King Cucaracha

Just over 0.

I love people who complain about restholds and then go all gooey-eyed when Angle uses that bodyscissors move of his for 70% of a match, then claim that it was MOTY (ie, vs. Jannetty on Smackdown).

Zack is 25 today! Congrats you old bugger.

Pickled.

Yay!

Man, this is going to be the longest PPV ever.

X-Division or WWE Style. Your choice buddy. I know which I'd choose. The problem with the X-Division is, guys like Aries and Shelley and Joe who CAN work matches with true psychology have 10 minutes a week to stand out from the pack. And the only way guys like Aries, who aren't getting mic time, can do that is by blowing people away in the ring. So they're forced to resort to filling matches with as many spots as possible, in the hope that fans'll take to them more than another guy in the same position. To say that AJ Styles and Samoa Joe can't work is asinine. Or, better yet, it's blatantly not true. To say Austin Aries and Alex Shelley, as examples, don't know anyhing about psychology is ridiculous. Their hands are forced by bad booking and/or limited TV time. Don't hate the players, hate the game.

Backstage we go and Josh Matthews is backstage, standing by with one half of the World Tag Team Champions, Leon Rodez. MATTHEWS Whassup! Josh Matthews, back here with Leon Rodez and tonight, I...*goes into convulsions*...[i]heeeeeeuuuuuurrrrrrrr[/i]...HELLO RANDY! I'LL SEE YOU AT ARMAGEDD...*AHEM!* *HEM!* *ACH-TU!* Sorry about that. Must be that flu bug going around. Rodez glances at Josh with a nervous smile and nod. MATTHEWS Leon, I see that you're not in the best of shape this week, but thanks for your time. We all saw the reprehensible events that went down on the Love Shack last week, courtesy of Jim Cornette and the New, New Midnight Express. How are you feeling after what happened. RODEZ Reprehensiwhat? Have you been talking to Christian Wright? You know Josh, believe it or not, I'm not feeling all that great. The ribtape kinda gives it away somewhat. Besides the bruised ribs and the scars on my upper back from where the doctors had to pluck the shards of glass out of my body with tweezers, mentally, I'm not too good either. See Jim Cornette, what you and your boys did went beyond goading me and Zack into a Tag Team Title match. We all know what you're capable of. I knew what you were capable of. But, I was naive. And I didn't see it coming. I honestly didn't expect you, Ned Blanchard, to have the audacity to do what you did. To use a picture of my own girlfriend as a weapon against me. Irony or just plain disrespect, I can't figure out which it was. To lay me out and let Jim Cornette smash me in the back, repeatedly, with that tennis racket of his. For you to then suplex me on the damn floor and then for you, Simon Singleton, to climb onto my desk, on my show, my set and hit me with the Rocket Launcher. I didn't see it coming. Sighing, Rodez wipes a hand across his forehead. RODEZ But next time, I will. See, now I know firsthand what you're capable of, I'm going to be extra wary. I'm also going to have Zack Malibu by my side. Oh yeah, sure, you got what you wanted. A shot at the Tag Team Titles at Climax. Well, congratulations. Now, you're faced with the problem of what you plan to do when you're faced with even odds, face to face, man to man. There won't be momentos from my girlfriend lying around. You won't be on my set. You'll be in the ring. Now, there's a saying..."Payback's are a bitch". You know me Josh, I'm a nice guy... MATTHEWS No doubt. RODEZ Leon Rodez isn't going to come out, all guns blazing, trying to tear the heads from your shoulders. But, you know that. You're a smart guy Cornette. That's why you and your boys targetted me instead of Zack Malibu, because you knew that if you got on his bad side, you'd live to regret it. Me? I'm a nice guy. I'm not going to be out for blood. I'm not like Krista. I'm not like Synth. That's true. But if you think I'm going to let what you did to me go unpunished, you're sorely mistaken. As you can probably tell, you've made this a serious issue. I'm not cracking jokes here. You have my attention. And Midnights...I won't be out for your blood. But you will suffer. You will suffer, the best way I know how. And that's to make sure you remain the FORMER World Tag Team Champions. You will be embarrassed. You will be beaten. And you will rue the day you considered me an easy target. MATTHEWS Well, on to tonight. Rib injury and all, you must team up with Zack and fellow partner Peter Knight for the 6-Man Tag Team Title Tournament Semi Finals. The question is, how focused can you be on that, knowing that you and Zack already have a match scheduled for Climax, regardless of possible progression to the Final. RODEZ Now now, let's not stir things up here, J Man. Me and Zack have eyes only for tonight. MATTHEWS And, what about the rumours that your two partners aren't getting along too wel... RODEZ Listen, Josh, relax. Okay? There's no problems between us. You'll see that well enough tonight. Any other questions? MATTHEWS Yes, one... RODEZ Is it about Peter Knight? MATTHEWS No. RODEZ Zack? MATTHEWS No. RODEZ My ribs? MATTHEWS No. RODEZ ...good. Go ahead. MATTHEWS What kind of underwear does Alix wear? Like, is she a thong girl? Coz I always thought sh... Shaking his head in despair, Rodez doesn't even wait for Josh to finish before beginning to walk off set. Leaving poor Josh's wildest fantasies inaccurate.

