King Cucaracha

Another agreement on Wednesday. Being in the middle of the week is easier logistically.

I think people are overracting a little. But it was bad. Like an extended version of the weekly show, with a disappointing Chamber match and a decent Hardys/MNM opener which the crowd kinda flagged at midway through.

With one show a week, I'd assume a few of the booking concerns like the endless array who can't write for Storm might clear themselves up. And it's not like we don't have enough titles to go around. I see the problem with people getting 'nothing' matches, but they'd more than likely be the people who don't write for non-nothing matches anyway. I think it's worth trying out at least.

Exactly how I feel. I don't watch the weekly show and only caught the PPV because we got it free here in the U.K. I'm glad that Punk's career has taken such a (surprising to some, although I always thought he'd be a decent fit in WWE) upswing, but I don't care enough about the product to watch him. It's gonna be worse if and when Castagnoli debuts.

What exactly are Dragon Gate Rules? Just Lucha rules?

When was the last time Helms defended the Cruiserweight Title?

Surely, if anything, (most) people outside a WWE House Show will see Road Dogg and Billy Gunn, naturally assume that if they're at a WWE show that they're coming back to rejoin DX and be more likely to watch RAW incase it happens this Monday?

Do we still need Biggest Bastard Of An Idiot? Unless my memory sucks, I can remember any BBOAIs this year. Anyway, not really a nomination, but D*LUX as a team should be in for Rookie Of The Year rather than seperately, assuming that was your plan. To add to EWC's list, Landon's debut should be in as a Most Shocking Moment. I don't have anything for anyone else just yet. Selfish bastard that I am.

Also, Tha Puerto Rican vs. "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant And, The Enterprise (Christian Wright and Beverly Hills Blonds) vs. Los Diablos De Fuego and Dance Dance Dragon And the OAOAST's newest tag team does something yet to be determined!

Assuming we're still going with the card and not the PMs, then yes, two out of three series would be great seeing as I'm not going to be able to write a thing for this show. Also, for future reference, any card that goes up on a Thursday or Friday with deadline Monday (I still don't understand this '3 show rotation' stuff and I've been here three years), please don't book me in the future.

From the New Alhambra/ECW/XPW/CZW/Yournamehere Arena. So, no fireworks please. The doors will be set up where the curtain is usually positioned in the arena and there'll be a screen to the left of it, but besides that there's no fancy set-up like usual. Bare bones stuff. OAOAST 24/7 Championship Bohemoth © VS. JINGUS Plus, your main event, as called right now... Philadelphia Street Fight The Hooligans (The Global Party Exchange and Jamie O'Hara) VS. 'Martial Law' (Landon Maddix, Todd Cortez and Bloodshed)

Eh, those English are all the same. JJ, wedgie driver would be awesome. I'm sure someone on the indies has invented it though.

[b]This New Year's Day, there won't be a GM in control...[/b] [i]COLE AXEL SLAM! AXEL SLAM![/i] [b]...no authority figure in control...[/b] [i]IT'S ANGLESAULT~?!?!??! ANGLESAULT IS HERE ON HELDDOWN~![/i] [b]...no recently divorced pseudo celebrities in control...[/b] [i]**THIS ANNECDOTE REMOVED FOR LEGAL REASONS**[/i] [b]...because, this New Year... [COLOR=red]ANGLE[/COLOR][COLOR=blue]SAULT[/COLOR] YOU'RE gonna be in control! It's the first ever, completely interactive event in OAOAST history, where YOU decide the challengers, the challenges and the stipulations! [COLOR=red]ANGLE[/COLOR][COLOR=blue]SAULT[/COLOR] All with the power of your interweb machines! [COLOR=purple]*NEW YEAR'S SPECTACULAR: MAINFRAME MONDAY!*[/COLOR] [i]January 1st, 2007; Daytona Beach, Florida[/b][/i] COLE That's right, January 1st, the OAOAST goes interactive! COACH Hey, you know, I still haven't got my laptop. They'd better hurry up, Christmas is right around the corner after all. COLE Work in progress. COACH Aw dip! I can't wait! COLE They're installing a program that'll block porn access. COACH ...crap. What good is a laptop without porn? We may never know the answer to that question, as we cut backstage to see Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly chilling out in the back. Heat and Fly are in mid-conversation, although we can't really hear what they're saying, which isn't important as their conversation is brought to a screeching halt. Walking into shot, the now former HI-YAH Tag Team Champions D*LUX and their manageress Jade Rodez stop beside the duo, who quickly stand to attention as they as wrestlers tend to when confronted with other wrestlers. Dangerous business. Usually. JADE Hi gu... HEAT Well, if it ain't da 'chumps'! Wha's poppin'? Already sombre, D*LUX sigh and shake their heads. JADE We wanted to... thank you. For coming out and helping us out with The Lightning Crew. We really appreciate it. HEAT Yo, first up, we di'nt do nothin' to help you, dig? When we came out an' cleaned that hizzay on those punk bitches, it was for us. An' us alone. Ya'll ain't worthy of me an' Fly's aid, ya heard. We ain't got no sympathy for you. Don't say we didn't warn ya. PRL can't be trusted. No way, no how. Weren't so long ago youz guys were beatin' us two down, helpin' out your homeboy PRL, remember dat? Coz we do. JADE We're sorry. HEAT Save it hon'. TYLER Easy man. FLY Or what? HEAT Yo, Fly, chill dawg. We ain't got nothin' more ta say, so we suggest ya'll beat it before ya'll get beat. As tempers risk flaring, Jade decides to lead D*LUX off before anything breaks down any further. Heat and Fly watch them walk off, Heat shaking his head as he slaps Fly on the shoulder and drops back into their conversation.

