Patty O'Green

We’re in the female lockeroom where SOPHIE is currently working on a bit of paperwork assigned to her by Josie. Her progress is halted by… MOLLY NERDLY bursting into the room in anger, even though she has a cool dye job! Wow Dr.Z’s picture method is the bees knees! SOPHIE Bonjour, Molly. What is…wrong? MOLLY What is wrong? Sophie, how could you ask me such a question at a time like this? Was there a way you actually managed to avoid seeing what disgrace just occurred. Sophie lowers her head in sadness over being yelled at by Molly. SOPHIE J’ai honte. MOLLY My humblest apologies, Sophie, its not in my nature to yell at those who do not desere it. But, its also not in my nature to relinquish my most valuable possession and I pulled that off smashingly tonight, didn’t I? SOPHIE If you want I…I…have Josie get it back? The Siclopse? She is the big boss. MOLLY Your Josie may truly lovely you, and she may be willing to do almost anything for you, but she wouldn’t dream of crossing her most powerful ally. He is the man who got her this role, after all. No, I wouldn’t and couldn’t ask you to put yourself in such a position because of my incredible stupidity. SOPHIE You are not stupid! Tu es tres cale! You are very smart. MOLLY Your kindness is appreciated but terribly misplaced. I of all people should have known better to ever place my faith and trust into The Enterprise. I only wished to be close to the Beverly Hills Blonds, and because of that romantic ideal I feel in with the most monstrous of all monsters. I sold my soul and I've gotten nothing in return. I'm behind in my studies. I made no money because I'm an intern, and one can only surmise Moneymaker will claim he his ownership of my footage. And now I have failed to protect the Siclopse. SOPHIE Ne t'en fais pas! The goodness of the director is in her not…camera. You are very great. MOLLY Thank you Sophie what an awfully nice thing to say! Still, it would be terribly terrible if Moneymaker were to remain in control of that Siclopse. I can always buy another camera, but what it symbolizes....I can not allow him and The Enterprise the satisfaction of this victory. Molly bids farewell to Sophie, leaving her friend to look on in worry for her safety. COLE Of course, at November Reign we crowned a new World Heavyweight Champion in Leon Rodez. And Leon last week was certainly not backwards in coming forwards regarding future challengers. He pretty much sent a challenge out to the entire OAOAST roster, all challengers welcome. Well as you can imagine that sparked plenty of debate amongst the OAOAST locker room. And this week we sent a roaming cameraman out to ask the OAOAST stars why they should be the first in line for a shot at the World Champ, in his hometown of Detroit on New Year's Day. Let's take a look. As we come back live, we find one more viewpoint to be heard. MR. DICK Baron Windels? Tim Cash? Krista!? Please. There’s only one man you ought to worry about coming after you, Leon Rodez, and that‘s Mr. Dick. Face it: you’re not man enough to handle The Dick. You don’t size up to me in or out of the ring, boy. The Real American Dick is running wild over the OAOAST and there ain't a damn man that's gonna stop it. Cause Mr. Dick is all about making impact. I'm gonna prove it tonight. And I‘ll prove it when I take your damn title. TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT RODEZ FAMILY REUNION MISTER DICK AND MALAYSIA VS LEON RODEZ AND JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN THE MAINEVENT

PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- From the entrance video we make our way into the sold out Pepsi Center and down to the Holiday decorated Sofa Central. A wealth of presents now lie under the Christmas tree and the menorah shimmers brightly with its lovely neon lights. A bowl of egg nog is placed on the table to make sure our announce team keeps themselves as intoxicated and offensive as they can. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! The holiday season may be in full swing, but our superstars aren’t in much of a cheerful mood. That goes especially for The Deadly Alliance’s Mister Dick who has promised to send messages not only to Leon Rodez in tonight’s tag team mainevent but also to several other superstars tonight! COACH Mister Dick droppin them seasons beatins on Rodez is a dream come to life. My biggest one next to Angelina Jolie bathing in some KFC chicken grease. COLE It is good chicken. COACH It some great chicken! Patty-kfc snackers>life “Protect Your Mind” by DJ Sakin & Friends hits and the Last Kings of Scotland march ringside. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. introducing first, Europe’s finest athletes… DANNY BOY and “THE BRAVEHEART” SCOTTISH SCOTT… THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Fans in the front row get an unexpected scare as The Braveheart swings his spiked club their direction. COLE Watch out, folks! COACH If anybody needs to watch out, it’s the Beverly Hills Blonds. They’re living on borrowed time. Don’t think for one second Teddy Moneymaker will let what happened to him go unpunished. “Superstar” by Lupe Fiasco plays as the Beverly Hills Blonds, Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard, walk the red carpet amid flashes of bright lights while loyal assistant and aspiring director Molly Nerdly films them on the Siclopse. BUFFER And their opponents, led to the ring by MOLLY NERDLY... “BOX-OFFICE” SIMON SINGLETON and “THE HANDSOME HUSTLER” NED BLANCHARD... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" In the unaccustomed role of fan favorites, the BHB leave Molly to do the baby face thing, which is cutaways to the crowd in between filming Simon and Ned’s entrance. COLE This crowd is going crazy! COACH And you’d have to be crazy to support a couple of ingrates like the Beverly Hills Blonds. They had it all under the Enterprise, Cole -- tailored suits, chauffeured cars, fine hotels and big cigars. Now what do they have, crowd support? Like that’s going to do them any good in the ring. The Last Kings of Scotland launch a surprise attack on the Blonds as they‘re removing their vests, but as former rule breakers they know every dirty trick in the book and escape harm’s way. * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds but the action is already underway. The BHB getting the better end of an exchange with the Last Kings, firing them off for a pair of BAAAAAAAAACK body drops! COLE Outside the Last Kings of Scotland go, to formulate a new plan of attack no doubt because the first one failed. COACH Hey, you know what they say -- if at first you don’t succeed...try, try again. And indeed the Last Kings do, as Scottish Scott and Simon Singleton lockup. Side headlock applied by The Braveheart who is shot into the ropes, decking B.O.S.S. with a shoulder block on the rebound. The Video Voyeur rolls onto his stomach as Scott charges off the near side, then leapfrogs and executes a hip toss. Taken over in a headlock Scottish Scott scissors Simon’s head and bridges up when B.O.S.S. floats on top, viciously smashing his knee into the face of Simon Singleton before delivering a double underhook suplex! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! The LKOS tag and Danny Boy drops an elbow, but nobody’s home! Simon wrings the arm and tags Ned, who kicks the Irishman in the gut. Rammed into the buckle DB is stomped repeatedly in the corner, and then fired across for a back elbow. POINTY~! elbow off the near side and Blanchard makes the cover. ONE! TWO! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Ned moves and Scottish Scott knee drops his own partner! SCOTTISH SCOTT The BHB premiere a brand new double-team maneuver as Ned lifts Scott up for a back suplex and falls back after Simon hits a spinning heel kick! COACH I’ll say this about the Blonds: they haven’t become angels all of a sudden. They’re still cheating bastards. Simon dumps Scott outside and waits for the tag. Ol’ Danny Boy takes a SLINGSHOT SUPLEX for good measure, which is followed by THE ATOMIC BLONDE~!!! COLE They’ve gone and dropped the bomb. You can put this one in the books. The Blonds successful in their first HeldDOWN~! appearance since quitting the Enterprise 3 weeks ago. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match… “BOX-OFFICE” SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Hands raised in victory Simon and Ned’s celebration is cut short when they notice a familiar face ringside. THEODORE MONEYMAKER. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What business does he have out here? COACH Unfinished I’d say. Suddenly DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY and CPA blindside the BHB. Theodore Moneymaker’s hired guns do a number on their former associates. CPA with his bare hands, Bosley with his telescopic nightstick. Then to everyone’s surprise, Molly jumps on the back of CPA. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE You go, girl! Rip his eyes out! It’s not long before Molly finds herself on her back. Detective Bosley ready to strike until Moneymaker orders him to halt. He summons the Alpha Male of the Group and whispers something that makes him a very happy boy. Molly pleads for mercy as CPA drags her over to Theodore by the hair. Face to face with her former employer Molly is forced to bow in servitude and kiss the ring of Theodore Moneymaker, as are the unconscious Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard. COLE This is disgusting! COACH You’re wrong, Cole. This is a message being sent to the Blonds and everyone else. You don’t mess with Theodore Moneymaker. Moneymaker produces a pair of documents and stuffs them down the throat of the BHB. Adding insult to injury Detective Bosley impounds the Siclopse. MOLLY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! THEODORE COLE Damn them! Damn them all to hell! There’s no reason for this, damnit! COACH No reason?! I’ll give you plenty of reason. Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard committed treason when they renounced their Enterprise membership and joined the Dream Team at November Reign. Theodore Moneymaker was ought justice and Detective Bosley and CPA served it up. LATER TONIGHT DA (EX) CHAMP IS HERE THA PUERTO RICAN SPEAKS FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE LOSING HIS WORLD HEAYWEIGHT TITLE TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

Come on man. Come on. You ain't gotta do this to yourself. You're better than that, b. You deserve better.

kc i sav u truble an rite tyler 4 u! :bounce: ALIX I should get a world title shot because when we were dating Leon gave me aids! :o ALIX Gotcha! But, like, wouldn't it suck if he did? Aids is really crappy. Remember that dude that played for the Lakers when I was younger? Johnson or whatever, he caught Aids and stuff, and then he got magic powers from it, and they started calling him Magic Johnson, but it was all sad because the other dudes who played the Lakers, the Clippers and stuff they, thought he'd use his magic to turn them into goats so he had to retire, but then he like summoned Kobe Bryant from heaven and its all good now because the Lakers have Kobe, and Johnson has Magic aids! I wish I had Magic aids. Anyway, Leon shouldn't be champion, because one time we went to see a Red Wings game and after the game we got held up, and he cried like a sissy. Its like, dude, have you never been stabbed three times in the stomach before? So I beat the muggers up but he still cried. And sometimes when he would leave the bathroom he'd have a little pee stain on his jeans. Is that world champion material? I think not! --- DETECTIVE BOSLEY Hit me! CAMERA MAN I don't want to hit you. BOSLEY Hit me! CAMERA MAN I don't wanna hit you, I just want to get this over with. BOSLEY Then hit me, you pussy! BAM! The camera man hits Bosley in the stomach. BOSLEY Ooooooh...ahhh.....oww....ahh....you see that? Fuckin' Superman made of steel right there, baby! What are you, man, 300 lbs easy? Rodez is about a buck seventy? And he thinks he's stopping the Caucasian Assassian, the no limit honkey? I'll kill that bitch! I'll kill him! CPA Man, you gotta chill. This ain't good for your condition. BOSLEY Never mention my condition! Show no weakness! That's the Alpha Way, baby! Leon Rodez isn't up on our alpha ways, man. He's not centered in the mind, body and spirit like I am. Cuz as strong as I am in the physical realm I'm a fuckin Hulk like monster in the spiritual realm. I got my chi centered, my chakras,all that crap is in total alignment, baby. I am like the Model T of the spirit realm, man. I'm in that fat burnin yoga class where they make you take off your shirt. Most of the dudes look like that flat chested crack headed I busted out last week. But not Tango, man, not Tango! I am a rock! I am carved out of God's stone, baby! And even these dyke lookin artsy chicks in the class, they love it, you know they do. CPA Man, you better just cut now, 'cause he's not gonna stop for a good twenty minutes. --------------- UNO The power of the creatures of the night may not be visible to Leon Rodez. But they are real and they are deadly. The night mother calls to me in my dreams and she tells me its Leon Rodez' time suffer. Its time he felt the full force of death. DOS The children of the nightmother are hungry for your blood, Leon Rodez. You don't understand the power of destruction, Leon. Ducking myself and Uno only makes your punishment from the nightmother worse! You can't escape the black hand of hell! -------- TYLER Leon, you're my friend. But, Krista says friends are just people who's girlfriends aren't attractive enough to sleep with. So I guess I'm torn on that end. I do know that I've always dreamed of being a world champion. Guess you could say I've always wanted the attention that comes along with it. But, I didn't always think I was good enough to do it. Krista says that doing is believing, and she believes I can win, and now I do to. Leon, I think for one night only, we need to put friendships aside, lay it all on the line, and have the match of our careers for the World Heavyweight Title! ------------- KRISTA Here's the funny the thing, I don't have to make a case for being next in the line for the world title. I already have a case. The Money In The Bank Brief[i]case[/i]...Ah jeez did I actually just say those lines? I mean did I personally actually speak those lines under full control of my mental faculties? Was I possessed by the ghost of corny wrestling promo past? Its like I could hear the words coming out of my mouth but I couldn't stop them. It must be how Katie Holmes felt when she was brainwashed into marrying Tom Cruise. Here are some other lines you'd normally never hear me say "No, Cameron Diaz, I would not like to have hot monkey sex with you", "That's okay, I don't really feel like pushing George W. Bush off a cliff into a pool of priahanas", "What? There's a sale at Berfgdorf Goodmans? No thanks I'd rather stay home and watch the best of ThunderKid on DVD!" Listen L-Rod, old buddy old sweet loveable pal of mine, as you might know by now considering everyone of your miseries somehow revolves around little ol' me, when I want to take something from you, well, I don't quite ask for permission. Its really not the celebrity way. Honey, I come from the Winona Ryder school I just take what I want from you. I don't need to lump myself in a video vignette with the likes of the Burroughs Boys, aka the reason abortion should not only remain legal but strongly encouraged and sometimes required, to plead for it. Let's do the mega magical countdown, babydoll! I've taken Alix from you, I've taken Jade from you, I've taken Tyler and Shayne from you, and the only reason I haven't cashed in my contract and swiped the world title from you is because Jade wubs her Uncle Leon so much. Yes she does! But, Leon, good sir, if you should ever do anything to hurt Jade or betray her trust I will take your title, I will take your pride, I will take your self respect, I will take your collection of Conan O'Brien dvds you liberally rip off for your crappy Love Shacks, I will take your one bed room apartment in Grand Rapids, I will take your 93 Ford Taurus you successfully drugged several Nerdly girls into havin relations with you in, and I will proceed to roll all that up into a nice big ball and take your ass virginity with it. As long you don't hurt Jade, you're free to go about using your title reign to sink this company into bankruptcy.

