King Cucaracha

I used to hit people with baguettes. Plus there was the Pie Match *shudders* Oh...anyone remember that match from quite a way back in the SJL where after every nearfall both guys had to take a shot of Vodka. I only vaguely remember, but I'm sure it was Tarakanov and someone. I read that and wanted to join the JL right there and then. Of course, I sucked at match writing, so left it a year or so.

Feud Update Major Jeff Jarrett vs AJ Styles Heat: 88%, Score: 9 - 4 Raven vs Abyss Heat: 68%, Score: 3 - 2 Minor Ron Killings vs Sonny Saiki Heat: 71%, Score: 1 - 1 Paul London vs Chris Sabin Heat: 64%, Score: 4 - 5 Barry Windham vs Doug Basham Heat: 71%, Score: 0 - 0

Am I the only one who watched Heat? Even SKeith didn't. Then again, it's not like anyone in the arena really saw the Heat match either.

Updated Roster for ya'll to muse over. Feud update and TotalNonstop TV card up soon... New Roster Main Eventers Faces AJ Styles Raven Heels Jeff Jarrett Upper Midcarders Faces Chris Harris Dusty Rhodes James Storm Ron Killings Heels Abyss Christopher Daniels Legend Midcarders Faces Barry Windham Bison Smith Erik Watts Ichiro Yaguchi Rene Dupree Spanky The Amazing Red Vic Grimes Tweeners Low Ki Heels Donovan Morgan Doug Basham Elix Skipper Jimmy Yang Kid Kash Matt Stryker Michael Modest Nick Dinsmore Sonny Saiki Lower Midcarders Faces Chris Divine John Hennigan K-Ness Matt Cappotelli Matt Morgan Paul London Shark Boy Heels Chris Sabin CM Punk Julio Dinero Ryan Sakoda Slash Openers Faces Burchill Chris Vaughn Sonjay Dutt Heels Austin Lee David Young Kevin Northcutt Michael Shane Jobbers Faces Nate Webb Managers Faces Goldylocks Heels Desire Don Callis James Mitchell Jim Cornette Trinity

Post Event News PWI TAKEOVER A big update this week...as the takeover of Pro Wrestling Iron by NWA:TNA has been completed, the two companies merging together. The contracts of seven PWI stars have been retained, while the rest have not. The seven kept are Bison Smith, Donovan Morgan, Ichiro Yaguchi, Matt Stryker (who signed a written contract, worth $57,000), Michael Modest, Nick Dinsmore (another written contracter, getting $56,000 a month), Vic Grimes (who also gets a written contract, for $58,000 a month) Amongst those released were: Chavo Guerrero Snr, Jim Neidhart, Jimmy Snuka, Jimmy Valiant, Perro Aguayo and Tama who are all too old for our liking. John Zandig, who does not get on well with CM Punk. Kevin Sullivan, who we have no plans on using. And Typhoon...who speaks for himself. We wish all these men, and the other who did not get NWA:TNA contracts all the best in their futures. The main plan is to link the four standouts Modest, Morgan, Stryker and Dinsmore together and form a stable, in time for Wrestlewar...and start up a TNA vs IRON 'fued'. No 'Invasion'...that would not be smart. Vic Grimes is set for a role somewhere in the show, while Yagushi and Bison will be used as needed. Other News XPlosion was not good for us...it seems going head-to-head with MLW Saturday cost us a lot of viewers, and we came out worst. Seeing as we're the National company, that's a surprise...we may have taken MLW too lightly. The weekly roster evaluation has brought about some changes. Chris Vaughan was originally released, but after a change of heart we toke him back under an open contract. He realises he may not be used very much, but is willing to wait his turn and try to improve in the meantime. However, some haven't had second chances. To make way for the IRON guys, we needed to free some space. First to go was Traci, who we didn't have too many plans for. After hearing of Traci's release, Sinn left the company in protest. After his match on XPlosion bombed, we weren't too fussed to be perfectly honest. Takehiro Murahama and The Latin Lover have both now left the company...their trial runs were quite successful, but again, the IRON signings have limited space on the roster. We wish all of these four luck wherever they go. With the new primetime show, Don Callis has accepted a written contract, worth $65,000 a month. He will be used as the sole authority which means a written contract will be more cost effective. Shark Boy has also been given a written contract, to the sum of $38,000 per month.

