King Cucaracha

So, are we seriously suggesting they're making the fact one of their workers has a heart condition!?

I'm going to be getting that DVD solely for Quack/Danielson... but please tell me he didn't use the 'MMA elbows' to win it. I fucking loathe that finish.

Orton kills the legend of Koko B Ware?

So, it's just another 'work the ROH Board' angle? Ghey.

So, just to be sure, it's a three man announce team right? Clark isn't replacing Mak or King or anything?

OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix ©(w/Megan Skye) VS. "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez One And Only World Tag Team Championships Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright © VS. Chicks Over Dicks Special Ref: Mackenzie DeCenzo

[COLOR=orange][b][SIZE=5]This past weekend... ANGLESLAM PRESS CONFERENCE[/SIZE][/b][/COLOR] We're in New York City in the presence of a large group of OAOAST fans and assembled media. Two tables are set up, either side of a podium, directly under the large AngleSlam 2007 banner. On one table sitting furthest left, World Heavyweight Champion Landon Maddix with his manageress Megan Skye; Enterprise CEO Theodore Moneymaker with his newly won One And Only Tag Team Title belt; and and empty seat ready for Tha Puerto Rican. On the other side, "Silky Smooth" Leon Rodez; an empty seat ready for Zack Malibu and an empty seat, belonging to OAOAST namesake AngleSault who takes his position on the podium. ANGLESAULT Good evening and thank you all for coming out tonight. It's a privilege for the OAOAST to be here in the city so great they named it twice, New York, New York, in the shadows of Madison Square Garden with AngleSlam 2007 set to eminate from it's hallowed halls in just four weeks' time. In a moment, I'll give the gentlemen to the side of me a chance to voice their opinions. You have been warned. (polite laughter) But first, I have a little announcement of my own. As you're all aware, the scheduled main-event will be a Triple Threat Match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, featuring Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix, Puerto Rican Lightning and Zack Malibu. However, as you'll be aware, our OAOAST cards always come with the tag 'Card Subject To Change'. Cue surprised looks from those on AngleSault's left and right. ANGLESAULT As well as the chance to compete in Madison Square Garden, the OAOAST has another great opportunity awaiting us in the next few weeks. On Thursday, August 16th, our flagship television programme HeldDOWN~! will be broadcasting live from Honolulu, Hawaii. And to mark this occassion, we will be giving our fans a great main-event. The OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Landon Maddix, will defend his title one on one against "The Urban Legend" Todd Cortez. Landon's eyes can be seen bugging out in the background. He turns to Megan with fevered whispers as AS continues. ANGLESAULT Of course, should Mr. Cortez win the OAOAST Title on August 16th, the main-event of AngleSlam will be effected. So, an official ruling has been made and added to the contracts the men behind me signed a few weeks ago. The match will remain a Triple Threat Match should Landon Maddix retain. However, if Todd Cortez wins the OAOAST World Title, then the main-event of AngleSlam 2007 will become a Fatal Fourway Match. Thank you. And now, a word from our World Champion, LANDON MADDIX!! As AngleSault retakes his seat, Landon just sits where he is, arms folded. AngleSault looks a little embarrassed as the crowd begin booing, even despite the lovely Megan Skye making her way to the podium. MEGAN Landon would like to refuse to comment, in light of recent developments. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Megan retakes her seat next to Landon, who is nodding away, pouting ever so slightly. Moneymaker just looks at the Champion next to him curiously as he dismissively waves his hand at AngleSault to carry on with proceedings without him. The toys are well and truly out of the pram. And so, wtih no signs of 'conference' at this Press Conference from the Champ...

You are central in your beliefs about wrestling. You accept the idea of both old-school and sports entertainment but you are not extreme in either way. You believe that angles and matches are equally important to create a good wrestling product. Most similar booker: Paul Heyman Most similar promotion: ECW 1996

