Patty O'Green

*WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I've got a bad case of lovin' you Women rush the aisle to catch a glimpse of the strip-teasing Love Doctors, some of whom hurl bra and panties their direction! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the Windy City, at a total combine weight of 436 pounds, MAX ANDERSON and STEVEN PIGLEY…THE LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOVVEEEEE DOCTOORRRRSSSS!! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The Doctors of Love surprise two lucky female fans with a stethoscope and co-signed clipboard, then give hearty thumbs up after liberating their oiled physiques from its repressive white lab coats. COLE What a feather in the cap it’d be for The Love Doctors, former and longest reigning HI-YAH tag titleholders, if they manage to defeat Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright, the first ever One & Only World tag team champions. They’d rocket back up the Top 10 in a heartbeat. COACH That’s still around? Must be under lock and key next to the Wellness Policy. Anyway, the stars would have to align for them to beat Teddy and CW. Sources close to the Enterprise tell me the pair have been preparing for this night ever since Anderson and Pigley reneged on their agreement. The Enterprise is a generous organization, Cole, and they don’t appreciate it when people try to take advantage of that. How come nobody’s condemned the Docs for not repaying Teddy’s loan? Where’s the outrage from the Democratic presidential candidates?! Tailored suits, show of your cars Fine hotels and big cigars Up for grabs, up for a price Where the red hot girls keep on dancing through the night “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Amused by the hostility, the OAOAST’s sharp dressed men (and woman) calmly proceed to the ring under the protection of their burly bodyguard/Director of Security CPA. COACH There’s one bodyguard you’ll never hear spilling client secrets to Matt Lauer. COLE Of course not. He’s too well paid and cared for. Although I’m sure he has stories to sell. BUFFER Their opponents, representing the Enterprise and accompanied by MACKENZIE DECENZO… THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! Theodore and CW become the envy of men worldwide when Mackenzie strips them of their attire, a subtle dig at The Love Doctors. * DINGDINGDING * Dr. Max Anderson and Theodore Moneymaker circle around before leaning in to lockup, and the Billion Dollar Heir gains the upper hand with an arm drag, which earns him a hand from Mackenzie and CW. “BOOOOOOO!” Theodore gives Max a chance to redeem himself, locking back up with the Love Doctor, but again flings him across the squared circle. This time Max suffers the indignity of having Teddy bow and laugh in his face. Riding high on arrogance, Moneymaker agrees to hook ‘em up once more, but third time’s the charm for Anderson who scores on a body slam. It’s as good as it gets for him, though, as the Billion Dollar Heir reverses an Irish whip and leapfrogs the MD on the rebound. But Max is able to put on the brakes and surprise Theodore with a quick roll up! ONE… KICKOUT! Moneymaker storms to his feet and charges into a hip toss, followed by a dropkick and arm drag into the arm bar. Teddy sits up and returns to a vertical base, then hurls Max towards the Enterprise corner and a right hand from Christian Wright. The Natural assumes the role of legal man and pummels Anderson in the corner with an array of European uppercuts and knife-edge chops. Wright then attempts to whip him to the far corner, but it’s reversed and CW shoots out into an arm drag. Max bars the arm and brings Christian to the Love Doctors corner. Dr. Steven accepts the tag and crashes down onto Wright’s outstretched arm with a SLINGSHOT SOMERSAULT LEGDROP! COLE Oh, my! What an incredibly athletic maneuver! Pigley immediately places CW back in the arm bar, but the Enterprise financial analyst responds with a knee to the midsection and a jarring European uppercut. A series of chops leave Steven clutching his chest, and then Christian fires him into the ropes, missing on a clothesline as Pigley ducks under and snaps him over with a CRUCIFIX BOMB!! ONE… TWO… But only two, as Theodore is there to breakup the pin. Dr. Max doesn’t appreciate that and lets Teddy know by decking him. Mackenzie DeCenzo freaks as The Love Doctors backdrop the Billion Dollar Heir and knock CW out to the floor with a double dropkick! “YYEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!” COACH Come on, ref. That wasn’t fair. Both Love Doctors were in there longer than the allotted 5 seconds. After a conference call on the outside, Theodore Moneymaker returns as the legal man and locks up with Dr. Steven, who he brings down with a drop toehold and places in a hammerlock. Pigley reverses out but Moneymaker counters back and paintbrushes him! COLE How insulting. The Billion Dollar Heir grabs a side headlock and is shoved off into the ropes, only to barrel through Dr. Steven on the rebound. Moneymaker briefly considers going for a quick cover but decides to hit the near side instead, skipping over the top and then under a leapfrog before running into a LARIAT! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Steven rams Teddy into the turnbuckle and tags Dr. Max, who rattles Moneymaker with palm strikes and spinning back fists. Barely able to stand, the Billion Dollar Heir falls to a knee after reversing an Irish whip…and Christian Wright makes Max Anderson pay with a knee to the spine of the back! ONE… TWO… NO! Max kicks out and has his face smashed into the boot of CW, then is choked on the middle rope by Mackenzie as Theodore converses with the referee! COLE Turn around, ref! COACH Oh, yeah. Now you’re crying. Where were the tears when the Enterprise was illegally double-teamed? COLE That’s apart of tag team wrestling, Coach. Choking a man is not. It’s illegal and dangerous. Wright and Moneymaker double team Anderson in their corner while Dr. Steven is restrained by the referee. COACH Remember, Cole, that’s apart of tag team wrestling. You even said it yourself. Theodore goes back to work on Max, raking the laces of the boot across the eyes. A tag is made and the Enterprise shove Anderson into their corner with authority. Dr. Max crumbles on all fours and is kicked hard upside the head. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT. CW sends Dr. Steven in for the ride and snaps him over with a power slam…THAT’S COUNTERED INTO A DDT! “OH!” Rather than go for the pin Steven tags in the fresh doctor, despite Theodore’s best attempt. Anderson floors Moneymaker with a right and backdrops him out of the corner, then clotheslines both he and Wright separately. A flying headscissors takeover brings Teddy closer to his associate CW, until Dr. Max tries the same on him and eats a STUN GUN for his trouble, smacking hard on the apron as he tumbles to the arena floor! COACH Dr. Max Anderson may be out of it, Cole. Man, did he hit the floor hard. The referee backs Christian away from the ropes to allow Max room to enter, but all it really does is allow Moneymaker to slam Anderson on the outside! COLE There’s a perfect example as to why a second official is needed for tag bouts. It’d prevent garbage like that. Dr. Max is tossed back in and planted mid-ring with a belly-to-belly suplex. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT. CW drives Anderson into the knee of Theodore Moneymaker. The tag is made and the Billion Dollar Heir delivers a second rope double axe handle smash. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Following a snap mare takeover Theodore Moneymaker drops A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS! He taunts Dr. Steven with the universal sign of money and then stomps Dr. Max in the face! MONEYMAKER Theodore attempts to scoop Max for a slam, but he rolls through with a SMALL PACKAGE! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! COLE The Love Doctors a half-a-count away from defeating Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright. It was that close. Anderson’s surge of energy has the crowd believing again, but their hopes are soon dashed when Moneymaker fakes a charge, getting the doctor to set low for a backdrop to counter with a swinging neck breaker! COACH Further proof Teddy is the smartest man in wrestling. Anderson got sucked right in. Tag made, and this time Wright connects on his SNAP POWERSLAM! ONE… TWO… Save by Dr. Steven! The Enterprise doesn’t like that but they use it to their advantage, putting the boots to Max Anderson while the referee deals with an emotional Steven Pigley. “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” MACKIE Irish whip, and CW places Max in a SLEEPER HOLD! COACH The Love Doctors shift is almost over, Cole. Max’s starting to lose consciousness. Steven rallies the crowd behind his partner, feverishly slapping the top turnbuckle to stir up a clap and succeeds. Before the referee even has a chance to check for signs of life Max rises to his feet and lifts CW for a back suplex, but he floats over and spikes him down with an INVERTED DDT that sucks the air out of the arena! ONE… TWO… THREE! NO!! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" WRIGHT COLE Christian Wright nor Theodore Moneymaker and Mackenzie DeCenzo can believe it. I can’t either for that matter. Unbelievable! COACH How the hell did he kick out! “Finish him!“ screams Moneymaker. A company man all the way, Wright is eager to please his boss…BUT MISSES A MIDDLE ROPE ELBOW DROP! “YYEEAAAHHHHH!” Both CW and Max seek to make the tag, but it’s Wright who achieves the task first, followed thereafter by Anderson. MONEYMAKER Dr. Steven Pigley hammers away on the Billion Dollar Heir, and then shoots him off to the far side and overhead with a BAAAAACK body drop! Pigley thwarts Christian Wright’s blindside attack with a hip toss, and then a standing dropkick. DOUBLE COCONUT sends CW to the floor but not out of harm’s way, as Dr. Max Anderson crashes into him with a TOPE CON HILO! MACKIE Theodore Moneymaker catches Dr. Pigley spending too much time staring at the carnage outside the ring and clubs him across the back of the neck. * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” After a series of punishing chops Teddy whips Steven into the ropes, but misses a clothesline and gets spiked on his head with a FLATLINER! “YYEEAAAHHHHH!” Mackenzie DeCenzo climbs onto the apron to divert the attention of the referee. COLE Can’t you see what she’s doing, ref? Turn around and count the pin! 1-2-3-4-5. Dr. Steven confronts the blonde bombshell and plants a big wet one on her! MACKIE Mackie wipes her lips in disgust and retaliates with a slap to the face…but Steven ducks and knocks her off the apron into the arms of CPA below with a hip swivel to the BUTT! COACH He hit a woman! COLE He did not! It was only a love tap. COACH The hell it was. He had malicious intent. Contrary to Coach’s belief, Dr. Steven is a true gentlemen, evident by the fact he waits until CPA places Mackie down before wiping him out with a PESCADO! COACH Aw, this guy is a piece of work, Cole. He manhandles women and is a cheap shot artist. The doctor rolls in and checks his imaginary watch for the TIME OF DEATH. “YYEEAAAHHHHH!” Pigley scoops Moneymaker up for the Michinoku Driver…but Teddy floats over and locks him in THE BANK VAULT! COLE Oh, no! Come on, Steven. Hang on! COACH But how long can he really last, Cole? Nobody’s broken the Bank Vault. As his eyes begin to roll in the back of his head, Dr. Steven desperately reaches for the ropes, or perhaps his partner who is still laid out on the floor along with Christian Wright, but with nowhere to go he has no choice but to TAP. * DINGDINGDING * Theodore shoves Steven to the ground as CW rejoins him in the ring to celebrate. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners, the team of THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE The Love Doctors with a valiant effort, but in the end it wasn’t enough to defeat Wright and Moneymaker. COACH Boy will Max Anderson feel like a real idiot after watching the video of this. If he hadn’t taken that stupid high-risk move he’d have been there to break the Vault. COLE Be that as it may, it was a helluva match nonetheless. And we should have another good one coming up next. Cut backstage, where Brock Ausstin is shown, to a big pop, doing bicep curls. COLE And here is the biggest and strongest man to compete in this Chamber match, Brock Ausstin! COACH He came very close to winning this thing last year...but close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. He gets a shot at redemption tonight!

