King Cucaracha

Backstage, Leon Rodez is listening to music on his iPod, when suddenly a finger reaches into view, and pushes the pause button. Leon looks up, and realizes that the finger belongs to Quentin Benjamin, who is standing over him, along with Charlie Moss. Leon raises from his seat. MOSS What happened last week? LEON Look. It's nothing personal against you guys, it's just you know I wanted to get at Reject. It was just wrong place, wrong time, that's all. BENJAMIN (smiles) Is that right. (smile disappears) Well, I could say the same for you right now. Things start to get tense, until Bohemoth walks into the picture, to the cheers of the fans in the arena. BOHEMOTH What's going on here? We got a problem? BENJAMIN I'd say so. TK & Reject have the gold back around their waists, all because your boy stuck his nose in our business. BOHEMOTH Speaking of which...I think you two need to leave. Bo steps in front of Leon and confronts Team Heyross, then looks up to see Brock Ausstin appearing behind them. The crowd cheers, then starts to buzz. BROCK (half-jokingly) Hey, Bo...my old buddy! Brock extends a hand, which Bo slowly accepts. BOHEMOTH Welcome back. BROCK Well, I appreciate that. Now that all the mushy stuff's out of the way...it seems you have a problem with my friends here. BOHEMOTH Ditto. BROCK Well that's a bit of a tough situation to find ourselves in, huh? Us with a problem with you... you with a problem with us... LEON Hold up, hold up! Leon steps back in front of Bo, a brave move with Brock immediately in front of him. LEON Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry you guys lost your titles and I'm definately sorry that Reject ended up profiting. I don't know what got into me last week but the fact is, I'm in the same boat as you. I wanted to get my hands on Reject for what he's been doing recently. Just like you guys at AngleSlam. And you did everything you could to get in the TLC Match. Did you guys give a second thought to my buddies D*LUX and their chances of becoming World Tag Team Champions, or was your only focus Reject? BENJAMIN You can't seriously compare that to last week! We got robbed of our belts... LEON And Reject's been running around attacking every woman in sight and sooner or later, he's going to end up hurting someone else that I care about. Some of the blood's on my hands as it is. I'm not expecting you to forgive me for costing you the belts, but surely you can understand why I went after Reject in the first place? Neither Benjamin or Moss answer, seemingly weighing everything up. Then, eventually, they back off a little, their body language a little less confrontational, which seems to relax everybody. BROCK Next time, sort your timing out first, huh? LEON There won't be a next time, don't worry. BENJAMIN See that there ain't. Benjamin slaps Leon on the side of the arm as he and Moss leave. A little slower is Brock, still faced up to Bohemoth. BROCK You're not in the Chamber Match, are you? BOHEMOTH Don't think so. Brock smiles to himself and nods. BROCK Glad to hear it. And with that Brock leaves, Leon raises an eyebrow to Bohemoth who just shrugs.

Big Show's impersonation of Hogan at Backlash 2000 was great as well. Pity they couldn't keep him something like that (big friendly giant who likes to have fun until someone makes him mad) now, instead of turning him heel yet again.

Well...they don't do any of that. It's an afterthought title that no ppvs are built around. It's always defended in the midcard (sometimes lower midcard) and it's held most of the time...by midcarders. It's existence would come to an end if they decided to dump the TV show. I know they don't do any of it. I think I kinda made point in the first paragraph. I'm saying, IF they did, none of what you said would matter, it'd be a World Title regardless. WCW called their Cruiserweight Title a World Title, I don't remember that being the selling point of any PPVs. Ditto for the Tag Titles.

Looking up the Hogan helmet further I found this... ...apparantly it was just a house-show thing, thankfully. Could you imagine if it made it to TV? I doubt any one item would be big enough to bring down Hulkamania back then... but, that might have come close.

See, I don't consider the ECW title a World Title. But only because WWE rarely if ever refers to it as such. It's the brand's championship, not a World's Championship. But, if they called it the ECW World Championship and they defended it outside of the US, what grounds would there be for disagreeing? Just because it'd be a bad World Title wouldn't mean it wasn't a World Title.

