King Cucaracha

Funyon The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Hailing from Denver, Colorado, and weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty-nine pounds… MMMAAAAANNNNNSOOOONNNNN!" The house lights dim as ‘God is God’ by Juno Reactor begins. The crowd rises to their feet, strobes pulse and spotlights roam the arena, while smoke billows out over the stage. The shrouded Manson soon walks onto the scene heralding his arrival, a deluge of jeers and insults accompanying him as he begins his slow walk down the aisle. Mak Francis Here comes MANSON! One can only imagine what demented thoughts are flowing through his head as he heads to the ring Suicide King Not to down play MANSON but this is Spyke third match and something I’ve noticed in the previous two matches is that he epitomizes the opportunity to turn his opponents finisher around on them. Something the veteran MANSON needs to keep an eye out for. He approaches the ring and slides in beneath the bottom rope, standing and immediately backing into his corner, where he brushes off the hood and mask, disrobes, and drapes everything over the post. He gives his neck a crack as he turns around and eventually comes to rest against the turnbuckle to wait for Spyke to make his way down to the ring. Funyon And the opponent! Representing the DVS he hails from Brooklyn, New York “DON’T YOU WISH YOU WERE ME!?” is heard screaming on the loud speakers as the crowds boos grow Don’t You Wish You Were Me? By Fozzy starts up. Funyon Weighing in at two hundred and thirty five pounds he is SPYKE! Spyke steps out on the stage area showing off his sleeveless black shirt that says “Spyke This” on the front with the names of his two beaten opponents on the back with his hands in the air as the crowd continues to boo him. He smiles and blows the fans in the arena a huge kiss followed by a gracious bow as he makes his way down the ramp with a cocky walk as if to say he is better than everyone in attendance tonight. Ignoring the few fans who do reach out to him he makes his way up the ring steps and pauses to look back at all the fans before he enters through the middle ropes he takes to the second rope and slaps his chest twice, pointing to the crowd and letting his finger pan around the arena before pointing up to the sky once and stepping down as his music dies down. He removes his shirt and balls it up as he steps face to face with MANSON , he tosses the shirt at his face which instantly infuriates MANSON who is stopped by SWF’s Number One Referee; Funaki from going after Spyke. Both men step back to their respected corners as Spyke smirks before Funaki signals for the bell. Mak Francis The match now starting and Spyke already showing no respect what so ever to MANSON Suicide King I like this kid Spyke, he speaks his mind, he out of all the DVS talent knows he’s good and flaunts it well but tonight I think MANSON may show him a thing or two about how we do things here. MANSON goes on the offense after Spyke who gestures that tossing the shirt was all entertainment but MANSON isn’t hearing at as Spyke starts backing up. Sliding half his body on the other half of the ropes the crowd boos as referee Funaki gets between them, reminding MANSON he cant attack Spyke when he’s between the ropes. A frustrated Manson backs up as Funaki maintains his stance as a barrier to let Spyke have the time to fully step back into the ring. MANSON positions for the lock up as Spyke boldly walks up to him and slaps him across the face. The crowd in shock watches as Spyke trash talks MANSON who is holding his face. MANSON locks eyes with Spyke and decks him across the face with a wild left hook that causes Spyke to hold his own face in disbelief as he staggers back several feet before leaping out the ring. MANSON motions as if to ask “what the hell is going on” before heading to the ropes after Spyke until the referee stops him. The crowd boos even louder. Mak Francis Spyke not being his usual cocky self at the moment. He seems somewhat intimidated by MANSON MANSON clearly frustrated slides out the opposite side of the ring as Funaki turns to tell Spyke to get into the ring as he begins a count out. ONE......... TWO......... THREE......... Spyke is busy rubbing his jaw and ignoring the referee FOUR.......... FIVE......... Funaki Come on! Back in ring Spyke! Funaki jumps back in shock as Manson charges delivers a double handed axe handle to Spyke. The self proclaimed greatest from DVS falls to the floor and MANSON kicks him in the ribs before beginning to stomp away as the referee restarts and begins a fast count. ONE.... TWO.... THREE..... FOUR..... FIVE..... SIX! MANSON picks Spyke up and looks around while holding him. The crowd chants “SWF” out of respect for the company as MANSON slams Spyke’s face into the ring apron and rolls him into the ring. MANSON makes his way back to the ring steps and makes his way back into the ring as Spyke struggles to get back to his feet. MANSON steps through the ropes and takes the arm of Spyke for an Irish whip but Spyke rakes the eyes and follows with a jab. MANSON staggers back and Spyke shakes the cobwebs from his head before following up with another jab. MANSON begins to wobble like a drunk as Spyke looks around as though he hears a woman in the crowd scream his name. He winks and goes for a third jab only to be stopped mid swing by a unorthodox headbutt. MANSON captures Spyke in a quick follow up, clutching the right arm he swings Spyke over his head and plants him on the mat Suicide King WHOA! What a sick Gargoyle suplex! Spyke writhes in pain on th mat as MANSON lazily sits up looks around before getting back up to his feet. Dragging Spyke to the center of the ring he stomps the chest again and again before dropping and elbow, he gets back up and stomps one more time, following up with another stomp he dashes to the ropes and runs back to Spyke to deliver a flashy elbow drop Mak Francis Homage to Keiji Mutoh with the Muta like elbow. Suicide King I have to say I’m somewhat disappointed by Spyke thus far. He usually holds a fair share of dominance in his matches but it seems like MANSON really is the one to give him that challenge he was looking for. Mak Francis Yeah well he asked for this and Toxxic being the guy that he is granted him what he wanted. Manson getting back up to his knees nods to the fans as a mixed reaction still mostly consisting of boos fill the arena. He rips off Spyke’s du-rag and begins to pull him up to his feet as he himself stands back up. Holding Spykes face in his hand and keeping his whole body up in the process, MANSON pulls back with his right hand as if he is about to lay Spyke out but he stops and shakes his head as if to say no way causing the crowd to boo once more. Gripping the arm he drags Spyke a bit and Irish whips him into the corner turnbuckle. Waking back to the middle of the ring he stops short and rushes back to Spyke to deliver a body avalanche but Spyke gets the foot up and connects with MANSON’s jaw. The clapping sound of boot connecting with the jaw echos though the arena as MANSON steps away from Spyke only to turn back on the offense but to be stopped as Spyke takes two sprints forward and delivers a flying forearm. Spyke works his way back to his feet instantly as an infuriated MANSON pounds the mat and gets up holding his jaw. Spyke stays on the offensive with a jab that MANSON retaliates with by delivering a European uppercut. Spyke staggers back but swings back with a right hook. MANSON stands his ground and delivers a kesagiri. Spyke almost falls back but goes to deliver a blunt kick to the crotch. MANSON catches the leg and hold it up higher as Spyke hops around before leaping into the air and delivering a kick to the side of the skull. Mak Francis Spyke with the head ringing enziguri! With both men on the mat the referee begins a count ONE......... TWO......... THREE........ Spyke rolls over to the ropes and begins to pull himself up as MANSON gets to all fours, shaking his head in confusion he sits up. Spyke pulls himself further using the middle rope and looks over his shoulder to see MANSON. The self proclaimed greatest DVS has to offer pulls himself all the way up then looks left and right as though he sees an opportunity. The crowd boos as they have an idea of what he’s going to attempt as he puts his backs to the ropes as minimal leverage to launch him to the opposite side of the ring where MANSON was sitting. Hitting the ropes on the opposite side he explodes off with a shining wizard to the back of MANSON’s head Suicide King Royal Deliverance! Mak Francis What? Suicide King Do your homework Francis, He calls that variation of the shining wizard the Royal Deliverance! Spyke gets back up slowly dusting his hands off as if he just took out some trash before getting to his feet. He points to the crowd and nods as the boos fill the arena. A cup hits the outside of the ring as one angry fan wasn’t strong enough to show their disapproval. Spyke walks over to the direction the cup came from and yells at the fan before brushing off the incident as though it isn’t worth his time. Spyke shoves Funaki who was checking on MANSON out the way. Funaki gives him a weak shove back to remind him that he is the official calling the match as Spyke picks MANSON up off the mat. Spyke smirks and lightly smacks a drowsy MANSON in the face in an attempt to wake him up. He pokes his chest several times and looks to the crowd with a smile on his face, slapping MANSON once more. He takes his eyes off him for a second to pull of a back hand smack to the face but MANSON hits him with a lightning fast knife edge chop. Spyke staggers back as MANSON follows up with a European uppercut. Spykes body stumbles from the shock a bit as MANSON continues the assault with a spinning backhand to the side of Spykes head. Spyke backs into the rope and out of instinct delivers a thumb to the eye, momentarily blinding MANSON. Going for a high knee he is stopped before he can even get his leg up as MANSON shoves him back into the ropes and captures him and delivers an exploder suplex that leaves Spyke arching in pain on the mat. Max Francis This is why they call him the Raging Bull. He’ll tear you apart in that ring with his many variations of suplexs. Finally laying flat on his back Spyke remains on the mat with his eyes closed. He’s breathing heavy as MANSON gets back up and screams to the crowd, telling them he’s the greatest. Making his way over to Spyke as the referee moves away from checking him, MANSON picks Spyke up off the mat and body slams him right back down. Spyke rolls over as MANSON stomps on his shoulder and kicks him before picking him back up again. Holding the arm he wrenches it as Spyke screams in pain. Yanking the arm and wrenching more he pulls Spyke over to the ropes and yanks once more before hoisting Spyke up on his shoulders and dropping him down on his knee. Suicide King What a shoulder breaker! Spyke lays on the mat almost lifeless. His body slightly rises and falls with each breath he takes as MANSON refuses to let up. Pulling him off the mat once more he takes Spykes head and runs it across the top ropes back and forth as the referee tells him to stop. MANSON orders Funaki to shut up and continues as Spyke blindly tries to fight him off. ONE........ TWO........ THREE....... FOUR...... MANSON stops and puts his hands in the air as mixed reactions from the crowd fill the arena. Funaki reminds him that what he’s doing is illegal and MANSON shrugs before placing his hands on Spyke who fires back with an elbow to MANSON’s mid section. MANSON staggers back a bit and is hit with a chop to the gut which in turn MANSON retaliates with a huge clubbing fist to the back of Spyke. Like a machine he picks him right back up and whips him to the opposite ropes. Spyke rebounds back and rolls towards MANSON. Mak Francis ROLLING THUNDER LARIAT! Spyke pops up and swings a hard right arm clothesline but MANSON ducks it and catches the back of Spykes neck to deliver a neck breaker. Suicide King DENIED! MANSON gets up once more and walks circles around Spyke. Kicking him as though he was road kill before picking him up once more. Spyke slaps his hands away and the macabre MANSON finds himself on the end of a jawbreaker as Spyke hooks the neck and places his head under MANSON’s chin before dropping. Scrambling to make his way back up to his feet as MANSON staggers back, Spyke takes him and Irish whips him to the ropes. Rebounding back with a Yakuza kick that Spyke ducks, MANSON’s momentum sends him flying to the opposite ropes as Spyke stands in the center of the ring and out of no where delivers a straight edge super kick with so much force that MANSON flies out of his path and hits the mat as the impact sends Spyke himself falling back. Mak Francis SPYKED! Suicide King Did you see the force behind that kick!? It was like a truck and a car on a collision course! Spyke holds his leg as if its been dislocated. The referee approaches him to see if he can continue the match. Spyke ignores him. Focusing on numbing the pain from his mind as the referee continues to ask him if he forfeits the match until he shakes his head in disapproval. Continuing to clutch his leg as he crawls over to the ropes to help pull himself up, Spyke keeps an eye on MANSON who rolls over to all fours and remains grounded catching his breath and just staring into the sweat stained mat. Spyke slowly begins to make his way back up as MANSON rolls into a seated position before making his way back up to his feet as well. “SWF” chants of anticipation fill the arena as the crowd waits to see who will get off the next attack first. MANSON who is still a bit dazed from the kick makes his way in Spyke’s direction as the self proclaimed greatest limps towards MANSON. Mak Francis Seems like it’s either mans move now Spyke reaches to grapple MANSON but The Savage Messiah kicks him in the mid section and tucks his head between his legs. For once the crowd is behind MANSON all the way as he signals to plant Spyke into the mat with a gut wrench piledriver. He clutches Spyke by the sides and begins to squeeze the life out of him before attempting to lift him up. Just as he goes to raise Spyke he resists. Spyke’s legs dangle in the air slightly off the mat and drop back down. MANSON tries once more but to no avail as Spyke simply repeats by placing his feet back on the mat. The crowd turns on MANSON for failing but mainly on Spyke for fighting back. MANSON stands for several seconds to regain his composure until Spyke hooks the legs of MANSON and raises him up over his head. Suicide King I think I know what’s coming! Spyke begins to struggle with the weight of MANSON on his shoulders and stumbles back, delivering a flapjack to MANSON on the top ropes the impact forces him back and Spyke releases the legs to hold MANSON by the waist and deliver s back cracking spine buster right in the center of the ring Mak Francis BY GOD HE TRIED TO PUT HIM THROUGH THE RING! Suicide King SPINE JACKED! Spyke pops back up and looks around as the boos become deafening through the arena. He limps two steps back from MANSON and holds his own ribs as he takes deep breaths. Realizing he’s in the clear he races to the ropes putting as little pressure as he can on his right leg before stepping on the middle ropes while holding on the top rope to back flip on MANSON. Mak Francis Lionsault! Spyke connects, slamming on top of MANSON for the pin as the referee practically slides across the ring to make sure the shoulders touch the mat. Referee ONE.......... TWO.......... Manson’s shoulder barely pops up in time as an exhausted Spyke breaks the pin to look at his opponent in disbelief. He looks to Funaki next who’s signaling it was only a two count. Grimacing in pain as he gets back up Spyke limps over to Funaki, stepping over MANSON to argue about the count. Spyke accuses him of favoring the SWF superstar and doing a slow count. Funaki reassures he is the SWF Number One! Referee and that he’s just doing his job. Spyke grabs him by the shirt to threaten him but his eyes widen as he loses his balance and feels an arm cup his leg and roll him up from behind. Mak Francis MANSON WITH THE SCHOOL BOY! Referee ONE................ TWO.............. TH....... Spyke squirms out of the roll up and backs into a corner where he watches Manson in disbelief and embarrassment. MANSON slowly makes his way back up but Spyke has other plans as he quickly gets back up and rushes to hit the Royal Deliverance once more on MANSON who returns to favor from the Spine buster, As Spyke goes for a clothesline he is lifted into the air when MANSON grabs him in a waist lock after catching him from the side and Saito suplexs him right on his shoulders. Spyke lays on the mat, not moving as the referee checks on him. Funaki looks like he’s about to signal for the EMT crew to come down as MANSON sits up and looks a little concerned as well. His expression quickly changes as the intent to win by pin fall is clearly seen on his face. He quickly gets to his feet and shoves Funaki out of the way to prop Spyke up into the seated position. Funaki gets back in his face but MANSON shoves him back and flips the bird as he picks Spyke up. His body supports all of Spykes weight as he gets him into the standing position. Mak Francis This could be it, this could be the end of the match up if MANSON hits the Instant Hell Murder! MANSON with a quick elbow to the temple of Spyke sends the weakened DVS representative stumbling towards the corner turnbuckle. The referee checks on Spyke who stays in the corner hugging on the turnbuckle for support. MANSON looks around as the crowd is expressing their desire for a end to the match. MANSON stalks Spyke, Pulling him out of the corner. Spyke stumbles backwards as he’s being pulled by his pants to the center of the ring. Suicide King I think he may be going for the Rocky Mountain Hydro Grind! The top turnbuckle padding falls from Spyke. Funaki rushes over and picks it up off the mat looking at the crowd in shock that Spyke removed it. He points to the padding and to the corner before heading back to tie it into place. With the referee distracted Spyke forcefully low blows MANSON with swift kick to the crotch. Mak Francis DID YOU SEE THAT!? Suicide King MANSON knows every dirty move in the book but Spyke knows how to capitalize on an opportunity. The crowd uproars as Funaki continues to diligently tie the turnbuckle padding back into place. He misses the instant replay on the titantron that shows Spyke low blowing MANSON. Turning around and giving the fans a thumbs up to let them know everything is back under control he places his attention back on Spyke who switches positions by getting behind the prone MANSON. Putting one arm between the legs, the other arm on the shoulders he flips the Savage Messiah upside down and plants him on his head. MANSON pops up and falls back, laid out in the center of the ring as an exhausted Spyke wipes the sweat from his face, takes a deep breath and hooks the leg for the pin. Mak Francis OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH RIGHT ON HIS HEAD! Suicide King MANSON GOT SCREWED! Funaki ONE............... TWO............. THREE! Funyon AND THE WINNER OF THE MATCH VIA PINFALL ....SPYKE! Funaki signals for the bell and runs over to raise Spykes arm as he remains seated next to the laid out MANSON. Don’t You Wish You Were Me!? Blares on the loud speakers. Spyke snatches his arm away and looks over at MANSON, he grins and nods his head in expected disappointment before rolling out of the ring. The crowd erupts in anger as boos fill the arena. Funaki checks on MANSON as people near the ramp exit begin throwing stuff at Spyke as him limps up the ramp. He stops and objects keep flying his way as he smirks, continuing to nod his head as he places his hands on his way and makes his way to the back.

