More detailed spoilers from Meltzer:
Dark Match; Sylverster Turkay d. Scotty 2 Hotty with some awful looking
front chokeslam. Scotty was mad over.
Velocity
1) Tatanka d. John Williams with a spinning side slam. Ohhhh boy
T-T-T-T-T-Tatanka was ovvvvvver. He's new music is god-awful, that and the
fact that he can't do the war dance anymore really hurt my markout
experience.
2) Gunner Scott d. Simon Dean with a overhead belly to belly. Don't quite
know what to make of Gunner they kind of need to give him some sort of
personality because everyone was like 'hmmmm'
3) Mexicools d. London/Kendrick (non-title) when Psicosis rolled up
Kendrick, grabbed the tights and held the rope. Super Crazy is a great
performer he kept the crowd into it and turned the 50/50 toward the
Mexicools. It was all handshakes. Crazy and Kendrick had a great opening but
the match kind of went south when London and Psicosis got in.
4) Gregory Helms d. Some jobber with a red mohawk and his last name was
star. Baaaaaaad match.
Then Tony Chimel tells us the MIZZZZZZZ is our new host of SmackDown,
basically he just introduces main events and stuff. I guess. He announced
that Kurt Angle would be facing Rey Mysterio in his 'farewell match', that
Lashley would face King Booker in a non title match and Piper's Pit with
Khali
SMACKDOWN SMACKDOWN SMACKDOWN
Pyro, no ramp, Paul Heyman guest announces the first match...
1) Kurt Angle d. Rey Mysterio by countout in about 18 minutes. Angle got a
huge pop coming out with mad 'YOU SUCK' treatment. Rey was mad over too. The
match was pretty good, I can't give out star ratings but both were over.
Angle played the heel and the crowd agreed. There was a great sequence
toward the end where Rey went for the 619 but Angle caught him, dragged him
to the middle of the ring to lock in the Ankle Lock but Rey rolled through
and rolled him up. Angle kicked out at 2 but the crowd thought it was for
sure over. Me included. Angle then hit Rey with a overhead belly to belly
from the ring to the floor and Rey didn't make the count. Ew finish. They
shook hands.
BATISTA IS COMING BACK.....in 38 days
Backstage segment with Nunzio, his match with Matt Hardy is next. But he
can't find Vito. OH NO! He wonders if the rumors have gotten to his head
because he needs him in his corner for his big match.
2) Matt Hardy d. Nunzio via Twist of Fate. Pretty good ovation for Hardy but
the crowd just kind of sat on this match. Seemed to be burned out. Matt f'd
up pretty bad, he went to do is second rope YELLLLLL but he fell backwards
and tried to catch himself but just kinda fell to the apron. It will be
edited but it was weird. Hardy wins, then VITO comes out in a black dress
and massages Nunzio's back. Nunzio turns around and FREAKS the F OUT. Vito
walked pretty good in heels.
What is Vince McMahon's fetish with having dudes in drag in Portland.
Unforgiven 04 it was Stevie Richards now this. Dang.
Next was Piper's Pit. Piper got a great ovation and the crowd was
alllllllllll over everything he said. Khali is a BIG MOTHER. I was like
damn. Piper tried to tell him that the Undertaker was tough, Khali got mad
went to choke him, Daivari stopped him, he got slapped and then Khali hit
THE CHOP OF DOOM on Piper.
For the second straight year the RAW DIVA SEARCH winner goes to SMACKDOWN.
Yep Ashley's on SmackDown. That led to
3) Jillian Hall (whose fake pecs are MASSIVE) d. Kristal Marshall in a nice
little match. For them. Jillian blocked Kristal's victory roll attempt for
the win.
And then Torrie Wilson's old "You're Not Enough For Me" theme hit and
everyone popped cause they thought it was her. Not. It was Michelle McCool
doing her best Miss Hancock impression. She said everything is going to get
HOTTER.
Hmmm
SOMEBODY GON' GET THEY ASS KICKED. Mizzzzark Henry came out and I stood up
and cheered. My section was not happy.
4) Henry destroyed Paul Burchill, pinned him after two World's Strongest
Slams. And then gave him the Benoit Beatdown. Guess Burchill finally is
getting that surgery.
5) Finlay beat a jobber named Caden Matthews pretty easily. It made his
friends mad. Then he got the MIDGET which got a POP and was actually pretty
funny. He used him as a weapon yadda yadda yadda. But the best part was
after the beatdown...he PUT HIM BACK UNDER THE RING!
They did the "show the arena get everyone to yell" but it was interrupted by
an ECW One Night Stand thing. Thennnn a graphic showed that at ONS it will
be Rey vs. Sabu for the World Heavyweight Championship. That was followed by
a Sabu video.
And then...King Booker. William Regal, bless his heart came out and said
"All Hail King Booker". Then King Booker came out (minus old music, insert
royal music, minus King Mable remix) and was so in the role it was great.
The whole entrance Regal was saying "All Hail King Booker".
Booker than sat on this throne and gave a little speech. Afterwards Regal
continued with "All Hail King Booker" before Lashley came out to a great
pop. He's gonna be huge.
6) Lashley d. Booker T with a running powerslam. Not very long match, even
for the most part. Booker went for the side kick, Lashley caught him, put
him up for the powerslam and hit it.
Lashley was getting up when Regal came from behind and attacked him. Booker
was cheering when all of a sudden Lashley started to come back. Enter
Finlay. The three beat Lashley down (a good one where Lashley kept trying to
fight back) and then Booker demanded they put the throne in the ring. He sat
on the throne and told Finlay and Regal to make Lashley bow to him (of
course unconscious). He did. Then Booker told them to "make that sucka kiss
my foot". He did.
Finally the music hits and Finlay and Regal leave. Booker is in the ring
doing these kinda fruity twirls and Queen Sharmell is going "All Hail King
Booker" non stop. Half way to the back, Regal comes BACK out and takes over.
His mannerisms were classic. And Booker and Sharmell went through the
curtain but Regal stayed and continued with the All Hail King Booker.
Then he left.
And did it one more time. It was great.
Then people starting leaving, I wanted to tell them not to go but hey that's
their perogative.
Theodore Long came out to a big pop and was 'thuggin and buggin' in the ring
before he grabbed the mic and announced the main event. A handicap match.
Hmmmm went the crowd.
First was Mizzzark. He was followed by the Great Khali.
I thought to myself "wow they are gonna kill Rey."
Thankfully it was the Undertaker
Dark Main Event
Undertaker d. Mark Henry/Great Khali when Khali got caught in the ropes and
Taker chokeslammed Henry. The funniest part was the interaction between
Henry and Khali. Henry wanted in first but Khali was like 'NUH UH" and just
did his chop motion. Ref bump, Daivari goes to interfere, Piper stops him.
Then the finish.
All in all pretty entertaining.
