Forewarned

Hey all. I can't believe this sh*t's still f**ckin' here! I stopped by, made a quick quip on the Storm Card and have been reading the stuff that's gone on since I last disappeared. It's pretty sweet seeing where Wildchild and Johnny have gone as they were two of my favorite peeps the last time I was here. Y'all take care and keep up the great work. ~Neilsen

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait... Chris Raynor still wrestles? Get the f**k out.

Heh, greetings from across the ocean. yeah, it's actually Neilsen writting to y'all from across the mother f**kin' globe. Won't get a chance to say hey and shit for a while so, "Hey and sh*t." glad to see this is still pumpin' away like myself with Outcast's mom, so I'm going to check out what all's been going on. Peace, Neilsen of the mother f**ckin' Jungle. Heh, roar mother f**kers

Heh, yeah. Not really McNally, but a place where a lot of gay shirts say "Who's your Baghdaddy?" So yeah. Heh, funny fuckin' shit. I don't know how much I can talk about over an unsecure net, but yeah, I'm in Baghdad, in Iraq and hey, I'm even on a three day vacation right now. In Iraq Now trust me...that's fucked up. {Well, it's 2:00 in the morning here right now, don't know what time it is back home, but, yeah, I need to crash. I'll talk to y'all, maybe tomorrow if not, at some later time seeing as, I really don't have access to an open computer like this at work and my "vacation" ends in two days and then it's back to twelve hour shifts followed by fuckin', well, fuckin' stressful shit, but I'll see y'all later. Peace, I need my fuckin' sleep. Later all.} Neilsen of the Mother F**kin' Jungle You can't outthink me... You can't outfight me... You can't even f**kin' beat me... But you will...

yeah, but Neilsen's always done it. But what the f**k, I'll curse like the wind... Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...it.

Chris mother f**kin' Wilson!?! Chris mother f**kin' Wilson!?! Chris...MOTHER F**KIN' WILSON!?! jesus... Chris mother f**kin' Wilson... Jesus f**kin' Christ. Vote Neilsen or I'll have your balls. Chris mother f**kin' Wilson. F**k. {EDIT} And Raynor!?! Chris mother f**kin' Raynor!?! Forget the tag titles and sh*t... Chris Mother F**kin' Raynor!?! He's best known for a f**kin' joke!!! (That said, Neilsen writes in Chris Raynor on the ballot in his head.) Chris mother f**kin' Raynor. Christ.

PROMO: With a single light shining down upon him, a man sits, staring at the camera with a cigarette hanging off his lip. He spits out the smoke, takes a swig off a bottle of Jack Daniels and starts to talk… NotJ: “Yeah…been a long f**kin’ time, hasn’t it?” Neilsen takes another swig off his bottle. NotJ: “Heh, don’t bother getting’ your f**kin’ panties in a bunch, I won’t be here long…little f**kin’ bitches…I just stopped by to say…” NotJ: “What the F**K!?!” Neilsen bolts to his feet and send the bottle smashing off screen. NotJ: “I AM Neilsen of the Mother F**kin’ Jungle! They couldn’t beat me. They couldn’t outfight me! They couldn’t out-f**kin’-think me! They only FEARED ME!!! And this is the f**kin’ respect I get! SWF Awards named after my, to quote PDS, my Personal Bitch! Grimedogg!?! I made that Hardcore f**kin’ title! I, I!!!, made Grimedogg! And what does he get? Accolades! Great f**kin’ job! You were one hell of a f**kin’ champ! What a load of f**kin’ horsesh*t! A Neilsen match was f**kin’ spectacular! And what does he get named after him? Nothing! Not even the most improved mother f**ker award, although, heh, I never really did improve, but, heh, how the f**k can you improve on all this?” Neilsen smirks as he looks away from the camera. Yeah, I can’t really finish this. Sorry for disappearing back there but if you know my job you might understand why. I’m only here for a short time before I go back, so I just wanted to stop by and see y’all. Yeah, also tried to find out if I’m in the Hall of Fame yet, but can’t find out. JD, you’re out there, get on that for me. Neilsen f**kin belongs there. Heh. Sorry about things dropping like that, but you can’t always prepare for some things. I also wanted, once again, to see if y’all are still here and hell yeah you are. It’s strange thinking this is still going strong (And don’t give me none of that, “But it’s not that strong sh*t,” because everyone’s always said that. Trust me, heh, I know.) In all honesty though, I would like a one-night-only match, but I ain’t got the time. Family and drinkin’ and sh*t. Anyway, three more things I noticed while going through past posts: 1. I always considered myself second generation. The first would be Rane, Diablo, Jayson G, Angel, Spike, GOAT and Hound. The second would be myself, Divefire, Bobby Riley, Fallout, Mercury and possibly, possibly, Cyclone Comet, because he entered at almost the same spot as us on the card when he was raised. 2. Only back for two Pay Per Views and one of my matches got nominated. F**k yeah, I f**kin’ rock. 3. And finally…bullsh*t. All Neilsen’s old matches are gone from IGN. All that’s left is my brief run here. Son of a bitch. And for those of you that didn’t know. Yeah, I f**kin’ rocked. A few final words. King – Sorry again, but duty called. GSMS – Rock on. HVT – You are a large, scary black man…stay away from me. Crown (or is it Clown?) Prince of Flash and Panache – I don’t know what to say. You rock. Sacred – F**k them Muzz…Aussies kick ass. Axis – Get a personality “But he doesn’t even wrestle anymore.” I don’t care, he has the personality of Germany! (Don’t know what that means.) Anyone else…I really don’t give a f**k about you…and I really don’t give a f**k about HVT either…but I thought I’d say hi. Anyway, I’m off again. Maybe I’ll be back…and incredibly drunk that time.