Backstage in the humble Commissioner's office, Landon Maddix is working hard. No, honestly, he is. Not on trivial stuff like paperwork or show promotion or contract renewals or talent scouting or... well, you get the point. The work he's chosen to do is the work of the 'bad cop'. Another day, another cancellation and Landon isn't gonna stand for it! "Guys, I ain't gonna stand for this!" As Landon leans against his desk with arms folded and the most menacing look he can manage on his face, the camera 180s to reveal Longdogger Pete and Munich, both DRENCHED from head to toe, looking extremely windswept and breathing heavily. "We at the SWF won't tolerate people refusing to wrestle in their chosen matches. You are contracted employees of the SWF. If we tell you to wrestle in a Cage Match, you wrestle in a cage. We tell you to wrestle on stilts, you damn well better learn them stilts skills. And when we tell you to have a Miami Mayhem match, you will... do whatever it is that a Miami Mayhem match entails!" "Uh..." Munich interrupts, raising his hand like a schoolkid. "Yes?" "You realise you booked us in a match on the beach in the middle of a hurricane, yes?" Landon turns his head, Megan giving him a nod to confirm that yes, indeed, that's true. "Well, give me a break guys. Who could have seen that coming? Really? What do I look like, some sort of... weather guy?" "Meteorologist." "That's space stuff, Megan. We didn't book them in a match in space... although, if we did, we'd expect you to compete in it without any complaints!" Both Pete and Munich are too cold, tired and soaked to really argue. "You know the deal by now. Usual fine. No access to the post-show buffet. We would introduce you to a certain little Japanese friend of ours, but apparantly she's stuck in traffic, for some reason. Something about bad weathe..." Landon looks the soaked pair in front of him up and down. "...ah, right. Okay, on your way." *SQUELCH!* *SQUELCH!* *SQUELCH!* *SQUELCH!* *SLAM!* "...have somebody come by with a mop, please Megan?"

