King Cucaracha

Hey, Fly/Leon might be a little late since I'm not 100% sure I'll get online this weekend. So, you know...

For all you ladies that be livin' it up. -------------------------- We find ourselves back outside, in the parking lot, where Leon Rodez waits sat on the hood of his rental car with cellphone in hand. Leon tries but seems to be failing to put a call through and sighs as he puts the phone away again. Various passers-by drift past Leon with little acknowledgement. It's only when one passer-by in particular comes into view that he jumps up from the car. LEON MAGGIE! Caught not entirely by surprise Maggie stops in her tracks. LEON Hey, I've been looking all over for you. MAGGIE And why is that? LEON Well, because you're my girlfriend maybe? Listen, I'm about done here tonight, it's a Saturday night, Spanish Fly was no sweat so I'm still lookin' for the fight of my life. Do you fancy going out and dancing like she's never danced before? MAGGIE Well, I dunno. Don't you have anything better to be doing? Like playing video games, or listening to lame-ass songs from old movies to use in conversation to try and get me to laugh? LEON Not really, I already watched all the ones I brought with me. How about something to eat then? MAGGIE That's okay. I just went out and ate with a friend. Hope you don't mind. As Maggie continues to seem strangely distant but happy about it, she suddenly becomes less content when REJECT walks over and places his arm around her shoulder. REJECT Is this guy bothering you, babe? LEON So Mackenzie was telling the truth after all? MAGGIE It's not what it looks like. Or, maybe it is... how would that make you fee... REJECT It's EXACTLY what it looks like. Maggie turns her head to Reject with a 'WTF are you doing' scowl, which he dismisses with a smirk. REJECT Face it, she could do better. And now she has. Now, I suggest you quit harrassing the lady, before I make you quit. She's made her choice and she clearly she chose right. I mean let's face it, while you're off role-playing with your dork of 'just good friend', she's found a World Champion right before her very eyes. LEON I'm sorry, I was listening to a word of that, because I'm still trying to figure out what exactly's going on. MAGGIE We just went out for something to eat... REJECT And I have to tell you, this girl really knows how to whet a guy's appetite. I was ready for seconds within minutes, if you know what I mean. LEON Okay, innuendo, very good. First of all, how about you take your hand off my girlfriend's shoulder... Leon 'helps' Reject do just that... but the World Tag Team Champion takes exception and pops Leon in the mouth with a cheapshot right hand!! Letting out a scream Maggie scuttles out of the way, as Leon goes staggering down the parking lot with Reject in hot pursuit. Leon suddenly fires back with a right hand of his own and pretty soon the two are exchanging punches up against a parked car. COLE Oh my! We've got a fight in the parking lot! COACH I told you, serious stuff, hands in the cookie jar, all of that stuff. Reject slugs away at Leon, who responds by going to the body and backing Reject up against a wall, firing off uppercuts to the body. The two spill through the door from the parking lot into the backstage area itself, which is a much more crowded environment and has people dodging out of the way. Reject's button up white shirt gets ripped open as he rakes away at Leon's face to back him off. Back comes Leon though, the fight continuing on as shocked OAOAST workers look on. MAGGIE STOP IT! JUST STOP IT! Despite the lady's pleas, the fight continues... ...until suddenly, a Singapore cane comes flying into the picture, right onto the back of Leon's head! As Reject gets to his feet, Sandman9000 walks into the picture, revealing himself as the culprit! COLE Oh my God! Right on the back of Leon's head, Sandman9000 from out of nowhere with that kendo stick! Reject stomps away on the fallen Leon as Sandman stares upon the scene, until finally other OAOAST officials and lower-card wrestlers have the common sense to do something about it and break the fight up. Maggie comes rushing over and kneels down at Leon's side to check he's okay and to make sure Reject doesn't jump in again. Which seems to work, as Reject holds his hands up and allows himself to be shepherded off. Sandman9000 is a harder prospect and he gets in a couple of last kicks before the bodies move him off as well. Leon tries to get up and charge at Sandman, but is held back by a bevy of wrestlers, including D*LUX, who just arrived on the scene. Leon then sinks back down to the ground, holding his head, which has a gash as a result of the shot with the cane. COLE Man, Leon has been left laying here, by Sandman9000 and by Reject, who after tonight's first round matches we know will meet in four weeks' time in the Money In The Bank Tournament! And I'm sure Maggie Nerdly is regretting her misguided idea of making Leon jealous after what just happened. COACH You think that's all it was? I think she just jumped at the first chance to spend some quality time with Reject. COLE Oh yeah, because he seems like exactly the classy kinda guy who knows how to treat a woman. COACH Are you crazy? Bitches don't want class, they just want a real man, like the R-Man. Maggie continues to tend to Leon, as we fade away.

For after Leon/Fly. ----------------- Getting backstage fresh from his match, Leon Rodez is greeted by Miss M. Nerdly. To his surprise, that 'M' doesn't stand for Maggie. And just as surprisingly perhaps, it doesn't stand for Melody either. No, out of the hundreds of possible names that fit the criteria, it's that of Molly Nerdly he bumps into. With her is Mackenzie DeCenzo and the two Enterprise women don't exactly seem like the people Leon wants to encounter. MACKENZIE You know, I never thought that Ned and Simon's version of To Catch A Predator would become a long-running series. But, this is the world of professional wrestling I suppose. LEON Excuse me? MACKENZIE We have some information you might be interested in. Isn't that right Molly? Molly, distracted with some internal repairs needed on her digital camera, just nods, not looking at Leon eye to eye. LEON You know, I doubt that somehow Mackenzie. MACKENZIE Don't speak too soon. You see, it seems you're not the only half of your relationship who's willing to have their cake and eat it. Molly here happened to be outside setting up come camera footage for a potential reality series documenting my life in the business world. I can't say too much for contractual reasons. But, imagine our surprise when Molly had to cut just as I was leaving my limousine, because wandering into the back of the footage were your precious girlfriend... well, one of them, the official one at least... arm in arm with of all people, Reject! Looking sceptical, Leon glances around him. LEON What is this? Some sort of scam, a set-up? MACKENZIE No scam, no set-up. Let's call it... 'reel talk'. We'll happily let the reel do the talking if you don't believe us. LEON Don't bother. You haven't got the best record for having an impartial view on things, so I'll take this all with a pinch of salt and talk to Maggie myself if it's all the same. Thanks for the 'tip-off' though. Much appreciated. Leon begins to head off, before coming to a stop. LEON Oh, by the way... don't worry about getting dumped by Alix. It happens to the best of us. MACKENZIE (through gritted teeth) Thank you. LEON She didn't by any chance do that thing with the camera hidden inside her... you know what, too personal. But, you know, if you ever want to compare stories and maybe or maybe not footage then you know where to find me. This time Leon does leave, to the relief of Mackenzie who has turned bright red with rage all of a sudden. MOLLY ...you know, if there was any footage, I could maybe... MACKENZIE Shut up. COACH Oh boy, some serious stuff about to go down. Leon's about to feel what it's like to get played! COLE This situation is nothing but unfortunate. I really hate to see this happen, to two people like Maggie and Leon. COACH Ah boo hoo. You watch them soap operas all day and when it happens in real life you get all mournful? This is the problem with having two relationships on the go, conducted on live TV! Sooner or later you're gonna get caught with your hand in, amongst other places, the cookie jar! COLE I really don't think that's what's happening, on either side of the equation.

