King Cucaracha

Jeff Bitch

That's a great idea. Do something to annoy wrestling fans. Sometimes I wonder what or even if these WWE employees think when coming up with these decisions. At least the SWF doesn't use WWE images (cheap plug)

Someone who can be totally impartial, play a near tweener role and has no lasting connections to members of the Smackdown roster. Someone more in the Jack Tunney, Roddy Piper or Gorilla Monsoon role. I guess they could bring someone with name value back who's still on good terms like Superstar Billy Graham or Bobby Heenan (though it'd be hard not to have him play heel). Or there's always Arn Anderson.

Wrong. Watch some early '99 WCW where he's the Cruiserweight Champion. He was over for sure. Filthy Animals stints got him over. The crowd were solidly behind him at SS02 and Vengeance '03 as WWE examples. Uncensored 1999 as a WCW example. He's had plenty of good matches in his career too, and he's proven to be more than carriable. To be honest, I always liked Kidman and I can't really understand the horrible reputation he's got from most posters.

And I officially throw in the towel. I've tried and tried, but I just can't get anything. I can't find a story, I can't find any physchology. The fact it's two totally random teams doesn't help matters at all and the match has nothing to do with anything at all outside of MVS and Eddie J. So...apologies to Muzz and... ...well, apologies to Muzz. Congrats to the opponents I guess.

What can I say...I'm a lazy bastard. *Continues writing 6,000 odd words of a stupid 10 Man Tag Match*

Any mods reading, take note.

I feel better watching Eugene being manipulated by an evil heel around my non wreslting fan friends than I do watching Eugene 'do the funny'. At least with Triple H's part, you can point out that there's an interesting story. Before, it was just 'yeah, he's a ratard so he does funny stuff'. The non-fan friends who ever saw a Eugene skit were like 'I laughed, but then I stopped and wondered why.' Or they started reminising about the days of Doink The Clown and I.R.S.

I need to get over myself because my opinion is not one that you subscribe to? Look at my analogy between Regal and Test. Has regal gotten any reactions since his blow-off match with HHH? Has he been seen? I refuse to smile and eat the crap that Vince wants to feed me. Blow-off match? The one-off match, made on the fly with Eugene as a referee on Raw that served only to develop Eugene's character? It's been a week, and already you're implying Regal's been buried. You see what I mean about the Triple H prejudice taking over every other sentence of yours?

I wish you'd get over yourself Repo. People moan and whine when we get endless storylines with no forward planning and that make no sense. This one has. It's been played out brilliantly and is probably the smartest storyline they've had going for a good few years. Without it, Eugene would just be doing the same old 'hilarity' he was when he arrived. Regal wouldn't be getting the reactions he is. It's added another dimension to Benoit's storyline. It's worked. And heaven forbid they try and be a little more adventurous with a storyline. Give me Benoit hates Angle because he can every day of the week, eh? The only reason you're shitting on it is because Tripper is involved and you can't get over the prejudice towards him, which is why the majority of your opinions are so generic and predictable. Then again, this is just general bitching.

Well, my vacancy has already been filled in a SECRET~ match of uncomprehensible DOOM~, so I'm taken care of.

Staravenger makes a good point. Considering the crap Taker got handed as opposition, I'd say he paid his dues. And hell...everybody (well, 98% of people) on this board hated Randy Orton until he took a tack bump. And nearly every OVW guy gets shat on instantly. So, I guess you've got to pay some dues to get respect.

