King Cucaracha

“Knights of Cydonia” by Muse hits the speakers and the crowd lets out a strong burst of cheering. Luke and Leo Breslin emerge from behind curtains and take long, confident strides towards the ring. “Ladies and gentlemen… welcome to the ring at this time,” Funyon says, “they are your SWF Tag Team Champions… LUKE and LEO… THE BREEEESSSSLLIIIIINNSSS!!” Luke has his gold strapped around his waist. It’s snug around the bottom of his graphic t-shirt, a tight-fitting dark green color with brown and gold designs across it. Leo is a few steps ahead of him, his belt in one hand, held high above his head. His Philadelphia Phillies jersey is open, a red plain red t-shirt underneath. They reach the ring and walk up the steel stairs, climbing through the ropes and meeting the waiting Ben Hardy, microphone in hand. The music fades and the crowd continues screaming. Leo is more obliged to entertain them, climbing a turnbuckle and holding his strap up for the crowd to see. “First and foremost,” Ben begins as Leo returns to the center of the ring, “I’d like to congratulate you on your victory at Genesis and your winning of the Tag Team Titles.” The crowd cheers again. “Luke… first thoughts after your first Genesis, your first title, and the biggest win of your young career?” “Thanks for the congratulations… from you and the fans. And well, Ben… I haven’t been so much of a talker since my debut. That was intentional. I’m not the kind of person who assumes everyone wants to hear what I have to say. I know that your average fan isn’t going to listen to your typical rookie. But after a few months of gaining your attention and earning your cheers… after defeating TKO and taking their Tag Titles in their first defense… and after making the biggest impact at Genesis… I think we’ve earned our time to talk,” Luke says, glancing at his brother. Leo nods in approval. “And I think we earned these titles in an earnest fashion that more people on this roster need to take note of. I’m proud of this accomplishment, and we’re ready to continue taking this federation by storm and taking this gold to new heights.” Ben nods, agreeing with Luke’s assessment. The interviewer turns to Leo. “What’s it feel like to come in and support your brother, and after just a few short months, capture the Tag Titles from one of the most dominant teams in SWF history?” “This is one of those questions that everyone already knows the answer to,” Leo says with a smirk. “But besides the obvious response of it being wonderful, exhilarating, and a testament to our tenacity and skills… I’m going to add that doing what we had to do… was quite sad…” Leo trails off and listens to the confusion coming from the crowd. Ben pulls his microphone away from Leo and asks, “Sad? What’re you getting at?” Ben jolts when Leo grabs the microphone before it gets to his face. “It’s not sad for us, Ben,” Leo says, turning away from him and his brother and looking out over the crowd. “My brother and I are ecstatic. It’s sad for the fans. Years ago, when I was winning championships in the now defunct Junior League, I was fighting to get to something big. As large and competitive as the Junior League was, it wasn’t the place to be. This was the place to be.” Leo stops and leans against a turnbuckle, still facing the crowd. His brother and Ben Hardy watch him thoughtfully. “Then I left. I settled down, I started a family, and I told myself it would be years until I came back and took this place by storm.” Leo’s calmness has brought to crowd to near silence. “However… as a fan, instead of watching this company flourish, I watched it buckle underneath itself. We have a General Manager and Commissioner who just so happen to be two of the most decorated competitors to ever wrestle in this ring. I respect the hell out of both of them, and they’ve kept this place afloat… but it seems to me like their own one-upmanship and personality clashes are preventing them from performing some pretty essential and simple duties.” Luke walks over and puts his hand on his brother’s shoulder, turning him around. He says something to him, but Leo shakes his head and passes him, back to the center of the ring. “When my brother was beaten in an unprovoked, violent attack, what was done? Nothing! That’s when I came to this federation to make sure my baby brother had someone to back him up. But still… TKO’s strength in numbers and malicious behavior was too much. After more attacks, injured arms, and a tiger driver onto a car that could have been career-ending… what was done? NOTHING!” Leo’s tone is angry now. He’s pacing back and forth. “The men who run this company would have let TKO get away with murder if my brother didn’t turn his World Title shot into a Tag Title shot at Genesis. I know this is a wrestling company, and there’s not the kind of swift justice you’d see in other places. But God damn, a line has to be drawn! So we drew it with a little bit of help. We quite literally put Natasha into custody. We swiftly ended TKO’s title reign, and I doubt they’ll be in our hair anytime soon.” The crowd finally lets out a loud cheer after these last few sentences. “I feel bad for you fans that had to suffer through the likes of TKO. I know you’ve seen too many people beaten for no good reason. There are rookies that probably don’t want the opportunity to prove themselves in the ring because, as my brother and I experienced firsthand, there’s too much that goes on outside the ring. And I apologize if my training didn’t involve beating people with weapons and using cars or cement in place of a wrestling ring. My brother and I are pure athletes. Hell, we’re pure champions. Leo lifts his belt in the air and the crowd cheers louder. “And I’ll be damned if you fans have to suffer through more of the same… more TKOs. I don’t know much about the guys who won a shot at our titles, but I want them to be worthy. I don’t want another TKO. I want to be CHALLENGED… in a RING… by WRESTLERS.” Leo stops and turns to look at Ben. He stands a few feet away, staring at him. “So that’s how I feel about our victory, Ben. I feel that The Breslins are now established in this federation. I feel that people are going to take us seriously because they know that if they push, we’ll push back harder. I feel that at least the tag team division of this federation has taken a much needed turn for the better. And I feel that the other divisions will be ready and waiting for us.” Eliciting another cheer from the crowd, Leo tosses the microphone towards Ben. He catches it against his chest, some muffled noises coming from the speakers as he fumbles it. Leo moves to a corner and leans against it casually. Once the microphone is back in the right place, Ben turns towards Luke. “That was convincing,” he says, pausing. “This help that your brother mentioned… the knock on your locker room door at Genesis… the ace you seem to have up your sleeve… who’s in The Breslins’ corner?” Luke grins as Ben slides the microphone close to his mouth. “You didn’t recognize that voice at Genesis, Ben?” Ben looks confused, his eyebrows furrowed. “How about you, Funyon?” Luke turns and looks down at the ring announcer. Funyon shakes his head and bends the corners of his lips downward. “Suicide King? Mak Francis?” They look at one another and shake their heads at different tempos. “Funny… you should all know him.” “Who is it?” Ben asks eagerly. “Now I don’t want to take all the fun out of it, Ben,” Luke replies. “Don’t worry though. When it’s necessary, you’ll all find out. And you won’t be disappointed. And these…” Luke trails off as he points at the title around his waist. Leo pulls away from the corner, holding his title up in the same fashion as before. “…These are thanks to him.” Luke turns from Ben Hardy and walks towards the ropes, his brother close behind. They step onto the apron as “Knights of Cydonia” starts again. The crowd cheers enthusiastically as their new champions walk up the ramp, signaling their thanks and finally exiting.

The pyro ignites as the SWF makes its presence felt in the Disneo-Christian compound of Orlando, Florida, at the home studio of... "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Orlando, Florida, for SWF AftershoxXx! This is Mak Francis and the Suicide King, and we're looking at a great show tonight!" "Damn, this is creepy, Francis. We're sitting at the same table as..." "That's right, King!" Mak cuts in quickly to avoid naming the Elephant in the Arena, so to speak. "While we may not have a card to match Genesis, we will have some incredible action and we're certain to hear from some of the biggest names in the SWF!" "I wonder if these poor bastards here will even know how to react to wrestling show? It's not like these Floridiots have seen one in...what, 20 years, Francis?" "King, please, we're here to try and win people over, not talk down to them!" "How can I avoid talking down to them, Francis? I can't speak 'Hooting Idiot.'" Suddenly, the studio's lights drop into a dark flicker as a lonely bell tolls, being followed by the opening crescendo of rock that is Metallica's "For Whom the Bell Tolls." The lights strobe with blues and whites as the Smarktron's video display heralds the entrance of the Mad Scientist of the Mat, Michael Alexander! As he steps out onto the stage, he shakes his head dismissively to the crowd. Even the audience in Orlando can understand this universal gesture of heeldom and they are not so far gone that they can't react accordingly. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "Michael Alexander is here! Maybe tonight won't be such a waste, Francis!" "The Evil Genius is here, and I for one am going be really interested in what he's got to say about his performance at Genesis, King." Michael Alexander rolls into the ring and calls for the microphone. "As you may have guessed, I've got something to say tonight. I spell that out for you because I know that you are all accustomed to having things verbally bludgeoned into your heads, given the normal inhabitants of this studio..." "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "Looks like Alexander is still able to ingratiate himself to the crowd, King," Mak says sarcastically. "He doesn't need to get these people on his side, Francis. Why would he? These people probably can't even read his T-shirt (available now at SWF.com) with a dictionary and a tutor." The Evil Genius continues his lecture. "Now, I'm sure at least some of you have attention spans longer than 2 weeks, so you know the result of the Main Event at Genesis." "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" "And that result was a loss for Michael Alexander - Va'aiga is still the SWF World Champion! That's got to drive him crazy, King!" "A man like Michael Alexander doesn't let one setback get to him like that, Francis. All Va'aiga did was avoid the complete humiliation of losing a belt that he had only just won." Michael Alexander smirks to the hooting crowd. "Va'aiga, I've got to congratulate you. You managed to beat me. It galls me to admit it. But you know as well as I do that one match isn't the end of this project I've begun. You see, I want to show you something. You all might call this a breakthrough...I know I do. Roll the tape." The Smarktron lights up to display footage from Genesis. The footage shows Va'aiga applying a figure four leglock to Alexander, clipped into the Maori's second attempt at the figure four, which Alexander countered with a small package. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Alexander nods indulgently and condescendingly to the crowd. "Yes, you should cheer for that. Unfortunately, you really have no idea why you should - but don't worry, I'm going to enlighten you. You see, VA'AIGA ACTUALLY APPLIED A WRESTLING HOLD. He didn't just stomp, punch or lariat. He WRESTLED. An amazing breakthrough for the Maori. The first step in the Maori's redemption has been achieved and now we just..." Suddenly, the loud shouts of Pacifika Hip Hop star Savage ring out across the arena, cutting off the Mad Scientist's pedantry... PITO SUTE AKILAGI! (IT'S THE REEEEMIIIIIX!) It ain't good, it ain't good 'cos you'll get jumped in my hood! PITO SUTE AKILAGI! (SAVAGE!) It ain't good, it ain't good 'cos you'll get jumped in my hood! I'm hearin' you still talkin' that shit but none of your actions here are speakin' to me, I'm talkin' it, walkin' it, my stompin' style will stop your movements, Hold up who's this? Still leavin' you with cuts and bruises, So stop your bullshit before I rock your face with a pool stick The Maori Badass stomps out onto the stage with the SWF World Heavyweight Title draped over his shoulder. He tosses the Shaka sign to the crowd with a resounding "BOO-YAH!" for accompaniment. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" "Cut my music!" The Maori begins to stalk his way to the ring as he brings up his own mike. "That was pretty good editing, chump. How about we play a little Lariat...followed by me spiking your fat head into the mat and pinning your unconscious carcass? Or maybe the part where you stagger around like a drunken frat boy after I damn near kicked your f*cking head off?" Michael Alexander's face shows a flash of anger, but he manages to force his smirk back into place as the Maori clambers into the ring. "I'm glad you were paying attention, Va'aiga. Unfortunately, you seem to have missed the point, just like all these simpletons. You see, Va'aiga, you couldn't get the job done with your blandly banal brawling. You did hit me with your lariat, one of the most feared strikes in professional wrestling. Twice. And it didn't work for you. As a matter of fact, it got you into the Gordian Knot more than once." "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The massive Maori gets in Alexander's face, shouting into the microphone. "You know, you keep talking like I'm not standing here with this belt over my shoulder! There's your proof right there...I got the job done, and that job I did was beating the sh*t out of you until you couldn't get those shoulders off the mat! Who left in a bloody mess that night? Why don't you roll THAT tape, KEFE?!" Alexander's smirk widens into his Cheshire grin. "There you go again, Va'aiga. You keep talking like you think this is over. I assure you, it's not. If you'll recall, I promised to teach you to wrestle. So far, I've think you've learned that your lariat crutch won't let you limp to victory every time. You've learned to apply one classic wrestling submission hold. Now, we can move past the preliminaries of your matriculation and start your true education..." "EDUCATION?" The Maori snarls into Alexander's face. "Next time you watch that tape, check the full version. 'Cuz as far as education goes I just got an A+ in 'Beating Michael Alexander's Miserable Ass 101'. And you're welcome to find out that I got the skills to pass an advanced class." The Mad Scientist snorts derisively. "I can see we might have farther to go with your instruction than I thought, Va'aiga..." "Maybe I need to give YOU some more lessons in BLEEDING, *SSHOLE!" Va'aiga growls. Before things can descend into violence, everyone is suddenly subjected to a 1980s flashback as Stan Bush's "The Touch" rolls out of the speakers. You've got the touch! YOU'VE GOT THE POOOOWEEEEEER! YEEEAAAH! After all is said and done You never walk you never run YOU'RE A WINNER! You got the moves, you know the streets Break the rules, take the heat YOU'RE NOBODY'S FOOL! You're at your best when when the goin' gets rough You've been put to the test, but it's never enough... Both men in the ring look toward the ramp, clearly irritated with being interrupted. Thoth steps out onto the stage, with Nathaniel Kibagami in tow. Thoth is carrying a microphone, because Kibagami's hands are occupied with a cigarette and a flask of something of uncertain, yet clearly potent, alcoholic content. "Hey. Hey. You two," he starts to stammer. “Hey. Hey. Hey. You're idiots.” "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The crowd isn't a fan of this kind of talk. Michael Alexander speaks. “Who the hell do you-” Thoth cuts in. "-Shut up idiots." Pause. Beat. “I don't mean to interrupt your tee-hee tickle party, but when I see giant talking penis #1 and giant talking penis #2 interrupt my breathing time, I get a little on edge.” Kibagami nods in agreement, and takes another swig from his flask of questionable provenance. “Look at Nathaniel here. Jackhole is on his... what is that, your fifth Adios Motherfucker? Va'aiga, have you ever had an Adios Motherfucker?” "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Va'aiga points violently at Thoth. "Let me throw a couple of things out here Thoth. Point one - The Maori don't drink. Point two - Maybe you ought to ask your accomplice about the time I broke his f*cking neck and put him on the shelf for TWO YEARS before you flap your gums in my direction. I entered wrestling for one reason only. To kick people's a*sses. And this piece of gold here shows I've been doing my job, yet all I'm hearing is disrespect. Disrespect from someone you need to find an ancient history textbook to find when he was badass. Disrespect from a walking whiskey still. Disrespect from someone who tried to take my title away on his home turf and came up short. Alexander," the Maori turns back to stab his finger toward the Evil Genius. "You consider me an 'experiment'? The only experiment going on is how many times your head can get driven to the canvas without leaving you paralyzed." "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Kibagami cheers mindlessly too, possibly... unaware that the man in the ring did terrible things to him? Michael raises his microphone to speak. “Hey buttslut, I wasn't done with you.” The voice coming out the microphone is not his, but Thoth's. “I asked you a question. Now you are going to answer it. And since I know your ooka-ooka-aka-aka brain can't even remember the last time you drank out of the toilet, I won't bother asking you again. Suffice it to say, maybe alcohol would somehow IMPROVE your brain function.” Va'aiga rushes up towards the ropes and leans on them, fire in his eyes. “You are god-damn lucky that I'm not willing to turn my back on this punk-ass, or I would tear your shit apart!” He turns back to Michael. “Any time you want to get hurt, my man... come on.” Michael Alexander snarls back. "Va'aiga, I can see this is going to be a long, tortuous process. Rest assured, this experiment has only begun..." He points then to Thoth. "Thoth, I know you've got history and apparently need an escort, but I'd advise you not to get in my way. It would be a shame for your return to end unceremoniously with a long-term schedule of physical therapy." Thoth blinks. He raises his microphone, slowly, cautiously. “Michael Alexander, have you ever measured the length of your own cock?” The crowd is dumbfounded. “King... what in the hell is Thoth trying to do here?” asks Mak Francis. Alexander blinks in surprise, but his arrogance is sheer instinct. “I'll leave such things to those insecure enough to need affirmation. If that was a proposition, Thoth, if you swing that way, and that's your business if you do-” “Look, Michael, I'm gonna cut you off right there,” interjects Thoth. “If you're trying to insinuate that I have sex with men, I'm afraid that's just not true. I mean, every time I might even think about it, Kibagami has already nailed a guy in the ass. I mean, on the way to the arena here, he fucked, like... eight guys. I mean, eight... hundred guys.” Thoth takes a moment to look at his partner; Kibagami laughs into his drink, possibly completely oblivious to anything that anyone has said out here. “But look, Michael, if you had ever measured your cock, you would know something. That something is that your cock is nowhere near long enough for you to beat me in the ring.” His jovial tone starts to lower. “Let me be serious for a moment, Michael Alexander. I have wrecked many, many lives in the course of my career. You're no different than any other human being that ever breathed air. When the time comes, neither you-” then, pointing to Va'aiga, “or you, can stop me. Maybe I want the World Title again. Maybe... I don't. But gentlemen, for the love of god, stop embarassing yourselves. Another fight between you two? The last thing our paying fans want to see is a rematch of two dorks trying to dork around in the ring. I'm off to find something... a little more interesting.” Thoth turns to leave as both Michael Alexander and Va'aiga start to come out the ring, shouting at him and Kibagami. "Well, that was certainly interesting, King. Obviously, Michael Alexander still believes he's got something to settle with Va'aiga." "Of course he has something to settle. He told you he was going to teach the Maori to wrestle. But Thoth's involvement adds a pretty interesting wrinkle to things. And what is Thoth talking about? He doesn't want the world title? What could possibly be more important that the World Championship, Francis?" "I don't know, King. Thoth's been away a long time. Nobody knows why he's back or what his agenda is, and he didn't clear anything up tonight, other than that he might be really gay or something, some kind of creepy." "What I want to know is, what bet did he lose to end up with that music?" "Music is the least of what's coming involving these three, King." "I mean, did he bet on the Patriots or something?" "Enough, King! We've got a match to get to..."

