King Cucaracha

Backstage in the humble Commissioner's office, Landon Maddix is working hard. No, honestly, he is. Not on trivial stuff like paperwork or show promotion or contract renewals or talent scouting or... well, you get the point. The work he's chosen to do is the work of the 'bad cop'. Another day, another cancellation and Landon isn't gonna stand for it! "Guys, I ain't gonna stand for this!" As Landon leans against his desk with arms folded and the most menacing look he can manage on his face, the camera 180s to reveal Longdogger Pete and Munich, both DRENCHED from head to toe, looking extremely windswept and breathing heavily. "We at the SWF won't tolerate people refusing to wrestle in their chosen matches. You are contracted employees of the SWF. If we tell you to wrestle in a Cage Match, you wrestle in a cage. We tell you to wrestle on stilts, you damn well better learn them stilts skills. And when we tell you to have a Miami Mayhem match, you will... do whatever it is that a Miami Mayhem match entails!" "Uh..." Munich interrupts, raising his hand like a schoolkid. "Yes?" "You realise you booked us in a match on the beach in the middle of a hurricane, yes?" Landon turns his head, Megan giving him a nod to confirm that yes, indeed, that's true. "Well, give me a break guys. Who could have seen that coming? Really? What do I look like, some sort of... weather guy?" "Meteorologist." "That's space stuff, Megan. We didn't book them in a match in space... although, if we did, we'd expect you to compete in it without any complaints!" Both Pete and Munich are too cold, tired and soaked to really argue. "You know the deal by now. Usual fine. No access to the post-show buffet. We would introduce you to a certain little Japanese friend of ours, but apparantly she's stuck in traffic, for some reason. Something about bad weathe..." Landon looks the soaked pair in front of him up and down. "...ah, right. Okay, on your way." *SQUELCH!* *SQUELCH!* *SQUELCH!* *SQUELCH!* *SLAM!* "...have somebody come by with a mop, please Megan?"