Inside of a busy looking locker-room, a group of wrestlers seems to have gathered together and are busily discussing something or other. The group seem familiar but not exactly orthodox, as finally the commotion which is in the air is cut through by one of the group. "Guys, guys...I'm the team captain, so everybody listen to me." The typically modest, understated Tom Flesher doesn't succeed in quietening the group or any member of them as murmurs, shouts and...erm...squawks fly his way. "Why should YOU be the captain!?!" snaps Ace Lezaire from the middle of the group. "I'll give you two guesses buddy...and both of them begin with 'SWF World Heavyweight'." "Look, baby...calm down..." "No Allison, we need to sort this out before go-time! I don't want him screwing up my win-loss record!" "Ah shut up you cocky egomaniac!" snaps Edward James. "Who asked you rookie!?!" "ALRIGHT... SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUPPP!!!" The booming voice of Chris Card suddenly quietens the room and it's none other inhabitants, with only the SWF ICTV Champion remaining anywhere near calm. "Ok...none of us want to be in this match, and we all agree that Zenon is trying to get a rise out of us by putting sworn enemies in the same team. We all agree though that victory is the most important thing to strive for. So, can we just settle down and work this out...as a TEAM!" The murmurs re-emerge, although this time quiter. Edward James and Petey stand away from everyone else, discussing something or other...as in the center of the room, the other eight people group together. "Right...thank you. Landon, the floor is yours." Ace raises his eyes, as Maddix strides into the centre of the group grinning, making sure everyone gets a shot of his gold. "Okay. Now, Chris is right...none of us are pleased about this match. But in amongst this circle of people is talent. Talent that together with the safety in numbers could overcome anything. What we need however is a gameplan. Now...on Storm, me and Tom were successful in beating two of our opposition in tag team action. So, if you Ace can follow our lead, then we should be ok." "Excuse me?" sputters Ace, unable to believe his ears. "No offense man, as you're a great talent. And that whole 'powder to the eyes' thing...consider it forgotten. But me and Tom know how to deal with Toxxic and Drazon so we've got the gameplan covered on them. The only other guy who bothers me is Van Siclen." "I've got Van Siclen." calls James from across the room. Landon looks around and nods to his arch enemy's ally...before turning back to his circle of compadres and tutting. "...so, Ace, you've got Van Siclen." "No problem." "The other two should be no problem." "What about OUR other two." sneers Allison. Landon goes to say something, but turns over to his tag team partners...Petey busy offering Edward James a raw fish, and James looking as if he's actually contemplating the gift. "Good point." "Don't worry." Flesher says as he steps forward and takes Maddix's spotlight. "Us three are good enough to carry the rookie and penguin boy. All we need to make sure is we carry our weight...and there's." "They can do some of the dirty-work when we need them to." Maddix agrees, trying to step back into control. "And...what about the rest of us?" "Well, Steve'll be out with me..." "And Allison with me..." Landon turns to Card, who shrugs his shoulders and nods his head towards Natasha's...assets. "I see. Well, Megan will be with me, so that's three...possibly five. So that's that base covered. As long as we don't let 'Flippers' and Clark's bitch get isolated we should be just fine." "Great." sighs Ace. "Now, if we've got that sorted, I've got places to be and people to see...so I'll see you chumps next week." Chuckling to himself, Ace strides off with Steve following after him in typical camera-man action...both of them leaving the room as Tom and Landon look over at each other. "Phff." "What an egomaniac." "Totally." Suddenly realising that Ace has gone, James and Petey decide to walk...or in Petey's case waddle...off. Flesher and Allison begin to follow them, but Landon stops Tom with a hand on the shoulders. "Hey, Tom...don't go using my finisher, eh buddy?" Flesher laughs as do the various hangers-on of both men, as Flesher pats Landon across his title belt covered shoulder. "Don't worry kid...I'll leave that be, as long as you leave the Straight Edge guy to me." "Consider him yours." The two proud egomaniacs shake hands, as Allison shares goodbyes with Natasha and Megan before Flesher and Allison walk off and leave the locker room. Landon meanwhile looks to all three of his associates before lounging back onto the couch that sits behind him and grabbing his can of Pepsi Max. "You know what...this could more fun than I thought." "Ha! I think you may be right." chuckles Card. "Hey...I'm ALWAYS right!" OOC "Landon?" "Yes Megan." "Why are we in a locker room when we haven't got a show." "Cause Flesher and Toxxic suck." "Indeed."

To Mikey's credit, he didn't play the heel role badly and the match was great. Plus the Cruiser division already had Kidman, Rey and Juvi so they needed heels more than they did faces. So that's some excuse. I guess.

Apparantly not. It's just murder, not attempted murder. Attempted murder's all fine and dandy. They issued something a few days back saying that after the show Paul Bearer came up for air (slow drying concrete obviously) and is alive, so therefore there's no need for parents to make complaints. Gotta love that logic.