COLE Okay, we've taken our last commercial break people and now, we're eagerly anticipating one of the biggest HeldDOWN~! main events of the year. The Hooligans, Jamie O'Hara and The GPX, take on three men who in a past life were collectively known as Martial Law; Todd Cortez, Bloodshed and Landon Maddix. And naturally, in Philly, Anglesault has decided to throw the rulebook off the balcony and through a flaming table, ruling that the match will be a PHILADELPHIA STREET FIGHT!! COACH That's right Mikey. This arena has hosted some of the wildest, bloodiest, craziest brawls in this business and we might just add another to the list tonight. My boys, The Hooligans, are gonna be taking the SWF boys to the EXTREME! COLE I believe that might be copyrighted. We'll look into that. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is your MAIN EVENT of the evening... a PHILADELPHIA STREET FIGHT! In this match there are no countouts, no disqualifications, one fall to a finish!! [b]"REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH!"[/b] "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The crowd greet The Hooligans with the same hostility as any other city in America, or beyond for that matter, as "Personal Jesus" thumps through the arena P.A. Leading the way in his street clothes, Todd Cortez storms down with intent on the back of his defeat just three nights ago at November Reign. Bloodshed follows close behind. Unlike his partner, he's come ready prepared for the fight, as over his shoulder he carries a small holdall, with lighttubes noticeably poking their neon heads out for all to see. BUFFER Introducing first, representing THE HOOLIGANS... "THE URBAN LEGEND" TTOOOOOODD CCOOOOORRRRTTEEEEEZZZZZ... and BBLLLLLLOOOOOOOOODDSSSSSHHHHHEEEEEEEDD!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" A small wait later and the team is complete, as Landon Maddix saunters out. Still basking in the glow of victory three days on, Landon and Megan swagger down the aisle, with the most hostile reception having been saved for the duo. Not that Maddix seems to mind, taking it all in with a cocky smirk. BUFFER And their partner. Accompanied to the ring by MEGAN SKYE... from Huron, South Dakota, he weighs in at two hundred, fifteen pounds... LLAAAAAAANNDDOOOOOONN "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAADDIIIIIIIXXXXXXXX!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Well, here we go. Ultimate Punishment was something. War Games was something. But, there's something in the air, in this building, that tells me we might not have seen anything yet. COACH Definately. These people came for blood and they won't be disappointed, I'm sure. COLE The spoils were shared at November Reign, with Landon and Bruce Blank coming up winners against The GPX and Cortez falling of course to Zack Malibu. This feud has ran and ran and the chances of this being the final chapter are somewhere between slim and none, but bragging rights as ever are always at stake. However, you get the feeling that tonight isn't about wins and losses. It's about inflicting yet more scars and shedding yet more blood. Landon joins his partners in the ring, spinning into the centre of the ring with such pomp and circumstance that he manages to turn the crowd further against him. Strangely, or perhaps not so, Cortez and Bloodshed dis-associate themselves with all of Landon's antics, leaving him to get on with jawing with the Philly crowd. "FUCK YOU LAN - DON!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "FUCK YOU LAN - DON!" *clap clap clapclapclap* For all the good it does. [i]”In a world full of posers, phonies, and pure wannabees, There finally emerges a group Which has come to set the record straight So, all you suckers better recognize, ya heard Can you say uhhh na na na na”[/i] "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Predictably, The Hooligans aren't hanging around. Michael Buffer has already fled to the safety of ringside but even there he doesn't feel safe enough or see the need for an introduction as The Hooligans hit the ring and find themselves pounced on by the trio in the ring! COACH IT'S ON! IT. IS. OOONN! *DINGDINGDING!* O'Hara doesn't last long as Cortez kicks him out of the ring, following out and taking the fight to the floor. It's Bloodshed on Jax meanwhile, while Landon has got the jump on Static and puts the boots to the GPXer, dropping to his knees and laying on a blatant choke. *CRACK!* And it doesn't take long for the weapons to come into play, as Cortez lays out O'Hara with a chairshot to the spine! COLE The Hooligans aren't wasting any time and sure enough, chaos has ensued. The deciding pinfall is going to have to be scored within the ring, but this could spill anywhere, so I hope security are on the ball tonight! Back in the ring and it's still Bloodshed on Jax, Maddix on Static. Maddix takes a moment to once again argue with the Philly crowd though, which allows Static a window back into the fight, blasting Landon with a double leg takedown and mounting him with a flurry of right hands! Spotting this, Bloodshed quickly abandons Jax and pounces on Static with a double sledge, dragging Static away and trapping him in the corner with a choke. Soon to be joined by Landon, who lays in some stomps for good measure. "HOO - LI - GANS!" "HOO - LI - GANS!" "HOO - LI - GANS!" "HOO - LI - GANS!" The crowd are trying to get behind the former 6-Man Tag Champs as Static is double-teamed in the corner. O'Hara fares little better on the floor as Cortez lays him throat first over the barricade and chokes away, letting the fans get a good look in the process. COACH You said about The Hooligans wasting no time, but they might have wasted too little time. They got jumped on the bell and there's been no let up since. COLE That's one thing we've come to expect from these Wildcards. COACH Sneak attacks? COLE Well... that wasn't what I meant, but, yes. Johnny Jax is finally up and to the rescue, dragging Bloodshed off of Static and dropping him with a big right hand! Landon sees all this happening but doesn't have enough time to get away before he too gets dropped! Another right for Bloodshed follows! But a jab to the eyes from Landon cuts Jax's mini-fightback off in it's prime. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" A quick back elbow keeps Static quiet before Maddix goes back after Jax... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...landing a quick knifedge chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and a second. Jax takes a moment to nurse the chest so Landon hits the ropes and gets a run-up looking for a big forearm. Duck underneath by Jax isn't quite what Maddix intended but he looks to make the best of it, leaping up to the middle rope on the other side and somersaults backwards. Jax sidesteps the Quebrada attempt and hits the ropes himself, aiming for the off-balance Next Generation with a clothesline which Maddix just manages to duck in time, executing a go behind and kneeing Jax in the kidneys. Down to one knee goes Johnny Jam, but he's quickly brought back to his feet and guided across the ring, Maddix leaping over the top and bringing The GPXer down throat-first across the top ring rope with the Macho Neck Snap!! MADDIX OOOOOOHHHHH YYEEEEEE... *THUD!* "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" But Landon's posing and posturing distract him from Scotty Static and a soaring Somersault Plancha, dig it! COLE Scotty Static taking to the air! COACH Nobody does it better Mikey. Except maybe Jamie O'Hara, who's taken into the air courtesy of an irish whip into the steel barricade, flipping up and over into the crowd! Security scramble in and the fans part like the red sea as Cortez follows after O'Hara, taking the fight into the crowd, like you just KNEW it would! COACH The lawyers are on the edge of their seats right now. Cortez mows his way through the chairs in hot pursuit of O'Hara, deflecting a thrown chair and booting The Birmingham Bad Boy upside the head. Grabbing hold of O'Hara by the head, Cortez drags his scrawny English opponent off to the right and towards the bleachers at the back of the building. Fans scatter, providing Todd space to hurl O'Hara into the lower seats. O'Hara is left slumped across the bottom step of the bleachers as Cortez grabs a discarded soda can (nevermind that there's trash cans provided, Philly) and approaches O'Hara. A sudden kick from J-OH stuns him though, causing him to drop the can right at Jamie's feet... *CRUNCH!