So, who is this grand council who dictates who's title is a World Title and who isn't exactly? PWI? Meltzler? And on a less sarcastic note, what's your criteria for a World Title if you're going to say certain 'World Titles' are phony?

A more obscure question. Watching Vintage Collection in the UK, they showed an event from 1988 in LA. Hogan wrestled Haku and came to the ring in a Gladiator style helmet with "Hulkster" on it and a big fist on the top. It was used in the finish (Heenan stuck it on his head and Haku got smashed into it instead of Hogan) and he wore it during the legdrop and posedown. First, any idea why the hell they'd put the top guy in the industry in a dumb prop? And second, any idea how long it lasted, because it's the first ever I've seen or heard of it?

Backlash 2000. And it was actually the other way around, Malenko via top rope DDT. One of the few highpoints of the LHV Title's worthless existance.

Now it's getting over, maybe they'll let him do Triple Haas.

Care to enlighten me on the whole "if they are from Louisville, Punk got buried" thing.. cabbageboy and DarKnight, basically. I don't think Punk was 'buried'. That doesn't make Jericho winning the title a good ending. The only people who seem to be defending it are people creaming themselves over Y2J, so they've got no right to complain about the pro-Punk crowd. Same story, different subject. It's not bad booking because it damages Punk. It's not good booking because it benefits Jericho. Bad booking is bad booking. This was bad booking.

Changed O'Hara's.

Spike Dudley standing up to Kurt Angle because he insulted Molly Holly. And tearing up Austin's petition for the same reason.

That made Punk seem even more of an afterthought. The World champion of the brand gets laid out, and we see nothing more of him the rest of the night. After Adamle said Punk might not be able to make it, did they even give an update on Punk's condition? Lawler said right before the main something along the lines of "I tried to get an update, but nobody's saying anything." So, no. I mean, surely they could have just showed him KOed with people crowding around after the Women's Match, then stalled for a minute before Adamle came out for the announcement. Then again, I guess there wasn't any fat to trim from the epic Big Show/Undertaker brawl to allow like 10/15 seconds for that!

All valid arguements. But surely the only arguement should be, wrestling logic says different. If a heel beats up a face and the face vows revenge and you build up the match as 'an eye for an eye', when the face inevitably gets revenge, surely you should have the retribution do as much if not more damage? Even if the heel is almost ten years younger and he doesn't actually do much when he comes back. Sane booking says you don't undercut the impact of a beating you've spent 2/3 months building to. The entire thing flies in the face of sane booking. It's like a cliché bad Russo-storyline. They built the classic scenario of the face getting sneak-attacked before his match and the tease of him needing to be replaced before the show... and then, you swerve everyone and have the HEEL be the hero who defies his injuries to come out and win the World Title, while the face just presumably stays injured*, because it's UNPREDICTABLE~! * Anyone else find it funny, they didn't even show Punk being loaded in an ambulance or so much as getting attended to by medical personnel. You just see Punk getting kicked and that's the last you see of him.

You know what, I take it back. If the ventriloquist is a bumbling idiot (Eric Young-esque) who's completely insane and a heel, and 'the dummy' keeps calling people out and insulting people 'against the ventriloquist's will', leading to him getting beaten up week in and week out, it'd be the best gimmick ever.

Done and done. Cheers.

That might be one of the dumbest endings to a PPV in recent memory. 1) Big Show's attack on Undertaker ended pretty well with Vickie spitting in Taker's face. But... Show turning. Firstly, who didn't see THAT coming!? Second, how many turns is this now, 10, 15? Third, Undertaker/Big Show again = meh. And fourth, how the hell did they mess up the momentum Show had post-Mayweather so badly by doing absolutely nothing with him until turning him? 2) CM Punk losing the title without even being in the match wasn't a great decision. Having it end the show was worse. 3) Okay, so you do an injury angle on the World Champion. So, you have CM Punk get kicked in the head and replace him with... the only man in the entire arena who was more injured than him!? And then have that person win the title!? What the fuck is that!? 4) Jericho beats the hell out of Shawn Michaels at GAB and he spends the night in the hospital. Shawn gives him an even worse beating in their epic grudge blow-off match and Jericho is SO injured, he manages to avoid a trip to the hospital all together and wins the World Title as a last minute replacement. Can ANYONE see the logic in that!? 5) The match sucked. All in all it was another pretty good PPV for 2008, but the ending was so weak.

