-day calendar. They cost HOW much? Oh what the hell, it’s kkkhristmas. As I’m typing, my female cat Dessa is taking a shit in the computer room’s litter box. How the hell can cats, after squeezing out a few logs, put their noses just centimeters away from their steaming fecal matter? Gag. Now she’s trying to cover up her load by scratching the nearby wall – USE THE LITTER. THAT’S WHAT IT’S FOR! Oh, and this odor is going to linger for a while. Say, what better time to bring this entry to a close on such a riveting cliffhanger? But don't worry, tomorrow we'll have the exciting conclusion to tonight’s kkkhristmas shopping excursion.

Rosie should start a foundation so people can afford armed bodyguards and not need guns. I don't care about either one of these two, and I don't care about this story, but go Donald.

Why don't you tell us how you really feel?

But defense and Game 7 ninth-inning home runs win championships.

Minnesota at Green Bay (3.5) Normally I’d go with the Vikings in this situation, but I’ve been hearing all week how this could be Brett Favre’s LAST HOME GAME EVER so I’m sure Green Bay will win. Then again, I did pick them. (6.5) Kansas City at Oakland I saw on the ESPN bottom line ticker thing that Randy Moss probably won’t play. I’m not sure how good he’s been this year, but I’m sure it can’t help the Raiders’ chances. Then again, this is a rivalry game. Ah screw it. I’m sticking with the Chiefs. Baltimore at Pittsburgh (3.5) The hell? Even with the Ravens clinching a playoff spot whenever they get a chance to sweep the Steelers, you can bet they’ll do anything possible to do so. And for the love of God, will the local Shittsburgh sports media STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW THE STEELERS HAVE A PLAYOFF SHOT?! Not only do they have to beat the Ravens and Bengals, but something like a half-dozen teams also have to lose out. Steeler fans, be content if your black and gold can end the season .500 – it’ll be a nice accomplishment for a banged up season. Carolina at Atlanta (6.5) Christ, I don’t know who to go with. I don’t feel comfortable with that point spread but the Panthers freakin’ quit at home last week. Hmm, I’ll take a chance with the Panthers playing better this week. (4.5) Chicago at Detroit You GOT to be kidding. (9.5) Indianapolis at Houston Is this a trap game for the Colts, or did that Monday night win against the Bengals spark Indy? I’m hoping for the latter. New England at Jacksonville (2.5) I remember how the Patriots played against the Jags in the playoffs last year. I’ll stick with them. New Orleans at N.Y. Giants (3.5) I first went with the Saints, but this is being played in the Northeast. Maybe if I’m wrong that will mean Emily will have a 6 INT game. One can dream. Tampa Bay at Cleveland (3.5) Will Cleveland play another struggling team tough, or will they fold like a house of cards? Well they’re favored, so that’s one strike. Tennessee at Buffalo (4.5) If you would have showed me this game on the schedule before the season began, I’d figure these two teams could be playing for the top pick in next year’s draft. Instead, this game has playoff implications. Good going for all teams involved. Washington at St. Louis (2.5) The Redskins have been playing better as of late. Time for me to put that to rest by picking them. Arizona at San Francisco (4.5) That point spread gave me concern, but fuck the Cardinals. Cincinnati at Denver (3.5) I first went with Cincy, but then I remembered about their secondary, which should help a rookie quarterback out. (4.5) San Diego at Seattle Goddamn are the Chargers good. Too good. While watching the Chiefs game last Sunday night I was getting the feeling that they’re going to be had in the playoffs. Philadelphia at Dallas (7.5) I just heard Jeff Garcia talk for the first time last week. No wonder T.O. made those gay cracks at him. I think the Garcia wave ends here, although I find it funny Owens has disparaged two quarterbacks during his career on the other side of the field for this game. N.Y. Jets at Miami (2.5) Congrats to the Jets, even if they don’t make the playoffs. I think the Dolphins will treat this like a playoff game, costing their divisional foe a chance at the postseason.

