Patty O'Green

COLE Anyway. Before the tag team title match gets underway, I’d like to inform our fans....Well, our fans with money to burn, about a unique opportunity. The OAOAST has teamed up with Ebay.com and the Humane Society of America to bring to you a very unique charity auction. With this auction you have a chance to bid on an all expense paid trip to the March third edition of HeldDOWN~! Folks, that’s just the appetizer. Here’s the main course, you get to spend that Thursday evening with none other then Alix Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan in your own private luxury box! The proceeds go to the Humane Society of America! (The Auction!) COACH Humane Society, eh? I can think of two pussies I wouldn’t mind petting. Puurrrrrrrfect. Heh. One and then the two Two and then the three Three and then the four Then you gotta BREATHE Then you gotta.. Then you gotta.. As Breathe plays, the crowd poisons the air with their hatred for The Mad Cappa. The entrance doors split apart allowing the man himself and his tag team partner, Vince Rusco to step onto the entrance stage. Loose jeans barely staying around his waist, Cappa sports a sly grin and keeps his a baseball bat slung over his shoulders. Rusco, wearing a NY Giants football jersey and gym shorts, does the Shawn Michaels dancing routine at the top of the ramp, eliciting quite the negative response from the Philly fanbase. BUFFER The following is a match for the professional wrestling tag team championship of the world. It is sanctioned by the Pennsylvania state athletic commission and the OAOAST. The referee for this contest is Billy Silverman. First from the Suburbs of Northern Virginia...weighing in at one hundred eighty three pounds he is widely regarded as the greatest Puerto Rican champion of all time....THE MAD CAPPAAAAA! And his partner from Las Vegas, Nevada...weighing one hundred and seventy five pounds.....VINCE RUSCO! COACH The Mad Cappa, a native of Washington DC, made his debut two years ago in a battle royal and made his pay per view debut at Anglemania II against Puerto Rican Lightning and NazMistry. Since then he’s faced a lot of ups and downs. But nothing could be as disappointing as being eliminated in the Lethal Rumble after he talked so much trash about winning it. Tonight he gets his first ever tag team title shot against Chicks Over Dicks. Cappa gives his bat to an attractive female ring attendant, while Rusco does The Rock’s arm raised, eyes closed, sniffing the “electricity” pose on the turnbuckles. Anything but Me by Lindsay Lohan hits leading to a GARGANTUAN fountain of beautiful red pyro shooting up from the entrance stage! The entire arena comes alive with massive cheers for the champs. Finally Alix and Krista emerge from the back. Alix is wearing a “Cat in the Hat” hat and a blonde heavy metal wig. BUFFER And the champions...First, from Beverly Hills, California....ALIX SPEZIA. And from West Hollywood, California....she is the author of the New York Times best seller No Man. No Cry and star of the best selling fitness video, Buns with KID...KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! On the way to the ring Alix blows a kiss to the camera leading to superimposed red lips to pop up on screen. COACH Oooooh.....I need new pants. COLE Certainly I think this match will be a challenge for Mad Cappa. Krista and Alix have defeated Black T and The Original Elite. Those are teams with two wrestlers. The Mad Cappa and Vince Rusco is a squad with only one wrestler and a loud mouth jerk who shouldn’t even be in the ring. CABOOSE As usual you’re very wrong. Need I remind you that The Mad Cappa has beaten Drek Stone more times then anyone on the roster. Forgive me for bringing that up Mister Stone. But if Cappa can beat the best champion in pro wrestling then I have no doubt he can beat two silly girls. No matter who his partner is. COLE That remains to be seen, Boo’s clues! Clad in funky hippy colors, Alix, and her goofy hat, and crazy wig take a spot on the apron. After a short pat down by the official the bell rings. *DING DING DING* The match starts out with Krista and Mad Cappa. The two meet in the center of the ring for a collar and elbow tie up. They engage in a spirted battle over the hold, which sees a stronger Cappa scoring the upperhand by backing Krista to a neutral corner. At the urging of the referee Billy Silverman, the unbalanced gladiator gives a clean break. “Free shot, goldylocks.” He offers in a sickeningly sweet voice, pointing to his cheek, telling her to hit him. Never one to pass up an opportunity to knock a man out cold, Krista rears her arm back to slug Cappa! As she follows through, her foe drops to the mat and quickly scurries out of the ring! The fans boo the display of cowardice, but Cappa and Rusco, who is on the ring apron, have a good laugh at Izzy’s expense. Highly annoyed, Krista asks for a microphone. Buffer obliges her request. Krista leans over the ropes and directs a frosty glare at Mad Cappa. The smart aleck cups his hear ala Hulk Hogan, taunting her as she prepares to rip into him. KRISTA Cappa, I may be a woman...but you’re the pussy! “PUSSY CAPPA! PUSSY CAPPA! PUSSY CAPPA!” chant the fans. His pride mortally wounded, the previously jovial Cappa demonstratively stomps around the outside of the ring, yelling at the crowd to shut up. The producer backstage knowing that he’s a timebomb waiting to explode orders a production intern through a pair of headsets to get Cappa a live mic. CAPPA (after snagging the mic) Hold on, goldylocks! I am not a pussy! CROWD YES YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE! CAPPA No I am not! CROWD YES YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE! CAPPA No I AM NOT! CROWD YES YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE! CAPPA NO I AM NOT CROWD NO YOU’RE NOT! NO YOU’RE NOT! NO YOU’RE NOT! CAPPA YES I AM! “YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! Cappa immediately realizes his mistake and throws a mini tantrum, flailing his arms about like a spoiled child and kicking the steel steps. The crowd starts another “Pussy Cappa” chant which serves only to further anger him. COLE I guess this might be disrespectful to Cappa. But he turned his back on these fans after they spent the better part of the year rooting him on and supporting him. When he beat Drek Stone it was like they beat Drek Stone. But now Cappa has shown his true colors and it sickens all of us. Beyond embarrassed, Cappa rolls into the ring to retrieve some of his lost pride. Krista meets him with hard stomps to the back. She pulls him up, then snags him into a headlock. A tussle ensues while the derogatory chants aimed at Cappa die down. He frees himself from the hold by shoving Krista to the ropes. On the rebound he catches her with a simple hip toss! However, Krista, being more agile then most, counters the move by landing in a wheel barrow set up. The Mad Cappa is left terribly confused at the counter and Krista is able to easily swing her body behind him and get a roll up! 1 KICK OUT! Both wrestlers get to their feet, with Cappa standing up crucial moments before her. As such the advantage is in his corner for a few seconds. He blasts Krista with a hard knife edge chop that sends her reeling into the ropes! Problematically, she lands bit too close to Rusco. The sneaky manager grabs her blonde hair and begins to yank her head back and forth, causing an incredible stress to be put on her neck. Krista moans in misery which is music to Vince’s ears. It’s also the only time a woman who he didn’t pay before hand will moan in his presence. Before the referee can admonish him or possibly DQ him he pushes Krista back towards the center of the ring. Cappa is waiting for her with a kick to the stomach! X-Factor (facebuster) by The MC! Krista flops over on to her back, plagued by a troublesome headache. Cappa drapes his lower legs across her chest, then proceeds to do PUSH-UPs while pinning her. Needless to say the fans do not like this one bit, but Rusco enjoys every minute of it! 1 2 KICK OUT! Cappa vehemently argues the count with the ref, even going so far as to slam the mat three times to show Silverman how its done. His diverted attention allows Krista time to recover. She stands up and runs the ropes. Out of the corner of his eye The MC spots her charging towards him and tries to take her head off with a lariat! But Krista ducks underneath his arm and continues to run the ropes. Upon her return, Cappa catches her with a tilt-a-whirl..NO! Krista slips out and lands on her gold boots! Dropkick to Cappa’s knees! His legs buckle beneath him and he drops to the mat! DROPKICK RIGHT TO HIS FACE~! Unable to block it, the former fan favorite falls back as if he just got shot. Cappa screams like a baby, holding his face and kicking his feet in the air. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” bleat the fans to a woman who really doesn’t want their support. Cappa stands up and swats at Krista with an errant jab. Again he goes for a punch, but Krista side steps. Now its Krista’s turn to attack and she spares no moment in doing so! She charges forward with a yakuza kick but it gets ducked! Now behind her, Cappa hits KID with a knife edge chop to the back! Grimacing, Krista lurches forward unable to defend herself. Shooting himself in front of her, he grabs a front face lock. The former “Street Corner” host takes hold of her left leg like he was going to fisherman suplex her but then spins to the side and drops her to mat while twisting her neck! Cappa stands up and gives himself a round of applause. It’s a show of disrespect that won’t win him any fans around these parts. COACH That is a cradle neckbreaker that Cappa just used. CABOOSE A very useful move to do after Rusco’s illegal working over of the neck. Illegal, but very enjoyable to this misogynist. With the fans firmly planted on the side of his adversary, Cappa proceeds to despicably choke Krista on the ring ropes. After Silverman reaches a five count Cappa breaks the hold and lets the former fitness model drop to the mat where she’s left gasping for air. Cappa strolls to his corner, and for some very masochistic reason he tags in Vince Rusco. Rusco hits the ring to a number of jeers and does the Ric Flair strut over to Krista. Sporting an arrogant smile he pokes her with his foot, the way you might poke a near dead skunk on the side of the road with a stick. No movement. He turns to his tag team partner, and the two share a cruel and conceited laugh. Assuming that Krista is out like a light, Rusco slowly bends down to pin her....... And that’s when she pulls him into a single leg takedown! The fans erupt with cheers as Krista wraps her leg between his legs and flips Vince over for a sharpshooter! His formerly over confident self is now reduced to a blubbering and crying mess, more pathetic then anything in the world. CABOOSE This is not the thanks Rusco deserves for keeping Cappa in the OAOAST! Rusco prays for his worthless life as tears slide down the outlines of his ugly face. Pitifully he begs for mercy but his pleas are only responded to by loud and unsympathetic chants of “TAP! TAP! TAP!” from the sell out crowd. Finally, Cappa who seems surprised that Krista got one up on his manager, charges into the ring. Using the ropes to give him some momentum, he runs up behind her and drops her with a face crusher! Before Alix can get into the ring to do anything, Cappa drags Vince to their corner and makes the tag with him. COLE I assume Cappa just brought Rusco in to give himself a breather. But was it worth it? Was it a sound move? Rusco almost tapped out. Holding a fistful of her hair, Cappa drags the lovely grappler to her feet. He hammers her with an elbow to the back of the head that nearly drops her to the mat, but Cappa keeps her upright. The despised heel whips her to the ropes! Krista has no choice but to come back to Cappa who attempts to deck her with a lethal standing clothesline! However, Krista’s athleticism and ability to counter any wrestling move knows no limit! She grabs his attacking arm and uses it as an aid as she swings behind him then back out in front of him where she smokes him with a DIAMOND CUTTER~! The amazing display of speed and wrestling know-how pops the crowd huge! On the ring apron, Rusco is stricken with a fit of panic as the realization that his gravy train is about to get derailed hits him harder then a middle linebacker! COLE Krista seems to be step ahead of Cappa. Everything he does she’s got a counter for. Noticing that Krista’s crawling to her corner, Cappa grabs onto her foot. Groggy and eyes blurred he fights with his own dazed state as much as his feisty rival in trying to keep her from making the hot tag. The fans are on their feet rallying behind Krista’s valiant effort to make the tag with her psychedelic partner. But Cappa’s grip tightens to the point where she’ll be going no where unless she rids herself of his aggravating presence. KID stands up, managing to get Cappa to do the same. She turns her body towards him and rocks his world with an enziguri! The blow hits him with so much force that his body does a front flip and he ends up landing on his back! If Cappa was a cartoon character one would expect to see little blue birdies floating above his head. COLE What a kick! CABOOSE Get up, man! The tag is made to Alix Spezia! The audience almost blows the roof off the arena with wild cheers! Alix hops over the ring ropes, a 5 foot 5 little ball of fire. Now standing, Cappa pounces on her and goes for a inverted atomic drop! NO! Alix spins her body behind his! She grabs a full nelson and hooks her leg between his! Sweat pours off of Cappa’s troubled face as he attempts to counter her full nelson face crusher attempt! He denies himself a disastrous drop to the mat by spinning out and grabbing a front face lock on his female enemy! But Alix counters THAT by twisting both their bodies around so that she’s the one with a front face lock! SIT OUT IMPLANT DDT (Brainbuster DDT) BY ALIX! COLE Cappa just got his head driven into the mat! “THE WORLD IS MINE!” Alix, teeming with energy, proclaims before taking off to the ropes! COACH And I am to, honey. “LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX!” Instead of running back to Cappa, Alix cartwheels towards him and hits him with a breathtaking CARTWHEEL 450 SPLASH! Pin attempt! NO! Rusco is in the ring dashing towards Alix! She sees him coming a mile away! The flower child gets up to meet him and catches him with a dropkick! Rusco plummets to the mat! In midair Alix morphs the dropkick into a CORCKSCREW MOONSAULT~! more beautiful then any Da Vinci painting and lands chest first onto Cappa! The crowd is whipped into uncontainable frenzy by Alix’s ultra impressive aerial tricks! This time she does go for a pin! CROWD 1 CROWD 2 CROWD 3 NO! RUSCO BREAKS UP THE PIN! “BOOOOOOOO!” Alix leaves Mad Cappa and storms over to a retreating Rusco! Burning with fury, she grabs him by his god awful comb over and slings him to the center of the ring! Fueled by fear, Rusco backs away from Alix, offering her anything she wants, from money to sexual favors, if she’ll only spare him. “BEAT HIM LIKE I BEAT MY HUSBAND” screams a female(?) fan in the first row. Before Alix can grant that fan’s wish Cappa nails her with a running forearm to the back! Boos fill the air, but Cappa couldn’t care less. He takes to the ropes and rebounds intending on doing god knows what only to be hit with a spear by Alix and a running clothesline by Krista at the exact same time! Cappa rolls out of the ring, leaving his pathetic ally to fend for himself. CABOOSE Get back in the ring, Cappa! Don’t throw away your title shot! “ROCK N ROLL FOREVAAAAA!” Alix bellows while Krista pulls a frightened and trembling Rusco to his feet. KID stands behind him and motions for Alix to come running! Alix hits the ropes as Rusco makes one last futile effort to beg for his safety. His hands are held in front of him and requests for kindness drip out of his porous mouth. However, Krista and Alix show zero concern for his well being as they destroy him the Madonna Whore Complex (LEGSWEEP/RUNNING ENZURIGI). His body twists awkwardly as it crumples to the mat, incapable of doing anything but taking the decisive pinfall from Alix. CROWD 1 CROWD 2 CROWD 3!!!! Alix gets up and throws the peace sign into the air. The fans do the same while cheering the finish. COLE Alix and Krista make their second straight successful title defense! And fans you need to get onto ebay and see if you can make a successful winning bid to spend your Thursday night with these two lovely ladies. COACH Definitely not a lovely evening for The Mad Cappa, as he suffers another heartbreaker. It’s almost like its two steps forward and two steps back for him. Cappa slides into the ring and looks at Rusco with extreme disgust. A scowl crosses his face as he realizes this is the man responsible for denying him tag team gold. The former Puerto Rican champion shrugs his shoulders at the misfortune that has befallen Rusco, as if to say its not his problem. The audience still applauding COD’s victory, Cappa nonchalantly exits the ring and leaves his mangled wreck of a partner behind to suffer in isolation. COACH Wrestling is gay. Next segment! Fade in from ringisde to none-other than the NEW HeldDOWN General Manager, JOSIE BAKER! She sits behind her desk, smoking a cigarette while typing something on the computer. She looks down at some papers before the phone rings. She slowly picks it up. JOSIE Josie Baker.....KEN! Oh my god, how's Europe?!....uh huh....are you and Austin having a good time?....goooooood. -Josie listens for a little bit before shaking her head slightly. JOSIE Ken, baby, I can handle this shit...no, hun, honestly. I got everything under control, and everyone's been very helpful and kind.........Yes, I KNOW that Northstar took advantage of Austin's problem, but that doesn't mean I'm......yeah......look, I'll just call Jasmine and ask her if she can help if things get too stressful......No, Ken, don't come home. I got it.... -A knock is heard at the door as Josie rubs her temple. JOSIE Look, babe, I got business I need to take care of....I promise, I'll be fine. I love you....Ok, talk to you later. Bye. -Josie hangs up as she looks towards the door. JOSIE It's open. -The door opens slowly, and Josie's face goes from stressed to bummed. She takes another drag off her cigarette and blows the smoke out slowly. JOSIE Dreeeeeek Stone. -The fans boo wildly as the camera pans over to Drek, who is wearing a nice Italian suit. His OAOAST Title Belt is hanging over his right shoulder. DREK Look, Josie...I'm at my wits end here. Seriously. This match against Hoff at Zero Hour CANNOT...no, WILL NOT happen. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" DREK Ignore that booing! I CANNOT -- in good conscience -- allow this to happen. I mean, when the hell do I earn a break? Had to defend it at Climax. Had to defend it at AnglePalooza. Didn't get a Main Event slot at EITHER of those shows. And now I'm defending it for the THIRD straight Pay-Per-View?! In Hoff's hometown?! This is ridiculous. I won't allow it. JOSIE And what, pray tell, gave you that power? DREK This belt right here! -Drek slaps the title belt and glares at Josie. JOSIE Drek...just because you have a title belt doesn't mean you can waltz in here and demand for me to drop what could very well be THE Match of the Year. Look...I know you're feeling a little scared... DREK I am NOT scared of Hoff! JOSIE No, I know that...but you're afraid of LOSING to Hoff...but, Drek... -Josie slightly chuckles and shrugs. JOSIE I don't know what to tell ya, buddy. The people want to see Drek Stone vs. Hoff at Zero Hour, and, quite frankly, they want to see you lose. -Josie puts out her cigarette in the ashtray before lighting up another. JOSIE So...if I were you...instead of focusing on how to get OUT of the match, I'd focus on how to WIN that motherfucker...Ok? -Drek smiles as he drops his head. He chuckles lightly as he raises it to look at Josie. DREK Look...Josie...I'm sure there's SOME way we can make a deal here. JOSIE Whatdya mean? -Drek stands slowly grabbing his belt buckle, winking at Josie with a seductive grin. DREK I mean...you do me a favor, and I do you....a favor in return. -Josie's originally stoic face now cracks a slight smile. She blinks a few times before standing as well. She looks at Drek...and smiles with the same seductiveness. JOSIE Oh yeah? -Josie slowly starts to walk towards the champ, who is grinning so wide that his teeth look like a beard. Josie stops just short of Drek and leans on the desk. DREK So...how about it? -Josie smiles and grabs a piece of paper and a pen. She starts writing things and making quick checks. Drek looks slightly confused. DREK ...What are you doing? JOSIE I am filling out a Sexual Harassment form. DREK ...What? JOSIE How do you spell "Drek?" Is it D-R-E-C-K, or D-R-E-K? DREK Whoa whoa whoa! C'mon! Let's be rational! -Josie looks up, an angry look now on her face. JOSIE No. You did something that made ME, your BOSS, uncomfortable. You think that just because you're champ, you have immunity. Well, news flash, Champ! The Drek Stone Backstage Era is OVER! I'm your boss, and if you hit on me ONE more time, you'll be on the street so fast, it'll make your little Italian head spin. The match at Zero Hour stays. You're STILL going to be facing Hoff. Now get the FUCK out of my office before I have security DRAG you out. -The fans erupt as Drek glares at Josie before turning quickly towards the door. Josie's angry face slowly turns into a smile. JOSIE GOD, this is going to be fun.

