King Cucaracha

Well, even if it's a UK thing, I don't have a clue what bullbars are either.

Ha. Funny stuff. Plus it seems he got a rise out of Mullato and Flik...even despite the date. April Fools joke or not, this had better be true about Mave-amala.

Nick Dinsmore will be playing a wrestling retarded man. Correction: He's a super mark for wrestling and he's retarded. Really? Wow...if it wasn't Dinsmore I'd be STOKED about that. You mean...Chris Benoit? Ooh...here's a good one. Angle gets threatened with an age discrimination lawsuit because he doesn't give opportunities to older wrestler to wrestle for all titles. So as a comprimise to avoid getting sued, Angle has to hire some elderly people to compete in the cruiserweight division. Anyway, this heralds the arrival of Ultimo Moolah and Mae Mysterio...dressed in luchador outfits. Imagine the hilarity as they attempt hurricanranas and planchas. Imagine the hilarity of these two going up against Paul London and Ultimo Dragon. Imagine the eventual Mae/Moolah clash over the Cruiserweight Title. Imagine the backlash when the WWE says it's given the smarks their Mysterio/Ultimo match they wanted.

He's not all that bad on the mic. His voice sounds boring, but his gimmick has been to be boring since 2000. But he can cut a decent interview. Hell, he may not have had any ***** matches...it's not like it's a common thing though. He's a watchable wrestler...certainly from his ECW days. He got over quickly in WCW too, before they jobbed him out in Canada and stuck him with Hugh Morrus. I'm not saying Storm is necessarily the type of guy to build a company around, but he's probably more valuable than 75% of the current WWE roster right now.

No. I'd suspect a lot of old NWA fans bought Flair's DVD. With all due respect to Bret, he wasn't the top draw in companies for the best part of 15 years. Still...a Bret DVD should be pretty damn special. RVD's one should be decent, and I'm eagerly waiting for the ECW Rise and Fall. Benoit's speaks for itself...but EDDIE GUERRERO's DVD is the best news of them all personally.

Smark paranoia is funnier then anyone actually trying to be e-comedian funny MAYBE HHH WANTED TO USE THE HALFCRAB NOW?!?!yea lets blame the game! Hardly parranoia. It's not like Vince hasn't been out-spoken about his dislike of indipendent usage of the internet recently.

Never underestimate the Eel...

Well, I fell for it. Teaches me for being too lazy to check sites. Oh well. 'ManKinnd'- Storm has no charisma? You obviously haven't seen any of his work outside of the WWE, where he has been entertaining. As for being a has-been...well...let's just say I'd disagree.

BLANKA! MARK-OUT~! Oh...Duran...you want to organise who's doing what in terms of order of parts?

I'm not surprised Storm was only pushed sporadically...he wasn't home grown, he's not the right sort of height and weight for Vince's liking... ...and, the most crucially of all, he wasn't the least vocal of people, and he has/had a column on the internet. That's probably the secret reason he got released. Then again, that's just a thought.

Todd wins! Man, I am so delighted at that. And Alan...damn man, way to put our feud through the roof. I'm not sure what you're planning for your character, but whatever it is it looks awesome. Kudos. And...to everyone else who won, well done and stuff...HOLT report to come, I promise.