COLE And coming up, we've go... Suddenly, boos ring out in the arena, forcing Michael Cole to trail off. Through the entrance way walk Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright, the One And Only World Tag Team Champions. And they're not dressed to compete. MONEYMAKER I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm afraid I have some bad news. The Billion Dollar Heir waits for some quiet. MONEYMAKER Earlier tonight, I promised you all a 6-Man Tag Team Title rematch. And it looks like you got it. Earlier tonight, I also promised a One And Only Tag Title defence, seeing as I was in such a good mood. Well, as you can plainly see... I am no longer in a good mood. Which is why, as of right now, that scheduled title defence has been CANCELLED! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What!? Can he do that? COACH Of course he can, he's Theodore Moneymaker! MONEYMAKER Atfer the events of earlier tonight, myself and Christian feel it wouldn't be wise to compete in the current climate. On behalf of The Enterprise, I will be lodging an official enquiry into just how we were robbed of our 6-Man Tag Team Championships. And we will not be competing out of protest at the injustice. Thank you. .:CUE: "Medal":. COLE Uh-oh! Moneymaker freezes as sure enough, the doors part behind him and ANGLESAULT appears to the roaring reception!! After a brief acknowledgment of the cheers, AS turns to Moneymaker and shakes his head. ANGLESAULT You know, you really do keep putting us all in a tough position, don't you? Here I was, expecting a big Tag Team Title match tonight. I go out and I try to put the word out, get anyone stupid enough to miss the show this week to tune in. And you bait and switch? Well 'Theodore', you have your way. For now. You don't have to defend your titles tonight because to be honest, what happened earlier really shouldn't have. MONEYMAKER You're damn right it shouldn't! ANGLESAULT And I feel a little guilty about it. Only a little mind you. So, no title match tonight. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" ANGLESAULT BUT... see, we were expecting one. So I had been in the process of sorting that match out. After what happened earlier, I cancelled your big plans, out of fairness to yourselves. And I put out an open challenge to find a set of challengers, which was understandably answered pretty quickly. So, in my office, we have an open challenge, signed and answered, to face you for the Tag Team Titles. Tonight isn't good for you? In which case, we'll re-arrange and you WILL be defending those titles, next week in Honolulu, Hawaii! Rolling his eyes, Moneymaker ponders how this night could get any worse as AngleSault begins to leave. ANGLESAULT Oh! I almost forgot. The team that answered the challenge... were COD!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE ALRIGHT!! COACH You've got to be ki... MONEYMAKER NO! NO, DAMNIT NO! AS looks shocked at being spoke back to and stops from leaving again. MONEYMAKER This isn't fair! And after what happened earlier on, you want to start being fair to me Mr. Anglesault. Because you see, there's another group of people in my life that don't play fair, my lawyers! And I won't hesitate in hanging you out to dry like an Eddie Murphy paternity suit, so help me! ANGLESAULT I think you and your lawyers will find we've got a legal binding contract with Krista and Alix. MONEYMAKER Fine, but if you give them a title shot, it's on our terms. We choose the match. We choose... we choose the [i]referee[/i], since your officials can't seem to distinguish between an anorexic masked man and a boyband wanabee and who's in a match and who isn't! We'll take those Chicks Over Dicks on, but on the one condition, Mackenzie DeCenzo is the referee! ANGLESAULT If that's what it takes, fine. MONEYMAKER Fine. Then you've got your match! AngleSault nods and finally heads off, "Medal" playing as Moneymaker and Wright are left on stage frustrated with the way their day continues to go. COLE What an announcement. We've got a World Title match, now a World Tag Title match, both next week here on HeldDOWN~! from Honolulu, what a show that promises to be!!

We must be short on time. That can be the only possible explanation as to why we're suddenly in the presence of Alix Maria Spezia going through the painstaking process of picking this week's lotto numbers. Having given up on 'known sexual conquests' after realising the range of lottery numbers doesn't go high enough, she's settled on 'offences on criminal record' as she flicks through her copy of magazine. Of course, the other explanation for why we're seeing this could be the quick walk-by by new OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Champion, Leon Rodez. ALIX Heeeyyy, what's with the upside down frown there mister? Are you really Leon Rodez? [i]The[/i] Leon Rodez? Did I set the date on my time machine to 2005 instead of 2007 when I woke up this morning? Uh-oh, I've said too much. Quiet Alix! He cannot know the secrets. Only once he truly loves you can you be transported back to your time. Oh no, wait, that was the plot from Back To The Future. Was that the original or one of the 'cash in on the movie's success with ever decreasing in quality sequels to the point the franchise is ruined, then contemplate a prequel before realising that's pretty much accepting creative defeat'? What would they call a prequel to Back To The Future anyway? Would it be the past, the present, what the hell would be going on? Maybe I should call my agent. It could be the big screenplay writing break I need! But alas, I don't HAVE an agent, not since my pet goldfish Agent Orange's demise. I guess I should have named him 'Agent Gold' really, but goldfish aren't really gold, are they? LEON Are you two done? ALIX .....heeeyyy, what's with the upside down frown there mister? Are you really Leon Rodez? Did I set the da... LEON Jessica Beil. With a long sigh, Alix trails off and gazes into the distance. LEON Interesting. Okay, Alix, do you know where Shayne and Tyler are? I kinda figured they'd be with you by now. ALIX Nah. It's Krista they have the crush on, silly. LEON Poor kids. Okay, well, if you see them... ALIX Hey, you didn't answer my question! LEON Uh... the one about goldfish, or about popular movie prequels? ALIX The one about why you're such a happy clappy chappy! Last time I looked you were all like 'oh, my sister is gone'. 'Oh, I'm so lost without my sister'. 'Oh, my raging pornstar mojo has vanished ever since my poor sister joined The Enterprise, even with so many hot pieces of white Nerdly jailbait ass showing up every week I still can't get no love in my shack!' LEON Just so we're clear, do you count Marv and Mel in that whole 'Nerdly jailbait' thing? ALIX No! They're like, what, twenty seven! You wanna hit that, ain't no law against it. Leon just blinks. LEON Yeah, well, I just won the 6-Man Tag Titles off of Blanchard and co. Plus, I've got a good feeling about AngleSlam. ALIX That's super, little man! Super-de-duper! See, I figured me and Krista stripping off your sister's clothes and leaving her in her underwear in front of thousands of people and millions of TV viewers and then accepting polaroids of certain action shots at our more recent autograph sessions would have got you kinda bummed out just a little bit. LEON Look, I didn't like seeing my sister stripped to her underwear any more than you did. ALIX Actually, I did kinda like it. I did kinda a lot like it. A lot kinda did... uh, I... kinda lot... help? LEON You liked seeing my sister in her underwear. Which, by the way... not cool. Leon wags his finger at Alix LEON But, maybe it was for the best. She won't listen to reason. She wouldn't listen to her friends, her family. So, the only hope is her making her own mind up and unfortunately, hitting rock bottom might just speed that process up a little. ALIX Thanks Dr. Phil! LEON Yeah. So, I'm gonna be going. Nice talking to your brain. ALIX Hey, just one little teensie question before you scuttle off with that fancy little '6' belt. So, for arguement's sake, say if me and you were fooling around like for old time's sake or something and Jade just [i]happened[/i] to walk in on us and just [i]happened[/i] to fall onto the bed in shock and I just [i]happened[/i] to assume she was a burglar, or some sort of alien hybrid slash burglar just to make it a little more kinky and stuff, assuming that happened, would that still be incest? Cause, I was thinking... LEON Goodbye Alix. Just before disappearing out of sight, Leon turns back to Alix and wags his finger again. LEON [i]So[/i] not cool.

