Forewarned

Here's a quick explanation of who "King's girl" was and the laura incident. King's Girl: Throughout Neilsen's career she was a character that kept popping up again and again and again with the exact same description, but no one ever noticed that she kept reappearing. She's the person that stooged off Jay Dawg in a promo I did a long time ago where I made him piss himself and she always seemed to have a thing for the Jungle King. She also was in my first return here along with Mr. Dratch, a throwaway charater I decided to bring back for this show. Why the girl became King's I'll elaborate on later, but she was a charater I always meant to integrate from my first run in the IGNWF to my very first match here, but there never was a proper time. How she was going to be used I won't say as it'll ruin future storylines. But she was originally going to show to "Welcome to the Jungle" wearing an exact copy of Neilsen's old wrestling gear and disappear as a mysterious almost stalker. The suspension offered me a perfect way to get her in storylines and have a true reason for King to reinstate his Kingish rival. Laura Incident: During Neilsen's first ICTV run, he defended it twice. The first match he broke, well I, broke Angel's leg without Angel's permission and won. The second match was against Outcast and Outcast won after his woman Laura hit Neilsen in the head with a steel chair. Neilsen ain't about to let anyone, much less a woman, cost him a championship belt. So...the next chance he got, he cornered Laura in a room and next thing you know she's being treated by medics. OC asks her about it but she's too tramatized to talk, her clothes are ripped, etc., etc. Now the Truth of the Laura Incident: I meant to have it seem like Neilsen just beat the shit out of her and told her to never mention him again or worse will happen. I didn't write the beating out because I don't endorse violence against women. What everyone else assumed was Neilsen raped her. I decided, well, if they think Neilsen raped her, then what do I care...Neilsen didn't. Well everyone, EVERYONE did, including Jayson Grant, the creator and head honcho of the IGNWF and boss of my stable at the time. He didn't take to kindly to that, much like he didn't to my breaking Angel's leg who was my stablemate and Jayson's "son-in-law", so to make up for it, the video of Neilsen beating the shit out of her showed up. Then, I did a stupid f**kin' thing and had the door start to open again right after Neilsen left and then cut the video. My thought? Let someone else take claim of raping her or let them think it was a medic coming to help... Well, everyone just took that as Neilsen going back so... If you think Neilsen raped her, he did. If you don't, he didn't. Personally, I always thought Riley was the one that went back in.

*sniffle* I remember when I'd hear things about you in the JL and keep getting you confused with Insane Luchador... *sniffle* I'm sorry I never got to beat you... I'm sorry I never got to end your long ass World Title reign... I'm sorry I didn't get the belt at Genesis II... I'm...I'm...aw f**k it... You are a great writer Mags. This place just got a little lonelier at the top and I'm not sure if I spelled lonelier right... *sniffle* I used to spell so good. WHY!?! WHY!?! DEAR GOD WHY!?! *sniffle* But anyway...you'll be missed, obviously, and you might as well be in the Hall of Fame right now. And...you'll probably get there before me...dirty Mexican f**k...but nonetheless, you deserve it. I would have loved to have feuded with you and I must admit that I am proud to have seen people like you, Edwin, King, Stevens and even Hville...well...maybe not Hville...but no, I'm proud to have been able to see you guys go from newbies to some of the greatest Champions this federation has ever seen. So here's to Everyone's Favorite Illegal (I knew it!) Immigrant and the last member of the third and last IGNWF Generation. *raises his glass* Goodbye ELM and Godspee...wait a f**kin' minute! *quickly reads over ELM's farewells once more* There's no mention of me!!! *down the alcohol* What the f**k is that!?! How can any farewell be complete without a mention of Neilsen? That's just not right! Screw you ELM! Go! Leave! See if I care! I wasn't sniffling...I was just snorting coke! I..I have to go... *runs off with tears in his eyes* Farewell El Luchador Magnifico