In one of the few areas of the Wahova Center which are quiet, peaceful and more to the point untouched by the crazy Toxxic/Insane Luchador match...the scene opens up to reveal a nervous looking Landon Maddix doing a number of sit-ups in an otherwise deserted hallway. The heavy breathing from his strenuous exercise echoes around and off the walls, but after a few seconds pass they are interspersed with the sound of footsteps. Pausing his sit-ups Landon turns his head to the side from where the incresingly louder steps are coming from... ...and breathes a sigh of relief, as he sees Megan Skye now standing over him. "Landon...what are you doing out here all on your lonesome?" Megan asks softly. "Preparing." The Disciple coldly replies, before going back to his sit-ups. "Yes...I know that Landon. But...why out here? Why not in the locker room with Me, Todd and John?" "You know exactly why. And I know exactly why you're here too. Those two at each other's throat...giving each other snide looks...the tension hovering around the room. Not exactly the best place to prepare for the single biggest match of my career is it?" Angrily Landon stands up, and begins to pace back and forth allowing himself some time to get his breath back. "I tell you Megan...that Toxxic has got the right idea about that Jack Stevenson." "You...you mean Mark Ste..." "I know exactly who I mean Megan. That biased, corrupt, washed-up ex wrestler, poor excuse for a commissioner that we have to be governed over by. What right does he have to try and split the Unnamed like this. That's what he's trying to do Megan, I guarantee you. First he fired Va'aiga. Now he's putting Todd and Duran in a match...a MATCH Megan...he's pitting them against each other to sow the seeds of discension. And then he gives me first shot at Charlie Matthews' title...before Duran, trying to turn him against ME too." Confused, Megan begins to scratch her chin in order to think (hey, she IS blonde...), as Landon continues his pacing. "It's not gonna work Megs. I don't care if he pits me and Todd against each other in a fight to the death...he won't split the single most dominant force in professional wrestling." "Landon..." Megan finally interrupts, the cogs finally turning. "...you sound like you're...not happy about having this match." "How so?" "Well...it's just...you said it's Duran's shot you're taking." "Oh, well...'by rights' it is. Of course, I'm the guy who deserves the shot. I have pinned Charlie Matthews two consecutive times in tag team competition after all. But do you think Duran's going to see it that way? The guy is dead set on taking that belt from Matthews..." Finally stopping his pacing, Landon turns to Megan and slowly a grin begins to emerge on his face. "...it's just a shame he won't get the chance I guess. Still...Landon Maddix versus John Duran. The Disciple of Todd versus The Notorious One. Mr Notorious versus Mr Entertainment. It's got a good ring to it, don't you think?" "It certainly does. Either way, the Unnamed has the bel..." "Woah woah..." Landon angrily cuts Megan off. "Either way? No no, there's no either way about it Megs. I proved to the world I could be a World Champion a couple of months ago...but I never got the chance to defend it. I proved to the world I could beat the SWF World Heavyweight Champion...TWICE...but never got the chance to hold that belt. I've proved time and time again that I am a main event player...a superstar...the single most entertaining thing to hit network television since the Crosby Show. I've proved I'm worthy of being champion. There's no 'either way' about this Megan. Tonight I'm going to 'out-grapple' the Grappler and become probably the youngest SWF World Heavyweight Champion in history. There's simply no two ways about it. Tonight is MY night. This is MY house. And that belt, in just a short few hours...will be MY belt!" Having vented some of his bottled up anger, Landon drops back down to the floor and continues his sit-ups as Megan eventually realises she's no longer required, and totters off. A good twenty seconds or so then pass, with Landon continuing his push-ups, counting along with himself... *ahem* ...suddenly, Landon snaps up from his laid out position, and scrambles to his knees, looking around nervously as he obviously heard a noise. No sign of anyone. Still, by now Landon is freaked out, and decides it's best to leave...clambering to his feet and setting off after Megan with considerable speed. Meanwhile, as he goes, from behind one of the anvil cases near to where Landon laid moments ago, a head bobs up from behind... ...ALAN CLARK's... ...a smug grin on his otherwise intense face, as he watches Maddix scuttle away. Once he's out of earshot, Clark emerges from behind the case and nods to himself... "Soon..."

Okay fine... it was still french bread... Might as well hit him with a SPONGE and have him gig off it. That's always a fun spot. French bread. That sounds an awful lot like something I did. Way to no sell it. Freak.

Well, didn't take long for this to become another anti-Orton and anti-HHH thread. Good job. HHH deserves as much credit as Benjamin for the ratings rise...especially considering it was an impromptu (or at least booked halfway through) match.