Ten Thousand Fists hits over the arena. Funyon: Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, introducing first from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, representing the DVS! Weighing in at 223 pounds, this is X-PUUUUUUNK!" The lights dim and the crowd boos. A laser etched maple leaf appears on the entranceway and X-Punk walks out through the curtains, beginning to wave his Canadian flag. He makes his way down the ramp, waving his flag high. On the way to the ring he argues with a few fans. Mak: I see X-Punk is making some friends here tonight, King King: Shut it! X-Punk walks up the steel steps and enters the ring through the middle and top ropes. He walks over to the ropes, facing the camera and steps up onto the second rope with his right leg and the first rope with his left leg and leans forward waving his flag high. He steps down and sets up his flag in the corner of the ring. Referee Brian Warner checks X-Punk for foreign objects, as he stands in the corner. The lights go down and the pulsing electronic beats of 'Tribe' by Mad Capsule Markets start up as strobes flicker across the audience. 'T K O' flashes up on the Smarktron interspersed with images of the KOJI. Funyon: Introducing next, his opponent, from Saitama Prefecture, Japan and weighing in at 219 pounds, representing TEEE KAAAYYY OOO, and one half of the SWF Tag Team Champions! This is KOOOOOOOJI KIIIIITAAAANOOO! Chris Card and Natasha come out and start to walk down to the ring as Funyon speaks. KOJI appears as the first guitar riff hits, then folds his arms and glowers out at the crowd while the muted Japanese chanting builds up to... *BOOOM!* 'TRIIIIIIBE! Why don't you strike, justify your mind!' The pyro goes off and he makes his way down to the ring, where Natasha removes both his coat and shades and passes them to Chris Card for safekeeping. He jumps straight up to the ring apron. KOJI performs a rolling flip into the ring, he then flips the bird at X-Punk. X-Punk shakes his head X-Punk: Are you serious? Brian Warner: What? X-Punk: This is like Jet Lee meets the fucking Matrix. This is pathetic. To think that I came here, and this is what I get faced with? Brian Warner checks KOJI for foreign objects. He signals for the bell! DING DING DING! KOJI and X-Punk lock up. Suddenly, X-Punk backs out away from KOJI with his arms up in the air. The crowd boos wildly. X-Punk exits the ring through the middle and top ropes and hops down to the mat. The referee begins the count to ten. ONE! Mak: I guess X-Punk is running back home to Canada? TWO! King: Don't be so ignorant, Mak. He's taking a quick breather. THREE! Mak: A breather? The match hasn't even started yet. FOUR! King: Are you not paying attention? The bell rang. FIVE! X-Punk begins telling fans they will not see him compete, yelling at them. X-Punk even goes so far to grab a sign that says 'We Love SWF' and rips it up. Just at that exact moment KOJI runs and bounces off the ropes - running forward in the direction of X-Punk jumps and his a corkscrew moonsault onto X-Punk, outside the ring. The referee re-starts the count to ten. ONE! TWO! KOJI is quick to get to his feet and grabs X-Punk's head and delivers right hands. THREE! FOUR! KOJI lifts X-Punk up to his feet; X-Punk is staggering a bit after such a moonsault. KOJI rolls X-Punk back into the ring. X-Punk is quickly to his feet. KOJI begins to slide into the ring, only to be hit by an elbow to the back of him, by X-Punk. X-Punk is back on his feet now and turns KOJI over and delivers a leg drop. X-Punk seems to be quite happy with his work on KOJI, cracking a grin. X-Punk turns him around so KOJI's head is under the bottom rope. X-Punk grabs a hold of KOJI's legs and feet and falls backwards, as KOJI's neck snaps off the bottom rope; KOJI begins clutching his neck in pain as X-Punk looks down at him and laughs. X-Punk picks KOJI up to his feet and body slams him straight to the mat. X-Punk runs into the ropes which are parallel with KOJI, bounces back and delivers a rolling thunder onto KOJI. X-Punk stands up and poses for the audience, as they boo. X-Punk slowly picks KOJI up to his feet and irish whips him into the corner. X-Punk dashes towards KOJI who jumps up and wraps his legs around X-Punk's head, delivering a headscissors, sending X-Punk to the mat; KOJI is up. X-Punk is up and KOJI with a spinning roundhouse kick onto X-Punk. KOJI with a spinning back kick on X-Punk. KOJI then delivers a series of roundhouse kicks to the head of X-Punk, who falls to his knees. KOJI jumps forward and wraps his arm around X-Punk's head and forces himself backwards, delivering a DDT on X-Punk! Mak: Those kicks from KOJI, are absolutely deadly, King. Not to mention his speed. King: I certainly wouldn't want to be in X-Punk's shoes, right now. Cover by KOJI. Brian Warner slides down onto the mat, ready to count. ONE... TWO.......... X-Punk gets a shoulder up. KOJI rolls over and gets up to his feet and lifts X-Punk up to his feet and irish whips him into the ropes, X-Punk bounces back and KOJI with a belly to belly suplex. KOJI is up and walks over towards X-Punk. X-Punk spins around and grabs onto KOJI's feet, tripping him up. KOJI loses his balance and falls onto the bottom rope. X-Punk gets up and grabs onto the top rope and stands directly over KOJI and jumps up and comes down onto his back! KOJI remains laying on the bottom rope for a moment. Just then, X-Punk jumps over the top rope and delivers a guillotine legdrop onto Kitano. KOJI rolls around in the ring, grasping his neck; KOJI, still clearly showing the pain from the previous assault by X-Punk on his neck. X-Punk immediately rolls back into the ring and yells at KOJI to get up. X-Punk walks back and fourth as he watches KOJI roll around the ring for a few seconds. X-Punk grabs KOJI's head and lifts him to his feet. He irish whips KOJI into the ropes, who bounces back - X-Punk attempts for a clothesline, KOJI ducks it and bounces off the opposite ropes and X-Punk lifts and throws KOJI high into the air! However, Kitano comes down and nails X-Punk with a face buster! KOJI jumps up to his feet. Mak: That's got to hurt! King: Both of these competitors are so quick, Mak. Just like that the momentum of this match has switched in KOJI's favor. KOJI pulls X-Punk up from the mat, onto his feet and attempts to whip X-Punk into the corner, who reverses it, sending KOJI into the corner. X-Punk runs at KOJI, going for a spear, but KOJI just gets out of the way; X-Punk crashes into the ring post, falling to the outside of the ring, hitting the guard rail and rolling right over it into the audience. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh," goes the crowd. King: X-Punk had such momentum on that attempt of a spear, it sent him right into our fans right out here, beside us! The referee begins to count! ONE! TWO! The fans move away from X-Punk in the audience, as he leans up against a few chairs, trying to shake off the cobwebs. KOJI just smiles at X-Punk, grabs onto the top rope, jumps up and springboards himself onto X-Punk, into the audience with a somersault plancha! King: Holy SHIT! "SWF! SWF! SWF!" cheers the audience! Referee Brian Warner is still in the ring, starting a count. ONE! TWO! KOJI is up to his feet and grabs onto X-Punks head, and throws him back over the guard railing, onto the mats at ringside. THREE! FOUR! KOJI himself hops over the barracade and hops up onto the apron and enters the ring through the middle and top ropes, at the same time Nastaha begins yelling at the referee to stop the count. Brian Warner begins arguing back at her. On the other side of the ring, KOJI is awaiting X-Punk to get back to his feet. X-Punk is slowly getting up, using the barracade beside him for a little bit of leverage. Chris Card comes around to this side of the ring and yells at X-Punk. Chris Card: You wanted to screw with the SWF? Once X-Punk is on his knees and getting up to his feet, KOJI leaps over the top rope, landing on X-Punk's shoulders, attempting a hurricanrana. Just then X-Punk reverses the attempt and delivers a powerbomb on KOJI, straight to the mat outside the ring. Mak: Have mercy! King: What? Mak: I said, have mercy. King: I know what you said, it's just that sounds like a lame line that a terrible commentator on another federation would use. X-Punk falls back up against the ring. Brian Warner turns around, focusing on the action once again. He begins the count. ONE! TWO! KOJI is laying on the floor. X-Punk stomps the chest of KOJI. THREE! FOUR! FIVE! X-Punk picks KOJI up and rolls him into the ring. X-Punk enters the ring, sliding under the bottom rope. X-Punk grabs onto the head of KOJI, but KOJI with a jawbreaker! X-Punk falls into the second rope. KOJI then tries to talk with the referee, clearly distracting him. Natasha on the outside slaps X-Punk across the face. Mak: I think we all knew she would get involved somehow. King: Now, now, Mak. Don't jump the gun. KOJI shoves the referee out of the way and begins stomping on X-Punk. KOJI walks over to the corner of the ring, with his back against the turnbuckle; He grabs onto the top rope and lifts himself up onto the top turnbuckle so he is sitting on it. KOJI goes even further and gets up so he is standing on the top rope, facing X-Punk laying in the ring. KOJI with a somersault knee drop! Cover by KOJI! ONE..... TWO.... THR.......... X-Punk kicks out! KOJI can't believe it. Natasha is going crazy at ringside, slapping her hands against the mat as Chris Card is slapping his hands together, telling the referee it was a slow count. X-Punk begins getting up, as KOJI also gets to his feet. The two begin delivering right hands to one another, staggering back and fourth as they do it. X-Punk