Patty O'Green

Yeah, uh! Get up, now! Ow! Knock out this! Super highways, coast to coast, easy to get anywhere On the transcontinental overload, just slide behind the wheel How does it feel The late James Brown's "Living in America" blares in the background as the ALL-AMERICAN BOYS march to the ring waving Old Glory. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest, one fall with 10 minute time limit. Introducing first, from the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave...FREEDOM and LIBERTY…the All-American Boys! “USA!” “USA!” “USA!” HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! BUFFER And their opponents, led down the aisle by HOLLY-WOOD…COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents the GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time, THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Well, fans, a week has past since Los Diablos de Fuego issued a challenge to the Heavenly Rockers. A challenge the Heavenly Rockers dismissed one week ago on the program, Coach. COACH The fact of the matter is, Los Diablos aren’t in their league, Cole. Not only are the Heavenly Rockers talented musicians, they’re also former tag team champions of the world. What can you say about Los Diablos other than their biggest claim to fame is being Mexican and gay? * DINGDINGDING * Synth and Liberty exit as the bell sounds, leaving Freedom and Logan as the legal men. Freedom extends his hand to Mann, who surprisingly accepts it…and then nails the promoter of freedom and liberty throughout the world with a WICKED LEFT HOOK~! COLE Logan Mann has no respect for anyone. How mighty this man of once great character has fallen in recent months. Logan quickly hooks the head and spikes Freedom into the canvas! COACH Percussion DDT! Enter Liberty to breakup the cover, but Synth gets to him first, using Logan as a springboard to level the masked patriot with a forearm smash. ONE… TWO… THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners… THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS! The match is over but the carnage is not, as Colonel Abdullah instructs Synth and Logan to punish the All-American Boys some more. WAHAHAHAHA, WAH, WAH, WAH... “YEAH!” SYNTH/LOGAN COLE Hey! COACH It can’t be. The Heavenly Rockers prepare for unwelcome guests, but when no one arrives they go back to business, setting up the All-American Boys for another round of Percussion…that is until LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO burst onto the scene. The crowd erupts as the flaming luchadors take it to Synth and Logan, knocking them outside with stereo dropkicks. Ready to go for a second round, Abdullah and Holly are forced to restrain the Heavenly Rockers as OAOAST officials get in between the warring factions. COLE Oh, I think Los Diablos have the Heavenly Rockers attention now. At this time, let’s go to Tony Schiavone in the OAOAST newsroom. Viewers are mesmerized by the flashy cutting edge graphics that open the segment. How you feeling? (Hot hot hot) How you feeling? (Hot hot hot) (Hot hot hot)(Hot hot hot) (Hot hot hot)(Hot hot hot)... HOT NEWZ~! SCHIAVONE Columbus, Georgia, brace yourself. HeldDOWN~! comes to you LIVE next week. The event is sold out, but you can still catch all the action from the comfort of your home right here on TSM. One of the exciting bouts already signed will feature one half of The Love Doctors, Steven Pigley, and Los Diablos de Fuego, Moracca, teaming up against Logan Mann of the Heavenly Rockers and the Beverly Hills Blonds’ Simon Singleton. How those former rivals will fare as a team is anyone’s guess. But this past weekend on OAOAST Pro Wrestling my broadcast colleague Jesse “The Body” Ventura caught up with Ned Blanchard and a new and improved Simon Singleton. Courtesy: OAOAST Syndicated SCHIAVONE Thank you very much, Jesse. With this piece of Hot Newz, I’m Tony Schiavone. The hard hitting wrestling of the OAOAST returns after this time out. COMMERCIAL

After we return from break, our image is that of the backstage interview lounge, outfitted with a variety of games such as pool and air hockey, and who's walls are lined with videoscreens that show various sporting events from around the country. In the middle of this area are 4 time OAOAST tag team champions Chicks Over Dicks. Alix wears a pair of maroon Abercrombie fleece pants with a white screen print logo running down the side, and of course the matching maroon fleece. GOTTA COORDINATE! Krista sports a tight tank top that reads WAGE LOVE SPREAD PEACE, and a pair of vintage wash jeans. As there isn't an interviewer around, the champs are left to talk amongst themselves. KRISTA Honey, how come we only go to gay bars? ALIX Uh, I dunno, could it be because we're both...uh...like crazy fluent in dyke? KRISTA Why are we only going to gay male bars? They hate women, and we hate men. What's the point of us even trying to get along?! Its like dental dams, a good idea, but nobody does it. Why can't we ever go out somewhere fun, and calm, where no one in their right mind would ever be caught dead at? Like a hockey game. ALIX Uh-uh, no way, translate espanol, no way jose! Last time I went to see the Kings play, I lost my arm in a road house rumble to Luc Robatille! KRISTA What? You have both your arms! ALIX Oh, really, Lilly, Then how come I just got a disability check in the mail? KRISTA That was an issue of Rolling Stone! ALIX I think I would know if I lost my leg. KRISTA You just said it was your arm! Have you been eating peyote again? ALIX Shut your mouth, flying dragon. And quit breathing fire at me! Before Krista can char Alix to a crisp, the absentee interviewer, Terry Taylor, makes his way onto the scene. TAYLOR Girls, girls! Mind if I get a word with you? KRISTA Ugh, Terry Taylor. ALIX I knew I smelled urine from somewhere! TAYLOR I took a shower Girls, two weeks ago at Zero Hour you made another successful title defense of your tag team gold, this time upending the last ever HI-YAH tag team champions, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. But, the victory didn't come without controversy, as Krista was able to win the match by snipping at Lucius Soul's fro forcing him into submission. Krista, that fro is Soul's source of strength and his greatest pride, don't you feel a little bad for what you've done? KRISTA Terry Taylor despite being the most perfect angel to ever descend from the heavens, even I, Krista Isadora Duncan, have my moments of sadness. For instance I feel bad that I flew Ned to Washington DC during that whole sniper scare and made him stand outside gas stations wearing a bullseye on his chest. I feel bad that I watched Are You Smarter Then a Fifth Grader for more then six minutes, I have two masters degrees from Standford damn right I'm smarter then the misogynisitc homophobes of tomorrow, and the unmitigated assholes who put them on television. I also have the deepest regrets that I actually paid eight dollars and fifty cents to see any Michael Douglas movie not named Traffic. ALIX And she feels hella bad that she stole King Neptune's crown right off the top of his head, framed Mister Krabs for the crime, nearly got the king to go Mortal Kombat Sub Zero style on him, stole the Krabby Patty secret forumla, brainwashed the entire town of Bikini Bottom with mind controlling bucket helmets to eat at the Chum Bucket, and build supersize monuments to her! KRI Sweetie, how many times must I tell you that was Plankton! ALIX Nice try, Plankton! But you can't fool me! For Mister Krabs! Alix begins clawing at Plankton's(?!) head in an effort to rip his Krista costume off. Unfortunately Plankton is a cartoon character, and three inches tall. Krista is real, and five feet and ten inches, making the costume somewhat improbable. That doesn't stop Alix, though! What does stop her is Krista shoving her away. KRISTA If this is some kind of new aggressive foreplay you've come up with, you and the Nicole Kidman issue of Vanity Fair will be getting very friendly with one another the next couple of days. And Terry, finally I'm very sorry I entered your mother into the Westerminster Dog Show. But if weren't for that damn piano playing basset hound we would've taken the whole thing! But I'll tell you this, that rendition of No More Drama brought me to tears, Terry! Tears! ALIX And the doctor said another botox injection would dry her tear ducts out. Psh! KRISTA But if you're asking me if I feel bad for butchering a haircut that needs to join British Bulldog, Curt Hennig, Eddie Guerroro, and Christian Wright, in the pro-wres detox clinic in the sky.... TAYLOR Christian Wright isn't dead! KRISTA Yet. The hitman I hired wanted to stop at Popeyes for a bucket of chicken. Love that chicken from Popeyes! Anyway, my answer to your question begins with an N and ends with a O. ALIX Wait, wait, wait, don't tell me, 'cause I totally got this one. Starts with N and ends with an O. Oh, Krista you sly minx, you. What a brain teaser you've come up with, but there's no fooling me, after all I do own two associate degrees from DeShaniqua's school of Cosmetology and Taxidermy. I believe the word you're looking for is irregardless. KRISTA That's not even a word, dummy! ALIX Woah ho-ho! Why so snarky sparky? No need get all chalant on me. KRISTA That's not a word either, you idiot! ALIX Look, it's your Batmitzvah, sweetiecakes, I'm just lighting the Torah. We can stand around and make up words like chalant, and irregardless, and..uh....speckensubbenossenfrafboppenjobbinmoof all day long, or we can sneak into the janitor's closet and I will go down on you harder and faster then a dairy cattle at feeding time. And before you say that's not appealing, know that the dairy cattle consumes more food then any other farm animal! KRISTA Well, this is one cow girl who's going to have trouble keeping her calves together! TAYLOR Wait, girls, before you go to uh....consummate your love that dare not speak its name, let's keep talking about The Wrecking Crew for a little bit. Now, many OAOAST observers, myself included, were completely delighted with the way in which you beat The Wrecking Crew at Zero Hour. But from an objective competition standpoint, wrestling websites around the globe were buzzing over whether it was a fair victory or not. Will you give The Wrecking Crew the rematch they've petitioned for? ALIX Terry you're such a cockblock. Or in our case a tongue block! Dude, just 'cause we once dumped a couple thousand pounds of manueur into Simon Singleton's convertible at three AM in the morning, and just because we told airport security Synth Esizer was carrying ten thousands dollars worth of Colombian pure bewteen his buttcheeks doesn't mean we're bad to the bone! TAYLOR It just means you find non-consent M2M assplay to be pretty gosh darn hot! Well, that makes three of us! KRISTA & ALIX TMI, TERRY! KRISTA Really, it doesn't mean we're mean people. We're fair girls, we're the giving type. And we realize that without a tag title shot, without a feud with the most popular team in OAOAST history, although that's not saying much considering past champions have been a man who talks to a fish and Prince Albert, a guy named after a piercing of the urethra. Anyway, without us The Wrecking Crew have about as much a chance as staying relevant as Garry Glitter has of ever being allowed to chill with the cast of High School Musical. So, we're gonna offer the Crew another heat killing burial rematch, at Halloween Spectacular in Dayton Florida! TAYLOR ZOMG! ALIX I know, right! Like, we wanted to do something really spectacular for the match, but the Florida state athletic commission kinda frowns upon dismemberment, chainsaws, human sacrifice and it turns out Keith Moon of The Who has been dead for thirty years. But go figure they do approve of zombies, mummies, witches, vampires, warlocks and Kirstin Dunst, so we're gonna get down at the third ever Run For The Gold 3: Haunted House edition! TAYLOR Double ZOMG! The first two Run For The Golds were legendary, star making events! KRISTA Such a star making bout that only three people from the first two matches are still in the OAOAST! And thanks to Zack Malibu, as of last week, one of them will be sitting down to pee for the rest of his adult life. And Alix if you say that's Leon Rodez, I'll forever question what exactly the “suspect” in Usual Suspects truly means. TAYLOR Anymore words for Rico and Soul before we head to break? KRISTA Like Deanna Troi from Star Trek, with blond hair and an even tighter outfit, if you can imagine that, I can read your mind, Crew, and what a story your thoughts can tell. You can think you can easily waltz right in and out of a little rinky dink cheesy Haunted House and get your gold. As Hall and Oates would sing, I can't go for that. Because to get out the house, you have to go through me. And when you come near me I get like daylight savings time, I spring forward, you fall backwards. You see this ten thousand dollar diamond ring? Do you know what it means? ALIX That you cover up fatal personality flaws with overpriced clothing and accessories in order to mask the insecure and frightened woman you really are? KRISTA I really really hope you like that Nicole Kidman issue of Vanity Fair. What it means is that when I knock the Wrecking Crew six ways from Sunday, I will leave its imprint on their forehead for the rest of their hopefully very short life. Every time you get the misfortune of looking in the mirror you'll be reminded of Krista Isadora Duncan and her ten thousand dollar punch. Not a pleasant thought. When your on your way to the street corner to see how much Moneymaker's sister's is whoring herself for tonight, someone'll look at your head, and say “How'd you get that?” “Ya know Krista Isadora Duncan?” “Is she the one who's fitness videos allegedly contain subliminal messages that tell you to send letter bombs to the white house?” “Yes! “What about her? “Oh she just clocked me face and reduced me to the bawling mess of bitchmade suckiness I truly am.” You're entire lives will be lived in shame. A pair of physical kings like you, beat by a high heel, short skirt wearing girl. People will get all hushed tones on you when you walk by "Hey, that's the dude that got beat up by Denise Austin." "No, man, I think it was Jane Fonda" "What a pussy, let's go pour motor oil down his pants." Forget a three month tag title reign, all you're coming to get is one punch to the face, and lifetime of humiliation. TAYLOR Girls, thank you as always. It's been a pleasure! For the OAOAST, I am Terry Taylor, reminding you to tune into Halloween Spectacular for the third ever Run For The Gold. COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS IN ACTION NEXT

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD As our theme song pumps its funked out stylings through television sets across the globe, the dazzling introductory video is displayed, now featuring the recently returned Sandman, and newly crowned US Champion Colombian Heat. The logo dissolves revealing for us the world famous OAOAST set that I will actually describe tonight! Protruding from above and behind the Angletron is a thin video screen that circles all the way back towards the backstage area, and is highlighted by a neon white and black film strip pattern border. It rests atop a black ceiling that dances soft blue, purple and white spotlights across a slick black entrance floor, which is actually made up of numerous video screens. Beneath the ceiling are two walls that house two sets of video screens, each mirroring what's seen on the Angletron and each shrouded by the glow from roving purple lights. The entrance door sits at the base of the Angletron, leading to short set of long illuminated black stairs. At each side of the entrance set, are a pair of spiraling staircases, decorated by the trademark purple and blue spotlights, and both leading to scaffolding. Our announce team stands in front of the ring, recipients of the only light in an otherwise dimly lit arena. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, OAOAST HeldDOWN is on the air, and myself and The Coach are ready to call all the action that has made the OAOAST the most watched sports entertainment program in the world! COACH Hold up right there, Mikey. The Coach, and the Coach alone has made this the most watched sports entertainment program in the world. Don't you forget that. COLE Too late. Regardless, tonight's show will be as excellent as always, we have ten man tag team action, as well as The Heavenly Rockers versus The All American Boys. All this of course leading to our huge Halloween Spectacular on October thirty first! Folks, we'll be back with the start of our OAOAST action in just a few seconds. COMMERCIAL BREAK The camera cuts to The Lightning Crew dressing room where Stephen Joseph Popick is staring at "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican. The crowd boos, although there's a few cheers mixed in there. Both Popick and PRL are in their business attires, and both men look unhappy. Popick is sitting on a table, while PRL is sitting on the big leather sofa. He has his head down. Popick takes a deep breath. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Three years...three years. P.R., how long have we had this alliance? "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN ...Three...years. POPICK Right. Right. And, uh, how many OAOAST World Heavyweight Title Matches have you had during that time? PRL Uh...um...I don't know...five...six? POPICK SEVEN, P.R. SEVEN World Title Matches! And tell me, Puerto, how many World Titles have you won in that timeframe? PRL ...Um...Zero. POPICK THAT'S RIGHT ZERO! Since May 23, 2004, you have competed for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title on SEVEN SEPERATE OCCASIONS, and you've LOST EACH AND EVERY TIME! EACH AND EVERY TIME! EACH. AND. EVE-RY. TIME. PRL So? So, what's your point? POPICK What's my point? What's my point!? God, P.R., I'VE got a World Title reign in that timeframe! Drek Stone defended the belt less than 5 times, and yet he's the longest reigning World Heavyweight Champion in OAOAST history! And despite facing Landon "La Cucarcaha" Maddix on two STRAIGHT pay-per-views, you STILL WEREN'T ABLE TO GET THE BELT OFF OF HIM! God, is it even worth it anymore!? Am I just wasting my time? Have I've just been wasting my time these past three years!? I mean, what's the point of even trying anymore!? You're just gonna choke the next time! PRL takes a deep breath. He is trying to calm himself down. PRL I've screwed up in the past. I admit it. It won't happen again. At November Reign, I WILL win the World Title! POPICK You damn well better! And you better thank your lucky stars that AngleSault gave you another Title shot, because since you used up your Golden Contract, and BLEW IT AGAIN MAY I REMIND YOU, I wouldn't be able to help you get another shot. AngleSault's back in this company, and he's not doing anyone any personal favours like some of the guys in the past. So, just be glad AngleSault still sees you as a World Title contender...because I'm starting to not think you are one. At this, PRL turns his head to Popick. THA PUERTO RICAN What did you say? POPICK I said, I'm starting to doubt you're as great as you *think* you are! I picked you as MY CORPORATE Champion because I saw something special in you, P! I saw the future of the OAOAST in your eyes! I saw a chance to leave a legacy, leave my mark in the One And Only AngleSault Thread! I thought you'd be Champion by October 2004. It is now October 2007, and what do we have to show for it? PRL A few different Title reigns. POPICK Yes, but none of them was the BIG ONE! Become X-Division Champion. Become a HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion. Carry around the Title you brought into the OAOAST again! Have the longest 24/7 Title reign in OAOAST history! Do all of that! But none of that matters unless your name is on the nameplate of the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title! I want to see your name near mine on the belt plates one day. But is that day ever gonna come? Or are we gonna be spending the next three years chasing a dream that's just out of reach? PRL Stephen, I have failed you in the past. But I will not fail you no more. At November Reign, I WILL defeat Zack Malibu. I WILL defeat Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. I WILL defeat "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez. And I WILL bring to you the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt. I promise you this. I will not fail you EVER AGAIN. POPICK You better, P.R. You better. Because if you don't. If you fail again...if you CHOKE in your EIGHTH WORLD TITLE SHOT...then...then...then I guess my time trying to mold you into something special was all for naught. I guess it was all for nothing. And I don't want that. You doing bad makes ME look bad, and I DON'T WANT TO LOOK BAD! You win the World Title at November Reign...or consider our alliance...consider our partnership...consider our FRIENDSHIP OVER! Popick gets up, walks up to the door, opens the door and leaves, slamming the door shut. POPICK THINK ABOUT WHAT I JUST SAID, PUERTO! Popick walks away. PRL hangs his head down in shame. He puts his hands over his face. He takes a deep breath and sighs. The crowd boos loudly. This is our last image before we fade to black. FADE OUT *COMMERCIALS*

BOOOO*2 all i have to offer now is one of Rescue 911.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Do you care if its heel or face? Because I volunteer Christopher Patrick Allen, if tony or kc raise no objections.

i shalt better this thread and the oaoast as whole w/pictures of hockey players from the 90's. guy hebert kevin hatcher Valeri Kamensky Ron Tugnutt

quik someone say something witty about KC

quickest posting ever!

HeldDOWN~! The Match Continues… We return to the sight of Ned Blanchard stomping a mud hole in Max Anderson. He brings the doctor out of the corner and plants him in the center of the ring with a vertical suplex. The cover. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT. Blanchard smashes Anderson face-first into Simon’s boots. Singleton accepts the tag and the Blonds deliver a double back elbow to the heart of Dr. Max. Leaping knee drop finds its mark and Simon covers. ONE… TWO… Save by Dr. Steven! The Blonds put the boots to Anderson while referee Nick Patrick deals with Steven. Not to mention the illegal switch that occurs as well. As the announcers bicker over whether a second referee is needed for tag bouts, apparently the new talking point for all Australian rule matches, the Handsome Hustler executes a flawless snap mare and spikes the point of the elbow into Anderson’s sternum! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT with semi-authority, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the Blonds. Sensing Anderson may have developed a second wind, the Blonds look to score with a high-impact maneuver. Ned lifts Max for a suplex as Simon climbs to the top, but Max floats over and pushes the Handsome Hustler into Simon, causing the strawberry blond to CROTCH HIMSELF ON THE BUCKLE! SIMON Ned shoots back at Max and into a SLEEPER HOLD! COLE How about that? It was a sleeper that beat The Love Doctors at Zero Hour and it very well could be a sleeper that picks up the win for them tonight. COACH The only difference is Ned won’t quit. Jawbreaker frees Ned from Max’s clutches, but takes a lot out of both men. When it appears The Love Doctors are close to making the tag Simon enters the ring, which immediately grabs the eye of Nick Patrick. “YEAH!” A cheer goes up as the tag is made, but it’s disallowed because the referee didn’t see it. “BOO!” COLE Oh, come on! COACH (laughs) Simon Singleton, smarter than your average blond. While Steven receives an explanation from the referee, the Blonds perform their patent DOUBLE FEATURE FLAPJACK! Another illegal switch is made and so is the cover. ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! The pin is broken up by Steven Pigley, still steaming over the blown call moments ago. Scoop slam on its way, but Max slips out over the top and nails Simon with a FLATLINER! COLE This may be the break Max needs to make the tag. He desperately needs to tag in the fresh man. Figuring it worked so well the first time, Ned distracts the ref while the Docs tag, causing Dr. Steven and fans alike to fume with rage when the exchange is overruled. Meanwhile, the Blonds try to capitalize with a double suplex, but having had enough Steven attacks them from behind. COACH This guy has no regard for the rules, Cole. That’s a flagrant violation right there. All 4 men brawl inside while the referee desperately attempts to restore order. The Blonds quell the uprising with a pair of thumb to the eyes, then look to whip Max and Steven into each other, but the Docs reverse and the Blonds collide! COACH Who are the legal men? COLE Simon and Max I think. The Love Doctors knock Ned out to the floor with a double dropkick and drop a MORPHINE BOMB on Simon! Dr. Steven covers! COACH He‘s not the legal man, Cole! And Molly knows that as well, as she hops on the apron to protest, while continuing to film of course. COLE Not this crap again! We saw Mackenzie DeCenzo pull that stunt at Zero Hour. COACH Yeah, and it worked. Just like it’s going to work now. Besides, she’s arguing a valid point. How in the hell could the referee not know who the legal man is? COLE You didn’t know. COACH Because I’m too busy carrying your ass to a hearable broadcast. Molly soon finds herself up close and personal with Dr. Steven Pigley. Nick Patrick does his part to keep the peace, but Ned Blanchard escalates the violence, tossing Steven outside. But he, too, goes tumbling over the top courtesy of a clothesline from Dr. Max, who is immediately rolled up by Simon! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Steven reverses! ONE… TWO… Simon kicks Dr. Anderson forward into the direction of Molly, who shoots from her POV as she CLOCKS MAX WITH THE SICLOPSE CAMERA! COACH That shot alone just won her a cinematography award at next year’s Oscars. School boy! ONE… TWO… THREE! * DINGDINGDING * By the time Steven breaks up the count it’s too late, as Simon rolls off and celebrates with Ned and Molly outside. BUFFER Here are your winners… THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDESSSSS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE I can’t believe it. The Love Doctors got jobbed. COACH Maybe they’ll finally get the hint and keep asking for matches against The Enterprise. COLE I highly doubt that. The Love Doctors want to face the best competition in the world and everybody knows that’s in the OAOAST. Right now they’re earning their Ph.D. in the school of hard knocks. Folks, we'll see you next week!

This Past Sunday ZERO HOUR Courtesy: OAOAST Home Entertainment We cut to Michael Cole at Sofa Central, joined via satellite by the Heavenly Rockers inside their Sin City recording studio. COLE Thanks for staying with us, ladies and gentlemen. You’ve seen the footage, now let’s hear from the perpetrators in Sunday night’s heinous assault, as the Heavenly Rockers, Colonel Abdullah Nerdly and yes, Holly-Wood have been kind enough to appear on the program, although I can‘t say I‘m too thrilled to about it. LOGAN ABDULLAH Is that how you welcome guests, by insulting them? How can the country built on freedom of speech and expression claim such a thing when it slams those with differing viewpoints? COLE What occurred Sunday night was no freedom of expression, sir. It was borderline criminal assault! ABULLAH LOGAN Calm down, Colonel. Let me handle this. Michael Cole, instead of editorializing you ought to be on your hands and knees thanking us for granting this world exclusive. The Today show, Oprah, Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters all flooded our HQ looking to land the hottest interview in town. Everybody wants to hear from the Heavenly Rockers. They want to know how Holly could turn her back like that on Melody, the broad who looks up to my wife the same way millions of young girls do her. It’s no secret the most honest people on earth are rock stars and our friends in the adult entertainment industry. Well today’s your lucky day, because it just so happens we‘re not only rock stars... COACH Oh, my God! You and Holly have a sex tape?! LOGAN And not just with each other either. COACH HOLLY LOGAN As I was saying, the Heavenly Rockers aren’t only rock stars; they’re the greatest rock ’n’ wrestling band of all-time! SYNTH LOGAN So without further ado, back by popular demand, the original trio of bad boys and nasty girl together again. The Angel of Death who’ll tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the brutally honest truth…my wife Holly-Wood! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Lolly share a sloppy wet kiss, to the delight of Synth. HOLLY The bitch is back and raising more hell than ever! Rather than ask why, which is so cliché, people should be saying about time. It’s about time Melody realized her role in wrestling, and that’s she has none. Melody, here’s a free piece of advice, hon: grow up! Seriously, is it really that big of a shock I decided to spike Melody on her head? Anybody who’s spent 5 minutes with her knows she’ll drive you insane with her geeky behavior. I don’t care about the newest cheats you learned watching that awful G4 channel. I don’t want to camp out in front of a GameStop to buy a game featuring a phony solider at 12 midnight. The one thing that kept me sane was the surprise we had in store for her at Zero Hour. COLE So it was a set-up? HOLLY Duh, stupid! From the beginning. Once we got rid of the Lone Star Gunslingers I knew I could wrap Melody around my little finger. A simple request and she’d be jumping through flaming hoops for me. Worked like a charm. Putting to use my previous skills as a publicist, I leaked word of a pending divorce from Logan and everybody bought it. Melody even tried to hook me up with one of her brothers. Of course I sent word to Logan and now the Sk8ter Boiz are on the disable list along with the Gunslingers. LOGAN COLE This was pre-mediated! LOGAN And just like Phil Spector, we got away with it! COLE Before we let you go, what about Los Diablos de Fuego? SYNTH What about them homies? COLE Do you accept their challenge or not? LOGAN You mean that wasn’t some fan boy posting BS online? Los Diablos really want a shot at us? ABDULLAH Please, the Heavenly Rockers have their sights on bigger and better things, namely the One & Only World tag team championship. However, if Los Diablos wish to engage in athletic competition, perhaps my dearest sister Melody can lend them her copy of the latest OAOAST video game because that’s the closest they’ll come. Praise Abdullah and the Heavenly Rockers! *WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you The satellite feed ends as The Love Doctors head to the squared circle. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the Windy City, at a total combine weight of 436 pounds, MAX ANDERSON and STEVEN PIGLEY…THE LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOVVEEEEE DOCTOORRRRSSSS!! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Anderson and Pigley send the ladies into a frenzy by removing their lab coats. One overzealous female admirer jumps the railing and pals around with Doctors of Love until she’s pounced on by security and inexplicably the Kansas City Chiefs mascot. COLE The Heavenly Rockers might have taken Los Diablos de Fuego’s challenge lightheartedly, but I assure you Moracca and Mariachi are dead serious about it. Anyway, Coach, our next match has The Love Doctors facing the Beverly Hills Blonds. COACH Yeah, it seems as though the Docs are having a hard time getting over their loss to Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright at Zero Hour and asked for a rematch, which sources inside the OAOAST say Teddy and CW were up for but they had prior engagements to attend. COLE That’s their story and they’re sticking to it, right? COACH Like they’d lie. Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime The red carpet is rolled out and the Blonds mockingly wave to the crowd, pretending the boos are really cheers. Of course this is all filmed by Molly Nerdly. BUFFER And their opponents, now arriving on the red carpet with MOLLY NERDLY, represent the Enterprise...from Beverly Hills 90210, total combine weight 460 pounds… SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDESSSSS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH On behalf of everyone in the OAOAST, congratulations to Molly for pulling a George Jefferson by moving on up the totem poll. I understand she’s now the first assistant director for all Beverly Hills Blonds projects. COLE I wonder who she had to sleep with for that promotion. COACH * DINGDINGDING * Dr. Steven Pigley shows a ton of fire, going right after Simon Singleton at the sound of the bell, but Simon takes a rain check and bails to the floor where Molly documents the conversation between him and Ned. Whatever the Handsome Hustler said has Simon ready to go, as he grabs a side headlock out of a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Pigley shoves him off to the ropes and a CRISS-CROSS ensues. Singleton is the first to blink, dropping down before going up for a leapfrog…but Dr. Steven puts on the brakes and The Love Doctors nail Simon with THE LOVEMATIC GRAMPA! ONE… KICKOUT! Singleton staggers to his feet and is placed in a side headlock. The hold is reapplied following a tag, but Simon sends Dr. Max in for the ride…only to be brought down in a SUNSET FLIP! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Simon rakes the eyes and whips Anderson hard to the buckle, but the Doctor of Love leaps onto the middle rope and back at him with a reverse cross body! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! The Blonds tag and Ned comes in swinging, his brawling ability too much for the technically gifted high flying MD to combat. Irish whip, but Max ducks a back elbow and counters Blanchard’s Thesz Press with the famed ANDERSON SPINEBUSTER!! COLE Everybody in the company has one, but I don’t think anyone has it perfected quite like Max Anderson, MD. ONE… TWO… THREE-- NO!! Simon breaks up the pin and taunts the crowd, pointing to his head while Molly captures the moment on video. “BOO!” Until Simon is spun around and floored! “YEAH!” COLE There’s a scene you won’t see in the Beverly Hills Blonds cut of the match. COACH Because the scene’s irrelevant to the story. Blanchard is whipped in and over with a double backdrop, then rammed into Dr. Steven‘s boot. The tag is made and Pigley connects on a big time LARIAT! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Placed in a headlock Ned is rapidly punched in the face. He fires Steven into the corner but the doctor bounces out and barrels through him with a shoulder tackle! Fortunately for the Blonds, Ned lands near their corner and is able to tag out. The Love Doctors decide to do the same and the new legal men, Simon Singleton and Max Anderson, lockup. Simon drives the knee into the gut and clubs Max across the neck. The sound of fleshing meeting flesh echoes throughout the arena as Simon chops Max against the ropes. With a handful of hair in his possession, Simon attempts a hip toss, but Max counters with a monkey flip and dropkick! Singleton reverses the ensuing Irish whip and snaps Anderson over with a swinging neck breaker after a knee to the back courtesy of Ned Blanchard. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT. COLE Fans, we have to take a commercial break. But the tape machines are rolling. Should the match end while we’re away we’ll replay the conclusion after this time out.