As we return to HeldDOWN~!, a wide shot of the ring captures the 6-Man Tag Team Champions as they continue to warm up for their big title defence. Mackenzie, Molly and Jade all watch on from the outside as meanwhile, Theodore Moneymaker has joined the announce team at Sofa Central. Christian Wright is there too but thankfully for those of us without Harvard degrees (raises hand), he doesn't have a headset. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest one fall with a 30 minute time limit and it is for the OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Championships! In the ring, the reigning OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Champions. Representing THE ENTERPRISE, the team of NED BLANCHARD and SIMON SINGLETON, THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS... and, their partner, CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN, C... P... A!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" BUFFER And, the opponents... It's at this point that Ned Blanchard steps forward and hands Michael Buffer a cuecard. The world's most famous announcer looks confused, as sound the crowd as some generic Latin music begins to play. And instead of the venegeful challengers we had expected, through the sliding doors walk three masked man in full bodysuits. One in blue, one in red and the final one in bright green. COLE What the... BUFFER Hailing from The Priory rehab clinic in Hollywood, U.S.A... total combined weight, 'medically insufficient'... please welcome, LOS NINOS ANOREXICO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The gracious champs applaud their challengers as they walk slowly to the ring. COLE What is this!? Theodore Moneymaker, you said this would be a rematch for the World 6-Man Tag Titles! With all due respect to Los Ninos Anorexico, a trio of talent currently competing in our developmental territory, they are no Leon Rodez and D*LUX. MONEYMAKER Who ever said they would be? You’re the one who jumped to conclusions, Cole. The Enterprise promised a return bout and we delivered. From the OAOVW's Summer Blast event, Los Ninos Anorexico vs. The Beverly Hills Blonds and CPA. Rodez and D*LUX had their opportunity and blew it, just like COD did last week. It’s time new blood got a crack at both the 6-Man and One & Only Tag Titles. COLE So what you're saying is, and correct me if I'm wrong here, you're DUCKING not just Leon Rodez and D*LUX but COD as well? MONEYMAKER Michael Cole, you're one phone call to the president of TSM from being replaced on HeldDOWN~! Los Ninos Anerexico enter the ring and warmly shake hands with the welcoming Beverly Hills Blonds. Simon seems a little surprised at the firmness of the handshake he gets from Red Nino, pointing out his opponent doesn't look that 'anorexico' but Ned brushes off his concerns, telling him it's "just a gimmick, dummy". In the background, CPA just cracks his knuckles. COLE At least somebody is taking this seriously. After a consultation, it's Green Nino to start up against Ned Blanchard. *DINGDINGDING!* Drawing his challenger in, Ned stops short of a lock-up... to offer his opponent another handshake. He accepts before they circle again, with Ned this time looking up with the Green Nino. A brief tussle ensues before Ned throws Green Nino down, turning to his corner and 'catching his breath' as he warns his partners about how much of a challenge that just was. MONEYMAKER Great strength from Ned! Don't just the book by it's cover gentlemen, these three challengers are truly [i]hungry[/i] competitors. Once he's worked out the kinks from that last exchange, Ned locks up with Green Nino again. Ned grabs a side headlock this time, takes Green Nino over and tries to pin his opponent down. Green Nino reaches his legs up and grabs a headscissors to free himself, only for Ned to escape with a lazy kip-up. The not-so athletic move doesn't impress the crowd, who boo Blanchard as he STRUTS over to his corner. Tag is made to Simon, who leaps into the ring, ready to lock it up with the Blue Nino. MONEYMAKER The kid in the blue doesn't look too eager to go toe to toe with Simon Singleton guys. This is a big opportunity for these kids. Infact, they were so nervous about this high profile match, I actually caught them throwing up in the bathroom earlier! BWAHAHA! COACH HAHA! Brilliant Mr. Moneymaker, brilliant! See, because they're Los Ninos Anorexi... COLE I got it, yes. Simon and Blue Nino draw into a greco-roman knucklelock and pull each other chest to chest for a test of strength. The two men are actually pretty evenly matched in height but Singleton has the power edge as he begins to lean Blue Nino backwards. Blue Nino shows great neck strength as he bridges to keep his shoulder off the canvas. However, he gets pulled back upright by Simon, who swings behind into a hammerlock. Reaching around for an escape, Blue Nino eventually settles for taking Simon's leg out with a drop toehold. He floats over into a side headlock, but Singleton climbs up quickly to his feet, executing a back suplex on the Anorexico! COLE Well, the challengers look fundamentally sound at least. But they're in there with multi-tag team champions. Cover by Simon... 1... 2... No! Bringing Blue Nino up, Simon hooks up his challenger for a suplex. And with Molly Nerdly catches all this intently on the Siclopse he takes Blue Nino up, leaving him hanging for a second to give his intern extra time to find the right camera angle before he drops him. Floatover, cover... 1... 2... No! Blue Nino sits up in search of his corner. He gets trapped in a rear chinlock though. MONEYMAKER Look at this. Great wrestling, great competition, great sportsmanship. This is the kind of match The Enterprise should be involved in, which we're simply unable to while dealing with miscreants like Leon Rodez and Chicks Over Dicks. Such is his comfort in this hold, Singleton is able to relay directorial input to Molly while he grinds away on the chinlock. Blue Nino begins to fight though. And suddenly he bridges up, grabbing the Blond locks of Singleton and sitting out with a Jawbreaker! COLE Woah! Simon staggers around, but still finds time to mark that up as a cut-scene to Molly, even as Blue Nino comes up behind him to execute a bulldog! Quickly, Blue Nino makes a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Almost an upset right there! Wringing out the arm of Singleton, Blue Nino tags back in Green Nino. Green Nino heads up top and comes down across the arm with an axehandle before taking over the possession of the arm. Which puts an end to the fair competition in a hurry, Simon going to the gut with a knee and measuring Green Nino for a hard right hand! Green Nino rolls through as in rushes Singleton, looking for a big clothesline. He swings high and wide however as Green Nino zips behind to execute a schoolboy roll-up... 1... 