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kkktookmybabyaway

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Blog Entries posted by kkktookmybabyaway

  1. kkktookmybabyaway
    6:30 p.m.
     
    • But the big question is: What political party is this guy from?
     

     
    This place is in Kansas, and he's offering to resign, so I'm guessing he's a Republican. However, the article doesn't indicate what party he's affiliated with, so he could be a Democrat. However, small-town elections don't have the same oomph when it comes to political parties (the article says this guy has another job, after all). If the area is made up of Democrats/Republicans, then most local positions will be registered as that party for election purposes. Also, one headline I saw had this as a "RACIST porn e-mail." Uh, how excatly was this the r-word? Then again, if he sent this e-mail at home on his personal computer and not on mayoral time, then OMG KEEP HIS PRIVATE LIFE PRIVATE and all that other crap I heard during the Lewinsky years.
     
    8 a.m.
     
    • Not sure what the legal stuff is regarding celebs and having their images sold for profit via greeting cards, but I would consider Paris a public figure so my first thought is "tough shit" to her lawsuit.
     

     
    Remember when everyone goofed on Donald Trump for trying to trademark "You're Fired"? If anything, Hallmark should be sued for producing shitty cards.
  2. kkktookmybabyaway
    11:45 p.m.
     
    • This just popped into my head. The other night I was watching O’Reilly and he had some pro-invasion feminazi bitch on spewing the usual shit about “they’re not illegals” and all this other nonsense. She then started talking about how immigration cops ILLEGALLY storm into the houses of these undocumented employees. Yeah, doesn’t that suck when people illegally enter a territory?
     
    • I was watching one of those “look inside at jails,” and normally I don’t tune into all that long to these shows. But this one featured Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, so I figured I’d give it a look. Jesus Christ. Whenever I hear people bitch about “overcrowed jails” and “where are we going to house all these people,” my response is “build more prisons.” No way in hell I want them living with me. Well, I’m from the suburbs. OK, so I don’t want them driving through my neighborhood and scooping out my house. My favorite pare of the show was some black guy bitching to Arpaio about how terrible it is to be a prisoner in Phoenix, (Joe has this extension of his jail that’s outdoors), and how the conditions were much better in a prison back in Kansas City. Joe responded by saying, “Well go back to Kansas City if you want to break the law.”
     
    Ha. He's also not endorsing his state's senator John McCain. (Article's a bit dated.)
     

     
    7 p.m.
     
    • So now that the case is over, Mrs. kkk is telling me all about her time as a juror. Yes, she didn’t talk about her hippie case until it concluded. Anyway, it just reinforces the fact defense lawyers are scum. Long story short: some idiot robbed a store with a bb gun that looked real. He then went on a high-speed chase. From what it sounds like, he didn’t want to take a plea agreement, which would have probably required a bit of jail time. Instead, now he’s found guilty on all counts and is facing at least 5 years in the hole. Good for him. This incident took place more than two YEARS ago, and now his trial began on Wednesday and ended Thursday. The funny thing was the better half is guessing the defense lawyer picked her for jury duty because she is a Master’s graduate and dealt with family members that abused drugs. I guess he though she’d be all touchy feely when the defense team brought up the defendant came from a broken home. This lawyer couldn’t have been more wrong. Ha. My favorite part of the case, as was told to me by Mrs. kkk:
     
    The criminal gets out of his car to flee on foot. The cops eventually get him. The criminal asks why the cops have their guns drawn. When the cops answer, the criminal says, “Didn’t you see me drop my gun back there (during the car chase in which I was going 90 mph in residential neighborhoods)?” I bet that plea agreement seems like a good deal now.
  3. kkktookmybabyaway
    kkk’s Top 103 Posters
     

     
    Number 12: Bigolsmitty
     
    With his freedom-hating views he should be called Bigolshitty, but yet he managed to crack the Top 12. How was Smitty able to accomplish such a feat? Take a lesson, commies. If you’re going to hate the country that gives you the freedom to whine about $3/gallon gas and then vote for politicians that want to tax this same resource $4/gallon, please do it right. (If you’re not from America, then I don’t give a rat's ass what you think of my country. No matter how many protest marches you engage in, you bitches will be the first ones at my doorstep pleading for help once Abdul and his 30 junior jihadists start blowing themselves up in your market square.) What separates Smitty from most of the Marxists here is that he’s actually funny with his shtick. And by funny I don’t mean C-Bacon funny. He also has a sense of humor. Then again, he thinks Napoleon Dynamite was good. Where do I go with this one? Oh hell, I already typed it up; I'll just leave the last few lines as-is. Smitty is also one of my favorites for good arguing in favor of the ideology that wants unregulated freedom in bedrooms and abortion clinics but total government control everywhere else. I just pray he isn’t glazedham over at the other place, because if that's the case I may have edit this entry.
     
    7 p.m.
     
    • Alrighty. It’s now time for the first week of NFL pickkks. Long story short. I take the matchups from week 1, use the point spreads in my TSM contest, make spur-of-the-moment decisions on each game and pretend the really awful selections I made never happened.
     
    New Orleans @ Indianapolis (5.5)
    Indy lost a lot of people. I don’t think New Orleans will be as good as they were last year. Could be a close game, but I think the Colts will cover the spread at home.
     
    Atlanta @ Minnesota (3.5)
    If memory serves, Minnesota had a good run defense last year. That’s all I need.
     
    Carolina @ St. Louis (0.5)
    The Panthers pissed me off last year by having a crap-tastic season. Fuck them.
     
    (3.5) Denver @ Buffalo
    All I know about the Bills is that they lost some cornerback that got lots of money from the 49ers.
     
    Kansas City @ Houston (2.5)
    Oh I’m tempted to take the Texans in this one, but I just can’t fathom Houston a favorite in anything.
     
    Miami @ Washington (3.5)
    I have no idea who the Redskins have on their team. Why am I picking them?
     
    (6.5) New England @ N.Y. Jets
    The Pats will probably win, but I have to take that spread. Then again, I heard a bunch of starters aren’t going to play for New England.
     
    (3.5) Philadelphia @ Green Bay
    When will Favre retire?
     
    (4.5) Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
    Tricky. Knoll and Cowher both won their first games as Steeler coaches. Cleveland may indeed lose, but crazy stuff can happen when Pittsburgh goes to this place. Steelers will score 27.
     
    Tennessee @ Jacksonville (6.5)
    I don’t think the Titans will win, and I don’t think they will be as good as their late-season hot streak showed last year. It’s a spread thing.
     
    Chicago @ San Diego (6.5)
    Years ago when the Bears played the Vikings on opening day, I heard a commentator say that in Week 1 a good offense will often best a good defense because there’s still a “surprise” element many teams use for a trick play or two. And the Chargers have a pretty good defense, too.
     