Opening Promo WINNER: Promo by countout Singles Match “Deathwish” Danny Williams vs. Ced Ordonez WINNER: You'd have to be a jackass not to pick DDW. That said...Ced Ordonez. Singles Match for the Number One Contendership to the US Title! Johnny Dangerous vs. Mike Van Siclen WINNER: I enjoyed writting MVS for the brief amount of time that I did in our HCG Title match so MVS to block. Hardcore Title Match Beezel vs. Janus WINNER: Janus. Because he's big and was smart enough to but a J in front of his name. Tag Title Match Tornado Tag! Deja Vu vs. Justice and Rule WINNER: Everyone that enjoys comedy. No...really, Kris will show off to J&R by performing a Walk Off on Kross and then get demolished in an impromptu handicapped match. I would really like to see DV beat Justice and Rule for the belts, but I don't see it happening yet. Inferno Match! Neilsen of the Jungle vs. Jay Dawg WINNER: I'm going to burn his f**kin' face off...Nick Cage mofo... That said, Neilsen will win, but that said...why don't people ever predict themselves? Am I the only one that knows he's going to win every time? Main Event Singles Match for the SWF Heavyweight Title Tom Flesher vs. Frost WINNER: Just because I've got a good thing going...Flesher. Muahahaha...

This is one gimmick match that'll be hard to write for. And even harder to lose. There's a new nutshot record on the way. What was it J? 67?

Handicap Beezel & Johnny Dangerous v. Xero WINNER: Too many people without my skill win handicapped matches so Johnny Deezel to win. Singles Match Kris v. Ejiro Fasaki WINNER: Kris. Because he will. U.S. Title Match Michael Craven © v. Mike Van Siclen WNNER: Craven. Because I get a kick outta' his character. Singles Match Kross v. Judge Mental (Hearford) WINNER: Judge Mental. Because he's old school and needs to move up the card. Non-Title Singles Match Tom Flesher v. Jay Dawg WINNER: Tom Flesher unless Neilsen interferes...heh heh heh... Non-Title No Escape Steel Cage Match Frost v. Janus WINNER: Janus...because the net keeps no one out. Main Event Singles Match "TNT" Taylor Nicholas Thompson v. El Luchadore Magnifico WINNER: TNT Dammit! Mostly so he can move higher on the rankings, win back the title so he can lose the damn thing to the Jungle King Godf**kit!

Sure... That's what they all say. I remember Divefire's first friendly contact with OC was when Laura was in the hospital. Bobby always cared for her and Danny was brought in by DF. So therefore, the stable formed because of Neilsen and what he did to her and that's the truth. And that's the bottom line because Neilsen 6:66 said so!

-This promo has been edited by the Suicide King- -Fuck you Neilsen- This post has been edited by Suicide King on Apr 8 2003, 06:05 PM

Done in character...or out of character...or in someone else's...or...who gives a flyin' f**k!?! Neilsen's talking! OPENING PROMO TOM FLESHER SPEAKS!!! NotJ: "The winner of this f**kin' thing is the guy that passed out in the fourth row, seat D12. His name is Herbert Dinkley. He's divorced, has no kids, works as an accountant and STILL has more personality than Flesher. The winners later on will be the people that go home, put in a tape and watch Neilsen f**kin' speak you dumb mother f**kers..." SINGLES MATCH Beezil vs. Xero NotJ: "Like a give a flyin' f**k! I'm suspended you dumb bastards! Well guess what you illiterate pieces of sh*t, this night'll be Neilsen's! My prediction is that the King of the Mother Fuckin' Jungle shows up, beat the living sh*t out of both these 'men' and laughs in the face of security." SINGLES MATCH Fugue vs. Frost NotJ: "Whether his 'mind' is in the game or not, Fugue stands head and shoulders above Frost! He...well, maybe not literally head and shoulders...but he showed me last week that he is far superior to that talentless hack. That said...Neilsen shows up, takes that f**kin' smile off Fugue's face as steel meets skull and blinds Frost with powder before pulling the ICTV Title out of nowhere and beating the living sh*t outta' him." HARDCORE GAMERS’ CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Johnny Dangerous vs. Mike Van Siclen vs. Janus NotJ: "Janus." NotJ: "See, I can be funny too. This match, even my interference won't be able to stop this f**kin' match! That is what the Hardcore Gamer's Title is all about! You overcome all odds and...the winner...heh...well, it's whoever climbs out of their hospital bed first." NON-TITLE TAG TEAM MATCH Justice and Rule vs. El Luchadore Magnifico/Michael Craven NotJ: "And the men that win... Lord knows f**kin' how, but without even 'being there' Neilsen and Perfect Bo show up and somehow win the tag team titles! The fans cheer their f**kin' balls and ovaries off before Neilsen literally takes Bo's head off with a sledgehammer. ...the fans cheer even f**kin' louder." MAIN EVENT BOILER ROOM BRAWL MATCH (NON-TITLE) TNT vs. Jay Dawg© NotJ: "Jay Dawg." NotJ: "Hey! Stop f**kin' laughing! I mean, yeah, it was a f**kin' joke but still...laughing that hard is just f**kin' mean. The little Sh*tzsu still has feelings... But f**k himand F**k TNT! For not winning against Flesher, for not giving me MY title shot...I'll show up and crack his f**kin' cranium with solid f**kin' steel! As for Jay Dawg...I'll put his nuts in a vice...wait...my bad...I'll put his nut in a vice and pop that mother f**ker harder than he f**ks his mother...inbred piece of sh*t. There is only one King in this business and even more importantly, you f**kin' pissant puke, there is only one King of Hardcore!" NotJ: "So the winner of this night...just like every other night...has this to say..." NotJ: "I AM Neilsen of the Mother F**kin' Jungle! You can't beat me! You can't outfight me! You can't out-f**kin'-think me bitch! Butyou can, and will..." Crowd: "FEAR ME!!!" NotJ: "...roar mother f**kers..."

