kkktookmybabyaway

Arizona at Atlanta (7.5) (9.5) Dallas at Tennessee (9.5) Indianapolis at N.Y. Jets (4.5) Miami at Houston Minnesota at Buffalo (1.5) New Orleans at Carolina (7.5) (2.5) San Diego at Baltimore San Francisco at Kansas City (7.5) Detroit at St. Louis (6.5) (3.5) Cleveland at Oakland (3.5) Jacksonville at Washington New England at Cincinnati (6.5) Seattle at Chicago (3.5) Green Bay at Philadelphia (11.5) Open Date: Denver, N.Y. Giants, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay Arizona (Vern Gagne 2-2) defeated by Atlanta (King of the 909 4-0) 6-6+TB Vern predicted 18 points. Arizona scored 10. Difference: 8. 909 predicted 27 points. Atlanta scored 32. Difference: 5. AZ: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/MIN/CAR/SD/KC/DET/OAK/JAX/NE/CHI/PHI/18 ATL: ATL/DAL/IND/MIA/MIN/CAR/BAL/KC/DET/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/27 DIFF: TEN/DAL, SD/BAL, OAK/CLE, NE/CIN, 18/27 Dallas (Hawk34 1-2) defeated by Tennessee (Cuban Linx 2-2) 5-5+TB Hawk predicted 23 points. Dallas scored 45. Difference: 22. Linx predicted 14 points. Tennessee scored 14. Difference: 0. DAL: ATL/DAL/IND/MIA/MIN/CAR/SD/KC/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/GB/23 TEN: ATL/TEN/IND/HOU/MIN/CAR/SD/SF/STL/OAK/JAX/NE/SEA/GB/14 DIFF: DAL/TEN, MIA/HOU, KC/SF, CLE/OAK, CIN/NE, CHI/SEA, 23/14 Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 3-1) defeated N.Y. Jets (Gert T 2-2) 7-6 IND: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/MIN/NO/SD/KC/STL/CLE/JAX/NE/CHI/PHI/34 NYJ: ATL/DAL/IND/MIA/BUF/CAR/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/14 DIFF: TEN/DAL, MIN/BUF, NO/CAR, KC/SF, NE/CIN Miami (Spaceman Spiff 1-3) defeated by Houston (Bored 2-2) 5-8 MIA: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/BUF/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/SEA/PHI/26 HOU: ATL/TEN/NYJ/MIA/MIN/NO/BAL/SF/STL/CLE/WAS/CIN/CHI/PHI/12 DIFF: IND/NYJ, BUF/MIN, SD/BAL, JAX/WAS, SEA/CHI Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 2-2) defeated by Buffalo (Bob Barron 3-1) 5-6 MIN: ATL/TEN/NYJ/MIA/MIN/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/NE/SEA/GB/23 BUF: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/MIN/NO/BAL/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/17 DIFF: NYJ/IND, SD/BAL, NE/CIN, SEA/CHI, GB/PHI New Orleans (Cena’s Writer 1-3) defeated by Carolina (Fazzle 1-3) 4-5 NO: AZ/TEN/NYJ/MIA/MIN/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/SEA/PHI/24 CAR: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/BUF/NO/SD/KC/DET/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/GB/14 DIFF: AZ/ATL, NYJ/IND, MIN/BUF, SF/KC, STL/DET, SEA/CHI, PHI/GB San Diego (Porter 2-1) defeated Baltimore (King PK 1-3) 7-5 SD: ATL/DAL/NYJ/HOU/MIN/NO/SD/SF/DET/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/24 BAL: ATL/TEN/IND/HOU/MIN/CAR/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/21 DIFF: DAL/TEN, NYJ/IND, NO/CAR, DET/STL, 24/21 San Francisco (Lightning Flik 1-3) defeated by Kansas City (Alfdogg 2-1) 5-5+TB Flik predicted 20 points. 