King Cucaracha

*diddle-do-do diddle-do-do diddle-do-doooooooo* "Man, you need a new ringtone and fast..." *diddle-do-do diddle-do-do diddle-do-doooooooo* "Hey...I'm not paying $5 for some cheap-ass Beyonce rip-off that some dateless 24 year-old made in his back bedroom." *diddle-do-do diddle-do-do diddle-do-doooooooo* "...seriously Chris, answer it already. You're killing me here." *diddle-do-do diddle-do-d...* "Hello?" "Ah, Chris..." The slightly familiar sounding voice hardly has time to settle, before Chris Card's face turns a pale shade of white. In the TOP-SECRET~! Chris Card Enterprises training facility, Landon Maddix is busy doing nothing in particular apart from viewing his reflection in the SWF Intercontinental Television Championship belt that Megan Skye is holding in front of him, looking rather bored of doing so. Natasha is meanwhile busying doing her hair. Obviously, the four don't feel the need for vast preperation ahead of Lockdown. "How's things?" But as relaxed as Maddix and co. seem, Card looks equally nervous all of a sudden. "Things are fine...Mom." The very un-mom sounding voice on the other end of the phone laughs, as Card turns and smiles pensively at Natasha. "Man...that takes me back. Haven't been called 'Mom' since that one night in Boston with that hooke..." "Was there anything in particular you wanted to talk about Mom?" "How is the boy doing?" "Everything's great, yeah. Did you watch Storm?" "Rest assured, I've been watching very closely. Is everything going to plan? He doesn't sus..." "Well...I'm sure you saw what you wanted to see then, eh Mom?" "Hmmm...I'm not so sure Chris. Ambition can be the downfall of us all." Card has seemingly trailed off, looking over at Maddix's self obsessed state with a rather curious look, which Natasha seems to notice. "...Chris?" "Yeah, I'm still here Mom." "So...I have nothing to worry about?" "There's no need to worry at all Mom. No need at all. Everything is perfectly under control." "...good. And remember Chris...I'm keeping my eye on this situation. I'm trusting you to make this work. And I'm sure I don't need to remind you what the results will be if you were to cock this up." "Yeah...I'll be home to visit real soon Mom." "Yeah. You'd better be. Send the kid my regards..." Suddenly the voice on the other end disappears, leaving only the dialing tone on the other end of the line. Taking a large gulp of air, Card takes a deep breath and loosens the top button on his shirt before closing up his cellphone. "So, what did 'mommy' want?" Maddix sniggers, oblivious to everything except his reflection. "She...er, uhm...just wanted to see if I was ok. She was watching Storm and she saw I got a bit agitated..." "A BIT?" gestures Maddix, without even bothering to look up from the belt. "Chris, you nearly kicked the ropes into the fourth row! I'd say agitated is a slight understatement. I still don't know why you're so worked up about all this..." "I'm not worked up..." "Look at you!" again Maddix gestures, finally looking up at Card. "You're sweating buckets...that vein in your neck is fit to burst. Look at you man...relax. I've got Johnny covered. It'll be like Ground Zero re-visited, only you won't have to worry about plucking your eyebrows tonight because you'll be tucked away in the dressing room, quaffing all the champagne. All you need to concern yourself with is which sofa you're sitting on while you, your Mom and the entire WORLD watch me beat Johnny Dangerous one more time. Only...I don't have to worry about losing my pride and joy." "Pride and joy..." Card repeats, almost unconsciously. "Wha..." "Oh...don't worry. It's just something my Mom was saying." "What? About pride and joy?" "Yeah. But I wouldn't worry about it...it was nothing really. And hey...as long as you're happy..." Card walks over, patting the ICTV Championship and smiling at Maddix. "...I'm sure my Mom will be REALLY happy..."

Austin vs. Rhodes, when Austin won the U.S Title. Other than that I can't really remember any other instances.

1999 was the year that drew the casual fans towards the product however, and in-ring product was not the most important factor. 2000 was more a case of capitalising on the new fans.