TIM CASH Leon Rodez is a top notch athlete, the kind of champion we can all look to with pride. Yes, he made some questionable decisions early this year in his personal life but he's atoned and apologize for his wrongs and in my book that makes him one of the good guys. It would be an honor and a joy to compete against him for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. ---- NED BLANCHARD I don't care what type of match you put me in, table match, ladder match, cage match, it don't make a damn to me as long as that world title is on the line. Leon Rodez is fixin to find out just how hard it is to be the hunted 'round here because it'll be a cold day in hell before Ned Blanchard ever loses to a piece of trash like that! SIMON SINGLETON While my partner makes a good, but not so eloquent case for the next title shot, lemme throw my hat into the ring and say that no one matches up with Rodez quite like I do. You can forget his 450 Splash, his Shack Attack, Mama Said Knock You Out, or any move he's got, because they don't matter. When he enters the ring with me, he's facing a real life BOSS. Call that bitch bojangles? No, call this bitch the next world heavyweight champion! ----- SPENCER REGIER Why should I be next in line for the world title? Oh boy, are you really asking me that? Me of all people? Me? That's a very stupid question. Very stupid. Let me flip things around and ask you a smart question. Why wasn't I in the world title match at November Reign? You'd have to have the mind of Einstein and Plato combined to figure that life mystery out. Someone answer me that because I'm dying to know why this once in a lifetime talent like myself gets passed over for this dime a dozen nobody like Leon Rodez. It took him how long to get this world title? Three, four, five years? Six? It won't even take me six minutes to leave him out cold with the Reiger Counter and take the title he clearly doesn't deserve. ------ LUCIUS SOUL I'm gonna be honest with a cat, I hope they ain't give me no title shot! Because I already got one prior felony I don't need no others on my record when my Fro2Sleep breaks Leon's neck off. Don't put that boy into the ring with a gorilla like me. Don't give him no match against the one man monstah. Keep my name out ya title plans, unless you want Leon's head lookin like a crushed cherry.

Brought to you by American Express Taped: December 6th, 2008 First air date: December 8th 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area) Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan PPV’s, house show reports, HeldDOWNs, Syndicateds? The OAOAST is in a writing frenzy! Hopefully, you’re in a reading frenzy, which takes much less work, unless you read at like a 3rd grade level, and when I was in 3rd grade I read at a college level and that makes me mucho smarter than you one might say. In fact, I’m saying it right now. I’m smarter than you! On this week’s edition of Syndicated we go international! England's GQ Buckingham makes his in ring debut, Canadian Molly meets a new gal-pal, England's Nate Black and Curtis Black fight over their confusing last names, and Heartland Title triple threat pits survivor series contest survivors Deuce Deuce, Sandman and Todd Cortez against each other. Wait a second, Todd Cortez didn’t survive! He lost! I wish I had remembered that before I wrote the match summary. ANGER! ***Dave Sabo Vs GQ Buckingham*** Dave Sabo is the legendary, venerated, metal god, who co-founded the hit 8O’s metal band Skid Row. This was not that Dave Sabo. This was a man with a lazy eye, and a complexion so pale he made Casper look like a tar pit. With little respect for the pasty white jobber, Buckingham attacked him before the bell even begin. He beat him furiously in the corner with shoulder thrusts, before snapmaring him over to the canvas. Sabo got to his feet, but was immediately trapped inside an abdominal stretch. Though GQ stretched him to the point where it seemed his entire torso was soon to rip apart, Sabo fought out of the hold with a hiptoss. He proceeded to entertain absolutely no one with JOBBER OFFENSE~ consisting of dropkicks, arm drags, and awkwardly wondering what spot he should do next. His flurry wouldn’t last but a scant few seconds, though, as GQ put him down with a double arm DDT. Vicious left hands kept Sabo grounded, and allowed the Englishman to lock him down with a sleeper hold. Sabo was on the verge of submission several times until he found the energy to elbow out the hold. But back on his feet his beginner’s class offense couldn’t help him against GQ, and the Brit left him laying with the Buckingham Bomb (Sit-out last ride) for a three count. WINNER: GQ Buckingham, via pinfall The HeldDOWN rewind reminded us that Leon Rodez spoke, Jade choked, and Tyler and Krista joked. Backstage in the women’s locker room, Sophie was putting in a mentally taxing effort to improve her English skills. But, the frustrating lack of progress was too much for Sophie and she wound up slamming her book down in disgust with herself. Overhearing Sophie’s struggles was Molly Nerdly, and STEPPIN OUT DA SHOWA the towel clad film student tried to console Sophie by asking her to take pride in her own culture. Molly eagerly shared with her the admiration she felt for French directors Francois Truffaut and Jean-Pierre Melville. Sophie immediately perked up and happily discussed cinema with the aspiring director. However, Sophie’s taste in movies wasn't quite as cultured as Molly. Her favorite films; Scary Movie, American Pie 2, Beverly Hills Chiuahaha, and Talladega Nights. After some internal debate, Molly accepted Sophie’s less than refined taste in films, and gave her a hug in friendship and a tag partner for life! ***French New Wave (Molly Nerdly and Sophie) w/Simon Singleton Vs Kathy Masters and Cathy Marsters*** The more experienced of the two, Molly decided to open the match. The film student worked over Cathy with headlocks while directing Simon to shoot extreme closeups of Cathy to capture the reality of her pain. A tag was made to Sophie, and she and Molly went through some elementary double teaming on the overmatched Marsters. So delighted with her performance, Sophie shouted “I have good happy time and do enjoyable life!” She’s trying, and that’s what matters. Sophie kept Cathy on the defensive with some basic strikes until the jobber struck her with an eye rake that allowed her to make a much needed tag to her partner. Marsters worked over the French girl’s leg, snuffing out sporadic comebacks with chop blocks and shinbreakrers. Figuring Sophie was on her last leg (pun!), Marsters brought in Masters to strike the killing blow. But, Sophie found her second wind and began fighting back against the similarly named pair! Their double teaming was able to overpower Sophie for a while. But, forgoing the sterotype that all the French are unathletlic surrender monkeys, Sophie fought back and struck down her foes with two enziguris! The crowd popping strike allowed her to make a tag with Molly Nerdly. Through a live feed from the Siclopse, the home audience watched the future Oscar winner take down the K/Cathies with a top rope lariat. More lariats followed, flooring the duo as they tried to get to their feet. While Molly lit up Cathy with knife edge chops, Kathy tried to catch her off guard with a running bulldog. But before she could reach Molly, Sophie took her down with a running knee! Just as soon as Kathy hit the mat, so did Cathy from the Final Cut Pro 2 (final cut)! At the director’s request, the Siclopse showed a close up beaming Molly as she hooked Cathy’s leg for a winning fall. Winner: French New Wave, via pinfall Inside the Cucaracha Internacional locker room was Todd Cortez, watching a replay of his NR survivor series contest with more than a bit of angst on his face. His anger wasn’t eased any when the TV was switched off by Megan Skye. Holding the remote, and leaning against the door, Megan regarded Cortez with the type of annoyance one usually has for someone they hate, but need a favor from. Skye didn’t wish to engage in a prolonged conversation with her ex-boyfriend, and cut straight to the chase; Cucaracha Internacional needed him to bring home the Heartland Title for the continued survival of the organization. Though the words clearly pained her to say, she uttered that the match was the most important the group has had since the Money In The Bank finals at Angleslam. Cortez was of course unmoved by her pleading. He told her he’d take the Heartland Title off Sandman’s waist, but he’d do it only for himself, not Landon, not her, or the group that’s forced membership upon him. ***Nathaniel Black Vs Curtis Black*** Sadly this was not to determine who would be able to use the Black surname from now on. Big anti-Black chants were heard early on, before the crowd realized they’re both named Black, and the chant sounded a bit racial, and were thusly required to chant “we mean Nathaniel!” The contest started with a lockup that neither man could get the upper hand from. The Brit’s wrestling skill would earn him a victory soon enough as he brought down the gang banger with an armdrag into an armbar. But, CB reached the ropes, causing NB immense frustration. He took out his annoyance on CB with a kick to the spine, and followed up that lethal move with a neck vice. The sold out audience immediately got behind the Compton Killah as he tried to fight his free of CB’s clutches. Their support paid major dividends; CB fought to his feet and countered NB with a stunner. While the six man champion was left staggered by the attack, CB bounced off the ropes in order to nail him with a diving shoulder tackle. Leaving NB grounded, CB lept off the top rope and crushed NB with a body splash that got a two count. The Brit regained control of the contest with a series of ferocious headbutts, and earned several near falls from his stiff offense. The pair traded several brutal punches until Nate Black reversed an irish whip to send Curtis into the corner. He caught the Californian straight in his gold toothed mouth with a running boot and got an all too close two count. Curtis got to his feet rather quickly, but was still too stunned to prevent Black from striking him with a European uppercut that forced him to kickout another close fall. NB looked for the running boot once more, but Curtis Black dodged it and NB ate a spinning lariat. CB continued his rally by connecting with the C.R.E.A.M! Though that could’ve ended the match itself, CB wanted to wow the fans with the Worlds Most Dangerous Moonsault! Unfortunately, the World’s Most Dangerous Moonsault proved to be just that as CB missed entirely when Nate rolled out the way. NB pounced on his injured opponent and secured a submission with a Crossface Chickenwing! Winner: Nathaniel Black via submission WELCOME TO HELL, BABY! Hell in this case being a Holiday Toy Drive booth set up in the front lobby of the arena, with OAOAST stars Lucius Soul and Biff Atlas. Of course when one of the superstars greets every other donor with a “Get yo welfare shit up out the presence of my luscious loquaciousness!” and the other mutters something about choking hazards, then the amount of well meaning givers tends to be rather low. That was okay by Soul’s standards as it give him some time to spit real talk to Atlas. He wondered about his future in the OAOAST, and if it involved Rico DeJanerio or not. Though he felt he’s had fun with his best friend, he’s started to believe the team has done him more than professional harm than good, and wanted Atlas’ opinion. Always thinking safety first, Biff noted that its always safer to do things with a buddy, and most accidental deaths could be prevented if they occurred in the company of others. On the downside, Biff pointed out that tag team contests leave Soul open to dangerous double teaming which can lead to severe injury. The best choice from Biff’s point of view was to retire and get a job as a mortgage broker. Thanks, Biff you’re always there with helpful insight and advice. THIS WEEK ON OAOAST HeldDOWN~! World Heavyweight Champion Leon Rodez and Women’s Champion Jade-Rodez Duncan Vs Mister Dick and Malaysia The Beverly Hills Blonds Vs The Last Kings of Scotland ONLY ON TSM ***Heartland Title Triple Threat: Sandman9000 Vs Todd Cortez Vs Deuce Deuce*** Cortez took out Deuce Deuce with a piledriver at the onset of the contest, merely to be free of interference as he jaw jacked with Sandman. Having heard enough of Cortez’s threats Sandy swung on him with an uppercut and soon enough the two were engaged in a furious slugfest. The warriors could’ve punched each other all night, but their boxing match was interrupted by chairshots from Deuce. Sandman was able to recover while Deuce targeted The Urban Legend’s leg with his weapon. Deuce’s preoccupation with battering Crotez presented SM9K the opportunity to climb to the top rope. He took out Deuce with a dropkick that caused the big man to topple onto Cortez! Though his bones may have been reduced to ashes, Cortez still managed to kickout at 2. The crowd got behind the Urban Legend as he and Sandman again did battle. Cortez got the upperhand on his archrival by back body dropping him over the ropes off an irish whip. That victory couldn’t be enjoyed for long though, thanks to Deuce clotheslining him over the ropes. He and The Urban Legend then brawled outside, with the beast getting the upper hand by ramming Cortez into a TV monitor held by Sandman. That partnership didn’t last long; Sandman drew blood with a blast from his monitor. Bringing Deuce into the ring, Sandman launched him into the corner and worsened his wounds with a running double knee into the face. As Deuce stumbled towards the center of the ring, Sandman caught him with a sleeper hold. Though Deuce may have very well submitted from that basic but deadly submission, Sandman was denied a victory by the kendo stick swinging Cortez! Cortez unleashed a hellish fury upon both champion and co-challenger with kendo stick shots, forearms, and finally a high knee/bulldog out the corner to Sandman. Deuce broke up what was certain to be the pinfall that put the Heartland Title around Cortez’s waist. The gigolo grabbed Cortez and hauled him onto his shoulders for the Booty Call, his version of the TKO. But The Urban Legend avoided the finisher by ripping himself off Deuce’s shoulders. Stunned by Cortez sudden escape, Deuce left himself wide open to a kick to the gut that set up the Riot Act Plus! The audience popped huge, thinking they were about to witness a title change. But Sandman returned to the fray to KO Cortez with a cookie sheet and took an unearned pinfall on Deuce. Winner, Sandman9000 via pinfall

What's poppin, family? Think you're better than everyone else in the fed at writing matches? Think Tony or Alf was full of crap when they didn't select your match as MOTN in a feedback thread? Now's time to get payback! Rather than sift through a bunch of old shows, I'm gonna give you da people a chance to state what the best match (or matches) you wrote was/were and I'll make them the candiates for MOTY for the angle awards. Oh snapplez, I'm replacing the feel good moment of the year with the feel bad moment of the year for most dastardly heel act so if you got any suggestions, lay it on a cat. I don't wanna do a whole bunch of awards but if anyone has an idea for a unique one that hasn't been done before drop some knowledge, b. The ballot should go up by Sunday, maybe.

MGHWC Vs All American Boys! MOTY CANIDATE 4 SHIZ

The entrance set as I envision it will be of a 50 ft naked masturbating Grover Cleveland and whenever he ejaculates he spits out the entering wrestler from his pee hole. send everything to Tony149, its his posting turn!

Who used to get excited when your 'rents took you to McDonalds? Parents: We're going to mcdonalds tonight! Me: we eating there?!!! Parents: Yup Me: Can I play in the playplace?!! Parents: Of course * goes to jump on bed for 30 mins singing " mcdonaaaaaalds mcdonaaaaaaaalds" Now days, I'd rather roll myself in pig sperm than ever eat McDonalds, and SMH@ their horrible ads bein' a real life version of this, "what's them? announcer please school these sisters!"

Yay! Ya'll wrote some matches! Nice job, cats.

