King Cucaracha

It'd be nice if CW spoke, seeing as he's supposed to be a 'mic guy'. I know he's a bit of a hard character to write, but just a little something would be good. O'Hara too if you can manage chav as well as MENSA. Alternatively, I guess I could write them.

Adam, just half-ass everything. "Napoleon was a dude from France with one arm." Fin.

Nothing's happening ... nothing's happening ... something about a witch ... nothing's happening ... the movie's over ... a lot of people look pissed.

Nice to see some non-ROH reccomendations. IWA...I haven't seen TPI yet. The Spring Heat 2005/Simply The Best 6 double-shot was very good. The IWA show in Philly was good too. CHIKARA-wise, Night 3 of the Young Lions Cup was probably the best non-Tag Grand Prix show they've ever put on. The crowd were hot and the top three matches were excellent by CHIKARA standards. Not seen it yet, but the CZW Arena (Negative Balance?) was a great show too. From what I've seen of CZW, BotB wasn't great. Violent By Design was pretty good.

Incorrect. Awesome match and anything that involves the ROH commentators not talking is fantabulous.

Not with an 'o', no. And a laughable promo isn't a good thing.

We should get Dave on Dangerous A's radio thingy to hype the show, hype ROH and stuff. I'm assuming Mickie Knuckles won't be involved, as it's a ROH (or, is that an ROH?) based project. Which sucks. Although, maybe, hopefully I'm wrong. Because with her, you've got pretty much the entire IWA Women's roster of old involved.

Do we have enough stuff pinned? I mean, seriously.

Steiner Brothers vs. Beverley Brothers, Royal Rumble '93 Doink vs. Mr Perfect, Raw, KOTR 93 Qualifier. Best Doink match ever.

You mean Rock n Roll Express vs. The Heavenly Bodies, right?

Bah. Lacey > All.

Sarp sighting? Man, we need Neilson to cut a promo now. Or Kid Cools.

That's all well and good, but he needs momentum to make it to the upper echelon. A good heel run and a sensible face turn would have worked at any point in his career. Too many times, they turned him for no good reason and screwed up all momentum he had. Sure, he CAN regain credibility. But the one step forward, two step back way of thinking doesn't make him a big money player. Nobody bought Big Show as a World Champion either reign, because he was treading water and suddenly came from nowhere each time. I totally agree, if only because Show can be a media superstar that Benoit simply can't. Again, agreed. The trouble is, finding someone to pair him against. Brock was fine, now there's not many on Raw. HHH isn't going to put him over as a monster. Cena can't get good matches out of him. Kane...been there, WAY too many times. Angle's already been squashed like a bug by Show plenty of times. Personally, I think it'd be an idea to tag him up with Shelton regularly. Give them the Tag Titles and put them against guys who aren't doing anything but have a little credibility to them. Then, you could turn Show eventually, lead to Show/Shelton. This time, I wouldn't say it was rushed, Show's been a face for a while (as opposed to the 4/5 month turns he had pretty much since debuting).

Man, Kamehameha's gonna be pissed when he reads this.

Champion. Which they're not, but technically they are, if you get what I mean, seeing as they've stolen mine and Jay's belts.

Yeah, my bad. I actually meant to say Matinee. The Franz Ferdinand song.

Note: He sucks. Don't hold your breath.

You mean The Boogeyman? Great talent?

1) Better World Champion? Batista or John Cena 2) Who do you like more in general? Undertaker or Kurt Angle 3) Better on the mike to you? Eddie Guerrero or Edge 4) Better In Ring Wrestler? Chris Benoit or Shawn Michaels 5) More Entertaining? JBL or HHH 6) Better Tag Teams? Legion Of Doom(2005) or Murdoch & Lance Cade 7) Who do you favor more? Stone Cold or The Rock 8) also, Better highflier? Rey Mysterio or Rob Van Dam

Show will never be as big as he could have been, because his first few years in the company were screwed up royally. How many times has he turned from heel to face and back again? Countless. They killed any momentum he ever had and he'll never be a big time, franchise player because of it. Which is unfortunate, because as far as ambassadors for the company in the media go, Show's one of the best.