49ers scored 0. Difference: 20. Alf predicted 27 points. Chiefs scored 41. Difference: 14. SF: AZ/TEN/NYJ/HOU/BUF/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/SEA/GB/20 KC: ATL/TEN/IND/HOU/BUF/CAR/SD/KC/DET/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/GB/27 DIFF: AZ/ATL, NYJ/IND, NO/CAR, SF/KC, STL/DET, SEA/CHI Detroit (Bravesfan 3-1) defeated St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 1-3) 9-8 DET: ATL/DAL/NYJ/HOU/BUF/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/21 STL: ATL/DAL/IND/MIA/BUF/CAR/SD/KC/STL/OAK/JAX/NE/CHI/GB/21 DIFF: NYJ/IND, HOU/MIA, NO/CAR, SF/KC, CLE/OAK, CIN/NE, PHI/GB Cleveland (SFA Jack 4-0) defeated Oakland (Smues 2-1) 7-5 CLE: ATL/DAL/NYJ/MIA/MIN/CAR/SD/SF/STL/CLE/WAS/CIN/CHI/PHI/21 OAK: ATL/DAL/IND/MIA/MIN/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/NE/SEA/GB/10 DIFF: NYJ/IND, CAR/NO, WAS/JAX, CIN/NE, CHI/SEA, PHI/GB, 21/10 Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 3-1) defeated Washington (Human Fly 2-2) 6-5 JAX: ATL/DAL/NYJ/MIA/MIN/CAR/SD/SF/STL/OAK/JAX/CIN/SEA/PHI/17 WAS: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/MIN/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/10 DIFF: DAL/TEN, NYJ/IND, CAR/NO, OAK/CLE, SEA/CHI New England (nl-asshole 0-3-1) tied Cincinnati (Teke 2-1-1) 6-6+TB Asshole predicted 20 points. New England scored 38. Difference: 18. Teke predicted 31 points. Cincinnati scored 13. Difference: 18. NE: AZ/TEN/NYJ/HOU/BUF/CAR/BAL/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/GB/20 CIN: ATL/DAL/IND/MIA/MIN/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/PHI/31 DIFF: TEN/DAL, NYJ/IND, HOU/MIA, BUF/MIN, CAR/NO, BAL/SD, GB/PHI Seattle (C Dubya 2-2) defeated Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 0-4) 7-6 SEA: ATL/TEN/IND/MIA/MIN/NO/BAL/KC/STL/CLE/JAX/NE/SEA/PHI/24 CHI: ATL/DAL/IND/HOU/MIN/NO/BAL/SF/DET/CLE/JAX/CIN/CHI/GB/17 DIFF: TEN/DAL, MIA/HOU, KC/SF, STL/DET, NE/CIN, SEA/CHI, PHI/GB Green Bay (Vitamin X 3-1) defeated Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 3-1) 7-6 GB: ATL/DAL/NYJ/HOU/MIN/NO/SD/SF/STL/CLE/WAS/CIN/SEA/GB/21 PHI: ATL/DAL/NYJ/HOU/MIN/NO/SD/SF/DET/CLE/JAX/NE/SEA/GB/24 DIFF: STL/DET, WAS/JAX, CIN/NE Open date: Denver (Canadian Chris 1-2), N.Y. Giants (Cartman 1-2), Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 1-2), Tampa Bay (Starvenger 1-2)