COLE Wow, that match/segment/commercial was really good! COACH Don't you remember what it was? COLE I'm high on soap! COACH Uh, well before our next segment, we have an annoucement regarding the Disciples of Chaos. Last week, they appeared to attack Dan Black and the other members of The Original Elite. It has since transpired that the Elite was in fact a group of T.O.E. impersonators hired by the DoC. COLE I played Zack!!! COACH Yeah...um, the OAOAST apologises for this deception on the part of the Disciples of Chaos, to the fans and to Black T, who, I quote "don't even know who the bloody jobbers are". CABOOSE What's their gimmick anyway, do they refuse to tidy their bedrooms when their Mom tells them? COLE Yeah, and they eat soap too!!!! What's next!!! It's time for more backstage shenanigans~! as the Love Doctors grab a moment with Tony Schiavone, in town for a Star Trek convention. Tony is wearing a pair of vulcan ears. SCHIAVONE I'm here for a special interview with two of the hottest talents in the OAOAST today - that's right, it's the Love Doctors! Truly, this is the greatest night in the history of our sport! How are you, Docs? Dr.Max Anderson and Dr.Steven Pigley are wearing white lab coats as usual, but tonight have added golden stethoscopes to their ensemble. The HIYAH tag titles are draped over their shoulders. MAX Tony- we're doing great. Titles, money, women, good looks - the Docs have got it all. You've seen us defending the HIYAH titles with honor in recent weeks, and we're looking forward to continuing in that manner. TONY Now, you suffered a defeat to GPX last week in the Anderson Cup, which- STEVEN Woh. Stop right there. The only reason we lost that match was a BLATANT low blow. Now, I don't know about you, but the last time I checked, a low blow is an illegal move in professional wrestling. It's against the rules. It's wrong. It's like the New New Midnight Express getting an original gimmick. It's like Black T breaking up their circle jerk party with Jim Ross. It's like Hell's Hitmen scoring double figures on an IQ test. It's like- *RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAR* The Docs and Tony jump. Behind them is the massive shape of JINGUS. Pigley swallows. STEVEN So, uh, yeah, we should have beaten GPX. And, er...next question? Schiavone, paralysed by fear, stares at the monsterous Devilman. He clutches his heart and slowly collapses to the floor. JINGUS looks down at him curiously. JINGUS Hmm. I've got to stop doing that to people. You guys want to help him out? Kiss of life and all that? Max and Steven look at each other. MAX Ah...we just got facials, I don't want to..er...impair Tony's medical treatment by exposing him to chemicals he might be allergic too. The Docs and JINGUS watch Schiavone writhing on the ground. Mercifully, paramedics rush in and tend to the stricken announcer. JINGUS And I thought you were the good guys round here. STEVEN We are! Look, we're handsome, we're athletic, we're sexy, we're brave- JINGUS What's that? You're brave? Really...that's very interesting. Because my tag team partner and I, we feel in the mood for a match. A title match. What do you say? Max and Steven look at each other and laugh derisively. MAX You guys? A title match? Um, you do know that traditionally, champions are the BEST wrestlers with the BEST look? Not ugly freaks whose idea of wrestling is "ME SMASH! ME KILL!" JINGUS's eyes glow red beneath his mask. JINGUS If you're so sure of your championship credentials, you'll accept the match. STEVEN Ok, sure. Why the "Hell" not? Get it? Get it Tony? Steven nudges Tony, who's now on a stretcher, almost knocking him off. JINGUS Zero Hour. We'll see you there. JINGUS suddenly leans forward and grabs both title belts from the shoulders of the Docs. He holds them up, inspecting each one. With a satisfied grunt, he drops them to the ground. His eyes flash once more before moving off. The Docs grab up their straps, glaring at the Devilman's retreating back as we go back to Triple C! COLE Well, it's time to get serious now as earlier this week, I was asked by Bil... CABOOSE No you weren't. COLE ...Fine. I was ordered...pre-ordered...by former OAOAST GM Bill Watts to conduct a sitdown interview with the X-Division Champion, Leon Rodez. You all saw, of course, the footage from last week. And, this was Leon's chance to set the record straight. Let's take you to it... *************** Cut to Michael Cole and a solemn, smartly dressed Leon Rodez, holding his OAOAST X-Division Title belt...sat face to face. COLE Leon...I understand this must be tough for you, so, I will try my best to keep this dignified. But of course, you have been asked to do this by Bill Watts. We...everyone at the OAOAST, is wondering what exactly the issue is here. We haven't been told anything. Except, that YOU, would set the issue straight. So, please, feel free to explain in your own time, just what the situation is. Rodez stops. Wiping a hand over his face, it's clear he's not too comfortable with the whole situation. Rodez look down at his X-Title though and takes a deep breath, before looking back up at Cole. RODEZ As you may have saw, at an OAOAST house show event two Saturdays ago, I was confronted by a fan outside of the arena, who wanted me to sign an autograph for him. Obviously, there's no problem there. That's what we do. That's part of the show. The fans pay their money to see the house show, so we show our appreciation after the show by giving up five minute post show, sign autographs, shake hands...that's...that's normal. But, on that night, it wasn't 'normal'. See, on that night...the one thing I have been DREADING my entire career happened. Somebody... Taking a deep breath, Rodez sighs. RODEZ ...somebody recognised me. From...my past. COLE Did you know this person? RODEZ Nope. It was just some guy, some random fan. Could have been anyone. But the fact is, he knew who I was. He knew what I did for a living before I got my OAOAST try-out and got my contract. He knew...what I did, before I got into this business. See...before...I was a wrestler. I...wa...can, can I get a glass of water or something? Cole nods and quickly hands Rodez a glass of water from the table next to him. Rodez takes a big swig of the water, before placing it beside him, taking another deep sigh. COLE Please Leon, carry on. Before you were a wrestler, you were... RODEZ ...apornstar. COLE I'm sorry, what? RODEZ A pornstar. I was in the porn business. Cole's eyebrows raise a little as Rodez looks a little ashamed of himself, trying to avoid eye-contact with the 'veteran' announcer. COLE Well...uhm..that explains the videotape... RODEZ Yeah, that was one of my 'works'. Featuring myself and the 'Banana Splitz'. Anna and Hannah Banana...the full 'are you sure you've never heard of Vince Russo' deal. Anyway, this fan had obviously recognised me from the video and come along, specifically to confront me about it. And obviously, Bill Watts wasn't too happy when he found out his X-Division Champion was once an XXX Champion, if you catch my drift. COLE So... Looking as uncomfortable as Rodez right about now, Cole pauses as he tries to find an appropriate next question. COLE ...we were told, that you were suspended pending a meeting with the board of directors. Have there been any devlopments there? RODEZ Yeah. That's why I'm here. See, I spoke to Bill about the issue and he wasn't happy because as part of my contract, obviously the OAOAST reserve all rights to use of my image. So, if I'm on contract making videos without profits going to the OAOAST, I'm robbing them of money. Just the same as if Chris Bryte were doing commercials for Viagra in his spare time. The problem wasn't just to do with me being an ex-pornstar. But...there were problems with that. So, I spoke to Bill and assured him that I haven't made any videos since joining the OAOAST, so haven't broken my agreement with the company. And therefore, I haven't committed 'gross misconduct' of whatever he called it. COLE So, the suspension is lifted. RODEZ Yes. COLE And no punishment. RODEZ Well, they said I had to set the record straight before I could get back into action. Hence, this interview. COLE Are you at all ashamed of your former career? RODEZ I wouldn't say that. I just, didn't want it to affect my career, you know. I wanted to make it for my wrestling ability, just like everyone else. Did I want people to know about it? Not particularly. Because, you get a reputation. But, am I ashamed? ...no. Cole looks surprised, but tries to hide it. Failing miserably. RODEZ ...do YOU think I should be ashamed? COLE Well, no. I mean, if it's in your past...we've all had jobs we're not particularly proud of, you know. I should know, believe me. RODEZ That's not what I asked. Let me ask you something Mikey, would YOU be ashamed if YOU were found to be an ex-pornstar. COLE That's not going to happen... RODEZ Well, duh. But still, answer the question...would you be ashamed? COLE Well...I...I guess, I would, a little. RODEZ Have you ever watched a pornographic movie Michael? Turning bright red, Cole laughs nervously. Embarrassment...Michael Cole be thy name. RODEZ Come on Mikey, buddy, we're all adults here. I'm not your mom and I haven't just uncovered your secret stash of Swimsuit Monthly and a heap of sticky tissues under your bed. Have you watched a porn movie before? COLE Well...yeah, I...I have... RODEZ Exactly. People have got to get their rocks off some how. Cole starts to choke as he swallows a mouthful of spit in shock, Rodez smiling to himself as he offers Cole his water. Cole takes it and tries not to make a fuss, as he guzzles down the water. RODEZ Bill Watts seemed to think I should be ashamed too. But, I'm not. So I did a bunch of movies where I have sex with hot, horny women. Does that really make me a BAD person? Does it make me a bad person to be providing people with adult entertainment, a form of entertainment that MANY, MANY men enjoy viewing. It's not like they're watching to see me anyway. I strictly refused to do anything remotely homosexual. I'm just the thing that's drilling the chick you're looking at while you fa... COLE Uhm...can, can we please tone this down just a touch Leon. RODEZ Oh, of course. Sex is bad, right? That's why I'm here! Right? COLE Well... RODEZ Have you ever had sex Mikey? COLE Hey, this isn't about me, this is about you. And, I am honestly glad to see this issue resolved as you certainly are an outstanding talent. High appetite for sex aside. We hope to see you in the ring again real soon Leon and because I really want to wrap this interview up before I suffer any more embarrassment, do you have any last comment Leon? RODEZ Well, seeing as you're here, I was expecting you to have returned that copy of the video by now... Eyes raised, Cole coughs, trying to cover up somehow. COLE I...was thinking more of...well, in the circumstances, some sort of 'moral to the story' if you will. RODEZ Uhm...well, the best advice I ever got was 'Check she's eighteen before tickling her spleen'. That do? COLE ...wise words. Thank you, Leon Rodez. *************** COACH He was a PORN-STAR!?! COLE Yup. COACH I LOVE pornstars! CABOOSE Male ones? COACH ...not so much.