Ten Thousand Fists hits over the arena. Funyon: Ladies and Gentleman, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, introducing first from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, representing the DVS! Weighing in at 223 pounds, this is X-PUUUUUUNK!" The lights dim and the crowd boos. A laser etched maple leaf appears on the entranceway and X-Punk walks out through the curtains, beginning to wave his Canadian flag. He makes his way down the ramp, waving his flag high. On the way to the ring he argues with a few fans. Mak: I see X-Punk is making some friends here tonight, King King: Shut it! X-Punk walks up the steel steps and enters the ring through the middle and top ropes. He walks over to the ropes, facing the camera and steps up onto the second rope with his right leg and the first rope with his left leg and leans forward waving his flag high. He steps down and sets up his flag in the corner of the ring. Referee Brian Warner checks X-Punk for foreign objects, as he stands in the corner. The lights go down and the pulsing electronic beats of 'Tribe' by Mad Capsule Markets start up as strobes flicker across the audience. 'T K O' flashes up on the Smarktron interspersed with images of the KOJI. Funyon: Introducing next, his opponent, from Saitama Prefecture, Japan and weighing in at 219 pounds, representing TEEE KAAAYYY OOO, and one half of the SWF Tag Team Champions! This is KOOOOOOOJI KIIIIITAAAANOOO! Chris Card and Natasha come out and start to walk down to the ring as Funyon speaks. KOJI appears as the first guitar riff hits, then folds his arms and glowers out at the crowd while the muted Japanese chanting builds up to... *BOOOM!* 'TRIIIIIIBE! Why don't you strike, justify your mind!' The pyro goes off and he makes his way down to the ring, where Natasha removes both his coat and shades and passes them to Chris Card for safekeeping. He jumps straight up to the ring apron. KOJI performs a rolling flip into the ring, he then flips the bird at X-Punk. X-Punk shakes his head X-Punk: Are you serious? Brian Warner: What? X-Punk: This is like Jet Lee meets the fucking Matrix. This is pathetic. To think that I came here, and this is what I get faced with? Brian Warner checks KOJI for foreign objects. He signals for the bell! DING DING DING! KOJI and X-Punk lock up. Suddenly, X-Punk backs out away from KOJI with his arms up in the air. The crowd boos wildly. X-Punk exits the ring through the middle and top ropes and hops down to the mat. The referee begins the count to ten. ONE! Mak: I guess X-Punk is running back home to Canada? TWO! King: Don't be so ignorant, Mak. He's taking a quick breather. THREE! Mak: A breather? The match hasn't even started yet. FOUR! King: Are you not paying attention? The bell rang. FIVE! X-Punk begins telling fans they will not see him compete, yelling at them. X-Punk even goes so far to grab a sign that says 'We Love SWF' and rips it up. Just at that exact moment KOJI runs and bounces off the ropes - running forward in the direction of X-Punk jumps and his a corkscrew moonsault onto X-Punk, outside the ring. The referee re-starts the count to ten. ONE! TWO! KOJI is quick to get to his feet and grabs X-Punk's head and delivers right hands. THREE! FOUR! KOJI lifts X-Punk up to his feet; X-Punk is staggering a bit after such a moonsault. KOJI rolls X-Punk back into the ring. X-Punk is quickly to his feet. KOJI begins to slide into the ring, only to be hit by an elbow to the back of him, by X-Punk. X-Punk is back on his feet now and turns KOJI over and delivers a leg drop. X-Punk seems to be quite happy with his work on KOJI, cracking a grin. X-Punk turns him around so KOJI's head is under the bottom rope. X-Punk grabs a hold of KOJI's legs and feet and falls backwards, as KOJI's neck snaps off the bottom rope; KOJI begins clutching his neck in pain as X-Punk looks down at him and laughs. X-Punk picks KOJI up to his feet and body slams him straight to the mat. X-Punk runs into the ropes which are parallel with KOJI, bounces back and delivers a rolling thunder onto KOJI. X-Punk stands up and poses for the audience, as they boo. X-Punk slowly picks KOJI up to his feet and irish whips him into the corner. X-Punk dashes towards KOJI who jumps up and wraps his legs around X-Punk's head, delivering a headscissors, sending X-Punk to the mat; KOJI is up. X-Punk is up and KOJI with a spinning roundhouse kick onto X-Punk. KOJI with a spinning back kick on X-Punk. KOJI then delivers a series of roundhouse kicks to the head of X-Punk, who falls to his knees. KOJI jumps forward and wraps his arm around X-Punk's head and forces himself backwards, delivering a DDT on X-Punk! Mak: Those kicks from KOJI, are absolutely deadly, King. Not to mention his speed. King: I certainly wouldn't want to be in X-Punk's shoes, right now. Cover by KOJI. Brian Warner slides down onto the mat, ready to count. ONE... TWO.......... X-Punk gets a shoulder up. KOJI rolls over and gets up to his feet and lifts X-Punk up to his feet and irish whips him into the ropes, X-Punk bounces back and KOJI with a belly to belly suplex. KOJI is up and walks over towards X-Punk. X-Punk spins around and grabs onto KOJI's feet, tripping him up. KOJI loses his balance and falls onto the bottom rope. X-Punk gets up and grabs onto the top rope and stands directly over KOJI and jumps up and comes down onto his back! KOJI remains laying on the bottom rope for a moment. Just then, X-Punk jumps over the top rope and delivers a guillotine legdrop onto Kitano. KOJI rolls around in the ring, grasping his neck; KOJI, still clearly showing the pain from the previous assault by X-Punk on his neck. X-Punk immediately rolls back into the ring and yells at KOJI to get up. X-Punk walks back and fourth as he watches KOJI roll around the ring for a few seconds. X-Punk grabs KOJI's head and lifts him to his feet. He irish whips KOJI into the ropes, who bounces back - X-Punk attempts for a clothesline, KOJI ducks it and bounces off the opposite ropes and X-Punk lifts and throws KOJI high into the air! However, Kitano comes down and nails X-Punk with a face buster! KOJI jumps up to his feet. Mak: That's got to hurt! King: Both of these competitors are so quick, Mak. Just like that the momentum of this match has switched in KOJI's favor. KOJI pulls X-Punk up from the mat, onto his feet and attempts to whip X-Punk into the corner, who reverses it, sending KOJI into the corner. X-Punk runs at KOJI, going for a spear, but KOJI just gets out of the way; X-Punk crashes into the ring post, falling to the outside of the ring, hitting the guard rail and rolling right over it into the audience. "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh," goes the crowd. King: X-Punk had such momentum on that attempt of a spear, it sent him right into our fans right out here, beside us! The referee begins to count! ONE! TWO! The fans move away from X-Punk in the audience, as he leans up against a few chairs, trying to shake off the cobwebs. KOJI just smiles at X-Punk, grabs onto the top rope, jumps up and springboards himself onto X-Punk, into the audience with a somersault plancha! King: Holy SHIT! "SWF! SWF! SWF!" cheers the audience! Referee Brian Warner is still in the ring, starting a count. ONE! TWO! KOJI is up to his feet and grabs onto X-Punks head, and throws him back over the guard railing, onto the mats at ringside. THREE! FOUR! KOJI himself hops over the barracade and hops up onto the apron and enters the ring through the middle and top ropes, at the same time Nastaha begins yelling at the referee to stop the count. Brian Warner begins arguing back at her. On the other side of the ring, KOJI is awaiting X-Punk to get back to his feet. X-Punk is slowly getting up, using the barracade beside him for a little bit of leverage. Chris Card comes around to this side of the ring and yells at X-Punk. Chris Card: You wanted to screw with the SWF? Once X-Punk is on his knees and getting up to his feet, KOJI leaps over the top rope, landing on X-Punk's shoulders, attempting a hurricanrana. Just then X-Punk reverses the attempt and delivers a powerbomb on KOJI, straight to the mat outside the ring. Mak: Have mercy! King: What? Mak: I said, have mercy. King: I know what you said, it's just that sounds like a lame line that a terrible commentator on another federation would use. X-Punk falls back up against the ring. Brian Warner turns around, focusing on the action once again. He begins the count. ONE! TWO! KOJI is laying on the floor. X-Punk stomps the chest of KOJI. THREE! FOUR! FIVE! X-Punk picks KOJI up and rolls him into the ring. X-Punk enters the ring, sliding under the bottom rope. X-Punk grabs onto the head of KOJI, but KOJI with a jawbreaker! X-Punk falls into the second rope. KOJI then tries to talk with the referee, clearly distracting him. Natasha on the outside slaps X-Punk across the face. Mak: I think we all knew she would get involved somehow. King: Now, now, Mak. Don't jump the gun. KOJI shoves the referee out of the way and begins stomping on X-Punk. KOJI walks over to the corner of the ring, with his back against the turnbuckle; He grabs onto the top rope and lifts himself up onto the top turnbuckle so he is sitting on it. KOJI goes even further and gets up so he is standing on the top rope, facing X-Punk laying in the ring. KOJI with a somersault knee drop! Cover by KOJI! ONE..... TWO.... THR.......... X-Punk kicks out! KOJI can't believe it. Natasha is going crazy at ringside, slapping her hands against the mat as Chris Card is slapping his hands together, telling the referee it was a slow count. X-Punk begins getting up, as KOJI also gets to his feet. The two begin delivering right hands to one another, staggering back and fourth as they do it. X-Punk begins to gain a little bit of momentum, delivering 4 consecutive right hands to KOJI. X-Punk then kicks KOJI in the gut, and hits a double underhook suplex. X-Punk is up to his feet after a second. KOJI rolls over to the ropes and uses them to help himself get up. His back is turned to X-Punk, who then delivers a crossface chickenwing suplex onto KOJI. King: KOJI just landed on his head, Mak. Cover by X-Punk! ONE.... TWO... THRE...... KOJI manages to get a shoulder up! Mak: I don't know how much more these two can take. KOJI just landed on his head, and he's still not out of this one yet. King: Did you expect anything less? Mak: Wel.. King: Rhetorical question, Mak. X-Punk gets up onto his feet and grabs onto KOJI's legs and locks in the sharpshooter in the middle of the ring. KOJI is screaming in pain. The referee gets down on the mat, ready to call for the bell. KOJI is trying to get to the ropes, forcing X-Punk to move just a little bit. But X-Punk pulls him back into the center of the ring, applying more pressure into the hold, leaning back into KOJI's back. Natasha and Chris Card are on the outside of the ring, yelling for KOJI to try and make it to the ropes. X-Punk releases the hold. Mak: What is X-Punk doing? X-Punk sits down next to KOJI on the mat and pulls his arm between the legs of himself, in front of him and locks in a crossface crippler. KOJI is still reaching for the ropes, screaming in pain. Mak: Typical Canadian moves here. KOJI rolls over and reverses it into a pin! Brian Warner makes the count! ONE.... TWO.... X-Punk kicks out! X-Punk is quickly to his feet and back on the attack on KOJI, stomping him on the mat. Natasha gets up on the apron yelling at X-Punk, who then focuses his attention to her. The referee is yelling at Natasha to get off the apron. X-Punk begins walking towards Natasha. KOJI, who now can freely do anything to X-Punk, since he's not paying attention crawls over and low blows X-Punk. Being just struck at the core of a man, he falls to the mat. Natasha hops down off of the apron. Mak: That's exactly what KOJI wanted her to do, King. Distract X-Punk so he could gain the advantage. King: You have the worst answers to things sometimes, Mak. KOJI is up to his feet now, smiling at Nastaha and Chris Card. KOJI rolls X-Punk over onto his stomach and places each of his feet onto X-Punk's knee's and grabs onto his arms and falls backwards, into a surfboard. KOJI then places one foot on the back of X-Punk's head as he goes forward again and slams X-Punk's head into the mat. King: The Darkness Stomp! X-Punk, lays on the mat, motionless for a few moments before then showing signs of consciousness. KOJI stalks X-Punk, waiting for him to get to his feet. KOJI walks around the ring, staring at X-Punk, who is struggling to even get up to his knees. X-Punk is slowly getting up to one knee. KOJI dashes at X-Punk, attempting a powerful clothesline; X-Punk rolls out of the way KOJI quickly looks back at only to be superkicked in the jaw by X-Punk! The referee Brian Warner can't believe what he just saw. Chris Card grabs onto his head, as if attempting to almost pull out his own hair. Mak: What a move out of desperation here, by X-Punk! I don't know where he got the energy to do that. King: He's Canadian, Mak. You shouldn't need to try and figure it out. KOJI tries to keep his balance, however he falls back into a corner into a sitting position. X-Punk exits the inside of the ring through the middle and top ropes, but still staying on the apron. KOJI uses the turnbuckle for leverage, to get to his feet and steps out from the turnbuckle. Just then X-Punk jumps straight up and and bounces off the top rope only to deliver a springboard tornado DDT. X-Punk is quick to make it to the turnbuckle. He jumps up and raises his arms into the air, signaling the end of the match. X-Punk delivers the Mission X! The crowd with a "Holy shit" chant! Cover by X-Punk!. Brian Warner makes the count! ONE.... TWO.... ......... THRE..... The crowd goes crazy, all standing on their feet. KOJI just barely gets an arm and shoulder up! King: Holy shit, Mak. These two just don't know when to stop. X-Punk rolls off KOJI, sitting beside him and in complete shock. Natasha and Chris Cade both show a sigh of relief at ringside. King: One of X-Punk's finishers didn't even put KOJI away. KOJI will do absolutely anything to win a match. I honestly have no idea how he kicked out from that. He is undefeated in tag team wrestling with his partner, TORU though. He's proven he can go with the best of them. X-Punk gets up on his right knee, shaking his head in disbelief; X-Punk gets up to his feet. X-Punk grabs the left arm of KOJI and drags him into the corner. KOJI, is sitting down in the corner, trying to shake off the Mission X. X-Punk lifts him to his feet. X-Punk, himself gets into the corner and climbs up to the top rope. X-Punk, who is sitting on the top rope, pulls KOJI up the turnbuckles. Mak: What is X-Punk going for here? X-Punk stands up on the top rope and holds KOJI in place, who is also standing on the top rope. As soon as KOJI gets to the top rope, he punches X-Punk in the gut. X-Punk tries to keep his balance as KOJI punches him in the gut again with a right hand. KOJI grabs onto X-Punk's arm and nails a swinging neck breaker off the top rope! King: What a mistake by X-Punk! KOJI barely throws an arm over X-Punk. Brian Warner makes the count! ONE.... TWO.... ..... ......... THRE... X-Punk gets a shoulder up! Both men are down on the mat. Natasha runs over to the side of the ring the referee is on and begins yelling at him. Brian Warner focuses his attention to her, once again. Mak: Once again, Natasha is getting herself involved. King: Can you blame the referee for focusing on her? She's gorgeous. X-Punk is down and KOJI is slowly getting to his feet. KOJI is up and walks over to X-Punk, kicking him in the side. X-Punk rolls right outside of the ring. KOJI then grabs onto the referee, turning him away from X-Punk. Chris Cade begins stomping on X-Punk's chest. Brian Warner frees himself from KOJI and turns to X-Punk, in which Chris Cade backs away from X-Punk, with his arms raised, gesturing he didn't do anything. Brian Warner: Enough, back it up! X-Punk is getting to his feet, KOJI runs into the ropes opposite of where X-Punk is at on the mat and bounces back, jumps and hits a corkscrew tope onto X-Punk! The crowd cheers! Both men are down. Brian Warner begins to count! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! KOJI uses the side of the ring to help himself get to his feet. FIVE! SIX! KOJI grabs X-Punk by the head and rolls him into the ring. KOJI pulls himself up onto the apron, grabs onto the tope rope and jumps and hits a springboard guillotine legdrop onto X-Punk. Cover by KOJI! ONE.. ..... TWO.... ... TH...... X-Punk kicks out! KOJI is in complete disbelief. KOJI rolls over, facing Chris Card who also cannot believe X-Punk just kicked out. X-Punk gets up to one knee before using the rest of his strength to get himself to his own feet. KOJI realizes X-Punk is up and also gets to his feet. KOJI and X-Punk lock up. KOJI puts X-Punk in an headlock. X-Punk elbows his way out of the hold. X-Punk with a quick arm drag to KOJI, sending him to the mat. KOJI is up immediately only for X-Punk to deliver another arm drag. KOJI is up, and X-Punk irish whips him into the ropes, X-Punk attempts a spinning heel kick to the head of KOJI, who runs under X-Punk's leg and bounces back off the opposite ropes, X-Punk attempts a back body drop and KOJI jumps over X-Punk and bounces back off the previous set of ropes. X-Punk with a back kick to the gut of KOJI. X-Punk turns around, places KOJI's head down between X-Punk's legs, facing the ring apron. X-Punk clutches his arms around the waist of KOJI and nails the X-Bomb! King: This could be it! X-Punk grabs onto the right arm of KOJI and drags him over towards the corner a bit and turns his motionless body around. X-Punk exits the inside of the ring through the middle and top ropes and ascends to the top of the turnbuckles. X-Punk with a shooting star press! X-Punk hooks the leg! Brian Warner hits the mat, to make the count. ONE.... TWO.... ... Mak: Could it be? .... THREE! Brian Warner signals for the bell! DING! DING! DING! Ten Thousand Fists hits over the arena. The crowd boos. X-Punk rolls off of KOJI's body, and lays on the mat beside him. Funyon: Here is the winner of the match, via pinfall! XXXXXXX-PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNK! Mak: Certainly an impressive victory here tonight, for X-Punk. King: X-Punk just beat one half of the SWF Tag Team Champions in what was one hell of a fight. I don't know if you heard the rumors or not Mak, but I heard X-Punk's partner, Kevin Riggs is having some problems with some legal paperwork and may not be able to compete in the SWF. Maybe, this is the beginning of singles competition for X-Punk. Mak: Certainly an interesting situation X-Punk has. But, let's not forget there is other members of the DVS who he can turn too for tag team action if those rumors turn out to be true. We'll let time tell the story. X-Punk slowly gets up to his feet, as the referee raises his arms high into the air. X-Punk begins celebrating his win by waving his Canadian Flag which was passed to him by Brian Warner. KOJI slowly rolls out of the ring and is helped to his feet by Chris Card and Natasha. The duo each has an arm of KOJI around their necks and head up the ramp. They turn and look at X-Punk, very clearly showing their anger in his victory. They exit through the curtains. X-Punk rolls to the outside of the ring, under the bottom rope and waves his flag as he heads up the ramp before exiting through the curtain. END