"We are coming to you from Soundstage number 21 in Universal Studios!" declares Mak Francis. "From deep in the heart of the Sunshine State of Florida, this is AfterShoxXx! He's King, I'm Mak, and partner, we're still feeling the after-effects of Genesis IX. The World champion Va'aiga holds onto his title against Michael Alexander; we've got NEW Tag Team champions in the form of the Breslin Brothers and we saw the return of none other than Thoth!" "Bienvenido a Orlando, Makaroni!" replies Suicide King, doing a masterful job of ignoring everything that his colleague has just said. "We're in sunny Florida, the weather is awesome and I saw more white bikinis and lower back tattoos than I can count! I got my case of Coronita by my side, and I see you've pimped out your wheelchair with flowers. While that couldn't be any GAYER, I'm still PUMPED about the outcome of Genesis Number 9, Number 9, Number 9, little Beatles reference there, considering who's about to come out... Tonight we're gonna hear from everybody who's anybody, and I can't wait!" "That and more, plus some scheduled matches tonight." adds Mak. "The next of which, like you said, is just about to get underway. It's The Sensational Academy going up against the Wrestling Clinic!" ... "Ladies and gentlemen, this is AftershoxXx and this is the opening contest. A tag team bout, set for ONE fall!" begins Funyon, who despite the warm southern weather, will not be seen without his swank three-piece suit with a name that's Italian for "You can't afford me". 'Don't Believe The Hype' begins thumping out through the sound system as the tourist masses begin to lightly cheer, just like they've been instructed to do by the tour guides. The spotlights eventually dance around and light up the main entrance way. "Introducing first," begins Funyon. "Hailing from England, at a total combined weight of 554 lbs: the team of Panic and Danny Meadows: The Sensationaaaaaalllll Academyyyyyy!" The large man known as Panic marches out to the ring while his smaller partner known as Danny Meadows saunters out a few feet behind him; definitely happy to get some time in front of the cameras. In the worst display of chemistry since bacon bits and paint remover, the two can't even agree on who gets to use the ring steps first. Danny Meadows manages to bully his way up first, clambering up the steps and into the ring. This allows Panic to throw out one last "YYYEAAAH!" to the crowd before following suit and rejoining his partner in the ring. The Public Enemy anthem fades out, which allows another recognizable yet entirely different classic in the form of 'Helter Skelter' by The Beatles. "And their opponents." pursues the announcer. "From Toronto, Ontario, Canada; at a total combined weight of 522 lbs: Daniel Smith, and Tod James Stuart: The G! T! A! Fight Team!!" "It hasn't been a great month for Smith and Stuart, King." observes Mak Francis. "Unfortunately coming out on the losing end back at Genesis IX. Ben Hardy actually caught up with them just a little while ago..." We flash back to Moments Earlier, as so helpfully pointed out by the small graphic in the corner. The pair of Canadians stand alongside Ben Hardy back at the interview area. "Tod Stuart, Dan Smith." begins Hardy. "I would be remiss if I didn't mention your luck not exactly being what you'd hope for-..." "Just say it." interrupts Tod Stuart, with a moreless annoyed demeanor painting his face. "...What?" asks Hardy. "I know it's on your mind and you're just dying to tell the world, Ben! Remind them of what is so fairly obvious!" "...Erm. I'd rather not." "That's okay. It's not the first time I've gotten this type of comment, if you will. I'm used to it!" says Stuart. "Well--," begins Hardy. "We're not exactly making our countrymen proud, are we?" interrupts Stuart once again. "We suck!!" "...I-I didn't want to say it out loud." stammers Hardy. "Because he's, like, standing three feet behind me." We pan the camera over a few feet to see Daniel Smith pacing around. A ticking timebomb ready to go off at a moment's notice. The glare he sends Ben Hardy's way is more than enough to make the interviewer squirm in his Doc Martens. "That's the smartest decision you've made today, Benjamin. Our record hasn't been exactly lighting the SWF on fire, has it?" continues Stuart. "We had the chance of a lifetime, a shot at those tag team titles within our grasp. All we had to do was get past SIN and Tracey Bruner. Unfortunately, our NYC opponents had the advantage of SIN being just a little stronger and Bruner being TOO GODDAMN FAT! Therefore, we lost." he says, massaging a pain shooting through his ribs at the thought of the team that got the best of them. "And we're pissed. Not because they beat us. Because we took them for granted. So instead of dwelling, we're gonna go forward. Maybe even skip a few steps. Go on guys. Get your shot at the belts. Just know that we're not far behind. Whether it's you guys, or the Breslins. Doesn't matter. We want our shot. And we'll get our shot. In the meantime... I think Dan's ready to go beat up a fat guy." ... Back to present, and the GTA Fight Team have already made their way into the ring. Judging from their demeanor, they seem to have forgone their usual routine of stopping to acknowledge the cheering crowd that greets them; opting for a more direct march to the ring. Referee Brian Warner even has to restrain them from their overzealous attempt to get this match started early. For their part, Panic and Meadows can't even come to an agreement as to who will get to start the match. Warner comes over in order to remind them that he needs one on the apron, but this proves no more successful than his earlier attempt at enforcing his authority. The Academy's decision is soon made for them as Daniel Smith arrives from seemingly nowhere and PLOWS into Panic with a clothesline that propulses the large wrestler out to the floor! Before Danny Meadows can react, Tod Stuart is immediately on him with a series of hard forearms to the side of the head! Smith quickly follows Panic to the outside in order to further neutralize him by tossing him into the nearby guard rail. Left with no other options, Brian Warner orders the opening bell to be rung. "The Fight Team's coming out strong in the opening seconds of this bout!" notes Mak. "Like they said, they're not too happy about their defeat at Genesis and one would think that they're planning to take it out on the Sensational Academy." "Yes." concurs King. "One being you and ONLY you, genius. I see a team doing their best not only to climb their way back up the ladder, but they want to rocket back up there and step on a few heads along the way if that's possible. It's true that we don't have the deepest tag team division around, but the Fight Team will be damned if they'll be left at the bottom of the rankings." Before Danny Meadows can realize what hit him, Stuart already has him Irish whipped to the opposite set of ropes. Rearing back, he immediately knocks him down with a hard clothesline! Wasting no time, Stuart brings the Englishman up to his feet, only to reintroduce him to the canvas with a snapmare takedown. Quickly sensing the theme for the evening, Danny Meadows realize that he's about to have a long night, as barely two seconds go by before he can enjoy his seated comfort. Tod Stuart has leapt off his feet and blasts Meadows with a low dropkick to the back of the head! Rather than opt for a pincover, Stuart brings Meadows up to his feet once again. He traps him in a controlling front facelock and backs away to his corner, where Daniel Smith awaits with a slap to the back. Brian Warner confirms it as a tag as the larger Canadian enters the fray. Both men now back Meadows into their corner, making sure to spot Panic still on the mat crawling to his own corner. Using a powerful double Irish whip, Meadows is forcefully introduced to his corner, colliding hard back first. Dan gets ready to charge after him, but first waits for Tod to hop on his back. Once he's secured in position, Dan dashes forward and crashes into Danny Meadows with a corner splash with extra weight! Stuart then clambers down from his partner in order to peel off Meadows with a short Irish whip, right into a hard Smith clothesline! Completing the sequence they've dubbed the McSorley Special; Smith grabs hold of his partner and easily lifts him up in an atomic drop. After positionning himself, he drops Stuart into an elevated back splash onto Danny Meadows! Stuart retreats to his corner while Smith applies a lateral press. Brian Warner swoops into position. "One!" "Two!!" Try as he might, Danny Meadows manages to will his shoulder up to the skies. The display of courage soon amounts to nothing as Smith easily lifts him back to his feet with another controlling head hold. He reaches his arm behind him, allowing Tod James Stuart to tag back in. Making full use of their alloted time together in the ring, the Canadians proceed with a double Irish whip to the ropes. They bend down in unison in hopes of a double high back body drop, but Meadows has the move well-scouted. He quickly puts on the brakes and sends a sweeping kick to the shoulder that briefly stuns Daniel Smith! He throws a mighty swing of the fist towards Stuart's head, but the Canadian ducks and traps the Englishman in a rear waistlock. Giving him no time to combat the hold, Stuart drives the back of Meadows' head into the mat with a German suplex! Maintaining the hold, he rolls to his side and back up to his feet; adding a SECOND suplex to his opponent. Still holding onto the quivering English mass, Tod has Meadows up to his feet once again and lifts him up for a THIRD German, this time Daniel Smith appears behind him and catches Meadows' head in a neckbreaker! "Just as Danny Meadows Rides The Rocket, I know I'm repeating myself." says Mak. "But I look at Toxxic's guys and I don't really like their chances tonight." "Sure, this appears to be a cakewalk for them right now," adds King. "but under no circumstances can a team like these guys get overconfident. This is what happened and the result was Tracey Bruner sitting on top of Tod Stuart's ribs for the 1-2-3 in under 10 minutes." While Smith has gone back to his corner, Stuart quickly regains his feet and opts for waiting for his opponent to do the same rather than attempt a pinfall, somewhat going against Suicide King's advice. "This is what I'm saying!" continues King. "They got their man down on the mat, and he's there counting the hairs on Danny's back. He needs to be extremely careful if he doesn't want this to bite him and the team in the ass." Waiting with hands on knee and adding the international 'Come on, get up' gesture. After a few long seconds, Meadows is finally up... and will quickly go back down. Locking him in a Burning Hammer hold and cradling his head, Stuart sweeps Meadows' legs out from under him and RAMS the back of his skull into the mat! "I love saying it because it gets on your nerves," declares Mak Francis. "But Danny Meadows is experiencing a little Brain Go Splat! That's Tod's signature move and I don't think Meadows is getting up from this one! The cover!" "One!" "Two!" "Thre--Hey!!" Amazingly, the three count does NOT occur. Because Brian Warner barely has time to get out of the way of Panic and his lunging forearm blow on Stuart's back, breaking the pin! While Panic gets warned back to his corner, Stuart quickly walks over to tag his partner Daniel back in. The larger Canadian picks up the severely dazed Danny Meadows and contemplates just what he can do to him next. And just when it looks like he's made up his mind, he casually shoves Danny's carcass back into his own corner, having only eyes for the 300 lbs man that awaits. Panic initially looks on in puzzlement, but eventually takes the hint that he has to tag his semi-conscious partner. But his waffling and inexperience are his biggest detriments; because just as soon as there is enough physical contact to constitute a legal tag between the Academy guys, Daniel Smith has both of his hands around Panic's neck. In an impressive display of strength, Smith biels the larger man over the ropes and introduces him by force to the canvas! Panic doesn't have time to reel from the attack as Smith quickly strains to get him back up to his feet, capture him by the head and legs... and toss him down to the mat with a bodyslam! Panic, a man not used to being knocked down like this, does his best to instinctively regain his footing. But this is for naught as he suddenly feels Daniel Smith wrap his arms around his chest and near-leg. The end result is an impressive T-Bone suplex on the 312 lbs man! Smith can't help but unleash a deep mighty roar to the Orlando crowd, who returns the gesture with an impressed cheer. "If I were the Breslins, or the NYC, or TKO; I would definitely take notice of this." begins Mak calmly. "Daniel Smith is usually a calm and reserved individual." begins Mak Francis. "He doesn't take kindly to things not going his way for him or his team. At Genesis, things did NOT go as planned for the Fight Team! And this is the end result: Daniel Smith, at 6'5", 285, IS THROWING AROUND A 300 LBS MAN LIKE HE WAS A CHILD!" "Well, THAT analysis was about five seconds too long." scoffs Suicide King. "Despite your taking your sweet time getting to the point, I have to agree. We've only just begun to witness Dan Smith's potential, and I feel bad for the poor son of a bitch that'll stand in his way when he finds out just how good he truly is." Like the proverbial turtle on its back, Panic can do no more than stumble around and try to regain his footing; obviously not used to being manhandled in such a manner. To follow this up, Dan Smith can only do one thing... and that is tag his partner back in. Tod Stuart does a quick hop over the top rope and into the ring, landing behind the form of Panic. And he immediately goes into his arms out pose, signaling only one thing. "The GTA Fight Team have dominated this entire match, and now Tod James Stuart looks to finish things off with the Silent Scream!" notes Mak. While Smith patiently looks on in a corner, Panic has managed to regain a knee. But this proves too little too late, as Stuart has crept up behind him; and locks in the Silent Scream! While not quite able to wrap the larger man in a body scissors, Stuart collapses to the canvas anyway all while furiously squeezing at the hold. In a last ditch effort, Danny Meadows staggers in for the save; but a heavy forearm shot to the jaw courtesy of Daniel Smith puts an end to his evening. With the blood flow being interrupted and the air rapidly leaving his lungs; lest he risk passing out, Panic has no choice but to finally tap out. "Ring the bell!! orders Brian Warner. As 'Helter Skelter' fires up in triumphant fashion, Stuart holds onto the Scream a second longer and finally releases the hold while Funyon makes it official. "The winners of this contest, by submission: The G! T! A! Fight Team!!" Tod Stuart and Dan Smith have no problems getting their hands raised by the referee, but they can't help but feeling a little upset that they couldn't have demonstrated the same kind of fire and determination back at Genesis. Such are the hardships of life in this crazy business we call professional wrestling. The team now looks forward, to the future. Uncertain for most, but both men have their own idea. Which Stuart is only too happy to explain to the ringside camera that catches a shot of the victors. "Luke! Leo!" says a slightly out of breath Tod, over the crowd noise and his team's music playing. "Nothing but respect for you guys... But enjoy those belts... And good luck against SIN and Bruner. You're gonna need it! Just know, that we won't be too far... Let's go." concludes Tod, to his partner. "If the slaughter we just witnessed wasn't enough, Tod Stuart has just basically spelled it out for us: they want the Tag Team titles! And they'll do whatever they have to do to get another shot at them!" clarifies Mak Francis. "The search for glory can be a cruel endeavor, Perry Mason." warns Suicide King. "Tod James Stuart has admitted being on a quest for some self-respect after his stint in 2003. But if anything can corrupt the noblest soul, it's the chase for the gold. I hope he taught this to his partner and student because sometimes, championship gold can shine so bright that you miss out on so many things. These two need to be careful in the coming months..." "We got so much more coming up." adds Mak, seamlessly moving onto a segue. "This is the aftermath of Genesis IX! This is AfterShoxXx!" ...