Deadline has come and gone for the Thursday game.

Doors? You need to worry more about them entering through the windows of your residence.

My house is a warzone. The female's a bitch, but the two males are pretty much oblivious to life, which is good.

We have an auto ice maker, and when it decides to create frozen water it freaks the cats out. I'm not a big ice-in-my-drink person, although I'll do it once in a while. I am not one of those people who go into a theater/store and order a drink with no ice in order to get more beverage.

Don't worry. Thanks to globlization, I'm sure "American-style" cinema will spread across the world, if it already hasn't.

Do you think Bill Mazeroski should be in the Hall?

• Let’s see, what exciting shit happened today. Well, the better half had a day off from work (again) and spent most of the day baking gingerbread men. When I got home from work I went into the kitchen and noticed each one of them sported different icing/candy pieces. She also named each of the dozen-plus she made. OK then. Well, to be fair, she names just about everything in this house, except for my gentalia. • Here’s an update on the out-of-control niece-in-law that’s going into rehab. The niece-in-law and her crack-whore mother have plotted a way to get the state welfare agency to pay for the niece-in-law’s rehab. Lovely. And I told Mrs. kkk why bother getting a present for her niece when we already gave her a three-month all expenses paid trip to the rehab center? Of course, now the crack-whore is holding the fact she’s committing fraud for her daughter and whenever the niece-in-law doesn’t respond to one of her mother’s calls by the third ring the crack-whore threatens to call the welfare agency and spill the beans. God I love white trash. Oh, and the niece-in-law is back with her on-again-off-again boyfriend. There's no way in hell he's getting a Christmas present this year because they'll be split up (again) before 2007. Hell, they probably broke up 10 minutes ago and will reunite at the top of the next hour. • And lawyers wonder why people despise them so. A few months ago this young couple was pulling out onto a local state road in my neck of the woods. Suddenly, two cars slammed into these people, and the woman suffered a variety of injuries, including, if memory serves, a broken pelvis, a broken neck, and the loss of her unborn child. This incident is finally going to trial, and the lawyer for the two punks who ran into these innocent victims has his clients’ defense as, “Well, they didn’t have time to avoid colliding with the plaintiff’s vehicle.” Would you like to know why? BECAUSE THESE TWO ASSHOLES WERE DRAG RACING AT MORE THAN 90 MPH ON A STATE ROAD!!! • I just heard on the news today that Shittsburgh’s soon-to-be casino is going to be run by this minority-owned company. This doesn’t bode well for the NHL’s Penguins, who were hoping another group would get the contract/bid/whatever it’s called, because this company called the Isle of Capri promised, if awarded the casino, to build a new arena for the city. Personally, I think the whole thing is bullshit. I don’t like having a casino in the area, but whatever. That’s why I live in Westmoreland County, out of the clutches of the greater Shittsburgh region. I’ve voiced my opinions before about Shittsburgh bending over backwards to build new stadiums for the Pirates and Steelers, but giving the Penguins shit every step of the way in their plea for a new arena. Of course, a new arena won’t just be limited to NHL play and would be an attraction for other entertainment venues to come to this shithole of a city, but why let common sense get in the way of kicking the Penguins out of town. Come on, Shittsburgh, kick the Penguins out of town. Let them move to Missouri or Oregon. Allow them to play in a city that has a state-of-the-art facility and sweetheart deals galore. Give the team time to mature with its young talent. I hope they end up winning 10 Stanley Cups as the Kansas City Penguins. That way, when all the Penguin fans in my area start whining to their public officials about how they could have allowed the Pens to leave we can hear these so-called leaders say, “I don’t know why they left. We gave them every opportunity to stay.” Of course nobody will lose their elected seat over this because Allegheny County is overrun by Democrats, so I guess George W. Bush will be blamed for the Penguins’ departure. Hey Mario Lemieux. You sweat and bled for this team and this city. You did everything in your power to keep the franchise you played for your entire career in this dump. When the going got tough, you nutted up and became an owner. There’s nothing else you need to do to prove to me to show that you care for Shittsburgh hockey. Pack your things, move on out and make a shitload of money elsewhere. I might even buy a Kansas City Pens jersey to commemorate this occasion. But hey, at least the Pirates are still here. I must say, however, that I was surprised at who got the license. I was sure Harrah's was going to be awarded it because that company is BUTT-buddies with my sack-of-shit governor Ed Swindell. In the article I liked to above, Fast Eddie said a while back that a new Shittsburgh arena would be built "regardless of who got the slots license." I pray the Pens move for greener pastures and the new arena gets built only after the team leaves. That way the region will have a brand-new stadium but no hockey team to occupy it 40-50 times per year. Just another day in Shittsburgh.