[QUOTE] LEON Is...is it just me, or is this not going anywhere. JADE Sorry...uh, where was I? LEON The question? JADE Oh yeah...What was it like to get beat up by Charles Robinson? Pissed, O'Hara stands up and gets in Jade's face, prompting Leon out of his chair to interject himself. O'HARA Yo, step off cous'. LEON I suggest you get out of my sister's face. O'HARA Whatch'u gonna do cous', huh? You wanna go? LEON You know, you should take a look around kid. This is the Love Shack. This is mah house! I built this house! Figuratively, obviously, I'm no builder. But I am a wrestler and if you wanna 'go', then we'll 'go' in the ring. Next week. Unless, one half of the Tag Team Champions is too much of a step up from referees and James Blonde all of a sudden? Despite backing off, a sour look remains on O'Hara face as he glares at Rodez and nods his head... [/QUOTE] COLE That was footage from last week's Love Shack. COACH Man, I love the Love Shack. You think Leon'll have me on as a guest? CABOOSE I doubt it. You have to have some sort of redeeming qualities to appear on a talk show, otherwise there's no talk. And besides, the ratings on Cole's Bar plummeted after you appeared on it. You're like a kiss of death. COLE Anyway...Leon Rodez invited newly promoted OAOVW starlet Jamie O'Hara onto his Love Shack program. And O'Hara showed pretty much no gratitude, completely blowing up when the subject of his run with the Birmingham Bad Boyz earlier in the year was brought up. CABOOSE I don't blame him. The poor kid comes to the OAOAST, ends up wrestling Charles Robinson of all people and then gets demoted to Hicksville Wrestling. Then his partner leaves. He busts his ass to rebuild his reputation and all everyone does is bring up the past? Why can't people let him move on? I don't blame him for being angry. [b]*GOOOOONG!*[/b] "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" [i]"GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN! GET DOWN, GET DOWN!"[/i] The fans go wild and crazy, starting to bop their heads along to Kool And The Gang's "Jungle Boogie", as one half of the super-fantastic OAOAST World Tag Team Champions Leon Rodez storms out through the curtains. He gets another roar from the crowd as he stops on the stage, surveying the scene. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Grand Rapids Michigan...he weighs in at two hundred, twenty pounds. One half of the OAOAST Tag Team Champions of the WOOORRLLD... "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRROOOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE The crowd going wild for the ever popular former X-Division Champion. How can you not love Leon Rodez? CABOOSE Gimme some time and I could think of a bunch of reasons. COACH I like him. CABOOSE Okay, there's reason one. Rodez jogs up the steps and vaults into the ring, whipping off his robe and draping it over Michael Buffer's shoulders. Ever the professional, Buffer doesn't even flinch. Not even as Rodez positions himself beside Buffer and mimes along with his next introduction. BUFFER And, his opponent. Making his return to the OAOAST this evening. He hails from Birmingham, England and weighs in at one hundred, seventy pounds. "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY"... JJAAAAAAAMMMMIIIIIIEEEEEE... OOOOO'HHHAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!!!! "Mosh" by Eminem hits, a few of the crowd already booing as O'Hara strides out through the entrance. Head held high, O'Hara walks past the fans shouting abuse at him as if he were 7 feet tall, rather than the scrawny 5'9" that he is in reality. Scrawny he may be, but he is athletic, leaping to the apron and then somersaulting over the ropes and into the ring. Earning him mock applause from Rodez. O'Hara takes exception to that, inviting Rodez to "come 'n 'ave a go" before he's moved away by referee Mickey Jay. COLE Okay, this oughta be real fun. Leon Rodez is a former X-Division Champion and from reports we've heard, O'Hara is one of the most exciting aerial wrestlers the OAOAST will have seen in some time. Rodez, for once, has the experience edge and the power edge in this match. *DINGDINGDING!