    Detroit @ Oakland (1.5)
    My first thought for this game was that South Park “giant douche/turn sandwich” episode.
     
    Tampa Bay @ Seattle (6.5)
    I think this spread will bite me in the ass, and I think the Seahawks have numbered days atop the NFC West, but it’s only Week 1.
     
    N.Y. Giants @ Dallas (5.5)
    Uh. I have nothing. Boo Emily.
     
    Baltimore @ Cincinnati (3.5)
    Remember that “good offense” comment I made above? That’s why I’m going with the Bengals at home. I’m hoping the Ravens can’t run the ball with shit.
     
    Arizona @ San Francisco (3.5)
    Remember that “good offense” comment I made above? Remember that Bills cornerback to San Fran comment I made above? Well, the Cards have two other good receivers that the 49ers have to cover.
     
    4:30 p.m.
     
    • Oh boy, more work stories! So someone from upstairs calls me because some guy’s on the phone and my co-worker thought that maybe I could help out. Sure. The caller wasn’t related to my department, but then again, it could have been. I took it. Long story short. It actually dealt with something I did, but I’m not responsible for the actual project. I just take what’s given to me and do my thing. Long story short: a month ago the idiot boss said to this caller that he’d get back to him regarding a certain issue. He never did. This caller phoned in again a week ago. Same story by the idiot boss, “I’ll get back to you.” Bwahahahahaaha. So I say, “I regret the unprofessional treatment you have received. If that had been me I would have acted on your request right away.” I’m sure word will get back to the idiot one way or another. Good. Then again, the idiot might stay away because the truth is involved in this one. He doesn’t like that sort of thing. It's great when my response to a scolding is, "Sorry for telling the truth. I won't do it again."
     
    You may notice I said “regret” and not “apologize.” I hate it when people say the “a” word over something they have ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL OVER. Fuck that. I’m going to apologize when I fuck up – not when I have to clean up someone else’s mess. Here’s something that’s fun to do. When somebody does the “OMG I apologize” for something that they can’t do anything about, respond by saying, “Well you better not do it again.” Yeah, bitch. You bring my food out to my table. I’m sure you have authority as to when the cook actually bothers to put my grub in the skillet and fry the dead cow up.
  4. kkktookmybabyaway
    7:45 p.m.
     
    • kkk Bowl V is under way in the sports folder. If you have a team, make your picks (don't forget the Thursday game). If you don't and want to play along, just do so in the thread. Remember, anyone without a team that goes the entire season making picks gets first shot at claiming an open team next year.
     
    • Bwahahaha. She got picked. And even after she told the legal people about her crack-whore sister and niece. When she asked me how she could have gotten out of jury duty, I replied that she should have commented on how these experiences have tainted her opinion of the legal system whereas her crack-whore sister doesn’t see a lick of jail time for all her law violations but Mrs. kkk could be held in contempt by saying she thinks jury duty is nothing more than a waste of time. In a way, I’m looking forward to my next stint just for the fact I will be using the terms “red diaper doper baby” and “lawyer dressed in a robe.” I also want to share my thoughts on how the justice system is so broken that if anyone breaks into my house I will do my best to make sure they don't get out alive because I don't want some scumbag defense attorney trying to convince a dozen of my so-called peers that just because the perp's mommy didn't give him iced animal crackers as a kid he should be allowed to roam the streets as my equal.
     
    2:45 p.m.
     
    • So the better half is at the local courthouse trying to get out of jury duty. She just phoned me and said the government workers asked her group if anyone knows someone who was convicted for robbery and/or is a heroin user. Oh man, this will be a cakewalk.
  5. kkktookmybabyaway
    9 p.m.
     
    • So earlier today I had ESPN on – pretty sure it was the “Sports Reporters,” if not then it was one of their talking heads – and one guy on there says that MLB’s western divisional races are the best stories not being told. He then said that he can’t wait for the postseason so we can see these teams in the Pacific Time Zone play on a regular basis. Uh, these teams could be out in three games during the playoffs. I wouldn’t call that “regular.”
     
    • I spent this weekend cleaning the house – I know, I make a great housewife. And while doing this I typically have sports on as background noise. After the Cubs beat the Astros, I was flipping channels and came across this show on the BBC America channel called “How Clean is Your House?” Long story short: these two British chicks go to messy houses, yell at the occupants, show them what a petri dish they are living in and make everything nice and tidy. Holy crap are these houses bad. Another thing I observed was during the commercial breaks the station was pimping it’s newscasts saying something like, “it’s the best coverage on America.” Riiiiiiiiiight.
     
    • Video of crazy cats. My favorites are the ones where children are the victims.
     
    2:30
     
    • So I just watched another NBC “To catch a…” special, but this had nothing to do with adults wanting to bang 13-year olds. This one deal with identity theft, and while it wasn’t as bang-bang-bang in busting pervs and scam artists, it was entertaining in its own right. I think the funniest part of the whole thing was seeing the stupid Americans fall for Internet relationships and shipping thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of merchandise for them. Jesus, are these people pathetic. The best part of all this? During one of the commercial breaks, the first ad to air was from Ditech and started with the sentence, “People are smart…” Oy.
     
    I don’t understand how people can be duped into such obvious scams. Hold on a second while I check my Myspace inbox. Oh, a new message. Who could this be? She says she’s Abigail.
     

     
    Well, hello to you.
     

     
    Well why would you want to be e-mailing me, especially since my profile says I’m married?
     

     
    Oh, I see. I think I know where this is going.
     

     
    And here I thought I had a chance.
     

     
    Cool. She must hate Democrats, too.
     

     
    That's OK. Nobody’s perfect.
     

     
    Now you got my attention.
     

     
    Yeah, I know what you mean. This whole Myspace messaging application is the suq, even though you sent this message through Myspace.
     

     
    No, thank you. I’m just glad you didn’t ask me to sent any money due to an inheritance you can’t get access to because the account is in Nigeria and you have bad credit over at the Dark Continent. If that were to happen, I might think this e-mail could be fake.
  6. kkktookmybabyaway
    12 a.m.
     
    • So I’ve been watching a number of preseason games on the NFL network the last few weeks. What I find interesting are the broadcast teams and the way other places around the country promote their station’s local programming and stuff. I know I’m odd.
     
    • Oh, man. Now I'm starting to like the terrorists.
     

     
    • More people are making wills for their pets. So? What do you want them to do after you croak -- fend for themselves out in the wild?
     