-- Meh, I had some time on my hands so I threw this together. If I'm treading on anyone's toes doing this, or I just plain suck then nevermind...I just figured I might as well try and take over. -- The HOLT Report on SWF Storm March 27th, 2004 Live from the Key Arena in Seattle, Washington Report by Ray Robinson of Seattle WA, Smartmarks.com reader Dark Matches: - Michael Craven and Stryke beat John Aikman and Craig Steiner in 7:12 with a Spike Piledriver - Todd Royal defeated "Big" John Quinn in 6:27 with The Wrath Of Todd. The Quinn guy was a lumberjack. WTF!?! - Jimmy 'The Demon' Liston defeated Syndicate in 4:50 with the Descent. - After the match, Todd came back out to a bunch of groans from the crowd, and said he wanted to read a chapter from the Book of Todd. We got a bunch of Todd sucks chants started up, but he just ignored them and pulled out the book. Can't remember much of what he said...we were too busy chanting at him to shut the f-ck up...but I think it had something to do with it being Todd's mission to take SWF gold for some reason or another. Anyway, eventually the baseball bat 'CRACK!' hit, and the place ERUPTED as the commish Grand Slam walked out. He's still got it. We all wanted Grand Slam to kick Todd's ass, but instead he just told Todd to stop wasting everyone's time, because he had a big show lined up. Todd got real mad about the interuption and shoved Grand Slam...big mistake, as GS knocked him on his ass with a right hand! Great stuff. Todd took a while to recover, and got a 'nah nah nah nah, hey hey goodbye' chant once he finally left. Poor guy. - Wildchild beat Judge Mental in 16:12 in one of the better matches of the night, after hitting The Wild Driver. Nice way to end the dark matches. They teased a handshake afterwards, but Judge pulled his hand away as a joke. They then went to shake again...but this time Wildchild booted Judge, and hit another Wild Driver to a big pop. Lockdown: - Well...I'm told Maddix arriving got onto the show. I assumed it was pre-show, seeing as it happened before the show opening pyro...but apparantely not. Seems us Seattle peeps are becoming protective of the Sonics...cheap heat or not, Maddix got the boos. - Nice to see Johnny getting another win...and I tell you...that D.F.A is awesome in person. Everyone sitting around me gasped big-time when Johnny hit that mofo! The new guy James looked pretty decent in the ring, and he even got to kick out of the M.I Slam for some reason...but he's gonna need a few weeks to get accustomed to the big time. - Coy West doing a Chef Boyardee commercial? Wouldn't that be considered 'up-market food' to him? - A lot of the peeps around me were pissed about the Flesher/Clark situation, seeing as that was one of the main matches on the card. Then again, if Tom can't keep away from the buffet, he gets what he deserves. The Clark/Flesher match was my favourite of the night personally...and, again, it's just a pity they sold it as something it wasn't. Flesher spitting on the belt was awesome, if only for the fact ir probably means the return of the old, dick heel Taamo. - Nice to see the Unholy Trinity being used as a trinity again. Toxxic getting creeped out was great...hell, he even got in a couple of cheap shots (SaturDace Night Fever... ) before it. And then Aecas and Bailey win their tag match...nice to see there's more than two teams in the fed, besides W&D and The House Of Todd... - ...speaking of which, since when did this become the 'Toxxic and Maddix' show? I know they're light on heels, but sheesh! Thank god Clark interrupted that 'Maddixvaganza' or whatever the hell it was when he did. During the commercial, Clark grabbed the mic and started LAYING into Maddix. Verbally owning him. And apparantely the 'real' Alan Clark is back. Should be interesting. - Onita and Matthews have to be the oddest team I've ever seen. Seriously. - The triple threat match was very good...but I'm shocked that Coy's getting so over. Hell, I'm shocked I was joining in on the chants. I didn't like the guy at first, but he's growing on me. Duran meanwhile is a prick. In a good way. Nice to see Annie getting a big "ICHIBAN" chant during the commercials too. - How Toxxic and Dace kept up the pace they went during that match I don't know...it was BRUTAL. I can't believe Toxxic won, and I can't believe that JIMMY LISTON was in the main event slot...one way or the other. - After the show the Trinity stayed in the ring, and they looked pissed! Eventually Terrence/Janus grabbed the mic, and told Liston and Toxxic to get their asses back out into the ring and fight like men. Nothing happened, so Aecas got a 'they've got no balls' chants up and running until finally Liston and Toxxic walked back out. They got about halfway down the ramp, but then turned back and walked off...and man, was the crowd jeering them after that! The Trinity stuck around for a while, before we all started leaving. Biggest Pops: 1. Charlie Matthews 2. Annie Onita 3. Coy West 4. The Unholy Trinity 5. Johnny Dangerous Biggest Heat: 1. John Duran 2. Toxxic 3. Landon Maddix 4. Funyon for telling us Flesher/Clark was non-title 5. Tom Flesher (after the title dis-respecting)

