King Cucaracha

Think of it this way...at least they didn't use Punk.

Tips from a non-quite so washed up CF winner: Copy Supes. Worked for me. Character is all important. With 15k, you're not going to be able to fit a lot of deep meaning action in, trust me. Try to focus on character. Who's after who, who would help who, who wouldn't. Study the entry numbers and figure out some interesting combinations for whichever reasons you see fit. If you're good with SWF history, all the better. Like Supes set, have your eliminations set as much as possible. Watch some old Rumbles. It'll help you get a feel for the match. And above all...go nuts. So long as you show, you've got a chance.

The Main Event - SWF World Heavyweight Championship Match El Luchadore Magnifico © vs. JJ Johnson As much as I'm really not keen at all on his double spacing of...everything...I think it's JJ's to win. -=-=-THE CLUSTERFUCK-=-=- 1. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins 2. Laberinto 3. "The Rage" Jason von Dierch 4. Stryke 5. Manson 6. Christian Fury 7. Ghost Machine V. 2.0 8. The 70's Dude 9. Wes Davenport 10. Todd Cortez 11. Matt ??? Myers (go wild) 12. Candace "The Joshi Dragon" Okimura 13. Kevin Coyote 14. The Crimson Skull 15. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix 16. Bruce Blank 17. "The Icon" Max King 18. Zyon 19. TORU Takahara 20. Tim Dillon I decline comment. Last year I was given no chance and won, so like it's already been said, it's impossible to predict. It's gonna be a mixture of luck, skill and whoever can lock themselves away in a room for the next few days. For what it's worth, I've got an OAOAST match (or two) to write by Sunday and Zack may be the same. Bold prediction: Zyon. SWF International Championship Match Jay Hawke © vs. Wildchild Nothing lasts forever...except Jay's title reign seemingly. I'll go with WC to change it though. SWF Ultraviolent Championship Match - Japanese Deathmatch - Best of Five Bruce Blank © vs. "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu I guess it depends on Blank and whether he wants to focus his attention on writing the 'Fuck. SWF FROST Pre-PPV Extravaganza Blowout Extreme to the MAX! Singles Match Michael Cross vs. Ced Ordonez DUH! Additional Clusterfuck Match Predictions: How many will actually turn in a match? 6 I think some of our 'n00bs' will be fired up to do well, such as Blank and Zyon. Who will be the MVP of the Clusterfuck? (You know, the guy that lasts almost the whole match but doesn't end up winning.) Cortez

Clusterfuck. Still remains my best ever match and I seem to have a knack of making Battle Royals make more sense and have more of that psychology stuff than regular matches. Go figure.

Add it yourself. I stole it from Supes, but I think it's standard issue...although, I'm sure if you change the squiggles nobody would blow a gasket. There was a limit last year too.

Are co-writes for the Fuck allowed? It's just last year, we had I think 3 complete matches in total. If co-writes are okay, maybe we'll have some more competition this year?

Royal Rumbleus Number 30us Matchus (promise) Leon Rodez w/ Zack Malibu -VS- Dan Black w/Tony Brannigan Plus Six Women Tag Match Ashley Street, Molly Matthews and El Chica Genérico -VS- Constance, Confusia and Serena Blackmore

No more crap than a lot of what the males they have employed seem to put out.

I'm not sure what Too Much called it, but The Midnight Express originated and named it and it's called that when anyone uses it. AMW call it the Vegomatic too.

Ugh...jeez, I'm sorry guys. Something came up. Thanks for covering PeeKs. And seeing as you said the match will happen next week, we'll go with that and save me posting what's pretty much a rushed match.

Back when the Smarks Junior League was in full swing, the lowest belt was the TV Belt, which was supposed to be defended every show. I simply used this as an example because it was the lowest belt in the history of the Smarks Wrestling Leagues. Sorry if I confused you. How very dare you! That belt was my crowning achievement...for a while.

Anyone who doesn't like Shelton's Mama is wrong. The end.

Agreed. No reason why you couldn't work a flexible schedule and we can never have enough active/semi-active writers. Especially with the Clusterfuck coming up.

Tony, Zack- If we're doing the "Title Can Change On DQ and CO" thing at AP, I was thinking we should have a match that ends with Zack causing a DQ win for the NNMX. Could we not do Zack vs. The NNMX in a straight 2 on 1 Handicap Match with Rodez barred from ringside? Have Zack try to fight the odds but in the end he just says to hell with it when Cornette gets involved, grabs the racket and smashes the referee who tries to stop him from going after The NNMX. That way, we can play up that if Zack does that at AP, the titles change hands. The NNMX escape as Rodez runs out and tries to calm Zack down, but then they come back and beat Zack and Rodez down and use the racket on Rodez.