I have a DVD player for the living room TV, a DVD player for the bedroom TV that broke when the cat knocked it over and a DVD drive which I never use on my computer. EDIT: Forgot about the PS2. There's also the work Mac, but I don't count that one.

• So I bought three $25 Target gift cards for my half-brother’s three kids. Long story short: He lives in Nebraska and is a doctor. He got divorced because his ex-wife is a psycho and I rarely talk to him. Not because I hate him, but he’s a DOCTOR with THREE KIDS. There’s more important things to do in life than call your little half-brother to talk about the Steelers/Pirates/Penguins. In fact, he was a groomsman at my wedding, and he’s one of the few people in my family that graduated an educational institution other than high school. Well, the better half and I bought these gift cards about two weeks ago, but as of yesterday morning they weren’t mailed out. Why is that? Because Mrs. kkk wants to put each one of them in a f’n gift box. Like my brother’s two kids that are 7-8 years old are going to give a shit. But no, we just have to have them in boxes. Well the better half went out this past weekend to the local dollar store to get these stupid boxes. Then she discovered that these boxes, when opened, were filled with mold and this brown shit. Did she take that as an omen that maybe gift boxes might not be necessary in this instance of gift-giving? Of course not. She went to several other stores to find these gift boxes, but nobody had what she was seeking. So yesterday afternoon she began to CRY because this holiday season wasn’t going how she wanted it to be. Seemingly every day when she’s not at her second job she’s doing something with her mom/niece/etc., whether it’s holiday shopping, going to some Christmas school concert, or whatever. And what would happen if Mrs. kkk would actually turn down one of these Christmas concerts or trips to the mall? She would feel guilty. So when she goes to all these events/errands, this means she has no time to do what she really wants to do for the holidays – baking cookies, sending out cards, buying gift boxes for gift cards from Target, etc. The good news is that she finally relented about those stupid gift boxes, and I’m happy to report that I mailed an envelope with the three gift cards enclosed, and they are on their way to Omaha. But the fun doesn’t stop there. A few days ago I made a reference to re-gifting a Blockbuster card for a co-worker at the better half’s workplace and was given a rude awakening about the policy Blockbuster has regarding gift cards. After going to a nearby Blockbuster to find out how much shelf life our gift card had left, I found out that there was only a few days remaining(!). After informing the better half of this, she went out and bought a much cheaper gift card for her co-worker. The reason she went down on the price is that she’s getting a bad vibe from this person. It’s one of those cases where this person isn’t showing up for work half the time, and in a way I’m actually proud of her because Mrs. kkk is one of those people who just want everyone to like her. Normally the better half would be bending over backwards for every co-worker, cashier clerk and nearby motorist to approve of her existence, but after her last job I think she’s starting to become a bit jaded with seeking approval from anyone not her mother. Yay, I guess. Oddly enough, I could give a rat’s ass what my family thinks of me, let alone strangers, so perhaps there is some truth to that whole “opposites attract” thing. • The Denver Nuggets just got Allen Iverson from the 76ers. Bob Ryan on PTI this afternoon echoed my thoughts about this transaction. Denver now has a nice little team with two great scorers, but they still aren’t going anywhere near the NBA finals. I must say that I’ve never had a problem with Iverson. The guy plays hard and never seemed to really have a strong supporting cast. Sure he likes to shoot the ball, but that’s what he’s supposed to do. I’m sure he’d be a bastard to coach and all that, but I don’t care. I remember watching some playoff games where he would get brutalized while driving the lane, yet he would get up and do it again next time down the court. Oh well, he’s financially set for life, so I really don’t give a shit where he plays. • I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You get an adjustable rate mortgage/subprime loan and you deserve what you get. I’m supposed to feel sorry for these people? Fuck that. Go blame your woes on George W. Bush.