* ...which is too tempting for Jamie to pass up! COLE And that'll shred your skin in a hurry. Cupping Cortez behind the head, O'Hara throws The Urban Legend into the bleachers, Cortez's head hitting one of the metal steps and snapping back violently. O'Hara is right on him with some right hands as the two brawl up the bleachers, towards the topmost seat. COACH I've got a bad feeling about this. COLE You and me both. Bleachers aren't designed to be fought on, although maybe in some cases they should be. Reaching the top, O'Hara throws Cortez into the wall behind the bleachers. Luckily they're tight to the wall so there's no drop just yet. But the night is young. O'Hara puts a few stomps in on Cortez before turning to the crowd and firing them up, distracting him as Cortez fires off a roundhouse that catches Jamie low in the gut, perhaps even lower. Over doubles O'Hara as Todd looks around and gives the signal that it's OVAH~! Which it could be, match, career, life perhaps, if Cortez has what it seems planned as he pulls O'Hara into a standing headscissors. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh no... no, he wouldn't. COACH The hell he wouldn't! Of course he would, he's sadistic! Cortez fights off some resistance from O'Hara before giving the 'flippy signal', which could only mean Riot Act Plus! Thank God then for Scotty Static, having arrived just in time and with a chair in hand. *CRACK!* "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Taking the chair between the shoulder blades, Cortez tumbles down the bleachers which is far from a comfortable ride. COLE Wow, O'Hara's life must have flashed before his eyes for a second there. But luckily Scotty Static sensed his partner was in trouble and came to the rescue. COACH That's what The Hooligans are about. They watch each others' backs, that's how you do on the streets. All for one and one for all. COLE I'm pretty sure that's copyrighted too. As Cortez hits the floor, Static stalks after him with the chair still in hand. But from out of the shadows creeps Landon Maddix, skulking around until the time is right and attacking Static from behind with forearms. Static ends up dropping the chair and Maddix continues the onslaught, the two brawling up the side of the bleachers as Maddix irish whips Scotty, sending him into the wall with a *THUD!*. Static bounces back off the wall and drops to his knees, Maddix pouncing with more forearms. Behind him, Cortez is up. Despite some nicks and cuts up and down his back Cortez joins in the beating of Static, with Johnny Jax still in the ring and unable to help, due to being pre-occupied with Bloodshed. "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" The chants meanwhile are caused by Jamie O'Hara, pulling himself up on the top step of the bleachers and looking around the crowd. He's actually looking for Cortez, who he soon finds down below putting the fists to Scotty Static, while Maddix holds him at bay. Most people would jog down the bleachers and come to their partner's aid. Jamie O'Hara isn't most people. Turning his back on the trio a good eight or ten feet below, O'Hara slowly inches back to the edge of the bleachers. Maddix eventually sees the shadow looming over him and alerts Cortez to the danger. But by then O'Hara is already in motion, backflipping over the edge... ...AND WIPING ALL THREE MEN OUT WITH A DOUBLE MOONSAULT OFF THE BLEACHERS!!!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH OH MY GAAAAAWWWWWDD~! "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" COLE That may be the damndest thing I've EVER seen on an OAOAST show! Not just a dive off the bleachers, not just a moonsault, but a DOUBLE moonsault! TWO moonsaults in one movement! That's... that's insane! COACH The average person couldn't do that many flips off of the roof of this building, let alone just off the bleachers. COLE The average person wouldn't even contemplate trying it! COLE Mah boy's one of a kind! All four men lie in a human dogpile on the New Alhambra floor, the fans going nuts all around them which is giving security one hell of a job to control them. Their inactivity gives us the perfect opportunity to cut back to the ring meanwhile, as Johnny Jax watches on, stunned. From his vantage point he can't see whether O'Hara crashed and burned or just crashed. He also can't see Bloodshed, crawling across the ring behind him and reaching out for his holdall. Opening it up, it soon becomes clear that Bloodshed has more than just lighttubes in his bag of tricks, as he climbs back to his feet holding a weapon in hand. A STAPLE GUN! "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh boy, shades of School's Out! COACH Turn around J! Johnny can't hear Coach from up in the Eagle's Nest. To be fair, he probably wouldn't hear him from three feet away with all the noise in the arena, but that's neither here nor there. Unable to see what happened to his tag partner, Jax turns around and goes back to the action. Bloodshed quickly charges him with the staple gun wielded, but Jax sees him coming and goes to the knee with a basement dropkick, cutting Bloodshed down... and sending him face-first into the middle turnbuckle! Bloodshed is left checking his nose is still in place on his face, allowing Johnny Jax to gain possession of the staple gun!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Jax has the staple gun! We might be about to see a little payback for School's Out right here! Pulling himself back to his feet, Bloodshed searches in vain for the staple gun. Figuring it must have fallen from the ring, Bloodshed wheels around and charges at Jax... right into a boot to the gut... *DFFT!* "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ...AND A STAPLE RIGHT TO THE HEAD!!!! COLE Hopefully you all put the women and children to bed already, but if not, we suggest you do right now. COACH And if any of our advertisers are watching, maybe you should go too. Bloodshed writhes on the canvas as Jax, still clutching the staple gun, exits the ring and goes to the crowd. A few of the fans offer up their chairs to Triple J, but Jax declines and instead holds his hands out, begging for money! Surprisingly the fans are eager to give, Jax taking three dollar bills and rolling back into the ring. COACH Bah! He should have ran and taken the money. On his knees, Bloodshed checks his forehead for blood, which unsurprisingly it supplies. The trickle of blood actually seems to bring a smile to Bloodshed's face, a smile which is wiped off as Jax scoots around and kicks him in the chest, rocking Bloodshed back. He stays on his knees though. Unfortunately for him, as Jax pins one of the dollar bills onto his forehead... *DFFT!* ...AND STAPLES IT DOWN!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Paybacks are a bitch! COLE Well, we expected blood and we're seeing it right now! The cut on Bloodshed's forehead is opened up even more, or at least accompanied by another cut, the blood really beginning to flow and staining the dollar red. "ONE MORE TIME!" "ONE MORE TIME!" "ONE MORE TIME!" "ONE MORE TIME!" But the fans aren't satisfied yet, wanting to see Bloodshed put through even more torture. Jax is happy to oblige them, pinning dollar bill number two down... *DFFT!* ...AND STAPLING IT TO HIS [b]NOSE[/b]!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH AAAAHH! COLE Oh, MY! I can't imagine how AGONISING that must be! Bloodshed's eyes go wide as saucers as the bill stays stapled to his nose, dangling bloodily over his lips. And even Jax seems to think enough is enough now, shoving Bloodshed onto his back and making the cover... 1... 2... But Bloodshed KICKS OUT! COLE How!? Or, better yet, Why!? Dropping the staple gun, Jax now exits the ring and goes under the ring. Referee Charles Robinson checks to see if the bloody Bloodshed wants to quit but of course he doesn't, as another roar goes up through the arena, at the sight of a TABLE being dragged into view by Johnny Jax! COLE It wouldn't be Philadelphia without a table or two! Jax quickly sets the table up on the outside, positioning it next to the ring apron and giving it a slap for good luck. And to indicate, if it wasn't clear already, that somebody's going to go through it. COLE Well, we've lost sight of the other four men in this match and our cameraman is stranded in amongst the fans. So it seems like we're down to just one on one, at least for the moment. Johnny Jax and Bloodshed COACH Let's hope the cops haven't intervened. Back in rolls Jax, catching Bloodshed from behind with a quick knee and setting him up for a back suplex. Bloodshed floats behind and lands on his feet though, somehow still able to fight even with two dollar bills stapled to his face as he pushes Jax into the ropes in front. Back bounces Jax and Bloodshed quickly backs against the ropes, ducking his head and looking to backdrop Johnny over the top and through the table... ...succeeding only with Part 1, Jax landing safely on the apron and hanging Bloodshed up throat first across the top rope! JAX JAM SESSION!