A Day in the Life: Taiga Star. 10:30 AM The alarm goes off in Taiga's room. The radio, tuned into the local news station. A hand reaches out from under a pile of blankets on the floor. It reaches up onto the milk crate, not to turn it off, but to turn it up. More movement from the blankets reveals a bleary eyed and tangled-hair Taiga Star. She sits up wincing. Like most wrestlers, Taiga is in pain when she wakes up. It takes her some minutes before she sits up again. Stretching and grunting, she makes it to her feet. She bends forward and touches her toes. She bends as far back as she can. A strip of ghastly white flab is seen between her shirt and pink Care Bear pajama pants. A pile of clean clothes on the floor is picked through and items are chosen; underwears, dark jeans, and t-shirt cut into a tanktop, bearing the logo of some random indy beer company no longer in business. She unlocks the door and it is then we notice how small the room is, jail cell sized, holding a thin futon matress on the floor, the milk crate, a small school desk with an attached chair, and a pile of clothes on the floor. She walks down the hall just to discover that there's already a line at the bathroom. Ugh, she says to herself, I've got to get a new place. 12:00 NOON Inside Taiga's real home, her beloved pickup truck, Taiga is driving while eating. Technically her breakfast, consisting of trashy Krystal hamburgers and an extra-large, extra-strong coffee. http://www.urbanhonking.com/truefan/archiv...%20Krystals.jpg "Yeah, I know these things are horrible. And they totally don't help my ulcer. I usually get something decent to eat at the arena." Taiga is talking to the camera, but if the camera was not there, she would be talking to herself. Like uaual. "Yes, I talk to myself a lot. But at least I know what I'm talking about." She swerves to avoid a little old lady pulling out of a side street. "Usually, anyway." Taking a turn leads her down a bumpy country road. Eventually she comes upon a house, a little run-down house tucked away in the corner of a long-overgrown wheat field. She parks the truck and jumps out, taking her coffee with her. She knocks on the door, and it is answered by an older black man, long dark grey dreads spill from a colourful rasta hat. "Hello Missus Star! It alway' nice to see you!" he greets her in a musical, Jamaican-tinged accent, inviting her into the house. The camera goes to follow her but she stops him. "No, sorry. You're going to have to wait in the truck." 1:00 PM The door of the house opens, releasing a billowing purple cloud of smoke. Several people emerge; the older dreadlocked man, an equally as dark order woman, wearing an African-style caftan and hat. Taiga follows suit. Behind her are others, people of all sorts of shades of Caribbean sun-kissed skin. All are laughing and smiling, all have bloodshot squinty eyes. Hugs are exchanged between Taiga and all the members of the household before skipping back to her truck. Opening the door, the bright green and burnt smell reach the camera boy. He sighs, slightly concerned about his safety as Taiga turns the truck around and heads back toward civilization. 2:30 PM After a safe trip, the truck pulls into the parking lot of the {censored} arena, parking in the back. Taiga emerges, stretching after the long drive. She grabs her purple and black Hello Kitty duffel bag with her, locks the doors, and makes her way to the arena. The large overhead door is open, letting in the cool autumn air. Taiga walks to her locker room, unlocks the door, dumps her bag, and locks the door again. Next she is in the cafeteria, eating the decent meal she promised earlier. White meat chicken, rice, green beans, carrots, a salad, three meatballs, vegetable and barely stew, a slice of olive and mushroom pizza, and a brownie; washed down with a large amount of tap water. 4:00 PM Taiga is standing, facing a tall, rather large man. Fat, okay, a rather fat man. Fatter than Taiga by at least three times. And did we mention taller? Tall enough that his face is off camera. "So, you got that?" An answer is heard in a Mexican-accented voice. "What about the tacos?" "You'll get your tacos, after the match. After you do what we agreed on." Taiga thinks for a moment. "Are you sure you don't just want the money? You can buy whatever you want then. Burritos, fajitas, guacamole..." "Tacos." "Okay, okay. You will have them after the match. Oh, and one more thing..." Taiga reaches into her pocket, producing a generic, dark green satin wrestling mask. "Keep this. You'll need it later." "Tonight?" "No, not tonight. But I plan on needing your help again, and when I do, you'll need this." 6:30 PM "I should probably just live in my locker room." Taiga muses to herself, sitting on the floor, her laptop on the bench in front of her. "Here, at least, I have my own bathroom. And shower." Indeed, her hair is wrapped in a towel, and she is wearing a purple fuzzy robe. Checking emails, Spaces, journals and boards, Taiga taps away at the keys. She sighs. "Damn smarks." 8:30 PM After a brisk workout, consisting of stretching, weight lifting, and dancing like a spaz to thrash metal, Taiga is back in her locker room. She is somewhat in her gear, black singlet over a somewhat lacy black bra, and cut off camouflage pants. Rainbow striped toe socks adorn her feet. Reaching into her bag, she removes a black tank top and slips it on over her head. The camera catches a glimpse of the scars on her forehead. They are almost as bad as the scars on her knuckles. She smiles. "I'm getting paid to let you guys follow me around all day... and... I'm getting paid to beat the shit out of someone I don't like." She turns to the camera. "It's a good day." 9:30 PM Standing behind the curtain, Taiga is in all her gear. Big boots, kneepads, wrist guards. She is whispering, not wanting to be heard by the surrounding workers, or her opponent, who stands not too far away. The only thing separating them is a stack of crates and a handful of security guys. "See, I'm up for the {censored} Undisputed title. But honestly? I could give a shit less. I'm out here for a fight. You all know how much I hate X-Punk. Our hate runs deep, and it runs far. Not a surprise for anyone." A wrestler and a lady come through the curtain, followed by another wrestler whose back is pricked with thumbtacks, being assisted by a referee. A man wearing a headset comes over to Taiga and tells her that she has two minutes. "One more thing... X-Punk is going to be in for a surprise tonight. In fact, the entire {censored} is going to be in for a shock. Just wait and see." She starts running in place, warming up for the match that lies ahead of her. "Oh, you have to go. You can't follow me out there. You know, legal bullshit. Buh-bye!" She waves to the camera for effect. 10:20PM Taiga is smiling wide, obviously extremely happy after her match. "See, it all went off perfectly, without a hitch." She unfastens her wrist guards. "And I was right, everyone was shocked. Including Pat. He made a match for the next {censored} pay per view. Me versus X-Punk versus some other jobbers that I'm not going to bother to mention. With a special enforcer." Taiga unties and unlaces her boots, making quick work of the labyrinth of laces. Next off come the kneepads, deep red lines show where the Neoprene and plastic dug into her skin. "This special enforcer is someone who I've hated, since way before I started in this fed. He also hates me, but that should be obvious. That..." she gets quiet, "that might be a problem." "Now, get out of here while I get dressed." 11:00PM After getting her pay, discussing future bookings, gathering her things, and locking her locker room, Taiga exits the arena into the black of night. A few fans are waiting, autograph seekers, wanting a fleeing moment with one of their favourite wrestlers. Lately, the crowd has been quite the bit smaller than in the past. Thus is how it is, when one turns against the fed. The camera and herself climb into the truck and drive off into the night. 12:30 AM Down a bumpy back road brings us to the little house in the field. Again she is greeted by musical, tropical voices and again the camera man stays in the truck. 1:30 AM Taiga walks down the hall at the boarding house, ready to get some much-needed sleep. She reaches her door to find the lock removed and replaced with a bright red padlock. Outside the door sits two big green garbage bags, filled with what appears to be all her belongings. "Fuck!" she shouts, kicking the wall. "I paid that old Chinese fucker two days ago!" She looks at her watch and stomps the ground in frustration. "Too late to go talk to him now. FUCK! Here, carry this." She hands one of the bags to the camera guy and she carries the other. Both bags are tossed into the bed of the truck. Taiga climbs into the driver's seat, but is stopped before she can close the door. "Are you going to be alright? Do you need a place to stay tonight?" This is the first time the camera man is heard speaking all day. Taiga stops for a second, perhaps surprised that someone gives a shit about her situation. "Nah, I'll be okay. Not the first time... not the last time. Another night in the truck, another morning at a truck stop, another day on the road." She closes the door and leans her head out of the window. "Story of my life." With that, the truck pulls off into the night. Thus ends A Day in the Life.