2... No! Slowly but surely, the smiling faces of The Enterprise are growing pale. Lucky then that Singleton lands a quick knee to cut of Green Nino's exuberance before any more damage can be done. COLE Mister Moneymaker, you've gone awfully quiet. MONEYMAKER Dignified silence. Pity you can't follow my lead. Tagging in, Ned Blanchard quickly takes up a hold on Green Nino, throwing him into a neutral corner. The Handsome Hustler then takes a moment to thank the big man upstairs for making him so great before he follows in... to a raised knee! Stumbling backwards, Blanchard reaches out and just as soon as he came in, out he goes, with CPA tagging in. Green Nino meanwhile tags in the Red Nino as our fresh men enter. COACH Business is about to pick up! Indeed it is. Not because of CPA you understand. As the bigman marches across the ring, up to the top rope springboards Red Nino, SOARING with a majestic Crossbody to wipe him out! Red Nino then mounts CPA, peppering him with wild right hands as all around look on in shock! COACH Uh, Teddy? COLE This Anorexico is no lightweight! After a couple of exchanged looks, Ned and Simon eventually realise they have to do something and rush into the ring. Simon gets into the fray first, but he leaves it first too, as Red Nino jumps up and guides him up and over the top, to the floor! Lagging behind, Ned gets caught with a boot and thrown outside too. As CPA gets back up, Red Nino then measures him and connects with a jab. And another jab. And another. And another Hang on. This looks kinda familiar. 'Red Nino' turns to the outside and brings the crowd to their feet, as he blows a kiss towards Theodore Moneymaker. And the CEO of The Enteprise almost collapses off the Sofa as 'Red Nino' connects with the Enziguri on CPA, knocking the bigman down, falling throat-first across the middle rope! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" MONEYMAKER No... no no no, you... tell me this isn't what I think it is! TELL ME! The previously disappointed Seattle crowd are now on their feet, as 'Red Nino' pulls off a strangely recognisable JIG~! before hitting the ropes, shooting back and driving the weight into the spine! COLE CALL THAT BITCH BOJANGLES... As Moneymaker rises from his seat, 'Red Nino' stays sat on CPA's lower back, reaching up and pulling off his mask... TO REVEAL THE SMILING FACE OF LEON RODEZ!!! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE ...AND CALL THAT BITCH LEON RODEZ!! OH YEAH, WE'VE GOT A SIX-MAN TITLE MATCH ON OUR HANDS NOW!! MONEYMAKER NO! This isn't how it's supposed to happen! Simon Singleton slides back into the ring... making it only halfway before his ankles are caught, SHAYNE BRAVE and TYLER BRYANT pulling him outside and peppering him with blue and green gloves to the face! Meanwhile, off the ropes comes Leon again. This time he lands with a dropkick to the back of CPA, the ring rope he was leant against bouncing him back and towards the centre of the ring. Quickly, Leon barges into the bigman, forcing him out through the ropes and to the floor. He then wheels around to find Ned Blanchard rolled into the ring by D*LUX, looking up and freezing in shock! COLE Aw yeah! Despairing, Ned tries to beg off. But his prayers go unanswered as Leon boots him in the gut, lifting him into the corner and... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...connecting with a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...again! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...third time! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...four! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...five! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...six times! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...SEVEN?! COLE Leon Rodez is chopping the hide off of Blanchard's chest! He's been waiting seemingly a lifetime for this! Weeping, Blanchard pleads for some mercy as Leon finally stops with the chops. He whips Ned out of the corner, waiting for him to nestle in the opposite turnbuckles before rushing after him. Taking off in mid-ring, Leon propels himself towards The Handsome Hustler's gut with the SUPERMAN SPEAR!! He then deadlifts Ned, dropping him by the turnbuckles with a sidewalk slam and heading to the top rope! MONEYMAKER Why is this match still going!? This is supposed to be Los Ninos something or other. THESE ARE NOT LOS NINOS SOMETHING OR OTHER DAMNIT!! Finally taking action on behalf of his corporation, Christian Wright vacates his seat and starts to make a beeline for Leon. However, Leon spots him and reacts quickly to re-adjust on the turnbuckles, taking off AND FLYING OVER THE CROWD OF VALETS IN THE ENTERPRISE'S CORNER TO TAKE OUT CW WITH A CROSSBODY TO THE OUTSIDE!!!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Quickly covering for their partner, D*LUX enter the ring, having taken out Singleton with a DOUBLE SUPERKICK! Blanchard is on his way up and D*LUX stalk behind him, waiting as he turns around and meeting him with two boots to the gut. Taking an arm and a leg each, Shayne and Tyler lift The Handsome Hustler up and drop him across the knees with the Double Gutbuster! COLE COWELL MOVEMENT! Down to one knee goes Ned, setting him up for the SHINING ENZIGURI from Tyler!! *SMACK!* Blanchard slumps over as Leon re-emerges and heads up top again. Quickly Shayne and Tyler take off in opposite directions. Tyler rushes to knock Singleton off the apron, while Shayne WIPES OUT CPA WITH A SUICIDE DIVE!! All this as Leon sets himself up top for the 450 SPLASH!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE COVER!! 1... 2... 3!!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE WE'VE GOT NEW CHAMPIONS!! COACH NOOOOO!! Mouth agape, Moneymaker holds his head in his hands as D*LUX re-unite in the ring and celebrate with a boyband embrace! Leon pushes up to his knees over Blanchard, looking down at The Handsome Hustler and showing off those pearly whites that have been absent from the OAOAST for so long now. BUFFER Your winners of the match... and the NEEEWWW OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions... LOS NIN... uhm, D*LUX and LLLEEEEEOOOOOONN RRROOOOOOOODDEEEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The 6-Man Titles are handed to the new champions, to the despair of Mackenzie and Molly, the surprise of Jade and the utter outrage of Theodore Moneymaker. D*LUX take their belts and go to their fans to celebrate, while Leon grabs his third of the gold and leans over the ring ropes, dangling it in the eyeline of The Billion Dollar Heir! MONEYMAKER This is bull! Absolute bull, we didn't sign for a match with Leon Rodez and D*LUX! COLE And Chicks Over Dicks didn't sign up for Scramble Cage expecting you and your partner to gatecrash right at the end, but hey, what can you do? MONEYMAKER Don't start with me Michael Cole! Somewhere in this arena, there are three malnurished men laying in pools of their own blood, mugged by these opportunistic nickel and dimers! This should NOT stand! This is preposterous! Prepostoterous I say! You haven't heard the last of this, guaranteed! COLE Hey, don't you have a One And Only Tag Title defence later on? If I were you Mister Moneymaker, I'd be reviewing my plans for the evening! MONEYMAKER .....my God you're right. Dropping his headset, the seething Billion Dollar Heir rounds up his troops. CPA looks ready to go back in for more but Moneymaker tells his cohorts that they're done for the night, looking horror-stricken as he tries to rush the group to the back. Blanchard has to be helped back by Simon, Wright not looking too steady either, The Enterprise looking on as D*LUX and Leon continue to revel in their victory. COLE What a start to HeldDOWN~! We've got new OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Titles as The Enterprise just got 'trumped'. And let's not forget, Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright, defending their titles later on tonight. The Enterprise came in with all the gold, they may leave with [i]none[/i] by the night is over! Unbelievable! COACH You've got that right.