BTW: Starvenger, you scored a 7 in your bye week. AFC EAST Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 3-1 < PF: 30, PA: 28, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 2-1 > New York Jets (Gert T) 2-2 < PF: 32, PA: 29, AFC: 2-2, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-1 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 1-3 < PF: 31, PA: 35, AFC: 1-3, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-0 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 0-3-1 < PF: 23, PA: 30, AFC: 0-3-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-2 > AFC NORTH Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 4-0 < PF: 32, PA: 27, AFC: 3-0, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 2-0 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 2-1-1 < PF: 29, PA: 30, AFC: 2-1-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-1 > Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 1-2 < PF: 23, PA: 27, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 1-3 < PF: 29, PA: 33, AFC: 0-2, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 0-1 > AFC SOUTH Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 3-1 < PF: 32, PA: 28, AFC: 2-0, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 1-0 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 3-1 < PF: 34, PA: 28, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-1 > Houston Texans (Bored) 2-2 < PF: 32, PA: 31, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 0-1 > Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 2-2 < PF: 27, PA: 30, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 0-0 > AFC WEST Oakland Raiders (Smues) 2-1 < PF: 28, PA: 25, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 1-0 > Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 2-1 < PF: 25, PA: 22, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 1-0 > San Diego Chargers (Porter) 2-1 < PF: 25, PA: 22, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 0-0, DIV: 0-1 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 1-2 < PF: 24, PA: 26, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 > NFC EAST Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 3-1 < PF: 34, PA: 31, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-0 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 2-2 < PF: 28, PA: 27, AFC: 0-2, NFC: 2-0, DIV: 1-0 > Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 1-2 < PF: 22, PA: 21, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 0-1 > New York Giants (Cartman) 1-2 < PF: 19, PA: 26, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 0-1 > NFC NORTH Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 3-1 < PF: 31, PA: 26, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 2-0 > Detroit Lions (Bravesfan) 3-1 < PF: 32, PA: 33, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 3-1, DIV: 1-1 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 2-2 < PF: 31, PA: 28, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-0 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 0-4 < PF: 24, PA: 33, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 0-4, DIV: 0-3 > NFC SOUTH Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 4-0 < PF: 36, PA: 30, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 4-0, DIV: 3-0 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 1-2 < PF: 24, PA: 27, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 1-1 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 1-3 < PF: 28, PA: 28, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 0-2 > Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 1-3 < PF: 29, PA: 32, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-3, DIV: 1-2 > NFC WEST Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 2-2 < PF: 32, PA: 24, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 2-1 > Seattle Seahawks (C Dubya) 2-2 < PF: 34, PA: 34, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 1-0 > San Francisco 49ers (Lightning Flik) 1-3 < PF: 21, PA: 27, AFC: 0-0, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 1-1 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 1-3 < PF: 32, PA: 35, AFC: 1-0, NFC: 0-3, DIV: 0-2 >