Actually, I was on the first IGNJL show which was a month earlier I think, but since I don't have a date... Genesis IV...three year anniversary

Ah, Genesis IV...my three year anniversary. Can't wait.

Hey, Bobbi, Divefire and Danny obviously cared about that broad because that was the catalyst for them forming D.O.A. on me.

They forgot to have the rape of a valet as another reason for a dramatic change. Not that anyone here ever did that... You can't prove sh*t.

PROMO: In the dank, dark hallways of the latest arena to hold the distinct honor of having a SWF House Show featuring the likes of Crow and Tryst taking on Johnny Dangerous and Kris respectively, the one and only IGNWF hardcore icon to currently grace the SWF stage is seen stalking past empty locker rooms, dragging a steel chair while wearing his common wrestling gear along with a leather jacket that seems to be made from scraps of lesser leather jackets. He sneers as he sees the cameraman and gives him a look of pure and utter disgust that can only be given by the man called… BenH: “Neilsen!” Benjamin Hardy appears on screen, racing towards the Hardcore King. BenH: “Neilsen! On Storm, you’re in a Referee’s Revenge Handicapped Match against-!” CRACK! A right hand cracks Benjamin’s jaw, he crashes to the floor, Neilsen swoops down, swipes the man’s microphone and- NotJ: “F**k you!” The camera turns and seems to start racing down the- NotJ: “Not you mother f**ker!” The camera turns back and heads closer to the Jungle King. NotJ: “F**k you. That goes out to the only man that truly deserves it. That goes out to the man that is holding me back. That goes out to the man who denies me. That goes out to Suicide!” Ben shakes on the floor and gasps out… BenH: “…Suicide…King? Neilsen kicks him. NotJ: “No, you stupid son of a bitch! Sui-f**kin’-cide! There is only one King in this f**kin’ industry and he is a man that leads by example. He is a man heads and shoulders above the rest. He is a man that can miss a year of action and still be better than anyone can ever f**kin’ hope to be in this Fed! He is Neilsen and he is pissed!” Neilsen pants and then whips his eyes at the cameraman. NotJ: “I came back! I came f**kin’ back Suicide and what did you do? You give me an ICTV Title shot! You give me a match for a belt that would prevent these f**kin’ fans from seeing me at my best! You should be happy I even f**kin’ showed Heartboy… These people didn’t deserve me! They didn’t appreciate me. They didn’t f**kin’ honor me and…of all f**kin’ people…you should know what that’s like…heh…well…at least you think you do. See, unlike you, I, Neilsen, deserves their adoration. I, Neilsen, should be honored. Unlike you, I, f**kin’ Neilsen, is the greatest name in the history of this company! And all this that your dumb f**kin’ ass thinks you deserve, I truly do. I am a true f**kin’ legend…un…like…you.” NotJ: “Queen, you hold me down! You give me a bullsh*t title shot while your big fat bitch of a BUTT buddy Hville F**kin’ Thugg gets a World Title shot on his return! He might be three times the f**kin’ weight but he isn’t even half the f**kin’ talent of the only true King this Federation has ever f**kin’ seen! So, I threw that title down in disgust of you, of the total bullsh*t and disrespect it represented to me and because of the lack of acknowledgement I got from the current fans, fans that think these two rejects, the two prime examples of all that is wrong with this federation, that these so-called men are actually people deserving of respect. That…that…heh…that is almost, ALMOST, as wrong as not giving me…the proper respect… But see, despite your hope that I’d lose Sui, despite your prayers that Frost would f**kin’ end me, despite your hope that the people would never get to see the awe-inspiring ability that is Neilsen and then realize that your nothing but a second rate hack… Despite it all, I won! And I did the only thing something that a man with at least half a f**kin’ sack would do…I threw down a belt that was a sign of the utter contempt the owner of the company has for me! Goddammit, I f**kin’ hate you Queen!” Neilsen shakes his head. NotJ: “And now…now that I’ve called you on it. Now that through your own ineptitude these people are starting to recognize me for who and what I am…now you realize that not only did I do the right thing by throwing down that belt, but the ‘trials’ you’ve put me through since the PPV have only caused my legend to grow! Wildchild was put down like the beast that animalistic warrior is and the fans might deny it…but they loved