Rob E Dangerously

Show #1: Fight It Out Falls-Count-Anywhere Match: Kamala pinned Albert with the Air Africa in 0:01:26. Rating: 1/2* Two-out-of-three-Falls Match: Edge beat Test 2 falls to 1: x Edge beat Test via the Edge-a-cution in 0:06:56 x Test beat Edge via the Test Drive in 0:08:29 x Edge beat Test via a spear in 0:09:35 Rating: * 3/4 Strap Match: The Head Hunters defeated The Hardy Boyz in 0:02:45. Rating: * 3/4 Iron Man Match: Kurt Angle drew Chris Jericho: x time limit expired (K. Angle and C. Jericho) in 0:05:00 Rating: * 3/4 Chain Match: Rikishi defeated Hollywood Hogan in 0:01:15. Rating: -* Barbed Wire Board Nail Falls-Count-Anywhere Match: Rick Steamboat made Ric Flair submit to a double chickenwing submission in 0:03:42. Rating: *** Coal Miner's Glove Match: Kurrgan pinned Rob Van Dam with the Sidewalk Slam in 0:08:05. Rating: -* 1/2 Ladder Match: Sid Vicious defeated Paul Wight in 0:09:42. Rating: -** 1/4 Ladder Match: The Undertaker defeated Eric Bischoff in 0:26:39. Rating: -** 1/2 [Winner gets a 10 album record deal]: Jesse James pinned P.N. News with the Pumphandle Slam in 0:00:40. Rating: -1/2* Electric Chair Match: Viscera defeated Eddie Guerrero in 0:04:48. Rating: 1/2* Bed of Thumbtacks No-Time-Limit-No-Countout-No-DQ-Match: Rico defeated Rey Misterio Jr. in 0:07:17. Rating: ** 1/4 Submission Match: Kane made Billy Gunn submit to a choke lift in 0:29:38. Rating: * [Mud Wrestling Match]: Taipei Death Match: One Man Gang pinned Bam Bam Bigelow with the 747 Splash in 0:02:06. Rating: -3/4* Buried Alive Match: The Ultimate Warrior defeated Roddy Piper in 0:11:29. Rating: -1/4* Handicap-Ladder Match: Kevin Nash defeated Low Ki, Jerry Lynn and A.J. Styles in 0:36:33. Rating: ** Kevin Nash is on his way up. Kevin Nash is half-way up. Kevin Nash is almost on top of the ladder. Kevin Nash is in grabbing distance. Kevin Nash has retrieved the lifetime contract with the WWE. Security guards are restraining some fans from hitting the ring. The winner is Kevin Nash. Time of match: 0:36:25 Meanwhile in the back, David Arquette is hit by a White Hummer Vince Russo pinned Marty Jannetty after an eye poke in 0:00:36. Rating: -** 1/4 They lock up. Marty Jannetty takes Vince Russo down with a German suplex. Tim White counts: One, two, kickout. Marty Jannetty uses an atomic drop on Vince Russo. Marty Jannetty goes for an atomic drop, but Vince Russo counters it with a backward kick. Vince Russo nails Marty Jannetty with an eye poke. Vince Russo is going for the pin. Tim White counts: One, two, three. Marty Jannetty complains about a fast count. Quite a few boos are audible. The winner is Vince Russo. Time of match: 0:00:36 Russo and Jannetty have swerved the fans! But then, the Mean Street Posse comes out and challenges them to a Hell in a Cell match! Hell in the Cell Cage Match: Vince Russo and Marty Jannetty defeated The Mean Street Posse when Jannetty pinned Gas with the Showstopper in 0:07:47. Rating: -** 3/4 Ladder Match: Triple H defeated Shawn Michaels in 0:20:00. Rating: *** Show #2- Vince Russo comes out to criticize Flair, Steamboat, HHH and Michaels for their matches on the last show, chiding their matches as 'boring'. Russo has a solution, he will have four special matches for these four men. The matches will be as follows: HHH v. Duke the Dumpster in a Dumpster match HBK v. Marty Jannetty in a 'blindfold' match Ric Flair v. Giant Gonzalez in a ladder match Rick Steamboat v. Zeus Also, he will take on another innovator for the 'Big Gold Belt' Meanwhile, we see Albert WALKING~! in preparation for his tag match with Kamala against the Head Hunters Kamala and Albert defeated The Head Hunters when Kamala made Head Hunter B submit to a bearhug in 0:11:58. Rating: -3/4* Wedding: Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy got married in 0:04:55. Handicap-Towel Match: The Insane Clown Posse defeated Rico when J made Rico submit to a jumping DDT in 0:16:16. Rating: 1/2* Stretcher Match: Chuck Palumbo defeated Rey Misterio Jr. in 0:03:36. Rating: * [Lifetime Contract v. Immunity]: Iron Man Falls-Count-Anywhere Match: Kevin Nash beat Test 3 falls to 2: x Nash beat Test via the Jackknife Power Bomb in 0:03:38 x Test beat Nash via the Test Drive in 0:07:55 x Nash beat Test via a side suplex in 0:08:33 x Test beat Nash via a big boot in 0:08:44 x Nash beat Test via the Jackknife Power Bomb in 0:14:31 x time limit expired (Test and Nash) in 0:15:00 Rating: * Casket Match: The Ultimate Warrior defeated The Undertaker in 0:02:58. Rating: 1/4* Elimination Match: The Oddities (Giant Silva and Kurrgan) and Giant Singh beat A.J. Styles, Jerry Lynn and Low Ki 3 falls to 0: x Singh beat Ki via the Giant bomb in 0:08:42 x Singh beat Lynn via a powerbomb in 0:15:09 x Singh beat Styles via a powerbomb in 0:15:29 Survivors: Kurrgan, Giant Silva, Giant Singh Rating: 1/4* Handicap-Match: X-Pac defeated Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho when X-Pac pinned C. Jericho with the X-Factor in 0:00:08. Rating: * They lock up. X-Pac executes the X-Factor on Chris Jericho. Quite a few boos are audible. X-Pac goes for the pin. Tim White counts: One, two, three. X-Pac is starting to get under the crowd's skin. The winner is X-Pac. Time of match: 0:00:08 Banana on a Pole Match: Shane McMahon and Stacy Keibler defeated The Mean Street Posse when S. Keibler pinned Rodney with the Spin Wheel Kick in 0:11:33. Rating: -** 1/2 Zeus made Rick Steamboat submit to the Bearhug in 0:04:37. Rick Steamboat suffered a sprained ankle. He will be out for approximately 2 cards. Rating: -* 1/2 Ladder Match: El Gigante defeated Ric Flair in 0:11:39. Rating: DUD Ric Flair is inching his way towards the ropes. Ric Flair escapes from the hold after being trapped for 12 seconds. El Gigante tries to climb the ladder. El Gigante is on his way up. El Gigante is half-way up. El Gigante is almost on top of the ladder. El Gigante is in grabbing distance. El Gigante has retrieved the keys to Ric Flair's car. The crowd is giving El Gigante a standing ovation. The winner is El Gigante. Time of match: 0:11:36 Blindfold match No-Time-Limit-Match: Marty Jannetty pinned Shawn Michaels after a superkick in 0:00:43. Rating: * They lock up. Marty Jannetty goes for a back suplex, but Shawn Michaels blocks it. Shawn Michaels goes for a vertical suplex, but Marty Jannetty reverses it. Marty Jannetty chops Shawn Michaels. Shawn Michaels kicks Marty Jannetty. A small "Shawn Michaels" chant is being started. Marty Jannetty takes Shawn Michaels down with a superkick. Marty Jannetty takes Shawn Michaels down with a superkick. Marty Jannetty is going for the pin. Earl Hebner counts: One, two, three. Marty Jannetty is getting a good reaction from the crowd. The winner is Marty Jannetty. Time of match: 0:00:43 Dumpster Match: Triple H defeated Duke Droese in 0:04:55. Rating: 1/2* Stretcher Match: Abdullah the Butcher defeated Ahmed Johnson in 0:41:43. Rating: -**** 1/4 Two-out-of-three-Falls Falls-Count-Anywhere Match for the vacant Big Gold Belt: Vince Russo beat Eric Bischoff 2 falls to 1: x Bischoff beat Russo via the Fed-Ex-ecution in 0:02:46 x Russo beat Bischoff via the Crash TV in 0:12:21 x Russo beat Bischoff via a small package in 0:18:04 Rating: -*** 3/4 (Vince Russo won the Big Gold Belt.) More to come!