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Jax is looking for the Jam Session, presumably through that table, which is what won The GPX their Hooligan Street Fight with D*LUX a few months ago! If he hits it, chances are Bloodshed is done! As the crowd buzz away, Jax pulls Bloodshed up and reaches over the ropes, looking to lift him up into a fireman's carry. Bloodshed tries to deadweight him, but Jax makes a final effort and hauls Bloodshed up, onto his shoulders, carrying him over the rope and turning to face the table! Bloodshed is struggling, but Jax has him up and just needs now to lift and to throw. Like Bloodshed before, he gets Part 1 off okay... ...but gets something spewed in his eyes!! COLE BLOODMIST!! *CRRAAAASSHHH!* "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE AND THEY [i]BOTH[/i] GO CRASHING THROUGH THE TABLE!! "O - A - O - A - S - T!" "O - A - O - A - S - T!" "O - A - O - A - S - T!" The wreckage of blood, bodies and broken wood gets the fans going, as both Bloodshed and Jax are down. And neither is moving. COLE That was pure desperation right there. It looked like Bloodshed might have countered on the way down with a DDT, after spewing his own blood into Jax's eyes, but Bloodshed took a bad fall through the table in his own right! And we're at a stalemate here, both men are down and both are out! COACH And they're both on the floor. You can only get the pin in the ring tonight, so even if Bloodshed could roll on top with a cover, it won't matter. COLE That's right Coach. We can write both these two off for the mo... what? COACH I didn't say nothi... COLE No, Coach, I'm hearing that we've found the other four men in this match. It seems they've... they're OUTSIDE!? COACH How come I can't hear a director? Sure enough, we cut to our intrepid cameraman on the New Alhambra floor, where it seems the fight has spilled out through the front door and into the Philadelphia air! Cortez and O'Hara are brawling right outside the front door, security struggling to restrain the fans as they try to get a good view of what's going on. Cortez lifts O'Hara up, looking to slam him on the concrete. But O'Hara squirms out behind and shoves Cortez forward... *CRAASH!* ...INTO THE METAL FOLDING DOOR AT THE SIDE OF THE ARENA ENTRANCE!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" O'Hara doesn't let up and puts the boots to Cortez as we finally find Landon and Static, a little further out in front building. The woozy Static sits slumped on one not-so-lucky fan's car parked in front of the building, as Landon strides past the front doors looking to get a run up. And a run up he gets. But he also gets a backdrop... *THUD!* *MEEPMEEPMEEPMEEPMEEP!* ...RIGHT ONTO THE HOOD OF THE CAR!!!!! COLE This is crazy, they're fighting outside the arena! It's the middle of winter and Landon Maddix is out there in nothing but a pair of shorts! COACH What the hell does what he's wearing matter? He just got backdropped [i]onto a CAR[/i]!! Static now abandons Landon and the honking car he lies on, going back to find Todd Cortez fighting back on Jamie O'Hara. O'Hara gets tossed into the wall, but Static immediately pounces on The Urban Legend. Without weapons at hand, Static rains down with right hands and sends Cortez retreating towards the front doors. Fans are again quick to scatter, leaving behind a plastic trash can which Cortez hurls behind him hopefully, catching Static in the face and putting him down, for a couple of seconds at least. Unfortunately O'Hara is on him in a second though and finds a more traditional weapon, that being a steel chair... *CRACK!* ...slamming it over Cortez's back! "HOO - LI - GANS!" "HOO - LI - GANS!" "HOO - LI - GANS!" O'HARA YOU WOT!? "HOO - LI - GANS!" "HOO - LI - GANS!" "HOO - LI - GANS!" Away crawls Cortez and O'Hara is in hot pursuit, the two disappearing off as the camera turns to Scotty Static, being attacked from behind by the barely mobile Landon Maddix. Maddix lands a forearm to the back and promptly collapses to his knees with Static. COLE Everybody's really hurting now, which didn't take long, no surprise. None of these six are going to come out unscathed tonight, that's for sure. Both Static and Maddix struggle back up and it's a quick kick from Static that makes the difference, The GPXer hollering for the fans to move out of the way as he then runs Maddix forward AND PITCHES HIM THROUGH THE DISCARDED CHAIRS!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" The only person in the ring right now, Megan Skye watches on in horror from her perch on the bottom rope. Meanwhile, Scotty Static has done a disappearing act too. But he soon returns, dragging with him ANOTHER TABLE!! COACH Hey, isn't that the merchandising table!? COLE Well, it WAS the merchandising table. COACH Man, this is gonna be the most expensive match in OAOAST history. Building repair, car repair, lawsuits... COLE Copyright infringments. COACH Damn. I thought you'd forget about that. Static sets up the table and quickly goes after Maddix, who's decided he's had enough and makes a 'run' for safety. Of course, he can't really run right now. Neither can Static though, following Maddix through the chairs and the fans and the trash they've left behind, gradually getting closer and closer to the ring. Leaving the table behind. Jax and Bloodshed are still down. And as for O'Hara and Cortez, they're... ...they're... ...UP IN THE MILLER LIGHT SKYBOX!?!? "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh my God! Oh my God, how the hell did they get up there!? COACH Nevermind that, how the hell are they gonna get back down!? "PLEASE DON'T DIE!" "PLEASE DON'T DIE!" "PLEASE DON'T DIE!" "PLEASE DON'T DIE!" If there's a way to top Ultimate Punishment and War Games, that'd be it. But hopefully it won't come to that, as Cortez can be seen pitched into yet another wall. This one happens to be the very top of the wall, who knows how many feet above the arena floor, which just adds to the fun. The fans in the Skybox are in the real trouble now, trying to keep out of the way as O'Hara takes one of their beverages and chugs it down, before tossing the remains into The Urban Legend's face!! COLE That might not have been smart. Todd Cortez lives a straight edge sort of lifestyle, he certainly won't appreciate a beer in his face. O'Hara could care less, throwing a boot at Cortez before picking up a chair... *CRACK!* ...throwing at Cortez's head and presumably knocking him down with it. The fans are all straining to get a view of what's actually happening up in the Skybox, until Jamie O'Hara appears, climbing onto the ledge of the Skybox and signalling for something flippy. COACH Okay, Jamie, I'd get down if I were you. COLE This is dangerous territory... ridiculously dangerous territory! Shaking a little as he tries to keep his balance, O'Hara turns around and prepares to do whatever crazy flip it is he was planning on executing on Cortez. Unfortunately for him though, Todd Cortez is up. And he's waiting on The Birmingham Bad Boy, giving him no time to react as he leaps up and executes a dropkick. COLE LOOK OUT BELLLOOOOOWWW... *CCRRRRAAAAAAASSSSHHHHH!!" "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" Simply put, the fans go BANANA, as the table virtually explodes underneath O'Hara's plummeting body! O'Hara rolls away and curls up into a fetal position, as Cortez peers over the edge of the Miller Lite Skybox with a smile etched on his face. "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" "HOLY SHIT!" COLE Correction... THAT is the damndest thing I've EVER seen on an OAOAST show!! Back to the ring we go meanwhile, what with O'Hara likely showing no signs of life for the next three months after that insane plunge and all, as Landon Maddix has found his way back to ringside. Scotty Static is still chasing after him and Landon rolls into the ring, begging off from The GPXer as he slides in after him... and drops an elbow into the back of the head! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Frantic, Landon clubs away with repeated forearms on Static's upper back and neck to keep him down. Landon then scrambles away and grabs Bloodshed's holdall, seeing fit to commander his partner's possessions as he grabs a lighttube... and looks momentarily lost. COACH It's not a lightsaber, moron! COLE Maddix looks a little out of his element here. Megan screams at Maddix to hurry up and use it and that shakes Maddix back into life, raising the glass tube over his head and approaching on Static... who jabs him in the gut! And again! And a third time! Maddix drops the lighttube and Static snatches it, wielding the glass weapon like a baseball bat as he swings for Landon's head... ...DUCKED! Maddix backs off and goes back to begging off, making quick with the apologies as Static swings again... ...DUCKED! Now Landon's getting desperate and he starts praying, looking to appeal to Static's better nature not to try again. But try again he does, lifting the lighttube over his head and swinging down... *SSMMAASSHH!!* ...COMPLETE SHOT!! LANDON HITS THE COMPLETE SHOT!! AND STATIC GOES FACE-FIRST INTO HIS OWN LIGHTTUBE!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Desperation counter! And Static just faceplanted right through the glass! Landon rolls into a seated position and, horrified, looks at his right arm which has been lacerated by the breaking glass. He's told to get on with it by an unsympathetic Todd Cortez though, having made his way down from the Skybox and reaching the barricade, watching on as Maddix rolls Static over and makes the cover... 1... 2... 3 -NO!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE You're KIDDING! Maddix resumes whining about his arm as Cortez rolls in with a steel chair in hand and takes over for the team, pulling Scotty up and revealing the blood now spouting from his forehead! Bloodshed is up on the apron now as well and it's three to one on the 'conscious' scoreboard. "HOO - LI - GANS!" "HOO - LI - GANS!" "HOO - LI - GANS!" "HOO - LI - GANS!" Grabbing hold of the throat, Cortez says it's OVAH~! as he grips the waistband of Scotty's pants, looking to take him up and down with the Urban Assault. In a last, all or nothing effort, Static clocks him with an elbow to the temple, followed up with a second, managing to fight Cortez off... *SMACK!* "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" ...and BLASTING Maddix with a Superkick as he runs in!! COLE It's three on one, but Scotty Static is trying to fight the odds regardless! COACH If I didn't know Scotty I'd say it were unbelievable, but I'm believin' it! Bloodshed is next on the chopping block, knocked off the apron by Static and sent crashing to ringside, with a thud on the unforgiving floor of the New Alhambra. That just leaves one, Static turning around... ...and getting taken up and down with the URBAN ASSAULT!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Aw no! Not like this! COLE Static just had one too many to fight off! Cortez places a hand on the chest, making a makeshift pin which is all but academic now... 1... 2... NOO! JAX MAKES THE SAVE!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH ALRIGHT! We're still in business baby! COLE Johnny Jax from nowhere, back into the land of the living at the most crucial time imaginable!! Still wearing the blood of Bloodshed across his face, Jax stumbles away as he tries to stay on his feet. Cortez scrambles up and meets him with a boot to the gut, before executing an irish whip. Just getting to his feet, Maddix finds himself back off them moments later as Jax dives with a Spear, wiping him out! Jax then turns back around, where Cortez is waiting on him, dropping him with a sudden Inverted Atomic Drop. COLE Patented Todd Cortez. A quick forearm knocks Scotty Static out through the ropes and onto the apron as Cortez now calls for the end, waiting on Jax to climb back up and into Riot Act Plus position... ...before realising what position Scotty Static is in and smiling wryly to himself. COACH Oh...oh no, he's going for the Riot Act Plus on the apron! I can feel it! And Coach is right, as Cortez exits to the apron and begins to pull Static up. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE NO! He's going to try and put Scotty Static on the shelf like he did to Leon Rodez and probably did to Jamie O'Hara earlier! COACH Somebody needs to stop this! Cortez places Static in a standing headscissors on the apron and gives the signal for the Riot Act Plus! The crowd are booing and no doubt, somewhere, Zack Malibu is stewing watching all this. And stewing, knowing he can't do anything about it, as Cortez wraps his arms around Static's waist and crouches down... ...springing off the apron... ...just as Johnny Jax a Dropkick to the shoulder!! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Cortez goes flying off the apron and soars into the ring barricade, wiping him out. Static is taken out in the process due to the headscissors he was in, spun off the apron and onto the arena floor with a thud, but thankfully not so violently as he would have been had Cortez hit his Riot Act Plus. COLE Thank God! Johnny Jax just saved his partner from a trip to the hospital with that one! COACH Yeah, he might have taken Scotty out, but in the longterm he might have just saved his career right there. COLE And we are down to two at the moment! Make that three, as MEGAN SKYE has slid into the ring and grabs the steel chair lying near the ropes, cautiously approaching Triple J with the chair wielded. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Megan creeps up on Jax... ...but she doesn't reckon on Jax's sixth sense kicking in, The GPXer turning around and catching Megan in the act, causing her to freeze up just short of smashing him with the chair! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Uh-oh! Megan Skye is in a WORLD of trouble now! COACH Johnny won't hesitate in hitting her neither! She provoked him! That looks to be true, as Jax balls up his fist and closes in on Ms. Skye. Even with a chair in hand and Jax far from 100%, Megan doesn't trust herself to go it alone with the former World Tag Team Champion. And, with a shriek, she tosses the chair at Jax and turns tail! Jax takes a swing with the chair but Megan is long gone, frustrating Jax who's left with an unused chair... ...which he really should have gotten rid of... *CRACK!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE VAN DAMINATOR!? COACH You mean [i]Lan[/i] Daminator? COLE [i]LAN[/i] DAMINATOR!? Jax lies motionless as Maddix brushes the chair out of the way, dropping on top of Jax with a cover that could only be described as desperate... 1... COACH C'mon, kick Johnny, kick! 2... 3!!!!!! COACH DAMNIT! *DINGDINGDING!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The crowd deflate as the three is counted, Megan still looking a little traumatised but managing some sort of a celebration. Landon doesn't have time for that though, exiting the ring and scrambling for the exits with his job done for the night. BUFFER Your winners of the match... the team of BLOODSHED, TODD CORTEZ and LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MMMMAAAAADDIIIIIXXXXX!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Landon doesn't hang around for his partners and makes it halfway down the aisle before the ego kicks in and he feels compelled to throw his hands up in victory, Megan hugging her man and Landon seeming oblivious to the fact she's still shaking in fear. COLE It looks like a car wreck out here. There's bodies lying all over this arena, blood, broken tables, we've got medical staff attending to Jamie O'Hara after going off that Skybox... what a crazy, crazy match! These six men yet once more put their bodies on the line in this personal war. And in the end, Landon Maddix by... some sort of luck or fortune gets the fall and is just about able to walk out of here on his own power! COACH Somewhere, Bruce Blank's gonna be smiling, that's all I know. I don't know if this makes up for War Games, but it probably comes close. COLE Well one thing is for sure... even after all this, we haven't heard the last of this gang war. Landon Maddix may have won The Wildcards the battle, but the war, I'm sure, is going to continue. From Johnathon Coachman, Michael Cole saying thank you for tuning in and we will see you next week, same time, same channel, same HeldDOWN~! action! Goodnight! FADE TO BLACK