[b][color="#000000"]THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY[/color] [/b] [b][color="#808080"][font="Microsoft Sans Serif"]PRESENTED IN HD[/font][/color][/b] “YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” ...we are suddenly LIVE in Seattle, Washington! We couldn't afford Safeco Field you understand. And there's no time to waste, no fancy videos, no highly debated theme music, no Sofa Central banter. Instead we go straight inside a rockin’ Key Arena and Michael Cole on the INTERVIEW STAGE. COLE Good evening and welcome to Thursday night’s most watched television program, HeldDOWN~! And at this time I’d like to introduce to you, accompanied by their Chief Financial Officer MACKENZIE DECENZO and JADE RODEZ, the reigning OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Champions…the BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS and CPA…and the newly crowned One & Only World Tag Team Champions…THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT… THE ENTERPRISE!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” "You break the laws You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk Money talks" Theodore Moneymaker relishes the hostile reception, laughing manically, arms high up to his sides, as he leads The Enterprise to the podium. Tagging along is MOLLY NERDLY, Simon Singleton’s recently acquired [s]flunky[/s] intern. She watches intently, jotting down notes as the “Video Voyeur” records on his 'Siclopse' camera. COACH Yo, vendor guy! Yeah, can a brother get a chili-dog here or what? I've been waving atcha for like ten minu... huh? What do you mean I'm on? ...Oh. Hey ya'll in TV land. Coach here. Heh. CPA stands imposingly in the background, while the rest of the gang surround Moneymaker on the interview stage. COLE Mr. Moneymaker, congratulations are in order for your and Christian Wright’s victory last week, in the process becoming the first ever One & Only World Tag Team Champions. That coming off the heels of the Beverly Hills Blonds and CPA’s successfully defending the World 6-Man Tag Titles… SIMON/NED :D :D COLE …against Leon Rodez and D*LUX a couple weeks ago on Syndicated. However, both victories came with their fair share of controversy. I’m speaking of your involvement in the 6-Man Title match that ultimately led to the Blonds and CPA retaining and also the matter in which you and Mr. Wright went about capturing the One & Only World Tag Team Championship last week. MONEYMAKER Nobody cares how you win, just who won, little man. But it’s only apropos, being that we’re in the Pacific Northwest where rain is seemingly an every day part of life, you and the 9-5ers of the world are drowning in your own sorrow now that my Enterprise has added the One & Only World Tag Team Championship to our portfolio! Given the amount of gold we’re carrying, you’d think we just robbed Fort Knox. Luckily for the federal government, we’re upstanding citizens and proud Americans unlike those Chicks Over Dicks, who everybody knows wouldn’t think twice about going through with such a stunt to strike at the heart of capitalism. As far as I’m concerned, they’ve already committed one act of domestic terrorism the night they cost Mr. Wright and myself the World Tag Team Championship. Don’t remember? I figured you wouldn’t, so allow me to refresh your memory by taking you back in time to the start of the New Year -- the New Year’s Spectacular to be exact. The titles are on the line in a Tag Team Turmoil match. Because “money talks, bullshit walks”…heh heh heh…CW and I happen to draw the last spot in the bout. Pretty good deal, right? It got even better when the previous two combats eliminated themselves via double count-out, making us the new World tag team champions by default. Then in a deed that ranks up there with Pearl Harbor and 9/11... COLE :O MONEYMAKER …COD return out of the blue and surprised us for the 1-2-3. HAHAHA! What goes around comes around, little girls. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, people are screaming bloody murder. Just the other day my office received an e-mail linking to an online petition asking the Board of Directors to overturn our win. Let me tell all you lowly cellar dwellers out there, crying over spilled milk isn’t going to wipe the wet spot off the floor, losers. Maybe it’ll finally open up your eyes and make you realize never to bet against the Billion Dollar Heir. I’ll pay any price and use anything, or anyone… (glances at Mackie) MACKENZIE :wub: MONEYMAKER …HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…to get what I want. Applauding, Ned steps into centre stage. After all, it's been five minutes and people have stopped looking at him, which is bugging him no end. BLANCHARD It’s been said behind every great man is an equally great woman. But that isn't always the case. Just look at Krista. That was a situation where there was a great man behind a woman, which produced a baby girl. Well, actually... I guess I didn't produce the baby girl while I was [i]behind[/i] her, per-se. Although, we did this one thing where... my point is, the Enterprise is fortunate to have TWO great women, [i]real women[/i] in Mackenzie DeCenzo and Jade Rodez. They put their... (looking at Jade) bodies... on the line, in more ways than one to ensure COD was less than 100% going into the Scramble Cage match. And for that, we were all very gratified. Simon slaps Ned on the shoulder. BLANCHARD Uh, [i]grateful[/i]. Yes. WRIGHT Indeed. Because of the efforts of our graceful confidantes, unsuccessful though they may have inevitably concluded, the debauchery that infested the tag team division under COD’s reign of tyranny has been mercifully cleansed. Ultimately, the pride and integrity of these championship trophies have been restored. SINGLETON (filming himself speak at same time) Yeah, now parents finally have role models their children can hopelessly fail to emulate. But don’t feel too bad kids, there aren’t many people in the world who can follow in our footsteps. BLANCHARD Better to shoot for the stars than the arm with heroin. SINGLETON That’s deep, man. BLANCHARD I’m a father. I have a vested interest in the youth of America. 18-25 year old females! The Blonds high-five and goof around with a non-respondent CPA. Meanwhile, Theodore picks up where CW left off. MONEYMAKER As a token of our appreciation, ladies… With the snap of his fingers, stage hands bring out a pair of GIFT BOXES (one large and one regular sized). Mackenzie is slightly disappointed to receive the smaller of the two, but knowing Teddy spares no expense she eagerly unwraps the present. Her jaw drops as she pulls out a MINK FUR COAT and puts it on. MONEYMAKER There you go, sugar. None of that faux fur others in the OAOAST run around with. It’s the real deal, baby. You deserve it for all the work you’ve done. Go ahead Jade. Open yours up. BLANCHARD That's a hard one for me to pass up, but yeah, open it Jade. I picked this out myself. JADE :unsure: That look says it all, but Jade goes ahead and opens the box anyway. Inside... JADE :rolleyes: MACKIE :lol: …a giant FRAME PHOTO OF NED SUNBATHING IN HIS SPEEDOS!?! BLANCHARD Do you like it? I chose it myself. If you think that’s hot and it totally is, then what you’re about to see is going to blow the mercury through the thermometer! Ned Blanchard in action. Well, really the Beverly Hills Blonds and CPA. By popular demand we're going to put our belts up in the most anticipated sequel in history. Bigger than every blockbuster in Hollywood combined! Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime CALL ME! (call me) The Blonds, Mackie and Jade head to the ring under the security protection of CPA. COLE Oh, my! You’re telling me the Blonds and CPA are going to face Leon Rodez and D*LUX in a rematch for the 6-man tag team championship? MONEYMAKER Like Ned said, little man, it’s by popular demand. But it won’t be the only tag title one the line this evening. Because I’m in such a good mood, you’ll also have the privilege of seeing the new One & Only World Tag Team champions in their first title defense! So what we’re going to do right now, Cole, is take a quick break to allow the nickel-and-dimers of the world -- and there’s plenty of them, just look at all the poverty out there in the stands -- to get on the phone and call their friends because they’re not going to want and miss this, the most anticpated sequel in history. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! COLE You heard it, fans. Don’t you dare go away. The 6-Man Titles are on the line next! * COMMERCIAL *