* As the bell rings, O'Hara prepares to fight... *CLAP!* *CLAP!* *CLAP!* *CLAP!* ...while Rodez gets the crowd behind him in some old fashioned rhythmical clapping. CABOOSE Ugh! Rodez dances along to the beat as O'Hara scowls out at the crowd, before advancing. Lunging forward, Rodez tries for a lock-up but O'Hara evades and sneaks behind with a waistlock. Not the most powerful, O'Hara can't stop Rodez from switching behind into his own waistlock though, trapping The Birmingham Bad Boy and attempting a German. O'Hara hooks his leg around Leon's and blocks. Rodez tries again, only for O'Hara to block again. So Rodez shoves O'Hara in the back with enough force to send him into the ropes, waiting for him to rebound back before dropping down. Hurdling over Rodez, O'Hara runs on and suddenly leaps, springboarding off the middle rope and leapfrogging backwards over a charging Rodez. Now on the run, Rodez hits the ropes and charges into O'Hara with a shoulder block. As O'Hara goes down, Rodez shows off TEH GUNZ~! before hitting the ropes at the side, vaulting over O'Hara and hitting a clotheslin...NO, O'Hara counters with an armdrag from out of nowhere! Skidding to a halt by the ropes, Rodez pulls himself to his knees and applauds O'Hara, shaking his arm out as he climbs back to his feet. COLE Impressive work from both men and Leon Rodez is the first to acknowledge his opponent's abilities. CABOOSE Eh, he's just sucking up. Both men meet in the middle of the ring and lock up, Rodez applying a side headlock. Rodez drops to one knee to add more leverage, but O'Hara goes to the ribs repeatedly with forearms to weaken The Silky Smooth One up before sending him off into the ropes. Again, Rodez' knocks O'Hara down with a shoulderblock and again goes to the ropes. But this time, he fakes out on a clothesline, causing O'Hara's armdrag attempt to fail miserably. A smirk creeps onto Rodez's face reaches down and grabs O'Hara's arm, but O'Hara suddenly kips up and gets his armdrag, much to the surprise of Rodez who rolls to the corner. *APPLAUSE* COLE Jamie O'Hara's certainly holding his own thus-far. Rodez pulls himself up in the corner and offers O'Hara a handshake. Taking a curious look, O'Hara declines...and SLAPS the taste out of Rodez's face! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!" Just for good measure, O'Hara begins to put the badmouth on Rodez...but suddenly, Rodez explodes with a flurry of right hands! O'Hara tries to cover up, but Rodez continues pounding away relentlessly, backing O'Hara up into the ropes with fist after fist after fist. Rodez then grabs an arm and irish whips O'Hara towards the ropes. Putting on the brakes, O'Hara manages to skid to a halt in the centre of the ring, but turns around and gets taken over with a sunset flip... 1... 2... O'Hara kicks out, rolling through to his feet and dropkicking Rodez flush in the jaw! Back collapses Rodez, while O'Hara hits the ropes and looks for a running back senton. Rodez rolls to the side before impact though and snares O'Hara's arms on the way down, tilting him into a crucifix... 1... 