The SWF presents... GROUND ZERO 2008 LIVE to DVD from the Miami Arena in (where else?) Miami, Florida, 7pm EST, TUESDAY, 19th AUGUST SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP HELL IN A CELL MATCH! The Insane Luchador © vs. Va'aiga The main-event of Ground Zero '08 was bound to be a big one. It's a story of two SWF veterans. For vet number one, The Insane Luchador, 2008 has so far been his year. He has gone unbeaten in singles competition since way back in February. And The Ill One shocked the world back in the month of April, when he finally captured the top prize in the SWF, his many years of toil, pain and hard work finally paying off. Proving it was no fluke, the IL winning streak has continued ever since. But, so far, in non-title competition. On June 30th in Caracas, Venezuela, "The Maori Badass" Va'aiga put himself Next In Line by winning the #1 Contendership. A whole host of situations and complications have prevented him from cashing in on his contendership so far, from his personal issue with S.I.N and Tracy Bruner, to incarceration, to defences of the Tag Team Titles. Now though, there are no distractions. S.I.N and Bruner will not be in Miami. And the Tag Titles are as of last show gone from his and Dace's waists. The only concern on the former World Champion's mind now is reclaiming his place at the top of the SWF food chain. Well... that, and the small matter of these two men's previous meeting, a Flaming Tables Match at From The Fire of this year which IL won. So two of the most dangerous, volatile competitors in SWF history will come together and The Miami Arena will be Ground Zero for IL's V1 defence of the World Title. Revenge and retribution will be on the mind for Va'aiga. For IL, his winning streak, his title reign... and perhaps just as importantly, his survival? **LATE BREAKING NEWS** Just when the stakes couldn't get any higher... well, turns out they got higher. About 20 feet higher. The challenge has been made and and accepted, from challenger to champion. These two sick puppies will now be doing battle inside the most unforgiving structure in wrestling, Hell In A Cell! You thought flaming tables were something, huh? Think again! This is going to be ugly. SWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins © vs. Taiga Star Speaking of Next In Line, Taiga certainly put herself in line for a shot at the Cruiserweight Title on that show, but with no official number one contendership (and distractions of her own from DVS), she's had to wait a while for her title opportunity too. It didn't help that Spike Jenkins apparantly had no idea who she was until a few weeks ago. He never did get that sandwich either. The cocky Cruiserweight Champion might get a real good idea of who Taiga is during this V1 title defence in Miami. And if she's serving up sandwiches for the champ, they're surely gonna be knuckle sammiches~! Yum yum! Divefire vs. Tod James Stuart Divefire remains in pursuit of Spike Jenkins and the Cruiserweight Title, after his match at Our Super Sweet Sixteen ended in an unsatisfying (from his POV) disqualification. It wouldn't hurt his cause to have a few victories under his belt. Step forward Tod James Stuart, who picked up victory in tag team action last time out but wouldn't mind amassing a few singles victories in his own right, if it means a trip to the illustrious pay window. What results is what's sure to be a very competitive match between two popular SWF stars with plenty of credentials. Which is good. What more can I say? MANSON vs Spyke Of all the so-called 'insurgents' of the DVS that have arrived in the SWF just recently, it's fair to say Spyke is the most vocal. On the side of the issue with Taiga Star and the impact the DVS guys have tried to make at her expense, Spyke has picked up two impressive victories and caught the eye of our Commissioner. Which may or may not be a good thing. Heard to remark he wanted "an opponent worth my damn time" next time he was put in a SWF ring after his victory in Jamaica, Landon has given Spyke what he wanted. Except, I don't think anyone in their right mind would WANT to be facing the unpredictable MANSON one on one. Because, I'm sure MANSON will have his own special welcome to the SWF in mind... Miami Mayhem Match! Munich vs Longdogger Pete We're in Miami. Pete is back in the SWF. This had to happen, didn't it? Yes. Munich and LDP had somewhat of a 'misunderstanding' via Benjamin Hardy a little while back, the upshot of which being neither seems too keen to rake over past ground but at the same time have no problems with one another. Apparantly that memo didn't reach our Commissioner. The former X-Force 9 team-mates will do battle in a match that has become a Longdogger speciality; Miami Mayhem. I have it on good authority this is Miami Mayhem VII, as ever a battle on shores of Miami Beach where one man will take an unwanted dip in the deep blue stuff. And if past Miami Mayhems have taught us anything, it's that that sand gets EVERYWHERE! So, be careful. We didn't take advantage of the beaches and open waters in the Carribean, but damnit I'm back now and we're gonna do something that doesn't involve a wrestling ring! KOJI Kitano vs X-Punk Fresh off of regaining the World Tag Team Titles in Jamaica, TKO's KOJI Kitano steps into singles action. His opponent, another DVS representative, X-Punk who may well have a claim to make for tag team gold for Team Canada if he can pull off the victory. Or, does he have something else in mind of a more singles nature? Only time will tell.

That's a reason to push someone in pro wrestling. Not by being entertaining (strike 1), showing that you can connect to the audience in anything other than getting cheap heat (strike 2) or bringing something new and exciting to the table that'll get people to tune in to watch you (strike 3), but because your country is declaring war and bombing another country. That Festus match was as much Festus as Koslov, if not more. Why not push Festus? At least he's entertaining.

The talent exchange is still in effect. Actually, scratch that. The talent exchange is still in effect if you're an ECW wrestler and you decide you want to appear on Smackdown. 'Sup Chavo?

The assumption is that Shawn will continue to remain retired and comforting his wife while Jericho continues to gloat and admonish Shawn for his own actions which would free Jericho for show and since he beat the champion, he has a rightful claim for the match. Otherwise, why have Jericho beat Punk at all? Why have the match at if it doesn't lead anywhere. Maybe it's natural pessimism, but I don't expect them to wait another month to do Michaels/Jericho again. If they've got a big singles feud going, surely the main-event being a multi-man gimmick match would lend itself to having that singles feud in a singles match on the show as well. Obviously it'd be better to save it to Survivor Series, but the days of 'B-PPVs' aren't so prominent since they stopped doing brand exclusive PPVs, nearly all the shows are so similiar now it's hard to tell. I don't think that would stop them. Besides, Unforgiven, the show name itself lends itself perfectly. As far as why do Punk/Jericho? Well, Jericho in the Scramble isn't the only natural progression. Maybe this week Jericho says he deserves to be in the Scramble because he beat the World Champ, Adamle says he can't do that but gives him a 1 on 1 Title match with Punk instead, "And Then..." Michaels runs in and costs Jericho the match to give Punk the win back. Not the best option, but would you put it past them? Like I say, I'm not saying for sure they won't put Jericho in. But I'd say the odds are against it.

All this 'debate' over the Scramble Match is doing my head in already. If I post 'nobody fucking knows yet' every time someone asks the question in the next two weeks, would that constitute trolling or would I get special dispensation for preventing the 15 posts back and forth quoting something that gives absolutely no information either way?