Anything to avoid another pointless nostalgia trip, yes. ECW was great, they brought it back, put on a good show, yadda yadda yadda. It's dead. Please, leave it dead. There's already enough desperate nostalgia in the name of attempted buyrates on the regular shows. And the inevitable 'WWE vs. ECW' storyline wasn't that great first time around.

So, from reading this, Zandig is pissed that the best wrestler in the world was asked to work against the best wrestler in the world that Gabe whatshisface thinks sucks? If so, methinks he may have taken one too many lighttubes to the head. Or, he doesn't want his deathmatch stuff to be over-shadowed by an actual wrestler. Either way, assuming this is accurate, Zandig's an idiot. Having Danielson in CZW could be nothing but a good thing. Nothing.

It's nearly time for some Ramadomination. Quite what that is, I'm not sure. But it sounds funny, so we'll let it slide for now. While other SWF workers might be deep into their pre-PPV training regimes by now, one is not. One is stuck, sat hunched over the small table in a hotel lobby, brandishing a notepad and pencil. If I said he looks confused, you'd probably guess in an instant that it's Landon Maddix. The same Landon Maddix who hasn't hit the gym at all yet this week. Which usually wouldn't be a shocker. Until Jay and JJ gave him stricter training regimes, that is. But for now, the only regime Landon is going through is a tactical one. And he's not faring well. "Right. Max is two fifty and I'm not going to be able to muscle that around...which means, that's out of the window." Maddix mumbles, either repeatedly crossing out something on his notepad or crossing out numerous things on said jotter (OMG TEH THEASAURUS). "His arms are gonna be stronger than mine. So, I can't do that either. Which leaves me with...crap! This is ridiculous. C'mon Landon, think. Think. There's got to be some sort of weakness. Something, anything..." As Landon continues to mumble away to himself, Jay Hawke appears in the background sipping at a can of Pepsi Max. "Problem?" "Big problem." sighs Maddix, tossing his notepad and pencil down on the makeshift desk in front of him. "Listen, Jay...I appreciate all that you and JJ have been trying to do for me, don't get me wrong. But, this isn't working." "How so?" "Well, Sunday night, I've got Max King. No problem, right? I know how to beat Max King. I know Max King's strengths. And I know Max King's weaknesses. And believe me, technical wrestling isn't one of them. This whole idea to make me a better wrestler is fine and dandy, in principal. But how do you expect me to go into a match with Max King and try to out wrestle him exactly? I've been sat here all day trying to analyse this out and what I'm left with is thinner than Bruce Blank's stand-up routine. Jay, I know it, you know it, he knows it...the way to beat Max King is for me to use my speed. He's a glorified cripple. Only, without the glory. Granted, I haven't challenged many cripples to a foot race in a while, but I'm pretty sure losing use of your limbs doesn't make you go faster." "So, what exactly is the problem then?" Maddix pauses, looking at Jay and slowly smiling. He's right. What IS the problem? "Just use your speed to out-wrestle him. Simple." Ah. THAT'S the problem. "You mean...like...chain wrestling and stuff?" groans Maddix. "Yes, chain wrestling and 'stuff'. What else do you expect me to say Landon? Go out there and aim dive after dive at Max King until he either moves, blocks or catches you? We all know where that got you against JJ now, don't we?" Maddix groans again, hanging his head. Jay's right. That just makes it all the worse. If it wasn't for Landon abandoning his gameplan to go for the Crash Landon - a move Jay and JJ had specifically prohibited him from using, due to it's hit and miss nature - then he wouldn't have got locked in the Jujigatame. And if he didn't get locked in that, The Frostbite might not have followed. And that was against JJ Johnson. A man not nearly as strong as Max King. "Landon, there's more to speed than being a human highlight reel in that ring. A well placed high-flying move, in moderation, even just in desperate cases...no problem. Look at me. Look at JJ. Look at Scott Pretzler. Look at the current World Champion, El Luchadore Magnifico. He can fly, sure. But he backs it up with sound technical wrestling. Granted, even he's a little too flippy for my liking. The base is there though. We're all speedy, but none of us are out of control luchadores. How many World Championships has Wildchild won, Landon?" "...none." "Exactly. Because he's a terrible wrestler? No. Not really. Because he has a tendency to take just one too many risks? Bingo. Do you see where I'm going with this Landon?" "Yeah." "If you want to go into your match and flip-flop your way around the ring, tumbling over the ropes and try to 'lucha' your way to victory...then go ahead. Myself and JJ won't stop you. But, we won't have any sympathy either, should it go wrong. Who knows, it might work. You might be able to beat Max King with high-flying tactics. No-one's saying you'll be certain to lose. But, ask yourself this Landon...do you want to take that risk? And do you want to throw away the past few weeks of training, in order to go back to tactics that weren't working for you for most of this past year. OR, do you want to increase your odds of winning by sticking to sensible tactics and wrestling?" No comment. Maddix just hangs his head, taking all his 'teacher' is telling him in. "Kamikaze pilots don't get second chances. Think about it." Jay 'toasts' to Maddix with his Pepsi Max (shill) as he walks off, leaving Maddix to re-muse over his notepad. So far, the sum total of Maddix's offensive strategies is pitiful, at best. In a way, it's just what it's meant to be. Offensive. Just, not the right way. Leaning back in his chair, Maddix sighs, dropping his pencil once more and glancing around. "I hate it when he's right."