Wait, that doesn't explain why he was fired though. I mean, there's dozens of guys who fit that description and their jobs are sti.... Bin-go! Remember kids, you don't need steroids to succeed.

Yeah; it isn't like they have "wrestling" in the company name, a wrestling ring in the middle of the arena, and have a roster comprised mostly of wrestlers. Of course I should expect everything but wrestling when I watch World Wrestling Entertainment. I'm sorry... are you new to the wrestling scene, or have you just blanked out the best part of a decade of Raw broadcasts. I agree with everything you're saying. I also realise that pure, god's honest professional wrestling isn't the WWE's top priority. I don't know as you should "expect everything but wrestling when I watch WWE", but you should at least realise from their track record you're in the wrong place for a wrestling showpiece on Monday nights. Honestly? Mostly habit. But I get my fix of wrestling from actual wrestling companies, so I just basically watch RAW for what it is, braindead entertainment. It's entertaining to watch it from a 'boy, what the hell are they doing here' or 'okay, that was kinda dumb' POV and make the most of the genuinely entertaining moments when they happen. The only thing I've been really interested in in the past few months was the Vince limo angle, because it was so OTT that it was entertaining. The illegitamite McMahon child might be in the same vain. Doesn't make for great pro wrasslin' but, again, I'm smart enough to realise there's better places to find it that Raw. Boy. That sounds like such a 'smarky' thing to say, I know. But there ya go.