Returning from break, Michael Jackson's "Earth Song" is already in mid-stream, as Biff Atlas hit the ring during the commercial break, and has hijacked the microphone from Michael Buffer! BIFF OAOAST fans, it is I, your friend Biff Atlas, here with a public service announcement. People, look down at your feet. Those peanut shells might have come from this Earth, but do they belong on the floor? How about those 64 ounce Big Chugs sitting at your feet, or your plastic nacho containers? Now I can understand you not wanting to miss a moment of the action tonight, but people...there are trash receptacles all over this building! Please please PLEASE pick up after yourselves, because if we keep treating Mother Earth this way, who's going to pick up after us? There will be no one left people, and it will be the fault of all of you lazy n'er-do-wells, taking our precious planet for granted! COLE Of all things for a tree-hugger to do, he decides to get into wrestling? COACH Hey, you bite your tongue, Mikey Cole! If Biff Atlas can't get us to do our part to save the world, there'll be no world in which we can have wrestling, and then you'd be out of a job! COLE Coach, if there was no world, we wouldn't need jobs, because we'd be DEAD. COACH See! You're gonna kill me if you don't listen to him! COLE I'd like to do that anyways. COACH Say again? COLE Nothing. BIFF Now, I'd like to address the climate, but not the climate of this great planet, but that of the OAOAST. As the sun rises, so does a new day, and that will be the day of... CUE: "Getting Away With Murder". "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" COLE Biff Atlas has talked the talk...too much so, actually. Now let's see how he feels about the climate, because things are about to heat up quick! As the hit single by Papa Roach plays on, the former World Champion enters the arena to a tremendous ovation! Fresh off another disappointment with Landon Maddix eeking out a victory in the Triple Ladder Match just a few days ago, Zack Malibu heads to the ring looking to release some frustration on the former NRG member. COLE Look at Zack, Coach. Look at the eyes, how focused he is. That is a man who is not happy about Landon Maddix still being World Champion! COACH I thought it was because he didn't get a ring introduction because Biff has the mic! A mic which he uses to try and knock Malibu upside the head with as he enters the ring! Malibu is able to duck the shot and shoots for the legs, taking Biff to the canvas! Zack mounts the shoulders and starts wailing away with punches, as Biff does his best to shield his face from the blows! Malibu rolls off him but grabs him by the head, and as soon as he leads Biff up to his feet he hurls him through the ropes and out to the floor! COLE That's one way to get this match started! Zack goes after Biff, but Charles Robinson orders Zack to stay back, then calls for the bell. Flustered, Biff enters the ring, and charges at Malibu just as Zack does the same, and the two tie up! Using his power advantage, Biff forces Zack back to the corner, and Robinson calls for the break, which comes without incident. Biff motions for Zack to try again, and Malibu comes and ties up a second time, only to be shoved away! Biff reverts back to his NRG persona for a moment, stopping to flex and show off...and gets blasted with a hard slap! Biff reels from it, but as he turns his attention back to Zack, he's blasted with another, and then a hard chop that staggers him! Zack backs him to the ropes, but the Irish whip attempt is thwarted when Biff counters, sending Zack across the ring! Malibu rebounds, and Biff catches him with a military press, holding him high up over his head...until Zack slips out of his grasp! Zack grabs a rear waistlock and tries for a German suplex, but Biff breaks the hold and takes Zack over with a fireman's carry! Zack gets up quickly, but catches a boot to the stomach from Atlas, and then gets dropped to the mat again, this time thanks to a suplex from the Enviromental Assassin! COLE Atlas is showing what he can do with the size and power advantage, as he's been able to counteract a lot of Malibu's offense and toss him around a bit in the early going! Biff retrieves Malibu from the canvas, but his brash attitude leaves him prone to mistakes, and that's why he's caught with a jawbreaker from the Modern Day Warrior! Atlas stumbles back, while Malibu races to the ropes, and comes off with a diving clothesline that takes Mother Nature's Favorite Son off his feet! Malibu brings Biff up, and again unloads with the hard slaps, snapping Biff's head from one side to the other with every blow...but the coup de grace discus clothesline is ducked, and Biff scoops Zack off his feet and throws him into the corner! A series of back elbows follows, and a shoulderblock knocks the wind out of Zack before he's taken out of the corner and whipped so hard to the other side that he falls flat on his face after smashing into the turnbuckles! Biff nods knowingly at the crowd, drawing their ire, and then follows up with a running clothesline that takes a barely recovered Malibu down once again! COACH The King of the Clothesline doin' what he does best, and Malibu is DOWN, baby! Biff drags Zack up and hoists him up onto his shoulders, putting the pressure on with a Canadian Backbreaker! It's short-lived, however, as Malibu squirms until he's able to slide down the back of Biff Atlas, and takes him over with a backslide! ONE! T-KICKOUT! The two competitors get up to their feet, with Malibu kicking Biff in the ribs...or at least that was the plan until his foot got caught! Biff throws the leg down and tries a short clothesline, but Malibu ducks and hooks his arm around Biff's extended arm while going around him, then tossing him overhead with a release Half Nelson German Suplex! COLE He came right down on the back of his head! Malibu takes a few breaths before yanking Biff off the canvas and sending him to the corner, following up with a diving corner splash that splatters the hula skirt wearing superstar against the turnbuckles! Zack backs up, pulling Biff out of the corner by the wrist and shooting him across to the far side, and follows that up with a ZACK ATTACK II~!, or NOT, as Biff sidesteps it at the last second...but Zack lands with his feet on the middle rope, and springs backwards...but gets caught on Biff's shoulders! Biff walks to the center of the ring, looking for the space to deliver An Inconvienient Truth to Malibu, but Zack slips out of his grasp and cracks him on the jaw with SCHOOL'S OUT as he turns to him! Biff goes down, and Zack follows him to the canvas, making sure his shoulders are on the mat as he covers him! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COLE Quick and decisive, and Zack Malibu shines here tonight on HeldDOWN~! "Getting Away With Murder" is cued up for Malibu's victory celebration, as the popular superstar has his hand raised by Lil' Naitch. Malibu circles the ring, paying respect to his legion of fans as they stand on their feet cheering the former World Champion and his victory here tonight. COLE It wasn't meant to be for Biff Atlas tonight, and it may not be long before Landon Maddix's time is up. Zack Malibu is as charged and focused as ever, and that is a man who is not going to rest until the World Championship is back around his waist!

COLE Folks, as you may have heard on our OAOAST.com podcasts after being bested in their tag title match at Zero Hour The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew immediately filed a formal protest against the decision with the OAOAST's competition committee. Some might say that's sour grapes, but some might say they're well within their rights due to Krista using a shears to gain the victory. COACH They ought to be praised as national sports icons for taking the “high road” and just protesting decision! If I was them, I'd be asking Mister Moneymaker for the name of a good lawyer so I could sue the OAOAST for my damn title belts! COLE Be that as it may, last week was a pretty terrible one for The Wrecking Crew, as not only did they miss out on their chance to become only the third team to hold both HI-YAH and OAOAST tag gold, but they lost a shocker to Rescue 911, thanks to a revealing, to say the least, bit of interference from Krista. At our non televised star-studded OAOAST event this past Tuesday in Richmond, The Wrecking Crew were set to go up against Rescue 911. However, Rescue 911 never made it into the building. Documentary footage from Molly Nerdly shows us why.... A 99 Ford Escort pulls into the arena parking lot, carefully maneuvering past stray arena employees on their early evening smoke brake. From the doors of the car emerge two men who would be most likely to inform these employees that its illegal to smoke within fifteen feet of arena grounds, Rescue 911. But they decide to let it slide and instead head towards the arena, discussing strategy for their upcoming match with The Wrecking Crew. Unfortunately, their confrontation with The Crew comes much sooner then they'd like, as the former HI-YAH tag team champions blindside them with lead pipes! Well Rico has a lead pipe, Lucius Soul has a pimp cane. There's nary a speck of resilience from the men in blue, as they're terrorized by the unrelenting assault. Everytime they hint towards an attempt to stand, they're kept down by brutal strikes. Once they realize they've beaten their rivals unconscious the Wrecking Crew slam their weapons down in triumph. RICO (stomping on Bosley) You wanna mess wit the Wrecking, mang? Don't you ever mess with the Wrecking Crew! I told you not to mess with The Wrecking Crew! SOUL The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew will swarm on any chump ass who dream they better then us. We will cut yo head back to dat fat meat! That's real! With one final kick to the battered tag team, the Wrecking Crew departs the scene before security can confront them. courtesy Singleton Productions a Division of The Enterprise. COLE Folks, earlier today The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew were reprimanded for their actions and fined six thousand dollars apiece. Our cameras caught up with Rescue 911 yesterday to get their take on the situation. Cut to an empty warehouse, the sounds being provided by the buzzing of cars outside, the light given by shards of moonlight that break through cracked windows. Detective Bosley and EMT Tim Cash are shown from the side in a medium closeup, with the light pasting soft shadows onto their faces. The hue of the image is blue, with a low contrast to push it to a bluish gray. The look of the shot is grainy, and uneven, as though someone sprinkled dust onto the screen. BOSLEY I'm from New York, I'm from fucking New York, and I don't just say that shit to say it, you know what I mean. I say that 'cause it means something. It means I'm the toughest son of a bitch on this roster, no question. No fucking question. From day one on the job in the NYPD, I seen things that could make any man breakdown and cry. All you seen it in is on movies like Training Day, Miami Vice, shows like COPS. All them little side characters in those movies, the random cops that get shot down, and die, those are were my friends, getting shot down around me. All of 'em. Shot down or gone crazy. I''m still here. And I ain't worried about The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew or what they did to me and Cash. To be honest witchya, I'm kinda glad they did it. Its been a while since I had someone try and whip my ass, I thought I was becoming a little too charming, too much a nice guy. Maybe I was losing my touch on these scumbags, ya know what I'm saying. I see that ain't the case, and I see I gotta lay some police brutality on The Wrecking Crew. Cash, ya with me? CASH Without a doubt. Wrecking Crew skirt the laws, and bend the rules all you like, because when the clock strikes midnight, the earth stops turning, and your day of reckoning lies before you, and all your sins lie behind you, justice will either cleanse you or destroy you. Either way, Rescue 911 will be there to execute extreme judgment. Count on that. FADE OUT COLE Very big threats from Rescue 911, but one has to wonder can they follow up on it? More over is The Wrecking Crew even paying attention to what Rescue 911 has to say given that they're embroiled in that tag title protest. Questions to be answered in the coming week. Please stay tuned! COMMERCIAL BREAK

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Party Like a Rockstar parties like a rockstar on television sets worldwide as the opening video hits, displaying the two hour (yeah right!) thrill ride that has made the OAOAST the premier stop for SportsEntertainment. Once it finishes we go to the logo.... We're taken into the arena, where Cole and Coach occupy space in front of the ring, straining to make their voices heard of the roar of the enthused audience behind them. COLE Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Tupelo, Mississippi for another edition of TSM's longest running sports and entertainment show, OAOAST HeldDOWN! Michael Cole, sitting at ringside for The Coach, and we still can't get over what we saw at Zero Hour. COACH Dang right, duke. Titles was unified, they were defended, and an OAOAST legend return to action, in what could be the pay per view of the year! COLE And if you missed it, then shame on you! But you can always order the encore at OAOAST.com all this week and next. Trust me, you won't want to miss the biggest event of the fall season. But for now let's start of HeldDOWN as we steamroll towards the Halloween Spectacular! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXX!!! "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The natives of Tupelo give absolutely no respect to the World Champion as the entrance doors part, Megan Skye making her way out first and parading out her man Landon Maddix, limping ever so slightly but grinning from ear to ear nonetheless as he shows off his gleaming championship belt. Landon and Megan stroll to the ring, Landon picking out one sign in the crowd reading "LANDON FOR (SWF) PREZ!" To be fair, it's about the only pro-Landon placard in the bunch though, in amongst the clever likes of "MADDIX LOVES MAD DICKS!" All the signs in the world couldn't bother Landon though, walking on air to the ring. COLE What a night it was this past Sunday at Zero Hour. An incredible night of action, topped off with the Three Way Ladder Match over the World Heavyweight Championship. And it was this man, Landon Maddix, who survived it all. COACH He survived with his title, after being written off by so many. COLE Including a certain PRL fan I seem to remember. COACH I had divided loyalties. That's a little different. Half my loyalties were with this man, I knew he'd win, I just didn't want to say so to jeopardise my other 50% stock. COLE How noble of you. Maddix enters the ring and takes great glee in rubbing the fans' faces in the fact he's still the World Champion, parading around with his title. The "LAN - DON SUCKS" chants hit him early. But he can't hear them over the sound of his own self satisfaction. COLE Well, Landon clearly feeling pleased with himself tonight. Let's see what he's got to say for himself. MADDIX Okay, hands up who's tired of being wrong? Landon scans the thousands in the arena, looking for any outstretched hands. He counts three, maybe four, amongst a sea of downturned thumbs and upturned middle fingers. MADDIX Come on, be honest. Who's tired of being wrong? Who's tired of predicting the demise of La Cucaracha, buying a ticket to see me lose, switching on your TVs in the hope that this show'll kick off with one of your precious OAOAST heroes as the new World Heavyweight Champion... and seeing me, STILL your World Heavyweight Champion! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX That's what I thought. Now, come on, tell me. What more do I have to do? What more do I have to prove this year? How many more victories do I have to tot up before you people finally stop seeing me as some stop-gap Champion? See, I don't really want your approval. Or your applause. Honestly, I don't really need your respect either. But I damn sure deserve it. Put in front of me this Sunday was the biggest challenge a World Champion has had to face in recent memory. Two opponents, my belt hung 15 feet above the ring, steel ladders everywhere. And I came out of Zero Hour with my title all the same. You people can all say that I was 'lucky' or that I was seconds away from losing this belt. But the facts remain the same. I'm STILL the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Now, I've heard that that a certain 'superstar' is here tonight, Zack Malibu... The crowd pop for that, which causes Landon to roll his eyes. MADDIX ...no doubt in a vain attempt to show he's still worthy of being in contention for my title. Well, Zack, before you even bother interrupting me, as usual, let me say one thing. You've had your sho... .:CUE: "Medal":. "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Interrupted as usual, Landon looks to the skies in frustration. And as he exchanges a few choice words with the big man upstairs, Landon is joined by the boss, AngleSault, who walks out onto HIS stage with a microphone already in hand. MADDIX I don't know who keeps doing this to me, but... ANGLESAULT Landon, Landon. Please. Don't get to ahead of yourself until you're heard what I have to say. See, I was hoping you'd come out here tonight. Because it just so happens, I've got a big announcement that you will be most interested in, seeing as you are 'still OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion', right? See, it involves that World Heavyweight Championship. It involves your role in November Reign. And it involves the main event, November 25th in Las Vegas, Nevada! Landon, from where I'm sitting, you've been riding your luck somewhat these past few months as World Champion. Well, what better place than Las Vegas to test that lucky streak of yours? MADDIX Lucky streak? I dispute that for a start. ANGLESAULT Well, fine. You'll have your chance to prove yourself when the chips are on the table in Las Vegas. Because, at November Reign, you will be defending that OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship against... THA PUERTO RICAN... As the crowd give a mixed reaction, Landon holds his hands to his throat and makes a 'choking' motion in a not so subtle jab at PRL. ANGLESAULT ...and ZACK MALIBU... "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX Oh, for crying out loud! How many more times!? I've beaten them once, I've beaten them twi... ANGLESAULT Landon, I know you hate being interrupted. But, I wasn't done. See, it will be Landon Maddix versus Tha Puerto Rican versus Zack Malibu... versus "THE URBAN LEGEND" TODD CORTEZ!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Finally speechless, Landon looks over his shoulder to Megan, who's also open-mouthed and wide-eyed in shock. "Medal" hits again and AngleSault walks off, leaving the stunned World Champion to try and take in that announcement. COLE Wow! What a main-event, November Reign! Viva Las Vegas! Viva AngleSault! COACH Viva nothing, that's bull! Bull I tell ya! COLE What an announcement and while we all take that in, we're going to take a break. Up next... how about this, Zack Malibu, in action! Don't you go anywhere! COMMERCIAL BREAK! HeldDOWN~! Promo JOSH MATTHEWS Welcome back to HeldDOWN~! and right now, it's my pleasure to welcome my guest at this time, THE FRANCHISE, Zack Malibu! The distant sound of fans screaming in the arena can be heard as Zack walks onto the interview stage, patting Josh on the back. MATTHEWS And Zack, how about that big news we just heard? November Reign, you've got one more shot at Landon Maddix and the World Title! MALIBU Well, what can I say? I thought Zero Hour would be my night but it just wasn't to be. AngleSault said it right, Maddix is on a lucky streak. After being *this close* so many times this year, I'm only more determined to take that title at November Reign. To be honest, I knew this was coming before tonight and I've been pla... "Now why does THAT not surprise me!?" Stomping onto the set, fuming with ANGER~, Landon Maddix locks eyes with Malibu causing Josh to sink into himself a little, microphone shaking between the two rivals. MADDIX What a surprise, The Golden Boy already knew he had another shot at the World Title? You know what Zack, you make me sick. You rely on your precious friendship with AngleSault to get what you want. What other explanation is there for you getting another shot, considering I've beat you every time we've met? MALIBU Actually Landon, me and AngleSault aren't 'friends'. We've got a past and a lot of mutual respect. But I've NEVER had to rely on hand-outs and favours. The fact is, you've never BEAT me. As memory serves, I beat you back at The Great Angle Bash. And if you consider the crap you pulled to take that World Title from around my waist with your Money In The Bank contract 'beating me' then you're clutching at straws. As far as the past couple of months go, you've been lucky. MADDIX Lucky, huh? MALIBU Yeah, lucky. And you sure as hell haven't beaten me. Sure, you walked out the winner both times but you never beat me. At AngleSlam, I had YOU beat and you won on a fluke. I knocked you out. Had you fallen anywhere other than on top of PRL, I'd be the World Champion right now. And this Sunday... hey, credit where it's due, you came out the winner again. I'm man enough to admit that. But you winning at Zero Hour, it wasn't because you pinned my shoulders to the mat or made me submit. It's because you climbed a ladder. Face it Landon, you've never actually BEAT me. Question is, can you? Landon doesn't answer, just glaring at Zack. MALIBU Tell you what, sit yourself down and find a monitor. I've got a match tonight and I'll be more than happy to show you the level I'm at. You might want to see just how you measure up. With a faint smile, Zack walks off leaving Landon still glaring. Once The Franchise is out of sight, the World Champion then resumes his hissy fit, marching off in the other direction with Megan struggling to keep up with him. MATTHEWS Uh... back to Sofa Central!

Hmmm, I think I'll post the show on early friday afternoon (early evening eastern time), giving ppl who haven't turned anything in or who might be burnt out from having to get ppv matches done, time to work on something should they want to. Really, I've thought of proposing the idea that every HD after a ppv should come on Friday afternoon, seeing that the actual PPVs are pretty much always posted on Monday. That way you get your four days between PPV and HD to write something.

Anything for the man who actually uses the booking thread! Really, with only two actual segments turned in so far I may not even be posting the show until tomorrow!

From the Ocean Center which seats a paltry 8,362 ppl. Unless you'd rather do it outside, I don't know what the weather's like in Florida in late October! Remember there's no HD that week, as the 31st falls on a Wednesday do not call zhe mainevent!

Very, very, excellent pay per view that can only get better when the other two title matches are edited in. I really enjoyed reading it. Good job to all who worked on it. Maybe, I'll have more feedback later, maybe I won't, but still I thought it was pretty awesome. Mad respect to Papa for the graphics, and we bid him a fond farewell as he moves on from our little e-fed, leaving me to handle the graphics from now on. Many thanks for all his hard work over the years!

DIRECTED BY P'OG WRITTEN BY Alfdogg Zack Malibu King Cucaracha Tony149 Ed Wood Caulfield Patty O'Green GRAPHICS Papacita Patty O'Green (well just one!) OAOAST CREATED BY Tony149 CWM Anglesault © 2007 OAOAST Entertainment All Rights Reserved.