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid's shock and delight. THE OAOAST...WHAT THREE DUDES ARE READING AND TWO OTHERS ARE SKIMMING Hendrix's Hey Joey plays setting the mood for the opening video, and if you haven't heard that song before, then I don't know what you're doing with your life but it ain't nothing good. INT. Sleazy Motel Bed Room. FADE IN on a shimmering shaft of light shining through ragged half closed curtains. We follow the trail of light, observing the dingy motel room, littered with beer cans, cigarette butts, stale food, dirty clothes, and various items of litter. The light leads us to the dilapidated bed which is in worse condition then the rest of the room. Landon Maddix is sprawled out on the sheets, his world title situated on top of his softly heaving chest, as though it were his amorous companion for the night. Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand? Hey Joe, I said where you goin' with that gun in your hand? Alright. I'm goin down to shoot my old lady, you know I caught her messin' 'round with another man. Yeah,! I'm goin' down to shoot my old lady, you know I caught her messin' 'round with another man. Huh! And that ain't too cool. Cut to the outside parking lot, which is being assaulted by a hellish torrential downpour. Zack Malibu, clothes torn, unshaven, wide eyed with a look of debauched insanity on his face, stands in front of a worn down pickup truck, clutching a shotgun. Uh, hey Joe, I heard you shot your woman down, you shot her down. Uh, hey Joe, I heard you shot you old lady down, you shot her down to the ground. Yeah! We're returned to the motel room where PRL has replaced Landon Maddix, as the world title's romantic suitor. He reclines against the bed posts, taking long arrogant drags on his cigarette. Yes, I did, I shot her, you know I caught her messin' 'round, messin' 'round town. Uh, yes I did, I shot her you know I caught my old lady messin' 'round town. And I gave her the gun and I shot her! Back in the parking lot Zack Malibu has been replaced with Chris Stevens and Alfdogg. Though each men wields a shotgun, and look as though they haven't slept in days, their oblivious to one another as they begin journeying across the parking lot. Alright (Ah! Hey Joe) Shoot her one more time again, baby! (Oo) Yeah. (Hey Joe!) Ah, dig it! (Hey) Ah! Ah! (Joe where you gonna go?) Oh, alright. In the bedroom Felix Strutter slowly strokes his Heartland Title, whispering inaudible words of romance and love to it, as the light from the outside suddenly grows harsher. Cut to a medium close up of Rico De Janiero's and Lucius Soul as a violent thunder booms around them. Shivering from the continued attack of the rain, the gun toting pair reach the stairs, the start of their ascent marked by another shout of powerful thunder. Hey Joe, said now, (Hey) uh, where you gonna run to now, where you gonna run to? Yeah. (where you gonna go?) Hey Joe, I said, (Hey) where you goin' to run to now, where you, where you gonna go? Cut to the bedroom, where Krista Isadora Duncan, sits on the edge of the bed, staring blankly into space, with an empty bottle of Tequila, and a knife held her in blood drenched, trembling hands. Well, dig it! I'm goin' way down south, way down south, (Hey) way down south to Mexico way! Alright! (Joe) I'm goin' way down south, (Hey, Joe) way down where I can be free! Cut to Colombian Heat wearily ascending the stairs, his ghostly reflection bounced back by the non descript windows behind him. A harrowing montage of Leon Rodez, James Riggs, Christian Wright, and Logan Mann all darting up the stairs is shown until the figure that finally reaches the balcony is Zack Malibu. His features look more sunken, and pallid then before, now overran by an overgrowth of unkempt facial hair. Wasted and gaunt, each step looks as though its draining years away from his life. Ain't no one gonna find me babe! (...go?) Ain't no hangman gonna, (Hey, Joe) he ain't gonna put a rope around me! (Joe where you gonna..) You better believe it right now! Cut to the hotel room, now shrouded in a devastating darkness, the only light provided by a soft glimmer from the otherwise dull and rusted over world title belt. Its holder is also cloaked beneath the blackness, and ambiguous figure indistinguishable as any one OAOAST superstar. The door is slowly pushed open, exposing the hell of the outside the world. The intensity of the rain storm ratchets mightily as the shotgun peers through the crack in the door. Within seconds the skeletal figure of Zack Malibu emerges in the room. The darkness burns him, and every breath comes hard, and harsh, scraping his nerves raw. Just wishing to slow down the pain his unsteady arms raise the gun at his intended target. The camera pans around to show the viewer that his victim is the clean shaven, healthy, pretty boy version of Zack Malibu, happily holding onto the OAOAST World Title. I gotta go now! Hey, hey, hey Joe, (Hey Joe) you better run on down! (where you gonna...) Goodbye everybody. Ow! (...go?) Hey, hey Joe, what'd I say, (Hey.......................Joe) run on down. (where you gonna go? ***BAM*** We fade into a more traditional opening video, littered with action clips from various OAOAST superstars, set to the sounds of Stronger by Kanye West. When that comes to a close we go to.... JOSH MATTHEWS! MAGGIE NERDLY! The pairing are situated outside the arena, where they're surrounded by a throng of excited, but tickletless, fans. Many of these OAOAST fanatics have brought signs saluting their favorite superstars and aren't shy about trying to get them onto the air. MAGGIE What's up, ya'll? It's ya girl Maggie Nerdly holding it down in the Big Ten, Memphis, with the one, the only, Josh “J.Math” Matthews. We're out with a couple hundred of our closest friends. So, right now, I need for everybody out here to give me some noise! “YEAAAAAAA!” MAGGIE Are ya'll for real? That sucked! I said gimmie some noise! “YEAAAAAA!” JOSH Get a load of that reaction, Maggie, I bet its even noisier inside! MAGGIE Why wouldn't it be? We're at the biggest event of the fall season! Zero Hour! And I haven't seen commotion this hot and this wild since my sister Mildred found a potato chip that looked like Lieutenant Worf from Star Trek. But, Josh, what do ya say we proceed to give these fans what they need, and run down this card? JOSH Sure thing, Maggie. We have numerous title matches going on tonight, on of which is one I bet you're looking forward to between six man champions D*LUX and Leon Rodez and The Beverly Hills Blonds and Christopher Patrick Allen. MAGGIE What the hell does that mean, “I bet you're looking forward to it”? You know I got half a mind to pop you right between the eyes, jerkface! You bet I'm looking forward to it? Peep this, man, I have mad respect Leon Rodez, as an athlete, a competitor, and entertainer. He's forthcoming and accessible for interviews, and that's all us journalists can ask a dude for. I look forward to seeing him just like I look forward to seeing Jumbo, or Vinny Valentine, or Dos, or Dance Dance Dragon, or Spanish Fly. So, kindly walk on outta here with that noise, man. JOSH I..I..just meant you were excited because your older sister Molly should be out there with The Blonds. MAGGIE Oh. Yeah, Molly, right. Peep this, Molly may be the smartest girl in the family, but as we can see from her latching onto Singleton, her taste in men is messed up. Yo, back in 05 I asked her if she could get with any wrestling personality on earth, who would it be? You know who that girl said? YOU! HAHAHAAHA! JOSH If I weren't certain that I'm such a drop dead sexy little bitch, I might be hurt by that comment. Moving on, we also have a title unification match between James Riggs and Colombian Heat. The winner will have the honor of calling themselves the brand new United States champion! Whoever wins that match will have their status skyrocket here in the OAOAST, but can also look forward to having a giant bullseye on their back! Its both an enviable and unenviable position to find yourself in. MAGGIE Just think, man, when the year started the OAOAST was weighed down by about nine different belts. Now it seems like every month one's being cast aside. Who says the OAOAST brass ain't nothing but a bunch of bottom feeding degenerate monkey brained clowns? JOSH I believe Mister Moneymaker said that at the last talent meeting. Speaking of Mister Moneymaker he and Christian Wright are heading into battle with The Love Doctors. MAGGIE Alright, J-Math, you're the rasslin' expert between the two of us, gimme a winner, bro. Can The Docs beat The 2007 Anderson Cup champions and first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champs? JOSH Nope! And I didn't even get a bribe to say that. That's just the pure truth right there. Hopefully, the Doctors don't get hurt to bad, I've got a splinter in my index finger that's been killing me for two weeks! MAGGIE Well, mothers put your children to bed, lock the door, and give 'em ear plugs so they don't hear the screams of terror, 'cause we got a Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell match on tap for you. There's no winners in this bad boy, just an extensive time on the injured reserve for the participants, and a huge medical bill at the end of the month for the company. Josh, you're a sucky little Nancygirl, but if you were a real hardcore bro, what would be your thoughts going into this thing? JOSH My thoughts would be I wish I was a sucky little Nancygirl, so I could sit back and commentate on this match and not wrestle in it. A chamber of hell isn't fun for the participants, its hell, total hell. The best you can do is hope to survive and pray you don't have too many years taken off your career. MAGGIE J.Math, for the first time ever, the OAOAST is presenting a soccer penalty shootout between Jamie O'Hara, and Nathaniel Black. JOSH Yeah, what is O'Hara, like five three? I hope he got a designated goaltender, otherwise his chances of victory are sliding faster then my turds covered in Crisco, and bacon fat! Maggie, how much do you know about the sport our Mexican allies refer to as futbol? MAGGIE Nada, except for the fact that David Beckham is one hot piece of ass. JOSH I'll take Hope Solo. Her coach may have kicked her off the team but I wouldn't kick her off my bed! MAGGIE Take what you can get, man, take what you can get. JOSH One tateam who has their pick of the litter when it comes to dames, us cool people call girls “dames”, are The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. But they face two smoking hot dames who've had a near iron grip on the tag titles this year, Chicks Over Dicks. Rico De Janeiro is a Brazilian icon, and Lucius Soul, well that man is a pimp's pimp... MAGGIE Stop it right there, man. Quit ya duck tales. The Wrecking Crew are the lamest cornballs I've ever seen, the only “dames” they got pickings on are deaf, dumb and blind. They're gonna get served bad by COD, and I for one am glad! JOSH Fair enough! There's another match on the card which you should have a vested interest in. Holly-Wood teams with your older sister Melody to go up against The Heavenly Rockers led by your older brother Abdullah. There's gotta be lots of intense and strange feelings going through your mind right now. Perhaps you'd like to share them by performing oral sex on me? MAGGIE No! JOSH Okay, but if you change your mind, my ejaculate is here. MAGGIE That's great to know, man. Josh, everyone in my family was already hip to how jealous Abdullah was of Marvin and Melvin, but we always just thought he'd keep it movin, maybe get in a few cheap shots at the breakfast table, but nothing more then that. What went down at Angleslam shocked the whole family, and that's a lot of people to be shocked. I'm proud Melody wants to help, but I'm her little sis, I gotta be worried about her. Abdullah is dangerous as hell, and I don't really like this Holly-Wood woman as her partner. Man, who the hell does she think she is? She gave me the worst interview I've ever had! Talking about her fame, telling me she's constantly got people coming up to her for her autograph on the streets. That's bull, the only reason anyone ever comes up to her is because they think she's the bitch from Wendys. JOSH That was harsh! I didn't know you had capacity for such venom. MAGGIE Well...Krista wrote it for me. JOSH Ah, now it all makes sense. Finally at Zero Hour, the mainevent oughta be a doozy with Zack Malibu and PRL facing off against world champion Landon Maddix in a three way ladder match! MAGGIE Josh, that's a clash of the titans right there! I wouldn't want to be the ringside official in that match, because those guys are at each other's throats in the worst way! This match is as much about hurting the other man, than is about winning any title. JOSH Still I see some shaky alliances being formed here and there. But I expect them to be broken along with a few bones. But I hope those bones don't belong to Zack, 'cause I'm pulling for the Franchise! MAGGIE You and everyone else in the country! Aight, I think we're done out here, peeps, ya'll enjoy Zero Hour. We're turning it over to Cole and Coach! We cut from Josh and Maggie to the spy-tech inspired décor of the Zero Hour set. Digitized bullseyes randomly flash over grainy images of random OAOAST superstars on two towering video pillars at the side of the entrance ramp. At the center of the set is a giant triangle shaped video screen, who's base is interrupted by the familiar OAOAST entrance doors. Strewn about the stage are various flashy cars such as Audis, Hummers, BMWS, Lexuses , Aston Martins, Maseratis, etc. All black of course. I guess I should've explained the set earlier, but what's it matter, the set is only useful for intros and none of you guys like writing entrances anyway, except EWC. Thus, I apologize to EWC. I should've told you what the set looked like earlier. With my remorse out the way we can turn our attention to the announce team... COLE Thank you, Maggie, and thank you Josh. Coach, we have a huge night in store for our fans here in Memphis. Many of our matches could have a long running implication on the short and longterm future of the OAOAST. COACH You got that right! And two of our matches could have a long running implication on the short and longterm health of the superstars involved. We got the always dangerous ladder match for the OAOAST world title and the Heartland Chamber of Hell! We cut backstage, where Thunderkid is seen doing pushups, and the crowd cheers. COLE And there is Thunderkid, a former two-time Heartland champion, getting ready to, perhaps, win #3 here tonight, as he gets set for the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell III! COACH He's been in all three matches, Cole, maybe the third time will be the charm! COLE We'll see later on tonight! For now let's kick off the biggest event of the fall! "Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime CALL ME! (call me)" As we go up to the ring the sounds of Blondie's "Call Me" begin to ring through the arena. Totally unintentional pun. Totally awesome nonetheless. Marching through the entrance doors, the sour-faced foursome of Ned Blanchard, Simon Singleton, Mackenzie DeCenzo, Molly Nerdly and the always poker-faced Christopher Patrick Allen are roundly booed as they walk to the ring. The camera zooms in on Ned in particular, sporting a wounded look on his face. Simon senses his partner's mood and pats him on the back in a weak attempt to pep him up. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this is our opening contest of OAOAST ZERO HOUR, TWO THOUSAND AND SEVEN! Scheduled for one fall, it is for the OAOAST World Six Man Tag Team Championships, which can only change hands in the event of a pinfall or submission! Introducing first, on their way to the ring, the challengers. Representing THE ENTERPRISE! At a total combined weight of seven hundred, twenty five pounds. CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN, otherwise known as C-P-A... and, accompanied by their manager MACKENZIE DECENZO... SIMON SINGLETON, NED BLANCHARD, they are... THE BEVERLY HILLS... BBLLLLLLOOOOOONNDDSSSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Chief Financial Officer for The Enterprise takes her seat in the director's chair at ringside, while Ned, Simon and CPA are subjected to the abuse of the crowd in the ring. COLE The former Champs looking for redemption here at Zero Hour 07. The Beverly Hills Blonds and CPA defended their titles successfully against the reigning Champions back at our Syndicated presentation in London, England, albeit thanks to some shady tactics. But just a week later, they were dethroned by Leon and D*LUX, under the guise of 'Los Ninos Anorexicos'. COACH Ugh. A dark day in wrestling history. COLE Well, it was slightly controversial. And up until now, The Blonds and CPA haven't recieved what they feel is a long overdue return match, a 'Sequel' if you will. But here tonight in Memphis, they're going to get their opportunity. A lot of water has passed under the bridge between these six men in the past 7 months, especially with Jade Rodez having returned to the side of D*LUX since that title change. Tonight though, it's not about Jade Rodez. It's simply about the title belts of the World Six Man Tag Team Champions. In the ring, Ned runs the ropes, trying to get himself prepared. COACH It may not be about Jade to you but it still is to that man! Look at Ned, I've never seen him so dejected, so subdued. The poor guy had his heart broken... COLE Oh, please! COACH Come on, have some compassion! Poor Ned just isn't the same and it's a crying shame. COLE Ned and co have been uncharacteristically quiet since AngleSlam, that much is true. BUFFER And, introducing the opponents! "Love Generation" by Bob Sinclar takes the crowd momentarily by surprise, surprise making way to delight as through the doors pile the Champions. Jade Rodez leads the way for her regular (save for a few months, winkwink) charges, D*LUX. Jade stops on the stage with hands on hips, striking a pose as "Showtime" Shayne Brave and "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant emerge and stand either side, saluting their fans. They soon find themselves posing besides a different Rodez though, as Leon steps in front of her sister and takes her spotlight, hiding her with an outstretching of his robe. Jade and Leon bicker a little, left to it by Shayne and Tyler as they hand-tag their way down the aisle. But like all good brother and sisters, the Rodez siblings are all smiles again a few seconds later as they follow D*LUX to the ring. BUFFER They are accompanied to the ring by Ms. JADE RODEZ! At a total combined weight of five hundred and ninety nine pounds... they are the reigning and defending OAOAST Six Man Tag Team Champions of the WWOOOORRRRRRRLLLLD!! First, the team of "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE BRAVE and "TREMENDOUS" TYLER BRYANT, they are D*LLLUUUUUXXXXXX!! And, their tag team partner. He is Silky Smooth, he is "LUSCIOUS" LEON RODEZ!! Together, they comprise the team of LLLOOOOOOOOVVEEEEE GGEEENNEEERRRRRRAAAAAAATTIIIIIIOOOOOOOONN!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" D*LUX climb the apron and reach down, giving Jade a helping hand or two up onto the apron. Leon stands next in line and holds up his hands expecting the same assist. He's cruelly DENIED~! though and left to sadly slide in on his own power. COLE A new guise for the Champions, new music... COACH "Luscious" Leon!? COLE Well, "Showtime" Shayne, "Tremendous" Tyler. It's good. It fits. With the entrances out of the way and the mound of ring jackets being taken to the back, we're ready go with the action. Referee Charles Robinson tries to hold the three belts aloft in the usual tradition, which proves a bit of a handful, so he just lifts the one as the teams have their seperate conferences in their corners. Simon Singleton it is to start for The Enterprise, while Leon begins the match for the champions. *DINGDINGDING!* "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" SINGLETON COME ON, DON'T START THAT! "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" Grinning from ear to ear as they lock up, Leon quickly grabs a headlock on Singleton. Rolling behind, he transitions into a hammerlock, then picks the ankles and trips Simon up so he lands flat on his face! Rodez walks over Singleton and kicks up some dust in the Video Voyeur's face, sending him scrambling for his corner to regroup. The Enterprise all loudly complain (well, except CPA who's pretty quiet), especially when Leon cracks a cheesy, DDP-esque smile at them from across the ring. COLE Haha! Great to see Leon Rodez back wrestling with a smile on his face after a long, tough emotional period. Words of encouragement ringing in his ears, out of the corner circles Simon Singleton. He and Leon lock up again and after a brief tussle, this time it's Singleton who grabs the headlock! Cue impromptu celebrations from his corner. Singleton gets a little over-confident as a result though and loses Leon. The Silky Smooth One slips out of the headlock and behind into a hammerlock, trips Simon up, walks over him and loungs in the neutral corner!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Hands covering his head, Simon glances up from his cowardly position... and curses a blue streak as Leon waves back at him. COACH Now that's just disrespectful. COLE He's just having fun Coach. COACH This is the OAOAST Michael. It's not supposed to be fun! Simon has had enough apparantly, tagging in an eager Ned Blanchard. Loud boos go up for The Handsome Hustler as he marches into the ring and squares up to Leon, mouth motoring away. Leon looks pretty uninterested at first. But Ned continues to run his mouth before pointing out at Leon's sister Jade at ringside, no doubt reminding him of her recent allegiance to The Enterprise (as if he needed reminding) before laying his hand on an imaginary figure in front of him and GRINDING HIS HIPS SUGGESTIVELY!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Oh yeah, he would have Leon! He would have! *SLAP!* "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE And I bet that's what he would have got for his trouble, a slap in the mouth! Leon starts throwing right hands now with the crowd and his sister right behind him with every punch! Grabbing the arm, he then whips Ned... no, reversal, Ned whipping Leon in. As Leon rebounds off the ropes Ned ducks his head for a backdrop. He telegraphs it though and leaves himself open for a Sunset Flip... ...Ned wobbles... ...he wobbles some more... ...but, stays upright, prompting Leon to take drastic measures and reach up for Ned's tights. Fortunately for Ned, he still doesn't go down. Unfortunately for him and the entire world watching, his tights do, EXPOSING HIS ASS TO THE PAY PER VIEW AUDIENCE!! CROWD *horrified screams* COACH OH NO! COLE WHY LEON, WHY!? Mackenzie covers her mouth in shock, nobody quite able to bear to watch any more. Still determined to get the sunset flip, Leon kicks up his legs, hooking Ned's arms and finally pulling him to the canvas... 1... 2... No! Ned kicks out and rolls to his feet, swinging for The Silky Smooth One. Duck underneath from Leon though, lifting up Blanchard and dropping his bare behind across his knee with an Atomic Drop! Ned favours his bare backside, while Leon comes off the ropes in front and soars with a crossbody block... 1... 2... Kickout! Off the ropes comes Leon again. But this time Ned manages to cut him off with a knee to the gut, pointing to his head to show how smart he is. Of course, nobody is looking at the man's head amirite? And despite the pleas from the sidelines to pull up his tights and save us all the horror, The Handsome Hustler is in the zone and doesn't hear them! Instead, he picks Leon up and executes a bodyslam in the centre of the ring. Ned then hits the ropes, giving the Siclopse a most unwanted close-up angle, as he drops the point of the elbow... ...into the canvas. COACH You've gotta say this for Ned, that's a great all-over tan he's got. COLE What is WRONG with you!? Standing up, Ned shakes out his arm and absent-mindedly walks into a scoop and a slam from Leon! Only after executing the move does Leon realise where his hand had just been in the crotch-hold and lift, looking horrified for a moment before Ned comes back at him. Leon had little time to think and goes on instinct, executing a second unhygenic scoop slam! Barely able to hold in their laughter, D*LUX have little sympathy for their partner's plight as he executes a third scoop slam, complete with grimace as he lifts Ned, finally putting The Handsome Hustler down for long enough to grab Charles Robinson and use his shirt to wipe his hand!! COLE I sure hope that baby-oil doesn't stain. Looking down at Ned, Leon quickly offers a tag. However neither Shayne or Tyler will accept it due to the hand it's being offered with and lean as far back on the apron as possible! Leon goes right over to his corner with the hand out-stretched, Shayne and Tyler diving for cover... all this allowing Ned to attack from behind, kneeing Leon in the back. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Ned seems completely oblivious to the laughter and groans coming his way, backing Leon in his corner... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and laying in a chop. Blanchard then points over to his corner, warning his partners of his next move. COLE For God's sake Ned, pull your pants up!! No avail. Pushing in, Ned looks for an irish whip on Leon. It's reversed by The Silky Smooth One and Ned ends up going hard into his team's corner. That would be a lucky break, if not for one small problem. Simon and CPA are unavailable for the tag as they've jumped off the apron for fear of contact with their partner's exposed ass! Still Ned seems confused, but manages to get his wits about him long enough to get a boot up, blocking a charge from Leon. Rodez falls down holding his face and Ned quickly exits the ring, heading to the top rope. COLE Oh my God no! Think of the children Ned! COACH Why do we have to have our table on this side of the ring!? Ned slowly scales the turnbuckles, to the unbridled torture of everyone sat in that corner of the crowd. The studious Molly Nerdly angles the Siclopse camera up to capture every moment of the action but this footage too raw for even Simon Singleton to take and he places one hand over the lens of his camera, one hand over his burning eyes! COACH Don't look it directly in the eye!!! COLE To everyone's dismay, Ned stalls on the top rope, crouched as he waits for Leon. Even his teammates are pleading with Leon to hurry up and turn around, which he seems to take an eternity to do, before Ned finally comes off the top and CONNECTS with the double axehandle! "PULL YOUR PANTS UP!" *clap clap clapclapclap!* "PULL YOUR PANTS UP!" *clap clap clapclapclap!* Landing safely on his feet, Ned comes to a stop in mid-celebration. Looking over his shoulder, Ned finally realises what the world has been trying not to notice and PULLS UP HIS PANTS, to the biggest cheer he's ever recieved in his career! COLE Folks, I've seen some things in my time but... 'oh my' doesn't cut it. COACH I never thought I'd hear that chant again Michael. COLE You are too much. Seriously. In the middle of all this insanity, a wrestling match has broken out! And Ned Blanchard tags out to Simon Singleton, who still looks a little pale after that experience. Simon comes in and takes over on Leon, grabbing hold of the back of his singlet and dragging him into a forearm to the kidneys. And a second. Reaching up, Simon then grabs Leon by the head and drops to a knee, crushing the coconut by driving Leon's famed good-looks across his kneecap. Only dazed by the move, Leon is quickly on his feet again but reels unsteadily into a neutral corner. A weak guard is put up by The Silky Smooth One. But Simon isn't here to box, he's here to wrestle, going to the gut with a knee and whipping Rodez coast to coast. Fist clenched, Singleton then follows in with a charge... but runs right into the knee of Leon Rodez! Simon staggers away, allowing Leon to run the rails to his corner and the tag to Tyler Bryant! COLE Our first taste of D*LUX tonight! Tyler jumps into the ring and wastes no time in mowing down Singleton with a clothesline. And a second. And a third, "Tremendous" Tyler all fired up! Irish whip by Tyler, sending his old rival high overhead with a BAAAAACK bodydrop on the rebound. That draws Ned into the ring, right into a dropkick which sends him tumbling right back out through the ropes! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Quick tag and in comes Shayne Brave for the Champions. Together, the tag-team specialists set up Singleton for a double irish whip. Back he comes and D*LUX 'rock until they drop', with a Double Hiptoss and Double Fistdrop combo! Out goes Tyler, covering goes Shayne... 1... 2... Broken up by CPA! COACH Uh-oh. I think CPA's getting sick of watching his buddies getting embarrassed and that's not going to put him in a good mood. COLE Just for a change. As CPA is ordered to leave the ring by the referee, D*LUX get ready for another double team move. Shayne quickly drops Simon across his knee with a quick inverted atomic drop and holds him in place, while Tyler comes off the ropes and tries to kick his face off with the Yakuza Kick! The illegal man Tyler quickly slides out of the ring, leaving no distractions for Charles Robinson when he turns around to spot a jacknife pin from "Showtime" Shayne... 1... 2... NO! COLE Opposites Attracting there for D*LUX, Paula Abdul would be proud. COACH Paula who? COLE Oh you're so fickle. Another quick tag is made by the D*LUX duo and in comes Tyler. Outraged at the continued double teaming, Ned climbs to the apron and tries to get in the ring to complain. All he ends up doing is distracting the ref though, as D*LUX pick Singleton up and drop him across their knees with the Cowell Movement. And they hold onto Simon, keeping him over the knees as Leon steals into the ring... *SMACK!* ...and dropkicks the prone Video Voyeur right across the top of the head! COLE Great teamwork from the Champions right there. COACH Oh sure, it's 'great teamwork' when your favourites do it. One in, two out. That's how six man tags are supposed to work. COLE Well there you go, Shayne and Leon out, one man in, there's the cover... Robinson finally gets rid of Ned and turns to count the pin by Tyler... 1... 2... Kickout! Pulling Simon back up by the jericurls, Tyler tries to set Simon up with an irish whip. But Simon pulls out a reversal from out of nowhere, sending Tyler off the ropes and right into a well-placed knee from the apron by Ned Blanchard! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As the Champions complain about the well-disguised cheapshot Ned holds up his hands and walks innocently back to his corner, leaving Singleton to take advantage and cut down Tyler with a deseration clothesline. Landing in his corner, Singleton then reaches up, letting the bigman CPA tag into the match for the first time. COLE We've seen that one too many times. A cheapshot from Ned turns the tide for The Enterprise and now, in comes the big-hitter, Christopher Patrick Allen. CPA comes in and stalks Tyler, waiting for the youngster to get back up. The moment he does he then pounces, landing a bodyshot that almost puts Tyler through the ropes. Tyler hangs on the ropes as the former pro-boxer continues landing bodyshots, ignoring the warnings of the referee to back away. Eventually CPA does relinquish though and whips Tyler off the ropes. A big shoulderblock on the rebound puts Tyler down, earning the applause of The Blonds from the corner. Cover by CPA... 1... 2... No! By the hair CPA drags Tyler back up. Another irish whip loads him up, this time for a big Powerslam, into another pin attempt... 1... 2... Shoulder barely out at two! Leon applauds his partner and tries to lend some vocal support, despite the dominance CPA is able to have with him. After a hard shot with he inside of his forearm CPA accepts the tag from Ned Blanchard. CPA doesn't leave immediately though, as he again whips Tyler off the ropes. Using the referee's full five count, Allen picks up Tyler on the rebound and just lets him plummet to the canvas with a Flapjack! Ned follows that up off the ropes with a simple but effective boot to the side of the head. With all his veteran tricks Ned then detours into the Love Generation corner and piefaces Shayne Brave, drawing the youngster into the ring. COLE There's another cheapshot for those keeping score. Referee Robinson quickly interjects as Shayne and then Leon try to come in. Which provides the distraction for The Enterprise, as Simon Singleton has scaled the ropes and gets thrown onto Tyler with the ROCKET LAUNCHER!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What happened to one in, two out Coach? COACH Leon and D*LUX had three in at a time, I think we can let The Enterprise have a little leeway. COLE Why? Because you say so? COLE Pretty much. As Singleton rolls from the ring, Ned quickly makes the cover and hollers for Robinson to turn around... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Upset that the patented Rocket Launcher wasn't enough, Ned mounts Tyler and hammers away with a succession of right hands! The five count forces him to break that up before all his frustrations are released, so he gives Robinson a bit of a shove for getting too close. "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" The Memphis crowd get behind the boybander on his team's prompting, as he's dragged to his feet by Ned. A forearm rocks Bryant, as does a second. Grabbing a front facelock, Ned then looks to put his rival away with the Slingshot Suplex... ...but Tyler floats over in mid-air, rolling Ned up from behind... 1... 2... No! Safely out in time, Ned quickly snuffs out the fire Tyler had been building with a hard knee to the gut! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Down in a heap goes Tyler, to a smug grin from Ned. The Handsome Hustler points down at Tyler and sarcastically asks Jade if this is really a better option to hang her wagon from (so to speak) than his good self. A stomp further humiliates Tyler and Jade as Ned continues to mock her, Jade scowling back at her not-so secret admirer with a look that could kill. COLE Ned really needs to get his head in the game here. COACH Relax Michael, Ned's a professional. He's just taking a second out to remind Jade what she's missing out on. COLE I think we all saw more than enough of that earlier. Backing Tyler into a neutral corner, Ned trips out the legs so that his opponent is sitting against the bottom turnbuckle, then places the flat of his foot right over Tyler's windpipe! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOU..." Breaking cleanly, Ned insists he was using an open-hand so it was legal. An open-hand is then used to tag in Simon Singleton, who makes his way into the furthest corner from his opponent and ROLLS CAMERAS~ Sure enough, the boos sound out even before Singleton has made his move, running across the ring and pushing up off the top rope. Hanging onto the rope, Singleton then swings himself back, arrowing both his feet into the ches... ...NO! Tyler rolls out of the way and Singleton dropkicks nothing but the bottom turnbuckle! COLE Nobdoy home on that one! After a jarring landing, Simon drags himself up and goes after Tyler again. But Tyler is already on the move and comes back off the ropes, using the last of his burst of energy to take Singleton down with the Phantom Neckbreaker!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE But there was plenty home for Tyler Bryant. And now, can he tag one of his two, fresh partners!? Jade, Leon and Shayne lead the crowd in some clapping to try and encourage Tyler over to them. Mackenzie and Molly are pretty vocal themselves, yelling for Singleton to hurry up and make the tag. The two men are on the wrong sides and have to crawl past each other on the way to their corners, Singleton seemingly thinking about grabbing the leg to stop Tyler. But he's more concerned with tagging out himself though and with Ned desperately hanging out his arm, he keeps on crawling... ...tag to Blanchard... ...AND A TAG TO LEON, TO AN ERUPTION FROM THE MEMPHIS FANS!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Tag on both sides, here comes Leon Rodez! Having rushed into the ring, Ned suddenly doesn't feel quite so eager and slams on the brakes holding his hands up to Leon. His attempts to beg off earn him a hard chop though! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" A second. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a third! Irish whip from The Silky Smooth One, Ned bouncing back and getting taken up and over with the BAAAAACK bodydrop! Leon is feeling it now. And as Ned hobbles back up with another vain attempt to beg for mercy, he walks right into a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss to his sister, saying this one is for her before turning back on his heels... *SMACK!* ...and nailing Blanchard upside the head with the enziguri! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE MAMA RODEZ SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! With a beaming grin, Jade counts along with her brother's pin attempt... 1... 2... Broken up by CPA! The bigman hauls Leon right off of the cover with scary ease and destroys him with a Northern Lariat! COACH That wiped the smile off of her face, huh? You watch, Jade'll start routing for Ned again now her brother's not getting the job done. What a glory-hunter. COLE Give me a break! With Leon seeing stars, CPA wraps him up in a gutwrench and lifts him over his shoulder, ready for the Dominator... ...but before Mackenzie can even finish cheering into shot flies Shayne Brave, soaring off the top and nailing CPA with a Missile Dropkick! Leon lands on his feet and reacts quickly to a charge from Ned, pushing the un-sighted Shayne out of the way. Ned is forced to keep running and come off the ropes, but Leon is waiting on him and connects with a beautiful standing dropkick on The Handsome Hustler. COLE The referee, beginning to lose control here. And who can blame him, there's bodies everywhere. Dazed, Ned has enough sense to roll out of the ring. Meanwhile, Leon and Shayne get themselves together and target CPA. A pair of dropkicks from the duo staggers the 280 pounder but doesn't take him off his feet. So they send him off the ropes, looking for a double clothesline. CPA ducks the line though and keeps on running, coming back off the ropes with a double clothesline of his own. "Showtime" gets taken out with the clothesline on the right side. But Leon manages to duck the left and waits, catching CPA as he turns around and pulling him down onto the knees with an Inverted Lungblower! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Having 280 pounds come down on your knees isn't ideal though and Leon hobbles a little as he comes back to his feet. All of which allowing Simon Singleton to pounce, running through Leon with a diving clothesline and making the quick follow-up cover... 1... 2... Tyler saves! Tyler starts to unload with right hands on Singleton, backing him into a corner. And while the going's good, he climbs the ropes and pulls Simon back by the jericurls for some more punches... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" TYLER TOP... "TEN!" TYLER ...HIT! ...ten more to be exact. The path has cleared behind him so Tyler sends Simon into the opposite corner, then follows after him. Singleton sidesteps but Tyler manages to put the brakes on before he hits the turnbuckles, turning around and running... ...into a FRONT SPINEBUSTER from CPA!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH That's like getting ejected out of a rollercoaster. Up, up, DOWN! Not fun. CPA is immediately jumped by Shayne, who shows more heart than power and gets unceremoniously pitched out of the ring by the bigman. CPA follows Shayne out to carry on the punishment though, leaving Singleton to finish off the job he started. Up top goes the Video Voyeur, looking to bring this production to an end with the Clapboard Legdrop. Molly makes sure the Siclopse is focused firmly on it's owner as he sets himself up top. On the outside though, CPA suddenly makes a charge. An ill-advised charge towards Shayne, who moves away from the ringpost... *CLUNK!* ...AND CAUSING CPA TO HIT NOTHING BUT STEEL! The reverberations shake Simon on his perch a little and force him to stop and reset himself on the top. And that extra second or three proves crucial, as when he finally does soar with the legdrop... ...there's NOBODY HOME!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Oh no! Take two, take two! COLE Not gonna happen, we are LIVE! Coming down hard on his tailbone, Simon looks in shock as Shayne slides back in. D*LUX wait on Singleton and take him off his feet with a Double Side Russian Legsweep. Standing back up, D*LUX then give the signal for Leon to go up top. Leon does just that, while D*LUX position themselves either side of Singleton. Tyler reaches down and grabs the wrists, Shayne by the feet, the tag-team specialists stretching out Singleton and elevating him about a foot off the canvas. And up top, Leon doesn't have to deal with any shaking ringposts, getting his footing and tumbling, CRASHING DOWN ONTO SINGLETON AND DRIVING HIM INTO THE CANVAS WITH THE 450 SPLASH!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE WOW! What a triple team from the Champions, Singleton got crushed! Tyler and Shayne keep guard as Leon makes the cover, Tyler bumping Ned off the apron as he tries to save... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And that's gonna do it! The Enterprise just got lovesprung by Love Generation here at Zero Hour! COACH Oh, a Justin Timberlake reference. Be gayer Cole. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... STILL the OAOAST World Six Man Tag Team Champions... "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE, "TREMENDOUS" TYLER, "LUSCIOUS" LEON, LOVE GENERRRRRRAAAAAAATTIIIIIIOOOOOOOONN!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The Champions jump for joy just like the fans in Memphis, Jade rolling into the ring and embracing her man. Leon meanwhile climbs the turnbuckles and holds out his hands with a shrug, a cool if a little cocky reaction to his winning show of athleticism. Jumping from the turnbuckles, Leon exchanges high-fives with his partners and a victory hug with his sister, as the titles are handed in to the referee. All of this watched from the outside by Ned, distraught and looking close to tears with his head in his hands. COLE A great way to kick off Zero Hour 2007, with Love Generation picking up a big victory in defence of their 6-Man Titles. And this crowd in Memphis, Tennessee loving every second of it! COACH Oh yeah, they're loving this, all at Ned's expense. They're sick! Sick! Still despairing, Ned looks down at the fallen CPA and then to Mackenzie as if to say what happened. His gaze then drifts upwards, as Jade holds D*LUX's hands up in victory and blows a kiss to Ned. Like a spoilt child Ned immediately launches into a temper tantrum at ringside, Molly Nerdly having to hang onto the Siclopse for dear life to prevent it getting caught up in Ned's wake! Mackenzie tries to calm 'poor' Ned down, as in the centre of the ring, the triad of Tyler, Shayne and Leon stand and raise their 6-Man Titles over their heads. COLE Another chapter is written in this rivalry between The Enterprise and the members of Love Generation. And again, it's Leon and D*LUX who come out on top. They've got the girl, they've got the belts. And no matter how hard The Enterprise have tried, all the money in the world can't continue to buy that away from them! Chris Stevens is seen backstage doing Hindu squats. The crowd boos. COLE Chris Stevens beat Alfdogg for his only Heartland title nearly two years ago! Can he do it again, Coach? COACH Chris Stevens is a crafty guy, you can never count him out! I can't wait for this match! COLE Neither can I, Coach, but for now the remaining members of The Enterprise have quite the grudge to settle with The Love Doctors.

