King Cucaracha

- I was gonna promo for the show, but it seems all my effort is needed to try and topple W&D with Todd...so, I finshed this one up quick. I'll be going into the next step of the plan hopefully next show Alan...expect a PM on that nearer the time. ---------------------------------------- The camera shot opens upon the face of a smug, smiling Landon Maddix...slowly panning away to reveal The SWF's Disciple himself standing against a brick wall, flanked by his loyal valet Megan Skye who is carrying a familiar looking musical instrument...Alan Clark's guitar. The smug smile fails to disappear from Landon's face, as he looks down at the guitar in Megan's hands and chuckles to himself. "Oh me, oh my...what do we have here Alan?" The Disciple again chuckles. "Remember me Alan? You should do...unless of course that chair shot I gave you on Lockdown's given you amnesia that is." Looking to Megan, Landon smiles and motions for her to give him the guitar, which she complies with quickly. "But I'm sure you do indeed remember me Alan. After all...we have quite the history between us don't we. Let's take a quick jaunt down memory lane, shall we? Together we contested the last EVER SJL match, in which I took your SJL World Championship. Before that, we fought each other and I took the SJL European Title from you. I see a pattern coming along. Every time we fight, it seems I take something from you. European Title...World Title...and now this hunk of junk. Your 'gee-taarr'." "Our plan went perfectly..." Megan suddenly interrupts. "It certainly did. And may I say Megan you know how to turn off a power-switch very well." Megan nods accepting the rather odd compliment, as Landon turns back to the camera and holds up the commandeered guitar. "I'm sure you're sitting watching this Alan...you've got 1800-FIXMYNECK on speed-dial and Bryan Adams on the boom-box, and all the while there's this nagging question in the back of your head. Why? Why Landon, why? You're looking at me, waiting for an answer to that question. That question I've heard from so many little brats so many times. The same question that always has the same answer. "Because it's what needed to be done". I joined up with Todd because it was what needed to be done. I kicked your ass, clipped your knee out and ripped your Disney loving soul out because it was needed to be done. And now, I interrupted your public busking session because quite simply...it was what needed to be done." Another chuckle eminates from Maddix's mouth, as he again glances down at the guitar. "See, I was sitting in the back, minding my own business, preparing to beat Charlie Matthews...'The Champion Of The Apes'...for the SECOND time. And then I hear your whiny, wailing voice screeching out of my T.V monitor, and I couldn't stand it any longer. You were slowly killing the ears of every single person watching. So, I decided kicking your ass really was what needed to be done. You know and I know Alan...I'm a man of class. I frown upon mediocrity, and to call your singing medicore would be a crime to mediocrity." Megan nods her head in agreement with Landon. "Poor Megan...poor, poor Megan...she's a music fan Clark. She likes all the greats. Elvis. Englebert. Elton. She's a great music lover. But as soon as you started to sing, this beautiful young head of her's was fit to explode from the sheer agony you exposed it to. Todd was ready to come out there and kick your ass himself...but, you know how bad his neck has been. Besides...the plan was already in motion." Clearly pleased with himself, Landon can't stiffle another laugh. "It was already decided that I'd take that steel chair and crack it upside your head. Incase you haven't realised Alan...it's not just about guitars and singing. It's about you Alan. I watched your match with HVT and you showed me something. Intensity. Passion. That fire that I haven't seen in you for months. Last time I saw that..." A solemn look comes over Maddix, as he shakes his head. "...you were beating the hell out of my Todd around about Christmas time. I saw that fire, and I saw Alan Clark...formerly Bloodshed...intense. Then, you come out on Lockdown and start playing sing-along, and I see the Alan Clark that keeps coming back to haunt me. The goofy Alan Clark. You're sitting around singing songs...before it was standing around singing the praises of a bunch of cartoon mice. If you're not 'Mr Disney' Alan Clark, you're playing Honky Tonk Clark strumming on your little guitar. And yet, despite all this...you...are the Cruiserweight Champion!?! You get a shot at Coy West for the USJL title on Lockdown to boot. You fall on your head and knock yourself out...but then, the very next show...you get another shot!?! Yet I beat Charlie Matthews twice, and what singles recognition do I get? Nothing. Squat. I haven't had a singles title shot since Wildchild was the Cruiserweight Champion. I should be the World Heavyweight Champion for crying out loud. I'm stuck proving myself and Todd as the world's finest tag team...which is already common knowledge anyway. And it disgusts me when a man like you acts the way that you do, and gets more opportunities at fame and fortune than a man who's beating the supposed number one in the company week in and week out." "It's ridiculous." Megan agrees. "More than that...it's Un-Toddly. See, by Todd's rule, you should be long gone by now Clark. I'm sick to death of you. Todd is sick to death of you. Megan is sick to death of you. We thought we'd broken you down months ago...just as we did to Spike Jenkins. Just as we did to Jacob Helmsley. Just as we did to Dominic Korgath. We broke their spirits. And where are they now? I'll tell you where they are...WHERE YOU SHOULD BE!!! On the SCRAPHEAP!!!" Suddenly showing a good deal of fury on his face, Landon begins to angrily toss the guitar from hand to hand by the handle, glaring forwards all the while. "Face the facts Clark...everytime you and me come up against each other, you end up on the wrong end of a beating. But more so...everytime we fight, and you're holding a belt around your waist...by the time the dust has settled, they're taking your nameplate off the gold, and putting on the name of Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix! This is a fight you can't win, and won't win. Wherever you go, you had better be aware of your surroundings...you thought having Thugg tracking your ass down around the country makes you parranoid? Thugg is just one man. Where as before you had to ask 'where's Thugg', now you've got to ask 'where's Landon'...'where's Todd'...'where's John'...'where's Megan'. When you're parking your old '72 Chevy in the parking lot...keep your eyes open. When you go to the mall to chat up the fiteen year old rock chicks in their training bras...keep your wits about you. When you go buy the grease for your hair...stay awake. And when you take the trip down to the music store to get yourself...well..." Another smug grin fills Landon's face... "...I presume, now, a new guitar...you'd better keep your wits about you, because you've got four people looking to hunt you down and put you on that scrapheap. Speaking...of course, of that guitar...I've got a question for you Alan. "How much wood can a woodchip chip...if a woodchip could chip wood?" Finally Landon leaves his standing place against the wall, and with the smug look still etched on his face struts over to a nearby open door...behind which, surprise surprise, is a large woodchipper. Holding the guitar in camera view, Landon motions his head towards the inside of the building and more specifically the rumbling machine. "I'll answer that for you Alan, my friend. A lot. This baby here can cut up forest like amounts of wood...or whatever you happen to want chipped. It can turn trees in sawdust in a matter of minutes...so this here 'gee-taarr' of yours doesn't really stand much of a chance now does it. I really hope this little instrument hasn't got any sentimental value Clark...because you see, if it has...prepare to say goodbye to it." Both Landon and the copying Megan laugh heartily, before Landon passes the instrument to his 'good lady friend' and nods. She quickly scuttles off into the building and moments later, the sound of the woodchipper doing it's 'thang' reverburates out from behind Landon. Grimacing slightly at the sound, Landon waits a few seconds for the noise to die down before continuing. "Good luck in your match Alan. I really, truly hope you take that USJL title from 'Like A Rhinestone Cowboy'...because once you do, I'll be able to take two titles off of you rather than just one...which, ironically, wouldn't be the first time, now would it? By the time you see me next...me and Todd will have defeated Inspector Gadget and his Ass-tafarian side-kick, and will have the Tag Team Titles sitting proudly on the Unnamed mantlepiece. And after that...there'll be nothing in the world to stop me from kicking your ass and taking your Cruiserweight Title. I'll see you very soon Clark...very soon...indeed...so you'd better Prepare For Landon."