8 runs! THANK YOU GOD! Bye bye Yankees! Yankees go home! Whoooooooooooo!!!!!!!

Ya know what would be an elite trio in the WWE? Guido, Johnny and Vito.

The Jesse pic is from Brock's debut in Minnesota, I think. Brock does have a Sid vibe with that pose. He is the Master and Ruler of the Squirrels!

I doubt it will go over. I'll take Brock "The Body" Lesnar for 400

Ya know.. I should satisfy KU's desire to get an article saying Baylor is dissing them. It'd be fun.

Missouri over Oklahoma? ARE YOU SMOKING CRACK???? Come on man! Missouri lost to Bowling Friggin' Green, they won't beat OU! but Baylor's 29 game Big 12 losing streak will end when they beat Kansas. Heck, Baylor is 2-47 in the Big 12 in games not against Kansas. Pretty sad, eh?

Enziguiri to the back of the head.. uh.. really Cole? THE CROSSFACE IS LETHAL! Tap!

Tazz declares the Undertaker 'will not lay down'

Benoit's finisher is lethal! or just more legit in a fight than a pedigree or a Big Boot.

Si.. my reception on this 3dfx blows.

Is it just me or does Michael Cole look like he is being deprived of sleep?

Fuck him up Chris!

The Cool Color of the Week: Rey winning. Uh.. sure.

Undertaker will KO Brock with the Hand of Stone. and the Undertaker Stomp!

Would the Motorcycle talk, like KITT?

Thumb-wrestling. I see the WWE has followed my advice and put Brock in a t-shirt. Or maybe it's just cold and they don't want Brock's nipples to get hard

I really liked Edge as a heel. Although, he did have a partner who helped also.