     
    If anything were to happen to me and the better half, our three angels would be living at the in-laws house. I can't even imagine the chaos that will ensue from that, especially with the in-laws having a kitty of their own. I'm just glad I'd be dead and not have to worry about cleaning all those litter boxes. If you don't have a family member you can trust to take care of your pets after life takes care of you, I've also heard of nonprofit organizations that will work with you to care for your animals should you die before them. If I were to do this, I'd have to volunteer at the place for a while to see if they are indeed an honest organization.
     
    5:30 p.m.
     
    • Suspended for THIS?
     

     
    Here's the
    Christ, when I was in school there were “problem kids” that would get into nasty brawls that would sometimes involve pummeling any teacher trying to break up the melee, and these hoodlums would be lucky if they got a day off school as a result.  
    • This country really is in trouble when you got TEXAS halting executions.
     

     
    It is kind of weird that the getaway driver would be treated the same as the trigger person, but don’t mess with Texas. Well, I guess now you can a little bit.
  7. kkktookmybabyaway
    7 p.m.
     
    • Yet another fun day of work. This time I got into a heated argument with the idiot boss. What caused this? My quest for the truth. Basically, my primary, time-sensitive job duty -- the job I was hired to do -- needs to be done during the middle of each month. (That might be a reason why sometime I post an entry during the weekend at work during the 2nd-3rd week of a month.) Well, turns out I now have a new duty for the next six months. Take a wild guess when it’s due? Yep. Every 15th. So today, for the second time in two days, I ask the idiot what takes priority – the job I was hired to do or this new one. No answer. For those who work, you may have had experience with what I call the “ostrich supervisor.” That is, the boss who, when faced with bad news or a question he/she doesn’t want to answer, just doesn’t say anything. Yeah, that’ll make it go away. (Actually, I just made the “ostrich” term up 30 seconds ago, but whatever.) Well, I kept asking, and finally this douche said, “both.” Uh, no, fuckwad. One has to come before the other. As I refused to let him off the hook in front of all his little minions in the office, the atmosphere got more and more awkward. Did I mention that I haven't directly looked at him since last June? That’s always a fun thing. It’s always hilarious to me when shit-for-brains employers get afraid of things like the truth and direct questions. Oh, and the cherry on this sundae is the fact that he waited a week-and-a-half to tell me this, when had he informed me of this new duty when it was first conceived I would have it done already. However, now I have to deal with both duties under a much tighter deadline period. (My monthly romp of fun began earlier this week, and from this week on it's a miracle that I get the amount of work I do done in just under three weeks.) Oh, and why wasn't I informed of this when I actually had some "spare" time to work on this? Because at yesterday's meeting where he first told me of this was the first day when another co-worker got back from a weeklong vacation. A co-worker WHO HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY NEWLY ASSIGNED DUTY. So he waited a week and change to tell me something at an "official" meeting that he could have just said to me when it was first created. Actually, I prefer e-mail correspondence because being in his mere presence for longer than 5 seconds makes me ill. Thank Christ my interaction with him is limited due to being two floors below his cubicle of despair.
     
    • So Michael Wilbon was talking about Mike Mussina on PTI today and he mentioned that Mussina had never been a 20-game winner. Really? I’ll be damn. He hit 19 twice and 18 thrice.
     
    • I saw the first “Hitlery” bumper sticker on the way home from work today. Ugh.
     
    • Oh John Edwards. Don’t ever change.
     

     

  8. kkktookmybabyaway
    10 p.m.
     
    • Guess Larry the Cable Guy's "fake money/fake titties" idea isn't so good after all.
     

     
    • Remember that post yesterday about the South having the most fatties?
     

     
    7 p.m.
     
    • Looks like JJ might have a case of feline acne. We’ll find out Saturday when we take him to the vet. Oh he’s going to love that. Of course having said that the crap near his chin is probably some advanced form of cancer.
     
    • So Mrs. kkk is pissed because the grocery store pulled a fast one on her. She thought she was getting a deal with these hippie melons at 99 cents a pound when they normally retail for $4.99. However, I questioned if this fruit was on sale because the weekly circular advertising this sale said the “golden” melons were on sale, and she was scanning “regular” melons. Turns out I was right. In fact, these magic melons were nowhere to be found; even the “weekly special” special tags weren’t on display. Conspiracy. That’s OK, because I had the audacity to talk to a woman later on in the shopping trip that was easy on the eyes, which of course means I was trying to bang her. It wasn’t that I was asking if she had seen this particular item that the better half had been spending THREE WEEKS trying to find and this person had several boxes of this item (in a different flavor) in her cart and was looking for more. No, that couldn’t have been it. I was trying to get those digits. After all, with me in my five-year old Wal-Mart t-shirt and black shorts I’m sure I looked like a real catch. Then again, I’d rather hear her bitch about this than that goddamn tv dinner with the egg roll.
     
    3 p.m.
     
    • So I was just at this meeting and my idiot boss was talking about preparations for an upcoming seminar. The question was when should it be held – in the fall or next spring. Now I’ve said before in this blog that this moron lives the mantra, “That’s what the last minute is for,” so he was telling those in the room that if a seminar was to be conducted in the fall that there wouldn’t be much time to prepare. So when it was decided that the seminar would take place in April, he said, “Good, now we can push this off to the side,” adding that this gives him more time to prepare. Yeah, and seven/eight months from now you’ll be frantic about how this project snuck up on you. I got to get the hell out of this place.
     
    • Idaho? You da ho. I've been waiting all day to say that.
     

     
    Actually, this brings back the memory of an ebonics joke about why there can never be a Miss Ebonic pagent. Nobody wanted to be a certain state known for it's potatoes and crappy movies.
  9. kkktookmybabyaway
    11 p.m.
     
    • Wonder if this will be on their Vh1 show?
     

     
    Looks like the tree no-sold the crash. I don't care about tasteless jokes -- the kid was speeding. I'm just glad no bystanders were affected by Nick's act of stupidity (or his friend's; the article didn't say who was driving).
     
    7 p.m.
     
    • Well the better half and I had yet another epic debate last night. Yesterday we went to my niece-in-law’s residence for her 11th birthday party. For those keeping score at home, this is the daughter of my crack-whore sister-in-law and little sister of my out-of-control niece-in-law. Thankfully, this one lives with her dad and step-mom in a relatively normal environment. This was the first time Mrs. kkk and I had ever been over this house, and when we got there we sat on the deck with a few other people. I had a rare bout with car sickness on the way over, so I was feeling a bit queezy. I figured getting up and eating some food would be the cure, and I was right. The hostess was asking everyone if they wanted nachos, and I agreed to pass out the food. I went into their kitchen, grabbed a few nacho trays and handed them out to everybody. About 30 minutes later I went back into the kitchen, which is located right next to the deck, to get a second helping because I hadn’t had nachos in a long time and they were so f’n good. About an hour or so later, a bunch of us went into the kitchen to sing “happy b’day” to the birthday girl, and I stay in the kitchen to eat my ice cream cake because of the heat and humidity that was outside. On top of that, there were about a dozen kids around taking up space (they had been swimming for most of the time so now deck space was at a premium), so I figured staying indoors would ease the congestion. Besides, they had central air.
     