Anyone who wants to do something different interview wise and wants to write a Love Shack for the end of the show, please let me know. I'm not abandoning the idea, never fear, I just don't have the time to write one and I realised I haven't done one for a while.

Yes, It's just you. Nonsense, It's not as if the fans have not stopped chanting Rey by his name, you know the Eddie chants are out of respect. They even gave the chants to Benoit when he started using Eddies 3 amigos suplexes, the only reason Chavo gets them is because of the relation, and it's gotten him quite over infact. It's not a good thing. Sure, if Benoit does a patented Eddie spot, you'd expect it. The crowd should be chanting Rey's name when it's Rey doing something. People don't do it endlessly to Benoit and they don't do endlessly it to Batista, yet they do it to Rey and Chavo. When Rey is one elimination away from winning a battle royal for the World Title (or, well, two) and the crowd are chanting for Eddie, what does that say? Are the crowd hoping Eddie's gonna run out and help Rey? Why wouldn't they chant Rey to support Rey? Would they chant "Eddie" if Benoit were in that position? The fact they weren't is a little worrying from my end. As for Chavo, once the Eddie thing dies down, he's going to end up right back where he was as Kerwin White, because people don't actually care about him and the WWE are happy to just ride on momentum instead of building on it. I'm not saying Rey absolutely shouldn't be Champion, but if they want Rey to be Champ, they need get the fans to focus on Rey and not someone who's passed away.

Only one of these men is an Olympian. You do the math.

1) The winner of the 2005 Royal Rumble will be: HHH 2) Who will be the "Ironman" of the 2005 Royal Rumble? Chris Benoit 3) Who will last the shortest amount of time in the ring? Matt Hardy 4) Who will get the most eliminations? (If there is a tie, you get your points) Lashley 5) Who will be the last man eliminated? Randy Orton 6) Will the winner be from Smackdown or Raw? RAW Three point questions...pick the man who will be in the Royal Rumble the LATEST (not who lasts the longest) out of the two choices below: 7) Gregory Helms or Orlando Jordan 8) JBL or Shawn Michaels 9) Matt Hardy or Shelton Benjamin 10) Bobby Lashley or Kane 11) Chris Benoit or HHH 12) Chavo Guerrero or Rey Mysterio 13) Rob Van Dam or The Boogeyman 14) Randy Orton or Booker T 15) Chris Masters or Carlito 16) Johnny Nitro or Joey Mercury One point questions: 17) Who will draw #'s 1-4? (One point for each correct person) Chris Benoit, Chavo Guerrero, Carlito, Rey Mysterio 18) Who will be the last four men in the ring? (One point for each correct person) HHH, Randy Orton, HBK, Chris Benoit 19) Who will be the last RAW superstar eliminated? HBK 20) Who will be the last Smackdown superstar eliminated? Randy Orton 21) Who will draw #'s 27-30 (One point for each correct person) 22) True or False: We will see a Boogeyman/Undertaker showdown False 23) True or False: We will see a surprise return sometime during the Rumble True. 24) True or False: Somebody in the Rumble match will blade Uh...assuming this includes any blood what-so-ever, blading or not, then True 25) True or False: Vince McMahon will interfere in the Rumble False TIEBREAKER QUESTION: Give the exact time this year's Rumble match will last: 61:38

And if Rey ever faced impossible odds against a big wrestler, he could pay tribute to his late friend Eddie Gurrero by Lying, Cheating and Stealing like a motherfucker, which would get him huge pops. No no no no no, God NO! Maybe it's just me, but putting the belt on a guy who's main crowd reaction is chanting his deceased best friend's name doesn't seem like a good option. Enough with the Eddie stuff. They need to distance themselves from that endless connection ASAP and realise "Eddie" chants aren't good for Rey, or Chavo for that matter. The fact people are chanting "Eddie" at Rey and Chavo pretty much says they'd rather see Eddie than them. Hell, the chants have/had pretty much died down towards Benoit and Batista. And you didn't hear "Owen" chanted at Bret everywhere he went. Aside from that, they need to give Rey some sort of finisher and refine his moveset. I agree with what was said earlier, his offence looks pretty weak. That Seated Senton in particular is terrible. And unless they find something other than the WCP, any title reign Rey has will probably have so many roll-up wins it'd make Carlito blush.

FIRST TIME EVER Royal Rumble #30 Spot Match Leon Rodez w/Zack Malibu -VS- Dan Black w/ Tony Brannigan

I've been calling for Jack for months and I'm a big mark for Sydal, so I'd love to see those two. Some people aren't too hot on him but I'd be happy if they got Steen, because they could do with some different sized guys on the roster. And Generico would be huge. I dread to think what the "Olé" rip-off would sound like though.