2... Kickout! Both men scramble up and meet in the centre of the ring, Rodez landing a boot to the gut and whipping O'Hara towards the corner. Before he can collide with the ropes though, the arms of Jamie O'Hara shoot up and catch the top rope, allowing him to push up and over the charging Rodez. As he lands, O'Hara spins on his heels and sprints towards the opposite corner. With Rodez following, O'Hara again tries to go up and over. This time though, O'Hara hooks his legs over Rodez's shoulders and pushes off, swinging around to take Rodez over with a headscissors... ...but Rodez sits out, countering with an inverted sit-out powerbomb style move, with enough force for O'Hara to bounce off the mat and be turned onto his back!! "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Man, what a counter that was! COACH No kiddin'! He done dropped him right on his face! With O'Hara down, Rodez slows the pace down a little by taking a breather, before making a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Pulling O'Hara up, Rodez nails a right hand and then a second before pushing O'Hara into the ropes, sending him across the ring. As he hits the ropes though, O'Hara manages to hook his arms over the top rope and halt his momentum...only for Rodez to charge in anyway and clothesline O'Hara up and over the top. However, he doesn't notice O'Hara grabbing the top rope and levering himself onto the apron and turns his back to motion to the crowd, leaving himself open for a springboard missile dropkick from O'Hara! Sprawling forward, Rodez ends up tumbling out through the ropes and to the floor, while O'Hara tries to regain his senses. CABOOSE High-Spot, coming your way Leon! Slowly Rodez pulls himself up on the outside. In the ring meanwhile, the same can be said for O'Hara, who has Rodez in his sights. Moving Mickey Jay aside, O'Hara takes a run-up, before cartwheeling across the ring and tumbling up, out, over and WIPING OUT RODEZ WITH A SPACE FLYING MU'FUCKIN TIGER DROP~! COLE Oh, MY! CABOOSE And somewhere, Alfdogg gently weeps. The crowd applaud O'Hara, regardless of his demeanour, as he and Rodez lie in a mangled heap on the arena floor. "ONE!" Meanwhile, referee Mickey Jay begins his count on both men. "TWO!" O'Hara rolls to his knees, trying to shake out the cobwebs after taking a pretty rough landing on the floor himself. "THREE!" COLE O'Hara clearly isn't afraid to take a risk...we're still early in this match and already, O'Hara produces a highlight reel moment! You can see why this kid has been hyped so much from OAOVW watchers! "FOUR!" Pulling himself up, O'Hara turns and sees Mickey Jay's count, realising he has enough time to pull Rodez back up as well. As he does, he charges Rodez backwards, driving his spine into the ring apron! "FIVE!" Backing up, The Birmingham Bad Boy waits for Rodez to step forward before driving him backwards into the ring apron a second time. "SIX!" O'Hara rolls Rodez in at six to break the count. With that dealt with, O'Hara takes a moment to turn and hurl abuse at the ringside fans before climbing back to the apron and waiting on Rodez to get up. Rodez slowly gets to his feet, turning towards O'Hara who vaults into the ring. Twisting in mid-air, he lands on the top rope and moonsaults back over Rodez's head, hooking him on the way and dropping him with an inverted DDT!! COLE Gorgeous Moonsault Inverted DDT from O'Hara!! That brought the crowd out of their seats! Indeed, it did. But pretty soon, they're rallying behind Rodez as O'Hara hooks a leg... 1... 2... Kickout!! O'Hara hops up quickly, stomping Rodez back down and making sure he's firmly down. He then sets, readying himself before springing off the mat and tumbling...450 DEGREES!?! CABOOSE What the living hell? COLE STANDING 450 Splash!! That's insane! 