The house lights dim while the crackle of lightning and rumble of thunder interspersed with murmurs and incantations soon give way to distorted warbling, bringing the crowd to their feet. “Welcome back to SWF AftershoxXx from Universal Studios, Florida, where Legs Flamingo will be facing a newly revived Manson,” begins Mak, as Flamingo awaits in the ring. “Some sort of beast reawakened at Genesis and its name is Manson He’s taken care of Pete MacDougal and now Legs will be the next to face his wrath!” The madness soon segues into ‘God is God’ by Juno Reactor as strobes pulse and spotlights roam the arena, while smoke billows out over the stage. The shrouded Manson soon steps onto the scene heralding his arrival, a deluge of jeers and insults greeting him as he then makes down the ramp. “And now, hailing from Denver, Colorado, and weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty pounds… MMMAAAANNNNNSOOONNNNN!” His eyes dart left and right, frantically scanning the arena, before arriving ringside. He heads up the steps and enters through the ropes when the aluminum bat emerges from the open end of his cloak. Everyone inside retreats as Manson stomps about the ring with malicious intent and after surveying his surroundings, drops to his knees and crawls back toward his corner. He first discards the bat, letting it drop through the ropes and to the floor, then brushes back his hood as he stands, removes his mask and disrobes. He drops everything to the ground below, then crouches back down, ready to attack at any time. He anxiously rocks back and forth on his heels, waiting for the opening bell, when Flamingo steps back inside. ~ DING DING! ~ Kivell calls for the bell, and as soon as it sounds, the Messiah exits from his corner and heads straight for Flamingo! Legs avoids his brisk pursuit, dancing out of every attempt to grab him, but is soon roped into a tie up. Manson lands a short headbutt, breaking up the collar and elbow, then latches onto one of his arms to send him across the ring with an Irish whip. He goes for a high roundhouse on the rebound, ducked by Flamingo, but with his back to his foe, he comes back with a twisting enzuigiri to the side of the head! “Twisting kick to the side of the head, taking Flamingo down!” “Even this early on you can see he’s baiting Flamingo into everything he wants.” The Savage Messiah brings Flamingo up to his feet, immediately unleashing a chop to the chest, knocking him back a step. He follows with an elbow smash to the jaw, and with a grip on Flamingo’s shoulder-length hair, lands repeat shots to the face until Kivell manages to break his hold. With Manson distracted, Flamingo leaps and lands a single-leg dropkick to the face! However, while Legs closes in, he stands, lands a roundhouse to the ribs, spins and extends his arm, cracking Legs with a spinning backfist! “God Hand by Manson!” shouts Mak, as Flamingo again goes down. “His newly refined offense is giving Legs an answer to everything. You could say Flamingo doesn’t have a leg to stand on.” Manson heads for the ropes, bounces off and comes back with a wild Flashing Elbow, however, Flamingo rolls aside and avoids. He stands and jumps into the air, coming down with a single-leg stomp, driving the air out of the Raging Demon! Manson comes up, trying to catch his breath, as Flamingo locks in a facelock and drops him with a One Legged DDT! “Well, let’s not speak too soon, because he just dropped your boy!” “Hmph. It means nothing.” The Messiah comes up dazed, as Flamingo follows with a kick to the stomach. As Legs closes in, however, this sets Manson off, as he unleashes a closed fist to the jaw, rocking Flamingo. He follows with more closed rights and lefts, soon dropping Flamingo to the mat. He then mounts Flamingo, continuing his barrage, until Kivell has enough and manages to drag him off. Flamingo stands and Manson shoots in, sliding in underneath his arm, hooking him around the chest, then lifts and throws onto the back of his head with a uranage suplex! “Uranage suplex after an aggressive rush by Manson!” “There really aren’t many who can match up to him when he gets fired up like this.” “You’ve said he’s much calmer and less calmitous than before, and I guess it shows in some areas, but as they say, it’s those types you need to watch out for.” “Those angry, spur of the moment spurts will spell trouble for anyone, to be sure, as Flamingo just found out.” Flamingo comes up slow, and is met by Manson, who sends him into the aisle-side ropes. Meanwhile, Manson dashes toward the opposite side, comes back, and looks for the Iron Cutting Sword, which Flamingo ducks. However, as Flamingo runs through and hits the ropes, the Messiah follows and blasts him with the Killer Driller! He tumbles back, finding himself on the mat, as Manson goes for a cover. “The leaping knee finds its mark! This one may be over!” ‘ONE!!’ ‘TWO!!!’ ‘THRE--NOOOOOO!!!!!’ “KICKOUT!” “It wasn’t quite enough,” muses Francis, “as Flamingo kicks out of it.” “I’m surprised, maybe that attack of his isn’t up to snuff yet, if even he can kick out of it, but Flamingo is on the ropes.” Manson stands and hovers over Flamingo, before bringing him up by his hair, and driving a knee into his stomach, causing him to stumble back toward the top right corner of the ring. The Messiah closes in, but catches a counter kick to the face, dazing him for a moment and allowing Flamingo to reverse position. Flamingo begins landing kicks and knees to the legs and mid-section to a trapped Manson. He then attempts a whip to the opposite corner, which is reversed. As Manson follows behind, Flamingo hits the turnbuckle, but catches a heel to the face, as his opponent somersaults and lands a koppou kick! “Rolling Koppou into the corner by Manson!” As Flamingo barely hangs on to the top rope with the tips of his fingers, Manson heads to the apron with a handful of Flamingo’s hair in hand. He ascends the turnbuckle, keeping his hold on Legs, and gives and crowd a chilling slice of the throat with his thumb, then dives off the top, driving his knee into the back of Flamingo’s head as he lands! “DREAM KILLER!” “Now it’s OVER!” shouts Suicide King, while Manson goes into a cover. ‘ONE!!!!!’ ‘TWO!!!!!!!’ ‘THREE!!!!!!!!!’ ~ DING DING! ~ “Your winner,” booms Funyon, as Kivell raises Manson’s hand, “by pinfall… MMMAAAANNNNNSOOOONNNN!” ‘God is God’ begins, as Manson exits the ring and heads up the ramp, to the boos of the crowd, while Kivell checks on Flamingo in the center of the ring. “Another win in the books for Manson! He gets the job done with the Calf Branding. Rather, the Dream Killer, as he calls it, just as he did at Genesis!” “As if there was any doubt. I wonder if Flamingo had any idea he was being fed to the wolves tonight, but even a minor victory only serves as another chapter in his resurgence.” “And so Manson comes up with the victory, but up next is Tod James Stewart and Daniel Smith versus Panic and Danny Meadows, so stay tuned!”

He had a little more to worry about then Hall copying his look. How dare you joke about stuff like that!? fite me.

I don't know. Really it's a competition between Mickie, Punk and Cryme Tyme more than the individual matches. I wouldn't be shocked if people voted to see Mickie on the show, put it that way.

Alright Finlay!

I really don't see the problem here. If he he'd come out said it "it wasn't to do with the HHH thing, but that's all I'm saying", people would have been on JR's back for being a company yes man by not saying it was drugs anyway. Instead he came out and told as much of the truth as he likely could and people get on his back for that too. I sincerely doubt he came out and said it simply to stop internet rumours. Face it, the internet'd blame HHH for Pacman Jones's suspension and the economy crisis if they thought they could. Writing a blog everytime somebody bitched about him would be a never-ending job. If anything, it seems like it's designed to set a public example of Cade to maybe shock him into hopefully getting his shit together and to warn the rest of the roster. I don't see any harm in that.

Taker/Mankind for me. Taker/HBK was revolutionary for it's time and worthy of the 5 star billing when it happened. But while still very good, it's not quite the same after repeat viewing. Michaels getting up/being dragged up so quick after the table bump always bothered me a little. Taker/Mankind may not be the 'best match' as such, but it's the best Hell In A Cell, if that makes sense. No matter how many times I see Foley's bumps it's still amazing. Another factor in it's favour is the memorable performance from JR and Lawler on commentary, maybe JR's best.