I'll start posting the show around 8 or 9 Pacific (11 or 12 eastern) Monday night. If there's still some missing segments, then, you know, the edit button exists for a reason

don't you love your children? but really, i dont care about the opening match, i was just fucking w/bros

Tupelo, MS!!!

yes, yes, a good show indeed.

We're taken to the OAOAST ActionZone, where Maggie Nerdly, strangely wearing an autographed Leon Rodez hockey jersey. MAGGIE What's up ya'll, Maggie Nerdly, your girl on the scene reminding you to log on to OAOAST.com after HeldDOWN for the new show From The Turnbuckle with Marvin Nerdly, no relation, just kidding he's my bro, Tony Brannigan, Jesse Ventura, and Tony Schiavone. In this premier episode the guys will run down all the matches for Zero Hour and tell you how you can win a chance to hang backstage at Anglepalooza in January. And if that ain't enough for you, then roll on over to Afterparty with your's truly. This week Zack Malibu tells all you curious fellas how to hook up with a girl at the club, don't tell Candie, and Krista give us girls the 411 on this winter's hottest fashions. All that and a crap load of other cool stuff on OAOAST.com! FADE OUT COMING UP NEXT OAOAST PAST VS OAOAST PRESENT Landon Maddix Vs Stephen Joeseph NEXT COMMERCIAL BREAK As we return to HeldDOWN~!, "It Ain't Over For Me" by Terrence Howard immediately begins to play. Stephen Joseph Popick walks through his shower of pyrotechnics, as the people of Nashville rise to their feet and boo vociferously. And while you rush for your dictionaries or even lazier, online dictionaries, here's Michael Buffer. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first. He hails from Atlanta, Georgia. Weighing in at two hundred, twenty five pounds... tonight, proudly representing THE LIGHTNING CREW, here is the former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, SSSTTEEEEPPHHHEEEEENN... JJJOOOOOOOSSSSEEEEEEEPPHHHHHHH... PPOOOOOOOOPPIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE It is main-event time! And with just 72 hours until Zero Hour 2007, it's a tough test for our World Heavyweight Champion. COACH No doubt. Say what you will about Popick, he's a former World Heavyweight Champion. He's seen it all and done it all. He was on the pre-game show of the very first AnglePalooza, five years and a half years ago Michael. You're looking at an OAOAST Original. COLE I thought he was an Upstart? COACH A what!? COLE Exactly. SJP climbs the steps and scales the turnbuckle with one leg on top, scanning the crowd and smirking. COLE And tonight, Popick's goal is clear. Soften up the Champion for PRL, ahead of the Triple Threat Ladder Match this Sunday night. Entering the ring, Popick begins his warm-ups... BUFFER And, introducing his opponent... "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Incubus' "Megalomaniac" gets a similarly negative reaction from the crowd, not showing any allegiance to Landon as he steps through the entrance doors. With Megan Skye by his side as ever, Landon extends his arms to the crowd and shows off the belt around his waist. BUFFER Hailing from Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain. Weighing in at two hundred and eight pounds... he is led to the ring by his "Perfect 10", MEGAN SKYE... the reigning One and Only AngleSault Thread HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOORRRRRLLDD... LANDON! "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. COLE Very much the old school versus the new. Landon Maddix with roughly a year of active OAOAST competition under his belt, one of our fastest rising stars to the top prize, the World Title. A first time meeting here tonight and you have to wonder how much Landon is focused on this match and how much he's looking ahead to Zero Hour. COACH If he is at all, it'll be a mistake. After passing his belt off to the referee, the Champion is ready to go. He holds the ropes open for Megan to leave... ...which allows Popick to blindsight him before the bell!! *DINGDINGDING!* COACH That's the Popick I know and love. Popick rains down the blows to the back of Landon, referee Mike Chioda yelling at him to let Landon out of the corner. Having just reaches the floor, Megan is already complaining as Popick doesn't let up. He turns Landon around in the corner, striking him with an elbow. A knee follows before SJP is finally moved back by the referee. The wily veteran is happy enough to co-operate to make himself look like a honourable guy, but more-so because it allows him another cheapshot as Landon starts to come out of the corner. Falling across the middle rope, Maddix is then sunk into a choke across the middle rope by the knee of Stephen Joseph. COLE It's not often someone out-cheats Landon Maddix. But Popick got the jump on him and he's got a pretty impressive MO in shady tactics. COACH That's why you can't underestimate him. Pulling Landon off the ropes on the five count, Popick leads him into centre ring and executes a simple back suplex. He doesn't go for a cover though, instead watching as the Champion writhes around. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" COACH Now, what the hell does Zack have to do with this!? COLE You mean besides the Triple Threat Ladder Match this Sunday and the beatdown Popick and PRL lead the Lightning Crew in inflicting last week? A kick to the head from Popick seems to wake Landon up a little and draws him to his feet. Popick waits on him with a deep knee to the gut however, snapmaring Landon out of that and kicking him in the back with the flat of his foot. Maddix favours that as Popick continues to stalk around him, not making any sudden moves to end the match. Infact, his next sudden move is to drop to his knees and blatantly choke La Cucaracha with his bare hands! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Breaking, SJP warns the referee off of him before picking Landon up by the head and SLAMMING it into the canvas. COLE I know I shouldn't be surprised by a former World Champion fairing well but I didn't expect this kind of start. I mean, Popick has been out of active competition for a while now. COACH But he's still in ring shape. He spars every day with Tha Puerto Rican, he trains with the rest of the Lightning Crew regularly. Popick could step right back into contention for that title any time he wanted, just like Alfdogg when he returned, just like Caboose when he returned. COLE Well, maybe he could... if not for PRL. Which is why Popick has yet to go for a cover tonight. Back up, Maddix starts to show some fight as he goes to the body with some shots. Popick fights him off with some retaliatory shots, then jams the point of his elbow into the top of Landon's head to subdue him. Grabbing the arm, Popick irish whips Landon across the ring and into the corner. Head of steam, SJP then follows in with a charge... and eats boot! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Even being beaten on by Stephen Joseph Popick can't seem to endear poor Landon to the OAOAST faithful. Luckily, he doesn't care about that. Pushing up onto the middle rope, Landon waits for SJP to close back in a step before soaring, hooking the head... ...and SPIKING Popick with a Flying DDT!! COLE WOW! COACH Popick's never faced Landon. And he didn't have that move scouted. Wanting the match to be over with as quickly as possible, Landon quickly makes a cover... 1... 2... Kickout!! Bringing Popick back to his feet, Landon looks to pay off some reciepts. A forearm shot. And another. A third... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a knifedge chop! Popick lets out a loud groan and doubles over from the pain... ...but it turns out to be a great job of over-acting, Popick not as hurt as he made out and suckering Landon into a false sense of security, leaving him open for a open-handed thrust to the throat! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Oh, that was right to the throat there! Referee needs to get on that. COACH What's he going to do, disqualify him? Michael, in wrestling there's rules that can be broken and rules that can't. That's one you'll get a warning for right there. No more, no less and the damage is done. Popick knows that. Popick moves in on the choking Landon... ...who announces his own pantomiming by quickly going to the eyes of SJP! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Well, that'll earn a warning too. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Landon follows up with a chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And another. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Make it three. Landon now looks for an irish whip, sending Popick into the ropes and loading up with a clothesline. He telegraphs it though and Popick ducks underneath, executing a quick Russian Legsweep to take the Champion down. COLE Nice move by Popick and... uh, what the hell is this? Confusion suddenly takes over as Popick sits up and starts waving. Waving to the back, which prompts the doors to slide open and THE LIGHTNING CREW to come marching out, lead by PRL!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Well, so much for the match. This was a set-up! COACH Well duuuhh. Megan rolls her eyes, having sensed in the back of her mind this was coming all along. Laughing all the way down, PRL motions his troops ahead of him. Vitamin X jogs in front and slides in, stalking over Landon while Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall make their way in. Suddenly though, another figure enters the ringside area. Up and over the barrier, carrying an aliminum ladder. COACH Wha... COLE IT'S ZACK! ZACK MALIBU! ZACK WAS HERE ALL ALONG! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The crowd erupt as Zack drags his ladder over the barricade and suddenly hurls it into the air... *CRACK!* ...LANDING DIRECTLY ON THE BACK OF MR. BORICUA'S HEAD IN THE RING!!!! Stunned, PRL slams on the brakes and watches on from the aisleway as his bigman falls down in a heap. Zack dives into the ring to retrieve his store-bought ladder, not spotted by any of the Crew until it's too late. First to notice is Vitamin X, running over as Zack takes the ladder, swinging it like a baseball bat... *CRACK!* ...AND STRIKING VITAMIN X IN THE SIDE SO HARD, HE GOES TUMBLING OUT OF THE RING!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE OH YEAH! That's not the kind of ladder I'd expect to see this Sunday but it's damn sure doing it's job right about now! COACH Get him Wall, get him! Right on cue, Cuban Wall turns around and catches Zack coming in with the GOOZLE~ But before he can complete the Chokeslam, Zack re-positions the ladder, between Wall's tree-trunk like legs... WALL "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh... COACH Damnit, no! Wall's testicles get rattled by the ladder shot and he staggers away. Zack follows after him, a standing dropkick enough to send him the rest of the way through the ropes and to the floor. All fired up, The Franchise kicks the flimsy ladder away and dares PRL to come get him some, Tha Puerto Rican looking none too eager to get involved. Rolling from the ring seconds earlier, Popick makes an effort to make it look like he's having to hold PRL back. Zack just points the finger too them though with two simple words. 'This Sunday'. PRL exchanges words right back, typically. And all the while, Landon Maddix crouches behind Zack. COLE Wait a second... watch Maddix! COACH Zack doesn't see it! PRL plays along and baits Zack in until he's good and ready before trailing off. At which point, Zack shouts a last word of warning and turns around... ...SUPERKI... ...NO!! ZACK DUCKS!! Landon manages to adjust and land on his feet safely, scurrying from the ring as Zack dives after him. Just about escaping the ring in time, the cussing La Cucaracha jumps the barrier and fumes over not getting the kick in, Zack staring from the ring and PRL with Popick from the aisle. COLE Wow, I cannot wait until this Sunday night. These three men, all vying for one prize in a Triple Threat Ladder Match! Landon couldn't return the Superkick favours from the past two weeks tonight but who really has the momentum going into this Sunday!? Zack got some payback tonight but it's all up for grabs, Zero Hour, do not miss it on Pay Per View!!!

Great Britain. Rule Brittania Regal. Brittania rules the waves Noble. Britain never never never shall be slaves Dignified. Rule Britta... Not to be messed with! Anarchy for the UK Proud. It's coming sometime and maybe Brave. I give a wrong time stop a traffic line Ruthless. Your future dream is a shopping scheme Powerful. Cause I... wanna be...Anarchy! Barbaric. NATHANIEL BLACK A TRUE GREAT BRITON Black, with a soccer ball tucked underneath one arm, hits the iconic Winston Churchill 'V for victory' pose, laughing away as the video fades off.

COLE What a night we've seen here in Nashville, the announcement of a title unification match at Zero Hour, great tag team action, and so much more. And we still have our mainevent and another tag team bout coming up! Through the loud speakers emerges the somber piano keys of Cold War Kids' Hospital Beds. Hard pounding drum beats join it, melded with equally distressed vocals. Tell me the story of how you ended up here I've heard it all in the hospital Nurses are fussin' Doctors on tour Somewhere in India I got one friend layin' across from me I did not choose him, he did not choose me We've got no chance of recovering Sharing hospital Joy and misery Joy and misery Joy and misery The proud owners of this STUPENDOUS entrance music, Rescue 911 step through the entrance doors to a small round of polite applause. Outfitted in black trunks and red boots, and elbow pads, EMT Tim nods to the audience before heading towards the ring. His partner stares from behind thick rimmed sunglasses, clad in a pink and white Hawaiian t-shirt, and khaki pants. He then pumps his fist and joins his partner in the trip to the ring. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of fifteen minutes...now making their way to the ring representing the OAOAST First Responders Unit, introducing first from New York City Detective Bosley, and his partner from Peoria, Illinois, EMT Tim Cash, together they are RESCUE-NINE-ONE-ONE! COACH Detective Bosley? I thought he was just an officer! COLE He was, and we have to congratulate him on his recent promotion to detective in the vice department of the OAOAST First Responders Unit. COACH Vice department? Detective? Its not even a real unit! COLE I don't think you should talk that way about our country's heroes. COACH Are you dumb or something? What do they do? What do they respond to? Where were they when Zack got smacked around by The Lightening Crew? Where were they when CPA jumped The Love Doctors? Where were they when Abdullah through fire into his own brother's face? They don't respond to anything! They'd be perfect for the LAPD! "Easy lover She'll get a hold on you believe it Like no other Before you know it you'll be on your knees" Gone is Hospital Beds, in its place is Easy Lover. Gone is the general indifference of the fans, in its place is booing. A lot of booing. And given the loathsome appearance of the incoming tag team, its easy to see why the fans are so heated. Despite looking like he spent the last night sleeping in the parking lot of an IHOP, Rico confidently swaggers through the doors, tossing beads to the fans who all too readily toss them right back. While Rico jaws with the disrespectful audience, his more even tempered comrade concerns himself with stroking his awesome fro. COLE A huge test coming up for Rescue 911, and an even bigger test coming up for The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew at Zero Hour, as they'll challenge for the One and Only World Tag Team titles held by four time champions Chicks Over Dicks. BUFFER And the opponents at a total combined weight of four hundred, ten pounds... the team of RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL... they are, THE MARDI GRAS HOMEWRECKING CREW!!! The audience fills the arena with boos, aggravating the Wrecking Crew as they head up onto the apron. Rico tries to bribe them into silence with beads, but again has every last necklace tossed right back at him. COLE I think the Wrecking Crew are very underestimated and have sort of gone unnoticed in a strong division, despite being the last HI-YAH tag team champions. However, should they pull off a tag title victory, then that'll be a very large upset. COACH And Rico will be a bigger Brazilian hero then Pele! DING DING DING! No sooner then three seconds after the bell is rung does De Janiero drive the point of his elbow into Tango Bosley's face. However Detective Bosley shrugs the the blow aside, pointing to his MANORMOUS Franz Josef style facial hair as the source of his strength. Upset that someone would have the gall to steal his facial hair gimmick, and because Franz Josef style facial hair burns his memory, as it was the drunken abuse of his franz josef bearded stepfather at a young age that has caused him to unhealthily search for power and conquest through sexual avenues,albiet from teenage girls, Rico smashes his boot into Bosley's stomach. Watching the good officer stumble in agony brings a toothsome smile to his sleazy face. However that smile is quickly ripped away when Bosley's arm flashes forward for a lariat. De Janiero ducks beneath the outstretched arm and carries himself into the ropes. As he returns a pair of khaki pants legs horsewhip him to the canvas with a beautiful dropkick! COACH What the hell manner of monstrosity does Bosley have on his face? Rico has a pornstache, the identification card to the VIP lounge of the ultimate player's club. Do you know what Bosley's is called? A jizz catcher, and I bet you of all people already know why. Unaware that what little heat he had has been sufficiently cooled by Da Coach, Bosley launches De Janeiro into the ringposts. The Brazilian's body smashes off the turnbuckles with such force that he's involuntarily jerked forward. Yet he's drilled right back into the turnbuckles courtesy of a deadly lariat by his foe. Pain is written on every line of his wrinkled face, and agonized gurgles spill from his lips once Bosley's loafers gouge at his throat. Referee Billy Silverman gives Bosley a five count before he's forced to cease his unsportsmanlike conduct, 1 2 3 4 5! Silverman is quick to reprimand Bosley for not abiding to the count, making no bones about threatening a DQ. But, Bosley casually disregards the warning by whipping out his detective badge, and informing the official that this is police business. Not wishing to run afoul of the cops after the questionable incident with the turkey and the school bus of nuns, Silverman wisely backs away. COACH He..he..he..can't do that! He's abusing his power! COLE This isn't your criminology textbook from junior college, Coach. Out here in the real world of crime, the lines of abuse and justice are forever blurred. After his “police business” is conducted, Bosley releases his death grip on his foe. De Janeiro staggers out of the corner, scracely able to collect a breath, much less mount a decent fight. That's to his discredit, as he's unable to prevent Bosley from bulldoging him to the canvas. His breathless body is pushed over for a pinfall... ONE TWO But Soul enters the ring to destroy the pin. Smoothly destroy of course. He is afterall, a smooth and jive soul brother. Tempted to head back to the squad car and run a background check on Soul, Bosley instead pulls out his walkie-talkie and radios for backup, i.e. Cash. Apparently that's good enough for a tag in this match, as EMT Tim enters the squared circle with a spring board elbow drop aimed squarely at Rico's chest. His black padded elbow slices through the fortress of chest hair,and impacts harshly with Rico's pecs. A pinfall follows... ONE TWO The King Of Mardi Gras shoots his shoulder off the canvas, and promptly, his whole body follows suit. Cash meets the ascending South American with a volley of punches, but is subdued by a pair of forearm smashes. Weakened by the strikes, he can do nothing to prevent Rico from twisting him through the sky, then impaling his shoulder onto his outstretched knee with his trademark shoulderbreaker. Pleased with his lone offensive move, Rico turns to the fine females in the audience (of which there are very, very, few) and arrogantly asks “Eh, who wants a mustache ride?” Dejected that all he got from his inquiry was a hastily searched picture from Google, De Janeiro proceeds to batter Cash's face with hellish closed fist. Immediately the referee sternly warns against such tactics. This only serves to fuel Rico's anger, and he directs wrathful, Portuguese flavored threats towards a now cowering official. COLE Come on, Rico, back off! Living up to his credo to protect and serve, Cash protects Silverman from a thrashing by serving Rico with a school boy. An ultra fast count is made.... ONE! TWO! But, Rico kicks out just nanoseconds before the three. He and the EMT rise to their feet at the exact same moment, with Rico drawing first blood with a knee to the midsection. The shot doubles Cash over, and leaves him vulnerable to the elbow smash Rico aims at his forehead. Immediately EMT Tim crumples to the mat, in dire need of the same medical service he's sworn his life to provide. COACH Look at the force Rico delivered that elbow with. The man knows he has to step his game up if he wants to be a tag team champion at Zero Hour, and he's already doing it against a lowly team like Rescue 911. While Cash struggles against a fast mounting headache, De Janiero applies a tag to Lucius Soul. “KILL THE FRO! KILL THE FRO! KILL THE FRO!” the audience savagely chants, drawing a concerned gaze from the chant's target. COACH Nothing but some jealous mullet head peckerwoods round here, jealous they can't grow the hair of a proud African warrior king....man, I can't grow that hair either! Damn, these white people are right! KILL THE FRO! KILL THE FRO! KILL THE FRO! After Rico convinces him his famous hairstyle is safe from harm, Soul assists his partner in a double team. Rico hooks onto Cash's legs, then hurls him backwards, where a bicycle kick awaits from the smoothest brother in Nawlins The tremendous force of the attack throws Cash backwards, and his well muscled back is shredded by a leaping knee strike from the Brazilian. COLE I hate to say it, but The Mardi Gras Homewrecking crew are moving in perfect unison right now. COACH Mikey, they've been doing that all year! It just ain't been noticed by our fans. But its gonna get noticed right quick if they win them tag titles at Zero Hour. Its all about that getting that number one spot. Once Rico departs the ring Soul hooks Cash's leg for a pinfall... ONE TWO But Cash kicksout, earning a pop from the fans who have zero desire to ever see The Wrecking Crew win another match. He bravely rises on his own free will, but has his courageousness rewarded with a pair of kicks to his knees. The strikes from the flashy boots hit like shards of shrapnel, crippling Cash until he's brought to his knees as a whimpering and utterly useless wreck. Assured that Cash has no chance of staging any attack, the New Orleans native does a break dancing twirl to absolutely no one's delight. Far less enjoyable for EMT Tim is the basement dropkick Soul's spinning body uncoils into his face! Another pin follows. ONE TWO Bosley enters the ring to end the pinfall, but finds no need to once his ally kicks out. COLE Rescue 911 are close to losing another match, which would set them back after earning a win in their last televised match. With television spots at such a premium you don't want to be known for your ability to not win. COACH If television spots are at such a premium how the hell can we explain your presence? While Coach creates an online petition to have Cole fired (those always work!), Soul scrapes his overmatched enemy off the mat, and launches him into a neutral corner. Cash's back is slashed through by the harsh posts, dumping further misery onto his battered body. The situation grows even worse when a leaping and spinning Soul dislodges half his teeth with a Smooth Soul Brother splash! EMT Tim staggers out the corner, wondering if anyone got the liscence plate of the truck that just hit him. Unfortunately the only response he gets is a front Russian leg sweep, that's speedily rolled over into a pinning predicament... ONE! TWO! Again Cash musters up the moxy to power out of the pin, bringing out admiring applause from a few fans. Less admiring is a visibly annoyed Soul, who dumps a round of stomps into Cash's arm. Seeing a purple bruise begin to swell onto Cash's limb, stokes Soul's blood lust, and he hauls the EMT off the canvas to cause fatal damage to the bone. He crooks the arm beneath his shoulder, preparing to unleash a single arm DDT. Yet he's stricken with shock, when a suddenly resurgent Cash yanks his arm free from his clutches. So stunned by Cash's abrupt escape, Soul fails to even attempt to stop the medical technician from trapping him into a front face lock. Yet, once Cash begins to lift him for the vertical suplex, Soul rejoins us on planet earth, and violently shoves his rival to the ropes. When EMT Tim returns, the jive soul bro attempts to behead him with a leaping sidekick. But, Cash agilely rolls beneath the fast approaching missile! As luck would have it, he ends up in front of his corner where he applies a hot (and I do use that term loosely) tag to Detective Tango Bosley! Quite the hard headed youngster, Lucius retries his leaping sidekick effort on Bosley. Once again he encounters great failure, only this time its of the painful variety as Bosley wipes him out with a diving lariat! COLE Soul fought the law, and the law won! There's no time for Detective Bosley to join Cole in waxing musical with old Clash tunes, due to a two hundred twenty five pound (ten pounds of that is chest hair!) Brazilian aiming to remove his torso from his body with a shoulder tackle. Bosley expertly counters the charge by overtaking his foe with a front flip swinging neckbreaker. And just as soon as he stands, Soul is cursed by the same aerial strike! COACH Don't we have police brutality laws in this country? What about immigrant rights? You don't see the Miami PD giving out double arm DDTs to every Cuban that comes off the banana boat? The detective's momentum comes crashing to a halt when an enraged Rico violently shoves him through the ring ropes. Owing to a minor miracle, the American hero lands in a crumpled heap on the ring apron. Riddled groggy by the ambush, he staggers upright, painfully unaware this his assailant is running the ropes in order to blast him from his roost. By the time he realizes Rico's diabolical scheme, the cassanova's lariating arm is only inches away from his face. But thanks to his impressive reflexes, Bosley manages to lower the ring cables before harm can befall him. And now its De Janiero who encounters a lifetime of pain, as his forward speed flings him over the lowered cables! The fans are prepared to toast to his imminent demise, but are left wanting as he somehow succeeds in landing on his feet. Now the danger is shifted back towards Bosley, and this time its paid in full, as Rico yanks him from the apron. His clumsy landing on the outside mats proves to be his downfall, and The King of Mardi Gras flattens him with a discus punch. COACH Officer down! Officer down! Standing above his vanquished foe, Rico celebrates his moment of victory by tweaking his legendary porn stache. This, of course, does little to improve his relations with the hateful audience. “DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO!”the not-so tolerant fans sing Back in the ring the clubbing forearms of Tim Cash are having their way with Lucius Soul, decimating the Louisianan's chances of victory with each vicious strike. That is until the disliked heel shatters Cash's flurry of offense with a single low blow. "OOOOOHHH!" Stunned, Cash can do nothing to prevent “Sweet” lifting him into a fireman's carry position. He tosses EMT Tim off his shoulder, and implants his knee into the man's descending head with the Fro 2 Sleep! COLE It has to be over now. It has to be! The deflated silence of the audience, and the smirk on Soul's face would indicate that everyone else shares Cole's sentiments. So academic is his impending victory, that Soul doesn't bother to do more then drape his arm across Cash's limp chest for a pin. ONE TWO Suddenly a massive pop speeds through every inch of the arena, drawing confusion onto Soul's face. The camera pans out to reveal the business suit clad Krista Isadora Duncan, seductively sauntering down the stage, deep red lips pouting alluring invitations. Noticing that she's minus field hockey sticks, croquet mallets or any other prep sports weapon, the pimp is guardedly pleased to see her “KRISTA! KRISTA!” the audience chants as the champion ascends to the ring apron. Batting her blue eyes, Krista leans over the ropes, her energetic motion enticing the wowed audience with jiggling of her luscious hooters. Soul's guarded intrigue is morphed by his libido into full on pursuit, and he throws away any misgivings about her presence. Drool hanging from the edge of his mouth he creeps closer toward her, and farther from his fast recovering rival. COACH Don't trust her, man! Despite Coach's warning, Krista rewards Soul (and the fans) for succumbing to his desires. Lips curved into a sly smirk, her arms cross her chest and teasingly paw at the hem of the thin material hugging to her voluptuous figure. In a swift motion, the busty beauty rips her jacket away, arousing her lusting fans with her beautiful breasts. The audience ignites with raw desire and roars their approval. COACH Yes suh!!! I hope D*LUX remembered to lock the bathroom door and bring in a few tissues. As predicted by everyone not named Lucius Soul his moment of distraction costs him dearly; a recovered Cash creeps behind him and drags his screaming figure into a rollup! ONE Rico tries to crawl into the ring to make the save, but is hindered by the fact that Alix has sneaked from underneath the ring to handcuff him to the ropes! TWO Though he has enough energy to scream for help, he apparently doesn't have enough energy to kick out and the ref's hand slaps the mat for a third and final time, to the arena's great joy! Even Buffer can't help but smile as he makes his announcement. BUFFER The winners of this match....RESCUE 9-1-1! FIST PUMP BY DETECTIVE BOSLEY!!! COLE What an upset! What an upset! And what a momentum killer for The Wrecking Crew heading into Zero Hour. They had this match won, and all of a sudden a school boy did them in. COACH A school boy didn't do them in! Outside interference did them in! Hot outside interference, and I'm kinda glad it happened, but bros over hoes, man. What's worse is that if they win at Zero Hour these chumps in Rescue 911 will be knocking on their door for a title shot. First The Love Doctors beat The Rockers and now Rescue 911 beats a team that actually has entrance music. If Los Conquistadors beat Team Heyross or something, I quit! While the crowd cheers for Rescue 911's surprise victory, Soul slaps the mat in frustration, unable to vocalize his anger past shrill whining. Even with Hospital Beds playing overhead, and his hand still handcuffed to the ropes, Rico can't quite fathom what happened, and just stands on the outside dumbstruck. Rescue 911 celebrate the only way they know how, safely, smartly, and securely, slapping hands with an excited fanbase. The girls simply retreat back up the ramp, holding hands, and using their free fingers to point and laugh at The Wrecking Crew's horrid misfortune. Well, Alix does, Krista just blows kisses to the cuter lesbians in the audience. COLE The Wrecking Crew have got to get this loss out of their head immediately, and make sure their minds are clear as soon as possible! *Cut backstage, where Felix Strutter is seen walking through the hallway, holding his head slightly. A voice calls his name, and he steps into Anglesault's office.* ANGLESAULT (standing up) Hello, Felix! Big win out there tonight! STRUTTER That's right, and I'll have another one for you at Zero Hour! ANGLESAULT Well, I like you confidence! But right now, I have something for YOU. Anglesault passes Felix a briefcase. STRUTTER A prize for my big win tonight? ANGLESAULT ...I guess you could look at it that way. In that briefcase is a helpful hint as to who your final opponent will be this Sunday at Zero Hour. Strutter looks intrigued, as he looks at AngleSault. ANGLESAULT Go ahead, open it! Strutter starts to open the briefcase. STRUTTER Yeah, let's see what this chump's made of... Strutter gets the case open, and a white light shines from it, but the camera doesn't pick up the source. Strutter's smile disappears, his jaw drops, and his eyes get wide. The crowd cheers, as they sense Strutter's stunned disbelief, and Strutter continues to stare into the light as the camera fades out. COMMERCIAL BREAK