Get that pulp-shit out of my glass. And it's only low-acid for me.

San Francisco at Seattle (9.5) (3.5) Dallas at Atlanta Cleveland at Baltimore (11.5) Detroit at Green Bay (5.5) Houston at New England (11.5) (3.5) Jacksonville at Tennessee Miami at Buffalo (1.5) N.Y. Jets at Minnesota (3.5) Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants (5.5) (3.5) Pittsburgh at Carolina Tampa Bay at Chicago (13.5) Washington at New Orleans (9.5) (2.5) Denver at Arizona Kansas City at San Diego (8.5) St. Louis at Oakland (2.5) Cincinnati at Indianapolis (3.5) San Francisco (Lightning Flik 5-9) defeated by (Chazz 6-8) 7-9 SF: SF/DAL/BAL/GB/HOU/TEN/MIA/NYJ/NYG/PIT/CHI/NO/AZ/SD/STL/CIN/17 SEA: XX/XX/CLE/GB/HOU/JAX/BUF/MIN/NYG/PIT/TB/WAS/DEN/KC/OAK/IND/EP DIFF: SF/XX, DAL/XX, BAL/CLE, TEN/JAX, MIA/BUF, NYJ/MIN, CHI/TB, NO/WAS, AZ/DEN, SD/KC, STL/OAK, CIN/IND, 17/EP Dallas (Hawk34 5-9) defeated by Atlanta (King of the 909 11-3) 7-10 DAL: SEA/ATL/CLE/GB/NE/JAX/BUF/NYJ/NYG/PIT/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/OAK/CIN/20 ATL: SF/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/JAX/MIA/MIN/PHI/PIT/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/CIN/13 DIFF: SEA/SF, ATL/DAL, CLE/BAL, BUF/MIA, NYJ/MIN, NYG/PHI, OAK/STL Cleveland (SFA Jack 11-3) defeated Baltimore (KingPK 5-8-1) 8-5 CLE: SEA/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/TEN/MIA/MIN/NYG/CAR/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/OAK/IND/7 BAL: SEA/DAL/BAL/DET/NE/JAX/MIA/NYJ/NYG/CAR/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/CIN/28 DIFF: GB/DET, TEN/JAX, MIN/NYJ, OAK/STL, IND/CIN Detroit (Bravesfan 9-5) defeated by Green Bay (Vitamin X 8-6) 6-7 DET:XX/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/JAX/MIA/NYJ/NYG/PIT/CHI/NO/DEN/KC/STL/CIN/13 GB: SF/DAL/BAL/GB/HOU/TEN/MIA/NYJ/PHI/CAR/CHI/NO/AZ/SD/STL/CIN/24 DIFF: XX/SF, NE/HOU, JAX/TEN, NYG/PHI, PIT/CAR, DEN/AZ, KC/SD, 13/24 Houston (Bored 7-7) defeated New England (nl-asshole 6-7-1) 9-9+TB HOU: SEA/DAL/CLE/GB/NE/JAX/MIA/MIN/PHI/CAR/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/CIN/10 NE: SF/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/JAX/MIA/NYJ/NYG/PIT/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/IND/34 DIFF: SEA/SF, CLE/BAL, MIN/NYJ, PHI/NYG, CAR/PIT, CIN/IND, 10/34 Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 10-4) defeated by Tennessee (Cuban Linx 8-6) 7-10 JAX: SEA/DAL/BAL/GB/HOU/JAX/MIA/MIN/NYG/PIT/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/CIN/17 TEN: SEA/DAL/CLE/GB/HOU/TEN/MIA/MIN/NYG/PIT/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/IND/17 DIFF: BAL/CLE, JAX/TEN, CIN/IND Miami (Spaceman Spiff 4-10) defeated by Buffalo (Bob Barron 8-6) 6-8 MIA: SF/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/JAX/MIA/NYJ/NYG/CAR/CHI/NO/AZ/SD/STL/CIN/27 BUF: SEA/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/JAX/BUF/NYJ/NYG/PIT/CHI/NO/DEN/KC/STL/IND/14 DIFF: SF/SEA, MIA/BUF, CAR/PIT, AZ/DEN, SD/KC, CIN/IND, 27/14 N.Y. Jets (Gert T 