A river of purple and orange smoke flows over an entrance stage that’s bathed in evil and vicious red lights. Inside the smoke stand dipaldated wooden stakes, looking like they were ripped out of 17th century New Orleans. They’re incredibly frightening with decaying and bloody heads haphazardly stuck on top of them. Into this macabre scene, steps Los Conquestiadors, clad in pitch black leather bodysuits. Unlike the fearful audience, they revel in the wickedness of their entrance, dropping to their knees to offer thanks to their voodoo gods for providing it to them. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of twenty minutes! Now making their way to the ring from Port Au Prince, Hati, they are the minions of the underworld….UNO AND DOS…LOS CONQUESITADORS. Uno and Dos are least decent enough not to put a hex on those fans that taunt them over their unusual beliefs. While the crowd continues to boo them, they stroll down to ringside saying prayers and casting spells that will no doubt guide them to victory. Or at least help them avoid a squash. COLE Los Conquesitadors claim they’re responsible for the leg injury that’s put Shayne Brave out of commission- COACH Claim nothing! How else you gonna explain it? Shayne’s done that move a million times and now it puts him out of action? Forget that, homeboy messed around and get that voodoo murder! COLE As Uno and Dos make their way to the ring, let’s see what they had to say earlier on today about this matchup. From the threatening words of the underworld’s minions to the bouncing beat of Kylie Minogue, “In My Arms” comes into the arena. The capacity crowd is brought to their feet and throw up a humongous welcoming ovation for the opposing squad. The dancers on the stage are the most attractive snow bunnies, one might ever see, clad in furry snow boots, white booty shorts, goggles, and little else. They dance and grind and writhe each other’s half naked bodies to the delight of the male audience. But the females screams and cheers are all the louder due to Tyler Bryant rushing onto the stage. More stylish than usual, he sports a denim jacket decorated by patches of the logos of various classic rock bands, and white cargo pants done up with streaks of black and red paint. Joining him on stage is the woman most likely responsible for his considerable fashion improvent, Krista Isadora Duncan. Miss California shines beautifully beneath the pink and gold spotlights, her muscular legs riding from white high heels into a short ruffled skirt, and her ample chest contained inside a white halter top. The two attractive superstars join hands and journey down to ringside. BUFFER And the opponents! First, weighing in at 183 pounds, he hails from Auburn Hills, Michigan! He is “Tremendous” Tyler Bryant! And his partner, she is a best selling author, a member of the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, the founder and star of a billion dollar fitness empire, a multi time OAOAST Angle Award winner, a loving mother of two daughters, the star of the VH1 reality show Look Of Love, and the OAOAST’s Miss Money In The Bank, she is MISS CALIFORNIA KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! Another fantastic eruption of cheers explodes from the audience, which Tyler acknowledges by slapping hands on his way down the glitter-carpeted ramp. Krista leaves the fan interaction to Bryant, and instead struts with the cool, high fashion style of a runway model. COLE Krista and Zack Malibu were the only two survivors in an epic contest at November Reign, coming from behind to upset The Cleveland Steamers. But, here tonight Krista takes on a different type of foe in Uno and Dos. This match is all part of her urging of Tyler to go after the lowest of the low in the OAOAST. And if Uno and Dos are responsible for Shayne’s injury as they say, then they are the lowest we’ve got. COACH Krista crazy for this one! Instead of trynna help up a young blood who can use it, she’s tryna turn this Mickey Mouse Club, suite life of Zack and Cody ass bum into The Punisher. This nigga Big Baby Davis soft. After KG bitched out Big Baby, that dude probably called up Tyler on the phone and they had a good cry about it. This dude Tracy McGrady soft, he and T-Mac probably go in for torn vagina surgery together. Tyler slides into the ring, where he leaps to his feet and spins around with his arms raised high in triumph. As blue and pink lights flicker at a chaotic pace behind him, he tears away his denim jacket to an approving roar from his loyal female fanbase. Krista leads her heels across the apron, moving as slow as possible to reduce the audience to a state of drooling anticipation. After drawing out the wait to almost unbearable levels, the traffic stopping blonde finally gives the fans what they’re dying to see with her spicy upside down leg hang. COLE Here we go, Uno and Dos with one hell of a chance to get a big win before the Anderson Cup kicks off at New Years Spectacular. COACH Dawg, you got a fucked up heterosexuality game if you thinkin Anderson Cup while lookin at legs like that! DING DING DING Right as the bell ring Uno performs the classic voodoo spell....the lockup. He struggles with the boybander for some time, unable to overcome Tyler’s strength advantage. The luchadore is forced to resort to illegal tactics and thusly tries to grind his boot into Tyler’s foot. Although more annoying than painful, Uno’s play puts Tyler at a disadvantage that the luchadore capitalizes on by whirling around and getting an arm wrench. Tyler instantly tries to rip his arm free of Uno, straining and struggling with all his might. He’s almost successful until Uno begins terrorizing his upper back with headbutts. These blows keep Bryant weak and allow Uno to force him to Los Conquestiadors corner in order to apply a tag with Dos. COACH Dos and Uno are experts in voodoo but what do they know about immigrant law? See if my child is born in America to an illegal ho will it be illegal? What if she gets deported & its born out there will the kid be illegal? Damn a nigga aint trying to mail child support checks all the way to Peru if they dont offer postage discounts for that shit. Customs gon steal my checks & spend it on pollo con arrroz & tequila & bull fight bets I cant get with that. Nigga gon have to to ride the titanic for 2 wks down the pacific just to see little shorty. The Revenant enters the ring to do nothing more than utter a loud guttural chant as Uno throws his black boots into the lean stomach of TyBry. Whatever Dos’ was chanting, it fails to do any good, as Tyler battles back against Uno. The Revenant increases the speed and intensity behind his spell, but it does him little good as Tyler elbows him away. He staggers backwards and soon his partner comes stumbling next to him courtesy of a second elbow. The fearsome twosome collects their wits and then charge in unison at the former HI-YAH tag team champion. But, Tyler counters both their attack with a crowd popping double lariat! Just as soon as they touch the ground, the two mean quickly pick themselves up to retry their attack on Tyler. But his speed continues to overwhelm them and he knocks them over with a rapid fire dropkicks. COACH Why you wanna run in all foolish like that? Back up and turn this chump mark into a toad or a fruit fly. Don’t fight him on his level. With both Conquesitadors wounded, Tyler capitalizes on their vulnerable state by leaping onto the third rope. He blows a kiss to all the lovely girls in attendance and then rockets himself back at the Mexicans with a moonsault press! Together the three men tumble over, landing in a broken and jumbled heap. But, Bryant untangles himself from his foes, and quickly scampers upright to toss his arms into the air to the cheering fans. Tyler then gives the capacity crowd even more to celebrate as he goes into his corner to tag in Krista. While the audience spews forth huge cheers, Dos tries to guard himself against a no doubt epic sonning by casting a spell on himself. COLE Anti sonning force field up! Conquistadors activate! “You like voodoo do you? I seem to have missed that little turn of character development. Gimmickless jobbers to stuffed sheep murderers to writing on chalkboards like Wiley Coyote to performing pagan witchcraft. Logical character progression, that can’t be denied. Actually, I brought along an ancient voodoo scroll you might be interested in. But, I do believe I misplaced it. Wait, I remember.” Krista guides her hands down to her halter top, letting her fingers dance through the buttons. As each little piece of plastic tears away, her cavernous cleavage becomes more and more visible. Dos’ eyes soak in the lovely majestic sight of her gigantic rack bulging out nearly open shirt. SLAP! “Maybe you should’ve cast a teleportation spell. One that could hopefully teleport you to a minefield in Iraq, and we wouldn’t see to you till your body parts are delivered monthly in nicely arranged gift baskets. A limb of the month club. Elegant, timely and delicious.” Dos clutches his now bleeding mouth, resigned to sad knowledge that he is in fact an idiot. He soon becomes a seriously agonized idiot as Krista storms through him with a high knee lift. As soon as he goes down does his partner rush at Krista. But the beautiful blonde slows down his charge by sucking him into a front facelock. She twirls him around in hopes of giving the voodoo fanatic a taste of life in the fast lane, but with a hand on her slim waist he’s able to shove her away. Unfortunately, he was merely delaying the inevitable and Krissy whirls around to smack him across the head with a leaping back kick. Down he goes, crashing into the canvas to the delight of the fans. “YEAH-UH!” Tyler shouts on the ring apron, turning around to do his part to whip Salt Lake City into a frenzy that will end at 8 pm sharply so as the adults may meet their 9:30 curfew and 9:50 bed time. Dos bounces off the ropes, seeking to catch Krista with a Thez Press upon his return. But, Miss California is well prepared for his arrival and monkey flips him over! Amazingly he comes down on his black leather boots, but this only small consolation to the luchadore; Krista sneaks behind him in order to take him for a nauseating and hugely painful twirl with a tornado inverted DDT! COLE If there’s an invisible spell somewhere in their spell book, now would be a great time to use it. And never undo it, hopefully. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” the fans chant, while the heacache stricken Dos tries to head to his feet. He gets as far his knees before a pair of Prada pumps goes screaming into his head. His noggin jerks forward, but then violently snaps back the other way from another kick. Krista finishes off the painful display by striking Dos with a dropkick. He’s thrown to the canvas, where he screams out in searing agony. “Vooodoo? Ha! Next thing you idiots will be telling me is that it was a bad idea to invest half my life savings in General Motors!” Krista comments. Seeing Dos strewn across the canvas, paralyzed by his pain, causes Uno to dig deep into the pages of ancient sorcery for just the right spell. His head sways from side to side, and mottled prayers seep through his pressed lips. Whether its due to Uno’s spell, or some other mysterious circumstance, Krista turns to face him and slowly, sensuously spreads her long legs.. Uno and Tyler are mesmerized watching in almost painful pleasure as the fitness queen’s legs open farther, causing her all too short skirt to ride higher up her marvelous thighs. She scoots herself closer to Dos’ When she does so, a flash of her red thong causes Tyler and Uno’s breath to catch in their throat. Hypnotized by the inadvertent ecstasy his spell has created, Uno lowers all defenses and this is precisely why Krista is able to crush his balls into dust with a blue ball special! The fans let out a large ovation, as the humiliated sorcerer can cast nothing but tortured gasps at this troubling predicament. “Did you honestly believe Hatian voodoo could get a woman out her clothes? Just use a bottle of Coors and GHB like the rest of the deviant sex offenders in this company!” Krista says, continuing to tighten her grip on Uno. Fortunately for Uno, the blue ball special is one sale that doesn’t last long due to Dos rushing in to shoulder tackle Krista away. Free of Krista’s grip, Uno crumbles to apron under considerable agony. But he can at least take pleasure in Dos hooking Krista into a double underhook and bringing her over with a double arm suplex. The Revanant then floats over into a pinfall… ONE! Krista kicksout, bringing applause from the audience. As they try to rally her back on the attack, Dos takes hold of her arm and guides her off the canvas. He fires off a pair of kicks into her well insured legs that leave her stunned and hobbling, a perfect position for him to leap onto the ropes and fly back with a high flipping lariat. His arm connects solidly with her throat and she’s brought down by the Coup D'Gras! Moving with haste, Dos leaps on top of her for a cover… ONE! TWO! Miss California is able to bring her shoulder off the mat and avoid a stunning upset. Deflated by her pin escape from his signature strike, Dos tags in Uno try and accomplish what he could not. Uno finds success early as he captures hold of Krista as she stands and throws her into the corner posts. Her head rings like the inside of a cathedral bell, and the aching gets no better when Uno snapmares her over. Left lying on the canvas, she can only shield her gorgeous face as the luchadore comes off the first rope with a quick knee drop. A pinfall follows. ONE! But Krista pops her shoulder off the canvas long before the two count. “LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA!” the fans chant, while Tyler beats on the turnbuckles. Their call to Krista has little effect on the beautiful heroine; Uno rips her off the canvas and throws her into a neutral corner. Hitting with powerful force, she staggers forwards with pain shooting throughout her back. But there’s little time to worry about that because Uno weaves his fingers through her hair and uses that grip to perform the Degager, an eye rake across the top rope! “BOOOOOOOO!” hisses the audience. Their anger combined with the venom Tyler spits forces referee Clem Buzzlefoxer to sharply order Uno to release Krista. He promptly follows command, and drags Miss Money In the Bank to his corner. With her vision obscured she hasn’t anyway to stop Uno from ramming her face into Dos’ boot. And her eyesight seemingly gets even more blurred when her face collides with his leather footwear. A tag brings Dos into the ring, where he’s able to batter his weakened foe with a mixture of elbows and forearm strikes. The blows seem to leave her weakened, and have her leaning against the ropes barely able to stand on her expensive pumps. As her blonde hair hangs over his glazed over blue eyes, her face screams exhaustion. But Dos is unrelenting in his assault, and drags her away from the ropes to tighten her into a double underhook. He hollers at the audience in French to earn boos, and attempts to gain further heat by pummeling their beloved starlet. But Krista isn’t quite as weak as he was lead to believe and casually shreds her way through his bonds. Greatly surprised by this development, he doesn’t do much to stop her from collaring her hands around his neck. Just a mere second later he’s slung to the canvas by the Blonds Never Pay A Cover (side effect)! “YEAAAAAA!” scream the Utah fans, knowing full well a simple comeback spot in a tag match is the only excitement they’ll have for the rest of the decade in this boring state. In the ring, Dos scrambles to his feet as quickly as black magic will permit, fearful Krista will be able to tag in the fresh Tyler Bryant. Within seconds after forming, the fears come to life as Krista dives forward to tag The Tremendous one into the ring. COLE Tyler Bryant is back in! Dos rushes across the ring to try and strike Tyler before he can begin his high flying attack. But the lucha sensation is far too slow, and the teeny boppin cutie cuts through Dos with a springboard lariat! The spectators pop huge as Dos is dumped onto the canvas. He struggles to get himself back upright, and his slow speed allows Tyler to push himself off the ropes. Dos gets himself off the mat just as Tyler hits the cables. Yet he doesn’t move fast enough to prevent TyBry from bringing him down with a bulldog! “TYLER! TYLER! TYLER!” the fans bleat as Uno runs into the ring to correct Dos’ incompetency. Yet, Uno fails just as poorly as Dos by blinding charging into a Yakuza Kick! As Uno is capzied to the canvas, Tyler celebrates his performance by pumping his fists to the screaming teenage girls. This, however, leads to his downfall, for it allows Dos to haul him down with a reverse spear. COLE And Dos just tackling Tyler to the ground! No need for voodoo when you can hit like a nose tackle. COACH Football references ain’t gonna make me stop thinking you have a vagina. Dos brings Tyler off the canvas in order to blast his stomach with three quick knee strikes. Bryant is doubled over and severely wekened, allowing Dos to sprint to the ropes. As he charges back he levels his knee into Tyler’s adorable face, sending the Detroit native hurtling over. Right after he hits the mat, Dos adds to his misery by dropping an elbow onto his head. He then drapes his arm across Tyler’s chest for a fall… ONE! TWO! Tyler kicksout, bringing great cheers from the audience. Their support and joy provides him with strength. Strength he needs to return towards his feet. But as she stands upright, Dos clamps onto his arm and attempts to throw him to the ropes. However, Tyler reverses it and its Dos who’s sent running to the cables. He bounces back into a spine buster from the boybander! However in midmove, Dos manages to coil his neck around Tyler and smash his head into the canvas with a DDT! “What’s that ring posts? Yeah, I get bored when the show doesn’t revolve around me also.” Krista complains. Dos turns to Krista, giving her the attention she wanted in the unwanted form of a spell, “Night mother and death father, hear my prayer! Your loyal son, Voodoo Brother Dos,” “Voodoo Brother Dos? Honey, what the hell kind of nickname is that? Do I call myself Fitness Sister Krista? Does Stephen Pigley call himself Medical Brother Stephen? Does Christian Wright call himself Herpes Ridden Sperm Dumpster Brother Christian? The answer is yes, he probably does. Honey, I feel bad for making fun of you, which is odd. Guess I didn’t have enough vodka and valium to dull my capacity for compassion. Tell you what I’m gonna do for you.” Krista enters the ring, ”Seeing that it’ll be a good three or four weeks before you wrestle on HeldDOWN again, I’m going to give you something to remember us important characters by. A free psychic reading. I sense that in the near future you’re going to take a trip. A very fast trip. Over before you know it.” And just like that Krista leg sweeps Dos, tripping him over. “You took a trip just like I said. That’s why they call me Fitness Psychic Krista Sister. Or something….” Krista trails off, and it’s a good thing her pontificating is over due to Uno snaring her with a rear waistlock. Noticing how pleased Uno is to be rubbing up against her fine tush, Krista comments, “Why, honey, are you happy to see me or is that just a three inch banana in your pocket?” ““ Even Voodoo Practitioners get the blues, man. But grief stricken, Uno, lets his guard down and Krista easily succeeds in spinning out his grip. Able to catch the creepy grappler by surprise with the KIDology! “YEAAAAAAA!” The joy of the Salt Lake fans might be a bit premature due to Dos throwing himself off the far post at Krista with a diving cross body block! But before Krista can even realize she’s in relative danger Tyler catches the incoming luchadore across his shoulders. Dos mounts a fantastic struggle to be free but it does him little good. He’s flung off Tyler’s shoulders and driven into a lifeless slumber with the Idoliser (TKO!) COLE He hit! Good night Dos! Tyler hooks Dos’ leg for the fall, while Krista sits on the turnbuckles, already sippining on her celebratory martini…. CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! “In My Arms” returns to the arena along with a victorious ovation from the audience. Krista leaps down from her seat to offer Tyler a sip of her victory drink. Eager to touch anything that’s been on Krista’s lips, Tyler gulps it down and raises a toast to the cheering audience. COLE With the help of Krista Isadora Duncan, Tyler Bryant is two for two in the revenge game! Things may have looked bleak when Shayne went down with his leg injury, but thanks to Krista they’ve perked up. COACH Lose a partner gain a celebrity? You think if you broke your neck, I could call the show with Drew Barrymoore? A victory over black wizards, tagging with his dream girl, winning without his usual partner? Could life get any better for Tyler Bryant? Most likely not but it can sure as hell get worse. And it does in fact get much worse courtesey of a Pure Penetration from Mister Dick! COLE What the heck has he done?! Before Krista and the fans have even a moment to react, Mister Dick is sliding out the ring to the safety of the outside. The audience throws him under attack with jeers and insults, but he feeds off their hatred, cupping his genitals and urging them to give him even more heat. Krista is visibly shaken by the attack her archrival left on her protégé, and though she’d like nothing more than to stick her heels where the sun don’t shine, her motherly instincts force her to attend to wounded Tyler. COLE An uncalled for assault by the newest member of the Deadly Alliance! While the fans continue to hiss their displeasure with his dirty ambush, Mister Dick looks into the camera and mouths the chilling words “Its only gonna get worse” as we… FADE OUT cummin next a bonus squash!