We return from break focused on Cole. Not the most prettiest of sights to be focused on, but I'd still do him. COLE Folks, as promised here's the boss! Cut to AngleSault standing in front of a blue background. He is wearing a white dress shirt, black tie, gray sports jacket, a gold chain around his neck, a watch on his right wrist, and gray dress pants. The crowd cheers the moment AngleSault appears on the screen. ANGLESAULT Good evening. Over the past 5 years, the OAOAST has seen many titles come and go. By my count, there have been 16 title belts in the history of the One And Only AngleSault Thread. For a company that has only been in existence since 2002, that is quite a large number of belts. Now, as much as I love giving all the wrestlers in the OAOAST an oppotunity to obtain some gold, the fact of the matter is that as of right now, there's not enough room in the OAOAST for every title that's active. Several of our titles go months without being defended! Now, when HI-YAH was around, it wasn't too hard to simply send some champions over to that company, and have the belts be defended in Japan. But with HI-YAH no longer around, that means that those titles that are not defended are left collecting dust. Well, as owner of this fine company, I am not going to have one or two of my titles not be defended due to time constraints on HeldDOWN~! or due to a lack of challengers. We are going to do some spring cleaning around here, even though we're well into the fall, and we're going to do it this Sunday night at Zero Hour! Because at Zero Hour, you will see a match whereby the OAOAST 24/7 Championship AND the OAOAST X-Division Championship will be UNIFIED into one brand spanking new Title. AngleSault pulls out a new championship belt from behind him. It looks alot like the old WCW United States Championship belt. ANGLESAULT (CONT'D) The One And Only AngleSault Thread United States Championship! While the name may be familar, this will be a brand new Title in the OAOAST. This belt will make its debut this Sunday, September 30th, at Zero Hour. Now normally, we would have the OAOAST 24/7 Champion and the OAOAST X-Division Champion face off in a match to unify the belts. But this time, the OAOAST 24/7 Championship AND the OAOAST X-Division Championship are being held by the same person, James Riggs. Not a problem, says I. There will still be a match this Sunday, and the winner of that match will be the LAST OAOAST 24/7 Champion, the LAST OAOAST X-Division Champion, and the FIRST OAOAST United States Champion. After carefully reviewing the tapes from the past couple of weeks, I have decided that at Zero Hour, James Riggs will put the OAOAST 24/7 AND OAOAST X-Division Titles on the line FOR THE LAST TIME against...Colombian Heat! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" ANGLESAULT So, gentlemen, good luck to both of you. Remember, no matter who wins this Sunday, I want you to be the best United States Champion you can be, because you're not just representing the OAOAST, but you're representing this great country of ours. So, once again, good luck, and may the best man win! The camera cuts to a closeup of the OAOAST United States Championship belt. Cut to Sofa Central and Double C. COLE How bout that announcement from AngleSault, fans? A new Title will debut in the OAOAST this Sunday at Zero Hour! We're saying goodbye to two titles, but saying hello to a brand spanking new one! COACH James Riggs has a chance to make history this Sunday! Not only by becoming the last man to wear the OAOAST 24/7 AND X-Division Titles, but also by becoming the first man to wear the OAOAST United States Championship! And hey, who's to say he won't do it? He's already on a roll, he's already beaten Colombian Heat twice! There's no stopping him now! COLE James Riggs and Colombian Heat will square off one more time, once again for gold, only this time it's for the United States Title! What a match-up that should be fans! The last time the OAOAST 24/7 Championship and the OAOAST X-Division Championship will ever be defended is this Sunday night, September 30th. Both titles will be merged into the United States Championship! We will crown our first ever United States Champion this Sunday at Zero Hour! James Riggs vs. Colombian Heat, an historic big time match-up, taking place this coming Sunday night at Zero Hour! But folks, stay tuned for more HeldDOWN after this! COMING UP NEXT Rescue 911 Vs The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew NEXT COMMERCIAL BREAK

OAOAST HeldDown is brought to you by Gardasil-1-800-Gardasil Forever Freestyle OAOAST Edition-36 incredible freestyle hits, specifically selected by OAOAST Franchise Zack Malibu Tampax-That's an Upgrade God of Thunder hits, and Thunderkid gets a huge reaction as he comes through the curtains. COLE And here comes TK, set for some tag team action! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, hailing from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 250 pounds...THUNDERKID!!!!! COLE And this match was made earlier in the week by Anglesault, as TK will team up with Brock Ausstin here, Coach! COACH That's right, and they'll be taking on the champ, Felix Strutter, as well as Alfdogg! TK slides into the ring, and poses on the buckles, which gets the crowd fired up. "Come on God, Answer Me. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Where is Justice? Where is Punishment? . . . . . . . . . . . Or Have You Already Answered? Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. Here.... In Me." Punishment by BIOHAZARD plays, as Brock Ausstin makes his way through the curtains to another big pop, doing his HAPPY HAPPY HOSS DANCE~! in the aisle. BUFFER And his partner, from Victoria, Minnesota, weighing in at 290 pounds... "THE CURRENT BIG THING", BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCK AUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! Brock walks down the aisle, then hops on the apron and climbs inside, doing his dance some more, as Magnum Opus hits, and the crowd boos Alfdogg as he walks through the curtains, although there are some scattered cheers. COACH And here come their opponents! BUFFER And their opponents...first, weighing in at 240 pounds...he is a former THREE-TIME holder of the Heartland title, as well as a former THREE-TIME Heavyweight champion of the WORLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! COLE And Alf really the guy who has had the biggest part in the blossoming of the Heartland division over the past two years or so! He took Felix Strutter under his wing last year, and it helped wonders, as he is now a holder himself! Alf slides through the ropes, and poses, drawing boos. Je t'adore, je t'adore... The lights go out, and a pink light shines on the entryway, as Felix Strutter walks out, to boos. BUFFER And his partner, hailing from Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 218 pounds...he is the reigning OAOAST Heartland champion..."AFTER HOURS" FEEEEEELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXX SSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Strutter poses with the belt on the apron, drawing more boos, then steps through and hands it off to the referee, who calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Alf and Brock step out, leaving TK and Felix Strutter. COLE And it'll be the Heartland champion, Felix Strutter, starting with TK! COACH And what matches those two have had this year! The two circle the ring, then tie up. Strutter gets a side headlock, but TK backs him into the ropes. He shoves off, and lets Strutter run rght into him and drop down to the mat! COACH And this team shouldn't be in there trying to match power! Strutter gets up, and gets caught in an armdrag! He gets up once again, and runs into a TK clothesline! COLE And Felix Strutter not looking well here in the early going! Strutter lands in his corner, and tags Alf, who gets caught with a foot to the gut, and a side headlock. Alf shoves TK off into the ropes, and TK knocks him to the mat with a running shoulderblock! Alf flips onto his stomach as TK backs in again, then catches him with a drop toe hold! COLE Nice move there by Alf, even after being sent hard to the mat! Alf jumps up and grabs the headlock again, but TK slips out the backdoor and applies a hammerlock! COLE And a nice counter by TK! TK drives a couple knees to the arm, then picks Alf up off the mat and tags in Brock. COLE And now it's Brock Ausstin in there! COACH And speaking of memorable confrontations, we've got Brock and Alf in there! Brock grabs Alf by the wrist, and delivers clubbing blows to the insertion of the shoulder. He then forces Alf down to the mat, maintaining a wristlock. However, Alf is able to kip up, and goes right to the eyes. He goes to tag Strutter, but Brock holds onto his grip, and pulls Alf to the mat, and back into his corner, where he tags TK. COLE And these guys look good in there, frequent tags, and only one on the other side so far! TK climbs to the top rope as Brock holds the arm out, and TK hits it with a chop! TK then takes down Alf with an armdrag, but Alf manages to reach up and take TK over in a headscissors. TK kips up to escape, then floors Alf with a clothesline! However, he backs into the ropes, and gets caught with one of his own from Alf! Alf immediately tags Strutter. COLE And now we see the champion back in! Felix hops to the second rope, but misses the elbow, as there's nobody home! TK tags in Brock, and Felix catches him in the eye coming in. Felix then whips Brock across, but puts his head down, and Brock hooks him and delivers a TIGER DRIVER~! COLE What a suplex by Brock Ausstin! 1... 2... Kickout! Brock backs into the ropes, and tries an elbow, but Felix rolls out of the way, then chokes away at Brock, breaking at the referee's four-count. He backs Brock into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! But it has no effect! COLE And Brock just shrugging that one off! A second CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Again no effect, and Brock comes out firing. He whips Strutter across, and catches him in a PRESS SLAM~! Brock holds him for several seconds, before simply letting him drop. COLE And look at that strength by Brock Ausstin! Felix Strutter writhing in pain! Brock tags TK back in, who drops Strutter with a back suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! TK picks up Strutter, and attempts a backslide, but releases and starts to trade blows with Alf, who has just jumped in the ring. COLE TK saw Alf coming! COACH We've got a donnybrook, Cole! All four men in there! Brock stomps Strutter until he rolls outside, then he and TK clothesline Alf over the top to the floor! COLE And the crowd loving it here in Music City! As Alf crawls back onto the apron, TK goes after Strutter on the outside. Strutter runs, and TK gives chase. Strutter slides in in his corner, and tags Alf, unbeknownst to TK. COLE I believe a tag was made right there... Alf waits to step inside, as TK is shoved off into the ropes by Strutter, then TK hops over, at which point Alf steps in and catches TK with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! COLE And there's that big spinebuster of Alf! 1... 2... Kickout! Alf stomps away on TK, then picks him up in the corner. He charges, but TK gets his foot up! COACH Nice prescence of mind by TK, getting that foot out there! Strutter jumps in, which draws Brock in for another four-way meelay...which is broken up when TK accidentally hits Brock with a BICYCLE KICK~! COACH Uh-oh! COLE A little miscommunication between TK and Brock there... Alf covers... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH And Alf's gonna feast on this, Cole! Alf picks up Brock, and delivers a snap suplex, followed by a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf grabs Brock in a front facelock, dragging him over to his corner, and tags Strutter. Strutter goes to the top, and comes off with a blow to the lower back. He then jumps onto Brock's back, and hooks in a sleeper! COLE Oh, a nice move here... Brock walks around the ring with Strutter on his back, and eventually fades. He drops to his knees, then Strutter forces him the rest of the way to the mat. Strutter puts his feet on the middle rope for added leverage, which drives the crowd nuts, but the referee sadly doesn't see it. COACH That's a nice move, too! COLE But that's an illegal move. COACH Only if the referee sees it. Strutter does it again, and again it's missed by the referee. The referee checks the arm of Brock... ONE!!! TWO!!! NO! Brock holds through! However, Strutter places his feet on the ropes again, but this time gets caught, and the referee shoves them off! COACH Hey, he can't do that! Strutter argues the fact with the referee, then goes back to Brock. He tags in Alf, who backs Brock into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a second! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! But once again, Brock seems to not feel the effect of the blows! Alf adds a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Brock starts to come out of the corner, so Alf grabs him in a headlock and rakes his eyes across the top rope! COLE Oh, wow, and that one hurts! The referee reprimands Alf, who hooks Brock, and executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! Strutter tags back in, as Alf traps Brock in the corner once again. Both Alf and Strutter pull Brock out of the corner by an arm, and ram him right back into it. Strutter starts throwing jabs at Brock in the corner, then starts to dance as the crowd boos. COLE And Felix not making any friends with his dancing here... COACH And I suppose they'd prefer Floyd Mayweather? Strutter snapmares Brock out of the corner, and hits a seated dropkick from behind, then covers... 1... 2... NO! Kickout! Strutter lets Brock get to his feet in the corner, then poses for the crowd, which boos. He charges, but Brock catches him on a splash attempt, then turns, and executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE What a counter and suplex by Brock Ausstin! Amazing strength! COACH Especially after how long he's been beaten on in there! Brock struggles to his corner, as Felix does the same to his. Felix is able to make the tag to Alf, who rushes in and cuts off Brock at the last second. Alf stomps Brock a couple times, then executes a T-BONE SUPLEX~!! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up! Alf scales the top rope from the inside...and attempts a MOONSAULT~! ...but Brock rolls out of the way, and MAKES THE TAG~! COLE Tag made, and TK is in there! TK catches Strutter coming in the ring, and hammers on him in the corner. He then catches Alf with a clothesline, before turning and flooring Strutter with another one! PRESS SLAM~! for Alf! COLE And Alf way up in the air... ...and DOWN! COLE ...and DOWN! COACH That's what Alf just said, Cole. Be original! TK then catches Strutter with a Fallaway slam~! Cover... 1... 2... NO!!! Shoulder up! Brock comes back and clotheslines Alf to the floor once again, then a double-team on Strutter commences. TK and Brock whip Strutter in, and catch him with a double elbow! Both men then signal for their finish, but argue over who should put it on. COACH Look at this, they can't decide who gets the win! Alf tries to sneak inside with a kendo stick, but the referee catches him, and he drops it. Brock then grabs it. COACH Oh, come on now, referee! COLE Referee busy putting Alf out of the ring, doesn't see that Brock now has possession of the kendo stick! TK holds Strutter up, and Brock measures...but Strutter escapes, and TK takes a shot to the gut! COLE And Brock hits his partner! Brock looks at TK for a minute, then sort of shrugs it off, before Strutter hits a low blow from behind...then hooks TK, and drills him with the THUNDER BAY THROTTLE~!!!!!11111 COLE And the Thunder Bay Throttle from Strutter! 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COACH BIG win for the champion! BUFFER Here are your winners...the team of ALFDOGG and "AFTER HOURS" FEEEEEELIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXX SSSSSTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUTTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Alf then rolls inside with a chair, shoving the referee aside, and delivers a shot to the back of Brock! COLE But that big win doesn't look to be enough for these two men! Strutter grabs the kendo stick, and he and Alf takes turns on TK and Brock. Strutter stops to pose...and Alf decks him with the chair! COACH WHOA! COLE Just like this Sunday! Every man for himself! Alf grabs Strutter's belt from the referee, then stands mid-ring with the three bodies laying around him, and raises it in the air as Magnum Opus plays. COLE And this is his match, there been two of these type matches, and Alf has won both of them! Alf lays the belt across Strutter, and departs the ring. COLE Alfdogg sending a message to Felix Strutter, as well as all the other participants in the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell III! COACH But Cole, we STILL don't know the sixth man! COLE We'll find out this Sunday from Memphis! Folks, when we come back, the boss, Anglesault has a huge announcement on tap! COMMERCIAL BREAK

We're back at the back of the building again and much like earlier, a guy and a girl can be seen walking in, lost in each other's thoughts. However, this time, the guy and the girl in question are a more unorthodox 'couple'. "Silky Smooth" Leon Rodez, with his OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Championship belt over his shoulder, chats away to OAOAST interview personality extraordinaire Maggie Nerdly who seems intriguing interested in what he has to say. As the duo near the door to enter the arena though, they're confronted by a trio of figures, they being Leon's tag partners D*LUX and his sister Jade Rodez, walking in the other direction. Leon's conversation trails off and he quickly scoots in front of a confused Maggie just before the trio can notice him. LEON Uh, so, in answer to your, uh, question Maggie, yes I am looking forward to my 6-Man Title defence this Sunday night at Zero Hour. I always look forward to any chance to go against The Enterprise. And I'm sure my tag team partners will agree on that count. SHAYNE Oh, most definately DUDE, we're gonna kick some ass in Memphis, Tennessee and we are... JADE Uh, Shayne, I don't think they're doing an interview. Shayne, cut off in a rare moment of talking prime, sulks a little. LEON Well, sure we are! Why else would we, two completely unrelated characters in the land of the OAOAST, be talking to each other out here with no-one else around, hmmmm? JADE Uh-huh. So, where's her microphone? LEON Ah, see, here's the thing, see... uh... budget cuts! Yeah, they just extended everybody's contracts. Eighty-four active wrestlers, wouldn't you know it! Lots of downpayments. So, out go the microphones. Always the first thing to go. I just hope they spare our nameplates. JADE Leon, I know. LEON Know what? JADE Maggie texted me last week. And you texted me three days ago. LEON No I didn't. JADE You didn't mean to. But, assuming the words "BOOYAH CITY" mean something to you, although they certainly shouldn't since it's just nonsense, then you might just have sent to the wrong contact. Either that or Tyler happened to leave his phone on and I read it. I dunno. With a wry smile, Leon fist-pumps with Tyler quickly if a little belatedly, before turning to Jade. LEON Yeah, well, I don't know why I was trying to keep it a secret from you anyway. You've got so much to make up for I could sleep with all the Nerdly sisters and still be in the moral highground compared to you. And, for your information, "BOOYAH CITY" happens to be a very meaningful inside joke between myself and two of my close friends. I think we both know where you were when that inside joke originated but as I promised to try my hardest to let bygones be bygones, I shall let that place go unmentioned. Jade hangs her head a little. MAGGIE Wait, why did you sent these two a text message to let them know we had coffee last week? LEON Well, as I say, we're very close friends. SHAYNE You only had coffee? But I thought... LEON Not now Shayne, huh? Head hanging over, Jade looks up with a smile. JADE So when we agreed that you'd lay off holding the past few months with The Enterprise against me in exchange for you being less of a wannabee lothario around my friends, that didn't include Maggie? Or, was it just coffee? LEON Well, I mean... (looks at Maggie) yeah, but, uh... (looks at D*LUX) see then we, uhm... (looks back at Jade) look, there's really no safe answer here so, let's all just agree that I'm in the wrong and move on, okay? Besides, 'wannabee lothario' were your words. I don't even know what they mean. JADE Well, I think we're even. Come on guys. LEON Oh we are SO not even! JADE (walking away) Oh yes we are. LEON Oh no we're not, you come back here! If you're running off to Ned... JADE That's not funny! As Leon and Jade stride off bickering like any good brother and sister, Maggie is left with D*LUX. TYLER Come on, you can tell us. SHAYNE Booyah City? MAGGIE (a little sheepishly) The overnight stop-over. Letting out a loud cheer, Tyler and Shayne high-five. Maggie joins in with the high-fives too, albeit the teensiest bit embarrassed, as she's escorted off by a clearly detail seeking D*LUX.