7-7) defeated Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 8-6) 9-9+TB NYJ: SF/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/JAX/BUF/NYJ/NYG/PIT/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/CIN/20 MIN: SEA/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/JAX/BUF/NYJ/PHI/PIT/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/CIN/24 DIFF: SF/SEA, NYG/PHI, 20/24 Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 7-6-1) defeated N.Y. Giants (Cartman 5-9) 11-5 PHI: SEA/DAL/CLE/GB/NE/TEN/BUF/NYJ/PHI/CAR/CHI/WAS/DEN/KC/STL/IND/20 NYG: XX/DAL/CLE/GB/HOU/JAX/MIA/NYJ/NYG/CAR/CHI/NO/AZ/SD/STL/CIN/24 DIFF: NE/HOU, TEN/JAX, BUF/MIA, PHI/NYG, WAS/NO, DEN/AZ, KC/SD, IND/CIN, 20/24 Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 7-6-1) defeated by Carolina (Fazzle 5-9) 9-10 PIT: SEA/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/TEN/BUF/NYJ/PHI/PIT/CHI/NO/AZ/SD/OAK/IND/24 CAR: SEA/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/TEN/BUF/NYJ/PHI/PIT/CHI/NO/AZ/SD/STL/IND/19 DIFF: OAK/STL Tampa Bay (Starvenger 8-6) defeated by Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 5-9) 9-10 TB: SF/DAL/CLE/GB/HOU/TEN/MIA/NYJ/NYG/PIT/TB/NO/DEN/SD/STL/CIN/6 CHI: SF/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/JAX/BUF/NYJ/PHI/PIT/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/IND/42 DIFF: CLE/BAL, HOU/NE, TEN/JAX, MIA/BUF, NYG/PHI, TB/CHI, CIN/IND Washington (Human Fly 7-7) defeated New Orleans (Cena’s Writer 5-8-1) 8-7 WAS: SEA/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/JAX/MIA/MIN/PHI/CAR/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/CIN/16 NO: SF/ATL/CLE/GB/NE/JAX/MIA/NYJ/NYG/CAR/CHI/NO/DEN/KC/STL/IND/31 DIFF: SEA/SF, DAL/ATL, BAL/CLE, MIN/NYJ, PHI/NYG, SD/KC, CIN/IND Denver (Canadian Chris 7-7) defeated Arizona (Vern Gagne 7-7) 6-5 DEN: SEA/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/JAX/MIA/NYJ/NYG/CAR/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/CIN/27 AZ: SEA/ATL/BAL/GB/HOU/TEN/BUF/NYJ/NYG/CAR/CHI/WAS/AZ/KC/STL/CIN/23 DIFF: DAL/ATL, NE/HOU, JAX/TEN, MIA/BUF, NO/WAS, DEN/AZ, SD/KC Kansas City (Alfdogg 7-6-1) tied San Diego (Porter 6-7-1) 8-8 KC: SEA/ATL/CLE/GB/NE/TEN/BUF/NYJ/NYG/CAR/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/CIN/24 SD: SEA/DAL/CLE/GB/NE/JAX/BUF/NYJ/PHI/CAR/CHI/NO/AZ/SD/STL/CIN/35 DIFF: ATL/DAL, TEN/JAX, NYG/PHI, DEN/AZ, 24/35 St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 5-9) defeated by Oakland (Smues 8-6) 8-9 STL: SF/DAL/BAL/GB/HOU/JAX/BUF/NYJ/NYG/PIT/CHI/WAS/DEN/SD/OAK/CIN/19 OAK: SF/DAL/BAL/GB/NE/JAX/MIA/NYJ/PHI/CAR/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/STL/IND/19 DIFF: HOU/NE, BUF/MIA, NYG/PHI, PIT/CAR, WAS/NO, OAK/STL, CIN/IND Cincinnati (Teke 6-7-1) defeated Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 7-7) 9-8 CIN: SF/DAL/BAL/GB/HOU/TEN/MIA/MIN/PHI/PIT/CHI/NO/DEN/SD/OAK/CIN/28 IND: SF/ATL/CLE/GB/NE/TEN/MIA/NYJ/NYG/CAR/CHI/WAS/DEN/KC/STL/CIN/21 DIFF: DAL/ATL, BAL/CLE, HOU/NE, MIN/NYJ, PHI/NYG, PIT/CAR, NO/WAS, SD/KC, OAK/STL