Best match I've ever seen, and, bonus, the only match I've ever known to actually include the legendary Tiger McTwamer in it. Kudos to you GOdrea...my favorite chick in the IGN-SWF. I want to have your baby. That said...I am really f**kin' drunk right now. Rock on and Neilsen lives for a while. P.S. if y'all don't praise the Greatest Of All Time...there's some serious sh*t to pay. Neilsen out. Have a nice year. P.S.S. And thanks for correcting that damned Neil-(SON) bullsh*t. It's Neil-mother f**kin'-sen for Christ's sake. Anyway. Later. Oh yeah. Wild Child- Kick ass, take names, win the f**kin' big one. I want ya' to, and that IS f**kin' sayin' somethin'. Later all. Beware Wild and Dangerous. They were my first picks for a new Pack even if they never knew it. Neilsen of the MOTHER F**KIN' Jungle saying...I'll be drunk again...I'll be back before it's all over. Peace Out. And Neilsen is an extension of my personality whether ya' like it or not. And...I'm gone.

Bah...I want a rematch. But congradulations Daniel. ...you better win that World F**kin' Championship.

YOU'RE IN AUSTRALIA!!! GO TO SLEEP!!!

PROMO: May 5, 2003: Monday On a dark and stormy night at St. Angelica’s Community Hospital, a lone figure is shown in the shadows of their own private room. The frail figure has a heart monitor hooked up to them, the slow, sorrowful beep the only sound breaking the silence. Kra-KOOM! Lighting flashes and the room fills with its bright glow. The woman Michelle appears, her head covered with a bloody wrap and an I.V. pumping saline into her bloodstream to make up for the blood loss. The light goes out and the steady beat of raindrops fills the void made by the lone beeps. She coughs and-Kra-KOOM! Lighting flashes and blood can be seen flecked on her lips. The lights go out and the pale glow of her monitors cast her in a soft, eerie light. She coughs and her life seems to drain as the breath leaves her body. The view changes, turns around her seemingly lifeless form to show the shadowed doorway behind her. A white coat rushes by. She weakly raises a few fingers on her right hand…but he’s gone. A soft whimper is soon drowned out by-Kra-KOOM! A single, solitary tear falls down her face. The room goes dark and…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…BEEP… Kra-KOOM! A figure stands in the doorway! The light flashes too quickly for the eyes to see who it is. The shadowy figure stalks closer to Michelle. He pauses above her. His head shifts down and looks her over. A hand lays on her head and brushes her hair out of her eyes. He kisses her forehead and-Kra-KOOM! It’s Neilsen! Kra-KOOM! And he’s gone… May 9, 2003: Today Neilsen is shown pulling a black wife-beater over his scarred chest. He runs his fingers through his growing hair, slightly longer now than anytime since he’s arrived in the SWF. He puts his hands on the top of a chair, holds his head down and then looks up to see himself in the mirror. He growls… BenH: “Neilsen!” Ben shouts as he enters the locker room. BenH: “Neil-!” CRACK! Ben goes down and Neilsen grabs the mic. NotJ: “Brian! You hurt my woman! MY f**kin’ woman! Sure, blame me you stupid sh*ts! I f**kin’ left her! I let her stay in that f**kin’ ring! I told her not to leave… But I never expected you…you…you dumb little sh*t to be so f**kin’…so f**kin’ evil…so Goddamned spiteful that you’d actually take your anger for me out on her! She wasn’t even supposed to be there…she’s not even a wrestler! She’s a f**kin’ secretary and…and…and you f**kin’ hurt what’s mine! She’s mine Brian! She chose me! She chose me over you and you can’t stand that the owner can’t have something, can’t keep something when Neilsen’s around. Your own f**kin’ handpicked partner leaves you at Battleground just like Michelle left you for me and you just can’t stand it! But you know…you know what I can’t f**kin’ stand!?! I’m your f**kin’ better and you…you are in the Hall of Fame! You are praised! I AM Neilsen of the Mother F**kin’ Jungle! There isn’t a name in the history of this Federation that I haven’t faced…that I haven’t beat and you get there! I’ve done everything! Every-f**kin’-thing! First Heel of the Year! First JLer to win a singles championship! First man to leave JL a champion and enter the WF a champion! First man to be hated by every f**kin’ member of his own stables! I am a f**kin’ icon and you…you…you’re f**kin’ nothing!” Neilsen paces. NotJ: “I left that bitch…I left her in the ring because I told her! I told her that the pin was mine! That I get to f**kin’ beat your ass for the one two three! Tonight…tonight would be MY night! I would be in the Main Event tonight. My first Main Event since arriving to the SWF. And I would get my World title shot, my fourth World F**kin’ Championship match in my illustrious career, the one I would f**kin’ win…against Tom F**kin’ Flesher! Instead, TBS, Michelle…they cost me that f**kin’ chance! Now I get you…I get Brian…at 13th Hour… Think that’s what I want!?! I will strangle his f**kin’ ass just for being such a bitch that TBS and Michelle could beat him! I will strangle his f**kin’ ass, I will kill him for hurting what is MINE! I would be what is known as the Champion! Finally be recognized as the best…the best EVER! I’ve beaten more World Champions than most World F**kin’ Champions have, yet, where’s my gold? Where’s my recognition? Where’s my RESPECT!?!” Neilsen rips at his growing hair. NotJ: “I’ve earned my f**kin’ shot! I wasn’t a pet project! I scraped and clawed my way to the top over the remains of lesser f**kin’ wrestlers and I’m not going to let a bitch like Brian keep me down! I AM the Jungle King and I can do anything! I made myself a household name! I created more careers and destroyed more names than some bitches around here have had f**kin’ matches! Just being in the ring with Neilsen makes you great! You become a household name! People shout, ‘Holy Sh*t, you’re still alive,’ when they see your rearranged face coming down the f**kin’ street! Everyone knows you…because of me! And I…I have to win a crazy f**kin’ stipulation match to earn it!?! I AM the top guy in this federation and it’s time that’s f**kin’ recognized! Tonight…tonight Neilsen returns from Pay Per View to Storm. Tonight, Neilsen faces the Intercontinental Television Champion. Tonight, Neilsen of the Jungle takes on “Deathwish” Danny Williams. Only one will walk away…” Neilsen…Neilsen scares you. NotJ: “I’ve beaten Chris Storm! I’ve beaten Angel! I’ve beaten some of the greatest technical wrestlers in this or any Federation! And Danny adds to that list…not the top…maybe the bottom… Maybe his f**kin’ ass doesn’t even belong on that Goddamned list! We’ll find out tonight! Because tonight, Danny becomes the third consecutive ICTV Champion I’ve beaten. Frost, Jay Dawg, Danny F**kin’ Williams… The list just grows. Tonight…it’s Neilsen versus Danny in a submissions match. He doesn’t know what he’s in for…and neither do you. At 13th Hour, Brian learns what it’s like to be in the ring with a true f**kin’ King. Tonight, Danny learns pain. All-Japan ain’t got sh*t on me. Enjoy the Main Event of TBS versus Everybody because no one will remember it after mine. There are still five facts you must…absolutely must f**kin’ know…” Neilsen lowers his head and then quickly raises it. NotJ: “I AM Neilsen of the Mother F**kin’ Jungle! You can’t beat me! You can’t outfight me! You can’t out-f**kin’-think me! But you can, should and by God f**kin’ will FEAR ME!!!” Neilsen throws down the mic and shouts… NotJ: “ROAR MOTHER F**KERS!!!” Neilsen turns and… BenH: “…ooooo…” …Neilsen boots him! NotJ: “Shut the f**k up bitch.” With that…Neilsen has left the room…

Very cool, you little newbie mother f**ker...heh...