Landon Maddix, just because I think my losing streak needs another couple of months.

Leon Rodez SPEAKS~! on The NNMX situation.

To end the show plz! With the show at a close, it's clocking off time. Or, at least, if there were such thing as clocking on in the OAOAST then it would be. As it is, everyone's just leaving. Among them, are Leon Rodez and Alix Maria Spezia, arm in arm like the luvvy duvvy couple that they are as they head towards the exits. Leon and Alix don't get that far though, before a rather chubby figure jogs up breathlessly behind them. TAYLOR Hey...hey, Leon! Leon turns around, giving Terry a good shot of Alix by his side. Taylor freaks as Alix sweetly waves at him. TAYLOR Oh God, EVERY time! LEON (to Alix) Just gimme a minute babe. What's up Terry? Taking a hint, Alix begins to skip (!?!) off merrily. TAYLOR Look, I was told to come and tell you about next week by Axel. You're not gonna like it. LEON What is it? TAYLOR Well, he's putting you in a match for the #30 spot in the Royal Rumble... LEON You're kidding? Oh no, that's HORRIBLE! That's TERRIBLE! That's DIABOLICAL! That's...uhm...where's Christian Wright when you need him. Uh...DESPICABLE! TAYLOR No no...that's the good news. The bad news is, your opponent. LEON Who is it? Lemme guess...Bohemoth. Or, Bohemoth and Christian Wright. Or, Bohemoth, Christian Wright and The Global Party Exchange? Bohemoth, Christian Wright, The Global Party Exchange and Jamie O'Hara? Bohemoth, Christian Wright, The Global Party Exchange, Jamie O'Hara, Axel, Peter Knight, Stephen Joseph Popick, Drek Stone and Coach? TAYLOR Nope. LEON Good. Because, that just wouldn't make sense. So, who is it? TAYLOR Dan Black. You, with Zack Malibu in your corner against Dan Black, with Tony Brannigan in his corner. Smiling wryly, Leon nods. LEON Hey, if you happen to see Axel, tell him 'Thanks'. And tell him I hope he enjoys me and Dan's fair and above all [i]friendly[/i] match next week.