For after Reject/O'Hara. -------------- We cut abruptly backstage to find Jade Rodez backstage, tapping away at her phone. Her care-free game of Solitaire is interrupted by Maggie Nerdly however. MAGGIE Jade. Hey, can we talk? JADE Um, okay. So, are we talking about D*LUX or Krista or... MAGGIE No no, no interviewsies! I mean talk talk. You know, like real people. Non interview people. Look, I'm probably gonna sound majorly parranoid here but to be honest I don't care. [i]Please[/i] can you talk to Leon for me? Find out what's going on between him and Melody once and for all, you'll know when he lying and when he isn't. JADE I thought you guys were sorting all this out? MAGGIE We were! And we were supposed to be sorting out last week too, but guess where Leon ended up? Playing video-games with Melody and those other morons she's used her 'charms' on. Jade scrunches up her face. JADE Aren't two of those morons her brothers? MAGGIE Probably, how would I know? Point is, I didn't see Leon at all after War Games and I thought we were supposed to go out and do something. He called me up Monday morning, said he went out partying with Zack and Bo afterwards and stayed out all night. Spur of the moment thing apparantly. Everybody knows Zack and Bo don't like each other, you really think that's where he actually was? Cause I've got my doubts lemme tell ya. JADE Maggie, I really don't wanna get involved. MAGGIE Then pray tell, what exactly do you suggest I do to stop your uncle from running off with my sister? JADE Uh... you're asking me for relationship advice? MAGGIE In my defence I'm very desperate! Sighing, Jade stands up and pats Maggie on the arm. JADE If Lee's really not showing as much interest as he used to, it's probably because he's forgotten what he's got. So, I dunno, remind him of what he's missing. That oughta do it. (looks down at phone) Anyway, I've gotta run. Good luck! As Jade scuttles off Maggie is left to soak in her advice, mulling it over in her head... REJECT Well well, a welcoming party! ...just as Reject saunters through the curtains after his successful victory. Still sweating from his action under the hot lights Reject wipes some beads from his brow and flicks them to the ground. REJECT I guess you wanna know what I'm gonna do with that $500,000? Well, I can thi... MAGGIE No no, no interviewsies! I, uh... actually wanted to take you up on that offer you made. REJECT (smiles) Is that so. MAGGIE Yes? ...I mean Yes! Yes. Hardly able to believe his luck, the World Tag Team Champion eventually realises this is actually happening and isn't his imagination, so he takes Maggie's hand and waves off into the distance showing her way he wants to take her. Maggie barely seems to believe either, able to believe what she's done that is. But she goes with it and she and Reject walk off, Reject saying something about a "great place down the street" he knows as they disappear. BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL COLE :huh: COACH Dayyum! I knew I shoulda made that bathroom break! That could have been Da Coach walking through those curtains and into them arms! COLE Certainly some most interesting developments going on. I really don't know what to make of that.

Chilavert was my back-up if Schmeichel went. ChilavertGOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!

In '99 the pre-shows used to have plenty happening. Of course, that was back when Heat meant something. And it was usually a last minute announcement of making the main-event a No Holds Barred Match or something. But, still. And the early 90s Todd Pettingill countdown shows were pointless fun. Considering dark matches have gone from the likes Paul London vs. Mark Jindrak to Jeff Hardy vs. MVP, they could probably do worse than televising it.

People aren't happy when matches are on more than one DVD release, then are unhappy when WWE starts putting rarer matches on releases because it's 'not a complete career retrospective like it should be'. These people cannot be pleased.

Adamle was good in that backstage skit with Mickie and Cena at... shoot, what PPV was that? Anyway, yeah, make Adamle Santino's manager and watch the money roll in.

Right, first pick... Rick Rude vs. Masahiro Chono WCW Halloween Havoc 1992, NWA World Title Okay, first up is a match I really wanted to like. Having heard good things about their match in Japan, when I finally got this show on video I was looking forward to at least seeing the US version. Off the top of my head I can barely remember what happened. I vaguely remember a lot of restholds. You had Harley Race as Rude's chosen referee, which added pretty much nothing. For some reason Chono seemed really lost and the match limped along very awkwardly. And it limped on some more. And it went over 20 minutes before the trusty over the top rope WCW DQ finish to let Rude win without Chono dropping the title. The crowd had just sat through a 30 minute time-limit draw which probably didn't help their interest. There are worse matches out there, but this was a real personal disappointment. And second... John Cena vs. JBL Wrestlemania 21, WWE Championship It's amazing to think how much of a reaction Cena gets now and then look at this. Actually, it's amazing to watch shows surrounding this and then wonder why the crowd are so dead for the biggest match of his career to that point. JBL's title reign wasn't exactly crowd friendly, mainly due to the fact they booked him to be the modern day version of the Honky Tonk Man. Time after time he relied on flukes and outside interference to retain the title. Anyway, watching the hype video first, the build-up was absolutely all over the place. They ripped off D'Lo beating HHH for the Euro Title with Rock's help for Orlando's US Title win. They had Cena FU Teddy Long for some reason. They ripped off HHH/Austin by implimenting a no physical contact until the PPV gimmick. They ripped off numerous Austin feuds by having Cena get arrested and beaten up by JBL while in cuffs. And Cena still didn't have a catchphrase at this point so he was throwing all kinds of shit against the wall. Anyway, the match itself. NOTHING HAPPENED. Actually, that's a lie, JBL's entrance was awesome with the JBL bucks falling from the ceiling. But after that NOTHING HAPPENED. For reasons known to nobody JBL absolutely squashed Cena from the start. He just worked him over with move after move, shot after shot and the crowd were dead. By the time Cena eventually made his comeback, nobody really cared and those that did stopped caring at the sight of his piss-poor offence. This match features THE VERY WORST hiptoss in wrestling history. Thank god Cena eventually dropped that. The fact this happened after Angle/HBK and an Austin/Piper segment probably didn't help either. But aside from a couple of not too impressive Cena chants the crowd were really disinterested. And then it just ended out of nowhere with an FU. No drama, no nearfalls, it just ended. Cena then went into a full Eddie Guerrero victory celebration in the crowd, minus the fans going wild and the great match that proceeded it. Considering everything it launched, it's amazing how pointless this all was.

You say that, but Adamle as a heel manager would be awesome.

Saturday? Awesome! Uh, what Alf said. Plus some other interesting stuff that he didn't.

Anyway, two picks with no United connection was apparantly enough for me. Bryan Robson Captain Marvel himself, scorer of the second fastest goal in World Cup history.