COLE Folks, it's time for our second semifinal match in the Money in the Bank tournament, the winner going on to face Krista Isadora Duncan at AngleSlam in 10 days! Let's go up to Michael Buffer! *DING DING DING* (slow and dramatic) BUFFER [i]LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen...this is our second of two Money in the Bank tournament semifinal matches! Tonight, in the ongoing battle for stable supremacy in the OAOAST, two men...two leaders of these dominant stables...will do battle for the first time ever! The winner will advance to the finals at AngleSlam, August 31, from San Antonio, Texas, to face Krista Isadora Duncan. ARE YOU READY?[/i] *crowd cheers* BUFFER [i]Mobile, Alabama...ARRRRRRRRRE YYYYYYYYYOUUUUUUUUUUU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?[/i] *crowd cheers louder* BUFFER [i]Then for the thousands in attendance here in Mobile, and the millions watching all around the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEE EEEE!!!!![/i] *crowd cheers* [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOP6XZtEINI][i]Magnum Opus[/url][/i] hits, and the cheers intensify as Alf walks through the curtains. BUFFER [i]Coming to the ring at this time...wearing black plants with white trim, and white shirt, and weighing in at 236 1/2 pounds! Truly a trailblazer of this company, tonight he fights for tradition, as he takes one more step back to the top of the mountain. Ladies and gentlemen...the leader of the Deadly Alliance...a former three-time heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!![/i] Alf rolls into the ring and poses on the buckles, as the crowd continues to cheer him on. COLE Alf, on his way to this match, defeating Baron Windels in the first round, then gaining a controversial victory over the Metrosexual Monster, Bohemoth, thanks to the help of a barbed wire bat! Alf stands in a corner, as his music dies down. "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFnnV595byE][i]Megalomaniac[/url][/i] by Incubus hits, as from behind the curtain steps Megan Skye, heralding the arrival of Landon who stops at the top of the ramp and thrusting his hands out to his side to boos. BUFFER [i]His opponent...wearing yellow and red, with white letters, and weighing in at an even 208 pounds...this man has taken the OAOAST by storm over the last year, and looks to return to the World championship status which he held at this time one year ago. Accompanied by his "Perfect 10", Megan Skye...ladies and gentlemen...the leader of Cucaracha Internacional...a former four-time heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...LLLLLANDONNNN "LAAAAAA CUCARACCCCCHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" MMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXX XXXXXXXXXX!!!!![/i] Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. COLE Landon's road includes two very impressive victories, one over the Enterprise's Christian Wright, then in the last round against the United States champion, Colombian Heat! Alf just looks on as Landon does his thing in mid-ring, then Megan steps out and the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Landon and Alf slowly approach each other in mid-ring, then face off, as a chant builds up. "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" COACH Well, it's obvious who the crowd favorite is here, Cole! Alf and Landon back away from one another, then circle the ring, and tie up. Alf backs Landon into a corner, but Landon reverses, and backs Alf in. Landon starts to break, but delivers a shot to the gut. He then delivers some kicks to the gut, and talks a bit of trash. COLE Landon gaining an advantage early on, and talking some trash to Alf! Landon whips Alf across, and charges, but Alf springs himself over, then executes an armdrag! Landon gets to his feet, and charges into a drop toe hold, then Alf kneels over his back and paintbrushes him! COLE And look at this, both guys trying to get under the skin of the other early on! Landon rolls into a corner, holding the back of his head while staring at Alf, who motions for him to "come on." Landon slowly gets to his feet, moves in, and the two tie up. Landon grabs a side headlock, but Alf backs him into the ropes, then shoves him off. Landon comes back, and takes Alf to the mat with a shouldercheck. Landon then runs to the ropes, as Alf rolls to his stomach. Alf gets to his feet and executes a leapfrog, then drops down and executes a reverse monkeyflip! A groggy Landon gets to his feet, and is clotheslined to the floor! COLE Alf on a roll early on, and maybe he will advance to face Krista at AngleSlam! Alf lets Landon climb to the apron, then snapmares him back over the ropes, and drags him into the corner. COACH Oh no, not this! Alf delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Landon screams in pain and drops to his knees, forming an X with his arms across his chest. COLE Landon hates those knife-edge chops, and there's no one in the business who lays them in like Alf does! Alf drags him back up, and delivers another CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf pulls Landon out to mid-ring, and executes a snap suplex! He follows up with a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! The camera cuts backstage, showing a split-screen of Cucaracha Internacional members sitting in chairs watching the match on the left, and Deadly Alliance members on the right, standing around a monitor. COACH Look at this! COLE And there you see the units, intently watching this one, seeing how their leaders fare here in the semifinals of the Money in the Bank tournament! Landon reverses an Irish whip, but puts his head down, and Alf catches him with a swinging neckbreaker! James Blonde cringes in the back, as Alf covers... 1... 2... Kickout! The camera cuts back to the ring, as Alf sets up Landon on the ropes, and attempts another Irish whip. Landon reverses once again, then drops down, then executes a leapfrog, then catches Alf with a flying forearm! After hitting Alf, Landon spins around and lands on his knees, with his back to Alf's head. He then postures to the crowd, drawing boos. COLE Landon with a big flying forearm, and the tide has turned here! Landon covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Landon stomps away at Alf, until he rolls to the floor. Landon follows, then scoops up Alf, and rams his lower back into the ringpost! COLE And Alf with his back into the steel ringpost! Landon rolls Alf back inside, then picks him up and scoop slams him, then executes his double stomp/back senton combo! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Landon sets up Alf for an Irish whip, but Alf reverses. Alf executes a leapfrog, but Landon catches him with the THESZ PLANT~! COLE Landon with the Thesz Plant, and the hook of the leg... 1... 2... Kickout! Landon complains to the referee about the count, to no avail. He then backs Alf into a corner, and delivers some quick kicks, then attempts to whip Alf across. Alf reverses, and Landon springs to the middle rope, and comes back with a bodypress...but Alf rolls through! 1... 2... Kickout! Landon knocks Alf back to the mat with a double axhandle, and Alf rolls to the apron. Landon attempts a suplex back inside, but Alf slips behind the back and grabs a rear waistlock. He attempts a German suplex, but Landon flips over to his feet, and executes a BACKCRACKER~! COLE Backcracker by Landon! 1... 2... Kickout! Landon picks up Alf, and attempts a suplex...but Alf rolls him up in a small package! 1... 2... Kickout! Landon catches Alf with a seated dropkick, then lays to catch his breath. When he does, he gets to his feet and whips Alf into the ropes, going for a gutwrench, but Alf spins through to his feet...then scoops up Landon, and plants him with a TOMBSTONE~! COLE BIG tombstone piledriver by Alf! Alf falls back down to the mat, and the referee begins a count. 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! Alf sits up, and starts to get to his feet. Landon rolls over to the ropes and pulls himself up, then makes his way to Alf, who catches him with a reverse atomic drop, followed by a Hart Attack clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf gets to his feet, and waits on Landon to get up...then executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE And Alf going for the kill here! Alf follows up with a T-BONE SUPLEX~!! Landon has the prescence of mind to roll into a corner, and begs off. Alf stalks him into the corner, then drags him out by his foot. Landon is able to push himself up as this is happening, and floors Alf with an ENZIGURI~! COLE Landon right back with an enziguri! COACH What a match this is, Cole! Landon rests from his knees, then climbs to the top. As he gets to the top, however, Alf gets to his feet, and racks him on the top! COACH Alf's going up! Alf follows Landon up, and brings him down with a SUPERPLEX~! COLE Superplex from the top rope! Could this be it? Alf drapes an arm over... 1... 2... NO! Landon gets a shoulder up! Alf picks up Landon, and delivers right hands. Landon takes a big swing, which Alf ducks, and locks in a sleeper! COLE Sleeper hold applied now! Landon makes it to the ropes, and as the referee moves to separate them, raises his leg up and low blows Alf! COLE Landon with a low blow, the referee didn't see it! Landon picks up Alf, and signals for the end. COACH Landon says he's gonna end it here! Landon scoops Alf onto his shoulders... COLE Could be the GTS here! Landon brings Alf down onto his knee...which Alf blocks, trips Landon up, and, much to the delight of the fans, locks in the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE Alf with the Sharpshooter! COACH I don't know if Landon can survive this, Cole! Landon screams in pain as he reaches for the ropes, but Alf pulls him back out to the center! COLE Right back in the middle! Alf is going to go to AngleSlam! Just then, Megan Skye hops onto the apron. COACH Not if Megan's got anything to say about it! Alf starts to release the hold after seeing Megan...then shoots her the bird, and cinches right back in on it! COLE And Alf unaffected by the prescence of Megan Skye! At that point, Megan comes into the ring, and removes a can of hairspray from her purse. Alf releases the hold, and sarcastically begs off into a corner, as Reject slides into the ring behind Megan, into a three-point stance. COLE Oh no, look at this... Alf raises his arms into the air, as if he were being stuck up, then Megan turns around...right into the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 from Reject! COLE Reject with the Eulogy on Megan Skye! Give me a break! Reject stares down on Megan, as the referee angrily motions for him to leave the ring. Meanwhile, Alf climbs to the outside and rummages under the ring, and Landon crawls over to Megan. COLE Landon over to check on Megan here, yet another heinous attack on a defenseless female by the demented Reject! Landon makes it over to Megan, shaking her lightly. And when she doesn't respond, he immediately gives up and starts to route through the purse of Megan, pulling a set of brass knuckles out. COLE Landon's not checking on her at all, he just wanted a foreign object! And he's got one! Alf then pulls a BARBED WIRE BAT from under the ring! COACH Uh-oh, and so does Alf! Landon sneakily loads the knucks into his kneepad, as more referees make their way out to force Reject away. Alf rolls into the ring, and shoves Megan to the floor with his foot, then waits for Landon to get up. When he does, Alf raises the bat in the air...but Landon delivers a knee to the gut! COLE OH! Landon with a knee to the stomach, and remember that kneepad is loaded! Landon then scoops the doubled-up Alf onto his shoulders...and delivers the GO 2 SLEEP~!!!!!11111 COLE And now the GTS, right onto the loaded kneepad! The referee finally turns around, and slides back inside as Landon covers... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE And Landon Maddix is going to AngleSlam! BUFFER [i]The winner of the match, advancing to the finals of the Money in the Bank tournament...LLLLLANDONNNN "LAAAAAA CUCARACCCCCHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" MMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXX XXXXXXXXXX!!!!![/i] The referee raises the hand of Landon, who is wore out on his knees. COLE Landon will now face Krista Isadora Duncan at AngleSlam, for the money and the contract! What a match! COACH Can you imagine if Mr. Moneymaker had to give his money to Landon Maddix? COLE The match should be most interesting, there's no doubt about it! As Alf starts to come to in the ring, Landon has rolled outside and punches the air in celebration. It's only now that he shows any recognition of Megan unconscious to his left, picking her up in his arms, her condition doing nothing to dampen the BIG smile on his face! He starts down the aisle, but then notices Reject still being forced back, and decides instead to exit through the crowd. COACH And that's probably a good decision right there, you don't to take Megan too close to that guy right now! COLE Alf gave it a great effort, but our Money in the Bank finals is set for AngleSlam, Krista Isadora Duncan vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix! Landon tries to get over the barrier with Megan but struggles, so hangs her uncerimoniously over the barrier for a second while he climbs over. Still beaming, Landon heaves Megan back up off the barricade and gives her a pat on the BUTT for a job well done as he carries her unconscious body through the crowd. COACH Who says chivalry is dead!? COLE Oh brother.

Why do people still assume Jericho's going to end up in the Raw Scramble? If they were going to put him in it, why wouldn't they have just announced him at the exact same time as everybody else, instead of doing some angle to put him in? Not saying it definately won't happen, but I don't see why people think it will.

'Shades of gray' isn't such a bad thing in that theory. If you watch most good TV dramas, people are exaggerated moments of ourselves. They aren't just bad for the sake of being bad. The bad guys aren't going around killing people because somebody spilled coffee on them, you've usually got some sort of moment of empathy with the characters who are clearly not to be routed for, no matter how short it is, to give them a human element. So I guess the arguement is, should wrestling be like other TV shows. Russo would say yes. Most people would say no (and you could argue that most people who watch wrestling need things dumbed down to 'this guy good, this guy bad, cheer the nice guy, boo the bad guy'). I don't mind a little shade of gray. The problem as HTQ said is, you can't have everyone playing shades of gray. Wrestling isn't like most TV dramas because you need someone to route for.

Didn't he say similar about Yang? Or am I getting them confused?

Hopefully one of the three unnamed battle royal guys is Col... uh, Scotty Goldman. As far as this Scramble concept, the title 'changing hands' doesn't neccessarily mean a new championship reign. The title has to change possession if there's a fall, because that's the concept of the match. Whether it'll be recognised or not is another issue. The fact they use the phrase 'officially recognised as World Champion' for whoever wins the match, not whoever wins the fall, would indicate otherwise. In reality we'll be debating this back and forth for 2 weeks, when nobody knows for certain. And even after the match, half the people will be BUTT-hurt about the actual resolution and just decide to recognise or not recognise title-reigns anyway.

Because they're doing Jericho/Michaels at Unforgiven?

Blah blah CM Punk. The question everybody should be asking... does Adamle have x-ray vision? I mean, when he blew off Primo Colon and went running off to find Cena, there's no way he could have seen he'd walked in without looking through the interview set and two walls. Either whoever set up the shot is a moron or Adamle has super-powers. I hope it's the latter.

COLE Sunday night, August 31st we will see Jade Rodez-Duncan challenging for the OAOAST Women's Championship against the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns who has been dominanting the women's division since her arrival, Malaysia Nerdly. We've already seen Jade in training for this huge challenge. Earlier this week, our cameras caught up with the Champion and this is what she had to say. We open up in what a helpful graphic on screen informs us is the Nerdly family basement in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Not unlike most basements, it's not a grand room. Infact it looks old and crumbling, the white paintwork on the walls greyed and distressed in places over the years, the wooden ceiling worn down. The basement is home to plenty of gym apparatus, a few workbenches, a large collection of weights set up in one corner. Strangely, there are some reddish stains on the old green carpeting near some of the benches. And I can't quite explain why one weight bench has RESTRAINTS built in. But suffice is to say, there's a slightly unnerving feel about the whole place. The only person who would ever dream of calling this 'home' is Malaysia Nerdly, who stands in the centre of the broken down basement with a sick smile on her face. Which is her usual smile. But no less sick for it. With the OAOAST Women's Title the one bright and pretty object in the entire basement, Malaysia stares into the camera for a couple of seconds, holding her trusty cat o' nine tails in one hand. MALAYSIA So Jade... it seems you can't get enough of me. Well, that's good. Because I just can't get enough of you Jade. Walking across the basement, Malaysia runs her index finger up and down a steel bar on one of the weight machines, seemingly lost in her thoughts. MALAYSIA Our past meetings have been so much fun Jade. I can still hear you screaming in pain as I put you in my inverted crab. I can still see the tears in your eyes as I pulled on that pretty blonde hair, trod on your neck... choked you, seeing you cough and splutter for breath, your face turning that beautiful shade of purple..... Getting a little over-excited, Malaysia sits down on a bench, breathing deeply. With a smile on her face, she grips the handle on her cat o' nine tails that bit tighter. MALAYSIA Every time you've stepped in the ring with me, I've hurt you. What makes you think AngleSlam will be any different Jade? It's not. Because that's what I do Jade. I hurt people. I feed off of other people's pain and suffering. It... [i]excites[/i] me. And the fact that you keep coming back for more... it just makes you all that more... [i]enticing[/i], Jade. Some people, they just can't take the pain. They don't enjoy it, like I do. Maybe you're different. Maybe you're a [i]glutton[/i]... for my [i]punishment[/i]. Malaysia stands back up, panting ever so slightly and biting her bottom lip. MALAYSIA Jade, those first two times in the ring with you, they felt [i]so[/i] good. I can't imagine how good it's going to feel at AngleSlam. Because I've seen you in training Jade. And this time, I think you might be ready... [b]*THWACK!*[/b] Malaysia turns around and cracks the cat o' nine tails against the wall, slashing the dried paint off of the brickwork. MALAYSIA ...for the next level. HAHAHAHA! With a chilling laugh and smile from Malaysia, the footage comes to an end in an abrupt scene of static. (BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL) COLE ...okay, I'll say it. That was really creepy. COACH *fapfapfapfap* COLE Do you have to do that now!? COACH Oh, sorry. Pulling his hands out from under the table, Coach sets down his ball and paddle sadly. COLE Thank you. COACH No problem. Mind if I whack one off now I'm done with that? COLE I hate you so much.