Where do I say you're 6-8? You sure you're not looking at Seattle's record?

KKK’s Top 103 Posters Number 44: Vyce. With Canadian Chick in the #45 slot, it’s only natural that this perv creeps up right next to her, even if she may now be a bit too old for his liking. Vyce and I have this special connection, and no it’s not because we spy on all the pre-teen girls in our neighborhoods. (I’m just kidding, we just check out the ones with the hot racks and ghetto booty.) Rather, we are both in professions that we are ideologically opposed to. For me, it’s being a journalism grad. For him, it’s having a law degree. Now while he is a bit more liberal than me on some issues (he sure loves them queers), I don’t think we’ve ever bickered over some current event, so I guess that makes him part of the Conservative Brigade or something, even though he can’t properly pull off my OMG FAUX NEWS shtick. But then again, who can? And now a word or three from the expert panel I’ve assembled to comment on the people I’ve listed. From Lovecraft: From Cancer Marney: From SFA Jack: • While perusing these blogs I’ve noticed a number of “Best of 2006” entries and stuff. This got me the thinking. Being the innovator of ingenious blogging delights, I’ve decided to P. Diddy-ize this idea and add some funk to its trunk. Here’s the deal. I’ll do one of these types of entries, but I want you, my loyal readers, to provide the topics. So in this entry’s comment section, give me what you want “kkk's _____ of 2006” to consist of and I’ll post the results sometime this year whenever I'm too lazy to write a real entry. The “_____ of 2006” can be a “best” or “worst” subject. Also, my answer may not be a subject or event that actually happened this year. For example, if Lovecraft would ask “kkk’s best horror movie of 2006” I would respond “Pumpkinhead.” But kkk, “Pumpkinhead” took place in the ‘80s. I know. But I watched it this year and laughed my ass off at how awful it was. Besides, it was the first horror movie I watched this year that popped in my head, so too bad. So let’s see how well (or awful) this turns out, if at all. • I heard about this fight between some players from the Denver Nuggets and New York Knicks.I watched some of it on television, and let me say this sure ain’t no Pacers/Pistons. Nobody was even lounging on the scorer's table! Amateurs. Because I generally tune out of the NBA regular season, I thought this would be a good time to see the standings and find out who’s doing what. You got to be kidding. Boston is in first place in the Atlantic Division with a 10-13 record? The Knicks aren’t in last place (yet)? Without Ben Wallace Detroit is still in first. Orlando’s in first place in the Southeast Division and Atlanta isn’t in last place? Utah is 18-6 and first in the Northwest Division (eh, I guess someone has to win it)? Ah, that’s why everyone sucking the Suns’ collective wang – they’ve won 14 in a row. The Lakers don’t seem to be doing all that bad, either. San Antonio, Dallas and Houston all seem to be doing OK. Damn, Memphis: 5 wins, 19 losses. There. Now you’re all caught up on the latest NBA news. I'd do the NHL but I'm even more clueless about that league, what with those wacky regular losses, overtime losses and shootout losses.