Okay, with my last pick I'm going to take... Steve Austin vs. Savio Vega In Your House: Beware Of Dog 2, Carribean Strap Match My mind was changed last minute. This one wasn't even on my list until I happened to watch it again today. A really well worked, physical match, their second in 48 hours after the lights went out on the first one.

The show IS coming, for what it's worth. So don't panic that there's been nothing yet. There's just a couple of loose-ends for this and the next show that need to be tied up first.

Why the hell is Colt Cabana still in development? This isn't related to the guy they called up to ECW, since I haven't seen that yet. I've been wondering this for weeks now. He's been in development over a year now so whatever they're teaching him or un-teaching him must be done by now. And surely it can't be that hard to find something for a guy like him to do on a show like ECW that's shorter on numbers. Why is he not on my TV yet? It doesn't even have to be him debuting as Punk's friend like most fantasy booking would dictate. Bring him up as Carlito's cousin. Bring him in as random babyface nice guy. Anything.

I hate you so much for taking Makelele, Franchise. So much. In which case, I'm going to re-re-think and stick with four at the back as opposed to the 3-5-2 I was contemplating. Because nobody really plays 3-5-2 anymore. So, playing at left back I'm going to take another Englishman. A truly commited player and the scorer of 'that penalty' in '96, after missing 'that penalty' in '90. England and Nottingham Forest's... Stuart Pearce

I've very quickly realised I must be some sort of wrestling masochist, because there's so many god-awful matches that I'd gladly watch again and again simply because they're god-awful. As in, so bad they're good. This however was not. Triple H vs. Scott Steiner Royal Rumble 2003, World Championship It started off with people not caring and just went downhill. Steiner fell flat on his ass on a double underhook powerbomb and the crowd just turned on it like that. SOOO many belly to belly suplexes. Poor Trips gets bumped around by Steiner post-match after a lame ending, to the sound of nobody caring. The build-up was the pits too, with Triple H's 'stripped to his undies' homage to Naitch. How they decided a rematch at No Way Out was a good idea is beyond me.

Okay, it's come to the time for my two hold-over picks. If I'm stuck on a desert island with only wrestling to watch I'm damn sure going to need some comedy. Now, I could have probably filled out my entire 20 picks with nothing but comedy matches if I'd wanted to (no exaggeration), so I restrained myself. There's no way I can't have this match though, straight matches, comedy matches, whatever. Simply put, THIS... IS... AWE... SOME. The North Star Express vs. The Olsen Twins CHIKARA Young Lions Cup V Night 3 The BIG GUYS~! slow the pace down a little...

Well, I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong and after saying yesterday Punk wasn't ready... well, I guess until his reign is other the jury is still out. But it was certainly a good start. I almost missed it figuring they weren't going to do it. Where they go from here will be interesting. With the two top heels on the show in other programs they're going to be taking another gamble early putting him against a top face. I wouldn't call it one of the "best" Raws, but certainly a well-planned one with the new draftees and the big issues all being dealt with effectively. And they gave JR an actual Raw send-off without him being too humiliated in his hometown, which I thought was a welcome touch.

Assuming I'm still okay to join, I'll take the obvious pick. Bradshaw and Trish Stratus vs. Christopher Nowinski and Jackie Gayda Raw, 2002

[b][color="purple"]NEW AT OAOASTSHOP! Leon Rodez, Silky Smooth Apparrel[/b][/color] [img=http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii59/KingCucaracha/shirts/LEONSHIRT.jpg] [b][i][color="purple"]Be Silky. Be Smooth. Be Whatever. Just Give Us Yo' Damn Money![/b][/color][/i] Backstage at the Great Angle Bash backdrop, Maggie Nerdly is stood by waiting with the members of Cucaracha Internacional... well, four of them anyway. MAGGIE I'm backstage with the four team-mates of James Cone on Team Phoenix, later on in War Games. Landon Maddix and Cucaracha Internacional... it's fair to say you were thrown a real curveball three nights ago. LANDON You could say that, yes. Of course, I don't care much for baseball and would rather make a football analogy. Real football that is, not the American kind. Simply put... Spain 1, Germany 0. MAGGIE That... wasn't really an analogy. It was just a statement. LANDON Well whatever. European Champions. Viva. Anyway! As far as War Games goes, I guess you could say the equation has changed now. They managed to fill out a team to match up against Cucaracha Internacional and James Phoenix Cone. More fool them. More fool your boyfriend Leon Rodez in particular. See, we warned him about what might happen. And he still chose to back his BFF Zack up in his time of need. It'd be honourable if it wasn't so pathetic. Maybe he's not so disloyal after all. Well, he's getting himself into the same situation as Zack and Bohemoth and Sly Sommers. In our way. And we don't like people that are in our way when we're trying to achieve success. Faqu pounds his chest and yells something in Samoan, unnerving Maggie a little. MAGGIE Yes... but, uh... I think the more pressing thing to talk about is, what about Todd Cortez? LANDON What about him? MAGGIE Well, you must have been pretty surprised at what happened, when he disobeyed you and joined up with Team Sommers, right? LANDON I guess by now I shouldn't be surprised by him. Infact... maybe I wasn't. Landon smiles, causing confusion for Maggie and a few seconds of awkward silence. MAGGIE What is that supposed to mean, sorry? LANDON Whatever you want it to mean. I mean, come on, you do the math. Cortez isn't good enough to make our team, so technically there's nothing to stop him joining Team Sly Sommers. Now, instead of four members of Cucaracha Internacional in War Games... there's five. Now, who knows what that could mean, right? All I'd say to the other members of Team Sly Sommers is, I wouldn't trust Todd Cortez as far as I could throw him. Would you? Tell you what, your boyfriend knows all about Cortez and War Games, how about you go ask him and let him spread the word to his team-mates, huh? Chuckling to himself, Landon walks off and the rest of Cucaracha Internacional follow. COACH Haha. Intrigue on top of intrigue! COLE Do you really think this is all part of some sort of plan? Because if it is, Landon's a better actor than I gave him credit for, that look of fear on his face when Cortez thought about Riot Act Plus'ing him on Thursday was Oscar worthy! COACH That move is banned in the OAOAST. COLE What does that have to do with my question? COACH You smell funny. COLE Nevermind.

There you go, I managed to add a bit more. Do what you can and if you need me to add anymore then let me know.

BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is your 14 man, over the top rope Land Of Opportunity Battle Royal! The last man standing and winner will recieve a shot at the OAOAST United States Champion, Colombian Heat, at the conclusion of this match! And now, introducing the participants. The Minneapolis crowd embrace their feminine sides and give it up for Geri Haliwell's version of "It's Raining Men". Out from the back bound Mariachi and Moracca, bumping and grinding with each other on the top of the ramp before skipping their merry way to the ring. BUFFER First, from sunny Cabo San Lucas... the sexiest team in AAAAALL of Mehico! MORACCA and MARIACHI... LLLOOOOSSS DDIIIIIIAAAAAAAABBLLLLLLOOOOOOOSSSSS DDEEEEEEEEE FFFFFUUUUUEEEEEEEGGOOOOOOOOOO!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COACH Can you imagine one of these guys as US Champion? Ick! "Gold Dust Woman" by Hole hits and out march the perrenial underdogs, Los Conquistadors. BUFFER From Santa Fe, New Mexico by way of Tijuana, Mexico... UNO e DOS... LLLOOOSSSSS CCOOOONNQQUUUIIIIIIISSSTTAAAAADDOOOOORRRRRRSSSSSSS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The four masked Mexicans come face to face and argue in the ring and things threaten to break down. Before they can come to blows between the latex covered foursome though, "The Star Wars Theme (Disco Version)" inexplicably begins to play and green smoke billows out from under the ring! COLE OH. MY. GOD! People in the crowd with long memories and strange sense of humour cheer wildly, as out from under the ring crawls our long-lost alien pal, "It"! BUFFER From Parts [i]Really[/i] Unknown... "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIT" THE ALIEN!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" The bickering in the ring stops and all four look in confusion at the slithering figure entering the ring. The gold bodysuit, face-painted jobbers Uno and Dos look at the pink clad masked homosexual luchadors from south of the border Moracca and Mariachi, as if to say "this guy is [i]weird[/i]." COACH Has he been under the ring this whole time!? COLE You never know what to expect in the OAOAST! "It" sits in the corner sniffing the bottom turnbuckle. Meanwhile, bagpipe music begins to blare through the speakers. BUFFER Hailing from The Scottish Highlands... they are DANNY BOY and SCOTTISH SCOTT, THE LAST KINGS OF SSCCOOOOOOTTLLLLLAAAAAANNDD!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "OI!" "Fix Up, Looks Sharp" hits next and the crowd finally come to their feet for the arrival of Jamie O'Hara! COLE Here comes a favourite! BUFFER Hailing from Birmingham, England... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JJJAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE OOOOOO'HHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Vaulting in over the top acrobatically, O'Hara takes his corner. As he does so, "No Chance In Hell" powers out to bring the next two entrants, former members of the defunct Corporation. BUFFER From Tijuana, Mexico... he is the SSPPAAAAAAANNIIIISSSSHHHHHHHH... FFFFFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" BUFFER And also from Tijuana, Mexico... MMIIIIIISSSSSTTEEEEEERRRRRR BBOOOOORRRRRRRRIIIIICCUUUUUUAAAAAAA!!! also "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE How Spanish Fly would love to get another shot at his former tag team partner here tonight. COACH Oh definately. Spanish Fly isn't going to rest until Heat has paid for all the embarrassment he's caused him. And Fly enters the ring and runs through some instructions with Boricua, "Master Blaster (Jammin')" by Stevie Wonder hits. BUFFER Hailing from Montego Bay, Jamaica... DDEEEEEENNNNNZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLL... SSSSSPPEEEEEEEEENNCCCEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" MIKE ADAMLE JAMAICAN ME CRAZY, DENZEL! COLE What the... get out of here! MIKE ADAMLE Uno, dos, Adios! *disappears* COLE Things just get weirder and weirder around here. Denzel slides in with a big, relaxed smile on his face. He even takes the time to scale the turnbuckles and salute the fans despite the bodies all around him. [COLOR=pink][b]Je t'adore, je t'adore...[/b][/COLOR] His mood suddenly changes though as he hears the intro to "Girls, Girls, Girls" by Jay-Z though. BUFFER Originally from Thunder Bay, Ontario Canada and Montego Bay, Jamaica respectively. The team of, "AFTER HOURS" FFEEEEELLLIIIIIXXXXX SSSSSTTRRRRRRUUUUUTTEEEEEERRRRRRR... and, RRREEEEEEEEGGGIIIIIEEEEEEE LLLLLLAAAAAAAAMMMOOOOOOONNTT!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Wait a second... how did Reggie Lamont and Felix Strutter get in this battle royal!? They both relocated to California months ago! COACH Yeah but they're still foreigners. They were two of the most discriminated against by Anglesault too! Felix is still Canadian and Reggie's still... MIKE ADAMLE JAMAICAN ME CRAZY, REGGIE! COLE Alright that's it, can we get some security out here please? As the drunk (that can be the only explanation, surely!?) Adamle is carted out of the arena, the grinning duo of Lamont and Strutter stroll to the ring and enter well out of Denzel's way. They high-five and look around the rest of the field around the edge of the ring. COACH What's the hold up? COLE Well, I only count thirteen guys Coach. Looks like we're missing somebody. But who? .:CUE: Prince, "Black Sweat":. "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH EVERY DAMN TIME! The earth itself threatens to blast off it's own path of orbit as MISTER WARRIOR sprints to the ring through a cloud of pink smoke! Doing a lap of the ring, he pumps his fists to the skies like a madman before entering the ring. Also like a madman. Infact, I guess that phrase is reduntant right now. COACH Okay, I know it's tradition and all, it's a battle royal. But, how the hell is Warrior eligible for this!? COLE Well he's not from America. He's from The Heavens. COACH Now even you've gotta admit that's a weaker excuse than Reggie and Felix. But then again, with Black, Blonde and Faqu in War Games, you gotta take what you can I guess. Warrior SHAKES~! the ropes, before pumping his fists to the unknown spirits again. All others look on in confusion. *DINGDINGDING* The bell sounds and immediately Mister Warrior lets out an almighty roar and clotheslines both of Los Conquistadors up and over the top!! COLE Well, that was to be expected I suppose. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOS CONQUISTADORS LEFT: joint 1st ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Mister Warrior LEFT IN RING: 12 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Quickly the other men in the match pile towards each other in typical battle royal fashion, mainly to avoid following the fate of Los Conquistadors. As battles go on across all four sides of the ring, Mister Warrior stands beating his chest. Nobody comes towards him, so he beats some chest some more. ...and still nobody advances on him, causing Warrior to stop and wonder what the hell's going on. COACH I don't think Mister Warrior's used to being ignored somehow. Warrior stands with his hands on his hips, watching everyone else slug it out around him. Eventually though, he gets tired of waiting for the usual occurance of someone being stupid enough to try and attack him, instead going over to where The Last Kings Of Scotland are working over Jamie O'Hara. Tapping Danny Boy on the shoulder, he waits for him to turn around... and promply clotheslines him over the top! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DANNY BOY LEFT: 3rd ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Mister Warrior LEFT IN RING: 11 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Scottish Scott doesn't seem to notice his partner's elimination and continues to stomp away. He does notice the tap on the shoulder though... and turns around to take a clothesline up and out as well! COLE There goes another! At this rate, Warrior could win this thing! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SCOTTISH SCOTT LEFT: 4th ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Mister Warrior LEFT IN RING: 10 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As O'Hara pulls himself up on the ropes, Warrior stays with his simple but effective gameplan. He taps O'Hara on the shoulder, takes the step back, pats his forearm, claps his hands together, runs in... ...and goes flying up and over O'Hara and the top rope! COLE Or not. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MISTER WARRIOR LEFT: 5th ELIMINATED: Los Conquistadors, Last Kings Of Scotland ELIMINATED BY: Jamie O'Hara LEFT IN RING: 9 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Far from being disappointed at being eliminated, Warrior pumps his fists before running up the ramp and wiping out The Last Kings Of Scotland with clotheslines! Warrior then wipes out Los Conquistadors with clotheslines from behind! He then beats his chest again and sprints out of sight! COLE And now the battle royal starts in earnest. COACH Except the alien dude is still in there. COLE It. COACH ...it what? COLE It. It's it's name. COACH What is? COLE No, It is. COACH What do you mean "no, it is"? It's what? COLE It's an alien. COACH Yeah, but what's it's name? COLE It! COACH Where's Adamle when you need him? O'Hara gets back in the action and goes to help Los Diablos out as they battle Reggie Lamont and Felix Strutter. Spanish Fly and Mr. Boricua double-team Denzel Spencer across the ring. "It" meanwhile wanders around inquisitively. Spotting him, Spanish Fly walks over and aims for his head with a spinning heel kick. But "It" ducks and slithers across the mat to create space, then leaps up and hits a dropkick on Fly. MIKE ADAMLE Leg kick by The It! COLE You had to call him back, didn't you! SECURITY! Rather than follow up, "It" slithers back over to the bottom turnbuckle. Alone with Denzel now, Boricua experiences some fight back from the Jamaican. He lands punches to rock the bigman, then pushes up on the top rope to drive two feet to the sternum. A second time sends Boricua staggering backwards, so Denzel climbs to the second rope. As he comes flying off though, Boricua simply swats him out of the air with a body attack! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!" O'Hara and Reggie battle in a corner. That leaves poor Felix with Los Diablos, backing him up with right hands before connecting with a Double Dropkick. Excitedly, the Mexicans then double up again, surrounding Strutter and trapping him in their special Double Bearhug! COACH Oh no! COLE Felix Strutter in the middle of the Homies Hug! COACH This is just straight up disturbing. The 'homies' rub their hands sensually up and down each other's backs while Strutter freaks out in between unable to get out. Luckily for him, Reggie is able to clothesline down O'Hara and get over to break the hug up. COLE Reggie Lamont looking out for his tag team partner. Two men we've not seen a lot of in recent months, which has been much to their frustration. A big opportunity for both men tonight though. Boricua elevates Denzel to the top and tries to eliminate him. Behind him, Strutter and Reggie pull off double whips on Los Diablos. Both men duck their heads and both are evaded with baseball slides. Going through the legs, Moracca and Mariachi PINCH THEIR OPPONENTS' BUTTS! Reggie freaks and turns to Felix, assuming he did it. He freaks even more when Felix doesn't seem too bothered by what he thinks was his partner's show of affection. They soon figure out it was the pesky Mexicans though and turn around, into stereo dropkicks! COACH These guys are a sexual harrassment suit waiting to happen. Pulling himself in under the bottom rope Denzel avoids elimination. Boricua leaves him be and instead watches as Los Diablos celebrate their dropkicks. Noticing the big Mexican, Los Diablos get a rush of blood to the peni... uh, brain, and rush towards him... but run right into a BIG Double Clothesline! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Boricua ain't too bright, but he can throw a mean clothesline or two. COLE And Los Diablos' excitement was short lived. Boricua scoops Mariachi up as he gets to his feet... and just dumps him over the top, bumping off the apron hard to the floor! COLE There goes a Diablo. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MARIACHI LEFT: 6th ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Mr. Boricua LEFT IN RING: 8 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Boricua turns around and sees Jamie O'Hara launching towards him off the middle rope. The Englishman connects with a Missile Dropkick, but only staggers the bigman. He then hits the ropes, but misjudges his run and gets scooped up and dropped with a Sidewalk Slam! COLE Boricua is taking charge here. COACH There's nobody gonna match him for size now either. Grunting, Boricua waits for Denzel Spencer to get back up, Chokeslam hand readied. Curious at this is "It". The alien, clearly having never seen anything like this while encountering the human race, wanders up behind Boricua and tries to climb up onto his back. Boricua angrily shoves him off, but "It" tries to climb him again. COLE Is It trying to... to RIDE Mr. Boricua!? Angrily Boricua swats him away again, then turns around and throws a big right hand... ...which "It" treats with evasive action, causing Boricua to hit Spanish Fly right in the face! Boricua holds his hands on his head as Fly staggers back up and starts shouting at him. Fly berates his former Lightning Crew/Corporation team-mate for his stupidity. And before Boricua can do anything but apologise, Felix Strutter and Reggie Lamont rush him from behind. Felix and Reggie bundle Boricua into the ropes. Picking himself up, O'Hara lends a hand trying to lift the bigman. And so too does Denzel Spencer. Spanish Fly just watches with hands on hips... ...as Boricua is toppled out!!! COLE And there goes the beef! Spanish Fly didn't lift a finger to help and Boricua is gone! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MR. BORICUA LEFT: 7th ELIMINATED: Mariachi ELIMINATED BY: Felix Strutter, Reggie Lamont, Jamie O'Hara, Denzel Spencer LEFT IN RING: 7 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Seeing everybody else gathered by the ropes, "It" wanders over in an attempt to 'blend in with the humans'. Which fails miserably, as Reggie Lamont grabs him and pitches him over the top with utter contempt! COACH Oh thank goodness. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "IT" THE ALIEN LEFT: 8th ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Reggie Lamont LEFT IN RING: 6 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Down to six, the field suddenly pairs off. Spanish Fly jumps Moracca with stomps as he tries to get up, Reggie targets O'Hara while Felix and Denzel start duking it out. Exchanging right hands, Strutter gets a thumb in the eye on Denzel and looks for an irish whip. The Jamaican spins to arm's length and boots Felix in the gut, hitting the ropes with an Scissors Ki... NO! Strutter pulls his head clear, grabbing a waistlock and looking for a German Suple... NO! Denzel floats all the way over and lands on his feet! Getting back up quickly, Strutter charges at Denzel... but Denzel ducks his head and backdrops Strutter... ...over the top, but only to the APRON! COLE Oh, Felix barely hangs on! Close call there. Grabbing the back of Denzel's head, Strutter drops and hangs his neck across the top rope. Away staggers Denzel into the middle of the ring. Strutter quickly sets himself and springboards to the top, soaring in... AND GETTING DROPKICKED IN MID-AIR!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Denzel kips-up and fires up the Minneapolis crowd... for a second, before his former partner mows through him with an Axe Kick!