it! Craven…you gave me Craven in a ‘not quite’ hardcore match? Are you a f**kin’ reject!?! Wait, no, I know the answer to that already, but you give me a hardcore match against that cocky bastard and you think that these fans would still hate me? After seeing me in all my true glory, glory they wouldn’t see with the ICTV title around my waist, you thought they wouldn’t cheer my name? Christ Hearty, these people aren’t as stupid as you… They know a winner when they see one. And then, you book me in a match for the Hardcore Gamer’s Championship!” Neilsen smirks. NotJ: “See, I didn’t win, but that title is one I would never, f**kin’ ever!, throw down! I AM Neilsen of the Mother F**kin’ Jungle! I AM the King of Hardcore and without that title it’d never have f**kin’ happened! See that belt, one you, and so many of these little bitch wrestlers around here demean, that is without a doubt the single most important title in this f**kin’ Federation. Forget the ICTV title, forget the piece of trash that is the U.S. Championship, forget even the World F**kin’ Title! The only reason I will even win that belt, and trust me…heh…one day I will. Whether it’s from TNT, Flesher, Frost, ELM or Kross…one day it will be mine… But the only reason I want it is so everyone, everyone, f**kin’ EVERYONE!, has to bow down and praise me as they already should be doing! Some…heh…some already are… But the HCG title…do you people even know what that means? It means that no matter what people throw at you, no matter what they use, pure wrestling skill, weaponry, numbers, no matter what they have, you overcome it! You fight back! You f**kin’ win! You are the single most indestructible warrior in this federation. If you are the Champion, the entire Mag 7 can attack you and if you still win, you are a God! If the technical greatest wrestler in the company faces you and you beat him with a chair shot, you took his best and survived while he couldn’t even deal with steel on skull. The HCG Champion is the single most versatile wrestler in the Federation! He is the only unprotected champion in the company! TNT can run like a bitch from Flesher and keep his title! MVS can’t! He has to fight night in and night out, leave his blood, his soul, his very f**kin’ lifeforce in that ring while the World Champion rarely bleeds! The very title makes it so the Champion takes and has to survive more damage than any other title holder in this bitch! The HCG Champion is the hardest champion to be and the most important as well. G.O.A.T. had the title and used it to leap to the World Championship. Same for Spike. I used it to become a legend and some of you actually don’t want it? You wrestlers in the SWF are more dense than I thought.” Neilsen spits to the side. NotJ: “And I am f**kin’ pissed I lost that match! I was half a second too slow and the ‘great’ technical wrestler Naomi Judge got pinned by Martin Vagsicle. But enough about the past. Dealer, I call you on this sh*t you’ve put me through, it’s gotten me over, yet farther from the World belt than I ever should be. I call you on it and I get the Referee’s Revenge! I get a Handicapped Match against the Imbeciles of Doom! A Jesus looking freak that never wears the same shirt and smiles even as someone beats the living sh*t out of him! And…Lord knows…I’ll beat the sh*t out of f**kin’ Jesus…and Fugly while I’m at it. And then there’s Jaundice, from what I hear he’s a giant yellow freak of nature that appears to be a slimmer second coming of Thugg. And no Janie…that’s not a complement… But I now have to take on a retarded f**kin’ freak, a sickly looking giant and all this with…with…with Eddie f**kin’ Long as a ref? This bitch that has his lips closer to Queen’s ass than the Mag 7! And he has a tazer! Queen, you’re looking at an animal that can’t be put down. A man that fears no one. A person these people pay to see…and that’s why you fear me! You know that as time goes on, as my following grows, as people start to believe in my truly just cause, the cause that is just because it's mine, you will get weaker and weaker and weaker until finally, you just give up trying to stop me and you will then give me exactly what I want. …just do it now Suicide. Give the people what they want to see. Save yourself the pain. Save your dignity. Give me my match. Save yourself the pain." Neilsen looks up with a gleeful glint to his eyes. NotJ: “And if you don’t-well...heh..." Neilsen flies into motion, the chair’s seat fills the screen and- CRACK! -Neilsen can be seen through shattered glass before the picture goes blank.