After a brief glimpse of the ring glazed in the San Juan sunshine, we're transported back behind the curtains to find Malaysia Nerdly heading towards ringside. Carrying her cat o'nine tails she has a determined look on his face, barely acknowledging Mr. Dick walking next to her chewing away on some gum. Before they can reach the curtains the disturbing couple come to a stop though, noticing BOHEMOTH stood near the curtains. BUFFER (heard faintly from the ring) Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall... and is for the OAOAST Women's Championship! Holding Malaysia up for a second, Mr. Dick gets a mischievous smile on his face and walks up behind Bo, tapping him on the shoulder. MR. DICK Hey bigman, ya better get to steppin' before ya little crush comes on by! Wouldn't wanna have her blubbin' on that nice little suit of yours now, wouldya? "Oh please Big Bo, please take me out, I wanna be a real woman so I don't end up dining on consolation coochie for the rest of my miserable life like mah mommy do!" Please! Girlie better be prepping herself for a lonely life. BOHEMOTH Excuse me? MR. DICK Unless of course you wind up takin' pity on her. Sometimes you gotta settle for the closing time chick... not that Mr. Dick knows nothin' about that. BOHEMOTH I think you're needed in the ring. Bo's right, as "Wild Side" has already cued up. But Malaysia is in no hurry to leave it seems. MR. DICK See, I got you down pat Big Bo. See, Mr. Dick, he's 100% hetero. A real man's man with a real man's dick. Now you on the other hand, Mister Meterosexual, I bet you're real cut up about lil' ol' Jade. Heh. Well, don't you worry about it no more. Cause after tonight, Jade won't be a little girlie no more. She'll be the real woman. Cause tonight, me and Malaysia, we're gonna treat her like never before. Malaysia's gonna take her title... and then, Mr Dick's gonna take her innocence! Mr Dick strides off chewing away on his gum with a smug look on his face... ...and seconds later, we find ourselves back on the other side of the curtains to see Mr. Dick finally leading out the former Women's Champion. [IMG=http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii59/KingCucaracha/shirts/matches/jademalaysia.jpg] BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, introducing at this time the challenger in this one fall contest. Accompanied to the ring by her [i]two-handed[/i] squeeze, MR. DICK!! From Edmonton, Alberta Canada... the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns... MMMMAAAAALLLLAAAAAYYYYYSSSIIIIIAAAAAAAA... NNEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYY!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Malaysia cracks her cat o'nine tails threateningly, with Mr. Dick still feeling big about himself after what we just saw. With a big smile on his face he locks eyes with Malaysia, who can't help but pull him in. The two engage in a long, [i]rough[/i] kiss... and when they finally come up for air, it's Malaysia with the chewing gum in her mouth. COACH (wipes tear from eye) What a beautiful couple. Climbing the ring steps, Malaysia scowls at the small but important crowd as she enters the ring. Referee Charles Robinson tries to convince her to hand over the whip... and as Mr. Dick grills him about it, Malaysia hands over the whip, as well as her chewing gum, grabbing Robinson's neck and FORCING it into the poor ref's mouth. Robinson quickly spits it out and Mr. Dick is just as quick to pick it up and return it where it came from. COLE Oh lord. COACH Yeah, that's a little gross. COLE Well, the Women's Title will eventually be on the line once everyone has finished vomiting at the actions of the challenger and her, quote, 'squeeze'. Malaysia has had a storied rivalry in recent months with Jade Rodez-Duncan and this will be a first in their series, with Jade coming in with the champion's advantage. After two dominating losses, Jade was finally able to defeat Malaysia in an emotional battle at AngleSlam to win the Women's Championship. But Malaysia will look for retribution tonight in this championship rematch. COACH Everybody who knows knows that what happened at AngleSlam was a fluke. Malaysia absolutely CRUSHED Jade, not once but twice where-as Jade surprised her with one move to fluke a win. She's still up 2 to 1, with plenty to spare. "Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name" The lights flash purple and often even though we're outside, as "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls hits. After a few seconds the curtains part, at the hands of the Women's Champion. Despite the encouraging reaction from the crowd it's a wide-eyed Jade Rodez-Duncan who emerges through them though, gripping onto the Women's Title over her shoulder as if she were a young child with a comfort blanket. BUFFER And her opponent! She now resides in Los Angeles, California... the second generation starlet with a heart of gold... ladies and gentlemen, she is the defending OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... "LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA"... JJJJAAAAAAADDEEEEEE... RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" As she reaches ringside, Jade hesitates over entering the ring with Malaysia and Mr. Dick hovering over her. Only once referee Robinson has them back does she demurely slide underneath the bottom rope. "When I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies When I grow up I wanna see the world Drive nice cars I wanna have Groupies" Faced with the intimidating figure of Malaysia staring her down, with only referee Robinson in between the two women, Jade cowers back in the corner. Robinson eventually backs Malaysia up and takes the Women's Title from Jade to go through the pre-match rituals. COACH That's the last you'll see of that missy. COLE I have to say, not that I can blame Jade for being intimidated, but I was expecting her to come into this match with some renewed sense confidence. I mean, she beat Malaysia at AngleSlam, she beat Megan Skye last month at Zero Hour and yet, Jade looks more like the Jade of old. The Jade with the burden of the Duncan name on her shoulder. And you have to wonder how much of that is down to Malaysia... and, how much is down to what we saw last week. COACH You mean her getting absolutely crushed by Bo? COLE ...I'd have put it across in gentler terms, but yes, if you like. COACH Further proof that rather than carrying it, Jade actually IS the burden of the Duncan name. I mean seriously, what was she can do, ask him to the senior prom? Or maybe go to the mall for ice cream sundaes? With the belt display over, Robinson asks if both women are ready. And although Jade's response is so quiet it's only audible to canines, he goes ahead and calls for the bell. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Alright, here we go, can Jade upset Malaysia one more time? The two ladies circle out of their corners, nerves clear on Jade's face as she flinches away from an attempted lock-up and goes to the ropes. Malaysia is backed off while Jade composes herself. Matters aren't helped by Mr. Dick, kindly informing Jade she's "gonna get hurt real bad" from the outside. Jade tries her best to shake it off as she and Malaysia lock up. COLE And that has to be ill-advised, no doubt. Sure enough Malaysia is easily able to back Jade into a corner. Referee calls for a clean break but Malaysia first lifts Jade off her feet and places her on the top turnbuckle, before giving the surprised Women's Champion an humiliating slap across the face! COACH Ooh! COLE Malaysia with a little reminder, as if needed, of what she can do. Jade carefully climbs from the turnbuckles and looks even more worried than she did at the start of the match. And rightfully so. With a cruel smile on her face Malaysia rubs her hands together, enjoying the slap before she moves forward. Caught off guard, Jade has to dodge away from the ropes, continuing to dodge away around the ring as Malaysia pursues her relentlessly. But Malaysia eventually catches her and pulls her away from the ropes. Jade grabs another lock-up trying to make herself less defenceless, grabbing a headlock. When Malaysia stands upright Jade's feet are left dangling above the canvas though and she's carried kicking to a corner again. MR. DICK Yeah, give her one for me baby! Slap like you slap me! Setting Jade on the turnbuckle, Malaysia licks her palm before she sla... NO! Jade kicks Malaysia's arm away! Shaking off her wrist, Malaysia swings with a slap from the other side... NO! Jade kicks that one away as well! Getting her feet, Jade then leaps over Malaysia with a sunset flip... ...but can't take the powerhouse over! COLE Nice try but Malaysia's not going anywhere, not with that strong base of hers. COACH Just think of the exercises she and Mr. Dick must do to strengthen those thighs..... oh yes. Breaking the hands away, Malaysia reaches down and grabs Jade around the throat before HOISTING HER RIGHT TO HER FEET!! That freaky show of strength is followed by another, as she lifts Jade off her feet in the choke! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Malaysia lets Jade drop, where she coughs and splutters for breath. COACH Poor Jade. Second week in a row she's been left hanging. Picking Jade up by the hair, Malaysia hits her with a forearm so hard it bowls her head over heels! COACH Oh-ho-hoo! Man, I ain't got nothing funny to say about that, that was just flat out brutal! COLE Malaysia was dangerous enough before. But now she's out for revenge, it may be a very long night for Jade I'm afraid. COACH Or a very short night that feels like a very long night. Fighting her way up, Jade has to use Malaysia as a makeshift ladder to climb to her feet. Once up, Malaysia clasps her around the head, delivering a knee to the stomach. And a second. Jade falls to her knees and Malaysia steps over her, applying a camel clutch. Face etched in pain, Jade hangs in as Malaysia wrenches back on the neck. After a few seconds in the hold Jade is able to shut the pain out long enough to figure out where she is and goes for the ropes. And with little resistance she gets there, Malaysia letting go of the hold even before Jade gets the break. Jade is relieved to reach the ropes all the same though. Especially when Malaysia starts stomping her in the back and is forced to back off by the referee. COLE We're seeing a very determined Malaysia Nerdly so far. No sign of her toying around and having her own unique brand of fun as we usually do. Jade pulls herself up on the ropes but Malaysia attack her with a knee. Then a clubbing blow to the back. An irish whip sends the champion off the ropes and Malaysia puts her head down looking for a backdrop, but Jade surprises her with a kick to the chest! COLE There we go Jade! Standing upright Malaysia glares at Jade, but the intimidation fails and the Women's Champion nails her opponent with a surprise forearm to the face! Malaysia shakes it off, but Jade hits a second. And a third. Growling under her breath Malaysia grabs out for the champion's hair, just missing as Jade is a second quick enough to run off the ropes, putting her all behind a running forearm. That one seems to stun Malaysia and a sudden rush of confidence goes through Jade's body, encouraging her to paw the challenger with an open left hand. Then paw her with an open right. With a guttural shout, Jade then pulls a 360... AND GETS CHOPPED DOWN WITH A CLOTHESLINE!! COLE No, couldn't get the combo off and look at the big smile on Mr. Dick's face right now. COACH Can you blame him? Once Malaysia wins the title, he's the guy she'll be celebrating with! The Human Hard On applauds in the absence of anyone else doing so. Hovering over the crumpled body of Jade for a second, Malaysia finally makes the lateral press... 1... 2... NO! Jade squeaks a shoulder out and Malaysia scowls. COLE Fight being shown by the Women's Champion, but she's in a bad position here. Picking Jade up, Malaysia delivers a sidewalk slam and hooks up the leg... 1... 2... Kickout! MR. DICK C'mon you half a retard, 1, 2, 3, get it done! (turns around) Get that damn camera away from me! Mr. Dick shoes the unfortunate OAOAST camera-man on his ass and goes back to playing cheerleader for his lover. COLE Was that called for!? The guy was just doing his job! COACH He was getting too close to Mr. Dick for comfort, that's all. He should fell lucky. If Mr. Dick had seen something he liked suddenly that camera man could have been [i]seriously[/i] hurt. In the ring, Malaysia holds Jade in a neck vice, demanding the referee ask for a submission. Jade says no though and tries to get the crowd behind her. Malaysia cranks the neck again though and shuts Jade down. With the Women's Champion beginning to weaken, Malaysia delivers a hard boot to the back of the head and turns her over for the pin... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE This is shades of AngleSlam, Jade soaking up the bulk of the punishment and waiting for an opening. COACH Well that tactic's only going to work for so long before her body shuts down on her or she loses consciousness. Malaysia's just gotta keep her cool. COLE But will she? Jade crawls her way to the ropes with Malaysia in pursuit. The referee again moves Malaysia back though. Lurking on the outside, Mr Dick sees the referee distracted and with Jade's head hanging over the bottom rope he balls up his fist... and quickly acts innocent as Robinson turns around. COLE Was he just going to punch Jade in the face!? COACH Hey, no big deal. For Mr. Dick and Malaysia that kinda stuff counts as foreplay. Malaysia pulls Jade to her feet, nailing her with a right hand. The ropes prop Jade up as Malaysia hits another right, then buries the knee deep into the midsection of the Women's Champ. An irish whip then sends Jade across, Malaysia swinging high... and Jade going low, surprising Malaysia with a schoolgirl... 1... 2... No! Another swing and a miss from Malaysia as she gets to her feet. Behind her opponent Jade hits a quick kick to the back of the leg, then ducks a back elbow and delivers a kick to the leg from the front. Malaysia reaches out and shoves Jade away, but Little Miss California shows much of her mother's tenacity by coming right back with forearm strikes! COLE And now look at Jade go! MR. DICK C'mon Malaysia, shut her down, SHUT HER DOWN! But Malaysia is unable to do so, as Jade suddenly backpedals into the ropes, ducking underneath Malaysia's grasp and coming off again with a Running Sleeper Drop!! COLE WOW! Jade takes the mighty Malaysia down, here's the cover! 1... 2... Kickout! Jade is quickly back up and hits the ropes again... ...FALLING FLAT ON HER FACE AS MR DICK TRIPS THE ANKLE!!!! COLE Oh come on! COACH She tripped! What a clutz, her mother would never do that. COLE You've got to be kidding me. As Jade picks herself back up, Malaysia charges... and DRIVES her boot into Jade's chest with a vicious Yakuza Kick!! The back of Jade's head whiplashes off of the ring ropes behind her and she goes down in a heap, Malaysia right on her with a choke! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Malaysia breaks for a second, then puts the choke immediately back on. COLE Come on referee, get her off of her! This is completely unnecessary! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Another break, another pause and then right back to the choke! Robinson gives up on counting and just tries to pry Malaysia off of Jade, but he can't move the powerful woman's hands from around Jade's throat, leaving him no choice but to call for the bell. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE The referee's throwing this one out, Malaysia Nerdly has lost it here! She's just trying to choke the life out of Jade Rodez-Duncan, we might need some more help out here! As Malaysia starts slamming the back of the already defenceless Jade's head against the mat, referee Charles Robinson is pulled off of Malaysia and given the COCK BLOCK by Mr. Dick!!! COLE OH! COACH Yeah, change 'might' to 'definitely'. Malaysia finally relinquishes from Jade, who seems to have been knocked senseless from the way she landed earlier. Exiting the ring, Malaysia marches around ringside, sending the cameramen scurrying. Michael Buffer is soon scurrying too, as Malaysia grabs her cat o'nine tails from the timekeeper's table and slides into the ring with it. COLE Oh no. What on earth has Malaysia got in mind here? COACH I don't know but I really think we oughta be charging extra for it. Pulling Jade away from the ropes, Malaysia cracks the whip loose... *WHACK!* ...AND WHIPS JADE ACROSS THE BACK!! *WHACK!* ...AND AGAIN!! COLE This is disgusting! Get somebody out here to stop this already! MR. DICK WOAH WOAH WOAH!! Baby, baby, breathe. Breathe baby, it's okay, cool it down. Malaysia continues to stand over Jade with the whip, as Mr. Dick runs a calming hand down her arm (amongst other places) having retrieved a microphone. MR. DICK That's enough for now. I don't want you using up all of that there sexual aggression up before tonight now, do I? Besides, it's time to let Mr. Dick wet his... ahem... 'beak' a little. [b]Tie her up.[/b] COLE Tie her up, what!? Suddenly the anger disappears as Malaysia gets a cruel smile on her face. She kneels down next to Jade and starts to hog-tie her legs with the cat o'nine tails. Mr. Dick swaggers around, as Malaysia then grabs a hold of Jade's arms and stretches them out with her feet on the shoulders, leaving Jade helpless. MR. DICK Now you listen girlie and you listen good. I told the world that when I got your mother in the ring again, I was gonna humiliate her and I'm gonna make her submit. Ya see, Mr. Dick's gonna make history and it'll be at her expense. Nobody... NOBODY... humiliates Mr. Dick and gets away with it. An' you're gonna send that message to Mommy. See, Mr. Dick specialising in going where no dick has gone before. So, with that in mind... we told ya'll we were gonna take two things tonight. We didn't get your title, but missy, we damn sure gonna take your innocence tonight. And when I'm done with you, you ain't gonna have to worry about Bo no more. Nuh-uh. Jade tries to struggle free but isn't going anywhere, as Mr. Dick starts to UNBUTTON HIS SHORT SHORTS!!!! COLE Oh no, no DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T YOU DARE DO THIS!! MR. DICK You're about to find out, up close and VERY personal... just why its a blessing to be Mister Dick! Horror fills the Women's Champion's eyes, as Mr. Dick drops the microphone and reaches in... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* COACH UH-OH! Mr. Dick suddenly gets a little performance anxiety, realising he's not going to get done before BOHEMOTH can sprint to the ring! The Meterosexual Monster chews up the aisleway and slides into the ring, Mr. Dick getting the jump on him but unable to fend Bohemoth off for long before he comes back swinging with wild rights!! COLE Thank God for Bohemoth! Kick his ass Bo, give it to him! Bohemoth pounds away on Mr. Dick in the corner, causing him to cover up! That's not enough to stop Bohemoth, but a shot from behind from Malaysia is. Bo's head snaps around and he starts to stalk towards Malaysia, who backs up... only to lure him in while Mr. Dick recovers. Mr. Dick attacks from behind and suddenly it's two on one... ...UNTIL KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN SLIDES INTO THE RING!!! COACH HERE COME MOMMA! Diving in, Krista quickly unties the whip from around her daughter's ankles. Before Jade can even thank her Krista is on the attack though, wrapping it around Mr. Dick's throat from behind!! A shocked Mr. Dick is just able to get away before the life is choked from him and he scrambles out of the ring. In doing so he leaves Malaysia behind, Bohemoth powering to his feet under her attack. Malaysia doesn't back down from the bigman as much now, but Mr. Dick is quick to pull her to safety as Krista goes after her! COLE Mr. Dick threatening to deface the Women's Champion just like he did to Baron Windels months ago, but thankfully, [i]thankfully[/i], Bohemoth and Krista out here to run these two sick puppies out of here before that could go down! Krista leans over the ropes threatening all manner of uncomfortable and unnatural injuries on Mr. Dick and Malaysia as they back up the aisle. Krista then goes over to check that Jade is okay. A clearly awkward Bohemoth hesitates over doing the same, before he leaves the ring and heads to the back as well. COLE Well thankfully we've got some order restored here. We're going to take a quick break, we'll be right back with more HeldDOWN~!