begins to gain a little bit of momentum, delivering 4 consecutive right hands to KOJI. X-Punk then kicks KOJI in the gut, and hits a double underhook suplex. X-Punk is up to his feet after a second. KOJI rolls over to the ropes and uses them to help himself get up. His back is turned to X-Punk, who then delivers a crossface chickenwing suplex onto KOJI. King: KOJI just landed on his head, Mak. Cover by X-Punk! ONE.... TWO... THRE...... KOJI manages to get a shoulder up! Mak: I don't know how much more these two can take. KOJI just landed on his head, and he's still not out of this one yet. King: Did you expect anything less? Mak: Wel.. King: Rhetorical question, Mak. X-Punk gets up onto his feet and grabs onto KOJI's legs and locks in the sharpshooter in the middle of the ring. KOJI is screaming in pain. The referee gets down on the mat, ready to call for the bell. KOJI is trying to get to the ropes, forcing X-Punk to move just a little bit. But X-Punk pulls him back into the center of the ring, applying more pressure into the hold, leaning back into KOJI's back. Natasha and Chris Card are on the outside of the ring, yelling for KOJI to try and make it to the ropes. X-Punk releases the hold. Mak: What is X-Punk doing? X-Punk sits down next to KOJI on the mat and pulls his arm between the legs of himself, in front of him and locks in a crossface crippler. KOJI is still reaching for the ropes, screaming in pain. Mak: Typical Canadian moves here. KOJI rolls over and reverses it into a pin! Brian Warner makes the count! ONE.... TWO.... X-Punk kicks out! X-Punk is quickly to his feet and back on the attack on KOJI, stomping him on the mat. Natasha gets up on the apron yelling at X-Punk, who then focuses his attention to her. The referee is yelling at Natasha to get off the apron. X-Punk begins walking towards Natasha. KOJI, who now can freely do anything to X-Punk, since he's not paying attention crawls over and low blows X-Punk. Being just struck at the core of a man, he falls to the mat. Natasha hops down off of the apron. Mak: That's exactly what KOJI wanted her to do, King. Distract X-Punk so he could gain the advantage. King: You have the worst answers to things sometimes, Mak. KOJI is up to his feet now, smiling at Nastaha and Chris Card. KOJI rolls X-Punk over onto his stomach and places each of his feet onto X-Punk's knee's and grabs onto his arms and falls backwards, into a surfboard. KOJI then places one foot on the back of X-Punk's head as he goes forward again and slams X-Punk's head into the mat. King: The Darkness Stomp! X-Punk, lays on the mat, motionless for a few moments before then showing signs of consciousness. KOJI stalks X-Punk, waiting for him to get to his feet. KOJI walks around the ring, staring at X-Punk, who is struggling to even get up to his knees. X-Punk is slowly getting up to one knee. KOJI dashes at X-Punk, attempting a powerful clothesline; X-Punk rolls out of the way KOJI quickly looks back at only to be superkicked in the jaw by X-Punk! The referee Brian Warner can't believe what he just saw. Chris Card grabs onto his head, as if attempting to almost pull out his own hair. Mak: What a move out of desperation here, by X-Punk! I don't know where he got the energy to do that. King: He's Canadian, Mak. You shouldn't need to try and figure it out. KOJI tries to keep his balance, however he falls back into a corner into a sitting position. X-Punk exits the inside of the ring through the middle and top ropes, but still staying on the apron. KOJI uses the turnbuckle for leverage, to get to his feet and steps out from the turnbuckle. Just then X-Punk jumps straight up and and bounces off the top rope only to deliver a springboard tornado DDT. X-Punk is quick to make it to the turnbuckle. He jumps up and raises his arms into the air, signaling the end of the match. X-Punk delivers the Mission X! The crowd with a "Holy shit" chant! Cover by X-Punk!. Brian Warner makes the count! ONE.... TWO.... ......... THRE..... The crowd goes crazy, all standing on their feet. KOJI just barely gets an arm and shoulder up! King: Holy shit, Mak. These two just don't know when to stop. X-Punk rolls off KOJI, sitting beside him and in complete shock. Natasha and Chris Cade both show a sigh of relief at ringside. King: One of X-Punk's finishers didn't even put KOJI away. KOJI will do absolutely anything to win a match. I honestly have no idea how he kicked out from that. He is undefeated in tag team wrestling with his partner, TORU though. He's proven he can go with the best of them. X-Punk gets up on his right knee, shaking his head in disbelief; X-Punk gets up to his feet. X-Punk grabs the left arm of KOJI and drags him into the corner. KOJI, is sitting down in the corner, trying to shake off the Mission X. X-Punk lifts him to his feet. X-Punk, himself gets into the corner and climbs up to the top rope. X-Punk, who is sitting on the top rope, pulls KOJI up the turnbuckles. Mak: What is X-Punk going for here? X-Punk stands up on the top rope and holds KOJI in place, who is also standing on the top rope. As soon as KOJI gets to the top rope, he punches X-Punk in the gut. X-Punk tries to keep his balance as KOJI punches him in the gut again with a right hand. KOJI grabs onto X-Punk's arm and nails a swinging neck breaker off the top rope! King: What a mistake by X-Punk! KOJI barely throws an arm over X-Punk. Brian Warner makes the count! ONE.... TWO.... ..... ......... THRE... X-Punk gets a shoulder up! Both men are down on the mat. Natasha runs over to the side of the ring the referee is on and begins yelling at him. Brian Warner focuses his attention to her, once again. Mak: Once again, Natasha is getting herself involved. King: Can you blame the referee for focusing on her? She's gorgeous. X-Punk is down and KOJI is slowly getting to his feet. KOJI is up and walks over to X-Punk, kicking him in the side. X-Punk rolls right outside of the ring. KOJI then grabs onto the referee, turning him away from X-Punk. Chris Cade begins stomping on X-Punk's chest. Brian Warner frees himself from KOJI and turns to X-Punk, in which Chris Cade backs away from X-Punk, with his arms raised, gesturing he didn't do anything. Brian Warner: Enough, back it up! X-Punk is getting to his feet, KOJI runs into the ropes opposite of where X-Punk is at on the mat and bounces back, jumps and hits a corkscrew tope onto X-Punk! The crowd cheers! Both men are down. Brian Warner begins to count! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! KOJI uses the side of the ring to help himself get to his feet. FIVE! SIX! KOJI grabs X-Punk by the head and rolls him into the ring. KOJI pulls himself up onto the apron, grabs onto the tope rope and jumps and hits a springboard guillotine legdrop onto X-Punk. Cover by KOJI! ONE.. ..... TWO.... ... TH...... X-Punk kicks out! KOJI is in complete disbelief. KOJI rolls over, facing Chris Card who also cannot believe X-Punk just kicked out. X-Punk gets up to one knee before using the rest of his strength to get himself to his own feet. KOJI realizes X-Punk is up and also gets to his feet. KOJI and X-Punk lock up. KOJI puts X-Punk in an headlock. X-Punk elbows his way out of the hold. X-Punk with a quick arm drag to KOJI, sending him to the mat. KOJI is up immediately only for X-Punk to deliver another arm drag. KOJI is up, and X-Punk irish whips him into the ropes, X-Punk attempts a spinning heel kick to the head of KOJI, who runs under X-Punk's leg and bounces back off the opposite ropes, X-Punk attempts a back body drop and KOJI jumps over X-Punk and bounces back off the previous set of ropes. X-Punk with a back kick to the gut of KOJI. X-Punk turns around, places KOJI's head down between X-Punk's legs, facing the ring apron. X-Punk clutches his arms around the waist of KOJI and nails the X-Bomb! King: This could be it! X-Punk grabs onto the right arm of KOJI and drags him over towards the corner a bit and turns his motionless body around. X-Punk exits the inside of the ring through the middle and top ropes and ascends to the top of the turnbuckles. X-Punk with a shooting star press! X-Punk hooks the leg! Brian Warner hits the mat, to make the count. ONE.... TWO.... ... Mak: Could it be? .... THREE! Brian Warner signals for the bell! DING! DING! DING! Ten Thousand Fists hits over the arena. The crowd boos. X-Punk rolls off of KOJI's body, and lays on the mat beside him. Funyon: Here is the winner of the match, via pinfall! XXXXXXX-PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNK! Mak: Certainly an impressive victory here tonight, for X-Punk. King: X-Punk just beat one half of the SWF Tag Team Champions in what was one hell of a fight. I don't know if you heard the rumors or not Mak, but I heard X-Punk's partner, Kevin Riggs is having some problems with some legal paperwork and may not be able to compete in the SWF. Maybe, this is the beginning of singles competition for X-Punk. Mak: Certainly an interesting situation X-Punk has. But, let's not forget there is other members of the DVS who he can turn too for tag team action if those rumors turn out to be true. We'll let time tell the story. X-Punk slowly gets up to his feet, as the referee raises his arms high into the air. X-Punk begins celebrating his win by waving his Canadian Flag which was passed to him by Brian Warner. KOJI slowly rolls out of the ring and is helped to his feet by Chris Card and Natasha. The duo each has an arm of KOJI around their necks and head up the ramp. They turn and look at X-Punk, very clearly showing their anger in his victory. They exit through the curtains. X-Punk rolls to the outside of the ring, under the bottom rope and waves his flag as he heads up the ramp before exiting through the curtain. END