We return to live action with a pair of jobbers situated in the ring. I hope they're jobers, or else the talent relations department must have an awful budget. *WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* The wailing sirens drive women out of their seats and towards the guardrail as Robert Palmer's "Bad Case of Lovin' You" plays television's newest hot doctors to the ring. BUFFER The following tag team bout is scheduled for one fall. Coming down the aisle, MAX ANDERSON and STEVEN PIGLEY... THE LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOVVEEEEE DOCTOORRRRSSSS! "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" BUFFER Their opponents. First, from Galvaston, Texas, weighing 288 pounds...GUS GOMEZ! His tag team partner, from Macon, Georiga, 228 pounds, BILL CURLY! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Garica and Curly heel it up while the Doctors strip to their trunks. :wub: COLE This Sunday night live on pay-per-view The Love Doctors will finally get their hands on the men who have attempted to smear their good name since rejecting a proposed business deal that led to COD regaining the tag team championship. On cue, we pan up to THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT in their private suite. COACH Spin it all you want, Cole, but the Docs are idiots for turning the Enterprise down. Just like the U.S. government bailed out Chrysler back in the day, Theodore Moneymaker offered to do the same for The Love Doctors, but they got all high and mighty. Let’s also not forget the fact they didn’t even bother repaying the loan given to them. Instead they go out and make a promotional video to hype their return to the OAOAST! * DINGDINGDING * The Love Doctors devote much of their attention to Wright and Moneymaker high above, but they’re all business once the bell sounds, as Steven Pigley demonstrates by grounding the chunky Gus Gomez with a drop toehold. Gomez rises to his feet trapped in a side headlock and shoves Pigley off to the ropes, but the good doctor makes him pay by leapfrogging a backdrop and following up with a body slam. Dr. Max tags in and staggers Gus with a series of SPINNING BACKFISTS, then a big time BAAAAACK body drop! Gomez quickly tags out, but his redneck partner doesn’t fare any better, as he’s placed in an arm-wringer upon entering. A tag is made and the Docs wring Curly’s arms, then drop him flat on his back with a double hip toss. Dr. Steven adjusts his elbow pad as Bill returns to a vertical base and clocks him with a vicious LARIAT! Another tag leads to an ANDERSON SPINEBUSTER, followed by the Docs patent GURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH!! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you BUFFER Here are your winners… THE LOVE DOCTORS! The Docs have a staredown with Wright and Moneymaker. COLE Another impressive outing for television’s hottest young doctors. You better believe Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright will have their hands full with them Sunday night at Zero Hour. COACH Yeah, but the Docs are in over their heads going up against the smartest tag team in wrestling. Teddy and CW are going to make them repay the loan with their careers. COLE Fans, the action continues right after this word from the OAOAST. THIS SUNDAY… The Heavenly Rockers appear in front of their computer generated backdrop -- halo over gold angel wings and group‘s name written above in blue letters. LOGAN Angels of Death, your date with fate is here and it won’t be seven minutes in heaven sayeth Logan Usher Mann! ABDULLAH Sister Melody, Holly-Wood. Praise Abdullah and the Heavenly Rockers! SYNTH LIVE ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW Now to the Angels of Death and their CG backdrop -- a feminine grim reaper with the AoD name dripping off it’s bloody weapon. HOLLY Logan, you’ve said my only talent is “head banging.” Well at Zero Hour I’m going to prove how right you are when I bang your head together with Synth’s. MELODY Yeah, you meanies! This Sunday night you’re going down! SPECIAL TAG TEAM ATTRACTION… The Heavenly Rockers vs. The Angels of Death ZERO HOUR

THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD EARLIER TODAY At the back entrance of the arena, the Champ is here! Yeah, I know, I hate that phrase with a passion too. But, it's true, Landon Maddix is here, weaving his way through the cars in the parking lot deep in conversation with Megan Skye. So deep that he almost doesn't notice Stephen Joseph Popick in his path, just about managing not to bump into him. POPICK Hey Champ, how's it going? I hope you brought your gear tonight. MADDIX (confused) And why's that? POPICK Take a wild guess. Looking around nervously for any sign of The Lightning Crew, Landon sees that the coast is clear. Then, a lightbulb seems to go off over his head and he has that wild guess... to himself, before realising just how wild it is. MADDIX Nah. After last week, I'm guessing my turn on the Handicap Match coaster is null and void. POPICK Tha Puerto Rican wouldn't team with Zack Malibu if he were the last man alive. No, it's even better than that. See, Stephen Joseph Popick is officially back out of retirement... uhm, again. And I'm starting my comeback right at the top! With you, tonight, one on one. MADDIX Non title? POPICK Oh, yes. But only because that belt has Tha Puerto Rican's name on it in three days time. Believe me, if not for that fact, I'd take that title tonight, no sweat. I'm a former OAOAST World Champion myself you know. Landon glances over at Megan, who confirms that it's true. MADDIX Wonders'll never cease. POPICK Yeah, well, clearly you need to brush up on a little OAOAST history. And I'll be more than happy to give you a little history lesson tonight. Oh and, I shouldn't forget, PR told me to tell you, he'll be watching tonight. Yeah. He'll be watching in his locker room. With Cuban Wall. And Mr. Boricua. And Vitamin X. He'll be watching very closely. Gulping, Landon starts to get a little antsy. MADDIX Good. Good for him. Good to have friends. Yes. I'll... see you in the ring, later. Reaching behind him and grabbing a hold of Megan's wrist, Landon quickly scoots off with her in tow, Popick watching on with a big smile on his face. MEGAN I think we need a new plan. MADDIX How about this one- hide until main-event time. Come on. FADE OUT As Party Like a Rockstar plays the opening video rolls, highlighting the adrenaline-charged, mile per minute action OAOAST HeldDOWN has become famous far, while showcasing several of its primary superstars. We're moved into a sold out arena where thousands of Nashville fans have come to witness their favorite OAOAST superstars. A soft orange spotlight hangs over the ring, providing illumination to an otherwise darkened arena. Standing in front of this ring are Johnathan Coachman and Michael Cole, each dressed in their usual dark orange polo shirts and khaki pants. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, the OAOAST welcomes you to Nashville, our final stop before Zero Hour, the most highly anticipated September pay per view in all of sports and entertainment. COACH Damn, Mikey, I've had dawgs I haven't seen since pre-k, rolling up on me, acting all friendly and shit, acting like can I hook 'em up with Zero Hour tics. Naw, Zero Hour has been sold out since the hour those bitches went on sale! COLE The importance of Zero Hour is not to take away from tonight. We'll have several tag team matches on tap for you, as well as a huge announcement from Anglesault, along with our promised mainevent of Popick taking on world champion Landon Maddix in a non title bout. All that and more on OAOAST HeldDOWN. Stay tuned! COMMERCIAL

as overload of HD, I wouldn't mind putting the segment at the end, like after credits which I never write. but then again, I'm not the one who called the mainevent!

I gotta do my part for the OAOAST! Very high quality opening match, Chris Stevens steady stays a sneaky dude. When Alf changed it to a 4 way I expected Brock to win, and it turns out it was the exact opposite. I don't take being wrong very well, ppl! Nerdly sisters activate, Melody&Maggie! Poor Molly left in the cold. Cute promo. Holly talking real reckless there, picking up some of Logan's habits. Props for shouts to Halo 3, PS3 fanbois is crazy shook right now. I ain't even bout to speak on that wii bullshit. Actually i only play ice hockey on NES. Freedom and liberty! Didn't the AAB's used to go by a numbering system? AAB #2, #3, etc? Is there an ditch overflowing with the charred corpses of the other fifteen All American Boys? Maddix seems to be manipulating Zack, but the franchise ain't buying what he's selling. First Mourinho leaves Chelsea, now Black takes on O'Hara in a soccer challenge? The futbal world is flames right now! Dope promos from both Black and O'Hara. My question is, who plays goal? O'Hara is like 5'5 that dude is fucked if he's in net. Well done mainevent. Wonder how Zack is going to respond to being sextuple teamed at the end? He needs to get backup or something. All in all a good show!

COLORADO 9, DODGERS 4 Patty:

The OAOAST Event Tracker is bought to you by Gillette-The Best a Man Can Get September 30 (Zero Hour) - Memphis, TN (SOLD OUT) October 4 - Tupelo, MS (FIFTY TICKETS RECENTLY RELEASED TO THE PUBLIC) October 11 - Kansas City, MO (SOLD OUT) October 18 - Columbus, GA (SOLD OUT) October 25 - Orlando, FL (SOLD OUT) October 31 (Halloween Spectacular) - Daytona Beach, FL (SOLD OUT) We return to the arena where the lights are dimmed and the crowd is abuzz with anticipation. "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Kentuckians rise to their feet, booing the opening of Incubus' "Megalomaniac". And the boos only intensify the moment Landon Maddix steps through the entrance doors. With Megan Skye by his side as ever, Landon extends his arms to the crowd and double-dog dares them to disrespect him. Sure enough, they do just that. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is your MAIN EVENT of the evening, a handicap contest which is scheduled for one fall. Introducing at this time, the first competitor. Hailing from Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain. Weighing in at two hundred and eight pounds... he is led to the ring by his "Perfect 10", MEGAN SKYE... the reigning One and Only AngleSault Thread HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOORRRRRLLDD... LANDON! "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!! Reaching the ring, Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. COLE Landon Maddix, just ten days away from defending his World Title at Zero Hour. And his two challengers, the two other men involved in this match. Last week it was Landon teaming with PRL against Zack Malibu. And, well, that didn't work out too great, so tonight the roles have been reversed. COACH You have to admire the man Michael. Even after what went down last week, our Champion is still man enough to come out tonight and compete. COLE On the right side of a handicap stipulation. COACH Makes no difference, you should still admire him all the same. As he removes his jacket and title belt, giving both his treasured items over to Megan, Landon goes through some warm-ups. BUFFER And, his tag team partner. .:CUE: "Getting Away With Murder", Papa Roach:. "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER Hailing from Providence, Rhode Island... he weighs two hundred, ten pounds... "THE FRANCHISE"... ZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCK... MMMMMMMAAAAAAAALLLLIIIIIIIIIIBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!! Walking through a shower of golden pyro, Zack marches to the ring. A burst of white pyro shoots out from either side of the ramp behind him as he makes his way down the aisle, looking in a far more promising mood tonight as he tags away at the outstretched hands of his people. Landon tries to show some solidarity by applauding his partner, who just gives him a funny look from the outside and continues hand-slapping. COACH What I don't get is, why Zack would even agree to team with the guy who he's been mortal enemies with ever since he arrived in the OAOAST. COLE Well, you heard what he said earlier, he had nothing better to do. COACH Then why not find a bar, shoot some pool, go to a strip joint. COLE Coach, he's married with a young child. COACH But he wasn't neutered. Guys still got needs. Into the ring slides Zack, turning his back on Maddix and climbing the turnbuckles to fire up the crowd. Zack then goes about removing his jacket, still yet to show any real acknowledgement of his tag team partner for the night. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" MADDIX YEAH! NOW LET'S HERE IT FOR LANDON! "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" MADDIX Smirking to himself, Zack shrugs his shoulders to Landon and raises his arms to get another pop from the Kentucky crowd. Landon forces a smile and a thumbs up, despite being clearly POed at being shown up. Suddenly the lights go down in the arena. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on the screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them: *THE CHAMP IS HERE!* With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and booing. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, and out from the curtains and through the smoke steps "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican, backed up by Stephen Joseph Popick and by his fiancee, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. BUFFER And, their opponent. He comes to us from San Juan, Puerto Rico... weighing in at two hundred, twenty pounds and being accompanied by his "Career Consultant", STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK and the OAOAST World Women's Champion, MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ! Here is, "THE CORPORATE CHAMPION"... THA PUUUUUEEEEEEEERRTOOOOOOOO RRIIIIIIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Chants of "P.R. SUCKS!" fill the arena as PRL and Popick continue their walk to the ring. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron and sneers at the crowd. Popick holds the ropes and Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans boos while "Know Your Role '99" continues playing over the P.A. system. COLE PRL not looking too happy tonight. But, to be fair, he brought a lot of this on himself by walking out on Landon during their stint as a team last week, not to mention the superkick that helped lead to Zack picking up the pin on the World Champion. COACH Yeah... I loves me some PRL, but I'm not sure what to think about what happened last week. Looking across at his opponents, PRL cracks his knuckles and high-fives Popick. A quick kiss from Lindsey and Tha Puerto Rican is ready to go, already talking some smack even as he's checked out by the referee. COLE I was about to say that PRL won't have anyone to walk out on this week. But, looking at the odds here, walking out might just be his best option. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and without hesitation, Landon elects himself to start for his team. Zack doesn't have a problem with that and after a few simple words of conversation, Zack steps out of the ring... giving Landon a little 'good game', which freaks him out a little bit. COACH What was that about!? Offended at the percieved ass-grab, Landon reels around to in no uncertain terms warn Zack off... and PRL capitalises with a schoolboy... 1... 2... No! Scrambling to his feet, Landon comes swinging with a big right hand. PRL ducks underneath and lets Landon spin around, right into a BIG Atomic Drop! He then gives Zack something to think about with a back elbow that almost knocks him off the apron, laughing it up at The Franchise's expense before charging at Landon... and into a HIGH BAAAAACK bodydrop!! PRL OH GOD, NO! PRL rolls to his knees and begs off, going so far as to PRAY for mercy from the World Champion. This isn't Landon's first rodeo though. And sure enough, as he goes to pull PRL back up, The Corporate Champion is waiting with an eyepoke... which Landon blocks, Three Stooges style, kicking PRL in the stomach and sending him rolling into a neutral corner. COACH Can't kid a kidder, can't ball a ball'ah. Following PR into the corner, Landon pens him in and asks for the encouragement of the crowd. Not even being Zack Malibu's tag team partner will get him that though and as boos ring out, Landon disappointedly decides to just irish whip Tha Puerto Rican. Hitting the far corner, PRL staggers back out into the centre of the ring. Jawbreaker by Landon, who then comes off the ropes. But PRL leapfrogs him, gaining his bearings before reverse leapfrogging Maddix on his way back. A third time Landon rebounds off the ropes and this time he gets taken over with a deep armdrag, to the delight of PR's cheering section aka Popick and Lindsay! COLE PRL is so crisp in that ring, beautiful series of moves. COACH I think Landon's got the eyepokes and such pretty sussed but he didn't have an answer for that. Looking a little dis-orientated, up comes Landon and right into a boot to the gut he walks. PRL makes sure Landon is set before hitting the ropes at the side with a Million $ Kneelift in mind. Landon retracts his head just in time though and shoves PRL in the back. Off the ropes comes PRL, swooping underneath a leapfrog from the World Champion. A quick drop-down then sends PR up and over, running the ropes for a third time... and right into a DROPSAULT from La Cucaracha!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH How about that for crisp movement though? COLE Landon right on the money with that Dropsault. Cover by Landon... 1... 2... Kickout. Zack offers his hand for a tag now, all but ignored by his partner. Instead Landon pulls PRL back to his feet, rocking him with a quick forearm. PRL quickly responds with a big right hand, only for Landon to fire right back with a second forearm. Shaking that off, PRL lands with a second punch. And a third. And a fourth, rocking Maddix backwards. PRL stops and spits on his left hand before throwing a final punch... DUCKED, Maddix taking The Corporate Champ over with a Backslide... 1... 2... PRL kicks out and quickly catches Landon with the La Majistral... 1... 2... No! Both men scramble to their feet... AND SIMULTANEOUSLY JAB EACH OTHER IN THE EYES!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Re-diculous! Zack rolls his eyes in the corner. Temporarily blinded, both Landon and PRL both stagger around comically for a couple of seconds, both complaining that the other should be disqualified to poor referee Mike Chioda. At a stalemate, he just insists they get on and wrestle. Which is what they eventually do, as Landon rears back... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and chops Tha Puerto Rican! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and again! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Third time! Covering up his chest, PRL can take no more of the chops and baits Landon in, backing away into a corner and throwing out a boot just as the World Champion approaches. Quickly he switches Landon into the turnbuckles. But, instead of throwing chops, he starts to stomp a mudhole into the chest of La Cucaracha! PR stomps the mudhole and walks it dry, over wails of pain from Maddix which grow more and more pathetic with every successive stomp. Finally, with the referee reprimanding him, PRL puts everything behind one last stomp before marching out of the corner, 'smelling the electricity' in the arena! COLE Tha Puerto Rican, stepping up the intensity a notch. It seems like PRL and Landon took more offence to being poked in the eye than a normal, rule-abiding competitor would and all of a sudden the strikes started flying! COACH And it's PR, on top! As Landon weakly drags himself up in the corner, he's met by PRL. Irish whip by the P.R Menace, sending Landon corner to corner and setting him up for the Stinger Splash, which connects! Landon gets crushed in the corner and any wind he had left in him is knocked out of his lungs, causing him to stagger weakly from the corner. Quickly backtracking, PRL crouches down in preparation, drawing Maddix in... KICK! *WHAM!* CAPPA KILLE... ...NO! Landon pushes PRL off! Able to slam on the brakes quickly though, PRL spins around... ...and gets DROPPED with a Leaping Diamond Cutter from the World Champion!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Cucaracha Cutter! From out of nowhere, he hit it! COLE How the hell do you know it's called the 'Cucaracha Cutter', I've never seen Landon use that before in my life. COACH Me and the Champ are tight. That's how I roll. COLE That's how you keep your job you mean. Explains a lot come to think of it. Slowly but surely, Maddix follows up on that desperation move with a lateral press, eventually hooking the leg to go with it... 1... 2... NO!! COLE Just a two, but Landon has PRL dazed now. And he's still got Zack waiting on the apron. He'll have to wait a little longer though, as instead of making the tag, Landon exits the ring and heads to the top in what would be PRL's corner, if he had any tag partners. Maddix reaches the top, taking a moment to get himself set. He then stands... just as Tha Puerto Rican charges for his ankles! Thinking quickly, Landon vaults off the top, up and over PRL onto his feet. PRL hits the turnbuckles but doesn't worry about that too much, turning on his heels to charge at Landon again. Landon quickly drops down, forcing Tha Puerto Rican into the ropes and into the line of fire. As PRL rebounds off the ropes, off his feet springs Maddix, looking to snare PR's head for a Hurri-Lanrana... ...but PR grabs the ropes, causing Landon to come down HARD on the back of his head! Holding his neck, back up climbs Landon, soon wishing he hadn't as PRL now comes off the ropes of his own accord and whips around, striking the World Champion in the FACE with his shin, gamengiri style! COACH Dodge THIS, BITCH~! COLE Did you just call your 'tight' World Champ a bitch? Cause I think ya did. COACH See, this is why I want these two to team together instead of fighting. I hate dividing my bias between two people! As Maddix sees stars on the canvas, PRL takes a quick look at Zack, half expecting him to jump into the ring. Zack seems pretty happy to kick back and watch his two Zero Hour opponents settle their difference though for now and even goes so far as to 'encourage' PRL to go for the pin, which he does... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Grabbing Landon by the hair, PRL begins to pull him back to his feet. "WE WANT ZACK!" "WE WANT ZACK!" "WE WANT ZACK!" "WE WANT ZACK!" PRL taunts the crowd by yelling "WELL, YOU AIN'T GETTIN' HIM!", as he sets up Landon for the LATIN SLAM... NO! Elbows from Landon, fighting PRL off. The elbows eventually force PRL away and gives Maddix room to breathe. Back comes PRL though, connecting with a right hand. Another. And a third. And a fourth! Backed up against the ropes, Maddix gets irish whipped by PR, who ducks his head ready for the Spinebuster. Presumably. We'll never know, because Landon puts the brakes on and kicks him in the shoulder blade! Landon then fires off a couple of kicks to the hamstring of The Corporate Champion, weaking his base. COLE Landon showing off his educated feet right there. Off the ropes comes Landon now, but PRL still has enough in him to duck a clothesline. He then hobbles off the ropes himself and throws himself at Landon with a crossbody. Unfortunately, Landon had the same idea. *OOF!* COLE OH! Mid-air collision, both men going for crossbodies and both men are down! "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" Hurting now, Landon has no choice but to give the people what they want and go for the tag to Malibu. PRL has no choice either way and takes advantage of the breather for a couple of seconds, before beginning to pull himself up. Past him crawls Landon, reaching out to Zack, who true to his word is there to offer the tag... ...and it's MADE! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE HERE. COMES. ZACKMALIBU! Zack steps into the ring, completely fresh and EN FUEGO~! A clothesline knocks PRL down. And a second time. Make it a trio! Zack drags PRL to his feet now and sends him off the ropes, ducking his head and boosting PRL towards the rafters with a BAAAAACK bodydrop! COLE Zack is cleaning house right now! COACH Yeah, after Landon did all the work for him! Can't PRL at least take a timeout or something? PRL doesn't even have the time to beg off after that though, as Zack brings him right back to his feet. Waistlock by The Franchise, taking PRL up and over with the German Suplex! He hangs on to, rolling through and dragging the un-cooperative Puerto Rican back up with him for a second consecutive German!! Not done yet though, Zack continues to hang onto the waistlock, rolling his way through and climbing to his feet. PRL is forced to follow. And he's forced up and over with a third Rolling German, shades of AngleSault! COACH Oh, I hate those! COLE Zack is rolling here, literally and figuratively! And PRL doesn't know where the hell he is right abo... *SMACK!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE WOAH! SCHOOL'S OUT, SCHOOL'S OUT! COACH WHAT!? The Louisville crowd erupt as in a flash, the World Champion is DOWN! Zack stands over Landon after the Superkick with a smirk on his face, Megan holding her head in shock. COACH WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? The crowd continue to roar their approval as Zack remains true to his word. He doesn't walk away. Instead, he casually walks over and picks up PRL, dumping him on top of Landon and telling him to count. COLE Just like AngleSlam! 1... 2... 3!!!! COLE The World Champion is beaten, AGAIN!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Your winner of the match... THA PUERTO... RRRRIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAANN!!!! Barely able to bring themselves to celebrate, Popick and Lindsay look at each other in confusion, as Zack stands back and watching PRL climbing back to his feet. COACH I can't believe that dirty, backstabbing, cheapshot artist... defend that! Defend that Cole, defend your boy, I dare you! COLE A little bit of a reciept from last week by Zack Malibu! COLE Oh you are unbelievable. PRL pushes back onto his feet and looks up at Zack, clearly as confused as anyone else as to what just happened. In slide Lindsay and Popick but PRL motions for them to stay back as he walks over to Zack, running his mouth to The Franchise. Zack talks as good as he gets though and points a finger in PRL's face, clearly mouthing the words "we're even" before he turns to walk away... ...which is when PRL extends his hand. COLE What's this now? COACH Oh, this isn't happening... Looking down at the hand, Zack sees right through PRL's facade and goes to leave again. But PRL is insistant and pulls Zack back, extending the hand again. Still Zack is doubtful though, not shaking his rival's hand but certainly being pulled into it by PR. The Corporate Champion locks hands with Zack and nods his head, clearly trying to thank Zack for his help with the victory tonight... ...UNTIL POPICK COMES IN AND BLINDSIGHTS ZACK, WHO GETS PULLED INTO THE SHOT BY PRL!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Ah, back to reality. COLE Damnit, you talk about a cheapshot. Right there's a cheapshot... and NOW what!? Now what is THE LIGHTNING CREW, being waved to the ring by SJP! PRL starts to put the shaky boots to The Franchise as out from the back runs Vitamin X, Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua a few paces behind but on their way too. X slides in and quickly gets in on the stomping, to loud jeers from the Louisville crowd. In come Wall and Boricua, the muscle of The Crew. And just as things look bad for Zack Malibu, Landon begins to come to his senses. COLE This is a mugging! An old fashioned Lightning Crew mugging, Zack is defenceless! Landon clears the cobwebs and looks up, to see a sea of bodies in front of him. And the World Champion takes one look at just who those bodies are, before sliding out of the ring! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Grabbing Megan and his title, Landon quickly makes his escape, a wry smile on his face as in the ring behind him the beatdown continues. Zack is brought back to his feet and with the Crew surrounding, victimised by THE WALLBREAKER, right in the centre of the ring! PRL then points to Vitamin X, who leaves the ring. X heads right to the top rope and sets himself, soaring through the air with the picture perfect ELBOW DROP to the sternum of Zack Malibu! "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" The Lightning Crew just laugh at the abuse, the boots still being put to Malibu. Referee Chioda takes a spill at the hands of Popick, who takes great delight in getting in Zack's face and shouting some abuse. COLE Landon Maddix may have been beaten, but in the end he may have gotten what he wanted after all. One of his title rivals, laid out and being picked apart by a pack of wolves in the middle of this ring! Sure enough, Landon is watching all this as he backs away towards the sliding doors. And a smile forms on his face as PRL points a threatening finger towards him, not looking too concerned about his defeat after what he's just seen. COLE The Lightning Crew have struck! And with just ten days until Zero Hour, one stop left on the road to Memphis, what does this mean for the future of the World Heavyweight Championship!? We are out of time, we'll see you next week, same time, same place! Goodnight! Get somebody out here already! With Landon watching on, PRL and The Crew stand over Zack and celebrate their dominance as we... FADE OUT.