From there we go back out to the arena, where all around nice guy Tim Cash is busy making his way around the ring, shaking hands with the influencial people of San Juan and thanking them for taking the trouble to come out for the show tonight. BUFFER The following contest live on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! is a ten-man tag team match and is scheduled for one fall! Introducing team number one... first, from Peoria, Illinois. Weighing two hundred, twenty pounds... please welcome Wrestling's Last Real Good Guy... TTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMM... CCAAAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHH!!! Cash slides into the ring and gives the crowd a big thumbs up on the announcement of his name. He then begins to applaud, as "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 hits. Now, I'm no expert on expensive San Juan hotels, but I can safely say the usual screams of teenage girls are surely less than they usually would be for Tyler and Shayne as the boyband duo bounds through the entrance way. Tyler and Shayne are happy all the same and tag away at the hands on their way to the ring. BUFFER His partners... at a total combined weight of three hundred and seventy nine pounds... from the great state of Michigan... here are, "TREMENDOUS" TYLER, "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! COLE Big ten-man tag team action here on HeldDOWN~! and two weeks away from the Halloween Spectacular, it's a battle of good and evil tonight as we see D*LUX heading to the ring. They and Tim Cash team up with The Love Doctors, when we come back, don't go anywhere! Tyler and Shayne slide into the ring and get a warm welcome from their tag team partner, as we fade away. [b]*COMMERCIAL BREAK*[/b] And when we return, we find The Love Doctors in the corner of their team with Cash and D*LUX, facing across from their opposition. The Scots and the Mexicans have already entered and Spencer Reiger is just now making his way out, stopping along the way to point a finger and mouth off at one fan in particular. COLE Welcome back to OAOAST HeldDOWN~!, where you see The Last Kings Of Scotland and Los Conquistadors already in the ring, being joined by young Spencer Reiger. This match stemming from a couple of seperate issues, a couple of weeks ago we saw Los Conquistadors trying to use voodoo magic to pick up a victory over Tyler Bryant... and there's a sentence I never thought I'd be saying on a professional wrestling show. And those of you who watch Syndicated regularly... COACH Another sentence you might as well have not said on a professional wrestling show. COLE ...will know of the issue of respect The Love Doctors and Tim Cash have been having with The Last Kings Of Scotland and Spencer Reiger. So all that comes together here tonight in ten man tag team action. Reiger makes his way into the ring and shouts some more abuse at the crowd from the turnbuckles. His four partners are happy to leave him to it and exit to the apron, so when Reiger jumps down he's faced with only Tim Cash on the opposite side of the ring. *DINGDINGDING!* The recent rivals square up and predictably Cash offers the pre-match handshake. "You just don't learn, do you moron?" sneers Reiger as he swats the hand away and throws a slap... which Cash catches! In an instant Cash drops to his knees and begs for mercy from the ultimate nice guy and it works. But as Spencer points to his head to show how smart he is, he leaves himself open for a schoolboy roll-up... 1... 2... No! Spencer goes for a boot, but that's caught as well. Cash trips the standing leg, then sprawls forward with a folding press... 1... 2... No! Scrambling up, Spencer charges in as he sees Cash's blindside. With great awareness Cash drops to his hands and knees and backpedals, going through a surprised Reiger's legs. And Reiger's surprise is doubled when he turns around into a boot and a FORCED HANDSHAKE!! COACH Oh, how dare he! Fuming that he's been made to show sportsmanship, Spencer breaks from the handshake and goes for a right hand. Duck by Cash though, running Reiger into the ropes for an O'Connor roll... 1... 2... No! After the latest kickout it seems Reiger's had enough, scurrying on his knees to tag out of the match. COLE Tim Cash wrestling rings around Spencer Reiger right there. And he even got the handshake he's been looking for for so many weeks too! COACH He has no right to make someone shake his hand if they don't want to. Totally disrespectful! COLE More disrespectful than turning down a handshake in the first place? COACH Absolutely. Spencer dares Cash to take a pop at him, safe in the knowledge that if he does he's already halfway out of the ring. Replacing him is Conquistador Uno. Clasping his hands over his head Uno charges looking for the double sledge. But Cash just sidesteps and lets him run into his team's corner. Tag is made to Dr. Anderson, coming in and delivering a chop. He then tags Tyler Bryant, in with a right hand. Tag to Shayne Brave, who delivers a forearm. Then a tag to Dr. Pigley, delivering a chop. Tag made to Cash, the five men on his team rotating in a queue around their corner. Cash hits a chop, then Anderson, back elbow from Tyler, forearm by Shayne, forearm by Pigley, forearm by Cash, chop by Anderson. COLE Talk about great teamwork, look at this! COACH Come on referee, do something! COLE Do what? They're all legal tags. One man who doesn't agree is Spencer Reiger, trying to get in which distracts the ref. Breaking the chain, D*LUX team up on Uno with the ref out of position, Tyler armdragging Uno, then launching Shayne off the top with the Larger Than Life Line!! Cover by Shayne, ref sees it... 1... 2... Kickout! Wringing the arm, Shayne tries to slow things down but Uno escapes with a knee to the gut. He quickly tags out to Dos, who fares little better as he runs right into an armdrag. Shayne controls the arm and makes the tag to Tyler, who comes off the top and down across the arm. COLE The D*LUX, Cash, Docs team working in perfect harmony thus far. And Spencer Reiger looking very frustrated on the outside at what he's seeing. Tyler controls the arm, before deciding to whip Dos off the ropes. A quick scoop up into a fireman's carry sets up a Samoan Drop. Tyler then measures the Conquistador, waiting... before delivering the Shining Enziguri! Cover... 1... 2... Reiger breaks it up. COACH That's right, assert yourself kid. Tyler brings Dos to the corner, tagging "Showtime" Shayne back in. Together D*LUX send Dos off the ropes, dropping him with a double elbow. Seeing his partner in trouble, Uno takes his partner's lead and comes in to try and help. Tyler and Shayne duck his double clothesline attempt though, before double hiptossing Uno right across Dos's chest! COLE All the black magic in the world doesn't seem to be helping Los Conquistadors right about now. As D*LUX celebrate, it allows Los Conquistadors to roll out of the ring. With Reiger yelling at them The Last Kings Of Scotland enter in their place and charge at D*LUX. They both sidestep and the Scots end up running right into The Love Doctors, coming off the top together with stereo body blocks!! Out roll The Last Kings as well, leaving The Love Doctors and D*LUX into the ring. After a brief conference, the four men high-five, then hit the ropes... ...STEREO SUICIDE DIVES BY TYLER AND SHAYNE, FLYING WITHOUT WINGS INTO SCOTTISH SCOTT AND DANNY BOY... ...AS THE LOVE DOCTORS HIT A SUICIDE DIVE AND A TOPÉ CON HILO APIECE ON LOS CONQUISTADORS!!!!!! COLE BIG DIVES FOR ALL IN SAN JUAN!! Throwing up his hands in despair, Reiger enters as does Cash. As they charge forward, Cash uses a leg trip to put Reiger down and hits the ropes. Drop down by Reiger forces Cash up and over, then going over with a leapfrog. Cash puts on the brakes and grabs a waistlock, looking for another roll-up... but Reiger delivers a lowblow out of the referee's sights! COLE There's a cheapshot from the youngster! As Cash goes down, Tyler Bryant leaves the fight on the floor and comes in looking for a clothesline. Reiger ducks it though, hitting the ropes and taking Tyler down with a crossbody... 1... 2... No! Right hand is ducked by Tyler, stunning Reiger with an inverted atomic drop. With The Love Doctors brawling with The Last Kings on the floor, Tyler tries to set Reiger up for the Recordbreaker... but Reiger floats over onto his feet, before shoving Tyler sternum first into the turnbuckles in front! COLE Another, shall we say resourceful move by Spencer Reiger? COACH He's carrying his team right now I'll tell you that much. With Tyler winded, Los Conquistadors slide back in having fought off Shayne Brave on the floor. Spencer quickly gets them together and they set Tyler up for a triple team. Going outside, Spencer heads to the top while Los Conquistadors set up a double doomsday. But Tyler manages to punch the golden duo in the head enough times to escape from their shoulders. Dazed, Los Conqusitadors regroup and charge looking to sandwich Tyler... and end up running into each other, knocking themselves out! COLE Oh dear. A miscommunication and a half. Jumping off the turnbuckles Reiger can't believe the incompetence of his partners and stands over them yelling. Spencer then looks up and throws up his hands again, this time saying to heck with it all and walking out on his team! COLE Wait... Reiger is leaving! What is this about? COACH Well obviously Spencer's had enough of carrying four men on his back. And who can blame him? Spencer walks off muttering away to himself in annoyance, disappearing behind the curtains soon after. Without him, Shayne rolls back into the ring and he and Tyler start to pick up Los Conquistadors. Meanwhile on the floor, The Love Doctors run Scottish Scott and Danny Boy together after escaping side headlocks. That leaves Los Conquistadors five on two, with The Docs rolling back in to join the fun. COLE Los Conquistadors suffering some bad karma tonight. Taking hold of Uno by the arms and legs, D*LUX drop him across the knees with the Cowell Movement! The Love Docs then take over, Pigley holding him up and Anderson comes off the ropes, charging up the Defibrillator! With Uno taken care of, Dos is then fed into Tim Cash, who pulls a double leg-trip and locks in the Midwest Sling for the quick submission victory!! *DINGDINGDING!* D*LUX, Pigley and Anderson exchange some more high-fives, while Tim Cash is quick to turn Dos back over and check on his condition. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of D*LUX, THE LOVE DOCTORS and TIIIMMMM CCAAAAASSSSHHHH!! The two fan favourite tag teams celebrate their victory by climbing the turnbuckles and applauding the crowd. Cash prefers instead to try and lead the fans in applauding Los Conquistadors for a spirited, if incompetent, effort tonight. Nobody bites, but Cash doesn't mind, because he's a nice guy. COLE Victory for Cash and his team, made just a little easier by Spencer Reiger's desertion of his team-mates. There's ways of losing and that's not one that'll impress OAOAST officals or OAOVW officials either. COACH Why not? The man showed initiative. COLE By walking out on a match? COACH Exactly. He saw his partners were gonna lose him the match, so he left them to it and saved his own dignity. COLE You've got a very unique outlook on life Coach. Anyway, Cash, D*LUX and The Love Doctors, victorious here tonight.

We return to HeldDOWN~! to the interior of the San Juan Hotel, where a brave Josh Matthews has ventured into the General Manager's office. MATTHEWS Uhm, Miss Baker, if I could. Josh approaches with some caution, as Josie steps out from behind her desk. MATTHEWS I just wanted to get your thoughts on what just happened in the ring. JOSIE My thoughts? Well, it doesn't take a genius to guess I'm none too happy about what just happened. The fact is for months now all of these wannabee leaders have been throwing insults each other's way and it just took someone to light the touchpaper. Someone like Leon Rodez. Well, he brought all this about and I'll deal with him later. Josie takes a drag of a cigarette. JOSIE For now? See, I can cope with all of these groups making testosterone feuled boasts of being the best towards each other. But when it becomes as chaotic and out of control as it did tonight, I have to do something about it. Another drag later and Josie decides the cigarette needs stubbing out. Hard. JOSIE So, next week, I'm going to let all of these warring factions have a chance to settle their differences. Every man involved in the mess tonight, with the exception of the three men in the Halloween Spectacular's main-event, will be involved in a special Battle Royal. The difference is, instead of one winner, the match will continue until there are two men left. And those two will then go on to the Halloween Spectacular, facing each other one on one, to decide who will challenge the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion at November Reign next month. That's all. MATTHEWS Miss Baker, thank you. Back to ringside we go, to a still flustered looking Michael Cole and The Coach, busy wiping his mouth with a napkin. COACH Man, they weren't kidding about the food at this place. Props to the chef. COLE As you can see we've finally managed to get some order restored. Sadly before the fight could come this way and take care of my partner here, but you can't have it all. And what a huge announcement for next week! We saw utter bedlam here tonight and we're going to see it all over again next week in a HUGE battle royal!