That's a reason to push someone in pro wrestling. Not by being entertaining (strike 1), showing that you can connect to the audience in anything other than getting cheap heat (strike 2) or bringing something new and exciting to the table that'll get people to tune in to watch you (strike 3), but because your country is declaring war and bombing another country. That Festus match was as much Festus as Koslov, if not more. Why not push Festus? At least he's entertaining.

The talent exchange is still in effect. Actually, scratch that. The talent exchange is still in effect if you're an ECW wrestler and you decide you want to appear on Smackdown. 'Sup Chavo?

The assumption is that Shawn will continue to remain retired and comforting his wife while Jericho continues to gloat and admonish Shawn for his own actions which would free Jericho for show and since he beat the champion, he has a rightful claim for the match. Otherwise, why have Jericho beat Punk at all? Why have the match at if it doesn't lead anywhere. Maybe it's natural pessimism, but I don't expect them to wait another month to do Michaels/Jericho again. If they've got a big singles feud going, surely the main-event being a multi-man gimmick match would lend itself to having that singles feud in a singles match on the show as well. Obviously it'd be better to save it to Survivor Series, but the days of 'B-PPVs' aren't so prominent since they stopped doing brand exclusive PPVs, nearly all the shows are so similiar now it's hard to tell. I don't think that would stop them. Besides, Unforgiven, the show name itself lends itself perfectly. As far as why do Punk/Jericho? Well, Jericho in the Scramble isn't the only natural progression. Maybe this week Jericho says he deserves to be in the Scramble because he beat the World Champ, Adamle says he can't do that but gives him a 1 on 1 Title match with Punk instead, "And Then..." Michaels runs in and costs Jericho the match to give Punk the win back. Not the best option, but would you put it past them? Like I say, I'm not saying for sure they won't put Jericho in. But I'd say the odds are against it.

GENESIS! ...is in September. Infact both of our next two shows are, technically, as the next show will have a September 2nd due-date. Genesis will then be on September 23rd and we'd like to get as many of you involved in that as possible, naturally. We'd also in particular like to encourage our lurker friends who'd maybe be interested in one more for the road, so to speak, to let us know, since it's Genesis and all. Basically, anyone and everyone who can get on the Genesis card would be much appreciated. Anyway, let us know if you're in or out to make things as smooth as possible.

All this 'debate' over the Scramble Match is doing my head in already. If I post 'nobody fucking knows yet' every time someone asks the question in the next two weeks, would that constitute trolling or would I get special dispensation for preventing the 15 posts back and forth quoting something that gives absolutely no information either way?