COLE Folks, what a night we've had here in Memphis, Zero Hour has truly lived up to its billing as the biggest event of the summer, but it can only get bigger as we head into our mainevent. These three men have been chomping at the bit to get ahold of one another, and I don't think we can keep them apart for much longer so let's send it up to Michael Buffer! BUFFER Llladies and gentlemen, the One And Only AngleSault Thread is proud to present, live at Zero Hour Two Thousand And Seven, your MAIN EVENT of the evening. In a first of it's kind in OAOAST history, it is a THREE-WAY LADDER MATCH, in which the only way to win is to climb the ladder and retrieve the championship belt which we be hung high above the arena... and, it is for the OAOAST HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE Wooorrrrllld! ARE YOU READY? "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Memphis, Tennessee... ARE... YOU... rrrrrrrrrrRRRREADY!? "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Then, for the thousands in attendance... and the millions watching around the world on pay per view, ladies and gentlemen... LLLLLLLLLLLLET’S GET RRREEAADY TO RRRUMBLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Incubus' "Megalomaniac" hits first, bringing out the Champion himself! Striding through the entrance doors, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix wipes a nervous hand across his face and jumps around on the spot, trying to fire himself up. Megan Skye follows her man out and points to the belt around his waist, applauding Landon as he sets off for the ring. BUFFER Introducing first! Hailing from Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain. Weighing in at two hundred and eight pounds... he is led to the ring this evening by his "Perfect 10", MEGAN SKYE... the reigning and defending, One and Only AngleSault Thread HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOORRRRRLLDD... LANDON! "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. COLE After winning it in controversial circumstances, June 28th of this year, Landon Maddix has held the OAOAST World Title for three months now. But he has faced no tougher challenge than the one he encounters tonight. No championship advantage what-so-ever. The odds are even, he must beat not one but two challengers in retrieving his title in order to retain it. COACH And I still don't agree with that. Referee Earl Hebner stops Landon as he enters the ring, calling for the belt as the cable hangs in the middle of the ring. Landon unstraps the title from his waist, taking a deep breath as he hands it over to Hebner to loop around the metal ring of the cable. COLE You're saying PRL doesn't deserve his rematch? COACH Well... uh... COLE And you can't be saying Zack doesn't deserve a rematch. Not after what happened at AngleSlam. As the belt begins to rise into the air, Landon goes through some more warm-ups, trying to work out the nerves. COLE Well, Landon has had no luck what-so-ever in the past few weeks building to tonight. He was pinned by Zack Malibu, thanks to PRL and some Sweet Chin Music, three weeks ago when he was supposed to be teaming with him in a Handicap Match. Then, the next week, same result but with PRL getting the pin thanks to Zack's School's Out. And then last week, Landon looked to return the favour on Zack... after he'd saved him from a Lightning Crew attack no less... but found nobody home on the Superkick and was left empty-handed. Will he leave REALLY empty-handed tonight though? The lights go down in the arena. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them: *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, and out from the curtains and through the smoke come "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, and his fianceé, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. The crowds' boos get louder. PR looks at the crowd in disgust, jawing with some fans. He looks at Lindsay, and the two of them begin their walk down the entrance ramp. BUFFER Introducing, the first challenger in this match. Accompanied to the ring by the OAOAST Women's Champion, MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ! He comes to us from San Juan, Puerto Rico... weighing in at two hundred, twenty pounds, tonight hoping to win the coveted World Championship for the very first time, here is, "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION"... THA PUUUUUEEEEEEEERRTOOOOOOOO RRIIIIIIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Chants of "P.R. SUCKS!" fill the arena as PRL and Lindsay continue their walk to the ring. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron and sneers at the crowd. Lindsay holds the ropes, and Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans boos while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd is still booing loudly and chanting "P.R. SUCKS!" PRL heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his hands. He then heads to another second turnbuckle and raises his hands again. COLE What a huge night this could be for Tha Puerto Rican. But, how many times we've said. PRL is desperate for a victory tonight, not just to become Champion itself but also to finally lose that tag of a man who just 'doesn't win the big one'. PR hits a third second turnbuckle, and raises his right arm in the air and "smells the electricity" a'la The Rock. PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth second turnbuckle, recieving boos. Tha Puerto Rican gets off the ropes, removes his sunglasses and earring, and chats with Lindsay while the lights go back on in the arena. "Know Your Role '99" dies down as PRL locks eyes with the World Champion. COACH There's an elecricity in the air tonight. I mean, there always is when PRL's around but, something bigger. COLE An historic and sure to be an entertaining main-event here at Zero Hour 2007. COACH No, I'm talking expectancy Michael. Expectancy that finally, PRL grabs that brass ring, pulls it from the ceiling and can call himself truly the Corporate Champion, the Corporate OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! COLE Or perhpas it's expectancy that the title will go to this man... .:CUE: "Getting Away With Murder", Papa Roach:. "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER And, introducing the second challenger! Hailing from Providence, Rhode Island... he weighs two hundred, ten pounds... ladies and gentlemen, the true "FRANCHISE" of the OAOAST, the former three time World Heavyweight Champion... this is ZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCK... MMMMMMMAAAAAAAALLLLIIIIIIIIIIBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Walking through a shower of golden pyro, Zack marches to the ring with his head held high. A burst of white pyro shoots out from either side of the ramp behind him as he looks up at the belt hovering over the ring, that sight alone amping him up. COLE The cornerstone of the OAOAST, Zack Malibu! What a reaction from this crowd, no need to guess who the fans are going to be behind here tonight! COACH Who cares? Into the ring slides Zack and once he's sure Landon and PRL aren't about to back-jump him, he scales the turnbuckles to raise his arms for his adoring fans. Another loud cheer goes up, earning Zack glares from both of his opponent. Zack jumps down off the ropes and removes his ring jacket, handing it to the outside as Hebner now leaves the ring. Megan and Lindsay are out two, leaving just the three arch-enemies. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" COLE Here we go then. Three-Way Ladder Match, seconds away. COACH Yeah, for real this time. Stick with us Meltzer, we steer you wrong! COLE What the hell are you talking about? *DINGDINGDING!* The crowd is at a fever pitch after the introductions, knowing that these three superstars could make history tonight before their very eyes. The addition of ladders (and surely, other objects and/or people) into this feud has a recipe for a classic encounter or a disaster, depending on how you look at it. The three superstars circle the ring, exchanging cold glares with each other until Maddix makes the motion that he and PRL should combine forces against Malibu! Tha Puerto Rican, uneasy about the alliance given Landon's nature, nods in agreement, and the two start slowly approaching Malibu... but Maddix gives his "friend" an encouraging nudge, right into the angry prep! COLE So much for being a team player! PRL has no time to go on the defensive, as he's rocked by a series of Malibu right hands and backed up to the ropes, while Landon drops and rolls out of the ring, already in search of a ladder! Zack fires PRL to the ropes, but Tha Puerto Rican clings to the top strand, putting the brakes on before Malibu can come up with anything to take him down again. He comes towards Malibu again, but then the two men turn and see Landon pulling a ladder up from under the ring, so they burst forward and deliver baseball slide dropkicks... ...but Landon pulls the ladder up over them, avoiding what was sure to be a painful blow! Zack and PRL then turn around and grab the ladder, using it to snap Landon down onto the floor with the ladder on top of him, driving the air out of his chest! COACH Didn't take long for the full metal mayhem to start now did it, Mikey Cole? Zack and Tha Puerto Rican each take an end of the ladder and lift it up, then slam it down onto Maddix, leaving the World Champion aching in pain under it. PRL and Zack then take the ladder and send it into the ring, but as Zack goes to climb back in, he's yanked off the apron by his friend turned foe! PRL rattles Zack with a series of right hands, only for Malibu to respond with blistering chops to the chest of the brash superstar! The exchange continues until Maddix pushes himself to his feet and charges... MADDIX YYYYAAAAARRRRGHHHH! ...but both Zack and PRL step back, causing Landon to run into the ring apron! Megan looks a little embarrassed looking on, as Tha Puerto Rican takes him and suplexes him on the floor, laying him out once again, while Malibu takes the opportunity to get back in the ring, where he begins to set the ladder up! COLE Zack Malibu wasting no time here tonight, as he looks to reclaim the World Title that he helped establish! Malibu reaches down to pull the ladder up, but immediately finds himself blasted across the back with a forearm shot from PRL! PRL then takes Zack and lifts for a back suplex, but Malibu floats over his back! Zack quickly spins him around and then sweeps PRL's leg out from under him, drilling him with an STO onto the ladder! "OOOHHHHHHHHHH!" Tha Puerto Rican rolls away, holding his head, leaving Zack free and clear to set the ladder up! COACH He's got it up, now he's just gonna have to make that climb! Zack starts his way up the ladder, all of his fans hoping that he can put an end to this issue once and for all with a quick win over his two arch-rivals. That's not to be, however, as he's barely a few steps up when Maddix slides into the ring and pulls Zack off the ladder! Landon rakes the eyes, momentarily blinding Zack, who is then shot into the ropes. Tha Puerto Rican, pulling himself up onto the apron after having been jarred by that STO, goes flying off and down into the guardrail, as Malibu stumbles back from the collision only to be met with a running kneelift to the back that sends him out through the ropes! Zack reaches up and grasps the middle rope, not allowing himself to fall to the floor, but as he brings himself to his feet, Maddix is right there waiting for him! The World Champion delivers a hard slap across the face of Malibu, then shoots himself through the middle rope to catch Zack with a shoulderblock. But Malibu sidesteps it and then hits a soccer kick to the exposed chest of the champion! COACH Ouch! Landon pulls himself back into the ring, holding his chest, while Zack leaps up to spring...NO! Tha Puerto Rican jumps up and grabs Zack by the ankle, yanking him down to the floor! PRL ties up with Malibu on the floor, but before anything can happen, Landon races over and propels himself through the bottom and middle ropes with the Topé Especial, diving onto both men! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE The World Champion knows that he's a lone wolf here tonight. He's the one with the most to lose. No matter how much double-teaming goes on, whether it's he and Tha Puerto Rican onto Zack or he and Zack onto PRL, he has got to make sure that both of his opponents get equal treatment from him, and taking them both out with a dive like that is the way to do it! COACH He's got 'em both down, just roll back into the ring and get up that ladder Landon! For once, Coach's advice doesn't fall on deaf ears, as Maddix gets up to his feet and rolls back into the ring. The World Champion makes his way right over to the ladder and starts the climb, racing up the steps as fast as he can... ...but as he makes it towards the top, Tha Puerto Rican is in the ring and races up the opposite side of the ladder! Maddix reaches up for the belt, but the reach leaves him open for a right hand to the jaw, staggering him as he tries to keep his balance. Tha Puerto Rican nails another right hand that teeters the World Champion, then reaches up for the belt himself, but Maddix leans over the top of the ladder and grabs PRL, trying to shove him off! PRL clings to Maddix, and both men wind up falling off the ladder, to their feet, almost in a lockup position. Recovering his bearings, Maddix quickly grabs a headlock and gives a "thumbs up" to gloat, but finds himself shoved to the ropes and taken over with an arm drag from PRL! Maddix gets to his feet and staggers around, turning to rush PRL, and winds up elevated with a back bodydrop before crashing down ONTO A LADDER, as Malibu slides a second one into the fray! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Nice timing there by Zack! COACH Not if your name's Landon Maddix! La Cucaracha convulses and as Malibu enters the ring, PRL picks up the ladder he just slid in and uses it as a battering ram, driving it into Malibu's ribcage! PRL pulls back, then runs forward again, this time connecting with the forehead of Malibu and knocking the former World Champion off his feet with a vicious ladder shot! The determined Latino keeps the ladder up on his shoulder and now turns his attention to the reigning champion, charging him in the same way he did to Zack. Maddix rolls under the ladder though and dodges! Tha Puerto Rican crashes into the ropes, with the ladder going over the top and out to the floor! PRL turns around, only to be blasted with a series of forearms by Landon that keeps him stunned before being irish whipped across the ri... NO! Tha Puerto Rican counters, sending Maddix towards a recovering Malibu, who tucks his head low and elevates Landon over the ropes... but the champion lands on the apron! Tha Puerto Rican tries for a lariat on Malibu, but Zack throws up his arms, blocking the blow! He unloads with a series of open hand slaps, cracking the leader of the Lightning Crew across his face multiple times before throwing a discus clothesline that floors him! Zack steps back as his foe reels, but Maddix creeps back in behind him, nailing him with a low blow! COLE It's perfectly legal in the confines of this match, but it's still not right! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The crowd lets Landon have it, but he pays no mind, as he's about to let Zack have it. Holding his most detested opponent by the head, he throws him into a standing headscissors and then reaches down, hoisting him up for a powerbomb... but it's countered! Zack slides out of his grasp, landing face to face with Landon, and unloads on him just as he did to PRL moments earlier, each shot getting a bigger pop than the last... until Landon breaks it up with a knee, then tries for the powerbomb again... only to have it broken up as Tha Puerto Rican pops up to his feet and hits a diving clothesline that takes him down! COLE Whether he meant it or not, Tha Puerto Rican just saved Zack Malibu there! Tha Puerto Rican puts the boots to Landon Maddix, kicking him away, while Malibu gets up and takes this opportunity to start climbing the ladder! The crowd starts roaring, and that tells PRL that maybe he'd better pay attention to his other opponent, as Zack is halfway up the climb! PRL rushes over to the ladder and grabs Zack's ankle, yanking him back to the canvas! Tha Puerto Rican takes Zack by the arm and nails a short arm clothesline, then hurries up the ladder while both his foes are down, hoping that they'll be too stunned to block his run to the top! COACH Yes! He's going to do it, he's finally going to do it! COLE So now you're cheering for PRL? COACH Hey, if you gonna back someone, why not back a winner? PRL gets further and further up the ladder, until he's on the next to last step...and that's when the ladder starts to teeter, as Malibu gets up and forces the ladder over, sending Tha Puerto Rican down onto the top rope, crotch first! "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" LINDSAY COLE Sterilization, OAOAST style! COACH How is PRL going to consumate the marriage now!? Malibu grabs the fallen ladder and folds it up, making it easier to pick up off the mat, while on the floor Maddix roots around under the ring for a second ladder and slides it in! Zack waits on the World Champion's entrance, and swings the ladder at him just as Landon picks up his own ladder, blocking the shot! Maddix runs at Malibu, trying to ram him with the ladder, but now Zack's ladder acts as a shield, and we have DUELING LADDERS~! in the center of the ring! *CLANG!* The ladders collide! *CLANG!* And again! *CLANG!* And finally, after a third attack, Landon's fingers can take no more and he drops his ladder. Zack sees his chance and charges with the ladder. But Landon sidesteps, drop toeholding Zack and causing The Franchise to fall chest first across the ladder he was carrying! Zack rolls over, but not off of the ladder itself. And Maddix capitalises, jumping onto Malibu's chest with a double stomp... then drops out with the back sention, BOTH across the ladder!! COLE Man alive! Maddix crushing Zack across that metal ladder, not once but twice in quick succession! Landon holds the back of his head having rapped it off the back of the ladder, Zack writhing around on the mat holding his sternum. Climbing to his feet, Maddix retrieves the other ladder and starts to set it up in the centre of the ring. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH Here we go, come on Landon! COLE You switch horses more than... well, uh... you know, I want to say Britney Spears just to be topical but I think the correct answer would be a jockey. Not as funny as Britney Spears though. With the ladder set up, Landon takes a quick look around before beginning his climb. There had been no sign of PRL at the time. But that's because he was rooting under the ring, coming out with a steel chair in his hands! Tha Puerto Rican slides into the ring on Landon's blindside and as the World Champion gets to about halfway up the ladder, PRL measures him and swings the chair... *CRACK!* "YYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" ...HITTING LANDON RIGHT IN THE KIDNEYS! Landon just about keeps his grip on the rungs of the ladder, sinking down a little in pain. COLE As if there wasn't enough steel in the ring, that chair put to good use by PRL there. Landon climbs down a step on the ladder obviously trying to get back to safe ground. PRL turns his back on the Champion before reaching up, hooking up Landon's arms and bringing him off of the ladder, into the Che Guevara Special! PRL tortures La Cucaracha in the rack like move for a few seconds, walking around the ringand picking his spot before throwing him up in the "Free Puerto Rico Now!" (Gory Bomb)! The World Champion's face bounces off the canvas, PRL sitting and applauding himself before untangling himself from Landon's legs. COLE And now, PRL heading up... COACH Here we go, come on PR! Looking up at the belt, PRL takes a deep breath, realising how close he could be as he begins his climb. Tha Puerto Rican makes good time up the ladder, with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez cheering his every step. But just as he reaches halfway, a clubbing shot from Zack stops him in his tracks. PRL holds his back. And Zack quickly reaches up from underneath, grabbing hold of PR's legs and PULLING HIM OFF THE LADDER WITH A THUNDEROUS POWERBOMB!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" PRL lands high on his shoulders and rolls onto his front, the still winded Malibu falling to one knee. The Memphis crowd show no sympathy though. They just want Zack to climb while he has the chance! COLE We knew the spare man would come into play in this one and it's proving the case. Now, it's Zack, picking his spot. Is now the time!? Pulling himself up by the ladder, Zack starts his climb, powered by the support of the fans. Zack stops periodically to glance up at the belt glinting in the lights. Which might prove his downfall, as over staggers a groggy La Cucaracha. Ducking in the middle of the ladder, Landon lines up Zack through the rungs and throws a punch that lands low. VERY low. Malibu goes rigid and finds himself stuck on the ladder as Landon comes out from the middle. Landon finds his footing and begins to climb the ladder, on Zack's side, behind The Franchise. Getting to a rung below Zack, Maddix reaches up and grabs the head. He tucks, prepares... ...AND PULLS ZACK OFF THE LADDER WITH A LUNGBLOWER FROM AT LEAST SIX FEET UP!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE My God it sounded like a car crash! And it looks like the remnants of one, what a brutal landing for The Franchise! Zack writhers around in utter agony, kicking his legs and grinding his teeth. Landon doesn't look much better off himself though and struggles to get to his feet. COLE These three men are pulling out all the stops to be the top of the mountain, the World Heavyweight Champion. None of these men may be the same after this night is over! Maybe for the better, maybe for the worse! COACH No doubt about it. These guys are only going to get all the more desperate and take all the more risks the longer the match goes too. Up to his knees, Landon sees PRL getting to his feet and quickly pushes the ladder over. PRL doesn't see it coming until it's too late and gets felled by the falling ladder! "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" The Memphis crowd get on the Champion's back as he pulls the ladder off of PRL and dumps it aside. Backing into the corner, Maddix then pushes up on the middle rope and gives the signal that it's OVAH~!, time for the Crash Landon perhaps. PRL drags himself up and walks over, taking a boot to the chest before Landon reaches out for hi... NO! European uppercut by PRL, staggering Landon, almost sending him out over the top. COLE Landon is in no man's land now! And... what the hell is PRL doing!? COACH Whatever it is, it don't look good. PRL drags the ladder from off the canvas and wedges the top rung between the top and middle turnbuckles, directly underneath Landon. Megan watches on with clear nervousness as PRL reaches up, delivering an uppercut before reaching up and grabbing Landon by the hair. It seems a simple biel might be the plan as he tries to grab the arm as well. Landon starts to fight though and fires down with a forearm! And another! And another! With PRL's grip broken, Maddix then grabs hold of PRL's head... *CRACK!* ...and DRIVES his face down into the ladder!! PRL rebounds back up momentarily but stumbles, falling across the ladder. Realising that's a bad position he immediately tries to scramble out in front though, as Landon re-adjusts himself on the top rope. Just as Landon's feet meet the top rope and he begins to stand, PRL pulls himself off the ladder, stood at the foot of the makeshift bridge and waiting for the dive... ...Tha Puerto Rican ducks... ...but Maddix soars high, tucking his legs in and extending them on the descent... ...MUSHROOM STOMPING PRL IN THE BACK... *KE - RRAAACCKK!!* ...CAUSING HIM TO FACEPLANT DIRECTLY INTO THE LADDER WEDGED IN FRONT OF HIM!!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE Good Lord in heaven! PRL's body bounces violently off the ladder which provides virtually no give what-so-ever in it's position. The Corporate Champion remains laid out, facedown on the ladder, while Landon winds up on his knees in the centre of the ring, slumping back wearily. And as he goes backwards, his gaze wanders upwards, fixing on the title belt in the sky. COLE The World Champion is sensing victory right now. Kicking PRL aside, Landon unwedges the ladder and begins to drag it towards the centre of the ring. Just as he begins to turn around though, he finds himself getting pulled away. Zack, still hunched over holding his back, drags Landon towards him. Maddix stubbornly holds onto the ladder. But Zack quickly wraps on a waistlock, popping the hips and taking Landon over with a German Suplex... *CRASH!* "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...WITH THE LADDER COMING DOWN ON TOP OF LANDON SECONDS LATER!!! COACH The hits just keep on coming in Memphis! COLE Man, I think BOTH men got trapped under the ladder on landing! That was an ugl... no, wait, Zack is back up! And listen to the crowd! The fans in Memphis roar their approval as Zack gingerly stands back up. Zack takes the ladder from beside Landon, slowly opening and setting it underneath the belt high above. And after a quick positional adjustment, Zack begins to climb! Nursing his back all the way, Zack labours his way, rung by rung, the crowd all on their feet. PRL is still down, laid underneath the bottom rope. But Landon is recovering and crawls over to the ladder, reaching up for Zack's ankle in desperation. The World Champion manages to grab it just as Zack goes to reach, distracting him for a second. He manages to shrug Landon off though and reach again, BRUSHING THE BELT WITH HIS FINGERTIPS! The belt swings agonisingly away. And that gives Landon time to jump up and land with a forearm to the back! COLE Zack is SO close and yet, with Landon on his heels, so far away from another World Championship reign! As Zack sinks down, Landon shifts to the other side of the ladder and begins to climb opposite him. Those that weren't on their feet sure are now as Landon struggles up the ladder, reaching out to punch Zack and keep him at bay while he climbs. Eventually Maddix gets to Zack's level and reaches up, trying to merely beat Malibu to the belt. But Malibu quickly punches him in the gut, causing Landon to teeter... but he manages to right himself. COLE This is dangerous territory. Zack and Landon, high above the ring here with nothing beneath them but gravity! COACH That and a hard ring canvas anyway. Landon regains his balance but takes another right hand from Zack, over the ladder. Taking another step up, Zack then reaches over and grabs a front facelock, looking for a Superplex!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" COLE Oh my God. Zack, don't do this! Sharing none of Cole's sentiments, the fans will Zack to do it, perhaps not too wisely. Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you see it, Landon manages to fight his way out with some shots to the ribs. Reaching up, Landon then grabs the head, driving it into the very top of the steel ladder! Malibu now teeters, high, high above the ring. Which is when Landon reaches out and tries to put him in a fireman's carry. COLE GTS off the ladder!? COACH If he hits this, we've got a new World Champion. Nobody's going to get up from that, except PR! Zack starts to rain down elbows to fight Landon off though, having to make sure not to fall from the ladder himself at the same time. He manages to fight the Champion off okay though and plants his hand in Landon's back, PUSHING HIM OFF THE LADDER... "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH..." COLE WE'VE GONNA HAVE A NEW CHAMPIO... ...NO! The celebrations are premature, as when Landon hits the ground he falls into the ropes, getting bounced back off them and having enough where-with-all to bounce back into the ladder! Before Zack can even react the ladder is toppling from Landon's barge, sending it and The Franchise toppling... ...WITH ZACK COMING DOWN THROAT-FIRST ACROSS THE TOP ROPE!! "...OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A groan goes up through the arena as Zack falls to the canvas. Landon falls too, both men hurting, with the ladder laying propped against the ring ropes. COLE Man how close can you get!? I thought the coast was clear for Zack right there, we were seconds away from a new World Champion. But whether by luck of judgement, Landon Maddix managed to topple the ladder and save his title! COACH But now, everybody's down! This is PRL's chance! COLE It's also Landon's chance. COACH Yeah well, he had his shot. I'm backing the winner remember, come on PR, get up! Do it for your Crew, do it for your woman, do it for Puerto Rico, the motherland! All three men are down for the moment, giving the fans a chance for a breather. Not for long though, as Landon wearily pulls himself to his feet. Staggering over to Zack, the Champion simply but very smartly log-rolls Zack out of the ring to take him out of the equation. Landon takes a moment to rest afterwards though. Which allows PRL to sneak up from behind, spinning Landon around and grabbing him for the Latin Slam! Shocked, Maddix gets set for an elbow. But he reacts too late and gets planted with the LATIN SLAM!! COLE Latin Slam! PRL pulls out a big move just at the right time! With Maddix down, PRL grabs the ladder from off the ropes. Instead of setting it up though, he folds the ladder and drops it in the middle of the ring. PRL sports a busted lip now, with a lot of blood running down his cheek. Wiping the blood away, PRL pulls Landon back to his feet. Scooping him up, PRL then places Landon, slamming him right down on the ladder. COACH Oh yes! COLE Oh no. COACH Could it be? Could we see it Michael!? Sure enough, PRL looks up and the fans rise to their feet. PRL removes his elbowpad, spitting on it and throwing it into the face of The Next Generation. He does some weird hand signals, and then bounces off the ropes, jumps over Maddix, and then bounces off the opposite ropes. PRL then begins to s l o w down, making a jerky belt motion around his waist... and then drops the most electrifying move in professional wrestling, the INTENSEZONE ELBOW! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHH - BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH The IntenseZone Elbow! The IntenseZone Elbow, the King of Elbows in the city of Kings, the most electrifying move in sports entertainment HISTORY! COLE On the ladder no less! COACH This is going to be the night, I can feel it. Four and a half years PRL has waited for this moment. And now, he's picking his spots. He's using his smarts. This is Tha Puerto Rican's time! After staying down to catch his breath, PRL rolls back to his feet. Maddix gets rolled off of the ladder, which PRL then begins to stand up. Still looking a little dis-orientated, PR takes his time, getting the ladder positioned where he wants it before opening it up and locking the clips in the middle. PRL then looks up and raises the Corporate Eyebrow at the belt above, before beginning his climb. COLE PRL's biggest claim to fame, his year-long 24/7 Title reign, ended with defeat in a Ladder Match. How ironic would it be if he were to win the biggest prize of them all in the same setting here tonight? "LET'S GO ZACK!" "LET'S GO ZACK!" ("P - R!") "LET'S GO ZACK!" "LET'S GO ZACK!" Stopping, PRL takes another look up the belt and realises he's too far away. He takes another step but still is just out of reach, cursing his natural lack of height. That's when Zack Malibu rolls into the ring and scrambles over, catching PRL's leg and stopping from making that crucial next step up! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!" COACH AH! So close! PRL tries to kick Zack away, but Zack is up on the ladder behind him, reaching up and popping him in the kidneys. And again. PRL is in trouble now as Zack lands another shot just to be sure. Zack then takes a step down the ladder and wedges his head between PRL's legs, trying to lift him into the electric chair! With a look of fear on his face, PRL hangs onto the rungs of the ladder with everything he has. COLE PRL's got nowhere to go but down here, unless he can fight Zack off! Right on cue, PRL tries to do just that. Zack can't seem to pull PRL off the ladder but PRL can't seem to fight off Zack. Climbing to his feet, Landon Maddix sees all of this and frantically makes a dart for the ladder. He rushes to the opposite side and goes to climb, leaving PRL and Zack to it... but their tussle makes the ladder unsteady enough that he doesn't fancy trying to climb it. So, Landon goes around the other side and underneath his two challengers. Crouching down, Landon then stands so that Zack is on his shoulders... "OOHHHHHH..." ...and pulls him away from the ladder... "...OOOHHHHHH..." ...Zack bringing PRL off two... ...AND GETTING DROPPED BACKWARDS WITH A DOUBLE ELECTRIC CHAIR, PRL GETTING FOLDED ON HIS SHOULDERS AS LANDON CRUMBLES UNDERNEATH THE WEIGHT OF HIS TWO CHALLENGERS!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE AND DOWN GO ALL THREE MEN!! Like a human three-car pile up, they landed so hard they may now be one person! COACH As hyperbole goes that ranks right up there... but still, DAMN that looked nasty! "O - A - O - A - S - T!" "O - A - O - A - S - T!" "O - A - O - A - S - T!" All three men lie motionless as the crowd applaud their efforts to destroy their bodies... and win the belt of course. Having been the orchestrator of the move, it's Landon who gets to his feet first though. The World Champion uses the ladder to pull himself to his feet and looks around, to see Zack also pulling himself slowly up. MADDIX DAMNIT! Cursing that his challenger won't stay down, Maddix moves away from the ladder and crouches, egging Zack on. Using the ropes, Zack gets to his feet and pushes away, towards Landon. And Maddix catches him, hooking the head and hitting the CRASH LANDO... NO! Zack blocks it, wringing out the arm to escape and pulling Landon in instead for the ANGLE SLA... NO!! Jumping out of the move, Landon lands on his feet behind Zack and waits for him to turn around... elbow, DUCKED... *SMA...* ...NO!!! Landon BLOCKS School's Out, spinning Zack around... *SMACK!* ...AND LEVELLING HIM WITH HIS OWN SUPERKICK!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE He got him! After week upon week of being on the recieving end, Landon Maddix finally hits the superkick! COACH That's all the convincing I need Cole. Landon's luck has changed at the best possible time, he's gonna do it now! There's no stopping La Cucaracha! Falling to all fours, Landon grins, Megan applauding her man loudly for his success. Maddix pushes off his knees and now turns back to the ladder, ready to climb and retrieve his belt. But for some reason he stops, glancing back at PRL. Landon grins again, this time a little more sinisterly, as he steps away from the ladder and motions Tha Puerto Rican back to his feet. COLE Uh-oh, there may be one more reciept to be paid right here. COACH This is a mistake. I'm telling you, that was Landon's chance. PRL begins to stir and very gingerly starts to pull himself up. Crouching down, Landon waves PRL to his feet, virtually stalking his other challenger. PRL comes off the ropes holding his neck and stumbles, making a slow turn. And when he does get around to Landon, the World Champion comes in with another SUPERKI... ...DUCKED! Landon goes stumbling into the ropes, quickly turning around and going for PRL again. But The Corporate Champion catches him with a boot... *WHAM!* ...AND SPIKES HIM WITH THE CORPORATE NIGHTMARE!!!! COLE CORPORATE NIGHTMARE! Maddix to the well once too often, PRL caught him! And now it may be time! As Maddix stays motionless PRL sits up, with Lindsay running over and hurriedly pointing PRL to the belt, shouting encouragement to her future husband. PRL's eyes light up as he looks at the World Title and he quickly crawls over, pulling himself up on the ladder and beginning his ascent! COLE PRL's going up! COACH Climb PR, climb! You're a few steps away! The crowd start to get behind PRL as he reaches halfway. Or so it seems, until Zack Malibu starts to crawl over and begin inching his way up the opposite side of the ladder! The race is suddenly on and although PRL is ahead, a gritted teeth, grimacing Zack Malibu hauls himself up the ladder with every ounce of energy he has left. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" ("P - R!") "ZACK!" "ZACK!" ("P - R!") PRL is still closest and can almost touch the belt, needing to go up one more step before reaching out... ...and coming within MILLIMETRES, before a sudden punch jabs him in the gut from Zack! COLE I thought he had it right there! But Zack Malibu is still alive, he's still in the hunt. He will not. Give. Up! Zack connects on another punch then goes up another rung himself, landing a hard right hand to the head of Tha Puerto Rican. PRL wobbles but fires right back with a right hand of his own! Zack retaliates. So does PRl. And the two challengers are suddenly duking it out at the top of the ladder! Zack. PRL. Zack! PRL! It looks for a second that Zack might fall after that last shot. But after getting his balance, Zack suddenly EXPLODES, firing off five rapid fire slaps to the face from the left and the right... then a THUNDEROUS sixth, heard all around the arena! COLE OH what a shot! COACH No PR, hang on! That's a loooong way down! Shaken by the slap, PRL is suddenly in no position to stop Zack as he looks to the belt and reaches up... ...GRABBING THE STRA... ...NO! PRL cuts him off with a headbutt to the stomach! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" Zack doubles over and PRL, looking oh so relieved, shakes out the cobwebs before simply reaching out and shoving Zack... *THUD!* ...SOME FIFTEEN FEET TO THE CANVAS BELOW!!!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH - BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE DOWN GOES ZACK! COACH PRL! PRL! P R ... *CRACK!* ...NO!!! Just as the fans start to scream, either in approval or dis-approval, for the fact that PRL is just about to grab the World Title, he gets stung by a CHAIRSHOT TO THE BACK OF THE LEG from Landon Maddix!! The desperation shot catches PR right in the soft part of the knee and he howls in pain, stopping just inches from the belt to grab his leg. Maddix looks stunned, not just from the landing on his head but that PRL is still on the ladder. And in utter desperation he takes the chair, throws it... *CRACK!* ...CATCHING PRL RIGHT IN THE FACE... *THUD!* ...AND BRINGING HIM CRASHING OFF THE LADDER IN A TANGLED HEAP!!!! COACH AAAHHHHHH! COLE PRL just crashed. And he damn sure burned! He was right there, the belt was there for the taking... but somehow, Landon Maddix just saved his title! COACH And there's nobody left Michael! Wiping the hair from his face, Landon looks around and sees PRL down, sees Zack down... and sees the belt still hanging from the ceiling. Quickly he dives to the ladder and rushes up the rungs, chewing them up on his way to the top. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Landon reaches a safe position on the top and looks up, checking where he is. He then steadies himself and begins to reach up, grabbing the belt and untying the strap... ...as below him, Zack makes a last ditch dive... ...his hand hits the ladder... ...BUT IT'S TOO LATE!!! COLE HE DID IT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Maddix has the belt! Somehow, someway, Landon Maddix has RETAINED his title! What a match! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of this match... and... STIIIILLLL, ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOORRRRRRLLLDD... LLLLAAAANDON! "LA CUCARACHAAAAAAAA!"... MMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Stood on the second to top rung, Landon cradles the belt in his arms and lays across the top of the ladder, relief washing over him. Zack looks up from the bottom of the ladder and holds his head in his hands as in rolls Megan behind him, grabbing the bottom of the ladder and holding it steady to help her man down safely. COLE An incredible effort by all three of these men. But in the end, lady luck was finally on the side of Landon Maddix! We thought PRL had won it when Zack came crashing from the ladder, it looked like he was out of sight. Until, that is, he took a chair to the knee, chair to the head and a fatal blow to his latest challenge for the World Title. And Zack... well, just INCHES away from preventing Landon grabbing the belt right at the death. Safely off of the ladder, Landon raises the belt over his head with one arm, with Megan next to him keeping him on his feet. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH You can't take anything away from that man Michael. He is the World Heavyweight Champion and he showed us why tonight. I backed him all along, I knew he'd do it! COLE You were backing PRL most of the match... COACH I said I was backing the winner. And by golly if Landon wasn't the winner! COLE You really are unbelievable. Megan holds the ropes open and helps Landon out of the ring, the Champion still cradling the belt in his arms and barely able to manage a celebration. Entering the ring, Lindsay Gonzalez kneels next to PRL and tries to comfort her man who is barely moving. Zack is sat in the corner meanwhile, watching down the aisle as Megan raises Landon's arm and Landon raises the belt in kind. COLE That is the sight that few were expecting. Zero Hour was to be the toughest test of our Champion's credentials. And with the odds stacked against him, Landon Maddix leaves Memphis, Tennessee, STILL your World Champion. From The Coach, this Michael Cole saying good night. We will see you this Thursday night in Tupelo, HeldDOWN~!, all the fallout from an incredible night of action at Zero Hour. Don't you dare miss it! COACH HOLLA! FADE TO BLACK

While we wait for our next segment to be setup we're shown an outside view of the arena COLE Right now, let's send it up to our MC for the evening, Tony Schiavone over on the other side of the arena. Take it away Tony! Pan across the crowd and over we go to where the Interview Stage would normally sit. Instead though, rather than a stage, a pitch. A mini carpet of astroturf has been laid out across the arena floor to the left of the stage and a set of goalposts stands in front of one section of the Memphis crowd. Tony Schiavone stands, microphone in hand, next to referee Jimmy Korderas, with a whistle in his mouth. SCHIAVONE Okay, thank you Michael. We are down here, 'pitchside', ready for our special 'Penalty Shootout Challenge' to determine who is the 'Greatest Briton', Nathaniel Black... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" SCHIAVONE ...or Jamie O'Hara. "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!" SCHIAVONE Now, before we get to the rules, let's bring out the participants. First of all London, England's... NATHANIEL BLACK! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The lights alternate between red, white and blue through the intro, before the doors part and out marches one grouchy Englishman, Nathaniel Black. Black raises his arms in the air, generally shouting his mouth as he jogs down the steps at the side of the stage. Wearing the blue of Chelsea FC, Black places the ball on the penalty spot and shakes hands with the referee. SCHIAVONE And now, he is Birmingham's own "Birmingham Bad Boy"... JAMIE O'HARA!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" "OOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" The pumping beats of "Fix Up, Look Sharp" by Dizzee Rascal pound through the arena and through the sliding entrance doors swaggers Jamie O'Hara. The Birmingham Bad Boy jaws away at no-one or no-thing in particular as he marches down the steps. O'Hara, in the red of Arsenal, looks set to square up to Black until the official steps in. SCHIAVONE Okay, we have our contestants and we're proud to welcome our special goaltender for th... BLACK That's Goalkeeper, ya stupid Yank twat! SCHIAVONE ...sorry, goalkeeper, ladies and gentlemen USA and Fulham's own KASEY KELLER! The non-football enthused crowd give the fly-in stopper a kind reception, mainly because he's American. But it's a kind reception nonetheless. Keller takes his position in goal but before we can go any further, Black has taken the microphone. BLACK Alright, before we go any further, I gotta say somethin'. First of all, I want you to explain these rules so even these ignorant Yanks can understand 'em. It ain't rocket science and it ain't some convoluted crap like 'American Football' but I wanna make sure everybody knows just how badly I'm beatin' this scrawny little arsehole next to me. And speakin' of which... what the 'ell are you wearing!? I thought you were supposed to be the 'Birmingham Bad Boy'? Now, I know these people don't, so I'll explain. This shirt, this Arsenal shirt... Arsenal are a London club, yeah. An', seeing as you ain't from London, that makes you nothin' but a glory hunter! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" BLACK Shut up! You don't know what's goin' on, you're just booin' for the sake of booin'. O'Hara, this is exactly my problem with you. You ain't got no heritage. You sold out on your 'ometown to support the Arsenal, just like you sold out on bein' English to be a wannabee Yankee Doodle! I'm surprised you ain't out 'ere in that LA Galaxy shirt, givin' it the 'yeh, we love the soccer maaan' like these bandwagon jumpin' trogladites in the US! Again O'Hara and Black are kept apart by the referee. BLACK You know what, it don't even matter. Just get on with the rules. Black 'hands' the microphone back to Schiavone. SCHIAVONE Okay, well, each man will get a maximum of five attempts from the spot. The goalkeeper cannot encroach off his line, the player cannot make contact with the ball more than once and rebounds will not count, it's one shot and one only. Best score after ten penalties wins, or if one man gets an unasailable lead then he will win. In the event of a tie after 5 penalties each, we will go into Sudden Death. With that said, let's get the shootout underway with the coin-toss to determine who will get first rights. The coin is flipped and Black calls out 'Heads' before O'Hara can so much as open his mouth. Sure enough, it comes up heads and Black wastes no time in deciding he wants to go first. SCHIAVONE Okay, Nathaniel Black up first, Nathaniel... Telling O'Hara that he's going to 'show him how it's done' as he walks past him, Black lines up the already stationary ball. Taking a couple of steps back, Black then composes himself, steps up... ...and blasts it right down the middle! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" BLACK O - - - - 1 O'HARA - - - - - 0 SCHIAVONE Okay, Jamie, you're up next. O'Hara gets the ball back from Keller and places it confidently enough. The fans try to show some enthusiasm and get behind him as he takes a longer run-up than Black and places it to the right... ...SAVED! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" BLACK O - - - - 1 O'HARA X - - - - 0 SCHIAVONE Okay, after one penalty each, the score 1-0 to Black and your chance to make it 2-0 Nathaniel. "Oh, I'm gonna" is the confident announcement from Black as he steps up. Placing the ball, Black jogs backwards and locks eyes with Keller. The whistle goes and Black slowly jogs in... ...arrogantly chipping the ball dead down the centre of the goal and getting royally embarrassed as Keller stands his ground and catches the ball like a gift. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Black hangs his head in embarrasment, wiping a hand across his face as O'Hara walks past him smirking. BLACK O X - - - 1 O'HARA X - - - - 0 SCHIAVONE Uh, Nathaniel, not what you had planned? BLACK He came off his line. Trust the ref not to see it. All blind bastards, every last one. SCHIAVONE Okay, that said, Jamie... O'Hara wastes no time and strikes his penalty, this time with more power... ...and sends Keller the wrong way, scoring to his left as the keeper dives to the right! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" BLACK O X - - - 1 O'HARA X O - - - 1 Black looks pissed as he places the ball ready for his penalty. He points a finger at Schiavone and warns him to 'keep his gob shut' as he just waits on the whistle. No such arrogance this time, as Black instead blasts his third penalty... ...right over the crossbar! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" BLACK O X X - - 1 O'HARA X O - - - 1 Luckily the fans behind the goal have the sense to catch the ball rather than get hit in the face, which might not have been fun for the OAOAST lawyers. The fans throw the ball back for O'Hara as he looks to go ahead. SCHIAVONE Okay, Jamie, on the whistle... O'Hara sets... ...and scores again, again to the keeper's left! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" BLACK O X X - - 1 O'HARA X O O - - 2 Black glares at Kasey Keller as he's waved on to go next. Black takes his time and asks the referee to hold up, dropping down to tie up his bootlaces, complaining that that was the problem with his last two attempts. But his continued stalling annoys referee Korderas and he blows his whistle, reaches into his pocket and BRANDISHES A YELLOW CARD!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" BLACK WOT!? KORDERAS Deliberate time wasting, yellow card. BLACK This is a shootout, not a full game! You can't book me! KORDERAS No backchat Black. Any dissent you'll get a second and you'll be off. "SEND HIM OFF!" "SEND HIM OFF!" "SEND HIM OFF!" Black angrily marches away... ...and proceeds to blast his penalty right at Keller! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" BLACK O X X X - 1 O'HARA X O O - - 2 SCHIAVONE Okay Jamie, that means if you score this, it's all over. Good luck! Placing the ball on the spot, O'Hara jogs back, kicking up his heels and... ...coming to a stop as FAQU and JAMES BLONDE have invaded the pitch! O'Hara yells at the duo to get out of the way, which is the opening Black needs to sneak up and cheapshot O'Hara from behind with a forearm! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE HEY! What the hell! COACH Alright, something that isn't boring! Black, Faqu and Blonde all suddenly put the boots to O'Hara as Keller and Schiavone shifted off backstage by security. The trio beat down O'Hara a little before Faqu and Blonde sit him up, dragging him onto the six-yard line in front of the goal. Grabbing the ball again, Black then places it on the penalty spot and backs up as O'Hara is held in place. O'Hara tries to struggle free but can't escape Faqu's grip, as Black charges in... and POWERS A SHOT RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE GOAL, STRIKING O'HARA CLEAN IN THE FACE WITH THE LEATHER BALL!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL... COLE This is reprehensible! This goes way beyond bad sportsmanship, Black knew he was going to lose so he launched this attack, three on one! And O'Hara is out cold! COACH Yeah but, what a precision finish, huh? As O'Hara lies flat out on the astroturf, Black stands over him yelling abuse. Blonde joins in too, Faqu standing and snorting as Black drops the ball on O'Hara's chest and raises his arms over his head. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh yeah, real tough! That's what makes a 'Great Briton'!? A three on one beatdown!? Black, Faqu and Blonde finally walk off, leaving the beaten and bruised O'Hara still laying in the goalmouth. The crowd boo away as Black stops at the top of the steps, looking back down at the makeshift pitch and grinning from ear to ear. COACH Well, look on the bright side Michael. At least now, O'Hara's like his hero, David Beckham. COLE A rightful winner of a soccer match? COACH No, injured! HAHAHA! COLE Oh come on! Go to OAOASTShop.com to buy the latest in OAOAST merchandise! Toys! Belts! T-shirts! Foam hands! Bandanas! Chains! Wrist bands! And anything else your heart desires! You can find what the OAOAST superstars wear at only one place, OAOASTShop.com! AOL keyword: OAOASTShop! NOW AVAILABLE AT OAOASTShop Sultry Lurid Provocative Steamy Enter the erotic world of Los Diablos with their new 2008 poster calendar available exclusively at OAOASTShop.com Smile