Win ten matches as a CAW and unlock all the Legends.

So they died 3 years ago? They've had 6 months to live every month for the past 3 years. People will keep doing it because eventually, they might be right and they can get a little ego boost from being the second coming of Nostradamus.

0.00

Ah. I knew about the No Limits feud and that IWA referenced them. Apparantly, they're IWA No Limits and not NWA No Limits now, right? Makes more sense now.

Would Joe vs. Sabin in Joe's TNA debut count as a squash? Also on the Spike note, Spike vs. Bam Bam from I think Hardcore Heaven '97. Just fun to watch Bam Bam totally demolish Spike.

I'm getting a PSP for XMas and have enough put by to get SDvsRaw once it actually comes out. Wouldn't you know it, the release date is put back. Sucks to hear about the loading times, but other than that I'm surprised at how good it looks, being a handheld and all. Nice to hear they haven't taken a lot out too, in terms of game modes.

Recon became Bull Buchanun. That's all I know.

Just seen this. Totally agree, but I wasn't sure on whether Kingston should have been so happy about what's going on. I know he's a heel and he's had battles with Ian, but he's been played up as a guy who respects wrestling and knows where to draw the line (although, I may be confused with his CZW/CHIKARA and IWA personas a little). It seemed a bit odd. Especially odd that he was so happy about Ian getting his, but not joining in on the attack. Nate coming out to a choir sung version of Teenage Dirtbag was surreal. And that Burning Hammer Corbin took in the opener was sick.

I'll admit, Pearce running on the pitch twice to stop Blackburn timewasting was one/two of the greatest moments of the season.