COLE So much is on the line in this next match up! Title for Title. Champion vs. Champion. The OAOAST 24/7 AND X-Division Championships will be up for grabs in one match! Colombian Heat, the 24/7 Champion puts his Title on the line against James Riggs, the NEW X-Division Champion, who is ALSO putting his belt on the line! Both titles will be on the line here, folks! The winner goes home with two belts. The loser goes home empty handed. These two men have had a 'heated' rivalry, no pun intended, since July. Will it even get hotter tonight? We are about to find out! Let's go to the ring! *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a thirty-minute TV time limit. And it is for both the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Championship AND the One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Championship! "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing. The crowd stands up and starts booing. The entrance doors slide open, and James Riggs steps out, alongside his wife, Staci. Riggs has an arrogant smirk on his face. Staci looks lovingly at her husband. Riggs unzips his long white/silver leather trenchcoat, revealing the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt strapped around his waist. JR chuckles while Staci looks on in awe of the new X-Division Champion. COLE James Riggs looking to add another piece of hardware to his collection tonight! The boos get louder. Riggs looks at Staci, laughs manically, and then puts his left arm around Staci's shoulders. Together, the married couple walk down the entrance ramp, JR laughing off the booing fans. BUFFER Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by his wife and manager, Staci. From Torrence, California. Weighing in at 232 lbs. He is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion of the worrrrrrlllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddd! The self-proclaimed leader of JR Nation...JAMMMMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS RIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! James Riggs shines his X-Division Championship belt as he continues walking down the entrance ramp while "Dani California" continues playing. COLE James Riggs has been the X-Division Champion for the past two weeks, defeating Dance Dance Dragon for the Title on the September 6th HeldDOWN~!, and then afterwards, BRUTALLY attacking Dragon with a steel chair, putting him out of action indefinitely with an injured knee! COACH Dance Dance Dragon was just getting what was coming to him all this time! COLE What? That's nidicolous! Dance Dance Dragon did nothing to deserve what happened to him two weeks ago! COACH Except be Dance Dance Dragon. COLE Oh will you stop!? Give me a break! JR pulls Staci away from a fan looking to grope her. He wags a finger at this drunken fan, and then climbs up the ring steps with Staci in tow. Staci and James stand on the ring apron. They kiss each other, and then Staci sits on the middle ring rope. In one smooth motion, Staci brings her legs up and crosses them, balancing her entire body on the middle rope while pushing up the top rope, allowing Riggs to step through. When Riggs is in the ring, she, in another smooth motion, uncrosses them and ducks under the top rope herself. COACH You know, if Colombian Heat was still with Princess Stacy, I think she would do that entrance too. COLE They broke up eight months ago, Coach. COACH It must hurt Colombian Heat to know that James Riggs gets to go home to not only a title, but a beautiful woman, while he gets to go home to just a title and a run down apartment. Not that I know what Colombian Heat's home looks like, but I'm sure it's run down and ratty, just like him! COLE Colombian Heat has the adoration of millions of fans. I'm sure that helps him sleep at night. COACH Would any of those fans be willing to kiss him? Caress him? Give him a blowj-- COLE Okay! That's enough, Coach! James Riggs hits a second turnbuckle and raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt in the air. Riggs then pounds his chest twice with crossed arms, before cockily thrusting them into the air. White pyro shoots along the ring apron behind him ala Shawn Michaels, before meeting at the ring post which explodes into a golden shower of sparklers. JR then raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his head. COACH That man could have all the gold tonight! COLE Indeed he can. James Riggs could conceivably leave this arena with not one, but TWO title belts in his possession. He is filled with confidence, and if he needed any more motivation, he already has ONE pinfall victory over Colombian Heat, from back in July on OAOAST Syndicated! COACH James Riggs has been on a roll since then. His only speed bump was at AngleSlam, but he recovered nicely, winning the X-Division Title. Now, tonight, he can avenge his loss at AngleSlam, and get what he deserves: the 24/7 Title! COLE Whether he 'deserves' the 24/7 Title is up for debate. COACH No it's not. COLE Regardless, James Riggs lost his match at AngleSlam thanks to some help from Spanish Fly-- COACH That little bastard. COLE So, he actually DOES have a reason to challenge for the 24/7 Title again! COACH You're damn right he does! COLE The question is: can he finally defeat Colombian Heat for the 24/7 Title? Or will he regret putting his X-Division Title on the line in this match-up? COACH James Riggs doesn't regret anything. The 24/7 Title is coming home with him tonight, ALONG with the X-Division Title. And Staci of course! COLE We are about to find out in a heartbeat away! James Riggs vs. Colombian Heat. Champion vs. Champion. For the X-Division AND 24/7 Titles! And it's coming up next right here on HeldDOWN~! Staci applauds her husband as he gets off the second turnbuckle. Staci removes James' long white/silver trenchcoat revealing his silver and black pants. She then takes off his sunglasses and places them on top of the leather trenchcoat. This is the last image we see before we go to a commercial break. Commercials We return to HeldDOWN~! with James Riggs bouncing up and down in the ring. He is holding the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt with his right hand. COLE Back on HeldDOWN~!, and we're just about to begin our Champion vs. Champion match. James Riggs is already in the ring. COACH Looking to become a double champion tonight! COLE But first he'll have to get through Colombian Heat! COACH Hey, he did it once! He can do it again! COLE That's what you said at AngleSlam. COACH I know what I said! But this time I KNOW I'm right! COLE Well, we will see in just a few moments. Riggs bounces up and down in place in the ring. He shakes his head, putting his game face on. Staci chats with Riggs while "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers dies down. JR slings the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his right shoulder. COLE HeldDOWN~!'s about to feel the Heat! COACH Oh shut up! A piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. *"COME ON!"* *BOOM~!* "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing. The entrance doors slide open, and Colombian Heat comes charging out, full of energy. Heat raises the roof on one side of the entrance, and then raises the roof on the other side of the entrance. Colombian Heat unstraps the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt from around his waist, and raises it over his head to a loud pop. COLE This crowd is going absolutely wild for Colombian Heat! Colombian Heat does the Hulk Hogan "Cup-Hand-To-Ear" pose. Heat raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Colombian Heat then points to both sides of the arena, and then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way while carrying the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left hand. BUFFER And his opponent. Originally from Bogotá, Colombia but now residing in Miami, Florida. Weighing in at 180 lbs. He is the reigning and defending One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion of the worrrrrrlllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddd! He...is...COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Colombian Heat continues slapping hands with the fans at ringside. COLE Colombian Heat competing in an AngleSlam rematch against James Riggs! Heat has been the 24/7 Champion since July 5th, when he defeated Cuban Wall in a record three seconds. COACH You are forgetting that he used his pimp cane to knock Cuban Wall out! COLE I'm not denying that he did that, Coach. COACH So, you're saying Colombian Heat is an unworthy 24/7 Champion then? COLE Considering who he won the Title off of, and how THAT person got the Title, I wouldn't be so quick to judge. COACH Cuban Wall was a thousand times the Champion Colombian Heat is, and you know it in your heart that it's the truth! COLE Well, that's all subjective. COACH It should be written into the OAOAST Rule Book! Rule #294: Cuban Wall was a better 24/7 Champion than Colombian Heat...but not as good as "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican's yearlong Title reign. COLE You had to throw that in there, didn't you? COACH Hey, I have to represent my boy! COLE Oy. Colombian Heat climbs the ring steps, and then hops into the ring. Heat gets on a second ring rope and does the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, receiving cheers. Heat then raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head. He then heads over to a second turnbuckle and throws up the "W" hand signal again, receiving more cheers. CH raises the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his head again. Colombian Heat hops off the second turnbuckle and calls for a microphone. COLE Colombian Heat has enjoyed a nice Title reign, but has been chased by James Riggs ever since the night he won the Title! COACH Ah yes. It was the Spear Heard 'Round The World! COLE Now tonight, James Riggs has another opportunity, another shot at 24/7 Championship gold! Can he finally do it? He tried and failed at AngleSlam...but he also has one victory already over Colombian Heat! James Riggs has never won the 24/7 Championship. And Colombian Heat has never won the X-Division Championship. One man will become a first time Champion tonight! COACH In addition to a holder of not one, but TWO gold belts! COLE Right. Colombian Heat grabs a microphone. COLOMBIAN HEAT A'ight. Yo! Yo! Yo! Check it out! Check it out! Zip it in, and zip it out! "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull dies down. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat paces around the ring, holding the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his left hand and the microphone in his right hand. James Riggs and Staci stare at Colombian Heat from a turnbuckle corner. COLOMBIAN HEAT History's gonna be made tonight, yah'mean? I'ma bring home ALL tha bling-bling tonight! So...if all of y'all are ready to see me make James Riggs feel the Heat one more time, and become the NEW X-Division Champion in addition to tha current 24/7 Champion...then make some motha f'ing noise UP IN THIS-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The camera shows several Colombian Heat signs in the crowd. One sign has a picture of James Riggs' face with flames over his head. Next to the picture in big letters reads the following words: JAMES RIGGS WILL FEEL THE HEAT TONIGHT! HEAT Aw yeah. I feel tha love! I really really do! Love you, dawgs! Colombian Heat puts the microphone away. He then exits the ring through the middle ring rope and heads over to the fans at ringside. After searching for only a few seconds, Heat removes the Colombian flag bandana from around his neck and places it on the head of a young boy being held by his father wearing a black Zack Malibu T-shirt. Heat then gives the youngster a noogie before smiling and winking at the kid. COACH Oh isn't that sweet? Someone give me a barf bag! COLE Colombian Heat has fans of all ages! COACH The kid was wearing a Zack Malibu T-shirt! COLE ...Colombian Heat knew he was a fan in his heart. COACH ... Colombian Heat climbs back up the ring steps and hops into the ring. James Riggs and Staci have cocky smirks on their faces. Heat stares at JR with a serious expression on his face. COLE A big time match-up for both Colombian Heat and James Riggs! Remember, the loser goes home empty handed. The winner goes home with TWO titles! It's Winner Takes All in this match! Referee Nick Soapdish orders Colombian Heat and James Riggs to step away from the turnbuckle corners. Riggs holds the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt in front of his face. He then hands the belt over to Nick Soapdish. Colombian Heat kisses the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt, and then hands it over to Nick Soapdish. Nick Soapdish raises the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt to let the fans know that both titles are on the line in this match-up. He then hands the belts over to a ringside attendant. COLE James Riggs defeated Colombian Heat on OAOAST Syndicated back in July. Colombian Heat defeated James Riggs at AngleSlam. Both men are tied with one victory a piece. This could be considered the rubber match. COACH I'm excited, Cole. Feel me. Feel my goosebumps. COLE No thanks. James Riggs receives a kiss from Staci for luck. Staci sneers at Colombian Heat before exiting the ring to catcalls from the fans. COLE This has been quite the rivalry thus far. There's no love lost between either man. COACH Their hatred for each other will motivate them tonight. Neither man wants to lose their title to the other one. COLE You may be right, Coach. COACH Sweet! Nick Soapdish pats down Colombian Heat. He then pats down James Riggs. Riggs stares at Colombian Heat with a cocky smirk on his face. Finally, Nick Soapdish calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* "Champion Vs. Champion" OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP & OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH COLOMBIAN HEAT (OAOAST 24/7 Champion) vs. JAMES RIGGS (OAOAST X-Division Champion with Staci) The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat and James Riggs circle each other. They lock up. Both men jockey for position. James Riggs grabs a headlock on Heat. Riggs cinches the hold tight. Heat takes Riggs right into the ropes. Heat shoves JR off into the opposite ropes. Heat goes for a clothesline--Riggs ducks--Heat fires with an AJ Styles-like dropkick to a pop! Colombian Heat then bounces off the ropes, and hits Riggs with the "Where The Hood At!?" (Rolling Thunder)! Heat goes for the cover. 1...2...KICK OUT! COLE Colombian Heat looking for the pin early on in this match! COACH Come on Riggs! Don't let this fool beat you twice in one lifetime! Colombian Heat picks James Riggs up. He punches him in the face several times. He locks up with Riggs. Both men jockey for position. James Riggs brings Colombian Heat down to the mat with an arm-drag! JAMES RIGGS YEAH! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE A little too early to be celebrating, don't you think? COACH He put Colombian Heat on the mat! I think that calls for a celebration! James Riggs motions for Heat to get up. Staci applauds her husband on the outside. Colombian Heat stands up, and chuckles at Riggs' celebration. COLE This match just started. I don't think an arm-drag is gonna end this one! Heat and JR circle each other once again. They're both hesitant to make the lockup, but finally do so. Heat goes behind Riggs. Riggs goes behind Heat. Heat gives Riggs a snapmare takeover. He then applies a headlock. Riggs escapes the headlock, and applies a headlock of his own. Heat escapes the headlock and applies another headlock of his own! Riggs escapes. When Heat gets up, James Riggs slaps Colombian Heat right across the face! COACH OH! He just got bitchslapped! HA HA HA HA HA! Heat holds his right cheek and rubs it. He's now a little annoyed with James Riggs. Riggs has a cocky smirk on his face. But his smirk disappears when Colombian Heat pops him in the jaw with a right hand! And another! And another! And another! Colombian Heat whips James Riggs into the ropes. Heat follows the whip, clotheslining James Riggs over the top rope and onto the floor! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE And the OAOAST 24/7 Champion is in control of the OAOAST X-Division Champion in the early going! COACH If Colombian Heat wins the X-Division Title, it'll be the darkest day in the history of that belt. Even more so than when Dance Dance Dragon won it! "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" Staci goes ahead and checks on James. She's very worried for her husband. Colombian Heat motions for Riggs to get back in the ring, similar to what Riggs did before. The current OAOAST X-Division Champion slowly sits up, his eyes glazed over. JR slowly crawls around ringside, and uses the ring apron to pull himself to his knees. Staci continues checking on him. COLE James Riggs has been stunned by Colombian Heat's assault thus far in this match! COACH It's okay. He's taking a little pow-wow right now. He will recover. He WILL recover. Riggs slowly sits up, and rolls underneath the bottom rope, back into the ring. He sits up and tells Colombian Heat to back off for a few seconds. Colombian Heat, being the good babyface that he is, does so. James Riggs walks around the ring, holding his back in pain. Riggs puts his right hand out. Heat is a little puzzled. RIGGS COME ON! COLE I think Riggs is calling for a test of strength! COACH Good. Riggs holds a 50 pound weight advantage over Heat! This will be easy for him! Riggs points to his right hand, and tells Heat to touch it. CH hesitates a little, but then grabs Riggs' right hand. He then grabs Riggs' left hand. The two men engage in a test of strength. The crowd, not surprisingly, cheers for Heat. COACH COME ON RIGGS! COME ON JAMES! BRING HIM DOWN TO HIS KNEES! Both men struggle to put the other down onto his knees. James Riggs taunts Colombian Heat while in the test of strength. Heat's legs start to buckle. COACH Yes! Yes! Yes! Colombian Heat's legs are shaking. Heat falls to his left knee. The crowd boos. Riggs smiles evilly. COACH Colombian Heat is going down! I love it! Colombian Heat falls to his knees! Heat is feeling tremendous pain right now! COLE Colombian Heat is in a bad way here! Colombian Heat uses all of his strength to fight back. He gets up on his left knee again. James Riggs is surprised at this. The crowd starts cheering louder than before. Colombian Heat's hands start shaking. Riggs is shaking his head, same as Staci! COACH No! No! No! Not this! Not this! Heat slowly gets up. He soon gets to a vertical base, and has a look of ANGER on his face! Heat continues the test of strength, and soon, it is James Riggs' legs that start to buckle! Riggs is starting to fall...he falls...no he's still up! Riggs left knee hits the mat...then his right knee! The crowd cheers! COLE Colombian Heat has got James Riggs right on his knees! COACH No! No! No! No! No! DAMN IT! Colombian Heat taunts James Riggs. He then turns the test of strength into an arm-bar. While applying the arm-bar, Heat slaps JR across the face! COLE Returning the favour from earlier! COACH That no good thug! Unsportsmanlike conduct right there! Heat cinches the arm-bar tight. Riggs responds by punching Colombian Heat in the stomach, and then scratching his eyes! COLE Talk about unsportsmanlike conduct! COACH That was a terrific way to escape the arm-bar! An absolutely terrific way to do so! CH holds his eyes in pain. JR waits for Heat to get close to him, and then hits him with a picture perfect dropkick! Colombian Heat slowly gets back up. James Riggs hits him with another standing dropkick! Heat slowly gets back up again. JR hits him with a third standing dropkick! COACH Excellent dropkicks! Those were A++! JR drops an elbow across Heat's chest! He then drops another. And another! And another! Riggs picks Colombian Heat up and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. He follows with a clothesline! Riggs immediately covers Heat. 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! Riggs gets on top of Heat and starts punching him in the face. The crowd boos. In between punching him, Riggs grabs Heat and yells out, "THAT TITLE'S MINE!" Riggs gets up and drops a knee onto Heat's face. He goes for another cover. 1...2...KICK OUT! JR picks CH up. Riggs measures Colombian Heat up. He then fires with an enziguri...but Colombian Heat ducks, and Riggs hits the mat! Heat drops an elbow of his own...Riggs moves out of the way, and Heat hits nothing but mat! Riggs quickly hops on top of Colombian Heat and goes for the cover! ONE! TWO! KICK OUT!!! James Riggs applies a chinlock on Colombian Heat. COLE Riggs slowing the pace down, trying to stop the high-flying Colombian Heat from doing any high-flying! JR cinches the chinlock tight on Heat. Referee Nick Soapdish checks on Heat. Staci is slapping the mat, rooting James on. COACH Colombian Heat is weakening! He's weakening! I know he is! I can feel it! COLE Colombian Heat is trapped in the deadly chinlock! The fans start clapping all in unison. Heat waves his left hand in the air, motioning for the crowd to cheer louder. They do so. Heat sits on his right knee. He starts shaking his hands. He shakes them faster and faster. Colombian Heat slowly gets up, still in the chinlock. The crowd gets louder and louder. COACH No! No! No! No! Colombian Heat elbows James Riggs in the stomach! He does it again! And again! And again! He does it one more time, breaking the chinlock! The OAOAST 24/7 Champion whips the OAOAST X-Division Champion into the ropes--Riggs reverses--Heat bounces off the ropes--Riggs grabs him and goes for a hiptoss--Heat blocks it. Riggs tries again--Heat blocks it. Heat punches Riggs in the stomach, bending him over. The Colombian superstar then grabs James Riggs from behind, and brings him down to the mat with a backslide! 1... 2... 3!!!!!!!!!! KICK OUT!!! COLE A close fall right there! Both men get up at the same time. Both men charge at each other at the same time, but it is James Riggs who gets the upper hand, knocking Colombian Heat down with a clothesline! He then quickly covers Heat! It gets two! Riggs picks Colombian Heat up and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. JR puts his head down, so Heat jumps over him with a sunset flip! 1... 2... RIGGS REVERSES! 1... 2... HEAT REVERSES BACK! 1... 2... RIGGS REVERSES! 1... 2... HEAT REVERSES! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! Both men get up at the same time...and James Riggs fires off with a dropkick, knocking Heat down! Riggs applies a sleeperhold on Heat. COACH Oh yeah! A sleeperhold! That should do it! Riggs tightens the sleeperhold, with Nick Soapdish checking on Heat. Staci watches on intensely. COACH He defeated Heat once with a pinfall. No, he's gonna do it with a submission! James Riggs is a double threat! COLE Riggs applying the sleeperhold on the weakened Colombian Heat. "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" JR puts his feet on the second rope. 1...2...KICK OUT! Riggs puts his feet on the second rope again. 1...2...KICK OUT! Riggs puts his feet on the second ring rope again! 1...2...KICK OUT! JR puts his feet on the second ring rope once more! 1...2...KICK OUT! Riggs does it one more time! 1...2...KICK OUT!!! RIGGS DAMN IT! COACH Why can't he put Heat away!? COLE Because Heat has heart? Because Heat has determination? COACH Because Heat paid off the referee! COLE Oh, will you stop!? Seriously! James Riggs picks Heat up. He whips him into the ropes--Heat reverses--Heat puts his head down...so Riggs responds by grabbing Heat by his head and giving him a swinging neckbreaker! COACH Should have learned from Riggs' mistake, Heat! Riggs goes for the cover, putting his feet on the second ring rope! ONE! TWO! THREE! KICK OUT!!! COLE James Riggs is still trying to put Colombian Heat away and finally win the 24/7 Title! James Riggs tells the crowd to "SHUT UP!" which causes them to chant "LET'S GO HEAT!" loudly. Riggs picks the weakened and winded Colombian Heat up with a sneer on his face. Riggs taunts Heat and then takes him over to a turnbuckle corner. He slams Heat's head on the top turnbuckle pad! Riggs taunts Heat, and then slams his head on the top turnbuckle pad again. Riggs taunts Heat some more, and then slams Heat's head on the top turnbuckle pad for a third time...except Heat won't budge. Riggs tries again...Heat still won't budge. Heat grabs Riggs by his hair and slams his head on the top turnbuckle pad! He does it again! And again! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10! 11! 12! 13! 14! 15! 16! 17! 18! 19! 20! 21! But Heat holds onto Riggs and throws him into the turnbuckle. *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *CHOP!* "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Heat then switches to martial arts kicks all over Riggs' body. He gets Riggs good and hurt before finishing off with a jumping back kick to Riggs' jaw! This causes JR to slump all the way down to the mat with his head resting on the bottom turnbuckle pad. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Oh no! Not again! COLE Colombian Heat's feeling it! It's time to ride 'em cowboy! COACH Do you realize how queer you sounded just now? Even more so than usual? Heat has a wide smile on his face. Staci is shaking her head. Heat jogs on over to the opposite turnbuckle. Riggs is groggy on the bottom turnbuckle pad. Heat measures Riggs up, and then does the "low-rider" hand gesture. He then charges forward. COACH NOOOOOOO! Broncobuster on James Riggs! COLE Broncobuster! Broncobuster! Broncobuster! James Riggs once again feeling the Broncobuster! COACH Awww, it's bad enough he felt it at AngleSlam! He didn't need to feel it again! COLE Well, perhaps Colombian Heat felt differently! Colombian Heat gets off of Riggs and does a SHIMMY~! to the crowd's delight! CH pulls James Riggs out from the turnbuckle and measures him up. Heat punches Riggs in the face. Then he does it again. He punches Riggs in the face for a third time. Heat then DANCES~! And finishes his combo with a fourth punch, knocking Riggs down! COLE Shake, Rattle & Roll from Colombian Heat! Heat bounces off the ropes--which are pulled down by Staci! Heat goes flying over the top rope and onto the floor! COLE Damn it! That damn Staci! She pulled down the ropes! COACH No she didn't. COLE Yes she did! You saw it too! Staci interfered for her man! COACH She would never do such a thing! COLE Have you been watching Staci since she came to the OAOAST? COACH What kind of question is that? OF COURSE I have! The crowd boos. Staci tries to act innocent despite the fact that Colombian Heat is lying on the protective mats right next to her. And he looks to be in pain too. Referee Nick Soapdish begins his 10 count. COLE Oh boy. We could be in danger of a countout! COACH Countout!? Oh no! COLE Relax, Coach. Riggs will still retain the X-Division Championship. COACH But that's not the reason Riggs wanted this match! He WANTS the 24/7 Title! And he can't get that on a countout! That 10 count must not happen! COLE But what can James do? COACH He'll think of something. Colombian Heat pushes himself up onto his back. He then sits up, and clutches his right knee. He winces in pain while holding the knee. COLE It looks like Colombian Heat's right knee is in pain right now! COACH Gee, ya think? COLE He must have landed on it! Can we get an instant replay? The OAOAST Starbucks Double Shot Instant Replay shows Colombian Heat's tumble over the top rope and onto the floor. We see it again in slow motion, and we see Colombian Heat land awkwardly onto the protective mats. COLE He definitely landed wrong on that right knee! Heat might be injured! COACH Who cares? Just get him back into the ring so that this match can continue! Heat struggles to stand up. He cringes everytime he makes a move. CH uses the ring apron to pull himself slowly to his feet. While this goes on, James Riggs grabs Nick Soapdish as he makes the count of 7. This leads to an argument between Riggs and the referee. As this argument takes place, Colombian Heat stands up, slowly. He walks with a limp, trying to walk out the pain. But before he can do so, Staci charges forward and clips Colombian Heat's right knee! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Staci stands up and dusts herself off as though nothing happened. She smiles despite the booing. James Riggs was keeping an eye on Staci while arguing with the referee. COACH HA HA! Colombian Heat got taken down by a girl! COLE Staci is deliberately trying to make the pain worst! COACH She's just doing what any good manager should do. COLE I don't recall cheating being in the Manager's Handbook! COACH There's a Manager Handbook? Staci has a beaming smile on her face, a job well done. James gives his girl a thumbs up. He then blows her a kiss. Staci blushes. Colombian Heat lies on the outside, clutching his right knee in more pain. COLE Staci put herself in the line of fire, just to help her husband! COACH That's how much she loves James, Cole! She's willing to risk her life and limb just to help him win! She knows more than anybody how much he wants to become 24/7 Champion! James Riggs sees Heat lying on the outside. So, he decides there's no better time than now than to exit the ring and head on over to where Heat is laying. Riggs picks Colombian Heat up and throws him back into the ring. COLE James Riggs looks to have the advantage now! Heat's right knee is hurt! There's no question about that! Riggs heads back into the ring himself. A smile now appears on Riggs' face. He taunts the OAOAST 24/7 Champion, hurling insult after insult at him. He then kicks Heat in the face. COLE And now the OAOAST X-Division Champion is more confident than he was before! COACH And why shouldn't he be? He's got this match in the bag! Riggs slaps Colombian Heat upside the head several times. He then goes to pick him up-- COLOMBIAN HEAT ROLLS HIM UP!!! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! COLE So close! Heat was so close! James and Staci both cannot believe it! But Riggs' shock quickly turns to anger as he gets up. JR picks Colombian Heat up--HEAT GRABS RIGGS INTO A SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO! THREE! KICK OUT!!! COLE He almost had him again! He almost had him right there! COACH Don't lose sight of your mission, James! Remember, you're here to win the 24/7 Title! Remember that! Riggs gets up and stomps Colombian Heat in the breadbasket several times. He then goes to work on Heat's right knee, grabbing his right leg, and dropping elbow after elbow on the right knee. Colombian Heat screams out in pain with each elbow drop. Staci nods approvingly as James tugs on Heat's right leg, taunting him while doing so. "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" "HEAT!" COLE This crowd desperately trying to rally Colombian Heat back into this match, injured knee and all! COACH We are just seconds away from a new 24/7 Champion! SECONDS away! James Riggs tweaks Heat's right leg. He then kicks the right knee several times. Riggs grabs Colombian Heat's right leg and spins around--NO!--Colombian Heat boots Riggs on the ass, sending him through the ropes and onto the floor! COACH OH NO! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE James Riggs is down on the outside! But Colombian Heat isn't moving! Indeed. Heat lies on the mat, clutching his right knee. Meanwhile, Staci runs over to check on James. JR gets off, a little slower than before. Riggs tells his wife to back off, a look of determination on his face. He takes a moment to catch his breath on the outside, and then rolls back into the ring. After kicking Colombian Heat in the face, James Riggs grabs Heat's right leg, spins around...and applies a Figure Four Leglock on Colombian Heat! COACH OH YEAH! THIS IS IT! THIS IS IT! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The crowd is going nuts! Staci is also going nuts! Riggs has the Figure Four Leglock applied in the center of the ring. Nick Soapdish checks on Heat, asking him if he quits. An emphatic "NOOOOOO!" is Heat's response. COLE James Riggs has the Figure Four locked on! They're in the center of the ring! Colombian Heat could lose the 24/7 Title right now! COACH COME ON! COME ON! GIVE UP! GIVE UP! GIVE UP FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR CAREER HEAT! GIVE UP! Riggs is also yelling for Heat to give up. But the Colombian superstar refuses to submit! Instead, Heat tries to turn to his side, in an attempt to reverse the hold. But he is unable to turn around, even after several tries. COLE Can you imagine the pain Colombian Heat is feeling? His right knee must be shredded by now! COACH He's risking his career by not submitting! He'll lose, but if his knee is gone, he'll never get a rematch! COLE Colombian Heat refuses to give in! He does NOT want to lose the 24/7 Title, ESPECIALLY to James Riggs! The crowd claps their hands in unison, in a vain attempt to rally Colombian Heat back into this match. Heat keeps trying to turn, but is just unable to. Riggs laughs manically at Heat's predicament. Nick Soapdish once again asks Heat if he gives up, but Heat gives him a profanity in reply. COLE James Riggs could quite possibly leave this arena a double champion in just a few moments! COACH THIS IS IT! THIS IS IT! Colombian Heat lies on the mat. The referee counts. Heat sits up at 2! Heat is trying to fight through the pain, but the look on his face tells us that the pain is unbearable. Colombian Heat tries a last minute effort to stop the Figure Four Leglock...by punching James Riggs in the face! The punches stagger Riggs, but the submission hold is still applied. COLE Heat with a desperation move! Heat continues punching James Riggs, nailing him with left jabs to the face! The punches get faster and presumably stronger as the crowd gets louder and louder. Riggs is now a little dazed and confused, but the Figure Four Leglock is still applied. Finally, Heat grabs James Riggs by his hair and gives him a right jab square in the nose, and it is with this that the Figure Four Leglock is finally stopped, much to the crowd's delight. COLE Colombian Heat fought his way out of the Figure Four Leglock! COACH I knew he would get desperate! He knew there was no way he was gonna survive the Figure Four Leglock any longer! He resorted to his thug tactics once again! COLE Colombian Heat didn't do anything even remotely thuggish! He just used his fists to escape a submission hold! Nothing wrong with that! COACH Yes there is! James Riggs should be the 24/7 Champion right now! COLE Well, Heat didn't submit. So the match must continue! Riggs and Heat both lie on the mat, both men feeling fatigued, with Heat still feeling pain in his right knee. The crowd is buzzing, feeling that the end is near. James Riggs slowly gets up, breathing hard and sweating up a storm. Half of the crowd starts booing him, while the other half roots for Colombian Heat to get up. Riggs stumbles a little bit around the ring, trying to get the blood flowing again. COLE Colombian Heat is still on the mat! COACH And he ain't getting up. JR jaw jacks with the fans, and then picks Colombian Heat up. COLOMBIAN HEAT NAILS JAMES RIGGS WITH THE PELE KICK~!!!!!! (With the left leg, 'natch.) COLE Pele Kick! Colombian Heat got him with the Pele Kick! COACH Awww, he can hit it from anywhere! James Riggs is kissing the canvas! Colombian Heat is also lying on his stomach. Staci is fretful for her husband, while the crowd has come alive once again! COLE Colombian Heat surprised James Riggs with the Pele Kick! Despite a hurt knee, Colombian Heat managed to fire off the Pele Kick to the shock and awe of James Riggs! COACH Okay! He got lucky right there! I'll admit it! But his luck just ran out! James is still conscious, so he can still win this match! COLE Heat normally does the Pele Kick with his right foot, but he just switched it for tonight! Good idea from Heat! Heat and Riggs both crawl around the ring. Staci rooting for James, the fans rooting for Heat. Colombian Heat and James Riggs both use the ropes to pull themselves up. They both get to a vertical base at the same time, at opposite sides of the ring. Heat is still nursing his right knee. Riggs has an angry look on his face. He charges forward, hands over his head, towards Heat. Heat punches Riggs in the face! He nails JR with several forearms to the temple! Heat then hooks Riggs up. Pimp Juice! COLE Pimp Juice from Colombian Heat! Heat goes for the cover. 1...2...LEFT SHOULDER UP! COLE That could have been it right there! We could have had a new X-Division Champion right there! The crowd is disappointed that that wasn't the finish. Colombian Heat is disappointed to, but he fights on, bad knee and all. Heat gets up, holding his right knee the whole way through. He picks James Riggs up. He then places Riggs in a standing headscissors. Heat lifts Riggs up in the air, and then runs forward...but collapses onto the mat! Riggs lands on his feet, and takes the advantage, covering Heat! COLE ONE! TWO! Hegothimnohedidn't! Riggs sits up and punches Heat in the face. He then grabs Heat--HEAT ROLLS HIM UP! 1... 2... KICK OUT!!! COLE New X-Division Champion! COACH Spoke too soon, Cole. Riggs gets up and picks Colombian Heat right back up. He kicks Heat in his right knee. He then goes for an Irish Whip--Heat reverses--short arm clothesline! Riggs gets up. Another clothesline! Riggs gets back up. Another clothesline! Riggs is up again! Clothesline! Riggs on his feet! Clothesline! Riggs is back up! Clothesline! Clothesline! Clothesline! Colombian Heat puts his hands around his throat and pretends to gag! COLE He's going for it! He's going for the Colombian Necktie! COACH DAMNIT! NO! Colombian Heat picks James Riggs up. He then kicks him in the gut (with his left leg), and then hooks him up. COACH No! No! No! Colombian Heat looks at the crowd, looks at Staci, and then looks up at James and smiles. Heat lifts James Riggs up high into the air to a loud pop from the crowd! COLE He's got him up! He's got him hooked! COACH Get down, James! Get down! CH smiles at the crowd. He lets the blood rush to Riggs' head before dropping down--NO! Heat's right knee starts to ache! Heat's right leg falls to the mat, and so does the rest of his body and Riggs! COLE Oh! Colombian Heat's right knee gave out! His knee couldn't hold up any longer! COACH Whoa! Fate actually worked in my favour for once! Colombian Heat sits on the mat, clutching his right knee. James Riggs slowly gets up. He is groggy, but when he sees Heat sitting on the mat, he knows just what to do. Riggs heads to a turnbuckle corner...charges forward...and crushes Heat's face with his right foot! COLE That was like a miniature version of the Rolling Koppou Kick! COACH Yeah! And it worked just as well as the real version! The crowd groans when Riggs' foot meets Heat's face! Staci, on the other hand, lets out a joyous scream. Riggs quickly covers Colombian Heat, hooking his right leg, to add insult to injury! Referee Nick Soapdish counts. 1... 2... 2 1/2 2.9999999999999999999999999999999999 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *DING DING DING* (16:45) COLE James Riggs has done it! We got a new 24/7 Champion! COACH YES! YES! YES! FINALLY! Staci jumps up and down in joyous celebration. James Riggs raises his hands in victory and lets out a primal scream. The crowd is more stunned than angry, as Colombian Heat's 24/7 Title reign has come to an end. COLE James Riggs is now a double champion, less than a year after making his OAOAST debut! COACH I knew his time would come! I KNEW IT! I was right! You hate to admit it, but I was right! JR Nation has more reason to celebrate! Colombian Heat's 24/7 Title reign is OVAH~! DONE! FINISH! FINITO! GONE! ENDED! NO MORE! GOOD BYE! "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing. The fans now begin booing, as the reality has set in. Colombian Heat still lies on the mat, holding his right knee in tremendous pain. Riggs is on his hands and knees and is looking up at the ceiling. BUFFER Here is your winner...STILL One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion...and NEW One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion of the worrrrrrlllllldddddddddddddddddddddddddd...JAMMMMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS RIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Nick Soapdish hands JR the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt, and then the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt. Riggs throws the X-Division Title belt aside and clutches the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt against his chest. He breathes a sigh of relief, and then kisses the Title belt. COLE James Riggs has been gunning for the 24/7 Championship since July. And now tonight, on September 20, 2007, he has won the 24/7 Title for the first time in his career! Although you can't help but think he had some help to do so! COACH Oh there you go. Every time James Riggs wins a match, you say he had some help! What makes you think that? COLE Well, Staci DID pull the top rope down, which caused Colombian Heat to fall out of the ring, which caused Heat to injure his right knee, which buckled when he tried to do the Colombian Necktie. COACH How are they all connected? Riggs was going to win eventually! He was the better wrestler! And besides, Heat hurt his knee 10-20 minutes ago? If it was all thanks to Staci that James won, wouldn't the match have ended in like 2-3 minutes? Staci DID help James, but not in the way you think. She motivated him, and now, the man has not one, but TWO Titles to carry around! Isn't that great!? COLE Great for James, absolutely. But not so great for these fans, OR Colombian Heat! COACH Bah! Who cares? Colombian Heat is now beltless! He is going home tonight a LOSER! That's right! A LOSER! Meanwhile, my man Riggs is going home not only with Staci, but with the X-Division AND 24/7 Championships! It is a great time to be James Riggs! Riggs has Nick Soapdish raise his hands in victory, this time while holding the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt. Staci enters the ring, making sure to step over Colombian Heat while making her way to her man. She gives him a big kiss and holds him while Riggs orders the ref to hand him the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt. Nick Soapdish does so. James Riggs stands in the ring, holding the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt with his left hand, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt with his right hand while Staci holds him tight as "Dani California" continues playing. The crowd boos LOUDLY. Riggs responds to the booing with a chuckle then goes back to his cocky smirk. Staci sighs, looking lovingly at her husband. Nick Soapdish checks on Colombian Heat. COLE That man right there has all the gold right now! James Riggs is now the holder of TWO of the six OAOAST single titles. COACH He has been on a roll since July, Mikey Cole! AngleSlam was just a speed bump! He's recovered quite nicely hasn't he? He holds not one, but TWO victories over Colombian Heat, while Colombian Heat only has one little victory over James Riggs! Awww. Ah well, no use crying over spilled milk. It's time to celebrate! And I'm sure James and Staci will celebrate all night long! COLE He has been persistent, and his persistence finally paid off tonight. He's gotten what he wanted. He is the 24/7 Champion. COACH You're damn right he is! He is YOUR NEW OAOAST 24/7 Champion! No longer will Colombian Heat soil the Title by just wearing it! We once again have a 24/7 Champion we can be proud of! I am SOOOO looking forward to his 24/7 Title reign! COLE Riggs is gonna have to be extra careful. He has TWO belts he has to defend now! COACH He can do it! He's James mother f'in Riggs! He can do anything! COLE He can't seem to win a match without help from his wife. COACH Oh, I KNOW you didn't just say what I think you just said! Tell me you didn't just say that! COLE I did. COACH BITCH! YOU LITTLE-- COLE Stop it, Coach! Don't make me call security! Let's look at the replay! James Riggs kisses the X-Division Championship belt, and then kisses the 24/7 Championship belt. James and Staci leave the ring. Riggs has the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder, and the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his left shoulder. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to Staci pulling the top ring rope down and Colombian Heat crashing onto the outside. COACH Okay so, Colombian Heat clumsily fell out of the ring, hurting his right knee in the process. And yeah, Staci touched the knee, but that didn't do any damage. It was when my man Riggs attacked that knee like a vulture, further injuring it, THAT is when the damage was done. At one point, Heat hit Riggs with the Pele Kick, but so what? That was a lucky shot. When he had the chance to finish the match, uh-oh, his knee gave out! Colombian Heat fell, and thank God JR didn't break his neck when he fell! Then, this is the best part, watch...BOOM! JR hit Colombian Heat with an innovative version of the Rolling Koppou Kick! He just KILT IT right there! James Riggs made the cover. 1! 2! 3! Your winner, STILL the OAOAST X-Division Champion...and NEW OAOAST 24/7 Champion, James Riggs! JR Nation, you better get the party started tonight! COLE 'Clumsily fell out of the ring?' Staci just 'touched' the knee? COACH Don't play coy with me, Michael! You KNOW that's what happened! COLE Oh come on. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Nick Soapdish is still checking on Colombian Heat's right knee. COLE Colombian Heat is still in the ring. His right knee could be seriously injured! COACH Good. That just makes my night even better! First Riggs gets rid of Dance Dance Dragon, now he gets rid of Colombian Heat! COLE Colombian Heat may be following in Dance Dance Dragon's footsteps, unfortunately! Hopefully, the injury isn't *too* bad. COACH What do you mean 'hopefully', Michael? Colombian Heat can go jump off a bridge for all I care. COLE I shouldn't have expected you to have sympathy for your fellow man. COACH Not when that man is Colombian Heat. The less dancing fools in the One And Only AngleSault Thread, the better! COLE Wonderful. Well, you'll never be nominated for the Humanitarian of the Year Award, I can tell you that much. James Riggs and Staci walk up the entrance ramp, Riggs holding both his Title belts. Colombian Heat watches the two walking on the AngleTron. COACH Sad how a girl named Staci once again screwed Colombian Heat over, isn't it? COLE But I thought you said Staci had nothing to do with James' victory! COACH Uh...well, she didn't...but in a way...she did screw Heat over...just by being at ringside? COLE You're something else, Coach. You know that? You're something else. Anyway fans, the fact of the matter is James Riggs is the winner in this Champion vs. Champion match. He is now a double champion, while Colombian Heat goes home empty handed. Colombian Heat's 24/7 Title reign has come to an end at the hands of one of his biggest enemies, which must surely make this loss sting even worst than it already does! Hopefully, Colombian Heat will turn out all right. Doctors will check on his knee as soon as possible. But for now, the reality is that James Riggs is the current OAOAST X-Division AND 24/7 Champion! What a night in the career of James Riggs! A night he will surely never forget! Fans, we'll be right back right after this with more HeldDOWN~! James Riggs and Staci stand on the entrance stage. Riggs throws up a "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal, and some other pseudo-gang signs, mocking Colombian Heat. Staci does a SHIMMY~! of her own, which pops the crowd. James puts a stop to that. James Riggs slings the OAOAST X-Division Championship belt over his left shoulder, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt over his right shoulder. He then puts his right arm over Staci's shoulders, and the two of them laugh maniacally. Colombian Heat is both pissed off and hurt over his loss and his bad right knee. James and Staci leave through the entrance doors as "Dani California" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers continues playing. Colombian Heat watches them leave on the AngleTron. This is the last image we see before we fade to black. FADE TO BLACK * COMMERCIAL BREAK* lmao i fell asleep midway through posting, after drinking cuz of another dodgers loss Terry Taylor is backstage chilling in the interview section with Chicks Over Dicks,. The backstage area is decorated to look like a whimsical game room, with a pool table in the middle, air hockey off to the side, video screens showing various sports games on the wall, and OAOAST paraphenellia on the wall. Both the girls wear Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim jerseys in honor of the only decent baseball in LA County. Wait, the Angels play in Orange County. FUCK. TAYLOR Ladies and gentlemen, Terry Taylor backstage with One and Only World Tag Team Champs, four time title holders, America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks. Girls, in ten days at Zero Hour you have a title match with a team that may have flown under the radar in the OAOAST, but still has a very impressive won-loss record, The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew. Now... KRISTA Press pause, Double T, because as America's Sweethearts we gotta due our duty and speak to land of the thief and the home of the snake, because god damn it, Terry, the issues in this country, they are a pressing! ALIX For really-yo! Homegirl ain't even speaking on the fact that six black students are being hung out to dry by a corrupt Louisiana legal system, or the fact that interests rates are pretty much going to shoot our economy into a hell. Who gives a crap about all that stupid junk? She's talking about the treatment of a true American hero like George Washington, Abe Lincoln, Martin Luther King, or the brave men and women of the Beverly Hills fire department who risked their lunch break to rescue Krista's cat from a tree. Too bad the reason it was in the tree in the first place, was because I had to hide it from Krista after I found out antifreeze is even a worse topping for cat food then it is for human food! Ugh! Do you know how hard it was to fit her grandfather in the dumpster? Sooooooo, who's this American hero, you haven't asked? Why, it's none other then...oh poopie I forget! KRISTA Dummy, how can you forget the last of the real American Heroes, Kevin Federline? Terry Taylor, in my recent surfing of Perezhilton.com, to see if that pink haired yeast infection has in fact been tossed into a pool of AIDs filled syringes, I uncovered a tragedy far worse then Hurricane Katrina, because this didn't happen to mostly ethnic minorities. Someone may have put a contract killing on K-fed! If you'll pardonnez Alix's français, TAYLOR (interrupting obv) According to the feds the case is closed and no contract was taken out. KRISTA Attention LAX passengers, someone has left a bag of shut the hell up on the concourse, please come and claim it. Now as I was saying, if you'll pardonnez Alix's français, ALIX The whiteman is fuckin up! First voting Jason Whaler number two on Celebrity Rap Superstar, go Kendra!, now K-Fed's getting eighty sixed? Where's the pity for your z-list celebs? God, our broken vibrators have more buzz then K-fed! Who knew lighting ten inch vibrators on fire would increase only our insurance payment and not the spice in the bedroom? KRISTA James Dobson is right, America is a land of unpardonable sin. America, you wanna go Collateral, Tom Cruise style on a functioning downs syndrome suffer! I, being the kind hearted clean living soul that I am, like to imagine that God installs some kind of fail safe in people with Downs that kills them by shooting concentrated beams of happiness and sunshine, and puppies directly into their hearts, but you sick sadistic creeps think its cool to turn them into a human game of Duck Hunt. ALIX Did you do drive bys on Forest Gump? Burn crosses on Rainman's lawn? No way Jose? Then shame on you! Shame, shame, shame! KRISTA Far be it for me to discourage the violent pursuits of a nation of disgruntled gun toting white men in Confederate flag t-shirts that read “You wear your X, I'll wear mine”, and pickup trucks boasting the infamous “AIDS KILL FAGS QUICK” bumper sticker, but if we're going to mow down random celebrities, can we at least target ones that may possibly be smarter then the little present my dog left in Angelina Jolie's driveway yesterday morning? ALIX Its super bitching if ya want to adopt like an entire Vietnamese village, while American babies suffer at the expense of their crack addicted, unemployed moms, but keep 'em off my frggign' Tulips! Jeesh! TAYLOR Girls, should we really be encouraging people to act fantasies of violence? ALIX Terry, what kind of hella rad role models would we be if we didn't? Psychopaths at home, close up that notebook that details how you're gonna slaughter every girl who's rejected your sexual advances, and listen to Miss Ally! You're lame ass therapist may be all like, acting out intentions of homicide is wrong and blah, blah, blippity bloop! Uh, hello? Since when do mental health professionals know anything about mental health? Krista's therapist told me that if she took another cocktail of twenty Tylenol, and two bottles of tequila, she'd keel right on over. Well thirty minutes of getting her stomach pumped at Cedars Sinai and we were only twenty minutes late for the Emmys! What I'm trying to say is sniffing underwear is fun no matter if Jodie Foster threatens to call the cops if you don't get out her bedroom in ten minutes. Also, we have the right to bear arms to protect ourselves against Alexander Hamilton's federalist troops! But they're not around for some weird reason. Soooooo howsabout we just kill-kill-kill the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew instead! KRISTA You don't really have to kill them, per se. Unless your OJ, who at this point could rape the vice president and toss him off a speeding train in the middle of the Pope's Christmas mass, and get off with community service. But for the rest of you this is what we ask, if you should ever see The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew, do not hesitate to beat their ass, hit 'em with sticks, bricks, knives, rocks, bats, croquet mallets, ALIX Useless garbage like Kelly Clarkson's last album, KRISTA throw things at 'em, bitch slap 'em, treat 'em like man hoes, do it for me, do it for me do it for Alix, do it for D*LUX, do it for the OAOAST, do it because your X-Box 360 got the three redlights of doom and you've got nothing else to do, ALIX Do it because despite your numerous appeals the state of California deems you're not fit to be within sixty feet of Jodie Foster. KRISTA do it just to do it, they're weak, they won't hit you back, they're nothing. Look a year from now, you'll be out eating at Denny's and they'll be there bussing the tables, cleaning the toilets, because they've got no future in this business. None. Rico says he wants The Wrecking Crew to be the number one tag team? You simple jackass, the only way you could ever taste number one is if you dipped your head in an unflushed toilet. Gentlemen, Alix may have a heart sweeter then candy, but for me the America's sweetheart nickname is just that, a nickname. I'm one bad lipstick butch, who likes her liquor dark, her drugs white, and her asses beat black and blue. And if you cross that line into Memphis, Tennessee, I can't promise you that you'll ever cross back over. That's all I have to say about that. TAYLOR My! Girls, thanks once again for your comments and honesty. K-Fed, you have a friend in COD, and Jesus. With that we head to commercial break.... COMING UP NEXT ZACK MALIBU. LANDON MADDIX. PRL. YOUR MAINEVENT NEXT COMMERCIAL BREAK