The arena lights are dimmed, creating an erry atmosphere for the proceedings, as the only illiiumunation comes from a spotlight that hangs onto a ring based Michael Buffer. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen it is time for the One and Only World Tag Team Title Champions! This match is scheduled is for one fall with a time limit of sixty minutes. Let's meet the challengers. Easy lover She'll get a hold on you believe it Like no other Before you know it you'll be on your knees As the soft rock hits of three decades ago ooze into the arena, the camera pans out to reveal an annoyed audience, many of whom are giving hearty thumbs down to the incoming team. When the view returns to entrance way, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew are already on stage, further irritating the crowd with their overconfident swagger. Grinning in arrogance, Rico works his pornstache, gazing out through the crowd for a glimpse at Memphis' hotter wrestling fans. Soul is only slightly more focused on business, making the “belt” motion with one hand, while picking out that bad ass fro with the other. After he's certain the fro has achieved its penultimate styling, he tosses the pick over his shoulder and struts to the ring. BUFFFER Introducing first from New Orleans, Louisiana, standing six feet two inches and weighing in at one hundred eighty eight pounds, he is SWEET LUCIUS SOOOOULL! And his partner standing at five feet eleven inches, weighing two hundred twenty five pounds, from Rio De Janeiro, he is The King of Mardi Gras, RICO DE JANEIRO! Together they the MARDI GRAS HOME WRECKING CREWWWWWW! After their name is announced the pair exchange a handshake so elaborate it had to be stolen from the Oakland A's locker room. COLE The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew suffered a terrible loss this past Thursday on HeldDOWN, defeated by Rescue 911. I wonder if that still weighs heavily on their mind? COACH How can it not? Rescue 911 has only won two matches this year, and one of those wins has now come against The Wrecking Crew. Plus, they don't even know if Rescue 911 is gonna come down at some point and return COD's favor. Despite Coach's claim, the only thing that seems to be on Soul's mind is women. Namely the women in the front row, who each get a Playa's Card card courtesy of the Smooth Soul Bro. Of course each Playa's Card is discarded to the floor immediately after he leaves, but he doesn't notice that, too busy pimp walking his way down the ramp. Rico remains ahead him, firing himself up the steps and onto the ring apron. Eagerly, he bestows his beads to ladies in the first several rows. However, he's sadden to receive no bared breasts in return. COLE Well, The Wrecking Crew have quite the task ahead of them, looking to pull of an upset for the One and Only World Tag Team Titles. As HI-YAH tag team champions, they were able to fend off both The Rockers and The Gunslingers over the summer, so they do have that feather in their cap. Additionally, they were the last team to be eliminated in the scramble cage match to crown first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champions. But the team they ended up losing to is their opponents for this evening. Eazy Lover fades into nothingness replaced by the standing audience pumping out chants of , C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D! Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! Hey, hey, you, you! I know that you like me! No way, no way! No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you!! I want to be your girlfriend! The enthusiastic cheerleading chants of Avril's smash hit, ushers in even more enthusiastic chants from the sold out crowd, as a waterfall of pink pyro dives in front of the jumbo video screen. Its sparks are splashed along the stage, when its tagged by a fresh geyser of red pyro . That serene pairing is then overpowered by the dominant thunder that comes from the golden pyro wall that takes over the entry way. COACH Gah! I hate that part! My ears! Coach's ears may be in critical condition, but his eyes are sent to heaven by the splendid image of Krista Isadora Duncan standing between the swirling of pyro haze. A white deep plunging criss crossing teddy, can scarcely hold her mind boggling breasts, as it falls into a mini skirt that's kept open sided to let the gazes of viewers feast on her award winning legs. COLE Its been quite the year for COD, and you can join Krista in chronicling her time in the OAOAST and much more, on In the Life with Krista Isadora Duncan this Tuesday and Wednesday on Logo. Whipping up a storm of faux fur, Alix happily skips the entry ramp across, leaping onto the forboding Hummers to further launch the hollering fanbase into an ecstatic frenzy. The roving pink and red spotlights hit her rocking body, highlighting a perfectly rounded BUTT framed by a pair of white booty shorts, and expansive cleavage that stretches taut across thin fabric of a white halter top. Out of sheer luck alone, Krista is able latch onto her hyperactive partner, and still her into tight but loving embrace. Alix turns over her shoulder and blows a cute kiss to the camera, leading super imposed red lips to pop on the screen. BUFFER And the champions, first, from Los Angeles, California, she is the CEO of Mrs.Spezia's sweeties, the Hollywood Bad Girl, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, also from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are four time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions, America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks! Hand in hand, the girls merrily skip down the ring apron, making certain to point out a row of lesbians holding up a twenty foot banner that reads “WE LOVE COD” in huge sparkling red letters. COACH Hold up, why isn't it “In the life with Alix and Krista” on LOGO? Aren't couples supposed to share? What's mine is your's, and what's your's is mine? That's shady spotlight hogging behavior on Krista's part. Once they reach the ring, Alix runs her fingers gently up and down Krista's arms, before slowly massaging her back until she reached the slender shapes of her hips. She boosts Krista's onto the ring apron, then coolly reclines against it, soaking in the love of the crowd. Krista uses her prize winning legs to caress the excitable brunette's tingling body. While Ally loses her self in her pleasuring touch, Krista shoots a middle finger towards the battery of cameras that flash away. COLE Folks, we are set for another tag team extravaganza here at Zero Hour, The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking aiming for their first OAOAST title. DING DING DING The contest begins with a lockup between Alix and De Janeiro. Given that Rico may outweigh Alix by well over a hundred pounds, he has little trouble in overpowering her into an arm lock. She quickly sinks to her knees in hopes of being able to flip him with a fireman's carry. However, this effort meets with failure, as Rico uses her huge wrist bands to simply tug on her arm even further. Thusly Alix is required to stand upright. Her escape efforts continue, when she rolls back first onto the mat. Before De Janiero knows what's what, Ally's fur coated boots are kipping her upright and allowing her to snatch him into an arm wringer of her own. The pressure on The Brazllian's arm is intense and drops him to his knees, where he hollers in agony. Yet, he's able to compose himself quickly enough to spring to is feet and drive his yellow boot into Ally's bare tummy. The thudding blow shatters her grip, which permits him to coil his hairy arm around her neck for a headlock. Her brown locks spill across his arm, as he roughly attempts to twist her head from her body. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” the fans sing. The Hollywood Bad Girl makes a mighty effort to shove Rico and his vicegrip away. But fails to overcome his massive bodyweight. So, she's required to engage in a bit of playground trickery. “Uh, Mister Helsinki, sir....” “De Janeiro!” “Woah, am I way off. Uh, yeah, your epidermis is showing.” Indeed, Mister Square Pants, and Mister Star, indeed! Monstrous erection bulging through your two sizes too small tights=okay. Mysterious, unclear body part exposed=bad. As such, Rico releases Alix to cover up whatever the hell an epidermis is. Unfortunately for him his epidermis continues to flap gracefully in the gentle autumn breeze, as Ally whips him into the cables. When he returns he scores a measure of revenge by bowling over Alix with a shoulder block! COACH Rico doesn't get much love here in the states but down Brazil, he's one of the countries heroes. The women's soccer team likes to rub his mustache for good luck. Sprawled on the mat, Alix's frayed body feels as though its been smacked by a runaway bullet train. To buy herself some recovery time, she tries an old trick. “Uh, Mister De Janiero, got it right this time, your epidermis is showing.” But Rico won't fall for the bait this time. He takes off to the ropes, in order to build up steam for a crushing body splash. But as he returns the perky babe rolls onto her stomach in an attempt to trip him up. But Rico has this tactic well scouted, and leaps over her elongated body to continue hustling to the ropes. Alix again rolls over, but fails to note that Rico has clutched onto the ropes, locking himself in place. Because of this she's a prime target for his knee drop. But to the audience's delight, their gal rolls out the way. To Rico's utter dismay, his knee is shredded by the collision with the rock hard mats. COLE Not an auspicious start to this match for the Wrecking Crew. Spurred on by his agony, rather then crippled by it, Rico instantly springs to his feet, and delivers an elbow into her toned midsection. With Ally easily subdued by the attack, De Janeiro has little trouble in grabbing onto the strings of her underized tube top and leading her to his corner. He slaps the outstretched hand of Lucius Soul, which earns an annoyed groan from the sold out audience. However its Soul who groans the loudest, as when he enters the ring the culinary sensation flings him overhead with a Japanese arm drag. Quickly, he scurries back to his feet to put himself on the attack, but finds himself once again hurtling through the air courtesy of another arm drag. Despite good judgment telling him to do otherwise he stands right back up. And of course he gets thrown right back down with a third arm drag. This time he lands in front of his corner, and he's wise to take advantage of this position by smacking a stunned Rico on the chest for a tag. Though De Janiero has zero desire to renter the ring, the threats of disqualification give him no choice. And so he obliges the official's demand, but does so only to tag his distressed partner back into the fray! Soul vehemently protests this latest tag, but is silenced by Hebner's promise to make good in his DQ warning if they make one more tag. “YOU'RE A PUSSY! YOU'RE A PUSSY! YOU'RE A PUSSY!” the fans informer “Sweet”. “Actually, he's a Virgo!” Alix helpfully comments, which leads the fans to chant “YOU'RE A PUSSY AND A VIRGIN! YOU'RE A PUSSY AND A VIRGIN! YOU'RE A PUSSY AND A VIRGIN!” Annoyed with being made into a verbal punching bag, Soul tries to assert his toughness on Alix, by shooting her into the corner posts. But the buxom centerfold reverses the hold, and its the smooth soul bro who endures a rough collision with the turnbuckles! As pain solidifies around his back, Alix charges forward, throwing her sleek figure into the air for a high angle bronco buster. While, this would be a welcome move for about 99.9% of the audience, Soul strangely moves out of the way, leaving the champion to impale herself atop the rignposts! COACH Why the hell you gonna move on that move of all moves, my brother? Dude, ain't thinking straight. Throwing away all rules of tag team etiquette, De Janeiro sprints down the ring apron and applies a sudden tag to his taxed comrade. Before Soul can even figure out who just hit him, the middle age gigolo is scrambling up the top ropes to join the crippled champ. COACH One high risk move coming up! Rico's bucking crotch and purring lips pay his respect to her bewitching beauty. But the gesture earns a round of boos from the audience, and a round of punches to his flabby gut from an irked Alix. The South American superstar manages to subdue the fiery lass by trapping her into a front facelock. His chubby fingers weave into her booty shorts, and she's brought into the air for the makings of front superplex. The roaring audience implores her to escape, even as they're both flying through the skies. The California hottie answers their calls in the most painful way possible, slipping free of Rico's grasp and hammering him with a diamond cutter! Rico's body brutally snaps off the canvas, and immediately a torrent of profanities streams from his now bleeding mouth. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Alix flashes her army of adoring fans a peace sign and beauty pageant worthy smile. Fortunately for Rico, her moment of distraction allows him to roll his busted bones to the outside mats. The burning agony in his neck, coupled with the taunting front row audience members, beg him to throw in the towel and head to the comfort of the lockeroom. But, Soul rushes to his side, attempting to get him to stay and finish the fight (YAY Halo 3!). Above their conversation, is the shooting star press of Alix Spezia, her body whirling so fast it blurs to near invisibility. She flips through the air between them, one arm slicing through Soul, the other cutting down his cowardly partner. Pain chains up their bodies, and screams explodes out their mouthes as they're brought to the canvas, to the immense joy of the sold out audience. COLE Oh my! Unlike these fans Alix isn't satisfied with the horrid condition of her challengers, and points to Krista to deliver the death blow. The fans share Alix's longing and appeal the blond bombshell to head to the top rope. COACH Get this match under control, Hebner! As Krista clambers to the hight of the ring, the OAOAST senior official tries to do just that, demanding that she dismount her perch by yelling, “you're not the legal woman!” “I'm not the legal woman? Ah, the cry of lady justice rings both true and harsh! I will ponder your words, good pilgrim, but they are the kind of poignant mist you blanket yourself in on long hikes in the moonlight and breezy summer days at the lake. The Gettysburg address, The I have a dream speech, all written by great leaders, all as fading as the morning's dew when compared to your oratory. I will take your words to heart! So simple, yet profound. There is much to think about this day. For us all my friends, for us all. For now, get the hell out my way, you pissant twerp, I wanna do a crazy ass flip.” Stripped of his power by Krissy's sarcastic diatribe, Hebner can only watch with the awed fans as she rockets herself through the skies with a death defying corckscrew moonsault press. The sounds of cameras clicking, and fans screaming floods around her descending frame. But its the pitiful cries of the victimized Wrecking Crew that finally fills her ears, as her body pulverizes them into dust on mats! Their bodies are reduced heaps of abused bones, barely able to do much more then wonder how they got in this miserable predicament in the first place. “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” COACH Crazy! This isn't the NBA, there shouldn't be any superstar treatment in the OAOAST! If the illegal person goes out of their way to first disrespect the official, then attack the opposing team, a DQ has to be made. Rules gotta be enforced universally. Never one to miss a good photo-op, Krista tantalizes the array of photojournalists with a splendid buffet of delicious cheesecake poses. Elsewhere, Alix lifts Soul's carcass from the canvas and deposits the brutalized challenger into the squared circle. She follows him in, and is joined by Krista, who's covergirl smile has been replaced by a mischievous grin. Faced with four time tag team champions looming over him, Soul's prospects for survival appear much bleaker. In celebration of their grand showing, Ally flips a cute kiss towards her lover. Krissy catches it on her hand, then tenderly “tucks” it away down her shirt, before her blood red lips replay the sweet gesture. Alix snatches the kiss from the air, but instead of gently attaching it to her cheek, the receiving hand darts downward, it's palm smacking the aggrieved pimp dead in the face! The audience heartily applauds a move that nearly swells Soul's eye shut. COLE Ouch! Looks like Soul's gonna be wearing sunglasses at the afterparty. Sadly for Soul, he's yet to endure the last of COD's painful treachery. Alix's beautiful legs are taken into Krista's arms, and soon her entire body is raised into the sky. Floating in midair, Alix rocks the devil horns, and playfully growls towards the cheering audience. The end result of the move is much less cute, however as Krista dumps her girlfriend extended elbow onto the challenger! Hebner and the fans count the ensuing pinfall... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But Soul powers out the fall with shocking authority, launching Ally's thin figure into the air as he does so. The high-strung Latina lands on her fuzzy boots, but the sudden movement robs of her balance. As such, Soul is able to roll to his feet, and aim a leaping head scissors at her. But Alix catches onto his skinny legs, and uses them as a base to shoot him downwards. Before he can properly brace himself for the move his body is marred by her crowd popping spinebuster! Figuring that being able to finally spinebuster someone is worthy of celebration, Alix busts out the headbanging... ALIX Still bobbing her head to a tune only she can hear, Alix skates towards the black cables. She leaps into the air, and situates her legs onto the top rope for a split legged moonsault. However, a recuperated Rico De Janeiro hauls ass to her location, and grabs onto a wad of fur on her boots in order to flip her into one way collision with the mat. To his infinite dismay and the crowd's glee, the SoCal tomboy is able to land on her feet. As the fans resume chanting her name, she blasts some hot Polka beats on her air accordion (don't ask). Unfortunately her moment to play Polish songtress has distracted her from the evil pimp within the ring. He capitalizes on her preoccupation, by sneaking behind her, and dropping her to the canvas with a side Russian leg sweep! “Lucius Soul, 504, Strictly Pimpin, bay-bay!” he bellows, earning a bevy of jeers from the sold out arena. Whimpering in agony and pawing at her sore back, Ally drags herself off the canvas. Her rise is greeted with slimy fingers snaking their way through her curled hair, trapping her in their disgusting grip, and forcing her into Wrecking Crew corner. She only hears Soul make the tag with Rico, her vision tumbling into a blur, as he snapmares her to the canvas. She feels his presence backing away, but gets no moment for respite, as he returns with a whiplash. Even more painful is the slingshot elbow drop, his partner drives into her sternum! Instinctively, she rolls to the center of the ring, unable to do much more then grimace in the face of the awful pain. Rico stalks her path, and when she no longer has the strength to continue rolling, he drops onto her for a pin... ONE! TWO! But Alix lifts her shoulder off the canvas, bringing forth a large cheer from the audience. Slowed by the crippling pain in her neck, Alix picks herself upright. But immediately she's pounced on by The King of Mardi Gras, who throws her over with a hiptoss. Despite her wounded state, she comes down on her feet, and turns the tables onto her foe. Her arms trap his with a half nelson, and soon his entire two hundred twenty five pounds are being tossed through the air by way of a face crusher. His bearded chin bounces off the canvas, loosening teeth, and causing the crowd to scream in joy. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Almost silencing the chanting fans is the authoritative but concerned voice of Krista, screaming “Alix, come over here and tag me!” Used to being bossed around everywhere BUT the ring Alix responds with, “Sho thang, massa! Can I also dance fo' u and yo' white friends? I's entertain you's fo a bucket a chicken pleeaaaseee! Please share yo' delicious chicken, mistah whiteman suh! I's dance fo' you!” “No, just a tag will do for now.” Grumbling to herself, Alix applies the tag to her bossy girlfriend. COACH Someone ain't getting any tonight. Just as soon as Krista enters the ring, she's forced into a lockup by Rico. Using his strength advantage, the burly Brazilian shoves the celebrity fitness guru into a neutral corner. The second they arrive in the location, referee Hebner reminds the aggressor that he has five seconds to break the count. In an unsual show of good sportsmanship, De Janeiro ends his hold at two. Perhaps it wasn't so surprising after all, as he now slams several boots into Krista's ripped stomach. Thanks to her abs of steel, Miss California is able to brush aside the pain, and fight back with thudding kicks to his knee that send him hobbling back towards the center of the squared circle. But Rico ends her flurry of strikes with an elbow smash that lands painfully on her beautiful face. She recoils a bit, but doesn't go far, as the king of Mardi Gras grabs onto her wrist and puts her on a run to the ropes. He lowers his head, arrogantly assuming she'll be foolish enough to run into his stringy mullet. As she owns two master degrees from Stanford and UCLA she ain't that stupid, and instead takes to the skies, where her high heels flick downwards to stab through his neck with a double stomp. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Rico rolls to his feet, and quickly goes back on the attack by firing off a big boot. However, Krista snags onto the green and yellow shoe, and throws it back to the canvas. The violent counter yanks Rico off balance, and he teeters backwards. His seconds of disorientation work to her advantage, allowing the beach bunny to leap onto the third rope and dazzle her worshiping crowd with a majestic springboard moonsault press. Rico tries to slide out the way, but his attempted avoidance does more harm then good, and Krista's arm slashes through his neck, pushing them both to the canvas! Krista isn't quite finished wowing the audience however. With The King of Mardi Gras a battered wreck on the mat, she shows off her Balanchine worthy ballet skills with ten amazing pirouettes. Once her swan lake worthy routine is completed, she takes to the skies and comes down across her rival's body with a 450 splash! Hebner counts her resulting pinfall. CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Rico rips his shoulder from the canvas well before the three, but that doesn't stop the crowd from chanting “THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!” Seeking to squash Kris' growing momentum, Lucius darts into ring brandishing a lariat. But he's the one who gets squashed as Krista effortlessly cuts him in half with a Spear! Floored by that one single attack, the smooth soul bro rolls back to the apron a beaten man. Finished with her Goldberg impression, Krista moves into her Sharikia impression, waggling her booty into the hearts, minds, and erotic Internet novellas of viewers worldwide. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Able to recover thanks to his comrade's diversion, De Janeiro strikes at Krissy with a raised knee. She deftly sidesteps the attack, but fails to avoid the elbow smash that follows it up. More concerned with the possibility of having to cancel her next photoshoot then losing the match, Krista fails to prevent Rico from overtaking her with a gutwrench suplex. The second she crunches into the canvas, Rico's hairy figure is floating over for a pinfall. ONE TWO But, Krista escapes the fall, garnering a large pop from the Tennesseans. Both competitors rise to their feet at the exact same moment; Rico aiming for a forearm smash, Krista a hurricanrana. It's the vicious vixen who wins this brief exchange as her long legs lace around his neck and flip him to the canvas with the highflying move. No sooner then the nausea sets in does Miss California bring the South American to his feet for a more lethal attack pattern. A left hook booms onto his face, leaving him open for the right cross that scrapes across his jaw. Staggering, a third punch bounces his head like a teether ball. Thankfully for him, Krista yanks a Revlon Compact mirror out her top to remind herself that she in fact the best looking woman in the world. Turning her attention back to Rico, earns her a knee to the gut from the skirt chaser. “WHO WANTS A MOUSTACHE RIDE!?!” He hollers, voice dripping with sleaze. The women of Memphis seem to prefer their men boyishly smooth, and instead chant “DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO!” to the disliked heel. Rico stuffs Krista into a standing headscissors. Not one to waste having a beautiful woman jammed between his legs, he lustfully swivels his hips, before hauling her up and over his broad shoulders. His hands go underneath her armpits in preparation for the crucix powerbomb known as the Mustache Ride. But Krista makes a last ditch to evade the lethal finisher. “Wait! You can't give me a Mustache Ride, remember!” “Why's that, sweetheart?” “Because we both f'n worship the ballsiest rock band of all fuckin time, the Jefferson Starship! You can't powerbomb another Starshipmate. That's treason. Come on, and rock it with me, Rico!” Obliging his love for the treasured band, Rico sings, “We built this city! We built this citaaaaaaay, on rock and roooooll! We buuuuuuilt this citaaaaaaay We built this city on rock and rollllllll! Built this citaaaaaay! Built this citaaaaaaay, on rock and roooool.........Wait a second, sweetheart, Rico hates Jefferson Starship!” By time Rico realizes his distaste for the greatest band ever, Miss California is already worming free of his hooks. Angrily, he twirls his body to floor her with a discus forearm, but finds himself thrown onto the defensive, as she Irish whips him away. When he returns to her position, she springs upwards, and lashes her five hundred dollar heels across the back his head with an enziguri! As the crowd belts their approval, and a disgusting smacking sound travels through the ringside microphone, Rico twists to the canvas, the life all but drained from his bearded. face. The easy, breezy, beautiful, covergirl covers his remains for a pin... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! But the crowd's voice counts faster then Hebner's hand, and De Janeiro kicks out mere moments before the three count. The poster boy for tougher immigration laws rises to an unsteady vertical base, eying a much needed tag with his partner. However the fitness queen halts his bid for freedom, by whipping him into a neutral corner. The paunchy brawler calls upon a remarkable show of agility to avoid a collision with the ring posts, pressing his hands onto the second rope and thrusting his body into the air. Unfortunately all this counter means is that Krista has little trouble in driving an uppercut into his face! As the onlookers holler their approval, De Janeiro's ruined body and bruised face plummets into the canvas. While he begins a futile effort to crawl to his corner, Krista fluffs her gorgeous hair. After the foxy mama finishes reminding us she has the best hair in the OAOAST, she rolls towards Rico, uncoiling her slender body into a gruesome double stomp aimed squarely at his testicles! “OOOOOOH!” COLE I sympathize with Rico, many men have rushed to have their testicles removed after a night of smoking hot passion with your's truly. Pain. Distress. Hurt. Agony. Misery. Woe. Anguish. There are no words in the English dictionary to describe how Rico feels now that his testicles have been reduced into a fine liquid by Miss California. While he contemplates his future as a eunuch, the Hollywood hellcat scales to the top turnbuckle. But before she can execute any high flying stunts, she has to make sure her lipstick is perfect. So she digs into the turnbuckle pads, pulls out her lip lacquer, and splashes herself into a moment of beauty and pampering in the middle of a tag title match. Once she conjures up the perfect lip shine, the vain starlet screams off the turnbuckles with a 630 splash. Rico makes a weak effort to move away, but is far too slow, and Miss California crashes down onto him in a pinning situation! CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Rico scrapes his shoulder off the mat, deflating the crowd's enthusiasm. Still dizzied he heads upright where Krista is ready to meet him with a spinning back kick. However, he counters her flexible strike by striding forward and smashing his forearm into her head. Wishing to push his luck no farther with Miss California, De Janeiro retreats to his corner to allow Lucius Soul back into the contest. COLE Lucius Soul one of the many colourful characters you'll see in the OAOAST, and one of the many colorful characters you'll hope to never see again in the OAOAST. After angering the audience with his juking and jiving on the ring apron, Soul enters the bout with a yakuza kick. But the champion rolls bellow the speedy attack, and he's involuntarily rushed towards the ropes. That would be harmless enough were it not for Alix skipping down the ring apron, grabbing onto his snakeskin boot and crotching the jive time pimp on the orange cables! Soul's shrikes are immediate and constant, blaring like a fire alarm right belongside the cheer of the crowd. Bored over not having done anything for the past five minutes, Alix basks in her moment in the spotlights by getting in an audition for the next season of Celebrity Rap Superstar, “B-O-O-S-I-E. B-A-D A-Z-Z. That's me!” “WIPE ME DOWN!” the fans respond. “Red bones caramels all of em stop and stare all of em try and steal my underwear!” “WIPE ME DOWN!” “Like to floss like Rick Ross got a hit called set it off when I sing it errybody set it off!” “WIPE ME DOWN!” “I F-O-R-G-O-T T-H-E W-O-R-D-S T-O T-H-I-S S-O-N-G!” “WIPE ME DOWN!” While Alix struggles to recollect the words to elementary rap songs, Krissy elevates herself onto the top rope, then slams her shoes in Soul's skinny chest with a dropkick. The pain of being struck by the high flying attack can scarcely register in his mind, before Krissy traps him into a jackknife pin... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But Soul lifts his shoulder off the canvas at the last possible microsecond. “BOOOOOOO!” Soul begins to step upright, but a swift basement dropkick kiboshes that ascension. The attack rocks his neck from side to side, and sends the overwhelmed playa rolling away in pain. Krista, breathing bloody murder, closes the distance between her foe with three lanky steps. Reaching down and taking hold of his oversized afro, she grins, ready to pull him up for more punishment! Rightly fearing the safety of his legendary fro, Soul desperately swings his elbow upward, connecting with Krissy's well toned abdomen. While his nauseous enemy tries to avoid vomiting her Slim Fast Milkshake, Nawlins' favorite son builds up speed on the ropes, foreshadowing his infamous pounce. But his trademark move never comes to pass, as when he nears, she cuts him down with Triple H-esque high knee lift! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” The crowd pleasing move pushes Soul backwards, causing him to be tangled within the tentacles of the ring ropes. Not wishing to give him a moment to fight for his freedom, the busty beauty darts forward, looking to blast him into the next time zone. However, “Sweet” works his way free quickly enough to counter Krista's advance into a back body drop that threatens to throw her from the ring. The audience holds their collective breath, thinking that the match is about to come to a nasty end for our heroine. But Krissy's flawless landing on the ring apron allows them all a sigh of relief. Not partaking in the fans joy, a suddenly furious Soul blindly charges her position. But Miss California shoots her knee through the cables to halt his attack. Stricken with agony, Soul is left doubled over and helpless. Krista takes quick advantage of his momentary confusion; she flings herself back into the squared circle, and tries to drag him down with a sunset flip! The crowd readies themselves to count along with another pin, but are kept quiet once Soul tightens his bony fingers around the second rope! COLE Resourceful counter right there for Lucius Soul! Beads of sweat rocket off Krista's face as she exerts a herculean effort to overcome Soul's resistance. The crowd starts to sing her name, trying to will her the strength to achieve her goal. But the Louisiana native clutches onto the ropes for dear life, making Krista's efforts wasted ones. Even worse, he soon goes on the offense and drills a punch directly towards her face. Not wishing to have her nose be splattered across the ring, she slides through the brawler's legs, narrowly avoiding his fist! “YEAAAAAAA!” Soul recoils in astounding pain, spewing profanity in every direction. But he quickly channels his anguish into anger, and sends a punch hurtling towards Krista! But the traffic stopping blonde counters by flashing this card at her foe, But Soul is hip to this game and responds with a card of his own! SOUL With Soul KO'ed by the irrelevancy of Al Sharpton to mainstream America, Krissy attempts another pinfall... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO But “Sweet” manages to squirm his shoulders off the canvas. “BOOOOOO!” All out of comedy spots and playing cards, Krista allows her girlfriend back into the contest. The capacity crowd welcomes the culinary sensation into the bout with fabulous ovation. Lucius, however, welcomes her into the bout with a leaping sidekick. Alix expertly handles the descending missile by stabbing her leg into his thigh with a superkick. The odd counter sends the pimp twisting through the skies, and its through sheer luck alone that he manages to land on his feet. But that luck quickly fails him when Alix wipes him out with the True Life: I just got Beat up By a Girl (STO). “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” After flashing a peace sign to her cheering fans, Alix goes for a pivotal pin... CROWD ONE CROWD TWO Soul escapes another pinfall. No longer interested in playing punching bag for the champions, Soul pounces upon Alix with a front facelock. Stunned by his resurgence she only mounts a weak effort to fight back as he brings her to her feet. He throws his right arm over his head, takes a firm grip of her skimpy shorts, and hoists her up... before spiking her into the canvas with a vertical suplex! He quickly rolls back to his feet, bringing Alix with him, only to drive her back down with a second suplex! Alix breaks free of Soul's grip, but does so only to grab onto her aching back and cry out in misery. COLE Not much to look at it, not much to get excited about, but if you execute a vertical suplex properly, it can be one hell of a hold. Apparently two vertical suplexes are enough work for Lucius Soul, because he breakdances his way to Rico, and slaps his comrade's outstretched hand. With Rico's unwelcome reappearance into the contest, the chants of “DEPORT RICO!” return to the forefront of the arena. Rico doesn't bother debating his citizenship with the hateful audience, instead he lashes at Alix with a pair of disdainful stomps. He then drags the former 24/7 champion off her feet. Alix's body sags downwards, crippled as a result of the snap suplex, and The King of Mardi Gras senses the makings of victory are near. With a treacherous grin capturing his twisted features, he thrusts Ally into the ring cables. Then as the brunette comes sprinting towards him he lunges for her legs, smacking his shoulder into her right knee The four time tag team champion emits a heart wrenching cry of pain as she flops forward. But Rico allows her no rest for her weary bones, wrenching her back upright. The loathsome grappler snares her into a tightly held double underhook, and pulls her farther away from her corner, so that Krista will have zero opportunity to rescue her. Once he's assured that Krista is clearly out of the picture, he dives backwards and crashes Alix's skull into the canvas with a double arm DDT! Smiling through gold teeth, Rico hooks Alix's far left leg, and Hebner moves into position for the count. ONE TWO But Alix escapes the pinfall well before the three, robbing Rico of his first OAOAST tag title reign. While the fans around him cheer the pin escape, Rico's beady eyes shoot daggers at the slow counting referee. COLE The Wrecking Crew have to keep their head in the game. Getting distracted is how they lost to Rescue 911. COACH No, Krista's breasts are how they lost to Rescue 911! De Janiero cocks his hand around Alix's neck, and shifts her slumped body fully upright. She mounts an uphill war to sway momentum to her side, batter-ramming her tensed fist into his chubby stomach. However Rico stills her mutiny with a punch to side of her skull. With her head ringing louder then a cathedral bell, he angrily slams her face into the nearby turnbuckle pad. The impact generates a terrible sound of metal on bone, that brings worried cries from the spectators and Krista. Ally clutches at the side of her stinging forehead, longing for a timeout. But the Brazilian icon shows no capacity for mercy, and replays the move. Once again the callous sound of metal on flesh screeches along the venue, running hand and hand with her own shouts of despair. “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! Miss Spezia paws at the side of her head and staggers back, bewailing in affliction. Her rival trails her retreat, reveling in the prospects of causing her more suffering. He once again assuming a hold on the back of Ally's neck, this time with two rough hands. With a deep throated snarl, he once again collides Alix's head into that top turnbuckle. The rotten heel then fires her off into the ropes. Shortly after bouncing off, Alix regains enough of her wits to attempt a counter attack. She turns her body backwards, and thrusts herself into Rico, wrapping her legs around his waist in a leg scissors position. She tries to drag him into a pinning situation, but De Janiero latches onto her legs then lugs her into the air for a wheelbarrow suplex. But The Hollywood Bad Girl staves off the disastrous hold with ease. She rotates her body at the height of her ascension so that she's able to face her challenger and tangle him into an aerial facelock. The perky hottie dips backwards, ready to splatter his brains across the canvas with a DDT. But De Janiero circles his arms around her slender waist, and uses his superior strength to paste her on the canvas with a Northern Lights suplex! Violent tremors assail her body, as the referee counts the resulting pin... ONE TWO Alix kicksout! “YEAAAAAAA!” Rico is unable fathom how his suplex only scored a two and attaches another icy glare onto the vexing official. Begrudgingly he sets aside his qualms with Hebner to grab a chunk of Ally's vibrant hair and lead to her feet. He tangles the helpless maiden within the ring ropes, leaving her body exposed to any manner of violent assaults his devious mind can concoct. His move of choice is a basic but deadly running avalanche. But The Hollywood Bad Girl has no wish to be flattened by a a sex crazed South American and makes moves to counter the attack. As he nears she draws her fur coated boots into the air, smacking him under the chin, and loosening several of his gold plated teeth. As a side effect of the counter, she's flipped over the ropes, and onto the ring apron. Acting with great speed, she fires a shoulder block towards Rico's plump gut to set up a sunset flip. But he side steps the strike and returns fire with a palm strike across her back. The blow weakens poor Alix significantly and permits him to effortlessly take her into a front facelock. The champion desperately reaches onto the ropes for some protection against the strike. But it's to no avail, and Rico succeeds in torpedoing her skull through the canvas with another DDT! Now totally in the driver's seat, Rico celebrates the only way he knows how, by stroking that porn stache. Stroking it long, and stroking it hard. “BOOOOOOO!” Ignoring the crowd's lack of love for his 'stache, Rico once again uses Alix's flowing locks to haul her upright. So weakened by the continual assault on her neck, she offers little resistance to De Janeiro roughly shoving her into Wrecking Crew corner. But as a closed fist comes screaming towards her face, her fighting spirit is suddenly renewed, and she pelts him with a roaring elbow! Soul doesn't go unscathed either, swatted to the mat with a single swipe of her hand! The fans pop for Soul's mistreatment, and only grow louder as their sweetheart peppers De Janeiro with a string of knife edge chops. With Rico's mind dazed, and his chest inflamed by the chops, Alix quickly traps him into a side headlock in order to setup the stratusfaction. But as her quirky footwear situates itself onto the ropes, its caught by a recovered Soul, who has every intention of hauling out of the ring and possibly out of the match. But Soul's evil schemes are no match for Alix's agility, and she twists him off the apron with a headscissors before crashing De Janeiro into the canvas with the stratusfaction! While Soul and Rico are left to wallow in their hurt and aggravation, the fans explode with humongous cheers. “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!” Spurred on by the song of the fans, and Krista's pleading voice, Alix begins the arduous trek across the ring to her corner. But the clammy feel of Rico's coarse hands tightens around her calf, making what was once a difficult journey a near impossible one. Despite this Alix continues to valiantly struggle towards her waiting partner. But her efforts are for naught, as with one mighty lunge backwards, Rico sucks her whimpering body back into the Wrecking Crew corner. Tangling her leg between his hand and ankle, he reaches back to tag Soul, and gruffly demands a double team. Though Hebner sternly warns against it, Soul performs a break dancing twirl that leads into a leg drop across Alix's throat. As Rico departs the ring, and Alix fights for fast fleeting breath, Soul goes for a pin... ONE! TWO! THREE! But Alix kicksout, and the fans are absolutely ecstatic! COLE We almost saw new champions. A changing of a title would certainly make things very chaotic in the tag team division, which has been unusually stable this year. Having failed at his every attempt to hold Alix down for three seconds, Soul choses to submit her out of her tag title. His thin arms snake around her throat, robbing her of breath with passing second. Held towards her own corner, all Alix's blurry eyes can see is the frustrating distance that separates her from the salvation of her partner. Hebner drops to his stomach, asking Alix if she wishes to throw in the towel. The answer is an emphatic shout of "No!", a defiant statement that leads the Louisianan to further wrench on her neck. LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! the audience chants, as Krista beats her palms against the turnbuckles. His repeated wrenching of her neck, pulls and strains Alix's ligaments, and her strong statements of survival are replaced by shrill wails of torture. Her arm lightly flaps at her side, barely able to muster enough strength to weakly elbow him in the rib cage. As he feels the life being drained from her near lifeless body, Soul assumes the end is near, and multiplies the pressure of his hold. The ref detects no signs of life from the fan favorite, and lifts her arm into the sky. The limb plummets downward, filling the apron based Rico with great anticipation over his first OAOAST title victory. The senior official raises the arm once more, and again it droops to her side COLE One more drop and we'll have new champions! Up goes the arm, and up goes prayers and wishes from the audience, who plead with the lord above to will Alix through the devastating submission move. Their desires and dreams are answered, as Alix somehow manages to keep her limb elevated! "YEAAAAAA!" A look of stupefied furor warps Soul's visage. But all the grousing and complaining does nothing to change the fact that his efforts to choke Alix out of her title reign have failed thus far. Her fists are clenched into tiny balls, desperately leading her charge to freedom. Emitting deep throated growls, Soul wrenches back repeatedly, tugging on the head in a frantic attempt to subdue the Californian. But the plucky underdog refuses to give up, and her jelly legs expend great energy to push her to her feet. Inching upright, Alix is wondrously close to a standing position. A fact that does not go unnoticed by her rival! His worried eyes dart towards Rico for assistance. De Janiero answers the call for help in a truly despicable away; brazenly storming into the squared circle, and rifling his boot into her face. The magnificent blow rips Ally away from the deadly submission hold, but deals tremendous damage to her face, and leaves her a quivering heap of flesh and bones on the ring floor. Hebner tries to admonish Rico for his tactics, but the Brazilian will hear none of it, retreating to his corner with an unapologetic grin. "BOOOOOO!" the fans jeer, as Krista cusses and howls over the cheap shot. Amid the hate tinged chaos, Soul tries another pin for his squad. ONE! TWO! Krista can't stomach her anger any longer. The blond bombshell darts into the ring, and baseball slides the pimp off her petite girlfriend. The astounding momentum of the crowd popping strike, shoves Soul into his corner, where his dark skin is slapped by his associate. Ignoring his partner's complaints over the unwelcome tag, Rico focuses himself on the task of pulverizing Alix. Taking hold of her trembling wrist, he leads her to her feet, and launches her at the cables. The ropes return her into an elbow strike that shreds at her skull and rips her from her feet. She yells in rage and pain, thrusting a smile of intense gratification onto his face. Offering her no moments to recover strength, Rico yanks the champion upright. His hand flicks out in a knife edge chop, tearing apart the fabric of her teeny-tiny tube top. He cocks his arm to deliver another flesh searing strike, but his offense is grounded to an abrupt halt when a chop explodes across his pecs. Four more chops terrorize the now bloody flesh of the challenger, giving birth to a rousing ovation from the audience. More motivated to protect his shredded flesh then effort any sort of attack, The King of Mardi Gras dispatches his rankling rival to the ropes. This tactic grants him a three second reprieve from her onslaught, but when she returns she reintroduces him to a world of hurt, pummeling him with a dropsault! "YEAAAAAA!" Both competitors plunge downwards, rocking the ring with their extraordinary impact. Instantly the crowd, and Krista undertake the task of motivating Alix, chanting her name and stamping their feet in unison. However it's the despised villain, Rico De Janiero who gains first movement. Even in his weakened state, the veteran has enough wits abut him to block Ally's path to freedom. As her exhausted bones slog their way past the pain to stand upright, the "smooth soul bro" sneaks into the squared circle. When she stands fully erect, he charges forward, intending on flattening her with his pounce. But thanks to a quick glance towards the scoreboard, Ally spots her rapidly approaching foe and dives out of the way! Unable to put the breaks on in time, Soul slams into the fleshy figure of his aghast partner, hurtling them both backwards. Both gladiators land with a thud, a sound that brings smiles to the faces of fans worldwide. With Soul and De Janeiro hindered by their ineptitude, the bone tired Alix makes the long coveted tag to Krista Isadora Duncan, then promptly falls backwards in exhaustion. "YEAAAAAA!" The noise level of the fans for the tag is enormous, and scales even higher as they witness Miss California lacerate Soul with a springboard dropkick! Rico, apparently oblivious to the cheers of eighteen thousand people, enters the ring thinking he's still dealing with the distressed Alix. Imagine his shock, when his partner once again careens into him! Pain curdles onto his face as he's thrown into canvas, joined by a large cheer from the audience. A dazed Soul has the misfortune of remaining upright, and thusly puts himself directly in the line of fire for more of Krista's drubbings. The former HI-YAH tag team champion is tossed into the ropes, and encounters her lowered head as he returns. But his long legs leapfrog over her frame, and he twirls around to floor her with a punch as she rises. But he soon finds he's a victim of a dangerous trap, as Miss California nails him with an inverted atomic drop! He clinches onto his busted pork n beans, and wails in treacherous anguish, as the crowd hoots and hollers over his misery. The audience is then treated to further pleasure as the fitness queen's superkick annihilates his youthful face. COLE Krista's Great California Adventure! For Krista, a great adventure would be achieving that sexy, back from the beach hair after wrestling for the twelve minutes. So, leaving Soul to collect this teeth from the canvas, she retreats to the turnbuckle posts to dig out a travel size Fredric Fekkai texturizing hair spray. With no regard for such pedestrian items like tag time titles, the OAOAST's top model happily lathers herself in the marine botanical mist. COACH Who...who..who's putting all these beauty products in the turnbuckles for her? Quit enabling this woman! With Krissy preoccupied with the most important thing in her life...herself, Rico capitalizes on her distraction. He bounds to the second rope, with the intention of crushing her with a springboard cross body block. But as he dives upon her like a South American bird of prey, Miss California tilts her bottle of hairspray upwards and sprays the mist like a can of mace. Unable to defend himself against the unique tactic, the blinded grappler can only holler in fright as he crashes and burns into the canvas! “YOU CAN'T SEE SHIT! YOU CAN'T SEE SHIT!” COACH Where's the disqualification? That's what I wanna know? You hit someone with a steel chair, you get disqualified. You hit someone with a sledgehammer you get disqualified. But you blind someone and we point and laugh? The blond bombshell pays tribute to the original blond bombshell, Marilyn Monroe, by mimicking her "Updraft" pose, placing her hand to the middle of her skirt, crossing her knees, and flashing an irresistibly embarrassed smile into the camera. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” For once Krista actually pays a price for her vanity, as Soul sneaks behind her to roll up into a pin! ONE COLE Could this be it? New champions? TWO THREE! But, Alix destroys the pinfall, scoring a massive cheer from the audience for efforts. Unfortunately all she scores from Soul is a standing fireman's carry in prelude to the Fro 2 Sleep! COLE We saw this against Rescue 911! Yet, Alix avoids the grizzly ending that comes hand in hand with The Fro 2 Sleep, thanks to Krista yanking her from the shoulders of their opponent! The fact that his shoulders are minus a sub-150 pound lesbian barely has time to register in his mind before the GLAAD tag team of the year pulverizes him with pair of Triple H style high knee lifts. He's thrown to the canvas, with agonized cries spilling out from the corners of his mouth. Krista and Alix begin seizing on their rival brutal stomps. But he succeeds in rising to his feet past their torrent of kicks, but this only puts him in a far worse situation as California honies launch him into the corner. He smacks against the posts with a booming thud, too exhausted to effort any sort of escape. Taking advantage of his weakness, Alix charges in with a lariat. Needless to say a lariat from a bulimic woman doesn't exactly bring much hurt to Soul's world. But the pain begins to stack when Krista follows Alix by slashing her bare knee into his face! As a cut on his head begins to ooze gobs of blood, Ally lies on the mat, and Krista takes hold of her shapely legs. Krissy falls backwards, lifting Alix into the air, and shooting her towards their rival. Soul tries to evade his approaching attacker. But the sweat in his eyes causes him to misjudge her movement, and a shoulder block rips through his boney stomach! C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D! The girls have no time to celebrate with the audience, thanks to De Janeiro diving upon them with an axe handle smash! They easily side step his descending bomb, causing him to harmlessly sail past. His landing is less then admirable, and he disgracefully tumbles forward where he ties himself up in the ropes. Fortunately, he doesn't remain in that embarrassing position for very long. Unfortunately that's due to Alix and Krista dropkicking him out the ring! “YEAAAAA!” shout the fans who'd rather see him dropkicked out the country! Figuring that Krista can handle Lucius on her own, Alix follows the haggard Brazilian to the outside. Slowly, and painfully, as though each breath rips away hunks of his flesh, Rico rises to his feet. But as he stands, he's met with the thrusting kicks of Alix Spezia, acting as mindless machines of slaughter to cut him down. Unable to stomach much more of her strikes, he nails her in her exposed stomach, and uses her moment of weakness to foist her into a gorilla press position. However, the adorable Latina shifts her way free of his hold, catching Rico into an elevated front facelock. She curses him with a nauseating 360 twirl, then dips backwards to spike his head into the ring mats with the Sucker Free DDT! This leads to an outpouring of applause from the fans, that only adds to Rico's fast mounting headache. Meanwhile in the ring, Lucius Soul has managed to overpower Krista into a standing fireman's carry. The fans, who were consumed with joy for Rico's misfortune, turn hatred at Lucius, and beg Krista for an escape. But their wishes go unfilled as her stunning features a driven into the point of his raised knee! “BOOOOOOO!” COACH Fro 2 Sleep, Krista Isadora Duncan! And wake up to a new world ruled by new One and Only World tag team champions, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew! The crowd senses the same thing as Coach, and prepares debris to hurl into the ring after Buffer's official announcement of the new tag team champions. Smiling broadly, Soul prepares to usher in this hellstorm of heat as he drapes his arm across Krista's lifeless body.... ONE! COLE Come on, Krista! Kick out! TWO! But Alix has situated herself atop the ring apron, and like any man with a fully functioning penis, Soul's intrigue is risen. With her back to the ring apron, Alix endeavors to raise a whole lot more then intrigue. Unless you refer to erections as intrigue, then I guess she's really pnly raising intrigue. Her jiggling and grinding booty brush aside his thoughts of winning a tag team title, and pushes them all towards getting his hands on the sweet caramel colored ass that lies behind . Tongue nearly hanging to floor, Soul creeps to Alix, and we can thank the good camera men for showing him from behind in order to hide the pants bursting results of his constant gaze at the delectable BUTT in front of him. Oh, Lucius Soul, you, sad, but lovable dupe, when will you learn, that when a lesbian taunts you its not because she wants to make you her sappho-daddio, its because she's looking for an excuse to smack you in the face? And that's exactly what Alix does, her hand cracking out to knock the aroused pimp tumbling back! “YOU GOT PIMPED SLAPPED! YOU GOT PIMP SLAPPED!” Caught off guard by the sudden turn of events, Soul tumbles towards the ground, falling in front of Krista Isadora Duncan. But, the Krista he left is far different then the one he returns to, as she now dangerously wields a pair of garden shears. SNIP! COLE Oh my! While a sizable chunk of Soul's vaunted fro is still tumbling to the floor, its assailant pleasures herself and the roaring audience by removing another huge hunk. COACH That has to be a DQ! The worried screams from Lucius Soul have more to do with his rapidly disappearing hair then the fairness of outside weaponry. His cries plead with his giggling tormentor to cease her actions, but only motivate her to take another snip! “CUT HIM BALD! CUT HIM BALD!” the fans and Alix sing. KRISTA COACH You can't! You can't! I wouldn't wish the mental anguish of being bald on anyone! Its worse then the Holocaust! Realizing that he's running close to losing the one item that defines him, Soul performs the only action he can think of to get out of this unbelievable predicament, he taps out! The audience instantly comes off their feet with cheers and applause for COD's victory, as Hebner shrugs his shoulders and calls for the bell. COLE Our tag team champions aren't ones for typical wrestling conventions, and I sure as heck don't think I've ever seen anyone win by submission through haircut! COACH That's because if you bring in an outside object, you get disqualified. Again, Chicks Over Dicks get to play with a different, more lenient, rule book then anyone else. And Krista's a fitness instructor, not a barber, she coulda killed a brother with them things. Soul cringing, shrieking with shred, still finds some hope in his heart that this all a fantastically awful nightmare, that he's not staring at the fuzzy remnants of his mangled hair, that he didn't just throw away his best chance at becoming a tag team champion. Until he hears, “THE WINNERS AND STILL ONE AND ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS....” “C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” the now standing audience chants. Desperate, and helpless, he rolls over onto his back, his smooth demeanor invisible, nearly brought to the point of tears. The girls don't seem to concerned with his plight , instead bounding across the ring to meet each other in their arms. Alix swings Krista around, smiling as Krista showers her forehead with kisses in celebration of another successful title defense. COLE Another successful title defense in a very successful year for our champions. And don't forget to try out Miss Spezia's Sweeties' brand new Denise Richard's Peanut Butter Sprinkle Cookies. Forget joint custody, just give me my damn kids. Available at grocers everywhere. They're delicious!