[color=blue]OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents...[/color] [color=purple][size=6]#~~THE LOVE SHACK~~#[/size][/color] [IMG=http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii59/KingCucaracha/loveshack.jpg] Overlooking the picturesque San Juan Hotel, we find ourselves on the set of the Love Shack for the first time in some time. If you can call a desk decorated with various items [s]stolen[/s] borrowed from the hotel and a leather sofa which may also have come from the hotel's lobby a set, that is. Taking in the unique, for a wrestling show anyway, scenery is Leon Rodez, still wearing a big smile on his face. Leon flips the microphone around in his hands a couple of times before thanking everyone for their non-existant applause (if WrestleMania taught us anything in the late 80s, it's that rich people don't make a lot of noise at wrestling shows). LEON Ladies and gentlemen, yes, The Shack is back and it's back in style from the looks of it. Got to love the OAOAST, branching out to new places like this, don't you? Well, I mean, not if you're a middle class person from San Juan hoping to watch a wrestling show live, hear that the OAOAST is coming back with the pride of the country as the World Champion, only to find there's 130 seats and they're all taken by people who can afford the astronomical costs. But, screw the little people. Am i rite? The rich people applaud because they're rich and non-rich people suck. LEON And I thought having a free show in New York was a bad idea. But, anyway, we roll on with The Love Shack regardless and really I don't mean to jest, because in actual fact we've got a great show tonight. Leon does the Conan O'Brien bow. LEON Yes indeed, I've got a very special guest coming out in just a second, we'll get to that in a minute. First of all though, I'd like to take a few moments to do something comedic, since I'm a talk show host and all and that's what we're supposed to do. Earlier this week, I took it upon myself to mail out some questionnaires through the OAOAST company post-line. And the members of the OAOAST roster who are literate were kind enough to reply. So, with that in mind, it's time for a little thing Conan O'Brien likes to call Celebrity Survey... and I, for legal reasons, prefer to call 'Pro Wrestler Survey'. Leon retrieves some papers from his desk. LEON Okay, the OAOAST wrestlers were asks to complete this sentence. "When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is...." Krista Isadora Duncan wrote, "Pour myself a martini." Biff Atlas wrote, "Thank the heavens I didn't choke to death in my sleep." And James Blonde wrote, "Lean over and say good morning to Landon." COACH Oh n... oh no... OH [i]NO[/i] HE DI'NT!! LEON Very disturbing, so we move on. "If I could do any other job in the world, it would be...." Tyler Bryant wrote, "singer." Colin Maguire Jr. wrote, "professional footballer." And Christian Wright wrote, "professional wrestler." Leon makes a funny face. LEON Either he didn't quite understand the question, or was being very honest. Now, the last question, a very pressing one for us all at this time. "The current state of the US economy is a major worry to me, because..." Felix Strutter wrote, "I spend more on gas travelling between shows." Theodore Moneymaker wrote, "is mine and my people's fault." Melissa Nerdly wrote, "it means I have to charge extra for kissing." LEON :O LEON Well, that was fun. But now let's get to business. I promised a big guest and I think it's no hyperbole. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce my guest tonight. He is the leader... of the most dominant group in the OAOAST today! He needs no further introduction, let's bring him on out! With a flourish Leon turns to the entrance way. COLE That's... a little vague. COACH Just wait. For a while there's a delay, before finally... "We're running with the Shadows Of The Night So baby take my hand, you'll be all right Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end" COACH Alright! COLE It's Landon Maddix. COACH Of course it is! Who else could it be? Emerging through the curtains comes Landon Maddix, flanked by the rest of Cucaracha Internacional. Landon warmly waves to the crowd, arm in arm with Megan, seeming pretty happy with his introduction tonight. Not quite so happy is James Blonde still sulking over Leon's earlier comedic bit, stopping to inform the camera "I didn't fill out any questionnaire, honest". Also there are Faqu, Nathaniel Black and Todd Cortez. You know by now what they're like if you watch HeldDOWN~! Landon enters the ring with his troops, picking up a microphone from a pile of them left on the sofa. LEON Landon, nice of you to come on out, welcome to the Love Shack. MADDIX Nice of you to have me on. LEON Well, you know, it's as much about you as it is about me. But nevermind that. I'll be honest, I don't have any pre-prepared questions for you tonight, I'm a little disorganised. Luckily improv is a passion of mine, so let's go with the flow and see where it takes us. Now, Halloween Specta... "Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste I've been around for a long long years Stole a many man's soul and his faith" COLE Wait a second! Having just sat down, Landon stands bolt upright at the sound of "Sympathy For The Devil" by Guns and Roses playing over the PA system and interrupting his interview. And he looks distinctly unhappy to see Theodore Moneymaker heading through the curtains, followed by the rest of The Enterprise! CPA, Christian Wright, Officer Bosley, The Beverly Hills Blonds, Mackenzie DeCenzo and Molly Nerdly all make their way behind Moneymaker who marches to the ring. In which, Leon Rodez feigns a look of surprise. COACH What is this all about? COLE I don't know but I've got half an idea. And I don't like it. Moneymaker grabs a microphone as the ring fills with bodies, Leon looking a little cramped behind his desk. The two groups square up, with Maddix and Moneymaker at the front. LEON Uhm, ladies and gentlemen, Theodore Moneymaker and co. MONEYMAKER I suggest you keep your mouth shut Rodez. You're already on very thin ice. What you and your merry friends pulled last week was nothing short of character assassination, for which my lawyers are currently preparing a case. And as far as you go, Landon Maddix, you daring to come to the ring when this time was clearly reserved for the leader of the number one force in the OAOAST, that being ME, is nothing short of character assassination either! COLE Boy that's rich, coming from the man who last week accused a thirteen year old girl of being a Satan worshipper. COACH He was misquoted. COLE He was on film! MADDIX Hang on a second here, there's so much hot air blowing out of that big mouth of yours I'm tempted to strip down to a towel and find some rocks to pour some water over. BLONDE Like a sauna! MADDIX Yeah that... that was my point. Thank you James. Yes, Moneymaker, I realise this time is for the leader of the top group in the OAOAST. That's why I'm out here. MONEYMAKER Tell me Landon, why on earth would he have been talking about you? MADDIX Maybe because I'm the future OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion? Maybe my proven leadership skills as the Commissioner of the SWF? Who knows really. MONEYMAKER Who knows, indeed. Face it Maddix, your group of misfits is many things, but dominant is not one of them. As Landon and Moneymaker bicker, Leon stands from his desk with a mischevious smile on his face. As he stands, he catches eyes with Molly Nerdly, who's shy reaction seems to confuse Mackenzie DeCenzo a little and thankfulyl goes unnoticed by other Enterprise members. LEON Well it seems like there's a little tension here... MONEYMAKER The fact is, I'M the most powerful man in the OAOAST, The Enterprise is the most powerful force in the OAOAST and I suggest you leave before you embarrass yourself even further. MADDIX Most powerful force? Teddy, Teddy, I watch Fox News. The economy is in the toilet. You don't have any real power. And you never will. Nobody in the right mind would turn around now and say "you know what we need to lead us into the future? A rich aristocrat from a powerful family who's entire base of power relies on the power of the dollar. There is absolutely no evidence in the modern world to tell us that that could in any way backfire on us whatsoever!" You're dead in the water. Face it. MONEYMAKER My power is about more than just money my young friend. I have influence you and your measly commissionership of a run of the mill, straight to DVD wrestling promotion who's better days died the moment you won their heavyweight championship could never compare to! Everything in the OAOAST revolves around The Enterprise. It is as simple as that. And that is wh... .:CUE: "Magnum Opus":. COLE Now what? COACH Oh boy, we got ourselves a bit of a situation here. All eyes turn to the entrance again as here comes The Deadly Alliance now! Alfdogg leads out Reject, Thunderkid and Sandman9000, Reject with Melissa Nerdly on his arm. Shaking his head, Alfdogg has his own microphone and calls for some quiet. Ahead of them, Leon Rodez exits the ring with a big smile on his face. COACH Look at him! Look at that sneaky little bastard, he set this up! COLE I think you might be onto something for once Coach. Leon kicks back against the barricade and watches on, as The Deadly Alliance approach the ring. ALFDOGG You have GOT to be kidding me! You really have got to be kidding me. Are you seriously expecting people to believe that either of you two are really the leader of the OAOAST's number one stable? Face facts, you're all just pretenders to the thrown. The Deadly Alliance is the original... and the best. The DA enter the already crowded ring. ALFDOGG Now I know it's been a while for the majority of you, so allow me to refresh your memories. These things around our waists are called [i]championship belts[/i]. You'll notice that we all have one. Coincidence? Not really. Proof of my point? Absolutely. It begins and ends with the Deadly Alliance. Now there's no denying The Enterprise is the biggest group in the OAOAST, considering you can pretty much recruit new back-up as and when you need it. Which is scarily often from where I'm sitting. Doesn't say a lot for your recruitment policy. And Cucaracha Internacional are no doubt the most multi-cultural group going. Of course, you could say similar for the United Nations and I think the ability to achieve results is equally piss-poor on both counts. MONEYMAKER Wow, what a cultured reference from a non-cultured man. And here I was expecting some amusing quip comparing us to a National Football League team of some description. ALFDOGG Well now that you mention it, you do remind me of the Dallas Cowboys, rich and yet on the verge of breakdown, due to... MADDIX Save it, save it, save it! Incase you hadn't noticed, the OAOAST is an Internacional company and everybody knows nobody outside of the US cares about your silly little game. ALFDOGG That's kinda ironic, since nobody in the US cares about Cucaracha Internacional, so I'd call us even. If it makes you feel better, I could use a reference you understand and call you the David Beckham of the OAOAST. Success in the face of utter cluelessness. In an attempt to restore some order, Leon clears his throat into the microphone. Everybody turns to him for a second, causing him to hold his hands up. LEON I'm sorry, you were saying? COLE Haha! Looks like Leon's just gonna let these guys talk it out amongst themselves. COACH Of course he is! He's the one that set this thing up! MONEYMAKER Gentlemen... I suggest we settle this ammicably. By you leaving me to my interview. You wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of me now, would you? ALFDOGG Oh, I don't know. MADDIX Yeah, Moneymaker. I see six of you... and nine of us. Alfdogg turns from Moneymaker to Maddix with a smile. ALFDOGG I hope you're not grouping this four with your group Maddix. Because we're fixing to run through [i]everybody[/i] in this ring in about five seconds if you all don't get the hell out. MONEYMAKER I assume that includes the females as well as the males? Reject grabs the microphone from Alf, realising that shot was directed at him. REJECT Look, Moneymaker, put it this way... *SLAP!* COLE OH BOY! The Messiah reels back from the slap, nobody quite able to believe it just happened. REJECT I will run through who I want, whe... Reject has no time to finish that thought though, as The Enterprise suddenly pile forward AND START SLUGGING IT OUT WITH THE MEMBERS OF THE DEADLY ALLIANCE!! The punches fly back and forth sending Melissa, Mackenzie and Molly all heading for the safety of the outside. And Megan soon joins them, as after watching for a few seconds, Landon gives the signal AND CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL SUDDENLY DIVE INTO THE FRAY AS WELL!!!! COLE HERE WE GO!!!! COACH No, no, this is what he wants! Damn it! It's chaos as the fifteen or so OAOAST superstars do battle inside the ring. On the outside, even the females are about to get in on the act, as Mackenzie and Molly get into a heated arguement with Megan and with Melissa. Watching all this unfold, Leon puts his microphone down carefully and dusts his hands on a job well done. Getting to the top of the aisle he decides not to leave after all though, instead reaching into the ring AND PULLING OUT REJECT, GOING WILD WITH RIGHT HANDS ON THE FLOOR!!! COLE LEON HAS REJECT!! OH MAN WHAT A CHAOTIC SCENE!! COACH AND NOW WHAT!? Now would be ZACK MALIBU, dodging past Reject and Rodez to dive into the ring in pursuit of Theodore Moneymaker! The Messiah is tied up with Thunderkid though and Zack gets lost in the melee, instead throwing right hands at whatever Enterprise or Cucaracha Internacional member steps his way. Moments later and BOHEMOTH sprints out through the curtains to get in on the war as well, sliding in and going to work on Alfdogg!! COLE IT'S ALL GONE TO HECK IN SAN JUAN!! Not a moment too soon referees rush out from the back to try and break the mass brawl up. But the wrestlers outnumber the officials and they're powerless to help, as the wild punches continue to fly around in the ring. They do manage to break up Leon and Reject though, for what it's worth. With Leon restrained, Melissa starts to rush towards him... but Molly Nerdly grabs her sister by the arm and wheels her around, into a big SLAP! Down goes Melissa, but Megan attacks Molly from behind, leading to Mackenzie tackling her to the ground giving the officials even more order to try and restore. Eventually, they give up and signal to the back, leading to more OAOAST staff and road agents to run to the ring to help out! COACH Michael, hold my headset. COLE What? Are you mad, you can't go up there! COACH What!? Screw that, room service just brought me my meal and I don't wanna be chewing on air, fool. COLE Oh for the love of... The fight begins to become a little less frenetic, if only because the shots everyone is taking are having their effect. Some roll to the floor to get out of the firing line, like The Beverly Hills Blonds and James Blonde, who go back at it on the floor instead. In the ring, Todd Cortez finds the room to set Sandman9000 up for the Riot Act Plus... but Christian Wright bundles him over. Finally the mass of OAOAST officials is joined by some of the locker room, the likes of The Love Doctors, Vinny Valentine and The Can-Jam Connection being drafted in to get the warring factions seperated! COLE It is utter chaos on HeldDOWN~! and it seems like there's no end in sight, even with all these bodies out here to stop it... LOOK OUT!!!!! Suddenly, Zack Malibu leaves the ring, with a PLANCHA OUT ONTO JAMES BLONDE AND THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS!!!!! COLE THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL!! We're going to need the US army to break this up at this rate! COACH I think they're busy elsewhere. COLE I thought you were supposed to be eating? ...I'm being told we're going to take a break and hope this has been sorted by the time we get back, stay tuned to HeldDOWN~!, hopefully we'll be back in one piece! [b]*COMMERCIAL BREAK*[/b]

[b]-EARLIER TODAY-[/b] In the carefree hours before HeldDOWN goes on the air, all is quiet in the El San Juan Hotel as Leon Rodez glides in through the door from the parking lot. Unlike we saw him last week though, Leon seems to be in high spirits. [b]Suspiciously[/b] high spirits, even! Whistling under his breath, Leon sneaks up behind his old buddies D*LUX who stand by a table on the path to the 'go' position. He slaps them both on the back, catching them by surprise and breaking up their game of gin rummy. TYLER Oh, hey man, how you doing? Expecting a downbeat, dejected Leon, Tyler and Shayne look more than a little surprised to see their old buddy smiling back at them. LEON Not bad. Not bad at all actually. I just wanted to give you guys the scoop, first dibs on the brand new Leon Rodez t-shirt, hot off the presses. [IMG=http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii59/KingCucaracha/shirts/leonshirt2.jpg] Leon hands over the two shirts to his old buddies. LEON Nice, huh? Apparantly it's some sort of Captain America logo, so no prizes for guessing who designed it, huh? But if anyone asks it's completely legal, above board and in no way based on copyrighted material. Anyway, take it with my blessing and have a good night gents. SHAYNE Hang on a second. What's... what's all this? TYLER Yeah, why so happy man? Smiling again, Leon wraps an arm around Tyler and Shayne and pulls them in close. Did I mention they're old buddies? Cause they are. LEON Well, just between you, me and the stars, things are looking up again. Grey skies have, as predicted in song, cleared up, so I've put on my happy face. SHAYNE How so? TYLER Maggie finally returned your calls? LEON Nope. But, let's just say I realised life's too short to be sitting around and wasting by crying over spilt milk. Maggie seems pretty insistent on this trial seperation, so I'm just wasting my time trying to fight her over it. I have to accept it. She just needs some time to sort her head out. And so did I. So, let's just say after the show last week, I went out and I let off... amongst other things... some steam. Tyler and Shayne glance suspiciously at each other. SHAYNE You didn't... TYLER ...did you? LEON Now now, that'd be telling, wouldn't it. *winks* Let's just say, now that the 'steam' has been let off, I've got a little bit of perspective again. And I've got something a little bit special planned for tonight as well. Don't want to spoil it. Let's just say, it's gonna mix things up quite nicely around here. You'll just have to watch. Anyway, been great talking to you, but I really have to run. [i]99 problems[/i], and all that. With another wink, Leon swaggers off again leaving D*LUX to look at their new t-shirts, before smiling to one another. TYLER/SHAYNE He's back.

