King Cucaracha

See how fun that was! Welcome to the fold...

Well, AS seems to dislike Garrison Cade (with good reasons, don't get me wrong)...and he's getting a bit of a push, so I'll plump for him.

Silly Johnny. OVW=Auto Suck. Jumping to conclusions=Fun.

Well, slap me with a fish and call me Craig McLennan...it looks like I'm no-showing. I've got just over an hour left on the computer this side of the deadline, and I'm no more than a quarter of the way through any sort of match I'd have the dignity to send in. I'm pissed. Off. I was I was just pissed, because I wouldn't be so pissed off that way. If you know what I mean. Once all my stuff is saved, my disc will no doubt be torn up and thrown in the bin in some sort of a hissy fit... I trust Rando to have written one fucker of a match as he always does for these big matches, and apologise to him for not showing...which was my fault, for making a stupid mistake which wiped my match on Thursday night. Rando buddy...if it's ok with you, I'd like to keep this feud going and try again later on down the road...13th Hour maybe, unless you have anything planned. I know you wanted a match with me, and I apologise...congrats on the win, sorry to the CC and everyone...and now, I have a disc to destroy.

========================================================== "War...it doesn't just...happen..." Images of broken down, destroyed buildings and scenes of destruction begin to flash onto the screen, interspersed with the figures of first Landon Maddix and then Alan Clark walking down empty hallways...their footsteps echoing around them as they walk. Eventually the scenes begin to slow down, until finally disappearing leaving just Landon and Alan walking. "...there's always a reason." The walking scenes stop on a shot of Landon, looking off into the distance as the camera zooms into his eyes... "...there are always reasons...triggered...by actions..." ===== --SJL Wrath, November 23rd 2003-- “It can’t be…not again!” Ejiro remarks as Clark turns to face Royal as he places his feet across the arms of Maddix and leans down, repeating what was done to Spike Jenkins only five days ago. With little fanfare, Alan Clark hooks on to the neck of Landon Maddix and rolls backwards, causing decidely much more fanfare as the crowd erupts for the submission hold! “AND NOW LANDON MADDIX IS THE SECOND MAN TO TAKE A TRIP TO EPSOT!” Annie exclaims as Sexton begins to check for a submission… “MADD-IX! MADD-IX!” “AL-AN! AL-AN” The crowd is still torn between the two men…as chants echo throughout the Garden… “AL-AN! AL-AN!” “MADD-IX! MADD-IX!” “AL-AN! AL-AN!” “MADD-IX! MADD-IX!” On the outside, Todd Royal looks to be on the edge of his seat, a dead stare on his face as he watches Landon writhe in pain… “…can the champ hang on!?” The question from Ejiro burns through the arena… …AND MADDIX CAN NOT HOLD ON! “THE CHAMP TAPS OUT!!” Annie screams as Sexton calls for the release of the hold and the bell to be rung! *DING DING DING* *BOOM BOOM BOOM* *BOOOOOOOOM* Suddenly pyro explodes all over the inside of Madison Square Garden as “When You Wish Upon A Star” begins to play over the loudspeakers. The European Title is handed to Alan Clark as he gets to his feet and the defeated Maddix rolls to the outside. Clark holds the belt high above his head and looks down the aisle at Todd Royal, whose eyes are about as big as his ego, is staring straight through the new European Champion as Funyon makes his announcement… “Ladies and Gentlemen…here is your winner…and NNNNNEEEEEEWWWWWWW SJL EUROPEAN CHAMPION… ALLLLLLAAAAAANNNNNN CCCCCLLLLLAAAAARRRRRKKKKKK~!” ===== "Actions shape lives...actions...start conflicts..." ===== --SJL Crimson, November 28th-- Maddix: "Thank you. But...as much as I appreciate your support, I really don't deserve it... ...Alan Clark beat me fair and square for that European Title... ...I've plain and simply sucked." ===== As Maddix's voice from the past echoes around him, a shot of him grimacing can be seen. "The true battlefield is within." --Ghandi ===== Royal: "But you FAILED. Just like you always do. Because you are a FAILURE!" ===== "...actions can change people's lives..." ===== --SJL Wrath, December 7th-- Aecas suddenly comes to a stop, as Maddix pushes himself up…and counters, with a hurricanrana!!! Maddix is on top of Aecas for the cover… …ONE… …TWO… MADDIX LEANS ACROSS THE MIDDLE ROPE!!! …T… “HEY HE’S ON THE ROPE!” yells out Ejiro, to no avail… …H… …REEEEE!!! IT’S OVER! “Suck My Kiss” starts up, as Maddix releases the ropes, and escapes from the ring. “Here is your winner…LAAANDOOON MAAADDIIIX!!!” Funyon booms, to a mixed reaction from the crowd “MADDIX CHEATED!” yells Ejiro. ===== "...actions...can alter the course of history..." ===== --SJL Crimson, December 11th-- Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen…Your Winner by pinfall…and the number one contender to the SJL World Heavyweight Wrestling Championsip… “THE HAPPIEST GUY ON EARTH” …ALAN CLARK!! As the crowd erupts, Alan Clark raises his head off the mat and pumps his fist in the air. Eddy Long slides out of the ring to retrieve the European Title, but as he does, Megan Skye slides into the ring. Grabbing Alan from behind, the petite valet chokes the victor, dragging him to the mat. Judge: What in the world is Megan Skye doing in the ring?!? As the fans rain down boos, the camera swings to the entrance way, where Landon Maddix has burst through the curtain. Holding a chair in his hands, Maddix slides into the ring. Eddy Long, now on the apron, ducks a chair shot and dives off the apron, as Maddix brings the chair down across the knee of Clark. Alan howls in pain, as Megan releases her grip, and helps Todd to his feet. ===== "...actions can bring together allies..." ===== As officials break through, Royal breaks the hold and slides into the ring. Landon and Megan follow him in, holding both title belts. As the refs tend to Clark, Todd poses in the ring, holding the World Heavyweight Title. Landon holds the European belt, and as the camera zooms in on the trio, the crowd begins to hurl soda and hotdog wrappers into the ring. ===== The shot of Landon Maddix has now disappeared, replaced by a solitary Alan Clark, sat up against a wall with his head in his hands. "Actions...can effect many...and will drive some to fight back..." "Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men." --General George Patton Jr ===== --SJL Season's Grievings, December 21st-- “He can’t do this! Stop him!” Ejiro exclaims as Alan leaps off the roof… …Alan spins to the right….. …and begins a slow somersault forward…. OH! ….he completes the turn…. MY! …and the somersault… GOD!! *CRASH* “HE