We're taken to the OAOAST ActionZone, where Maggie Nerdly, sits on top of the ACTIONDesk, sipping on 7-11 big gulp because even our backstage staff gets thirsty. MAGGIE What's up ya'll, Maggie Nerdly, your girl on the scene reminding you to bounce your firefox on over to OAOAST.COM after the show is over, for a poppin Zero Hour edition of Afterparty. We're gonna see just how the hell they construct the chamber of hell, see how Landon Maddix spent his night before the pay-per view, and do some Nashville style bullriding with the Nerdly girls, me, Melody, and Molly! Make sure you check it out, only at OAOAST.com! FADE OUT OAOAST Halloween Spectacular The Freaks Come Out October 31st COLE Folks, that's right on Halloween night, the OAOAST will present to you its first ever Halloween Spectacular. The first in a long line of many seasonal sports entertainment spectaculars! We'll be broadcasting from Daytona Beach, Florida and we have more tickets going on sale this Saturday. If you'd like more information on the Halloween Spectacular, please visit our website or keep watching OAOAST HeldDOWN every Thursday night on the TSM network! COACH Ain't it fitting that the Halloween Spectacular postergirl, Melody Nerdly, is about to get treated to a major league Halloween scare courtesy of the Heavenly Rockers? HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team attraction is scheduled for one fall. Now playing, COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents the “GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time“...THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS! Ethic slurs and a chorus of boos greet the aforementioned trio, including a purse-swinging granny who manages to knock the cowboy hat off Col. Abdullah’s head! COACH Talk about walking into hostile territory. The Colonel may need to hire the services of CPA before the night is done, Cole. COLE There might not be much left of the Heavenly Rockers once Holly and Melody are through with them. "Another Body Murdered" kicks up and the Angels of Death turn it up a notch, bursting onto the stage to a thunderous ovation. BUFFER Their opponents, who tonight are fighting for their honor and pride, MELODY NERDLY and HOLLY-WOOD…THE ANGELS OF DEATH~!! “YYEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Holly and Melody go around the ring slapping hands and talking trash. Then, as the girls round the corner to climb the steel steps… * BOOM * …Col. Abdullah CLOBBERS HOLLY ACROSS THE BACK WITH A STEEL CHAIR! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” MELODY COLE That no good, dirty rotten son of a…! How could he do such a thing? The man has no morals! COACH Hey, if you want to fight with the men, expect to be treated like one. The ringside area becomes swamped with officials and EMTs. Col. Abdullah orders his team to destroy Melody as Holly is loaded onto a stretcher. Logan Mann is happy to oblige, grabbing an unsuspecting Melody Nerdly by her hair and drags the blonde beauty inside, knocking her unconscious with a WICKED LEFT HOOK~! COLE Oh, no! COACH She’s out and out cold, Cole. The match was over before it even begun. All Logan’s got to do is cover her and it’s off to the showers. * DINGDINGDING * The Heavenly Rockers have other ideas in mind, however, as the bell official sounds. At the Colonel‘s urging, Synth and Logan punish Melody some more. Mann smacks Melody around to wake her, and then stomps her hard in the chest! The men from Sin City make a tag and suplex Melody, which Synth follows with a SECOND ROPE ELBOW DROP! ONE… TWO… NO! Synth lifts Melody’s head off the canvas and slams her in the center. Logan is tagged in and he comes off the top with a DOUBLE KNEEDROP ONTO THE HEART OF MELODY! ONE… TWO… But only two, as the Heavenly Rockers once again break their own pin! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE The fans are livid and I don’t blame them. What’s going on right now is sickening. I strongly urge referee Charles Robinson to stop the damn match. Another tag is made and Logan power bombs Melody as Synth descends from the heavens with a leg drop! COACH Electric Melody! A perfect way to cap the night. ONE… TWO… “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The crowd is damn near ready to riot, figuratively speaking of course, as Synth decides to roll off and tag out. Just when all seems lost… ABDULLAH “YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” …HOLLY-WOOD reappears with OAOAST officials begging her to return backstage. COLE Holly’s come to even the odds! COACH She’s in no condition to wrestle, Cole. It’d be morally wrong to let her compete. COLE Since when did you start giving a damn about morality? It’s her choice. Holly’s pent up her frustration with Logan long enough, and she gets to help her friend in the process. Set-up for a double Percussion DDT, Melody falls to her knees and delivers a pair of desperation LOW BLOWS as everyone is too busy staring at Holly! COACH That’s a disqualification! Robinson wasn’t out of position, he’s playing favorites! With the crowd behind her, Melody weakly crawls to her corner… “YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” …and makes the tag, but Charles Robinson is distracted by Logan‘s cry for help. Of course it’s all a ruse to prevent the referee from seeing the tag. As the referee tends to Logan, Holly stuns fans worldwide by DDT’ing Melody! * COLLECTIVE GASP * COLE What the hell?! No! Holly exits as Logan leaps to his feet and places one foot on Melody‘s chest. COACH Oh, my God, Cole, it’s a miracle! Not only did Holly see the light, but Logan was healed! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners, the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time...THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Disgusted by the shocking turn of events, fans bombard the ring with debris as Holly-Wood assaults Melody. COLE Holly, you were supposed to be her friend! How could you!? PERCUSSION DDT leaves Melody flat on her stomach. Then Holly comes face to face with her estranged husband Logan Mann…and the two HUG! COACH What a Kodak moment, Cole. Husband and wife together again. Randy Savage and Elizabeth got nothing on Lolly. I’m starting to tear up. COLE I want to throw up. A 4 on 1 beat down ensues until LOS DIABLOS DE FUEGO make the save with the aid of a pitchfork and rhinestone belt. Words are exchanged but not much else as OAOAST officials do an excellent job defusing the situation, escorting the Heavenly Rockers backstage. COLE We haven’t seen Los Diablos since they were assaulted by the Heavenly Rockers weeks ago. Thank God for them or this could have turned ugly fast. But it all makes sense now -- Holly refusing to train for the match, saying she gets everything she wants no matter what. Like the Heavenly Rockers were of the Lone Star Gunslingers popularity, Holly-Wood was jealous of Melody. She must’ve concocted this whole scheme. COACH Jealous? You got to be kidding me! Melody was a hanger-on. She must’ve drove Holly crazy with her geeky attitude. COLE Melody’s a unique taste, no doubt about it, but she didn’t deserve this. Holly’s shown her true colors and its bitch yellow. LANGUAGE MISTER COLE. LANGUAGE! The OAOAST Event Tracker is bought to you by Gillette-The Best a Man Can Get October 4 - Tupelo, MS (SOLD OUT) October 11 - Kansas City, MO (SOLD OUT) October 18 - Columbus, GA (SOLD OUT) October 25 - Orlando, FL (SOLD OUT) October 31 (Halloween Spectacular) - Daytona Beach, FL (A HUNDRED TICKETS TO BE RELEASED TO THE PUBLIC THIS SATURDAY)