I don't think it's Taylor fault if she's not getting good reactions. She was brought in from the crowd to win a major title. That's pretty much the death-knell for the character right there, the moment they win the belt. After that it's downhill. That's all in the booking. To say "oh, she sucks because we haven't seen her FINISHER~" is dumb. Maybe if she had some sort of sweet killer head-drop she'd be a good wrestler? What? I've seen Taylor work outside of TNA and I honestly believe she warrants a push in the Knockout Division. It's just the lousy booking holding her back. Everything I've seen of her in TNA, it's not like she's terrible or she's not trying, she's doing her best in the role they've given her. I'm not saying she should be champ right now. But the idea that when it's a guy being booked terribly it's all Russo's fault, but if it's a girl she must be blowing someone backstage was dumb.

Nope. MGM Studios was outside on the lot. The one with the swimming pool was I believe Panama City Beach, although someone can correct me if I'm wrong.

Brought to you by American Express Taped: October 9th, 2008 First air date: October 12th, 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area) Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan Syndicated returns after another mysterious absence for more additional wrestling material with our old friends Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura. Tonight, one half of the World Tag Team Champions Thunderkid, in singles action. One half of a team which is now only one half, so who knows quite what fraction that makes him now, "Cash Money" Curtis Black also in singles action. Plus two big tag team contests. Nice guys The Love Doctors and Tim Cash take on not-so nice guys Spencer Reiger and The Last Kings Of Scotland. And in our main-event, gay guys Los Diablos De Fuego versus not-so gay guys, but then again who knows, they are a little iffy, not that there's anything wrong with that you understand, no homo, or possibly yes homo, Biff Atlas and Vinny Valentine! ***"Cash Money" Curtis Black -VS- Matt Darling*** Syndicated would kick off though with Curtis Black, pumped up and ready to get crunk. Or, something. Curtis took the fight right to Darling from the get-go, eager to make a good impression as a singles wrestler no doubt. Black's speed and sudden offence had Darling bumping off the canvas time and time again, giving Curtis a couple of seconds to shout something suitably Compton to the crowd. I'd elaborate, but honestly I got nothin'. After coming off the top with a high flying clothesline, Black whipped the crowd up. A boot then set Darling up, to get C.R.E.A.Med and put away for the impressive victory. Winner: Curtis Black, via pinfall OAOAST HALLOWEEN SPECTACULAR 2008 October 31st; Miami, FL LIVE on Pay-Per-View! Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh boogedyboogedyboogedyboogedy... Up next on OAOAST Syndi... BOO! ... Up next on OAOAST Syndicated, six-man tag team action, stemming from a bunch of stuff that happened. Including on our last episode of Syndicated about six or seven weeks ago, whenever it was, when The Last Kings Of Scotland were defeated by The Love Doctors. They refused to shake hands after the match, which earned them the respect of just one man- Spencer Reiger, OAOVW prospect and notorious non-handshaking person. His similar problems with Tim Cash lead us to this: ***The Love Doctors and Tim Cash -VS- Spencer Reiger and The Last Kings Of Scotland*** Syndicated grudge match action, baby! The Love Doctors and the former EMT turned ultimate nice-guy had the crowd support, naturally, over their opponents. Cash and Spencer started off and just like their previous two meetings, Cash tried to start with a friendly handshake. And just like their previous two meetings, Spencer declined rudely. You'd think he'd learn by now. Cash did at least learn him some intensity though, as when Spencer predictably jumped him, he was willing to fight back, albeit with legal forearm strikes. Cash's sudden aggression has Spencer scrambling for cover and the tag to Scottish Scott. He fared little better as an armdrag saw him caught in the OAOAST regulars' corner. Cash and The Docs exchanged working on the arm, until an eyerake allowed Scott to get away from Pigley and bring in Danny Boy. Just a shame that Danny Boy's first action was to walk into an armdrag as well. The Love Docs would go on to deliver the Defibrillator and seemingly pick up the 3, only for Reiger to come in to make a late save. Action would break out as The Love Doctors brawled with their three opponents. As The Docs and the Scots battled to the floor, only then did Cash come in, with some calm. He and Reiger would go counter hold for counter hold, until Cash had the Midwest Sling (Texas Cloverleaf) all but applied. Getting to the ropes reprieved Spencer though as Cash gave a quick clean break. Back up, Reiger reversed an irish whip and leapfrogged Cash on the rebound. On landing though Reiger went down clutching his knee. Most of the eagle eyed fans in the arena spotted the oldest trick in the book a mile away. Unfortunately, Tim Cash's trusting nature meant he believed Reiger must be seriously hurt to go down and switched off. That allowed Reiger to surprise him with a roll-up and use a handful of tights to keep Cash down for the surprise 3 count! Winners: Spencer Reiger and The Last Kings Of Scotland, via pinfall Reiger walked away smugly pointing to his head, as The Love Doctors rolled in to ask their partner what happened. After all, this means the dudes in kilts WON a match! How did THAT happen!? The HeldDOWN~! recap... in orange, not those sissy colours like yellow and purple as some would have you view... took us back to a night of talking. And some more talking. Don't get me wrong, it was good talking from good talkers. There was also a four-way match with the referee running away before a winner was announced and a singles match where one guy just upped and left before the match had finished. That's why we're the number one rated wrestling program in the world... ON OPPOSITE DAY!!! ***Thunderkid -VS- Blake Hamilton*** An easy afternoon/night/when do we air again? for one half of the World Tag Team Champions. Thunderkid had things all his own way with his outmatched opponent. After a couple of lock-ups lead to TK powering Hamilton around the ring, he slipped the intensity up a notch. A combination of bodyshots in the corner weakened Hamilton severely. TK sent Hamilton off the ropes to deliver the Bicycle Kick. Thunderkid then delivered a Gorilla Press Slam, just 'cause he could. Moments later, Thunderkid casually waited for Hamilton to get to his feet, before finishing him off with the Thunderbolt DDT for the victory. Winner: Thunderkid, via pinfall NEXT WEEK ON HELDDOWN~! Outside an exclusive hotel? 130 seats? Unless you're crazy rich and live or vacation in Puerto Rico, chances are the only way to watch is live on TV! So, do that by all means. The United States Championship on the line! Alfdogg makes his first defence, against Brickston The Women's Championship on the line! Jade Rodez-Duncan defends against former champion Malaysia Nerdly, in an AngleSlam rematch Plus, San Juan demands a danceoff! Deuce Deuce Bigelow vs. Vinny Valentine Backstage, and heading to the ring we found Biff Atlas and Vinny Valentine. Vinny was carefully going over moves in his head, obviously disco dance moves for his entrance and not wrestling moves, that should go without saying. The camera would then pan out, to reveal Biff Atlas waddling along in FULL HOCKEY GOALTENDER GEAR!! Even fuller than your standard NHL issue, as Biff had forethought to include on the outside of the rest of the gear a special ASS-PAD!!! Apparantly the irony of wearing the uniform of the most violent sport in the northern hemisphere was lost behind all the protection. ***Los Diablos De Fuego -VS- Panic At The Disco*** Luckily a commercial break saved us from having to sit through Biff Atlas' 4 minute shuffle to the ring. He'd only just made it to ringside when we returned and took almost as long to fit himself through the ropes. Out would come Los Diablos to a great reaction. Their usual exuberance was short lived when they saw Biff though. Los Diablos understandably complained to the referee about Biff wearing a helmet during a wrestling match, before complaining even more about the padding around the rear! Biff completely refused to remove any of his unneccessary hockey gear though and the resulting arguement allowed Vinny Valentine to attack Los Diablos from behind! Vinny clubbed away at the mexican luchadors before readying Biff, whipping first Mariachi and then Moracca into his tag team partner. Both simply bounced off of the statuesque human ball of padding and Biff came out completely unscathed. As order became restored by the referee Vinny targetted Mariachi, giving Biff the tag mere seconds after the poor guy had manoeuvered his way through the ropes to the apron. Seven seconds later Biff was back in and on the attack. Biff slugged away at Mariachi with his goaltender gloves in the corner then went for an irish whip... to realise he had virtually no grip in his hands. So he shoved Mariachi by way of a whip, then delivered a BIG GOALTENDER PADDING ASSISTED AVALANCHE in the corner!! Biff brought the more mobile Valentine back in after his big move to carry the workload. Slowly and methodically V Squared worked over Mariachi with a brawling/dancing offence, delivering a middle rope elbowdrop for 2. Moracca got the crowd behind Mariachi as he found himself trapped in a rear chinlock by the disco dancing denizen and sure enough, it gave Mariachi the strength to DRY-HUMP his way back to his feet! Elbows freed Mariachi, allowing him to plant a liplock on Vinny, taking him off his game for a flying forearm attack and a FUEGO TAG~! to Moracca! Leaping in the fresh Diablo cleaned house on Valentine, with Biff unable to get in to help his partner on account of the extra 20/30 pounds of weight he's carrying in padding. Moracca nailed Vinny in the corner with 10 punches, dropping Valentine in a place he didn't want to be. Before Moracca could apply BUTT to face though Biff finally found his way in and charged. Unfortunately, a sidestep meant Biff hit the turnbuckles and smashed his knee padding right into Vinny's face in the process. Moracca then leapt onto his back trying to apply the dreaded Rear Naked Choke with dry humping... but the helmet prevented the choke and the ass-pad blocked the dry humping, leaving Moracca powerless!! Going into reverse Biff sandwiched Moracca in the corner. Mariachi then looked for his springboard seated senton, but Biff simply stuck his helmet out (the one on his head (the one on his shoulders that is) that is) and caught Mariachi right in the chest! "All this gear... it's actually WORKING! Something is actually WORKING for Biff Atlas!" remarked a stunned Jesse Ventura. Of course, if you know Biff Atlas, you know that it couldn't last. Beginning to fatigue under the excess weight Biff lumbered over to Moracca again and looked to deliver a helmet assisted headbutt in the corner. But Moracca moved and as Biff headbutted the top turnbuckle, Moracca leapt up and TWISTED THE HELMET AROUND! That left Biff blinded, long enough for Moracca to feed Vinny Valentine in for the OHSAA Approved Powerbomb on his own partner!! Quickly Los Diablos teamed up to bundle the bulky Biff to the floor, then inflicted The Sodomizer (Spike Tombstone) on Vinny V, bundling on top to pick up the win! Winners: Los Diablos De Fuego, via pinfall In no rush to get up Mariachi and Moracca celebrated their victory on top of an unconscious Valentine. Getting his helmet sorted out, Biff looked up to see the awful sight and waddled to safety. Only, he didn't quite make it. Los Diablos left the ring and caught up to Biff with no problem at all. Panic striken, Biff fell to the floor and Los Diablos began to eagerly writh on his heavily padded torso, Biff's wailing shrieks the last thing we hear before Syndicated goes off the air.

10 Man Tag Team Match D*LUX, Love Doctors and Tim Cash vs. Los Conquistadors, Last Kings Of Scotland and Spencer Reiger

She must be fucking Jeff Jarrett! That's the only way a woman who you don't happen to like could possibly be successful, just ask Michelle McCool. What is people's problem with Taylor Wilde exactly?

The life motto of so, so many people in the world. Advertisers, politicians, TV executives... Pity it wasn't said by somebody smarter, people might have listened and we could have done something about it. But he used to be a big star, so in his head I'm sure he felt he still meant something. Even if he was dead wrong. Which he would have been. Didn't Alex Wright have similar problems with Paul Roma in his early babyface days too?

Must have been somewhere around about 1999. But the last one with the steel bars I know of was one Edge and Christian had in England in 2001, Rebellion I think.

Anyone know the origin of the classic blue bar steel cage in the WWF? When and why did they stop using a steel mesh cage like everyone else?

I had a roast this morning. Chicken, some gravy, a lovely yorkshire pud. Marvelous. Things are so much simpler over here. Nobody ever gets drunk and starts a fight at English roasts unless it's at Christmas.

Wait, the show is in front of 130 people outside a hotel!? What!?