A river of purple and orange smoke flows over an entrance stage that’s bathed in evil and vicious red lights. Inside the smoke stand dipaldated wooden stakes, looking like they were ripped out of 17th century New Orleans. They’re incredibly frightening with decaying and bloody heads haphazardly stuck on top of them. Into this macabre scene, steps Los Conquestiadors, clad in pitch black leather bodysuits. Unlike the fearful audience, they revel in the wickedness of their entrance, dropping to their knees to offer thanks to their voodoo gods for providing it to them. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of twenty minutes! Now making their way to the ring from Port Au Prince, Hati, they are the minions of the underworld….UNO AND DOS…LOS CONQUESITADORS. Uno and Dos are least decent enough not to put a hex on those fans that taunt them over their unusual beliefs. While the crowd continues to boo them, they stroll down to ringside saying prayers and casting spells that will no doubt guide them to victory. Or at least help them avoid a squash. COLE Los Conquesitadors claim they’re responsible for the arm injury that’s put Shayne Brave out of commission- COACH Claim nothing! How else you gonna explain it? Shayne’s done that move a million times and now it puts him out of action? Forget that, homeboy messed around and get that voodoo murder! COLE As Uno and Dos make their way to the ring, let’s see what they had to say earlier on today about this matchup. From the threatening words of the underworld’s minions to the bouncing beat of Kylie Minogue, “In My Arms” comes into the arena. The capacity crowd is brought to their feet and throw up a humongous welcoming ovation for the opposing squad. The dancers on the stage are the most attractive snow bunnies, one might ever see, clad in furry snow boots, white booty shorts, goggles, and little else. They dance and grind and writhe each other’s half naked bodies to the delight of the male audience. But the females screams and cheers are all the louder due to Tyler Bryant rushing onto the stage. More stylish than usual, he sports a denim jacket decorated by patches of the logos of various classic rock bands, and white cargo pants done up with streaks of black and red paint. Joining him on stage is the woman most likely responsible for his considerable fashion improvent, Krista Isadora Duncan. Miss California shines beautifully beneath the pink and gold spotlights, her muscular legs riding from white high heels into a short ruffled skirt, and her ample chest contained inside a white halter top. The two attractive superstars join hands and journey down to ringside. BUFFER And the opponents! First, weighing in at 183 pounds, he hails from Auburn Hills, Michigan! He is “Tremendous” Tyler Bryant! And his partner, she is a best selling author, a member of the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, the founder and star of a billion dollar fitness empire, a multi time OAOAST Angle Award winner, a loving mother of two daughters, the star of the VH1 reality show Look Of Love, and the OAOAST’s Miss Money In The Bank, she is MISS CALIFORNIA KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! Another fantastic eruption of cheers explodes from the audience, which Tyler acknowledges by slapping hands on his way down the glitter-carpeted ramp. Krista leaves the fan interaction to Bryant, and instead struts with the cool, high fashion style of a runway model. COLE Krista and Zack Malibu were the only two survivors in an epic contest at November Reign, coming from behind to upset The Cleveland Steamers. But, here tonight Krista takes on a different type of foe in Uno and Dos. This match is all part of her urging of Tyler to go after the lowest of the low in the OAOAST. And if Uno and Dos are responsible for Shayne’s injury as they say, then they are the lowest we’ve got. COACH Krista crazy for this one! Instead of trynna help up a young blood who can use it, she’s tryna turn this Mickey Mouse Club, suite life of Zack and Cody ass bum into The Punisher. This nigga Big Baby Davis soft. After KG bitched out Big Baby, that dude probably called up Tyler on the phone and they had a good cry about it. This dude Tracy McGrady soft, he and T-Mac probably go in for torn vagina surgery together. Tyler slides into the ring, where he leaps to his feet and spins around with his arms raised high in triumph. As blue and pink lights flicker at a chaotic pace behind him, he tears away his denim jacket to an approving roar from his loyal female fanbase. Krista leads her heels across the apron, moving as slow as possible to reduce the audience to a state of drooling anticipation. After drawing out the wait to almost unbearable levels, the traffic stopping blonde finally gives the fans what they’re dying to see with her spicy upside down leg hang. COLE Here we go, Uno and Dos with one hell of a chance to get a big win before the Anderson Cup kicks off at New Years Spectacular. COACH Dawg, you got a fucked up heterosexuality game if you thinkin Anderson Cup while lookin at legs like that! DING DING DING Right as the bell ring Uno performs the classic voodoo spell....the lockup. He struggles with the boybander for some time, unable to overcome Tyler’s strength advantage. The luchadore is forced to resort to illegal tactics and thusly tries to grind his boot into Tyler’s foot. Although more annoying than painful, Uno’s play puts Tyler at a disadvantage that the luchadore capitalizes on by whirling around and getting an arm wrench. Tyler instantly tries to rip his arm free of Uno, straining and struggling with all his might. He’s almost successful until Uno begins terrorizing his upper back with headbutts. These blows keep Bryant weak and allow Uno to force him to Los Conquestiadors corner in order to apply a tag with Dos. COACH Dos and Uno are experts in voodoo but what do they know about immigrant law? See if my child is born in America to an illegal ho will it be illegal? What if she gets deported & its born out there will the kid be illegal? Damn a nigga aint trying to mail child support checks all the way to Peru if they dont offer postage discounts for that shit. Customs gon steal my checks & spend it on pollo con arrroz & tequila & bull fight bets I cant get with that. Nigga gon have to to ride the titanic for 2 wks down the pacific just to see little shorty. The Revenant enters the ring to do nothing more than utter a loud guttural chant as Uno throws his black boots into the lean stomach of TyBry. Whatever Dos’ was chanting, it fails to do any good, as Tyler battles back against Uno. The Revenant increases the speed and intensity behind his spell, but it does him little good as Tyler elbows him away. He staggers backwards and soon his partner comes stumbling next to him courtesy of a second elbow. The fearsome twosome collects their wits and then charge in unison at the former HI-YAH tag team champion. But, Tyler counters both their attack with a crowd popping double lariat! Just as soon as they touch the ground, the two mean quickly pick themselves up to retry their attack on Tyler. But his speed continues to overwhelm them and he knocks them over with a rapid fire dropkicks. COACH Why you wanna run in all foolish like that? Back up and turn this chump mark into a toad or a fruit fly. Don’t fight him on his level. With both Conquesitadors wounded, Tyler capitalizes on their vulnerable state by leaping onto the third rope. He blows a kiss to all the lovely girls in attendance and then rockets himself back at the Mexicans with a moonsault press! Together the three men tumble over, landing in a broken and jumbled heap. But, Bryant untangles himself from his foes, and quickly scampers upright to toss his arms into the air to the cheering fans. Tyler then gives the capacity crowd even more to celebrate as he goes into his corner to tag in Krista. While the audience spews forth huge cheers, Dos tries to guard himself against a no doubt epic sonning by casting a spell on himself. COLE Anti sonning force field up! Conquistadors activate! “You like voodoo do you? I seem to have missed that little turn of character development. Gimmickless jobbers to stuffed sheep murderers to writing on chalkboards like Wiley Coyote to performing pagan witchcraft. Logical character progression, that can’t be denied. Actually, I brought along an ancient voodoo scroll you might be interested in. But, I do believe I misplaced it. Wait, I remember.” Krista guides her hands down to her halter top, letting her fingers dance through the buttons. As each little piece of plastic tears away, her cavernous cleavage becomes more and more visible. Dos’ eyes soak in the lovely majestic sight of her gigantic rack bulging out nearly open shirt. SLAP! “Maybe you should’ve cast a teleportation spell. One that could hopefully teleport you to a minefield in Iraq, and we wouldn’t see to you till your body parts are delivered monthly in nicely arranged gift baskets. A limb of the month club. Elegant, timely and delicious.” Dos clutches his now bleeding mouth, resigned to sad knowledge that he is in fact an idiot. He soon becomes a seriously agonized idiot as Krista storms through him with a high knee lift. As soon as he goes down does his partner rush at Krista. But the beautiful blonde slows down his charge by sucking him into a front facelock. She twirls him around in hopes of giving the voodoo fanatic a taste of life in the fast lane, but with a hand on her slim waist he’s able to shove her away. Unfortunately, he was merely delaying the inevitable and Krissy whirls around to smack him across the head with a leaping back kick. Down he goes, crashing into the canvas to the delight of the fans. “YEAH-UH!” Tyler shouts on the ring apron, turning around to do his part to whip Salt Lake City into a frenzy that will end at 8 pm sharply so as the adults may meet their 9:30 curfew and 9:50 bed time. Dos bounces off the ropes, seeking to catch Krista with a Thez Press upon his return. But, Miss California is well prepared for his arrival and monkey flips him over! Amazingly he comes down on his black leather boots, but this only small consolation to the luchadore; Krista sneaks behind him in order to take him for a nauseating and hugely painful twirl with a tornado inverted DDT! COLE If there’s an invisible spell somewhere in their spell book, now would be a great time to use it. And never undo it, hopefully. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” the fans chant, while the heacache stricken Dos tries to head to his feet. He gets as far his knees before a pair of Prada pumps goes screaming into his head. His noggin jerks forward, but then violently snaps back the other way from another kick. Krista finishes off the painful display by striking Dos with a dropkick. He’s thrown to the canvas, where he screams out in searing agony. “Vooodoo? Ha! Next thing you idiots will be telling me is that it was a bad idea to invest half my life savings in General Motors!” Krista comments. Seeing Dos strewn across the canvas, paralyzed by his pain, causes Uno to dig deep into the pages of ancient sorcery for just the right spell. His head sways from side to side, and mottled prayers seep through his pressed lips. Whether its due to Uno’s spell, or some other mysterious circumstance, Krista turns to face him and slowly, sensuously spreads her long legs.. Uno and Tyler are mesmerized watching in almost painful pleasure as the fitness queen’s legs open farther, causing her all too short skirt to ride higher up her marvelous thighs. She scoots herself closer to Dos’ When she does so, a flash of her red thong causes Tyler and Uno’s breath to catch in their throat. Hypnotized by the inadvertent ecstasy his spell has created, Uno lowers all defenses and this is precisely why Krista is able to crush his balls into dust with a blue ball special! The fans let out a large ovation, as the humiliated sorcerer can cast nothing but tortured gasps at this troubling predicament. “Did you honestly believe Hatian voodoo could get a woman out her clothes? Just use a bottle of Coors and GHB like the rest of the deviant sex offenders in this company!” Krista says, continuing to tighten her grip on Uno. Fortunately for Uno, the blue ball special is one sale that doesn’t last long due to Dos rushing in to shoulder tackle Krista away. Free of Krista’s grip, Uno crumbles to apron under considerable agony. But he can at least take pleasure in Dos hooking Krista into a double underhook and bringing her over with a double arm suplex. The Revanant then floats over into a pinfall… ONE! Krista kicksout, bringing applause from the audience. As they try to rally her back on the attack, Dos takes hold of her arm and guides her off the canvas. He fires off a pair of kicks into her well insured legs that leave her stunned and hobbling, a perfect position for him to leap onto the ropes and fly back with a high flipping lariat. His arm connects solidly with her throat and she’s brought down by the Coup D'Gras! Moving with haste, Dos leaps on top of her for a cover… ONE! TWO! Miss California is able to bring her shoulder off the mat and avoid a stunning upset. Deflated by her pin escape from his signature strike, Dos tags in Uno try and accomplish what he could not. Uno finds success early as he captures hold of Krista as she stands and throws her into the corner posts. Her head rings like the inside of a cathedral bell, and the aching gets no better when Uno snapmares her over. Left lying on the canvas, she can only shield her gorgeous face as the luchadore comes off the first rope with a quick knee drop. A pinfall follows. ONE! But Krista pops her shoulder off the canvas long before the two count. “LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA!” the fans chant, while Tyler beats on the turnbuckles. Their call to Krista has little effect on the beautiful heroine; Uno rips her off the canvas and throws her into a neutral corner. Hitting with powerful force, she staggers forwards with pain shooting throughout her back. But there’s little time to worry about that because Uno weaves his fingers through her hair and uses that grip to perform the Degager, an eye rake across the top rope! “BOOOOOOOO!” hisses the audience. Their anger combined with the venom Tyler spits forces referee Clem Buzzlefoxer to sharply order Uno to release Krista. He promptly follows command, and drags Miss Money In the Bank to his corner. With her vision obscured she hasn’t anyway to stop Uno from ramming her face into Dos’ boot. And her eyesight seemingly gets even more blurred when her face collides with his leather footwear. A tag brings Dos into the ring, where he’s able to batter his weakened foe with a mixture of elbows and forearm strikes. The blows seem to leave her weakened, and have her leaning against the ropes barely able to stand on her expensive pumps. As her blonde hair hangs over his glazed over blue eyes, her face screams exhaustion. But Dos is unrelenting in his assault, and drags her away from the ropes to tighten her into a double underhook. He hollers at the audience in French to earn boos, and attempts to gain further heat by pummeling their beloved starlet. But Krista isn’t quite as weak as he was lead to believe and casually shreds her way through his bonds. Greatly surprised by this development, he doesn’t do much to stop her from collaring her hands around his neck. Just a mere second later he’s slung to the canvas by the Blonds Never Pay A Cover (side effect)! “YEAAAAAA!” scream the Utah fans, knowing full well a simple comeback spot in a tag match is the only excitement they’ll have for the rest of the decade in this boring state. In the ring, Dos scrambles to his feet as quickly as black magic will permit, fearful Krista will be able to tag in the fresh Tyler Bryant. Within seconds after forming, the fears come to life as Krista dives forward to tag The Tremendous one into the ring. COLE Tyler Bryant is back in! Dos rushes across the ring to try and strike Tyler before he can begin his high flying attack. But the lucha sensation is far too slow, and the teeny boppin cutie cuts through Dos with a springboard lariat! The spectators pop huge as Dos is dumped onto the canvas. He struggles to get himself back upright, and his slow speed allows Tyler to push himself off the ropes. Dos gets himself off the mat just as Tyler hits the cables. Yet he doesn’t move fast enough to prevent TyBry from bringing him down with a bulldog! “TYLER! TYLER! TYLER!” the fans bleat as Uno runs into the ring to correct Dos’ incompetency. Yet, Uno fails just as poorly as Dos by blinding charging into a Yakuza Kick! As Uno is capzied to the canvas, Tyler celebrates his performance by pumping his fists to the screaming teenage girls. This, however, leads to his downfall, for it allows Dos to haul him down with a reverse spear. COLE And Dos just tackling Tyler to the ground! No need for voodoo when you can hit like a nose tackle. COACH Football references ain’t gonna make me stop thinking you have a vagina. Dos brings Tyler off the canvas in order to blast his stomach with three quick knee strikes. Bryant is doubled over and severely wekened, allowing Dos to sprint to the ropes. As he charges back he levels his knee into Tyler’s adorable face, sending the Detroit native hurtling over. Right after he hits the mat, Dos adds to his misery by dropping an elbow onto his head. He then drapes his arm across Tyler’s chest for a fall… ONE! TWO! Tyler kicksout, bringing great cheers from the audience. Their support and joy provides him with strength. Strength he needs to return towards his feet. But as she stands upright, Dos clamps onto his arm and attempts to throw him to the ropes. However, Tyler reverses it and its Dos who’s sent running to the cables. He bounces back into a spine buster from the boybander! However in midmove, Dos manages to coil his neck around Tyler and smash his head into the canvas with a DDT! “What’s that ring posts? Yeah, I get bored when the show doesn’t revolve around me also.” Krista complains. Dos turns to Krista, giving her the attention she wanted in the unwanted form of a spell, “Night mother and death father, hear my prayer! Your loyal son, Voodoo Brother Dos,” “Voodoo Brother Dos? Honey, what the hell kind of nickname is that? Do I call myself Fitness Sister Krista? Does Stephen Pigley call himself Medical Brother Stephen? Does Christian Wright call himself Herpes Ridden Sperm Dumpster Brother Christian? The answer is yes, he probably does. Honey, I feel bad for making fun of you, which is odd. Guess I didn’t have enough vodka and valium to dull my capacity for compassion. Tell you what I’m gonna do for you.” Krista enters the ring, ”Seeing that it’ll be a good three or four weeks before you wrestle on HeldDOWN again, I’m going to give you something to remember us important characters by. A free psychic reading. I sense that in the near future you’re going to take a trip. A very fast trip. Over before you know it.” And just like that Krista leg sweeps Dos, tripping him over. “You took a trip just like I said. That’s why they call me Fitness Psychic Krista Sister. Or something….” Krista trails off, and it’s a good thing her pontificating is over due to Uno snaring her with a rear waistlock. Noticing how pleased Uno is to be rubbing up against her fine tush, Krista comments, “Why, honey, are you happy to see me or is that just a three inch banana in your pocket?” ““ Even Voodoo Practitioners get the blues, man. But grief stricken, Uno, lets his guard down and Krista easily succeeds in spinning out his grip. Able to catch the creepy grappler by surprise with the KIDology! “YEAAAAAAA!” The joy of the Salt Lake fans might be a bit premature due to Dos throwing himself off the far post at Krista with a diving cross body block! But before Krista can even realize she’s in relative danger Tyler catches the incoming luchadore across his shoulders. Dos mounts a fantastic struggle to be free but it does him little good. He’s flung off Tyler’s shoulders and driven into a lifeless slumber with the Idoliser (TKO!) COLE He hit! Good night Dos! Tyler hooks Dos’ leg for the fall, while Krista sits on the turnbuckles, already sippining on her celebratory martini…. CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! “In My Arms” returns to the arena along with a victorious ovation from the audience. Krista leaps down from her seat to offer Tyler a sip of her victory drink. Eager to touch anything that’s been on Krista’s lips, Tyler gulps it down and raises a toast to the cheering audience. COLE With the help of Krista Isadora Duncan, Tyler Bryant is two for two in the revenge game! Things may have looked bleak when Shayne went down with his leg injury, but thanks to Krista they’ve perked up. COACH Lose a partner gain a celebrity? You think if you broke your neck, I could call the show with Drew Barrymoore? A victory over black wizards, tagging with his dream girl, winning without his usual partner? Could life get any better for Tyler Bryant? Most likely not but it can sure as hell get worse. And it does in fact get much worse courtesey of a Pure Penetration from Mister Dick! COLE What the heck has he done?! Before Krista and the fans have even a moment to react, Mister Dick is sliding out the ring to the safety of the outside. The audience throws him under attack with jeers and insults, but he feeds off their hatred, cupping his genitals and urging them to give him even more heat. Krista is visibly shaken by the attack her archrival left on her protégé, and though she’d like nothing more than to stick her heels where the sun don’t shine, her motherly instincts force her to attend to wounded Tyler. COLE An uncalled for assault by the newest member of the Deadly Alliance! While the fans continue to hiss their displeasure with his dirty ambush, Mister Dick looks into the camera and mouths the chilling words “Its only gonna get worse” as we… FADE OUT cummin up next a bonus squash by alfdogg