The crowd boos the moment "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican is shown. He is wearing his usual (Read: only) Corporate attire, that being a white dress shirt, red tie, black sports jacket, black dress pants, black polish shoes with a gold chain, a Puerto Rico flag bandana, and a $500 Rolex watch. He is with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, also "Corporate-ly" dressed, and the two are pacing back and forth in P.R.'s dressing room when suddenly a knock is heard at the door. "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN: Who is it? STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK: Some old friends. The door opens, and in come the members of The Lightning Crew. P.R. smiles a wide smile, as he greets his LC followers like family. P.R.: Hey! Cuban Wall! How you doing? Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall embrace. CUBAN WALL: Hey, boss! Dude, what's going on? You look different. What's with the suit? PRL: Well, since I am "The Corporate Champion", I gotta look the part, right? CUBAN WALL: I guess. Popick brings in Mr. Boricua. PRL: Boricua! Buddy! MR. BORICUA: YEAAAAAAAAA!!!! Mr. Boricua rushes towards PRL, and gives him a giant bear hug. The giant squeezes the life out of the Corporate Champ, so PRL struggles to escape. He finally does, adjusts his suit, and then pats Boricua on the back. PRL: So, Boricua. How you been, buddy? BORICUA: Uhhhh. Good. PRL: There you go. You been working on your speak n' spell? ::Boricua nods his head:: PR: Good. You know how to spell more words? BORICUA: Yeah. Like. Doggy. And. Puppy. And. Boricua! PR: Good for you! You're learning very fast. Way to go, Boricua. Perhaps, you're not as dim witted as I thought. Mr. Boricua is too dim witted to realize that he was just insulted. Vitamin X arrives and he and PR slap hands, and do the typical manly hug. PR: Yo, X. How's it hanging? VITAMIN X: I've been doing good. I've sort of moved more and more away from actual wrestling, and more into the business aspect of it. I haven't wrestled in a damn long time, and to tell you the truth, I haven't missed it that much. I like being on the business side alot more. PRL: Hmm. Sounds interesting. VITAMIN X: I was actually thinking of some neat ways we can increase our monthly intake. The Lightning Crew can make some more money if we sell some more merchandise. You see, if we just--- PRL: THOMAS! Thomas! Thomas Rodriguez! How are you doing, bro? THOMAS RODRIGUEZ: Eh, I've been better. I've been doing alot of relaxing since I last saw you. I haven't refereed a match in ages, because, well, we haven't been on any OAOAST show since July. CUBAN WALL: Yeah, what's up with that? You leave for 8 months, and we barely get any screentime since then. And how come you didn't call us when you were in jail? I'm sure they gave you more than one phone call. PRL: They did, indeed Wall. But you see, I was only allowed one phone call once in a while, and I used those phone calls to call Lindsay, to call my mom, to call my dad, to call my 27 cousins, to call my grandmas and grandpas, to call my great grandmas and grandpas, to call my 47 aunts and uncles, to call my other friends, to call Popick. So, you see, I had to think of my prioties, and as much as I love you guys, I do love other people more. VITAMIN X: Well, you could have written to us. We wanted to know how you were doing. And how come when you were allowed visitors, you didn't ask for any of us? PRL: Guys, guys. Again. Prioties. I had to think of my family and my girl before I thought of you guys. They're more important to me. And as for writing, well I couldn't write, because all I thought about was Lindsay, and the OAOAST, and the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. I was so distracted, I couldn't write to you. Sorry guys. VITAMIN X: Hmmm. Okay. THOMAS: Yeah, we are just glad to have you back. We missed you so much! MR. BORICUA: BIG HUG! PRL: No, Boricua! Not now. No. No. No. Bad boy. VITAMIN X: Well, we just can't wait to get back into action. CUBAN WALL: Yeah, speaking of action, say, boss, I was wondering if maybe Popick can arrange for me to get a shot at the X-Division Title. I mean, I've been watching the shows, and I think that I can defintley take that Leon Rodez guy on. I mean, he's a small guy, and I'm a giant. I can win that belt. VITAMIN X: And I was thinking that maybe me and Boricua could team up to go after the Tag Team Titles. The belts are being held by a couple of chicks. HA! It'll be so easy to take the belts away from them! I mean, they're two bitches. We're men. It's a no contest! LINDSAY: Say, you wouldn't mind getting your boo a shot at the Women's Title, would ya? Come on, I'm the first lady of The Lightning Crew. I can take all those bitches in the Women's Division. I am the Latin Bitch! So, honey, what do you say? Can I get a title shot at the Women's Title? POPICK: People, people, people! Please. Now, I know how much all of you want to be apart of the OAOAST again. I know how you guys don't want to be seen just as PRL's lackeys, but you guys got to understand something. Guiding PRL to the World Heavyweight Title is alot of work. It takes alot of time, and a lot of effort. We're always dealing with roadblocks in our way, be it the OAOAST Board Of Directors, other wrestlers, or the Champion him/herself. So, becoming World Champion is the #1 thing in our minds and we won't rest till it happens. But, I will *try* to make time for you guys. I know how much you want to wrestle, and you will. I promise. You will be getting title shots real soon, trust me. CUBAN WALL: Hey, boss, what about getting me a shot at the 24/7 Title? PRL: Maybe later. Wall, let's discuss something else. Tonight, you and I are teaming up to take on that jabrony Panther and some partner of his in a tag team match. Now, I know how great you are, so I know that we can take these two head on. You think you can shake off the ring rust and take Panther and his partner down? CUBAN WALL: Boss, it will be my pleasure to rip those two apart, limb from limb. PR: ALRIGHT! GOD, I MISSED YOU GUYS, SO MUCH! The Lightning Crew is back and better than ever! We are the best in the OAOAST today! We have gotten rid of all the weak links in the chain. Spanish Fly. PROTOTYPE. Colombian Heat. They were all weak and undeserving to be in the LC. This is the TRUE Lightning Crew. The REAL Lightning Crew. The 6 of us, and Popick, are going to take over the OAOAST, and with me someday as World Heavyweight Champion, we will rule the OAOAST! It is our destiny! Guys, it's good to be home. VITAMIN X: Same here, P-to-the-R. PRL (trying really hard to think of something to prevent him from laughing at X's comment): Yup. MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ: I missed you too, sweetie. Tha Puerto Rican and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez kiss, while Popick and X make gagging motions. PRL: Okay. Now, let's do this thing, shall we? THE LIGHTNING CREW: Yeah! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! The crowd boos loudly and chants "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" as The Lightning Crew and Stephen Joseph Popick stand in P.R.'s dressing room, smiling and laughing evilly. The booing continues as the scene fades to black. ::FADE TO BLACK:: The show returns to focus on the ring as they return from a commercial break. “Breathe” by Fabolous hits up as the boos instantly come from the fans. The Mad Cappa walks out with a firm snug look on his face. He has a mic in one hand and casually walks down to the ring ignoring all the boos and “Cappa sucks” chants! Cole: “We’re back and here comes Cappa out, who wasn’t on HeldDown! last week.” Coach: “Well he looks confident.” Caboose: “He must be up to something since he is still suspended and he’s out here.” Triple C’s headsets lose functionability. Caboose: (last words heard until it Triple C’s headsets go out completely) “Shit! Not again!” Cappa: “Hey hey hey what’s up people!” BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! “I see you are taking it well, especially after THE PATRIOTS kicked your asses!!!” Death threats from the audience hurl towards Cappa at an alarming rate! “Enough about them and let’s talk about the most important subject in the world today and that’s……. The Mad Cappa!” “Asshole” chants from the livid audience! “Let me cut straight to it. At the Lethal Rumble, I, I, I LOST!” The boos are then replaced with cheers! Cappa pauses as he fumes over the cheers but cools off before talking again. “Yes I am suspended, but thanks to my contract, I still had a shot of not being forced out of active competition by going out to win the Rumble. However, that, that, that, I’m not saying his name or otherwise I’m going to explode!” Chants of “Axel” rise up from the crowd in an attempt to get Cappa out of there! “Uh nah! It ain’t workin’ this time Philly Cream Cheese! So of course I get eliminated…..” Cheers pop up again! So Cappa pauses for a brief while but then decides to just keep going on with his little spiel. “I got eliminated so that meant the suspension, that I shouldn’t have received in the first place, is still in effect! So, of course, I tried to come over to Maui but was told at the front gate that I was not allowed in! So, no Cappa on the show last week! You must be wondering why I am out here then! Let me RE-introduce you to……. VINCE RUSCO!” Vince Rusco walks out to boos from the crowd and “Rusco sucks” chants! However, there are also a certain number of people who are wondering who is he. He is dressed up in a NY Giants football jersey and gym shorts, not like his old style of gentlemanly suits. He has his own mic and does the Flair strut down to the ring, eliciting boos! An OAOAST official runs out and hands out Triple C a new set of headsets as they do some sort of non televised audible tests. Rusco: “I would like to say is…. I’m baaaaaaaaaccccckkkkkk!!! HAHAHAHA!” Cappa: (to the crowd) “You are probably wondering why is he back. Hell, you are probably wondering why is he helping ME after I punked him out to get him out for a LONG time!” Rusco: “HEY!” Cappa: “Time heals wounds! I have even forgiven him for making me lose at Anglemania 2! But when time after time after time about the disrespect that I have received from everybody, surprisingly, he’s been the only person who has backed me up in every way not seen by you, the people! When I felt like quitting this organization during my vacation, he talked me out of it! For you see, when Bill Watts suspended me, it was HE helped me when no else did. He is my lawyer! So before I use up my trump card, I would like to ask a certain individual, a certain lady to come out to the ring at this time!” “Vertigo” by U2 plays up as the new GM of HeldDown!, Josie Baker, walks out to cheers from the guys in the crowd! She walks down to the ring with a mic in her own hand. Josie: “What do you want Cappa?” Cappa: “Well Ms. Baker, I am out here to make one last plea to get re-instated. All I ever wanted was active competition, not just some sideshow attraction! At the Lethal Rumble, I was out there with a good number of people, it felt great to be out there, just to fight, just to have a shot at the World title! Since you are not Bill Watts, thank goodness, so I know that you should be more compassionate than he was. So while I’m not asking for a World title shot, at the moment at least, but PLEASE, for the love of God, let me be re-instated!” Josie: “You want back in? After the way you have been acting? It looks like you still haven’t changed since the suspension.” Cappa: (Obviously lying) “I have cooled off a bit since the suspension started.” Josie: “Well, since you are eager for active competition, I’ll tell you what. Since we still have to keep this show running to not bore the fans, here we go. I believe in second chances. So you are hereby re-instated!” Cappa: “WHAT!” Cappa looks shocked and just simply says “thanks”. Josie: “So you boys better get ready for a match tonight!” Rusco: “What do you mean ‘you boys’?!” Josie: “Did I stutter mid life crisis man? Yes, you have a match! Not just some any match. Since you like the ladies so much Cappa after what had done at the Rumble by beating Crystal down when she tried to help you, and even though you did not earn it, you and your lawyer there have a match against…….. CHICKS OVER DICKS! For the OAOAST Tag Team Championships of the World!” Cappa: (In shock) “Finally a tag title shot! You’re kid…..” Rusco: “We can take them no problem! Ain’t that right Caps? Right! Two chicks?” Josie: “Well that settles it. You better get ready cause it’s coming very soon.” The camera that focused on the ring just goes black. So they switch over to the camera on Sofa Central as Triple C are back on the air. Coach: (After tests are considered successful) “Dayum~!” Cole: “We’re eventually going to need better equipment that don’t fu….” Caboose: (Interrupts) “Let’s not go to it right now.” Coach: “You’re right! The reunited team of Cappa and Rusco are going to be in action against the tag team champions, fresh off their wins over the Original Elite and Black T!” Cole: “But why did Rusco just come back after almost 2 years of non activity to just show up out of the blue and be revealed to help out Cappa.” Caboose: “Like Cappa said, time heals wounds or something like that.” Coach: “Just like between you and Alfdogg?” Caboose: “Shut up. There isn’t enough time for that.” Cole: “We need to go to a commercial break…… badly.” (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK) BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for ONE FALL~! Suddenly, the Puerto Rican flag appears on the Angletron, and P.R.'s voice can be heard reading the following words, which appear in bold, blocky letters on the Tron. *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* And with that, "Know Your Role 99" hits the PA system! The arena lights go down, and begin flickering on and off as a thick roll of smoke fills the entrance. After a few moments of waiting, the arena fills with boos as the man himself emerges from the back, with Cuban Wall, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Stephen Joseph Popick following closely behind. BUFFER Introducing first...representing the Lightning Crew, being accompanied to the ring tonight by Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez and Stephen Joseph Popick, weighing in tonight at a total combined weight of 508 pounds...here is the team of CUBAN WALL, AND THA PUERTOOOO RIIIIIIIIICAAAAN~! Wild boos fill the arena they enter the ring and begin to taunt the crowd. COLE We're just about ready for tag team action here tonight, folks! It's P.R. and Cuban Wall teaming up to take on Panther and a partner of his choice. Of course, there's been an incredible amount of bad blood building up between Panther and P.R. since Anglepalooza! It was just two weeks ago that P.R. in my opinion robbed Panther of his opportunity to challenge for the title at Anglemania... CABOOSE For the last time, Cole--P.R. WAS A LEGAL PARTICIPANT IN THE LETHAL RUMBLE! What he did to Panther at Anglepalooza was perfectly within the rules...not like what Panther went on to do to him later in the Rumble, and certainly not like what Panther tried to do to him and Popick here last week. COLE Well...yes, fans! Last week, Panther came back seeking revenge against P.R. and Popick, attacking them just like they'd attacked him a week earlier! And Panther almost got the job done, but it was a timely run-in from Lindsay Gonzalez that allowed the Corporate Champ to escape with his hide in tact. Tonight, however, Panther gets another chance for payback! Tonight, Panther's returned to his hometown of Philadelphia to get his hands on Tha Puerto Rican, and fans, I can't wait to see this... CABOOSE But who's his partner?! Who's he chosen to help him take on the Lightning Crew?! P.R. sticks his head through the ropes and begins to yell at some rowdy fans in the front row, having boos and random obscenities being chanted at him in return. At just that moment, "Know Your Role 99" comes to an abrupt stop "Roc U" by The Young Gunz and Beanie Sigel hits the PA system. The crowd ERUPTS as the video feed switches to a black and red radar screen, at the center of which, a glowing red Panther's head appears after each sonar revolution. After the seventh revolution, the radar fades away, leaving just the glowing Panther's head. All at once, the head zooms forward, and… BOOOOOOOOOOOOM~! …we're taken back out to the darkened arena, which is rocked by a HUUUUUUUUUUGE pyro blast. A thick cloud of smoke forms at the entrance, and a bright white spotlight emits from the locker room, highlighting the Panther's silhouette. The light steadily gets brighter as the cymbals begin to clash in the background, each clash accompanied by a bright red spotlight, which highlights a portion of the HeldDOWN set. Finally, at approximately the 23 second mark, the white light begins to flicker and suddenly disappears as the red spotlights converge on the entrance and Panther steps through the smoke and walks to a standing