What the fuck is a 'kligon'. How is this interview 'cool'? How am I lame for knowing what the rap meaning of 'funk' is, but not why the fuck they use it? Why is someone calling us a nerd when they can't get their facts straight? I have no problem with Meth, so to speak. Cena has been one of the more entertaining things on Smackdown in the past few months. And while I don't LOVE rap music, I certainly don't hate it. Hell, I like D-12's new song for some reason...even though according to my taste in music I really shouldn't. Lapdance by N.E.R.D is one of my favourite songs right now. So, I guess my problem is with people who don't speak properly.

16...going on 17. So, yeah...I'd say I'm past my prime. Someone pass me my carpet slippers.

Well, it's good they fired him if this is true. But then again, one article says drug problem and the other says alcohol problem. That doesn't mean it's not true...but still.

Good god AS. This thread epitomizes everything wrong about this forum. You people are beyond lame, seriously. Why is this forum wrong? Because we speak proper English. Which by the way is 'The Queen's English'. Ever hear the Queen calling Prince Charles 'funky'? Seriously...'they funky'. Would it really kill the 'Youth Of Today' to put an "are" or at the very least "'re" after the word "they"? I fail to see how AS is 'lame' for not understanding why the majority of today's youth has to create their own words and sub-meaning for words for the sole purpose of screwing up the sensible people's minds. And this is just the tip of the iceberg...have you ever heard of the Blazin' Squad? One of their interviews would probably send AS to a nuthouse. Or whatever you 'youths' call a nuthouse nowadays. Probably 'wack-joint' or something.

Well, Brock's version was more like an elevated Fisherman's Suplex Bomb, or something else crazy. Fisherman's Buster implies that he dops them on his head, which a) he didn't and b) is still pretty much a rare occurance by McMahon rule. Still, isn't the Fisherman's Buster Jazz's finisher?

Hell, I didn't know much about OAOAST till I joined up. Now I realise it's basically like the SWF, only in the WF opponents write a match each and the best one gets posted...where as the OAOAST you work between other guys to write matches. It's not competitive, which isn't neccessarily a bad thing. Depends on what how much of an ego you want to have... ...and yeah, I own Supes.