The crowd goes CRAZY as the lights go out and the Chamber lowers from the ceiling, showered by strobes. COLE And the chamber is being lowered down! It is time! The Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell III! COACH Oh boy, this is exciting, Cole! I can't wait for the action to get underway! And more importantly, I can't wait to find out who the sixth man is! Each man's solo graphic zooms into the screen, comin' RIGHT ATCHA, with white flashes in between. Strutter! Thunderkid! Alfdogg! Brock! Stevens! The mystery man! COLE Well, that's great to know, because right now, we're going to show you a little historical video concerning this match! COACH Well, hurry it up! Backstage, Felix Strutter is seen pacing. COLE And Coach, the champion looks to be nervous! COACH Well, wouldn't you be in a match like this? Felix grabs the briefcase, stares at it for a few seconds, then heads to the ring with it. COACH What could that briefcase mean, Cole? *cut back to ringside* COLE I don't know, but Michael Buffer is in the ring, and THAT means it's time for the match! COACH YEAH, baby! COLE Do I make you horny, baby? COACH ... COLE ...let's go to the ring! *DING DING DING* (slow and dramatic) BUFFER LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen, it is now time for the Invitational Chamber of Hell match, for the OAOAST Heartland championship! *crowd roars* BUFFER Allow me to explain the rules. The six participants received their order of entry by way of random drawing, and in just a few short moments, I will introduce our six participants. Four of the participants will start the match inside the 8x5 steel cells. The cells will then be risen into the air until they reach the top of this chamber, whose roof stands 24 feet from the floor! The other two participants will start the match inside the ring. These two men will do battle for five minutes, at which point one of these cells will be lowered from the ceiling of the Chamber, and another man will enter the battle. This pattern will continue until all six men have entered the battle. Eliminations may only take place via pinfall or submission, and the one man remaining at the end of the match will be the OAOAST Heartland champion! ARE YOU READY? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Memphis, Tennessee...ARRRRRRRRRRRRE YYYYYYOU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYYYYYY????? *crowd cheers louder* BUFFER Then for the thousands in attendance here in Memphis, and the millions and MILLIONS watching around the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! COACH This is it, Cole! It's time! *dun dun* *dun dun* *dun dun* *dun dun* WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARRRRRRRRRRRE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ARRRRRRRRRRRE YOU? WHO WHO, WHO WHO! Chris Stevens walks through the curtains, attired in short, ripped jeans and a sleeveless white OAOAST shirt. He is pushing a shopping cart full of various "toys." COLE And Chris Stevens with a big win in a Fatal 4-way ten days ago on HeldDOWN~!, and you've got to think he's got some big momentum! BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time...weighing in at 221 and 1/2 pounds...this man is a former OAOAST Heartland champion, a former OAOAST 24/7 champion, and the former leader of Chris Stevens, Incorporated (CSI)! Ladies and gentlemen, from Rochester, Minnesota...CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSS SSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE You heard Michael Buffer mention a former Heartland champion, everyone in this match has held the Heartland title at least once. COACH But we don't know about the mystery man! COLE Well, we're finally going to find out in a few minutes! Stevens stares up at the Chamber, then enters. He stops the cart at ringside, then grabs a cookie sheet out of the cart, which contains a thin forearm pad completely covered in thumbtacks, and takes it inside with him. He taunts some ringside fans, then poses in the ring, to boos. God of Thunder hits, and TK makes his way through the curtains to a big pop. COLE And here comes a former two-time Heartland champion, and look what he's got, Coach! TK, attired in black jeans and a white sleeveless shirt, is pulling the Radio Flyer wagon, containing the CACTUS~! COACH Oh, no! Not that damn cactus again! BUFFER Making his way down the aisle...he weighs in at an even 251 pounds! He is a former two-time Heartland champion, as well as a former OAOAST North American champion...a former member of the famed Deadly Alliance...from Green Bay, Wisconsin...THUNDERKID!!!!! COLE They're going to pull out all the stops in this one, and you remember the cactus coming into play in this match a year ago, as well as just last month at AngleSlam between TK and Felix Strutter! TK rolls into the ring, and poses on the buckles. He then examines Stevens' cart as Stevens protests to the referee. Magnum Opus hits, and a mixture of cheers and boos results, as Alfdogg comes through the curtains. COACH Alf's got the flannel on, and you know that means business! BUFFER Coming down the aisle, weighing in at 240 1/2 pounds...a man who is truly one of the all-time greats of the squared circle. The winner of the first two Heartland Invitational Chamber matches, and a former THREE-TIME holder of the Heartland title, as well, as the former leader of the Deadly Alliance. Introducing, a former THREE-TIME Heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! Alf is pushing a large grey trash bin full of weapons. He is also carrying a bottle of Grey Goose vodka in his right hand. COLE Alf's brought a LOT of toys to the party, it appears! COACH And it looks like he's gonna get drunk while he waits to enter! Alf pushes the bin through the door, then grabs a medium-sized bag out of it. He walks around the ring, stopping to show his bottle to the camera and say "this is the good stuff, baby!" COACH That's right! And it ought to be, that bottle he's got has to be about 60 bucks! Alf sets his stuff under the ring, making sure the others aren't looking first, then climbs onto the apron, then up to the second rope and poses, drawing a mixed reaction, before hopping into the ring. COLE And of course, Alf has won both of the prior two of these matches, as we've stated over the past few weeks! "Come on God, Answer Me. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Where is Justice? Where is Punishment? . . . . . . . . . . . Or Have You Already Answered? Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. Here.... In Me." Punishment by BIOHAZARD plays, as Brock Ausstin makes his way through the curtains to a big pop, doing his HAPPY HAPPY HOSS DANCE~! in the aisle. COLE Another two-time Heartland champion, and the biggest man in the match! COACH And he said "You bring the weapons, I'll bring the pain that they administer!" BUFFER Making his way to the ring, he weighs in at 293 and 3/4 pounds...one of the most fearsome individuals walking the earth today. He is a former World Six-Man tag champion, as well as a former two-time holder of the Heartland title. Ladies and gentlemen, from Victoria, Minnesota...BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! Brock walks into the Chamber, and hops onto the apron, as pyro shoots from the corners and center on top of the Chamber, as well as the ringposts! COACH WHOA~! Brock climbs into the ring and does his Dance, while staring down all the other combatants. COLE Is he ready for this match, Coach? COACH I'm gonna say yes. Je t'adore, je t'adore... COLE Is THIS man ready for this match? Girls, Girls, Girls hits, as boos fill the arena and the lights go out, with Felix Strutter coming through the pink light in the entryway. BUFFER Coming down the aisle...he weighs in at 218 and 1/2 pounds...in his first Chamber match, here is the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST Heartland champion...from Thunder Bay, Ontario..."AFTER HOURS" FEEEEEELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXX SSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Strutter is carrying a spool of barbed wire in his right hand, and the briefcase in his left. COLE I'll tell you, Felix saw something in that briefcase the other night, and this is not quite the same confident look that we normally see from him! COACH I've got to agree Cole...I don't want to count the guy out, but I just don't like what's in store for him in this match! Strutter rolls into the ring, attired in torn blue jeans and a white sleeveless shirt with a Canadian flag on it. He poses with the belt while standing on the bottom rope and holding onto the top rope with his left hand. His music stops. COACH Well...we're about to find out who the last man is! The music stays out for several seconds, then the "cage lowering" music (the one that plays when the WWE lowers their cages) plays as the camera cuts backstage, where a pair of white tennis shoes are seen headed towards the ring area. COLE Here he comes! As the shoes, which are accompanied by the cuffs of a pair of black jeans, head closer to the ring, we cut back out to the arena. The crowd starts to boo. COACH Oh, come on! Stop teasing us, you swine! Who is it? Suddenly, Anglesault appears on the AngleTron via his office. ANGLESAULT Ladies and gentlemen...it's time now to find out who the sixth participant is. Felix...the briefcase. Felix, standing in mid-ring as the other participants stand behind him, holds the briefcase in his arms. He looks down at it, then looks back up at the AngleTron. ANGLESAULT Open it up...and you'll get your answer. Felix reluctantly opens the briefcase, at which point the bright light shines once again...coming from lighttubes, which line the cover and bottom of the briefcase! COLE Those are lighttubes, Coach! There is a red "X" across each set of lighttubes. COACH You don't think... ...then the lights dim, and the fans ERUPT. The lights then begin going crazy, as if a virus has infected them, randomly jerking around the arena, frantically changing colors and turning off and on. It’s as if a bad anime scene has come to life. COLE Listen to this place, Coach! Loud scratching fills the airwave, as if a DJ has lost their mind and is attempting to break their equipment. In-between the rips, legitimate music kicks on, of a Southern, heavy metal nature. I ask you please just give us/ Five Minutes Alone.” The lights continue to dart and flash as the music leaves and the scratching continues, only to come back again, now of a hip-hop nature. White America/ I could be one of your kids.” The rap fades out and the scratching continues, at an even greater pace, until music comes back, now of a hardcore variety. Final Prayer/ Final prayer for the human race.” COACH Oh, this can't be... The music leaves once again and the scratches reach their apex, before the sound cuts out and the arena goes pitch black. A single spotlight appears on the stage, the only light in the darkened arena. People look towards the light, but see nothing. Then People = Shit by Slipknot hits. HERE WE GO AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER! COLE I'm not believing this... BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen...the sixth and final participant... A figure punches through the curtains, wearing torn black jeans, a sleeveless black t-shirt, and two bandanas, one over his face and the other over his head. His hands are taped up, with a red "X" on the back of each of them. COACH WHAT THE FUCK??? COLE IT IS!!! BUFFER From South of Heaven...weighing in at 220 pounds...he is the most sadistic, masochistic, motherfucker ever to set foot in a wrestling ring...he is, SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNDMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNE THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! COLE SANDMAN9000 IS BACK! COACH I don't believe this! Sandman doesn't acknowledge anyone in the crowd, he is totally focused on the ring. He examines the Chamber, then grabs the wall, and delivers FIVE HEADBUTTS to the Chamber wall, busting himself open through the bandanas! COACH Look at this guy, Cole! He's SICK! How is Felix going to deal with this? COLE Well, we've already got one guy busted open, and the match hasn't even started yet! The crowd is still at a fever pitch, and Sandman hasn't even acknowledged them as he enters the Chamber and steps through the ropes. The lights go back on, and Sandman strips the bandanas from his face, to another loud reaction from the fans. COLE And there is the face, of Sandman9000! The six men stand in a circle, with the referee coming between them. Brock and TK discuss Sandman's surprise appearance, while Stevens and Strutter stand is disbelief. Alf is obviously stunned, but doesn't let on as much. COLE And in just a few seconds, the referee is going to get four of these guys in their cells. After the referee's discussion, Alf and Brock go to opposite corners, as the other four step to the outside. COACH It looks like it's going to be Alf and Brock! What a way to start off! Starting from the cell in the corner to the left of the cage door, facing away from the aisle, and working clockwise, the combatants enter the cells as follows: Stevens, Sandman, Strutter, TK. The cells raise towards the top of the cage. COACH I still can't get over Sandman being in this, Cole! I told you this could end bad for Felix! The cells reach the top of the chamber, and the bell rings. *DING DING DING* COLE And the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell III is under way! Alf and Brock emerge from their corners, and tie up. Brock quickly backs Alf into a corner, but Alf is able to turn him around. Alf backs off slowly, and then delivers a right hand, followed by a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! However, the shots aren't registering with Brock! Brock starts to walk out of the corner, as Alf delivers a third CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Brock delivers a BIG right to Alf, knocking him back to the mat! COLE BIG right from Brock Ausstin! Brock follows with an Irish whip, catching Alf and delivering a HIGH backdrop! As Alf gets to his knees holding his back, Brock backs into the ropes, waiting for Alf to get to his feet, and clotheslines him to the floor! COLE And Alf over the top to the outside! The crowd cheers on Brock as he stands in the middle of the ring. Brock then makes his way over to the ropes, as Alf is rummaging underneath the ring. COACH They're going for the weapons already, Cole! Alf comes up with a fire extinguisher, concealing it from Brock as Brock climbs out after him. Brock grabs Alf by the head, and Alf quickly turns and sprays Brock in the face! COLE Alf buying himself some time with that fire extinguisher! Alf then goes back under the ring, and comes out with a STOP sign! He waits for Brock to turn around, and slams it over his head! COACH OH! COLE But Brock still on his feet! Brock is staggered, and Alf delivers another shot, sending him down! Alf slides the sign into the ring, then picks up Brock, and tries to ram him into the cage! COLE And now Alf attempting to draw blood from Brock, by ramming into that Chamber! COACH Brock's blocking it, though! Brock blocks twice, then attempts to ram Alf! COLE And Alf blocking the move, as well! Alf blocks twice, then goes to the eyes of Brock, before ramming his face into the Chamber wall! COLE And Brock's face rammed against the chain and barbed wire! Alf then rakes Brock's face across the wall, drawing blood! COACH Brock's bleeding now! Alf tosses Brock back inside, then grabs a leather strap out of his trash bin. COLE And now Alf with a strap! Alf rolls into the ring, and brings the strap down across the back of Brock! COLE Brock wincing in pain as Alf brings that strap down across his bare flesh! COACH See, if he wore a shirt like the other guys, he might not be in this predicament! After four big shots with the strap, Alf measures Brock, then backs into the ropes, attempting a clothesline with the strap...but Brock catches Alf in a waistlock, and tosses him with a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE Suplex by Brock Ausstin, nice counter move! Brock comes up with the strap, which was dropped by Alf! COLE And now it's Brock with the strap! COACH Look out, Alf! Brock whips Alf with the strap! And again! And again! Alf rolls around on the mat in pain, then Brock picks him up, and lifts him in a back suplex...positioning him over the STOP sign, and dropping him onto it! COLE Another suplex by Brock, this one onto the sign... Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Brock gets to his feet, then climbs to the outside. He makes his way over to the cactus, picking it up out of the wagon! COACH Oh, no! Brock slides the cactus into the ring, then rolls in after it and sets it up in a corner. The crowd cheers as Brock picks up Alf, and hammers him in the corner. He then sets up an Irish whip into the cactus, but Alf blocks, then pulls Brock into a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE And an impressive show of strength by Alf! Brock ends up in the corner, and Alf tries to follow up with a Stinger splash...but Brock moves, and Alf flies RIGHT INTO THE CACTUS! COLE And Alf the first victim of the cactus! COACH This is terrible, Cole! Brock levels him with a clothesline to follow! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH It's going to take more than that to get rid of Alf, though! Brock grabs the strap, and begins to choke Alf with it on the mat. He brings Alf up to his feet, then lifts him in a PRESS SLAM~! COLE Speaking of impressive shows of power... However, Alf slips behind the back, and shoves Brock into the cactus! COACH Now, Brock gets a little taste of his own medicine! Alf backs into the ropes, and catches Brock as he comes out with a Hart Attack clothesline! Both men are out on the mat, and the crowd gives its approval. COLE And the fans are loving it, and there's a long way to go! COACH We're ready for a third man, Cole! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! The lights go out in the arena, as a white strobe flashes uncontrollably around each cell, before stopping on the cell of Chris Stevens! COLE And it's Chris Stevens set to enter! Stevens' cell lowers, and he sets the cookie sheet and armpad in the corner, before pulling a LADDER out from under the ring, to the cheers of the crowd! COLE Chris Stevens bringing the ladder into play! Stevens slides in and grabs the ladder as Brock is getting to his feet, then sets it over his shoulders and head, and swings it into Brock, knocking him back down! COACH Nice use of the ladder! Stevens then does the same to Alf when he gets up! COLE Both Brock and Alf back down on the mat once again! Stevens lays the ladder down on the mat, then picks up Brock, and waits on Alf to get to his feet. Alf and Stevens each hook Brock. COLE You have to wonder why Stevens would hit Alf with the ladder if he wanted his help. Stevens and Alf lift Brock, and drop him on the ladder with a suplex! COLE And Brock dropped right onto that ladder by Alf and Chris Stevens! Alf stomps away at Brock, as Stevens picks up the ladder again, and he and Alf each grab one side. They deliver a double-clothesline with the ladder, knocking Brock out to the floor! Alf turns to celebrate, and Stevens attacks! COLE Now it's Alf and Stevens! COACH Alf turned his back there, very uncharacteristic, and now he's paying for it! Stevens rams the ladder into Alf, knocking him down to the mat. Stevens then lays the ladder across Alf, and climbs to the top rope. COACH Could be that Frog Splash onto the ladder, Cole! Stevens jumps off...but Alf raises the ladder up, and Stevens flies into it! Alf then takes the ladder and jams it into Stevens' midsection, before heading to the top with the ladder. COLE Alf could be looking for a moonsault, complete with ladder! Alf lays the ladder across the corner, then climbs up facing the outside. He gets on the top rope, then bends down and picks up the ladder, holding it shoulder-width, before executing a MOONSAULT~! Stevens rolls out of the way, but Alf is able to use the ladder to push off the mat and land on his feet! COACH Look at THAT move by Alf! Alf then waits for Stevens to turn around, before ramming the ladder into his face! Stevens crawls towards the corner where he laid his stuff, as Alf follows. Stevens gets to his armband, and uses it to rake Alf's face as Alf tries to grab him! COLE Oh, Alf's face was just raked by that forearm pad which is covered in thumbtacks! Stevens then grabs his cookie sheet, and brings it down onto the head of Alf! COACH Jeez! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Two-count, but now Alf has been cut open, as well! Stevens continues to work on the face of Alf with the forearm pad, as Brock pulls out a BARBED-WIRE STEEL CHAIR~! COACH Uh-oh, they're bringing out the heavy artillery now! Brock rolls back inside, but Stevens sees him coming, and kicks away at him as he comes through the ropes. Stevens then slowly picks up the chair! COACH Brock may not even get to use the weapon he brought in to play! Stevens raises the chair into the air, but when he does, Brock hits him with a low blow! Stevens holds himself, while Brock grabs the chair, and brings it down across his back! COLE Oh, man! Stevens then takes a shot to the head! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH Oh, look at Chris! The blood is now flowing from the head of Chris Stevens, as Brock poses with the chair, but then turns around into a MISSILE DROPKICK~! from Alf! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf picks up Brock, and delivers a snap suplex, followed by a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf then positions Brock in the ring, and goes up top behind the cactus. He puts his right foot on top of the cactus, then rides the cactus down onto Brock, surfboard-style! COLE And that was a unique use of the cactus by Alf! Stevens goes outside to his shopping cart, and pulls out the thumbtack-covered chest protector! COLE Look at this! Alf positions Brock up against the cactus, then Stevens puts on the the chest protector. He backs into the corner, and SPLASHES Brock between them! COLE Oh my God! Thumbtacks in the front, cactus in the back! Stevens stops to taunt, and eats a SUPERKICK~! from Alf! COACH And now Stevens getting caught celebrating! COLE And we'll have a fourth man very shortly! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! The lights go out again, and the strobe moves around the cell before stopping on TK! COLE And listen to the crowd, as TK is lowered from the ceiling of the Chamber! Alf and Stevens are slugging it out as TK's cell reaches the floor, and he emerges from it and slides inside. Clothesline for Alf! Clothesline for Stevens! One more clothesline for each man! COLE And TK giving it to both men right now! TK whips Stevens into the ropes, and catches him with a PRESS SLAM~! COLE Chris Stevens high in the air! TK tosses Stevens right on top of Alf! The referee counts... 1... 2... Alf shoves Stevens off, and Stevens lands on the floor. TK backs Alf into a corner, and starts firing off European uppercuts. Meanwhile, Chris Stevens has come to his senses and starts pulling tables out from underneath the ring! COACH Uh-oh, these people love the tables! Stevens sets up two tables on top of one another, then sets up two more right next to them! COLE Chris Stevens planning a big move here, obviously! In the ring, TK sets up Alf for a powerbomb, but Alf reverses, into a hurricanrana! Brock has rolled outside opposite of Stevens, and sets up four tables of his own! COACH And now Brock playing a little "anything you can do, I can do better with Stevens! After setting the tables up, Brock grabs the super-size ladder from under the ring, and Chris grabs a BARBED-WIRE BOARD~! COLE Oh, my! COACH Well, we're really getting down to business now, Cole! Alf is turning TK over in the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111, but Brock hammers him across the back with the ladder! Alf goes down on the mat, and Brock comes after him again, but Alf delivers a drop toehold, and Brock's face goes into the ladder! COLE Nice counter by Alf, and Brock's face right into that ladder! Brock rolls back into a corner, as Alf and Stevens double-team TK. Alf delivers a savate kick, then Stevens comes from behind with a bulldog, driving TK's face right into the BARBED-WIRD BOARD~! COLE Oh my, TK's face driven right into that barbed wire by Chris Stevens! Alf pulls up TK, who is now cut open, and holds him for Stevens. Stevens grabs the barbed-wire chair, and swings...but TK ducks, and Alf takes the shot! COACH Oh, no! COLE A little teamwork attempt, and it backfired! TK delivers a low blow to Stevens, as Alf staggers right into Brock, who lifts him for the F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111 COLE Could be the F-STUNNER-5~! Brock then moves over to the ropes! COACH Oh no, not the tables! Brock delivers an F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111 TO THE OUTSIDE, THROUGH THE STACK OF TABLES~! COLE OH MY GOD~! Alf right through that stack of tables, thanks to Brock Ausstin! Crowd: HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! Brock yells to the crowd, which cheers in response, but gets caught from behind by TK and a German suplex! 1... 2... NO! Kickout! COLE And Brock almost pinned during his celebration! TK hammers Brock on the mat, then as Brock gets to his feet, TK hooks him and delivers a belly-to-belly gutwrench! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! TK picks up Brock, and sets up the THUNDERBOLT DDT~!!!!!11111 COLE Could be time for the Thunderbolt DDT! However, as TK hooks the front facelock, Brock grabs him in a waist lock, and executes a Northern Lights release suplex! COLE But Brock counters with a nice overhead suplex! Brock then grabs Stevens, who has set up the super size ladder sideways in a corner. COLE Well, Chris Stevens had that ladder set up, but it was all for naught! Brock picks Stevens up, and delivers a suplex onto the barbed-wire board! COACH Oh man, Chris into that barbed wire again! Come on, Chris! Brock then grabs the regular-sized ladder, and sets it up next to the other ladder, with one side of the ladder underneath the bigger one. COACH Is Brock going to climb the ladder? COLE Very uncharacteristic of Brock Ausstin here... Brock starts climbing, but TK has got the barbed-wire chair, and slams it over the back of Brock! COLE Barbed wire again, slammed into the back of Brock Ausstin! As Stevens rolls to the outside, TK then delivers a second shot, as Brock slumps over the top of the ladder. TK then starts climbing the big ladder, as the crowd starts to buzz. COLE Oh my goodness... TK reaches the top of the big ladder, then stands with a foot on each side, on the first steps from the top. He gains his balance...and executes a BLOCKBUSTER FROM THE BIG LADDER TO BROCK ON THE SMALLER LADDER, SENDING BROCK INTO THE BARBED-WIRE BOARD~! COLE/COACH CROWD STRUTTER STEVENS Stevens doesn't waste much time with his smiley face, however, as he immediately pulls the bigger ladder to another angle, climbs it...and delivers a FROG SPLASH~!!!111 to TK! COLE And Stevens with the big follow-up Frog Splash! All three men are out on the mat. Crowd: HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! As all three men are still out of it, the crowd begins. COACH And either Felix or the Sandman is going to feast on this! 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! The lights go out again, and the strobes go back and forth, before stopping on Strutter! COLE And the champ set to make his entrance! Strutter's cell lowers. COACH So not only does the Sandman make a big return tonight, he gets to enter the match last! Strutter's cell stops on the ground, and he exits, then slides in and licks his chops. He rubs his hands together, then covers Brock. 1... 2... ...Brock presses Felix off, right on top of TK! COACH Look at this! 1... 2... ...TK also presses Felix off, right on top of Stevens! COACH They're playing catch! 1... 2... Stevens gets a shoulder up! COLE So three tries for Felix, all unsuccessful! Alf is just coming to on the outside, and he reaches into the ring and grabs the chest protector. Felix grabs the barbed wire chair, and waits, as all three guys slowly get to their feet. Felix brings the chair up, and then brings it down onto Brock's head! COACH Day-um! COLE What a chairshot from Felix! Brock staggers back, and as he does, TK hooks him, and drills him with the THUNDERBOLT DDT~!!!!!11111 COLE TK with the Thunderbolt DDT~! TK is still dazed, as Alf positions himself on the top...and executes the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 COLE Five-Star, and Alf's got on that chest protector! 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And Brock Ausstin has been eliminated! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1st elimination: Brock Ausstin eliminated by: Alfdogg (pinfall) remaining: Alfdogg, Chris Stevens, Thunderkid, Felix Strutter, Sandman9000 (yet to enter) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Strutter then nails Alfdogg on the back with the chair! COLE And a shot to the back by Strutter to Alf, his former mentor! COACH Brock Ausstin the first man eliminated, I wouldn't have called that one! Strutter delivers another big shot to Alf, then hooks him from behind and executes a TIGER SUPLEX~! 1... 2... NO! Alf kicks out! COLE Nice Tiger suplex by Felix, but it only gets two! Felix stomps Alf a couple times, then joins Stevens in hammering on TK. The duo executes a double suplex, then a simultaneous standing moonsault by Strutter and legdrop by Stevens! COACH Nice teamwork by Stevens and Strutter! However, it's quickly broken up by a Stevens superkick! COLE Not for long! Stevens then reapplies the forearm pad with the thumbtacks, and hops to the second rope, driving it into Felix's forehead! COACH Oh, no, Felix! COLE And now blood has been drawn from everyone in the match, and one of the guys isn't even in yet! COACH But he will be soon! Stevens continues to dig into the wound of Strutter with the forearm pad, then grabs the barbed-wire chair, putting it underneath him as he jumps for a legdrop onto Strutter! COLE And now it's the barbed wire into the face of Felix! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE But Stevens was hurt by that move, as well, as his legs were dug into the barbed wire! Alf hits a Hart Attack clothesline on Stevens as he comes up holding a hamstring, and then applies the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COACH Uh-oh! COLE Alf with the Sharpshooter applied! Will Stevens tap? Stevens screams in pain, as he makes his way towards the ropes. COACH See, what if Stevens gets to the ropes here, and Alf decides he doesn't want to let go? The referee can't really do anything about it, can he? COLE I wouldn't think so...he obviously can't disqualify him! It doesn't matter, though, because Alf pulls Stevens back to the center of the ring! COLE Chris Stevens can't be far away from submitting here! However, Strutter saves him, kicking Alf in the gut, and executing the THUNDER BAY THROTTLE ON THE BARBED WIRE BOARD~!!!!!11111 COACH WHOA~! COLE Thunder Bay Throttle right on that board! And now, all he has to do is cover... But he goes after TK, and gets tripped up, and put in the ANKLE LOCK~!!!!!11111 COLE And TK with the Ankle Lock! However, before TK can drop to the mat, Strutter pulls him in, trips him forward, and applies the STF~!!!111 COACH What a counter! COLE STF applied! TK holds on for a bit, but they're too close to the ropes, and TK grabs them, and pulls both himself and Strutter through them and to the floor. COACH This is incredible, Cole! Alf is out of it in the ring, and Stevens pulls himself over, and drapes an arm over... COACH Shades of the Fatal 4-Way here... 1... 2... NO!!! Alf gets a shoulder out! COLE But Alf, BARELY, gets the shoulder up! TK and Strutter slug it out on the floor, and Strutter goes the eyes, then sets up a piledriver! COLE Could be a piledriver on the floor! TK blocks, however, and trips up Strutter. COLE Slingshot coming up! TK slingshots Strutter into the Chamber wall! COACH Oh, no! Stevens hammers away on Alf inside the ring, then goes for a whip, but Alf reverses. Stevens ducks a clothesline, then Alf drops down, and catches Stevens with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Alf then stands the cactus up in the corner, and picks up Stevens in an atomic drop position. COACH Alf runs to the corner, and CROTCHES Stevens on the cactus, to the audible groans of the crowd! COACH That makes MY dick hurt, Cole. COLE On the other hand, I've gotten a HUGE boner from watching this match! COACH ... Alf then pulls Stevens down in a tree of woe, OVER THE CACTUS, and grabs the barbed-wire chair. COACH Oh, what's this going to be? Alf charges Stevens and dropkicks the chair into him! Stevens falls to the mat in agony, as TK rolls Strutter back inside, and the crowd chants in anticipation of the count. "SAND-MAN!" "SAND-MAN!" "SAND-MAN!" "SAND-MAN" COLE The crowd wants him, and he's coming in ten seconds! And I might too, for that matter! COACH 10!!! 9!!! 8!!! 7!!! 6!!! 5!!! 4!!! 3!!! 2!!! 1!!! BUZZ~!!! Sandman's cell lowers, as the crowd is on the verge of having a collective heart attack. The cell hits the ground, and Sandman grabs a bundle of lighttubes from under the ring. COLE And Sandman going for his specialty! He sets it in the corner, then slides into the ring! Clothesline for Strutter! Clothesline for TK! Clothesline for Alf! Clothesline for Stevens! COACH He hasn't lost a step, Cole! Strutter rolls out of the ring, as Sandman grabs TK and delivers a snapmare, followed by a seated dropkick! He then goes to the corner, and grabs a lighttube. He kneels down and delivers a low blow to Alf, then tosses the lighttube to Stevens. He charges, hops off the back of Alf, who is on all fours, and delivers a SHINING WIZARD, kicking the lighttube right into Stevens' face! COLE Lighttube shattered right in the face of Chris Stevens! Sandman then picks up Stevens, hooks him...and drills him with the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111 COLE Archangel's Wings on Chris Stevens! 1... 2... 3!!! COACH Oh, no! COLE And Chris Stevens is gone! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 2nd elimination: Chris Stevens eliminated by: Sandman9000 (pinfall) remaining: Alfdogg, Thunderkid, Felix Strutter, Sandman9000 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COLE We're down to four men! TK jams one of the ladders into Sandman's gut, then Felix comes from behind and slams the barbed wire chair across his back! COLE And now TK and Felix working together, there's a surprise! Strutter applies the STF~!!!111 to Sandman, while TK simultaneously applies the ANKLELOCK~!!!!!11111 COACH Look at this! COLE DOUBLE submission move applied! However, Sandman doesn't seem in much danger, as he uses his free arm to jab Strutter in the eyes, then grabs onto the ropes, and takes TK out to the floor with the leverage! COACH And he escaped BOTH of them by himself! Unbelieveable! Sandman follows TK out with a HANDS-FREE SOMERSAULT PLANCHA~! COLE Sandman FLYING out of the ring! This man has absolutely no regard for his body! He tosses TK back in, but when he rolls back in, Alf pounces and hammers away, as does Strutter shortly after. TK comes to seconds later and joins in, making it a 3-on-1 ambush. COACH This is what they've got to do right here, but from what we've seen so far, I'm not sure if even THAT will work! Alf positions the barbed-wire board in the middle of the ring, and picks Sandman up, executing a POWERBOMB onto it! Alf then points to the stack of tables set up by Stevens earlier. COLE And Alf directing traffic, as this is a 3-on-1 assault... Strutter grabs Sandman, and sets him on the top rope. He then climbs to the outside, and climbs up behind Sandman. Meanwhile, TK, after a brief argument with Alf, picks Alf up on his shoulders. Strutter lifts Sandman in atomic drop position, and hands him off to Alf. COACH What in the world? TK turns towards the tables...and Alf POWERBOMBS SANDMAN WHILE SITTING ON TK'S SHOULDERS, THROUGH THE STACK OF TABLES AT RINGSIDE~! COLE OH MY GOD PT 2!!! Sandman right through the stack of tables! He must have been 70 feet in the air! TK then won't let Alf down, as Strutter steps up to the top rope, and clotheslines Alf off of TK's shoulders! COACH And a little more teamwork with TK & Felix! Strutter covers... 1... 2... Shoulder up! TK then attacks Strutter, delivering a belly-to-belly gutwrench! As Alf slowly gets to his feet, TK clotheslines Strutter to the outside! Alf staggers towards TK, and as TK turns around, Alf catches him with a belly-to-belly! COLE Not much mustard behind that one, as Alf is obviously fatigued! Alf follows with a superkick, then rolls to the outside. He reaches under the ring, and grabs his vodka and special bag. COACH Come on, Alf, now's not the time to have a drink! Alf reaches into the back, and pulls out a mini-torch! COACH Oh, flaming shots! I love those! Let me hit that! Alf rolls into the ring, and takes a swig of the vodka. Alf then holds the torch to his lips, as TK comes towards him...and spits out the vodka, creating a HUGE flame that fires right into TK's face! COLE Oh no! Who knows how bad TK's face may be burned? COACH Well, that's the risk you take getting in a match like this, all these guys will try anything to win a match! Alf scoops up TK, taking him over to the barbed wire board...and drops him with the EMERALD FUSION~!!!!!11111 COLE And the Emerald Fusion! It's been a while since we've seen that one! 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And that's it for Thunderkid! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 3rd elimination: Thunderkid eliminated by: Alfdogg (pinfall) remaining: Alfdogg, Felix Strutter, Sandman9000 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alf grabs Strutter on his way back in, and delivers a backbreaker! Alf follows with a fisherman's suplex! 1... 2... Kickout! Sandman is coming around on the outside, as Alf whips Strutter into the ropes, but Strutter ducks a clothesline and catches Alf with a spinning wheel kick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Strutter picks up Alf and backs him into a corner, executing a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! However, Alf turns Strutter around, and delivers one of his own! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then measures Strutter, and takes him outside with a Cactus clothesline! However, Alf holds onto the top rope following the clothesline, and skins the cat back inside! COLE Look at that move! Alf measures Strutter on the outside, and hits him with a SOMERSAULT PLANCHA~! COLE And Alf to the outside on top of Felix! Alf hammers away on Strutter with right hands, then picks him up. He sets up an Irish whip, but Strutter reverses, sending Alf back-first into the Chamber wall! Strutter then slides into the ring, where Sandman waits. COACH Uh-oh, Felix...look behind you! Sandman spins Strutter around, and delivers a foot to the gut, setting up the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111...but Strutter reverses, and hits the THUNDER BAY THROTTLE~!!!!!11111 COACH YEAH! This is it! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Sandman kicks out! COLE No, that's not it! COACH I can't believe this! Strutter, frustrated, picks up Sandman, and executes a DDT onto the barbed-wire chair! He then drags him into the corner, and scales the ropes. COLE Strutter looks like he's going for that Shooting Star Legdrop! Strutter gets his balance, and goes for the SHOOTING STAR LEGDROP~!!!!!11111...but Sandman rolls out of the way! COLE But nobody home! Sandman then trips up Strutter...and applies the H8 LOCK~!!!!!11111 COLE Sandman with the H8 Lock! Another submission hold! Strutter can't inch towards the ropes at all, as Sandman has the hold really cinched in. Fortunately, he's saved when Alf comes off the top with the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 COLE There's the Five Star again! 1... 2... ... NO!!! Sandman kicks out! COACH WHAT THE FUCK!!! COLE ANOTHER kickout by the Sandman! Alf gets to his feet, also frustrated. He motions something to Strutter, who goes to the outside. Strutter grabs another ladder from under the ring. Alf grabs it from him, then sets it up. He then grabs the other small ladder, and lays it down flat on the turnbuckle and one of the rungs of the other ladder. He then grabs the big ladder, and he and Felix set it up on top of the flat ladder. COACH What the hell are these guys doing? COLE Oh no, you don't think... Alf climbs to the apron, as the crowd starts to buzz. COACH Oh my God, he is. Alf climbs to the top rope, then walks out to the ladder, and starts climbing it as Strutter holds it steady. COACH How high is this, Cole? COLE 3000 feet. COACH ...fuck you. When Alf gets to the top of the ladder, he's able to help balance himself with the ceiling of the Chamber, which is 24 feet from the floor. He uses it to balance himself on top of the ladder... COLE/COACH CROWD STRUTTER ...and steps off, going for a FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH FROM TWO LADDERS HIGH~!!!!!11111 ... ...but Sandman rolls out of the way, and Alf bounces nearly two feet off the mat on impact! COLE/COACH Crowd: HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! Alf lays motionless, as Sandman his Strutter with a low blow, then smashes a lighttube in his face! Strutter rolls out, as Sandman picks up Alf. COACH Oh, come on, just pin him! He just fell from two ladders! Sandman sets Alf up on the buckles, facing the outside of the ring. He then steps to the apron, and climbs to the top from the outside. He hooks Alf in a front facelock, dragging him up to the top with him...then flips over while holding him, drilling Alf with a TOP-ROPE BLOCKBUSTER DDT, ONTO THE BARBED-WIRE CHAIR~!!! COLE HOLY SHIT~! Will THIS be enough to put Alf away? 1... 2... 3!!! COLE YES IT WILL! COACH Damn it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 4th elimination: Alfdogg eliminated by: Sandman9000 (pinfall) remaining: Felix Strutter, Sandman9000 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ COLE The third Chamber of Hell, and the first one in which Alf will not walk out the winner! Strutter rolls back into the ring, then turns and sees Sandman staring him in the face. COLE And now we're down to two! Strutter begs off, but Sandman will have none of it, as he quickly batters Strutter with forearms and headbutts. He whips Strutter into the ropes, then backs in himself and catches him with a Yakuza kick! COACH I told you I didn't like the looks of this for Felix Strutter! Sandman whips Strutter chest-first into the corner, and catches coming back with a release German suplex! COLE OH, Felix landing right on top of his head! Strutter winds up in a corner, where Sandman stomps away, then executes some boot scrapes! He takes a few steps back, and charges in with one last boot scrape, before grabbing the barbed-wire board and setting it up over Strutter. COACH Oh, now what? Sandman grabs the big ladder, and sets it up in the middle of the ring, and starts climbing it, as the crowd buzzes. COLE Oh my God... Sandman gets his balance on top of the ladder...and executes a VAN TERMINATOR, BREAKING THE BARBED WIRE BOARD IN STRUTTER'S FACE! COACH End it now. PLEASE. Crowd: HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! Sandman drives Strutter out of the wreckage, scoops him up in a torture rack position...and delivers the PSYCHO DRIVAH~!!!!!11111 COLE And there's the Psycho Drivah~! Cover... 1... 2... ... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COACH DAMN it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 5th elimination: Felix Strutter eliminated by: Sandman9000 (pinfall) WINNER: Sandman9000 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ People = Shit plays, as the referee retreives the belt. BUFFER The winner of the match...and NEWWWWWWWWWWW OAOAST Heartland champion...SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNDMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA AAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNE THHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! COLE The Sandman is BACK, and he is the NEW OAOAST Heartland champion! COACH I just don't believe it. COLE However, give Felix Strutter credit! Having never been in this environment before, he put on a hell of a show tonight! COACH That's right! I'm very proud of Felix Strutter, despite the loss. If there were any doubters after AngleSlam, hopefully they were silenced tonight. COLE And for that matter, give EVERYONE in this grueling match credit. Six careers have been changed forever! Bodies were mangled! Hearts were broken! Blood, sweat, and tears were shed! And in the end, it's the return of Sandman9000, the NEW OAOAST Heartland champion! What does this mean for the OAOAST? Sandman exits the Chamber with his new belt in hand, as the fans continue to chant his name. "SAND-MAN!" "SAND-MAN!" "SAND-MAN!" "SAND-MAN!"