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE What a shot from Reggie Lamont, excellent athleticism from a 6'5, 260 pounder! COACH Hey, my boy's got mad skills yo. Or, something. Picking Denzel up, Reggie prepares to eliminate him. Before he can do so though O'Hara attacks from behind with forearms. Reggie drops Denzel and fends O'Hara off with body-shots. Reggie then shoves O'Hara away, but the Brit uses the momentum coming back off the ropes to connect with a Busaiku Knee Kick to knock him down! As soon as O'Hara jumps back to his feet though, he's jumped from behind by Spanish Fly! Fly beats Jamie with forearms before encouraging him to turn around, right into a Spinning Heel Kick to the face! "CRY - BABY!" "CRY - BABY!" "CRY - BABY!" "CRY - BABY!" COLE These fans in Minneapolis really getting on Spanish Fly's back here. Fly manages to get undistracted from the fans, in time to cut Moracca off with a boot to the gut as he charges in. He follows up with a boot to the side of the head, sending the bright pink luchador sprawling across the middle rope. Big smile on his face, Fly throws an 'up yours' to the jeering fans and runs the ropes. Dodging past Reggie as he goes after O'Hara, Fly comes back with the 619... ...NO! Moracca moves out of the way! Fly ends up spinning back onto his feet and takes a boot, Moracca putting the leg over the head for the Fameasser. Snapping upright, Fly escapes and sends Moracca backflipping into the air, landing on his feet and charging with a clothesline, which Fly ducks, backdropping Moracca up and to the floor!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH Ha! That's how you answer your critics! COLE So much for the epic Heat versus Fuego confrontation. Moracca, eliminated. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MORACCA LEFT: 9th ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Spanish Fly LEFT IN RING: 5 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fly quickly Denzel Spencer and stomps away while thing are going his way. Back up, Felix Strutter joins Reggie in stomping away on O'Hara before they pick him up. Reggie scoops O'Hara up over his shoulder for a Dominator, only to drive him ribs first across the outstretched knee of After Hours!! Reggie and Felix high-five, then seperate as Strutter goes for the elimination on the Englishman while Lamont strolls across the ring. COLE So we are down to our final five here. One of these men will be challenging Colombian Heat for the United States Title in a matter of minutes. COACH And you've gotta like the chances of Reggie and Felix right now. After a tap on the shoulder, Spanish Fly is told to 'buzz off' by Reggie who takes over on his former Team Jamaica tag team partner. Fly doesn't look too concerned and leaves them to it... ...before sneaking up on Felix Strutter and trying to pitch both he and O'Hara out! COLE I tell you, that Spanish Fly is sneaky. I guess when you're that small you do what you have to do in a battle royal, but I'm talking life in general. COACH A height joke? Real mature partner. O'Hara goes over the ropes but with no real force, thanks to Strutter's predicament. He rolls back in from the apron and away to safety, while Strutter lands a couple of elbows to fight off Fly. Back inside, Strutter swings and misses with a clothesline as Fly swoops underneath. The 4'11 Fly launches onto the middle rope, twisting back with a crossbody block that wipes out Strutter. After taunting his landing pad, Fly then turns around and gets grabbed by Jamie O'Hara, ran across the ring and pitched over the top... ...BUT FLY HANGS ONTO THE TOP ROPE and pulls himself back in!! COLE Spanish Fly surviving by the skin of his teeth! Quickly, Fly jumps O'Hara with a shot from behind. Behind him, Denzel is whipped across the ring by Lamont, looking for another Bicycle Kick. Denzel ducks underneath this time though, measuring Reggie up for a SUPERKICK! Down goes the bigman, backed up by Strutter... who gets caught with a trailing boot in the gut, then dropped with a leapfrog from behind into a Scissors Kick by the Jamaican! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE Tremendous innovation from Denzel Spencer! COACH Yeah, but he's Jamaican a big mistake turning his back... Caught putting the badmouth on both Strutter and Lamont, Denzel is grabbed from behind by Spanish Fly. Fly grabs tights and hair and throws Denzel up over the top rope with a big smile on his face. The smile disappears quickly though as Denzel hangs on, feet hovering inches from the arena floor. As Fly goes to put the finishing touches to the elimination, Denzel then suddenly skins the cat... hooking his feet around Fly's head on the way in... ...AND HAULING HIM OVER THE TOP WITH A HEADSCISSORS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE Goodbye, Spanish Fly! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SPANISH FLY LEFT: 10th ELIMINATED: Moracca ELIMINATED BY: Denzel Spencer LEFT IN RING: 4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Denzel skins the cat for a second time, back inside. As Fly throws a fit on the outside Denzel flashes him a big Jamaican smile and waves him bye-bye... ...only to join him on the floor second later as the waiting Felix CLOTHESLINES HIM OVER THE TOP!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Aw, but Denzel got distracted! And Felix Strutter, with the presence of mind to take advantage, we are down to three! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DENZEL SPENCER LEFT: 11th ELIMINATED: Mr. Boricua (co), Spanish Fly ELIMINATED BY: Felix Strutter LEFT IN RING: 3 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Frustrated at his mistake Denzel slaps the ring apron. Spanish Fly feels slightly better about things now, but still swats away referees as he's directed towards the back. In the ring, this leaves just three. Strutter helps Reggie back to his feet, both looking across the ring to where Jamie O'Hara stands in the corner. COACH I wouldn't wanna be Jamie O'Hara right about now. Or ever. But especially now. COLE Well we are left with three, Jamie O'Hara, Reggie Lamont and Felix Strutter, two men who arguably shouldn't have even been in this battle royal in the first place! "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" Pumping fists, Felix and Reggie begin to advance on O'Hara who finds himself getting trapped in the corner. And as Felix and Reggie get within touching distance he has to think quickly. Jumping to the middle rope, he somersaults forwards and out of the corner. Felix and Reggie part to get out of the way and O'Hara is free, hitting the ropes and diving at the regrouping pair with a crossbody... but they catch him in their arms! COLE Oh, O'Hara is caught now! As O'Hara kicks to try and get free, Felix tosses the legs away to let Reggie take over. O'Hara slides down off of Reggie's shoulder though and shoves him into his partner for a collision of heads! COLE [i]Was[/i] caught anyway. Down goes Strutter, Reggie apologising briefly before being dropkicked down with him. O'Hara then picks Strutter back up and walks him over to the ropes before trying to eliminate him. Strutter hangs onto the top rope and refuses to go, holding on long enough for Reggie to recover and jump O'Hara from behind. He clubs away with forearms, Felix joining in to leave SuperJay well and truly grounded. Together, Felix and Reggie pool their efforts, picking O'Hara up and sending him off the ropes with a double whip. A double elbow knocks O'Hara down. Reggie then latches onto O'Hara legs and elevates him off the mat before taking off around the ring with the Giant Swing! Around and around and around they go. Where they stop, only Felix Strutter knows, as he times the rotations... AND DELIVERS A DROPKICK TO THE HEAD OF THE SWINGING O'HARA!