What's going on in the In Crowd locker room, I hear you cry! No? (Patty-I cried it!) Well I'm gonna tell you anyway. Inside we find Jade Rodez-Duncan and Bohemoth, as we did earlier. The difference now, besides the big tray of fruit and vegetables (you don't become the Meterosexual Monster eating junk food after all) laid out on the table in front of them, is that Jade looks to have relaxed a little in the course of watching the show. The two even seem to be talking like old friends, which of course they are. As Bo loads up with some more healthy food, Jade affords herself a second to be shocked at how well things are going before smiling normally as she's spotted. BOHEMOTH So are you nervous? JADE Uhm... well, no, I mean I thought it might be a little awkward at first but I'm fine now thank you. BOHEMOTH I meant about the New Year's show. JADE Oh! Oh, of course! Bohemoth can't help but chuckle under his breath, which even manages to put Jade at ease after her misunderstanding. BOHEMOTH Listen, honestly, I wouldn't worry about this Gauntlet Match if I were you. Let's face it, you've dealt with worse against Malaysia in a Street Fight and came out the other end. If you can beat her, I'm sure you can win this. JADE Well, thanks. BOHEMOTH I mean it. You've come a long way since you started out and you just don't know it. Plus, you're on a hot streak after Sunday. You shouldn't be worried by anything right now, everything's going your way. JADE Yeah. Yeah, it is! Suddenly, a sense of confidence seems to come about from Jade. She even manages a smile as she reaches out and grabs a strawberry off the fruit plate. Bohemoth starts to watch the TV monitor again as she looks at the strawberry and takes a deep breath... before VERY slowly sliding it into her mouth. Unfortunately, her poor attempts at seduction go unnoticed as Bo stares ahead at the TV screen. Jade tries to be a little less subtle, but it still doesn't work. So she tries to get Bo's attention by clearing her throat... ...or, trying to. BOHEMOTH Steady on those. Sage words of advice, but too late as Jade starts CHOKING! At first Bo is still oblivious, but as Jade's wheezing and coughing continues and she stands up, he finally wakes up. BOHEMOTH Jade, are you okay? JADE ... (points to throat) BOHEMOTH Okay, calm down, calm down. Bohemoth springs into action and grabs a hold of Jade to give her the heimlich maneuver. Now, if you're thinking 'uh-oh, somebody's bound to walk in now', you'd be right, as sure enough the locker room door opens with impecable timing. And lo and behold, it's LEON RODEZ who walks in! The World Champion looks understandably surprised and stops in his tracks, just as Bo finally manages to dislodge the trapped strawberry from Jade's throat. After her initial relief, Jade looks up and sees her uncle and turns from bright blue to bright red. LEON Am I interrupting something? Grabbing her title belt, Jade rushes out of the locker room in embarrassment, right past Leon. BOHEMOTH It's not what you think, she started choki... LEON Bo stops in mid-apology and puts his hands on his hips, as the World Champion sees the funny side of the situation. LEON Oh man, THAT is going in the Christmas newsletter! COACH This chick takes two steps forward and five hundred steps back. How you gonna straight up embarrass yourself eating? How the hell can you mess up eating? Its like catching on fire pissing. Your mama juggles a chain of gyms, a modeling career, a clothing line, a cosmetic line, a fitness DVD line, writing books, her own QVC show, and whole bunch of other celeberity crap and you gonna nearly die from the most basic of human functions? You gonna die from eating? Bitch you are retarded! You ain't even Forest Gump retarded! You that nigga in the back of the bus, fingering his booty hole and then sniffing it for two minutes retarded! COMING UP NEXT THE MAINEVENT LOS CONQUISTADORS VS KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN AND TYLER BRYANT NEXT!

Its rock time as the strained and longing vocals of The Bravery's Time Won't Let Me Go are heard as we fly over the arena that houses the most inappropriate named team in the NBA, The Jazz. Elsewhere backstage we find James Blonde, casually leant up against a wall chatting away on his cellphone. As a female backstage hand walks past he quickly acts cool and tries to catch her eye, but fails miserably. BLONDE ...I know, but you've gotta look at it from his point of view... no no, see, you don't get it, it's all management... yeah, it's motivation tactics. He gives us the tough love until we start performing, it's quite brilliant really... yeah, I know. Anyway, listen Mom, how would you feel about having a couple of extra guests over for Christmas dinner... well I thought it might be a nice gesture, my real family and my work family coming together to join in the festi... FAQU AKATUFAHKASINAY!! AGUBAHTETULA!! OOWAH!! Blonde glances up to see Faqu stomping over to him. The wildman rants and raves in his native tongue, seemingly trying to point something out to his Canadian buddy. Not looking too bothered by this, JB just rolls his eyes and whispers down the phone to "give me a second". BLONDE Woah woah, slow down, slow down. What did you do? After some more flails of the arms Faqu walks away. Blonde looks confused but follows anyway. BLONDE Sorry about that... no, no, it's nothing. While I think of it, is there any chance you can make up the spare room? It's going to be a long trip up and I'd hate to have to turf them out on Christmas evening in Vancouver. You know how the roads get this time of ye- ..... Stopping in mid sentence, Blonde's eyes suddenly bulge. There, at his feet, lays an unconscious QUENTIN BENJAMIN, with a catering table and it's contents strewn all around him. BLONDE I gotta call you back. Faqu stands over Benjamin staring intently at the damage he's apparantly done. Quickly Blonde grabs him by the wrist and holds him back before he can do any more damage, eyes darting around to make sure the coast is clear. Which, surprisingly considering it's a normally busy catering area, it is. BLONDE Come on, let's get out of here. Come on! Eventually the message gets across and Faqu is lead away, very hurriedly, by James Blonde, leaving Benjamin behind laid out. COLE Coach, do you think Faqu laid out Benjamin? COACH No. I think the boogeyman did it with an assist from the Yeti and the Lochness Monster. Son, you stupid! You straight stupid! TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT LOS CONQUESITADORS VS KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN AND TYLER BRYANT TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

OAOAST EVENT TRACKER IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY GILETTE THE BEST A MAN CAN GET December 11th, 2008 - Denver, CO December 18th, 2008 - Kansas City, MO December 26th, 2008 - Indianapolis, IN January 1st, 2009 (New Year's Spectacular) - Detroit, MI As we return from commercial, Just a Gigolo/I Ain't got Nobody is playing, and Deuce Deuce Bigelow is walking around the ring slapping hands with fans. COLE Back here on HeldDOWN, as Deuce Deuce Bigelow is ready for action! Deuce climbs into the ring, and removes his attire. BUFFER His opponent...from Anaheim, California, weighing in at 265 pounds...Mitch Hall! COLE Mitch Hall, with a great opportunity here on HeldDOWN against big Deuce, who was a survivor this past Sunday in his match at November Reign! COACH Yeah, he had two other partners against just Pantera! Let's see what would happen one-on-one! Deuce and Hall circle the ring, and tie up, and Deuce quickly overpowers him. Hall kneels for a bit, then gets up, and goes behind Deuce. Deuce drills Hall with an elbow, and whips him into the ropes, catching him with a spinning wheel kick! COLE And there's that tremendous agility on the part of the big man! Deuce calls out to the crowd, then whips Hall into the corner, and follows him in with the handspring elbow! COLE And listen to the crowd! Deuce takes over Hall with a snapmare, and then drops a headbutt! He then picks Hall up, and whips him into the ropes. Hall ducks a clothesline, but Deuce catches him the next time, lifting him onto his shoulders...then spinning him around into the BOOTY CALL~! 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And Deuce picks up another win! BUFFER Here is your winner...DEUCE DEUCE BIGELOW!!!!! COLE Some nice exposure for young Mitch Hall, but Deuce too much tonight! Folks, we'll be back! COMMERCIAL