COLE Folks, it's time for our second semifinal match in the Money in the Bank tournament, the winner going on to face Krista Isadora Duncan at AngleSlam in 10 days! Let's go up to Michael Buffer! *DING DING DING* (slow and dramatic) BUFFER [i]LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen...this is our second of two Money in the Bank tournament semifinal matches! Tonight, in the ongoing battle for stable supremacy in the OAOAST, two men...two leaders of these dominant stables...will do battle for the first time ever! The winner will advance to the finals at AngleSlam, August 31, from San Antonio, Texas, to face Krista Isadora Duncan. ARE YOU READY?[/i] *crowd cheers* BUFFER [i]Mobile, Alabama...ARRRRRRRRRE YYYYYYYYYOUUUUUUUUUUU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?[/i] *crowd cheers louder* BUFFER [i]Then for the thousands in attendance here in Mobile, and the millions watching all around the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEE EEEE!!!!![/i] *crowd cheers* [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOP6XZtEINI][i]Magnum Opus[/url][/i] hits, and the cheers intensify as Alf walks through the curtains. BUFFER [i]Coming to the ring at this time...wearing black plants with white trim, and white shirt, and weighing in at 236 1/2 pounds! Truly a trailblazer of this company, tonight he fights for tradition, as he takes one more step back to the top of the mountain. Ladies and gentlemen...the leader of the Deadly Alliance...a former three-time heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!![/i] Alf rolls into the ring and poses on the buckles, as the crowd continues to cheer him on. COLE Alf, on his way to this match, defeating Baron Windels in the first round, then gaining a controversial victory over the Metrosexual Monster, Bohemoth, thanks to the help of a barbed wire bat! Alf stands in a corner, as his music dies down. "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFnnV595byE][i]Megalomaniac[/url][/i] by Incubus hits, as from behind the curtain steps Megan Skye, heralding the arrival of Landon who stops at the top of the ramp and thrusting his hands out to his side to boos. BUFFER [i]His opponent...wearing yellow and red, with white letters, and weighing in at an even 208 pounds...this man has taken the OAOAST by storm over the last year, and looks to return to the World championship status which he held at this time one year ago. Accompanied by his "Perfect 10", Megan Skye...ladies and gentlemen...the leader of Cucaracha Internacional...a former four-time heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...LLLLLANDONNNN "LAAAAAA CUCARACCCCCHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" MMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXX XXXXXXXXXX!!!!![/i] Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. COLE Landon's road includes two very impressive victories, one over the Enterprise's Christian Wright, then in the last round against the United States champion, Colombian Heat! Alf just looks on as Landon does his thing in mid-ring, then Megan steps out and the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Landon and Alf slowly approach each other in mid-ring, then face off, as a chant builds up. "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" COACH Well, it's obvious who the crowd favorite is here, Cole! Alf and Landon back away from one another, then circle the ring, and tie up. Alf backs Landon into a corner, but Landon reverses, and backs Alf in. Landon starts to break, but delivers a shot to the gut. He then delivers some kicks to the gut, and talks a bit of trash. COLE Landon gaining an advantage early on, and talking some trash to Alf! Landon whips Alf across, and charges, but Alf springs himself over, then executes an armdrag! Landon gets to his feet, and charges into a drop toe hold, then Alf kneels over his back and paintbrushes him! COLE And look at this, both guys trying to get under the skin of the other early on! Landon rolls into a corner, holding the back of his head while staring at Alf, who motions for him to "come on." Landon slowly gets to his feet, moves in, and the two tie up. Landon grabs a side headlock, but Alf backs him into the ropes, then shoves him off. Landon comes back, and takes Alf to the mat with a shouldercheck. Landon then runs to the ropes, as Alf rolls to his stomach. Alf gets to his feet and executes a leapfrog, then drops down and executes a reverse monkeyflip! A groggy Landon gets to his feet, and is clotheslined to the floor! COLE Alf on a roll early on, and maybe he will advance to face Krista at AngleSlam! Alf lets Landon climb to the apron, then snapmares him back over the ropes, and drags him into the corner. COACH Oh no, not this! Alf delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Landon screams in pain and drops to his knees, forming an X with his arms across his chest. COLE Landon hates those knife-edge chops, and there's no one in the business who lays them in like Alf does! Alf drags him back up, and delivers another CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf pulls Landon out to mid-ring, and executes a snap suplex! He follows up with a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! The camera cuts backstage, showing a split-screen of Cucaracha Internacional members sitting in chairs watching the match on the left, and Deadly Alliance members on the right, standing around a monitor. COACH Look at this! COLE And there you see the units, intently watching this one, seeing how their leaders fare here in the semifinals of the Money in the Bank tournament! Landon reverses an Irish whip, but puts his head down, and Alf catches him with a swinging neckbreaker! James Blonde cringes in the back, as Alf covers... 1... 2... Kickout! The camera cuts back to the ring, as Alf sets up Landon on the ropes, and attempts another Irish whip. Landon reverses once again, then drops down, then executes a leapfrog, then catches Alf with a flying forearm! After hitting Alf, Landon spins around and lands on his knees, with his back to Alf's head. He then postures to the crowd, drawing boos. COLE Landon with a big flying forearm, and the tide has turned here! Landon covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Landon stomps away at Alf, until he rolls to the floor. Landon follows, then scoops up Alf, and rams his lower back into the ringpost! COLE And Alf with his back into the steel ringpost! Landon rolls Alf back inside, then picks him up and scoop slams him, then executes his double stomp/back senton combo! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Landon sets up Alf for an Irish whip, but Alf reverses. Alf executes a leapfrog, but Landon catches him with the THESZ PLANT~! COLE Landon with the Thesz Plant, and the hook of the leg... 1... 2... Kickout! Landon complains to the referee about the count, to no avail. He then backs Alf into a corner, and delivers some quick kicks, then attempts to whip Alf across. Alf reverses, and Landon springs to the middle rope, and comes back with a bodypress...but Alf rolls through! 1... 2... Kickout! Landon knocks Alf back to the mat with a double axhandle, and Alf rolls to the apron. Landon attempts a suplex back inside, but Alf slips behind the back and grabs a rear waistlock. He attempts a German suplex, but Landon flips over to his feet, and executes a BACKCRACKER~! COLE Backcracker by Landon! 1... 2... Kickout! Landon picks up Alf, and attempts a suplex...but Alf rolls him up in a small package! 1... 2... Kickout! Landon catches Alf with a seated dropkick, then lays to catch his breath. When he does, he gets to his feet and whips Alf into the ropes, going for a gutwrench, but Alf spins through to his feet...then scoops up Landon, and plants him with a TOMBSTONE~! COLE BIG tombstone piledriver by Alf! Alf falls back down to the mat, and the referee begins a count. 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! Alf sits up, and starts to get to his feet. Landon rolls over to the ropes and pulls himself up, then makes his way to Alf, who catches him with a reverse atomic drop, followed by a Hart Attack clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf gets to his feet, and waits on Landon to get up...then executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE And Alf going for the kill here! Alf follows up with a T-BONE SUPLEX~!! Landon has the prescence of mind to roll into a corner, and begs off. Alf stalks him into the corner, then drags him out by his foot. Landon is able to push himself up as this is happening, and floors Alf with an ENZIGURI~! COLE Landon right back with an enziguri! COACH What a match this is, Cole! Landon rests from his knees, then climbs to the top. As he gets to the top, however, Alf gets to his feet, and racks him on the top! COACH Alf's going up! Alf follows Landon up, and brings him down with a SUPERPLEX~! COLE Superplex from the top rope! Could this be it? Alf drapes an arm over... 1... 2... NO! Landon gets a shoulder up! Alf picks up Landon, and delivers right hands. Landon takes a big swing, which Alf ducks, and locks in a sleeper! COLE Sleeper hold applied now! Landon makes it to the ropes, and as the referee moves to separate them, raises his leg up and low blows Alf! COLE Landon with a low blow, the referee didn't see it! Landon picks up Alf, and signals for the end. COACH Landon says he's gonna end it here! Landon scoops Alf onto his shoulders... COLE Could be the GTS here! Landon brings Alf down onto his knee...which Alf blocks, trips Landon up, and, much to the delight of the fans, locks in the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE Alf with the Sharpshooter! COACH I don't know if Landon can survive this, Cole! Landon screams in pain as he reaches for the ropes, but Alf pulls him back out to the center! COLE Right back in the middle! Alf is going to go to AngleSlam! Just then, Megan Skye hops onto the apron. COACH Not if Megan's got anything to say about it! Alf starts to release the hold after seeing Megan...then shoots her the bird, and cinches right back in on it! COLE And Alf unaffected by the prescence of Megan Skye! At that point, Megan comes into the ring, and removes a can of hairspray from her purse. Alf releases the hold, and sarcastically begs off into a corner, as Reject slides into the ring behind Megan, into a three-point stance. COLE Oh no, look at this... Alf raises his arms into the air, as if he were being stuck up, then Megan turns around...right into the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 from Reject! COLE Reject with the Eulogy on Megan Skye! Give me a break! Reject stares down on Megan, as the referee angrily motions for him to leave the ring. Meanwhile, Alf climbs to the outside and rummages under the ring, and Landon crawls over to Megan. COLE Landon over to check on Megan here, yet another heinous attack on a defenseless female by the demented Reject! Landon makes it over to Megan, shaking her lightly. And when she doesn't respond, he immediately gives up and starts to route through the purse of Megan, pulling a set of brass knuckles out. COLE Landon's not checking on her at all, he just wanted a foreign object! And he's got one! Alf then pulls a BARBED WIRE BAT from under the ring! COACH Uh-oh, and so does Alf! Landon sneakily loads the knucks into his kneepad, as more referees make their way out to force Reject away. Alf rolls into the ring, and shoves Megan to the floor with his foot, then waits for Landon to get up. When he does, Alf raises the bat in the air...but Landon delivers a knee to the gut! COLE OH! Landon with a knee to the stomach, and remember that kneepad is loaded! Landon then scoops the doubled-up Alf onto his shoulders...and delivers the GO 2 SLEEP~!!!!!11111 COLE And now the GTS, right onto the loaded kneepad! The referee finally turns around, and slides back inside as Landon covers... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE And Landon Maddix is going to AngleSlam! BUFFER [i]The winner of the match, advancing to the finals of the Money in the Bank tournament...LLLLLANDONNNN "LAAAAAA CUCARACCCCCHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" MMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXX XXXXXXXXXX!!!!![/i] The referee raises the hand of Landon, who is wore out on his knees. COLE Landon will now face Krista Isadora Duncan at AngleSlam, for the money and the contract! What a match! COACH Can you imagine if Mr. Moneymaker had to give his money to Landon Maddix? COLE The match should be most interesting, there's no doubt about it! As Alf starts to come to in the ring, Landon has rolled outside and punches the air in celebration. It's only now that he shows any recognition of Megan unconscious to his left, picking her up in his arms, her condition doing nothing to dampen the BIG smile on his face! He starts down the aisle, but then notices Reject still being forced back, and decides instead to exit through the crowd. COACH And that's probably a good decision right there, you don't to take Megan too close to that guy right now! COLE Alf gave it a great effort, but our Money in the Bank finals is set for AngleSlam, Krista Isadora Duncan vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix! Landon tries to get over the barrier with Megan but struggles, so hangs her uncerimoniously over the barrier for a second while he climbs over. Still beaming, Landon heaves Megan back up off the barricade and gives her a pat on the BUTT for a job well done as he carries her unconscious body through the crowd. COACH Who says chivalry is dead!? COLE Oh brother.