CONNECTS!” Annie screams as the Juneau crowd explodes in unison. “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” “Alan Clark just dove from the roof of the production truck and almost drove both himself and the World Champion through the roof of that limousine with that Pheonix Splash!” Judge makes the call… “and Clark is going for the cover!” He continues as Alan rolls Todd Royal over onto his stomach and falls over his chest… Kivell drops and starts the count on the roof of the limo… ONE….. The crowd explodes… “AL-AN! AL-AN! AL-AN! TWO….. Ejiro moans… NO! NO! NO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! ===== "...and propel them forward, despite their conflicts..." ===== “Ladies and Gentlemen…here is YOUR WINNER…and NEWWWWWWWWWW S-J-L WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…THE HAPPIEST MAN ON EARTH… ALLLLLLAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNN CCCCCLLLLLLLLLAAAAAARRRRRKKKKK~!” ===== "...but once action has been taken, they cannot be forgotten..." A shot of Alan against the wall, seething as some sort of weird, freaky hologram of Landon appears in front of him...purely metaphorically, of course. "...especially...when those actions continue..." ===== --SJL Crimson, Januray 8th-- Picking Landon up, Alan heaves the challenger up across his shoulder and holds him in a Canadian Backbreaker position, taking a moment to soak up the crowd reaction… …but as he does, through the curtain has stepped Todd’s Toddess, Megan Skye! Clark sees her out of the corner of his eye…stopping him in his track. Before he can nail the Monorailer, Maddix drives his elbow forward…CATCHING HIM IN THE EYE!!! “Oh god! What an elbow!” shouts Judge in shock. Alan collapses instantly, holding his eye as Maddix manages to break his fall just about. Alan clasps his hand over his right eye, stumbling about… …into a small package… …ONE… …TWO… …T… …H… …R… …EEEEEE!?! IT’S…OVER!?! ===== "...and escalate..." ===== “Here is your winner…and…NEW SJL EUROPEAN CHAMPION…LANDON…LA CUCARACHA…MADDIX!” Landon scrambles up the rampway, and embraces the ecstatic Megan on the rampway, European Title raised high in the air…as meanwhile, Alan is stil holding his eye, blood seemingly coming from it. ===== "...until finally, the battle seems lost..." ===== --SJL Metal, January 26th-- Pulling Landon in, Clark hoists Maddix up onto his shoulder and lets him hang down…hooking both the arms, and getting set to nail the Acoustic Explosion… …until Landon struggles his way into a looser grip… …and counters… HURRICANRANA… …PIN… …ONE… …TWO… ...THREEEEEEE!!! NEW WORLD’S CHAMPION! ===== "...enemies never go away...no matter how far you go..." ===== --SWF Lockdown, March 17th-- “MY GOD! WHAT JUST HAPPENED!” The crowd knows before either Riley or Comet, as they see Landon Maddix walking up the entranceway, Alan’s guitar in his hands. Comet sees Maddix first. “It’s Landon Maddix…and he has Citizen Clark’s guitar!” Comet yells out as Maddix gets to the top of the ramp and waits for Alan to get to his feet. In the ring, Alan uses his chair to get back up, holding his head as he looks around to see what exactly happened, and finally sees Maddix at the top of the stage. Maddix raises the guitar over his head and smiles as Alan looks on, his eyes beginning to burn with anger as he rubs the back of his head, leaving Maddix to simply turn away and walk backstage, leaving the Cruiserweight Champion alone in the ring. ===== "Until eventually...you have to stand up and be counted..." ===== --SWF Storm, March 27th-- "I...I guess it was just Todd messing about...yeah...that's it..." Suddenly, "Wanted Dead Or Alive" hits, and the crowd erupts as Landon's eyes snap open in shock...glaring down the aisleway, as suddenly Alan Clark steps through the curtains to another eruption from the crowd! ===== "He who stays on the defensive does not make war, he endures it" --Field Marshal Colmar Baron von der Goltz ===== Regardless, Clark continues to walk down the rampway, eyes locked on Maddix all the way. Knowing a fight is near by, Maddix quickly yanks off his mic and hurls it to the ground, motioning for Megan to get the hell out of the ring. Quickly she does so, as Clark makes it to the ring and rolls in, causing Maddix to take a few quick steps back in retreat. Still wielding the guitar, Landon motions with his free hand for Clark to 'bring it on', which Clark responds to by taking another step forward... ...causing Maddix to hurl the guitar at Alan's feet, and dive from the ring! "BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Maddix grabs Megan by the hand and helps shepherd her off around the ring and back up the ramp. ===== "...and when your opponents won't fight..." Alan's face suddenly breaks out into a smile, as the shot cuts to Landon Maddix, looking decidedly nervous and parranoid "...you have to MAKE them..." ===== “IT’S LANDON MADDIX!” Riley seems overjoyed as Landon rushes toward the downed superstars, dropping over Bloodshed’s body and firing off punches into Bloodshed’s still crimson face… ~DARKNESS~ The arena suddenly drops into darkness, and the crowd goes silent… ~ LIGHT~ The lights return, and Landon is still in the same position, but Bloodshed is nowhere to be found. Landon is in sheer shock. “Bloodshed has disappeared and Landon doesn’t know what to do!? ===== Now, the scenes of war-like destruction begin to snap onto the screen again, with Landon and Alan both again walking across the empty corridors, but this time which much more vim and vigour in their stride. "It is fatal to enter any war without the will to win it. --General Douglas MacArthur ===== Maddix: "In that ring, it doesn't matter who you are... ...because whoever you are, you WILL be my BITCH!" ===== "The purpose of all war is ultimately peace." --Saint Augustine ===== Clark: "I knew that one day I would be proud to look at you and say ‘that’s a champion!’ … But things change" "I’m going to beat you until the Landon Maddix I used to know comes back" ===== "The war of words has been fought to a stalemate... ...but wars are won and lost... ...by actions..." Both Alan and Landon stop their walks, as suddenly the view changes, so it seems both men's paths lead through each other's. "In war there is no prize for the runner-up" --General Omar Bradley "...actions speak louder than words... ...especially in war... ...and especially when this war...is fought with no spectators." ...LANDON MADDIX... ...ALAN CLARK... ...SWF BATTLEGROUND EMPTY ARENA MATCH... A WHOLE DIFFERENT KIND OF WAR!!! "Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more..." --William Shakespeare-- ==========================================================