Jes' powerful and yet chilled out dance track uses its airy vocals to bring HeldDOWN back on air Damn this song is flames, if sum1 could set me up with an mp3 i'd suck they dick. FROM THE GOSSIP HEARD ON THE OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE, THIS IS AN ANDERSON CUP SHILL! Inside the Shill Center we go where OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan is position. BRANNIGAN Only a week removed from Thanksgiving and now we're talking about Christmas. Christmas, ladies and gentlemen! We’re talking about Christmas! Here in the OAOAST we're also talking about the 5th annual Anderson Cup. Can you believe it's been 5 years already? It seems only like yesterday the first Anderson Cup was held. And do you remember which tag team won the inaugural Cup? The answer right here next week. Mr. Dick/Malaysia BRANNIGAN Earlier tonight we learned of the first entrants in this year's Anderson Cup, representing the Deadly Alliance, Mr. Dick and Malaysia. After what they did to the Love Doctors in their match, even I'd have a hard time disagreeing with the idea they may indeed be the team to beat. Let's not forget though, they've gone on record stating it's not about the tag titles currently possessed by fellow DA members Thunderkid and Reject, it's about the trophy. That Cocky Prick just wants to win the Anderson Cup to pad his stats! As Mr. Dick once said, there's no "I" in team but there is in "Dick." Beverly Hills Blonds BRANNIGAN No longer under the thumb of Theodore Moneymaker, here's one team who actually does want to win the Cup in order to secure a shot at the One & Only World tag team championship at AngleMania VIII, Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard, the Beverly Hills Blonds. They're standing by with these pre-recorded comments. We cut to the BHB in front of their Hollywood Walk of Fame backdrop. SIMON If somebody had told us at the start of 2008 that when the next Anderson Cup rolled around the Beverly Hills Blonds would be fan favorites I would've thought they were nuts. But I guess 2008 was the year of change. We'll swear in a new president January and in April we'll crown new tag team champions. NED In case you haven't figured it out already, we mean us. I'm sure Theodore Moneymaker will throw a few curveballs along the way and every time he does we'll smack it out of the park. And if by chance you and your little BUTT buddy Christian Wright have the balls to enter the Anderson Cup and we wind up meeting somewhere, then you better make sure Abdullah hooks you up with 72 virgins in the afterlife because we plan on beating ya to death! We cut back to Brannigan in the Shill Center. BRANNIGAN Strong words for Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright from their former Enterprise associates. What a showdown that would be though. No matter the match-ups, this promises to be the most unpredictable Anderson Cup in history! 16 teams, 2 conferences, 1 winner. Further announcements will be made regarding the Cup in upcoming weeks so be sure to stay tuned to the OAOAST television networks and OAOAST.com for all the late breaking Hot Newz and more. With your Anderson Cup, I'm Tony Brannigan. Enjoy the rest of the program everybody! 3 Doors Down's "It's Not My Time" plays as we find Tim Cash ringside on our return, in the middle of a courteous lap of ringside. Shaking hands with a last set of fans Tim exchanges a laugh and a joke with them as he climbs the ring steps and picks up a microphone left for him. CASH Hi everybody! Hey, thanks for coming out to enjoy the show tonight, huh? What a great crowd, give yourselves a round of applause. Some of the fans do, as Timmy enters the ring. Already inside, his opponent for tonight stands back in his corner, a young black fellow in red wrestling trunks. Tim gives him a thumbs up, which throws him a little. CASH Okay, I just want to take a quick moment of your time if you'll allow me. Now you've already seen a great night of wrestling action but I asked our lovely OAOAST President Josie Baker if I could do something a little bit different for you tonight. I've been talking to you guys at various live events over the country and you've been telling me some of what you don't like about the OAOAST. And it's opinions that I share. You're fed up with seeing un-sportsmanlike behaviour, poor conduct and worst of all cheating from the OAOAST superstars. We all like to see competition and will to win, don't get me wrong. But taken in the right spirit. Tim turns to his opponent. CASH That's why tonight I requested a match here tonight to promote the spirit of competition in the OAOAST. I like to call it, "Tim Cash's Gentleman's Athletic Competition". So, can I ask your name? DEXTER It's Dexter... Dexter Jackson. Tim immediately shakes the opponent's hand warmly. CASH Pleasure to meet you Dexter. Best of luck tonight. Now, referee Charles Robinson, we've already talked this out but I going to fill our young friend here and the fans in. It's quite simple really. Referee Charles has been given license to enforce the rules as he sees fit. No closed fists, no using the ropes illegally, that sort of thing. As one of the finest and most respected referees in the OAOAST his judgment is without question. So, disqualification is at his discretion. I trust that his discretion won't be needed though, since you seem like an honest looking guy Dexter. Now, the main thing is, we're going to disallow any strikes on a grounded opponent. Nobody should kick a man while he's down. It's all about competition. So, now we've got that clear, let's have a nice clean fight and may the best man win. Timmy shakes Dexter's hand again before getting rid of the microphone. COLE Alright, first ever, Tim Cash Gentleman's Athletic Competition. This should certainly be interesting. COACH ...would anyone mind telling me what in the sweet hell is going on!? *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and the two men circle looking for an opening. Cash quickly scores with a single leg takedown on Dexter and tries to apply a hold on the leg. Able to squirm away, Dexter defends, looking surprised as Cash backs up and allows him back to his feet. COLE There we go, remember no striking on a grounded opponent allowed in this Athletic Competition and the referee to use his discretion on flagrance of the rules. As Dexter gets back up the two gentlemen exchange a handshake in this Gentleman's Athletic Competition. They then lock knuckles, in a gentlemanly way of course. Breaking the test of strength Cash kicks one hand away and twists around on the arm, bringing Dexter to the mat with a top wristlock... 1... 2... Shoulder up. Shoulders are forced down again... 1... 2... Shoulder up. Jackson rolls backwards and reverses the pressure onto Tim's wrist. Despite the discomfort, Cash congratulates his opponent on a nice escape, still feeling in control of things. Stepping onto Jackson's thigh he climbs up and goes over the head, breaking the grip of his opponent and opening him up for a fireman's carry takeover. COLE Nice wrestling from Tim Cash, this is what the fans want to see. COACH No, they wanna see some punk-ass get piledriven through a flaming table while huffing gasoline is what they wanna see! Not this weak-ass nonsense! COLE I happen to disagree and it sounds like these fans do as Tim gets a nice round of applause. Locking up again, Cash goes behind Jackson into a waistlock. Standing switch by Dexter, but Cash switches again and hooks Dexter's head, bringing him down with the CASHBACK! Jackson's body arches as he stays on his feet. Hooking him up again, Cash this time executing a Bridging German Suplex... 1... 2... Kickout! Cash waits for Dexter to get back up before delivering a European uppercut, making sure to check with the referee that his strike was legal. He delivers a second. And a third. Picking a leg, Cash then takes Jackson up, delivering a knee breaker... and without a pause, throws him straight backwards with a back suplex! COLE Ooh! How about that for a combination? COACH Huh? Sorry, I must have fallen asleep for a second there. As Dexter picks himself up, Cash lays in wait. With a double leg takedown he takes him down, setting up the MIDWEST SLING! Within a couple of seconds Dexter is tapping and Cash immediately lets him go and applauds. COLE And there's the submission, Tim Cash victorious in his Athletic Competition. *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER You winner of the match... TIM CAAAASSSHHH!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Not concerned with hot-dogging over his victory Tim makes an effort to help his opponent back to his feet, before encouraging the crowd to give him a cheer. Tim shakes the youngster's hand and waits for him to leave before he salutes the fans. COACH This is so sickly I think I got diabetes just watching. Tim shakes some more hands on his way out. TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT LOS CONQUESITADORS VS KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN AND TYLER BRYANT TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL

...as the view changes to a TV screen showing said final shot, then pans around to show Reject staring intently into the TV. After a few moments of this, TK calls him over towards the rest of the DA, who are gathered around for a brief discussion, including Mr. Dick and Malaysia. ALF You know, this past week at November Reign, the Deadly Alliance took their lumps. TK took a fall for us, Reject took a fall for us...hell, even I took a fall for us. But when it was all over, what did the record book say? It said the Deadly Alliance won. The rest of the group nods in agreement. ALF Now, Mr. Dick, our newest member. What happened Sunday night was not your fault. Mr. Moneymaker is to blame for what happened to you out there, and rest assured he and his Enterprise WILL pay for it in the very near future. Mr. Dick nods. ALF But tonight's match was a hell of a way to make up for it, and I know the two of you will make a fine showing in the Anderson Cup tournament. And if Todd Cortez thinks I'm going to take what happened this past Sunday lying down, he's in for a world of disappointment... Alf is interrupted by loud pounding on the door. TK walks over and turns the knob, at which point Tony Tourettes bursts in, smashing TK against the wall behind the door. TONY Where's Vinny? SANDMAN ...you're in the wrong room, chief. TONY FUCK! At that point, Vinny and Ken Pantera walk into the locker room. VINNY There you are. Where the hell have you been? I've been trying to give you this. Vinny hands Tony a small sack, which Tony anxiously looks through...then smacks across Vinny's face, bursting the bag and sending mixed nuts flying throughout the room. TONY There's NO FUCKING CASHEWS! YOU ASSHOLE! Vinny walks out of the room, as Pantera follows, as does Tony, shouting profanities, as the DA looks on, confused. AND NOW, THE LOST OBAMA CAMPAIGN AD We cut back to the arena, as "Slide Away" by Oasis plays through the PA. Striding through the entrance, Megan Skye cracks her knuckles as she marches to the ring with a determined look on her face. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Providence, Rhode Island... representing Cucaracha Internacional, she is MMMMMMEEEEEEEGGAAAAAAAANN... SSSSSSSKKYYYYYEEEEEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Megan Skye set for action here tonight on HeldDOWN and we'll have a big scoop on the Women's Division in just a second. But, judging by Megan's demeanour, she's not in a great mood here tonight. I have to wonder if she's immune from this supposed 'bad book' that Landon has placed the rest of Cucaracha Internacional in? COACH Since she's the only one who gives Landon his 'morning sugar', winkwink, I'd say so. COLE What about Blonde? COACH Oh that's just uncalled for. Megan enters the ring and goes to her corner, shadow boxing the turnbuckles. Not just shadow boxing infact, but shadow kickboxing, which can only be more dangerous. As Megan's well-taped hands are checked out by the referee, Fallout Boy's cover of "Beat It" rocks out through the arena. As the guitars start up, out runs Melody Nerdly, throwing up her family's trademark slice of "RAWK" to the crowd. BUFFER And introducing her opponent! She hails from The Fortress Of Nerdlytude, located in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada! She is "THE GAME GENIE"... MMMEEEEELLLLOOOOODDYYYYYYY... NNEEEEERRRRRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYY!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Melody jogs down the aisle tagging hands with the crowd, then slides in underneath the bottom rope. A little air-Guitar Hero follows before Melody poses on the turnbuckles with TWO handfuls of "RAWK". COLE Somebody's gonna get hurt up in this piece if we Rawk much more! Jumping from the turnbuckles, Melody shows off the wrestling tights dedicated to a true gaming legend, a big picture of Princess Peach (from the Super Mario games, if you required this explanation then you are as weak as it gets) on the left leg and the word 'Princess' in pink blocky letters on the right. COLE We saw Megan and Melody on opposite sides of the ring at November Reign in managerial roles, where Megan's Cucaracha Internacional came out on top over Melody's team. But, Melody's man Baron got the pin on Landon during that match and Melody's celebrations didn't go down too well. COACH To put it mildly. COLE And that big scoop I mentioned is, just signed for the New Year's Spectacular, the New Year's Knockout! It will be a special Gauntlet Match featuring eight of the OAOAST's female competitors, including Women's Champion Jade Rodez-Duncan who will face another tremendous challenge as her title will be on the line! Last woman standing will be the Women's Champ. *DINGDINGDING!* We're ready to go and Melody drops into a fighting stance with her hands up in anticipation for an attack. Megan stops in her tracks and looks at her opponent like she's crazy. COACH I don't care how many times Melody's played Mortal Kombat, she ain't gonna stand a chance here. Sure enough, Megan picks her way through the novice guard with ease and kicks Melody hard in the back of the leg. Dropping to a knee, Melody is caught in the back with a second kick and crawls hurriedly to the ropes, forcing the referee to back Megan away as she stalks over Mel ready to dish out more strikes. COLE Melody's certainly not going to match up well going toe to toe with Megan. As Melody picks herself up Megan dares her to try again. To her credit, Melody puts up her guard again. The two women circle with Melody this time striking first, kicking Megan in the thigh. She doesn't do any real damage though and Megan quickly responds with a firmer kick of her own. And another. Down to a knee goes Melody with a grimace. Lining her opponent up Megan then aims with a big roundhouse kick to the back of the head... but Melody ducks and catches Megan unawares with a schoolgirl... 1... 2... No! Back up, Megan throws a clothesline but Melody goes underneath, catching the arm and swinging Skye around into an irish whip. As Melody ducks her head looking for a backdrop, Megan puts on the brakes and delivers a kick. But Melody shrugs it off and strikes Megan across the head with a TOMAHAWK CHOP~! COACH What the heck was that!? COLE Austin Powers inspired offence from Melody... I've got a feeling it's only going to get more unorthodox from here on out. Whether it's surprise or pain, the shot leaves Megan holding her head long enough for Melody to come off the ropes with a swinging headscissors! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!" Megan retreats into a corner but Melody is right on her, striking with a forearm. A second. And a third. With a wring of the arm, Melody then whips Megan across the ring from corner to corner. The crowd get behind the nerdiest of all Nerdlys as she waves for some encouragement, before charging in, only to get caught with a drop toehold that sends her face-first into the middle turnbuckle pad!! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH There ya go! Melody might be computer smart but she sure ain't ring smart, not like Megs. After a dramatic fall Melody is pulled from the ropes and covered by Megan... 1... 2... No! Slow to recover, Melody is struck with a double axehandle as she sits up. Megan then delivers a stinging kick to the back causing Melody to writh around in pain. COLE That was a hard, hard kick. COACH And completely unneccessary too. That's what makes it great. Megan takes her time now everything's going her way, leading Melody to her feet. A quick jab sends Melody staggering backwards into the corner behind her. Megan follows in by burying a knee to the midsection. As Melody slumps forward in the corner breathless, Megan now climbs to the middle rope. With her left leg on the rope, she then places her right across the side of Melody's head and starts to SCRAPE the sole of her boot across the face repeatedly! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" Megan holds up her hands in innocence as she steps off the ropes. COLE Speaking of unneccessary moves. COACH You know, Megan's pretty quiet and proper when she's managing Landon and taking care of Cucaracha Internacional business. On the rare occassions she steps into a ring, there's something nasty there. And I like that. Dragging Melody out of the corner, Megan delivers a back suplex before attempting the cover... 1... 2... No! Melody starts to slap the mat, trying to get the crowd behind her. That works, but it doesn't stop Megan from stomping her in the back of the head. Megan then picks Melody up again, using two handfuls of hair and pulling her forward into a knee to the gut. Coming off the ropes, she executes a Swinging Neckbreaker. Looking to see if Melody's out, Megan then tries another cover... 1... 2... No! Propping Melody up Megan applies a rear chinlock. "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" Mashing away on imaginary A + B buttons Melody rebuilds her energy and starts to fight back to her feet! Once up, she elbows Megan in the midsection. Again. And a third time. Megan strikes Melody in the back of the head to quickly regain her advantage though. Off the ropes, Megan looks for a clothesline but misses! It's Melody off the ropes... and CAUGHT with a Powerslam! COLE That could do it! 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Give Melody credit. You talk about not seeing Megan in the ring often Coach but you can say the same for Melody. And we're seeing marked improvement from her early outings, that's for sure. Looking frustrated at not getting the three Megan gets back to her feet, dropping down into a crouched position waiting for Melody to get back up. COACH Chick Kick coming. Megan lies in wait as Melody gets back to her feet. Looking unaware of what's coming Melody turns around, at which point Megan springs up and throws the kick... but Melody ducks! Quickly turning back to back with her off balance opponent Melody hooks her up ready for a backslide. Megan starts to block, but Melody suddenly throws herself forward, bringing Megan down sharply on the back of her head! COACH Oh! COLE Melody linked me to her Wikipedia page earlier and apparantly, that move is called the 'Sega Mega Driver'. But, this is information from Wikipedia and should therefore be taken with a pinch of salt. Staggering back to her feet, Skye looks dazed. Melody quickly looks to capitalise, coming off the ropes with a wheelbarrow, pushing up off the canvas... ...and getting thrown off as Megan blocks the bulldog. COLE Nobody home on that one though. Backing away, Megan perches herself up on the second turnbuckle looking to finish things off. Luring Melody in, she thrusts a boot into Melody's chest to wind her, then reaches forward to apply a front facelock. Fighting the move she escapes though... MELODY SHORYUKEN~! ...AND NAILS MEGAN WITH A LEAPING PALM STRIKE! COLE Street Fighter. COACH I know that you idiot! Megan is once again dazed allowing Melody to reach up and grab a hold, slamming her off the middle turnbuckle. Melody then exits the ring and climbs the turnbuckles. By the time Megan recovers, Melody is up top and pointing at her opponent, she takes off, driving Megan backwards into the mat with a vertical double knee drop! "YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE (spooky voice) It Came From The Top Rope. Firing up, Melody measures Megan on her way back up. A boot doubles Megan up and Melody calls for the end. Placing her knee against the back of Skye's head, Melody reaches out and grabs onto the far arm and rocks backwards, before falling back, bringing Megan's head violently down into the knee! MELODY THAT JUST HAPPENED! COLE It sure did! Turning Megan over, Melody makes the cover... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And so did that three count! Melody Nerdly, looking impressive! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner... MMMEEELLLLOOOOODDYYYY... NNEEEERRRRDDLLLLLYYYY!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" After three, Melody stands up, then drops to a knee and does that annoying animation that happens after every match on SVR 09 where you look like you're exhausted even if you've just crushed Santino in 48 seconds and not taken any damage whatsoever. COLE That has to go down as a bit of an upset in my book. Melody Nerdly showing us some previously unseen talents inside the squared circle, picking up a big win in the process. COACH And to think she used to be the work-shy one. COLE Not any more. At least not all the time, anyway. Melody finally loads into her post-match celebration, leaving a hurting Megan in the ring as she slaps hands back down the aisle. COLE More misery for Megan though. Landon will not be amused. And you probably won't be amused by these commercials, but they pay our bills, so TS.