    On the way home, we were talking about a number of things, and then the better half said the following: “I was uncomfortable with you going into a house we had never been at before.”
     
    Que?
     
    Oh I had a field day with this. First off, it’s not like I kicked open the door, checked out all the bedrooms and took a dump in the main bathroom with the door open. Besides, the door to the deck/kitchen was OPEN. There was FOOD. I must be an odd host, because I’d actually want people to do things like getting up from their chairs to go over and get food to eat. You know, it’s not even worth it to go into any more detail over this. The oven’s pre-heat timer just rang and now it’s time to put in the fishsticks.
     
    All in all, it was a good enough day. The niece-in-law had the happiest reaction from the present Aunt Better Half and Uncle kkk got her, and considering Mrs. kkk actually keeps track of present reactions, I guess that was a good thing. Yes, she bitches when the presents she we get one of her nieces or nephews doesn’t get the happiest reaction at the party. I’m sure I’ll go into more detail about this sometime down the road.
  10. kkktookmybabyaway
    10 p.m.
     
    • Holy crap. Tim Wakefield has 16 wins?
     

     
    Awesome. I have always been a Wakefield mark ever since he made it to the bigs. Here's how old Tim is: He pitched for the Pirates when they were a playoff team.
     
    • Weird, considering I just saw "Snakes on a Plane" tonight.
     

     
    12 p.m.
     
    • Yet another way I know I’m getting older. Comcast has a variety of music channels that range from rap to rock to stuff from the 1980s and 1990s. What’s my favorite category? Old School Rap. I don’t think it’s a regular channel but rather is on a channel that plays different music for a day or two, and one of the genres in its rotation is hip-hop from the 1980s-90s. I absolutely LOVE this channel. This morning they had some old Queen Latifah track, Special Ed’s “I got it made,” Beasties’ “The new style,” Del’s “Mista Dobalina” and several other songs I hadn’t heard before but liked nevertheless. Funny thing is when I got over to the contemporary rap channel, I can only put up with 30 seconds or so of whatever’s playing. I’m not hating on today’s rap, but it just doesn’t do anything for me. Then again, I’m sure back in the early 1990s when I thought Ice Cube’s “Death Certificate” album was playing there were people who grew up on Parliament who would cringe at lines like “Because you let a Jew break up my crew” and “So pay respect to the black fist or we’ll burn your store right down to a crisp.” Just a generational thing, I guess.
     
    • Finally saw "High Noon." Not the TNT remake some years ago, but rather the original filmed in black-and-white. Wow, if I was the marshal I'd be bitter, too. Oh for fuck's sake.
     

     
    Can't we have one movie where there isn't some commie subplot? Well that explains why it is ranked #27 on the American Film Institute's greatest movie list.
     

     
    I'm sure there's a joke to be made about the women in this movie and "High Noon" but he's been out of office for six-plus years now and I'm not exerting the effort.
  11. kkktookmybabyaway
    8 p.m.
     
    • You know what else is pissing me off? With all this rain my area has been getting, the lawn has grown by leaps and bounds. Mother fucker, and I just mowed the lawn not too long ago. Well, it could be worse. I heard on the radio today that some place in Shittsburgh just had the roads paved but no drains installed. This means the plethora of H2O Mother Nature has been giving us has been making its way into some houses. One yins-er said he can’t live in this neighborhood due to all the flooding that’s taken place over the past few months. That’s gotta suck, although I can think of a few other reasons to get the hell out of the city.
     
    7:45 p.m.
     
    • Ugh. So today the personal shopping scanner thingys were down at the grocery store. What does this mean? I had to have a cashier ring up the groceries. Fuck. Not only were the check-out lines hella long, but I was in front of some fat bitch who squirted out a kid and was paying for her groceries via WIC. What does the rapper Willie D have to say about this sort of thing?
     

     
    Damn straight, dawg. Here I am going through my coupons trying to make every cent count and this person in front of me spread her legs a year ago and now I have to pay for her groceries, too. “But it’s for her baby, kkk.” N*gga, I’m a Republican. Make the kid get a job. Anyway, when it was my turn, I got a fucking attitude because the cashier had to do something funky with my advantage card. I was told by the personal scanner chick that the cashier had to override my shopper card thing, and when I told the casher this, you would have thought I had asked her to take my groceries out to the car, go to my house and cook the food for me. Then there was the 90-year-old bagger with the hump who put my four bags of instant mashed potatoes in THREE DIFFERENT BAGS. Fuck, I wish I could have bagged my groceries as I went, which is what you do with the personal shopper scanning thingy. Then the cashier accuses me of not buying two Butterball turkey bacon packages, thus making my $1 off coupon invalid. Bitch, don’t even think you’re going to Jew me out of my dollar off – after all, I just spent $50+ dollars on the customer before me for Similac and other shit. Because I was also bagging my groceries and was sorting the products by bag, I knew that the turkey bacon was with the buy-one-get-one-free chicken breasts (the turkey bacon was also on sale, for those keeping score at home). I whipped out my Butterballs and shoved them in her face. Well, not really, but you get the point. I’m a coupon-clipping pro, ho. Don’t pick this battle because you’re going to lose. Anyway, after all that shit it was time to go home. God I miss you personal shopper scanning thing. Please be all better when I come back next Tuesday, same bat time, same bat channel.
     
    7 a.m.
     
    • So whenever the better half and I go to sleep, the cats have been joining us on the bed as of late. Normally it was just Dessa who slept with us, but during the past few weeks our two males have also joined us, much to their sister's chagrin. Anyway, last night at around 1 a.m. I rolled over on Max's tail. He let out a yelp, which caused JJ to pounce on him -- right on top of me. After a few seconds of wrestling and screaming (all on top of my chest) they took off down the hall. This in turn caused Dessa to chase after them, and after about 20 more seconds of screaming and hissing, it all went silent. At one o'clock in the fucking morning. Oh this is going to be such a long-ass day.
  12. kkktookmybabyaway
    7:15 p.m.
     
    • It was reported in a local newspaper that my out-of-control niece-in-law got in trouble with the law. She recently waived a hearing on a charge of drug possession. She got busted several months ago after being pulled over by the po-po for speeding in a residential neighborhood. When her car was being searched, the Man found a bag of crack cocaine. (Allegedly, of course).
     
    Bwahahahahahahahahahaha.
     
    To make things better, in the next article another drug possession story was reported. The suspect is a neighbor of my crack-whore sister-in-law.
     