Who needs the pseudo-experts at this place with their fancy smancy win-share totals and minor-league reports when you've got Al kkkeiper here to give you the hook-up. Here's some baseball stuff that popped into my head in the last hour or so. You've been warned. • The Houston Astros had a chance to get into the postseason, thanks to a late-season surge up the N.L. Central. They came up short in the last weekend of play, which made me curious as to how many one-run games they lost this year. I looked over their regular-season schedule and at a glance I counted 21. Zoinks. Ah hell, I might as well see how many one-run games the Astros won – 25. So that means they were 25-21 in one-run games. Um, well, they should have won some more. But how did St. Louis do in one-run games? Ah, hell. They were 22-27. Whatever, I’m not deleting all this exhaustive research I’ve conducted just because it makes no sense to my original point. • Bye Racist Dusty. Perhaps you should go to a team that plays in warmer weather, such as Florida or Arizona. This way you can better utilize your black and Hispanic ballplayers. • Now there’s talk about Roger Clemens taking naughty drugs. Don’t care. Like I said before, this who era in baseball is roided up, and let the accusations fly. I’m a Clemens fan, but Major League Baseball brought all of this upon itself. • Ryan Howard for MVP. I don’t know who’s in contention for any of the other awards. • Yesterday the Pirates played their final game for the 2006 season. Now I could make yet another joke about how this team sucks, but instead I’m going to give props to Freddy Sanchez for winning the N.L. batting title. From what I’ve seen of Freddy he played hard this season, which is amazing considering he had no reason to considering the team he was on. For God's sake the fans were popping wood because the team finished with a winning record for the first time ever at PNC Park; now that’s some high standards there. One thing that did surprise me is that the Pirates have had 25 batting titles, which is the most of any team. I watched the final three outs of Sunday’s 1-0 victory against the Reds, and it was nice to see Sanchez get the props he deserves, especially considering he didn’t get an opportunity to start until May. But enough of talking about this crap; let’s move onto real baseball teams that are still playing. • I really don’t have a “favorite” baseball team. There are certain players I like, but in regards to actual franchises I’m indifferent to most of them. If you put a gun to my head and forced me to pick a team, I’d probably go with the St. Louis Cardinals – I don’t know why, I just like how that team is run. Whenever the MLB postseason starts up, I’ll pick a team or two and pull for them to win. It’s not big deal if they lose, and if they win I’ll say “yay” and move on with my life. The only exception to this rule is when there’s a team I don’t want to win, such as when Racist Dusty almost lead his Cubs to the 2003 World Series, or when Barry Bonds finally made it to the Fall Classic. I’ve only done this mini-bandwagon thing for a few years, and my track record has been OK. In 2001 I was pulling the Arizona Diamondbacks because I like Curt Schilling and wanted to see him get a championship. Plus I also felt bad for that Asian pitcher who gave up back-to-back game-ending home runs. In 2002 I was rooting for the Anaheim Angles, especially when they faced off against the San Francisco Giants in the World Series. Nothing brought me greater joy that year than seeing Racist Dusty’s brat cry after the Giants lost Game 7. I went with the Florida Marlins in 2003, mostly because they managed to beat Racist Dusty. In 2004 I didn’t want to see the Red Sox win it all because there was nothing more entertaining in sports talk radio than to year Boston fans dejected at their team falling short yet again, but c'est la vie. Last year was pretty much a wash because I didn’t care who won – the White Sox or Astros. This year is pretty much a repeat of 2005. I don’t know much about any of the teams (as if I ever do), but if I have to pick a team I would probably go with the Yankees. Yeah, the EVIL EMPIRE. I think my main reason for wanting them to win is because I want Alex Rodriguez to win a championship and shut up all the A-Rod haters. Who will win this year? I dunno. The weird thing about the MLB playoffs is that five-game first-round. You could play a grueling 162-game schedule, and in just three games all that blood, sweat and tears will get flushed down the toilet. Then again, a seven-game series can end in as quickly as four games but oh well. Without further ado, here is my playoff tree as to how I think this postseason will play out. Take this information, do the opposite of what I write and call your bookie. NL PLAYOFFS: St. Louis vs. San Diego. These two played last year in the first round, and the Cardinals handedly won. The Cards haven’t been playing well, and I’ll say the Padres will win in four. Los Angeles vs. New York. The Mets haven’t played a meaningful game in months and have been without the services of Pedro Martinez for just as long. I seem to remember the Dodgers being on several hot and cold streaks this year. Oh what the hell – Dodgers in five. Los Angeles vs. San Diego. When I was a kid I liked both the Dodgers and the Padres. I followed Los Angeles due to Fernando Valenzuela and because there was an old Mr. Ed episode that guest-starred several old-school Dodgers. Tony Gwynn is one of my all-time favorite players, so that explains my Padre love. Because the wild card teams have a legit shot at reaching the World Series, I’ll say Dodgers in four. AL PLAYOFFS: Oakland vs Minnesota. I have no clue who is on the A’s roster other than that Zito hippie and Jason Kendall (he is still there, right?). They never make it out of the first round, so I’ll go with Minnesota in five. Detroit vs New York. Although my insisting the Tigers were “for real” is what probably led to their late-season collapse, I wasn’t intentionally trying to ruin this team. I always liked Jim Leyland, but I think the Tigers are going to be one of those “Boy we’re sure happy to be here” stories, so I’ll say New York sweeps the series. Minnesota vs. New York. Small market vs. Big market. David vs. Goliath. Fuck that shit – I’m going with the owner who didn’t want to contract his team. Yankees in five. WORLD SERIES: Los Angeles vs. New York. Right. Like these two teams I picked are going to be around at this point – both will probably get swept in the first round. Nevertheless, Yankees in five.