Hulk Machine Part 1 Hulk Machine Part 2 Piper Machine

Super and Big were the regular Machines, I think. The rest were just the guys in question under masks, very thinly disguised. At least I know Hulk Machine was, that's the only other Machine I've actually seen.

How about "HEY, IS THAT SABA SIMBA!?" for big Tony?

Money In The Bank Semi Final Alfdogg vs. Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix Words from Malaysia Nerdly

Card has been updated to reflect the new stipulations for the main-event.

Am I right in thinking this is all because Vince McMahon hated being called Vince Jr? I think I remember reading that somewhere.

I took one for my Sun Dream Team. Imagine my disappointment watching the Chelsea game knowing of all of them I chose Michael Essien. And of course Darren Fletcher miraculously scores a goal and earns me no points on the premierleague team because I had him on the bench. Groan. But yeah, we really need a new striker. We've needed a new striker for 2 seasons honestly, even if we did win the title in both. Relying on Ronaldo isn't going to work for much longer and the fact we had to play Frazier Campbell up front, exciting prospect as he may be, just isn't right. Hopefully we get someone in between now and deadline.

Hey-hey, I'm in. Brad Friedel Rio Ferdinand Bacary Sagna Phil Neville David Bentley Ashley Young Martin Petrov Zoltan Gera Theo Walcott Nicholas Anelka Robbie Keane SUBS Craig Gordon Phillip Senderos Darren Fletcher Paul Scharner Of course, with this you can make transfers every week to suit who's playing who (I think it's one free player every week, then 4 points off your score for every extra player you change.) which is going to come in handy by the looks of it. Thought I was onto a sure thing with Andy Johnson playing against Hull, but apparantly he's injured, so out he goes.

Dusty Rhodes?