    • Uhhh…
     

     
    Well, the amount of time I spend with my family does determine my happiness. Of course, the less time I spend with them the happier I am. Then again, I’m not 24 anymore. Eh, I’ve pretty much been anti-family my life so whatever.
     
    • So I saw “Flight Plan” earlier today. My God what a steaming pile of shit. SPOILERZ ahead~! Typical Hollywood garbage. OMG, the Air Marshall was the terrorist all along. I bet George W. Bush was the one who masterminded the whole thing. And I was waiting for the Muslim who was accused of being a terrorist to share a tender moment with Jodie Foster at the film’s end. Gag. At first I thought this was going to be one of those, “Her kid is dead and she’s making shit up,” but that was way too easy, and when the movie dialogue brought this up I was thinking, “Oh Christ this is actually going to be a conspiracy.”
     
    • Yeah, because tobacco isn't taxed enough already.
     

     
    You know, just ban the shit if you don't want people smoking.
  13. kkktookmybabyaway
    11:15 p.m.
     
    • As a follow-up to yesterday's entry about the pseudo-kkk. Here's a PM exchange from a mod from late last night. I'm sure you can figure out who is who:
     

     

     

     

     
    They say the best comedy has a hint of truth to it.
     
    6:15 p.m.
     
    • Actually, this isn't too bad an idea. At least it'll be easy to spell.
     

     
    For some reason, whenever I type out the name "Chris" I add a "t" at the end. If I was a Chinese resident and had two kids, I'd name them "Ping" and "Pong." And when they misbehave, I would spank them with a paddle.
     
    12:45 p.m.
     
    • Wow, a few blog entries have been looking back over the past year or so. I might as well do the same – for the past three hours.
     
    I’m at lunch during my hippie meeting. Of course, one dipshit makes some lame-ass attempt to make it appear that I don’t do my job and I completely blow him out of the fucking water. Basically, I was accused of not doing something. The problem is I need to first be told by someone higher up on the food chain to do it. Several people that I’m cool with shook my hand during the mid-morning break for putting this asshole back in his place. Not sure if I’ll have a Monday morning meeting about it though.
     
    Regarding Smues and his hatred of airlines. The last time I was a passenger on an airplane was 10 years go this summer. I hate flying. I’m not “afraid” but I think part of my distaste comes from not being able to think you’re in control. For example, if you’re driving and a big rig comes at you, there’s some chance you could escape. When your jet is nose-diving several thousand feet toward the earth, there’s really nothing much you can do about it. Anyway, back to my story. I was going to California to visit my half-brother and I had an aisle seat with this mom and four brats: One kid was next to her on a window seat and the other three were in the row behind us. Of course they were out of control and I had to get up a bunch of times for her to take her kids to the bathroom. Whatever. However, on this Shittsburgh-to-LA flight, we passed over the Grand Canyon. As I tried to sneak a peek at this hole in the ground, the mom and kid had their heads up to the window with nowhere for me to look. After the plane passed, the mom looked at me and suddenly acted all shocked that they didn’t give me a chance to view the sight. “Billie, sit back so the man can see.” Nice try but way too late seeing how the canyon was out of view. Oh well, the next time she turned around to control her kids behind us I just took up all of the arm rest (we had been sharing the whole flight) and when she turned back around to sit down she had to lean toward her kid for the duration of the tip.
     
    Oh, yeah. There were these Indians in front of us (dot-heads, not tomahawks) who were a pain in the ass the whole time to the stewardesses and gay male attendants. The highlight came when they ordered a veggie meal but didn’t actually order it pre-flight, which is what you were supposed to do. That must have sucked for the flight attendants when they went to the passengers who actually ordered these special meals and realized their mistake.
     
    Lunchtime is almost over. Back to sitting and going over my MVP baseball rosters for another few hours.
  14. kkktookmybabyaway
    10 p.m.
     
    • Regarding SFA Jack’s workday: One time the fire alarm went off at my place of employment and everybody in the building was like, "uh what do we do?” How about LEAVE THE FUCKING BUIDLING? Was this alarm a short circuit or something like that? Probably. But it’s a FIRE ALARM. I grabbed my keys and wallet and headed out. I don’t care if there wasn’t a fire. I didn’t want to be one of those people caught in a raging inferno and have it announced later that despite the fire alarm going off I stayed in the building. Christ, I’m not that stupid.
     
    • You know the funniest thing about this -- I actually paused for several seconds and thought, “Did I really type that earlier today? I don't even remember logging in to TSM today.”
     
    • So the better half and I went to our one friend’s house tonight (the one with the one baby daddy in jail for armed robbery, for those keeping score at home). Not only did her and the baby daddy of kid #2 overpay for this house, but they got an adjustable and the so-called man of the house has a problem with credit-card debt. From what I heard, he maxes out his cards on frivolous shit. Ugh. Seriously, you’re not a kid anymore. You’ve got a mortgage, a pseudo-wife and two kids – one of which isn’t yours. You chose this life. Now deal with it. And by “deal with it,” I don’t mean “go out and buy stupid shit.”
     
    • Christ, I have to go to a stupid board meeting where I sit there all day an collect a per diem that’s half of what I make in a normal workday. With me coming in on Sunday to finish up some work, I would be coming in for a full week, Sunday-Saturday. I thought about this for a second and realized what a lazy shit I’ve become. Back in the day I went to school and worked full-time, I worked two jobs/seven days/60+ hours per week. Now I’m bitching about this? Well, yeah.
     
    • When I was taking out the trash at around 10:30 p.m. last night, I noticed several kids on my street playing football with a glow-in-the-dark pigskin. I then got one of those flashbacks to when I was in high school and did stuff like that. I was bummed for a second until I realized how much I like my present years more than my teen years, believe it or not. Yeah, I was a real bitter, cynical sonofabitch back then.
     
    • Speaking of sorta mid-life crises, the better half got “Wild Hogs” from the mother-in-law to watch tonight. Jesus Christ. I knew this was going to be bad, and I was right. Sadly, Mrs. kkk found it hilarious. Oh well, at least Ray Liotta was a surprise. I had no idea he was that desperate for money.
  15. kkktookmybabyaway
    kkk's Top 103 Posters
     

     
    Number 13: NoCal Mike
     
    You know, one might think I hate liberals. And while that may be true, there’s one group out there I hate even more. Those faggot “independents” that are bigger commies than Khrushchev. Fuck I hate these people. If you’re going to be for anti-American shit then just come out and say it. Don’t pretend you’re all high and mighty. Calling yourself an “independent” doesn’t make you any smarter than reactionary fucks like me. Medium-Large Media may spooge all over you come election time, and they might invite to their “focus group rooms” during a debate just so we can see how MODERATES react to the candidates' responses. Give me a break. This is why I love people like NoCal Mike. If you’re going to hate this country, at least be honest about it. NoCal is, and that’s why he rules. Shit, he’s one of the few left-wingers that I believe would vote for Ralph Nader. And while I’m not a huge fan of the "mindless zombies taking over the world” movies, NoCal loves ‘em. Say, maybe he is a Democrat after all. And he watched “OZ,” which might explain some of his opinions on gay marriage. (I hope the future Mrs. NoCalMichelle knows about this.) Wait a second, that "OZ" thread was in response to a thread I started. Uh, nevermind. Go queers!
     