Did I say "hippie"? I meant "most dominant control pitcher of our era." Still looks like a tree-hugger, though.

Regarding your Stanford comment -- you're being serious?

How did you get into the butcher game? I'm planning on quitting my job tomorrow, so I'm curious. Aren't you teaching?

• A few days ago I was ragging on Shittsburgh’s Port Authority because they were, once again, whining about how they would have to raise fares if they didn’t get more tax money to keep their inefficient public transportation system chugging along. In that same entry, I also goofed on how the Allegheny County Council wanted to pass a public smoking ban. Well, as I was driving through this pristine city on the way to pick up the better half from her job, I realized that I probably inhale more exhaust from these busses in a day than I inhale from second-hand smoke in a year. Should a tumor ever develop in my lung, I wonder if I could sue the Port Authority for having their pollution-spewing vehicles closer than 15 feet in front of me? (This proposed countywide smoking ban would prohibit anyone from smoking within 15 feet of businesses.) Hell, since these busses spit out more toxic emissions than my car, I feel they should have to be restricted to their very own road, and that road should also be an enclosed structure so those that choose to ride in these disgusting vehicles have to breathe in their own exhaust. Hey, it’s my right as a motorist not to inhale these toxic vapors; why should I have to end my life early because these lumbering contraptions freely pollute our publicly financed roads? But you know who are hardest hit by this pollution? The children. Well, maybe not mine since I don’t have any, but if I were to have a kkk Jr., he or she would be hardest hit for sure. Hey, if states can sue car manufactures for polluting the environment, why can’t I do the same to our local public officials? • I don’t care if the way Australian scientists want to curb the growing Koala population is by planting a contraceptive between a female’s shoulder blades; I want to keep the image in my head of these scientists putting condoms on these cuddly bears. Why am I imaging this I have no idea, but it sure scares the hell out of me that I am doing so. • Now the GOP is really on my shit list – just as I started to get into on-line betting these bitches want to outlaw me from using credit cards, checks and electronic fund transfers to pay my wagers. You guys need to stay out of my bedroom. Well, actually I don’t care if you’re in that room because nothing ever happens there, but don’t you dare set one foot into my computer room. • I remember when Farm Aid was started it was to try and help small, family owned farms survive; a nice, populist cause if there ever was one. Now these concerts are encouraging us to eat organic shit? Either the original point of Farm Aid has gone away, or Willie Nelson, Neil Young and John Mellencamp have given up. I guess the next evolution of this concert will be to encourage everyone in attendance to write their Congressperson to encourage the banning of trans-fatty foods (unless this has already been done – I’m not hip on the latest goings-on at Farm Aid). • Good for you Arnold for vetoing this stupid bill that would have given California’s electoral votes to the presidential candidate that gets the most popular votes of the country rather than the actual state itself. We’re not a democracy, we’re a representative republic; it’s not my fault government schools don’t teach this to our youth. Then again, it might be funny to actually let this bill pass because I’d love to see the leftists, who support this idea, backtrack when these 50+ electoral votes go to a Republican candidate rather than to the person running on the Democrat ticket who would be more likely to win this commie state’s popular vote.

Moving up and about > Dealing with customers.

Yay, Texas Tech. EDIT: I take that back. I thought Spiff's "FU" was becasue they lost. Fuck you, Texas Tech.

You should know the routine by now. Arizona at Atlanta (7.5) Once again it looks like Arizona is headed down the “Hey many people selected us to be a ‘sleeper’ pick, but we’re still going lose” path. It’s still relatively early in the season to write the Cardinals off, but I’ll take my chances with Atlanta and that seven-and-a-half point spread. (9.5) Dallas at Tennessee With all the T.O. talk this week, some may have forgotten that the Cowboys have a game to play on Sunday. And it’s against the powerhouse Titans. I think the real reason Owens wants to play this week is so he can pad his numbers against one of the league’s struggling teams. Either way, I’m betting on Dallas to win, but will they win by more than 10 points? I’d like to go back and review Tennessee’s defeats to see if most of them were close, but then I’d be thinking while making these picks – something I promised not to do. I’ll say sure, why not go with those Cowboys? (9.5) Indianapolis at N.Y. Jets The Jets have been a scrappy team so far this year, and although I think Indy will win this game, the question is will they cover the spread. Well, the Jets head coach used to work on a team that had the Colts’ number, but because the Indianapolis offense had a light week against the Jaguars (especially in the first half) I’ll say a well-rested Manning leads his team to a double-digit victory. (4.5) Miami at Houston Miami hasn’t looked good all year, and Houston hasn’t look good ever since they entered the league. I’ll say Miami will probably win, but Houston will make it close with the potential for an upset. Minnesota at Buffalo (1.5) Interesting match-up. I’m curious to see how the Vikings react to last week’s loss. Will that loss to the Bears carry over into this week? I don’t know, but I’ll guess the Vikings in another upset. New Orleans at Carolina (7.5) I think it’s funny the 3-0 Saints are such big underdogs against the 1-2 Panthers. It seems that Carolina starts the season out slow and finishes it hot, so based on that alone I’ll say the Panthers will win. But will they cover the spread? Because the Saints have defeated their other divisional opponents this year, I’ll side with them this week. (2.5) San Diego at Baltimore Ben Roethlisberger played his first NFL game against the Ravens in Week 2 of the 2004-2005 season when he replaced an injured Tommy Maddox. If memory serves, he didn’t do too well. After two “tune-up” games, I think Phillip Rivers will experience what Big Ben went through. San Francisco at Kansas City (7.5) I think Kansas City will win, but will they cover the spread? I’ll say … no. Detroit at St. Louis (6.5) I think St. Louis will win, but will they cover the spread? I’ll say … sure. (3.5) Cleveland at Oakland A true clash of the titans, and neither one is from Tennessee. Oakland has been pitiful this year so far, but are they pitiful enough to have Cleveland be the favored team in the black hole? At least Cleveland played Baltimore tough last week. I’ll go with the Browns. (3.5) Jacksonville at Washington Washington had a big win last week, but it was against Houston. Jacksonville has had a hard schedule so far, and when a game at the Washington appears to be the “soft spot” in a team’s first four games, I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. New England at Cincinnati (6.5) Cincinnati has played well so far this year, and New England has looked vulnerable at times. I have to go with the Bengals, even though I think the Patriots have a chance to make this a close game. Seattle at Chicago (3.5) The marquee NFC game of the week, I have a feeling one team will show up to play and the other one won’t. The problem is I don’t know which team will do what. Let’s see, in last year’s playoffs the Panthers crushed the Bears in Chicago, and Carolina got beat down the following week at Seattle. Based on this, I’ll side with the Seahawks. Green Bay at Philadelphia (11.5) I don’t see Green Bay winning, but can they at least keep it somewhat close? For some reason, I’m thinking of that horrible overtime interception Favre threw in the 2003-2004 divisional playoffs against Philadelphia a few years ago (at least I’m pretty sure this is the game I’m thinking about). Is that a sign? I’ll say yes.