Only thing updated is won/loss records. Also, because Seattle has used EPs for the fourth time this season, I have replaced C Dubya with Chazz 1998. AFC EAST Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 8-6 < PF: 99, PA: 93, AFC: 5-4, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 4-1 > New York Jets (Gert T) 7-7 < PF: 87, PA: 89, AFC: 5-5, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 1-3 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 6-7-1 < PF: 89, PA: 83, AFC: 2-6-1, NFC: 4-0, DIV: 1-5 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 4-10 < PF: 89, PA: 99, AFC: 3-6, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 3-1 > AFC NORTH Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 11-3 < PF: 90, PA: 85, AFC: 8-2, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 4-1 > Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 7-6-1 < PF: 87, PA: 84, AFC: 5-4-1, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-2-1 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 6-7-1 < PF: 81, PA: 97, AFC: 4-4-1, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 3-2 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 5-8-1 < PF: 89, PA: 93, AFC: 3-5-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 0-3-1 > AFC SOUTH Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 10-4 < PF: 94, PA: 81, AFC: 7-2, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 4-1 > Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 8-6 < PF: 93, PA: 94, AFC: 3-6, NFC: 4-0, DIV: 2-3 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 7-7 < PF: 97, PA: 89, AFC: 4-5, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 2-3 > Houston Texans (Bored) 7-7 < PF: 94, PA: 92, AFC: 5-4, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 2-3 > AFC WEST Oakland Raiders (Smues) 8-6 < PF: 95, PA: 89, AFC: 6-4, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 4-1 > Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 7-6-1 < PF: 88, PA: 90, AFC: 4-5, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 2-2 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 7-7 < PF: 89, PA: 94, AFC: 5-6, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 2-4 > San Diego Chargers (Porter) 6-7-1 < PF: 89, PA: 100, AFC: 5-6, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 2-3 > NFC EAST Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 7-6-1 < PF: 93, PA: 98, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 5-3-1, DIV: 3-1 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 7-7 < PF: 84, PA: 87, AFC: 0-4, NFC: 6-3, DIV: 2-3 > New York Giants (Cartman) 5-9 < PF: 94, PA: 94, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 4-5, DIV: 2-2 > Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 5-9 < PF: 89, PA: 92, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 4-6, DIV: 3-2 > NFC NORTH Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) 9-5 < PF: 99, PA: 90, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 7-2, DIV: 2-2 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 8-6 < PF: 81, PA: 89, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 6-3, DIV: 3-0 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 8-6 < PF: 93, PA: 89, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 7-3, DIV: 3-2 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 5-9 < PF: 84, PA: 95, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 1-8, DIV: 0-4 > NFC SOUTH Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 11-3 < PF: 108, PA: 92, AFC: 3-1, NFC: 7-2, DIV: 5-0 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 8-6 < PF: 98, PA: 89, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 7-3, DIV: 3-3 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 5-8-1 < PF: 91, PA: 86, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 3-5-1, DIV: 1-4 > Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 5-9 < PF: 92, PA: 95, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 3-7, DIV: 1-3 > NFC WEST Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 7-7 < PF: 98, PA: 87, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 6-5, DIV: 4-1 > Seattle Seahawks (Chazz 1998) 6-8 < PF: 93, PA: 100, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 4-6, DIV: 3-2 > San Francisco 49ers (Lightning Flik) 5-9 < PF: 80, PA: 81, AFC: 0-3, NFC: 5-4, DIV: 3-1 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 5-9 < PF: 98, PA: 96, AFC: 3-0, NFC: 2-8, DIV: 0-6 > The teams listed below are in no particular order in regards to regular-season tie-breakers. AFC Playoff Picture SFA Jack has clinched the AFC North. Always Pissed off has clinched the AFC South Smues and Bob Barron are divisional leaders. Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 8-6 Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 7-6-1 Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 7-6-1 Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 7-7 Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 7-7 Houston Texans (Bored) 7-7 New York Jets (Gert T) 7-7 New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 6-7-1 San Diego Chargers (Porter) 6-7-1 Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 6-7-1 Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 5-8-1 Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 4-10 NFC Playoff Picture King of the 909 has clinched the NFL South Harley Quinn, Bravesfan and Vern Gagne are division leaders Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 8-6 Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 8-6 Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 8-6 Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 7-7 Seattle Seahawks (Chazz 1998) 6-8 New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 5-8-1 New York Giants (Cartman) 5-9 Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 5-9 Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 5-9 Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 5-9 San Francisco 49ers (Lightning Flik) 5-9 St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 5-9