1... 2... Kickout! Furious, O'Hara glares at Mickey Jay as he gets back up, waiting for Rodez. "RO - DEZ!" "RO - DEZ!" "RO - DEZ!" "RO - DEZ!" With the sounds of the crowd behind him, Rodez struggles to his feet holding his ribs. Hitting the ropes, O'Hara runs at Rodez at full pelt, spinning through the air and trying to take his head off with a spinning roundhouse kick. At the last second though, Leon ducks his head and O'Hara's leg soars harmlessly over his head! Stunned, O'Hara scrambles back up and is met with a jab! And a second JAB! A JAB! A JAB~! A JAAAAB~! O'Hara rocks, rolls and...uh...reverberates, as Rodez launches into O'Hara with the enziguri! O'Hara takes the bump right on his head, to gasps from the crowd. COACH MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT...said Leon to Jamie. Staggering to his feet, O'Hara wildly swings out with a right hand. Rodez easily ducks though, switching behind The Birmingham Bad Boy and drags him down across his knees with a Lungblower!! O'Hara bounces about a foot off the canvas before finally landing hard on the mat, further damage done allowing Rodez to make the cover... 1... 2... KICKOUT! CABOOSE This kid's got a lot of heart too. COLE Wait...you're always brushing it off when I say Rodez has a lot of heart and now, you're using my clichés? CABOOSE Your mediocrity must be rubbing off on me. Rodez pulls O'Hara to his feet again, whipping him into the corner and following in with a clothesline. Out of the corner staggers O'Hara, as Rodez sprints into the ropes and wipes him out with a flying forearm. And a clothesline. A second clothesline. A third and Leon Rodez is FIRED UP~! RODEZ C'MOOOOOOOONN~! See. "RO - DEZ!" "RO - DEZ!" "RO - DEZ!" "RO - DEZ!" As O'Hara staggers in, Rodez scoops and slams, positioning O'Hara by the corner. In perfect position. Rodez leaves the ring and plays to the fans before climbing up the turnbuckles towards the top rope. As he does though, all attentions turn to the entrance way as Scotty Static and Johnny Jax are sprinting to the ring!! COLE What the hell, The GPX are coming to the ring! Damnit! Static vaults onto the apron, reaching up and shoving Rodez off the top rope! *DINGDINGDING!* Predictably, the bell sounds and Mickey Jay calls for the disqualification, as The GPX scramble into the ring and begin to put the boots to Leon Rodez! BUFFER Your winner of this contest by disqualification...LEON RODEZ!! A mild cheer goes up, with most of the crowd screaming at The GPX who are beating the living hell out of a defenceless Leon Rodez. Jamie O'Hara is up now and stares over at Jax and Static, looking decidedly pissed off at having lost his return match. And he quickly grabs Jax by the arm, pulling him off of Rodez, doing the same to Static as well... ...before putting his own boots to Rodez!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE IT WAS A SETUP!! DAMNIT, IT WAS ALL A SETUP!! COACH Man, you'd think we'd be able to tell by now, huh? Smiles emerge on Johnny and Scotty's faces as they join in on the beatdown again... "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ...BUT SUDDENLY, HERE COMES ZACK!!! The GPX and O'Hara bail just as Zack slides into the ring, leaning over the ropes and pointing a threatening finger at the trio, who are now gloatingly making their leave. Zack checks on Rodez, as The GPX raise the arms of Jamie O'Hara in the air. COLE Damnit, Jamie O'Hara has alligned himself with The GPX...so...that means, he must have alligned himself with The Upstarts! Damnit, they're taking over! CABOOSE That's...that's kinda the point. COLE Yeah. Uh, let's go to commercial.