The camera cuts to the OAOAST Zero Hour 2007 Interview Set where Josh Matthews is standing by with Colombian Heat. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat is all calm, cool, and collected in his wrestling attire as the interview begins. JOSH "J. MATH" MATTHEWS Colombian Heat, in just a few moments, you are going to step into the ring against someone who's become something of an arch-rival for you over the past few months, James Riggs. And in this match, not one, not two, but THREE titles will be on the line. The OAOAST 24/7 Championship. The OAOAST X-Division Championship. And the OAOAST United States Championship, which is making its debut tonight. What are your thoughts as you head into what is quite possibly one of the biggest matches of your career? COLOMBIAN HEAT Naw, I's don't sweat it, J. Math. Dis iz just anotha match for me, mah dude. I's never let tha pressure get to me, cuz then I don't perform to mah standards. Now James Riggs has been livin' in dis fairy tale dream world these past few months. Yeah, I's admit it. He's gotten me in tha past, more than once. My only real victory over him was at AngleSlam, and even then, I had a little help from mah friends. So, I'm not gonna knock him. Tha dude's got skills. HOWEVER, tha fans of the One And Only AngleSault Thread are sick and tired of James' stupid toothy grin, his straggly hair, and his fascination with sunglasses. His wife is pretty hot, though. I can't deny that. Youse would want some of dat too, wouldn't you, Josh? Huh? Wouldn't you? J. MATH Uh...sure, why not? HEAT (under his breath) I'm sure youse would rather have James. (Speaking normally again...or as normal as he can speak): ANYWAY, tha biggest thing tha OAOAST fans are tired of is of yo' cheatin' ways! Cheatin' to beat Dance Dance Dragon? Not cool. Injurin' him after tha match? Very not cool. Cheatin' to beat me? Yo, why you try to act like that dogg? Huh? Why you try to act like that? I ain't gonna take dat lying down! OH HELL NAW! I'm gonna fight back! And I'm gonna fight back tha best way I's know how! By beatin' you in tha ring! Tonight, I'ma gonna become tha last 24/7 Champion, tha last X-Division Champion, and tha FIRST United States Champion! Everybody wants to be tha first at somethin', but not everyone gets to accomplish that goal. Tonight, I will! History's going down tonight, y'all! The crowd cheers loudly. HEAT (CONT'D) So, James Riggs, your fairy tale dream is over, mah dude! I'ma bring you back to reality and leave you beltless, holmes! I'ma bring home all tha bling-bling tonight in Memphis! (CHEAP POP~!) But don't worry dawg. At least you'll still have your wife. Although, I wouldn't take her down to where all tha skeevy people hang out at. Some of the hookers and pimps might recognize her! AWWW SKEET! SKEET! SKEET! SKEET! SKEET! HA HA HA HA HA HA! James Riggs, I'ma beat you down good one last time, and become tha first ever OAOAST United States Champion! James Riggs, yo' ass iz mine! James Riggs, youse is goin' down courtesy of me, Colombian Heat, BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! Colombian Heat winks at the camera and throws up a "W" hand signal before leaving. Josh Matthews chuckles as he watches Colombian Heat leave. JOSH MATTHEWS Well, there you have it. Words from the one and only Colombian Heat, who is looking to make history tonight by becoming the last 24/7 Champion, the last X-Division Champion, and the FIRST United States Champion in One And Only AngleSault Thread history! Colombian Heat is ready for battle. What a match that should be! Who knows what's going to happen? Guys, back to you! COACH Can we hire a translator to translate everything Colombian Heat says? COLE His message was loud and clear to me! COACH I think I got an aneurysm trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about! COLE Oh will you stop!? "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing. The crowd boos loudly. The entrance doors slide open, and James Riggs and Staci step out, and the boos get even louder. Riggs is holding the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his left shoulder. Staci, wearing a white dress shirt tied up to show the midriff, a silver necklace, hoop earrings, a gold watch on her right wrist, a gray skirt, and black heels, makes a show out of unzipping his long silver/white leather trenchcoat, revealing the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt strapped around his waist. JR shines the 24/7 Title belt real nice while Staci looks on lovingly at her husband. James has a cocky smile on his face. He chuckles at the boos. Staci goes ahead and leads James down the entrance ramp. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Championship, the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Championship, AND this match is to crown the first ever One And Only AngleSault Thread United States Champion! Introducing first. Coming down the aisle. Accompanied to the ring by his wife and manager, Staci. From Torrence, California. Weighing in at 232 lbs. He is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion AND the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion of the worrrrrrlllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddd...the leader of JR Nation...JAMEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS RIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSS! COLE Well, win or lose, this will be the last time James Riggs comes to the ring carrying TWO title belts! After tonight, both of those belts will be history, and a new title will take its place, the United States Title! The crowd continues showering James Riggs with boos as he cockily walks to the ring, bobbing his head to "Dani California". COLE James Riggs and Colombian Heat have been feuding since the summer, and as we head into October, this feud doesn't seem to have any end in sight! COACH Tonight the feud will end, Michael Cole! James Riggs has Colombian Heat down for the count, but tonight, he will strike the death blow! Tonight, James Riggs puts Colombian Heat away for good! Staci shows off the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt around James' waist to the camera. Riggs nods his head with an evil grin on his face. He then holds up the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt to the camera. JAMES RIGGS Title number three is coming to me tonight! Staci walks up the ring steps, James following her, getting a good look at her ass on the way up. James and Staci stand on the ring apron, James taking the opportunity to raise the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his head. James and Staci kiss, and then Staci sits on the middle rope and, in one smooth motion, brings her legs up and crosses them, balancing her entire body on the middle rope while pushing up the top ring rope, allowing Riggs to step through. When James is in the ring, Staci, in another smooth motion, uncrosses them and ducks under the top ring rope herself. COACH This man has EVERYTHING right now! Two Titles, a beautiful wife, a nation of fans, good looks, tremendous ability! And now, a chance to make history, becoming the first United States Champion in the OAOAST! COLE This will be the THIRD title Colombian Heat and James Riggs have fought over! This feud started over the 24/7 Title. James Riggs defeated Colombian Heat on July's edition of OAOAST Syndicated to earn a shot at the 24/7 Title at AngleSlam. Colombian Heat was able to successfully retain the 24/7 Title in a hard fought match. Afterwards, Riggs ended up winning the X-Division Title, and put Dance Dance Dragon out of action indefinitely afterwards. COACH Like he didn't have that coming! COLE Riggs and Heat met once again on HeldDOWN~! two weeks ago, in a "Champion vs. Champion" match with both the 24/7 AND X-Division Titles on the line! Heat's right knee had been hurt in the match, which led to this. The OAOAST Zero Hour logo flashes across the screen. Cut to clips from the Heat/Riggs match from the September 20, 2007 edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!. COACH Colombian Heat's knee was DESTROYED by James Riggs! There's no way he was gonna survive this match! COLE Colombian Heat's knee gave out just as he was about to do the Colombian Necktie. One Rolling Koppou Kick later, and we had a new 24/7 Champion in James Riggs, less than one year in the OAOAST! COACH James Riggs is one of the fastest rising stars in the history of the OAOAST! COLE AngleSault made the announcement, only four days ago, that the OAOAST 24/7 and X-Division Titles would be unified into the United States Title, and that is what led to this match tonight. AngleSault feels that Colombian Heat deserves one last shot at Riggs after the events that have taken place over the last few weeks. COACH Even though I feel that AngleSault is wrong, it doesn't matter who James faces tonight. He WILL become the first United States Champion at Zero Hour! James Riggs heads to a turnbuckle corner. He raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship with his right hand, while pointing to the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt around his waist. Riggs pounds his chest twice with his left hand while still holding the X-Division Championship belt with his right hand. He then cockily thrusts his hands into the air while white pyro shoots along the ring apron behind him ala Shawn Michaels, before meeting at the ring post, which explodes into a golden shower of sparklers. COLE James Riggs is a double champion, a husband, and a talented wrestler. COACH Not to mention a great rapper! You heard his rap last Thursday on HeldDOWN~!. COLE Well, I wouldn't go that far. COACH I would! 50, Kanye, watch out! James Riggs is on your ass! COLE I don't think 50 Cent or Kanye West will have to worry about James Riggs outselling them! COACH JR Nation is larger than you think, Michael Cole. I'm talking about numbers in the MILLIONS! COLE And how many of them are related to him? COACH Not that many. He's not Hispanic! COLE Thanks for offending our Latino audience, Coach! COACH Anytime! Staci applauds her man while he's on the second turnbuckle. Riggs gets off the second turnbuckle and kisses Staci on the lips. Afterwards, Staci removes James' sunglasses. She then removes James' long white/silver trenchcoat, revealing his standard silver and black pants. James tries to act seductive while Staci removes the trenchcoat, but the females in the crowd only greet this action with boos. COLE This is already a historic night here at Zero Hour. But we're about to make some more history. The final OAOAST 24/7 and OAOAST X-Division Title defenses are about to be made right now. And the winner will not only be the LAST 24/7 Champion and the LAST X-Division Champion, but also the FIRST United States Champion! COACH James Riggs hasn't even been in this company for a year, and he's already going to hold THREE titles! And all in the span of one month! That's amazing! COLE It is indeed amazing that he's risen this far in such a short time, but he must defeat Colombian Heat once again in order to become the US Champ! COACH He's already done it TWICE, Cole. He's gonna accomplish the three-peat! Staci places the sunglasses on top of the long white/silver trenchcoat and smiles at James. She kisses him once again. A graphic appears on screen letting us know that this match is for the 24/7 Championship, the X-Division Championship, and the United States Championship. James Riggs bounces up and down in place, getting his game face on. He and Staci look at the entrance. Staci offers James some last minute words of encouragement. "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" COLE These fans in Memphis letting James Riggs know how they feel about him! COACH How can they boo him? He's going to be the Champion of America soon! Would they rather have a forginer win the Title? COLE When the forginer is as nice as Colombian Heat, I'm sure they do. COACH You would think Southerners would be the last group of people that would want a forginer to win a belt called the UNITED STATES Title, but I guess these people are even DUMBER than the usual Southerner! COLE Thanks for alienating our Southern fanbase, Coach. What's next? Jews? Italians? The handicap? COACH Pipe down, girl pants! James Riggs tries to tell the crowd to "SHUT UP!" but they won't listen, obviously. Riggs holds the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his left shoulder, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chilli Peppers dies down. COLE Colombian Heat is 1-2 against James Riggs. Can he tie it up tonight? COACH No. A piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. *"COME ON!"* *BOOM~!* "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes charging out, receiving a HUGE pop from the Memphis fateful. Heat gets the crowd fired up, bouncing up and down across the entrance stage. He raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Colombian Heat points to both sides of the arena, and then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. BUFFER And his opponent. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. He is a former One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT! Colombian Heat dances a bit on the entrance ramp, and then continues walking to the ring. COLE This capacity crowd is FIRED UP for Colombian Heat! COACH Stop with the Heat puns. James Riggs sneers at Colombian Heat from the ring. Heat slaps some fans' hands at ringside, and then climbs up the ring steps. Heat hops into the ring. Colombian Heat gets onto the second ring rope and does the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, receiving cheers. Heat pounds his chest as he gets off the ropes and heads to a second turnbuckle, where he once again throws up the "W" hand signal again, receiving more cheers. Heat plays to the crowd while on the second turnbuckle, and then hops off it. He calls for a microphone. COLE Colombian Heat is looking for his second, and what would be his LAST 24/7 Title tonight! COACH Look at this. These fans are rooting for Colombian Heat! Can you imagine what would happen if Colombian Heat became United States Champion? That would be a HORRIBLE way for that title to start its run! COLE I think Colombian Heat represents the American Dream. He came from nothing and became something! Heat started out as a poor immigrant, became a talented soccer star, but when that dream was crushed, he didn't let that get him down. Instead, he became a professional wrestler. And even though we all saw him debut in the OAOAST as a lackey for Tha Puerto Rican, Colombian Heat eventually got out from underneath PRL's shadow and made something of himself, became his own man, and now tonight, he could make history, becoming the first ever United States Champion! COACH Stop with the sob story! Colombian Heat lived in an upper-middle class neighborhood for most of his life! He stopped playing soccer because all his recklessness caused a career ending injury! And he was fine serving as a member of The Lightning Crew, until Tha Puerto Rican realized what a waste of skin the guy was, and kicked him out! So really, everything bad that has happened to Colombian Heat, he brought onto himself! COLE Colombian Heat is not perfect. He has made some mistakes in the past. But he has redeemed himself into the talented young man you see before you. A man who could quite possibly be on the cusp of making history! The stakes in this one are very, very high! A new Title enters the One And Only AngleSault Thread tonight! Colombian Heat grabs a microphone. COLOMBIAN HEAT Aw yeah, aw yeah. Bow wow wow, yippee yo, yippee yea. I's keep it real 24/7 all day, everyday! The crowd cheers. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull dies down. HEAT History gonna be made tonight! Soooooo...if all of y'all are ready to see me make James Riggs Feel the Heat ONE MORE TIME and become tha first ever United States Champion...then Memphis, Tennessee...make some noise UP IN THIS-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!" HEAT Aw yeah. Colombian Heat hands the microphone to a ringside attendant. James Riggs mutter something about Colombian Heat, and then heads to a second turnbuckle. JR raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt with his right hand, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left hand. The crowd boos loudly. COLE This crowd is not being kind to James Riggs one bit. COACH He's a double champion for crying out loud! Show some respect! COLE You know, he didn't get those titles in the way these fans liked. COACH Colombian Heat's knee buckled! THAT'S what led to him losing the 24/7 Title! COLE But James Riggs-- COACH He didn't do anything! Heat's knee buckled! THAT'S IT! Riggs is not pleased with the negative response he gets. He jaw jacks with the crowd. Colombian Heat shakes his head and tries not to laugh. Riggs gets off the second turnbuckle. When he does, Colombian Heat tells Riggs something, and then climbs a second turnbuckle himself. Heat raises his hands, and the crowd cheers loudly. James throws a temper tantrum at this. COLE Colombian Heat has all the fan support tonight! COACH These fans are total ingrates! Whatever happened to Southern Hospitality? COLE They're showing their Southern Hospitality with Colombian Heat! COACH Colombian Heat doesn't count. He's vapor! Heat hops off the second turnbuckle and sports a cocky smirk on his face. Riggs sneers at his opponent and current rival. Heat smiles, and then exits the ring. He takes off the Colombian Heat bandana from his head and searches for somebody in the crowd. After doing some searching, he places the bandana on the head of a young girl in the front row. The 10-year-old girl, wearing a Colombian Heat T-shirt, smiles at Heat. Heat high fives the girl and gives her wink before climbing back up the ring steps and hopping into the ring. COACH Colombian Heat should be kept away from all women and children. COLE Colombian Heat loves the kids and they love him! COACH Yeah. He loves them like Michael Jackson loves them. COLE Oh, will you stop!? Colombian Heat jumps up and down in place in a turnbuckle corner. He stares down James Riggs. Heat pulls on the top ring rope. James Riggs talks trash to Heat while holding his belts. COLE A historic match about to take place. We are about to say goodbye to two titles in the OAOAST, and say hello to a brand new one. The OAOAST X-Division and 24/7 Titles have been here for a long time. The OAOAST X-Division Title has been in this company for pretty much most of its existence. The Superstar became the first X-Division Champion, winning it on August 11, 2002. Since then, we have seen some memorable X-Division Title reigns: Sandman9000, Reject, ZsasZ, Angleplex, The Purist, K-Money, Sly Sommers, Ragdoll, AJ Flaire, The Blurricane, Leon Rodez, Peter Knight, The Parka-- COACH Don't forget Tha Puerto Rican and James Riggs! COLE Right. We've seen some memorable battles, some great matches fought over the X-Division Title! The 24/7 Title debuted on April 17, 2003 on HeldDOWN~! in a Grab The Belt Match. Calvin Szechstein was the first 24/7 Champion, holding it for a week before losing it to The Memphis Eel. COACH Ooh. Bad memory. COLE Todd Pettengill is also a former 24/7 Champion. COACH Good God. COLE While the 24/7 rule has sometimes been in effect, and other times not, either way, we've seen some memorable 24/7 Title reigns. Some of the OAOAST Superstars who have won the 24/7 Title have gone on to win the World Heavyweight Title: Crystal, Hoff, Peter Knight, Axel, and of course, Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix. And let's not discount the other memorable 24/7 Title reigns: Northstar, CWM, The Superstar, Panther, Chris Stevens, Gunner Sharps, Bohemoth-- COACH And don't forget Tha Puerto Rican's record setting yearlong Title reign from 2005-2006! COLE Who can forget that one, Coach? He even customized the belt for crying out loud! But that record will always stand because tonight's the last time the OAOAST 24/7 Title will ever be defended. Win or lose, the OAOAST 24/7 and OAOAST X-Division Titles will become deactivated after tonight, and a new title will take its place, the United States Title! James Riggs kisses the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt, and then kisses the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt. He hands both belts over to referee Charles Robinson, who raises the belts in the air to let the fans know that this is a title match. COLE James Riggs handing the 24/7 and X-Division Titles to the referee for the last time. This is the last ever title defense for both titles! Charles Robinson then receives the NEW OAOAST United States Championship belt from the ringside attendant. He raises the belt over his head to let the fans know that this is for that title also. Charles Robinson hands the belt back to the ringside attendant. COLE The first ever United States Title Match is about to start in just a few moments, fans! Charles Robinson orders Colombian Heat and James Riggs to come close to him. He gives them both the rules of the match, and then pats down Heat. He then pats down Riggs. Riggs and Heat stare at each other the entire time. Charles Robinson then calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP, OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP, & OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH JAMES RIGGS (OAOAST 24/7 Champion & OAOAST X-Division Champion with Staci) vs. COLOMBIAN HEAT (Challenger) Colombian Heat and James Riggs stare at each other. Staci kisses Riggs on the left cheek before exiting the ring. She receives catcalls as she walks down the ring steps, all of which she ignores. COLE And here we go. Mark your calendars, fans. September 30, 2007. The last night for both the OAOAST 24/7 Title AND the OAOAST X-Division Title AND the first night for the OAOAST United States Title. Colombian Heat and James Riggs circle each other. They lock up. Both men jockey for position. COLE It's a stalemate as we start this match! Heat and Riggs head to a turnbuckle corner. Riggs goes for a punch--BLOCKED! Colombian Heat fires off with a forearm to the face! JR goes for another punch--BLOCKED AGAIN! Heat fires with two more punches! James Riggs kicks Colombian Heat in the stomach. He then grabs a headlock on Heat. Riggs cinches the hold tight. Heat takes Riggs over to the ropes, where he shoves him off. Riggs fires back with a shoulderblock, that takes Colombian Heat down to the mat! JAMES RIGGS YEAH-UH~! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Staci is the only one cheering for James Riggs right now. COACH JR Nation will come around. They will be heard tonight. Riggs yells at Heat to get up. CH slowly gets back to his feet, a little annoyed with Riggs. James motions that "YOU ARE MINE!" before they circle each other once again. They lock up. Both men jockey for position. Once again, the lock up takes them to a turnbuckle corner. Charles Robinson orders for the lock up to be broken up before the count of 5. Riggs breaks it up at 3. He then punches Heat in the face! He then does it again! And again! "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" Riggs punches Heat some more, and then blows a kiss to Staci at ringside. James Riggs punches Heat, knocking him down. He then grabs Colombian Heat, and applies an arm-wringer on his left arm. COACH That's it, James! Use your keen submission skills to put Heat away! Cinch it tight! Riggs taunts Heat while applying the arm-wringer. Heat gets up, so JR pulls on the arm, bringing him back down! Heat gets up again, so Riggs pulls him back down again! RIGGS WHO SUCKS NOW!? COACH You sure don't, Riggs! JR pulls Heat up by his head, and then drags him back down to the mat using his Colombian flag bandana as leverage! He tweaks the arm...until Colombian Heat KIPS UP~!, backflips, and then KIPS UP~! again! Heat reverses the arm-wringer into one of his own! He then kicks Riggs in the stomach, then in the chest, and then finishes with a spinning heel kick, knocking James Riggs to the mat for the first time in this match! COLE And James Riggs goes down! Staci looks on concerned. Riggs is able to pull himself back up, so Colombian Heat grabs JR's right arm and twists it into an arm-wringer. He turns the arm-wringer into a headlock. Heat cinches the hold tight. Riggs takes Heat to the ropes, where he shoves him off. Riggs fires back with a shoulderblock, taking Colombian Heat down to the mat! JR then bounces off the ropes, leaps over Colombian Heat, then bounces off the opposite ropes, into a Colombian Heat leapfrog! Riggs bounces off the ropes again, and Heat grabs him, trying for a hiptoss. James won't budge, so Heat punches James in the stomach, puts his right leg over his head, and then does a backflip. Riggs goes for a clothesline, but Heat ducks the clothesline...only to get hit with another clothesline on the rebound! COACH YES! Phenomonal wrestling from James Riggs! That's your new US Champion right there! COLE He hasn't won the match yet, Coach. COACH He will. Watch. Riggs plays to the crowd, and then goes for the cover. 1... 2... KICK OUT! Riggs sneers at the referee. He then gets up and starts stomping on Colombian Heat. Riggs picks Heat up. A scoop and a slam puts Heat back down. JR follows that up with an elbow to the head, and two more for fun. JR goes back to playing to the crowd, and that leads to another "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" chant. Riggs chuckles at the chant. COACH How can these fans chant that? Look at what he's doing to their hero, Colombian Heat! COLE These fans are not appreciative of James' attitude nor his actions towards Colombian Heat these past few months. COACH They're just jealous, is all. Colombian Heat starts to get up, so Riggs helps him, and then punches him in the face. The punches take Heat to a turnbuckle corner. *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" James Riggs whips Heat into the opposite turnbuckle. Riggs charges forward...Colombian Heat moves out of the way! Riggs hits the turnbuckle, sternum-first! Riggs collapses onto the mat. Heat then walks with a swagger towards the turnbuckle, lifting his feet to rest on the top turnbuckle pad! COLE Colombian Heat with some taunting of his own! COACH Look how cocky he is! He doesn't have the talent to back it up! COLE Some might see differently. COACH Well, they're wrong! Colombian Heat chuckles and then gets back on the mat. Staci sneers at Colombian Heat from the outside. Heat picks James Riggs up. He punches Riggs in the face several times, and then whips Riggs into a turnbuckle corner. Heat charges forward. Riggs jumps up, and Heat hits the turnbuckle--NO! Heat stops in his tracks! Riggs lands on his feet, and points to his head to show how smart he is...only to get popped right in the jaw when he turns around by Colombian Heat! COLE Not really smart there! Heat picks James Riggs up and sends him to the turnbuckle. He then unleashes a combination of chops and punches on the current double champion. Heat then switches to martial arts kicks all over James Riggs' body. Heat finishes with a jumping back kick to the jaw! Riggs' slumps down onto the mat, his head resting on the bottom turnbuckle pad. COLE Uh-oh! COACH Uh-oh is right! This move should be illegal! The crowd comes alive. Heat motions to the crowd that he's going to do it! Colombian Heat jogs over to the opposite turnbuckle and sizes Riggs up. Staci shakes her head. Heat does the "low-rider" hand gesture, and then charges forward. COLE It could be Broncobuster time! Colombian Heat does the Broncobuster! DING! James Riggs holds his right foot up so that when Colombian Heat jumps up for the Broncobuster, his groin meets the foot! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HE GOT HIM GOOD! HE GOT HIM GOOD WITH THAT! COLE Colombian Heat made a bad landing right there! Staci applauds her husband on the outside. James takes a few seconds to recover, and then pulls himself up using the top rope. Riggs chuckles while Colombian Heat lies on the mat, clutching his groin. COLE James saw it coming! His past matches with Heat played into that move! COACH That was great! Finally, someone put an end to that damn Broncobuster! JR made sure he was never going to take that move EVER again! JR drops a knee onto Heat's face! He then taunts Heat, and then walks with a swagger back to the turnbuckle he was before where he lifts his feet up to rest on the top turnbuckle pad! The crowd BOOS loudly! COACH Oh yeah! Look at James Riggs. Ain't he cool? COLE James Riggs taunting Colombian Heat like he usually does. JR mouths, "It's too easy! It's too easy!" Staci nods accordingly. JR yells out, "I'VE GOT HIM, COACH!" COACH You sure do, James! You sure do! COLE Why don't the two of you just get married? COACH I can't. Polygamy is illegal in this country, right? Riggs puts his feet back on the mat. He does a SHIMMY~!, which only further serves to piss the crowd off. He picks Colombian Heat up and applies a headlock on him. He still mouths, "Too easy!" while cinching the hold tight. Heat takes Riggs into the ropes. He shoves him off into the opposite ropes. Heat goes for a hiptoss-NO! JR won't budge. Riggs goes for a hiptoss-NO! Heat won't budge! Riggs goes for another hiptoss! Heat still won't budge. Riggs kicks Heat in the stomach, puts his right leg over his head, does a backflip--and gets poked in the eyes! COACH Hey! COLE Oh look at that, Coach! COACH I am looking! I don't know if James can look now though! Riggs covers his eyes in pain. He bounces off the ropes. Heat goes for a hiptoss--BLOCKED by Riggs! Heat kicks Riggs in the stomach, puts his right leg over his head, and then does a backflip. Riggs goes for a punch--Heat blocks the punch, and fires with one of his own! The punches take Riggs to a turnbuckle corner. Colombian Heat punches James Riggs in the face, and then whips James Riggs into the opposite turnbuckle--Riggs reverses--Colombian Heat stops in his tracks and then jumps up when JR charges towards him. Riggs stops in his tracks, but turns around and gets punched in the face, knocking him down! COLE Colombian Heat is on fire as this match continues! COACH Again with the Heat puns! Colombian Heat picks James Riggs up, whipping him into the ropes. This time he is able to fire off with a hiptoss! JR gets up, so Colombian Heat charges forward, clotheslining James Riggs over the top rope and onto the floor! Heat followed JR over the top rope, but saves himself by holding the top rope. He then skins the cat back inside the ring! Colombian Heat does a SHIMMY~! and the crowd cheers! COLE The crowd is 100% behind Colombian Heat as he looks to capture three titles all at once! COACH What an insult! Doing a SHIMMY~! That's James Riggs move! COLE Since when? COACH Since tonight! COLE Oh come on! Staci checks on James on the outside. Riggs is still lying on the protective mats. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" The referee has started his 10 count. Colombian Heat paces around the ring. COLE Riggs better hurry up and get back into the ring, or else there will be no United States Champion tonight! COACH But Riggs will still keep his X-Division and 24/7 Titles right? COLE Yes, but-- COACH STAY DOWN! "4!" "5!" "6!" "7!" "8!" "9!" Finally, Colombian Heat exits the ring, picks James Riggs up by his hair, and throws him back into the ring! Heat climbs the top turnbuckle and waits for James Riggs to get up. When he does, Heat jumps off the top with a double axehandle--James Riggs punches Heat in the stomach, knocking him down! COACH Excellent move by James Riggs! That was pure James Riggs right there! Riggs covers Heat. 1... 2... KICK OUT! COACH What!? COLE It was a two count, Coach. COACH I know that, dummy! Riggs gets up, sneering at the crowd. He then picks Heat up and throws him onto the second ring rope. Riggs heads to the opposite ropes and blows a kiss to Staci, before charging forward and dropping his weight down onto Colombian Heat's shoulders! COLE All of James Riggs went onto Colombian Heat right there! Colombian Heat falls onto the mat. James Riggs picks Colombian Heat up. He gives him a snapmare takeover onto the mat. Riggs then applies a chinlock on Colombian Heat. COLE Colombian Heat being weakened as this match progresses. COACH James Riggs has managed to ground Colombian Heat. He ain't doing no high-flying moves right now! Riggs taunts Heat while applying the chinlock. Staci applauds James, saying, "That's right, baby! You got him! This match is yours!" Heat is breathing hard right now. "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" Referee Charles Robinson checks on Colombian Heat. Heat's eyes are glazed over. Heat motions for the crowd to chant louder. They do so. COACH Will someone tell these fans to pipe down? James Riggs is trying to win this match! The fans clap in unison. That is enough for Heat to start shaking his fists. COLE Listen to the crowd here. The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows James Riggs blocking the Broncobuster with his right foot. COACH Listen to that groan! That was awesome! HA HA HA! Heat continues shaking his fists. Riggs throws Heat onto the mat, still applying the chinlock. Charles Robinson checks on Heat still. CHARLES ROBINSON What do you say? Do you give up? JAMES RIGGS He said YES! He said YES! Heat looks weakened, so Charles Robinson checks Heat's left arm. He lifts the arm up in the air. It drops. "ONE!" COLE James Riggs is cutting the circulation to Colombian Heat's brain! COACH And he's a few seconds away from becoming the NEW United States Champion! Charles Robinson checks on Colombian Heat again as he appears to be unconscious. Charles Robinson lifts Heat's left arm into the air again. It drops. "TWO!" COLE History could be made in just a few moments! The crowd is getting antsy. They start clapping in unison again. Staci is grabbing the ring apron, trying to contain her excitement, so as not to jinx James. Charles Robinson checks on Colombian Heat once again. COACH Here comes title number three! COLE James Riggs is one second away from becoming the first United States Champion! The crowd is at a fever pitch. Charles Robinson lifts Colombian Heat's left arm into the air for a third time. It drops. NO! Colombian Heat holds on! "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Damn! Heat's fists start shaking again. He immediately sits up, still trapped in the devastating chinlock. Staci is shaking her head, while James is shocked. The crowd cheers louder and louder. Heat gets on his right knee, still shaking his fists. He lets out a primal scream, and then elbows Riggs in the stomach! He does it three more times before Riggs finally lets go of the chinlock. Colombian Heat grabs James Riggs, and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes--Riggs reverses--Colombian Heat bounces off the ropes--NO! Heat holds onto the ropes just as Riggs does a standing dropkick! Riggs hits the mat, getting nothing but air! COLE Whoa! Bad landing for the 24/7 and X-Division Champion right there! Riggs holds his legs in pain. When he turns around, Colombian Heat punches Riggs in the face! Colombian Heat whips Riggs into the ropes--Riggs reverses--Colombian Heat almost hits Staci, who is on the ring apron! Staci SLAPS Colombian Heat across the face! COLE Staci with a hard slap across the face! COACH Yeah! Get him Staci! Colombian Heat stumbles from the slap. Riggs punches Heat in the face several times. COLE These two men have been engaged in a bitter rivalry since the summer, and it might just end tonight! Riggs whips Heat into a turnbuckle corner. Heat is able to run up onto the second rope. When he does this, James Riggs ducks down, thinking a high-flying move is in order. However, Heat stays still on the second rope and watches Riggs make a fool of himself. JR gets back up and points to his head to show how smart he is... COACH No he's not there, JR, he's still on the ropes! But then James Riggs turns around, and Colombian Heat leaps off the top rope, doing a sunset flip on JR! BUT WAIT! James Riggs hangs on! COLE Is he gonna fall? Is he gonna fall? James Riggs waves his hands in the air, desperately trying to keep his balance. And then finally, James punches Heat in the face--Heat moves out of the way, and James hits nothing but the mat! COLE He moved out of the way in lighting quick time! James holds his right hand in pain from the failed punch. Colombian Heat gets up and waits to attack. Riggs continues holding his hand and walks back to the same turnbuckle corner Heat was at just a few seconds ago. Colombian Heat sees this and charges forward. James Riggs is able to counter attack, giving Colombian Heat a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK Body Drop OVER the turnbuckle and onto the floor! COLE OH MY GOD! COACH WHOA! COLE Colombian Heat FLEW on that one! He just went out of the ring! The crowd is shocked at what they just saw! Colombian Heat lies flat on his back on the protective mats on the outside. "HO-LEE SHIT!" "HO-LEE SHIT!" "HO-LEE SHIT!" "HO-LEE SHIT!" COLE Unbelievable! COACH That's it! That's it for Colombian Heat! James Riggs rests on the turnbuckle, while Colombian Heat still lies on the outside, holding his back in pain. COLE That might be the end of the match for Colombian Heat! How can he quite possibly come back from that!? COACH He can't, Cole! He's done for! He's finished! Staci applauds James. COLE Let's see that one again. The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows James Riggs backdropping Colombian Heat over the turnbuckle and onto the floor. COACH Can we see that one again? I want to see it REAL slow! We once again see the back body drop in super slow motion. COACH HA HA! That was great. James Riggs exits the ring and grabs Colombian Heat. JR charges with Heat, slamming his head on the top ring step! He does it again! And again! Heat collapses onto the aisle. COLE Colombian Heat looks COMPLETELY out of it! He might have just seen his chances at becoming United States Champion go down the drain! COACH Just like the New York Mets just saw their chance at a World Series ring go up in smoke today, Colombian Heat's chance at becoming United States Champ is about to go up in smoke! COLE I don't really know if you can compare the New York Mets collapse with Colombian Heat. COACH I just did! Riggs slides back into the ring to break the 10 count, and then rolls back out. He then picks Colombian Heat up and throws him back into the ring. COLE What resilience from Colombian Heat! That he's still up after that fall! That he's still walking! James Riggs goes for the cover. 1...2...KICK OUT! COLE And referee Charles Robinson only got two and a half. COACH Slow count. Riggs is pissed with the count and talks about it with the referee. JR argues with the referee in a turnbuckle corner. The ref still maintains it was a two count. COLE James Riggs' got a real attitude problem. COACH Well, he's a double champion, the ref better realize that! James Riggs picks Colombian Heat up. He places him in a facelock, puts Heat's right arm over his head, and grabs his orange basketball shorts, lifting Heat up and dropping him with a Gordbuster! COLE Oh my! A Gordbuster from James Riggs! COACH That'll do. ONE! TWO! KICK OUT!!! COLE A count of two is all James Riggs could get out of Colombian Heat! COACH Come on Riggs! Don't let that slow ref stop you! You've got a US Title to win tonight at Zero Hour! Riggs says, "COME ON REF!" His long blonde hair becoming all wild and frizzy. JR stomps on Colombian Heat, in between taunting him. COACH Come on JR! This is your night! JR Nation is watching! Staci is watching! The whole world is watching! Don't screw it up! COLE How many people are in JR Nation, by the way? COACH Well, I'm member number 3423567 if that means anything. COLE Right. JR picks CH up. He grabs his left hand and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. Heat bounces off the ropes, into an Abdominal Stretch from James Riggs! COLE Abdominal Stretch! Colombian Heat is in trouble! COACH His back is already hurt from that fall. This won't do him any favors! James Riggs cinches the hold tight. Heat screams out in pain. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" The thousands in attendance chant for one of their favorite OAOAST Superstars. But James Riggs still has the Abdominal Stretch locked tight, and is telling the referee, "Ask him if he quits!" Charles Robinson is indeed checking up on Colombian Heat, as Staci watches on from the outside. COACH Sooner or later, Colombian Heat will fall! He's got him now, Cole! The US Title is about to have James Riggs written on the nameplate! Staci grabs ahold of James' right hand, further irritating the crowd. COACH They're cheering him! They're cheering him! COLE What? Come on now! Staci continues holding onto James' hand, making the Abdominal Stretch feel worse. That is until Charles Robinson catches Staci in the middle of the act! He orders her to stop and she does. COACH He gave up! I heard him give up! Come on referee! Can you not hear that!? Charles Robinson checks on Heat. A "LET'S GO HEAT" chant starts up again. COACH All James Riggs has to do now is keep the pressure on Colombian Heat and the United States Title is his for the taking! James Riggs continues cinching the Abdominal Stretch tight. Heat is getting more and more weakened as time goes on. Staci cheers James on. COLE The United States Title will be going home with one of these men tonight. COACH And hopefully that man is the one with the hot wife. Not the one who lives all by his pathetic lonesome. Colombian Heat shakes his head, refusing to give up. Staci once again grabs Riggs' right hand, but Charles Robinson catches her, and kicks her hand, stopping the hold. COACH He hit a woman! He hit a woman! COLE He did not! He just kicked her hand! COACH He hit a woman! That's assault! He should be arrested! That's a crime he just did! COLE Coach, you're overreacting! COACH I AM NOT OVERREACTING! Colombian Heat hiptosses James Riggs, finally stopping the Abdominal Stretch! Heat picks James Riggs up and punches Riggs in the face several times. He then gives Riggs an Irish whip into the ropes. Heat puts his head down, so Riggs grabs him, puts him a facelock, and gives Colombian Heat a jumping DDT! COACH That did it! That did it! James Riggs is going to become the first United States Champion! JR covers Heat. 1...2...KICK OUT!!! COLE Colombian Heat's still in this match! COACH Oh come on now! What is wrong with this official? James Riggs lets out an audible groan. Staci slaps the mat, trying to get her man back in this match. Riggs picks Colombian Heat up and takes him over to the second ring rope, dropping his throat on top of it. Riggs then pushes his right knee onto the back of Heat's neck, choking him on the second rope! COACH That's it! You got it now, Riggs! Charles Robinson orders James to stop the choking. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Riggs stops choking, and the referee scolds him for the choking. While this is going on, Staci is choking Colombian Heat some more on the second rope! COLE Now stop this! This isn't right! Staci is just choking Heat behind the ref's back! COACH Staci was just trying to convince Colombian Heat to give up! COLE Oh come on! COACH He's begging for mercy now! Colombian Heat should have given up 5 minutes ago! COLE Staci helping out her husband. You know she wants to go home with a US Champion tonight! COACH Of course she does! What kind of idiotic statement is that? James walks to the opposite side of the ring while Staci chokes Colombian Heat. The crowd boos loudly, furious at the cheating going on behind the referee's back! Staci finally stops choking Heat when the referee turns around. Riggs winks at Staci, who blushes. JR goes back to pushing his right knee onto the back of Colombian Heat's neck, while blowing kisses at Staci at the same time. Charles Robinson orders JR to stop choking Heat. Riggs stops at the count of four. He then walks to the opposite side of the ring again. As Charles Robinson scolds him, Staci once again chokes Colombian Heat on the second ring rope! COLE This is getting nidicolous now! COACH That damn referee is reading James Riggs the Riot Act! COLE Yeah, and Staci is taking full advantage of it! COACH Not that I'm complaining! Staci continues choking Colombian Heat...but Heat moves out of the way just as James Riggs looks to drive his weight down on Colombian Heat again! COACH Oh no! Riggs holds his groin in pain, yelling "OW! OW! OW! OW!" Heat grabs Riggs from behind and shoves him into the ropes. Heat and Riggs bounce off the ropes into a rollup! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLE A close fall right there! Both men get up at the same time. Heat grabs Riggs and slams his head on the top turnbuckle pad. Heat whips Riggs into the opposite turnbuckle--Riggs reverses--Short-armed clothesline puts Heat down on the mat! Riggs then applies a reverse chinlock on Heat. COLE And Riggs once again going to the submission holds. COACH That's how he won the X-Division Title, and that's how he's going to win the United States Title tonight! Riggs sneers at the crowd while applying the reverse chinlock. Heat winces in pain while in the hold. Staci applauds her husband. COLE Colombian Heat, you can sense that he's getting weaker as the match gets longer! COACH Obviously, Cole. James Riggs has delivered one hell of a beating on him! Charles Robinson asks Heat if he gives up. Heat says, "HELL NAW!" JAMES RIGGS GIVE UP! "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" The fans chant in their attempt to rally Colombian Heat. But James Riggs has the reverse chinlock on tight on the mat. COLE This match could be nearing its end! COACH It is, Cole! It is! Suddenly, Heat's fists start shaking. Riggs holds on, even as Heat's legs start moving. Colombian Heat's fists start shaking violently. Riggs shakes his head refusing to believe this is happening again. CH turns to his side. JR stands up. Heat gets on his left knee, still in the reverse chinlock. Colombian Heat gets to a vertical base, still caught in the reverse chinlock. Heat elbows Riggs in the stomach! He does it again, breaking the hold! Colombian Heat punches James Riggs in the face! He does it again! And again! And again! The punches take Riggs to a turnbuckle corner. Colombian Heat gets on the second turnbuckle and looks to the crowd! "1!" "2!" "3!" "4!" "5!" "6!" "7!" "8!" "9!" "10!" "11!" COLE This bitter rivalry boiling over tonight at Zero Hour! Colombian Heat whips uses the second rope to springboard up and kick James Riggs in the jaw! He then whips Riggs into the opposite turnbuckle. Colombian Heat charges forward. He goes for a seated senton...but James Riggs moves out of the way, and Colombian Heat's ass hits the top turnbuckle pad! Heat collapses onto the mat, face-first! COACH A HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! Oh man! COLE Colombian Heat almost took out the cameraman right there! COACH He should have, and the cameraman should have sued him for everything he's got! COLE Ain't a surprising comment coming from you, but anyway, Colombian Heat is once again down! You can say he has taken the burnt of the punishment in this match-up! COACH You can say that again! COLE You can say he has taken the burnt of the punishment in this match-up! COACH Shut up, Cole. James Riggs is now a little groggy. As Staci yells for James to "FINISH HIM! FINISH HIM!" JR, breathing hard, picks Colombian Heat up so that he can give him a bodyslam onto the mat. James then climbs the second rope and sits up. He jumps off, driving his right fist into Colombian Heat's face! James goes for the cover. It gets two. COLE And Colombian Heat reaches down deep to get that left shoulder up! COACH Damn it! James Riggs gets into the referee's face. He yells at Charles Robinson for all his two counts thus far in this match. But Lil' Naitch retains his cool, maintaining he's been calling this match right down the middle. COACH That referee's hand had to be a quarter of an inch away from the mat. Look at this. The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Colombian Heat's attempted seated senton onto James Riggs. COACH Oh man! COLE He fell right back on his neck and his head. And he has a history of neck problems. COACH And after tonight, he'll have some more! James Riggs picks Heat up. He gives him a backbreaker! Riggs goes for the cover. It gets two. JR gets up and grabs Colombian Heat's legs. He crosses them, and then turns him over, after some stalling from Heat, and applies a Texas Cloverleaf on Heat! COLE Texas Cloverleaf! Could *this* be the end? COACH He's got him! He's got him now! Colombian Heat is going down! Riggs has the Texas Cloverleaf applied in the middle of the ring! Colombian Heat is screaming in pain, while Staci is nodding her head. The crowd is going nuts, begging for Colombian Heat not to tap out! JAMES RIGGS TAP! COME ON TAP! COLE James Riggs looking to become the first United States Champion! He can do it if he can make Colombian Heat tap out! COACH DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! Charles Robinson checks on Colombian Heat. Heat is shaking his head no. COLE Full pressure applied on the injured lower back of Colombian Heat. That fall from earlier might have screwed up his back pretty badly! COACH This is the death blow! It's about damn time, too! Riggs continues applying the Texas Cloverleaf. Colombian Heat moves an inch, so James pulls Heat further away from the ropes! Staci yells for Riggs to keep the hold applied as the crowd fires up once again. COACH Well, does he give up? COLE Doesn't look like it, Coach. COACH Oh come on! Charles Robinson asks Heat if he's ready to tap out. Heat shakes his head. Riggs stands up in a modified version of the Texas Cloverleaf. Heat still won't give up. COLE Can you imagine the pain Colombian Heat must be going through right now? COACH No, and frankly I don't want to! Heat still refuses to tap out. James Riggs moves Colombian Heat onto his back. He reaches down...and gets punched in the face to a pop! Heat punches him again, and the Texas Cloverleaf is finally broken. Riggs stumbles, holding his face, while Colombian Heat lies on the mat, holding his back in pain. COLE Colombian Heat has escaped the Texas Cloverleaf! He still has a chance in this match-up! COACH Not much of a chance, though. COLE But as long as the bell hasn't rung, he still has a chance! COACH HA! Good one, Cole. Both men slowly get up. Riggs goes to grab Heat. PELE KICK~!!! COLE The Pele Kick! He hit the Pele Kick! COACH Aw! He can hit it from anywhere! Riggs and Heat both lie on the mat, breathing hard. Heat slowly gets up first. COLE Heat might be making the signs of a comeback! Colombian Heat looks at the crowd, and despite feeling fatigued, he smiles. Heat picks JR up. Staci is now starting to worry. Heat punches Riggs in the face. He does it again! And again! Colombian Heat DANCES~! And then punches James Riggs for a fourth time, knocking him down to the mat! COLE Shake, Rattle & Roll from Colombian Heat! Colombian Heat follows that up by bouncing off the ropes, doing a SHIMMY~!, and then dropping a knee onto James Riggs' face! COLE Shaky Leg Kneedrop from Colombian Heat! Heat goes for the cover. It gets two. Heat picks JR up and whips him into the ropes. Riggs counters by jumping up and scissoring Heat with his legs. But instead of a crucifix pin, Riggs drops to the mat and goes for a rollup! COLE Is Heat gonna fall? COACH Get him! Colombian Heat punches James Riggs in the face! He then drops down for the pin. 1... 2... JAMES RIGGS REVERSES!!! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! COLE Almost the count of three! Both men get up. James Riggs hits Heat with a standing dropkick, knocking him down! COACH Oh! Right in the face! Riggs goes for the cover. COLE Could this be it? 1! 2! 3! Hegothimnohedidn't. COACH What the hell is wrong with this referee? Can he count to 3 or what? Riggs looks pissed off at the referee. But it is yet another 2 count. Staci urges her man to continue on in this match-up. James does so, picking Heat up and whipping him into the ropes. He goes for a back elbow. Heat ducks, bounces off the ropes, ducks the clothesline, bounces off the opposite ropes, and gets caught in a sleeperhold! COACH That's it! This is the end! This is the end of this match! COLE Colombian Heat caught in yet another submission hold from James Riggs! Heat flails his arms around, desperately trying to grab anything. But then, Riggs simply throws Colombian Heat down onto the mat. Staci is confused at this. COLE Wait? What's Riggs doing? Heat continues lying on the mat while James exits the ring and climbs the top rope. COLE It looks like James Riggs is going to fly! COACH All right! He's gonna show the world that he's a better high-flyer than Colombian Heat! COLE I don't know. I don't recall James Riggs doing much high-flying recently. COACH That's because he's been saving it for a special moment! Like right now! JR carefully positions himself on the top rope. He stands straight up and looks at the crowd. He then looks down at Colombian Heat and sneers at him. Riggs looks a little unsure of himself, but he takes a deep breath, and blows a kiss to Staci, who receives it. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation of James' next move. COLE James Riggs is taking a huge risk. COACH Look out below! James Riggs taunts the fans, and then jumps off the top rope, doing a SWANTON BOMB~!!! HEAT MOVES OUT OF THE WAY! JAMES RIGGS CRASHES ONTO THE MAT~!!!!!! "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH OH NO! OH MAN! COLE Well, it looks like James Riggs is going to regret stopping the Sleeperhold to do a Swanton Bomb! COACH Not if he wins the United States Title he won't! Colombian Heat is kissing the canvas, while James Riggs is lying flat on his back. Both men are sweating and breathing hard. Charles Robinson starts his 10 count. COLE Both men have given it their all in this match-up, all to become the first United States Champion! COACH Come on, James! Get up! There's still hope! You haven't been pinned or tapped out yet! "4!" "5!" "6!" COLE If there's a double countout, there is NO United States Champion! COACH But James Riggs keeps the 24/7 and X-Division Titles, right? COLE Yes, but-- COACH This is a tough one! COLE Both men have taken a tremendous amount of punishment in this match! If JR hit that move, then I'm pretty sure Colombian Heat would be even more out of it than he already is! COACH He'd be flat as a pancake! "7!" "8!" Colombian Heat gets his left shoulder up. "9!" Colombian Heat sits up. COLE And at 9! The referee says let's wrestle! COACH Good. At least now James Riggs has a better chance of becoming US Champ! Colombian Heat crawls over to the fallen James Riggs. The crowd is rooting him on fiercely. COACH Get up, James Riggs! Get up! COLE Heat inching his way over! A cover! 1... 2... 2 1/2 2.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 RIGHT SHOULDER UP!!!!! CROWD *GROAN!* COACH Oh thank God. COLE That wasn't it. That wasn't it. We could barely see the right shoulder of JR get up just in the nick of time! The match still continues! Staci breathes a sigh of relief. Heat and Riggs slowly get up. COLE This match is anyone's for the taking! COACH It's Riggs for the taking! Both men are at a vertical base. Riggs goes for a punch--BLOCKED! Heat punches James Riggs! He punches him again! And again! And again! The punches takes Riggs to the ropes. Heat whips JR into the ropes. He fires with a spinning wheel kick! Colombian Heat picks James Riggs up and punches him in the face some more! He keeps doing it, and then gives him an Irish whip into the ropes--NO--Riggs reverses--Riggs goes for a clothesline, Heat ducks, Heat bounces off the opposite ropes, and hits a leg lariat on Riggs! Colombian Heat KIPS UP~! to a loud pop from the crowd! COLE And now Colombian Heat is really fired up! Heat plays to the crowd, who respond with cheers. COACH Oh no. This isn't good. This isn't good at all! Colombian Heat punches Riggs, knocking him down! James Riggs gets up, so Colombian Heat knocks him down again! James Riggs gets up again, so Colombian Heat grabs him and slams his face on the top turnbuckle pad! *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Colombian Heat punches Riggs. Then chops him across the chest! Then a punch! Then a chop! A punch! Then a chop! Heat unleashes a combination of chops and punches all over James Riggs, and then switches to martial arts kicks all over his body! The kicks get James good and hurt so that Heat can do a jumping back kick to James' jaw! The kick sends Riggs down onto the mat, his head resting on the bottom turnbuckle pad. The crowd cheers. COACH Oh no. Not again. COLE Will he get it this time? Staci is cringing. Colombian Heat plays to the cheering crowd, and then jogs on over to the opposite turnbuckle corner. Heat does the "low-rider" hand gesture, and then charges forward. Broncobuster connects! COLE He got it this time! COACH Damn! He got him! Staci cringes with every thrust. Heat gets off of James and does a SHIMMY~! to a pop! Heat pulls James Riggs out from the turnbuckle, and then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. Riggs hits the turnbuckle HARD! Riggs stumbles out, so Heat hits him with a clothesline! JR gets back up, so Heat hits him with another clothesline! Riggs gets right back up, so Heat nails him with another clothesline! And a fourth! And a fifth! And a sixth! And a seven! And an eighth! And a ninth! COLE Colombian Heat is bringing it to a whole other level! COACH I don't like this! Heat stomps on Riggs, and then exits the ring. He climbs the top rope. Staci looks on as Heat gets himself position on the top ring rope. COLE Colombian Heat is on the top rope! COACH Look out Riggs! James Riggs slowly gets up. He takes a deep breath. When he gets close, Colombian Heat leaps off the top rope with a picture perfect missile dropkick! COLE Missile Dropkick connects! Then, Colombian Heat sits up. "YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Oh no. Not this crap again! Colombian Heat looks at his right hand. He seems transfixed by it. Suddenly, the hand starts shaking. Heat is hypnotized by the hand. COLE He's feeling it! He's feeling it! COACH Words cannot describe how much I hate this move. Heat is nearly foaming at the mouth. His head starts shaking. It's like he's having a seizure. The crowd is at a fever pitch. COLE It's now time for the most illignest move in professional wrestling! COACH What? Come on now! Colombian Heat stops shaking, and then outstretches his arms. HEAT & CROWD WASSSSSUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPP! Colombian Heat does a Spinaroonie to a LOUD pop from the crowd! COLE Spinaroonie! Spinaroonie! Spinaroonie! COACH Somebody shoot me now. COLE The crowd loves it when Colombian Heat does the Spinaroonie! COACH The crowd is full of idiots. Heat stands up, and then quickly covers James Riggs. ONE! TWO! KICK OUT!!! COACH Should have gone for the pin AFTER the missile dropkick, numbnuts! COLE He did not get him! I thought that was it! But he did NOT get the pin! The crowd, as well as Colombian Heat, are disappointed that that wasn't the finish. Heat puts up three fingers, but the ref maintains it was only two fingers. A small "THAT WAS THREE!" chant starts up. Heat gets up, and picks James Riggs up by his hair. He nails him with a forearm shot to the face. He then scoops him up and gives him a slam down onto the mat! COLE What do you have to do to beat James Riggs? What do you have to do to beat Colombian Heat? Colombian Heat exits the ring and climbs the top rope. Staci is fretting on the outside. Heat slowly positions himself on the top turnbuckle. James Riggs is perfectly laid out flat on the mat. COLE He's going to go the top! High-risk maneuver coming up! Colombian Heat is crouched on the top rope. He stands up, looks down at Riggs, and then looks at the crowd. He looks at Riggs one more time, before jumping off the top rope doing a SKY TWISTER PRESS~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT CONNECTS~! COLE Straight From Da Street! We haven't seen that from Colombian Heat in a long time! COACH No! No! No! Tell me that this isn't happening! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING! The crowd explodes with cheers! Colombian Heat takes a moment to catch his breath, and then makes the cover! COLE Could this be it? ONE! TWO! LEFT SHOULDER UP! COACH No! No! No! No! No! No! COLE THAT wasn't enough to put James Riggs away! COACH If that won't do it, nothing else will! Colombian Heat is stunned that that wasn't the finish. COACH He didn't get him, Cole! COLE Unbelievable! Unbelievable! COACH The tide is turning, Cole! Things are going to start going James Riggs way! That US Title is his for the taking! He's getting it tonight! COLE It can happen. We've practically seen it all in this match! Colombian Heat takes a deep breath and gets up. He picks James Riggs up by his hair. Heat slams Riggs' face on the top turnbuckle pad. Heat then whips Riggs into the opposite turnbuckle. Riggs hits the turnbuckle HARD! Colombian Heat charges forward. Riggs puts his feet up, but Heat surprises everybody by sliding underneath Riggs' feet and running so that he's behind him on the outside! Heat then grabs Riggs' legs and pulls on them, causing James to hit the mat! STACI No! No! Colombian Heat has a hold of James Riggs' feet. Heat looks at the crowd. He smiles. COLE Uh-oh. COACH OH NO! Despite Staci's protests, Colombian Heat pulls back on the feet, causing James Riggs' groin to meet the ring post! COACH AAH! Now James and Staci will never be able to have children! COLE I think that's the least of Colombian Heat's worries right about now! James' reaction is about the one you'd expect from a guy who just got hit in the groin with a steel post. Riggs is still in the same position, his legs wrapped around the ring post. Colombian Heat takes the opportunity to laugh at Riggs' misery. COACH It's not funny! COLE It is to Colombian Heat! COACH So what? He doesn't count! Riggs crawls out, slowly, and cringes with each step he takes. Charles Robinson checks on James Riggs once he's completely away from the ring post and holding his Johnson. Staci is having a fit on the outside, but Colombian Heat is not paying attention to her at all, which is sorta surprising, considering how beautiful she is. Heat is instead climbing the ropes. COLE Colombian Heat going up top once more! James Riggs is now lying on the mat. Charles Robinson is checking up on him, and Riggs is explaining that his groin is in horrible pain. As he does this, he gives some sort of symbol to Staci, who proceeds to shake the top ring rope, causing Colombian Heat to lose his balance and crotch himself on the top turnbuckle! COACH Turnabout's fairplay! COLE Staci once again interfering for her husband, in this most important match-up! COACH All right! That's how you do it! HA! HA! HA! Colombian Heat is still crotched on the top rope. James Riggs is still on the mat, but he is telling the referee that he is feeling better. COLE Colombian Heat is in a precarious situation! COACH And James Riggs is getting up! Indeed, James Riggs is getting up, a little faster than usual. Riggs punches Heat in the face a few times, and then climbs the second rope. He punches Heat some more. Riggs then places Heat in a front facelock. He then places Colombian Heat's left arm over his head. He then finishes by grabbing Heat's shorts. Riggs then climbs the top rope himself. COLE James Riggs meeting Colombian Heat up top! COACH Here it comes! James Riggs jumps off the top rope with Colombian Heat, doing a SUPERPLEX onto the mat! COLE Superplex from the top rope! Right from the top! COACH You asked the question, Cole. Well, this is the answer! This is what you have to do to beat Colombian Heat! James Riggs does the cutthroat sign, and then heads to a turnbuckle corner. COLE Here we go! He could be going for it! He could be going for the Rolling Koppou Kick! COACH James Riggs is about to become the first United States Champion! The crowd boos loudly. And I do mean LOUDLY. JR motions for Heat to get up, getting impatient with the Colombian superstar. Staci can barely contain her excitement at the prospect of James Riggs winning another title in a 4 week span. Colombian Heat slowly starts to get up, struggling to sit upright. COLE Colombian Heat lost the 24/7 Title this way two weeks ago! And it looks like he might lose his chance at becoming United States Champion this way! COACH It's over! This match is over! No way Heat's going to escape this! He couldn't two times before! COLE Well, at AngleSlam-- COACH ENOUGH, Cole! The crowd is trying to warn Heat of his impending doom. But Heat is too busy sitting up to pay attention. CH then gets to his left knee as James and Staci (im)patiently wait for Heat to get up. COLE A new Champion will be crowned for the first time tonight! Who will that be? Colombian Heat or James Riggs? COACH It's going to be Riggs! It's going to be Riggs! Colombian Heat gets to his left knee. He then slowly starts to stand up straight. COLE James Riggs eyeing Colombian Heat like a predator stalking his prey! He can taste the United States Title right now! COACH He wants the US Title more than anything right now! And he's gonna get it! COLE We shall see, in just a few moments! Colombian Heat slowly stands upright. Heat is tired, in pain, winded, and perspiring. James Riggs is hunched over on the turnbuckle. Staci has an evil smile on her face. She nods. James smiles an evil smile. A hush silence falls over the crowd as James Riggs charges forward. COACH This is what got him his belts! This is what he's used to beat Colombian Heat! Riggs does a forward roll, and then smashes his right foot right into Colombian Heat's-- NO! Heat ducks the kick! Heat grabs Riggs from behind... BONG HIT~! COLE The Bong Hit! Heat ducked the Rolling Koppou Kick, and hit the Bong Hit! The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat makes the cover! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COACH That was scary. That was scary right there! Colombian Heat picks James Riggs up...and Riggs grabs Heat and nails him with an Atomic Drop! Riggs hits the ropes, and nails Heat with a clothesline! COLE Oh! That ain't good for Heat! Riggs taunts Colombian Heat, and then grabs his right foot, dragging him to the center of the ring. He spins around--Colombian Heat kicks JR in the ass (literally), causing him to crash right into Charles Robinson knocking him out! The crowd groans. COLE Oh! And the referee has been knocked out of this contest! COACH He shouldn't have been standing that close, that idiot! Heat, Charles Robinson, and James Riggs all lie on the mat. The crowd is still hot. Staci is worried for James. COLE We've got THREE men down! And that's not going to do either James or Colombian Heat any good. You can only win the United States Title via pinfall or submission! No other alternatives! COACH (through teeth) James better hurry up. He's got a new belt to win! COLE James Riggs knocked out the referee when he went for the Figure Four Leglock. COACH But Heat pushed him into the referee. Remember that! COLE Yes, that part is true. COACH You can't deny it! Staci slaps the mat in frustration. Heat, Riggs, and the referee are still on the mat. COACH Can I be the referee? COLE No. You don't have a license! COACH A trained monkey can do this job! COLE Well--no. I'll just get sued for racial discrimination for that comment! Staci is nearly pulling her hair out. James Riggs pushes himself up. Colombian Heat starts to move his arms. He then goes to his side. The crowd is getting hotter. Riggs is on his knees. Staci is going nuts. COACH Uh-oh! Uh-oh! This doesn't look too good! COLE Both men are getting up. But which man will get up first? Colombian Heat is on his right knee. Heat slowly stands up. COACH Uh-oh! Look out James Riggs! Colombian Heat gets into position to do the Colombian Necktie. The crowd starts clapping in unison. James Riggs is still on his knees. Staci is frantically trying to tell James to look out. COLE If Colombian Heat hits the Colombian Necktie, he's the new United States Champion in addition to being the new 24/7 Champion AND X-Division Champion! COACH Colombian Heat better not be making history here tonight! The crowd is getting louder by the second. Heat is ready for the Colombian Necktie, stalking JR. He yells out, "COME ON!" James Riggs gets to his right knee. STACI CLIPS COLOMBIAN HEAT'S RIGHT KNEE FROM BEHIND! COACH YES! YES! YES! SHE DID IT AGAIN! SHE DID IT AGAIN! STACI, I LOVE YOU GIRL! COLE Oh come on! Staci just clipped Colombian Heat's right knee! The same thing she did two weeks ago that cost Heat the 24/7 Title! COACH You can't prove that. That was a coincidence! Staci runs out of the ring just as soon as Heat falls. She runs back to where she was just a few seconds before. Charles Robinson is still knocked out, so he hasn't seen any of this. Colombian Heat lies on the mat, holding his right knee in pain. COLE And you gotta believe that that knee still isn't 100%, so Staci might have done even FURTHER damage to that knee! COACH Staci sacrificed herself for her man. She went into the ring, tackled Colombian Heat, and then ran for her life. She did that because she LOVES James Riggs. I wish I had a girl who would do that for me! COLE You wish you had a girl PERIOD, but that's neither here nor there. Colombian Heat is still holding his right knee in pain. Riggs is still on his right knee. He finally gets up and smiles evilly when he looks down at Heat. COLE And now, James Riggs can go for the final blow. He could conceivably nail the Rolling Koppou Kick or apply the Crossface Chickenwing with no problem now! COACH This is his night, Cole! This is his night! James blows a kiss at Staci. Staci blushes. JR picks Colombian Heat up. He punches him in the face. He does it again. And again. Riggs hits Heat with a Russian Legsweep. COACH It's just a matter of time. Look at Colombian Heat. There's nothing left. You can toy with him now, Champ! "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" Riggs goes for the cover. 1...2...KICK OUT! COLE Kick out! Not yet! I thought it was over! I thought it was academic after that move, but you can never underestimate the will, the heart of Colombian Heat! James mouths, "Fuck." As the "JAMES RIGGS SUCKS!" chant continues, James Riggs exits the ring and climbs the top rope. COLE James going up top once again. He didn't do so good the last time he was at the top. COACH Well, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. See, you're not the only one who can do the corny inspirational cliches. Staci watches as Riggs climbs the top rope. He waits for Colombian Heat to get up. Staci goes ahead and wakes the referee up. COLE Staci helping the referee wake up! COACH And you say she's bad! HA! Get him up! Colombian Heat is on his knees. Staci watches Charles Robinson sit up, dazed and confused. Colombian Heat is on his right knee. The crowd is trying to warn Heat to look up. COLE Look at this! James Riggs is up top! Colombian Heat stands up. James Riggs is crouched on the top rope. He has an evil smile on his face. Colombian Heat turns around. Riggs stands up on the top turnbuckle. James Riggs flies off the top rope with a flying crossbody, which connects with Colombian Heat! 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO! GOTCHA~!!!! LOL KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COACH I thought that was it! COLE This crowd thought so too. COACH The ref counted the three! I saw his hand hit the mat! COLE No he didn't. He was close though. The official counted two! Staci can't believe that that wasn't the finish, but the crowd is relieved. James gets up, a little more than slightly annoyed now. He yells at the referee, and then looks at Staci, who throws up her arms as if she doesn't know what to do now. But then James tells her something, and Staci nods her head and gives him a thumbs up. James blows her a kiss, and Staci catches it. COLE The referee counted two. The match continues. COACH COME ON! Colombian Heat starts to get up, so James Riggs helps him up. He then grabs Heat's left hand and gives him an Irish whip--Heat reverses--Riggs bounces off the ropes--STACI TRIPS JAMES! James falls flat on his face! COLE How about that? COACH Oh crap! She doesn't know who she just tripped! Her back was turned! Indeed, Staci wasn't even looking when she grabbed James' right foot. Something she might soon regret as after James stops to tell her to watch who she trips (while Colombian Heat puts his hands around his throat and makes a gagging sound), he turns around...and gets kicked in the stomach. Colombian Heat hooks his arms. COACH NO! Colombian Heat then lifts James up, high into the air. The crowd gets even louder. COACH WHAT!? James Riggs is high in the air, the blood rushing to his head. Staci is standing there shocked, knowing she might have caused this (might?). Colombian Heat has step one of the Colombian Necktie completed. Step two is looking at the crowd, which he does, very excitedly. Heat looks at the crowd, looks up at Riggs, looks at Staci, looks at the referee, and then looks at the crowd once more, before nodding his head and completing step three of the Colombian Necktie, dropping your opponent down onto the mat! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Colombian Necktie! He hit the Colombian Necktie! Oh my goodness! The Colombian Necktie! COACH No! No! No! COLE Colombian Necktie! Could this be it? Colombian Heat takes a moment to catch his breath. He then makes the cover, not even bothering to hook the legs. Charles Robinson counts along with the crowd while Staci looks on. 1... 2... 2 1/2 2.999999999999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (22:17) "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Heat wins the US Title! Heat wins the US Title! COACH No! "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing. Colombian Heat raises his hands in victory, breathing a huge sigh of relief while doing so. The crowd explodes in LOUD cheers. Staci is still stunned. BUFFER Here is your winner...and NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion...NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion...and the FIRST EVER One And Only AngleSault Thread United States Champion...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTT! COLE Colombian Heat makes history at Zero Hour! The last man to ever wear both the OAOAST X-Division AND 24/7 Titles, and also the first man to EVER wear the OAOAST United States Title! What a moment in his career! COACH Oh, I think I'm going to be sick! What did Staci do? What did Staci do, Cole!? COLE She might have inadvertently given the United States Title to her husband's biggest rival! COACH Oh no! Charles Robinson raises Colombian Heat's hands in victory. He then goes over to a ringside attendant and grabs the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt and hands them both to Colombian Heat. Heat is on his knees as he raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt with his right hand, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left hand. He then places both belts on the mat and asks for the OAOAST United States Championship belt. He then receives that belt and proceeds to raise it over his head. COLE Colombian Heat fought back! He overcame James Riggs and Staci's interference! James told Staci to grab Colombian Heat's ankle, but it backfired! And in the end, perhaps it was poetic justice that Staci's interference came back to bite James Riggs on the ass, costing him his Titles and the chance to become United States Champion! COACH This is a travesty to end all travesties! Colombian Heat has smeared the United States Title, and the belt just got started! This is the worst possible way for the United States Title to start! And a sad, sad way for the 24/7 and X-Division Titles to go out. Held by Colombian HACK! COLE There's nothing you can do about it now, Coach! Colombian Heat will go down in the record books as the LAST man to hold the OAOAST 24/7 Title, the LAST man to hold the OAOAST X-Division Title, and the FIRST man to hold the OAOAST United States Title! COACH I'm gonna puke! Colombian Heat stands up, and has his hands raised in victory by the referee. Heat lets out a primal yell when he's getting his hands raised. He does a SHIMMY~! and then yells out, "YEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHH BOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" while holding the OAOAST United States Championship belt with his left hand. Heat gets on the second ring rope and raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his head with his left hand, and then throws up the "W" with his right hand. Heat pounds his chest and mouths, "I love you" to the fans as "Gasolina (Remix)" continues playing. COLE What a match this was! If you ask me, this was the perfect way to introduce the United States Title to the OAOAST! COACH It was a good match, although I gotta deduct points for the ending. It should be James Riggs holding the United States Title right now! Not Colombian HACK! COLE Well, the referee's decision is final. We close the book on the OAOAST X-Division Title and the OAOAST 24/7 Title, but we open the book on the OAOAST United States Title, with Colombian Heat leading the way! COACH Ugh. Colombian Heat continues raising the OAOAST United States Championship belt in the air. He heads to a second turnbuckle where he raises the belt in the air and throws up the "W" hand signal to a pop from the fans. Heat then gets off the second turnbuckle and dances his way to another second turnbuckle where he raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his head to the crowd's delight. Heat has a wide smile on his face as he does this. The camera does a 360 of Colombian Heat raising the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his head on the second turnbuckle. Meanwhile, Staci helps James Riggs out of the ring. Riggs is shocked from the loss, in addition to being in pain from the Colombian Necktie. Staci is frantically apologizing to him as the two walk up the entrance ramp. COLE What a bad night this turned out to be for James Riggs. He went into this match with TWO titles, and leaves with zero! COACH I still can't believe how this match ended. How could Staci not know it wasn't Colombian Heat she was grabbing? Hasn't she touched James Riggs enough to know what he feels like? Heat was wearing sneakers for godsakes! Riggs was wearing boots! How could she not know the difference? COLE Heat of the moment? Distraction? COACH Heat of the moment? Real funny. I can't believe James' own wife cost him the match. SHE COST HIM HISTORY! If I were him, I would kick her ass to the curb right now! COLE Well, that's a little harsh. COACH It's proper punishment for costing your husband his rightful place in history, Michael! Now roll the footage, let's see how that match ended now so I can get that out of the way! Colombian Heat gets off the turnbuckle and raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt in the air again. Heat then walks with a limp and picks up the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt. Heat places the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his right shoulder, and then places the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder. He carries the OAOAST United States Championship belt with his left hand. Colombian Heat exits the ring with all three belts in his possession. The OAOAST Zero Hour 2007 logo flashes across the screen. Cut to clips from the match, starting with Heat's failed Broncobuster attempt. COACH Can I just see this one more time? Thank you. OOH! Yeah. That cheers me up! Cut to James Riggs back body dropping Colombian Heat over the turnbuckle and onto the floor. COACH And this one's good too. WOW! Colombian Heat just FLEW out of the ring! He just flew! I have never seen anything like that before in my life! It was awesome! COLE It was amazing how Heat was able to continue the match. COACH He was lucky, Cole. Very lucky. Cut to Colombian Heat's failed seated senton attempt. COACH This is another good one. HA HA HA HA HA! Colombian Heat folded up like an accordion! That was great! HA HA HA HA HA! I love it! Can I see it again? The footage is shown again. COACH YES! I LOVE IT! THANK YOU! Cut to the ending of the match starting with James Riggs whipping Colombian Heat into the ropes. COACH Oh, I hate this part. Okay. Right there! Staci should have been looking at the ring instead of looking at the fans! I know you love JR Nation, honey, but now is not the time to talk to them. James trips, makes an ass of himself, and then that no good thug takes advantage. That punk made his move like the leech that he is! He gets James lifted up. Colombian Necktie! The pin is inevitable. 1. 2. 3. Your winner, and the first ever United States Champion, and the last ever 24/7 Champion AND X-Division Champion...*sigh*...Colombian Heat. COLE You restrained yourself quite well, partner. COACH Thanks. It was really hard. The OAOAST Zero Hour 2007 logo flashes across the screen. Colombian Heat walks up the entrance ramp with a limp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. He is carrying all three of his title belts and has a smile on his face as "Gasolina (Remix)" continues playing. COLE So Colombian Heat started off the night with no belts, and now he leaves with three! But he will only be defending one as the OAOAST 24/7 Title and the OAOAST X-Division Title are deactivated as of right now! Colombian Heat goes down in the record books as the LAST 24/7 Champion and the LAST X-Division Champion. Not to mention the FIRST United States Champion! What a historic night for Colombian Heat! COACH He's made history, whoopee. But something tells me he won't be United States Champion for long! COLE Somehow I believe he'll hold the US Title for longer than a day. COACH Like he's held any title he's ever won for longer than a day! COLE The HI-YAH World Tag Team Title. The 24/7 Title. COACH Okay. That was a bad response. I get it. Geeze. You don't have to rub it in! COLE Ha! Anyway, fans, we've just had our last ever 24/7 Title defense in addition to our last ever X-Division Title defense. But we've also had our first ever United States Championship Match. The first of many more to come! I'm certainly looking forward to all the exciting United States Championship matches there'll be, starting with Colombian Heat's title reign. I can't wait! Colombian Heat continues slapping hands with the fans. Heat stands on the entrance stage and raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his head. Red, white, and blue pyro explodes, drawing a HUGE pop! Heat throws up the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal one more time, and then blows a kiss to the audience. Heat still has the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his right shoulder and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his left shoulder. He carries the OAOAST United States Championship belt with his left hand. Colombian Heat walks through the entrance doors with all three of his championship belts as "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull continues playing while the crowd cheers. This is the last image we see before we fade to black. FADE TO BLACK Go to OAOASTShop.com to buy the latest in OAOAST merchandise! Toys! Belts! T-shirts! Foam hands! Bandanas! Chains! Wrist bands! And anything else your heart desires! You can find what the OAOAST superstars wear at only one place, OAOASTShop.com! AOL keyword: OAOASTShop! NOW AVAILABLE AT OAOASTShop For an extraordinary handful of years the HI-YAH promotion was an unstoppable force in Japan, touting incredible wrestlers, deep pockets, and a lucrative television contract. Then came the revelation. The revelation that the entire promotion was built on lies, fraud, cooked books, and Yakuza connections. As the television contracts disappeared, the money thinned, and emotions spiraled, careers were broken daily, and a wrestling empire fell only years after its inception. Now you can relive the final days of HI-YAH with never before seen documentary footage in the new OAOAST DVD Dishonrable Death: The Last Days of HI-YAH Join narrator Terry Taylor as he walks you through the fiery collapse of the Japanese promotion. Hear Christian Wright, Zack Malibu, Mackenzie DeCenzo, Axel, and others detail their experience in the crooked underworld of HI-YAH. And watch the matches that made HI-YAH a cult hit in Japan. Dishonrable Death: The Last Days of HI-YAH