Arizona at Carolina = Carolina Cincinnati at Indianapolis = Indy New England at Miami = New England N.Y. Giants at Dallas = Giants Oakland at Buffalo = Oakland Pittsburgh at New Orleans = New Orleans Tampa Bay at Atlanta = Tampa Bay Washington at Tennessee = Tennessee Kansas City at N.Y. Jets = KC San Diego at Denver = San Diego Philadelphia at Jacksonville = Jax St. Louis at San Francisco = San Francisco Baltimore at Cleveland = Cleveland Monday, Oct. 7 Green Bay at Chicago = Chicago

Cutthroat for Commish.. heheh.. j/k

Anybody else think that the Chargers have all the right stuff to win their conference? Let's face it they have a damn good head coach (Marty), damned good players at RB and QB (Tomilson, and.. uh.. Flutie, right?) SD won by lookin at example. They saw Kansas City run the ball on the Pats, and they did it. Come on, it's Marty Schottenheimer, every Chiefs rushing record was probably set during his 'MartyBall' run. The Chargers look really good this season. Until Marty comes to Arrowhead and chokes, much like the last two KC playoff games (1995 and 1997). Hehehe.. Football is the best now, because it is unpredictable.

You all do know that Hotmail allows for alot of spam to be sent to the free accounts so they will give in and buy more storage, right?

Who will get Edwin's spot? I nominate 'Z' for the job.

KC should try and beat the 45 points in one half that the Seahawks got. Run it up.. go for 73 points (to beat the record of 72 points in the reg. season) The Fins didn't have a good time passing on KC, remember? Chad passed for 280 on the Jags and got 3 points out of that. He can pass for 400 yards on the Chiefs and get two TDs.

4000? What? 4000? What made me think that I was that far? Damnit.. ------ Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop You know the place well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning My mother would make me a big bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast Awww - Big bowl of sauerkraut Every single mornin It wa driving me crazy I said to my mom I said "Hey, mom, what's with all the sauerkraut?" And my dear, sweet mother She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train And she leaned right down next to me And she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU" And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old That's when I swore that someday Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer And the towels are oh so fluffy Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long And anyone on the street will glady shave your back for a nickel Wacka wacka doodoo yeah Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's BUTT I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize That's right, a first class one-way ticket to Albuquerque Albuquerque Oh yeah You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before And I gotta tell ya, it was really great Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died Except for me You know why? 'Cause I had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Had my tray table up And my seat back in the full upright position Ah ha ha ha Ah ha ha Ahhhh So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel But finally I arived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn Where the towels are oh so fluffy And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna It's OK, they're clean Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C And I turned on the SpectraVision And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door Well now, who could that be? I say "Who is it?" No answer "Who is it?" There's no answer "WHO IS IT?" They're not sayin' anything So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril Oh man, I hate it when I'm right So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that" "That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me" And he's like "Tough" And I'm like "Give it" And he's like "Make me" And I'm like "'Kay" So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation Yes indeed, you better believe it And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook And twenty seconds later, I heard a farmiliar voice And you know what it said? I'll tell you what it said It said "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again" "If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator" "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again" "If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator" In Albuquerque Albuquerque Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice But first, I decided to buy some donuts So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?" I said "You got any glazed donuts?" He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts" I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?" He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts" I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?" He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts" I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?" He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls" I said "You got any apple fritters?" He said "No, we're outta apple fritters" I said "You got any bear claws?" He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check" "No, we're outta bear claws" I said "Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?" He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels" I said "OK, I'll take that" So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over (rabid gnawing sounds) Oh man, they were just going nuts They were tearin' me apart You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin' through my head" I believe it went a little something like this . . . Doh Get 'em off me Get 'em off me Oh No, get 'em off, get 'em off Oh, oh God, oh God Oh, get 'em off me Oh, oh God Ah, (more screaming) I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin' Like a constipated weiner dog And as luck wouls have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams Her name was Zelda She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches I'll never forget the first thing she said to me. She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face" That's when I knew it was true love We were inseperable after that Aw, we ate together, we bathed together We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss The world was our burrito So we got married and we bought us a house And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?" I said "Woah, hold on now, baby" "I'm just not ready for that kinda commitment" So we broke up and I never saw her again But that's just the way things go In Albuquerque Albuquerque Anyway, things really started lookin' upi for me Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler I even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that I was gettin' a lot of attitude OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?" And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes "No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw" So I did And then he gets all indignant on me He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic" Well, that's just great How was I supposed to know that? I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy So what's he complaining about? Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote This guy comes up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bit in three days Well, I knew what he meant But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over And I'm like "Hey, come on, don'tcha get it?" But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming (screaming sounds) You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know? Anyway, um, um, where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought Uh, well, uh, OK Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is I hate sauerkraut That's all I'm really tryin' to say And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up And find yourself in an existential quandry Full of loathing and self-doubt And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours There's still a little place called Albuquerque Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque I said "A" (A) "L" (L) "B" (B) "U" (U) "querque" (querque) Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque Albuquerque ----- uh.. yeah..