Who cares? Triple H lost to Shelton fuckin' Benjamin! If it were an established upper-mid carder or above, then the interference would have detracted from the result. But it's Shelton Benjamin, who isn't an established upper midcarder...and who, to be honest, most fans wouldn't expect to have a chance against Triple H. The fact HHH lost to Benjamin relatively clean is more than enough for me.

Well, I'll leave WC the PPV ones if he wants. But now I've done one, I might as well do the rest. Hopefully they'll get better as time goes on...

Huzzah, he's back. Kudos on keeping up the promoing...another good job again to get this persona back up and running. Just to let you know I'll be doing something small for Lockdown...just a warning incase you had anything planned.

Just mentioning that as far as I know, Shaniqua isn't 'MIA', she's down in OVW training to become a better full-time female wrestler.

Meh...there's so many...most being mentioned already. Foley's bump off the cage and Hardy's extended ladder Swanton stand out as moments where I just thought 'DAYAM...that didn't just happen. Add to that pretty much anything Austin did during the Attitude era...Rock and D-X during the same time...Angle/Austin during the InVasion. And to add to the Benoit one...when Eddie won the WWE Title. Oh...and Eddie versus Malenko, two out of three falls. Awesome, and the reception they got afterwards was moving.

Heyman + Bradshaw = Duh. I can't see who else on Smackdown is heel, being pushed and has suitable history with Heyman. Except maybe Haas, if he's in line for a singles push.

Oh Shush thats Just Anti Austin talk.... and Austin is the GW of wrestling.... Instead of tearing him down we Must BASK in the glory of the Lord n Savior of wrestling. Sure...... Next you'll pull a THOR on us, and call us all Austin's boyfriends. Give it a rest buddy for Christ's sake. If you took the time to read people's opinions, the people 'defending' Austin are defending being innocent until proven guilty rather than defending him. Plus, this situation has NOTHING to do with the Austin we see on T.V...that counts for the pro and con Austin arguements.

...'cause I'm willing to job to you? Oh...and Taamo...it'll get worse, trust me.

I still dig him from the promo. Plus he's a heel and he's a cruiser.

MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE MATCH Charlie "Grappler" Matthews vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix -Could you imagine the collective coma the fed'd fall into if I became World Champion? Still...should be fun, with no DQ's an' stuff- WINDOW PAIN MATCH Dace Night vs Alan Clark -Hopefully I've brought out the 'real' Alan Clark again- SINGLES MATCH "The Notorious" John Duran vs Todd Royal -Jeez, someone give Todd a break! It'll be close, but Duran's on a roll- USJL TITLE MATCH CAGE MATCH "Coyote" Coy West vs Stryke -Watch those fingers...- SINGLES MATCH "The Superior One" Tom Flesher vs Ann "Ichiban" Onita -Flesher to continue his solid comeback- TAG TEAM TITLES Wild & Dangerous vs Aecas and Janus -I can't see them dropping the belts until WC goes personally- SINGLES MATCH Edward James vs Mike Van Siclen -James continues the 'let's job out MVS' run...if he writes...which he'd better- HARDCORE TITLE MATCH PHILADELPHIA STREET FIGHT, THROUGH-THE-SHOW BRAWL Toxxic vs Insane Luchadore -Meester unstoppable proves why he's...well...unstoppable-