• Fucking Democrats will do anything to get their power back. How else can you explain this? Well, I guess there’s one other scenario that might be applicable in this instance – this guy is OUT OF HIS FUCKING MIND (allegedly, of course). What the hell is wrong with people? I honestly don’t know how I can make a wisecrack that’s better than the actual article itself. I mean, I guess I could say that if Barney Frank was doing this there wouldn’t be a story, but that joke is nothing when matched up against this. • This is why I can never can fully embrace my brethren from the North. Canada, I like you and all, but not only are you a bit too tilted toward the socialist side of things for my taste, but also your freedom of speech laws leave something to be desired. So displaying a picture of an aborted fetus is considered obscene? Larry Flynt could have one with a strap-on hitting it doggy-style with another fetus that didn’t make it through the third trimester and there would be people down here in the States calling that art (especially a particular politician from Florida; allegedly, of course). • Well of course those “Bumfights” videos made some teens go out and pummel a homeless person to death. I guess Lionel Tate’s lawyer now has a new client to defend. • And speaking of rumbles, screw their actual chess matches, I want to see these two retards duke it out in the parking lot. In high school I joined the chess club during my junior and senior years. Well, actually my friend and I signed up just to play in some day-long tournament that was held at our school once a year. Hey, it beat going to class. The first match of the day always had me pitted against a kid from another school who attended this event to get out of class, too. We'd talk more about sports than we played. I usually won those games because my opponent would lose his queen first. In my second match of the day I always played against some kid who knew what he was doing, and I would get my king handed to me in no time. I'd then play a match against someone dumb like me, followed by some uber-smart kid. We also had free cookies and drinks, so all in all it wasn't that bad a day. In fact, after our junior year about a dozen other kids like us who attended just to get out of a day’s worth of classes joined my friend and me in next year’s tournament. Funny thing is that some of these kids were pretty good chess players, which pissed off those who actually attended this club's regular meetings. • And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura call of the day (or whenever I feel like doing this). Although the lady who phoned in and said she was “afraid” that her husband wanted to teach their kid the alphabet at too early an age and the guy who asked if it was OK to watch horror movies with his four-year old son are both good candidates, they can't top this one. A woman called in and asked at what age her kids should learn that their dad is a convicted sex offender. When asked how old her kids were, the caller replied, “19 and 16.”

So this law isn't all that bad then? Actually, I'm indifferent to Green. I don't find him all that funny, but if there are those out there who do and Tom can make a living off of what it then more power to him.

On the drive home from work yesterday this dump truck cut-off the same car twice, almost crashing into it each time.

For as much as I love Mr. Tso's cock, I've been getting Szechuan Beef the last few times from the take-out shop.

But if he goes to a buffet it'll be all-you-can-eat.

Keep rolleyes -- when has he (or she?) ever flame-baited?

Much, much better. Thanks.

You're right. I need to start implementing some standards.

"It's a drive-by you think you're fly guy?" And this was Part 2. Is Kitchener the Compton of Canada?

Good thing you have a bye then.

Yeah, how dare someone ask Bill a tough question. No, you're just a terrorist.