*DINGDINGDING!* COLE So there's the bell and this should be a most interesting match. Perhaps one of the most interesting and intriguing we've ever seen on HeldDOWN. As Krista drags herself away from gazing around the arena in general disinterest, Leon waits in the middle of the ring with hands on hips. The two unique OAOAST stars come face to face and look to be picking up where they left off last week, exchanging words. COACH This ain't smart on Leon's part. They already said WAY too much in The Love Shack. And we know that whatever Krista says, Leon don't get angry... but I don't think anyone knows just how angry Krista can get. COLE She threatened to rip Leon's face off and wear it as a mask last week. Not sure if that's physically possible, but I wouldn't want to run the risk because Krista would give it a damn good try! "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" The Raleigh crowd are split about as 50/50 as you can get. Leon starts beckoning his 50% for more support. Krista just mimics yawning at the whole thing. And yet her disinterest only makes her 50% want to cheer her even more. Story of her life. Tired of the waiting around, Krista asks if "we're going to do this or not", watching as Leon shrugs and promptly slapping him across the face to OOHs and AAHs! Leon complains about the cheapshot but Krista protests that he said he was ready... and when Leon says he [i]is[/i] ready, he gets another slap to the chops! Entirely relaxed, Krista waits for the complaints to start again, inspecting her nails even as she fires off a third slap. COACH Krista's used to routinely bitch-slapping her opponents into humiliation. I think life beat her to it with Leon though. Enough is enough for Leon and he demands to know what Krista's problem is, to which Krista very simply replies "what? It's not like you're not gonna hit back, so...", before dishing out yet another open palm. Enough is enough... wait, I said that already... but enough is REALLY enough this time as Leon charges in low and intiates a less humilating lock-up with Krista. With his power advantage he's able to back Krista up into a corner, where referee Charles Robinson demands he give a clean break. Leon is understandably cautious about another slap but does break clean, keeping Krista backed up against the turnbuckles. With her penned in, he then rears back, looking to dish out a knifedge chop... but he gets cold feet before dishing out the strike, allowing Krista to catch him with another slap before dodging out of the corner like Muhammed Ali on acid, displaying her fancy footwork behind the frustrated Rodez. COLE Oh, Krista's just goading Leon at this point. And Leon had a shot at her, but seemed hesitant to take it. We've seen this before, remember the trouble he had a couple of years ago trying to wrestle Crystal. COACH That's weak. COLE It's Leon's morals, he doesn't feel right hitting a woman. COACH Yeah, but this ain't some arguement over undercooked dinner and not doing the ironing. This is Money In The Bank. You wanna be World Champion, you gotta nut up and slap a ho. Simple. As women's rights groups flock to bleed the OAOAST dry for that, Leon recomposes himself and realises if he doesn't start wrestling he's going to be on the recieving end of many a slap to come. He tries to ignore any of Krista's mind-games and asks for a test of strength. Krista looks up at the hand, looking a little unsure. She then starts to run her fingertips across her tongue, apparantly readying herself to lock-up... until she reaches into her pocket and produces a black book and her cellphone. The fingertip licking allows her to breeze through the pages of the book as she looks for the right number to call. Leon goes to move in, but Krista holds up a finger and tells him to hang on a sec'. "Hi, Alix? It's Krista. Oh good, you're watching. Listen, qui... what... oh, okay." Krista waves to the nearest camera. "...what do you mean 'did I see it', I was the one waving to you! Yeah, I know, it was cool, but can we get to the point real quick since I dunno how long I can stand here while my opponent stands around looking dumb in the middle of a wrestling match with the chance to attack. My personal record is 6 minutes, 32 seconds, but I've never wrestled this guy, so I can't be sure. Listen, quick question. I've got this guy here, name's Leon, you used to date him. Yes, honestly. Yes, he has always been a man, to the best of my knowledge. Yes, you did used to go for guys once. Anyone, listen, this guy's trying to get me to play a game of mercy with him, despite the fact he's about 3 inches taller and about 100, 120 pounds heavier than me. Now, you know this guy. Should I go ahead and try and lock-up even though I'm completely out-matched because he's daring me to do it and there's like a ton of people watching, or should I pretend to lock hands with him then jab my heel into his stomach before laughing at him for not seeing it coming? ...uh-huh. ...uh-huh. ...uh-huh. Okay, love ya, bye!" Krista hangs up... but then hits re-dial. "Hey, Alix, me again. Should I do the spot where we go to lock arms and I change hands just as we're about to lock fingers as well, making him look even more of a putz? ...too much? Okay, thanks again." Krista hangs up again, puts away the black book and the cellphone and gets back to the action. Carefully she reaches up to lock hands with Leon... and even though he knows it's coming, he still catches the discussed boot to the gut from Krista, who stands over him mocking his current position, doubled-over gasping for breath. COACH *slaps forehead* COLE A little consultation from Krista to Alix, just to compound the embarrassment of one of the oldest tricks in the book. COACH She has a daughter who's a child genius and another daughter who grew up thinking she was Leon's sister, yet she calls up her clinically insane girlfriend for advice. And it worked. How!? COLE I have no idea. As Leon starts to straighten up, Krista grabs him by the arm and looks for an irish whip. Reversal by Leon sends Krista into the ropes, which she effortlessly counters by sliding herself under the bottom rope. Leon dives out after her, but Krista has an ace up the sleeve, not letting go of the bottom rope and quickly pulling herself back into the ring, with time to spare to deliver a dropkick through the ropes as Leon turns on the arena floor. Rodez falls back into the announce table and looks dazed as Krista goes over to the turnbuckles. She climbs to the bottom, the middle, then the top. Looking up, Leon sees her prepared to dive and rushes to get out of the way of Krista, who is very casually climbing back down to the middle, then the bottom, then the ring canvas, gazing over to where Leon has ended up and wondering aloud where he's running to. COACH I know everybody says it but, you know, I actually kinda believed Leon when he said he wouldn't get distracted by Krista's usual tactics. Done a surefire crappy job of it so far. This isn't Biff Atlas or Rico getting sonned, this is Leon Rodez. COLE Just goes to show you how effective Krista's very individual style of wrestling is, against anybody. Having been thoroughly embarrassed so far Leon takes a few moments on the outside to get his head together. "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" Leon slides back into the ring and showing the signs of stress, he actually pleads to Krista's better nature to cut out the schenanigans and just wrestle. Able to block out her better nature after years of practice, K.I.D is able to kid Leon into agreeing and act like she's taking pity on him. If you didn't know her better, you'd almost believe her. COLE Underlying this, the winner of this match is going to AngleSlam, one win away from a guaranteed World Title contract. This is a serious opportunity, behind this personal dislike and all of Krista's antics. Serious opportunity and serious wrestling finally as we get a collar and elbow tie-up. Leon comes out of it in control with a side headlock, taking Krista over with it and pinning her shoulder to the mat... 1... No! Krista locks her arms around Leon's waist, trying to turn him off of her but to no avail. So she kicks her feet up to apply a headscissors, pulling herself out of the headlock. Leon escapes the headscissors easily enough, rolling out of Krista's ten million dollar legs and looking for the headlock again. Deftly, Krista is able to slide out and into a hammerlock before the hold is applied though. Leon gets to his feet though... thinking about an elbow to the jaw, but again hesitant to do anything like that... countering instead with a drop toehold and floating over into his headlock again. COLE This is where Leon has to keep this match, on the mat, sticking to wrestling. I'm sure Krista still has some tricks up her sleeve even face-first eating ring canvas, but it limits her options just a touch. Fighting to her feet, Krista puts the force of a GLAADiator into shoving Leon off into the ropes, regretting it seconds later as Leon knocks her down with a shoulder tackle. Rodez hits the ropes at the side, going up and over Krista. Jumping to her feet, Krista leapfrogs over Leon as he comes off the opposite ropes. Landing, she then sets herself... ...and Rodez comes to a grinding halt, at the sight of Krista's jiggling BUTT kicking into high motion in front of him!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Uh-oh! The hypnotizing buns of steel! COACH And unfortunately for Leon, they're strictly vegetarian buns. Ain't no meat goin' in there. As the jiggling starts to reach a speed that shouldn't be humanly possible Leon stands in silent awe, completely under Krista's spell. Krista wears a confident smile as she takes a quick look up at the AngleTron to make sure Leon is as distracted as she was expecting. As the drool begins to form in The Silky Smooth One's mouth, Krista then prepares to strike the unexpecting opponent... ...before Leon suddenly emerges from his trance, smiling, wagging the finger and pulling Krista down with a schoolboy roll-up!! COLE WHAT?! 1... 2... 3- NO! Krista gets to her feet, stunned that her distraction tactics had no effect on the labido driven Rodez. And standing around stunned isn't the best place for Krista to be right now, as it allows Leon to trip her up and stack her on her shoulders with a folding press... 1... 2... No! COLE Don't tell me that Krista is actually being caught off-guard here! Scrambling to her feet, Krista drops low, shoulder faking left and right as she waits for Leon to lunge in with a rash attack. But Leon is much more in control than most of Krista's opponent would be at this stage and it's he who forces her into a rash move, catching Krista as she looks for a go-behind. Leon goes with her and after some jockeying for position, The Grand Rapids Golden Child comes out on top of the situation with a side headlock. And he then ruffles a few feathers, as he messes up the golden hair of his opponent and sends her into a tizzy!! KRISTA :O COACH AW SHIT SON, you done done it now! With Krista looking enraged and breathing as audibly as anything you'd expect to see on a safari, it takes a brave man to taunt Krista by telling her she's got a "couple hairs out of place". Leon is this brave man and he dodges the clothesline Krista throws at him, sticking his thumb in his mouth and catching Krista as she turns around! COLE Wha... Leon, trying to mess up Krista's make-up now!? COACH Does he have a death-wish!? Pulling free of the 'move' more commonly used by embarrassing parents in public, Krista is absolutely SEETHING! COLE I can't believe that Leon is actually playing Krista Isadora Duncan at her own game... and succeeding! Krista's bad mood isn't made any better by the smirk on Leon's face, knowing that for once somebody is getting into Krista's head instead of the other way around and clearly enjoying it. The taste of her own medicine is a sour one for K.I.D and she spits it out, right at Leon's feet, before letting out a banshei worthy shriek of anger in throwing a lariat at his head. Again Leon is able to duck though and Krista narrowly avoids hitting the turnbuckles, turning around... ...and Krista comes to a grinding halt, at the sight of [i]Leon's[/i] jiggling BUTT kicking into high motion in front of him!! (a very female) "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh my, somebody pass the tissues! COACH :huh: COLE ...what? ...I spilt my Coke..... in my lap. COACH :huh: Krista freezes for a second, through surprise more than interest. And after a couple of seconds, she puts pay to Leon's ill-advised attempts to distract her by driving her shoe directly between his ass-cheeks, sending him sprawling in deep (deep) pain into a corner. Krista looks almost offended that Leon would think that would possibly work on her as she follows him into the corner. COACH I wonder what Jade is thinking watching this. Her mother and her uncle trying to distract each other by shaking the junk in their trunks. No wonder she's so messed up. As Leon rubs at his BUTT, Krista jumps up with another hard kick, this to the chest. Krista then scales the turnbuckles in front and balls up her fist... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" The slow fans continue counting on past seven, apparantly not realising Krista has stopped punching. She climbs from the middle rope to the top, standing over Leon for a second. Falling back off the top rope, she tucks her knees up into her chest, extending them out with perfect timing to drive a devestating dropkick into the jaw of The Silky Smooth One up against the turnbuckles! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Leon groggily falls down against the bottom turnbuckle. Absorbing her back first landing on the mat, Krista kips-up... and delivers another dropkick to the face! COACH Normal service has been resumed. Kipping-up once more, Krista extends her arms in a gymnastic stance and bows to all four corners of the arena. As she waits for the judges scores though, a reminder that she's not actually at the Olympics comes when Leon Rodez starts to stand up in the corner. Krista awards herself 10.0 to keep herself happy and goes back on the offence, whipping Leon from corner to corner across the ring. As he hits the turnbuckles, Krista retreats to the opposite corner and composes herself for her run up. Deep breaths calm her down, covering her hands with imaginary white powder before running forward. She wows the imaginary judges and the wrestling fans at this wrestling event with a cartwheel, into a back elbow... that is avoided! Krista bumps into the turnbuckles and gets hooked up with a quick Exploder Suplex to throw her back out of the corner! Cover by Leon... 1... 