Either it's part of his gimmick as a stuffy Brit that mispronounces words, or maybe he really just can not say the name properly. Isn't that King Book-AH's gimmick?

Well there's no accounting for taste........I watch wrestling to see wrestling not a cut rate sitcom. Anyone who honestly watches WWE purely for wrestling deserves the disappointment they get every Monday for being so naive. Me? I thought the show was great this week, in a train-wreck kinda way.

Eh, the only thing I like about Miz is his clothesline spot in the corner. But if I wanted to see that, I'd just watch Matt Sydal wrestle and avoid the rest of Miz's repetoire.

Honestly? RAW's so starved of guys with genuine name-value, I'm actually interested in seeing HHH coming back. So he timed his return with almost Hogan-like precision. Not to drift into fantasy booking too much, but there was talk about stables in another thread. I wouldn't mind seeing the guys who've lost all their credibility like Orton and Kennedy and Carlito getting together to go after Cena, Cena calling on help from D-X HHH and getting turned on. HHH denounces D-X and leads the new guys. Cena looks completely out of his depth numbers-wise as the new stable get the IC Title, which leads to a pissed off Umaga returning and making the 'save' during a beatdown on Cena and becoming the new big face threat. It's not very original, but it's better than the current direction with Cena.

Snippets from the AngleSlam 2007 Press Conference! The Enterprise promo (opening please). And a lot more actually. None of which I can divulge at this stage however.

Hey, there's a Hardcore Title match now!! Neat!!

Took me a minute. Me too, but I'm no Fire Pro buff. It's weird how Kenny, while still in basically the same role he had on RAW, actually has a modicum of credibility on Smackdown all of a sudden. How come Smackdown's lower midcarders don't seem like a complete waste of time, like the Duggans and the Vals and the Highlanders (NOT VAL VENIS~!)? Or is it just me? Because I'm really becoming a fan of Kenny's and it's only since he's been on Smackdown.