• Allegheny County executive board members (or whatever these people are called) have just passed a public smoking ban that is awaiting a signature from County Chief Executive President Dan Onorato. Here’s what I don’t get about this whole anti-smoking crusade. If puffing cancer sticks is so bad for you (and I’m not saying that it isn’t), then let’s just outright ban these things. I’m not a smoker. Never have been; never will. Well, there were a few times I would light up a Swisher Sweet during my college days, but that was because I needed something to keep me awake while I drove home from 16+ hours worth of work and classes. That Swishers’ tangy taste and aroma helped keep me alert enough so that I didn’t veer off the road and crash into a building. Other than that, I have never touched a cigarette/cigar. (I did consume chewing tobacco one night while drunk, but that’s another story for another time.) Cigarettes are a tax on the stupid, and if you want to smoke them, that’s your choice. I also think it should be the choice of business owners to decide for themselves whether or not to make their establishments a smoking or non-smoking facility. Yeah, I’ve heard the anti-smoking Gestapo say that a bar’s owner is putting the health of his or her customers and employees at risk. Patrons can frequent somewhere else, and employees can get another job. There’s a scale I use that measures how much freedom people should be allowed to have and how much regulation is required for “the greater good.” This issue of letting private businesses decide on giving them the choice of whether to be a smoking or non-smoking facility, or if Big Brother “knows what’s best” and forbids any kind of smoking in a business’ vicinity can play a role in whether or not I determine how much of a commie somebody is. Now if you think Big Brother “knows what’s best” in this situation, don't worry; I won’t necessarily label you a commie for this alone. I do see the other point of view in this debate; I just disagree with it. (By the way, if there is ever a law to outright ban tobacco, I wouldn't complain. Well that is other than knowing that "fat taxes" will be used to replace cigarette taxes, which will be gone as a result of banning tobacco products.) The best part of this above-mentioned story is that smoking will be allowed to take place in a casino which will soon be sprouting up in the region. Now wait a second. I’ve never been to a casino, nor do I care to, but I’ve seen enough on television to know that quite a few people can fit into one of these places. And yet it’s OK to smoke HERE?! I’m striking up a local tone here because our piece of shit governor Edward Rendell thinks that the state will be better off if we allowed casinos to set up shop in Pennsylvania. My opinion on this matter is mostly indifferent. I don’t care if they get built, but then again I’m not a restaurant owner that will probably get screwed over if a casino gets built next to my business. But Fast Eddie is acting like these casinos will single handedly rejuvenate the state. It’s not. But by the time the idiots who support this initiative realize this, Swindell would already be out of office and headed toward greener pastures. • Keeping up with the Nanny-State theme, I give this three years before the health Nazis try this sort of shit to Middle America. I can’t wait to see the excuses as to why we’re all a bunch of fatties when fast-food restaurants get banned. By the way, the government is all about limiting our choices for health reasons; hence smoking bans and soon-to-be “fat” bans. But why is it there’s one choice out there that actually kills life and is seemingly untouchable? *whistles and walks away* • You know, if The Onion would write stuff like this... ...I might actually read what they produce. The sad thing about this is that it isn’t satire; it’s nonfiction. And since I’m talking about The Onion, the only thing I ever intentionally laughed at that was written by them was a story about an athlete blaming God for a loss. • I heard on the radio today that the Pennsylvania Port Authority has fired its Harrisburg-based lobbying group (Harrisburg is PA’s state capital for the geographically challenged) for wasting money. Wow, when the Port Authority thinks you are wasting too much money, you know the situation is bad. And while I’m on this subject, I’ve been hearing rumblings from this bureaucracy that they need more money or else they’ll have to drastically increase fares. Of course, they can’t just get rid of routes that nobody attends or utilize smaller vehicles to take over these unpopulated stops. That would save money, and we sure as hell can’t have that. One solution I’ve heard is to raise the state gasoline tax by 10 cents per gallon. Let me get this straight. Mass transit is out of money. To get more money, Pennsylvania raises the gas tax. Mass transit relies heavily on gasoline. Mass transit has no money. Makes perfect sense to me. While we’re at it, let’s tax tires and vehicle windows. • There’s a government school in Michigan that invited this German-based choir to sing at their school. However, there was one stipulation. No religious songs. What was this choir named? “Voices of Heaven.” And people wonder why I call these institutions “government” schools. • But not everything is negative in this crazy world of ours. Paul Harvey said earlier today that a fellow Aussie is in negotiations to play the role of the late Steve Irwin in a movie about his life. Who’s this Aussie? Russell Crowe. Even though later reports deny this annoucement, I don't care. I so want this movie made. “See that croc there? What a beauty. They like to lay in the water and soak up the sun’s rays. But do you know what else they like to do?” "Fightin!"