So's my 6-Man, so show's complete.

CREDITS: SOME PEOPLES This show happened before AngleSlam. Well, MOST of AngleSlam. Let's reflect that shall we? KC- Keeping Chronology.

No.

6-Man Tag Titles Cucaracha Internacional vs. Jamie O'Hara and The Christ Air Express This might have to be posted on Monday since I'm not sure I'll be around on Sunday to do so. So leave me a space somewhere.

EASY! EASY! I'm a little annoyed none of the CHIKARA heads involved felt it neccessary to draft 2.0

The Rodez-Duncan party is still jumpin' off backstage with Rhianna's Disturbia blasting in the background. Such loud music causes a martini toting Krista Isadora Duncan to have to strain to hear the nervous, unsure voices of D*LUX. Anxious and excited from her presence, they avert their gaze from their famous crush. SHAYNE Miss Krista uh...hmmm....what did you think of our performance in the TLC match? TYLER Please be honest. Your opinion means so much to us. KRISTA Isn't that really Leon's field of expertise? His only field of expertise. Besides spectacularly and hilariously failing at every single thing he attempts, which he is in fact, quite the practiced expert at! The high chief of being shitty at life, if you will. TYLER He's busy with In Crowd things, plus honestly...we'd rather your opinion, Miss Krista. KRISTA Oh, honey, I didn't watc.....(Krista notices their saddened expression) want you to know how fabolous I thought you were, because its so embarrassing. I was at my gym with one Miss Kate Hudson, and she looked at these ten million dollar beauties and said "Krista, your legs looked fantastic at Angleslam. How ever can I get them?", and I laughed my wonderful charming laugh that drives everyone crazy, and I told her they're a gift from god, somebody say amen! And, don't worry this relates to you somehow, I just need to talk about myself to keep from falling into a coma and choking on my own vomit. Then Kate said, but that skirt you had on, made them look even better. And I laughed my wonderful blah blah blah laugh and I said I wore that number just to celebrate Tyler and Shayne's performance in the whatever match you were in. The New York Times called it a breathtaking work that untangles the soul of man. Well, I suppose they would if they reviewed obscure wrestling matches and not reported on elections, and wars, and terrorism and all that boring crap. I liked it though. D*LUX's mood instantly brightens, and they smile so widely its as if kind words from Krista are even better than winning the match itself. They're reading to ask more questions, but before they can speak they're interrupted by Alix Maria Spezia. ALIX Hey-ya, kiddies, do ya mind if I borrow my pretty-pretty GF real quick? SHAYNE By all means, Miss Alix. Have a great day, Miss Krista! Shayne and Tyler depart with a polite nod, leaving Krista alone with Alix, and her martini. KRISTA Thank you so much for rescuing me, sweetheart, I thought I was going to have the analyse the subtle nuances of using a chinlock in a Tender Love and Care match. That's a fairly stupid concept for a match, but then again this is the company that let a three hundred pound abmonation against natural genetics threaten the most evil beast to ever crawl out satan's womb, and then got shocked when she accused him of rape. ALIX Heh, yeah, so movin on from my ex maybe getting raped or maybe not getting raped, remember how I nag you everyday of your life to propose to me? Well, yeah, today is another day of your life... KRISTA Don't remind me, I forgot to take my anti depressants again. ALIX Well, Ally is the only anti dep...depr....depos...depro..So like, propose to me and stuff! Let's