We return to live action with a shot Cole and Coach, once again standing in front of an orange lit ring. COLE Right now, we'd like to get you up to speed with some footage from our Syndicated broadcast from this past weekend. A couple of weeks ago, we showed you the closing stages of a match between Jamie O'Hara and James Blonde, when Nathaniel Black got VERY involved at the expense of Jamie O'Hara. Well, this past weekend, O'Hara was given an opportunity to try and extract some revenge, albeit against the three hundred pound Samoan Wrecking Ball, Faqu. Well, once again, Nathaniel Black got involved, as we can show you right now. ***** The footage begins to roll with Faqu tied up in the ropes, Andre The Giant style and O'Hara giving all he has with some wild right hands. James Blonde is on the outside and going crazy at the referee for not doing anything to help his partner. COLE (VOICEOVER) And here you see, after a absorbing a lot of punishment from the big Samoan, O'Hara finally caught a break. But his luck didn't last long... As O'Hara finally stops punching, Blonde climbs to the apron and tries to help the referee untie his partner. This distraction though allows NATHANIEL BLACK to roll into the ring! COLE (VOICEOVER) In would come Nathaniel Black, with the referee distracted... spins O'Hara around and... *WHAM!* Black nails O'Hara with a Lariat so hard, it literally turns The Birmingham Bad Boy inside out!! COLE (VOICEOVER) ...unseen by the referee, a vicious clothesline from Black would turn the tide. Black quickly slides out of the ring just as Faqu is freed. Faqu shakes away the abuse he took a few seconds ago and stalks over to O'Hara, picking him up off the canvas. SCHIAVONE The referee didn't see a thing. And now, Jesse, O'Hara is defenceless! VENTURA Well so was Faqu and I didn't hear you complaining Schiavone! SCHIAVONE This is totally different and you know it! Nathaniel Black isn't involved in this match, this is basically three on one and now, O'Hara is helpless! Faqu drags the lifeless Birmingham Bad Boy to his feet, or as close as possible. Butterflying the arms, The Samoan Wrecking Ball then lets out a loud war cry, before lifting O'Hara up AND SPIKING HIM ON HIS HEAD WITH THE DOUBLE UNDERHOOK PILEDRIVER!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" VENTURA Death By Samoan! You could count to a thousand and he wouldn't kick out! Cover by Faqu... 1... 2... 3!! *DINGDINGDING!* PENZER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL", FFAAAAAQQUUUUUU!! ***** COLE Well, after the match, the trio of Black, Blonde and Faqu were cornered by Jesse Ventura and they had this to say! ***** More Syndicated footage, with the aforementioned trio in a locker room with Jesse. BLACK Yeh know, I am sick an' I am tired of Jamie O'Hara. I've been trackin' that scrawny little jackmonkey for damn near four months now an' I still 'aven't made myself clear to all these Yanks. They all think I'm in the wrong, just 'cause I'm an Englishman an'! They aut'amatically go against us just 'cause we're the foreigners. These two 'ere, they've 'ad to put up with it just like me. From the fans, to the refs, to the match makers, to the front office... everybody! VENTURA Nathaniel, I hate to interrupt you here, but Jamie O'Hara IS a foreigner. BLACK He ain't a foreigner! He sure as 'ell ain't British anyway, not really. All of that 'bling' or whatever the 'ell it's called, talkin' like he's some sorta braindead DefJam tosser. He's a disgrace to my country an' I ain't gonna rest so long as he's walkin' around the OAOAST. There's nothin' I enjoy more than knockin' out teeth of people like 'im. An' that's exactly what I did tonight! If there one type of person I 'ate more than those stinkin' Yanks out there, it's people who wanna be stinkin' Yanks! Jamie O'Hara, he ain't a real Englishman. He ain't a true Brit like me. He ain't built with the same bulldog spirit like Nathaniel Black an' I will do whatever it takes to prove that to the world. I am more of an Englishman than Jamie O'Hara in every way possible. It's as simple as that. ***** COLE Well, developments over the past few days. On OAOAST.com, Jamie O'Hara has this exclusively to say regarding Nathaniel Black. ***** Cut to Jamie O'Hara, sat on the swings in a pretty rundown looking playground. O'HARA So, Nathaniel Black says that I ain't a real Englishman? Man, you clearly ain't heard the buzz, dawg. I'm the Birmingham Bad Boy! I'm the Midlands' most undeniable superstar, that's for real. Ain't nobody in Birmingham who says I ain't English enough. So, I ain't gonna let some London wideboy wanker try an' make out any different! Now, I heard ya'll were talkin' some crap about how you were "more of an Englishman than Jamie O'Hara in e'ry way possible". Blacky, were I come from, those is fightin' words. Sounds like you're tryin'ta lay out a challenge to the big J-OH! So, I've been thinkin' 'bout it an' I've been thinkin', 'what better way to find out who's the better Brit'? An' the way I see it, we ain't got too many options. Let's face it mate, I ain't the most famous Brit in the US. And you ain't neither. It's mah boy Becks! An' how does Becks do? O'Hara stands up, picking up a SOCCER BALL from the floor. O'HARA Oh yeah. How 'bout this mate, you wanna see who the best Englishman is? You an' me, penalty shootout. Now, I know us Brits ain't all that hot on the penners all the time. So, that just goes to prove who's really hot an' who ain't. So, I'll see yeh in Memphis an' we'll settle it like men from 12 yards. How's about that? OUT! ***** COLE So, it seems like we've got a little bit of a challenge on the table. Jamie O'Hara, challenging Nathaniel Black to a Penalty Shootout to determine who the true Englishman really is. Have you ever heard anything like it Coach? COACH Is that, like, soccer? COLE Uhm, yes. COACH Well, as an American, I'm trained not to care one iota. But, as a Nathaniel Black fan, I hope he wipes the floor with O'Hara. So long as I don't have to pretend I know what's going on while it's happening. COLE Why change the habit of a lifetime? OHHHHH, BALLIN'! More HeldDOWN coming right up. COMMERCIAL BREAK