Yang/Sakoda/Tajiri vs London/Kidman/Dragon- * Fun little spot match, but it was as usual for Heat Matches, short. London kip-up-canrana and dropkick to the back thing were neat, the triple team dropkick to Kidman's head was cool...I enjoyed it. Just too short. What was the fucking point of Sable/Torrie? OMG THEY HOLD HANDS! THEY'RE LEZBOS! Why couldn't that have been on Heat? Too Cool vs Bashams/Shaniqua- * Well, it could have been worse. Probably. Noble 'vs' Nidia- DUD I guess DUD would be the right rating, but it wasn't really offenseive considering what it was- a tool to get heel Noble over. APA vs WGTT- No rating Didn't watch it, because I fully expected the APA to win. Holly vs Rhyno- 3/4* Was it me, or did this go REALLY long? Rey vs Chavo- **** Well, hopefully that proved all the 'grounded cruiserweights will suck' people wrong. Awesome match, the finish and the usual boxer has to pull the punch weakness let it down though. Chavo as Champ should be fun. Angle vs Cena vs Show- **1/4 Decent enough...but sure as hell nothing special. Brock vs Eddie- ****1/4 Another great match...they looked a little awkward at first, with the size difference...and when Brock f'd up the powerbomb, I thought he'd done another Holly. Goldberg's run-in, the Cheat To Win and stuff takes it down a bit. Eddie's celebration made up for it though. Let's hope the buyrate was good. The bad part of the show was Goldberg and the announcers. I had no problem with Berg being there, it was already announced. But Cole and Tazz came off as idiots. Goldberg assaulted Lesnar? And here was me thinking Lesnar lured Goldberg into the ring and attacked Goldberg first. All that segment and after I was thinking 'I know you're a SD! guy Cole, but for fuck's sake, you're supposed to be the face commentator.' Heyman was gold though.

Eddie-Angle-Benoit Eddie's my favourite wrestler in the world at the moment, Angle's early days always had me in stitches, and Benoit's a great wrestler. Benoit might be above Angle is he didn't do that shitty look of 'confusion' all the time that makes him look like the most wooden actor ever.

Way to steal my ideas before I even use them...

If they swapped the orange and black around on RVD's shirt, it'd appeal to me more. I'm not really a wearer of orange. Nor am I a wearer of shirts with the kind of slogan (Sexy Beast) you'd find on a girls shirt. I can't imagine a guy wearing that shirt, and even if I could, I can't imagine not laughing if I saw a guy wearing that shirt.