OH, BURN~! Or...something. +1

Making a bunch of shirts would be a good idea, if you could do it on the cheap. I'm sure there's a few people around here who bought some of the SWF merch that got made... ...heck, a little SWF and OAOAST merchandise would sell amongst the peeps in the feds for sure. Oh, and an "AShole" shirt would bring in the mega bucks for sure. And with every shirt, you should get a Orton voodoo doll and a bunch of pins. Guaranteed money.

Well, I guess karma for skiving school to work on it. Ah well. My second attempt is already better than my slightly suspect first, which is a plus. It's just finishing it that's worrying me. Still...be afraid, because I'm not no-showing if I can help it. Word.

Er...you do realise by "gone" I mean "wiped off my floppy disk, thus meaning I have to start again"...right? If I were you, I'd be jumping for joy. But I'm me. So I'm pulling my hair out, and cursing my luck.

FUCKING SHIT!!! 5,500 words... ...gone. FUCK! Well, what a great start. I don't believe this...I really fucking don't.

Totally agree. Flair has been in the business for a long while, and obviously 'grew up' with the kayfabe...and probably sees the disadvantages it is bringing down on the business. Some guys aren't getting the reactions they would have done in the 80's, and obviously Flair being in the wrestling business feels bad for those guys. Plus it's a whole different world, which no doubt is less fun to be in. I'd imagine his life during the kayfabe filled years was better/more fun/more interesting than it is today. You can see his point.