    8 p.m.
     
    • Still haven't really gotten used to MP3 and all that other shit. Damn kids.
     

     
    7:45 p.m.
     
    • So when I got my super-sized cable package a few weeks ago, one of the channels I’m surprised I haven’t checked out more is the NFL Network. Today I had some preseason game on from several days ago and couldn’t decide if this was a good or bad thing. I’ve never been big into preseason, but I never had my livelihood depend on these “meaningless” games. Charles Barkley once said that preseason is just to screw over the fans, but I don’t have a problem with them. Sure there’s always those handful of starters that get hurt for the year, but this is how many teams gauge second-string talent. Talent that take over for injured or under-performing starters in the regular season. It’s weird watching preseason games because while you watch a missed tackle on a third and 10 play and shrug your shoulders, the defender at fault is probably thinking other things, especially if he’s not the opening-day starter.
     
    • Oh for fuck’s sake, W. can’t get his pro-invasion legislation so now we shouldn’t go after the invaders for the sake of Census figures? Boo-fucking hoo.
     

     
    When it comes to illegals, there’s only one number that should be considered for the Census: too many.
  16. kkktookmybabyaway
    9 p.m.
     
    • SPOILERZ AHEAD~! Trust me, you're better off knowing them in this case.
     
    So I got done watching “Ultraviolet.” Here’s the best way I can describe it. About two-thirds of the way through, Mrs. kkk comes home from some Catholic thing they do today and the following conversation takes place.
     
    “What are you watching?”
    “Ultraviolet.”
    “What’s it about?”
    “Honestly. I have no idea.”
     
    So this blood made people vampires and some guy who’s in charge wants them all dead so he makes this kid with stuff in him that can kill them, but it’s actually for humans so Mole’s Girlfriend kills a bunch of people because she’s feeling maternal or something. I don’t know. I really don’t have much of an opinion of this chick. Nothing against her. She seems nice enough. And I like her cheekbones. The facial ones. For some reason when I watch those “Resident Evil” movies I think to myself, “Why am I watching this?” But I do. I really liked the black guy in the first one who got diced. That was kinda Jewish – at least give a brother a chance to get away.
     
    Well it looks like I'm not the only one to give this thing lackluster reviews. Oh, yeah. I forgot about those "Vampire Tears of Resurrection."
     
    6:30 p.m.
     
    • Oh Barry, I was going to defend you on this…
     

     
    …but then I heard about this.
     

     
    How about instead of going after Schilling you take on those people that, oh, I don’t know, wrote a book about your shenanigans? Well, I said I was going to comment on your "body armor," and I am a man of my word. I don't see the big deal about the "body armor," when the biggest target on him is his head.
     
    • And while I’m on this subject, n*gga plz.
     

     
    Honey, what Imus did to you ain’t defamation. If anything, you ought to be thanking him because now you have some recognition. Then again, you can’t blame a sister for trying to get paid – perhaps this will result in an out-of-court settlement or something. Then again, the "libel, slander and defamation" part of the article got me thinking to my favorite line of the "Spiderman" movie series.
     
    "Spider-Man wasn't trying to attack the city, he was trying to save it. That's slander."
    "It is not. I resent that. Slander is spoken. In print, it's libel."
     
    Sorry, a little journalism humor.
  17. kkktookmybabyaway
    8:15 p.m.
     
    • You know, it's shit like this that really pisses me off.
     

     
    Now most of the time fast-food places try to put good-looking gals at the registers and in drive-thrus. This is done in hopes that irate customers won't be so pissed off in front of a pretty face. I never got that myself. "Yeah, I was going to scream at you for my long wait, but maybe if I act all understanding your panties will get wet and you'll craw through the window and suck me dry while I'm pounding my Big Mac and fries." Now there have been a few instances when I've worked drive thru during my high schools years and I hated it, especially late night. This was because the people back in the grill were cleaning equipment and didn't give a shit how long it took an order to complete. This, of course, made the lazy drive-thru people angry and I had to bear the brunt of it. Fortunately, I never had a pepper spray to the eyes or worse -- just a drive off before the person's order could be complete.
     
    A similar incident to the story mentioned above happened at a somewhat local McDonald's here, and it was funny listening to the one RIGHT-WING RADIO station's local host comment on it. Actually, the callers were the real joy. A number of them opined about how terrible the culture is and all that shit while trying to figure out how to stop it. Here's an idea that isn't put to much use these days in most areas of law enforcement.
     
    PUNISH THE ASSHOLES WHO DO THIS SHIT.
     
    You want to assault some poor teen trying to earn money for college? Give this shit the maximum, harshest penalty available. Send the fuck to juvenile hall or jail. When the teen's scumbag defense lawyer that mommy and daddy paid for trying to whine about it to the judge, have the judge go, "N*gga plz" and tack on a few more months. After a several of these sentences, I'm quite sure it will be safer for customer service representatives to say, "here's your order" and not have to worry about being assaulted. And for the teens that do get ambushed with this kind of bullshit: Find the Jewiest lawyer out there and sue the shit out of the bitches that did this to you. And if these perps are of minor age, go after the parents, which would be even better.
     
    8 p.m.
     
    • Yet another story of wedded bliss. During our grocery store trip today I got a thing of Nestle Quik, or that hippie abbreviated version. Why did I do it? I was in the mood for some chocolaty goodness. That and it was on sale and I had a coupon. Anyway, for some reason we were talking about this on the way home and she said, "Chocolate milk is good ... if you're 10." My retort? "This coming from the person who watches Scooby Doo DVDs when she goes to bed in her Scooby Doo pjs." Silence. Well at least it's the original Scooby Doo cartoons and not the retarded newer versions. I think my first boner came from looking at Daphne, which is odd because I’m not normally attracted to red-heads. Either that or I got my first stiffy from some special Geraldo did back in the day about hookers.
     
    3 p.m.
     
    • You know what I hate about deadlines? Going over shit without the radio on. How can I listen to Boortz when I have stuff to proofread and finalize. Damn responsibility.
     