Wait, if Austin's going to Smackdown... OMG ECW IS COMIN' BACK DOOODZZZ~!

Four Horsemen DVD? That is god-damn ownage. As long as they include all the eras of the Horsemen, it should be awesome. Hell, we may even get a Benoit/Malenko tag match or two on here. Flair/Anderson's PPV match would be nice too for historic reasons.

So...does Austin stun her before profit, or afterwards?

SWF Intercontinental-Television Title #1 Contenders Match Mike Van Siclen v. Dace Night -Dace all the way- Streetfight for the SWF United States Title "Coyote" Coy West © v. Alan Clark -Well, it'll probably be a 'victory' for Coy. Whever he gives us another mutual-respect draw or not, I'm not sure. But I agree with Todd...Alan COULD pull this out.- MXC HCG # 1 Contenders Match Edward James v. Aecas v. Syndicate Guest Commentators: Vic Romano and Kenny Blankenship Guest Ring Announcer: Captain Tenneal -Forgive me for being dumbfounded by the stips and stuff...and for not ever seeing a match from the other two guys, to the best of my knowledge- Tornado Match for the SWF Tag Team Titles Wild & Dangerous © v. The House of Todd -Wildchild's in no mood to lose clearly...and together with Johnny, they're the best tag team I've seen around here apart from maybe Justice & Rule. So long winning streak.- Tag Team Match Toxxic & Jimmy "The Demon" Liston v. "The Superior One" Tom Flesher & "A Partner Of His Choosing" -Toxxic is on a major roll, but Flesher is BAAAAACK and I suspect he'll be bringing in someone rather special as a partner-

I agree that exposure for Cena has to be a good thing for the WWE. But is Meth still that popular? I mean...remember when Method Man did a version of Rock's theme for that Aggression CD? Thems were the days. They were also 4 years ago days, so I don't know how his reputation is at the moment. As you can tell...I'm not a really big follower of the rap scene. CC- Join the club. Glad to see me and AS aren't the only ones confused by that interview. MX- I stole that line from Good Ole' JR, so I'm not surprised it sounded retarded. As for your definition...why didn't he just say that in the first place and avoid all the confusion?

Yeah, soccer fanship is a lot different to 'American Football' or baseball. Pity they didn't learn when Foley got booed. Still...kudos to Cena for doing homework for even knowing who Kieron Dyer is. Hell, most English football fans don't know who he is, let alone Cena. And Rhyno getting a ten minute match? Wonders'll never cease.

So much for Simmons and Long re-uniting after the Lottery, which is a damn shame (no pun intended). Not that Simmons should still be wrestling. But I'd rather have Simmons around than Bradshaw...at least Simmons used to be a star.

If me and Todd can beat Annie and Grappler, we can win this match... ...yeah, we're screwed.

Well, he could always wear an England '66 shirt. That'd get him big face pops.

Toryumon is more adapt at the Americanised wrestling style, seeing as Ultimo brought over aspects of WCW with him when setting it up. i.e, it's more storyline based than other Japanese wrestling promotions. That may be a factoring decision. And does anyone else think that saying the mystery team is 'not at this point planned to be AMW' means it really will be AMW?

Tawren...***** doesn't mean a match has to be perfect, so kindly think before you post next time. No match is PERFECT. Whever it be the slightest slip or a mildly boring part of a match, nothing is perfect. Hell, by your logic no match can ever be ***** because the ROH three way was or because Flair/Steamboat was, or whatever else was five stars. Michaels used poor chops? How so...let me guess...they weren't as good as Benoit's, so they were no good. It's slapping your hand on a guy's chest. It hardly constitutes to a match being bad now does it?

Which is somehow a bad thing. Jesus, man, just stop and look around one day. It's embarassing. I take it you haven't read that Cena/Method Man interview. Judging from the fact your head hasn't exploded.

Yeah...word to your mother and all that. I mean come on. "We keep it on wax". WTF!?!

I won again? Over Grappler? THAT is ridiculous! On a more serious note, congrats AGAIN to Toxxic in particular, and also to everyone else who won their matches. Glad to see Alan's segment featured some star power...let the fueds begin!

The funny thing is, I never had a tag match in the JL. Well...one six man, which I didn't send my part in for in time. Other than that, none. I've made up for it here though. And...yeah, comiserations and stuff to Grappler seeing as he had to no-show.

***** doesn't neccessarily mean perfect match. If you stay in a 5 star hotel, do you expect perfection? No. Well...maybe. But still...***** matches don't have to be perfect. Flair/Steamboat isn't 'perfect'...Angle/Benoit isn't 'perfect'. But it's very good. Having said that...Benoit making HHH tap obviously boosted the rating in keith's mind...which is hardly surprising, considering. I didn't find it to be a ***** match...but it's subjective. Some people consider the Flair 92 Rumble to be *****. It's not in my mind. Subjective. Considering it was SKeith, I was surprised how much I agreed with him. Not on stars neccessarily. As I said...subjective. But he was kinda on the right lines.

*irony-o-meter explodes*

K...just to make certain...this is irony right?