The vibrant, pulsing, and lively flavor of New York City is on full display in a gorgeous video that flies through the streets of the Big Apple. The texture and spirt of the city of 8 million is shown as we surf past the Art Galleries of Chelsea, the funky offerings of the East Village, and the elegance of The Upper West Side. We fade out on a soothingly tranquil overhead shot of Central Park, leading into this exploding on screen “THE WORLD IS MINE” David Guetta’s boastful dance track now comes with a chorus of boos from the Utah audience. Flashing spotlights that alternate between entirely red and entirely white dance across an entrance stage who’s floor is emblazoned with the shape of the NYC syline. The lights on the floor then turn a soft blue cutting through a thin haze that fills the stage. Stepping into this tranquil mist, is Spencer Reiger in his Ed Hardy jacket and Affliction board shorts. Inside a red spotlight he performs a small twirl before busting out a high step routine that ends with him throwing off his Ed Hardy hat and heading to ringside. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of fifteen minutes! Now making his way to the ring from the island of Manhattan, New York, he weighs two hundred ten pounds, and is a one man triple threat, he is The Prodigy, SPENCER REIGER! COLE Spencer was actually fined from his actions last week where he accosted the referee over what he thought was a fast three count. However, it turns out his fine was actually paid by a mysterious benefactor. COACH Probably someone who don’t like to see good talent get held down on HeldDOWN~! On his way down the entrance ramp, Spencer goes on a ridiculous rampage and tears up as many signs as he can possibly get a hold of. None of these signs had any mention of him, its just that the Prodigy takes a sort of sick glee in the destruction of whatever brings the OAOAST fans’ joy. BUFFER And his opponent, he fights out of Denver, Colorado, and weighs in at two hundered thirty pounds, he is PAUL THOMPSON! In blue trunks and a black tshirt, the bald and goateed Thompson looks every bit as plain as his name would indicate. Reiger certainly won’t allow Thompson to neglect to notice the incredible contrast in their apperance; he rips open his Ed Hardy jacket right in front of the pudgy nondescript thirty something, letting him take an envious look at his perfectly six packed stomach. DING DING DING Spencer and Thompson circle each other, with Reiger spewing out a profusion of trash talk towards the elder grappler. Reiger continues to show zero respect as he boots Thompson within inches of his netheregions. While referee Charles Robinson tries to warn The Prodigy about skirting the lines of fair play, Spencer shoves his foe into the corner. Thompson tries to make a quick escape, but he’s locked down against the ring ropes by knife chops from New York’s finest. COACH Cole, I ain’t telling no lies right here, if Spencer got himself the right partner he could win the Anderson Cup easy. COLE Who in their right mind would tag with Reiger? He’s only been on the main roster for a few weeks and he’s deemed himself gods gift to the OAOAST. No one wants to be around that kind of guy. Finally Thompson succeeds in overwhelming Spencer’s assault, and throws the twenty one year old into the corner. His desire is to give Reiger a taste of his own medicine, and fearful over what pain may soon come to him Reiger cowers in distress. Feelings of sympathy hinder Thompson’s movement, and he holds up, distraught over doing any damage to Reiger. This, of course, is incredibly foolish, as Spencer ends his coward routine to swat Thompson away with a boot to the stomach. Thompson is hobbled, forced to stumble away with his arms wrapped around his paunchy gut. Decidedly unsympathetic to Thompson’s plight at his hands, Spencer shouts a sarcastic “Poor Baby” before rushing forward to crush him with the New York Knockout (Inverted Bulldog) COACH That’s why this Paul Thompson is a ham and egger with a common name, and Spencer Reiger is a future world champion with an exotic name. Say it, it just slides right off the tongue. Thompson scrapes himself off the canvas, and with a face gritted by determination launches a spinning elbow towards Reiger. But The Prodigy easily side steps the attack, and as Thompson goes clumsily spinning by. He attempts to regian his balance to retry his attack on Reiger. But his window of opportunity has slammed shut, and Reiger batters him with a standing dropkick! Thompson stumbles into the ropes, thrown off his footing by the signature strike. The cables want little to do with him and spit him back into the waiting boot of the one man Triple Threat. Doubled over, Thompson is effortlessly brought between Reiger’s leg in a double underhook. His world then turns to darkness, as SR knocks him out cold with the Reiger Counter (Pedigree)! COACH Man, I didn’t even get enough time to properly ether you! Reiger stands back up to place a foot on the barely breathing chest of Thompson. Barking sternly, her orders Robinson to count the fall from his lethal finisher. ONE! TWO! THREE! Reiger raises his hands in arrogant celebration, with a wide smile stretching across his face. He is much too self absorbed to even consider letting the referee touch him and yanks his hand away with sharp admonishments to the well meaning official. COACH The youth keeps on getting better. Its only matter of time before that’s Leon Rodez’ body beneath that boot, and it’s the world heavyweight championship in Spencer’s hands. COLE He’s a great young talent, don’t get me wrong, but talent only takes you so far. You need strength, character, and a good attitude. That’s why Leon Rodez was able to beat The Puerto Rican at November Reign, because he had all those qualities in spades. A lot of our younger guys could take a lesson from Leon. COACH A lesson on how to be a trifling simpin ass man-ho! If you wanna learn how to be the man, model yourself after Spencer. He’s going places! COMMERCIAL

The funky and rockin remix of Katy Perry's Hot and Cold brings us back to the very cold Salt Lake City for hot action on HeldDOWN~! The Cucaracha Internacional locker room is our scene, as the contingent of Six Man Tag Team Champions Nathaniel Black, James Blonde and Faqu are gathered and sit around the locker room. In the background, Todd Cortez prefers to stand, arms folded and a disinterested look on his face. Front and centre, Megan Skye looks equally disinterested, with a match to be preparing for. What could possibly be more important than that? BLACK 'ow long 'ave we gotta bleeding sit here for? BLONDE Just until Landon gets here. Might as well soak up his adulation for a while, then you can go do whatever you want. CORTEZ That mean I can leave now? Before he has chance, Cortez is interrupted by the sound of the locker room door opening and Landon chattering away on his cellphone. Blonde is so excited he edges forward onto the edge of the couch, literally rubbing his hands together. Ever so quickly looking up from his phonecall Landon looks a little confused as to why everybody's sitting around looking at him, sheilding the rest of his call from them. After about ten seconds he finally ends the call. MEGAN Problem? MADDIX Nope, everything's running smoothly, as always. What's all this about? Landon looks over at the four in front of him. Black's eyes are virtually glazed over. Cortez looks like he'd rather be anywhere else. Faqu is absent-mindedly chewing on the strap of his Six Man Title belt. And Blonde is pie-eyed and eager, enough to make up for the other three and then some. BLONDE Good week Landon? MADDIX ...I've had worse. Am I missing something here? Don't tell me the TV's broken... no? Oh God, don't tell me it's your birthday again... MEGAN It's not my birthday Landon. MADDIX Well... of course it isn't. Just kidding. Heh! You know I know your birthday's... Ma... ma... May?... Blonde can be seen mouthing the date, but quickly stops when Megan notices him. MADDIX Look, your birthday's not important. I mean, not until it actually comes around, then everything else stops dead in it's tracks, of course. Can somebody just enlighten me as to why we're all sitting around saying nothing? BLONDE Nothing's going on. Although, we were kinda hoping you'd have another pep talk for us after November Reign, since the last one worked so well. About what we're gonna do now we're back in the good books? Who's next for us? What's next for us? That kinda thing? MADDIX Oh. That. Of course! Well, I suppose it'd be a bit Scrooge like of me not to acknowledge what happened on Sunday, wouldn't it? I mean, you did exactly what I asked of you, get Cucaracha Internacional back on track with a win on Pay Per View! You guys WON, right? The SURVIVORS! What do you need a talk for, you must be full of pep as it is! Am I right? I'm right, aren't I? You're still excited almost a week on, I can tell. And I'm excited for you. So, congratulations all round. There's just the small problem of YOU LETTING ME GET ELIMINATED! Having been giddy up until now, Blonde suddenly sinks back to earth. MADDIX I got pinned 1, 2, 3. And then I got smacked upside the head with a steel chair by Tha Puerto Rican. So you'll forgive me if I'm not doling out the Christmas presents just yet, because quite frankly I am feeling a bit Scrooge like! You guys won and that's great. But you've still got plenty of work to do to get back in my good books. Winning was the least, the absolute bare minimum I expected out of you considering we were four on two up. Winning just righted the ship. We didn't make an impact like I wanted. A clean sweep, all four of us surviving, THAT would have made an impact. In the end, all you did was beat two opponents and let me get pinned. BLACK Let you? So you're sayin' it was our fault? MADDIX Come on Nat, there were three of you stood on the apron and you're telling me not one of you could jump in and break the count? *phone rings* Get on the ball already guys. Come on. Landon ends his 'pep talk' by taking the call and leaving the locker room, leaving behind an awkward silence. With teeth gritted, Black turns to Blonde, who smiles nervously. BLONDE He's got a point. BLACK Oh piss off. Black throws up his hands and walks out on Blonde who shrugs to Faqu.

Have you ever noticed how everyone has their own dressing room? Have you ever noticed how many dressing rooms that makes? Have you ever noticed how we always end up in at least three of these dressing rooms per show, even if the people inside those locker rooms have no match and therefore don't need a locker room? Well, now we're outside the In Crowd's locker room. *shrugs* I dunno what to tell ya. Except of course that Jade Rodez-Duncan, the OAOAST Women's Champion, is stood outside it with her title belt in hand. Jade seems to have been standing by the door for a little while now and is busy trying to psyche herself up, unduly worried about how her clothes are fitting and what expression should be on her face when the door opens. If only she could summon up the courage to knock on the door. JADE Okay, you can do this. You're awesome. You're awesome. Jade's fist hovers in front of the door... and drops sadly. JADE Who am I kidding? Just as Jade's about to skulk off though, she jumps at the sight of TONY TOURETTES appearing next to him. *KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK* TONY OPEN UP YA COCK SUCKING STAIN LICKER!! Tony turns and gives Jade a genuinely warm smile, further throwing her off, before shuffling off down the hallway. Before Jade knows what's happening, she then finds herself face to face with BOHEMOTH, who has opened the door wondering what's going on. JADE OH! Oh... uhm, hey, uh... listen, that wasn't me, I... BOHEMOTH Deep breath. What did you want? Jade takes that deep breath... TONY (off in the distance, having knocked another door) ...lemme in you faggot whore or I'll stick my cock in your nose an... ...and Jade, as instructed earlier, improvises. JADE My Mom and Alix are fighting... yeah... and, I just had to get out of there. So I was wondering... if maybe I could come in... and watch the show? BOHEMOTH I don't see why not. Go right in. For a moment Jade is frozen to the spot, before she finally enters the locker room, hands by her side as if afraid to even touch anything. Bohemoth meanwhile calls over a passing by backstage hand. BOHEMOTH Any chance you can grab us some food? Thanks. The worker hurries off busily, while Bo turns back inside to find Jade very carefully sitting down. BOHEMOTH So what's the fight about? JADE Oh, uh... horses. BOHEMOTH Right. Bohemoth sits himself down and puts on the TV, with Jade still looking shocked to have gotten this far. COMMERCIAL

u hideous shit creatures! Write me another match!

