Well since Ejiro wanted it, i guess i shall post my loosing match for the first time ever!! As a little note this match borrows a tensy wensy from WrestleMania X8.
And also has a very lackluster ending in my race to finish it off in time for the dreaded deadline of doom. Criticisms are appreacaited.
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SJL Crimson returns to the airwaves with an outside view of the Melon Arena’s marquee, which reads “SJL Crimson”, “Tonight”, and “Sold Out”. Inside the arena the theme for Crimson rocks the house as the fans bolster from their seats cheering loudly and waving their signs about! The cameras pan across the outside of the ring, where tables are strewn about for the upcoming match before settling in on the commentator’s table.
“Welcome back to SJL Crimson!” Axis begins. “What a night we have had so far, with a five minute match pitting Ejiro Fasaki and the rookie Logan against each other as well as Wildchild facing off against Manson! Talk about excitement!”
“Please, Axis.” Says the Suicide King as he kicks back in his chair and plops his feet on the table. “Saying exciting while referencing the JL is truly amusing. I don’t think there has been a moment of excitement since that little hostile take over about a year ago."
“Well…What if I said Johnny Dangerous in a tables match against…CHRISTIAN FURY!!”
“What?” The Suicide King sits back up in his chair with a lock of shock on his face. “Christian Fury? You mean..”
“That’s right, King!”
“CHRISTIAN FURY!”
“JOHNNY DANGEROUS!”
“TABLES MATCH!”
“RIGHT HERE, TONIGHT! NOW INFACT!”
“OH MY GOD!” The Suicide King begins to tremble with excitement then abruptly returns to his normal egotistical self. “Do you think I give a shit? I mean the return of Christian Fury or not, this match includes Johnny Dangerous so it is guaranteed to SUCK MAJOR ASS! The only fun I could possible foresee in this, is watching Johnny Dangerous go through a table!”
“You are so damn hard to please, King. Well at any rate let’s get this one rolling, shall we?”
“AHEM!” Standing inside the ring, Funyon clears his throat out on the microphone trying to draw the crowd’s attention towards him. “Ladies and Gentlemen, Children of all ages! The following contest is a Table Match! In this match one man must put his opponent THROUGH a table, then and only then will a winner be decided! If the table is set on fire first, brownie points will be awarded!”
The house lights drop much to the delight of the fans as a female voice sings out-
“Johnny Dangerous!”
The fans erupt in a mountain of cheers upon hearing his name, which is followed by Limp Bizkit’s rendition of the theme to “Mission Impossible 2” as Johnny Dangerous himself steps out front and center! He throws his arms high into the air while behind him the Smarktron lights up with clips of Johnny driving a speedboat off a waterfall then lunging from the boat to catch a dangling helicopter ladder with one arm, along with various other spy antics!
“Entering first in this contest! Weighing in at two hundred and five pounds, and hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada! He is JOHNNNNNNY DANGEROOOUUUSSS!!!”
“You know what, Axis.” Says the Suicide King. “If there were a definition in the dictionary for Ass Munch it would simply say Johnny Dangerous! I mean come on, this guy is the epitome of stupidity and what makes it worse is this moron keeps winning! Can someone not put his ass down and keep him down for the count of three, or what?”
“I think your much to hard on these JL wrestlers, King particularly Johnny Dangerous. I mean he may be a little off with the dress code, but he is just so chock full of charisma!”
Johnny happily trots down towards the ring until he catches something out of the corner of his eye! He turns to see a beautiful and voluptuous blonde bombshell leaning against the guardrail, flipping her hair and blowing a kiss towards him. He winks back and starts to strut towards her when a sign directly behind her grabs his attention. “She is a He!” the sign reads and the man holding it nods his head in agreement, not wanting Johnny to fall into sleaze ball tabloid trap. His eye’s widen to half the size of the Grand Canyon before fleeing to the safety of the ring, almost tripping over a table in the process.
“That wasn’t pretty.” Says Axis who is almost dumbfounded by the situation.
“No it wasn’t.” The Suicide King confirms.