Neilsen will referee. Muahahaha

Think that's impressive... 12:00 A.M. Sunday morning I had 0 words written for Battleground. Muahaha... But I will start my match against Danny tonight. I have more time now than I've had recently.

I THINK I KNOW! Don't worry...your secret's safe with me... Or is it? Muahahahahaha!!!

OPENING PROMO Nathaniel Kibagami returns! Umm...yay? TRIPLE THREAT MATCH #1 CONTENDERSHIP TO THE US TITLE Johnny Dangerous vs. Mike Van Siclen vs. Sean Atlas WINNER: Johnny Van Atlas! Naw, it's a coin toss...that MVS wins. HARDCORE GAMERS' CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE MATCH NO-DQ FINISHER MATCH Dace Night vs. Janus© WINNER: Janus. The Man-Beast has the experience edge, but Dace will win the title eventually US TITLE MATCH Michael Craven© vs. WildChild WINNER: Michael Craven...loses to Wildchild. What can I say? I like animalistic cruiserweights. SINGLES MATCH Frost vs. Jay Dawg WINNER: Since I've been on a freakin' roll. Jay Dawg. Take that Frosty! HARDCORE MATCH TNT vs. Beezel WINNER: Beezel's been in more recently, and since he's probably Grimedogg, B to win. SUBMISSIONS MATCH (NON-TITLE MATCH) Neilsen of the Jungle vs. Danny Williams© WINNER: Jesus f**kin' Christ it's obvious! I'll win this sh*t just to prove you all wrong. Doubting Neilsen...tsk tsk tsk... The "underdog" under-somethings all you underachievers. Sh*t, Danny may just tap out to the nutshot, but he fears the Cloverbomb...and the Five Star Frog Splash onto his leg which is wrapped in a steel chair after the match. MAIN EVENT HANDICAP MATCH The Boston Strangler vs. Justice and Rule Special Guest Referee: Tom Flesher WINNER: I'm pretty damn sure Justule takes this. Now, if TBS was Neilsen...it'd be a different story. As for a flame war...I'm sure Danny won't do that after he loses.

Now... Can I break his leg after the match? And why the f**k are DQ's in effect!?! I hate the King! What did I ever do to him? Oh...that's right...

Oops...I thought Craven was still the champion.

In all honesty, I don't know how my match wound up being so damned long with so few words...

...I don't see a damned thing wrong with this fed or where it's going. Flesher is a great champion. TNT and Frost are both great contenders. Danny and JD are great at ICTV level. The tag team division has great champions. The Hardcore Championship has and will have all the attention it truly deserves. The U.S. title...I don't care, but it's got a great champion. Oh...and don't forget Neilsen. It's in much better shape than when there were apparently only a handful of wrestlers active. Beezel can also be great. Still don't know who it is. And letting some little bitches kill it for you...it's like leaving because Stone Froze or T-Bone believe they should've won. Anyway, I like the SWF. It's party.

Neilsen's always been about fun. How could a constantly swearing, sometimes drunken hardcore high flyin f**k not be? You can't let others get you down. Let them bitch. Let them quit and listen to them blame it on others for not making it fun. It's as fun as you make it. Laugh at them and wind up being the "oldest" man left standing. Booyah Bitches! And "technical" can be fun to write, but it's not my consistant cup o' tea. And it won't be the SWF's either after I win the title.

One thing... WHO THE F**K ARE YOU!?! Okay...I lied...one other thing... SCREW THE NEW CROP! Who's with me? *Sees Jay Dawg* ...f**k...

Mine is 12,894,267,378,578,378 words. Beat that Horatio Sanz!

Kudos to you Hville. I never would've guessed. That said... Fuck this shit! All this flaming bullshit makes this place fun for me and...wait...it's a bad thing? Oops. Oh and I predict everyone with an "E" in their name wins. Oh yeah. Outcast sucks.

What? I am shock and a-f**kin'-palled! What...Neilsen's not good eneough to be considered for active CC? Who made an unallowed rape angle!?! Who made an angle where he broke someone's leg without permission!?! Who made an angle where he was handed a shot at every single title!?! Who...well... Maybe it's better Neilsen's not on CC.