    • We can't keep illegals from crossing our border. I'm sure this place will be able to control this.
     

     
    • What the hell was the point of this? "That bitch. I hate her. Say, maybe if I make her cat sterile, that'll teach her a lesson."
     

     
    The only reason I'm making light of this is that the cat is expected to recover, though I'm not sure the feline's junk will. Oh well, kitties need to be fixed anyway. And it could have been worse than just a box cutter.
     

     
    • I've mentioned the groundhog that lives under my shed a few times and explained why I leave him alone for the most part. Here's another reason: he's not Grumpy.
     

  18. kkktookmybabyaway

    8/12: 4 p.m.

    By kkktookmybabyaway,

    • Nothing worth griping about today. Spending the day at work on the monthly publication. Like I’ve said before, I LOVE coming in on the weekend as opposed to trying to get this shit done during the workweek. I’m by myself, got AC/DC playing in the background, without the hassle of the idiot boss or phone calls, and I’m wearing shorts and a t-shirt. No, I want the above-mentioned hassles along with that “DEADLINE” looming on the horizon. And to make matters better, I don’t have to come in on a workday sometime in this pay period (Right now I’m scoping August 24 or possibly the 27th.)
     
    • Boy what a pussy.
     

     
    Yeah, like what’s the big deal. It’s only an ANKLE. In the sport of SOCCER. He ought to man up and play through the pain. Grant Hill did and look how great his NBA career was afterward.
     
    • Assuming this is true...
     

     
    ...it only makes me LOL even harder knowing that Richards' character in that one Bond film was a nuclear scientist, or something like that. It’s been years since I’ve watched “The World is Not Enough" so my memory is a bit hazy.
     

     
    I was close enough. Look, I get that you have to suspend belief when watching television programs or movies, but this is a bit too much.
  19. kkktookmybabyaway
    1 p.m.
     
    • So the better half and I were watching “Dark Water” last night when I saw a robin fly into our back window. OK, I’ve talked before about birds running into our one window/screen thing out on the back porch, but this was a window on the side of the house. There’s NO excuse for any animal to get a running start and go “splat” against the side of this house. That is, of course, the bird owed money. This meant I had to get the shovel and bury the thing in the back yard near the shed. I think the bird body count is now around five. I can’t wait until I bury a future dead bird and dig up one of these carcasses by mistake. At least if the dead ever decide to rise up I’ll have one heck of an aviary.
     
    Anyway, about “Dark Water.” (SPOLERZ AHEAD~!) Wasn’t bad. Wasn’t great. Read up on the movie here because I’m too lazy to tell you about the plot. The first hour just dealt with the Jennifer Connelly character (Dahlia Williams) and her kid moving into some shit hole of an apartment. Yawn. The ending could have been great. Basically, Dahlia sacrificed herself to be the ghost-kid’s mom in order to save her own child. Not bad. However, it was established that the Dahlia suffered from delusions, and the final bit with her kid pretty much established that the ghost kid was real. I would have liked it to be less clear – was there really a ghost kid or did Dahlia make up the whole thing? You could say that Dahlia’s kid also suffered from delusions, too, and that the final scene was from the imagination of Dahlia’s kid, but I don’t see it that way. For the record, I heard this was the American version of a Jap film; I didn’t see the latter version. Oh well, let’s see what others thought:
     

     

     
    What has this got to do with “Dark Water”? I have no idea.
  20. kkktookmybabyaway
    7 p.m.
     
    • A teacher lost his job over this? If "he" was a "she" and "she" was "hot" and "she" had sex with her students, then this teacher would still be gainfully employed at best, collecting a paycheck while sitting at home at worst.
     

     
    You know, isn't this this same place which had that reality show where Dick Butkus quit coaching the high school football team before the season ended?
     

     
    Nope. You lost today, kid. But that doesn't mean you have to like it.
     
    6:30 p.m.
     
    • Be warned. If you venture to the Discovery Channel, steer clear of this shit.
  21. kkktookmybabyaway
    8:30 p.m.
     
    • Ugh. Today was terrible, especially with the humidity. Drive home. Got to vet because Max’s special food was in, even though the day before I was told his brand of kibble doesn’t come in a bag bigger than 6lbs. Wait 10 minutes because said cat food wasn’t coming up on screen and the office’s cashiers are horrid. Drive to Wendy’s for dinner. Idiot kids in line in front of us. I think at least one works there and is hitting on the cashier. Felt the urge to grab a chair from the dining area and sit while waiting for this never-ending order to conclude. Decide on leaving the store instead. Go to Subway. Service was fine, but several high schoolers were cackling in the corner. Well at least I don’t have to be in a classroom teaching them 40 minutes per day, five days per week. Grocery shopping. Not bad. Going home. Not bad. Dealing with the humidity. The suq. Going to work tomorrow. Goodie. Oh well, at least I took Monday off so now it’s midweek for me and my brain still thinks it’s Monday night. Was this really worth typing? Eh, I already did it so what the hell.
     
    3 p.m.
     
    • So I heard the Brady Quinn/Cleveland Browns holdout saga is coming to an end. Now I understand why athlete want to get the most for their money, especially in a place as cutthroat as the NFL. However, I think Quinn should have signed earlier and been content with being paid more like a mid-to-late round selection rather than a Top 5 draftee, especially considering the Browns did what they could to take him later in the first round. I can’t imagine how more embarrassing it could have been for him if that didn’t happen. From what I heard, there was some bickering as to the last year or two and guaranteed money. Hey, if Quinn ends up as anything, I’m sure there will be a lucrative extension in his future, making this half-a-million moot. Yeah, I know all it would take is a freak hit to end his career, but I think he would have done much more for his public image (and endorsement value) if he would have gotten to camp earlier for a little less money than he’ll probably end up getting with this current contract.
     
    Ah, lookie here. He finally did sign.
     

     
    8 a.m.
     
    • So I came into work today and went to the Dennis Miller Radio Show's web page for my archived listening pleasure. Lo and behold, I now have to pay money to listen to audo archives. Bye-bye.
     
    • Wha-? Shouldn't the instructor have realized his student was on the tipsy side?
     

     
    • I'm liking the Steelers new head coach Mike Tomlin more and more. I heard a soundbite from him earlier this morning when asked about some player who had a great game against the Saints, which included a 50+ yard gain. Tomlin's response (which was said in a joking manner): the player needed to work on his conditioning more because he looked a little tired out by the end of that run. Good stuff.
  22. kkktookmybabyaway
    10 a.m.
     
    • Even though this story is funny, what with the shirt's message and all, when this bitch goes out and kills someone with her car we'll all be going "OMG WHY WASN'T ANYTHING DONE BEFORE THIS HAPPENED?" Here's a news video regarding this story for those that care.
     