*EARLIER IN THE WEEK* You'd think after finally dethroning Wild and Dangerous and winning the World Tag Team Champions, finally finding success under the Cucaracha Internacional moniker and proving quite a few people wrong, Landon Maddix and Jay Hawke would have much to celebrate. But, not so. Having found themselves beltless champions, instead, Maddix and Hawke are having to work to get belts they already won. And, of course, if someone stole your World Tag Team Title belts, you'd go straight to the nearest police station too. Right? Cop: "So, let me get this straight sir. You're reporting a theft...of...two belts?" Maddix: "Yes." Cop: "Alright. Now, did you see who stole these two...belts. Any description you could give us?" Maddix: "Yeah. Two Japanese guys." The cop pauses, waiting for Maddix to elaborate, which he doesn't. Cop: "Anything more concrete?" Maddix: "What more do you need? How many Japanese guys are walking around New York with two belts?" Hawke: "Look, we know who stole them." Maddix: "Yeah, yeah, we know their names." Cop: (deadpan) "Hallelujah. A breakthrough." Maddix: "Well, you only asked for a description, not names or anything. Look, their names are TORU Takahara and KOJI Kitano. And TORU and KOJI are spelt in all capitals. Which is important...apparantly. And, also, they'll have a slimy, scheming, conniving, backstabbing greaseball with them called Chris Card and his little bint, Natasha. You've probably got files on those two already. She looks like the street crawling type." Cop: "Okay. Would you care to explain, sir, why it takes four people to steal two belts from someone?" Maddix glares over the desk at the cop, taking a glance to Hawke before glaring back at the cop once more. Maddix: "You don't believe us, do you?" Cop: "No no, that's not the case at all sir. It just seems an odd theft to be reporting. And, to be honest, the retrieval of two belts isn't really going to sit high on our priority list. There's not a whole lot we can do..." Maddix: "Well, duh. You're the New York Police Department. I already know there's not much you can do." The cop smiles off the insult, as Maddix lounges on the desk and sighs. He's clearly not getting anywhere fast, so turns to Jay Hawke for some suggestions. But as he turns his head, someone else catches his eye. Coming out from the area where the cells are, a rather hungover looking Benjamin Hardy is escorted around towards the exit...which he almost gets to, before spotting Maddix and Hawke and freezing. Hardy: "...crap." Maddix: "Hey, Ben, looking for us?" Hardy: "Uhm...uh, yeah, yeah, I'm here for...uh, to interview you. Yeah. That's right. Interview. What are you guys doing here anyway?" Hawke: "Good question." Maddix: "That's what I'd like to know Ben. Look, this is ridiculous. We're supposed to be the SWF World Tag Team Champions. The best, premiere team in the company. And we're stood in a cop-shop like idiots while OUR belts are being used to hold sushi by two wannabe members of the Yakuza! Ben, you're right. Why ARE we even here? Why aren't the SWF doing something about the situation? Blatant disrespect, that's what it is. TKO disrespecting us and the SWF hierachy continuing to disrespect me. Well, I'm sick of it! I'm sick of nobody caring about Landon Maddix. Do you realise, I had to pay for my limousine to be towed out of the arena after TKO crushed it a few weeks back? Nevermind that they destroyed my personal property. Not only did I pay good money for that limousine, I paid good money to move it once it had been turned into a worthless cube. And not content with ruining my limo, now they steal my World Tag Team Title belt? And my partner's? Again, to no reaction from anyone? Well, if nobody will lift a finger to help us, we're going to help ourselves. If TKO want to walk around, claiming they're the Tag Team Champions, let them earn it. They want the belts? We'll take them on at Ashes 2 Ashes and we'll show them it's one thing to hold a belt, but it's another to be a champion." Hardy: "Great. ...but, aren't you forgetting something?" Pausing, Maddix scratches his head. Hardy: "You already have a match at Ashes 2 Ashes. Remember? Max King?" Maddix: "...yeeaahh, yeah I know. I'll just pull double-duty. Drubbing King shouldn't take more than 5 minutes. I'll be fresh and ready to go for a Tag Title Match and then some. Face it, I spent the entire month after Genesis last year beating King. Why should things be any different now?" Hawke: "Okay. But, there's another problem. I'm the International Champion, remember?" Maddix: (under breath) "How could I forget?" Hawke: "So, what if they make me defend the title? That means we're both going to have to pull double duty." Pacing around, Maddix wipes the hair from his eyes and sighs. Maddix: "Then you know what...we'll just have to deal with it beforehand." Hawke: "Meaning what exactly?" Maddix: "Meaning, we're going to get our belts back. By force. TKO want to play dirty? Then they're going to get a lesson from the master." Motioning to his partner, Maddix begins to walk off, Hawke following close behind allowing Hardy to sneak back to the police desk and collect his belongings.

JUG BAND~! Best ECK segment ever. Garvin/Valentine is still good, especially for 1990 WWF. Worth another look anyway. Undertaker vs. Mankind, Revenge Of Taker. Complete throwaway show, but this is as good as any of the other Taker/Mankind matches. Certainly better than HIAC which still gets all the plaudits. Mankind's "head-first throuh the announce table" bump still remains one of my favourite Foley moments. Mikey vs. Kidman from Uncensored '99. I also dug Steiners vs. Shrinkers from Mania IX, but maybe that's just me.

Wow. I can't remember the last time the Stunner actually looked like a devestating move. Maybe when all the non-wrestlers like Slaughter (who didn't fall to his knees and made the move look brilliant), Vince and maybe Lawler were taking it in 97.

The man (itee lover) speaks the truth.