Windham and Haku are high on the list for me too. Hogan is so underrated because he gets NO credit from anyone. You don't get that over without being a decent worker. whitemilesdavis... being a good worker isn't just about having ***** matches night in and night out. Good workers get the crowd interested in their work. Personally though, the most underrated worker was Arn Anderson. His selling was always top-notch and he never got the recognition he deserved because he was always Flair's partner or stable-mate.

... *confused* Petey, Eddie J...if you're able to write then please PM Muzz ASAP. Cheers.

SINGLES MATCH Rob Gilbert vs Hollywood Spike Jenkins If he manages to write something, it should be good enough. HARDCORE MATCH Austin Sly vs Ryan Dustin Sly does a Hogan and gets his win back. SINGLES MATCH Alan Clark vs Todd Cortez Close, but Clark's had some bad losses recently and that can play against you, as I know first hand. SINGLES MATCH Sean Davis vs Munich Guess. SINGLES MATCH Manson vs Dace Night As long as his eyes don't fall out, Dace is rocking the ring. TEN MAN TAG Tom Flesher, Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix, Ace Lezaire, Edward James, and Petey the Irish Penguin vs Mike Van Siclen, Toxxic, Jamie Drazon, Martin “Big Country” Hunt and “The Icon” Max King Yep. Call it a hunch.

I meant to PM you about that Toxx to check if it was ok, but...I got busy so I just ran with it. Glad to see there's no problems over it. Basically, I got stuck for an ending and remembered Tom's match against Johnny, and figured the whole 'anything you can do' thing would work. As for the show...better than I was expecting. Considerably better. I'm sure Dace'll comment on everything properly, but kudos to Davis from me too as that was a very respectable first match.

Rando, you ain't the only one. Hell, it's damn near impossible considering the stats thread rechange. I don't expect many people to show for that one. *NOTE TO THOSE ON MY TEAM- Once you decided who's showing and who isn't (I thought Ace was on hiatus and Petey does fuck all) then I'll take the LAST part. Word.