ovation. He exudes confidence as he walks to the edge of the stage, glaring down the ramp at his foes as he slowly raises his arms high above his head--holding the pose as a sole white spotlight flashes upon him to the heavy beat of his music. Then, he snaps his arms down by his sides, cueing the spotlights to disperse about the arena. Panther points at P.R. and makes a throat slashing gesture before starting towards him. BUFFER And their opponents! Introducing first--from PHILADELPHIA, PA (crowd pops), weighing in tonight at 197 pounds, please welcome YOUR Champion of Champions...PAAAAAANTHEEEEEERRRRRRR~! Panther gets another HUGE pop from his hometown crowd, bringing a smile to his face as he gets closer and closer to ringside. He tags the hands of a few fans as he nears the bottom of the ramp, then prepares to slide into the ring. He changes his plans, though, when P.R. and Cuban Wall try to pounce on him, and he warily eyes them from the floor as Stephen Joseph leans over the ropes laughing sinisterly. COLE Panther...somewhat reluctant to step in there... COACH Where's his partner, Cole? Does he have a partner? P.R. asks the same question from the ring as "Roc U" starts to fade from the sound system, allowing the loud chants of "PAN-THER" to become more audible. Panther grits his teeth and sends a firey gaze P.R.'s way, slapping his right shoulder as he prepares to storm the ring. The Lightning Crew representatives invite him in, smilely evily as they back out to the center of the ring, allowing him room to enter. Then, Panther sets himself, taking deep, anxious breaths. And just as he appears ready to charge forward... CUE: "Can I Get A..." by Jay-Z TRIPLE C WHAT THE HELL?!?! Panther's eyes widen with shock as the lights drop, and red and blue spotlights fill the arena. The cameras cut to the entrance as a man dances out onto the stage wearing long blue and red tights and black boots, his medium-length black hair slicked back over his head. A good portion of the crowd recognizes the man, and gives him a good-sized pop as he bumps and grinds on stage. Panther doesn't appear to be as welcoming to the man, as he stands at the bottom of the ramp with his face buried in his right hand. P.R. and Cuban Wall look on, perplexed as the house lights return to normal and the music begins to die down, with small chants of "BLITZ, BLITZ" starting up across the arena. From the stage, the man looks down the ramp at Panther, grinning from ear to ear as he raises a mic to his lips and says... ??? PAAAAAAANTHEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!! WUTS HAPPENIN??!?!?! The crowd pops in the background as at ringside, one of the cameras picks up Panther trying to convince a female fan in the front row that "I have never seen that man before in my life." The man continues... ??? Panther...I guess the secret's out! Ya see Panther, I've been watching the shows lately! I've seen everything that those punk offs, P.R. has been done to you! Attacking you with chairs! Screwing you out of the Lethal Rumble! I saw everything he did, and it totally sucked pinky toe! Well Panther, don't you worry! Don't be sad! Don't even be NOT happy! I said I'd always be by your side, and right here tonight in your hometown of Princton, Minnesota, I'm here to make sure that they pay for what they've done to you! (LOUD boos from the Philly crowd)! See P.R., Poppa-Loppa-Doppicus, you may have thought you got one over on the Champion of Champions, but unfortunately for you, cheese hams, now you've gotta deal with the most biggadicious cat in all the land! The Master Blaster! The King of Swing! The coolest man east side of the West Indies! BRAD BLITZ IS IN THE HOUSE, and together with Panther, I guarantee that me and Panther are gonna absolutely, positively KICK YOUR...BOOT-AAAAAAAY!!!!!! NOW HIT MY MUSIC!!!!!! Suddenly, "Can I Get A..." hits the PA system once more as Blitz sprints down the ramp, running past Panther and sliding into the ring... ...only to get FLOORED by a huge clothesline from Cuban Wall! COACH DAYUM!!! *DING DING DING* COLE The bell has sounded! This one is underway! Look at this... The crowd goes crazy as P.R. and Cuban Wall start putting the boots to Blitz. Popick decides to join in the fun and starts stomping him as well...as does Lindsay Gonzalez. Even NICK PATRICK decides to get a piece of the action! COLE Good God! Brad Blitz is being obliterated in there! COACH Yeah! Even the referee's attacking him! CABOOSE And look at that damn Panther! He's just sitting back allowing this to happen! A mixture of cheers and laughter come up from the crowd as Panther turns his back to the action. He leans up against the ring apron and begins filing his nails as in the ring, Popick and Cuban wall hold Blitz up for P.R., allowing him to blast him with a hard right hand to the gut! Another one doubles him over! Then, they send him into the ropes, and when he rebounds, Cuban Wall lifts him up and drives him into the canvas with a BIG spinebuster! Then, P.R. motions for Lindsay and Popick to step aside, and with a handful of hair, he slowly brings the battered Blitz back to his feet. Blitz is barely able to stand when P.R. catches him with a hard slap to the face! He follows that up with a boot to the midsection that doubles him over, allowing him to slap on a front facelock and deliver the Puerto Rican Nightmare, planting him headfirst into the canvas! COLE Puerto Rican Nightmare! By P.R. to Brad Blitz! CABOOSE And I think it's safe to say that he's done! Indeed. Cuban Wall rolls the lifeless wrestler onto the floor next to Panther. Panther's hardly mourning over his partner's injuries as he turns back to face the ring, at which point P.R. greets him with a smile. "One down, one to go," says the Lightning Crew leader as he begins motioning for Panther in "Just Bring It" fashion. Far from intimidated, Panther flashes his trademark smirk and cracks his knuckles before sliding into the ring! COLE Here we go! Panther hits the ring, and now this thing is really underway! The crowd's cheers quickly turn to boos as P.R. and Cuban Wall go right at him, knocking him to his knees with a series of clubbing forearms to the top and back of his head. The pair then lift him up and sends him in with a double team Irish whip. As Panther comes off, they try for a double clothesline, but Panther has the presence of mind to duck under and continue to the other side. P.R. and Cuban Wall turn around, looking to intercept him as he comes off, but both men end up tasting canvas courtesy of a double running front dropkick from the Champ of Champs! The crowd pops as Panther returns to his feet, imploring his foes to rise as they scramble to regain a vertical base! P.R.'s finds his feet first, and Panther comes right at him with a hard right hand, sending him straight back to the mat! Cuban Wall's up shortly after and tries to catch Panther from behind with a clothesline...but Panther spies him from the corner of his eye and acts quickly enough to counter, hooking him up on the follow through and dumping him overhead with a T-Bone suplex, to the crowd's delight. The crowd's cheers are silenced when P.R. catches Panther with a quick right hand to the head, staggering him. He follows that up with a knife-edge chop that sends him staggering into the ropes. P.R. then takes Panther's hand and sends him in with an Irish whip, rearing back with his right hand as he waits for Panther to come off the ropes. Panther sees this coming, however, and baseball slides through his legs, coming to his feet behind him and driving him into the ropes with a rear waistlock! Panther tries for a roll up--BUT NO! P.R. hooks the top rope, and Panther goes rolling back out to the center of the ring. P.R. points at his head with his index finger (indicating that he's got brains) before turning back to Panther and charging his way for a spinning wheel kick! Unfortunately for him, Panther manages to duck under the move, and Cuban Wall ends up catching it flush on the jaw and goes tumbling to the outside! CABOOSE NO!!! COLE P.R. just nailed his own partner!!!! Cuban Wall just sent tumbling to the outside...P.R. can't believe it! P.R. pounds the canvas with frustration before turning back to face Panther...only to be floored with another right hand! Panther then takes off into the ropes, and when P.R. finds his feet this time, he gets sent right back down via a running front elbow! The Corporate Champ groggily returns back to his feet, at which point, Panther grabs him for a T-Bone. The crowd begins to clamor! COLE Panther's got P.R. hooked! What are we getting set to see right here?! P.R. struggles to break free, but to no avail as Panther drags him over to the ropes and T-Bones him up over the top rope, causing him to land right on top of Cuban Wall, who had just returned to his feet on the outside! The buzz in the arena is deafening as Lindsay Gonzalez and and Popick head over to that side of the ring to try and calm things down. COLE Things not going too well for the Lightning Crew here in the early going! Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall unable to get the upper hand on Panther thus far--WAIT A MINUTE!!!!!! On the outside, an angry Cuban Wall shoves P.R., bringing a scowl to the face of the Corporate Champ! COLE We've got a situation on the outside, fans! Cuban Wall...perhaps taking exception to that errant spinkick from a few moments ago! Lindsay and Popick step in between the men, hoping to prevent tempers from flaring. P.R. begins to mouth off to his partner as in the background, we hear the fans starting to stir once more! CABOOSE Guys... COLE Panther...Panther's up top! CABOOSE P.R....LOOK OUT!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOH~!" The crowd roars its approval as Panther leaps from the top rope, taking all four individuals down with a corkscrew plancha!!!!! Panther pulls himself from the pileup on the outside and rolls back into the ring, where he begins to play to the crowd. COLE What an ovation for Panther from this crowd here in Philadelphia! The Lightning Crew having their problems on the outside, and at the moment, the Champion of Champions is cooking! Panther's got Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall on the run! Fans, we've gotta take a quick commercial break! Don't go away! This match will continue on the other side. ::COMMERCIAL BREAK:: The Puerto Rican and Panther are in the ring punching each other's faces as HeldDOWN~! returns from commercial break. COLE: Welcome back fans, if you're just joining us, The Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall are taking on Panther in what was *suppose* to be a tag team match, but Panther's partner was taken out by the two Lightning Crew members and now Panther is stuck wrestling a handicap match! CABOOSE: And not a moment too soon. That little scrub had no right to be in an OAOAST ring, and PR and CW made sure to kick him back to the curb. PR and Panther continue their fighting as the crowd cheers Panther on. P.R. Irish whips Panther to the ropes, and goes for a clothesline, but Panther ducks, and hits P.R. with a clothesline of his own. Panther goes for the pin, but PR kicks out at two. The Corporate Champ immediatley gets up, but Panther arm drags him back down. Tha Puerto Rican gets back up, so PR charges towards Panther, and gets a superkick in return. Panther goes for the cover. 1... 2... Cuban Wall kicks Panther in the head to break the count. COLE: And Cuban Wall comes in the nick of time to save his boss. CABOOSE: PRL would have kicked out anyway. No way would have Panther pinned him after that weak superkick. COLE: Panther is going back to work on "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican. Panther picking up P.R. and giving him several uppercuts. Panther shoves PRL into the ropes, and nails him in the stomach with several punches. He shoves PRL into the ropes again, and fires with some more punches. This continues two more times, before Panther grabs P.R. and whips him into the ropes again. Panther follows that up with a spinebuster, and then heads out of the ring. The crowd cheers as Panther raises one fist in the air, and then leaps to the top rope and does a slingshot hilo onto Tha Puerto Rican, causing "The Corporate Champion" to groan. Panther goes for the pin again, but Cuban Wall kicks Panther in the head to break it up at two. As the referee forces Wall to go back to his corner, PR takes the time to lowblow Panther. COLE: And now PRL with a lowblow! What a dirty trick, when the ref wasn't looking! CABOOSE: PRL is a master of the game, Cole. He outmatches Panther in every catergory, and PRL is just showing this to Panther tonight. PR tags in Cuban Wall which causes the crowd to boo. Wall takes over where PRL left off, by beating on Panther. He lays into the Champion Of Champions with lefts and rights. He then whips Panther to the ropes, and then gives him a sidewalk slam. COLE: Wall, the big man, is now in control, and now is just beating Panther. Cuban Wall beats on Panther some more as "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" is heard throughout the arena. Wall and PRL tell the crowd to shut up, but to no avail, as Cuban Wall begins with the CLUBBERIN'~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN'~! forearms on Panther's neck and back. Wall then takes Panther to his boss's corner, where the man formerly known as Puerto Rican Lightning holds his right foot up, so Wall can throw Panther's face into it. Wall then picks up Panther and throws him into the turnbuckle, where he attacks Panther with lefts and rights. Wall then stops and allows PRL to grab the tag rope and choke Panther with it. The crowd boos. COLE: And PR continues with the obvious cheating, taking out Panther with the ring rope. CABOOSE: Hey, hey, hey. He's doing the exact same thing Panther would do in this situation. Don't tell me any different. COLE: Panther wouldn't do anything this horrible, and you know it. COACH: Actually, I think he would. COLE: You're not helping Coach! Cuban Wall grabs Panther, and holds in like he is about to do a Fallaway Slam (Bradshaw's "Last Call"), but then slams Panther's back into the turnbuckle. He's not done yet, as he runs to another turnbuckle, and slams Panther's back into that one, then to a third turnbuckle, doing the exact same thing, and then to the last turnbuckle, doing another charge towards the turnbuckle, and then finishes with a bodyslam. Cuban Wall then tags in Tha Puerto Rican. PR stands over Panther with a smug look on his face. He then pumps up his boots, heads to the ropes, stops, shakes his shoulders, and dusts off his right shoulder, then drops his right fist onto Panther, completing the Five Knuckle Shuffle. PR goes for the cover. 1.... 2.... KICKOUT! PR beats on Panther some more, and then picks him up. Tha Puerto Rican does a vertical suplex on Panther. Follow by another vertical suplex. PRL rolls up and then lifts Panther up for the third one. He holds onto Panther for a few seconds, which causes the crowd to applaud. PRL walks to the ropes, still holding Panther. He does the "You Can't See Me!" hand signal, and then does a slingshot suplex on Panther. COLE: What an amazing display of atheliticism by Tha Puerto Rican. He may be arrogrant. He may be annoying. But he is an incredible performer and one of the best wrestlers in the OAOAST today. CABOOSE: PRL calls that the "Corporate" Trifecta. COLE: The Corporate Trifecta? CABOOSE: Yes. That's how a Corporate Champion is suppose to do suplexes. COLE: Anyway, PRL picks up Panther. Belly-To-Back suplex. Now, PRL heads to the ropes. And he hits a rolling thunder. "The Corporate Champion" stops to pose for the fans. The fans boo loudly and chant "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" P.R. gives flips them off, and heads to the top rope. COACH: P.R. must feel great to be back in the OAOAST. CABOOSE: Oh hells yeah. He is on a mission to become the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. Something he would have been close to doing at Anglepalooza, if it weren't for that jealous bastard, Panther! It's Panther's fault that PRL isn't in the main event at AngleMania! PR stands on the top rope, and removes his left elbow pad. He throws it into the crowd, and then leaps off the top rope, doing the "Up Yours!" Hand Signal as he soars through the air, and then drops the elbow on Panther's chest. CABOOSE: That's the Corporate Elbow Drop! COLE: Wait a second. I thought it was the FU Elbow Drop? CABOOSE: Not anymore. You see, since he's The Corporate Champion, he has to have a corporate makeover, and that makeover includes renaming his moves. For instance, the FU Elbow Drop is no more. It is now to be refered to as the Corporate Elbow Drop. COLE (sarcastically): I'll try to keep that in mind. PR goes for the cover. One! Two! And Three? Hegothim! Nohedidn't! PRL yells out an audible "FUCK!" and then kicks Panther when he's down. PRL then picks up Panther again and whips him into the ropes. Panther goes for a clothesline, but PRL ducks, and gives him a German Suplex. He follows with a second German Suplex. And then a third German Suplex. The crowd boos loudly. COACH: PRL with the Hat Trick. And now he's going for a submission! "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican is going for a sharpshooter, but Panther kicks out of it. P.R. grabs Panther again, but Panther grabs P.R. and forces him into a small package. 