Shooter: The restaurant owners are bitching because the casinos will have restaurants and shit within their casino. Chris: From what I heard, the bingo halls and other similar fundraising endeavors have volunteers at these events, so they choose to be in these conditions. With this Bush economy and that whopping unemployment rate, people can't just leave one job in the cutthroat food-service industry for another.

KKK’s Top 103 Posters Number 54: Cobain was Murdered I like the guy, even though I didn’t actually speak to CWM until several years into my TSM posting. He's had an interesting selection of jobs, from his stint as a rugged lumberjack to being able to go to town with a store's slurpee machine (and don't forget about the other perks of working third-shift at a Quickie-Mart). Then there's the gnomes. Lots of gnomes. Oodles and oodles of gnomes. With the recent tensions between Mrs. kkk and our next-door neighbors, I wonder if CWM wouldn't mind taking his show on the road. And now a word or two from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed. From SFA Jack: From Cancer Marney: • OK, time to see if my Week 3 pickkks were the charm. Carolina at Tampa Bay. Incorrect. Goddamn point spreads. Who’s the asshole who comes up with this shit? Oh, nevermind. Chicago at Minnesota. Incorrect. See my above post. I thought the Vikings would make this a close game, but not this close. Purple faggots. Cincinnati at Pittsburgh. Correct. Nothing really much to say about this game other than that Shittsburgh fans are about to go into panic mode because the Steelers lost two close games to two teams that posted better regular-season records than they did last year. And it’s not going to get any easier with a game at San Diego after a Week 4 bye. To be fair, the Steelers had every chance to win this game against the Bengals, but that muffed punt return really hurt them. After hearing this play on the radio, my first thought was, “I wonder if Cowher misses Antwaan Randle El right about now." Sure he botched a few punts during his time with the Steelers, but he also broke a few for big plays. Green Bay at Detroit. Correct. OK, this exercise in futility isn’t funny anymore. I don’t know who will feel worse: Detroit at season’s end or the one or two teams who will probably get upset by the Lions this year. Jacksonville at Indianapolis. Correct. Remember what I said about the point spreads in the Carolina/Tampa Bay contest? I take that all back. Jacksonville had possession of the ball for how many minutes in the first half – 25? Damn. And they got beat nevertheless. On a Peyton Manning bootleg. N.Y. Jets at Buffalo. Incorrect. How many yards rushing and passing did the Bills have over the Jets in this game? [119 yards to 73 and 306 yards to 182.] And they still lost. Figures that I picked them. Tennessee at Miami. Correct. Chalk up another point-spread win. And what happened to all that talk during training camp about Daunte Culpepper being unstoppable? Washington at Houston. Correct. Boy, what an impressive win. The Redskins should be proud of defeating such an AFC powerhouse. Is Cleveland on their schedule later in the year? Baltimore at Cleveland. Incorrect. I guess I could say that due to Cleveland playing the team-that-used-to-be-the-Browns I should have known this game would have been close. But that would have required me to look up past scores, and I’m too lazy for that. N.Y. Giants at Seattle. Correct. Poor Emily. He should get his daddy to yell at his receivers for dropping his passes. Actually, I got pissed toward the end when I learned that Seattle let their lead drop to less than 20 points. When you have the chance to lay a beat down on Emily, do so. Please. For the children. Philadelphia at San Francisco. Correct. The only thing that surprised me was the lack of McNabb knob-slobbing that took place afterward by Chris Berman and pals. St. Louis at Arizona. Incorrect. Two teams I know nothing about (as opposed to the other 30 franchises in the NFL ) playing a game I had no idea who was going to win. Denver at New England. Incorrect. Didn’t see the game. Was a bit surprised at the outcome. Denver seems to have the Patriots’ number. Atlanta at New Orleans. Incorrect. Hey, props to the Saints for being 3-0. I wonder how much returning to the Superdome really played a factor in this upset win. I might want to pull for this team, but I know that if they get anywhere near the playoffs the sappy media coverage will make me wish for Katrina to make a return to the Deep South. Overall Score: 7-7. Cumulative Score: 24-22. Hooray for mediocrity +1.

Close this thread. Now.