"He who appeals to the law against his fellow man is either a fool or a coward So a wounded man shall say to his assailant if I live, I will kill you If I die, you are forgiven Such is the rule of honor" "Omerta" by Lamb Of God thunders through the dim arena as the stage is clouded in a cloud of firey orange smoke. And like a vision of hell, through the smoke emerges the monster known as JINGUS. The smoke continues to plume behind him as he strides down the aisle. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, the challenger. From The Depths Of HELL~! Weighing in at three hundred, fourty seven pounds... one half of HELL'S HITMEN, this is... JJJJJIIIIIIIINNGGUUUUUSSSSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE JINGUS, former OAOAST World Tag Team Champion... COACH And Women's Champion. COLE Dark days... dark days. JINGUS slowly makes his way up the ring steps and into the ring (hey, the guy [i]is[/i] pushing four hundred pounds), glaring out at the Philadelphia crowd and razzing out his tongue. COLE Anyway, JINGUS looking to add the 24/7 Title to his résumé tonight, which is a distinct possibility with no disqualifications in this match. Plus Bohemoth is returning tonight after a shoulder injury sustained back at Syndicated, so might not be back to 100% yet. COACH Well, I don't think ring rust'll be a big problem tonight. It's hard to forget how to swing a chair. *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BUFFER And his opponent... from Greenville, South Carolina! He weighs in at two hundred and eighty four pounds... the reigning and defending OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPION... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - HHHHHEEEEEEEEEMMMOOOOOOOOTTHHHHHH!!!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Through the sliding doors strolls Bohemoth with his typical nonchalance, 24/7 Title proudly over shoulder and the trusty orange shades stylishly over eyes. Bo doesn't seem all that worried by JINGUS as he makes a confident walk to the ring and jogs right up the steps. The monster JINGUS just watches on, happy to bide his time. Bohemoth takes a moment to climb the ropes and pose with the belt. And as ever in Philly, some fans see fit to flip Bo off, just because. More fool them. Coz he's cool n' stuff. COLE No question, this is the biggest test of Bohemoth's title reign, both physically and metaphorically. JINGUS has an abnormally high pain threshold and a reputation in these no rules environments. *DINGDINGDING!* JINGUS takes a big step forward as the bell sounds and commands the centre of the ring, daring Bohemoth to take him on. Not intimidated, the 24/7 Champion runs a hand across his chin with a wry smile. The belt is safely handed to ringside and Bo looks ready to go. COLE One thing's for sure, Bohemoth isn't going to back down from The Devilman. In an attempt to psyche his opponent out, JINGUS razzes out his tongue and gives him the slow throat cut. But, like anyone over the age of 12 should, Bo realises that Halloween is kids stuff adopted by the gay community and commercialised to attract your hard earned dollars and doesn't flinch what-so-ever. Realising he's not getting anywhere, JINGUS lands a right hand. Bo fires right back, retaliated by JINGUS, then by Bohemoth and before you know it it's BREAKIN' DOWN IN PHILADELPHIA! The two bigmen exchange right hands back and forth for a few second before coming to a collective stop, realising they're making no headway. So Bohemoth instead hits the ropes, charging back with a big shoulderblock that barely staggers JINGUS! COLE The irresistable force and the immovable object. COACH Did you just call Bo irresistable? Bohemoth tries his luck again with the shoulderblock but JINGUS again takes little more than a step back in response. COACH I think Bo needs a new tactic. Not one to back down, Bo hits the ropes for a third time. This time JINGUS isn't waiting around to be hit and swings out with a clothesline, but Bo ducks underneath. Hitting the opposite ropes, Bohemoth then lunges out with a Yakuza Kick. JINGUS sidesteps the boot and catches Bo from behind in a waistlock, but Bo doesn't fancy being on the recieving end of a German and breaks The Devilman's grip. With a quick 180, The Meterosexual Monster then whips his mighty arm around with a big time clothesline... ...and knocks JINGUS down! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Woah! Down goes the bigman! Cover is made by Bo... 1... 2... No! Predictably enough, JINGUS doesn't stay down for long. Bohemoth stays on him with some clubbing blows over the back but JINGUS continues to climb to his feet, forcing The Meterosexual Monster to trap him in a front facelock to try and keep him controlled. Planting his feet, JINGUS pushes forward regardless and forces Bohemoth back into the corner. A shoulder to the gut follows, keeping Bo trapped in the corner as JINGUS fires off a standing corner clothesline, the lack of run-up not making a bit of difference to the effects on Bohemoth. COLE This is where Bohemoth is in trouble, when JINGUS has him cornered and within close confines. JINGUS is a big guy, the less movement he's forced to make, the better. Bo tries to push JINGUS away but doesn't get very far, JINGUS coming right back at him with a knee that further crushes him against the buckles. Exposing the chest, JINGUS then rears back with his mighty arms... *SLAP!* ...and comes down across Bo's well developed trapezius muscles with a big Mongolian Chop! *SLAP!* And again! Bo is left slumped in a corner as JINGUS razzes out the tongue to the crowd again. Typically the Philly fans aren't shy about expressing their feelings, even if JINGUS is an evil psycho monster who'd probably tear their heads off in one swift motion. The Devilman just turns back to Bohemoth and drags him from the corner. A scoop and a slam plants Bohemoth in the middle of the ring, setting him up for a BIG elbow from JINGUS, which stays planted for the pin... 1... 2... No! "YOU FAT FUCK!" "YOU FAT FUCK!" "YOU FAT FUCK!" COLE Hostile crowd as ever. COACH Not that it'll bother JINGUS. Does he even understand English? COLE Good question. Bringing Bohemoth back up to his feet, JINGUS scoops The Meterosexual Monster up over his shoulder with scary ease and walks him around the ring. All the struggling and squirming from Bohemoth eventually allows him to slip free however and he puts all his force into shoving JINGUS forward and into the ropes. Back thunders JINGUS and he looks for a clothesline. Bohemoth ducks underneath and goes for the ropes himself. But JINGUS waits on him and with a quick duck of the head, he sweeps Bo over, coming down with his considerable body weight with a big Samoan Drop!