get married! Why should Republicans and teenage whores be the only ones doing it? We're democrats and adult whores, let's kick the system in its underage right wing tushy! KRISTA (looking around at the other party goers) We're in a room with flamboyant queens dressed in pink leather and a massive bear with flame tattoos on his head wearing a nipple revealing leotard, only Andy Dick hyped up on copius amounts of ecstasy could possibly find that to be a romantic envrionment. More importantly, so you don't nag me later, I don't think we're ready to get married. You know how I feel, sweetie. ALIX Uh-uh, no way! We're sooooooo ready! The extra o's mean we're extra ready! KRISTA I don't even have my presenter speech for the VMA's ready. ALIX Just lay a kiss on Madonna. Do it for all of us who wanna be like a virgin touched for the very first time! KRISTA I would but I'd hate to be turned into a creature of the undead like Britney. ALIX Krissy, we're hot, and hot people have to get together! Its like a con...cons...cont...consquential amendment or whatever, ya know like, oh my god, even the same laws apply in outer space! And space is really out there! Like, you know the sun, right? KRISTA No, I'm not famillar with the sun. Please tell me more of this mysterious object, oh wise one. ALIX Right, we'll he's like this big ball of like I dunno orange crayons or whatever, but they were like microwaved by god once, and then he made threw it at Jesus in heaven, but then Jesus couldn't catch because he's a Jew and you all suck at sports, so it went through heaven's window and out into space! And its like really hot! And then Mercury was there, and Mercury is like this really sexy Latina chick, nice BUTT, flat stomach, curly brown hair, great singing voice sometimes goes by the name of Alix, and she says "I gotta get with you" so she's next to the sun. And so then like Jupiter comes in, and she's a mega babe to, but she's a real project bitch, like ghetto as hell, right. Like when the Sun busts its gun, Jupiter is feeding the clips, so the Sun keeps her on the side. And then Earth is there, and Earth is like a solid 8, retaining some water, and has this screwed up disease called humanity, but it can't spread so its cool for a hook up. And all the way at the end there's Pluto, and he's like this skinny, short, pale, little english dude, who wears this stupid looking doo rag, and jumps around and gets his BUTT kicked a lot, and he's ugly and he sucks. JAMIE O'HARA :( ALIX Not you, dude, you're awesome! Whew, great save, huh? I'm the awesome one! And you know what else is awesome? S-e-x! And we can have a lot more of it, if ya just gimmie a really, really expensive ring. KRISTA Marriage is about more than great sex, Ally. Its about bad sex. Horrible sex. Brutal sex. Torturous sex. Sex equivalent to watching any movie where Jennifer Love Hewitt attempts to act and remains fully clothed. Its also about old sex. Are you prepared to have sex with me when I'm sixty five years old? ALIX Yeah! I'd hook up with you if you were rotting away in maggot infested coffin, that's how much I love ya! KRISTA Yikes. That is very disturbing, yet somewhat comforting. Mostly disturbing, however, and I'm gonna make sure I have express written instructions to be cremated in my will. As for marriage, I guess I'll tell you what I always tell you, I'll think about it. Krista chugs down the last of her martini, which gives her the excuse to go away and get another one. Not that Krista ever needs an excuse to get another drink, but its nice to pretend. ALIX Don't think too hard, it'll give you wrinkle lines! That's why I never think, so I don't get wrinkles!