Darkness descends upon the arena as the house lights suddenly drop once again and the sounds of System of a Down’s “Aerials” begin flowing through the crowds. The crowd’s anticipation grows as the SmarkTron flickers to life, showing various clips of Christian Fury slowly flipping through the air and crashing down onto an opponent on the floor below him. The music begins to slowly build to a boiling point, then out of absolutely no where-
BOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!
A sudden explosion of pyrotechnics almost rips the entire stage from its cheap foundation, and along with the music hitting it’s peak, rocks the crowds straight out of their seats and into a standing ovation as Christian Fury emerges from behind the curtain with Kendo stick in hand!
“He’s here! Christian Fury has finally returned and what a tremendous way to make his presence known as well as felt!” Axis shouts, marking out like the rest of the crowds for Fury! “Can you feel it, King?”
“I’ll show you feel in about two seconds with my boot up your ass if you don’t shut up!” Grunts the Suicide King. “I’m all for Christian Fury, but I don’t think I like this new persona he’s displaying.”
Inside the ring Funyon draws the microphone to his lips and continues his usual rounds of introductions. “..AND His opponent! Weighing in at two hundred and twenty seven pounds, and hailing from Cleveland, Ohio! He is CHRIIIISTIAAAAAN FURRRYYYY!!!”
Fury hops up to the ring apron them jumps to the top rope, spring boarding himself into the ring! He lands inside the ring with his Kendo stick poised, locking his cold icy blue eyes onto Johnny Dangerous and ready to deliver the beating. After a moment he slides his kendo stick out of the ring, along with his jacket and Oakley sunglasses, and readies himself to begin the match.
“Well it looks like we are ready to kick this one off!” Says Axis as Referee Anthony Michael Hall signals for the bell.
*DING! DING! DING!*
Johnny Dangerous and Christian Fury both close in on each other upon the last sound of the bell ringing out, circling around one another and looking for an opening. The two see the same opening at the same time and lunge into a lock up! Gritting his teeth, Dangerous tries to put as much strength as he can muster into over powering Fury, but Fury proves to be just a bit stronger and shoves Dangerous back! Dangerous tumbles into the corner turnbuckle, rather taken back by Fury’s strength as the crowds light up, wildly cheering for Christian Fury! Fury himself is taken back as well when chants of his name begin to erupt!
“FU-RY!”
“FU-RY!”
“FU-RY!”
“These crowds are simply on fire for Christian Fury!” Remarks Axis. “It’s been quite some time since I have seen someone’s return taken so well like this!”
“I don’t know why. I mean what the hell has he done, other than make Johnny Dangerous here look like a punk b*tch!” The Suicide King ponders for a brief second before continuing. “Wait a second! That’s a good thing! YEAH! GO FURY!”
Christian Fury looks out to the crowds with his usual icy blue eyed stare, watching as they stand pumping their fist into the air and continuing with their chants. He can’t believe it! What? I said he simply can’t believe it! What? He’s shocked! What? He’s speechless! What? He’s amazed! What? He’s thrilled! What? He’s so bubbling with joy hearing his name echoing through the crowds, it almost tears at the tortured fibers of his very soul, but for once in a very long time he begins to smile! What? That’s right I said he’s smiling from ear to ear!
“What..the..hell? I know Austin is out of work, but surely he hasn’t joined the writing team.”
“Don’t ask me, King.” Says a very confused Axis. “I just comment on what I see.”
As the chanting dies down Fury turns his attention back towards Dangerous, catching the glimpse of a fist headed towards him right before it smashes into his skull!
*WHACK!*
“Oh my god! Cheap shot by Johnny Dangerous!” Shouts Axis!
The shot catches Fury completely off guard and knocks him clear into the turnbuckle, sending the crowds into a frenzy of excitement! Dangerous charges in with his fist drawn back, slamming a second shot straight into Fury’s temple and following with his opposite fist for a third! Dangerous rears back for one more shot, channeling all the strength he possible can into it as he swings forward with a punch strong enough to knock the Statue of Liberty’s head straight off her sweet shoulders!
“But what a catastrophe that would be if Johnny misses.” Says the Suicide King, almost predicting the future as Fury ducks down just at the right moment and Dangerous’ fist whizzes right over the top of Fury’s head! Fury shudders as he feels the winds from Dangerous’ fist slicing through the air almost parting his red locks straight down the center, but quickly snaps back into his fighting mode sinking his foot into Dangerous’ gut! Dangerous doubles over clenching his stomach giving Fury the opening he needed. Wrapping his arm around Dangerous’ head Fury falls backwards, and lets Dangerous’ head meet the mat with a strong DDT!