1....2....KICK OUT! Panther and PR get up at the same time, and bump into each other, then engage in a staredown. The crowd cheers, rooting Panther on, as Cuban Wall and Stephen Joseph Popick cheer PR on. PR shoves Panther, but Panther shoves back. P.R. shoves again, and Panther shoves again. The two engage in a staredown, trash talking each other, and then begin brawling. Panther gets the advantage, punching P.R. into a turnbuckle. He goes to whip P.R. into the turnbuckle, but P.R. holds on, and throws Panther into said turnbuckle. Tha Puerto Rican then attacks Panther with chop after knife edged chop with the crowd doing "WOOOOOOs!" the entire time. PRL whips Panther into the opposite turnbuckle, and then follows with a Stinger Splash. With Panther dazed, P.R. lifts Panther up in a Burning Hammer position. The crowd stands up as P.R. is about to do a Burning Hammer. COLE: P.R. is going for the Burning Hammer! The same move that he used on Panther a few weeks ago! P.R. doesn't do the Burning Hammer, however, as Panther escapes, grabs P.R. in a 3/4 headlock, and goes for the Panther Cutter, but P.R. escapes out of that, and goes to kick Panther in the face. However, Panther grabs P.R.'s foot, but P.R. strikes back with an enzuguri that knocks Panther to the mat. P.R. laughs evilly. COLE: Tha Puerto Rican with that amazing enzuguri! CABOOSE: The best in the business! That enzuguri right there is the best in the business, no question! PR stops to pose some more recieving boos. THA PUERTO RICAN: I'M THE MAN, BABY! PR then applies a chinlock on Panther, as the crowd takes this time to try and bring Panther back by clapping in unison. The crowd chants "PANTHER! PANTHER! PANTHER! PANTHER!" PRL tells the crowd to shut up as he continues applying the chinlock. Panther starts to show life, as the crowd gets hotter. The crowd continues chanting "PANTHER! PANTHER!" as Panther gets up on one knee. He gets up on another knee, and then elbows PRL to escape the chinlock. Panther heads to the ropes, but P.R. stops him with a spinebuster. The crowd stands up and starts booing even louder as PRL trashtalks Panther and then stands over him. PRL gets into position to deliver the Puerto Rico Elbow. COLE: Oh no. CABOOSE: Oh yes Cole! COACH: Oh please don't tell me. Popick cheers P.R. on as he removes his right elbow pad, spits on it, and throws it down on Panther's face. He does some weird hand signals, and then bounces off the ropes, leaps over Panther, and then bounces off the other ropes. He stops, and then drops the Puerto Rico Elbow on Panther to a face pop. CABOOSE: That's the IntenseZone Elbow! COLE: Wait? The what?! CABOOSE: That's the IntenseZone Elbow! That is PRL's way of paying tribute to his former show by doing the Most Electrifying Move in Professional Wrestling NOT Sports-Entertainment! He did that move so many times on iZ that he renamed the Puerto Rico Elbow after it. COLE: That is absolutely ridicolous! It's obvious that PRL is kissing up to Popick by doing that. He just wants to please his master anyway possible! CABOOSE: MASTER? What are you talking about? COLE: Popick is just controlling P.R.! He's nothing but a Corporate Puppet! Renaming his moves "Corporate" this and "Corporate" that. Doing whatever he saids. He said he would eliminate himself from the Lethal Rumble, or else his partnership with Popick would end! He's become Popick's slave just so that he could become World Heavyweight Champion! CABOOSE: Now you wait just a minute there, Michael Cole! P.R. is many things, but he is NOT a puppet! He's renaming his moves because he's the "CORPORATE" Champion! He has the IntenseZone Elbow as TRIBUTE to his manager! I don't see any signs that Popick is controlling P.R. in any way. COACH: Atleast be happy that P.R. named a move something other than "Corporate". COLE: Well, look closely and you'll see it. It's been this way since day one! P.R. goes for the pin, but Popick tells him to keep attacking. Cuban Wall asks for a tag, but P.R. tells Wall that he wants to continue beating on Panther. Wall looks a little annoyed, but lets P.R. beat on Panther with some European Uppercuts. P.R. then grabs Panther, and gives him the Dangerous DDT. P.R. raises the Corporate Eyebrow, and then tags in Wall. COLE: And now the big man is in the ring, once again. Cuban Wall picks up Panther and lifts him up. He spins him around, and then brings him down with the Wallbreaker (A-Train's Train Wreck a.k.a. Raises the opponent onto a Razor's Edge position, but then kneels down and does a backbreaker on the right shoulder). Panther screams in pain and grabs his back as Wall gets up and does the slow cut throat. Cuban Wall heads to the ropes, heads to the other ropes, and then does a splash. The Lightning Crew Splash! COLE: The Lightning Crew Splash! There it is! Cuban Wall's finishing move! It's all over! Cuban Wall goes for the cover, but PRL stops him. He demands that he gets the cover. Cuban Wall questions why PRL wants the cover, and argues with him. Popick and P.R. demand that P.R. get the cover, as the crowd boos and chants "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" COLE: Is this a sign of disension in The LC camp? Cuban Wall and Tha Puerto Rican are arguing! CABOOSE: No, it's not a sign of disension, Cole! Stop being so negative and looking into everything with a cynical outlook! P.R. and Wall are just having a little disagreement! Nothing big! They're get over it. There's no problems whatsoever. Everything is fine in The Lightning Crew. Cuban Wall is more than a little annoyed, as the crowd eggs him on with "P.R. SUCKS!" chants, but he finally does tag in Tha Puerto Rican, who is really giddy as he picks up the dazed and tired Panther off the mat. P.R. slaps Panther more than once which makes the crowd boo him more. "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican kicks Panther in the gut, and then gives him the P.R. Nightmare. COLE: And now, P.R. with the P.R. Nightmare. CABOOSE: That's the Corporate Nightmare! COLE: Now what? The Corporate Nightmare? ANOTHER name change? CABOOSE: Yes, that's what I said. That is now known as the Corporate Nightmare! COACH: Well, no matter what the name of the move is, Panther just got hit a dangerous move, and is now down on the mat. The crowd boos goes for the cover, but Popick tells him not to. Popick tells him to go for another move. P.R. agrees and has an evil smile on his face as he picks up Panther. The crowd is confused. COLE: Wait a second, what's P.R. doing now? He just pinned Panther with the Corporate Nightmare! What's he going to do now? CABOOSE: I think he's going for the Burning Hammer again. COACH: Oh no. The crowd boos as Cuban Wall and Popick order P.R. to lift Panther up. The Corporate Champ lifts the Champ Of Champs and puts him on his shoulders. The man who used to be known as The Lightning Kid parades around the ring with Panther on his shoulders, laughing his arrogrant, cocky laugh. Some fans flip him off, but P.R. ignores it. Suddenly, Panther slips out again, and grabs P.R. in a 3/4 headlock. This time, he is able to follow that move with the Panther Cutter! COLE: PANTHER CUTTER! PANTHER CUTTER! PANTHER CUTTER OUT OF NOWHERE! COACH: PANTHER IS NOW GOING FOR THE COVER! Panther indeed covers PRL. 1.... 2..... 3!!! *DING DING DING* (7:57) "State Prop (You Know Us)" fires up, as Panther raises his fists in victory with the crowd cheering wildly. The referee raises his arms as Popick throws a tantrum outside the ring, and Cuban Wall curses in frustration. MICHAEL BUFFER: The winner of this match....PANNNTTHHHHHHEEERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! COLE: Panther suprised Tha Puerto Rican with that Panther Cutter out of nowhere! And now Panther has once again gotten the best of PRL! First at Anglepalooza, and now this week on HeldDOWN~! by pinning him in the ring 1, 2, 3! What a great victory for Panther! CABOOSE: OH COME ON! THIS IS CRAP! TOTAL CRAP! THA PUERTO RICAN WASN'T PREPARED FOR SUCH A DEVESTATING MOVE! PANTHER CAUGHT HIM OFF GUARD! HE SHOULD HAVE WARNED HIM ABOUT DOING IT! COACH: That's the great thing about the Panther Cutter! It comes out of nowhere! And P.R. just happened to be the victim of it this time around! CABOOSE: Unbelieveable! That sneaky Panther! COLE: I don't think you can find any conspiracy theories here, Caboose! Panther beat Tha Puerto Rican fair and fair in the middle of the ring. He took advantage of PRL's over confidence and used it to hit the Panther Cutter and pin him cleanly in the ring. CABOOSE: Oh, there's a conspiracy theory in everything! Including this! I can find one! Trust me. You'll see! Tha Puerto Rican holds his head in disbelief as he sits down in the ring. He sneers at Panther, and then looks at Cuban Wall, and orders him to get something. Panther is still in the ring, celebrating his victory as "State Prop (You Know Us)" continues playing. COLE: P.R. and Panther engaged in another war this week, and Panther came out the winner. But I don't think this feud between the two of them will end anytime soon. COACH: If P.R. has anything to say about it, it won't. We all know how much he hates losing, and we all know how he like to get payback as soon as possible. Cuban Wall enters the ring with a chair, and hits Panther in the back with it. CABOOSE: I think P.R.'s getting his payback right now! "State Prop (You Know Us)" stops, and is replaced by the sound of the crowd booing, as Cuban Wall assaults Panther with the steel chair. P.R. orders Panther to continue the attack, while laying the boots to Panther. The referee tries to get them to stop, but Stephen Joseph Popick throws the ref out of the ring. The three men beatdown on Panther with the chair, with Panther screaming in pain. COLE: And once again, a chair plays into this situation! It's like the chair has become a focal point of this feud! Every week these two men are using chairs on each other. It's become their weapon of choice! COACH: These two men just love chairs. They refuse to use anything else. CABOOSE: And look what a good job The Lightning Crew and Popick are doing with chairs. Look at them just DESTROY Panther with that chair! He deserves it too! Sneaking away with that tainted victory against Tha Puerto Rican right now! That sneaky bastard! COLE: The LC is just decimating Panther! Popick calls out the rest of The LC, and they all come out: Vitamin X, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, Thomas Rodriguez, and Mr. Boricua. The Lightning Crew and Stephen Joseph Popick beatdown on Panther, using the chair, their fists, and their boots. The crowd boos loudly chanting "P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!" as The LC continue their vicious assault. COLE: Oh why can't they just stop this?! He's had enough! Panther's had enough! Stop it! Just stop it! Popick's apart of corporate. Why doesn't he stop this? COACH: He's abusing his power! That's what he's doing! The Lightning Crew picks up Panther. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall both clasp their right hands over Panther's throat. They lift Panther up, and give him a chokeslam. Vitamin X then does the Lethal Injection (STF) while PR lays the boots to him. He lets go, and then gives Panther to Mr. Boricua. Mr. Boricua puts Panther between his legs, and then gives him The Lightning Crew Bomb (Powerbomb). The Lightning Crew continue beating on Panther, when suddenly the crowd starts cheering, as Tina runs towards the ring. COLE: Tina is out here! COACH: She's come to take care of The Lightning Crew! CABOOSE: Ah, keep dreaming. Does a woman think she can handle all 6 members of The Lightning Crew AND Stephen Joseph Popick?!!! Puh-leeze! Tina heads into the ring, and dares the LC to attack. Mr. Boricua is the first to attack, and she takes the big guy down with punches. Cuban Wall tries next, but Tina stops him with the DDTina. Vitamin X charges at her, but she ducks a clothesline, and lowblows him. Thomas Rodriguez tries to run away, but Tina grabs him, and asks the crowd if they want her to punch him. The crowd answers with a resounding "YES!", so Tina knocks the poor skinny referee out with one punch. COLE: Tina has just taken out The Lightning Crew! Tina has just taken out The Lightning Crew! CABOOSE: Bffft. Lucky shot. Tina moves towards PR and Popick, but the two friends/associates aren't worry about Panther's woman. As she moves closer, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez grabs her, and gives her a huge slap. Tina answers with her own huge slap. The crowd groans with each slap. Lindsay fires with another slap, and then Tina does another one. Then Tina follows by ripping off Lindsay's white dress shirt, leaving Lindsay in just a white lacey bra and a grey skirt with black heels. Lindsay is shocked, but she rips off Tina's Superwoman tanktop, leaving her in a black bra and red pants. The male portion of the crowd is loving every moment of this. COACH: Woo-Hoo! We got ourselves a bra and panties match going right now! COLE: The girlfriends of Panther and Tha Puerto Rican are now getting into it! CABOOSE: And maybe, they're get it *on* if you know what I mean! COLE: Ewww. CABOOSE: Why'd you say "ewww"? COLE: Just the thought of two women having sex. That's just gross. Now two men. Now that's hot! Lindsay and Tina stare at each other, but instead of getting it on, they're fighting. The two women throw lefts and rights, and then Tina spears Lindsay down, and the two women are rolling on the floor, fighting. The crowd is still cheering throughout all of this, while PR and Popick watch. They seem to be enjoying it. COLE: CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT~!!! COACH: THIS IS GREAT! CABOOSE: I gotta agree with Coach on that one! Ewww. The two girls roll around the floor, until PR and Panther break it up. The crowd boos that decision. COACH: OH NO! COME ON! LET THEM FIGHT! DAMNIT! LET THEM FIGHT! PLEASE!!! COLE: PR and Panther have stopped the catfight from going any further, and have seperated the two females. P.R. and Panther go to opposite corners. P.R., for once, DOESN'T want Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez to be exposed to the world, so he covers up her chest as much as he can, while at the same time copping a feel. Panther, suprisingly, doesn't cover Tina up, and just lets her go after Lindsay, shirtless and all. PR, Lindsay, and Popick hurry out of the ring, where The Lightning Crew all are already lying in. COLE: Panther scored a victory over Tha Puerto Rican tonight, but rest assured, that this rivalry these two have has yet to be completed. CABOOSE: Panther may have cheated to win tonight, but he will get his. Just like PR eliminated him from the Lethal Rumble, Panther will get what's coming to him. Just watch. Tha Puerto Rican will have the last laugh. Just. You. Wait! "You Gets No Love (Remix)" by Faith Evans featuring G-Dep starts playing as Panther and Tina stay in the ring. Tina and Panther trash talk P.R. and Lindsay. The Lightning Crew is already up the ramp, while P.R., Lindsay, and Popick all stand near the ring, Lindsay still shirtless, and yelling. PR makes veil threats at Panther and walks up the ramp. COLE: Well, once again Tha Puerto Rican/Panther feud has taken an interesting turn, as Panther now holds a victory over The Corporate Champion, who I'm sure, won't take that sitting down. CABOOSE: He cheated Cole! He cheated! He cheated to beat Tha Puerto Rican! COLE: You just can't handle the fact that someone beat your oh-so-perfect "Corporate Champion" fair and square! CABOOSE: Oh I would handle it well. Panther DID cheat. He DID cheat to beat Tha Puerto Rican! It's not fair damnit! It's not fair! COACH: That's our Caboose! CABOOSE: Oh, do shut up! Tina stands in the ring, and poses for the crowd, who hoot and holler for the shirtless manager. She does some more posing, showing no embarassment in being seen by thousands of horny men half naked. COLE: Hey, Tina seems pretty relaxed being in front of the crowd in her bra. CABOOSE: That's because the "lovely" Tina is just a little hoochie mama. She ain't no lady like Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. Now there's a woman! COACH: Hey, I have no problem with this. Tina is hot! HOT! Infact, uh, I'll be right back. I have to use the bathroom. Coach drops his headset and rushes to the bathroom. Tina, meanwhile, is still posing with Panther just giving the crowd a smirk. Tina waves to the crowd smiling, and then leaves the ring. COLE: And with that disturbing comment, we'll be right back after this on HeldDOWN~!. Panther and Tina leave the ring as "You Gets No Love (Remix)" continues playing. Tina continues waving to the crowd as they walk up the ramp and through the curtain. The screen fades to black. ::FADE TO BLACK:: (GO TO BREAK) (RETURN FROM BREAK)