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Right to the side of the head, what a shot! O'Hara could be out cold. COACH There was some pent-up frustration behind that dropkick Cole. That had AngleSault's name on it, just like this ring... and the banners... and our desk... holy hell, is there anything that man-whore hasn't advertised himself on around here!? Strutter puts the badmouth on O'Hara as Reggie poses with arms overhead towards the crowd. Patting his partner on the back, Felix then gives the signal to 'dump him'. COLE Strutter going to get Reggie to do the dirtywork? COACH Well Reggie's the bigger guy. Easier for him to throw somebody out, it makes sense. COLE Plus once he's thrown out O'Hara his back'll turned, how about that? Reggie pulls O'Hara up by the vesttop, then presses him overhead and prepares to toss him over the top. In a last act of desperation O'Hara rains down with right hands though. Reggie makes it to the ropes and is forced to drop O'Hara, who lands on his feet on the apron. Felix spots it and screams for Reggie to "MOVE!" as he charges, looking to finish the job... ...but O'Hara ducks the clothesline and Felix goes flying over the top! COACH NO NO NO! Felix barely hangs onto the middle rope and lands on the apron rather than the floor to the groans of the Minneapolis crowd. Leaving him behind, O'Hara vaults to the top rope with a springboard. Reggie sidesteps the springboard attack, but O'Hara lands on his feet behind and quickly lands a dropkick to the back, sending Reggie forward... ...just as Felix reaches up for the top rope to lift himself back into the ring... ...PULLING THE ROPE DOWN ACCIDENTLY ON REGGIE WHO GOES CRASHING TO THE FLOOR!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE A miscue! And Reggie is gone with a big assist coming at the hands of his own tag team partner! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ REGGIE LAMONT LEFT: 12th ELIMINATED: "It" The Alien, Mr. Boricua (co) ELIMINATED BY: Jamie O'Hara LEFT IN RING: 2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Both in shock at what happened, Reggie and Felix start arguing over who was at fault. Spotting his chance, O'Hara rushes Strutter on the apron, looking to knock the former Heartland Champion out... but Strutter spots him at the very last second and lands a forearm to block! COLE We are down to two in this Land Of Opportunity Battle Royal! One of these men is minutes or less from a shot at the US Title, who's it gonna be? Back inside, Strutter looks at the ropes behind him and hooks O'Hara up for a suplex, presumably over the top. O'Hara goes up, but kicks his legs to force himself back onto safe ground. Another attempt at the suplex is blocked as well. So Strutter lands some bodyshots to soften O'Hara up, then lifts again... ...and O'Hara twists to land on the apron, where Reggie Lamont breaks away from the referees, trying to grab his ankle! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Hey come on, get Lamont out of here! He's eliminated! COACH He might not be the only one in a second! O'Hara kicks Reggie off with a little help from the referees pulling him back, just in time to block Strutter's charge with a forearm of his own. Grabbing the top rope, O'Hara then launches himself back inside. He lands on Strutter's shoulders with his legs, keeping a hold of the top rope as he drops back... ...AND SNARES FELIX OVER THE TOP WITH A HEADSCISSORS, RIGHT DOWN ONTO LAMONT ON THE FLOOR FOR THE FINAL ELIMINATION!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* COACH WHAT!? COLE He got him! An incredible manoeuvre out of nowhere and Jamie O'Hara has won the Battle Royal! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JJJAAAAAAAMMMMIIIIEEEEEE OOOO'HAAAAARRRRAAAAAAAA!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FELIX STRUTTER LEFT: 13th ELIMINATED: Mr. Boricua (co), Denzel Spencer ELIMINATED BY: Jamie O'Hara LEFT IN RING: 2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BATTLE ROYAL WINNER: JAMIE O'HARA ELIMINATED: Mr. Warrior, Mr. Boricua (co), Reggie Lamont, Felix Strutter ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Felix and Reggie lay piled up on the outside as the crowd go wild around them. Weary but victorious, O'Hara pumps his fists in celebration... ...but he has no time to dwell on his victory, as a piano plays a melody causing the crowd to erupt. COLE And we are not waiting around! The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody. [b]"COME ON!" *BOOM~!*[/b] Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil’ Jon and Pitbull starts playing as Colombian Heat rushes out onto the stage, getting the crowd fired up. Heat runs to both sides of the entrance stage and fires that section of the arena up. Heat raises his hands, acknowledging the fans before hand-slapping his way down the aisle. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen this is your one fall, United States Championship contest! One the way to the ring... originally from Bogotá, Colombia, but now residing in Miami, Florida. He weighs in at one hundred and eighty pounds... the OAOAST United States Heavyweight Champion... CCOOOOOLLLLLLLOOOOOOOMMMMMBBIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAANN... HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAATT!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Making it to ringside, Heat is confronted by Strutter and Lamont who shout abuse at both he and O'Hara. Heat just brushes them off as the referees escort them to the back. Jogging up the steps, Heat enters the ring and puts his hands on his hips looking at O'Hara breathing heavily in the opposite corner. COLE No rest for the wicked. This US Championship match is going to start right now, Colombian Heat the US Champion, the [i]fresh[/i] US Champion, to take on the winner of the battle royal, the former X-Division Champion Jamie O'Hara. Two fan favourites, two guys with a lot in common. This should be very interesting. COACH I wanna know how Heat wrangled it so he'd face a weakened opponent tonight first off. And second, you're right, they have a lot in common. They're both white trash. And one of these dirty foreigners is going to be representing the US! Disgraceful! COLE Oh boy. Heat gets rid of his entrance gear and hands the US Title to referee Charles Robinson who has stuck around to officiate this match. As the belt is held aloft for the fans, Heat gets himself warmed up. *DINGDINGDING!* On the bell Heat and O'Hara walk towards the middle of the ring. Heat checks his opponent is okay to go ahead and they shake hands. "LET'S GO JA - MIE!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO JA - MIE!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" The crowd are split in their support as the two men circle each other. They come together looking for a lock-up and come together for a second, before Heat lands a boot to the gut and sets O'Hara up early for the Colombian Necktie! O'Hara manages to flip down the back and backs to the ropes for safety, as Heat smiles and gives O'Hara a look as if to say "that was close". COLE Heat going for the end early, he knows O'Hara is fatigued after surviving the battle royal but he's still got his wits about him. Crowd support rises again as Heat and O'Hara lock up once more. This time Heat grabs a side headlock and wrenches with it. O'Hara delivers a couple of shots to the gut before sending Heat off the ropes. Back comes the US Champion with a shoulder tackle though. Down goes the challenger, Heat popping his collar before hitting the ropes again. Drop down by O'Hara, then a leapfrog, going up for a dropkick... Heat puts on the brakes, but O'Hara lands on his feet! Heat catches him with another boot though and sends O'Hara off with a whip. Drop down by Heat, leapfrog by Heat and a beautiful Standing Dropkick to knock Jamie down! COLE Colombian Heat showing O'Hara how it's done! Quick cover... 1... 2... No! Heat grabs the side headlock again but gets shoved off into a corner. Stopping himself, Heat gets his foot up on the middle turnbuckle and catches O'Hara charging, launching him into the air... but O'Hara lands safely on the middle rope behind! COACH Woah! COLE Cat-like agility! For a moment Heat seems happy enough that he dealt with his challenger, but he eventually realises something isn't right and turns around to see O'Hara moonsaulting towards him... ...and he sidesteps! Again O'Hara lands on his feet though! Irish whip attempt is reversed, O'Hara sent off the ropes. The Englishman tries to go through the legs with a baseball slide but gets cut off at first base. Heat wraps the arms around O'Hara's waist and lifts him back up to his feet, into a waistlock, looking for a German. On the way up though, O'Hara wraps the legs in a bodyscissors and tucks forward with a surprise roll-up! 1... 