Summertime Update Smarks Board Name: King Cucaracha Wrestlers Name: Landon Maddix Nickname(s): 'La Cucaracha' (between names, like Savage), 'The Galactico', 'The Next Generation' Height: 5'10" Weight: 220lbs 'Hometown': Huron, South Dakota Nationality: Span-Am. Half American, Half Spanish. Mother is Spanish, father American. Age: 21 (Birthdate=15/03/84) Face/Heel: Face (see Notes) Stable: Martial Law (with Todd Cortez) Ring Escort: Megan Skye Weapon(s): A table spot specialist when he can use them within the rules. Not opposed to using other weapons should the advantage arise. Quotes/Sayings: "Prepare for Landon" "Cheat To Win" "I Always Have A Plan" Taunts: Twirls the finger before the 605. If going for a real high-risk move, Maddix'll make the 'mucho loco' finger twirl beside his ear, as if to say 'I must be crazy'. Looks: Caucasian, with medium length blonde hair. Clean shaven and youthful looking. Not really very muscular, but not 'skinny' either. Wears a black and red headband, which can double up as a choking weapon in desperate cases. Ring attire consists of half black/half red wristbands, black shorts with red trim around the waist and leg parts and a red 'LM' on the bottom right of the leg. Half black/half red kneepads, the colors seperated with a white lightning bolt in the middle...and black B-Boy style kicking-pad-boots, both with red 'LM's on, that gives his kicks and wizards extra 'SMACK'. Out of the ring, it's jeans, shirts and trainers all the way. He's been through his 'expensively clothed' phase but now Chris Card is gone, he blames his want for riches for clouding his judgement over the situation. So, Landon has reverted back to what he feels comfortable in. To the ring and backstage, Landon will either wear a "Cheat 2 Win" t-shirt or a Real Madrid soccer shirt (either white or black) with "MADDIX" on the name part and "C2W" as the 'number'. ---SINGLES INFO--- Basic Ring Entrance: "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* The post-riff part of "Megalomaniac" by Incubus hits, as from behind the curtain steps Landon Maddix, stopping at the top of the ramp and thrusting his hands out to his side as the lights return back to normal. Landon turns back to the curtains...as Megan follows out from the back. They then walk down the ramp, with Landon leading the way, jawjacking with fans on the way down the ramp as he goes. ***FUNYON'S INTRO*** Landon leaps to the apron, before running across the apron and leaping up to the middle turnbuckle. Looking out at the crowd, Landon grins and holds his arms out to the sides before leaping over the top and entering the ring. He'll then either toss his C2W shirt into the crowd or pass the Real Madrid top to Megan, depending on what he's wearing. Stats: ¯¯¯¯¯ Strength: 2 (Enough to comfortably throw fellow cruisers. Struggles with power moves on those about/above 240 lbs though, and generally avoids the power side of his game against anyone he knows he can't lift.) Speed: 6 (Speedy. Quick on his feet and slippery when it comes to flipping out of and countering moves/attacks. Speed of moves is also pretty quick. Dropped a touch of speed recently, mainly out of choice, but is capable of odd spurts of his old speed.) Vitality: 6 (As his nickname would suggest (La Cucaracha=The Cockroach), Maddix is a stubborn sunnuva gun. Can, has and generally will take a beating. But he'll generally make a comeback regardless. More than capable in hardcore and other 'gruelling' gimmick matches. Oh, and he's gone an hour before, so has solid conditioning.) Charisma: 6 (He's cocky, he's brash...and he knows how to throw an insult or ten. Not the greatest talker in all honesty, but the "Cheat To Win" tactics are more than enough to pop the crowd.) Style: A slightly more refined version of the indie junior-heavyweight. A striker with plenty of flashy offense to back it up. Can mix it up a bit against fellow Cruisers. Signature moves: -> Complete Shot- Traps the head and the arm from the side, before dropping back, driving the opponent face-first to the mat...all in quick order. Hassan's finisher, also used by Christopher Daniels. Maddix is quick enough for this to be a counter to a clothesline, palm strike or other strikes of the manner. -> Landon Eye- Eye Of The Hurricane/Final Cut. Reverse front facelock spun into a reverse bulldog. -> Codebreaker- Sitout Sliced Bread #2. Or, for you indie fans, Jimmy Jacobs' Contra Code. 3/4 facelock, run up the ropes, flip over the back and sitout. -> The 605- The 619. -> Satellite Headscissors to Crossface- Pretty self explanatory. The closest to an 'out of nowhere' submission you'll get from me and even then, unless I work the arm for some odd reason, it'll only serve to weaken the neck a little more. Unless you're a tapping pussy. -> Sweet Cuca Music- The much used Superkick. Also quite potent, and it will more than likely have a HBK-esque *STOMP* setup, if so desired. But it can be hit from 'out of nowhere' too. -> Frog Splash -> Spaceman Plancha- With the opponent on the floor, Maddix hits the opposite ropes and runs back...leaping to the top rope in a single bound and then springboarding off the top rope, onto the opponent. Can go over the barrier and into the crowd on rare occassions. 