We cut to a shot of the office of the new HD General Manager! Josie Baker sits at her desk, looking sexy, drawing a big pop from the fans. A lit cigarette burns on a nearby ashtray as the lovely Mrs. Baker files through some papers, while chatting with someone on the phone. JOSIE Yes, Stephanie, you HAVE to change her... Josie stops fluttering through the papers and raises her eyebrows. JOSIE Well, I don't CARE if your boyfriend is coming over...besides, if you get knocked up while on the job at MY house, I'M held responsible. How old are you? Pause. JOSIE FIF-TEEN?! No. If your boyfriend comes over, then tonight is your last night, Stephanie. Become a woman on your own time, not on my couch. Josie listens for a brief moment, then hangs up the phone, setting it on her cluttered desk. JOSIE *phew*....how am I ever gonna pull this off. Josie tries to get back to her paperwork, but a knock at the door interrupts. The GM puts the papers back down on the desk, sighing. JOSIE Come in. The door opens...and a KING-SIZED pop echoes through the arena as Hoff steps into the office! The big man closes the door behind him, and looks at Josie, who keeps her face a mask...with just a weeee hint of a smile playing at her lips. HOFF Hey, Josie...er, Ms. Baker... JOSIE Josie will be fine, Hoff. Sit down. Hoff obliges, sitting his BUTT in the PLUSH LEATHER CHAIR on the opposite side of the desk. CABOOSE How do they move those from show to show? COLE We have a dedicated crew. COACH Holla! Josie plays with a pen as Hoff looks her dead in the eye. JOSIE So. What's up? Hoff thinks it over before responding. HOFF Well, I understand that this is a big change, for HeldDOWN, and for you, and for the rest of the company. I get that we might be going in new directions, as you see fit. I get that. But what you have to get is that I NEED this title, Josie. I need it like the air we breathe. It's everything to me. Hoff pauses, looking for a reaction. Josie simply nods, prompting Hoff to go on. HOFF Now, I know we don't really know each other. I was never tight with your husband, or your brother-in-law...really, any of the family. But I know you know me, and I know you've seen what I can do. Josie nods, apparently in assent. HOFF And I'm telling you, right here and now, that I am here for the long haul, that I am a guy you can build this company around, a cornerstone-- JOSIE Hoff. Hoff stops abruptly. Josie smiles slightly. JOSIE Your title shot isn't going anywhere. Hoff breathes deeply, appearing to melt into his chair in relaxation. He closes his eyes, looks up...but Josie snaps him back to Earth. JOSIE You know, Bill had a lot of faith in you. He beileved that you could be the guy...y'know? But I want to see it, Hoff. I want to see it first-hand. You've got your shot, that isn't going anywhere. But I need guys who can entertain the crowd, so at Zero Hour -- not to mention, tonight -- you'd better bring the goods. Hoff nods strongly, with a confident smile on his face. HOFF You'd better be watching, then, 'cause I'm gonna put on a show that puts Jenna Jameson to shame. Josie almost laughs, nodding as Hoff gets to his feet. The big man turns, opens the door...but stops, and looks back. HOFF Hey, boss...good luck. Josie DOES give a full-on smile this time. JOSIE Hey, Hoff...same to you. Hoff smiles before exiting the door. Once he does, the smile fades from Josie Baker's face with a sigh as she goes back to her paperwork. JOSIE Everybody needs something... *cut back to SOFA CENTRAL* CABOOSE What a disgusting worm. Brown-nosing with the boss. Blech. By the way, if the Board is watching, I hope you guys liked the cookies I sent. They're homemade! COACH I'd call him out on this one, but those cookies were TIGHT, playa~! CABOOSE Chocolate chunk, just like the men you take to your bed, Cole. COLE Awful. In any event, it looks like our new GM is looking to make HeldDOWN better than ever! COACH Man, and you think HOFF'S a brown-noser. Hey, pass those cookies, nigga. CABOOSE Oh, screw that. You had your share. COACH Aww.... COLE Remember, folks, that Zero Hour eminates live from Minneapolis, Minnesota on Sunday the 27th of February, and you can order it LIVE on pay-per-view! And you will see, for the World Title, Drek Stone defending against Hoff! CABOOSE What a night it will be, when Drek notches arguably the biggest notch in his belt by beating Hoff in the middle of his own hometown! COLE We've also got the finals of the Anderson Cup, plus no doubt a whole lot more...but speaking of tag-team action-- COACH And the Coach LOVES the tag-team!! CABOOSE Yeah, loves GETTING tag-teamed. COACH Yeah, by WOMEN~! CABOOSE Women named Frank. COLE SPEAKING OF TAG TEAM ACTION...you pervs...we've got our six-man main event still to come! Plus a whole lot more!! TINA/TAYLOR (GO TO BREAK)