     
    9 a.m.
     
    • I bet this would have been an intersting sight.
     

     
    A French rapper supporting a right-wing president? The closest thing I can think of right now as to when this happened in the United States was this with Eazy-E.
     

     
    • While on the hip-hop subject, I got KRS-One playing in the background. My favorite track on his self-titled album is coming up, which coincidently is the same album that has a song called "Free Mumia." There's some good advice in this verse, even if you don't plan on being a rapper in order to pay the mortgage.
     

  23. kkktookmybabyaway
    10 p.m.
     
    • So I just got done watching "Crash." Holy shit did that deserve to win an Oscar -- for best comedy. I can't remember another film from recent memory in which I've laughed so hard for so long.
     
    3 p.m.
     
    • About damn time, A-Rod. Now the sports media can talk about when you are going to hit 600~!
     
    • So I’m in the mood to make fun of my employers. In two weeks I will be at another board meeting where I’m sure there will be plenty of bitching about the downward spiral of our organization. Why is my workplace in the shitter? Perhaps this example might shed some light on the subject:
     
    In August of 2006 it was voted on to raise our annuity rates by a half-point in order to generate much-needed business. In addition, it was voted on to start a print advertising campaign to, you know, let people know of this rate increase, which was considerably higher than the rest of the market. My idiot boss was lukewarm to this, claiming outside advertising doesn’t work. Between this time and the next meeting in November I produced about a half-dozen ad concepts and filed them away until the idiot decides to ask for them.
     
    In November of 2006, there is no mention of this ad campaign at the board meeting. In February of 2007, nothing is done at this meeting either.
     
    In May of 2007, it is determined that we cut the annuity rates because they didn’t generate the type of business the powers-that-be had hoped. The idiot boss also tells everybody that the print ad campaign will be done “sometime this summer.” My ads are still lounging in my “stuff the boss will forget about because shiny objects around him are easy distractions” folder.
     
    As of Friday, August 3, there is still no mention of these ads from the powers-that-be.
     
    So, in summary, we raised annuity rates for nearly nine months in hopes of attracting customers. We didn’t advertise these rates and nobody bought them. If any advertising will now be done, it will tout rates that have been reduced and are at par with the rest of the industry and are really not all that spectacular, especially with a stock market at 14,000. (Quick lesson: the better the stock market does, the worse it is for the annuity market and vice versa.) This will then make the idiot boss say, “See? outside advertising does not work. Just like I told you all before.”
     
    Did I forget mention that at the August 2006 meeting it was determined the theme of these ads were to pimp our increased annuity rates?
     
    Like I’ve said before, there’s something charming about watching this kind of behavior – in a train wreck sort of way. Now you might ask, “How come you didn’t show your boss the ads you created nearly a year ago?” Because when you deal with people this incompetent, the best thing to do is step away, keep your mouth shut and avoid them whenever possible. If you get too close to a tar pit, then you’ll be dragged in as well. Trust me on this one.
     
    10:30 a.m.
     
    • So I had to go with the better half to some annual church bazaar and had to play Bingo for 90 minutes. Actually, I don’t mind Bingo. It’s rather fun to piss off Mrs. kkk by flipping those chip-things around and hear all the old people bitch about not being able to hear the numbers called out. In fact, last night’s outing was downright awesome because the Bingo caller’s kid was helping call out numbers. Did I mention the kid has Downs. Do I need to say any more? Wow, were there a number of angry blue-hairs. Please note I’m not giddy the kid has Downs. Rather, it was hilarious to watch so many people try to understand what she was calling out when her dad would call out the same number a few seconds later.
  24. kkktookmybabyaway
    3 p.m.
     
    • So yesterday I heard Pat McEnroe and J.A. Adande subbing in on PTI. Wasn't impressed. Not so much at J.A., but Pat was trying way too hard and coming up way too short. It felt like J.A. was just collateral damage.
     
    • And this is why I don't bother to read fiction ... real life is so much better. Love the last paragraph. (Note: This article is a few months old.)
     

  25. kkktookmybabyaway
    8:45 p.m.
     
    • Way to pick your battles there, son.
     

     
    I don't blame Vick's sponsors one bit. Every minute they stay with Vick they are losing money by appearing to be supporting the Falcons quarterback. And Google makes this sort of thing way too easy.
     

     
    • So here's number one in the celebs-die-in-threes game.
     

     
    During the '95 GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN he said some things on his cBS show that pissed me off, so ever since then I said "fuck him." Same goes for that left-wing twat Peter Gammons.
     
    Here's number two.
     

     
    Peace out, dawg. Being from Shittsburgh, people from this area HATED the 49ers during the late 1980s because we knew they were going to catch up to our beloved Stiilers in Super Bowl wins. And you people thought my reasons for hating Gammons above were dumb.
     
    So who will be number three?
     
    Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~!
     

     
    3 p.m.
     
    • So I decided to try making microwave popcorn in the office today. Yeah, I think you all know what’s coming next.
     
    Microwave popcorn is like an art. Ever the Jew, I try to get the most bang for the buck with the unpopped kernels. However, there is a fine line between popping perfection and burning shit up. That’s why it’s important to know your microwave. This was the first time I used my office microwave for such a task, and this time the machine won. As the popping slowed down, I thought I could Jew a few more pieces out of this single-serving bag. As I hit stop I had a sense of dread, and when I opened up the bag my worst fears became reality. Too long. Fuck.
     
    Now most of the popcorn was just fine. However, it takes just a few to stink up an office. Screw the office, it takes just a few to stink up an entire floor. Well, it wasn’t that bad, but none of you were here, so if I said the sprinkler system was unleashed how you know? Well, you probably would because this computer wouldn’t be working. Anyway, I went next door to inform my co-worker that the mighty “popcorn experiment” had failed and won’t be tried out again. Such a shame, really, but oh well. At least I haven’t burnt my soup … yet.
     
    Speaking of burning, back in ’98 I worked at a kitchen-stuff store for a few weeks while it was going out of business. One afternoon I put something in the break-room microwave. I can’t remember what it was, but I do know that I severely underestimated the power of this heating beast and burnt the food all to shit. Sonofabitch. To make matters worse, I stunk up the break room. My bad. I didn’t step away from my mess, but at the same time there were way too many co-workers that took this to heart. I even got told that I “RUINED” a person’s entire day. Jesus Christ. I admitted I fucked up, and if someone would have said, “good going dumbshit,” I would have stretched out my arms and told them to keep the insults coming. But “ruining” someone’s day because of it? I think that says more about the other person than it does me.
     
    • A note to TSM’s esteemed Mr. Keiper. Put this in your pro-invasion pipe and smoke it. Go Cobb County. Bossman would be proud.
     

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