'Common' Moves: -> So-Dak Moment- (Edge-O-Matic. Maddix hooks his hands around the opponent's face from behind, sitting out and bringing the opponent down to the mat head-first. Usually needs extra momentum to pull noticeably larger wrestlers down.) -> The Throwback- (Either running or standing, from behind the opponent Landon grabs the head and flips over the opponent, driving their face to the canvas.) -> Hurri-Lanrana- (Hurricanrana...most variations could be used, including top rope and springboard.) -> The Bottom Drops Out- (Reverse DDT into Backbreaker.) -> Soylent Green- (Canadian Backbreaker, spun to the side and around into a DDT, as used by Nate Webb. ITS PEOPLE!) Variation: Soylent Green 2- (Same as above, but starts from a running powerslam type position, spun to the side and around into an inverted DDT. IT'S STILL PEOPLE!) -> Swandive Headbutt- (Anywhere from the centre of the ring and closer can be considered good range for this...any further will take quite a bit of spring, which Maddix may just have in reserve. 50/50 chance of hitting.) -> Quebrada -> Forearm Strikes- (The main staple of his offence...much like Danny Williams' elbows, only not so powerful obviously. Maddix will use the forearm a lot as a) it's quick, b) it's legal and c) it hurts like hell.) -> Flying Forearm/Leaping Forearm Smash -> Knifedge Chops -> Dropsault -> Mushroom Stomp- (With the opponent doubled over or with their head ducked while running, Maddix leaps up and double stomps them across the back/shoulder blades.) -> Double Stomp/Back Senton- (An instantanious combo, with Maddix dropping straight off the double stomp and into the back senton.) -> Oklahoma Roll- (Has been known to nick a win in the past.) -> SHENANIGANS~!- (Various Heelish Tactics. Oh yes. He's a face, but believe me he isn't Mr Goody Two Shoes all of a sudden. He will still poke you in the eye, boot you in the balls, hit you with a chair and use the ropes to pin you. Only difference is, the fans seem to enjoy it when Maddix does it now. Think Eddie Guerrero on this.) Rare moves: -> Crash Landon '04- Instead of hooking the opponent in the corner, Landon will leap off the middle rope and grab the opponent on the way, spinning him around and hitting the Crash Landon. As used by The Amazing Red at ROH Expect The Unexpected. Alternative to the regular Crash Landon against VERY strong opponents or if the opportunity happens to arise. -> Crash Landon '05- Alex Shelley's Shell Shock. Starts off like a regular downward sprial (from a standing position, not off the ropes). Maddix then leans the opponent back in STO direction, before WHIPPING himself back, spiking the opponent down with him. Where-as the other Crash Landons (off the ropes/flying) would have maybe a 180 rotation, this has about 90...but it's a much quicker and sharper landing as a result. This is a more 'out of nowhere' version as there's no set-up in the corner. -> Tombstone Piledriver- For 240 pounders and under. Japanese esque, it's swifter than a Taker tombstone. -> Caution, May Induce Projectile Vomiting- A LOOONG, AmDrag style Airplane Spin. This'll make you sick to your stomach, but is going to do Landon no favours either. Certainly no comedy spot. Or, not JUST a comedy spot, at least. Again, he'll only be able to use it on fellow Cruisers. -> Wet Cement- Front facelock applied from the front on a seated opponent, with a body scissors. Used by Jamie Noble...and of course, Tom Flesher. Hey, remember when I retired him. Yeah. Good times. Maddix knows what this feels like, but also knows that Flesher was a great technical wrestler, so he felt it only right to steal this move. As a tribute. Yeah, tribute. If Maddix is working towards the Land Of Nod, then this is a good way to do so...but this is mainly reserved for big matches. Hardcore Moves: -> Lan Daminator- Van Daminator...although it's more often a superkick (or Sweet Disciple Music) than a spinkick. -> Sent From Above- Back Senton through a table...usually from top rope to outside, although in REALLY extreme cases it can be from ladders, high ledges or even balconies. Finishers: 1) Submission- Land of Nod- Dragon Clutch. The new primary finisher, Maddix has been working on perfecting this move to get maximum effect from it, in a further attempt to 'hang' with the submission favouring main eventers. It's very effective at any time in the match against those at 5 vitality or less. A little neckwork though and it could put the finishing touches to anyone. It's not impossible to escape and it's not OMG INSTA DEATH~!, but it iseffective. As mentioned below, Maddix has become more hesitant over using the Crash Landon and is thus more likely to use this. 2) Impact- Crash