(We open to an arena full of BUTT ugly wrestling nerds and ex-ECW mutants looking for another rebel promotion latch onto.) CUE: "Slither" by Velvet Revolver CABOOSE Who the hell is this? COLE Why it's...um... COACH ...Theeee...Revolver? COLE No...wait, maybe. CABOOSE So no-one knows who this is? -COACH and COLE are silent. COACH/COLE Nope/Not at all -The fans, much like Triple C, are at a loss at who this person could be. The curtain suddenly flies open, and out walks...a dude in a suit. CABOOSE Oh, it's him. COLE You know who it is? CABOOSE No, but whoever he is, that's him. COACH ...Touche. -The mystery man slides into the ring and makes a cutting motion at his throat, causing the music to end. He pushes Buffer and takes his mic, getting some HEEL HEEEET! The man puts the mic to his lips. MAN Ladies and Gentlemen...my name is The Great One. TRIPLE C ...HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! TGO ...and I am here, because I want in to the OAOAST. And apparently, the person I now have to go through...is the bitch wife of a man I beat for the IFW World Title two and a half years ago. CABOOSE He might want to change his name...we ain't no Barney's Funtime Hour Fed like the IFW. TGO ...and that Bitch is Josie. -The fans erupt at the mention of the new HD GM, causing The Great One to smile. TGO So...Bitch...I mean, Josie...get out here. NOW. *click click click click* -A slightly muffled guitar riff is heard. "UNOS" "DOS" "TRES" "CATORCE!!" CUE: "Vertigo" by U2 -The fans go BANANA as the curtain once again opens, revealing JOSIE!!! She wears a light grey t-shirt reading "KREW" and tight black jeans. She has a look of "Dubya Tee Ef" on her face and a cigarette in her hand...DAMN she's hot. COLE By the looks of Josie's face, she KNOWS this douche. CABOOSE Did you mean to say "douche" or "dude?" COLE ..."Douche." CABOOSE Oh, rad. -Josie slowly climbs into the ring and is immediately handed a mic. She takes another drag off her cigarette as she stares at The Great One. She blows the smoke out her nose as she raises the mic to her lips. JOSIE ....Frances, right? -The Great One smirks and shakes his head. TGO ...No...It's The Gr-- JOSIE FRANCES JANE! THAT'S Your Fucking Name! Oh MAN, that was gonna bug me for the rest of the night...How ya been, Fran?! TGO ...It's The Gr-- JOSIE Still in that shithouse IFW? TGO ...I was their champion until the company went out of business. JOSIE Ohhh...that's too bad...why? TGO ...Why what? JOSIE Why'd it go out of business? TGO ...Because of low attendance and bankruptcy. JOSIE ...Really? TGO ......Yes. JOSIE ...And...YOU were the IFW Champion? TGO ....Yes. JOSIE ...Heh...wh-WHEN they went out of business? TGO Look, Josie, the reason why I'm he-- JOSIE So...the company...which was run by YOUR friend...went out of business when YOU became champion? TGO Shut U-- JOSIE HA!! I FUCKIN' KNEW IT!!....ohhhh, man...good times...anyway, what's up? TGO ...I came here to get a contract. JOSIE ...From me? TGO From you, yes. JOSIE ....a contract to wrestle? TGO Yes, idiot, to wrestle. JOSIE ...and by calling me an "idiot" and a "bitch"...that's gonna help you get a job here? -The fans "ooooooooooo" as The Great One takes off his sunglasses. TGO ...No. You're going to give me a contract...so you can see The Great One bec-- JOSIE Frances. -LAUGHS! TGO ...The Great One beco-- JOSIE Frances. TGO ...So you can see ME rise to the top of this company and increase your ratings. -Josie cocks her head to the side slightly and stares at The Great One, who keeps making a "belt" motion across his waist. JOSIE ....wait, are you hitting on me by doing that? Stop it. -MORE LAUGHS!! JOSIE ...All right...you have a job here. AND....and...since you and I go way back? You and me have a match right now. -The fans erupt in cheers as The Great One smiles wide and takes off his jacket. JOSIE Yeah. If you win, you take my job as General Manager...and if I win...You-- TGO You won't win...so don't even finish that sentence. Prepare to be GREAT-ONED! JOSIE ...Yeah...sure... -Both Josie and TGO drop their mics as referee NICK KENT asks for the bell. DING DING DING!! -The Great One strides forward as Josie gets into a fighting stance...and he PUSHES her into the turnbuckle! TGO grabs her by the face and starts screaming. TGO "YOU STUPID BITCH! I'm The Great One!!" -Josie starts crying as The Great One laughs maniacally. JOSIE "Please! Don't hurt me! I have a daughter...Please!!" -The Great One releases Josie and turns his back to her, instead, jaw-jacking with the crowd. Josie suddenly starts to whistle as she dances out of the corner. The fans cheer as she walks up behind The Great One, and tappity-tap-taps his shoulder. TGO turns around......WHAM!!!!!! COLE LAMF!!! LAMF!!! DIAMOND CUTTER!! -The fans erupt as Josie non-chalantly drapes her arm across The Great One's chest, almost posing. Nick Kent counts it... 1 2 3! DING DING DING!! -Josie stands slowly and smiles. She picks up the mic again, pulls out her pack of American Spirits, goes through the smoker motions, and blows the smoke right onto the Great One's face. She stands over him slightly as she speaks. JOSIE You know, Frances...you actually did a good thing tonight...really, you did. You were basically an unwilling demonstration of what can happen if you fuck with me. -As Josie says this, she looks right towards the entryway. JOSIE ...The price you pay for treating me like some pisant little bitch iiiis...I break your fuckin neck...just like THIS fucker here. -The fans erupt as Josie takes another drag off her cigarette. She blows the smoke out slowly as she raises the mic back to her lips. JOSIE Now...if ANY of you sons of bitches have ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY...NOW'S THE FUCKING TIME! -Louder cheers, medium pause... JOSIE ...Didn't think so.... -Josie bows slightly as the cheers are now emaculate...what?...Josie looks down at TGO, who is still not moving. She smiles wide. JOSIE ...and you?...You're fired... -Josie throws down the mic as U2's "Vertigo" hits up. -FADE To..... On a Monday I am waiting. Tuesday I am fading. And By Wednesday I can’t sleep. Oops. Wrong song. You make me wanna la la in the kitchen on the floor. I'll be your french maid, when I’ll meet you at the door HeldDOWN is presented by OAOAST Entertainment. OAOAST HeldDOWN~! We return to the sold out arena with Michael Cole and James E. Cornette standing on the interview stage built next to the rampway. Cornette's hot pink jacket and tennis racket case making him stand out. Cole is just about to speak when Cornette rips the microphone out of his hands, the arena lights glaring off his glasses, as he holds up his racket. CORNETTE Ladies and gentlemen, here they are. They're the butter on your toast and the syrup on your pancake. Jim Cornette Enterprises in association with Arista Records proudly present the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time, Synth Esizer and Logan "Usher" Mann...THE SAAAAINTS! "Heart Shaped Box" hits, and dressed in angelic white leather outfits The Saints emerge on the rampway, the multicolor spotlight following them as they strut to the interview stage. After taking a walk on the wild side and getting a good chunk of his afro burned by Hell's Hitmen, the Synthmeister is once again sporting his combed down bleach blonde hairdo. The man who would be Jimi Hendrix, Logan "Usher" Mann, his afro, and Synth walk up the steps and shake Cornette's hand. COLE Gentlemen, two weeks ago at Anglepalooza, The Saints and New New Midnight Express squared off in one of the many great matches held that night, with the New New Midnight Express emerging victorious, thanks to the help of some old friends -- "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton and "Sweet" Stane Lane -- the Midnight Express. Jim Cornette, many people believe YOU are the one responsible for their being at Anglepalooza. Synth and Logan surround Michael Cole, making him uncomfortable as they put their arms around his neck. Cole takes a big gulp and awaits James E.'s response. CORNETTE (chuckles) My, my. What a vivid imagination we have there, Michael Cole. Don't you think I, or The Saints, haven't noticed how you constantly try to find ways to cause trouble. It was you who put thoughts into the minds of "Sarcastic" Simon and "Narcissistic" Ned. It was you for kept asking all these ridiculous questions. Michael, I see you're a little worried standing up here with us. Forget about Synth and Logan, they're not gonna attack you. You see, I -- we -- respect a man who's willing to ask the tough questions. This is the United States of America, brother. So I'm not gonna stand up here and verbally or physically abuse you, nor will The Saints. No, Michael Cole, I'm gonna give you the facts. We have something called freedom of speech and freedom of the press. And doggone it, the public has a right to know. Cole is surprised by Cornette's candidness. CORNETTE It's no secret to anyone with an IQ over 10 -- and God knows the bloodthristy Philly fans' IQ is barely over 10 -- that Holly-Wood, Image Consultant for J.C.E. and The Saints' rep from Arista Records, has never really shown a desire or happiness to be involved in this great sport. Yes, she is the Women's Champion, but she doesn't sell out arenas around the globe, have her own tour bus, or have two hit Christmas albums like The Saints do. SYNTH Or the tag team titles. Right, Mr. C, daddy? CORNETTE Oh, especially the tag team titles. Which I promise will be around your waists very soon. Basically, what I'm saying is: Holly-Wood paid Bobby and Stan to help the New New Midnight Express beat Synth and Logan at Anglepalooza. You know why? Because that whore corrupted Ned's mind with sex! Holly would come up to me in J.C.E. board meetings and keep gawking about how sexy Ned was, and if I knew if he were single. I knew he thought Holly was hot, so I did everything in my power to keep him away from her, but like a shark smelling blood in the water, one day Holly ambushed Ned in the parking lot and seduced him right then and there. I sat on my chair and weeped because I knew right then that the New New Midnight Express were finished. Yeah, Simon was still pure, but his longstanding friendship with Ned, the man he came up the independent circut with, would mean more to him than money. Every man who has been apart of the Midnight Express tradition has been about wrestling. They didn't sing or dance. They didn't come out posing to rock and roll music. No, once they entered the arena, they were all business -- all about wrestling. Thanks to freeloader Holly-Wood, it's all gone. A very emotional Jim Cornette steps away from the mic and is consoled by Synth and Logan. The crowd ERUPTS as HOLLY-WOOD, the OAOAST Women's Champion, comes onto the interview stage. HOLLY YOU DAMN LIAR! Cornette, you've never liked me from the day we met. You've done everything in your power to undermine me in the eyes of Synth and Logan, but it hasn't worked. You come out here and cry like a little baby, saying that I haven't shown any desire for this sport. In case you haven't noticed, I am the Women's champion! I've been traveling around the world defending my title AND serving as J.C.E. Image Consultant and Arista Records rep. The last time I checked, Synth and Logan haven't won any belts. Holly stops as Cornette whispers something to Synth and Logan. HOLLY (to Synth and Logan) He's spreading lies. You know I didn't mean it like that. I have a huge stake in your success. The more success you have in wrestling, the more goodwill I build with Arista, with a possible promotion in my future. SYNTH Wait's a momento. You's sayin' we're nothing more than a steppin'stone to ya? You sayin' moi and L.U.M. -- heh, LUM rhymes with plum, young and dumb -- no offense, my black brother, who'd obviously be from's another mother because I'm white as a cracker and paler than Michael Cole's wanker. COLE Hey! SYNTH Mucho love, M.C. Man love, not that gay love. Not that there's a problem with that, 'cause the Synthmeister is huge with the gays, the straights, the verticals, the horizontals, and even the diagonals. Logan SLAPS Synth upside the head. SYNTH Damn, Ah bees rantin' again. Moi bad, homies. As Ah was sayin', we ain'ts nothing more than... than... help me out, Mann. LOGAN Holly, you stabbed us in the back! Stabbed me in the back more specifically. Synth would say you were too cold. Frigid. But I liked you. I even defended you against him time and time again. I trusted you more then I've ever trusted anyone before. And what did you do? You used that trust, a gift I gave you, against us. As a weapon! A tool of mass destruction! I'm at a loss for words. I'm personally wounded. All you care about is your career! You're a user! We never meant a damn thing to you! We're nothing but your on the job training! Rungs on your ladder to lavish success. Just like everyone else in the entertainment industry, you’re obsessed with fame and in love with the spotlight and you’d crawl over anyone, even those who tried to extend their hand in friendship to you like I did, to get your fifteen minutes on MTV and E! and Access Hollywood. Well, you got it. Now let me ask you, was it worth it? Was it worth pissing away our relationship? Please tell me, because I'm dying to know. Was it worth it? Tell me now. I hope it was. I hope to god it was. Logan pauses as Holly shakes her head, imploring him to listen to reason. LOGAN I gave you something more valuable then gold, diamonds, jewels and even fame, and that's my friendship. Truthfully, I could almost forgive you for paying Lane and Eaton to run in on our match. Logan takes off his five hundred dollar glasses, and stares at Holly with pained eyes. LOGAN But you pushed me away for Ned Blanchard. I’ll never forgive you for that. I will carry that to my grave. You’re disgusting. You think that you’re too good for me, huh? You’re trash. And when Ned realizes that, he’ll kick your ass to the streets where it belongs. I'll tell you this, if Ned ever has the balls to get in my face again, I'm going to tear him to shreds. I swear to GOD! HOLLY Logan, please understand! Cornette is manipulating you! CORNETTE Don't listen to her, Logan! She is a witch and a damn devil woman! A gold-digger! She's Yoko Ono 2005. And you know what she did to one of the greatest bands of all-time. Do not trust a word that comes out of her mouth, because those words are nothing but falsifications and half truths! You saw what she did to Candie three weeks ago. She will do the exact same to you, Logan Mann. I know this and you know this. Only your pain won't be physical like Candie’s. It will be emotional. She will scar you. And those are scars that will never heal. Trust me. You don't want this on your soul. HOLLY Don't believe him! Just listen to me. I..I..can.. LOGAN You can what? Explain? Holly, save your breath because you're a terrible liar. Don't speak. You don't give a rat's ass about us, we don't give a rat's ass about you. SYNTH And Ah gots to say, that is a nice ass. Damn, Ah can't believe I said that out loud. That's likes sayin' moi sis has a nice ass. LOGAN She does. SYNTH Yo, Mann, you checkin' out my lil' sis? HOLLY Who hasn't? The crowd "OOH's" as Synth's jaw drops. Logan has to hold his enraged partner back. CORNETTE See, boys, that's Holly's typical attitude towards you guys right there. None of this Access Hollywood bull. While Holly is on second rate entertainment shows, you'll be on the grandaddy of entertainment shows -- Entertainment Tonight! SYNTH Hey, Ah like Nancy O'Dell. CORNETTE Brother, I can get Nancy O'Dell and Mary Hart to wrestle in mud for the pleasure of interviewing the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time. That's why I've taken the liberty of drafting up papers terminating Holly's contract with J.C.E. That's right, Ms. All-About-Me, YOU'RE FIRED! As Cornette says "you're fired" he uses the tennis racket to mimic Donald Trump's "COBRA" hand gesture. Cornette and The Saints laugh at Holly, as she's completely stunned by her public firing. CABOOSE I bet she cries. COLE Hol-Holly, I know this is a very difficult time for you, but if I could just get a w-- SYNTH Wait's another momento. It's just occured in my acid-trippin' brain that when Holly said who hasn't checked out my lil' sis' ass, did she mean it as an insult or in a sexual way? Holly, did you mean that -- Are you a lesbo? The Synthmeister likes lesbos, especially hot-lookin' ones, not like Roise O'Donnel or somethin', so if you're a les-- Holly lunges at Cornette, tackling him down on the stage, pounding her right hand into the left temple of Jim Cornette. Michael Cole jumps off the stage and rushes back to SOFA CENTRAL! The Saints pull Holly off Cornette, who repeatedly falls on his BUTT in an over-the-top matter trying to rise back to his feet. Doubled over, Holly sticks James E. between her thighs, drawing wolf whistles from the horny, screaming males in attendence and loud cheers from the females seeing their sister-in-arms fight the man. COLE (panting) Oh, my! Holly is gonna POWERBOMB James E. on the interview stage! CABOOSE Somebody do something! Cornette will crack like an egg if Holly powerbombs him. Just as Holly gets Cornette half-way up, Logan grabs Cornette's legs and plants his feet back to the ground, allowing Synth to free Cornette of Holly's grip. CABOOSE James E. just pulled out of Holly. Logan and Holly have a heated exchange, with both shoving their index finger into each others chest. BAM! Cornette cold-cuts Holly from behind with the TENNIS RACKET, drawing the rage of the fans for the cheapshot. Logan and Synth look on as Cornette brutalizes Holly's back with the racket. Suddenly, there's a CHEER. THE NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS, in their black tights with silver star on the front and "MX" written on the back in silver-lettering, run out from the back with STEEL CHAIRS. The Saints and James E. dive to the arena floor as "Sarcastic" Simon and "Narcissistic" Ned climb onto the interview stage. The NNMX don't stay long, jumping off and chasing The Saints around the ring. Synth and Logan slide into the ring, the NNMX right behind. Out of nowhere, TWO MEN nearly rip Simon and Ned's heads off their shoulders with a pair of CLOTHESLINES. The chairs go flying over the top rope to the arena floor, which are quickly picked up by OAOAST security. BLACK T! COLE The former World tag team champions fire the first shot. And we don't even have a referee out here. Somebody send out a referee. Dan Black and Tony Brannigan stomp their opponents on the mat. The Saints flee backstage, running past Earl Hebner, his age beginning to show as he slowly sprints to the ring. Earl orders the bell to be rung, officially starting the bout. ANDERSON CUP MIRACLE WEIRDNESS CONNECTION CONFERENCE New New New Express vs. Black T Narcissistic Ned Blanchard rammed headfirst into the turnbuckle. Sarcastic Simon Singleton meets the same fate in the opposite corner. Black T have isolate the NNMX in separate corners, ramming their shoulders into the midsections of Simon and Ned. Dan and Tony glance at one another, nodding their heads. They Irish whip the NNMX towards each other. Narcissistic Ned leaps over a somersaulting Sarcastic Simon, who hits Tony with a CLOTHESLINE, and catches Dan Black square in the jaw with a SPINNING HEEL KICK. The momentum rolling Dan on his back to the corner, where his legs get caught on the top rope. Tony uses the ropes to pull himself back up, only to be double clotheslined over the top rope and to the floor. While all that occured, Earl Hebner unhooked Dan's legs from the top rope, and "The Ice Heart" bails to the outside. The NNMX feed off the energy of the roaring crowd, Black T regrouping outside. COLE Simon and Ned have come to fight tonight. CABOOSE Of course they have. You have two former OAOAST tag team champions facing off. Neither one of these teams are strangers to big-time matches. COACH And they don't come any bigger than this. The winner moves one step closer to AngleMania IV. Tony walks up the ring steps and steps through the ropes, having one last chat with Dan Black, on the apron. On the other side of the ring, Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned have a brief chat of their own before high fiving. It's going to be Narcissistic Ned and Tony Brannigan starting things off for their teams. Collar-and-elbow tieup. Both men trying to gain the upperhand but neither budging. They break and lockup again. Narcissistic Ned backed against the ropes, Tony drops to one knee and drives the forearm into the gut, following up with a big right hand, and then shooting Ned into the ropes. Blanchard ducks a clothesline, and another. Ned back off the ropes. POWERSLAM! Tony Brannigan caught Ned with a big-time powerslam, getting a two count out of it. Brannigan grabs a handful of Blanchard's short blonde hair and applies a front facelock, as he takes him to his (Black T's) corner and tags Dan Black. "The Ice Heart" comes in and kicks Ned in the ribcage as Tony releases the front facelock. Ned doubles over, clutching his ribs. Black lifts him up and drops Ned stomachfirst across his knee. GUTBUSTER. 1... 2... KICKOUT! Dan takes Ned up for a high vertical suplex, but Blanchard floats up and over, kicking Black in the stomach and lifting him up for a suplex. But not just any suplex. Blanchard drops Black's feet across the top rope and hits the SLINGSH-- NO! Ned dropped Dan too hard across the rope, allowing Black enough spring to float over. "The Ice Heart" with a go-behind waistlock and hits a German Suplex, rolling through for a pinfall attempt. NIGHT FALLS! 1... 2... PIN BROKEN UP BY SIMON! Black shoves Singleton, suckering him into the ring, allowing Black T to make an illegal switch. Exit Dan, enter Tony. "Hey, come on. There wasn't a tag made. The referee didn't see it, so he can't allow," Michael Cole says. After keeping Sarcastic Simon in his corner, Earl turns his attention back to the ring, to the sight of Tony with a reverse chinlock on Narcissistic Ned. Hebner double-takes, noticing Dan Black is no longer in the ring. Hebner questions the 292 pound strongman, who denies any wrongdoing, as does Dan Black from the apron. CABOOSE You're going senile, Hebner. A tag was made. Earl looks to the crowd for help, who tell him no tag was made. Hebner once again questions Brannigan, who releases the chinlock to verbally abuse the long-time official. The 6'6" Tony Brannigan dwarfs Hebner, but Earl doesn't back down one bit, pointing to the stripes on his shirt. Tony squats down to Earl's eye level and flexes his biceps, which COVERS UP Hebner's ENTIRE FACE, getting an "OH" from the fans. With Tony occupied with Hebner, Narcissistic Ned crawls behind Brannigan and SCHOOL BOY'S him by pulling Tony's tights down, revealing a zebra-patterened speedo. COACH It matches Earl's shirt! COLE Can this be it? Did Ned catch Tony enough by surprise? CABOOSE All that questioning means he's gonna kickout. Watch. 1... 2... KICKOUT! CABOOSE Told you so! Ned TAGS Simon, who comes in ready to fight. Tony momentarily charged Singleton but stopped in his tracks, choosing to tag inDan, who's really the legal man because Black T never made a tag. Black wipes his feet on the apron before entering the ring. A true man's man. A gentleman. CABOOSE There he is... COACH Miss America? CABOOSE No, you idiot! Dan Black -- the Arn Anderson of the OAOAST. He's won mutipule singles championships, but he's really made a name for himself in the tag team ranks. He's won the OAOAST tag team champion with two different partners, with many saying either one of those teams could lay claim to being the greatest in OAOAST history. COLE Of course, you're referring to Black's partnerships with JINGUS and Tony Brannigan. Ironically enough, Dan is competing in the Miracle Weirdness Connection conference of the Anderson Cup, as is the Devilman. COACH Well, with Caboose saying "there he is," it got The Coach thinking of Miss America. CABOOSE Even though I clearly said "he"? COACH Hey, say it really fast and you wouldn't know the difference. CABOOSE I assume that's your same mindset in the bedroom. COACH The "Nature Boy" may have been known as the 60-minute man, but The Coach is the 60-second stud, baby! Black and Singleton circle around the ring. This should be good. Sarcastic Simon Singleton probably the other best pure wrestler in the tag team division outside of Dan Black. Dan slaps his triceps and locks up with Simon. Wristlock into the armbar. Black with the advantage. Simon counters into a hammerlock. Black reverses into a hammerlock of his own. Singleton with a drop toehold into a front facelock. Earl Hebner foolish asks Black if he wants to quit, to which Dan replies: "What do you think, you bloody moron?" Black rises back to a vertical postion and waistlocks Singleton, lifting him over his head and down to the mat with a NORTHERN LITES SUPLEX! COLE Excellent counter. CABOOSE Which you'd expect from a thinking man's wrestler like Dan Black. 1... 2... SIMON shows tremendous strengh by BRIDGING OUT of the Northern Lites Suplex and into a BACKSLIDE! 1... 2... KICKOUT! Black quickly rises back to his feet and connects with a couple of stiff European Uppercutts. He applies a wristlock and attempts to Irish whip Simon to the corner, but Singleton reverses it and sends Dan into the corner. Luckily for Dan he was sent into his corner, but he still hit hard against the turnbuckles and slumps against them. Singleton charges towards Black and tries to hit that RUNNING BRONCOBUSTER "Beautiful" Bobby Eaton always tried but never connected with; same result here, as Tony pulls Dan out of the corner, and Sarcastic Simon groins himself on the middle turnbuckle. Simon rests his head on the top turnbuckle, holding his crotch. Black waistlocks Singleton from behind and lifts him out of the corner. Belly-to-belly suplex coming up. NO! The crowd groans as Black DROPS Simon right on his HEAD. BELLY-TO-BACK BRAINBUSTER! COLE Oh, my! Dan rolls Simon on his feet and covers him, hooking the leg. 1... 2... KICKOUT! With Singleton lying on the mat, clutching his head, Dan makes a tag. Tony Brannigan comes in and brings Simon back to his feet, ramming the knee into the gut and then repeatedly driving the forearm into the back of the neck. Tony signals for the piledriver. He tucks Simon's head between his legs and lifts him up, driving him headfirst into the canvas. ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT PILEDRIVER! 1... 2... NED PULLS TONY OFF SIMON. Hebner prevents Narcissistic Ned from causing any further trouble, isolating him away from Tony and Sarcastic Simon. Black T make another illegal switch. Dan Black snapmares Simon over and clamps on the DRAGON SLEEPER! Simon squirms around, trying to free himself. Dan grimances and grunts as he cranks back, applying further pressure. Sarcastic Simon's partner, Narcissistic Ned Blanchard, stands in the corner on the middle rope, shouting encouragement, slapping the top turnbuckle. The fans get behind the NNMX, cheering and clapping. Simon is going out of it, so Earl Hebner checks on him, raising his arm up -- it goes down. 1... Earl does it again. And for the second time in a row, the arm goes down. 2... COLE One more and it's over. CABOOSE Thank you, Mr. Obvious. The arm goes up and dow -- NO! Sarcastic Simon isn't finished yet. He pumps his fist as the crowd's cheers grow louder. Simon bridges up, but Dan's weight is still pressing down on his neck and upperbody. Simon uses his free hand to punch Dan in his ear. Smartly, Dan locks his hands together, cutting off both of Singleton's arms. Black grabs a handful of tights and lifts Sarcastic Simon up for an inverted suplex. No, he's going for the OSAKA STREET CUTTER -- an inverted suplex into a Diamond Cutter. Simon kicks Dan in the back with his feet, managing to shift his weight down on Dan, and hits a REVERSE DDT! COLE What a counter! Simon used whatever strengh he had left to counter the Osaka Street Cutter. Now can he make the tag? He's still half-way across the ring. Sarcastic Simon crawls to his corner on his belly, as does Dan to his. Black makes the tag first. Tony rushes in and attempts to stop Simon -- TAG MADE! The crowd goes up in a cheer. A fresh Narcissistic Ned comes in a house afire. Sending both members of Black T down with right hands. Tony caught with a kick in the midsection and then Irish whipped to the ropes. BACK BODYDROP. Ned catches Dan with a kick and converts a suplex into a powerslam. JACKHAMMER. Tony charges Ned, who moves out of the way and catches Tony with a POWERSLAM as he comes back off the ropes. 1... 2... KICKOUT! The crowd gasps. Dan Black sneaks up behind Ned with his hands locked together in a double axe-handle, but SARCASTIC SIMON spins him around and decks him with a big right hand. Narcissistic Ned joins Sarcastic Simon in firing Dan into the ropes. Simon drops the elbow in the back of the neck after the drop toehold from Ned. Classic Midnight Express double-team. Tony tries to CLOTHESLINE Simon and Ned from behind, but they see him out of the corner of their eyes and ducked down. They hit Brannigan with the FLAPJACK as he ricohets off the ropes. The crowd rises to their feet when Ned points to the top. Sarcastic Simon sprints to the corner and climbs to the top. Narcissistic Ned launches Simon off the top, who comes crashing down on Tony with a BIG SPLASH. THE ROCKET LAUNCHER! Because Narcissistic Ned is the legal man, Sarcastic Simon immediately gets off Tony and CLOTHESLINES Dan over the top rope, the two falling to the outside. For good measure, Blanchard hits the SLINGSHOT SUPLEX! COLE There it is! COACH With the string of bad luck they've experienced over the last couple of weeks, if Black T lose this, they're gonna explode. Out of nowhere, LOGAN "USHER" MANN hops on the ring apron and tries entering the ring but Earl Hebner prevents him from doing so. Narcissistic Ned has Tony pinned in the center of the ring. Hebner has to physically hold Logan from stepping into the ring. Dan Black and Sarcastic Simon are brawling outside. Narcissistic Ned has finally had enough of this. He grabs Mann by the collar of his white leather jacket, his fist cocked back. A chorus of BOOS fills the arena. SYNTH ESIZER is in the ring! He grabs Ned's cocked fist and spins him around, kicking him in the gut and hitting PERCUSSION (DDT)! Synth places Tony on top of Ned. COLE No! Damn him! The Saints have no business out here. The Saints run backstage, garbage being thrown at them. Sarcastic Simon throws Dan against the guardrails and sees The Saints fleeing on the AngleTron. Just as he's about to slide into the ring, Dan jumps on top of the ring steps and hits Simon with a FLYING CLOTHESLINE! 1... 2... 3-- * DING DING DING DING * NO! KICKOUT! COLE Oh, my! I cannot believe it. Narcissistic Ned kicked out. Incredible! The timekeeper even thought it was over, ringing the bell. CABOOSE This is exactly what we expected out of two former OAOAST tag team champions. Outside, Dan rams Sarcastic Simon into the RINGPOST and then enters the ring with a look on his face never-before-seen. He picks Blanchard up and turns him around, facing his back. Black wraps Ned's arm around his neck. COACH Oh, he's going for the Black Bomb. That reverse Rock Bottom. Coach is somewhat correct. Instead of slamming Ned face/stomachfirst into the canvas, he drops Ned HEART/CHESTFIRST across his KNEE. A maneuver we'll call THE ICE HEART for the time being. The crowd feels Ned's pain, "oohing" after the blow. Black holds onto his grip, hitting the same maneuver two more times before finally letting go. He places Tony, who's still feeling the effects of the Rocket Launcher and Slingshot Suplex, on top of Ned. 1... 2... 3! CABOOSE Now it's over. * DING DING DING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, and advancing to the Conference Finals -- BLAAACK TEEE! The crowd is absolutely livid that the most hated team in the tournament, and perhaps the greatest tag team in OAOAST history is moving on to the Conference Finals. Dan helps Tony to his feet and pumps his fist, looking straight into the camera and saying "two more." COACH Dan Black referring to the number of matches left to win for Black T to earn a shot at the OAOAST World tag team titles at AngleMania IV. Next week we'll have the two Conference Final matches, with the two winners advancing to the Anderson Cup Finals at Zero Hour, February 27th live on pay-per-view. COLE Let's go backstage. I hear the cameras have caught something. We cut backstage and from a distance we see Jim Cornette yelling at The Saints. "You fools," he shouts. "Don't you see, we woulda humiliated Simon and Ned further by defeating them in the Finals, but you guys hada get your revenge now, didn't you? Guys, all the fun is in the chase, not the kill." Cornette stops as he sees the cameras rolling. He and The Saints exit the cameras view. COLE What was that all about. ZERO HOUR February 27th