MATTHEWS I'm backstage with Leon Rodez...who, obviously isn't in the best of moods after what happened last week. We're going to save you the anguish of having to watch what happened back but if we can, we'd like to get some comments. RODEZ You know...usually, I'd give you some sort of amusing intro...some sort of comedic speil that makes you go 'wow, that multi Angle Award winning Tag Team Champion Leon Rodez sure is funny'. Usually. Tonight though, what I'm going to do is talk directly to some people who've wronged me. Infact, not just wronged me...but wronged my family. The New, New Midnight Express. Ned Blanchard, the other guy. I saw what you two did. I've watched the tapes back and I've seen the suffering and humiliation you put my poor, defenceless little sister through. And guess what...you did your job. You got me angry. You got me pissed off. GRRRRRRR!! LEON ANGRY! LEON SMASH!! GRRRR!! Standing up, Leon tears off his shirt like some sort of meterosexual Bruce Banner, attempting to tip a nearby anvil case over but failing miserably. It's clear that Rodez is uber angry now, breathing heavily as he begins to... ...laugh? RODEZ Pysch! Haha, you didn't really expect it to work now, did you Jimmy? Oh what, you expect me to go nuts and storm right into a three on one sneak attack. Or, maybe you just expected me to be so damned pissed off that I'd stupidly get myself disqualified at AnglePalooza, so angry that I'd give you an easy passage to the World Tag Team Titles. You boys must not have done your homework. I don't DO angry. I do, however, DO revenge. We'll come to that in a minute though. See, being the award winner talk show host slash roving reporter that I am, I didn't want to wait until tonight to get comments from The New, New Midnight Express. Dang it, I wanted ANSWERS! So I sent a good friend of mine to find 'Neddy' and Simon and get some words from them. I assume we have the video ready? MATTHEWS Ughm... RODEZ Ughm? You mean 'uhm', right? Damn your chubby, extra key pressing fingers! ***STARWIPE~!*** ...to a room that's completely white. Possibly because it's a recording set and not actually a room, who knows. The room is also virtually empty. All that stand within it is one table and two chairs. And all that sit within it, are a very oddly dressed Alix Maria Spezia and Leon Rodez. For some reason, they both have matching spangly jackets and Alix has a wig that makes her look as if she's just jammed her finger into the mains...you know, again. LEON (DRESSED AS NED BLANCHARD~!) More lemonade? ALIX (DRESSED AS SIMON SINGLETON~!) Please. 'Ned' pours 'Simon' some more lemonade. LEON (DRESSED AS NED BLANCHARD~!) Mmm, this really hits the spot. ALIX (DRESSED AS SIMON SINGLETON~!) Doesn't it though? LEON (DRESSED AS NED BLANCHARD~!) You make really good lemonade, Sultan of Sarcasm ALIX (DRESSED AS SIMON SINGLETON~!) Why thank you Handsome Hustler. -FADE OUT- ***STARWIPE~!*** RODEZ Disturbing footage, I'm sure you'll agree. MATTHEWS *titters* RODEZ What kind of a grown man 'titters'? Laugh like a man, poofpants. Matthews hangs his head. RODEZ Well, that was pretty cryptic stuff from The Midnights. I personally don't know what type of bearing that has on AnglePalooza, unless we have some sort of Lemonade Match. Quite what that would entail, I have no earthly idea, but how about we bring someone in here to analysis what they said. That kinda stuff goes down well on FOX News after all. Allow me to introduce my guest at this time, an Expert Psycho Analy - 'Sis...see what I did there? MATTHEWS Uhm... RODEZ Ms Jade Rodez everyone! On walks Jade LEON Now, Ms Rodez, in your expert opinion...would you say that what we just saw would indicate The New, New Midnight Express has maybe become 'too close'. In a John Cena, ha I'm going to kill your heat j0bber, kinda way? JADE Yes. Yes I would. LEON And would you say that the actions of Ned Blanchard and Simon Singleton towards your good self last week were the actions of two, very desperate men. Two men who know that they are the underdogs going into AnglePalooza. Two men who don't think that they can beat Leon Rodez and Zack Malibu for the Tag Team Titles by fair means, so are instead using their manager's suspect 'brain power' to try and gain every cheap advantage that they can in the mere hope that they stand a chance of becoming 3 Time World Tag Team Champions. Two men who we already beat last month. Two men who had to resort to the cheapest tactics in Lethal Rumble history to even get this title shot! JADE What was the question again? LEON Just say yes. JADE Yes. LEON (whispering to Josh) [i]She's a Pro.[/i] SO, New, New Midnight Express, the question is what do you do now? We beat you last month. Your attempt to make me lose my mind flopped like Paris Hilton's music career is so destined to do. And now, you're right back at square one. Don't be fooled into thinking I've forgotten or forgiven the way you two son of bitches treated my sister last week...there will be fallout, I can guarantee you that. But as far a... ???~! What the hell is this!?! Stopped in his tracks, Leon looks around in confusion as ZACK MALIBU storms into camera shot! MALIBU What are you doing!?! LEON I was just talking a little smizack on the New, New Mi... MALIBU For God's sake... LEON What? MALIBU Are you really this fucking dumb, or has hanging around with Alix given you some bad habits!?! Sensing that his partner is in far from a good mood, Leon motions to his sister to run along. MALIBU Do you not realise what's going on around here? Open your damn eyes, Leon! Did you not SEE what happened to me last week, or did you just not care!?! LEON Incase you forgot, you weren't the only one who got jumped by The Upstarts last week... MALIBU So, you DO remember!?! Peter Knight...fucking Peter Knight and Axel beat me down in the middle of that ring and they did exactly what the rest of The Upstarts did the week before...they pissed all over the OAOAST!! And here you are, talking about The New, New Midnight Express!?! FUCK The Midnight Express!! They don't matter anymore!! LEON Zack, we've gotta defend our titles against them at AnglePa... MALIBU Perhaps you didn't hear me...FUCK! The New, New Midnight Express!! You've got loyalties to concern yourself with now! We accepted you in on merit! We expected you to be on our side when push came to shove! Well, guess what...they've just pushed us over the god-damn edge!!! They want a war? They're gonna GET a war...and if it's gonna be a war, I'm gonna need some troops. I need back-up. Back-up I can rely on. So, are you on our side? Or are you too busy playing Comedy Central with Blanchard and Singleton to fight the fight you promised me you were loyal to! LEON You need to calm down. MALIBU Oh, what, I need to 'mellow out'? Do I need to 'chill'? Damnit Leon, maybe you need to think about whether you want a job or not! Because if these Upstarts SOBs take over and take over for good, you might not be employed much longer. You think they'll forgive you for turning them down, joining up with me? Think again. Leon sighs, running a hand through his hair. MALIBU I suggest you think about where your priorities lie. You don't DO angry? Then I suggest you learn. And do it soon... And with that, Zack storms off, leaving Rodez to watch on with folded arms.