OAOAST HELDDOWN IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY Sydney White-Starring Amanda Bynes Rhapsody-Think it. Hear It. And... Dorito Collisions-Two bold flavors. One bag. Backstage we go, into the locker room of our very own Franchise, Zack Malibu. Why we're in Zack's locker room while he's in the middle of a presumably private phone conversation isn't clear but hey, it's wrestling. As Zack continues to talk away as you would if you didn't realise you were being watched, his locker room door begins to open though. And much to The Franchise's surprise, LANDON MADDIX breezes in. MADDIX Can I have... Zack, looking very surprised still under his scowl, holds up a hand to Maddix. MALIBU (down the phone) Just give me a second wouldya. Setting down his phone, Zack stands up, ready to fight. MALIBU What the hell do you want? MADDIX Relax, relax. I've got a proposition for you, one you might be pretty interested in. MALIBU Why would I be interested in anything you have to say? MADDIX Well, hear me out here, okay? Jeez. Look, we don't agree on much. We don't see eye to eye on many things, if any. But after what happened last week, I think we can both agree on one thing... Tha Puerto Rican can not be trusted. Scoffing under his breath, Zack shakes his head and sits back down. MALIBU Tell me something I don't know. MADDIX Right, so, we can both agree that he's a conniving little son of a bitch who we both hate. MALIBU (glances up) Sure. And I deal with those kinda people every day here. If that was meant at a shot at Landon, it flies over his head. MADDIX Okay, but here's the thing, we shouldn't even have to be dealing with him. I'm the reigning World Heavyweight Champion, you're the former Champion... what is PRL? He's a distraction. So he won some battle royal, got himself a title shot? He lost at AngleSlam. HE lost, I pinned him... with your help, I guess... anyway, the important point is, PRL doesn't deserve this rematch at Zero Hour! By rights it should be you and me, one on one. Deep down, that's what you want and don't try to kid me and tell me any different. And for that to happen, we need to get rid of PRL. Now, I've pulled a few strings and I've got us a Handicap Match tonight, you and me versus PRL... MALIBU (chuckling to himself) You have got to be kidding me. MADDIX Wha... MALIBU You do realise I know you gave PRL this exact same speech last week, right? What's changed? A little matter of a superkick to the face perhaps? Come on Maddix, what did you think was going to happen, you coming in here offering to TEAM with me. MADDIX Don't think of it like that. Think of it as using a situation to your advantage. Come on Zack, think of yourself for once! You live your life for those people out there, being their 'Franchise', doing what they want. Be selfish for once. Do this for you. Not for me, you! Come on Zack! Standing back up, Zack stares at Landon, still looking mildly amused. MALIBU You know, you are so full of crap... MADDIX Now, come on... MALIBU ...but, I'm not doing anything else tonight. And hey, maybe I'll get to pin PRL like I pinned you last week. So, what the hell, you've got a partner tonight. MADDIX And I can trust you. Because, you're a trustworthy guy, right? MALIBU Sure. You can take my word, I won't walk out on you tonight. Looking like he can hardly believe his luck, Landon looks ready to hug his arch-rival for a second before realising just what he's doing. He settles for patting Zack on the shoulder, which still earns him a dirty look, pumping an encouraging fist to his makeshift partner before leaving the locker room with a big smile on his face. Hands on hips, Zack shakes his head and picks up the phone again. MALIBU Candie, you hear all that? ..... Yeah, can you believe that kid? COMMERCIAL BREAK

We return to a wide arena shot, which sees every member of the audience mug for their thirty seconds of camera time. But ten seconds is all they'll collectively get before we settle on dance club chic entry way... James Brown‘s “Living in America” plays the flag waving All-American Boys to the ring. BUFFER The following contest on HeldDOWN~!, tag team action scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave…FREEDOM and LIBERTY…THE ALL-AMERICAN BOYS!! “YYEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!” COLE How about that, Coach? We now know the names of these masked patriots. Freedom and Liberty. I love it. COACH Especially in airport restrooms! “Money Talks” by AC/DC hits and the crowd immediately begins to direct its venom towards the two guys, a girl and a briefcase. BUFFER And their opponents, accompanied by their Chief Financial Officer MACKENZIE DECENZO, representing the Enterprise, the former One & Only World tag team champions…THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Theodore laughs manically as he climbs up the steel steps flashing the universal sign of money (fingers). Inside, Mackenzie helps CW remove his red jacket, revealing a physique that would pass any Wellness Policy in the world (because he‘s The Natural, silly). COLE Here are the men who will square off against The Love Doctors at Zero Hour. With more on that, The Love Doctors have these pre-recorded comments. * SWOOSH * The Love Doctors appear in a small box at the upper left hand corner of the screen in their scrubs and lab coats. DR. MAX Money may be able to buy a lot of things, but one thing it can’t buy is our obligation to the patients of Windy City Hospital and fans around the world. DR. STEVEN Theodore Moneymaker, Christian Wright, you guys go on and on about the power of money, claiming how easy it would be to destroy us personally and professionally. Sunday night, September 30th you’ll have the opportunity to put your money where your mouth is. But I can promise you this right now: it won’t be easy as you think. * SWOOSH * COLE Strong words from The Love Doctors, who picked up a huge win over the Heavenly Rockers last week on the program. COACH Thanks to a little help from the Angels of Death. I bet they got free gynecological exams in exchange. * DINGDINGDING * Christian Wright and Freedom begin with a collar-and-elbow tie-up, and Wright plants the tip of the boot into the midsection of Freedom, doubling him over, then snaps his head straight back with a hard European uppercut. CW chops the masked patriot against the ropes and tags in Theodore Moneymaker after an Irish whip. The Billion Dollar Heir follows up a well placed forearm to the gut with a BILLION $ KNEELIFT! COLE Beautifully executed. MACKIE COACH Speaking of beautiful, Mackenzie DeCenzo loves what she’s seeing. Her tandem looking sharp going into Zero Hour, Sunday night, September 30th live on pay-per-view. Rather than go for the pin Theodore slams Freedom near his corner and allows him to make the tag. As Liberty steps through the ropes, Moneymaker clubs him across the shoulders and snap mares him over to the mat, dropping A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS onto his face! But the Billion Dollar Heir goes to the well one too many times, driving his fist into the canvas on a second attempt. He whipped in and back dropped, then brought to the mat in a side headlock. Moneymaker refuses to stay on the ground for long, immediately returning to a vertical base. Without delay he shoots Liberty into the Enterprise side of the ring, where Christian Wright delivers a knee to the spine of the back! COACH It’s the little things Wright and Moneymaker do right, Cole. They’re by far the smartest tag team in wrestling today. Not to mention the richest! CW drapes Liberty across his shoulders and tumbles forward, crashing all his weight onto the proud American with the BANK ROLL! Then he pops to his feet and SPEARS Freedom off the apron! “OH!” Wright’s next act of business is to elevate Liberty for a suplex, only to drop him flat on his face! COLE Stockmarket Crash! And that’ll do it. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners, THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! COLE Impressive outing for the Enterprise. What a match it should be at Zero Hour between them and The Love Doctors. Mackie raises her team’s hands in victory. Highlights of the match are replayed , freezing on the aforementioned shot of the Enterprise celebrating their win before going to… COMMERCIAL BREAK

OAOAST babe reporter Maggie Nerdly greets us atop the world famous interview stage with a smile that’d melt your heart and harden your dick. MAGGIE Hey, you guys. Don’t touch that remote because the raddest and baddest action on television will resume in just a moment. But right now I’d like to introduce a couple of independent women who played a key role in last week’s Heavenly Rockers-Love Doctors match. So ya’ll give a warm KFC welcome to my sister Melody and her non-Nerdly sister BFF Holly-Wood, the Angels of Death!! “YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Another Body Murdered blares overhead, and the Angels of Death receive a thunderous ovation. Maggie and Melody share a family moment, which Holly declines to be apart of despite Melody’s constant nagging. MAGGIE In the interest of equal time, the Heavenly Rockers were also offered an opportunity to speak here tonight, but they’ve REFUSED all media requests. You ladies have rattled their cages going into Zero Hour. MELODY Normally I’d be against disturbing animals, Maggs, but Synth and Logan are two dogs who deserve to be put down! Instead of counting down the days to the release of Halo 3, I’ve had to deal with those nitwits. They injured Jock and Baron and they’ve tried to intimidate me out of professional wrestling. Well, let me tell you something, Heavenly Rockers. I ain’t afraid of you. You may be bigger and stronger than me, but Holly has taught me everything I need to know about defending myself. With her as my partner and the support of the fans, it won’t be a beautiful day for you at Zero Hour. MAGGIE Wow, M, I’ve never seen you so confident. Holly must have you training 24/7. MELODY Oh, gosh, that’s the best part -- I’m not! Jock and Baron think it’s a mistake and offered to train us while they recover from their injuries, but Holly told me she’s been in the biz over 3 years and hasn’t bothered to learn anything other than your basic moves, you know, body slams and stuff. If it’s good enough for her, it’s good enough for me. Holly’s so calm and collect she’s cooler than the other side of the pillow! MAGGIE Holly, by no means am I a wrestling expert, but…uh…shouldn’t you guys be training a little harder? I mean, M’s idea of wrestling is something out of “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon“ -- lots of high wire acrobats -- and the Heavenly Rockers are former tag team champions. They’ll be able to exploit your weaknesses. HOLLY Um, excuse me, but have you ever wrestled? MAGGIE No. HOLLY Have you ever managed the World tag team champions? MAGGIE Nope. HOLLY Then what do you know about wrestling? Oh, I know. Nothing! MAGGIE All right, geez. I’m sorry. Don’t get so defensive about your methods. HOLLY Which has proven to be quite successful, thank you very much. I’m richer and more famous than I was 3 years ago. I can’t walk down the street without somebody begging me for an autograph. Women the world over wish they could be me. At this time Melody has the honor of tagging with the most devilish woman in professional wrestling. I’ll do anything to anyone, including my own husband, to get what I want. And believe me, I’m going to get what I want at Zero Hour. MELODY Me, too. When the Angels of Death terminate the Heavenly Rockers. Yee-haw! Melody fires her imaginary pistols as we go to… COLE Fans, personally I can't wait to see Melody and Holly take down The Heavenly Rockers and this Colonel Abdullah character. COACH Keep dreaming, fool. This ain't no video game, Melody and Holly can't just go into the editor and change all their moves to burning hammers, and triple powerbombs. Out here in the real OAOAST Melody's finisher is a slap, and Holly's is a fisherman suplex. Unless your name is Curt Hennig that means you in troooooubbble! COLE That remains to be seen, Coach. Folks, we'll be back with more after this. COMING UP NEXT MONEY TALKS. BULLSHIT WALKS. CHRISTIAN WRIGHT AND THEODORE MONEYMAKER IN ACTION NEXT COMMERCIAL BREAK

fuck is wrong wit you? this weeks hd aint even up. dont like you turning your shit in early like this. makes the rest of us look like some simple lames. fools who cant get they shit in order. bros over hos, my nig. i cant fucks w/this movement.