It's only 9:42 in Kansas City.

By 9:30 EST ! If you could get them in by 9 EST that would be a swell ball. But 9:30 at da latest.

I'd do it in the summer for a title shot at Angleslam. If ya do it right now you'll have two tournaments going on, an X Title Tourney and a Tag title tourney. TTO. Total tourney overkill.

Shouts to my big dog, Phenom. When he joined, this e-fed totally jumped. No doubt. Adam’s talked mad shit about Phenom and I think Phenom deserves better. Sure that thing with Phoenix and the title belts was a lil’ weird, but Phenom ain’t that bad. No disrespect to Adam or nothing. What’s the Saga?

Why thank you!

I’ll defend Ashlee and my hastily chosen theme song until the end of time. The Anderson Cup excites me. Even though I already know both the result and the finish to the resulting AM match. Let me rephrase my statement; The matches I don’t have to write for the Anderson Cup excite me. Sexually. My nipples stiffen when I think about the BlackT/NNMX match this upcoming HD~! In real life I don’t think Jesse and Cole would have much chemistry. But they were written well in the GPX/LD match. Tony took a jab at the OC! I take it you watched the show and were unimpressed? I swear I don’t remember agreeing to write the FS/HH match. But somehow I wound up writing it anyway. One time in Anaheim I saw a Wrestlemania renactment show where peeps basically just did matches from Wrestlemanias past spot for spot. Anaheim was a long way to drive to watch someone botch a People’s Elbow. The point of all this is that I think The Puerto Rican needs to talk in third person. Also, I don't like Anaheim. No sir. I do not. Hahhahahhaah! Hey! A new GM! Hooray! If this means the end of Bill Watts I’ll be forever happy! I’m very surprised to see T70G and Calvin feuding. I never would’ve guessed those two would get together. Anyway, I look forward to the feud if only for the promos! I liked Hoff’s “Exclusive Footage”. It was a nice little touch for his storyline. And it was smart to post it in the HE folder instead of in the HD folder. Edit: Hey Alfdogg wasn't on this show! That means his retirement stipulation was legit! I'm shocked!

If any two people want a random tag title shot they did nothing to earn storyline wise speak your peace....NOW! Edit: I got someone. I shalt PM you sometime soon.

That is way too funny. I hope in real life NYU is just a little yellow ball with eyes and a mouth.

Send everything to me. The next person who posts in this thread gets to decide where the show comes from! Candie will explain why she's on crutches. Oh yeah, Zack, Candie's on crutches. Just thought I'd let you know after the fact. Phenom says we're going to Philly. If you change it one more time.....

I would like to second this. As well as point out that I laughed at Tony’s “Housewife” stumble during his interview.

Let’s remember who’s idea this was. Mine! It’s good to see PR back because I was just about to point out there aren’t enough main event heels. There’s exactly one and he’s the champ. I guess you could count Zack but he was in the tag team division when I came to my conclusion. Jumbo! Hooray! I knew there was a reason I don’t hate Hoff! I already told Tony what I thought about the NNMX/Saints match. I never did ask him why he wanted to pair The Saints with JC anyway. Tony why did you want The Saints to be aligned with Cornette? Pretty colors in the Drek Stone match. I was kind of surprised to see AJ Flaire say I quit. But I didn’t think he would win. In fact I knew he wouldn’t win. Maybe I just thought the world was going to explode when it came time for the finish. That reminded me of something quarreling lovers would say to each other. I can just see Drek doing the little finger snap as he prepares to throw AJ’s Diesel jeans in his face. Anyway, good and brutal back work. I enjoyed how Drek, even though he obviously won the match, needed the satisfaction and validation of hearing AJ say I quit. He’s so insecure! I forgot what I was going to say here. It may have been about the 24/7 match. The finish (or non finish) was neat. I’d be interested in seeing how the belt will be defended from now on.

The Rumble was real good. Great job, Adam. Congrats on winning also. Did you write all of it by yourself? Everything else will get feedback later. I pinky swear!

Um the show is already posted. It's in the HE folder. I hate you, NYU.

Edit: Never mind!

In that case I'm going to give them one of my trademark character make overs!

Yeah, I'd think Synth would be the breakout star. Anyway, Synth was Anthony from RHCP. You don't have to drop the afro, just have him be represented by Justin Guarini.

Nope. Logan was represented by Lenny Kravitz (the guy with the afro). The whole thing was that Logan fancied himself as the next Hendrix so he tried to grow his hair like him. Synth always made fun of Logan because he can’t sing, can’t write songs, can’t read music and can’t play an instrument. Thank Avril Lavigne for the name change. I thought about just changing their name entirely to The Sk8er Boiz. Maybe I will.

I like how the ‘together’ was so important that it had to be in it’s own separate sentence. The implied homosexuality deserved an exclamation point all of its own. I’m being serious. The Docs have a cool entrance. It kind of reminds me of the entrance I gave Candie at Angleslam or a couple shows before. One day the Frankensteiner’s should dress in drag and sabotage the LD’s entrance by beating them up as revenge for The Doctors sabotaging the Franks’ drug test. I’m being serious. Tony writes the Saints better then I do. This is troubling. I have lost touch with them. Even their hair styles are different now. Logan was sporting the afro when I had them. I don’t even know who they are anymore. Seriously. Hoff why did you get rid of Jumbo? How could you do this to me? You broke my heart. Strangely enough, the song has grown on me. We’ll never change the song now that you got rid of Jumbo. I’m being serious. That’s my new catchphrase. The Frankensteiner’s almost mainevented the last PPV leading up to AP! NYU, you ruined the dream. JINGUS was a good choice for an opponent. Because he’s big. And AJ’s small. And AJ looks good because he beat a big guy. This is wrestling logic. I’m the only one who took Cappa up on his offer to use him as a “jackass fan”. I feel like a fucking fool. I hope you all die. Cocksuckers. I wouldn’t let you shits drink my precum. Seriously. It’s been a long time since I read a match by Papacita. He’s a really good writer. He gives me feelings of inferiority. That is so not cool. I’m being serious. He’s so good he gives me a headache. No fair! I would’ve liked to see some more build and hype for the actual Rumble. I suppose that’s easy for me to say because I don’t have a character in it. That’s why I say it. Because it’s easy. To say. If I forgot you its not because I forgot you but because I have to go.

Grrr!!! No, that's fine. You can change the location of the show if you want.

Send everything to Chuck Woolery! Thanks, Northstar, I knew you wouldn't mind too much. - CW Oh! Tony called the mainevent like two months ago, so don't bother asking. Merci!