COLE Coming up next, tag team action featuring The Love Doctors against the pair of individuals who did this to them a couple of weeks ago. OAOAST FLASHBACK HeldDOWN~! November 14, 2008 Upon the video’s conclusion we cut backstage where Tony Brannigan is with Mr. Dick and Malaysia. BRANNIGAN In his first television interview since joining the Deadly Alliance one week ago, I have the opportunity to speak with this man, Mr. Dick. He’s of course accompanied by Malaysia. MR. DICK (chewing gum) Now officially the world’s most deadliest woman I might add. BRANNIGAN Be that as it may, before we get to your match tonight, let us go back to this past Sunday night at November Reign. You both had major bouts on the card, but neither one was successful. In fairness to you, however, Mr. Dick, it became 2 on 1 once team captain Theodore Moneymaker hung you out to dry. Though it doesn’t change the fact you guys blew a 4 on 2 advantage. MR. DICK At least you called a spade a spade, Brannigan. But you failed to mention how Malaysia got robbed of the Women’s title. She had Jade Rodez right where she wanted her until Auntie Alix came to her aid. BRANNIGAN Need I remind you that match was no disqualification? A stipulation Malaysia specifically demanded! MALAYSIA Let my little pony gallop awhile longer before I take her out back and put her down. It’s not the kill, it’s the thrill of the chase. The terror in your eyes, the fear in your voice… Ooh, it makes me feel so…alive. BRANNIGAN That’s one sick lady you got there. MR. DICK She’s fine. And so am I after the luxury liner I was on Sunday night sank. Had there been a co-captain onboard, like say me, once the captain fell asleep behind the wheel I could’ve steered the ship in the right direction. Instead our so-called captain abandon ship with a very important piece of cargo still onboard. BRANNIGAN Allow me to guess -- you. MR. DICK (nodding head) Fortunately my enormous package kept me afloat and I was able to navigate the rocky waters back to shore. That’s why Malaysia and I are excited to be part of the premier organization in this industry, the Deadly Alliance. When Alfredo and the boys say they’re gonna do something, they get it done. There’s no false promises or empty rhetoric when it comes to the DA, just like there ain’t with me. I told everybody bigger and better things lied ahead for Mr. Dick and after last week I’d say things...just...got...DEADLIER! BRANNIGAN You’ve got the catchphrase down, but can you keep The Love Doctors down in order to pick up the victory here tonight? MR. DICK What are they so angry about anyway? They’re lucky I didn’t go to the review board to get their licenses revoked after the way they treated me when I came seeking medical assistance. But they’ll be a pretty good test for us before the Anderson Cup. BRANNIGAN Wait a minute. You and Malaysia in the Anderson Cup? MR. DICK Isn’t that right around the corner? BRANNIGAN January 2009, yes. MR. DICK Figured so. I’ve been in a few of those rodeos; never won it because a man can only carry someone else’s weight around for so long. The 2009 Anderson Cup is gonna be a whole new different story though. I got me a partner who can handle their fair share of the load this go around. BRANNIGAN Do you not remember who the current tag titleholders are? MR. DICK Reject and TK. And I see where you’re getting at. Well I got some Hot Newz~! for you, pal. I ran this idea past the DA and they love it. See, there ain’t nobody who can dethrone the champs, so we’re in it for the other gold prize at stake -- that humongous trophy awarded to the winner. Malaysia and I could have some real fun with that. BRANNIGAN MALAYSIA Hmm, just the thought of you jabbing that big hard wooden trophy deep inside drives me CRAZY. BRANNIGAN I’d be careful doing anything out of the ordinary with that thing. Think about the splinters! MALAYSIA (eyes rolled in back of head) OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!!! MR. DICK I think she’s ready for action, wouldn’t you say? So Love Doctors, whatcha gonna do when Dickzilla and the world’s most deadliest women pop all over you?! When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ride! I date a girl who whips my hide And my 12 inches is my greatest pride I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! The music segues to “Womanizer” as Mr. Dick and Malaysia march out through a golden shower of pyro. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Coming down the aisle, representing THE DEADLY ALLIANCE! First, from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, a former Women’s Champion, presenting the Ultimate Combination of Beauty and Beatdowns... MMMMAAALLLLLLAAAAAYYYYYSIA!! Her partner hails from San Antonio, Texas, and weights in at a hard 237 pounds… MISSSSSTERRRRRRRR DICK!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Real American Dick channels his inner Hulk Hogan, cupping not his ear but his BALL SACK in every which direction, before he tears away his chaps and parades around in short shorts with a heart strategically placed on his crotch. COACH Ever heard of ball in a cup, Cole? Well this is the new organic version of it, BALLS in a cup! COLE I understand our broadcast colleague Tony Brannigan has paged The Love Doctors to the interview area. Let’s go to them right now. And we do, to find Dr. Max scribbling on his clipboard and Dr. Steven making sure his t-shirt plugging his Love Live program on local Chicago radio is front and center. BRANNIGAN Arguably their biggest match to date, tonight my guests look to avenge a beat down from two weeks ago. DR. STEVEN We have all the paperwork in order Tony, all that’s left to fill out is Mr. Dick and Malaysia’s time of death. DR. MAX Ever heard the phrase “the operation was a success but the patient died”? BRANNIGAN Indeed I have. DR. MAX/STEVEN This is one operation we hope the patients do die! *WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I've got a bad case of lovin' you 20,000 screaming Osmonds, mostly on Marie’s side of the fence, welcome the Love Doctors onstage, and for their loyal and vocal support they are treated to a strip tease! BUFFER And their opponents! Hailing from Chicago, Illinois, the team of MAX ANDERSON and STEVEN PIGLEY... THE LOOOOOOOOOVE DOCTORS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Anderson and Pigley wave and blow kisses to their adoring fans. The Doctors of Doctornomics pumped for their match. COACH I bet there isn’t a day that goes by Anderson and Pigley don’t regret setting up their practice in Salt Lake City. They’d be the richest men in the world had they done so! COLE If you wanna go there, Coach, I suggest you call in to the Love Line hosted by Dr. Steven Pigley on local Chicago radio and ask. Some teams use rock, paper, scissors to determine who’ll start for their team, Mr. Dick and Malaysia, however, squeeze each other’s crotches until somebody releases. Never one to go off prematurely the Human Hard On emerges victorious. COLE That’s kind of like how we decide who speaks first, Coach. COACH In your dreams maybe. Malaysia concedes defeat with a congratulatory bite on the ear. Meanwhile, Anderson gets the nod for The Love Doctors. * DINGDINGDING * Threaten little by his opponent Mr. Dick grabs a side headlock and gives Dr. Max a NUGGIE~! COACH COLE How disrespectful. I’d love nothing more than to see that man go on a Gurney to the Center of the Earth. MD hears it from the crowd for his balls in a cup taunt, to which he challenges anybody to do something about it. Max Anderson does with an arm drag out of a tie-up and body slam. Dick charges back and into a side headlock takedown, then a NUGGIE! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" MR. DICK A dropkick wipes the look off MD’s face and leads to a tag. Face to face, Malaysia offers Dr. Max the first punch. Ever the gentlemen he declines, preferring to lockup instead. * FOREARM~! * “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Unlike the good doctor, Malaysia has no problem firing the first shot. Anderson shakes off the cobwebs and issues a warning, one that goes unheeded. * FOREARM~! * His patience wearing thin Dr. Max asks Malaysia to wrestle, not fight. Malaysia ignores his request and fires another forearm…but does a faceplant courtesy of a drop toehold! Anderson places her in a front facelock and tags fellow Love Doctor Steven Pigley. COACH Did you see that, Cole? Max Anderson totally copped a feel. He ought to have his licensed removed and be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. There’s no place for that kind of harassment. COLE This wouldn’t have anything to do with their blue M&M rib on you? COACH I don’t know what you’re talking about. COLE Riiight. Malaysia rakes the eyes to escape an arm-wringer, then across the back for kicks. YAKUZA KICK TO THE CHEST floors Pigley. The cover. ONE! TWO! NO! The Real American Dick cheers on his main squeeze as she decides to inflict more pain on her foe. Scooped for a slam Dr. Pigley manages to float over the top and roll Malaysia up in a SCHOOL BOY! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Dr. Max and Mr. Dick enter the fray and a pier-six erupts. Whipped into each other MD is spun around from the impact and drops on all fours…and Malaysia just so happens to fall right behind to put the pair in a hilarious compromising position. COLE COACH Oh, yeah. You laugh now but I promise you’ll be crying later. This match is far from over. MD and Malaysia roll outside to regroup. COLE Fans, the tape machines are rolling. Should the match end during the break we’ll show it to you when we return. But stay right where you are. HeldDOWN~! continues after these messages. Tonight following HeldDOWN~! on TSM The action resumes with Mr. Dick paint brushing Dr. Steven in an arm bar. Pigley fights back and breaks free, but MD reverses a whip and lands a clothesline… NO, CRUCIFIX BOMB!!! COLE Back to live action and WHAT A COUNTER! ONE! TWO! THR-- KICKOUT! Dr. Pigley heads up top following a suplex for his patent SHOOTING STAR ELBOW. He plays to the crowd and lives to regret it as Malaysia SWIPES his legs out from under, CROTCHING the Love Doctor on the turnbuckle! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Mr. Dick unloads a FACIAL, formerly the discus punch, on Pigley that knocks him outside where Malaysia delivers a slam on the arena floor. Malaysia receives the tag once Dr. Steven is dumped back in and hits a butterfly suplex, then hooks the leg on the pin attempt. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Short-arm elbow smash levels Pigley, whose chest Malaysia tries to leave her imprint on with repeated stomps. The Ultimate Combination of Beauty and Beatdowns rams Dr. Steven into the buckle and, following a tag, joins Mr. Dick in a picturesque double back suplex! ONE! TWO! THR-- NO! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Luckily for Dr. Steven his colleague Max was there to make the save. COACH You put it well, Mikey Cole. The Love Doctors got lucky. If not for Dr. Max there’s no doubt in my mind that would’ve been it. * PATOOEY * A wad of spit is enough to bait Dr. Max inside, which allows MD and Malaysia to put the boots to Dr. Steven while the official deals with the other Love Doctor. COACH Go ahead and whine, Cole. Be like Mack Brown and the University of Texas. Like them, by now you should know how the game is played. It may not always be fair but at the end of the day the objective is simple: just win, baby. JUST BEING A DICK, Pigley is head butted in the groin! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Once again the legal participant, Malaysia sits Dr. Steven upright and grinds her knee into the back of his spine while yanking his hair with one hand and his nose with the other! COACH This move even pains me, baby boy. I’ve got such a great but controversial line. COLE Well say it that way I wouldn’t have to deal with you anymore! * CLAP * CLAP * CLAP * CLAP * Fueled by the crowd Pigley hits a jawbreaker to break from Malaysia’s grip, setting the stage for a most thrilling finish. Their respective partners in position for the tag, it becomes a race to see who can reach their corner first. Mr. Dick turns this into a game of inches, shoving his pelvis through the ropes to make the tag all the more easier for Malaysia. And it pays dividends as she tags his member, but the Love Doctors tag as well! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" MR. DICK SPINNING BACKFISTS put MD on his heels long enough for a whip and BAAAAAAAAACK BODYDROP! The Real American Dick begs off to buy Malaysia time to sneak up on Dr. Max, but he spots and drops her with a clothesline! COACH What a fraud Max Anderson is. He waits until Malaysia isn’t ready to throw a cheap shot. This after she offered him the first punch earlier in the match. COLE I don’t know what match you’re watching, but it sure as hell isn’t the same one I am. MD blindsides Dr. Max, then presses him in the air on the rebound…but Anderson slips out and with assistance from Dr. Steven they hit an inverted atomic drop/dropkick combo! COACH It’s the Lovematic Grampa! The Love Doctors aren’t done yet. With their opponent dazed they take him on a GURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH~!!! The cover. ONE! TWO! MALAYSIA YANKS EARL HEBNER AWAY AND SCURRIES OFF TO AVOID DETECTION! EARL Unbeknownst to Dr. Steven, Malaysia appears behind and delivers a LOW BLOW~! Dr. Max charges forward and into a big BOSSMAN SLAM!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Malaysia stomps on Mr. Dick’s pubes to revive him, and he finishes Dr. Max off with the COCK BLOCK! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match… MR. DICK and MALAYSIA! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE An impressive victory to say the least. This, ladies and gentlemen, the kind of action you’ll see when the Anderson Cup kicks off next month. COACH No other team should even bother entering the Anderson Cup. After their performance tonight I say Mr. Dick and Malaysia are the clear favorites.

The very sexy Kim Sozzi sings us back to HeldDOWN with her epic and sensual trance anthem It's a good job we've got so many cameras in so many locker rooms and it can't be constituted as spying in any way. Because now we're required in the locker room of Krista Isadora Duncan and assorted family. Alix isn't really family, but as good as and she's there to greet an actual member of family, Jade Rodez-Duncan, as she arrives with her bags fashionably late. ALIX Eeek! There's my little Champion! Alix runs up and gives Jade a big and above all unexpected hug, squeezing the life out of the poor girl to the point that she almost drops the bag she's carrying. By the time Alix has prised herself off of Jade she's left with aching ribs and a cough, which she tries to hide out of courtesy. She sets her bag down, before glancing over at Krista, who sits on the luxurious brown leather couch only her dressing room could command, busy reading over a glossy celebrity magazine which we cannot name due to advertising laws! JADE Hi Mom. KRISTA (barely listening) Oh, hey Stephen. How's the radio show going? ALIX She can't hear you sweetie. She's lost in goss'. It's great! I've already bagged a new widescreen TV and tickets to a West End show this weekend! Boy, is she gonna be pissed when she realises I'm not really Marilyn Monroe come back to life and just wanting to be loved by her, just her! Worth it. So worth it. Anysnickles, how are you feeling? Are you okay? Is everything good? Doin' okay? Everything kosher? Feelin' fine? JADE I'm a li... ALIX Just chill? Good in the hood? Killer awesome? Do go on. JADE ...I'm a little sore, few bumps and bruises. Nothing too major, ALIX But you're still the champeen, ain'tcha! All those people who said you couldn't beat Malaysia, they were all wrong. Malaysia, Mr. Dick, Terry Taylor, Coach, Alix Maria Spezia, Las Vegas oddsmakers who were strangely unco-operative on the idea of betting on pro-wrestling, they were ALL wrong! All those people who said you didn't stand a chance against that kinky sex machine and that you'd get whipped so bad people'd be like "damn, when'd they bring back slavery but spare the blacks and round up all the cute blonde cheerleaders this time, does this mean all my favourite porn sites are gonna be gone or just be more extreme now", all those people were dead wrong! All those people who called you an epic failure who was bringing down the Duncan dynasty one embarrassing, poorly choreograped public appearance at a time, stinki... JADE Yeah, yeah, I get it. ALIX Forget dose fools, Jade! Forget dose fools so hard because they were wrong and you were right all along! You're awesome now! You're so awesome, even your uncle wins titles now, that's how awesome you are! You're so awesome, you can do anything! Why, I bet you could even get Bohemoth to date you now. Or, you could become, like, a world famous race jockey and win the big Derby! We could plan it together, Jade. We could plan it together and they'd never find the money. JADE I don't know about that. ALIX Trust me I got it all figured out, I've already found a horse so we just gotta get you some horse lessons... JADE No, I mean about Bohemoth. ALIX What!? Are you crazy? He's gotta be hot to trot for you now, you're a famous race jockey! I mean a Women's Champion! You beat Malaysia in a Street Fight, didn't ya hear? Also, also! You're the fourth most searched for celebrity on AskJeeves ever since I put out that rumour about the naked photos. Right? Remember? 'Heart' the internet. Those morons'll believe anything if it involves nudity or conspiracy theories. Also, didn't ya hear me earlier when I said I bet you could do anything now? Cause you could. You just gotta be super confident and super quick before your luck runs out and you're not awesome anymore. JADE What's that suppos... ALIX NO TIME TO TALK! TIME TO ACT! You gotta march right over there and get with that Big Bo thang! Seduce him while you're seductable! GO NOW! AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL HE'S LET YOU TOUCH HIS MUSCLES!! Much to Jade's continuing confusion and shock, which to be fair she's learnt how to deal with by now without too much fuss, she finds herself being shoved out the door by Alix and having it slammed behind her. A couple of seconds pass, before Alix suddenly routes through Jade's bag, grabbing her Women's Title belt. Luckily Jade is still in shock and stood behind the door as Alix passes it to her. JADE Wait! What am I supposed to say? ALIX Improvise. And don't forget, you're awesome! *SLAM!* KRISTA What was that? ALIX Nothing, nothing. Now, let's talk about that motor scooter for my underpriviledged students again, Miss Duncan. They'd like it to be pink... Krista nods her head without listening, causing Alix to bounce up and down and clap her hands together like a playful child. COMING UP NEXT MISTER DICK AND MALAYSIA VS THE LOVE DOCTORS NEXT COMMERCIAL