Landon- With Landon on the middle rope, and the opponent stood in front of him on the mat, a Tornado Downward Spiral. Maddix's former #1 finisher, Landon was slightly hesitant to use this after Johnny Dangerous kicked out of it at Ground Zero 04. Landon preffers the LON now...but this'll still put you away, if Landon wants it to. 3) Striking- Shining Wizard- Main striking move. Almost B-Boy esque in potency. For guys Maddix simply can't get the other two finishers on or just for 'out of nowhere' victories. Notes: Call it clichéd, but "Cheat 2 Win" is very much a part of Maddix still...perhaps even more so than ever, and he's certainly not shy about it. And make no mistake...he's a face, but Maddix has not buried many hatchets. Just because the fans like him doesn't mean he's suddenly everyone's best mate all of a sudden. Thus, it really doesn't matter who he's facing...heel or face...he won't go 'easier' on anyone. Whatever it takes to win, he'll do. Martial Law mentality, see. Technical and submission wrestling isn't really his bag, baby. Infact, on the mat, he's more often than not, lost. He is slightly more 'controlled' than his earlier days though. Most moves/strikes target the head, neck and face (ie DDTs) working towards the Crash Landon and/or Land Of Nod...so prepare to use the word 'groggy' a lot in your matches. However, more often than not it's the cheating that will turn the match (and the crowd now) in his favour. Bio: PM me if really needed. ---TAG TEAM INFO--- Regular Partner: Todd Cortez Team Name: Martial Law Combined Weight: 446 lbs Ring Escort: Megan Skye Basic Ring Entrance: The lights in the arena drop out, leaving the crowd shrouded in darkness before loud shots of white pyro explode and the sounds of bombs and gunfire echo through the arena. The opening melodic chords and vocals of "Save Yourself" fade up as spotlights shine on the entrance ramp, illuminating Maddix and Cortez, Megan following out behind them. The three stop, surveying the crowd. "I...CAN...NOT...SAAAVE...YOU! "I! CAN'T! EVEN! SAAAVE...MYYY...SELF!" "SO JUST SAAAVE YOURSELF!" ... "SSSAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVEEE!!!" (Funyon stuff) The trio walks to the ring, either Cortez or Maddix holding the ropes for Megan, depending on who reaches the ring first Tag Team Moves Court Martial- MNM's Snapshot. Set up like a 3-D, Todd doing the lifting...however, instead of hitting a cutter, Maddix drives the opponent down with a DDT. Like the 3-D or the Death Sentence, it's the primary finisher for the team and it's very effective. (Former finisher of Maddix and Todd Royal, known then as Converting The Sinner). Todd Gave You Wings- Todd sets the opponent up in a powerbomb position near the corner, facing away. Landon quickly climbs to the top rope and takes the opponent down with the Hart Attack clothesline, Todd falling forward with the powerbomb at the same time. (Former Maddix/Royal tag move). Coming In For Landon- With the opponent's throat hanging over the ropes Todd lifts their legs up, placing their feet over his shoulders. Maddix runs over and launches over Todd's back, landing across the opponent's back. (Former Maddix/Royal tag move. Also used by Wild and Dangerous as the Slam Dance.). Variations- Landon will mix it up a bit. The usual landing is the sitting across the back one. However, sometimes he will deliberatly land to one side and drop an elbow, a leg, a knee...or, maybe even a double stomp to the back, if he still has the energy to get extra hangtime. Basically, anything you can think of from that position, Landon'll do. This is where the move differs from the Wild and Dangerous version a little. Collision Course- One from the front, one from the back, dropkick sandwich to the head. TAG NOTES: Cortez is the most accomplished tag wrestler of the team and despite whatever (brief) differences he may have had in the past with Maddix, the two men seem to understand that tag wrestling is about- co-operation. So, they are somewhat of a 'natural' and organised team. Still, there is the question of a little jealousy that hangs over them both. Ever since Maddix Cheated 2 Win in these two men's last match, their relationship has seemed slightly forced. And sometimes, Maddix's tactics don't fit with Cortez's. Especially considering Landon doesn't like sharing the spotlight with anyone. As far as strategy goes, Maddix's presence is more likely to bring out the 'Martial Law' mentality in Cortez. Whatever it takes to win, Martial Law will do.

Ego.

Wow. I might actually try and get tickets for this, even if it means having to get up to one of those places.

Yeah, but Vince deserves to be stolen from because he gave Bradshaw the WWE Title and because Benoit is being buried.[/end generic smark]

I always kinda liked Gunn, even now somewhat. Why? I have NO idea, but I can't seem to actually hate him. Holly can go to hell though. Stiffing other wrestlers doesn't warrant a push, it warrants a firing.