Why do people still assume Jericho's going to end up in the Raw Scramble? If they were going to put him in it, why wouldn't they have just announced him at the exact same time as everybody else, instead of doing some angle to put him in? Not saying it definately won't happen, but I don't see why people think it will.

'Shades of gray' isn't such a bad thing in that theory. If you watch most good TV dramas, people are exaggerated moments of ourselves. They aren't just bad for the sake of being bad. The bad guys aren't going around killing people because somebody spilled coffee on them, you've usually got some sort of moment of empathy with the characters who are clearly not to be routed for, no matter how short it is, to give them a human element. So I guess the arguement is, should wrestling be like other TV shows. Russo would say yes. Most people would say no (and you could argue that most people who watch wrestling need things dumbed down to 'this guy good, this guy bad, cheer the nice guy, boo the bad guy'). I don't mind a little shade of gray. The problem as HTQ said is, you can't have everyone playing shades of gray. Wrestling isn't like most TV dramas because you need someone to route for.

Didn't he say similar about Yang? Or am I getting them confused?

Hopefully one of the three unnamed battle royal guys is Col... uh, Scotty Goldman. As far as this Scramble concept, the title 'changing hands' doesn't neccessarily mean a new championship reign. The title has to change possession if there's a fall, because that's the concept of the match. Whether it'll be recognised or not is another issue. The fact they use the phrase 'officially recognised as World Champion' for whoever wins the match, not whoever wins the fall, would indicate otherwise. In reality we'll be debating this back and forth for 2 weeks, when nobody knows for certain. And even after the match, half the people will be BUTT-hurt about the actual resolution and just decide to recognise or not recognise title-reigns anyway.

Because they're doing Jericho/Michaels at Unforgiven?

Blah blah CM Punk. The question everybody should be asking... does Adamle have x-ray vision? I mean, when he blew off Primo Colon and went running off to find Cena, there's no way he could have seen he'd walked in without looking through the interview set and two walls. Either whoever set up the shot is a moron or Adamle has super-powers. I hope it's the latter.

COLE Sunday night, August 31st we will see Jade Rodez-Duncan challenging for the OAOAST Women's Championship against the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns who has been dominanting the women's division since her arrival, Malaysia Nerdly. We've already seen Jade in training for this huge challenge. Earlier this week, our cameras caught up with the Champion and this is what she had to say. We open up in what a helpful graphic on screen informs us is the Nerdly family basement in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Not unlike most basements, it's not a grand room. Infact it looks old and crumbling, the white paintwork on the walls greyed and distressed in places over the years, the wooden ceiling worn down. The basement is home to plenty of gym apparatus, a few workbenches, a large collection of weights set up in one corner. Strangely, there are some reddish stains on the old green carpeting near some of the benches. And I can't quite explain why one weight bench has RESTRAINTS built in. But suffice is to say, there's a slightly unnerving feel about the whole place. The only person who would ever dream of calling this 'home' is Malaysia Nerdly, who stands in the centre of the broken down basement with a sick smile on her face. Which is her usual smile. But no less sick for it. With the OAOAST Women's Title the one bright and pretty object in the entire basement, Malaysia stares into the camera for a couple of seconds, holding her trusty cat o' nine tails in one hand. MALAYSIA So Jade... it seems you can't get enough of me. Well, that's good. Because I just can't get enough of you Jade. Walking across the basement, Malaysia runs her index finger up and down a steel bar on one of the weight machines, seemingly lost in her thoughts. MALAYSIA Our past meetings have been so much fun Jade. I can still hear you screaming in pain as I put you in my inverted crab. I can still see the tears in your eyes as I pulled on that pretty blonde hair, trod on your neck... choked you, seeing you cough and splutter for breath, your face turning that beautiful shade of purple..... Getting a little over-excited, Malaysia sits down on a bench, breathing deeply. With a smile on her face, she grips the handle on her cat o' nine tails that bit tighter. MALAYSIA Every time you've stepped in the ring with me, I've hurt you. What makes you think AngleSlam will be any different Jade? It's not. Because that's what I do Jade. I hurt people. I feed off of other people's pain and suffering. It... [i]excites[/i] me. And the fact that you keep coming back for more... it just makes you all that more... [i]enticing[/i], Jade. Some people, they just can't take the pain. They don't enjoy it, like I do. Maybe you're different. Maybe you're a [i]glutton[/i]... for my [i]punishment[/i]. Malaysia stands back up, panting ever so slightly and biting her bottom lip. MALAYSIA Jade, those first two times in the ring with you, they felt [i]so[/i] good. I can't imagine how good it's going to feel at AngleSlam. Because I've seen you in training Jade. And this time, I think you might be ready... [b]*THWACK!*[/b] Malaysia turns around and cracks the cat o' nine tails against the wall, slashing the dried paint off of the brickwork. MALAYSIA ...for the next level. HAHAHAHA! With a chilling laugh and smile from Malaysia, the footage comes to an end in an abrupt scene of static. (BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL) COLE ...okay, I'll say it. That was really creepy. COACH *fapfapfapfap* COLE Do you have to do that now!? COACH Oh, sorry. Pulling his hands out from under the table, Coach sets down his ball and paddle sadly. COLE Thank you. COACH No problem. Mind if I whack one off now I'm done with that? COLE I hate you so much.

Hulk Machine Part 1 Hulk Machine Part 2 Piper Machine

Super and Big were the regular Machines, I think. The rest were just the guys in question under masks, very thinly disguised. At least I know Hulk Machine was, that's the only other Machine I've actually seen.

How about "HEY, IS THAT SABA SIMBA!?" for big Tony?

Money In The Bank Semi Final Alfdogg vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix Words from Malaysia Nerdly

Card has been updated to reflect the new stipulations for the main-event.

Am I right in thinking this is all because Vince McMahon hated being called Vince Jr? I think I remember reading that somewhere.

I took one for my Sun Dream Team. Imagine my disappointment watching the Chelsea game knowing of all of them I chose Michael Essien. And of course Darren Fletcher miraculously scores a goal and earns me no points on the premierleague team because I had him on the bench. Groan. But yeah, we really need a new striker. We've needed a new striker for 2 seasons honestly, even if we did win the title in both. Relying on Ronaldo isn't going to work for much longer and the fact we had to play Frazier Campbell up front, exciting prospect as he may be, just isn't right. Hopefully we get someone in between now and deadline.

Hey-hey, I'm in. Brad Friedel Rio Ferdinand Bacary Sagna Phil Neville David Bentley Ashley Young Martin Petrov Zoltan Gera Theo Walcott Nicholas Anelka Robbie Keane SUBS Craig Gordon Phillip Senderos Darren Fletcher Paul Scharner Of course, with this you can make transfers every week to suit who's playing who (I think it's one free player every week, then 4 points off your score for every extra player you change.) which is going to come in handy by the looks of it. Thought I was onto a sure thing with Andy Johnson playing against Hull, but apparantly he's injured, so out he goes.

Dusty Rhodes?