2... No! Leon sends Krista off into the corner this time, charging in afterwards with a clothesline. Another whip then sends Krista across ring for another attack in the corner, Leon soaring this time with the Superman Spea... NO! Krista pushes up on the top rope, doing a splits move to leave Rodez to hit the middle turnbuckle pad face-first! COACH Now that's a 10 if I ever saw it! Shaken up, out of the corner staggers Leon with his bearings spilt all over the place. As he collects them Krista waits, rolling forward off the turnbuckles to wrap her money-making legs around the head of her opponent, before pushing up off of top rope and spinning out with a Hurricanrana takeover! That leaves Leon back in a land of confusion and wide open, as Krista leaps to the middle rope and springs back with a high crossbody block... 1... 2... No! Leaving the ring Krista makes her way to the ring apron, giving the crowd on that side an alluring sight as she bends over waiting on her opponent. Leon climbs to his feet and Krista suddenly takes over, leaping to the top rope and springboarding back inside with a Hurricanra... CAUGHT! Leon catches Krista on her way down and tries to adjust into the Liontamer! "YYYEEEEEEE - BOOOOOOO!" COLE Leon looking for it here! COACH I got a feeling this is one wild cat that can't be tamed. And that lame-ass wordplay is proven right as before Leon can apply the hold, Krista has crawled through his legs and to safety out behind. She quickly hits the ropes to attack again, swinging her luscious legs around Leon's neck and bringing him over with a much safer (from her perspective) swinging headscissors. The bit is between Krista's teeth now and she charges in again. However a dip of the shoulder takes her up and over the top rope, narrowly landing on her feet on the apron from Leon's instinctive backdrop. Holding onto the top rope, Krista drives her knee in before pulling herself back into the ring underneath the bottom rope. Although, her slide doesn't take her quite as far as she's expected, leaving her laying between Leon's legs. But, as the saying goes, when life gives you lemons squeeze them, which Krista intends to do as she goes for the ball claw... but Leon grabs hold of her hand, inches away from his crotch! "Ah..." smirks Leon. "That's how you wanna play it, huh?" "Don't flatter yourself L-Rod." Krista snarls back, as she applies the dreaded ball claw with the other hand!! LEON :O COLE Leon getting the Blue Ball Special from the mother of his niece! COACH Been there brother. Been there. No description is really needed, or would do justice, to describe the pain that Leon is in as Krista works her vengeful lesbian magic on his private parts. "Okay, okay, lemme send me some shoutouts real quick. This right here, this for my girl Maggie..." *TUG!* [i]"OW!"[/i] "I wanna dedicate this right here to Mel O Dyyyyyyy!" *TUG!* [i]"OWW!"[/i] "Shoutouts to mah baby boo Alix, word." *TUG!* [i]"OWWW! Not everybody, pleeeaaase not everybody!"[/i] "Okay okay, one last one for my little girl sitting at home, you know who you are, this right here is for Jade. I know you're watching sweetie. Don't worry, I know the number of a great... SHRINK!" *TUG!* [i]"OW OW OW OWWWWW!"[/i] Krista finally releases her vice like grip, somehow coming away empty-handed. She hits the ropes, while Leon goes stumbling backwards in absolute agony. Physical and mental. Krista looks to compound that as she charges in. But from somewhere Leon finds it in him to go low in his own right, pulling Krista down with a quick drop toehold to drop her across the middle rope! COLE Oh! Could it be? Leon tries to do the jig, which ends up looking even more bizarre than usual as he combines it with a readjustment of his testicles at the same time. Limping off the ropes, he then comes shooting back and drives his weight into the spine of K.I.D! Unfortunately, he does it nuts first, bringing him nothing but pain as well as his opponent. COLE Call That Bitch Bojangles! COACH Oh, they're jangling alright. Jangling by a thread. As Krista pulls herself off the ropes holding her back, Leon grimaces in pain. And with his pride and joy hurt, he waits on Krista to turn around, seeing his opportunity... and despite still looking a little conflicted about it, he jabs Krista clean in the face!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE OH! Are we really going to see this? Apparantly we are, as after pausing for a second or two at the sound of people booing him Leon decides he has to go for broke and delivers another jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... *SMACK!* ...and cracking Krista with the enziguri! COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT, TO KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! To a rather mixed reception, an apologetic looking Leon hooks Krista's leg into a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Only a two count. And if Jade is still watching by this point, which I very much doubt, I'm sure she's wishing these two were still shaking their butts and grabbing at balls. Because I can guarantee she wouldn't enjoy seeing her mother get punched in the face by the man she called brother for nearly all of her life. COACH Well Leon can't think about that now. He's gotta get ruthless. This woman's tried to rip his gonads out, ain't no time for sympathy or restraint, especially with that Money In The Bank contract, that $500,000 and those 15% shares in TSM riding on this match. Leon pulls Krista back to his feet, warned about the hair but honestly doing his best not to use it as an aide. Hooking the head in a 3/4 facelock, Leon shoos the referee out of the way. He then runs out towards the corner, looking for a lil' feedback, but getting a bad back instead as Krista shoves him off into the corner, then follows in with a corner body splash! COLE No time is sympathy time for Krista, but even so, this is where she has to get serious as well. Which she looks to do, grabbing Leon as he staggers back out of the corner and slamming her forearm into the back of his neck. A second forearm to the kidney area then sets Leon up, Krista beginning to hook him up for a fisherman's suplex, only to suddenly lunge back the other way and fold Rodez up on the back of his neck in short and shrift fashion!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh man, what a move that was! Leon winds up out of it and on one knee, perfect position for Krista to come off the ropes and deliver a Shining Enziguri to the back of The Silky Smooth One's already sore head! COACH Okay, Tyler Bryant just creamed himself. Turning Leon over, Krista hooks him up with all her womanly might... 1... 2... No! Krista quickly leaves the ring, heading to the top rope. Another Olympic quality sight for the fans as Krista reaches the top in a rather bent-over way. Krista very carefully extends herself on the top rope, straight as can be. She adopts her stance, extending her arms out, eyes forward. Deep breaths again, before she takes off, a front tuck into a legdrop, medium difficulty... but she finds NO WATER IN THE POOL as Leon rolls out of the way!! COLE And Team K.I.D will finish out of the medal placing after that one. COACH Krista's one of the best in the world at diving. Just, ya know, not THAT kind of diving. Both Leon and Krista are down and hurting at this stage in the match, drawing their fans behind them. "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" [b]"LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!"[/b] Referee Charles Robinson reaches a count of 6 amid this din, before Leon is back up. Krista isn't far behind but gets bundled into the ropes the moment she reaches her feet, getting sent for the ride. She goes underneath an attempted clothesline, Leon re-adjusting and setting up a hiptoss. Krista pulls out a twist in mid-move and wraps her legs around Leon's body in a wheelbarrow position. Pushing up off the canvas, she looks for a bulldog... but Leon throws her off, sitting out to drive her awkwardly into the mat spine first! COLE It's Da Boom! COACH It's Da Big Upset! 1... 2... KICKOUT! Rodez holds his head, thinking that might have been 3. COLE Leon will join a VERY exclusive group if he can pull off this victory over Krista Isadora Duncan here tonight. But I doubt that's the main motivation for him right now, this is about that Money In The Bank, about the World Title! COACH About those precious TSM shares! COLE I doubt it somehow. Bringing Krista to her feet again, another irish whip from Leon sends her off into a corner. With Krista slumped in the corner Leon manages to get a second or two extra to catch his breath before he sprints towards her, taking off with another Superman Spear... successful this time! The wind is knocked out of K.I.D's body and she doubles up in pain, as Leon draws on the support of the crowd, or at least his 50%, maybe down to 40% now after his face-punching of earlier. He scoops and slams Krista near the corner and signals he's going up. COLE Leon looking for 450. As Leon starts to climb the ropes though, Krista is stirring and beginning to recover. She uses the ropes to pull herself up and catches Leon on top with a punch to the midsection. And a second. Reaching up, Krista grabs onto the front of Leon's ring attire and pulls him forward so his feet are hanging on the top rope, a precarious position made even worse when Krista 'clumsily drops him', watching as he plummets face-first into the mat and giving a simple "Whoops!" in way of apology. COACH The best laid plans of mice and men are all gonna done get fucked up by Krista Isadora Duncan. Leon pulls himself up, Krista behind him waiting for him to turn around. When he does, Krista vaults to the top rope and soars back with a moonsault press to wipe him out, pulling up on the legs as she lands on top... 1... 2... NO! Krista gets back to her feet and measures Rodez up, looking to end things now. COLE The end may be nigh. Pulling himself up, Leon finds The GLAADiator waiting for him with a well placed boot to the gut. Front facelock on, Krista then pulls Leon a step away from the ropes, before giving him a taste of Life In The Fab Lane! "YYYEEEEAAAAHHHHH!" COLE Another cruel Twist Of Fate for Leon at Krista's hands. COACH How fitting. Hook of the leg by Krista, sitting on Leon's chest and counting along... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE No, not yet. COACH Yeah, but key words, not yet. Not yet, but soon. Not yet, but inevitable. After a few choice words to referee Charles Robinson leaving him in fear of his life like many who encounter Krista, the K.I.D sets herself once more, saying "this time it's over", before being forced to add "ya know, I said that last time, but I promise this time, you can trust me, I'm from a political family" with a fake smile worthy of said political background. Leon stumbles back up and walks into Krista's slender and tender frame once again, getting caught under the head and neck. Before he can experience any side effects from this predicament though, Leon throws his elbow to the side, catching Krista in the ear. A second elbow rocks Krista, but she recovers her senses and tries to lift Leon up again. The dizzying shots make it tough for Krista to get Leon's 218 pounds up and off his feet though and a third elbow frees him from her clutches. COLE Maybe not inevitable. Freed, Leon grabs a hold of Krista and aims her off towards the ropes with an irish whip. However a stylish spin leads to a reversal, sending Leon for the ride. Awaiting him on the rebound, Krista goes up and over with a leapfrog. Putting on the brakes, Leon tries to catch Krista by surprise, but ends up playing right into her hands. She executes a quick inverted atomic drop on the already damaged nether regions, taking a second to delight in that, before she fires off the Great California Adventure ending Superki... NO! Leon catches the foot and quickly drags Krista off of her standing leg, into the double leg, looking to apply the Liontamer! "YYYYEEEEAAAAHHHHH!" COLE Maybe not at all! COACH Don't tease me like this again! Don't tease Mister Moneymaker like this, finish her this time! Refusing to be turned, Krista arches her well toned back this way and that to prevent the hold being applied. Leon tries and tries to find the strength to turn her. But Krista proves dogged and as Leon's energy and confidence begin to deplete, it allows Krista to reach up and snare Leon's head, pulling him down into an inside cradle! COACH Aw dammit. 1... 2... NO! Narrowly avoiding the sudden loss, Leon is up quickly and looks to catch Krista by surprise once again. He takes her up looking for a slam... ...but Krista is out the back door, hooking her hands under Leon's chin as she lands and rapidly sending him plummeting down with the longest named finisher in wrestling, Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COACH Aww! COLE Put it in the books. It's the big one and Krista is going to the big one. COACH Man I hate this place. Poor Coach is left to weep another week, as Krista stretches out for the leg and curves her bubblegum pink lips into a kiss for the crowd at home, and probably a certain daughter too... 1... 2... KICKOUT!?!?!?!? "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH DUBYA TEE EFF!? Unable to believe what they've just seen, the North Carolinians come unglued as yes, Leon did get his shoulders up before 3 as the referee makes clear to the timekeeper's table. Krista gives Robinson the killingest of all 'if looks could kill' looks, before casting the same look on Leon. [b]"LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" "LET'S GO LE - ON!" "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!"[/b] COLE I... I'm almost speechless, because NOBODY kicks out of Elizabeth, I'm comi... you know, THAT MOVE! And now, how is Krista going to react to that? COACH By starting a new testicle collection if that look is anything to go by. If she comes over here, you distract her while I run, should take her a few seconds to find out she's onto a loss with you and by then I'll be dust. Krista finally gets back to the business of winning the match and figures if one won't do the job, the odds are that two will, as she fixes up hold on Leon's neck. Pulling him to his feet, she gets an elbow jammed in the midsection though. The rock hard abs absorb some of the pain, but not enough, as Leon escapes out the back and takes Krista down with another schoolboy rollup... 1... 2... Quick kickout by Krista, but Leon pulls her back down once again... 1... 2... Another quick kickout, but another rollup back to the canvas... ...only this time, The Silky Smooth One turns Krista over before she has a chance to realise what's happening, into the LIONTAMER! COLE The Liontamer!! Are we not only going to see an historic singles loss, but an even more historic singles tapout loss for Krista Isadora Duncan in this Money In The Bank Semi Final!? Kneeling in with the hold, Leon increases the angle of Krista's body to put her in even more discomfort. A desperate looking Krista claws at the canvas and tries to crawl towards the ropes, pain etching on her face more and more with every passing second. First she manages to get her body out a little from Leon's knee to at least alieviates some of the pressure, but she still faces a long crawl to the ropes and Leon has no intentions of letting her go easy. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" As the K.I.D faithful get behind their gal she finds the fight to start clawing her way forward. Leon tries to stand his ground, but Krista determinedly carries on crawling, reaching out in front of her with groans of exertion... ...AND SHE REACHES THE ROPES! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Leon lets go out the hold, disappointedly but well within the referee's 5 count. COLE Say what you want about Krista but she's got tremendous heart. She just doesn't know when to give up. COACH Yeah, ya noticed that too, huh? Pulling Krista to her feet again, Leon hangs her on the ropes... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and delivers a tired knifedge chop to the ample chest. COLE He's holding nothing back now. This is crunch time. Who's going to AngleSlam? Leon pulls Krista off the ropes, looking for an irish whip. A reversal looks to be on it's way, but Leon manages to reverse the reversal and send Krista in anyway. She manages to duck underneath a clothesline though, before showing amazing agility so late in the match as she vaults to the top rope and comes back with a low flying moonsault. However, she ends up getting CAUGHT on Leon's shoulder, without enough force to take him down. With a quick adjustment, Leon has Krista on his back and set up, looking for the backpack stunner. In a dire situation, dire measures are called for and Krista isn't afraid to resort to them... ...by TICKLING LEON UNDER THE ARMPIT!! COLE OH MAH GAWD! Strangely though, Leon doesn't seem all that bothered. "Uh, Krista..." "Tickletickletickletickletickletickleti..." "Krista, I'm... I'm not ticklish." "Oh." Krista replies, sounding disappointed for a moment. "Okay, uh... in that case, you uh... wanna sing a song?" "Nope. Not really." *WHAM!* COLE BANANA HAMMOCK! He hit it! The distractions did not work! The crowd erupt for Leon this time, as he finally slumps over on top of Krista for the pin... 1... 2... NO SHE KICKS OUT!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Unbelievable! I thought that had to be it! Dragging Krista over towards the corner, Leon drops an elbow before heading up top again. He only gets out to the apron before Krista starts moving though, so wisely thinks twice and comes back inside to make doubley sure. Pulling Krista to her feet, he attacks the back with a couple of forearms, before scooping her up... and losing hold of her. Sliding over the back, Krista quickly jumps to the middle rope and kicks her feet out into Leon's chest as he approaches her. Tumbling backwards goes Leon and Krista quickly hops off the ropes. She waits for Leon to just start getting to her feet and runs in, hooking hold of him by the head... ...AND BRINGING HIM FACE-FIRST DOWN INTO HER KNEES!!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE OH MY! COACH That's gotta do, surely. Leon's face rebounds off of the painful landing place and with him seeing stars, Krista dives on top with the cover... 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Inevitable... you know, eventually. *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, advancing on to the FINAL of the Money In The Bank Tournament at AngleSlam 2008... KKRRRIIIIISSSSTTAAAAAA... IIISSSSAAADDOOORRRAAAA... DDUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAANN!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Far from her usual casual celebration, Krista has a distinct look of relief as she rolls off of Leon and is announced as the winner. Krista wipes the hair from her face, blowing a few sweat dampened strands from her eyes as she places her hands on her hips. She looks down at Leon, shaking her head at the fight he just put him through and rolling out of the ring. COLE Well, though she'd never admit it, I think a show of respect out of Krista Isadora Duncan. Krista ended up with one hell of a test here tonight and was pushed right to her impressive limits. But much to Mister Moneymaker's annoyance I'm sure, it'll be the K.I.D going on to AngleSlam and the Money In The Bank Finals, to face either Alfdogg or Landon Maddix for the contract and the $500,000 cash! Krista glances back as she sees Leon beginning to stir and her sentiment lasts all of a couple of seconds, before remarking "eh, he's still a prick" on her way to the back. In the ring, Leon sits up, to a round of applause. COLE What an effort from Leon and a major disappointment I'm sure, but nothing to be ashamed of. Suddenly, of all people, BRICKSTON comes stomping down the entrance ramp and enters the ring! COLE What the--? Him again!? COACH He's here to lay the smackdown on Leon Rodez, I bet! Brickston grabs a shocked Leon Rodez by his hair and punches him in the face several times! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Oh come on now! This isn't right! This is not right! COACH THIS is what Brickston must do in order to get a World Title shot around here! COLE Now come on! Somebody stop this! COACH He hasn't been stopped all night! Why start now? Brickston scoops Leon onto his shoulders. He parades around the ring with Rodez to boos. Brickston lets out a mighty roar...and then DRILLS Leon Rodez into the mat with the Killswitch! COLE Killswitch! Killswitch on Leon Rodez! COACH That should be Tha Puerto Rican right there! Brickston lets out another mighty roar to LOUD boos! COLE Brickston has snapped! He's like a man possessed! COACH He was SCREWED last week! And now he's taking it out on everybody in the OAOAST! COLE Somebody stop this carnage! COACH The only person who can stop it is PRL and he ain't here right now, is he? COLE Come on now! Rodez lies on the mat withering in pain. Brickston, growling like a rabid dog, turns Leon around onto his stomach. He then grabs Leon's right leg, kneels down on his left knee, and then grabs the ankle. COLE Anklelock! Anklelock on Leon Rodez now! Leon Rodez screams out in pain! The crowd, who during the match was 50% behind Leon, is now fully behind The New Age Love Machine as he is at the mercy of the 6'6" big man! COACH He's going to break his ankle! COLE Brickston's got that Anklelock on Leon Rodez's surgically repaired right knee! COACH He's gonna put Leon out of action for months! Leon TAPS OUT~! But it's of no use, seeing as this isn't even a match! Brickston continues twisting the ankle as all Leon can do is scream and try desperately to crawl to the ropes. "LE-ON!" "LE-ON!" "LE-ON!" "LE-ON!" Brickston lets out a mighty roar as he continues applying the Anklelock on Leon Rodez. Leon Rodez screams out in pain on the mat! "HEY! HEY! HEY!" Brickston turns his attention to the entrance. The entrance doors slide open, and THA PUERTO RICAN steps out onto the entrance stage! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE He's here! THE CHAMP IS HERE! COACH AAAH! Coach crawls underneath the announce table. Tha Puerto Rican, wearing his Puerto Rican flag bandana, an earring in his left ear, sunglasses, a gold chain around his neck, an unbuttoned black and green dress shirt, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants with a leather belt and black dress shoes, stands on the entrance stage PISSED OFF~! Tha Puerto Rican holds the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt with his right hand and a microphone in his left hand. THA PUERTO RICAN Let him go, Brickston. Leon Rodez has nothing to do with any of this! Brickston now has an evil smile on his face. He lets go of the Anklelock on Leon Rodez. Rodez lies on the mat, clutching his right knee in pain. Brickston stands up and stares at Tha Puerto Rican. COLE Thank God! "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" COLE I thought Tha Puerto Rican wouldn't show up this week due to the Powerbomb on the floor he received from Brickston last Thursday night, but I guess I was wrong! He's here! And now maybe Brickston can stop interfering in people's matches here tonight! THA PUERTO RICAN Brickston, you come out here, attacking people, giving them the Killswitch, giving them the Anklelock! All because you're pissed that I didn't answer the 10 count last Thursday night on HeldDOWN~! in our match-up!? Geeze, talk about being bitter! It's not like I could just magically get up before the count of 10 last Thursday! You DID Powerbomb me on the floor, remember!? Brickston now has a microphone. BRICKSTON Oh, I remember. I remember, P.R.! I also remember that I was SCREWED out of winning the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship last Thursday night! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" BRICKSTON You COULD have gotten up at the count of 10, but you chose not to, because you KNEW that your Title was in danger! You were perfectly fine, but you took the coward's way out! The crowd boos again. COLE Oh come on! COACH Yeah! He's right! Coach crawls back underneath the announce table. BRICKSTON You know damn well that I deserve to have a rematch! But I don't want just any normal rematch! You see, AngleSlam is coming up, and I can't think of no better place to be crowned World Heavyweight Champion for the first time in my career than in front of 68,000-plus fans in the Alamodome in San Antonio, Texas! It's certainly better than this dump! (CHEAP HEAT~!) BRICKSTON So, that is where I want our rematch to take place. AngleSlam. You...and me, P.R.! One-on-one! With the ONE thing that anybody worth a crap in this business wants more than anything, the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship, on the line! Only this time, P.R., things will be a little bit different. One fall will NOT decide the match. No, not even two falls will decide the match! No, this is not a 2-Out-Of-3 Falls Match that I am proposing. This is something even MORE excruciating than that match! What I propose is...let's up the ante. Let's separate the men from the boys, P.R.! Let's find out who is the general in this ring! Let's go to the one place that very few people in this business will ever dream of going, P.R. That all of those guys in the back, P.R., are ever scared to do. P.R., AngleSlam, you and me, I am challenging you...to a [b]SIXTY MINUTE IRON MAN MATCH[/b]! COLE WHOA! Tha Puerto Rican stands there, unfazed by this. BRICKSTON SIXTY MINUTES, P.R.! Let's find out who The Man is! SIXTY MINUTES! ONE HOUR! Can you go the distance? Sixty minutes! The one with the most falls is THE undisputed One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! But you gotta look inside, P.R., and you gotta ask yourself: 'Can I hang?' Because I know I can! Can you hang, P.R.? Can you step into this ring and go ONE HOUR with me? Can you, P.R., put it all on the line and hope to God that your lungs don't explode before the end? And can you accept the fact, P.R., that the truth will be told: that when you lay on that mat gasping for air after SIXTY MINUTES of getting your ass kicked by the best in this damn business, you will look into my eyes and you will KNOW, ONCE AND FOR ALL, THAT YOU CAN'T HANG WITH ME BECAUSE I HAVE NO EQUAL! P.R., you will KNOW, ONCE AND FOR ALL, THAT I AM THE MAN! THAT I AM THE BEST! AND THAT I AM THAT MUCH BETTER THAN YOU! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tha Puerto Rican just stands there watching Brickston. BRICKSTON So, what do you say, P.R.? Are you man enough to accept my challenge? Tha Puerto Rican thinks this over. The crowd cheers loudly. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" COLE What's P.R. going to say? BRICKSTON SPEAK, DAMNIT! Tha Puerto Rican puts up a finger to let Brickston know to wait a few seconds. PRL paces back and forth on the entrance stage. He turns his back to the ring. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has some serious thinking to do. Is he really going to accept Brickston's challenge? COACH He'd be stupid not to! Oh wait, he IS stupid! HA! HA! Coach crawls back underneath the announce table. Tha Puerto Rican takes a deep breath, and then turns back to the ring. THA PUERTO RICAN 60-Minute Iron Man Match. OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. Main event of AngleSlam. Well, seeing as how I will NOT back down from any challenge, and seeing as how I have nothing planned for Sunday August 31st, let Tha Puerto Rican officially say the following: [b]I ACCEPT![/b] "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Tha Puerto Rican accepts Brickston's challenge! A 60-Minute Iron Man Match for the OAOAST Championship is our main event for AngleSlam! Brickston nods his head, a satisified grin on his face. THA PUERTO RICAN Tha Puerto Rican is ready. Tha Puerto Rican CAN hang with you! And Tha Puerto Rican CAN and WILL kick your candy ass all over the Alamodome in 16 days! The crowd cheers loudly! The crowd chants his name. P.R. stops to "smell the electricity". COLE It is going to be a war in 3 weeks at AngleSlam! THA PUERTO RICAN Brickston, Tha Puerto Rican realizes that there is something deep down inside of you that eats you alive, something that makes you wake up in a cold sweat, makes you have nightmares, and that is the FACT that as good as you are, Tha Puerto Rican is simply...better. And at AngleSlam, Iron Man Match, 60 Minutes, One Hour, Tha Puerto Rican is going to prove that! Brickston rolls his eyes. Meanwhile, Leon Rodez is being helped to the back by referees Charles Robinson and Mickey Jay. THA PUERTO RICAN Brickston, 16 days, 60-Minute Iron Man Match at AngleSlam, Sunday August 31st from the Alamodome in San Antonio, Texas. Tha Puerto Rican says this: you're probably saying to yourself, 'P.R., an hour is too much for Tha Puerto Rican to handle, one hour is too long.' Well, considering what Tha Puerto Rican is going to do to you at AngleSlam in the 60-Minute Iron Man Match, one hour...isn't long enough. Brickston, watch out for the lightning strikes, because come AngleSlam, you WILL suffer a P.R. Nightmare! The longest, most excruciating, most PAINFUL P.R. Nightmare anybody has EVER suffered! THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP...HAS...SPO-KUN~!!! "Know Your Role 2000" starts playing over the P.A. system. The crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican stands on the entrance stage, staring at Brickston, who stares back, an evil grin on his face. Tha Puerto Rican runs his mouth although no one can hear him since he isn't speaking into the microphone. COLE What a bombshell! What a match made for AngleSlam! A 60-Minute Iron Man Match! Tha Puerto Rican vs. Brickston with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship on the line! I didn't think it was possible, but AngleSlam has just gotten even BIGGER! What a great pay-per-view that's going to be in three weeks time! COACH Is he gone? COLE No, he's still out here. COACH AAAH! COLE Fans, we'll be right back! Don't go away! Tha Puerto Rican continues running his mouth on the entrance stage. Brickston runs his mouth from inside of the ring. Leon Rodez has disappeared from the ringside area as he has been taken to the back. Tha Puerto Rican jaw jacks with Brickston on the entrance stage as "Know Your Role 2000" continues playing over the P.A. system. This is the last image that we see before we fade to black and head to the commercial break. [b]FADE TO BLACK[/b] [b]COMMERCIALS[/b]