2... NO! COLE So close to a new Champion! Heat swings and misses with a clothesline as he gets back up, O'Hara leaping onto his shoulders with a Victory Roll... 1... 2... NO! COLE And again! The US Champion is getting more than he bargained for with Jamie O'Hara! COACH But the US Champion hasn't just wrestled a battle royal. Sooner or later the tank is gonna hit empty on O'Hara. Both men come back to their feet, O'Hara first to strike as he springs off the canvas with a Back Wheel Kick... but Heat ducks! The US Champ then catches Jamie with a right hand. Heat quickly hits another punch! And another! Heat then does the DANCE~!, before completing the Shake, Rattle and Roll! Down goes The Birmingham Bad Boy, as Heat bounces off the ropes and does the SHIMMY~!, before hitting the Shaky Leg Kneedrop! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE But Colombian Heat is firing up now! Heat looks out to the crowd and does a SHIMMY~! dance to ignite them. Watching O'Hara back up, Heat then hooks O'Hara up and drives him face-first into the canvas with the Bong Hit! COLE And that might just put pay to a gallant effort from The Birmingham Bad Boy. Saying it's over, Heat hooks the leg... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Heat looks surprised. And impressed, just a little. COLE Not just yet. O'Hara's got a lot of fight. COACH Yeah, he's been showing that fight beating thirteen other guys while Heat was sat on his ass in the back 'kissing the sky'. With O'Hara slow to his feet, Colombian Heat puts his hands to his throat, giving the signal for the Colombian Necktie again. He helps O'Hara up to a doubled-up position and locks the arms, turning him over top and preparing to lift. On the way up though, O'Hara somehow manages to escape. Not only escape, he manages to land on Heat's shoulders in an electric chair position. Before Heat knows what's happening, O'Hara then falls back, DROPPING THE US CHAMPION ON HIS HEAD!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE REVERSE RANA! Where did that come from!? COACH I have no idea. Heat is flat out as O'Hara, still sucking wind, struggles to crawl across and turn him over. COLE This could be it, we could have a new United States Champion! Finally O'Hara is on top... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Only two! My word that was close though. "LET'S GO JA - MIE!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" "LET'S GO JA - MIE!" "LET'S GO HEAT!" With the Minneapolis crowd routing both men on once more it's a struggle to their feet for champion and challenger. O'Hara is fatigued and Heat is still seeing stars at this point. Getting his wits about him first, O'Hara bounces off the ropes and strikes at Heat with the Busaiku Knee Kick. Heat manages to sidestep and catch Jamie in a schoolboy rollup... 1... 2... No! O'Hara is first up and goes over top of Heat looking for a sunset flip, but Heat sits down on him... 1... 2... ...reversal, into the sunset pin... 1... 2... No! COLE Trading nearfalls, both men eager to get this one over quickly for their own reasons. O'Hara to avoid fatigue, Heat sensing victory [i]because[/i] of that fatigue. Scoop and a slam by Heat, setting O'Hara up. Off the ropes he comes, tucking and rolling with the Where's The Hood At... but O'Hara avoids the rolling thunder! The back of Heat's head bounces off the mat and he sits up. O'Hara kicks him back down though, then follows up with a Standing Moonsault, hooking the leg... 1... 2... No! Looking really drained of energy at this point, O'Hara drags himself up onto the middle turnbuckle and waits for Heat to walk his way. COLE O'Hara looking for a little OH, SNAP! COACH You are so white. I'm sorry to go 'there', but it really is true. O'Hara lies in wait for Heat as he gets back to his feet. The US Champion stumbles in search of the Brit and freezes as he spots him, tumbling off the turnbuckles... and MISSING the Blockbuster as Heat ducks his body out of the way! Crashing and burning, O'Hara limps back up and finds himself in the path of a PELE KICK! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Heat questions the referee but it was only two. COLE Heat maybe getting a little frustrated at not putting O'Hara away yet. Heat drags O'Hara back to his feet once more and scoops him up looking for a slam. Slipping out the back, O'Hara evades a back elbow and takes Heat over with a surprise Hurricanrana! COLE Man, once he gets going Jamie is so hard to catch! Heat rolls through to his feet and goes for a quick clothesline. A duck underneath by O'Hara leaving Heat off balance, allowing O'Hara to pull him down by the arms into a prawn hold... 1... 2... No! Another swing and a miss from the US Champion, into a Backslide this time... 1... 2... ...Heat kicks out and rolls right through to his feet, turning back to back with O'Hara and hooking up the arms. Quick as a flash he turns the challenger over, elevates him up... and DRIVES him down into the canvas on the back of his neck!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE COLOMBIAN NECKTIE!! OUT OF NOWHERE! COACH Talk about your lucky escapes. With a look of relief on his face, Heat flips the motionless O'Hara over and hooks up his leg... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* "Gasolina" hits again as Heat rolls over on O'Hara's chest, having his arm raised in victory. Heat makes a eyebrow raise at the nearest camera and wipes some sweat from his brow as he's passed his title. BUFFER Here is your winner... and STILL OAOAST United States Heavyweight Champion... CCOOOOLLLLOOOOMMMMBBIIIIIIIIIAAAAAANN... HHHEEEEEEAAAAAAAAATT!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" COLE A great effort from Jamie O'Hara but it proved a bridge too far to win the US Title here at The Great Angle Bash. Colombian Heat, retaining the gold. COACH Well it's a hollow win when you beat a kid who's already survived a battle royal seconds earlier if you ask me. COLE I don't think I did. After parading the title quickly and saluting his fans, Heat extends a hand down to help Jamie O'Hara up to his feet. O'Hara holds his neck and looks exhausted but has enough in him to have his hand raised by Heat before the two embrace in a sign of respect in the centre of the ring, to the applause of the Minneapolis crowd. COLE And a great show of sportsmanship, that's great to see. And no I didn't ask you what you think that time either Coach. O'Hara leaves wearily, letting Heat celebrate his victory.

Man, I totally blanked on Bret being in nWo 2000. I do remember Funk feuding with Nash around this point for... some sort of authority figure role, I think. I don't know, it seemed like every other month there was a match for official power back then. Funk took a bunch of Jacknifes off of places he probably shouldn't. That's about all I remember.

Do people honestly believe Punk is ready to be a World or WWE Champion at this point? Jobbing or no jobbing. And with Cena, Batista, Kane etc. to contend with on Raw. I like Punk don't get me wrong. But I just think it's too early. All this talk of him being 'super over' is kind of exagerrated. He's getting good reactions for where he is and at times great reactions, but a few weeks ago he was getting booed against Kane and it's going to take a few weeks to get his face out there on Raw since his reactions aren't exactly huge when he's showed up before. If he suddenly cashed MITB in and won one of the World Titles in the next few weeks, are people really going to buy him as champion over the Batistas, the Kanes, the Cenas, the Jerichos and JBLs even?