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE When was the last time someone threw Bohemoth around with this ease? COACH How about never? Rather than follow up, JINGUS rolls on out to ringside and makes his way over to the crowd. Wisely the fans get out of dodge and one of them pays for it with the loss of a seat as JINGUS grabs a steel chair from the front row. Meanwhile, Bohemoth is pulling himself up on the ropes in the ring. He doesn't get further than his knees though... *CRAACK!* ...as JINGUS PITCHES the steel chair into the top of his head!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH And the crowd cheer. COLE Well, yeah. Someone getting hit in the head with a chair is someone getting hit in the head with a chair, they don't play favourites here Coach. Once retrieved, the chair goes back into the ring. And it's not alone as JINGUS reaches under the ring and retrieves a TABLE, which is enough to perk the Philly crowd up. JINGUS dumps the table in and slides back in under the bottom rope, although it's a far from graceful 'slide'. "BO!" "BO!" "BO!" "BO!" The majority of the crowd are in Bohemoth's corner as JINGUS pulls him back up, landing another Mongolian Chop. Obviously JINGUS is smarter than you'd expect, aiming right at the nerves in the neck and dropping Bo to one knee with one swipe. JINGUS then pulls Bo in and sets him for a Powerbomb, but Bohemoth manages to lift up... up... and eventually backdrop the monster over! COLE That's some power right there! JINGUS struggles back up and Bohemoth quickly retrieves the steel chair. And The Devilman looks set for a reciept, as Bohemoth swings with the chair... *CRACK!* ...and THUNDERS it across JINGUS's head! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" That's enough to put JINGUS down, Bo with the lateral press... 1... 2... Not enough! Bohemoth climbs back to his feet, trying to bring JINGUS with him. Not happening. JINGUS lands a headbutt to the stomach and Bo ends up falling into the turnbuckles to regain his breath. Irish whip then sends Bohemoth corner to corner, JINGUS chundering in after with a big Avalanche! COACH Man, Bo just disappeared for about a second. COLE JINGUS is a load, that's for sure. 360 plus pounds crushing Bohemoth against the buckles right there. Collapsed in the corner, The Meterosexual Monster is left behind for the moment as JINGUS drags the table into the centre of the ring and begins setting it up. Out comes the tongue and the slow throat cut looks ominous for Bohemoth as JINGUS approaches, bringing him out of the corner. Another Mongolian Chop leaves Bo staggered in front of the table, a second Mongolian leaving him virtually immobilised as JINGUS switches behind. The German Suplex attempt is blocked by The Meterosexual Monster, but JINGUS beats the 24/7 Champion and instead steps around the front, locking on the CLAW~! COLE Uh-oh... And from the Claw, with JINGUS, comes the Claw Slam... *CRAASH!* ...THROUGH THE TABLE!!! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE We might have a new Champion right here! JINGUS plants his hand on Bo's chest and that's rightfully ruled as a pin... 1... 2... KICKOUT!! COLE NO! Bohemoth kicks out! Amazing! As Bo struggles for breath in the ring, out of the ring goes JINGUS and back under the ring skirt to look for more weapons. After a few seconds rummaging, JINGUS eventually returns and comes out wielding a leather strap. A leather strap wrapped in BARBED WIRE! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh man, I just got some flashbacks from that. COACH No question. COLE Who'll ever forget the TLC 30 Minute Iron Man Barbed Wire Strap Match with Dan Black? COACH With a name like that, no-one. Little does Bo know what's coming as the bigman closes back in on him again. JINGUS winds up the strap and as Bohemoth comes out of the corner, JINGUS charges him, looking to clothesline him with the barbed wire strap... ...but Bo DUCKS! The Devilman puts on the brakes and turns around with the strap still wound and wielded, but Bo ducks his head early and executes a double leg, LIFTING the 367 pound JINGUS off the canvas and driving him down with a Front Spinebuster!! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Where the hell did THAT come from!? The strap goes flying, as Bohemoth makes the cover... 1... 2... NO! COLE And JINGUS kicks out! I'm not sure he's taken too many moves like that in his career, but he still had the reserve to get out before the three! COACH He might not have much reserve for long though. Fueled by the kickout and realising he has to stay on The Devilman while he can, Bohemoth scrambles over and eyes up the barbed wire strap! And hey, No DQs, so why not? Grabbing the leather strap, Bohemoth lines JINGUS up as he crawls onto all fours... *THWACK!* "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" ...AND WHIPS HIM ACROSS THE BACK! *THWACK!* "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" ...AND AGAIN, the barbed wire getting tangled up in JINGUS's ring gear which prevents a third whipping... *THWACK!* "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" ...for a few seconds anyway. COLE Bohemoth really letting JINGUS have it with that strap! COACH He might be the coolest man in the OAOAST this side of me, but cross him and this is what you get! Bohemoth ends it at three and drops the strap down on the canvas in a heap, giving JINGUS the THUMBS DOWN~! as he limps back up. That's usually the signal for the Erotic Awakening Of B, but JINGUS as I keep reminding you is three hundred, sixty seven pounds so that's not happening. JINGUS stumbles around and walks into Bohemoth, who goes with what worked already, hoisting JINGUS up with the Front Spinebuster... ...AND PLANTING HIM ON THE BARBS AND THE STRAP AND THE BROKEN SHARDS OF TABLE!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Right on the barbed wire! That's got to be all! Bohemoth rolls and hooks the leg... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And Bohemoth survives the monster! "Liberate" hits and Bohemoth doesn't waste time in asking for his belt. Hey, he earnt it. A quick raise of the belt and Bohemoth exits the ring, nursing his neck a little as he goes. BUFFER Your winner of this contest and STILL OAOAST 24/7 Champion... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - HHHHHEEEEEEEMMMMOOOOOTTHHHHHH!!!! COLE He didn't come out without a fight and without feeling the effects, but in the end it's another impressive victory for The Meterosexual Monster. And it's got to be just a matter of time before Bohemoth finds himself in line for a shot at our World Champion, surely. COACH Well, I don't know about that... COLE He beat Alfdogg. Now, a victory over JINGUS. COACH Yeah, but... let's not get ahead of ourselves. COLE We'll see.