NWA:TNA XPlosion 4th April 2004 Live from the TNA Asylum, in Nashville Tennessee Commentators: Scott Hudson and Don West Before the show even gets to ringside, we're taken to a recap video of the events surrounding AJ Styles versus Jeff Jarrett 6 days ago at Quest For The Gold. Brief highlights of the first twenty minutes rush by, before the video picks up at the last two minutes, the end of the match. Jarrett counters the Styles Clash attempt with the figure four leglock, and it all looked over. Styles managed to crawl towards the ropes with the support of the fans, and eventually reach the ropes to break the hold. Styles got up and the two exchanged right hands, until Jarrett whipped Styles to the ropes. Styles ducked a clothesline...and went for a flying forearm, which Jarrett ducked, causing referee Mark Johnson to get knocked out! Quickly Jarrett reached into his tights and placed a pair of brass knuckles on his right hand. Slowly AJ turned around...and got smacked with the knuckles, which were then put in his trunks just incase. Slowly Johnson came to, as Jarrett hooked the leg and made the cover...to get the 3 count, and retain the title. Jarrett grabbed his belt and left with his tail between his legs, as Styles was left to complain in vain to Johnson. OR: 75 After that we finally go into the arena where the B-team announcers Scott Hudson and Don West are at ringside this week, Callis and Tenay obviously being promoted to the prime time show. West- Welcome to NWA:TNA XPlosion, live from Nashville Tennessee. Don West and Scott Hudson here at ringside tonight...and you just saw at the top of the show what happened 6 nights ago at Quest For The Gold... Hudson- Jeff Jarrett retaining his NWA World Title, with the use of brass knuckles, and that situation will be further addressed on Wednesday night. Tonight however, we have three great matches coming up here tonight. Tenay- The new X-Division Champion Paul London is in action tonight in the main event, and we're set to hear from him...after our opening match... Team Tough Enough (Matt Cappotelli and John Hennigan) vs Kyo Dai (Jimmy Yang and Ryan Sakoda) A 'meh' match. Team Tough Enough are still green and it shows, despite their obvious talent. Anyway, the match lacked in that all important factor crowd heat...none of the four men really nearing solid overness. The action was solid enough, Sakoda in for most of the match to over-power the Tough Enough 3 champions. John and Matt rallied and showed great signs of teamwork just like last week, Yang bringing the bumpage. A gorgeous double enziguri from Matt and John looked to have won the match, but Mike Chioda insisted on Matt leaving the ring. John caught Sakoda entering the ring out of the corner of his eye and went over...getting smacked with a steel chair right in the head. However, Chioda had turned around and caught this, calling for the disqualification! Sakoda argued with Chioda, as Matt came back into the ring. Sakoda and Yang quickly jumped him, and went to work...until suddenly, Matt Morgan ran down the aisle stopping them in their tracks. Yang looked confused, as Sakoda ran forwards...getting grabbed by the throat, and chokeslammed out of his boots!!! Quickly Yang ran into a clothesline, before Morgan picked him up, and drilled him with a vicious spinning sitout powerbomb. Both Kyo Dai members laid down and out in the middle of the ring, as Morgan helped up his fellow Tough Enough 3 contestants. Winners: Team Tough Enough by disqualification in 6:28 *1/2 (63, 52, 75) Notes: Matt Morgan's turn was completed, and he is now a face. Matt Morgan gained overness from this turn. Hudson- What destruction from this monstrous Matt Morgan! Amazing! West- But why did he do that...for John and Matt? Hudson- Why do you think Don? He's these guys' friend. They competed in Tough Enough 3 together. West- I guess that means Morgan is part of Team Tough Enough now then... We cut backstage to the interview area, with Goldylocks standing by with the new NWA:TNA X-Division Champion Paul London... Goldylocks- Paul London…firstly, congratulations on becoming the NWA:TNA X-Division Champion at Quest For The Gold. You proved yourself to Chris Sabin and to the world six days ago…how does it feel to be champion? London- It feels greet Goldy. You know, I proved to Chris Sabin that I am a worthy X-Division wrestler. He seems to have a problem with me because I’ve had more recognition than him. I didn’t ask for Chris Sabin to attack me, I didn’t ask for him to start this personal grudge. All I wanted was to become the number one X-Division wrestler in this company. And now I’ve done that…the issue between me and Sabin, as far as I’m concerned, is done with. All I want to do is concentrate on defending this belt proudly the way it should be. I’m willing to accept any challenge for this belt…I didn’t win this belt to back down from people. If you want a shot at this belt, then Paul London is willing to hand you that shot. I don’t care who it is. Matt or John. Yang or Sakoda. Red. Sabin. Heck, even my buddy Spanky when he’s back from Japan. I don’t care who. All I care is that I respect this championship the way it should be respected. Starting tonight with Michael Shane… London puts the X-Division belt over his shoulder, smiles and walks out of shot as we go back to ringside. OR: 62 Hudson- Don, it’s nice to see someone respecting a title nowadays…Paul London is a great wrestler, but also a fine person. West- That’s all very nice Scott…but being a ‘fine person’ doesn’t win you matches. He is a fantastic wrestler I agree. Hudson- Then what’s your point? West- Well, you saw it at Quest For The Gold…sometimes nice guys finish last. Hardcore Rules Match Sinn vs Slash w/James Mitchell and Julio Dinero Yuck! That’s all that can be said about this match. Dinero and Mitchell came to watch Slash’s back, but despite the hardcore rules they stayed well out as Sinn and Slash brawled heatedly. Pity the crowd didn’t care even a little bit. After some pretty weak brawling, Slash got Dinero to throw in some weapons. Suddenly the match turned into your usual WWE hardcore match…no…worse, a WCW 2000 hardcore match. Exchanging weak chair and trashcan shots, Sinn and Slash just looked lost out there. A couple of ‘Boring’ chants started through the match, which went way too long. Sinn finally floored Slash with a chair shot, when suddenly Dinero rolled into the ring. Sinn swung with a clothesline, but Dinero ducked and hit the No Brainer…dragging Slash on top for the pinfall victory. After the match Dinero continued his attack, Slash and Mitchell joining in on the attack until Sinn was left spread eagled on the mat. Winner: Slash by pinfall in 8:49 DUD (48, 37, 60) West- I guess that’s what happens when you mess with the New Church. Hudson- That was uncalled for Don…whatever Sinn may have done. A vicious attack. West- Well Scott...it's main event time, and it's for the X-Division Championship...new champion versus a former champion. I'm looking forward to this one. NWA:TNA X-Division Championship Paul London ©vs 'HB2K4' Michael Shane w/Traci Fantastic match, probably the best Michael Shane has ever competed in. He's certainly improving more and more since his poor title run. London got the chance to show off some high flying moves early in the match, before a low kick from Shane turned the tide. Traci's presence at ringside certainly helped, Shane's valet getting her shots in at London when she could. As the match wore on Shane came close to putting London away, but the new champion rallied, determined not to lose his title on the first defence. London missed the London Calling however, giving Shane a nearfall. It was here that Shane screwed things up. Kicking in to HBK mode, Shane took forever to line up a superkick...London managing to duck, and hit an enziguri kick. As Shane got up London went to the middle rope, hooking Shane's head and hitting a tornado downward spiral...the Crash London. With a hook of the leg, London then got the 1...2...and 3, and retained his title. Winner and still X-Division Champ: Paul London by pinfall in 12:34 ***1/4 (72, 53, 91) Notes: The NWA X title has gained in image. West- It's over! Hudson- Paul London with a fantastic first defence of his X-Division Championship. Shane pushed him a long way, but the HBK influence cost him the match tonight! West- London retains his title tonight...will he defend again Wednesday night when we see you next? Hudson- I'd imagine so...London's promised to be a fighting champion. And I wouldn't be surprised to see him Wednesday night, when I hope you will join us live for NWA:TNA TotalNonstop TV on the WGN Superstation. Goodbye from us here on XPlosion, we'll see you next week... OR: 65- With the new Prime Time show, I guess XPlosion is suddenly TNA’s Heat. Still…this could and should have been better. London's match was great...his interview passable. The Jarrett/Styles video was obviously solid, and Kyo Dai/Tough Enough was ok. Whoever had the idea for Sinn/Slash however won't be too happy however. Attendance: 3503 T.V Rating : 0.01