Hooray for some more, non in-depth, token KC feedback! Starting the show with the word goodbye? Foreshadowing perhaps? Or perhaps not at all? Hmmm... In other news, Royal Albert Hall is a bitching location. They had Masters tennis on the TV over here last week with guys like MacEnroe and it just looked so pimping. Squash #1. Nice way to set up for Climax with the beatdown. Aww, Zack and Candie promo. Can't. Find. Vomiting. Smiley. They're all loved up in preperation for that stork thing that brings new-born babies and stuff. Good for them. They won't be so happy when they's knee deep in vomit, oh no siree. Foshi must have been before my time. Either that, or my shoddy memory is playing up. A new writing style with all commentary. Not the easiest to follow, but I guess it is more 'realistic' to be reading all commentary than to be reading action and commentary. Mark me down as on the fence. Yay! Women's Division! Makes up for my forgetfullness slightly! 'Bout time this show had some wackiness, the effects of those mind altering drugs was just beginning to wear off. Trikes > Juan Deres. Yay for build-up! GPX, rockin' like dockin'. No, wait, that's the Ring Crew Express. Well, whatever. Something different besides the usual heel promo is good. What else is good? COD, of course! I'm going to assume that wasn't an actual sigh and was infact the word sigh, just because it's so much cooler. Another match for Climax. I think I'm right in saying we've never had a PPV with 17 matches booked, right? I smell a broken record. Oh, goody, a competitive match...with all due respect to Reno Riggins, of course. Very nice match from Parka, which may have something to do with me being a Brock mark. Both the real one and Lesnar. I'm liking Parka's new finisher too. Thumbs up. No comments on my stuff from me, except I finally got to debut the OMGDog! Still loving Alf's handling of the Alf/S.H.I feud. He's really done a great job with CSI since Hoff went and this was no different. Another fun match. Christmas Deathmatch...should be fun. Sadistic fun. Which is the best type, I assume. Squash #2. I'm liking The Shark and it's nice we're finally moving towards some more competitive matches with her. I read the Krista/Sk8ter Boiz segment earlier in the week and laughed my ass off. The fact I laughed it back off second time around says a lot for Patty's abilities as a comedior. Alix is 27-6!?! Speziaberg! Speziaberg! The Suplex series that never was totally faked me out and I assuming O'Hara was heading for another squash. After all, it is Alixberg. Patty's writing style is immensely edumacated and always entertaining, but damned if it's hard to follow while trying to scan through quickly. Man, I love Alix. Kayfabe~! Very entertaining match, as you'd expect. More Climax setupagge. Good segment from PRL. ME! Or, me and Parka. Yay! Squash #3 and it's mine. If I'd known about the other two, I might have chosen someone more competitive. Ah well. Another fine match from Alf, considering he didn't have much notice that he needed to write it, from what I understand. Segueway into an SJ promo. The boo for Paris, France should have been bigger. Like, real big. We hate France. Cliffhanger to end, which is always a good thing. LOVE SHACK~1 Yeah, I thought it came out pretty well. Nice to see Tony liked it okay.

Wigan are a real surprise team but they've been up against some of the best teams in the Premiership in the past few games and haven't won in a while. No real star players, but a well organised team. United are having problems and aren't as good as they were a couple of years back. They're the favourites though. Rooney is the best young player in the world, Cristiano Ronaldo's fun but a trick pony and Van Nistelrooy is joint top scorer in the League. Might be close though. Aston Villa aren't having the best of times, but Phillips and Baros are a good strike partnership. Birmingham are relegation material and don't have much going for them. Man City are a little hit and miss, but they've got the potential to be pretty good. Good few young players in the team and they spanked 5 past Charlton a couple of weeks ago, so they should be comfortable winners. EDIT: Do you guys get any other leagues, like Serie A or La Liga?

Nice to see Cheech and Cloudy tearing it up in the opener. Why ROH had them as lackeys and used Deranged and Izzy instead of them always confused me. Cheech in particular.

-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=- The Main Event - SWF World Heavyweight Championship Match El Luchadore Magnifico © vs. "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez It's Mags man. Cortez is my brother from another mother (although not literally) and stuff, but you don't bet against Mags. -=-=-=-=-=- Loser Leaves the Fed I Quit Match Wild vs. Dangerous If it's straight up, both men writing to win, I'll go with DubCee. Otherwise, who knows? -=-=-=-=-=- Cold Front Classic Finals: 2/3 Falls JJ Johnson © vs. TORU Takahara © Stable pride. Plus, Toxx created TORU as a tag character, so I don't know if he even wants to go after the World Title again. We shall see I guess. -=-=-=-=-=- SWF International Championship Match Jay Hawke © vs. Wes Davenport We haven't had a title change in eons, so here it is. -=-=-=-=-=- Landon Maddix vs. "The Icon" Max King I haven't won in months. That said, me. -=-=-=-=-=- SWF Ultraviolent Championship Match - Dog Collar Chain Match Bruce Blank © vs. "The Divine Wind" Akira Kaibatsu Blank seems to be good with this hardcore shtick. -=-=-=-=-=- Hollywood Spike Jenkins vs. Zyon On to bigger things for him, assuming there's no co-write. -=-=-=-=-=- Opening Boout Kevin Coyote vs. Ced Ordonez Ced doesn't win too much, what with being fodder and stuff. -=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=- BONUS ATTRACTION! SWF FROST David Blazenwing vs David Blazenwing Ebony.

Beulah vs. Fonzie was insane.