COLE All night, the celebrations have been going on for Jade Rodez-Duncan after her emotional upset victory over Malaysia at AngleSlam. Let's go back there right now and rejoin the party, shall we? Coach begins to stand up and leave. COLE I didn't mean literally. COACH Aw. Those of us sitting at home are transported back to the party though, where the happy gathering continues. The centre of the celebrations, Jade, is chatting happily with old pal Bohemoth. And everyone else seems to be chatting to someone or other. All except for Leon Rodez, who we find sat in a folding chair with a cellphone clasped against his air, not in the party spirit what-so-ever. And the happy talk comes to an awkward stop, as Leon's voice suddenly raises over everyone elses. LEON THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID! After some uncomfortable murmuring, everybody tries to go back to their conversations and try not to seem like they're eavesdropping. LEON Look... no, look, all I said was, 'if only'. ... No, I'm not BLAMING you. ... Look, all I said was 'if only you hadn't led him on, none of this would have happened', is that me saying you deserved to get hurt? No. No, it's not. ... Well, no offence, but you should feel bad about it. ... Yeah, well, tell that to my niece and every other woman that's in dange... What? ... Look, you know what, fine, fine! The person on the other end of the conversation clearly hangs up, leaving Leon to sigh and stick the cellphone back in his pocket. Sensing he needs someone to talk to, Jade leaves Bo be and crouches down next to her... *double checks*... uncle. JADE Maggie? LEON Mmm-hmm. JADE You know, she probably feels pretty bad right now. You can't blame her for feeling angry. LEON That's the thing, I know I shouldn't blame her, but she's the one who got Reject involved. All to try and make me jealous. I mean, what's that all about? And now, Reject's running around attacking women everywhere he does, putting the blame on me? Not just Maggie, people who've got nothing to do with it. How long before he comes after you? Huh? I can't just sit around and let that happen, I'd never forgive myself. JADE Hey, if he comes after me, he'll have Krista to deal with. That was presumably meant to be light-hearted, but it just seems to make Leon a little glummer. LEON The whole thing's a complete mess. Every time I turn around, I've got Melody on my tail trying to talk to me. By the way, where is she? JADE She's other there trying to get people to play Whose Line Is It Anyway party games with her. LEON Again? JADE I know, I've already been roped in twice. Ad libbing isn't my thing. LEON I've noticed. Listen, you don't need to be listening to my problems, you're supposed to be celebrating. It's just... you know, I try and do a good deed and it ends up blowing up in my face at the moment. Putting two and two together in her head, Jade looks a little surprised. JADE You mean... this was your idea? LEON Please, you think if 'Mommy' threw you a party, she'd invite anyone who was a professional wrestler? Phff! JADE I just assumed Alix... oh, thank you! Jade gives her uncle a big, genuine hug. LEON Yeah, well, I know we haven't seen much of each other lately and you'll probably be heading back out to LA pretty soon, so I figured this was the least I could do. I know you said you wanted to make Krista proud. But you've wanted to be Women's Champion way longer than she'd ever give credit to. And I don't know about her, but you certainly made me proud. JADE That's so sweet... ALIX DO I SEE CRYING? *cocks fist* JADE No, I'm okay Alix, really! Alix skulks back off to her punch-spiking duties. JADE I know I haven't been around much lately, when you probably could have done with me around too. But I never would have become Women's Champion without you. So, it was as much for you as it was Krista and I'm sorry for not coming and finding you afterwards to say thank you. And if you do need to talk, you know I'm only a phone-call away. I'll get Krista to have your number unblocked again as soon as we get back to LA. LEON That's... uh... that's sweet of you. JADE So, what do you think of my hair? LEON Yeah, it's nice. The cheerleader outfit I could voice some issues with though. Ah, a happy ending!