Todd hasn't PMed me, so it looks like I'm writing on lonesome unless he does so by late tonight. Spike, Jacob, Johnny, new stats up with tag moves and stuff by the time you read this...providing you haven't read this in about 5 minutes.

Patterson vs Brisco at KOTR '00.

Ah... ...in that case, I'll shut up.

Michael Cole, Tazz, Heyman, Chavito, Rey, Chavo Snr... ...pretty much everyone involved.

I say send them to OVW for six months first. Give them a chance to become less boring and give the fans a chance to forget. I can't see them becoming 'less boring' in OVW. Hell, they had some great matches in OVW. The main problem is the gimmick.

before he's a bona-fide main eventer, he could do with some acting lessons, like RHYNO was reported to have taken while recovering from his neck inury.

Whaaaat? Where'd you hear this? I'm going to have to pull a WC and say That you'd write a losing match? I just assumed as you've got the World Title shot you might drop the secondary title. Then again...I guess not.

Because that's just what SD! needs. Less tag teams with no heel team. Well, sure. The split's just my personal want. Benjamin v Haas sound a fuckload better than WGTT/Too Cool or WGTT/APA.

Jim Ross- "We need to make room for some of the developing talent. They are a rarity in the business. Of course, I'm talking about guys like Matt Morgan and John Heidenreich. We simply couldn't make room for Chris Kanyon, seeing as we are all about the evolution of the business..." I know you're joking, but still...Heidenreich is being jobbed out on Heat, and in another thread there was a quote that WWE management realises Morgan has "a lot to learn". Saying that, the bullshit-o-meter is on breaking point from most of that article.