I don't even see the big deal. Styles Clash isn't very good to start with. It's a low impact move that should be a secondary move at best. It's just not a good finishing move. I always kinda liked it. When you think about it, it's an face bump but an unprotected one, because the guy can't get his arms or hands up to block. Plus you've got all of AJ's body weight (which isn't a lot, but still) coming down on the guy. Not to mention it can go straight into a pin. It's the Moonsault into Inverted DDT that always bothered me with Styles but that's besides the point. Quick thing. Is there something forbiding the WWE from actually calling it the Olympics, or do Americans actually call it the 'Summer Games' rather than the Olympic Games.

Is it just me or is that false? Off the top of my head, I remember SummerSlam 97 and IYH: Final Four, both instances where Hart went over. I can't remember any other matches between the two though, let alone one where Taker went over. EDIT: Uh, yeah. Mis-read it. I'm sure Taker has beaten Bret at least once in his career without the title on the line.

It's all Orton's fault. He's too green to be on Raw. Benoit should be wrestling Jushin Liger every night! INSTANT RATINGS! Batista's boring? He gets more face pops than 3/4 of the face roster, which I think says something. Yes, the women should ACT like 14 year old's spanking material. Sure works for Torrie Wilson, eh? Go download some porn. The reason women's wrestling isn't seen as interesting to most fans is because most of the women's 'wrestlers' can't wrestle. Outside of maybe Molly and Vicky, maybe Trish when she's carried and Jazz for the high impact stuff, none of the divas can wrestle to global promotion standards or even 20 fans a night indie fed standards.

Billy Gunn can steal any indie death move he wants as long as Nunzio keeps on winning. Didn't Crash use the Styles Clash at the end of his WWE run?

Surprised with the '91 love. I re-watched it the other day and outside of Perfect/Bret nothing really captured me. Nastys/LOD, Disasters/Whackers and Mountie/Bossman were bleh. Virgil/DiBiase and the opening six man was passable. Valentine/IRS was boring and the 'main event' blew. And then, they ended the show on a wedding. Got to be 2002 for me. A hot crowd and every match was decent to awesome...even Taker/Test is watchable.

I don't know how they could make a PPV full of PPV-caliber matches. Their ME scene has been hurt rather badly after JJ's reign of tedium. -=Mike Agreed. They don't really have the star-power in the roster to present a top quality, PPV level card every month that means more than the current weekly ones do. If they had a bi-monthly system to start, like the big two had before they went all overkill around '96, that'd give them two months to build a card and if neccessary build new challengers/feuds. Still not an ideal situation but I'm sure it would be more productive.

Bret knew how to take his passion for the business and implant it into storylines though. The Hart Family reunion speech was top notch and he was able to make the 'whining Bret' gimmick work before then too. Given the right material, he wasn't dull. Of course, without it, it was the same 'Best There Is' speech every night, which drags him down in most people's eyes.

What is this dress-code for exactly? Seriously...what wrestling fan, turning up in jeans at the arena, would object to Hardcore Holly wearing jeans? I mean seriously...it's not like any of the roster need to be dressed up for anyone in particular. After all, the national news companies aren't exactly clamouring for wrestling stories.

Both relatively short and Orton carried the majority of the first. Remember back to Benoit's debut on Raw and the show the week after? He came out the first night and looked totally out of place in the ring with HBK, HHH and Austin...charisma wise. And then he bored everyone to tears on the Highlight Reel the next week when he was required to carry the interview. And again, he was over-shadowed charisma wise by Jericho. Credit where credit's due of course...he learnt his lines very well that night. Fact is, Benoit's not a bad mic worker. But he's not the type of guy you'd want trying to hype the second biggest PPV of the year. And he's not the type of guy to carry a company on it's back. Magnificent worker, mediocre on the stick and lacks charisma to make fans care about what's happening to him. Well...besides the backstage 'conspiracies' of course.

More changes for me. Out go Stefanovic and Mellberg...in come Cooper and Josemi

Well, right now with the matching jackets and tights they're strongly resembling Strike Force. Can't wait for "The Model" Billy Kidman to turn on London... Speaking of which, if Jordan is Virgil to JBL's DiBiase...can we expect a Jordan/JBL feud sometime next year?

That Simon D guy didn't look like Nova, did he? It's just that the gimmick sounds vaguely similar to the one he was rumoured as getting.