That's been the WWE formula for a long time. Any Heel not named HHH always loses or gets his ass beat all the time. Every heel has to play the chickenshit heel that can't possibly beat a face clean. They seem to want to send the crowds home happy more than booking something that would do well. And to think, it was only a week or two ago people were bitching about the heels winning clean at GAB being bad booking.

5 on 5 Grudge Match The Enterprise (Theodore Moneymaker, Christian Wright, The Beverly Hills Blonds and CPA) vs. Chicks Over Dicks, D*LUX and Leon Rodez

.:CUE: "Oh No", Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoah Monche:. The Minneapolis crowd seem unsure how to react for a second, before settling on 'predominantly cheers' for The Urban Legend, Todd Cortez! Cortez seems a little surprised at the sudden respect shown to him by the people as he walks to the ring. His pyro goes off behind him, but he's long since passed it and jogs up the ring steps. COLE Here comes the man who five nights ago shook up the already intriguing World Title picture at OAOAST Syndicated. For those of you who missed it, a shocking turn of events. Zack Malibu named this man as his tag team partner against Landon Maddix and Tha Puerto Rican. And not only did Cortez accept, he PINNED the World Champion dead centre in the middle of the ring! COACH Well, I'm sure Landon will explain that in due time but it looks like Todd's got a mic. COLE Which, in itself, is a rarity. Cortez stands in the middle of the ring with the microphone, waiting for his music to cut. Once it does the crowd's reaction hits him again. Certainly not 100% positive but 100% interested. CORTEZ You know, I don't do this often. I like to think I'm a man of action, not a man of words. And my actions spoke louder than words Saturday night, when I accepted the proposal Zack Malibu gave me to be his tag team partner for the night. "YYYAAAAAAYYY!" cheer Zack's legions of fans. CORTEZ Nobody saw it coming. Definately not me. If you'd have told me I'd be teaming WITH Malibu, against Landon, when I got off the plane in London I'd have called you crazy. But you see, whether I like Zack Malibu or I don't... hell, whether I even respect him or I don't... what he said when I came to the ring made a lot of sense. He gave me some home truths. Home truths I needed to hear for a while now. For the past few months, my role in the OAOAST has pretty much been the right-hand man to Landon Maddix. "BOOOOOOOOOOO!" for the mere mention of Landon's name. CORTEZ When he came into the OAOAST, he joined up with me and the rest of The Wildcards. And even back then I had my reservations, because after a couple of years of dealing with him in the SWF, nobody knew Landon better than me. But at the time, it was an issue of strength in numbers. We took Landon in. And sure enough, just as I expected, he systematically took the spotlight out of the sky and made sure it was shone on him and him alone. Been there, done that. We were SWF Tag Team Champions together. Nobody knows just how egotistical and self-centered Landon Maddix is quite like me. And yet, here I was as late as a matter of days ago, still tagging along in the dimmly-lit background. Cortez begins to pace around a little. CORTEZ Landon, you used me for your own well-being. You used me as if nothing ever happened between us... and, I let you. Well, Malibu did open eyes. And he [i]was[/i] right, I do deserve better than that. See, it occured to me the moment Zack started talking, that look on your face, it told me everything I needed to know about you. That look told me just WHY, after all the water that's passed under the bridge between the two of us, you were willing to associate yourself with me even when that spotlight was firmly placed over your head. It wasn't loyalty. It wasn't just need for somebody to watch your back, because there's plenty of people who'd be more than willing to 'hang' with the Champ. People without a strong tension with you. No, see that look screamed one thing. FEAR. To dip into the bag of clichés for a second, "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em"... and Landon, you COULDN'T beat me in the SWF! Not man to man, one to one. I beat you at Genesis. Deep down, you realise I am your biggest threat because I know you all too well. And THAT'S why you made sure you kept me onside all this time. You know it. I know it. And the moment I SPIKED you on your head with the Riot Act Plus and the referee counted the three this past Saturday, the WORLD knew it! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" CORTEZ Landon, I never liked you. Not here, at least. Up until now, I tolerated you, not without a whole lot of self-control I should add because there have been plenty of times I wanted to punch your lights out over the past few months. But Zack made me realise, I don't need you. As of this moment, any obligation I felt I had towards you Landon, it's officially over! The only thing I want from you anymore... is a TITLE SHOT! With that, Cortez drops the mic and storms off as "Oh No" hits again. COLE Woah! COACH Somebody oughta tell him we've already got two number one contenders. Which is already one too many. COLE Well, he did pin the Champion. I say that entitles him to a shot as much as Zack and PRL are entitled. What must Landon Maddix be thinking right now, that's what I want to know! He's got challengers queuing up to take him on and now, he's got absolutely no allies watching his back! His only accomplice is now one of his hungriest challengers! The hunter has well and truly become the hunted as the race for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship continues to heat up!

Any word on the quarterly breakdown of the 2.5 rating? Did they just plummet during the Cena/Carlito opening segment or was it just low from the get-go?