Falls Count Anywhere Match Toxxic v. Manson v. Mike Van Siclen - Kid's got a future. Plus shocks rule. Singles Match for the #1 Contendership to the SWF United States / Junior League Championship "Coyote" Coy West v. Jimmy "The Demon" Liston - Coyjiro all the way. Tag Team Match for the #1 Contendership to the SWF Tag Team Championship "The House of Todd" (Todd Royal & Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix) v. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins & Jacob Helmsley - Techno Team 2000 run in and destroy all four men. They then beat W&D for the titles, before feuding for seven months with Firebreaker Chip and Todd Champion, the new SWF Patriots. Or, in other words, no prediction. Singles Match for the SWF United States / Junior Leage Championship Sacred © v. Insane Luchador - I'm an IL fan, but Sacred's awesome. Singles Match for the SWF Cruiserweight Championship WildChild © v. Alan Clark - Sorry Alan...WC ain't losing. Singles Match for the Intercontinental-Television Championship Charlie "Grappler" Matthews © v. Annie "Ichiban" Onita - Annie to win...I guess Grap is going to write a losing match, but I can see Annie winning on her own merits. Main Event Barbed Wire Cell Timebomb Deathmatch for the SmartMarks Wrestling Federation World Heavyweight Championship Va'aiga © v. Dace Night - I fear the lariat, so must lay my prediction with my ally. Plus, we can't let the Unnamed lose every match again the like last show.

The Bashams would be better off in a Benoit-esque kick ass role, more like they were in OVW, rather than perveted sex freaks. That's not helping their cause. Neither is Shaniqua overshadowing them every step of the way. They're not high on charisma, but they're not bad on the mic...no worse than Benoit. I wouldn't mind a WGTT split right now to be honest. After Wrestlemania sometime, turn Benjamin face, and give him and Haas a month or so to feud. If the opportunity comes afterwards, have Cena drop the US Title (presuming he has it by then) on Haas because he's the sort of guy the belt would help, not Cena. Then give them a US Title feud providing the first month went well...doube change so that Haas ends the feud with the belt. Then afterwards, give Benjamin a mini-feud with Angle...nothing big, not for the title...just something to give Angle a solid opponent, and to help elevate Benjamin. Angle would probably be heel by then anyway. Angle goes over but gives Benjamin some respect. Haas can defend the US Title from there.

Eddy has always been a great talker and as far as i know he's always been praised by (almost)everybody on this board.You should start paying more attention on what's going on in TSM besides RVD hating. And by the way Brock still sucks at cutting promos, he makes Benoit look like Ric Flair. Having just watch Benoit's 'acting skills' on both Raw and at SurSer 02 and the Flair DVD in the past day, that is one heck of an over-statement buddy. Brock's mic skills are fine and dandy right now, and the crack about the Mariachis swimming a long way got a cheap laugh out of me. Hell, he's come a long way. And what was the point of the RVD comment? You need to get over yourself on that subject, because that's all we seem to hear from you. On topic, Eddie promo was awesome on Smackdown. Awesome. The mic skills are what makes him probably the number one all-rounder in America.

Still waiting on Todd to PM me back on that stuff.

Well, this looks pretty 'meh'. I don't see it being as bad as AS says personally, because bad cards tend to lower expectations. It won't be good though. WWE Championship Match, where Eddie might not win even with Goldberg at ringside...*wink wink* Brock 'La Cucaracha' Lesnar vs Eddie Guerrero Anyone who thinks Lesnar's going over is wrong. Good match, but we all know who's going over so I'll only be interested in the post match Eddie celebration. #1 Contendership Match, where Angle might not win to face Eddie at Mania...*wink wink* John Cena vs Big Show vs Kurt 'Will He Be At 100% OMGDZ~!' Angle Obvious Angle will win, so again, that'll take away from the match. But the last two triple threat matches Angle has been in on PPV (Vengeance '02 and '03) have been enjoyable. Show was in one of them. Should be fun, but by no means a wrestling classic. Cruiserweight Title Match, where Rey might lose his mask...*wink wink* Chavito Guerrero w/Chavo Guerrero vs Rey Mysterio w/'The Best Boxer That We Could Afford' Well, I wouldn't be surprised if Paez turned on Rey if it wasn't for the stupid mask stip. After all, according to Cole he's a 'bad apple'. 3 matches, 3 obvious out-comes. WWE Tag Titles Too Cool 2K4 vs The Sex Fiends and Shaniqua I sense a Shaniqua/one Basham title reign just to suck Smackdown up even more. Plus I prefer the Basham to the bastardised Too Cool. Time Filler Tag Match The A.P.A vs The World's Newest Tag Jobbers Come on...Bradshaw can beat Shelton with a bad shoulder, the A.P.A can't lose to the WGTT. I just don't see it. Time Filler Singles Match, 'This Won't Be Pretty' Softcore Holly vs Rhyno Should be stiff. Other than that I have no interest. Obviously only there to give Holly a win.