*WHAM!*
“Ohh!” Axis is drawn back imagining the pain from that maneuver. “What a counter by Christian Fury! I think he’s trying to show Johnny Dangerous as well as the rest of the locker room that even though he may have been out of action for a while he is still MORE than capable of delivering the goods!”
“Well he can deliver the goods straight through one of them tables!” Adds the Suicide King. “I want to see some blood and smashed tables! I mean come on this is no DQ, time to break out the light bulbs, Singapore Canes, and whipped cream!”
“Whipped cream?” Ask Axis with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, you know. Smack them in the back of the head with the can?”
“Sure thing, King. Whatever you say..” Axis rolls his eyes and shakes his head in annoyance of the Suicide Kings reply. “Let’s get back to the action at hand.”
With Dangerous knocked to a whole different universe for the time being, Fury slides out of the ring and locates his Kendo stick! The crowds let out a cheer as Fury raises the stick out for a second before sliding back into the ring.
“Here come those weapons you asked for, King.”
“You think your smart?” Fury yells towards Dangerous as he hovers over him. “See if you can SPY this smacking into your sorry ass!” Fury reaches down and pulls Dangerous back to his feet by his chin, and rears back with the Kendo stick teasing a swing. The Kendo stick slices through the air as Fury swings towards Dangerous’ face, but Dangerous comes back to life just in the nick of time clasping his palms together he catches the stick just a mere inch from his face! Dangerous rips the weapon from Fury’s hand and in one fluid motion swings the weapon back at Fury’s head! Once again Fury ducks the intended blow and pops up behind Dangerous as his body spins around from the swing and locks his arms around Dangerous’ waist. Lifting him into the air Fury slams Dangerous’ back into the mat with a Belly to Back Suplex!
*WHAM!*
“A thunderous Belly to Back on Johnny Dangerous!” Says Axis. “Johnny seems to be having some trouble landing any monumental blows onto Christian Fury here tonight, with Christian countering most of Johnny’s offense!”
“That’s funny..” Adds the Suicide King. “I always thought Johnny had trouble doing anything right.”
Fury yanks Dangerous to his feet by his arm, and immediately whips him towards the ropes. Dangerous springs off the ropes and heads back to Fury who swings his arm out and slashes it across Dangerous neck for a clothesline that puts Johnny Dangerous flat on his back! Dangerous scrambles to his feet only to get leveled by another clothesline from Fury, causing the crowds to start growing with cheers yet again. Dangerous pulls himself back to his feet one more time and tries to shake the blows off him. Looking up towards Fury he catches sight of four hairy knuckles right before Fury buries his fist into Dangerous’ face!
*WHACK!*
The blow almost spins Dangerous completely around, clearly stunning the poor spy and giving Fury the opening he needs to drop his foot into Dangerous gut yet again! Once more Dangerous begins to double over from the blow, but Fury quickly spins around putting his back to Dangerous and reaching behind him to lock onto Dangerous bruised skull and place his chin against Fury’s shoulder! The crowds leap from their seats in anticipation of the move Fury sets up and watch as he quickly drops to his knees, jarring Dangerous’ jaw against his shoulder with a stunner! Fury holds tight to Dangerous’ head and bounces back to his feet, this time he leaps up and kicks his feet out, dropping Dangerous on his chin for the second time!
*WHAM!*
Dangerous ricochets off of Fury’s shoulder, flying back at least a good three feet before crashing down into the mat! The crowds launch into a huge roar of cheers upon seeing the completion of Fury’s deadly finisher.
“OH MY GOD!” Shouts Axis! “LIGHTING AND THUNDER! CHRISTIAN FURY JUST DELIVERED THE LIGHTING AND THUNDER ON JOHNNY DANGEROUS! SOMEBODY STICK A FORK IN JOHNNY DANGEROUS PLEASE, BECAUSE I THINK HE IS DONE!”
