EL DANDY~!

AMEN, REVEREND! Oh, and all DA LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIES (DEAN knows) that Al Wilson is the king of macks, the pope of pimps. Al Wilson is what men strive to be when it comes to downright manliness. Love him.

*no-sells and uses the POWER OF THE SICK SCHEDULE to knock out Barron* wollow in your own sorrow...

1) HHH-He has nice hair. 2) Edge-Ditto. 3) Vince Russo-He turned Low-Ki, Chris Daniels, and Elix Skipper into a sports entertainment oriented team...and yet it still rules. 4) A-Train-He's better than Bill DeMott 5) Kevin Nash-Best. Hair. Ever. 6) Vince McMahon-He fathered Stephanie McMahon 7) The Undertaker-He's still REALLY good...when I watch him wrestle on my old tapes. 8) Mark Henry-Was the first person to figure out that Chyna was indeed a woman. Oh wait...a GOOD THING? He's not wrestling right now. 9) Al Wilson-He's got Torrie for a daughter and is nailing Dawn Marie. 'Nuff said. 10) Hulk Hogan-Best Entertainer Ever. 11) Stephanie McMahon-Sable can't hold her down. 12) Brian Gerwitz (sp?)-At least he isn't Vince Russo. 13) Batista-He can do ONE HELLUVA Sitout Powerbomb. 14) HBK-See my comment for the Taker. 15) Steven richards-Most underrated talent...on RAW. 16) Test-At least he's using Chris Daniel's finisher as opposed to HBK's old elbowdrop...

And now...the official lookout for the A's and Giants, as compiled by yours truly, sports buff of the bay area smarks, EL DANDY~!: A's: While losing Ray Durham to free agency, this team still has one helluva future. It signed Orioles CF Chris Singleton, a man who is heavy on defense, but soft on offense. It resigned Scott Hatteberg, a man who down the stretch, made a helluva effort to help the team. 20 homers and 80 RBIs were plenty. They decided not to resign Olmaedo Saenz, Jeff Tam, or Greg Myers. They traded away Billy Koch for three players and cash to the White Sox, including Keith Foulke and touted minor leaguer Joe Valentine. However, they made a MAJOR trade and picked up the DH they have been looking for. They found Erubiel Durazo. Now, with the best threesome in baseball pitching, getting younger on the bats, and then add the MVP of the AL for 2002, and there you have it: The starting lineup for the A's as of right now: Chris Singleton 2B, Scott Hatteberg 1B, Miguel Tejada SS, Eric Chavez 3B, Erubiel Durazo DH, Jermaine Dye RF, Terrence Long LF, Mark Ellis 2B, Carlos Hernandez C Rotation: Tim Hudson, Mark Mulder, Barry Zito, Cory Lidle, Keith Foulke Analysis: Look for the A's to get to the playoffs again, as they stay pretty much the same team, they gain a bat, gain defense, get that fifth starter, and they go out and keep the players they needed to keep. Look for another 100-win season from the boys on the east side of the bay, and if all three pitchers get 20 wins, a World Series birth will come as well. Giants: So you trade Russ Oritz...you send Kent, Reggie Sanders,David Bell, AND Baker packing, yet people are telling you that you have a shot to make the playoffs and... WIN THE WEST? That's right, because the Giants got their 3B in Edgardo Alfonso, their 2B in Neifi Perez, their corner outfielder in Ray Durham, their CF in Marquis Grissom, and their LEFT HANDED STARTER in Damian Moss, the same lefty that people say would be...the next Tom Glavine. You give up a consistent 100 RBI guy in Kent, and a good offensive outfielder in Sanders, yet they have a leadoff guy in Durham, a number two guy in Alfonso, meaning Aurillia can get major fastballs in the 3 spot, and then you get Perez and Grissom to support Santiago and Snow in the bottom of the order. They're faster, they hit for a better average, and the way that new manager Felipe Alou runs things, look for hit and runs aplenty: Ray Durham RF, Edgardo Alfonso 3B, Rich Aurillia SS, Barry Bonds LF, Benito Santiago C, JT Snow 1B, Marquis Grissom CF, Neifi Perez 2B, Pitcher's Spot Rotation: Jason Schmidt, Kirk Reuter, Livan Hernandez, Damian Moss, Ryan Jensen Analysis: They still are the best team in the West, as the Diamondbacks are still a day late and a dollar short with their aging. They will win the West, but by a slim margin. A different team, yes. A better team? Yes. World series shot? Of course not. Lose in five to the Astros in the Division Series on a 9th inning Jeff Kent homer in Game 5...just to rub it in our faces...he'll hit in San Francisco...

Triple R, only in your dream, mine, and a certain one called DEAN RASSMUSSEN.

Bill DeMott is Bill DeMott. Bill DeMott is somebody I don't even want to watch wrestle. Albert is better than Bill DeMott. He can probably do a better moonsault, too. All I know is that Eddy is Eddy, Chavo is Chavo, Kidman ISN'T Juventud, and DEAN is DEAN. Thank you.