Great stuff Alan. Good job you PMed me about it, cause I totally missed it. Another dose of hard-sell for the PPV, and in the words of JT...I'm lovin' it.

*adopts indy standoff in respect* What more can I say, except maybe ¡OLÉ!

Sabu/Jack from Foley's DVD, where Sabu over-shots an Asai Moonsault and lands rib-first on the guardrail. Brutal.

Right...cheers. I guess that means I recycle the commentary from my half for next time.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE BOUT SINGLES MATCH Charlie "Grappler" Matthews© vs "The Notorious" John Duran --Sorry Duran, but I can't really go against Graps. Especially considering he'll be in the whole 'I lost last time, now I'm going to take your heart out of your chest and shove it up your ass' mood. Word-- LADDER MATCH Ann "Ichiban" Onita vs "The Superior One" Tom Flesher --Teh Flesh is teh bomb~!-- LAST MAN STANDING MATCH Nathaniel Kibagami vs Alex Zenon --Should be fun...I'll go with Kibs though for some reason that I'm not sure of-- ICTV/TAG TEAM/HARDCORE TITLE BOUT TRIPLE QUADRUPLE MATCH Wild & Dangerous© vs The In Crowd vs Aecas and Janus© vs Toxxic© and Liston --ICTV to Cortez, HCG to Toxxic and Tag to W&D. Or in other words, I have no idea except that it'll probably be W&D's match that wins-- USJL TITLE BOUT SINGLES MATCH Coy "Wild" West© vs Todd Royal --Coy to win, because he RAWKS~!...and I'm not sure whever Todd's around or not. He probably is...but I haven't seen him post at all in the past few days, so...meh-- EMPTY ARENA MATCH Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix vs Alan Clark --Hmm...-- SINGLES MATCH Edward James vs Crow --Eddie J. Write and win buddy...write and win-- SINGLES MATCH "La Sensation Senegalaise" Said vs Tryst --The Senegal Sensation to win-- SINGLES MATCH Stryke vs "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins --Nice to see HSJ back, but it's Stryke-- HARDCORE MATCH Austin Sly vs Insane Luchadore --IL to prove himself...although, it'll probably be close--

He didn't earn a push? Being one of the most over wrestlers in the company doesn't earn you a push? I'd say it would. Hell, you say he wasn't having main event level matches...it was 1999. Match quality wasn't as big of a deal as being over, having charisma and having the potential to cut promos. Oh...and credit to Batista for admitting his faults. He has improved when you look at him a year ago, and has had decent matches recently with the right opponents...but still, he's not a great wrestler, and he's admitted it.

They're not?

He and Test could become the New New Blackjacks. Just keep telling yourself...it could be worse.

Cade has had some solid matches on Heat. Not quite **, but still. I think it's obvious why they're being pushed. They're muscular and over 250 pounds, which is Vince's prefence for pushes. God knows why, but it is.

So...would the decorum be there on Empty Arena Match day, or does it not matter?

Northeast Region 1 Eddy Guerrero 3 Rey Misterio Jr. Northwest Region 1 AJ Styles 2 Kurt Angle Southeast Region 4 American Dragon 2 Brock Lesnar Southwest Region 1 Chris Jericho 2 Christopher Daniels

Great show... ...question for whoever marked my match. Did you get a match? It's just I haven't seen Todd around recently, so I'm not sure if you got anything or not.

Orton/Batista turn on Flair. Flair starts managing Benjamin and provides him with the knowledge to help take out Orton. Once Benjamin is IC Champion, Flair finds someone else to manage too, and starts to groom him into someone who can take out Orton and Batista. Eventually, Orton challenges Flair to a one off match, which allows the promos and the rub for Orton...plus Flair can be a manager. Only problem is the person Flair grooms to go after Batista and Orton...

I second Goodear's opinion...he just doesn't strike me as a star. He doesn't stand out in the crowd. Benoit's a great wrestler, but he still isn't in HHH's league on name value. Name value sells tickets...Benoit will get that with sustained time at the top as Angle and Lesnar did. Which is a big accomplishment. But I still stand by my opinion that it was underwhelming. Being #1 and being an ironman as a face is a hard job. DiBiase...HBK...Jericho...Flair from #3...Martel from whatever number he was. Great performances, all heels. Benoit's wasn't magnificent, and it didn't make him a star. Personally, I think Orton out-performed him on the night...again, heel. Remember when everybody beat up the Big Show. He didn't stand out at all as a star during that part. He got lost in the pack too much. Winning the Rumble's great. But the honor alone isn't enough to make someone a star since the death of kayfabe. Then why are the majority of his reactions still not World Championship level in America?