“Hot damn!” Shouts the Suicide King as he reaches underneath the table and pulls out a sparkling bottle of Ever Clear and two shot glasses! “I think this warrants a bit of a celebration!”
“A celebration for what?” Ask Axis who is suddenly surprised when he looks over at the Suicide King gleefully pouring Ever Clear into a shot glass and spilling half of it on the table. “What the hell are you doing?!?!” He Shouts! “We can’t have alcohol, were on duty!”
“Oh shut up, already. This is a special occasion! It’s not every day that we get to see the fall of Johnny Dangerous!” Axis takes a gulp of his own spit as he looks down at the shot glass that the Suicide King slides over to him. “Now drink boy, drink!”
Axis tries to find some excuse to avoid consumption of the beverage, finally looking back towards the ring he finds one. “Look! Christian Fury is ready to take this one home, he’s going for a table!”
Sure enough Christian Fury has slid out of the ring and fumbles with a nearby table, folding its legs back up and sliding it into the ring, which causes another eruption of cheers from the audience! Fury sets the table back up and checks to make sure of its sturdiness, then walks over to Dangerous’ corpse and pulls him to his feet. Fury grabs Dangerous by the arm and whips him to the ropes! Johnny bounces back off the rope and heads right back into Fury who quickly grabs onto his waist and Judo flips him right over the table!
“THIS IS IT! JOHNNY’S GOING TO GO RIGHT THROUGH THAT TABLE!” Shouts Axis!
Johnny lands smack on the table but much to the surprise of everyone in the entire arena and sitting at home watching on television the table holds! Johnny falls off the table knocking it over in the process as every one realizes what a close call this surely was!
“DAMN!” Shouts the Suicide King! “Christian Fury should have just won this, but that damned table just wouldn’t give! This is a rip!”
Dangerous grabs onto the turnbuckle to pull him back up, writhing in pain as he does so. His eyes suddenly widen like a deer in some headlights when he sees Fury’s body slicing through the air, coming at him headfirst! Johnny quickly jumps out of the way, letting Fury’s head ram the Turnbuckle with a gore attempt!
“Oh my God! Fury just attempted a Gore but missed!” Comments Axis. “He could break his neck doing something like that!”
Setting the table back on its legs, Dangerous reaches into his suit jacket and pulls out a cherry red fireplace lighter sparking some cheers from the crowds. He lights it on the first try and places the flickering little flame against the Formica (the cheap wood tables like these are made from.) getting a bit of a smolder but not much else.
“FLAMING TABLES! YES!” Shouts Axis with glee!
Dangerous stops and places his hand against his chin, tapping his foot he ponders about what he could possibly do to get this table to burn. He looks out towards the commentator’s table, spotting something that brings a great smile to his face! Dangerous rolls out of the ring and heads straight for the commentator’s table, snatching the Suicide King’s bottle out Everclear out from under his nose!
“You son of a bitch!” Shouts the Suicide King as he stands up ready to retrieve his expensive beverage, but Axis grabs onto him to hold him back.
“Let’s try not to interfere in the match this time, King.”
Back in the ring, Dangerous pours a good amount of the Everclear on the table, then takes a big swig of it before tossing the bottle to the side. Dangerous lights the lighter once again and draws it close to his mouth sparking a round of cheers from the crowds again! Just before the alcohol begins to really burn at his cheeks, he spews it from his mouth into the flame!
*WOOOOSSSSHHHHH!*
The fire licks at the table, instantly setting it a blaze and igniting a tremendous cheer from the audience! In less than two seconds the table is turned into an inferno with enough heat pouring off it to melt the sand out a glass window!
“My God!” Shouts Axis! “That fire must be at least a million degrees! How can someone contemplate putting another human being through that! The horror!”
“Hell, I would put your mom through it without a second thought.” Says the Suicide King. “I was madder than hell that he stole by liquor, but if someone goes through that table, It will have been a well spent forty bucks!”
Dangerous turns around to pick Fury up, but his jaw drops in surprise when Fury’s body has disappeared from what he thought would be it’s final resting spot! Dangerous spins around and is surprised once again when Fury clocks him in the head with his Kendo stick!
*THWACK!*
Dangerous drops to his knees, clenching his face and howling in pain leaving his back open for another shot, which Fury welcomes with open arms!