Bwah?

My first promo on these boards. [Moment of Silence for Momentous Occasion] I don't want to ruin it for you, but I'm not entirely pleased with it. I did cover most of what I wanted. Mainly the Suicide King issue, but also it touched on the value of the HCG title that some people here don't seem to recognize. Someone even said to me once we should eliminate it and that's pure and utter bullsh*t. But I also briefly tounched on Janus and Fugue. Said I could beat the sh*t out of Jesus Christ. All in all, not too bad. The only thing it's really missing is insults directed at Wilson, but I don't think I could goad him out of retirement. He's too afraid. EDIT-This promo was actually made out of three seperate promos, the majority of which came from a promo after FtF, only it was all directed against the Suicide King and that was before I got his okay to start something. The HCG thing was something I was going to do if I won it, but since I didn't that speech didn't have the passion behind it that would've been there. "you see this! You see this f**kin' title! You know what this means? This means I'm the f**kin' best. It means that no matter what you little f**ks out there throw at me, I'll survive and still f**kin' win!" And so on and so on...

Why's there an ass on that shirt? You freaked me out. When you said a shirt we'd all love, I naturally assumed it'd be one of Neilsen's...or Stubby at least...

What!?! You can't get rid of the greatest match-up of all time!!! We have to see Xero vs. Shawn Stasiak! That was a match that was supposed to happen but never did. I think both men retired or lost contracts at the same time.

Woo! Neilsen holds a (Crowd: "Mother Fuckin'!") title record! EDIT-Make that two (Crowd: "Mother Fuckin'!") title records! ...god I wish they'd stop doing that. Who am I f**kin' kiddin'...I love that sh*t. But 0 Days...not even Jay Dawg can beat that! EDIT-I didn't see that Neilsen has the shortest title reign ever! Neilsen has a new award.

I know what I want...heh...

*151 no-sells*

Hey, you're...not on. Although, I have had Neilsen drink vodka while wrestling, smoke while wrestling and he gives even greater promos trashed. Of course, you can't understand him by the end, right before he passes out.

I forgot about the McTwamer! 89,875,463 points to Eddie Mac for pointing that out. ...Neilsen appears on Storm with a potted plant he refers to as G. He also appears with a bottle of Jack Daniels...better than an ouije board any day.

HARDCORE GAMERS TITLE HARDCORE MATCH Mike Van Siclen vs. the Wildchild! WINNER: Wow...the two men to defeat Neilsen since his return for the title he made famous... I predict Wildchild, but either way, I wouldn't mind a rematch against one or the other for that title and to avenge my losses. UNITED STATES TITLE BULL ROPE MATCH! Michael Craven vs. “The Franchise” Mak Francis! WINNER: Bah, I'm rooting for Craven. REFEREE’S REVENGE HANDICAP MATCH! Neilsen of the Jungle vs the Instruments of Destruction! WINNER: They think I'm in a handicapped match...but they didn't count on the spirit of Mr. G. Neilsen in a squash. SIX MAN TAG! El Luchadore Magnifico and Justice and Rule vs. Frost and Déjà Vu! WINNER: El Justadore Rulifico...'cause it's almost Spanish. MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE MATCH NO INTERFERENCE SINGLES MATCH TNT vs “The Superior One” Tom Flesher! WINNER: Wow...no matter who wins I won't face or get a #1 Contenders match to face so...I could care less. TNT. He's Dynamite!

Heh heh heh... This is a match that has my undivided attention... On a side note, go Wildchild.

Just to make sure you know, it was MVS's match that won. Mine involved every member of the Mag 7, Jay Dawg, Deja Vu, Frost, TNT, Wildchild and Johnny Dangerous. McTwists for all and...yeah...once Deja Vu appeared is about the time this match gained a mind of it's own. Congrats to Mike, Michael and Jay.