You may have a point on the 'Benoit/Mysterio being draws for hardcore sports fans' part. Obviously it's in a lesser extent, but Goldberg got over as hard hitting/real, Batista gets pops for his stuff, Bob Sapp over in Japan...realism helps. The thing is, they really need to couple that with a mainstream player like a Rock or a Hogan. The fans who appreciate athleticism don't really buy merchandise on the scale of the NWO fans or the Austin fans. But I agree that the Benoits and Mysterios, in WCW style matches rather than 'WWE Style' matches, can play an underrated part. And I'm not saying Jericho's shirts being marketed towards girls is a bad thing. I'm saying the fact that he wears them is.

I've been the same on and off for a couple of weeks and whatever it is just won't fuck off. Only thing I can think of having food-wise that'd cause it was chicken and like you said, it seemed well cooked enough.

Ugh. Sounds about right seeing as I really can't stand her. Kenzo I can just about tolerate. But Hiroko just grates me.

I agree Benoit can draw fans into the wrestling portion of the shows. But, he doesn't scream 'mainstream' like The Rock did. I think if you're talking A casual fan, you can show that fan Benoit's work and he'll most probably be impressed. However that's not going to make that fan tell 9 of his friends how cool Benoit is. And even if he does, the first impression of Benoit (not very young, gaptoothed, doesn't possess natural charisma) will be a detrimant to him. Basically, if you school casual fans on wrestling then they will warm towards Benoit. But left to their own means, there's no snappy catchphrase, sparkling personality or oozing of charisma than entertainers must have to draw in the fans...whever it be movies or music. The diehard fans will look for quality. The mainstream fans looks for something which can only be described with a buzz-word like 'Pizzaaz' or something. And it's the entertainment part that most casual fans will be won or lost on. If it were the wrestling, then likely they'd already be watching wrestling and enjoying it. ...as for Jericho, I agree to a point. That point being his look. The long rock-star hair, parchant for leather pants and the fact his merchandise looks like it's directed towards his female fanbase...not good. It can be looked past, but again, first impressions count.

This is gonna cost way too much to justify buying.

IT'S THE FLESHERWEIGHT TITLE! Seriously, that's the wittiest thing I've come up with all year. Don't no sell it.

Forgive my ignorance, but what has Tyson's leg blowing out on him got to do with Danny Williams appearing on a U.K Raw which will no doubt be an Iraq style throwaway show anyway? People are acting like they'll bring Danny Williams out and call him the 'new baddest man on the planet' or something. Face it...Williams knocked out Tyson. Williams appearing on Raw is, as far as Vince is concerned, instant publicity in Britain. Of course, it probably won't be. What any of that has to do with Tyson's leg is beyond me.

There is some semblance of a point in the match arguement. The Benoit/Booker match on the Monday Night War DVD is certainly not a 20 minute match that would draw a fan into it and neither is Goldberg/Hogan. However in both matches, the crowd are hot (or in the latter's case red hot) and if you look at the fans in attendance you can pretty much tell they're mainly casual fans from how they act and react. And to a certain point how they look. I agree with Loss that they need to make fans care, casual or not, about what happens. But finding that dynamic is certainly harder than it sounds. There's only so many things they can make people care about and there's only so many times you can use them. D-X got over-used. NWO got over-used. Austin, Hogan, Rock, Flair...all over-used. Finding that new dynamic that the majority 18 year old kids in America are actually going to want to talk to their friends about is not just a case of putting on good matches. If it was then Chris Benoit would be the new Steve Austin. Good matches are valuable but they need to find someone with the right charisma, right gimmick and right presence to be 'cool' enough. Then once you dragged them in using that person as bait, you use the Benoits and Jerichos to put on excellent matches and sell these casual fans the 'wrestling' part of the show.

Well, Leeds are my new favorites for the 'Championship' now. Pugh and Richardson look class, they've made solid signings and gotten rid of some dead-wood. Plus they've obviously got something to prove. Meanwhile West Ham, my pre-season pick, looked less than convincing.

The word 'madness' comes to mind, because that's what that show was. In the best possible way.