*THWACK!*
The second blow drops him flat on his stomach as he howls out in pain once again! Fury drops the stick and reaches down grabbing Dangerous by his chin and pulling him too his feet. Fury tosses one of Dangerous’ arms over his shoulder as he latches onto his midsection from behind with one hand and grabs his leg with the other and lifts him into the air! Fury walks forward a step towards the inferno of a table, ready to slam Johnny’s sorry ass right through the middle of it when Johnny sensing danger ahead, pushes himself off of Fury and flips behind him! Fury spins around towards Dangerous and receives a right hook to the temple! *WHAM!* Fury immediately fires back with a punch of his own, catching Dangerous straight in the jaw! *WHAM!* The two begin trading punch after punch, each one getting a bit stronger than the last, and stirring the crowd into a frenzy of cheers!
“These two look like there trying to kill each other!” Says Axis! “Who’s going to get the better of the other? Who I say, Who?”
“Well they better hurry up and put someone through that table before it melts the whole damn ring!” Adds the Suicide King.
Fury rears back with his fist for another stiff blow into Johnny Dangerous’ ugly mug, when Dangerous’ sneaks in a quick jab that completely throws the flow of the blow trades straight out of the window! He fires off one more shot to Fury’s skull, this time hitting him with a sheer blast of a second adrenaline rush that knocks Fury all the way into the turnbuckle! Johnny rushes in to clock Christian with one more punch just to keep him subdued but Fury throws his foot out, catching the deadly spy in the head and foiling his plot! Fury grabs Dangerous and viciously slams him into the turnbuckle, followed with a spinning double backhand to Dangerous’ head!
*WHAM!*
Dangerous begins to fall forward but Fury slams him back into the turnbuckle and begins to climb it, driving another fist into Johnny as he does. Fury mounts the second rope, grabs onto Johnny’s head and raises his fist back ready to deliver a series of punches to finish this sucker off once and for all! It’s time like these a spy must do what a spy must do, and in a no way out situation Johnny does exactly that and jams his clenched fist into the holding cell of Fury’s future children!
“OH!” Shrills Axis. “Low blow by Johnny Dangerous! I hope that doesn’t cause Fury’s kids to come out bruised.”
Fury howls in pain and clenches his wounded area as Dangerous sees his opportunity knocking and reaches out to take it. Johnny stands up and locks his arms around the incapacitated Fury’s waist, placing him on top of the turnbuckle. Johnny climbs to the top popping another fist into Fury just to make sure he stays under Johnny’s control, and tosses Fury’s arm over his shoulder as he locks his arm around Fury’s head!
“No Johnny!” Shouts Axis! “You could put him out trying to pull off a maneuver like this!”
“Quite you, Vic!” Retorts the Suicide King! “I want to see someone’s ass go through that burning table, and I don’t care if it puts them out of commission doing so!”
With the crowds persuading him on, Johnny grabs onto Christian’s pants and leaps off the turnbuckle! The crowds hold their breath as they watch Johnny’s super-plexing Christian Fury, falling right over the infernos table and then-
*CRRRRRAAAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!*
Fury’s body rips through the fibers of the table as he lands into the fiery rage, shredding it into hundreds of pieces! The crowds leap from their seats with a tremendous cheer for the fatal move, as the referee signals for the bell to end this devastating match!
Ding! Ding! Ding!
“Johnny Dangerous has done it again!” Shouts Axis! “I was expecting Christian Fury to pull out a win with his return, but it looks like a little ring rust may have given Johnny the upper hand!”
“What are you babbling about, Axis? Johnny almost went through that table himself earlier! He is just damn lucky it didn’t give, or it would be Christian Fury’s hand raised in victory. Luck is how Johnny won this time, nothing but pure luck!”
Anthony Michael Hall reaches into the smoldering table and pulls out Johnny’s arm to raise it as Funyon makes the obvious announcement. “And your winner of this match! JOHNNNNNYY DANGEROUSSSS!!!”
“Hmph!” Says the Suicide King as he crosses his arms. “Well we are going to need a few minutes to clean this mess up, but after that Jack the Ripper goes toe to toe with Spike Jenkins!”
*Cut to a Frost Brand Taco’s commercial*