It's time to rejoin the party, as we find ourselves back in the middle of Jade Rodez-Duncan's Women's Title Celebration Shindig. And underneath an over-sized banner which reads likewise, the people of the OAOAST mix away with Jade walking around as the unwilling centre of attention. She gives nervous smiles and waves as she's congratulated by various people she either doesn't recognise or usually has no contact with, relieved to finally make it across the room to the more common company of Alix Maria Spezia. The shifty Hollywood Bad Girl is in the process of trying to spike the punch when Jade sits down besides her with a sigh, causing her to quickly hide the flask. ALIX So, how's the party girl doing? JADE Uh... parties aren't really my thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you've all done it for me, really and truly. I'm just being silly, that's all. Do you have any idea when Mom's gonna show up? ALIX About half an hour ago. JADE Oh, she's running late then? ALIX No, when I say half an hour ago I mean she actually showed up half an hour ago. But she got super-pissed when she realised the party wasn't to celebrate her becoming Mister Money In The Bank and left. Punched some dude in the face pretty hard too. Jade laughs nervously, hoping that Alix was joking, until Doctor Max Anderson of The Love Doctors walks by with a swollen lip. ANDERSON (with a lisp) In her defence, I probably shouldn't have asked her if she felt old having her daughter win an OAOAST Championship. By the way, congratulations. Anderson heads off, lucky enough to know how to treat swollen lips himself. ALIX Yeah... plus she's got some Mister Money In The Bank acceptance showcase thing to go and get ready for, so she said she'd be back once that was over. JADE Oh! That's okay then. You know, she probably doesn't appreciate being called 'Mister' Money In The Bank either Ally. ALIX Are you kidding? She loves it! Or, at least, me calling her that gets me totally hot, because I picture her in some kinda important looking tuxedo suit with a bowtie and her hair all bunched up in a ponytail. Sophisticated looking, like that Republican chick that the old war-hero dude chose to be his Vice President as a publicity stunt? Oh yeah. That's an Oval Office I'd love to tour over and over. And when I'm totally hot, it's Krista getting the benefits. And she loves that. So it's all good. I really ought to buy her a tuxedo. Or in these times of economic doo-doo we love in, maybe it'd be cheaper and more eco-friendly to just rent one. Like from a wedding shop? I'm sure they'd do one Krista's size. Not that I know much about wedding shops. Or weddings at all. Sadly. Ho hum. Jade wonders if mingling with the party guests would be so bad compared to listening to Alix talking about her relationship problems. Especially with them involving her mother. ALIX You know, the first time I had sex with your Mom was amazing. And it just got even more uncomfortable. Jade's eyes widen, staring straight ahead and praying for a way out of this conversation. Alix buys her some time from taking a swig from her hip flask. But not enough time for a diversion to appear. ALIX Straight away, I knew we were gonna be together forever, ya know. It wasn't some deal where I just pleasured her a couple of times, left a tip and moved on to the next name in the personal ads like when I was in college. We made a real connection. Like, a spiritual one. I remember it like it was yesterday and like you're well aware I've got a memory like a... uhm... what's those things with the holes in? Anyway, doesn't matter. Point is... uhm... well, I forget that too. But I just remember caressing my hand up and down her thigh, crawling my way out from under the covers with what energy I had left after our third session, both of our naked bodies drenched in sweat from head to toe. And when I poked my eyes out from between the middle of your Mom's breasts and gazed into her eyes... man. You know what I'm saying? JADE ...if I say yes, will you change the subject? The earnest horror in Jade's voice prompts Alix to go on regardless. ALIX Ever since then we've been a team. We've won all sorts of wrestling matches together. We've been in an on and off mostly monogamous relationship. We even teamed up to fight The Joker, at that local parade when it turned out the guy playing him was a convicted paedophile. JADE Oh yeah, I think I saw that on the news. ALIX Point is, we're a team. You got Krista, you got Alix. One without the other ain't gonna spread the butter. It'd be like Sonny without Cher. Barney without Fred. Mork without Mindy. K-Fed without Britney. The rest of N*Sync without Justin. The Jonas Brothers without pre-pubescent teens to buy their records. It just wouldn't work, man! And I know I went off with Mackenzie and that was really, really dumb of me to think another woman could satisfy me like your Mom can... JADE :mellow: ALIX ...but look at us now, huh? Even after all that, we're still together and we're stronger than ever! JADE But you want more, right? ALIX Sure! I always want more. That's what makes me such a great girlfriend for a rich successful woman, never know what I'm gonna want next! Jade nods understandingly. JADE Say, Ally... do you think Mom's proud of me? ALIX What!? Of course she's proud of you! Oh man, you wouldn't believe the smile she had on her face when you won that belt. Obviously she'd never tell you to your face, cause she's not into all that emotional crap that drags her down to the level of mere mortal humans like you. But she absolutely is! Why, just last night in bed, we were lying naked either side of this big bowl of strawberries and cream and she was covere... JADE You know what, I gotta go... I'm sorry, very important, bye bye!! As fast as her legs can carry her, Jade looks for less unsettling conversation on the other side of the room. Alix sulks a little for a second, until Dr. Max returns and eagerly sits in the chair Jade had vacated. ANDERSON (still with the lisp) Please, continue.