• So I’ve just put in nearly a 12-hour workday here at the office, and what has been on this entire time in the middle of December? Why, the AIR CONDITIONING! Now you may be thinking right now that I’m going to go off on a bitch-fest about how cold it is in building and stuff. Far from it. In fact, I love me a cold work environment. My reasons? Here they are in no particular order. 1) Cold rooms let you know you’re still alive. When I'm in a hotbox for eight hours doing white-collar work, I usually doze off about five to six hours into my day. And if you eat anything remotely filling for lunch, you’ll be snoozing in two hour’s tops. 2) When it’s cold outside, you feel the bite of a breeze whenever someone opens a nearby door, should you be near a building’s entrance or exit. When it’s hot outside, you smell people’s body odor, or, worse yet, feet. Good God does that make me want to throw up my lunch. I guess on the bright side if I throw up my lunch I won’t fall asleep from it later in the day. 3) When it’s hot outside, I’ve noticed that if you’re working in front of a computer you tend to get fatigued more, thus becoming more susceptible to headaches and other fun stuff. With the cold, you have a better chance of not feeling comatosed as your day goes by. 4) You actually have an excuse to use sick days. Snowing outside? Hear about a commuter’s nightmare on the morning news? Fuck that shit. I’m staying home. If you want me to come to work so bad, then pick me up, bitch. 5) When I’m doing the behind-the-desk thing, I like to get up and walk down the hall and back every now and then. When it’s hot I sometimes forget to do this until it’s too late and the eye fatigue kicks in. When it’s cold, getting up to circulate the ol’ blood flow is more likely to occur. So there you have it. Five good reasons why it’s better to be chilly than sweltering at your workplace. Now granted I prefer sunny weather to snowy conditions, but that’s when I’m not earning my paycheck. Otherwise, crank up the AC. • So Evan Bayh isn’t going to run for president. I’ll survive. Oddly enough, he is one of those Democrats I don’t mind, much like South Dakota’s one Senator Tim Johnson. However, the Indiana Senator has been moving up on my shit list over the last few years, so maybe after another couple of bad votes I might start saying, “kiss my ass” to him as well. Still, he’s no Hitlery. • Time has just named “You” its Person of the Year. Nobody better say shit about my Top 103 Posters coutdown now. Wow. I remember when they changed their title from “Man of the Year” to “Person of the Year.” OMG political correctness. Then, in 2001, instead of choosing “Osama bin Laden,” who, like it or not, made an impact on quite a few lives that year, Time pussied out and went with “Rudy Giulani. Then a couple years ago they had some stupid “Whistleblowers” on; I think they were all chicks, too. With all that being said, I have to say this has to be by far the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard (although those three non-person awardees that the above article cited in its third-to-last paragraph are right up there, too). Well, at least until the next time I read something stupid from the mainstreamliberalpress.

Don't blame me. It runs all by itself.

What's the problem?

Out of curiosity, how much stock do you put in a player’s postseason performances when pondering stuff like this? (Example: Bagwell was great, but he faded in the playoffs. Or at least that’s according to my memory.)

Don't forget Danny Tartabull.