Not to be picky, because I hope you're right. But Big Show was already established and a former World Champion by that point. This was Doane's first shot and he's been grouped in with the other four and the gimmick as 'worthless'. Show didn't really hit the depths that Spirit Squad did either.

I remember thinking when I read about it how ironic Lita's exit was. Trish got the uber send-off and talked up as the greatest Diva ever and all of that, like she should. But if it wasn't for Lita getting over with Essa Rios (or over Rios, really) and The Hardys, there might not have been a Women's Division for Trish to aspire towards in the first place. Lita did as much to boost the division at first as Trish did in later years. Ironic how things turned out with their exits.

You just crossed the damn line.

Well, my planned MOTY doesn't look much like a MOTY at the moment anyway, so it's not as much of a concern now.

Prazak tends to slip from play by play to colour too much to be a solution to the problem. They need a strict play by play guy really. I'm not sure Prazak is that guy. Plus, they might have him replace Borash in the meantime, leading too some TOO DAMN LOUD backstage interviewing.

That was my big problem. They didn't need to bin the gimmick, it was the perfect set-up to establish Kenny or even Johnny as a singles wrestler by breaking away from the group. Now though, they're dead and buried forever. 24 hours after they had them beat down Ric Flair on one of the marquee shows of the year, no less. The chances of them ignoring it entirely if and when they bring any of them back is somewhere between slim and none. Say they bring back Doane? He gets the push, wins some matches, maybe gains popularity, then he bumps into HHH and gets the "hey, you look familiar, didn't I beat your ass 1000 times last year) shoot comment treatment. Or, they put him on Smackdown, where you know JBL would bring it up as a throwaway comment. Or ECW, where Joey or Tazz would. Let's face it, Doane is done. They all are. The only way back I can see is to bring someone like Johnny back under a mask, give him a run in the Cruiser Division. But then on the flipside you've got the 'nobody else should have a mask as it takes away from Mysterio's aura' arguement that Ultimo Dragon got meaning that's a non-starter. I'm not a giant TNA fan, don't get me wrong. But for all the talk of terrible booking of Genesis, I don't think it compares to the botching of Survivor Series and then the inane booking of RAW, where everything besides Victoria winning the battle royal was completely the wrong move.

Missed big boot, foot on the fire.

Nigel McGuiness. The hair, the accent, the wrestling abi... ...scratch that last one.

HI-YAH Tag Match is up and WELL worth a read. Important stuff going down. I'll try and feedback soon now everything's in.

Okay, so let's all remember in the future this one was Angle's fault.