^ditto...*clears throat* LARIATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Man... I'm M-Thursday 9-12, and then a Wed 7-10 PM class... Geography, Speech, English 1B, US History, Music History... Wallow in my greatness, I sure the fuck am...

*EL DANDY~! walks up in his hat, robe, and DA LAAAAAAAAAAAAADIES at his side to the mike and recites* Ladies, gentlemen, road kill, and Anglesault, welcome to the SmartMarks roast of The Dames, Damian Gonzalez. I'm the roastmaster Tim "EL DANDY~!" Livingston. Tonight, if you think we're gonna pay tribute to Dames...take the cocks out of your ears and listen up because we're here to make fun of the bastard. Everybody you hear that will pay tribute to Dames is supposed to be funny...so EvenflowDDT is not invited. So, in the interest of fairness...let the roasting of the man whose ass is phatter than JLo's begin...and don't be fooled by his rocks, he's still, he's still Dames from the block...

As Final Fantasy Guru of the Smarks (I and my brother have beaten every FF except IX, which I am in the process of), I will say that this time around, Yuna is done with the summoning and such. This time, with machina obviously unforbidden again, she uses them to go off on her own little quest. Right now, the details are sketchy. More will be released as time progresses...

Best song-Too many to choose...I'm gonna go with "Till I Collapse"-Eminem Best album-Flogging Molly-"Drunken Lullabies" Best artist-Eminem Worst Song-"Work it"-Missy Elliot-Fuckin listen to the lyrics...YUCK. A woman like her can't be talking about thongs and shit like that...ewww. Worst album-"Dirty"-Britney Spears Worst Artist-BAHA MEN.

OLD SKOOL NES LOVE. FEEL THE GREATNESS THAT IS BASEBALL FOR THE NES!!! I'm serious, dood. That game is fucking addictive.

It's ok, it's ok...the Saints will still get in. And the Falcons, too. I mean, you seriously believe the Giants can win next week? They are gonna choke on the Kerry Collins sausage...

Ladies and Gentlemen...EMINEM has a shot at a Golden Globe with "Lose Yourself." Although it's a great song...how did a lot of other songs get passed up for THIS song? Or were there not enough good songs out there? Granted, Eminem did about everything in that movie, but is there a song up there from a movie you saw that should have been nominated?

Dames, did you no-sell my question on purpose? Becuase it was an easy answer, right?

Evenflow, you're invited to this one. I was jus playing...

I never really saw that much of JYD. I do remember he had a helluva cool gimmick when I was little. A big dog-like guy was just too much for me. I will say that even though he wasn't a GREAT wrestler, he entertained me, and if somebody can get me watching, then they've done their job. He will be missed.

Ho-ly shit...I'm SO loving this...oh, and Tenkoji goes over, no doubt.

It's just like this. Vince thought that by buying up his competition, that being WCW, ECW, what have you, he would be the number one power. That being said, with his rating dropping to the low 3s, when two years ago he was hitting a 5 with no problem (the real reason talk of SD! being shortened and such is going on) Vince realized that creating a monopoly is NEVER good...especially when the entire premise of wrestling is, you know, COMPETITION. Wow...and we thought Vince was such a smart business man...

And THAT, my friends, is why bps is God...and thanks for stealing my Dames Roast quote for your title, by the way. I will spend $40 or $50 a month to watch those three be punk-ass heels (how heels SHOULD act) then watch HHH add an -uh to the end of every word he says.

Dames > Scott Keith...it has been said, I just said it again...

When did this go wrong? I know we blame Russo...but when did all this go wrong? Can we go all the way back to that fateful night in June of 84 when Hogan won the title? Shit. Remember NWA at that time? Flair, Four Horsemen, all that shit? WHY CANT WE HAVE THAT? WHERE HATRED was why you had feuds? Not HLA, not incest, not ANY OF THIS CRAP THEY SHOW NOW...I swear this is a whole buncha crap...

In JR's last Ross Report, he attacked the internet sources for talking about certain things, like the pushes people are getting, or interests backstage, or political power plays and such. JR and King, if you read the spoilers, went out and they got put IN A MATCH...with the team they had pimped for weeks upon weeks. My question is this...why? Why in the WWE's right way of thinking would a team the caliber of Regal and Storm be jobbed to ANNOUNCERS? They are at least 45 years old the both of em, and last time I checked, Regal and Storm were being pimped towards a future shot at the tag team titles. This is a deliberate attack against us "insiders," or smart fans, if you will. Vince is attacking all the fans who have tried to, in his mind, upstage him by speaking their minds. I'm serious about this. Vince might be starting a war against the smart fans...making the shows on TV so horrible that us "true" wrestling fans will cease to watch, therefore, letting the fans who are into his brand of Sports Entertainment stay in the fold. I'm just saying, but there might be some truth to what I say...

Read Barron's post before yours...

I say it's Anglesault *throws in two cents* Dames, if you had your choice between JLH and Tyra Banks in the same lingerie, who would you choose? And if you go the Tommy Dreamer route, it doesn't count...